Chapter Text
suo was a very reserved person. typically he avoids being touched, he avoids talking of himself, avoids getting close to people, and he flits to and fro from the shadows of lies.
it wasn’t the first time someone had actively tried to pull him completely out of it.
he hated it. he did not like the idea of being put on display, every last little dark crevice of his mind, every last little ounce of cowardice, everything true about suo that he hated. his faults, his shortcomings, his loneliness.
so he further closed himself off, smiling even more, despite how significantly harder it was this time around, and being more obviously avoidant.
it worked, for a time. tsugeura left him alone, for the most part.
there were still glances, of course, but that wasn’t really all too out of the norm. suo was used to being stared at, so it wasn’t a big deal.
no one needed to know of suo’s mind. if tsugeura learned best about a person through fighting, then suo would avoid fighting him.
he had accepted the request once, but, as soon as he realized just what exactly tsugeura had meant by aesthetics— he stopped, yielded, and smiled- saying something about having twisted his ankle wrong, or a paper cut, making it difficult for a proper fight that would be of tsugeura’s standards—and suo promptly walked away.
tsugeura was blunt, took things at face value, and honest—bright. open, unafraid. certain, sure of himself. trusting.
suo.. was none of those things. he may be blunt at times, and used to have no other choice but to take things at face value—but, nonetheless. he was covert, scared, and the direct product of other peoples’ goals and personalities.
he had a script. he acted.
he acted off script, doing a bit of improv here and there to balance the mood or get things going—but there was still someway he had acted. smiling, laughing, teasing, polite, and courteous.
respectable, controlled, mature, well-mannered.. it wasn’t that suo actively lied, or spoke only lies— it was just-
never let anyone know anything else.
he was an observant kid, and still actively maintains that despite the loss of one eye’s sight.
tsugeura easily believed things, and had so much trust in people. it was.. scary.
kiryu was a bit more guarded of a personality, but.. mature, in his own sense — he still was open, not actively hiding certain things about himself.
sugishita didn’t talk much, but he never lied. he only spoke when he felt it important, had something true to say or point out. he never felt the need to hide.
nirei was well aware of the dangers of truth. but it was obvious. he didn’t hide it, and he acted however he did to quell a situation from getting out of hand, anxious and scared whenever it got bad—but he also still, shone brightly, passionately, and was invested in any truths he could scrap up and jot down. he studied what was true, and logged it down, keeping track of it all—valiant, interested, and.. someone suo needs to be wary of, all the same.
suo saw himself in nirei. but nirei never tried to hide himself from their friends.
all of them were so bright in their own ways, and suo avoided light like he were a vampire.
but sakura.. there was a reason suo was adamant about him being the captain.
suo noticed, observed, listened—he knew. sakura could be trusted, sakura was observant, and sakura was the fresh breath of air they needed. he could afford placing his trust in people—he just needed to learn how to, first. suo found himself wanting to push that along—because sakura would make an amazing leader.
sakura wasn’t niave, he was inexperienced and ignorant—but strong, confident—used to being alone.
someone who is used to being alone knows the intricacies of trust. he knows of the intricacies of people, always cautious, always observant—sakura was perfect for being their class’ leader. not just because he was strong, but because he—it was the way his mind worked, that suo was confident in.
he saw the way the gears shifted in sakura’s mind, the way his sharp eyes flittered and flicked across the room, ready to defend himself—now, ready to defend his classmates and school— sakura was undoubtedly a good person, no matter how hard he may actively try to hide it or come off as something else.
he shined bright, loudly, but never enforced that brightness anywhere. it was almost as though he couldn’t control it yet—just, discovering it for the first time.
sakura was someone everyone could trust, even sugishita. to some degree.
but, as to be expected, suo wasn’t spared from that observant gaze of their captain, who for some reason, always seemed to spot what others did not.
akin to sugishita, but sugishita never said anything. akin to kiryu, but kiryu could never break through and only spoke on it when he was confident.
sakura blurts things out, blunt, inexperienced with social interaction.
“you’re grimacing.”
it seemed, with how exhausting it was to maintain his smile around tsugeura—he’d begun being translated slowly by sakura. transcribing and learning the intricate language of suo hayato’s smiles. the gears shifting and turning, sakura noticing the little differences wasn’t new —but connecting the dots of what he saw and what they meant was.
it was growing more difficult each passing day, with the brightness trying to melt away the shadows on suo— it was difficult enough with just tsugeura. he put this on himself. he welcomed sakura in, pushed him forwards, got the class to welcome him with open arms—
he knew deep down he just wanted someone else to deflect onto. no matter what observations or dialogue suo made, he knew deep down it wasn’t as noble as a thing as it came off as.
“hellooooo? suo?”
ah. he didn’t respond.
he tilted his head, fixing his smile, “is our dear captain worried for little ol’ me?”
expecting, wholly, that sakura would quickly grow flustered and scream no, and drop the subject, looking away from suo.
instead, he was met with a glare, more direct, like he was cutting down suo’s words.
sakura was getting tired of his antics.
unlike tsugeura, sakura didn’t trust that easily—didn’t just accept it, and move on.
it was something that suo admired about their captain, yet despised. especially when it was aimed his way.
no amount of light shined on suo would get him to reveal the depth of shadow that clung to him.
the sun made the shadows run, after all. but they were always there, whenever there was light—shadow followed, shadow crept away, shadow hid.
“eh?”
they went on patrol with kiryu, instead of nirei, this time. which was odd, but not uncommon. nirei was often roped into switching schedules with kiryu whenever the boy didn’t want to deal with tsugeura—which, to be fair, suo can’t blame kiryu for.
although, it’s odd, particularly, because kiryu and tsugeura started getting along better, especially after sakura came along.
“is suo limping, too?” the pink haired boy whispered, not so secretively, to their captain, leaning besides him and covering his mouth to his ear.
kiryu wasn’t oblivious, either. he usually made judgements quickly, though—and they weren’t very trustworthy as a result. yet, he’s been getting more calculating, as well.
that was just enough for sakura to stop walking, and point at suo, shouting, “what’s wrong with you—!?”
kiryu stepped back, and suo stopped with them. but, still, arms folded behind his back and smile and attitude as perky as ever— he laughed. “that’s rude to ask someone, sakura~”
“heh? is it—?” deflated, easily—-and, nope. suo predicted wrong. “aagh—!!! just shut up and tell us what’s wrong with you!”
the bi-color haired boy grabbed suo by his shirt and shook him roughly, only causing suo to laugh more— “for someone showing concern, you are quite careless~”
he woefully shrugged, pretending to wipe a tear.
and that was what got sakura to huff and release him with a grumble, finally continuing on their route.
kiryu still observed them, interesting. he lingered back—and suo smiled towards him with a tilt of his head to the side, “well?”
“ah. right.” kiryu shrugged, following their leader once again. suo, shortly after.
suo had to be more careful, now. he’s already slipped up so many times—
the class was able to get out of him that he hated natto. and that was more personal of a detail then they ever needed to know.
in truth, he was envious. each day he came to class, envy pooled in the back of his mind, clawing away at him. his hands behind his back tightening, he’d continue on with the day, knowing that each day, he wished—no matter how hard he tried to stop those thoughts—that he worked like them.
they all.. seemed to connect with one another so easily. understand each other. fit. suo could observe and mimic, act a certain way, do anything all he wants—and he still won’t be able to connect the same way they all do.
he doesn’t understand what’s missing. why can’t he work the same way as them? what was it holding himself back, and why couldn’t he simply do it? and a small thought chimes in the back of his mind, reminding him of sakura—why care so much?
why care so much over such things.
it was obvious. they were light, he was shadow. shadow can never become light no matter how hard it tried—and even then, it can never exist without light.
ah. he was getting lost in his head, again. something his master always berated him for. something he can’t seem to stop himself from doing, especially more recently, especially because of them. ‘them’ being his classmates.
he was learning a lot of things this year. about himself, about others—yet, he wouldn’t say that aloud.
he did a few times, because of sakura—to sakura. suo knew he wasn’t all that strong. and seeing sakura fight for the first time.. suo felt..
passion well up inside him. a kind of motivation he never expected to have—a want to get better, prove himself capable of keeping up—it was odd. it was very, very odd. suo hated fighting, suo hated getting dirty, suo hated violence and noise and everything sakura seemed to embody, everything his friends—his classmates seemed to embody.
and yet.. he found himself wanting to reach out of the shadow more and more.