Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was a torturous high pitched and tension loaded voice, reaching Kathryn’s ears.
‘’Can I speak with you for a moment?’’ It echoed, the words were unsteady bullets ricocheting off the walls inside the empty basement that was her mind.
It was so tiring, but she was used to it by now.
A few moments is all it took for her to rip her gaze off the simmering machine, taking some time to register who was speaking to her.
When she had, her head swayed from left to right, attempting to find the man in question.
There they were, the two large bushy eyebrows of her employer, quickly she noticed they were turned downwards, causing a slight pit to settle in her lower stomach.
Despite all that, her lips were still curved into a content grin, her whole mood seemed to be bubbly and light like it was in any case.
‘’Of course Mr Ashford, what is it?’’ She asked steadily.
One of her arms finding a freezy, metal object to lean against as she awaited his response.
He was very much known for not beating around the bush, so when, on instances like this, his thin mouth was sealed and he didn’t dare to stare at anything but her forehead, she could basically feel her heart sinking.
‘’I would like you to work on a project with someone-’’ He began in a serious manner. ‘’But I don’t think here is the right place to have that conversation.’’
He inhaled sharply, his chest rising and then dropping ever so sudden.
‘’Would you mind following me to my office?’’
There was no answer from her side, since it was no real question, a single nod of confirmation was enough, before doing what he ordered.

It was dusty.
Tiny little fluffy particles floating through the space where reflective light was seeping through the stained windows.
Her sight was a clouded layer of dust, each coat fading with every step she took.
She tentatively surveyed her surroundings.
It was a thousand times more empty than she had anticipated and so the first thing that drew her attention was a plain porcelain tea cup, abandoned on a side drawer.
The curtains were completely opened, revealing the massive building that was next to theirs, a dark desk, made of wood, was neatly placed against it with a computer on top of it.
There hung a thick, unpleasant, stale smell, causing her nose to scrunch.
It was then that it dawned upon her that she wasn’t alone with her boss in this compact chamber.
The other man had a face tattoo, draped across one half of his forehead and an expression in his eyes that made them seem like two black holes, surrounded by radiating stars.
‘’Kathryn I’d like you to meet Amal Kotay-’’ Ashford gestured at him proudly, something in it caused this Amal to playfully smirk.
‘’Your partner for the project.’’
She nodded kindly and he followed her lead, joining the examination of their chief who was now pushing a round button, so the big machine on the desk turned on.
The screen viewed a graph, with colorful lines, underneath it companies she could recall from her studies where written down, their line was bright orange, and the lowest of them all.
‘’I’m afraid our company is failing.’’ He explained a tone of grieve, most probably undesired, figuring out a way to the surface.
‘’Everyone is modernizing and we are falling behind-.’’ His body was stiff as he continued. ‘’We are losing employees every day, I need you two to work on redesigning and replacing  the old reactors and installing new power generation methods.’’
His sharp jaw clenched.
‘’Of course only if you want’’ He suggested, but it was clear the light way he was speaking, wasn’t the way he felt
Kathryn didn't give silence a single chance to interfere.
‘’I do.’’  She exclaimed and her new partner backed her up quickly after.
‘’Than I would like the both of you to begin analyzing the current state of our technology right away, inform me about anything that has to be replaced or might interfere with our efficiency, you’ll continue from there.’’
Once again the both of them nodded, fully aware what kind of responsibility they had taken upon their shoulders.
But at least they were not alone.

Chapter Text

‘’Amal Kotay-’’ She struggled with getting the just learned name over her lips, especially now that she was forced to say it to the shimmering fabric that covered his back as her legs made a successful attempt to catch up.
Their arms faintly collided, a restrained, sugary sigh of a laugh filled the corridor, who it belonged to was something neither of them were sure of.
‘’I was thinking, I suggest that the best place to start would be the main core, since an error in such a central place, would have effect on everything else.’’
There was this soft hum he created in the back of his throat.
‘’I agree.’’
They reached the steep iron stairs, he let her go first.
‘’Oh and you can call me Chakotay.’’ He mentioned blissfully.
Chakotay
The lines carved in her forehead deepend.
To her it was a beautiful and unique name, with a pleasant ring to it, but expressing it appeared unnecessary or perhaps just like overdoing it.
So instead she proceeded in utter silence, the thought crumbling apart much smoother than it should.

After gathering several scanners, analyzers and monitors they navigated themselves to the concurred spot.
The main core, a beast of a cylinder now towering above them, it was surrounded by gleaming panels and narrow pipes.
it had an out of this world blue white glow to it above a layer of even duranium.
She could sense a vibration in the air, caused by the intensity of all the energy, cutting unwillingly through her skin.
All at once, she was a miniature version of herself with a man next to her she barely knew.
Still, perhaps it was the part in her that yearned for connections and trusted easily, but a small bit of her unease ceased when he showed no sign of being overwhelmed.
‘’I’ll start with the multispectrum scans.’’ She yelled, grabbing a piece of their equipment in a swift motion and pointing it at the reactor.
A knife-like beeping sound got drawn from it as she moved it around, gripping onto it tightly with her slim fingers.
She gave it a while, before deciding to analyze the data, she could have guessed what was going on, by the way the both of them were covered in a thin layer of sweat but she needed proof first.
‘’The core is overheated.’’ She reported.
Chakotay his hands went over one of the panels, something he must have been doing for a much more extended period of time than she had registered.
‘’That’s because the city is drawing too much energy from it, it’s overloading.’’
‘’Look.’’ He said, making a pointing sign towards the information, causing her to join him.
An energy distribution diagram appeared in front of her.
‘’Many companies and other buildings have been using double the amount of what they usually do-.’’ His dark eyes went over it again, focusing on whatever it was that was going through his brain.
He jumped up, her foot took a hesitant step back.
‘’It’s probably caused by all the new technology, people simply don’t realise their increased usage harms our systems, especially with all those new once that wouldn’t have been affected one bit, they simply weren’t informed.’’
She closed her scanning device.
‘’Well that will be the first thing we are gonna have to find a solution to.’’ She mentioned loud and clearly.
‘’We do.’’ He murmured, backing away now that there was no longer any reason for their proximity.
They had a report to turn into and a few more tests to run and the clock was ticking.

Chapter Text

‘’So we need to fix those overheat issues first, before anything else, it’s a safety risk.’’ Kathryn said, Chakotay at her side.
They stood there as equals, again in that dusty office, but somehow she still took the lead in this conversation.
Mr Ashford suspired in what must have been weighty exhaustion.
‘’Do it.’’
The bags underneath his half opened eyes were a deep purple.
She imagined him staying up all night, questioning as to what he had done wrong to end up in this situation.
Maybe he even felt as though he had led down his employees, who knew?
Chakotay interrupted those thoughts with his low voice, seemingly having noticed the same things she had.
‘’ Making sure the main core can take the amount of energy people these days need or maybe even more, could really benefit the company.’’
He nodded cautiously, his face expressionless as he turned away from them, inviting them to leave.
‘’The control room should be pretty empty at this time of day-.’’ He announced softly. ‘’You should be able to continue your work there.’’
So leaving is what they did.

The control room almost always had a comfortable atmosphere to quietly do your research in.
You could take a nice seat at the steady table that was placed in one of the corners, as engineers and a few other staff members did their duties in one constant rhythm as though they were the sea and while you were broodingly figuring out a solution you could overlook all the systems and overhear some interesting chats.
Her partner put certain tools and some crockery that had coffee stains in them to the side and fished a datapad out of his leather bag.
‘’So any suggestions?’’ His question was more a joke to lighten the mood, than anything else.
She gave him a short lasting smile of confirmation.
“Well of course the obvious thing is to do is to invest in new technology so we have more storage, or better yet create it ourselves.’’
His two big eyebrows moved closer to one another, dragging the inky tattoo more to the middle.
‘’We could switch to isolinear energy cells-’’ He answered. ‘’They are more compact and have a higher density and it could at least be a temporary solution.’’
She shifted a bit in her chair, unsure of what she was about to say was the right thing.
‘’Chakotay-.’’ His head turned by the mention of his extraordinary name. ‘’Normally I would agree and yes it is certainly a great solution for the moment, but I don’t think it would work in the long run, we might need something more out standing.’’ She said.
‘’You’re right, but for that we might need a lot more time, which I’m afraid we don’t really have at the moment.’’
Her head shook, the gesture fading with every word.
‘’Alright, We’ll install the cells-.’’ she took a moment to swallow before continuing. ‘’After we did so we have all the time in the world to think of something else”
Her palms unconsciously found the edge of the table, caressing it gently as if it assisted her with thinking.
‘’That’s settled then.’’ He remarked, staring at the spot her hands met the wood for the slightest second.
He stood up, outside the world was illuminated by the sun, it was neither pitch black nor very light, a sign to call it a day.
‘’We’ll continue tomorrow morning, than we can begin the repairs.’’ He expressed it gratified, as if this project had given him a sense of duty or importance maybe?
‘’Yes I’ll see you in the morning.’’ She confirmed as she got up as well and they both went to the automatic doors, mostly ignoring each other.
They were basically still strangers after all.

Chapter Text

There was a mist daze that surrounded Kathryn as her heavy eyelids opened to the alarm screeching a melody through her heavily decorated apartment.
She reached for it, her body stiff and slow, but finally it was put to a stop.
An annoyed groan escaped as she went over all the tossing and turning of last night.
Her brain had been restful and quiet, but like every night, there were these rocks that filled her stomach and a freezy sensation that came over her that no blanket could scare away.
By the time that she had consumed her first cup of coffee it would be gone and she had never been one to let a bad night's sleep interrupt her plans, even if it had been going on for days now.
Maybe she was just getting older.

On the other end, just walls apart from her Chakotay had been splashing icy water in his face for the past two minutes, in an attempt to get over that same exact daze.
He took in his reflection, his raven black hair was messy and liquid was dripping from both sides of his face
Eventually he would get dressed and ignore it ever happened and the tiredness would cease, some days even completely go away.
It would just be some background hum, too unimportant to stand still by for longer than two minutes.

‘’Good morning.’’ Kathryn smirked, carved in lines being drawn from her nose all the way to her cheeks the way it always did when she tried to keep people away from her worries.
‘’Good morning.’’ He said, unknowingly imitating her half happy mood.
They wandered around a bit, before she mentioned something she should have right away.
‘’Also I already checked earlier this morning what cells are obsolete and where the new once could be installed I hope you don’t mind, I was up early this morning and-.’’
‘’It’s fine.’’ He interrupted in his normal polite way. ‘’That just means we have less to do.’’
She made a noise in agreement. ‘’Well let's begin removing those cells then-'’ She remarked. ‘’But first we’re gonna have to ask Ashford for a team.’’

‘’B’elanna Torres” The brown haired half klingon engineer nodded towards the pair, maintenance personnel and technicians and much needed tools behind her.
Her eyes had a hardness in it that was difficult to get a hold of, one moment it was there the other it would be gone.
‘’The plan is to safely disconnect the old cells and then place the new ones following your plan-’’ she said.
As she glanced at both of them, Kathryn couldn’t help but lock her gaze on the woman’s now visible bump for just a millisecond too long.
She made herself bigger. ‘’’But the network is fragile if we make even one mistake.’’ Her facial features stiffened up, probably already envisioning some worst case scenario. ‘’Than the whole place could go down.’’
Chakotay swallowed visibly, this B’elanna certainly didn’t seem so fearful.
‘’We have all the faith in you.’’ Janeway commented sincerely, getting reminded of the duties ahead.
‘’While they work on those cells you two can do the modernizing.’’ Ashford had said, with every right to do so.
There were many more people qualified for that job and it would speed up the much required process.
‘’We should get going, if there is any complication whatsoever please notify us directly.’’ Janeway requested.
‘’We will.’’

This time there was a private office reserved for them, their ideas weren’t supposed to be able to be listened to by anyone this time around.
The room was awfully empty once again, with just a few pieces of furniture and some houseplants that were put all over the place.
Kathryn’s attention got caught by a red thermo bottle, without hesitation she paced forward to unscrew the lit.
The moment it opened, a rich, almost caramel like scent filled her lungs, delightfully she took another breath.
Chakotay standing nearby couldn’t help but notice the way her eyes completely lit up by this warm beverage.
‘’I didn’t know you liked coffee.’’ He alluded gracefully.
Her head turned, a laugh so short he questioned if he had imagined it had appeared at all, but as if in need of proof it rapidly returned.
‘’Like it? I practically run on it.’’ She joked, her shoulders shuddering the slightest.
For the first time in two days it seemed as though the air cleared up a little, the tightness of not knowing each other or what to expect improved.
The corner of his mouth curled up, a little dimple appearing on his cheek.
It was clear, they could make this work not just as partners, but as friends too.
Just as some version of that thought occured to both of them, there was this earsplitting knock.
Then another and another, bouncing from one wall to the next.
‘’Come in.’’ Chakotay ordered, putting a stop to the uncomfortable noise.
Secretly hoping that this was just a coworker in need of this room.

Chapter Text

The walls vibrated from the door that was just slammed against it, the heavy burden of the person that had just entered draped over them as if it were a blanket.
All the joy in the world could have been killed by that one knock for all they knew.
In front of them stood a woman with dilated pupils, she was young and probably didn’t have that much experience.
Kathryn recognised her, she had been hiding behind B’elanna, huddled together, as though she was a little girl and this chief engineer was her mother.
‘’There is a leak in of the coolant line-.’’ Her breath got caught in her throat as she made a failed attempt to steady herself. ‘’The system is about to overheat, they are working on repairs now, if it goes wrong they might have to shut down everything.’’
It took a few blinks and half a minute of only the buzzing of machines for either of them to make up a response.
‘’How long do you estimate we have?’’ Janeway her voice was steady, As she put down her coffee.
freaking out in chaos never seemed the best solution to her and neither did it to Chakotay who was a steady rock at her side.
‘’Minutes.’’ She screeched, her tone achingly raw.
She wasn’t made to proceed with her work under pressure was she?
‘’Get back to the core, we’ll meet you there shortly.’’ He interrupted, which let her to nod.
She made a few hesitant stumbly movements, before swiveling on both her heels to leave.
A soft creak.
The door was shut.
Kathryn's fingers went to massage her temple as she sighed, frustrated with the situation.
‘’So what now?’’ She groaned.
But he never got to say a word to answer her desperate question.
A piercing alarm lirring, red light covering the cold stone floor.
‘’Core temperature critical.’’ The facility voice told them in an inhuman robotic voice.
Quickly he went to one of the flashing red panels, he had barely reached it, before he explained to her, it was even worse than they could have imagined.
‘’Alright, we should get out of here-.’’ She paused, her expression no longer even the slightest at ease. ‘’We should assist them.’’
He made a short lasting gesture of agreement and just for a second there was a fiery spark.
Something deeper, something more ancient that made him desire to tell her everything was going to be alright.
To offer her the comfort she was in need of.
It flashed in front of his unknowing eyes, before completely vanishing into some darkness, so unimportant he would have forgotten all about it at the end of the day.
Kathryn got herself towards the door, more sprinting than walking, he followed her without a doubt in the world.

‘’What’s the current state?’’ Kathryn asked, a little out of breath as she moved towards the main console.
‘’The main coolant line is compromised.’’ B’elanna reported hastily. ‘’We’ve got a backup system but it’s not gonna hold very long, I estimate about 3 minutes.’’ She announced.
All the while Chakotay seemed to be drained in some thoughts, his forehead wrinkled like folds in clothes once again as he checked some of the data.
‘’What if send power from another place in the central like the industrial area, to help the backup systems, it might just be a temporary solution, but it will buy us time.’’
B’elanna nodded ‘’It’s not ideal, but it could work, I’ll need to monitor it very closely though.’’
‘’Alright-’’ Janeway mumbled, seemingly sure of herself.
Chakotay took a glance at her, surprised, but inspired by her calmth.
‘’I’ll help reroute the power.’’ He suggested.
‘’Good, Torres-.’’ She said, unsure if she could use her first name. ‘’Can I assist you with handling the leak?’’
There it was again that distant look, as though she was ready to physically push everyone away.
‘’It’s fine I can handle it, maybe you can give your partner a hand.’’ She said as she turned to leave.
‘’Alright we’ll make sure the power stays balanced.’’ Her words weren’t heard by the person they were intended for, but they did give her a sense of reassurance, something she was weirdly in need of.
She joined Chakotay at the control console. ‘’Let’s start with the industrial zone. If we take power from there, it will relieve the pressure of the main system.’’ He pointed at the bright screen.
She didn’t say a word but just began typing. ‘’Rerouting power from sector four.’’
Just a moment later warning lights flashing in front of both of them. ‘’The system is overloading.’’ She cried out, he caught up with the slight tremble in her voice.
‘’We’ll just have to adjust the flow.’’ He softly explained, forgetting to remind her on purpose that if this wouldn’t succeed everything would be lost.
‘’yes you’re right.’’ She kept her focus on her work, both their hands working together more swiftly and easily than either of them could have ever imagined.
The aching beep toned down, the red faded until it vanished entirely.
‘’It’s holding.’’ She whispered underneath her breath, a reticent smile playing on her lips. ‘’For now anyway.’’
Chakotay mimicked that gesture faintly. ‘’And that’s good enough.’’
With all the relief crashing down upon her she let out a long exhale.
B’elanna must have been in one of the corners speaking with the workers as Kathryn made clear to him that there was still so much to do and that it was now more important than ever.
Would they not it would just be a matter of time before everything came crashing down and for some reason it almost seemed they were the once to blame would that scenario ever come to life.
‘’Let’s get back to that private office, I could use some coffee.’’ She joked.
Chakotay chuckled, nearly unhearable. ‘’Yes let’s do so.’’

Chapter Text

A finger expressly tapped on Kathryn’s shoulder, quickly she moved herself to the person it belonged to, putting an end to their wandering.
Two brown eyes bored themselves into her soul.
Quizally Kathryn’s eyebrows shot up, a polite curl on her lips.
‘’Is there anything we could do for you Torres?’’
The woman who the question was directed to was now staring at Chakotay instead, her gaze softened a little as she did, a piece of her wall got torn of.
‘’I’d like permission to overhaul the core system with a team of engineers.’’ She confessed to his face instead of hers.
‘’We’d get a better look into what really is going on and it would prevent disaster in the future.’’
Chakotay gently nodded. ‘’Sounds like a good idea.’’ He said.
‘’Do it.’’ Kathryn exclaimed, not taking a second to consider Mr Ashford, they’d deal with him later.
The half klingon finally turned to her, seemingly a bit more human now.
‘’Thank you.’’ She mumbled and left them behind.
Kathryn nudged him with her upper arm. ‘’She seems to trust you.’’ but he simply brushed it off.
‘’Maybe I just seem less intimidating.’’ He teased, his tone bubbly and light.
An unforeseen amused laugh escaped her, for a split moment she leaned into his side, it was deliciously warm there.
A sense of freedom that she could sink into that sensation without pulling away flooded her.
Instantly she distanced herself, her mind now some strange uneasy daze, seemingly he felt the same.
‘’Let’s get going.’’

The coffee was now lukewarm, but she didn’t waste a second to gulp her first few sips down anyways.
He would have been amused had he not felt that lingering pressure on his chest.
It was as though someone had placed a curtain between them, jokes were no longer funny because they were unhearable.
The silence between them had made a return.
‘’So-.’’ He began, attempting to come over as if he was sure of himself,fidgeting with the pen in his hand. ‘’I think a good start might be to begin upgrading those backup systems.’’
‘’Maybe we could install multiple, I’m not sure why they didn’t in the first place.’’ Her hands curled themselves around the cup, as if there was still much heat to catch there.
‘’And maybe we should start installing more sensitive sensors after the investigation as well, so problems will be detected before they can occur in the future.’’ She added, the bags underneath her eyes suddenly becoming clear to the man before her.
Was he supposed to ignore it or should he say something about how he couldn’t sleep either?
If she wanted to be comforted she would have already mentioned it right?
‘’Great thinking!’’ He remarked looking the other way.
‘’I guess we’ll better wait on the engineers now.’’ She said her hair draped around the mug.
No it defenitly wasn’t his place to ask.

Chapter Text

A darkness derived from somewhere outside the room surrounded them as well, despite the painfully bright lightbulb just above their table.
‘’They are beginning the overhaul.’’ She remarked as though he hadn’t noticed, in an attempt to heal something she had broken.
They were supposed to talk about business, but instead a somber cloud had dropped its icy rain on their heads and they were too stunned by it to even open their mouths.
He only now noticed how her knuckles had gotten paler making him wonder if perhaps she might be frustrated with something.
‘’Chakotay-.’’ Her voice was only a soft mumble of regret.
She swallowed hearably, still without removing her stare from the brown liquid she apparently adored so much.
‘’I feel weird.’’ She confessed as though those words explained the situation in great detail.
At that moment he simply just wished he was able to read her mind.
‘’Weird in what sense?’’ He blurted it out, not because he desired to say it, but because he desired to know.
She shook her head faintly, attempting to make sense of all the lousy noise in there.
‘’Since about a week I haven’t been able to sleep well-.’’ She paused for a few moments to finally look at him. ‘’Not at all for the most part really.’’
His eyes narrowed in sympathy as he remembered how that sleeplessness had begun for him about a week ago as well and hesitated if he should bring up his own experiences.
No he was here to listen.
‘’Is there something keeping you up?’’ He asked, slowly getting the gratifying sensation that she didn’t mind his concern.
She took another sip of her coffee to postpone the talking.
Her gaze no longer met his, instead it wandered from one spot to another, until it had discovered the wall, where it remained for an extended while.
‘’It’s just like there is something weighing on me, but I can’t pinpoint what so I can’t let it go.’’ She explained her tone turning lower and lower towards the end of the sentence.
Chakotay nodded in understanding.
‘’I know what’s that like, sometimes it is difficult to understand our own emotions or why they are there.’’ His voice was a strange comfort to her.
‘’The worst part is-.’’ She interrupted completely ignoring his kind supporting words ‘’It makes me feel so incredibly alone and-.’’ Both her eyes began to well up, she quickly closed them, until she had regained herself.
‘’Nevermind.’’ She whispered dismissing her struggles, as he just sat there not wanting to push her at the same time he wanted to help.
‘’I know it sounds weird but-’’ She sighed or maybe almost laughed? seemingly wishing she had never begun that sentence . ‘’But I can’t stand the complete silence in that apartment it only makes everything worse.’’
He made a gesture of disagreement. ‘’That doesn’t sound weird at all, silence can make spiraling thoughts so much worse-’’ All of the sudden a sweet smile played on his lips. ‘’I remember when I was a little boy, I would listen to my parent’s conversations to calm me down.’’
Somehow sharing something that came from deep within him seemed the right thing to do and it worked.
Finally he drew a watery giggle from her.
Exhausted, she placed the curve of her chin in her palm.
‘’Next time I feel bad I’ll try eavesdropping, maybe the neighbours have some interesting conversations.’’ She joked.
‘’Just make sure you don’t get caught.’’ He teasingly added, causing a laugh to vibrate through her whole body.
‘’It’s been a while since I’ve been able to relax like this’’ She said as soon as the trembling had ceased.
Now her face turned a little more serious, a slight pink flush appearing on her cheeks and nose.
She took a deep breath, ignoring every alarm bell that went off inside her.
‘’How would you feel about staying over tonight? Talk a little longer’’ She asked, more nervous than she should be. ‘’ just so it won’t be quiet.’’ It was an unnecessary addition perhaps, but the last thing she would want is for him to misunderstand her intentions.
Maybe her brain was simply imagining stuff but for a moment she could see his eyes widening in some sort of astonishment.
Doubtfully he scraped his throat, the pit in her stomach worsening.
It felt wrong in ways she couldn’t even begin to describe, crossing a line she wasn’t aware existed.
‘’I’ll happily drive away the silence.’’ He said two dimples engraving themselves around the corner of his lips.
There was a comfortable silence for a while before Mr Ashford unannounced came storming in, this was his property after all and he was someone that could crawl out of corners you wouldn’t exactly expect.
The both of them jolted up, too stunned to speak.
‘’I didn’t exactly mean to frighten you two-.’’ He started. ‘’But I would just like to say since the warp core is being dismantled and for now there isn’t much to do for you two I’d suggest to go home early today.’’ He proposed, or was it an order? ‘’In the next few days there will be enough to do and you might want to be rested before than.’’
She peered at the hands of the clock.
It was 1 pm.
‘’Are you giving us the afternoon off?’’ She questioned, just the slightest bit confused, but a simple ‘’Pretty much.’’ from his side was enough confirmation.

The air outside was refreshing after all the metal, smoke and stale dust.
Brisk breezes combed through their hair, playing with it until it was all messed up.
This time she kept her distance, which was perhaps a little strange after the conversation they just had, but she wasn’t ready to feel that heath again, to explore that somewhat dangerous terrain.
Lost in a world of their own they wandered around the city for a while until she mentioned she wasn’t entirely sure what she was going to do, she wasn’t used to having much time to herself.
‘’I mean I don’t know about you, but I could use a sandwich.’’ He offered kindly, to which she agreed.
This could be a great opportunity to get to know him a bit better.

They ended up in the cafe literally any worker of their central went to, it was close by and the food was of great quality.
Only then she realised how she had never even known the name of the place.
Right away they got greeted by a smooth blond boy, she got to know as Tom, Chakotay apparently had to, a nod of acknowledgement from both sides was enough proof of that.
The waiter patiently found the pair a table in one of the corners, shadows always filled the room there, but instead of giving you the chills it was cozy in the way of being wrapped in a blanket or sitting by the hearth on a cold winter night.
Around them there was a rhythm of laughter, small talk and the clinking of glasses.
In the near distance was Tuvok, making some unhearable joke that wouldn’t have been funny had anyone else told it.
She hadn’t spoken to him in a while, both busy with their own lives and new jobs now.
Chakotay noticed a sparkle in her eyes as she listened and then regained her focus on him.
‘’Tuvok and I have been friends for so long now I can’t even recall when or why it all began.’’ She said, a tone of nostalgia pushing itself to the surface.
Before he could properly respond they were asked what they wanted to order in all the haste they both ordered the same sandwich with grilled vegetables, which arrived, warm and toasty, more quickly than it should have and of course Kathryn couldn’t help but get herself a third coffee.
He just went for a herbal tea.
‘’So any hobbies?’’ She asked out of the blue, the question seeming absurd, but also weirdly logical.
He swiftly swallowed a piece of bread. ‘’I enjoy kickboxing, just for fun though. How about you?.’’
That somehow caught her by surprise.
He was such a soft, sincere and outspoken person, by the image of a boxer she thought of a more rough and harsh person.
In any case her lips formed another gleeful curl. ‘’That’s great, I play tennis from time to time, nothing serious either.’’
The topic was something simple, but still it made her wonder about this man and in how many more ways he was gonna surprise her.

Chapter Text

She didn’t know precisely how they had gotten to the subject of camping trips, but one moment Chakotay was telling her all about that one time he got lost in the scary dark woods as a child, the other she was recalling unpleasant trips underneath the night sky.
‘’I was so cold that morning, it was as though there was a layer of fog coating my skin, that I just couldn’t get off.’’ She remarked, amusing him.
‘’I guess you don’t enjoy cold weather then.’’ He grinned examining her from underneath his thin eyelashes.
She shook her head playfully. ‘’No never have, which when you grow up around farmers and cold mud isn’t always the most convenient.’’
He took a small sip of the floral liquid. ‘’I can easily image-.’’
His sentence got interrupted by the cheerful vulcan that patted Kathryn on her back.
Weren’t vulcans supposed to contain their emotions? He wondered about it for just a few seconds before completely letting it go.
He had a whiskey in his hand and by the way he was standing on his feet it must not have been his first one.
‘’Who’s this?’’ Tuvok asked, taking in the smallest glimpse of the man sitting before him.
Skeptical she observed the both of them before telling him his name and explaining he was just her work partner.
And after just a brief conversation he left to a group of some other friends.
‘’He is a nice guy, maybe a bit much at times when he had too much to drink, but he truly is an amazing friend.’’
He easily took her word on that. ‘’He seems kind.’’
The flow of their conversation became more and more natural as time passed.
A pleasant pattern that was around like it always had been and always would be.
‘’Well I guess if neither of us have any pressing matters to attend to-.’’ A little unsure he tilted his head towards the bar. ‘’Care to extend lunch?’’ He let her fill in the blanks on her own.
One of her eyebrows light heartedly raised.
‘’Extending lunch are we?’’

Hours later as twilight dawned upon them they wandered through the streets, finding their way to the apartment building.
Giggly, all drunk on the joy of having found each other through the chaos.
Janeway barely noticed when her steps brought her closer to him, until she felt the feathery brush of his strong arm.
As she was nearer now a strange, restless sensation began building inside her, like a tiny thrill, coming and going in irregular shockwaves.
Had it been any other situation she might have thought about it, but for her it was just a nice background hum, she could simply blame on his kindness.

Chapter Text

The iron keys rumbled in the keyhole for a while until the white painted door unlocked.
Chakotay noticed how the pale substance was chipping off, which for him was only a confirmation of a certain thought he had.
She wasn’t home that much at all was she?
She felt more welcome now she wasn’t alone anymore, something she’d rather not mention to him.
As she shut it close, another question slipped away.
‘’How are you feeling now?’’ The question was thick with concern.
It made her pause her movements, stare at the wood in front.
The truth, better than she had done in ages, but she wasn’t going to admit it though.
‘’Better.’’ She gracefully sighed, her shoulders dropping in relief before turning to face him.
‘’Thank yo-.’’ she was mid-sentence, when she became aware of the space around her or rather the lack of it.
The wave of electricity returned to her stomach, intensifying this time, all its hot sparks swaying around in no rhythm at all.
It was no surprise, he was handsome, anyone could see that, there was no point in denying, but there was something else, something familiar and rooted about it all.
As though the sensation was older, more ancient than just one day and if she was honest it only made her yearn to forget and disregard it more.
‘’Would you like to watch a movie?’’ She proposed steadying herself.
He didn’t seem to notice what was going on inside her, but when she met his gaze goosebumps gathered themselves on her skin.
‘’I’d love to.’’ He smiled in a nice, friendly manner, as if telling her he had agreed with her plan to just ignore these feelings, whatever they were.
That they were too fierce and would probably go away after a few days.
They had a project to continue after all.
‘’I am getting a bit hungry though-.’’ He began shuffling a little unsure on his feet, making her aware of the fact it was already 6 pm.
‘’If you don’t mind, maybe I could make something.’’ It was a simple, innocent suggestion, but it somehow still managed to make her smile.
‘’I do have the ingredients for pumpkin soup.’’ She mentioned.
‘’Perfect.’’

Her feet lightly swayed, the countertop was smooth and cold against her proportioned upper legs, despite the barrier that was the soft fabric of her trousers.
Fingers wind around a tall glass of golden bubbly liquid as his were holding a knife, chopping up the peeled and hollowed out pumpkin.
His hands were perfectly tanned, with every movement he made his veins there became more pronounced, pulsing underneath his skin.
She was giggly, which at that point she could just blame on all the drinks.
‘’What?’’ He playfully asked, gleefully attempting to hide his smirk by not looking up from his work.
The laugh vibrated through her whole body, however much she tried to stop it.
‘’I don’t know, I just feel so light.’’ She managed to get out, her eyes twinkling, not just in contentment, but in a sort of peace she had been searching for.
A subtle nice flutter filled his heart, immediately it crossed his mind to dismiss this confession, by jokingly saying it must be the cider, but he fought back like she had, by instead saying what he felt or at least partly.
‘’I’m glad to hear it.’’ His tone was a mumble as though what came out of his mouth was something secret, something that could better be left unheard.
If he only knew what those words did to her.
‘’You know?’’ Her head hung a bit lower now. ‘’I’m actually a terrible cook, I always end up burning my food.’’ She confessed, her cheeks turning a fine shade of pink.
‘’I could teach you.’’ He offered, which at first she interpreted as a joke, laughing it off, but his face was too serious for that.
‘’Alright.’’ She easily slid off the table leaf, leaving her drink behind.
As soon as she was close enough he shoved a bottle of oil in her hands.
‘’Just put in as much as you would usually do.’’
She obeyed his order, screwing off the cap.
Unsure, which was nothing for her, she poured in a thin layer of the greasiness.
He eyed it. ‘’Alright let’s see how that goes.’’
One of her eyebrows raised in suspicion, but she kept going anyway, now gently placing all the spices and vegetables in the large soup pan.
After finding a spatula, she got the heat on, still showing confidence from her side by not twitching a muscle, but it didn’t take long before the first pieces of onion began stubbornly sticking to the bottom, leaving brown traces.
Her eyes narrowed, he couldn’t make out if she was focussed or frustrated.
‘’We need more oil don’t we?’’ She remarked, to which he, standing next to her, nodded and got in some more.
It took just a matter of minutes before it was almost completely dried up again.
Her frown deepened. ‘’Seriously?’’ But her tone wasn’t thick with annoyance as he had anticipated, instead it was light and humorous.
As he added even more he hesitantly explained this was caused by the heat being too high.
He was right of course.
The moment she lowered it, the caked mess cleared up, the corners of her mouth now went up even more.
Luckily the rest went much smoother and with every step, every stir it turned into the dish she had envisioned.
He got her a spoon, out of some drawer after searching for a while.
Handing her a bit off the bright orange hot brew, cautiously she brought it to her thin lips, before actually taking a bite.
She could hear herself sigh in delight when it came in contact with her taste buds.
It was the perfect mixture of sweet- and spiciness and gave her a nice warm sensation.
When she couldn’t contain her happiness, a hotness settled within the low part of his stomach that had nothing to do with the food.
Quickly a wildfire spread, his heart being the target.
‘’Where do you keep the bowls?’’ He asked in need of a distraction, fast.
She pointed at a cupboard close by, which he hasted towards as he did so he forced his pulse to calm down.
Where did this come from all of the sudden?
He opened it, tried to tell himself this was just a spark in the moment thing, but as his mind replayed it and he could envision her giggle so clearly, he knew it wasn’t and that he should be cautious.
The fire was ready to consume him whole.

Chapter Text

His hand reached out to hers, she hesitated, grabbing only the edge of the well baked baguette.
‘’Thank you.’’ She gratefully mumbled, offering him a smile that seemed even more out of this world with the soft casted shadow on her sharp cheekbones, created by the mix of glimmering candle light and darkness.
His stomach tightend with a strange sensation of nervousness and excitement, quickly he turned to his half filled bowl, which was now lukewarm at best, his spoon scraping over the bottom.
‘’So-.’’ He began, swallowing the spicy, delicious substance. ‘’Any particular movie you’d like to watch?’’
Her jaw paused in the middle of chewing a ripped piece of bread, glancing at him through her full eyelashes.
‘’Honestly-.’’ Another smirk began to form on her thin lips. ‘’I haven’t watched any movie in ages.’’
He thought about that comment for a while, ignoring her facial expression as much as he could.
"Really? What keeps you away from them?’’ He asked, his curiosity loudly seeping through.
She shifted subtly in her seat.
‘’Not sure, work has taken over a bit in the last few years I suppose.’’ She said, still staring in his direction with that inexplicable intense look on her face that managed to caress his soul gently.
‘’Don’t overwork yourself though.’’
The words slipped out, luckily it didn’t seem to scare her away as she remained her position, assuring him she wouldn’t.
And as the evening wore on, their conversations got lighter, they laughed the silence away, first at the dinner table, later on the balcony in the soft cold autumn breeze.
Leaning against the railing, while watching the forever flickering stars and the absence of the glowing moon.
A peace dawning upon them that, later on, somewhere in the middle of the night, finally allowed the both of them to close their heavy eyelids and sleep properly at last.
He put his exhausted body down on the colourless, smooth sofa, that even had it not been so comfortable, he would have gleefully laid there for the rest of eternity with the knowledge that a relief had come over the woman that was just a wall apart from him.
Quickly they both drifted off to a dreamless sleep, only later they would realise how they had all forgotten about a movie.
But hadn’t this all been a thousand times more beautiful?

Chapter Text

They were called in early, but for once they felt more rested than the day before.
The high pitched voice of the half klingon didn’t ring as much in their ears.
‘’Alright, here's the issue-’’ She said her posture much straighter than the day before.
‘’The subprocess module is ancient and has been pushed way past it’s limit and now it’s overheating, the system overloading is enough to fry all the systems it is connected to, but that’s not everything.’’ Her dark, intimidating eyes locked on both their faces, causing them to question where all this confidence stemmed from all of the sudden.
‘’We detected a few microfractures, barely visible on our sensors, but enough to disrupt the flow of energy and cause failure. You will need to repair them first, a precision laser weld should do the trick.’’ She explained it as though it was the simplest task or subject in the world.
You will, it felt like a threat, as if a problem and solution were thrown in their faces and they were the only two people in the universe that were allowed to resolve it.
‘’Now to fix the overheating problem, First, we’ll add a heat sink to help absorb some of the excess energy. Then, we’ll swap out the old subprocessor for a new one that can handle the load better. Finally, we’ll adjust the settings to make sure the system doesn’t try to use more power than it can handle. That should stop it from overheating and avoid any damage."
Kathryn nodded in an understanding manner and then made a proposal.
‘’Okay, so I think the best way to do this is to split the tasks, what would you think of me and Chakotay fixing the fractures, while you and your team work on the overheating issue?’’
B’elanna made a gesture in agreement. ‘’Sure.’’
.
Swiftly he placed himself with his chest against her back, so he could monitor and assist with the first scans.
His presence was steady, something to cling onto, would anything go wrong, but her racing pulse was something she couldn’t blame on her anxiety.
It didn’t stop her from doing so anyway though.
Could he hear or feel it?
Her finger steadily slid over the screen, having done things similar way too many times.
‘’The scans certainly show some inconsistencies.’’ He mentioned, as he moved more next to her.
‘’They do.’’ She agreed, attempting to keep her mind occupied or maybe even miles away from the man next to her, flashes of warm soup and spices coming to her attention.
She pointed at the large device. “There.’’ circling around the area with her slim index finger.
There were at least three breaches in just one spot and slowly more and more were appearing.
‘’Well this is definitely worse than I expected.’’ She exclaimed

After powering down part of the system, preparing the equipment and cleaning the area they got themselves to one of the spots.
The first once went terribly smooth, the equipment worked like it was supposed to and the fractures were closed with precision.
For just a moment, she let herself completely drown in the ease of that things could just go back to normal.
Everything seemed to go smooth and ignoring the warmth in her stomach seemed increasingly more simple, because of all the distraction.
But then the space around them got tighter, their proximity turning into something enforced and inevitable.
Constantly they were just moving closer and closer when reaching for something across them, having to lean in or their hands would brush when handing tools back and forth, leaving lingering trails of desperate longing behind she had avoided so much.
Janeway could feel the heat that was radiating off his body, if she wanted she could probably feel all the muscles in his chest move.
Why had he decided to watch this over her shoulder?
She did her best to ignore him, even when his every move made her increasingly more tense, more alert.
‘’You’re doing amazing, I promise I’ll do the rest of them, you have done enough.’’ He remarked, his breath so hot and ticklish against her ear.
Unwittingly her fingers began to tremble, making her nearly lose her grip.
She took in a deep breath, trying to recall the unpleasant camping trips in an attempt to regain herself, even just the slightest.
There had been rain everywhere, her long auburn hair was soaked, causing the sleeping bag to only get colder and colder with time.
The whole night she had laid awake, staring at-
A hotness settled around her knuckles, bringing her back to reality or maybe she hadn’t been away at all.
His bronze soft hand was on top of hers, which caused her to completely freeze as he guided her.
She couldn’t pinpoint why, but there was a voice in her head, screaming for her to pull away as though this was dangerous.
Well perhaps it was.
More quickly they finished and together they put the tool down, but instead of retreating then or running off, she did something ever far more threatening.
She turned it around, until both of their palms met in the same rhythm, their fingers entangled as though they had done this many times before, causing a delicious friction.
He drew himself in even more now grabbing her hand more firmly, only then she became aware of his quick and short breaths that were teasing the sensitive skin of her neck.
‘’Chakotay-.’’ She mumbled, barely hearable over the hum of machines, but he didn’t pull back this time, feeding the fire within him.
His mouth opened as his nose caressed the curve where her neck and shoulders met, enjoying her perfume that filled his lungs and the sensation of her hair brushing ever so gently against his chin.
Air got stuck in her throat, she couldn’t bring out a word let alone move even a single inch, she was practically numb.
That camping trip was now far away.
Did he know just how much he had her in a chokehold?
He continued exploring there, feeling a sensation of intimacy while the profusing storm in the core of his stomach only worsened.
Finally he gave in, unable to fight the temptation any longer, his full lips now coming in contact with the skin there lightly enclosing around it.
A delightful shiver went down her spine, causing an almost soundless gasp to escape.
This needed to stop, this was too distracting for the both of them.
Another passionate kiss, now just underneath her earlobe.
But why then, why did it feel so incredibly good?
She didn’t know how but with all the last power she had left inside of her she shifted her body until it was completely removed from his.
‘’I don’t think this is a good idea.’’ She barely whispered.

Chapter Text

His beautiful deep onyx brown eyes discovered hers among all the chaos, there was a guilt stinging in his gaze, but something more too, something she couldn’t exactly pinpoint or maybe she just didn’t want to.
‘’Kathryn-.’’ He began his voice thick with emotion. ‘’I-I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-.’’
‘’No it’s alright-’’ She interrupted, raising one of her arms in a gesture for him to stop talking, her mind racing, wishing it didn’t have such a complicated structure.
‘’I think it is better for us to stay away for a while until-.’’ She swallowed hard, he followed her Adam's apple going up, staying there for a while and then slowly going down again.
Until what?
Until all these feelings would be gone? until all this guilt over wanting to keep it professional because of an important job would cease?
Or maybe until they were both back on their regular tasks?
He nodded in understanding and respect.
‘’I’ll go finnish the rest of this, you have done enough.’’ He said, ready to get away.
In response she desired to say thank you or tell him just how much her heart was breaking, but instead she simply agreed and then left him behind in the now dark corridor.

She couldn’t find him in the canteen, no he wasn’t there.
She couldn’t possibly be looking for him right?
There must have been a large crowd of people, but she could only really notice a few as she dragged her body towards one of the ugly plastic tables.
She ordered some tomato soup, but left before it could even arrive, her stomach not feeling up to the task of digesting any sort of nourishment.
It was not the time of year to wear no coats, but she didn’t care, walked out with the piece of fabric loosely draped over one arm.
The breeze outside helped to cover part of the storm inside of her, but mostly that stupid fog of warmth that kept coming and going in waves that should have drowned her but instead it made her remember she was alive.
She wasn’t made for love, she thought.
Instead the only thing she required was a half beating aching heart keeping her on edge.
Not ready to stop slamming doors close and just alive enough to breathe.

The rest of the afternoon was filled to the brim with tests, checking if these tubes really did work the way they should and if they didn’t she was ready to make the necessary adjustments on her own.
It kept her mind humming just the way she alway wanted to, with only work on her mind she was the strongest.
She knew that, though she didn’t quite feel ready to acknowledge that yet.
Her eyes found the empty black hole right beside her for what must have been the thousandths time that day.
Immediately after what had happened, he had offered B’elanna some help, aware that Janeway could and desired to manage on her own.
And she did, manage anyway.
She observed her hands, the same ones that had clung onto soft pillows and blankets as she had tried to manage her tears, her depression when she was just 15.
No one had ever known, what was going on inside her was for her and no one else and she had pushed through, without therapy and without pills.
Now she could sense that same squeeze not just in her heart, but in her stomach too.
The impulse to lock herself in rooms without windows for days was nearly stronger than her sense of responsibility.
Almost
Her vision turned blurry as though the smoke screen she had experienced earlier, standing in front of the central, was now making itself known.
She wasn’t in this mental pain because he left, no that might just only be for the best, what she thought way worse of was the fact she had hurt him.
Not because he had jumped over a barrier she had set or because he had done something incredibly terrible.
No, just because she was too afraid to take a leap and jump in the deep, frightened of the sharp rocks she could collide with on the way.
She sighed deeply, coming back by focusing on her chest moving, first rapidly, then controlled and calm.
A few blinks and those tears would vanish too.

The ceiling was pitch black and still somehow she was searching for lines or maybe shapes she could focus on.
The silence stretched more loudly, more articulating than it had before.
She curled the cover even more around her, ordering herself to think of something else by doing something else.
This was ridiculous.
Was she really now depended on someone that was practically still a stranger?
No, she didn’t need him to fall asleep, she never had before, well not until the last few weeks anyways, but that didn’t count, that must just be stress or too much coffee perhaps?
But the truth would slowly unfold as she once again went through a sleepless night.

Chapter Text

Of course it only took two whole days before everything collapsed.
‘’Amal has resigned from the project-’’  Mr Ashford announced, guilt in pointed glare.
What?
How dare he? This was such an important task, not just for him, but for her too
‘’I’m sorry Kathryn.’’
The words didn’t register in her mind, not when she knew what this meant.
‘’I’m afraid this is also the end for you, it would take you too long to adapt to a new partner. And I’ve already gotten two very qualified new workers to take over. I’ll give you a day off to adjust to all of this.’’
Was he trying to win her over by offering her compromises?
And was he really sorry anyway? When all he could possibly think about was saving his precious company
‘’Fine, I’ll just get back to my usual duties then.’’ Her tone was sharp and harsh as she stormed out of that nose tingling office.
She was done with that dustiness, didn't have a clue where she was even going. But every place on the surface of the planet would be better than staying there.
Blood rushed through her ears, her hands were shaking, it was all gone because of him and it burned.
Her nails dug into her palm, the worst part?
That he did everything for a reason, with a deeper meaning, he had done this to prove her something and what that was. Well she didn’t even want to consider it.
‘’Kathryn-’’ She couldn’t bear to hear him utter her name, he had no right to. Not after this

Her pace fastened.
‘’Wait.’’ Chakotay pleaded, regret hearable in his heavy footsteps. He’d catch up eventually, with his taller body, that she knew.
But she could try, couldn’t she?
It was a hard task to find her apartment complex, with blurry vision and her head spinning.
‘’I’m sorry’’
Every movement weighted more on her. Until eventually, she was forced to slow down.
That was the reason she allowed him to come closer right?
Yes, it had to be.
The warmth beside her barely touched her.
How could they ever just go back to what they once were?
To that comfort that allowed her to finally be at ease.
How could she simply live on without it?
‘’I never meant to hurt you.’’
That much she knew.
‘’You let me lose this job.’’ She spit at him. ‘’When you very well knew how much it meant to me.’’ The shout was shrill, not too clear in his head.
Then a truth, a question, something she rather didn’t acknowledge.
‘’Did it really?’’ Behind his voice was a pressure, as though aware of her honest answer.
No, it was never my passion
‘’Kathryn, you were losing yourself in work, because of pain you’d rather not think about.’’
Her joints rusted, tired of being refused the rest and care they naturally needed.
She stood still, hands balled into fists.
‘’Maybe losing myself is the only way to breathe.’’ Her throat turned raw.
‘’Then let me be your oxygen.’’
She turned, rotated until their chests were only inches away from touching. There she discovered two eyes, full of sympathy and careful softness as to say.
I’ll go back in there and make sure you’ll have that job, if that is what you want, I’ll do anything for you, as long as it is something you truly want
A strong twinge of pain went through his back, her fingers firmly curled on his broad chest.
He didn’t move.
Neither did she.
He wasn’t ready for her lips to crash into his a second later, but they did and he in no way desired to escape.
The kiss was full of exasperation and desperation to get and keep control over this situation and these strong emotions that felt new and accustomed all at once.
New because she let them slip, ancient because they were more deeply rooted, than she had imagined possible with someone she seemed to barely even be acquainted with.
His hands found her waist, which happened without his consent. It was something carved, a gesture he had longed to carry out. And nothing or one stopped him, at all.
Instead, the breath that caressed the skin underneath his nose became irregular.
Then she slowed down, the taste of coffee turning into a thing that was much sweeter. Grabbing the back of his neck and unhurriedly moving more to the front, until at last she could cup his cheeks.
Was capable of rubbing her thumbs over the smoothed out stubbles there, touched the lines that could have been his usual dimples.
Then soundlessly pulled back.
‘’Somehow, nothing has felt right until this moment.’’ She confessed, recalling all the sleepless nights and doubts about her career path.
What if she had other dreams?
Why was she never allowed to have them?
It was freeing to have this weight off her chest, to not be in charge of this great project that could collapse at any given time.
‘’Thank you for doing this.’’
His ways were perhaps hard, some days, but they worked far more effectively than hers.
‘’I’d rather have you hate me, than be imprisoned by your own force.’’
He debated whether the next line was such a good idea, but eventually it made its way into the world.
‘’I love you, Kathryn.’’
The air earned back its charge.
He loved her
That was not a surprise, but it was an honor that he said it.
Her lips parted, but she couldn’t return the favor.
Instead she gave him another kiss.
A promise.
Not now, I can’t
Maybe someday
Perhaps never