Archive of Our Own ^beta

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“UwU g-g-g-g-g-g-guys, I feel, ermm uwu, s-s-s-sad…"
Nerd cries like the usual pathetic piece of shit loser he is.

“Oh my god SHUT THE FUCK UP NERD. NO ONE CARES YOU SPILLED SOME FUCKING COFFEE ON YOURSELF, DIE.” Jock yells, finally snapping at this pathetic fucking loser proshipper boyfriend.

“H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hey…! What did I d-d-d-do!” Nerd sobbed, clinging to Goth for comfort.

Goth pushed him off violently. “Why the FUCK would I help or comfort you. YOU'RE A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT WITH NO PERSONALITY, RAMONA FLOWERS OFF TEMU OH MY GOD. GET A FUCKING LIFE.”

Jock throws a cup at the wall “I'm DONE with you Nerd. We’re THROUGH I don't wanna be with an UGLY, PATHETIC, PEDOPHILE, PROSHIPPER.” Jock pulls out a gun and KILLS Nerd

The blood SPILLS from Nerd. Prep walks through the door and screams. “FINALLYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

They all hold hands and jump for joy. That was until Jock said “Should we get coffee?”

“NO.” Prep yelled. “I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH A DISGUSTING CREATURE LIKE ANY OF YOU. DIE LIKE NERD.”

“THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ME” Jock and Goth say in unison because ugly people think alike.

They all pull at guns and shoot each other.
Jock dies screaming. Goth dies clutching his pp because he's hard. Prep died almost instantly because he was so disease ridden he was almost dead anyway.

River and Morgan walk in holding hands. They look at the dead bodies and could care less. Morgan caresses Rivers voluptuous gyatt and PASSIONATELY kisses her, they then step on the dead bodies and walk into the sunset. Morgan is also holding a twilight book (I LOVE TWILIGHT SM)

THE END

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'I hate Nerd I want to kill him. And his family and our “other” boyfriends.' Jock was thinking all of this one Friday night while being the little disgusting twerp he and his boyfriends are. I started sipping my coffee while deep in thought of killing them all. The next day I bought a gun.

“Good morning!” Prep said happily. I smiled at the thought of what I was about to do.

“What did you do on your outing?” Nerd asked. He sounded so fucking annoying.

“Nothing much. I window shopped and didn't buy anything.” God I wish I could kill them now…

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It was Christmas Eve and they were all gathered around the fireplace exchanging gifts as it was a Christmas tradition. “I'll go first!!” Nerd said as he gave them all each perfectly wrapped gifts with little bows on top.

“Omg how sweet, UWU.” said Prep as he unwrapped his gift. Goth and Jock also joined in neatly unwrapping their gifts. Goth received a bottle of cyanide. “Wow! I've never been gifted something like this before!” He says while holding the bottle with 2 fingers. Jock then takes out his present and lo and behold it's a chainsaw and it's RUNNING!??! Jock swiftly turns it off.

Goth excitedly picks up a wrapped box and hands it to Nerd. Nerd shakes it a little and can hear a little tick. “Okay Nerd, I think you'll REALLY like it. BUT you HAVE to go outside really far away from the house to open it!”. “Okay!!” Says Nerd, a little annoyed and confused. Nerd gets up with the present in hand and walks towards the door, opens it and walks out really far from the house.

Nerd gets about 300 feet from the house and starts opening the present. Jock,Goth, and Prep watch him very intensely from the window. He slowly pulled out a ticking bomb he screams really loudly and drops it… but it's too late the bomb EXPLODES and kills Nerd. “Welp too bad” says Goth

“Okay let's continue opening our gifts!”
Goth hands Jock a box. Jock is confused, but neatly unwraps it. Inside he finds a loaded gun.

“I thought we had a plan to kill Nerd? And then be happy with that proshipping evil creature gone.” says Jock, confused at the sight of a gun.

“.....yes.” Goth says, “We did.”

Jock sighs, then hands Prep his wonderful gift. Prep finds a machete. He yells “You're trying to kill us all too!”

“Hush now” says Jock, handing Goth his gift. Goth neatly opens ten bloodied daggers. Something seems to overtake Goth, as he stabs Jocks shoulders with one.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” says Jock, firing the loaded gun, he however misses, and very violently kills Prep. Prep is now nothing but a bloodied pulp.

Goth uses this time to utilize the chainsaw, chopping Jocks hands off. Jock lunges for Goth violently, throwing daggers with his teeth and missing terribly. Goth finally uses the chainsaw to chop off Jock's head. Looking around at the bloodied remains, Goth thinks he is safe. He however slips, and falls on a dagger. He is impaled. He slowly dies of blood loss.
. Fin

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“I'm so excited UWU!!” Says the disgusting creature Prep.

“I can't wait to shoot some stuff!” Says Goth, with a mischievous look on his face. Jock seems to catch on, and starts to form a plan.

They all get their guns from the little ugly booth Goth pays the ugly man. Nerd is weak and pathetic and can't lift his revolver that weighs 11.5 ounces. Nerd being so weak and ugly and unable drops the gun. Goth picks it up quickly and starts shooting him over and over and over and over and over and over and over until the gun runs out of bullets. They don't speak a word of this and start walking towards the targets

Goth gets about 15 feet from the target gets into position and holds his gun up and fires. He actually didn't do any of that and shot Prep. Prep is now a bloodied pulp.

Goth and Jock take time to practice shooting. They glare at each other the whole time, they both seem to be testing who will shoot first. Eventually, Jock has enough.

“Now that those two are gone… I think we should have… heh… sex… to celebrate.” Goth is surprised, but seeing as Jock is the only normal boyfriend he accepts this and doesn't shoot him. Goth presses his body up to Jock and starts kissing his neck in broad daylight. As Felix kisses Kevin's neck Kevin starts ripping Felix's pants off.

Felix is excited, “Kevin… put it up my ass..!”

“What if I put the gun up instead..” Kevin smirks.

“Yes!”

Kevin shoots the 11.5 ounce gun up Felix's ass and shoots him. Felix dies.

Kevin overwhelmed with guilt and horror picks up the 11.5 ounce gun shoots himself the same way up the anus.

Fin

Fin

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The boyfriends make their way to the beach. Jock almost crashed the car ten times in horror at Nerd saying UWU during the ride. Miraculously they make it alive. They will not be alive for long.

As soon as they step into the beach, Goth pulls Nerd aside. “Now Nerd, I have an idea for a game okay?”

“Okay!” Nerd says in a disgusting voice

“Close your eyes.” Goth says, and behind pulling Nerd into the deeper water… deeper and deeper. He then holds Nerd underwater. Nerd thrashes and screams, Goth does not let go. Nerd eventually gives up and dies.

Goth walks back to land joyously, now truly ready for a day of beach fun. Jock and Prep do not comment on Nerd missing.

Jock watches Goth sit down on his towel as he plots. Jock then gets a mischievous smile on his face. “Goth, can we bury your feet in the sand?” He asks. Goth complies. Jock smiles bigger. Jock starts digging a hole in the sand about the size of a small child. “Okay Goth, come here!”. As Goth walks over to put his legs in the sand Jock pushes him into the small hole and starts burying him at a rapid pace. YAY

Prep gets up, wanting to join in on the fun. “Lie down Jock.” Jock complies. Prep ties Jock up, and begins to waterboard him. Jock thrashes and screams, and after much agony, and a long long long time. He dies. Prep thinks he is safe now, and begins to happily go home. But luckily he does not get away, as the crabs tie him up and pinch him to death.

Fin.

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It was finally time for Halloween, the boyfriends favorite holiday. Jock and Goth dressed up normally,with Jock opting to be Frankenstein's monster, and Goth opting to be a vampire.

Prep and Nerd went more of a…. Creative! Route. Nerd opted to be an old discord mod Reddit user. He greased his hair and carried around a body pillow with suspicious stains. Prep dressed as lore accurate meowbah.

“U-u-u-u-u-uwu!! We look so good…!” Nerd said, with a horribly annoying voice. The three of them walked out the door, excited for the Halloween party!

River was hiding in the bushes with her BIG shotgun. She positioned the gun and at the right moment she pulled the trigger. Nerd was shot and died instantly.

The other three paid no mind, only looking down and cringing at the bloodied body. “Ew man, on my nice shoes,” Goth said.

As they skipped down the road to the party people glared at them because they knew who they were and of how strange they were. In fact one of the neighbors ran a hate page of Nerds fanpage.

Finally, they arrived at the beautiful Halloween party. They walked in and started fraternizing immediately. A beautiful, bodacious, spectacular, amazing, dashing, gorgeous, and extravagant woman walked in. She started searching around the room intently and then she spotted the UGLY 3 men she was looking for. Kevin, Vincent, and Felix. She hastily reached into her big coat pocket and pulled out an assault rifle and started shooting the hideous 3. They all fell backwards and their bodies kept jerking because of the force of the bullets.

She twirled her hair and batted her eyelashes in a very girly way and walked out EXTREMELY proud of herself.

Sol hopped out happily, and danced around the bodies, hitting a little jig. He skipped into the sunset to find River and Morgan and play dead rails with them.

Fin.

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River and Morgan were peacefully picking apples at an apple orchard then all of a sudden Morgan hears a cacophonous voice. She instantly whips her head around and notices the most ugly creature she's ever seen. Nerd. Without hesitating she pulls her pistol out of its holster and starts mindlessly shooting at the hideous organism. He has died. What sweet bliss.

The boyfriends yet again pay no mind to the death of the useless proshipper. Rather they keep picking apples. Morgan and River watch in excitement for what they know will happen. Goth feels an overwhelming sense of rage, and with no warning he grabs an apple and shoves it down Preps' throat. He holds the apple in the disgusting little bitchboys throat until he falls over and dies.

Jock paralyzed at the sight of the love of his life, starts sobbing uncontrollably as he falls to the ground cupping his face in his hands while wailing like a little fucking baby. Goth gets so irritated by this he walks over to him and starts stomping on his throat. Thus Jock dies.

River giggles knowing it is her turn to finish off the boyfriends. She grabs a bucket of apples and starts aggressively throwing them at Goth. Goth is in pain for a solid hour as he is hit over and over again with apples. He is chased up and down the orchard and no one will help him because they know he was dating a proshipper. Finally River delivers the blow to Goths head that kills him for good. He falls to the ground in a puddle of blood. All the boyfriends are now dead

River and Morgan giggle and hold hands as they walk off into the most beautiful sunset EVER.

Fin

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The boyfriends had bought a new house. Like the stupid ugly little idiots , NONE of them actually went to look at the house before signing the lease. When they walked in the house they knew instantly that everything was perfect, except for one thing…

The garbage disposal took up the entire inside of the sink.

“That looks… UwU… dangerous… e-e-e-erm…” cried stupid ugly, pathetic, evil, awful, disgusting, disgraceful, proshipping Nerd.

“Okay, who wants to look inside it first! We need to get a gooodddd look” said Goth suspiciously. Nerd cautiously walked to the large garbage disposal and peers down it. “This doesn't look as scary up clo-”

CRUNCH.

He doesn't get to finish his sentence as he's magically pushed into it by Goth. Goth whimsically giggles. To add insult to injury, Jock turns on the garbage disposal. The blades whip around violently, Nerd can't even scream because his vocal cords are already ripped out.

He was dead before he could even process what happened.

To hide the evidence, Prep hauled Nerd's body into the garbage disposal. His entire body was mushed and mushed until he was nothing but a pulp. The other three watched wordlessly and emotionlessly while blood splattered onto them.

While Prep was turned the other way Jock shoved him in and started pushing his chest deeper and deeper into the garbage disposal as Prep is in excruciatingly beautiful pain.

Goth smiles at Jock, “now that the proshipper and the Twink are gone, we should make out.”

Jock smiles back. He kisses Goth, but as they're making out he puts his hands on Goth's chest and pushes him backwards into the garbage disposal. His body knocks Preps' body fully in, and he himself falls in. He is ground and mushed with Prep and Nerds bodies, until no one can tell who is who.

Jock smiles, finally he was free.

Until he slipped on a piece of guts and fell in the garbage disposal.