Chapter Text
Oh no.
He wakes up in an instant and he sits upright. Sonic can’t remember what he was dreaming about but Chaos it must’ve been bad if this feeling is starting up again.
It's been a while since he last had a panic attack, those anti-anxiety pills truly worked wonders. Eventually Sonic stopped taking them altogether as he felt that he was finally able to get ahold of his emotions.
Why this was happening now he’s not sure nor does he care because all he wants to do is stop this aching feeling in his chest.
He quickly sits at the edge of the bed as his feet dangle. Gloved mits are clenching the duvet underneath him while his breathing is picking up and he is trying so hard to calm down. A hand then sits on his chest but he just can’t breathe normally.
When that doesn’t work he quietly makes his way to the washroom and splashes water over his face but that only makes things worse because the urge to cry is growing quite intense but he’s shoving those emotions so deep he’s scared he’ll burst.
Suddenly he’s searching for those pills. He’s looking at every cabinet door, behind the mirror, going back into his room and searching through his drawers. He can’t remember for the life of him if he had gotten rid of those pills and man, he really was regretting it now if he did.
Tears are running down his cheeks and down his muzzle. He’s so frustrated because he doesn’t know what’s making him panic like this. He’s okay, he’s here. He’s not in danger. No one is in danger…
Then he runs to Tails’ room just to make sure ‘cuz Chaos now he can’t trust himself anymore.
Yet there he was, Tails, sleeping the night away as he is buried deep in his bed. Muzzle stuffed into his pillow. Sonic gives a sigh of relief but it doesn’t quench his panic.
What is he so worried about?
Nothing is working and all of a sudden the walls around him feel like they’re closing in. He feels so small and he’s scared that if he lets out a peep, Tails might hear him and he’ll be awakened and the last thing he wants is to be questioned by him. He can’t stand it.
With his room feeling like some sort of trap and his home feeling claustrophobic, he runs.
—---
He’s not sure how he got here but Sonic finds himself deep in the woods as nightfall looms over.
It’s really late now, past midnight and the only things that surround him are the sounds of crickets and the leaves clinching on tree branches as they sway from the windy breeze.
But he doesn’t hear all those nightly nature sounds, instead his ears are ringing and his head is running thousands of thoughts over and over without ceasing. His heart is beating so fast he swears he hears it.
Finding a tree with a wide trunk, Sonic slides down against it trying to regulate his breathing. He feels so terribly out of breath but he hadn’t done anything to cause such loss. He’s trying to find something to focus on but it's too dark to see anything but the stars.
Ah yes, the stars.
He wished he could be a star, they didn’t have to suffer the consequences of life. They sit up in the sky and look pretty as they sparkle and shine in the night sky. He’s looking intensely at one. One so small and faint yet visible. Almost like him at that moment. He felt really small hence why he was alone. He would hate for anyone to find him in this state.
He doesn’t look away in fear of losing it. Terrible thoughts of his past and all his wrongdoings come back all at once like a wave crashing against a hillside. He winces and his head is in his hands. Mits covers soft ears but quickly pulls back in order to listen to his surroundings.
‘Focus on the wind. The crickets. Anything.’
Then he realizes he was originally focusing on that one little star and fails to find it again, as he knew he would.
His knees are tucked in at his waist as the distraught hedgehog wraps his hands around them while he shivers from the cold breeze. He may have lost his star but there are many more akin.
Emerald eyes are glued to the sky as shallow tears trickle down soft cheeks though he doesn’t realize this. The stars are so beautiful, he was never an astronomy type of guy but he knew enough about stars and that they were just dust and they had a beginning and an end. Each star was created differently and at a different time. They all had their own story.
He supposed the people of this world are like stars. Some feel little while others feel big. Sometimes they illuminate the environment around them so much it's hard to miss them, however others, like himself in this situation, are barely hanging on. Eventually, they stop shining. He didn’t want that.
It made him feel a little better comparing himself to the stars. Maybe there was someone else on this planet dealing with these dreadful feelings too. He didn't feel so alone in that moment.
All he’s ever done was try to fight against the evils of this world as best as he could and ensure the safety and happiness of everyone. He wants to pretend like his past mistakes have long been forgiven but maybe that’s what’s been eating away at him. All this time, he’s just wanted people to forgive him if he’s ever done wrong in their eyes. He still wants to be seen as their precious hero. That was enough. It should’ve been enough.
But now it seems like it wasn’t enough for him anymore. There’s this guilt buried so deep that had been long forgotten. Then it felt like it clicked in an instant and it seemed like those stars were shining brighter than ever for some reason.
Sonic realizes that he’ll never be able to rid of this guilt in his heart if he isn’t the one who forgives himself first.
Then he chuckles to himself at the irony.