Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

akito Shinomone wasn't this cold, never did he intend to be not did he wish to be. It was his peers making him feel like nothing, a doll you can just be tore apart.  Maybe deep down he Always like this. A boring young man.

Tsukasa tenma, was his dream ever meant to be or maybe he was just one of the fallen stars? Just a  boy with that silly all for nothing dream.

both of same always thought they were different, but are they really 

it was a Normal dinner at the shinomones, ena was too busy daydreaming to touch her food while akito was playing with his, stabbing it with the blade, he liked watching it hit the knife. 

"Ahem, Akito and ena will you two just eat your food." Their dad spat, causing both of them to shake their heads. Akito was the first to respond.

"Whatever you say old man," he picked up his fork, starting to pick up the tiny piece of steak he cutted up.  "Watch that tone".

he scoffed as he looked at his father's disappointed looked that spread across his face.  His mother on the other hand had her  usually expression on her, the cold blank smile. Ena still didn't listen which caused their dad to slam the table, causing ena to stand up by the suprise. "Sorry dad I was thinking-" she sighed, sitting back down finally starting to eat her dried steak.

  "Always thinking of your silly dreams." Her mum spoke in a giggling tone which caused ena to scoff in a dramatic tone. Akito chuckled to himself, nudging his sister. "Just relax" he sighed, giving her a pat on her back. Ena smiled at him, the affection from akito was rare but Ena still Cherished the little things coming from him.

Dinner was quiet the whole way through, after that ena returned to her room to proceed to her hard work while akito helped his mum with the dishes, he didn't mind lending a helping hand but he didn't like the comments his mum made towards Ena or him. 

"I don't get how Ena is always in her head, it's so stupid and childish." His mum said in a cold chilling tone while she dried the dishes, akito couldn't help but grumble to his self. His mother still going on with her comments. "Hey at least she has her life sorted out, unlike you."  Those comments are the ones he hated the most.

"Why do you have to be judgemental all the time." He muttered to himself,  the water splashing on his skin which made it more unbearable to keep his anger inside, Luckily his mother didn't hear his comment.

Once the dishes were all gone he returned to his room, flopping straight onto the comfortable blanket and groaning about his day. "I can go to the sekai or" he thought to himself, his finger tracing the outline of his  old scars that were on the palm of his hand. His phone suddenly vibrating on his desk. He groaned, his hands caressing his hair, pulling his hair ever so slightly. He slowly slid off his bed, standing up slowly getting closer to his  awfully cluttered desk with notes of failed hobbies. Akito really didn't know what to do in his free time but one thing he did enjoy was strategy based games like chess, cards and dice games.

This was a huge passion of his that no one knew about, the only ones who did know were the ones in his group. Most of them did find them interesting too, since it was all a game of luck just like life was, a gamble even. You never knew what would happen which made it a certain thrill of possibilities.  Akito hands crepted towards his phone, opening it to see a message from tsukasa asking how he was doing. 

This let a smile to crept onto his face, having some kinda of relationship was nice and having someone to settle down with didn't sound that bad. Tsukasa was one of those people he didn't mind spending his whole life with.

His energy was so warm and overpowering but akito knew what was a fake farcade, akito knew so while because he was similar to him in a way.  He always made sure to remind tsukasa to be his normal safe around him which tusaka only did when they were in the sekai or alone with each other since he didn't like the public eye thinking anything else about him but how upbeat he was. Akito carefully read the message, his smile growing bigger quickly.

"I hope you have a great rest and also clean that desk. I know how you can get cluttered." He read, causing A soft chuckled to come out of his mouth, causing him to flop onto his bed, typing back to tsukasa with speed. "Yeah yeah, make sure to give yourself a break okay, your always too hard on yourself." He replied, putting his down and looking at the mess that covered his desk. "Thanks tsukasa" he softly spoke to himself, getting up to start cleaning the mess that crowded most of his desk.

Akito walked out his room at 10pm deciding to finally get ready for bed. "I should have a shower", he sighed to himself, scratching his head softly. Everyone must of been asleep since the house was quiet. He couldn't even hear a sound which He loved, peace and quiet something his own mind never was like. The thoughts that filled his brain always wasn't the best, almost like it was complaining about his own life.  

If he actually had a place in this life, did he matter? Would anyone even care if he just... "Disappeared" with a trace. Would people try to find him or would they betray him and forget about his entire existence. Those thoughts always filled the brain of akito, causing him to just self isolate to see if people can see it. God.. if it wasn't  for the members of his group or his sister tsukasa he wouldn't be around anymore if they didn't exist or care.

"Hell thanks for them" 

he thought to himself, not knowing what would happen if they didn't exist.

His hand grasped the wooden bathroom door, pulling it open. Akito hummed as he got ready, brushing his teeth as he stared blankly in the mirror. that wasn't the much he did, have a quick shower, brush his teeth and get dress in a spam of 10 minutes.   he continued humming as he reached his room, closing the door. His body felt all rugged and weak, he sighed, falling into his bed and closing those tired eyes of his.

Chapter Text

tsukasa Tenma, "the golden boy" or the "Loud and happy kid" . He was known for his loud and obscure behaviour, often getting yelled at my teachers for not paying attention or getting laughed at by most of his peers. They always suspect him to be the happy go lucky type.

But what if they were wrong. Oh boy they were wrong..

Tsukasa Tenma sighed, walking home from a exhaustioing day. He really didn't give himself a break today, going to school then straight to work like his life depends on it.  "All for saki." Tenma whispered to himself, carrying a bag of groceries he decided to get after work. It was 5:30 pm and he was walking home and it was bloody freezing but he didn't mind it. "Fucking hell" he whispered to himself, regretting walking in the freezing cold wind. "Should of caught the dam bus" he groaned.

The truth was he never liked asking his parents for anything, it was a rare experience for him to feel loved since they are always looking after saki but he doesn't mind he rather saki gets the attention she deserves since she really does need it but sometimes he just can't help but feel annoyed since he is technically the one who does the dishes, works heaps and does the groceries. Sure  his parents help out but it seems like he does all of it but he refuses to ask for help. the wind picked up, his hair swaying in the breeze, like it was dancing.

he sighed, slowly pacing himself so he didn't start running. Tenma was trying to learn the self controlled he lacked but it was hard, he liked being himself. He really did but was it truely himself, god he didn't know anyone 

Who was him? He didn't even know.

It took him twenty minutes to get home. He did the usually dramatic entry he always did. "IM HOME" he yelled in excitement which caused saki to run to him, giving him a big hug. His posture was rough but he happily obliged and returned the hug to his sister. "How was work." She spoke in her natural soft spoken tone, god it broke him everytime when he heard that hidden saddened tone.  "The usually" he spoke proudly before messing up his sister hair. "How was school?"  He tilted his head, giving her a gentle huge smile. "It was fine" she sighed, not sounding genuine.

  He couldn't help but notice that same old worried expression that lied on her sister's face whenever she layed an eye on him.  "Well that's great sis, I'm going to my room- oh can you unpack these for me." He asked his sister who took his request, taking the groceries from him.   

He sighed as he saw saki walk away, the groceries in hand. He trotted into the lounge room where his father was. His mother wasn't home at the moment, probably still working.  "Good afternoon dad" he smiled, using his loud tone. "Watch the tone tone" his dad comment not looking away from the tv, like his eyes were glued. Tenma sighed, shaking his head. "Sorry dad." He muttered before he headed to his room. "Oh- I got the groceries" he yelled out, hearing the annoyed groaned coming from his father.

"Great now he must be annoyed" tsukasa thought, trailing a hand through his soft yellow hair. 

Once he entered his room, his farcade came to an end. He couldn't help but flop onto the floor, reaching for his phone. He felt all dishevelled, the hair on his arms standing up like he just started watching a horror movie. He couldn't help but sigh as he decided to check up on his boyfriend akito. They have been together about a year now, he felt like he could only be himself around him. Not the fake versions he made for everyone. 

He started to text akito, not knowing what to write. It was afraid to say that Tenma didn't really know what to say to akito, he just likes being quiet with him, he enjoys it and so does akito. "I should ask how he is." He sighed texting akito. "How are you, hope you had a good day." He sented, looking at his phone which felt like an eternity. His thoughts began to rush about himself, "why am I like this" he thought to him self, laying like a starfish as he placed his phone on his chest. He couldn't help be doze off, staring at the ceiling fan that was placed on his roof. The old thing had dust on it which always caused him to sneeze whenever he turned it on.

It didn't take that long until his phone to buzz, he picked it up in a dramatic hurry. His eyes scanning on the words . "I'm good, hope you didn't over do it. Please just relax now". He couldn't help but feel the rush of guilt spread to his body as he realised, he did overdid it this time. He left out a drastic sigh, dropping his phone back onto his chest, fiddling with his eyes as he beated himself up in his head. 

"Why are you so careless." He thought as his eyes roamed at the state of his room, god it needed cleaning, there were piles of clothes piled up on his floor, he didn't even know if they were dirty or clean. His trash can definitely needed cleaning. "Stupid." He sighed, his hands covering his face as he grumbled into them. The stress on Tenma was unbearable, the amount of work he needed to and gave himself, just he couldn't deal with it all. He probably would just prostrate on it all but he really needed to do his homework that piled on top of him. Tenma felt like he was bound to the floor, feeling pralyziyed on the floor like he was part of it. 

Tenma spend hours like this before saki  barged threw the door with a plate of hot  chicken soup for tusaka. "Thought you were hungry so I made you food." She gave him her gentle smile , causing Tenma to smile back in a genuine smile. "Thanks sis, leave it on my desk". He watched his sister's cautious movements, looking at her unreadable expression that was locked onto her face. "I love you brother, I really do" saki broke the silence as she placed the burning hot soup onto his desk, placing a spoon right beside it.  "Love you too." Tenma muttered, slowly heaving himself of the floor, brushing his pants off. 

Tenma watched his sister leave the room, closing the door behind her. The wave of sadness he felt early on was washed away as he ate his scorching soup. Tsukasa didn't mind the boiling sensation in his throat the  soup left, he liked it. It made him feel warm inside and out, it was one of his favourite sensations. Anything like that made him feel something, that he wasn't just a wind up doll. Tusaka couldn't help but place his finger in the burning soup, wincing in pain a bit. He couldn't help but smile as he felt the pain in his finger. It would of taken him a minute to remove his finger, wiping it softly with his shirt.  he muttered to himself, wondering what should he do know. Tsukasa sighed, deciding to stop putting off his homework and do it now.

He reached for his bag, opening it so he could reach for the god forsaken math homework. "Hell math". He scoffed, reaching for his reading glasses.  he Really wanted to do the best he could, he wanted to prove his pears he dilatoriness at all, he wants to show that he was something.

But what is he? All he really is good at is being loud, hell only thing he will be.

11 pm.

That's how long dedicated to his work. Tusaka swiped a sweat that was resting at his brow. "this isn't good enough." He groaned, putting down everything lifting himself from his chair.

"I need to sleep" he scoffed,getting dressed for bed. He lift his shirt tossing it off, tsukasa sighed looking at the old  damaged scars that covered most of his shoulders. He wasn't proud of it, he really didn't know how to stop, the pain just felt like something he deserved, the only thing he did deserve. Tsukasa sighed, replacing his uniform with something more sleep like.  

He couldn't help but flop onto his bed, closing his tired heavy eyes.

His head still wouldn't shut up

Who was him.

Chapter Text

Akito woke up, his eyes heavy. he groaned heaving him self up to a sitting position as he rubbed his eyes, grabbing his phone. "Fucking hell" he muttered checking the time 12 pm and he slept through 4 alarms, oh his father wasn't going to like this.. one bit. Well you see akito father has grown suspicion of his relationship with tusaka,  he didn't really accept it. It wasn't the fact that hey we're both boys(well kinda the fact) but also kaito thinks he doesn't deserve tusaka, he thinks he is running him down and causing him to slip up. Akito didn't care though, if his dad finds out their more than friends though... He is afraid to  not be allowed to see him anymore.

"Shit shit" he cursed under his voice,  grabbing his phone, 3 miss calls from his dad. His heart drop as he read the messages his dad sent aswell. Akito felt like he was about to sink inside his mattress and never come back again.  The messages read.  

9am: akito I'm going out, I swear if your not out of bed your in big trouble 

10am: your in trouble boy, the school rang up telling me your skipping. I'm not mad at that but they also told me it's constant and your grades are slipping.

10:15: also the school told me apparently it isn't only you but your so called friend tusaka! If you don't text me back in 10 minutes I'm taking your phone for a week or longer and your not allowed to see that blonde boy for 2 weeks.

his heart sunk, immediately he rung tusaka in a panic not thinking where he would be doing.   immediately  tusaka picked up, hearing the heavy breathing from akito. "I'm in class" he scoffed in a whisper, akito could hear the worry in his voice. "Dad is going to ground me because of my grades and my skipping... I won't able to see you". He sighed out before he heard the front door open, akito panicked and hanged up, was it the best idea no. But he did what he had to.

"AKITO SHINOMONE GIVE ME  FUCKING PHONE, NOW"  his dad shouted at him, opening his door with full brute, this caused akito to flung and panic. "Fuck no" he blurted out then covering his mouth, his dad stormed in, forcing his hands onto akito phone and ripping off him. Akito groaned, trying to fight back. 

slap.

akito held his cheek, tears streaming down his cheeks as he held his left one which now is covered is red hand print. His dad continued his yelling and left his room. "I might clear you see your friend or should I. Say boy friend"

Akito heart sunk. How did he find out? "How did you find out ." He hand stopped at the door smiling. "Well you just told me now, break up with tusaka your bringing him down with you, your a disaster." His dad scowled before he slammed his door shut, leaving akito to cry silently.

Akito didn't care what he was doing the rest of the day, he didn't get out of his room. He was too afraid of his dad, well not really but afraid what will happen now since his dad found out. 

Akito was sitting at his desk, playing chess by himself. "I need to go to the sekai." He sighed, deciding to go there

the land of fun sekai.

akiro got there, roaming the casino themed halls, trying to find in of the vocaloids for support. "Where are they" he heaved a heavy sob, feeling a hand on his shoulder. It was kaito, he was trying to comfort and soothe him. "What's wrong fella." Kaito said in a worried tone.

"My dad grounded me and took my phone and I'm allowed to see Tusaka." He got interrupted by a loud shrieking bang of a door opening. It was Tusaka and he didn't seem so happy. ",AKITO WHAT DO. YOU MEAN" tusaka looked like he had dried tears. Akito was too scared to say anything so he pretend to not hear him.

"For fuck sake what are you doing" tusaka yelped, his hands caressing akito chin. This always caused akito to become a blushing mess for Tusaka but he had a steel cold look onto his face almost fear. "Akito talk to me" tusaka let a tear stream down his face, akito couldn't help but look down at the ground. Kaito  tried to get in the middle of them. "Tusaka look his dad found out" tusaka clench his hand, letting go of akito. "What do we are over becuase of that." Akito  realised how mad he sounded. "Tusaka look no that's not it" he winced, seeing the saddened look crept upon katio face. "It's just I'm grounded and I'm not allowed to see you-"

Tusaka sighed, letting go of him, wiping his eyes. "Look akito it's not just it's just lately you have been growing distant." Akito didn't realise that was happening. "Akito look I really think this break will be great for both of us, maybe more than 2 weeks." Akito heart sank, dropping to his knees. "I'm sorry akito I love you but, just I've been feeling like.. something is wrong with me." Akito knew something was off with tusaka too but he didn't know what it was.

"fuck.." akito screamed, kaito trying to pat his back but akito got up and stepped back. "I'm leaving for now"

 He sobbed heading home .

its been 2 hours now, akito was back home.

He has been locked up in his room, screaming and scratching his arms until he felt something. It was no use, he alreadly dew blood but it didn't give the same affect it usually did. He told tusaka he would stop it but it was hard it and addicting to him. He couldn't form words, this was how bad it was. Akito didn't realise what was going on, why didn't he grow notice that he was growing distinct from Tusaka. 

He stopped and flinched as he heard his door swing over, his sister, Ena was at the door in  awe. She was quick to comfort akito, her hands pressing into his bleeding wrist. "AKITO WHAT HAPPENED" she sobbed, hating to see her brother like this but he refused to answer until she wrapped her arms around him, causing him to sob.

He told her what happened, Ena sighed. "Look brother it's gotta blow over okay, this stuff happens." Akito still didn't believe her. "Whatever you say." He sighed enjoying he comfort of her warm embrace.

They could of spent hours like this but akito pulled away, standing up. "I'm going to clean up" he sighed, heading to the bathroom.

he couldn't help but stare into the mirror as he washed his wrist, noticing the swollen eyes he had. He gripped the sink, feeling sick. It was sick sick but sick about himself, why did he have to be like this.. why did he have to like man.

His father walked in, scoffing a bit. 

"Akito let me tell you I don't call about your relationship, I don't think it's right but I'm not stopping you but I swear stop running him down, your gotta make him useless like you." Akito grit his teeth. "Yes dad". He sighed, not even listening to his father's unnecessary rant.

He sighed and walked pass his dad. "I'm going to mother" he muttered heading to the loungeroom.

His mother wasn't any better, he tried  explaining but his mother didn't give a crap.  

He muttered and ran to his room.

"I'm going to fucking bed" he muttered, belly flopping into his bed and closing his tired eyes.

Why was akito like his, he wish he was normal.

Chapter Text

Four am. His hands were all bruised, his lips all blistered, his arms all scarred some new and some old. Poor tusaka started to realise the mistake he made,