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Char was trying very hard to focus on studying for the upcoming mid-year exams. He was hunched over his desk with three different books spread open across it and an empty cup of coffee perched near the edge. His pen hovered over an empty line in his notebook, trying to mentally condense what he had just read into a single sentence. Trying to remember any of what he had just read. He couldn’t focus, like he hadn’t been able to focus in days, ever since Garma…
Well, Garma wasn’t helping. He was sitting behind Char on the bed, humming a song that had been playing on the radio over the weekend. It was annoying. And distracting. Char growled and stabbed at the paper with his pen, leaving black divets in the white paper. It was the only ink on the page after almost an hour of work.
“How’s your studying going?”
“I can’t focus. Do you have to keep humming that?” Char knew his frustration was obvious but he couldn’t control himself as well as he usually could.
“Oh, am I distracting you?”
Char bit his tongue and wrote something down. He didn’t know what it said.
But Garma wasn’t done annoying Char, so he just gripped his pen tighter as his roommate started humming again. It would be alright if he wasn’t singing that song… It was bad enough that the melody had been playing through Char’s head on repeat for two days, but Garma’s soft humming sounds brought the event of Sunday rushing back, making it impossible to focus on anything else. Char shook his head as if that could make the memories, the sensations, disappear.
Char bent his head over the desk and Garma’s humming stopped a few minutes later. Then…
“I know who you are, you know.”
Every muscle in Char’s body tightened. The pen cracked in his hand. He reminded himself to breathe, to feign normalcy, and he exhaled slowly before turning the chair around. Garma was sprawled across his bunk, watching Char.
“What?” Char wracked his brain to think of anything that Garma could mean other than the one thing that could end Char’s life.
Garma flicked a lock of hair out of his face and sat up, swinging his feet off the bed and onto the floor before leaning forward to stare straight at Char.
“I said, I know who you are.”
“That’s good, considering we’ve been roommates for two years.” Char was trying for flippant. He knew he failed. He squeezed his pen to stop his hand from shaking. He just needed a minute and he could come up with a plan. He could stab Garma. He could aim for the Zabi Heir’s throat and then run for it, steal a ship from the Docks, and disappear on Earth. Char fiddled with the pen, gripping it harder as it grew slick with sweat.
“Very funny.” Garma’s lip quirked into a smirk and he leaned forward, hair falling into his face as he looked up at Char with bright eyes. Happy eyes.
Char dropped the pen softly onto the carpeted floor. He couldn’t. He couldn’t… What was he thinking? Did he really think he could stab Garma, kill Garma? He couldn’t, not after Sunday, not after they’d… But then what was the point of Char, if he couldn’t kill a Zabi?
“You’re worse off than I thought.”
Char’s mouth was dry. He wet his lips with his tongue as best he could before speaking.
“What are you talking about?”
“I. Know.” Garma stood up and paced the two short steps to stand in front of Char. “Who.” Char shivered but couldn’t move as Garma ran a hand through his short hair and gripped a fistful to tilt Char’s head back.“You are.” Garma smiled again and all Char could do was gaze open-mouthed.
“Garma…” If he was going to die, this wasn’t the worst way.
“You haven’t looked at me in two days but when I hum that song, you start blushing like a schoolboy?”
“I didn’t blush!”
“Yes you did.” Garma’s fingers loosened their grip and Char sucked in a breath as Garma instead pulled off his sunglasses. “I didn’t know until today, but you’re a romantic, Char. Is that the secret you’ve been hiding? I know there’s something. The way you look at me, have always looked at me…”
Char couldn’t keep up with what was happening. Glasses tossed aside, Garma was now trailing his thumb along Char’s jawline and then, suddenly, pressing it into his bottom lip. Char’s lips parted as if under a spell because he was, he was under Garma’s spell.
“I haven’t been able to get that awful song out of my head,” Char found himself whispering hoarsely, Garma’s thumb brushing over his lips as he spoke.
Garma suddenly didn’t look so confident but all Char could do was sit with his knees bracketing Garma’s legs and wait.
“I can’t stop thinking about your eyes when you fell apart under me.”
Char was on his feet with Garma pinned against the wall before he could think. He gripped Garma’s shirt with hands that he couldn’t stop from shaking.
“Stop it! That never happened, we didn’t do any–” Char sucked in a breath and tried but failed to look anywhere but Garma’s wide chocolate brown eyes. “I’m not...”
His grip on Garma’s shirt loosened by degrees. Garma’s heavy breaths were mingling with his own as the wide-eyed man gripped Char’s wrists but just held him closer. Char could almost taste Garma in the breaths they shared and why was that so familiar? Why did it feel so safe?
Char gave Garma a halfhearted shake but his hands were already pulling the man in.
“Damnit, Zabi.”
But then Garma was kissing him or maybe Char was the one initiating it because he still had his nemesis pinned against the wall. But Garma’s lips were soft and Char wasn’t even aware of his tight grip loosening until he was held gently in Garma’s arms with soft fingers in his hair. And Garma tasted just as he had two days ago when he had softly pulled Char down onto the bed and slowly torn down every last defense Char had to the notes of a love song on the radio.