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They decide to meet for lunch in a small place in Monaco.
Nico isn’t too happy about meeting in public, aware there are fans and photographers everywhere, especially in Monaco but he knows he lost all rights to seeing Lewis in private years ago.
And besides, maybe the public space also helps to keep things … civil between them.
Last time when it was only the two of them in private, it had ended in yelling and Nico really isn’t too keen on repeating that.
He nervously runs a hand through his blonde hair and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t checking how he looks in the camera of his phone.
He feels ridiculous. Lewis knows what he looks like, has seen him in literally every possible situation there is and yet Nico hadn’t known what to wear. He decided to go for a simple white dress shirt and linen pants and he shifts nervously on his chair.
The restaurant isn’t too packed but expensive enough to guarantee privacy and he keeps playing with his napkin, trying to keep the nerves under control.
“Hey,” a soft voice suddenly says next to him and Nico drops his napkin, his heart skipping a beat - habit. When he looks up he finds Lewis actually standing there, a nervous smile on his face and Nico takes a deep breath.
“Hi,” he replies quietly, his voice a little rough and he clears his throat. For a second, they just look at each other and Nico tries his hardest not to stare.
When was the last time he actually looked at Lewis? It must have been years.
“Do you … want to sit down?” Nico eventually asks when the seconds stretch and Lewis nods quickly, sitting down across from him. He’s wearing a matching denim outfit, probably designer, his hair pulled back in braids and Lewis quietly orders something to drink with the waiter before they’re quiet again.
Nico nervously licks his lips - they’re dry and a little chapped and he doesn’t miss how Lewis’ eyes follow the movements of his tongue.
The silence between them is getting heavier by the minute and Nico clears his throat again, reaching for his glass. They’re both way out of their depths, he realises, years of history an invisible chaos between them and he takes a deep breath.
“So Ferrari?” He takes a sip from his water and Lewis tenses slightly before he nods. “Yeah. Ferrari.”
And they’re back to being silent. Great.
“You said you wanted to talk,” Nico says, almost a little desperate and Lewis bites down on his bottom lip. “Because you offered.”
“So?” Nico instinctively tightens his grip around the glass as if it’s physical proof that they’re actually sitting across from each other, talking. That Lewis is actually here.
“So I thought it wouldn’t hurt,” Lewis mutters, “given that my whole life is currently upside down. Again.”
Nico swallows hard when he realises what Lewis means and he averts his gaze.
“You could have stayed at Mercedes,” he mumbles, “end your career there like w- like you always said. Become an ambassador for them.”
When Lewis doesn’t reply Nico looks back up. Lewis is playing with the napkin, avoiding his gaze and Nico raises an eyebrow. “Or not?”
“No,” Lewis snaps and Nico flinches instinctively at the intensity in Lewis’ voice. “No, it wasn’t a fucking option, alright?”
Alright, so something did happen - besides being frustrated with the car.
Nico could have guessed that much.
“It wasn’t an option,” Lewis replies a bit weaker and he sinks back into his chair, looking almost defeated, “and then- what, you’re not going to tell all this shit to Sky, are you? Or tweet about it?”
“No.” Nico feels his cheeks heat up and he is almost a little offended. “I’m not here for … them.”
“Then why are you here?” Lewis challenges him and Nico stares at him a little helpless. He’s suddenly hyper aware of the fancy restaurant they’re in, the stiff atmosphere around them, the other guests and he suddenly wants nothing more than to run.
Preferably, with Lewis although he knows the chances for that are as high as Daniel winning the championship.
Lewis frowns. “What?”
“Do you want to leave?” Nico blurts out before he can think about it and Lewis blinks. “The sport? Do you think I’d have signed with Ferrari if I-“
“The restaurant,” Nico interrupts him, already reaching for his phone, wallet and car keys, “we could- I don’t know, drive up the coast, get something to eat …”
He trails off when he realises how unrealistic all of that sounds. How delusional. Obviously Lewis does not want to just drive up the coast with him, they have not been alone together since that day-
“Actually,” Lewis interrupts his thoughts and throws his napkin on his plate before he gets up, “yeah, let’s fucking go.”
Nico blinks.
Did he really-
“But I’m driving,” Lewis adds and Nico hurries to follow him out of the restaurant. “No-“
“I got the better car.” Lewis is already unlocking his Mercedes EQC and Nico snorts. “Oh please.”
Lewis grins at him, for the first time in what feels like years and whatever Nico wanted to add gets stuck in his throat. For a second, he’s reminded of when they were kids again, teenagers, barely 18, young and taking on the world from the driver’s seat. Bickering and bantering about almost everything.
“And I’m the better driver,” Lewis adds with a smirk and it pulls Nico from his thoughts. He snorts and reaches for his car keys. “In what universe?”
“I have seven world championship titles - or eight, depending on who you ask.”
“That does not equal to being a good driver!”
“I think it does.” Lewis grins while he unlocks his car. “So, you’re coming?”
And- look.
He might never get a chance like this ever again so he’d be an absolute fool to not take this opportunity and with a sigh, he gets in on the passenger seat.
While he has never been specifically in this one of Lewis’ cars he did drive with him before (from trips to the grocery store to doctor's appointments, galas and race tracks) and it feels like a punch in the gut when he falls into the soft leather seat and catches Lewis’ scent.
The familiarity of it all makes his stomach clench up and he takes a deep breath, closing the door.
Lewis starts the engine after connecting his own playlist to the car’s audio system and for a moment, the awkwardness is back. Nico focuses on the interior of the Mercedes but he owns the exact same car - nothing new to discover and he clears his throat.
“Are you then exchanging this one for a Ferrari next year?” He asks and Lewis frowns, turning onto one of the main roads running through Monte-Carlo. “Nah, I don’t think so.”
Alright then.
Nico wants to say something else when they drive past no other than Daniel Ricciardo who seems to be out on a run and Nico feels his cheeks heat up.
“You think he saw us?” He asks, his voice a little pressed and Lewis raises an eyebrow. “Would that be an issue?”
“I just don’t want any questions,” Nico mutters and from the corner of his eyes he sees Lewis tense. Lewis’ playlist is still playing quietly in the background and Nico takes a deep breath.
The music feels oddly familiar and he’s getting a major Déjà-vu.
They’ve left the city behind by now, the ocean to their left sparkling in the sun and Nico tries not to constantly stare at Lewis from the corner of his eyes.
The last time he was in a car with Lewis when it was just the two of them … god, he can’t even remember. Must have been before Abu Dhabi 2016.
Definitely before Abu Dhabi 2016.
Nico sneaks another glance at Lewis and feels his cheeks heat up when Lewis catches his gaze.
“What?” Lewis frowns before focusing back on the road and Nico awkwardly clears his throat. “I … doesn’t matter.”
It does matter. It matters so fucking much but he has absolutely no idea what to say and Lewis’ frown deepens but he stays quiet.
Part of Nico wishes he’d have kept asking.
Lewis eventually stops at a small fruit stand next to the road, buying a bag of peaches and handing them to Nico.
“Where do you want to go?” He asks and Nico carefully places the paper bag with the peaches on his lap, thinking about the question for a moment. He didn’t really think that far before.
“Isn’t there this spot at the cliffs close by?” He then asks. “The one we always-“
He breaks off, his cheeks heating up once more and Lewis swallows visibly but nods. “Right. Yeah, let’s go there.”
It’s not even that they fucked there. They didn’t, they had some sense of self-preservation when they were younger, against common belief. But they’ve always gone there after race weekends, every time they were home or just needed to talk and Lewis pulls back onto the road.
It’s not far and Lewis locks the car before they make their way up the small hill. Nico tightly holds onto the paper bag and they walk past olive trees and bushes.
They don’t encounter a single soul, the silence between them is stretching and they’re both definitely not dressed for a walk through nature. Nico tries not to keep looking at Lewis and when they reach their spot by the cliffs he’s hit by a wave of nostalgia.
It looks almost exactly as it did over eight years ago and he hesitates before slowly sinking on a fallen tree. Lewis sits down next to him - with a bit of distance between them, Nico notices - and they’re quiet again.
Nico clears his throat, his lips are dry but they didn’t bring anything to drink. He opens the paper bag, offering Lewis a peach and after a moment of hesitation, Lewis takes it.
“Thank you,” he mumbles and Nico nods. His hands are a little sweaty and he busies himself with his own peach, gaze fixed firmly on the fruit in his hands.
His body is hyper-aware Lewis is sitting next to him and after what feels like forever Lewis clears his throat.
“So why did you want to meet?” He tries to sound nonchalant but Nico has known him for long enough to detect the slight insecurity in his voice.
“I-“ And fuck, how is he supposed to tell Lewis that he misses him? That he misses talking to him, discussing shit like Lewis leaving Mercedes with him and he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“We always- talked about big things,” he then replies carefully, opening his eyes again. He still doesn’t look at Lewis though and he tries to choose his next words. “When there were- you- I mean when there was- I-“
Yeah, this is clearly not working. He normally has no issue talking, he speaks five languages for fuck’s sake but none of them can express what he actually wants to say right now.
When Lewis isn’t saying anything, Nico eventually lifts his head and glances at him. Lewis is watching him quietly, his brown eyes so intense that Nico feels a shiver run down his spine and his grip around his peach tightens instinctively.
Some juice drops on his white linen pants but he ignores it and Lewis nervously licks his lips, averting his eyes. He’s still so fucking beautiful, Nico notices.
“I missed talking to you, man.” Lewis’ voice is so quiet Nico almost doesn’t hear him and his heart stops for a moment. Lewis looks like he’s ashamed about admitting that out loud and Nico doesn’t notice he is squishing his peach until suddenly Lewis’ fingers gently loosen his grip.
Needless to say, the split moment of body contact almost makes him choke on his own breath and Lewis throws him a small grin. “The peach didn’t do anything to you, man.”
“Sorry,” Nico mutters and he can feel his cheeks heat up. Feelings he has repressed for years are slowly crawling back to the surface and Lewis pulls back his hand.
“I missed talking to you too,” Nico whispers, the words barely audible. He keeps staring at his half-squashed peach but he’s hyper-aware that Lewis next to him has tensed a little at his words.
“I know,” Lewis then simply replies and Nico can’t hold back the smile that’s spreading over his face. When their eyes meet they both grin and Nico feels a warm feeling spread through him.
“I thought it … would be nice if you could talk to someone who is not- you know.” Nico vaguely waves his right hand and Lewis’ smile turns a bit bitter. He stares at the ocean in front of them, chewing on a piece of peach and Nico nervously licks his lips. “I mean, everyone is- you know- everyone has an opinion about this and-“
“Do you?”
“I-“ Nico blinks, a bit taken aback by the question and he clears his throat.
“ … not yet,” he then replies slowly and Lewis lifts an eyebrow, surprise flashing over his face. “You don’t have an opinion on something this big?”
Nico holds back from rolling his eyes while his cheeks turn pink. He fishes for a new peach from the paper bag after throwing the core into the ocean and clears his throat.
This is such a surreal situation, he constantly imagines he’s seeing their younger selves somewhere around here, ghosts of the past talking and laughing and yet the awkwardness still lingers.
“I knew you’d have a reason for why you did it,” Nico eventually replies and he throws Lewis a quick look. “I know you wouldn’t change teams just because of a few months of frustration. Even back then when-“
He breaks off, biting his tongue but Lewis knows exactly what he’s hinting at.
Even all these years ago when the war between them was at its worst, when they weren’t even talking to each other anymore and the mind games were at their peak Lewis never considered leaving.
A small part of Nico will always be curious to know what would have happened if he had not retired in 2016.
Another, much bigger, part is glad he never had to find out.
“It just doesn’t feel right anymore, Nico,” Lewis replies quietly and his voice sounds so raw that Nico feels a lump form in his throat and he fights the urge to just pull him into a hug. Lewis stares at the ocean and takes a deep breath, his shoulders tense. “But I also don’t know if it was the right decision.”
“You told me over ten years ago that there’s no point in regretting stuff,” Nico points out quietly. “And I’m pretty sure you did the right thing.”
Lewis’ gaze snaps up. “How would you know that?”
“I know you.” That slips out before Nico can think about it and he curses himself immediately after. He doesn’t know Lewis anymore, they barely spoke for over eight years, he has no right to claim he knows Lewis and he can feel his cheeks heat up again. “I mean, I knew-“
“No, you do.” Lewis averts his gaze again, looking back at the ocean, a lost look in his eyes. “Probably better than anyone else.”
The lump in Nico’s throat grows and he puts his hand between them on the dusty ground. He sometimes forgets that inside of Lewis Hamilton, the most successful driver of all time, is still a young boy from Stevenage. “Lewis, I-“
’I’m so sorry.’ The words get stuck in his throat though and he takes a deep breath, trying to get rid of the tightness in his throat.
“Probably better than I know myself,” Lewis adds barely audible before hesitantly puts his hand over Nico’s and interlaces their fingers.
For a moment, the world around them stops. Nico stares at him, not daring to breathe and he can spot a hint of fear in Lewis’ eyes. They’re both scared of rejection, he realises and Lewis exhales shakily, working his jaw. “I guess a … part of me needed a fresh start.”
He squeezes his hand tightly and Nico’s mouth is very dry. He returns the squeeze and desperately tries to say the right thing.
His brain is in overdrive, too many thoughts to single out one coherent one and he coughs quietly. “I think that’s always a good thing.”
“Me too.” They stare at each other, the tension between them obvious and Nico gathers all the courage he has left.
“I’m sorry, Lewis,” he says, his voice shaking. “For everything.”
It barely scrapes the surface of the things he should apologise for and something in Lewis’ eyes softens, his shoulders relaxing just a little.
“I’m sorry too,” he mumbles. “I never wanted it to come this far.”
“Me neither,” Nico whispers and he wants to say so much more, desperately wants to ask if that fresh start also applies to them, if there even is still a them or if Lewis wants a cut, if-
“I missed you.” Lewis looks embarrassed just saying that out loud and Nico can’t blame him.
“I missed you too,” he mutters and a grin tugs on Lewis’ lips. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”
Nico is pretty sure it’s not healthy how often he’s blushing today and he awkwardly clears his throat. They’re quiet again, Nico averting his gaze but they keep holding hands and Nico tries to get his heartbeat under control.
There are so many unsaid words between them and his grip on the paper bag tightens a little. There is so much they should talk about, so much they should apologise for-
“You know,” Lewis suddenly starts, almost making Nico flinch, “I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our first few months at Mercedes. How excited and happy we were, how every day was the best day ever.”
Nico nervously licks his lips, very scared of where this might go and Lewis stares at his half eaten peach. “And how … rotten it got.”
Nico grimaces.
“Nothing ever felt the same after you left,” Lewis mumbles. “Nothing. I hated myself for it every day, I hated you for it, I tried very fucking hard to move on. Turns out it didn’t work.”
Nico has absolutely no idea what to say to that and Lewis clears his throat. “Other shit also happened. Between me and Toto, me and the team. It just- I mean, you’ve seen the car.”
He laughs but it sounds hollow and bitter and he takes a deep breath. “So I decided I have to try again somewhere else. Somewhere new.”
Nico barely doesn’t dare to breathe and Lewis exhales shakily. “I want a fresh start.”
“Me too.” Nico should really just shut up sometimes but it’s too late, the words are out before he can take them back and Lewis slowly lifts his gaze. They stare at each other and Nico nervously clears his throat. “Not that you- you switched teams because- because-“
’Because of me.’ He can’t say it.
’Life does not revolve around you all the fucking time, Nico!’ Lewis’ voice from years ago appears in his head again and Nico cringes inwardly.
“No,” Lewis then says quietly, a thoughtful look in his eyes, “I didn’t switch teams because of you. Not consciously at least.”
Nico flushes a very deep red. Lewis was always good at reading him and apparently that didn’t change.
“But,” Lewis continues and he averts his gaze, studying the peach in his hand, “I guess, subconsciously, you did play a part in it as well.”
Nico exhales slowly and in lack of an answer takes a bite of his peach. He chews, trying to focus on the sweetness in his mouth but it does little to actually distract him from the rollercoaster of emotions in his head.
“Do you know we wasted eight years?” Lewis asks him and Nico blinks. “You-“
“I had to think about that every day.” Lewis is still not looking at him and Nico can feel the lump in his throat return.
“I want to try again,” Lewis then whispers, his voice shaking slightly and he finally looks up, his brown eyes meeting Nico’s blue ones. “If you- if I don’t read this wrong-“
Nico kisses him.
He almost expects Lewis to slap him, to pull back and yell at him, to push him off the cliff, to throw his peach at him but Lewis does none of these things. After a moment of shock (which, Nico gets it, really) he hesitantly returns the kiss and it feels like a mix of their first and last kiss.
Slow, sweet and hesitant like the first.
Distant, awkward and brief like the last.
In between though, there is a familiar warm, grounding feeling Nico has only ever known with Lewis and he swallows down the tears.
Lewis tastes like peach and home, he’s so close the scent of his aftershave surrounds him and makes his stomach do funny things and Lewis hesitantly cups Nico’s cheek.
Nico almost cries at that and just deepens the kiss which in turn seems to give Lewis the courage to pull him closer. His thumb gently brushes over Nico’s cheek and when they pull back after a while they both have tears in their eyes.
Nico is actually speechless. Not something that happens too often and Lewis clears his throat. “I’m-“
“Don’t you dare and say you’re sorry,” Nico interrupts him, panic spreading through his chest and stomach. “No, you can’t meet with me and tell me about fresh starts and- and hold my hand and then- return the kiss and-“
“I actually just wanted to say I’m so fucking relieved,” Lewis says softly, an amused smile playing around his lips. “No need to worry, baby.”
The pet name makes Nico blush once more, his stomach drops three levels and he closes his eyes, letting out a breathless laugh. “Fuck you. You know the internet will go crazy, right?”
He can hear Lewis laugh quietly as well, the sound making something in him bloom and he can feel Lewis run his hand through Nico’s hair. “Yeah. I always liked the edits.”
So did Nico, though they also always made him incredibly nostalgic and sad most of the time.
They’re both aware they have weeks of talking and therapy ahead of them - you can’t erase a decade of bitterness over a simple kiss.
But this is a tentative promise for a new beginning. A fresh start, not just for Lewis as a driver but also them.
Nico is pretty sure he has not felt this many emotions since Abu Dhabi 2016.
They bury their peach cores together on their spot on the cliff as a promise for something new before they head back to the car.