Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Batsy, I'm starting to think you like seeing me tied up,” Joker cooed as he continued to try to wiggle out of the rope, which was much harder to do than usual as he was hanging upside-down.

“You're definitely easier to keep track of this way,” Batman replied, making another pass in front of him. Batman was walking around him in circles, silently, never taking his eyes off of him. At least when he was in Joker's field of vision.

“Don't tell me you're still bummed you haven't been able to track my phone?” Joker asked, his eyes moving from where Batman left to where he would enter said field of vision. “How can I surprise you if you always know where I am? That wouldn't be any fun.”

“How can your password be impossible for my computer to crack?” Batman asked, dramatically closing his fists in frustration. Joker laughed.

“If there's one thing I don't joke with, it's password security,” he said. Batman relaxed but continued walking.

“You haven't sent me a clue in a while,” he said and with Joker’s current predicament it felt like the start of an interrogation. Joker smiled wide.

“So you do like it when I send you pics,” Joker replied. Whenever he felt extra mischievous, he liked to tease Batman with a selfie of him holding a clue to his next plan. The best part was that it wasn't always a correct clue. Either way, it seemed to really pump Batman up when they fought, but Joker never received any verbal acknowledgment of them. Until now.

Batman slid his hand down the ropes against Joker's back with just enough pressure to press them into his skin as he did so. A pleasant shiver went up Joker’s spine and a giggle escaped his lips as Batman pushed him and he started to fly and spin rapidly around the room. Batman had tied the rope at just the right length to the rafter so that he (but most importantly his head) wasn’t in any danger of hitting the walls as he flew around.

“I like being able to quickly foil your schemes,” Batman replied. Joker was too busy laughing joyfully to give a response; he had always liked flying, but doing so upside down was especially fun. Batman caught him with one hand and stopped him with their faces inches apart.

“Awww, why'd you stop?” Joker whined.

“Don't steal my question,” Batman graveled, his expression oddly guarded. “You have sent me a clue approximately every two weeks. It's been almost two months. Either you're planning something that is a much bigger threat to Gotham City…” he paused but not in his usual way for dramatic effect. “Or something has changed.”

“Are you asking me if I'm doing okay?” Joker asked, stunned. Batman was a great greatest enemy by many accounts, but he wasn't very attentive to Joker’s emotional state unless it was really obvious. Unless Joker made it really obvious. Harley would ask if he was having a bad day just from the way he walked into the room. But not Batman. If Joker didn't crack that many jokes during their fight, or let himself be captured fairly quickly, Batman never asked him why. To be fair, he and Harley lived together so she was bound to recognize the smaller signs, but the Joker not making jokes? Any random Gotham citizen would ask him what was wrong. And not wanting to be next to Batman for as long as possible? Batman should know something wasn't right and ask him.

“Yes,” Batman replied. Joker smiled wide and his heart filled his entire chest.

“Overall I'm doing pretty great,” Joker started. “I had a Bestie Day with Harley yesterday and we went shopping and got a massage and broke into the Gotham City Petting Zoo after hours to hold the ducklings. I've been trying out some new cooking recipes that have mostly turned out quite delicious. I've been practicing juggling again. And…” Joker probably talked for two or three minutes completely uninterrupted, not even paying attention to see if Batman was following along or not. He was just so happy to gush about his life with the person he hated most. Once he finished, he zoned back in and saw a small smile on Batman's lips.

“That's great Joker,” Batman said sincerely. “But why haven't you sent any clues?” Joker stopped kicking his feet. There was, unfortunately, a reason.

“The plans I've been coming up with lately haven't been that…complex,” Joker explained, hiding his shame with a wide smile. “Any clue I would give would just give it away. And that's boring.” That word was like acid on his tongue. “I can't have that.”

“I think your plans are always complex. Don't sell yourself short,” Batman actually reassured him.

“Oh, thank you, I'm glad you think so,” Joker said, his stomach getting squishy. Batman stared at him for a couple of seconds.

“Have you been sleeping?” Batman asked. Joker shrugged as best he could.

“Most of the time,” Joker replied with a weak smile. Batman scrunched his face like he wanted to pinch his nose but resisted doing so.

“Because of planning our fights?” Batman said.

“What else would it be? That's what it means to be a greatest enemy,” Joker replied. Batman's expression changed to one Joker hadn't seen before. It was like he recognized something and didn't like that he did so.

“Joker, I know what it feels like to put pressure on yourself to excel, to be greater than everyone else, and it's not a fun life,” Batman warned him. Now, Joker had always prided himself on the fact that he can respond to almost anything with humor, cleverness, or both without a second's pause. It was rare that he was stunned into silence. Even rarer was when something from his heart forced its way through his lips without warning. But rare was still a long way away from never.

“But if I slack off, you might get bored,” he blurted out and once it was out he found that his tongue wouldn't stop. “And if you get bored, I'll no longer be your greatest enemy. And–”

“Joker–” Batman tried to interrupt but Joker plowed right through, feeling as if a valve had snapped off inside him.

“Then there will be dozens of enemies who can fill that space for you. You'll be able to pick whomever you want. I only have you. I–”

“Joker–”

“I hate you so much Batman I can't–” Batman then grabbed Joker's face, pulled him to him, and kissed him. Hard. On the lips. It was brief, more than a peck, but not long enough for Joker to reciprocate. Not that he could at the moment. Batman pulled back and kept his hands on Joker's face. Joker was speechless. All he could do was stare at Batman's lips, which now wore his lipstick.

“Good, you shut up,” Batman said after a couple seconds of silence, relieved. Joker felt tingly from his head to the tips of his feet, noticeably less in his feet. Batman took a deep breath, seemingly preparing himself for something.“I hate you the most. There's no replacing you. I'm never bored when you're next to me,” he said in one breath. He then looked at him like “Well”?

“I think I might be hallucinating from all the blood that's pooled in my head. Did you just kiss me?” Joker asked, his brain having a very difficult time believing what he was seeing. Batman immediately cut him from the dangling rope and Joker fell into his arms, still tied up.

“Yes, I did,” he replied, placing Joker on his feet. Joker immediately started trying to untie himself from the rope, which consisted of mainly just wiggling. And it wasn't working. “Just hold still,” Batman said, easily untying him in one swift motion. As soon as he was free, Joker launched himself at Batman but was stiff armed.

“I was going for a hug,” Joker said and he could have sworn he saw red on Batman's cheeks.

“Just…stay there for now,” he said.

“Okay,” Joker replied and Batman lowered his arm. Joker straightened up and started adjusting and smoothing his clothes.

“Did you hear what I said?” Batman asked. Joker looked back to him with a dreamy smile.

“Every word,” Joker sighed happily.

“Good,” Batman said, crossing his arms, the corners of his (still distractingly bright red) lips lifting to a slightly larger smile than before.

“Does this mean I can kiss you on the lips now?” Joker asked, giddy.

“No,” Batman immediately replied. Joker resisted pouting his lip. They had agreed to take this at Batman's pace and Joker was happy to do so. He wanted Batman to be comfortable. But a part of him felt like his hopes had been raised and then swiftly crushed. “But I can,” Batman added and the sudden rise in hope again made Joker feel dizzy.

“When? Where? For how long?” he asked, almost vibrating from excitement. Batman's expression was perfectly neutral.

“Whenever, wherever, for as long as it needs to be,” Batman said with a shrug, perfectly aloof. Joker whistled and put a hand on his hip.

“I have very good stamina,” Joker said with a wide grin. “In case you forgot.” Batman’s eye twitched and his mouth thinned momentarily. Joker couldn't look away.

“I did not,” he said flatly. A beat of silence and suddenly Joker was blinded by sticky putty to the face.

“Ah!” Joker exclaimed, stumbling back a bit, his hands immediately flying to face.

“Stop staring at me like that,” Batman commanded, his voice no longer right next to him. And sure enough, when Joker peeled the (bat-shaped) putty off his face, he was nowhere to be seen.

“Sorry Batsy!” Joker called out toward the area he thought Batman was hiding. “I'll stop staring.” There was another best of silence and Batman stepped out of the shadows from the corner of the rafters.

“No, I'm sorry,” he said as he fired his grappling gun and swung down back to the ground, inches in front of him. “I shouldn't disappear on you.”

“I don't mind. I know you'll come back when you're ready to,” Joker said. “And you didn't really disappear.” Batman put his grappling gun back on his belt.

“Of course I did, I was shrouded by shadows,” he rebutted.

“Yes, but you were still in the room,” Joker replied.

“You couldn't see me.”

“I knew where you were.”

“Nu-huh.”

“Yes-huh,” Joker rebutted with a wide smile. Batman grabbed his cheeks.

“It's almost funny,” he said.

“What's almost funny?” Joker asked, slightly distorted by Batman's tugging at his cheeks.

“That to kiss you, you have to stop smiling,” he replied.

“Is that a challenge?” Joker asked with a sharp grin.

“No, it's not. It just wouldn't work.”

“Oh, do you know from experience?” Joker teased, already knowing the answer. He could have sworn Batman's cheeks turned red again.

“Joker,” he warned. Joker leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

“I don't feel like getting away tonight,” Joker told him.

“Do you want to come back to the Batcave?” Batman asked. And Joker felt a little dizzy again as it was the first time Joker wasn't the one to ask.

“I would like that very much, yes,” he replied.

Chapter Text

“Shotgun!” Joker called, running over to the Batmobile. He jumped into the seat and pulled out his water shotgun, ready to shoot at pedestrians and passersby.

“No,” Batman said as he sat in the driver's seat.

“Oh c'mon! It's just water,” Joker protested.

“My car, my rules,” Batman replied, turning on the engine. Joker pouted and batted his eyelashes. Batman was unfazed (and had no trace of Joker’s lipstick on his mouth). “I'm not switching to drive until you put it away,” he stated. Joker admitted defeat with a sigh and put the shotgun back in his pocket. Batman immediately shifted gears and they shot off, Joker’s back sinking into the seat from the force. They soon took to the air and were on their way.

“So, what's the plan?” Joker asked, his stomach starting to fizzle. The excitement of being in the Batcave had mostly worn off these past few months, being replaced by the sense of comfort and relief of being somewhere reliable and consistent. But after the developments of today, that excitement was back because he didn't know what to expect.

“Are you hungry?”

“I am feeling rather peckish,” Joker replied. He leaned his elbow on the center console. “Are you going to cook something for me?” he asked with a wide grin. Batman paused, shame(?) skittering across his face so quickly Joker wouldn't have caught it if he wasn't staring.

“The kitchen is off-limits at the moment,” Batman replied. “Except for the microwave.”

“Oooh, can we order a pizza then?” Joker replied. A flicker of relief passed over Batman’s face.

“What toppings do you want?”

“Supreme, no olives,” Joker instantly replied. Batman looked surprised. “What?”

“It's just so…normal.”

“While I do love to experiment…” Joker smiled wider at Batman's pointed side-eye. “I also love the classics.”

“That is something we have in common,” Batman said.

“See? I keep telling you we're more alike than you think,” Joker said, gently poking Batman in the arm.

“And I keep telling you we're more different than you think,” Batman rebutted. Joker placed his other elbow on the console, interlaced his hands under his chin, and gazed at Batman hatingly.

“And I wouldn't have it any other way,” he said contently.

“Stop attacking me with your eyes,” Batman grumbled. Joker chuckled and turned back to look out the window. They were already approaching Wayne Manor. Hiis stomach went from being fizzy to a roiling boil. Batman expertly landed the Batmobile and Joker nearly bounced out of it. There was no way he could keep still at a time like this.

“Are you fine with eating in the dining room?” Batman asked as he got out.

“I'm allowed there?” Joker asked. He had only ever been in the movie theater before; they even used a secret entrance that connected to the Batcave so he had no idea what the rest of the manor looked like. Well, he remembered that it was a manor by all definitions from when he had taken it over, but he didn't remember many specifics nor did he know what Batman had kept the same or changed afterward.

“Yes,” Batman replied. “Alfred and Robin said it's okay.” Joker smiled wide and hooked his arm around Batman's.

“Then show me the way,” Joker said. Batman rolled his eyes (with a smile), and led them to a section of wall that upon some key-punches on his gauntlet, opened to reveal the beginning of a spiral staircase. Joker squealed in excitement and pulled Batman with him as he started to climb. With a speed that left him slightly out of breath, they quickly reached the top and Batman opened the door. Joker released him and walked out enough to see what the door was disguised as. To his giggling delight, it was a painting.

“It never gets old,” he gushed as Batman shut the painting. The smell of pizza then drifted under his nose and he turned and confirmed with his eyes that it was indeed there. Joker momentarily wondered how it got there so quickly but his hunger distracted him from thinking about it further. He bolted to the table and threw open the lid of the box. As he reached for a slice, he paused as he saw only two plates. “Did the little birdie not want pizza?” he asked.

“Robin's already asleep. It's a school night,” Batman replied.

“And Alfred?”

“He…actually I don't know what he's up to right now but he doesn't like pizza,” Batman said. Joker looked around the room and didn’t see any signs of someone lurking around.

“So if he wanted to, he could pop up at any moment?”

“Yes. He's better at it than I am.”

“That's a very high compliment Master Bruce, thank you,” said Alfred from across the table. Joker yelped at the first word and jumped into Batman’s arms, who caught him without even looking at him.

“How do your footsteps not make any sound?” Joker asked Alfred as he (regrettably) hopped down from Batman's arms.

“Decades of practice,” Alfred replied. Joker eyed his perfect posture and state of dress and said,

“That checks.”

“Hmmm,” Alfred hummed, searching his face. Joker smiled wider, a bit toothier than necessary. Alfred's eyes sharpened and it felt as if they had cut right through him to gaze at something deep inside. Joker shifted closer to Batman involuntarily.

“Alfred,” Batman warned, and when Joker glanced at him his expression matched his tone, with a tint of embarrassment just below the surface. Alfred smiled as his gaze softened.

“My apologies Master Bruce, I forget myself sometimes. You two have a pleasant evening and please refrain from any explosions or other activities that would awake young Master Dick,” he said. Joker beamed. Despite being slightly intimidated by him, he liked this man. “Furthermore, Mr. Joker, I expect the manor to look precisely the same when you leave as it does at this moment.” Joker recognized a vague threat when he heard one and he was both more intimidated by and fond of him because of it.

“I can assure you my hands will be too preoccupied to commit vandalism,” he replied while leaning his elbow on Batman's shoulder. He heard and felt Batman sigh as Alfred's smile twitched like he was suppressing a laugh.

“If you two need anything, do not hesitate to call for me,” he said.

“We'll be fine Alfred,” Batman grumbled at the same time Joker said,

“Will do!” With one last fond look at Batman, Alfred walked away. Joker immediately grabbed a slice of pizza and took a bite out of it.

“Did he make you uncomfortable?” Batman asked as Joker placed his slice on the provided plate. Joker’s heart did a flip in his chest.

“Only when he dissected me with his eyes but I get it. When I was introduced to Poison Ivy, I warned her to never break Harley’s heart or I'd blow up every plant nursery in the city,” he replied with a sharp grin. Poison Ivy was one of the few villains Joker considered worthy of his bestie so he went easy on her.

“If you do that, I'll have to bring you to Arkham,” Batman warned as he took a slice of pizza and placed it on the other plate. He then took a seat and began eating. Joker resisted the urge to sit on the table and sat down in the chair.

“She's worth it,” Joker replied, taking another bite. Batman didn't reply, instead just giving a shallow nod with a look of understanding. They ate in relative silence until Joker ate enough to no longer feel the need to inhale the pizza. “What's your favorite thing to do at a sleepover?” Joker asked, thinking about which of his favorite activities he wanted to do first. Batman stiffened and a deep sadness etched into his face. Guilt hit Joker like a bomb and from its smoke, he was filled with anger. Batman would have only had sleepovers when he was younger, and Joker wasn't supposed to ask about his past. “I'm sorry,” Joker said softly.

“No, I…Alfred says I need to talk about them more,” Batman replied. Joker exhaled quietly. Batman was silent for a few seconds and then took a deep breath. “I haven't had a sleepover since my eighth birthday and it's hard to remember…those years. But from what I remember, my favorite part was playing games. My parents would join in sometimes and they would not go easy on any of us. Some of the kids complained, but I liked the challenge. Though I was a pretty sore loser back then.”

“Back then?” Joker lightly quipped. Batman smiled sadly.

“There were a few things that didn't change,” he replied. Joker reached out and placed his hand on top of Batman's.

“This doesn't have to be a sleepover. I can just be sleeping over,” Joker assured him. Most of the tension left his body and he flipped his hand over to squeeze Joker’s.

“That will work for now,” Batman agreed and then pulled back his hand to continue eating his pizza. Joker took a rather large bite of his pizza, keeping his eyes on Batman. “You can either sleep on the couch or in one of the guest rooms, by the way,” Batman said, his voice back to its usual bluntness. Joker swallowed too soon and it hurt but he didn't care.

“Well of course, you have to buy me three dinners before I get into your bed,” Joker stated with a mischievous grin. Batman lowered his pizza onto his plate and covered his face with his hands.

“I hate you so much,” he grumbled.

“I know,” Joker sighed happily. After a few seconds, Batman lowered his hands.

“After we eat, do you want to watch a movie?” he asked.

“Absolutely!” Joker purposely held his tongue on the joke he wanted to say next, as he didn't want to push too far. After some pleasant small talk in-between every other bite (with Batman leading the conversation), they finished eating and started for the theater. Joker didn't make any comment or ask about anything he noticed as they walked; he did, however, memorize the path. It took a couple of minutes to reach the theater and once they did, Joker plopped himself onto the couch and pulled the blanket up to his shoulders, getting cozy into the corner as he always did. Batman sat down on the other end of the couch as per usual but instead of immediately pulling up the selection of movies, he just stared at the remote in his hand.

“You can sit next to me,” he said.

“You're okay with me snuggling up against you?” Joker asked without moving.

“As long as you keep your hands to yourself,” Batman said. Joker slid across the couch and pressed against Batman’s side, keeping his hands interlocked in his lap under the blanket.

“Done,” he replied. Batman grabbed the blanket and draped the free part of it over his lap as well. Joker beamed. “What movie do you want to watch?” he asked.

“What's one you would normally watch?” Batman asked.

“It depends on the occasion and the mood of the evening. But lately we've been watching movies that are so bad they're actually good,” Joker explained. Batman handed over the remote.

“Pick one of those,” he said. Joker’s jaw dropped slightly; Batman didn't like to hand over control of the TV. Joker took it gingerly and immediately put on his favorite one. He made himself comfortable as the opening credits started and had to constantly make an effort not to gauge Batman's reaction throughout the first act. Despite this, his heart swelled when he laughed along with him and made jests about the quality of the film. Once the halfway point hit, however, Joker started to feel a bit tired, his head getting heavy. He sunk lower into the couch, pulling the blanket more snuggly against him. “You can lay your head on my shoulder if you want,” Batman said. Joker did so immediately, grateful. Joker tried to stay awake so he could respond whenever Batman asked a question or made a comment but it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open. He was so comfortable and warm and content. His eyes eventually decided not to open again after a few slow, heavy blinks and, just before he fell asleep, he felt Batman’s cheek against the top of his head.

Chapter Text

Joker was so happy he was skipping as he entered the secret entrance to the Batcave. He was now allowed to use the front door to the manor, but where was the fun in that? And he didn't want to get sidetracked if Alfred or Robin were doing something interesting. He needed to share the (most recent) good news in person to Batman as soon as possible.

To Joker’s delight, these past few weeks have been good news on top of good news on top of good news. Poison Ivy and Harley’s anniversary party went off without a hitch and they successfully avoided Arkham from the property damage it resulted in. Joker could ask to stay over at Batman's any time he was over, and Batman had actually allowed him almost fifty percent of the time. And each time he would fall asleep cuddled up to him on the couch. His heart still fluttered when he remembered waking up that first morning with a pillow under his head and a blanket (while at the time of waking up tangled around him) gently draped over him. He wanted to thank him with a big hug but when he checked his phone (the first thing he always did when he woke up), Batman had texted him that he had left the manor, he didn't know when he would be back, and to remember that the manor had to look the same when he returned. It didn't surprise Joker that he had been left alone, and he wasn't upset at it, but the lack of surprise felt heavier than he thought it would. And that feeling only got heavier each time he woke up alone on Batman's couch.

He shook his head. No need to go down that track right now; he was on a mission. He practically leaped the last few inches out of the secret entrance and began bounding to Batman's desk.

“You are never going to believe what I just found out today!” Joker called out as he saw that he was indeed there. “So, I was walking over here, I felt like walking today since the weather was absolutely perfect. And I mean perfect, Batman. Clear skies, a gentle breeze that wasn't cold or hot. Isn't that just wonderful?” He paced behind him, moving his hands around as he talked. “And not only that but there was just so much noise. Laughing, screaming, glass breaking, th–”

“Joker, shut up!” Batman yelled, his voice echoing off the walls. Once the echoes faded, there was a thick silence that absorbed Joker’s good mood in an instant. Now, he had no problems being told to shut up. It was part of their banter. But he did not like it being shouted at him in that tone.

“Don't yell at me like that,” he commanded.

“You're being…” Batman faded off, irritated.

“I'm being?” Joker retorted, surprise and irritation lacing his tone. This was an attitude Joker hadn't witnessed since before they got together, at least, not to this extent. Batman clenched his jaw.

“I shouldn't have yelled at you but—”

“An apology shouldn't have a 'but',” Joker interrupted, crossing his arms. Batman huffed and looked away.

“Look, you were—”

“This isn't about me,” Joker bluntly reminded him, his eyebrows furrowing. Batman's eyes snapped back to him.

“It is!” he growled. Joker's jaw dropped slightly.

“What did I do?” Joker asked incredulously.

“I'm trying to tell you but you keep interrupting!” Batman said very loudly. Joker pulled out his megaphone.

“Because you haven't said you're sorry yet!” Joker bellowed, easily beating Batman's volume.

“I don't feel like it!” Batman yelled back as loud as he could.

“Excuse me?” Joker snapped.

“You heard me!”

“Oh boy did I!” Joker exclaimed, so angry he started overpronouncing his words. “And I can't wait to hear why you think this,” he gestured toward Batman, “is about me.”

“You were distracting me from my work!” Batman graveled. “There's been a string of attacks and I have to discover who they'll target next so I can capture them and bring them to justice.” Joker opened his mouth to scold him but stopped himself. Well, in reality, it was Harley that stopped him.

“Remember pumpkin, Batman has been solving his problems with fighting for decades. As he's learning instead to communicate his feelings directly, there will be moments when he will default back into fighting. Don't fight with him when he does this; pivot to using the methods you two have established.”

Joker put the megaphone back into his pocket and inhaled deeply through his nose and exhaled slowly out his mouth, then did it once more for good measure.

“I don't want to fight you, I want to talk to you,” he said softly. Batman stared at him, his body still rigid, ready to spring into action. Joker waited patiently, silently. After about thirty seconds, Batman's body slumped like a puppet being cut from its strings.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “It's not you that I want to fight.”

“Do you want to fight those people or yourself?” Joker asked. Batman sighed and dragged his hand down his face.

“Both.”

“We both know that you will easily pummel those low-level criminals once you get your hands on them,” Joker consoled him. “But if you fight yourself, you'll always lose.”

“I never lose,” Batman countered. Joker gave him a look.

“Not the time, right,” Batman grumbled.

“And that's all you had to say to me and I would have left you alone,” Joker said, the hurt returning to his voice. Batman lowered his head.

“I didn't want you to leave.”

“Because you wanted someone to fight?”

“Yes. But I was also…” his jaw tightened and he pushed through gritted teeth, “...lonely.”

“Because you've locked yourself down here,” Joker stated.

“I have to solve this case so Barbs doesn't have to deal with it anymore,” Batman said. Joker immediately held out his arms and Batman uncrossed his with a slight nod. Joker got down on one knee and hugged Batman tightly. “What's this for?”

“You're being very thoughtful and it makes me happy,” Joker replied. Batman hugged him back, leaning his head against his neck.

“How can I make today up to you?” he asked.

“By allowing me to help you solve this case,” Joker replied. “And then taking me shopping.”

“I'm not helping you steal.”

“I would never ask that of you,” Joker said with a grin. “You're paying and we're getting matching outfits.” Joker could practically hear Batman's grimace and he laughed. “Yours will be to your taste, I promise. Though I do think you should look into some red options, since that color is so striking on you,” he cooed. Batman pulled back as one hand trailed up Joker's arm to his cheek; and then without any hesitation, Batman kissed him. It was softer than the other times he had kissed him, but it was still as fleeting.

“I'm coming around to it,” he replied, still so, so close to him. And before Joker could grin or make a reply, Batman kissed him again. And the ear-to-ear smile that spread across Joker's face was involuntarily and unstoppable.

“Sorry, sorry, just give me a couple of seconds,” he said, trying, in vain, to force his lips down but they kept tugging themselves back up. Immediately after he had finished speaking, Batman picked him up and placed him in his lap with his legs dangling off the side of the chair. Joker broke out into a fit of surprised but giddy laughter at the sudden and unexpected gesture. “What are you doing?”

“This.” And Batman pressed his lips to the underside of Joker's jaw and blew a raspberry. Joker’s laughter echoed off the walls as his body squirmed under Batman's vicious attack, his legs kicking wildly to and fro. After a few seconds, Batman ceased his attack and Joker's laughter gradually dissolved into giggles. “I've missed your laugh,” Batman said. Joker traced circles on the back of Batman's neck.

“I've missed your scowl,” Joker replied. There was a flash of a smile on Batman's lips before they pressed against his own. Joker gleefully kissed him back and fully expected Batman to pull away a couple of seconds afterwards, as he had done all the times before. But to his shock, Batman’s hold on him tightened and he pulled him even closer against him. Joker was screaming from joy so loudly in his own mind that it drowned out the sound of his pounding heart. He locked his arms around Batman's neck and dove in, feeling the chair rock back and then forward again. Batman's hand went into his hair and a wave of tingles rushed down his body. It was better than Joker had dreamed of. But like dreams, it had to end, and Batman broke the kiss soon afterward, but leaned his forehead against Joker's.

“What was the good news?” he asked. And Joker couldn't remember. Every single neuron was busy replaying that kiss over and over and over again as he tried to verify that it actually happened.

“I'll let you know when I remember it,” Joker said.

“You forgot?”

“It's not my fault you kiss so well I can't think of anything else,” Joker quipped. He could feel the smugness radiating off of Batman.

“Stay over tonight?” he asked. Joker opened his mouth to excitedly agree, but the heaviness returned.

“Will you be there when I wake up?” he asked instead. Batman leaned back and Joker had to make a conscious effort to not stare at how his lipstick was smudged in all directions around Batman's lips.

“I can't,” Batman said and then didn't elaborate.

“Because?” Joker asked. Batman's mouth thinned and he stayed silent. Joker fiddled with Batman's collar. “I don't mind waking up alone, but I don't like just being…well, ditched.”

“I send a text,” Batman protested.

“Yes, but it never says why you had to leave,” Joker countered. “And I feel that if it was because of work or Robin you would have said so. That only leaves you or me,” Joker’s voice broke unexpectedly at the end, his throat getting tight. In a flash, Batman cupped his face with both hands.

“No, no, no,” he tried to soothe, but there was too much panic in his voice. “It's me. I felt like I was going to dissolve if I stayed.”

“Like in acid?” Joker asked, confused.

“Kinda. I felt…dangerously warm and fuzzy when you were sleeping,” Batman said with a straight face that seemed to be turning red. Joker smiled affectionately.

“Aw, you are fond of me,” Joker teased, pinching Batman's cheek.

“Duh,” he replied, looking pointedly at Joker's hand. Joker then cupped his cheek.

“You don't have to stay with me since it's overwhelming, but you should have told me that from the beginning. Disappearing I'm fine with, ditching I'm not,” he gently, but firmly, set. Batman leaned into his hand and was silent for a few seconds.

“It's still not easy to admit that I lost,” Batman said quietly, with an undercurrent of anger.

“How did you lose?” Joker asked. Batman looked at him like it was obvious.

“I punched down my feelings again,” he stated.

“That wasn't a loss, Batman,” Joker assured him. “Harley says it's normal to fall back to old habits, especially since it's only been a few months. So don't beat yourself up over it.” Batman looked like he was planning to do exactly that. “For me, please,” Joker added, stroking his cheek. Batman sighed and put his hand over Joker's.

“That's an evil tactic, Joker,” he quipped. Joker smiled tenderly.

“I'm your greatest enemy, it's what I do,” Joker replied. Batman's lips briefly lifted into a smile.

“When you stay over, I won't leave the manor unless the city or Robin needs me,” he said. Joker couldn't kiss him on the lips like he wanted to, so instead just smushed his cheek against Batman’s as he hugged him.

“Thank you. And I will be staying over tonight. How else am I going to help you solve the case?” Joker asked.

“I don't know if we can solve it tonight,” Batman said.

“I'll certainly try my best,” Joker promised with a salute.

“That means no distractions,” Batman warned.

“I take crime very seriously, thank you very much,” Joker said with a sharp grin. A knowing smirk grew on Batman's lips.

“Then I'll get you a chair and we can get started,” he said. Joker pouted.

“Aw, I don't get to stay on your lap?” he asked. Batman's mouth thinned momentarily.

“No,” Batman replied flatly. Joker took in the sight before him.

“It would be distracting,” Joker admitted. Batman made that face that meant he agreed with him but refused to say it out loud. Joker chuckled, gave him a soft kiss on the cheek, and hopped off his lap. Batman pressed a few buttons on his computer and a chair started to fly in from the darkness beyond. Once it landed, Joker leaped onto it, causing it to spin rapidly as it rolled in position next to Batman. In a flawless motion, he laid his elbow on Batman's desk to stop his spinning and grinned at him. “The Clown Prince of Crime, at your service,” he said with a flourish of his free hand. Batman smiled softly.

“Thank you,” he said, full of relief. Joker gently took hold of his hand, giving it a loving squeeze. Batman swiftly squeezed back.

“Always.”

Chapter Text

“Four!” Joker yelled, his bomb sailing in a perfect arc from his impeccable golf swing. It was, of course, a bullseye and demolished the wooden target into splinters.

“Jay!” he heard Harley call out to him. He turned around, leaning on his golf club.

“Yes honey bear?” he yelled back as she skated closer to him.

“Batman's here,” she sang, skating around him and wrapping her arms around his neck from behind.

“I didn't get a text,” Joker said, pulling out his phone to double-check. He was correct.

“He said he wanted to surprise you.”

“Aw, that's so sweet,” he said, and then paused. “He didn't come onto the property, did he?”

“No. I told him to stay a few hundred feet from the moat.”

“Good, don't want anyone to think I broke my promise.”

“No one would dare to think that, sweetums. When you make a promise, it's forever,” Harley said, nuzzling her cheek against his. He nuzzled back.

“I can't wait to tell you about how it went,” he said. She kissed him on the cheek and spun off him.

“I'll have the ice cream ready!” she said as she skated away. Joker took out his jetpack and sped toward Batman as fast as it could go. In only a few seconds, he landed in front of him.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Joker said with a wide grin as he leaned an elbow against the Batmobile.

“We have a date,” Batman said.

“We do?” Joker asked, his smile growing even wider. He hadn't planned anything for them today.

“The one I owe you,” Batman replied and Joker practically leaped at him, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck.

“You are the greatest enemy ever!” he squealed. Batman patted him on the back.

“I know.”

“Can we leave now?” Joker asked, pulling back.

“Yeah, I–” Joker was already bolting around the Batmobile. He tugged on the handle but it was locked. There was a click and the door opened. He dove inside and scrambled to get his seat belt on. Once he did, he looked up to see that Batman was also in his seat, starting the Batmobile. And the expression on his face caused Joker's chest to squeeze. It was the softest, most hating smile he had ever seen on him, with eyes to match. Joker forced himself to look away after a couple of seconds so he wouldn't be staring. They took off without another word and Joker was thankful for the chance to collect his thoughts.

He had never before felt so hot without also sweating. Was that the same expression that caused Batman to run away? It had to be. And Joker had to admit that if Batman had made eye contact with him he would have been very tempted to jump out of the Batmobile to avoid exploding. And on top of that, why did he suddenly feel so nervous about this date? He knew that a large part of it was because this was their first date planned by Batman and Joker didn't want to mess it up. But he couldn't quite place the other reason. He saw Batman's hand move out of the corner of his eye and smiled, gladly taking it. It calmed him immediately. They stayed quiet for the rest of the trip, which was only three songs on Batman's Totally Awesome Mix Tape Vol 2. They parked in an alley next to a building Joker had never been to before. It was five-stories tall. And clearly closed.

“I thought you said you wouldn't help me steal,” Joker teased, eyeing up the fire escape to a large window.

“I'm not,” he replied. “I rented out the building.” Joker felt his heart skip a beat and his brain sputter like an old record player.

“You did what now?” Joker asked after a second too long of silence.

“I rented out the building for the night,” Batman repeated, his voice ever so slightly unsteady. “It'll just be the two of us. Minus the security guard who will let us in. But they'll stay at the door.” Joker felt his stomach start doing flips.

“The whole building is the clothing store?” he asked, pointing with his free hand.

“It's a collection of eight stores ranging from high fashion to antiques,” Batman replied. Joker opened his mouth but no words came out. “Lots of bright colors and interesting patterns,” Batman added, seemingly to fill the silence. And that broke Joker out of the trance he was in. He grabbed Batman by the front of his costume and pulled him within inches of his face.

“I hope you've been working on your endurance because I'm going to kiss you for as long as I can once we're back at the Batcave,” Joker said in a tone many have called unsettling in its intensity. Batman's eyes went wide and for a split second Joker thought his entire helmet turned red.

“I…uh…sure,” Batman stammered. Joker grinned from ear to ear. He released him and in his haste to immediately get out of the Batmobile, face planted onto the ground with an,

“Oof!” He sprung back onto his feet and somehow Batman was right in front of him.

“There are a few rules we have to follow,” Batman started, dusting off Joker's suit jacket. “One, no explosions. Two, no traps. Three, no vandalism. And four, no theft. Tonight and forever.”

“Understood. Can we go inside now?” Joker asked, hopping on the balls of his feet.

“Not yet,” Batman said, his lips curling upwards. “We must place the items we don't want in their designated areas and generally leave the store looking as it did when we entered it.”

“Don't be a mess, got it. Can we go inside?” Joker nearly pleaded. Batman chuckled and Joker's heart inflated like a balloon in his chest. Batman grabbed his hand and they started walking to the back of the building. Batman knocked on the back door in a particular pattern and the security guard opened it after a couple of seconds. Their gaze went immediately to Joker.

“Do you have any explosives on you?” they asked.

“I swear they will stay unexploded,” Joker said, crossing his heart. The guard looked at Batman.

“I can guarantee there will be no explosions,” he said. They didn't look particularly convinced but stepped aside and waved them in. It was a small hallway where at the end, Batman opened the door into a lobby of sorts. Something white and sparkly immediately caught Joker's eye and then it was all a blur. Two hours of browsing through every store felt like only a minute or so, and at the end, they had compiled all they had picked out on racks outside the largest store's dressing room (which had a small stage partly surrounded by mirrors). Joker stepped back after he was done hanging everything up and was instantly struck with choice paralysis.

“Let's put together yours first,” he told Batman. That way he could have a starting point to go off of for his outfit. Batman looked both relieved and on edge. They stepped over to Batman's rack and even though he did really try to stick to Batman's taste, there was an obvious start to Joker's picks. “You only have to try on the ones you want to,” Joker assured him, feeling a little self-conscious. Batman grabbed the first item of Joker's side, a neither bright nor dark red button down shirt with small black heart buttons.

“But how will we know if it's the one if I don't try it on?” he asked, rhetorically, with a comforting smile as he grabbed a pair of wide-legged black trousers and then walked to the changing room. Joker’s heart squeezed in his chest. Despite this date literally being an apology, Joker didn't expect Batman to take it this seriously. A couple of seconds after the curtain closed, it reopened and Batman walked to the stage. “This reminds me of the seventies,” he said. And he was spot on. It was like a perfect replica of something Joker would have worn to go out to boogy the night away during that decade.

“You would turn every head at the disco,” Joker complimented. Batman smiled.

“But I don't think that's what you're going for.”

“No, it's not,” Joker agreed. “I definitely want to aim for this century. And something more structured, less flowy.” Batman stepped off the stage and walked back to the rack. He shifted through Joker's picks again and pulled out a mauve suede jacket with matching pants, and a black turtleneck. He wordlessly went back to the dressing room and in a couple of seconds later walked back out. Joker whistled as he got onto the stage and Batman chuckled.

“That answers my question,” he said while looking himself over. “I'm going to get this but I think it's too simple for our objective.”

“I agree. There needs to be some stripes or color blocking; a subtle pattern could also work,” Joker thought out loud, looking through his picks. Batman walked back to him and plucked a black clothing bag from the beginning of his own section. “What's that?” Joker asked.

“Something I found when you were distracted by the bow-ties,” Batman non-answered with a smile before walking back to the dressing room. Joker grinned wide and his anticipation made the two seconds feel like minutes. The curtain opened and Joker's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. It was a black (with dark red buttons) velvet three-piece suit with an embossed diamond pattern. The button-up shirt was the same shade as Joker's lipstick and the tie featured a dark red and black diamond checkerboard pattern. As Batman adjusted said tie, Joker blurted out,

“Hot.” And then he swiftly covered his mouth with his hands, his entire body growing warm. Batman looked up at him.

“Your face is red,” he stated, surprised.

“I-I-I—” Joker stammered, his mind completely void of any clever comeback or even a coherent sentence. He reached out and grabbed the closest item of clothing and threw it over himself, crouching down on the ground. He heard Batman walk toward him.

“What's wrong?” he asked softly, sounding like his face was level with his.

“You don't mind what I said?” Joker asked, staying hidden.

“Not at all.”

“Or how I said it?”

“What do you mean?” Batman asked. Joker's grip tightened on the fabric.

“That word,” he clarified.

“You can call me hot, Joker. I–” he cut himself off and there was a brief pause. “I like hearing it from you,” he continued with a slight tension in his jaw. Joker was getting slightly overheated under the cloth but didn't move. “But that's not all, is it?”

“I don't get like this,” Joker whined.

“There’s a first time for everything,” Batman said, sounding as if he was trying not to laugh. Joker threw the garment at his face. Or at least tried to. It just landed on his shoulder. Batman smirked warmly at him. “Red looks good on you too,” he said. Joker crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out at him, which earned him one of his favorite sounds in the world. The smile that grew on his lips was as guaranteed as the thump in his chest and he calmed down, slightly.

“What I wanted to say is that I think the suit is perfect,” Joker said.

“Might be too distracting, though, don't you think?” Batman asked, his expression evening out but Joker could see the twinkle in his eye.

“You're having fun with this,” Joker accused.

“Our definitions overlap occasionally,” he replied, smirking again. Joker wanted so badly to kiss it off of him, but quickly threw that thought away. However, now that he thought about kissing…

“We don't have to kiss when we get back,” he said, his fingers pinching at his sleeves. “I'm sorry that I didn't ask.” Batman was silent for a few seconds, thinking.

“Do you know you can say no to me?” he asked. Joker furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Of course I do. I do that all the time. Why would you ask?”

“I meant that if I try to kiss you, you can stop me if you don't want to,” Batman elaborated. Joker looked at him for a second, his first thought of “Why wouldn't I want to?”, being kept as just that. Joker had to recognize that there was a possibility he wouldn't want to, even if at the moment it was hard to imagine.

“If I didn't want you to kiss me, I would stop you,” Joker reassured him. Batman looked very relieved. “Why were you worried I wouldn't?”

“I've seen you put my happiness over yours before,” Batman replied. Oh. Oh.

“That's not what that is at all!” he hurriedly started to explain. “Everything I do for you, for us, is because I want to, I like to. I wouldn’t do it otherwise.” Batman stared at him intensely.

“When we first talked about this, you said I could do pretty much anything I wanted to you. Did you say that for yourself, or for me?”

“Okay, so now I see I really should have clarified this at the beginning,” Joker said, fidgeting with his sleeve again. “There are very few things that I don't want you to do to me and, therefore, I am more than happy to try whatever you want.” Joker thought he saw a little bit of smoke coming out of Batman's bat ears.

“What about what you want to do to me?” Batman asked, his voice fluctuating slightly.

“I'm fine with you–”

“Don't think about me. What do you want?” he interrupted bluntly.

“I want to kiss you,” Joker confessed. Batman thought for a few seconds.

“You can and you don't have to ask first,” Batman replied.

“Really?” Joker asked in disbelief.

“Not as a distraction and only when we're alone,” he stipulated.

“Of course!” Joker vehemently agreed. “Just please stop me if you don't want to.”

“I will.” And then Joker grabbed his face and kissed him. It was short-lived, however, but not by Batman pulling away; he stayed exactly where he was in fact. It was because he started laughing. Light. Warm. Rich. It was the most beautiful symphony Joker had ever heard. “I should have expected that,” Batman said and then gave a nod. “Go on.” Joker kissed him again and Batman put his hand through Joker's hair. A delightful tingle radiated through him at the touch. Joker slid his hands down Batman's chest to know if the velvet felt as luxurious as it looked. It did.

He slid his hands back up to wrap his arms around Batman's neck and pulled him in close. Batman wrapped his arm around Joker's waist and in a quick motion, stood them up. He would never admit it, but Joker was thankful as his knees were starting to hurt. And then Batman started to walk forward so Joker started walking backward and he very quickly found his back pressed against a wall. This was, as he immediately found out, to kiss him with a fervor Joker had yet to experience. He matched it gleefully, his entire body tingling with excitement. Being touched by Batman always got his heart racing, but in this instance, it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest; which was now starting to burn oddly enough. And his head was getting fuzzy, and he felt as if the room was spinning underneath him. In a desperate last effort, his mind forced the problem to the front of his thoughts. He hadn't taken a breath this entire time. He broke the kiss and dropped his head to Batman's shoulder, gasping deeply and swiftly for air.

“Were you not breathing?” Batman asked in disbelief, sounding slightly out of breath himself.

“Apparently so,” Joker rasped. Batman was silent for a couple of seconds.

“So you could say I took your breath away?” he asked in the way he knew would make Joker laugh. And he did, though it was weaker than it should have been.

“It's not nice to kick a clown while he's down,” he whined, still trying to catch his breath. Batman caressed the top of Joker's head, a gesture he had never done before, and it made Joker's face heat up again.

“I can't take you down, remember?” he said softly. Joker smiled wide and nuzzled his head in the crook of Batman’s neck.

“Only if I want you to,” he cooed. And then placed a light kiss on Batman's neck. Batman jumped slightly and his neck became quite warm. Joker laughed victoriously.

“You're starting a dangerous game, Joker,” Batman warned, though Joker could hear the smirk in his voice. He pulled back and grinned mischievously.

“My favorite type,” he said. Batman touched his forehead to Joker’s and then stepped back, grabbing Joker's hands, breaking their hold around his neck, and moving them in front of him.

“And that's why it's a game we can't play here,” he said, not at all sounding happy about it.

“Then why don't we go somewhere where we can?” Joker asked, the corners of his lips curling into small spirals. It was hard to resist a game, especially one as fun as this one would be. Batman's expression turned smug.

“But don't you still need to pick your outfit?” he asked. And just like that, Joker lost.

“Why did you have to remind me?” Joker whined as he stomped back over to the clothing rack, pulling Batman behind him.

“Because we can't have matching outfits if you don't get one,” he replied, still smug. Joker began shifting through the clothes with a little more force than necessary.

“And I'm the villain,” he grumbled. His hand touched a familiar luxurious velvet and he grabbed onto the hanger to inspect the garment further. It was a black button-down shirt with embossed hearts. Immediately the outfit he wanted to create appeared before his eyes and he snatched the rest of the pieces and ran to the dressing room. Seconds later he skidded onto the stage with a wide grin, facing the mirror. A glittered red suit jacket and pants with thin, darker outlines of hearts. “Perfect, isn't it?” he asked as he spun around to face Batman. Batman looked him over, stone-faced, and reached into his pocket. He silently walked onto the stage next to him and pulled out a familiar-looking box. Inside that box were two bat-shaped cufflinks that Batman attached to each of Joker's sleeves.

“There. Now it's perfect,” he said softly.

“The last time I touched these goo got into my hair,” Joker replied equally as softly.

“They won't do that. They, however, do other things that I will show you later.” He showed Joker his cufflinks and they were a smile with swirls at the tips of the lips. “I've worked a long time on them to get them right.” Joker’s heart did a flip in his chest.

“Why later?” he asked, flicking his eyes back to Batman's face.

“Because I'm too distracted right now,” he replied, his eyes trailing down. “And we have a game to finish.” His eyes snapped back up to meet his. “If you're in the mood to.” Joker threw his arms around his neck and kissed him so hard his nose bent to a painful degree. He pulled back after only a second, ready to get a move on.

“Very much so,” he breathed. “And that kiss wasn't part of the game.” Batman seemed to shake his head slightly as if to clear it.

“Of course; it doesn’t start until we get back to the Batcave. And, it's my turn anyway,” Batman said, stepping to the changing room. “Let's get changed and I'll handle everything here if you want to head to the Batmobile.”

“Sounds good!” And in no more than a few minutes later, Joker was sitting alone in the Batmobile, vibrating with anticipation and excitement. He was also chuckling to himself at the confused and apprehensive look on the security guard's face when he gave them a Thank-You present, perfectly wrapped with a bow and everything.

“They liked your present,” Batman said as he entered the Batmobile.

“That's great! It's a new and improved formula. The previous one was too 'string' and not enough 'silly' for me. I hope you'll be able to kick the butt of the foolish thief that gets caught in it,” Joker said gleefully. Batman then grabbed his face and smashed his lips into his. Before Joker could kiss him back, Batman pulled away but stayed close.

“You take more than just my breath and I hate you more every second because of it,” Batman said so tenderly it practically melted from his lips. Joker's entire body flushed and he did not jump out when they locked eyes.

“I hate you more,” he said.

“I hate you the most,” Batman replied, his smile growing larger. He kissed him on the cheek and then started the Batmobile, shifted it into its fastest gear, and peeled out of the alleyway. Joker was starting to get uncomfortably hot but he didn't dare adjust the air or crack the window.

“You can't speak on your turn,” Joker demanded and definitely did not whine.

“Wasn't planning to,” Batman said with a smirk.

“Well, I don't plan on losing,” Joker rebutted.

“Neither do I.”

“Can you last that long, old man?” Joker teased, grinning sharply.

“You're older than me,” Batman shot back.

“And taller,” Joker stated. Batman's hands gripped tighter on the steering wheel. Joker chuckled.

“I have more abs,” Batman retorted.

“I make better gadgets,” Joker replied. Batman laughed boisterously.

“You're trying to get in my head, and it's not going to work.”

“Don't act like I'm not already there,” Joker said, walking two fingers up Batman's shoulder and ending with a poke to his temple. Batman gave him a pointed side-eye.

“You can't talk on your turn either.”

“That's fine. My tongue will be preoccupied anyway,” Joker said with a wide grin. Batman's jaw clenched as his cheeks seemed to burn red and he forcibly pressed the buttons to blast the mix-tape loud enough to drown out even yelling. Joker laughed victoriously and settled into his seat, going over his plans in his mind. While he was going to try his best to win, he honestly didn't care if he lost. Win or lose, any game with Batman was some of the most fun Joker could have. And he hated him more than he could ever put into words for it.

Chapter Text

Joker was never one to get cold. Him being so either meant Mr. Freeze was able to encase him in an ice cube, or he was sick. The fact that he could still move his arms (though they were so, so heavy) meant the latter. And to add insult to injury, he started coughing. At least he didn't feel any mucus in his lungs. It still sucked though. His body was usually very resilient so he didn't really have to worry about falling ill. Ugh. How inconvenient. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his forehead.

“You have a fever,” Batman said, sounding surprised.

“That's not good,” Joker croaked, too tired to open his eyes.

“I'm calling the doctors.”

“I don't want to get up,” he whined.

“You won't have to,” Batman reassured him. Joker couldn't exactly place it, but his tone sounded…off. “I'll be right back,” he said, combing back his hair from his face. His hand stayed pressed against the top of his forehead for a second too long before disappearing. Joker heard him dash away, muttering something under his breath. He wished he could go after him, but his body was reluctant to move. All he wanted to do was fall back asleep, but a part of him was nagging him that something was wrong. That he should be concerned. But he just didn't have the energy to try to think about it. So, he didn't and went to sleep again. And then he felt himself being lifted up, still wrapped up in the blanket, in familiar strong, toned arms.

“Batman?” he mumbled.

“I'm taking you to the doctors,” Batman replied. He had no idea how much time had passed, if any at all. All he knew was that he didn't dream, and he was a little bummed about it. Joker's head leaned against his chest.

“Don't wanna go outside,” he whined.

“You're staying in the manor,” Batman said.

“How's that possible?”

“The doctors are coming here,” Batman explained.

“A house call? They still do that?”

“When you're Bruce Wayne they do,” Batman replied.

“But I'm not Bruce,” Joker joked. Batman chuckled.

“Thankfully not. But you are his greatest enemy.” Joker wanted to reply with some light teasing, but he started coughing again. It hurt. He felt Batman pick up speed and very, very soon afterward he heard the distinct sound of a door being kicked open. What happened afterward was every bit a standard doctor's visit, except for the fact that he was in a hospital bed (vital sign machinery and all hooked up to him) in a room that otherwise would appear to be a basic rich person's bedroom.

“Sorry you came all this way just for a cold,” Joker apologized to the doctors and nurses.

“There's no need to apologize, Mr. Joker. Our job is to make you better. Please don't hesitate to call us again if you feel worse,” the doctor with the bright blue hair said with a sincere smile. Joker would have to ask Batman for all of their names again later.

“Well, thanks again,” he mumbled, already fighting the urge to go to sleep. He lost fairly quickly and curled up on his side. When he woke up some time later, he felt a little better. Even more so when he saw Batman was still seated beside him. He met his eyes and smiled. “I still can't believe you have a hospital room in the manor,” Joker said.

“I don't like to see my face in newspapers unless it's for kicking someone's butt,” Batman said.

“Ugh. The paparazzi are the true villains of Gotham City,” Joker griped. Batman opened his mouth to reply, stopped, and simply nodded. After a couple of seconds of silence, he held out a stuffed animal to him.

“Robin said that this makes him feel better when he's sick, so he wanted you to have it until you're better,” he said. Joker looked at it with misty eyes. It was a robin, but someone (most likely Alfred) had replaced its wings with bat wings. It was too adorable for words. Joker smiled wide.

“He's such a good kid,” Joker said, gladly accepting it and holding it close.

“He wanted to come in and help take care of you but I didn't want to risk him getting sick.” Again, there was something off about his tone.

“I don't want that either,” Joker said, studying his face intensely. He looked…different, but Joker couldn't quite nail down how. “You shouldn't stay by me—”

“I'm not leaving,” he interrupted, a little too sharply and a little too loudly. Joker raised an eyebrow and Batman stared him down, his arms crossed, his fists clenched tight. He looked almost angry. Yep, something was definitely wrong. Joker placed a hand on the bed and started to push himself up. “Don't sit up!” Batman commanded, grabbing him and pushing him back onto the bed. Now, Joker normally loved being manhandled by Batman, but this was not the time nor place.

“Why are you acting like this?” Joker asked, with all the sharpness he could produce in his condition.

“You're sick. You need to be careful,” Batman replied.

“I have a cold. I'll be better in a couple of days.”

“But what if you're not?” Batman nearly shouted. His grip tightened on his shoulders, his eyes becoming hazy. “What if you get worse?” he asked, his voice now quiet and broken. Joker’s heart squeezed in a way it never had before. “I can't…I can't…” Oh. This was fear.

“Batsy, darling, look at me,” Joker weakly commanded, bringing his hands to Batman's face. Batman's gaze became focused again as he met Joker's eyes. “I know it's hard to believe right now, but my life isn't in danger, not even close,” Joker assured him. “Your doctors said it's just a cold and that after a few days, it will run its course and I'll be back to normal. I'm going to be fine. I promise,” and Joker crossed his heart. Batman closed his eyes and took a deep breath for four seconds, held it for four seconds, and then exhaled for four seconds. Joker smiled proudly that he was using the breathing techniques he had taught him. After a few rounds, he stopped and opened his eyes. They were still afraid, and sad, but Joker could see, and feel, their laser focus on him. Batman placed his hands over Joker's hands and held them there for a few seconds, only looking away at the last second. Then, keeping Joker's hands pressed against his helmet, he took it off.

“I'm scared, Joker,” Batman said quietly, keeping his eyes down, holding his helmet tightly against him. “I'm almost always scared. I'm scared of failing Gotham City. I'm scared of not living up to what my parents wanted me to be. I'm scared of disappointing those who care about me. I'm scared…” his breath hitched and a tear trailed down his cheek. “...that I'm not a good father. Or son. Or friend. Or greatest enemy. I'm scared that no matter how hard I try, I'll never be the man that they deserve, that you deserve.”

“Batman—”

“Don't,” Batman, softly, interrupted. “I don't want you to comfort or reassure me. I make you do that too much already.”

“You don't make me do anything,” Joker rebutted gently.

“I put too much weight on you,” Batman said, still looking down at his helmet.

“Loved ones are there to lean on.”

“You've been carrying me, and that's not fair,” Batman insisted. “That's why I've started to see a therapist. I think that's part of the reason I reacted to this so…extremely; I've had to dig up a lot of what I buried so the thought of losing you was like a punch to an already broken nose.” Joker was filled with so many emotions that he wanted to explode an entire city block. And tackle Batman to the ground in a most hating embrace. But all he could use right now was his words.

“I would hug you so hard right now if I could,” Joker said, his voice crackling.

“You can when you get better,” Batman replied, looking at him with watery eyes.

“I will,” Joker promised. Batman nodded, then grabbed a tissue, patted his eyes, and blew his nose. He tossed the tissue into the bin and crossed his arms to lean on the top of his helmet.

“You can go ahead and say what you're thinking,” Batman said.

“How is your hair still so voluptuous?” Joker asked. Batman smiled, his eyes crinkling.

“It just is.”

“Lucky.”

“I am,” Batman agreed, sounding tired with a mixture of something just shy of happiness. “More than I ever thought I could be.”

“If you buy me that third dinner, you'll be even luckier,” Joker teased. Batman's smile turned sad.

“I've chickened out every time I've tried,” he admitted. “And before you say it, I know that we don't have to. But I want to.” Joker’s entire body flushed, and he was thankful for the warmth.

“Can you tell me what's stopping you?” Joker asked and Batman blushed.

“In addition to not wanting to disappoint you, I also…ugh, this is so lame…I want it to be special and I haven't come up with a plan that is good enough yet.”

“Every second with you is special,” Joker said matter-of-factly.

“I know but this needs to be special-special.”

“You're putting too much pressure—”

“I'm not. This is important to me and I don't have the experience you–” Batman cut himself off with a grimace and looked down, his entire face turning red.

“You…don't?” Joker asked with only confusion. Batman scoffed.

“Do you really think the me before we got together could be that vulnerable?” he asked.

“Fair point,” Joker started. “But it isn't always like that. Sometimes it's just fun.”

“Different definitions,” Batman reminded him.

“So when you kissed me for the first time, that was your first kiss?” Joker asked. Batman looked at him incredulously.

“Well at least you couldn't tell,” he said. Joker’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly involuntarily as his brain tried to piece this together. “Wait, wait, wait,” Batman said, pinching his nose. “If you thought that this was something I had experience in, why were you so insistent on going by my pace?”

“Because a relationship is different from something casual!” Joker rushed out. “Well, actually, boundaries and expectations are set regardless but that's beside the point. When it's casual, there's, usually, only physical intimacy. With a committed relationship, emotional intimacy is added to that physical intimacy. And that's what I knew you didn't have experience in. Therefore, you set the pace.”

“But you still thought I slept around?” Batman asked pointedly.

“I did,” Joker admitted. “But in hindsight it was more a projection of the fantasy I had in the beginning-beginning.” Batman raised an eyebrow and Joker flushed. “Anyway–”

“If it's something you want, we can discuss it,” Batman said.

“A conversation for another day,” Joker replied, not at all ready to open that can of worms. “But I do want to say that every time is different because every person is different. So even though I have experience, this will still be new to me as well. We'll be learning together,” he assured him. Batman relaxed slightly. “And as much as I love the fact you're trying to make a plan, this isn't something you can plan on your own. I need to have a hand in it.”

“I'm pretty sure you'll have more than just a hand,” Batman quipped.

“Ha!” Joker exclaimed. “Good one.” A flicker of pride flew across Batman's face. “On that note, I was joking about the third-dinner thing. I don't expect anything other than a free meal.”

“I know. And I wasn't expecting anything either. It just helped to think that it wasn't on the table until then.”

“I prefer a bed but a table can be quite fun,” Joker said with a mischievous grin. It very much looked like smoke was trailing out of Batman's ears.

“I hate your mouth so much,” he said.

“Oh? You seemed to really love it last ni—”

“Shut up or you're spending the night in Arkham,” Batman commanded. Joker burst into such boisterous laughter that it caused him to start coughing. Batman was on him in an instant, propping him up. “We're officially ending this conversation.”

“Aw, but laughter is the best medicine,” Joker wheezed. Batman helped him take a sip of water.

“No, what the doctors told you to do is the best medicine. Which is to sleep.”

“Don't wanna,” Joker whined.

“Please. For me,” Batman said softly. And just like that, sleeping was all Joker wanted to do.

“That is such an evil tactic,” Joker said as Batman lowered him back down onto the pillow.

“I learned it from the worst,” Batman replied with a grin, kneeling down beside him.

“Can you stay in the room until I fall asleep?” Joker asked, shimmying to get into the most comfortable position.

“Gladly,” Batman replied.

“Thank you,” Joker said with a soft smile. Batman reached out and caressed the top of his head, sending a warm wave through Joker's body.

“Always.”

* * *

“So what's your plan?” Joker asked with a spoon full of porridge still in his mouth.

“You have to be more specific. And don't talk with the spoon in your mouth,” Batman replied, grabbing the now empty spoon from Joker's mouth and dipping it back into the bowl.

“To sleep with me,” Joker responded casually, without any trace of teasing. Still, Batman's cheeks flushed and the spoon fell from his hand.

“I ended that conversation,” he said.

“Yes, that conversation. This is a new one,” Joker replied with a grin. Batman’s nose scrunched up adorably as he hatingly glared at him. Joker's heart rate picked up; Batman without his helmet on was a greater force than he predicted. Joker was happy the doctors disconnected him from the monitors.

“You still have a fever, so you shouldn't get too worked up,” Batman sternly retorted. Joker pouted. “That's not going to work,” Batman said, holding out the spoon filled with porridge to Joker’s mouth. With a frown, Joker took the bite.

“Just give me a tease,” Joker said after he swallowed.

“I told you none of them were good enough.”

“To you,” Joker corrected with a pointed stare. Batman looked away.

“There was a game I made up,” he muttered.

“A game?” Joker grinned wide.

“It involved some gadgets of mine,” Batman said, fidgeting. Already, this sounded like a great plan.

“And the rules?” Joker encouraged. Batman's entire face reddened.

“That's all you get for now,” he replied.

“Already seems good enough for me,” Joker said. Batman looked unconvinced, and even more concernedly, very uncomfortable. “I'm sorry. I'll drop it.” Batman sighed with a mixture of relief and frustration.

“I want to tell you about it, but I need time to prepare.”

“Take all the time you need,” Joker encouraged. Batman nodded slightly, still not looking at ease. “If you need to, or want to, you can put on your helmet.” Batman clenched his jaw.

“I need to get used to being Bruce.”

“The costume doesn't make the anti-hero,” Joker reminded him. “You can be Batman or Bruce or both regardless of what you're wearing. And if you want to wear the helmet less, I support you, but you shouldn't push yourself. It'll just make it harder.” Batman was silent for a few seconds, looking into the bowl of porridge.

“I need to make sure you know Bruce enough to hate him too.”

“Oh, darling, I already do,” Joker reassured him. “I hate every part of you.” Batman shook his head.

“You haven't met this part of me.”

“My point still stands.” Batman's eyes were piercing, seeming to peer into his soul. Joker grinned and Batman's eyes softened, smiling with a mix of pure hatred and utter disbelief.

“You really are insane,” he said, holding out another spoonful of porridge.

“We all are,” Joker said, taking the bite. “And Gotham City would be much better off if everyone acknowledged it.”

“As a start, I can acknowledge that you make me, on occasion, very crazy,” Batman said. Joker chuckled as Batman grabbed the now empty spoon and bowl and placed it on the nightstand next to his helmet. Batman looked at it for a second and then turned back to Joker, finally looking at ease. Joker held Robin's Robinbat tight against him.

“That's a wonderful start.”