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Chapter Text

The timer dings and the two of you back away from your respective punching bags, glaring at each other while trying to get your breath back from the three minute boxing drill.

The scores recorded from the drills on the punching bags appear on the display, and you are not happy with the result.

“Looks like I win, toots,” your opponent says, pulling off his boxing gloves and trying to act casual, but he’s clearly just as wiped out as you are.  You pull your own boxing gloves off in disgust and throw them down on the ring before ducking under the ropes to go grab some water.  To your chagrin, your bottle is empty, so you walk over to the dispenser with a stormy expression on your face.

“Waste of time,” you mutter, flicking the faucet on a little more violently than was warranted before filling up your bottle and guzzling down the water. 

“Whoa, what are you, part camel?” he chuckles, walking out of the ring, groaning as he steps through the ropes.  “I’m gettin’ too old for this,” he mutters, which causes you to smirk evilly.  Yeah, you could be petty, especially at this obnoxious man named Stan Pines who started to show up at your boxing gym every day at the start of the summer. Yeah, he was really good at boxing, often winning the sparing sessions, but he was so smarmy about it.  And to make matters worse, your patrons had even started to ask when “Mr. Pines” was going to start teaching classes at your gym.  Today was the last straw, and you challenged him to a drill competition after hours, just to shut him up.  But to your now-eternal anger, he had won. 

“You’re supposed to stay hydrated,” you answer tartly, and take another swig.  “Don’t you have a home to go to?”

He stretches and cracks his back before walking over the dispenser himself.  “Yeah,” he says.  “But I ain’t leavin’ until you tell me what that chip on your shoulder is all about.”

You snort.  “Maybe I don’t like know-it-alls waltzing into my gym and acting like they own the place,”

“Oh c’mon, the townspeople love me- I can’t help it!”  He fills up his cup, craning his neck back to talk to you.  “Look kid, I’m just havin’ fun, no need to be a jerk about it,” He looks at his cup of water for a moment, then pours the water all over himself before taking off his tank top and wringing it out.

“Are you serious?” you burst in disbelief.  “How can you have such total disregard for this place?!”

“Whoa, easy sweetheart!  Not like there’s carpet or anything!  I’ll clean it up,” he says, with a smirk, clearly enjoying getting under your skin as he fills his cup up again.  This time he drinks it, then says,  “Where’s the mop?”

“Over there,” you say shortly. 

“Great,” he answers, and soon is working to soak up the water he had spilled as you watch with your arms crossed and a stormy look on your face.

“Enjoyin’ the view?” he asks with a gleam in his eye.

You are so angry you feel like you are going to explode.  “Put your shirt back on,” you finally splutter.  “And see if I ever let you back in here again.”  You turn on your heel and stomp over to your office.

It wasn’t even as if he’s hot- sure, his chest was broad and his arms were pretty large, and his skin was tanned from apparently sailing around the world most of the year, but he has a gut and is too hairy- and that stupid gold medallion is so unbelievably cheesy-  what year did he think this was anyway?  And his stupid nicknames- toots, kid, sweetheart… ugh it made you so mad…

You spin around again, ready to give him a piece of your mind.  “You know, it’s people like you who-” you stop as you see the expression on his face.  He looks like someone had hit him upside the head and he was hearing little birdies chirp before falling over, or like he had taken a hit of some mellow inducing drug.  “Uh, Pines?  You OK?”

“Anyone ever tell ya how gorgeous you are?” he asks, the dreamy expression still on his face.

“Wha?” you are completely flummoxed.

He lets the mop drop to the floor, and begins walking towards you.  “Wanna know somethin’?,” he asks, “I would do anything for you.”

“Heh,” you say, still absolutely confused as to what is going on.  “You can finish cleaning up your mess.”

“All done,” he says, and a quick glance shows you he is telling the truth.  When you look back, he is standing inches away from you.  He says your name in a low voice, almost like a growl.

You shiver.

“Pines,” you say in a quiet voice, trying to snap him out of it.  “Stan…”

And he pulls you into a kiss.

You have never felt so energized before.  Kissing him is like- getting a shot of adrenaline, being at peak runner’s high, and waking up after a perfect 8 hours of sleep combined.  You close your eyes and deepen the kiss, putting your hands on his bare chest, and feeling an amazing warmth that seems to flow right through you.  Your shirt slightly rides up as you shift to move your arms around his neck, and he puts his hands on the barely exposed skin of your waist, and you feel the incredible heat flowing into you from his hands as well.

He lets out a hum of pure bliss as you once more renew the kiss, this time allowing the ravenous feeling that was gnawing at you to take control, the long, passionate kiss quickly dissolving into deep, fast kisses that travels along his jaw- with his delicious stubble- down his strong neck and across to his muscled shoulders, eliciting a sigh from him as you follow his gold chain all around with your kisses, as your hands caress his torso.  You stumble around until Stan hits the wall with his back, and the two of you slide down so you’re kneeling over him, not breaking the kiss as  Stan pulls you towards him by the back of your neck, then once more puts his hands on your waist as you press your lips to his broad chest as he says your name over and over-

Wait- what are you doing?  You freeze as your faculties begin to return to you.  This guy is your sworn enemy- an annoying know-it-all who causes you nothing but frustration and anger, who everybody likes but only you see him for the braggart, two-bit conman he is, and you are suddenly making out with him like you never have before?

“Don’ stop,” he mumbles quietly, but you have to pull away-

And are treated to a horrific sight.

He is completely, literally grey, cracks all over his body.  His eyes slowly began closing-

“Oh… oh my gosh- Pines… Pines, talk to me,” you say urgently, shaking his shoulders to keep him awake- but more cracks appear where your hands touch his skin.  You yank them away in shock.  “Stan!” you choke.

“Heh,” he says.  “Nigh’ beautiful,” and freezes as if turned to stone.

No.  Not as if turned to stone.

He is stone.

“Oh my gosh.” you whisper.  “Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh.” you start hyperventilating, reaching out to touch him again but stopping yourself last minute.

The realization that you could harm him if you touch him is enough to snap you out of your panic.  “OK. OK.  Call 911.  Yeah.”  You turn to him.  “Hang tight, Pines,” you say.  “Help is on the way.”

You race to your office and pick up your phone, dialing 911- and getting a busy signal. Did 911 even have a busy signal?  Maybe you misdialed, your hands are shaking so badly- you try again, and get the same result.

“OK,” you say aloud, trying to keep yourself calm.  “Pines… Pines mentioned he has a brother- and he has family in town.” you rack your brains for more information- he had told you he is a part of- “The Mystery Shack!” you snap your fingers, and quickly type in the name of the tourist trap, finding the phone number and dialing it.

“Mystery Shack, this is Mr. Mystery,” a friendly voice says on the other end of the phone.

You gulp, unsure of what to say.

“Hello?” says the voice.

“Hi, this is the owner of the In Your Corner Boxing Studio, and, uh, I have Stan Pines here and he’s… he’s very hurt, but I can’t reach the-”

“Mr. Pines is hurt?” the voice asks, full of fear.  You feel so guilty.  “We’ll be right there.” And the line disconnects.

You put down your phone, glad somebody is coming to help, and grab the eucalyptus towels out of the fridge.  You can’t touch him, but maybe the towels would help him wake up, or at least soothe-

You let out a small yelp when you look at where you had left Pines.  A giant stone gargoyle, complete with horns, fangs, claws, and wings, is sitting in his place.  You walk over to it and swallow, noticing that despite the monster features and cracks all over the gargoyle, it still has Pines’ features.

What is happening?

You know this town has some weird stuff that goes on, but you had mostly avoided it- you live just above the boxing studio, so you didn’t have to walk home at night, and you rarely go out in the woods on the edge of town.  Your biggest worries since you moved here a few months ago were starting your gym, keeping it afloat, and getting Stan Pines out of your life and now…

“Excuse me,” a pleasant male voice comes from the door, interrupting your thoughts.  You whirl around to see a few odd silhouettes against the streetlights .  “Wait, don’t come any closer,” the voice continues.  “Let me explain first.”

You automatically go into a defensive stance.  “Who are you?”  you ask menacingly.

“We’re Stanley’s family,” the voice says.  “I’m his brother, Ford, and with me are our great-niece and great-nephew.  We heard he was hurt and are here to help.”

“Oh thank heaven,” you straighten up and sigh in relief. “But why don’t you want me to…” you trail off as the three silhouettes come into the light.

A sphinx- a lion with beautiful multicolored feathered wings- and comically, a trenchcoat, sweater, pants, and glasses pads towards you, flanked on either side by teenage boy and girl centaurs- well, almost- the boy seems to be half deer, and the girl- holy cow, the girl has a unicorn horn sticking out of her head.

You sway, feeling like you are about to faint.

“Whoa-oa there,” the girl gallops- gallops- up to you to steady your arm.  Then she snorts.  “Heheh- whoa there.  Heh.”

“Thanks,” you say, then shake your head- you could address this weirdness later.  “He’s over there,” you point, and the sphinx and deer centaur go over to him.  “Um- I don’t know what happened, but we were- uh, sparring,” You’re sure you are as red as a tomato- “ and one thing lead to another and he suddenly turned grey, and his-” I swallowed.  “his skin was cracking, and then he turned into this…statue…”

“Hmmmmm,” the sphinx- Ford- puts a paw on his chin. 

This is freaking ridiculous.

“It’s not a statue,” he says, smiling with his odd hybrid of human and lion face.  “Stanley has become a gargoyle.”

“Oh, is that all?” you say faintly.  “I thought something was wrong.”  You step closer.

“Oh, something is wrong- from what you’ve described with the cracked skin and freezing- he has been badly hurt.  But gargoyles are incredibly resilient, and can heal themselves while turned completely to stone.  He should be fine soon- I haven’t had enough research on gargoyles to tell you the timing, but-” he turns to give you a reassuring smile, and suddenly has the dreamy look on his face his brother had been wearing earlier.  “He…should…be…” he sighs happily.

“Uh… Mr. Pines?” You ask nervously.

“It’s… it’s Dr. Pines, actually,” he says.  “But please, call me… Ford.  I don’t think I caught your name?”

“Um, look,” you start to back away, “this-this just happened with P- uh, your brother, and I think something weird is-”

“Whoa, Dip, are you OK?” the unicorn girl says, and you look at her brother, who is looking at you with his mouth open, head tilted to one side, red as red could be.

“Um, I’ll be in my office, I’ll see you guys later, bye!”

You turn and run, hearing both Ford and the teenage boy protest behind you before you slam the door.

Chapter Text

What was going on?

You slide down with your back to the door, sobbing as you try to make sense of everything that had happened in the past half hour.

After a little while, you become gradually aware of some knocking on your door, and the girl’s voice calling your name.

“Go away,” you say.

“That doesn’t mean don’t come in!” she says cheerfully, and somehow the door opens even with you leaning against it to reveal a teenage girl with a horn on her head and the centaur body of a white horse.

You should have been grateful she didn’t use her horn to poke through.  “Hello!” she says cheerfully.  “I’m Mabel!” she holds out a hand, which you tentatively take.

You give her your name, then say “Um, sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but- have you always been like-” you mime having a horn on your head.  “This?”

“Ha, no,” the girl says.  “There’s something in the water- it’s affected the whole town.  Grunkle Ford thinks he remembers a legend about this but has to do a lot of research, so in the meantime we’re dealing with all the crazy emergencies that’re going on and making sure no one’s dead!”

She says this so cheerfully all you can do is stare.

“What?” you say finally.

“The entire town has been turned into monsters.  Grunkle Ford and Dipper and Soos and Melody and I have been going around calming people down and telling them about what they are and that soon we’re going to fix everything eventually.”  She says patiently.  “We’ve recruited some more people too so we can spread the word.  Good thing three of us can fly.  Well, I guess four now as soon as Grunkle Stan wakes up.”

“Oh,” you say, your head spinning but comprehension dawning.  You just need for it to sink in.  The girl- Mabel- waits good-naturedly as you go over everything- Pines would be OK, people were turning into monsters but they probably were going to be OK, there were teams out there making sure people don’t drink the-

“Water!” You shout suddenly.  “I drank the water!”

“Yep,” Mabel nods her head and beams.

Cold fear seizes you.  “What… what am I going to turn in to?”

“It’s already happened,” Mabel says, her cheeriness replaced by a soft, pitying smile that would have set you off at any other time, but instead only seems to add to the terror you feel.

You look at your hands- they seem normal- and you definitely don’t have a fish tail or horse legs or anything-

“What?  How? I… I look normal, don’t I?” you ask.

“Ford said you’re a succubus.” Mabel responds.

“He what?!” you bristle.

“A succubus- they’re demons that feed-”

“I know what a succubus is!” you say hotly, not wanting a teenager to tell you about demons that enchant and seduce men to feed off of their life energy.  You furrow your eyebrows and try to ignore how all the past events fit in the description- Pines and his brother and oh gosh that poor kid- all becoming ridiculous when they came near you, the hunger and energy you felt as you kissed Pines, and how the poor guy almost literally crumbled when you touched him.  “Oh no,” you bury your face in your hands.

“You’re really lucky!” Mabel continues.  “Already we’ve found a couple of mud monsters, and they are wild.  Here,” she twists her torso and pulls something out of her purse.  “This is for you,” she touches the top of your shirt, and you see she had put a sticker on you- a donut with the words “Donut Worry” on it.  “Grunkle Ford says it’s probably best if you stay home for a little bit and don’t talk to any guys.  If you need anything, just call the Mystery Shack, and either me or Melody will be here to help you out.” She backs out of your office and gives you a reassuring smile, and you watch as she trots out of the door, spreading wings you hadn’t noticed before and flying away.

You stay there frozen for you don’t know how long.  This had to be a dream.

Finally you get up and walk over to the front door of your gym, and dare yourself to look outside-

It looks like Halloween.  People with wings, horns, scales, and fur- green, blue, purple- this is impossible!

A cyclops makes eye contact with you, and as the dreamy expression you had seen before drifts over his face, you quickly slam and lock the door, shutting off the lights.

Oh boy.

You can’t sleep that night.  The guilt about what you did to Pines is making you feel like you have an ulcer.  Yeah, he was a jerk, but nobody deserved to have their soul sucked out.  And…especially in that way.  Kissing someone is supposed to be because you like them and they like you.  And now…

Ugh this was so stupid. 

Finally the sun rises, and you decide to go running to at least get rid of some of this tension.  It was probably safe, right?  Most dangerous monsters couldn’t handle the sun, and it would be so early you wouldn’t run into anyone and steal their soul.

You let out a deep sigh as the heaviness of knowing you could take someone’s life force washed over you.  Hopefully the sphinx- Ford- would find a cure soon.  Or, you smile as another thought comes to you, maybe this whole thing will have worn off by now…

As you get into the run, your worries about everything begin to fade away.  It is a beautiful morning- the sun is out for once, the birds are singing (sounding totally normal), and, despite your lack of sleep, your speed is picking up.  You grin to yourself and allow your mind to drift into the runner’s high…

And you think about that kiss.  Wow.  No one had ever kissed you like that before, and you’ve never kissed anyone like that before either.  You remember how wonderful it was to have those strong arms around you, to be pulled that close to someone, and still feel like it wasn’t close enough.  In the detached way your thoughts worked as you ran, you think it’s so weird that it had been Pines- of all men- who had really made you feel so… desirable.  His sole purpose in life seemed to be to show how much better he was than you- always bragging about stuff he and his brother did, showing off how good he was at boxing, making your students like him, and just… hanging around. Probably to catch you in a mistake.

But all that doesn’t factor in because of the whole- succubus- thing.  Even in your hazy thoughts, the word makes you shudder.  You had enchanted Pines, and you yourself had felt something take over during the kiss- it was all part of the curse.  Let’s be real, as a succubus, any kiss would have been just as fiery and incredible with a total stranger whom you didn’t hate- probably better.  And honestly, a kiss under normal circumstances would never be that great, right?

Especially with Stan Pines.

Chapter Text

It’s the end of the first full day, and Mabel has set up a town-wide group text (which she moves quickly to email after your phones constantly are blowing up with “ ‘Kay” or “Toby Determined liked the message ‘this is the Monster Falls Group Text”) so you can all be updated on how everything is going.  According to the status update, no one has been killed or seriously hurt, which makes you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders.  Apparently Pines has recovered.

Mabel also passes on a message from Ford that he and his assistants are working hard to figure out what is going on with the water.  In the meantime, Ford encourages everyone to do research on what you had been turned into so you could take care of yourselves and not put others in danger.  Wanting to make sure you aren’t the cause of a burden, you dutifully read the short wikipedia article about succubi, but have to close your laptop in disgust and feel like you have to take a shower after three minutes of typing “succubus” into the search bar of the general internet.

Well, that’s a bust.

It’s going to be a boring next couple of… well, however long it takes to find a cure.  Unless you can figure out how to turn off your enchantment, you will need to stay home.  And you don’t quite trust yourself to experiment on controlling the enchantment; it would put others in danger, and you won’t take that risk.

So it looks like you’re going to have to make some changes.

You can order grocery delivery and go running early in the morning or late at night so you won’t run into anyone.  You probably can still put on your classes for women, but you would most likely have to bar guys from coming until everything is fixed- and there went a good chunk of your revenue. But according to what you’ve heard, weird things happen in this town all the time, so finding a cure was just another Tuesday, and it probably wouldn’t take that long… right?

Night three’s email arrives as you’re at your computer looking at the books and trying to figure out how you can reorganize your classes.  The email informs you that according to legend, the curse is based on one’s insecurities, and if a person can get over that insecurity they can break the curse.  You groan and lean back in your chair.  What on earth does that even mean?  How does a succubus have anything to do with being insecure?  If anything it would be the opposite- attracting any man at any time, using them up and walking away?  Like, come on!

It's been a week since this all started, and the email newsletter is filled with stories of people who are already changing back.  That’s nice, you think blearily, and turn over in your bed.  You feel so tired, and didn’t even get out of your pajamas all day.  Figures you would get a stupid cold or something on top of everything that was going on.  Although you don’t have any of the usual symptoms, just weakness, you’re sure it was only a matter of time.

A sluggish thought in your head points out that you haven’t eaten anything since the change, but you weren’t really hungry- even your favorite ice cream was sitting in the freezer untouched.  But that didn’t matter, if you weren’t hungry it meant you didn’t need food, right?  Right, you’re just getting a cold…

Your phone vibrates on your nightstand, and you put the covers over your head and wait for it to stop- but it keeps going.  You realize someone is trying to call you.  Ugh, you really don’t want to talk to anyone right now, but if you don’t answer the phone it won’t stop vibrating...

“Hello?” you asked wearily as you turn it on speaker, not even having the energy to hold the phone up to your ear.

“Whoa, kid, you sound awful.”

You immediately recognize the voice. “Thanks Pines, you always know what to say,” you answer sarcastically despite your exhaustion, before realizing you should probably be nicer to someone you had almost killed a few days ago. 

Geez, you are so tired. 

“It’s a gift,” he says, apparently clueless… or unfazed.  It’s really hard to tell with the guy.  He’s always so confident…

Which, your exhausted brain is willing to admit, is actually pretty cool.

“Pines,” you start, determined to make things right despite how crummy you feel.  “I- I just wanted to say I’m sorry for the whole… you know…”

“Heh, don’t mention it,” he answers.  “It’s a pretty great story,” he says, and you can practically see that stupid gleam in his eye he likes to use to rile you up. “I mean, it’s not every day I almost die from makin’ out with a gorgeous broad,”

Any other day you would have told him off, but you are so tired all you can do is groan.  “You were just the first guy around.  Don’t read too much into it.”

His laugh is so loud it makes your table rattle.  “Anyway, I was wonderin’ if you changed back yet.”

“No,” you sigh, and your eyes close- it’s too much effort to keep them open.  “I honestly don’t even know how I ended up like this, so I think it’s gonna be a while.  What about you?”

“Nu uh,” he says.  “’Cept I know why I’m like this, and I ain’t gonna change back anytime soon.”

“Well.” You say, starting to drift off to sleep.  “Good thing you’re indestructible enough to survive my kiss of death.” you yawn.  “OK, I’m gonna go t’sleep…”

“Kid, wait, hang on,” Pines’ voice is urgent enough to keep me awake.

“Wha?” you ask tiredly.

“How you holdin’ up with the whole, you know… food thing?”

“Haven’t touched anyone since you,” you answer.  “And now I’m getting a cold.”

“You really think demons get colds?” comes the chuckle from the other end of the phone.

“I’m not a demon, leave me alone I want to go to sleep.”  You grope for your phone and shut it off, and instantly fall into oblivion.

The next thing you remember are familiar voices swimming over you.

Told ya she was in a bad way.

Grunkle Stan, you have to kiss her- like in the fairy tales!

There’s a snort. Yeah, an’ have to deal with a lawsuit?  Pass.

That may be the only way, Stanley. 

I ain’t even feelin’ her enchantment, are you Ford?  It might not even work- she might be too far gone.

We have to try, a voice you don’t recognize chimes in.  And Grunkle Stan, you’re probably the best candidate because you can heal yourself!

There is a huge sigh. Alright.  But nobody watch.

You feel so much better when you wake up, notwithstanding the weird dreams you had.  Nothing like a good night’s sleep to head off a cold.  You stretch, then sit up-

And let out a little shriek as you catch sight of a monster staring at you.

A split second later you realize it isn’t a monster, it’s a statue- heh, what a weird prank.

A split second after that, you realize it isn’t just a statue.

“Oh my gosh,” You mutter under your breath.  “Pines?”

An enormous gargoyle stares at you with pupil-less eyes, horns coming out of his shaggy hair, sharp teeth protruding from his mouth, and huge bat wings creating an almost angelic effect.  You can see he had still been wearing a t-shirt, jacket, and sure enough, that stupid medallion, all the same grey stone as the rest of him.  He’s covered in cracks, just like the first time you had seen him turn to stone.

“So I guess that wasn’t a dream, huh?” you mutter to the sculpture in front of you.  Then you heave a sigh.  “Thanks Pines.” You say softly with a wry, grateful smile.

You go downstairs to your gym, ready to put in the hardest workout of your life to get rid of all the fear, guilt, annoyance, and who knows what else, absent-mindedly wondering how nutrition and things like that worked now that your body no longer needs food, when you run into Mabel.

She is no longer a unicorn centaur.

“Oh my gosh, Mabel, congratulations!” you say.  “When did you turn back?”

“Earlier today,” she says with a big smile.  “I kind of miss the wings, though.” She sighs, then returns her happy expression to you.  “I’m glad you seem to be OK too!”  She waits.  “Is… is Grunkle Stan OK?”

“I think so,” you say carefully. “He’s just this frozen stone statue, but your, uh, Grunkle Ford says that was how he healed himself?”

“Yup!,” Mabel says.  “I’ll just wait for him to wake up and make sure he doesn’t accidentally run into you.” She stopped and put up a hand.  “No offense.”

You grin and roll your eyes.  “None taken.”  You pick up your boxing gloves.  “Do you mind if I do some exercises?”

“Go ahead,” she answers, taking a seat.  “Grunkle Stan has been teaching me to box,”

“Has he?” you ask.  “That’s really great, good for you!” And good for him too you add in your mind.  You walk over to the supply box.  “Wanna practice with me?”

Her face becomes even brighter, if that were even possible.  “Yes! Absolutely!”

You grin, tossing her a pair of boxing gloves.  “Let’s go,”

It turns out Pines had used the same number system you do for teaching boxing, making it easy for you and Mabel to run through a bunch of drills.  It feels so good not only to move again, but to teach.  It had only been a few days for you with no energy, but it seemed like a lifetime, and this return to normalcy is such a huge mood booster.  Of course, it helps that Mabel is such a great student.

She also is very chatty, telling you about how she and her family have been working around town to help take care of everyone- zombies and vampires and fairies and creatures you have only heard of in random books.  Apparently Ford’s specialty was studying different creatures, so dealing with the sudden transformation of the whole town was a lot less terrible than it could have been. 

“Oh that’s amazing!” you tell Mabel, then set the timer for another combination.  “2-2-3-2-1, ready?”

“Got it!” She says.

“Actually,” you say, out of breath during the punching.  “I’m surprised there aren’t more paranormal researchers out here beside your uncle,”

“Well,” Mabel starts, also struggling to talk.  “There was this whole coverup cult up until about a year ago,” She puts in extra effort in the combo, then the timer rings and the two of you drop back, trying to get your breath back.  “But me and Dip and Soos and Wendy kind of blew the whole thing apart. 

“I’m sorry, a cult?” You ask disbelievingly.

Mabel laughs.  “Yeah- it’s a wild story.  But everyone got so used to not talking about stuff, and so they just… don’t.”

“Ha, yeah, Mayor Tyler caught me up on that in his welcome speech to me.  “You’re gonna see some weird stuff around here, but just don’t mention it to anyone.”  You pause before you reset the timer.  “It’s actually been kind of lonely.”

“Until I showed up, right toots?” Pines’ unmistakable voice comes from the stairwell. 

“Grunkle Stan, don’t come down!” Mabel calls.  Then she gives you an expectant look, and you sigh and walk over to your office and shut the door.  You hear a muffled call of “OK, you’re good!” and wait for some indication that they are leaving.

Instead you hear some mutterings, then Pines’ trademark belly laugh.  A few more muffled sounds, with the voice that must have belonged to Mabel sounding almost like it’s protesting, and a moment later there is a knock at your door.  “Hey kid, can y’ hear me?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“Good.” There’s a pause.  “See Mabel?  I’m fine.”

Her response is unintelligible.

“Look, it looks like this might last a while.  I don’ want you to, y’know, die, or anything, an’… and it looks like I can get over your, uh…your thing, so- do you want me to come over like, every other day or something so you can, you know…”

Your jaw drops, and you are just… speechless.

“Kid?”

“Yeah?” you barely croak.

“D’ya want me to come over once in a while so you don’t die?  Ford says as long as you set a timer to snap you outta the kissin’ I should be OK.”  He clears his throat- it sounds more gravely than usual, and despite the insanity of the situation, or perhaps because of it, you let out a mad little giggle.  Gravely- he was a stone gargoyle… ha.  “Or is this one of those ‘not if you were the last man on earth’ typea situations?  ‘Cause… ‘cause if that was it I’d understand…”

You still don’t know what to say, and it seems like a silent eternity passes.  “Oh-OK, then,” Pines says finally.  “Never mind-”

“Why?” you finally get out.  “Why would you do this?  It’s stupid and kind of gross and-”

“Maybe I wanna help- or maybe I like making out with a hot girl on the regular so I can brag about it.”

“Grunkle Stan!” you hear Mabel protest.

“Look, this whole thing is weird enough.” Pines continues, apparently ignoring her.  “We know you can’t survive without suckin’ face with some poor schmo, an’ it’s not like you got a boyfriend,”

“Hey!” you interrupt angrily.  “You don’t know that!”

“Oh come on,” you hear him chuckle on the other side of the door.  “You spend all day and all night here at the gym.  Plus, it’s Gravity Falls.  Pretty slim pickins for someone your age.”

“Are you insulting me on purpose?” you shout exasperatedly.

“Just statin’ facts,” he answers good naturedly. “Anyways, even if you did have a guy, he couldn’t take it like I can.  An’ we really don’t want anyone to die ‘cause of all this, so if you need to kiss someone to stay alive… it might as well be me.”

You finally find you voice.  “Pines…” you swallow.  No, that doesn’t seem right.  “Stan,” You take a deep breath.  “Thank you.”

“That mean yes?”

You swallow again.  “Yeah.”

“All right,” he says.  “See you tomorrow?”

“Uh… I seem to be fine for a couple of days,” cringing as you say it.  “Maybe the day after tomorrow?”

“Done.”  He says.  You brace yourself for suggestive or teasing remarks, but none come.

A few moments later, you hear Mabel shout.  “We’re gone, it’s safe, bye!” And you hear the door slam.

What had you just agreed to?

Chapter Text

You take most of the day to clean up the gym and create new rules so you can start teaching again.  After several drafts of an email trying to explain why you could only accept women, you settle with a warning that if men saw you it would kill them.  You hope that wouldn’t make anyone too curious, but it was definitely better than “I would make you instantly fall in love with me and make out with you until you die” – a lot of guys would probably take that as a challenge. 

That night you stare up at your ceiling, no longer having anything to distract you, and think about what could possibly have been the reason for your curse.  After who knows how long, you come up with zero theories.  You drift off to sleep, awfully discouraged.

The next morning is much better, and you have a surprising amount of students in your classes.  Everyone seems grateful to have something normal to do, and it was actually kind of fun seeing what kind of creatures people had turned into.

Something slightly scary that you learn the first day is that your hunger is almost an enchantment to you as well. You see a few men peering through the windows curiously, and when you make eye contact with them and once more see their dream-like expression…you feel drawn to them too, and, almost like a switch is turning on, give them a seductive smile.  Luckily you aren’t starving like you had been before and are able to snap out of it and turn away, but it was something you now understood you have to keep in check.

This is so dumb.

“Hello?” You hear Pines’ voice call the next night as he walks into the gym.  “Hey kid, y’here?”

“I’m in my office!” you force yourself to yell through the door.

“Oh,” The floor shakes; as if a boulder has been dropped from the ceiling- or as if a gargoyle had landed in front of your door.  “Uh, d’ya want me to come in, or…”

“No,” you say miserably, trying very hard to not sound like you are whining. “I just… I feel bad about this,”

“Look, kid, if you don’t wanna kiss me I can go right now-”

“No!  It’s just- I don’t like the idea of seducing you so I can use you,” you stick your tongue out as if you had eaten something bitter.  “It even feels gross saying it,”

There is another crash, and you guess he just sat down. “You’re actin’ like I don’t get anything outta this too,” he says.  “Seriously, I’ve had a lot of fun so far- those’ve been the best kisses I ever had.”

“You’re making it worse,” you groan.

His loud laugh shakes the entire building.  “Kid!  You’re making this weirder than you need to!  You’re a great girl and I can help, and I wanna help.  End of story.  Now come on, you don’t even have to buy me dinner first!”

“PINES!” you yell in exasperation, his laughter the only response.  He is so frustrating- it’s time to shut him up.

You yank open the door, ready to give him a piece of your mind, and falter a little.

This is the first time you are seeing Pines in his living gargoyle form, and… whoa, it is something.

You would think that a monster wearing jeans and a tshirt would be hilarious, but that was the last thing you notice.  His eyes glow with a white light, his muscles are more defined than you had ever seen on anybody- you could say he was chiseled, ha- ugh, what is wrong with you?- and everything about him just seems… dangerous.  He is practically emanating… power.

But a split second later, the dumb dreamy look takes over his face.  “That’s what you get for crossing me, Stan Pines,” you say in a sultry voice, giving into the enchantment that is taking over you to help you seduce your prey.  You move languidly towards him, slowly rolling your hips, and smirk as you notice him watch.

He sighs happily.  “Thought… thought that would work,” he says softly, his hand reaching out towards your cheek.  “Y’can’t be scared when you’re mad.”  The energy you remember from your first kiss with Pines flows into you from his hand, and you lean into it, cupping his hand with yours.

You are so hungry- you forget why you had been angry in the first place.  You just want Stan. “Thanks,” you murmur, your eyes closing, hardly paying attention to what you are even saying, “and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he breathes, and pulls you into a hard kiss.

The euphoria shoots through you once again, and you slide your hands over his shoulders, up his neck and into his hair- thankfully still soft- to bring him closer as you open your mouth and deepen the kiss.  He responds with that low, blissful hum of his you are so happy to hear again, and moves his arm to pull you in so there is no space between you, your torso molding against his.

You didn’t think you would be this passionate- after all, the last time had only been the day before yesterday- but there is such a sense of urgency, of… of hunger for him. 

You feel his smile around your kiss, and even though the sensible voice in the back of your head reminds you it’s all enchantment- that it isn’t real- you still can feel your heart expand.  To think someone would smile while you kissed him…

The alarm on your phone goes off, breaking the moment.  You reluctantly pull away to check on Stan, and sure enough, his skin looks chalky and is full of cracks.  “C’mon, babe, just a little longer,” he murmurs, his eyes drooping as he tries but fails to take your hand to pull you back.

“It’s OK Stan.  It’ll be better in the morning.” You watch as he freezes into a solid stone statue, an unlikely guardian in the middle of an empty boxing gym.  “Thank you,” you say, then gently kiss his now-solid hair, and go upstairs to your apartment.

Stan’s frozen form is still there the following morning as you wake up for your run, but is gone by the time you return.  You immediately dial the Mystery Shack to make sure he’s OK, and heave a sigh of relief as the familiar rough voice answers the phone with a “Yeah?”

“Hi Stan, it’s me,” you say.  “I saw you were still downstairs this morning, and just wanted to make sure you got home OK- and that you were doing all right.”

“Worried about your next meal, huh?” he chuckles.

You laugh back.  “Yeah, without you I’d have to make out with a bunch of guys throwing themselves at my feet every day!”        

“Hey, if that’s what you’re into,” he answers, and you can practically hear his mischievous look, even though the phone.

“Hm, maybe you’re right- maybe I shouldn’t hold back next time… if I get you out of the way, nothing’s stopping me from getting all the other guys!”

“What a way to go,” he cracks, and you laugh again. 

“Well,” you say, “I’m glad you’re OK, and, uh, thank you again.” An idea pops into your head.  “What are you favorite kind of cookies?”

“Ha, I don’ really eat cookies these days,”

You mentally smack your forehead.  Of course he doesn’t.  He’s a gargoyle.  “Ah, right.  Sorry.  So… what do you eat?”

“You know- rabbits, squirrels, fish… that kind of thing.”

“Deer?”

“Nooooo.” He says emphatically.  “Definitely not deer.”

You remember too late his great nephew had been turned into a half deer. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!”  you let out an exasperated sigh.  “Man, I am just batting a thousand this morning,” you say, completely mortified.  “I’m sorry.”

Stan chuckles.  “Enh, don’t worry about it.  We’re all still tryin’ to figure this out.  Speakin’ of, I was thinkin’… you don’t have any guys coming to your classes, right?”

You snort. “No Stan, no guys are coming to my classes.”

“Well… what if I taught ‘em?”

“Stan, I can’t-”

He doesn’t let you finish, but plows through.  “An’ you could set up girls time and guys time so people could still use the gym- I’ll supervise the guys time so you don’t have to worry about anything weird happenin’.”

“I can’t pay you, Pines.” you finally break in, slightly frustrated.

“Y’ don’t need to,” he answers immediately.

You start laughing.  “Look, I’ve only known you since the beginning of the summer, but even I know you would never do something for free.”

“Unless I want to,” he counters.  “An’ I am real fulla aggression lately, and would probably literally kill to get it out- I need an outlet where I’m not gonna hurt no one, and a boxing gym is perfect for it.”

“Oh.” You say, taken aback.  “OK.”

“OK you get it or OK I can do it?”

“Both.” You say. The implications and next steps begin forming a clearer picture in your mind, and you get more excited as you see it unfold. “Yeah, absolutely!  This would be amazing, Stan!”

“Heh, amazing’s my middle name, toots.”

A week ago you would have had some tart reply to that statement, but instead you once more laugh.  “Can’t argue with you there,” you tuck the phone between your shoulder and your jaw so you can unlock your office and log into your computer.  “Do you have time to talk about the details now?”

“I always got time for you,” he says, and you are so excited you don’t even register that his voice isn’t at its usual teasing timbre.

“Awesome, OK, I’m opening my calendar now…”

And so it went.  The gym is open six days a week, every other day being for girls and the off days being for guys.  During the guys’ days you stay in your office and do the administrative work, listening to Stan teach boxing and manage the gym through the door.  When it is closing time on those days, Stan locks up, then gives you the rundown of the day through the office door, often sprinkling in colorful commentary and stupid jokes that, try as you might otherwise, would always make you laugh.  You would of course try to return the favor, and your conversations on opposite sides of the door would sometimes go on for hours.  But finally, Stan would let you know that he is ready, and you would come out of your office and… feed.

It is getting harder and harder to pull away from him, and after a few weeks you realize why.  Although the succubus side of you tended to take control as you ravenously kiss his mouth, jaw, neck, chest… the part of you that is still you is able to take over once again when you are jolted out of passion with your phone alarm, and even that part is reluctant to stop kissing him.  You soon realize that part of you is also looking forward to the kiss- that it isn’t just because you’re hungry.  In fact-

You are falling in love with Stan Pines.

Yes, he is still the brash know-it-all who had annoyed you so much in the past, but there is so much more to him.  He truly cares about his family and, despite his words, the people in this town.  Mabel, a werewolf named Wendy, and a ghost named Melody often come to your girls-only days, and they all would talk of the adventures they had gone on in the past, and many of the stories are peppered with examples of Stan’s bravery, skills, and sacrifice.

Of course, you love your conversations with Stan and the way he could make you laugh, even while you are cursed.  Once in awhile you are still frustrated with his jokes or his brashness , but the incidents are so few and far between it doesn’t seem to matter much anymore.  

He really is incredible, and it is taking nearly all you have not to kill him.

Chapter Text

Time passes, and many of the citizens of Gravity Falls change back to their normal selves.  Many of the transformations turn out to be due to people’s internal perceptions about how others think of them.  For example, Melody tells you, she must have turned into a ghost because she often felt invisible to  the people of Gravity Falls- although bright and bubbly, she could be pretty shy, and felt like everyone knew her as just “Soos’ wife” instead of as herself.  But as she went about the town helping everyone get through the incident, she realized people did truly see her as Melody, and changed back.  Her husband, Soos- whom you still had never met- went through something similar; he had transformed into a Golem, thinking all he was good for was work.  However, he soon saw his family and friends loved him for who he was and not just because of what he did, and he was back to his “teddy bear self” (as Melody called him).

Those stories really make you think- what could be a misperception of how you are perceived by others?  You do your best not to be a bother, to never force anyone to be your friend or client.  Why would your feelings transform you into this?

You think about all the angles of a succubus- all men are attracted to her, she kills men, she feeds off of the life force… or the attention of those she seduces… Oh, that could be it… but when you think about it some more, you realize that wasn’t it.  You do enjoy the feeling of fighting and teaching, but it’s not preventing you from forming relationships or becoming a better person. 

What could it be?

“Stan,” you ask over the phone one day.  “Are you staying as a gargoyle because of me?  Because you feel like you have to protect me?”

Stan’s familiar loud laugh bursts over the phone. “Sorry, toots.  You’re great an’ all, but my issues run way deeper than that- you ain’t the only one I gotta watch out for.”

“So… do you even want to change back?”

He was silent for a few moments, but you patiently wait.  The two of you had grown too close to make you worry you had offended him; by now you know his silence is him just thinking.

“Yeah, I do,” he says finally.  “But y’know, it’s… it’s pretty great bein’ the toughest guy in town,”

“Haha I thought you already were,” you tease.  “At least that’s what you told me when you first started coming to my gym.”

“Yeah, well, it’s pretty obvious now is what I’m sayin’” he says, and even over the phone you can tell he’s flustered. Then he recovers with that flirtatious tone in his voice.  “An’ I’m man enough for you, so that’s all that matters, right?”

“You’re always enough for me, Stan Pines,” you say, probably too sincerely, but there is no going back now.  “I’m sorry I was such a jerk to you before.”

“Meh, don’t mention it,” Stan says. “I’m, uh… I’m not always that great with women.  Crazy, I know!” he barks a laugh. “But… I’ve just been tryin’ to impress you since me and Ford got back to Gravity Falls.  Guess you didn’t like me back then, but I- I’m glad we- I’m glad this- yeah,” he finishes.

“Me too,” you answer, but you are distracted.  Way back when you first met, he was trying to impress you, not outdo you… the revelation is making your head spin.  You realize your silence is creating a lull in the conversation, and you clear your throat.  “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” you say.

“See you tomorrow,” Stan answers, and hangs up.

You lean back in your bed, thinking how wonderful it is that someone had sincerely thought you were worth hanging around, even before the curse.  You always felt like most people were just being nice to you because they had to be out of politeness, so you tried to stay out of their way as much as you could so you wouldn’t bother them.  But Stan… he had been actively seeking you out before the curse. And he wasn’t just being nice; his personality would prevent him from hanging out with anyone he didn’t want to. Your conversations over the phone and through the door had proved to you that he was someone who actually wants to be with you.  He doesn’t have to talk to you; after all, he isn’t enchanted unless he can see you.  But he undoubtedly likes talking to you as much as he can. 

You once more go back to thinking about when you first met him, how annoying you thought he was, but he was just treating you as if you were automatically friends, something you didn’t realize a person could do.  Maybe you didn’t need to prove yourself to every person you met.  And what about Melody, and all the other women you had met throughout this curse- they sincerely enjoyed talking to you before and after class, and you sincerely enjoyed talking to them. 

Maybe most people aren’t forced to pretend they liked you. 

Something in the atmosphere seems to change, and you suddenly feel lighter as you drift off to sleep.

Stan raps at your office door the next night, and after talking about the day, you take a deep breath to share the news you are saving for last.  “Hey Stan- I just wanted to thank you again for taking over the guys’ classes and time in the gym,”

“Happy to help, kid,” he says easily.

“Anyway, you’ve really been awesome and brought in more business, and with the extra time I’ve had to really look over the books-” you pause, grinning as you anticipate his reaction. “I can pay you for all your work.”

“Darned straight!” he says, causing you to laugh.  “Not that I need it; I am obscenely rich,” he starts in that tone of voice you recognize as the one he uses while he’s gloating.

“I know you can’t tell, but I’m rolling my eyes right now,” you say through the door.

“Oh, I can tell,” he says.  “An’ you’re probably doing it again right now,” He waits for your laugh and is not disappointed.  “Anyway, I’m not sure about this- that would put me and you in an employee/boss relationship, an’ I don’ think that’s really kosher, y’know?”

“Since when do you care about that stuff?” you counter, knowing he can hear the overdramatic tone in your voice just like you can hear the teasing tone in his. 

“Never,” he admits.  “And y’know, the employee/boss relationship could really add a little spice.”

“What, being enchanted to completely lose yourself to me isn’t enough?” you ask in mock offense.

“Ah, I guess you’re right.” He says with a residual chuckle.

“Anyway,” you say, and take a deep breath. “Employer/Employee relationship isn’t exactly what I had in mind.  I was thinking more… partners.”

There is silence on the other end of the door. 

“Stan?” you ask.

“That sounds real nice,” he says, his voice slightly far away, and.  “Yeah.  Let’s do it.”

“Great.  And Stan,”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you.” There is a pause, then a sound of two rocks banging together, and you know it is him clapping his hands.  “All right, ready for dinner?”

You shudder.  “No matter how many times you say it, it still sounds wrong.” You sigh as you set the timer on your phone and get up to open the door.  “Maybe next time we can get a burger or something.”  The odd thought that a burger actually sounds good is quickly pushed out of your mind as you open the door and see the look on Stan’s face.

Instead of the dreamy expression you are used to, you see several expressions in quick succession- an anticipatory smile, then confusion a split second later, then a moment after that, realization, and finally, a ravenous grin that makes you weak in the knees.

“Heya toots,” he says, in a low voice that almost sounds like a growl. 

Your mind goes blank.

You practically fall into his arms, and he wastes no time in giving you a hard, deep kiss.  You let out a little sigh as you come up for air, and his low chuckle in response makes you swoon, your fists holding on to his shirt for dear life as he continues to kiss you.

There is something different about this time around- Stan seems more... in control of the situation than you.  But… it doesn’t matter. You are with Stan, and that is honestly the only thing in this world you care about.

He slams you against a wall, causing you to gasp as he kisses your neck and slides his hands down your arms, bringing them up and then pinning them against the wall above your head, then trailing little kisses down your exposed forearms, his rough tongue once in a while darting out to caress the skin along with his lips, and you can’t help breathing out his name, until you are cut off by another ravenous kiss.

The alarm rings, interrupting the moment, and as always, you reluctantly pull away from the kiss, although you don’t get far because your back is still against the wall.  You meet Stan’s eyes, the fire in them making you want to start all over again-

When you realize his skin isn’t cracking.

He doesn’t seem to be hurt.

“Stan?” you ask uncertainly.

The passion in his expression fades, and he seems to come back down to earth, several more expressions crossing his face- disappointment, embarrassment, and finally, the cheesy grin you recognize from so many months earlier he used when he was trying to back out of trouble.

“Heh, looks like you’re cured!” he says nervously.

“I’m cured?” you ask in a soft voice.  You put your hand on Stan’s shoulder, to the right side of his tank top.  You don’t feel anything- aside from a little ‘wow’ at the nice shape of the rocky form.  You look into Stan’s eyes, and he gives you a little hopeful grin, but not the misty, smitten expression that you had seen the past few months.  And holy smokes a burger sounds really good right now.  “I’m cured!” you say joyfully, and bring Stan into an excited kiss.

Then you let go.  “Wait- you knew I was cured when you saw me come out of my office,” you say slowly.

“Heh, uh,” he rubs the back of his neck with his hand.  “Yeah.”

“So you lied to me.”

“Whoa there, toots, that wasn’t a lie, it was more of an… omission of the facts!” he puts up his two hands in a placating gesture and started to back away.

“You didn’t have to kiss me,” you press, following him as he continues to step away.

“Yeah, but…” he put his hands down and lets out a frustrated sigh.  “I just wanted one last kiss.  Y’know, to say goodbye.”

“Why, where are you going?” you ask, concern in your voice.

“Uh, no-nowhere,” he stammers.  “But since you don’t need me anymore we won’t-”

“Stan Pines, if you stop kissing me I’ll find some more of that water and turn myself into a succubus again,” you say.  You take his hand.  “I want to be with you.  You and me, partners.  And,” you swallow at this next part, but your newfound realization that people actually like you- that Stan actually likes you- gives you the confidence to go on.  “I really want to see if we can make a relationship work- if you’re in.”

“What- really?” he asks, a stunned look on his rocky face.

“Really.” You say with a smile.  “I really really like you Stan.  I don’t want to lose our daily conversations and inside jokes and- romantic moments.  You’re just… fantastic.”

“Well, yeah,” he says automatically.  Then he pauses, and nods slowly.  “Yeah.”  His nods become faster and a grin spreads across his face.  “Yeah, let’s do this.”

You can’t hide your giant grin anymore.  “Yes!” you say, pumping your fist in the air.  You then look at him again, a mischievous smile on your face.  “Let’s hope my kisses are still good even when I’m not enchanting you.”

“Based offa the last kiss we just had, I wouldn’t worry about that,” Stan says huskily, and once again pulls you into another kiss.

Chapter Text

You stagger around the gym locked in a series of passionate kisses with Stan and you can’t help but giggle, enjoying yourself too much to feel embarrassed, Stan himself chuckling in response until you run into the door.  You pause to get your breath back and get lost into each other’s eyes.  Then he suddenly pushes open the door and scoops you up into his arms, and with a rush of wind you realize you are actually flying.  You involuntarily grab onto his tank top and are clinging to it for dear life as you race over the town; trying but failing to keep your eyes open.

Soon you land and Stan sets you on your feet, steadying you as you sway, trying to regain your balance.  “A little warning next time would be nice,” you say mildly, and he bursts out laughing.  Despite trying to recover from the surprise of flying, your heart warms at how wonderful it is to actually see that boisterous laugh you had grown to love.

You tear your gaze away to look where you had landed- and come up blank.  “Where are we?” you ask.

“The Mystery Shack- home sweet home,” he says, more than a little bit of pride in his voice.  “You’re probably starvin’, and since it’s late, I thought I’d take you here and make you some pancakes.”

You let out a little guffaw of disbelief, still high on being cured.  “Pancakes?”

“Hey, you want gourmet food you should have gotten cured when all the restaurants were open,” he says slightly sourly, but you put a hand on his rocky shoulder.  Gosh, it feels so good to touch him without worrying about killing him. 

“Stan, pancakes sound wonderful,” you say.  “I was just surprised.”  You look up at him again.  “Pleasantly surprised.”

Stan nods.  “Good.” He says, then his easy grin returns.  “C’mon in, toots.”

He leads you to a porch with a ratty couch on it, and you suddenly have a short daydream of sitting on it with Stan’s arm around you, as the two of you looked out at the woods, just grateful to be with each other.  A small smile appears on your face at the thought, and you let out a contented sigh right as Stan opens the door.  “I’m back!” he shouts.  “An’ I got company!”

“Company?” a tall man with glasses comes into the hall, wearing a turtleneck sweater and holding a steamy mug of, judging by the smell, coffee, despite the late hour.  He looks very familiar.  “Who- oh, Stanley, you brought-” he stops, realization blossoming on his face.  “Oh!  You’ve been cured!” he says to you, a large grin on his face.  He sticks out a hand.  “Ford Pines, Stanley’s brother,” he says, and you shake his hand. 

“You were the sphinx!” you say happily as it finally clicks.

“Good memory! It’s been, what, three, four months?” he says cheerfully.  “It’s an honor to meet you properly after all this time- Stanley does nothing but talk about you,”

“Really Sixer?” Stan growls.

Ford gives you a wink. “For scientific purposes, of course,”

“She’s starvin’ for some real food,” Stan hurriedly cuts in, “So I thought I’d whip her up some pancakes since everything’s closed,” He pauses.  “Where’re Soos and Melody?”

“Still out dancing,” Ford takes a sip of his coffee.  “Well, I’ll leave you to it.” He turns to you with a smile.  “It’s nice to see you again, and congratulations.”

“You too!” You respond, and with a warm and slightly conspiratorial grin, he turns around and leaves.

“Y’know, that’s one thing I really miss- dancing,” Stan says as he leads you into the kitchen.  “Have a seat,” he nods to the small table near the window.

“You dance?” you ask as you sit down.

“Heh, not anymore- not with these things,” he moves his wings.  “They just crowd everyone outta the dance hall.”

“There’s a dance hall here?” you ask.  “I had no idea!”

“It’s at the town hall,” Stan says.  “They clear out the benches once a month for a dance.  Ford says it’s been a tradition since the town’s founding.  But I’m just there for the good time.  Well,” he shrugs.  “Was.”

“You’ll turn back, Stan.” you give him what you hope is a comforting smile. 

Stan chuckles. “Not gonna happen any time soon,” he answers, and turns his back to you to grab something from the cupboards.  “I’m a gargoyle because they’re guardians, right?  An’ priority numero uno is me protecting my family, y’know?  I ain’t gonna stop protecting my family, so I’m pretty much stuck like this.”

“Oh,” you say, stumped.  “That is a tricky one.”

“Yeah,” he tries to sound casual, but the way he’s standing he looks so…defeated.

“You’ll get back to normal, Stan.” You say confidently.  “And I’ll be with you every step of the way.” 

He turns to you and gives you a little grin, then clears his throat and turns back to the kitchen counter.  “Ugh, there’s flour in my eye,” he says gruffly.

”What can I do to help with pancakes?” you ask, standing up and changing the subject.

“Pancakes are really a one man job,” Stan says, cracking an egg.

“Well... let me set the table at least,” you say.

You hear him chuckle again.  “Fine.  Plates’re up there,” he moves his chin to a cupboard nearby.

You go over to the cupboard, but Stan moves and blocks you. “Oh, sorry, I just-” you try to move out of the way, but he once again moves to block you.  Your face splits into a grin as you try to dodge him and he continues to be obnoxious, until you finally meet him head on with a kiss.  He freezes, then grabs your shoulders and brings you closer. You can’t help but melt into him, and you are the one left breathless and distracted when he releases you.

He catches the expression on your face and grins wickedly.  “Looks like that backfired, huh toots?”

“We’re not…” you take a deep breath and can’t help but smile back.  “Not finished yet, Pines.”

His grin widens.  “I hope not.” He turns back to the counter to finish the pancakes.

“Since when are you so smooth?” you ask, leaning on your elbows with your back against the counter next to him.  “I remember you being pretty terrible at this,”

“I think it’s your memory that’s terrible,” Stan answers, and flicks batter at me.

“Ah, there you are,” you laugh, then quickly open the cupboard and grab a couple of plates before he can do anything.  “Gotcha.” you grin at him.

“Yeah, you sure showed me,” Stan responds with a lopsided grin.  “Now put the plates back on the counter so I can put pancakes on them and siddown.”

You shake your head and put the plates down, and he playfully nudges you- and you wince.

He furrows his eyebrows in concern.  “Hey, you OK?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m totally fine,” you say, confused as you roll up your sleeve to see what is going on-

To see a bruise forming around your arm- where Stan had held you during your kiss.

You quickly push down your sleeve, but it is too late.  You see Stan looking right at the bruise, and when you meet each other’s eyes, you know that he knows where it came from.

The two of you are frozen for a moment, then he slams down the spatula and swears under his breath.

“Stan, it’s OK,” you say, reaching a hand out to him.  He flinches as you touch his shoulder, but you still lightly keep your hand there.

He lets out a bitter chuckle.  “Do you know how many girls I’ve seen with bruises from the stupid guys they hang out with who told me it’s OK?”

Your eyes widen.  “Stan, this is nothing like that!”

He once more stares at you, his shoulders heaving as he tries to calm down, searching your gaze.  Then he shakes his head.  “Don’t matter.  You’re still hurt ‘cause of me.” He looks so miserable, but you can’t help what’s coming next.

You snort. 

“Stan.” you say with a deadpan voice.  “Did you just hear yourself?”

He frowns.  “Yeah, I heard what I just said.”

“And you’re saying it to me, who hurt you so much every time we touched that you had to go into… gargoyle hibernation or whatever!”

Stan snorts.  “Gargoyle hibernation?” 

“I don’t know what it’s called,” you continue, glad you had gotten a laugh out of him.  “But look- we’re still figuring this out- we’ll just be careful until you’re cured.”

“I toldja, kid, that might never happen.” He couldn’t meet your eyes.

You put your hand underneath his chin and gently move him so he has to look at you.  “It will.  And I’m definitely willing to wait.”  You stay into that position so you could show him you are serious, then you crack a smile.  “Sorry Stan.  You’re not getting out of this that easily.”

A small smile appears on his face, an expression so sweet and hopeful it makes you want to take him in your arms and never let him go- but the moment is ruined by the acrid smell of a burning pancake.

Stan once more swears but this time you giggle, and the tension in the room drains, the rest of the evening full of laughter and wonderful conversation.

Being cured is like having a jail sentence lifted.  You go to stores, restaurants, and just take great pleasure in walking around and smiling at people again.  Best of all, you get to hang out with- really hang out with- Stan.

He’s still brusque and arrogant, but it seems… softer now. You feel like you know where he’s coming from, that his personality is more… misplaced confidence than him being a jerk on purpose.  Of course, if he is ever really horrible, you immediately call him out on it, although those moments are very rare.

He still teaches at the gym, and watching him work is really impressive.  He is just the right balance of evil drill sergeant and caring mentor, and is helping a lot of students you hadn’t been able to reach.  When you ask him about it, he shrugs and tells you he is just following the lead of his own coach, someone he really looked up to. He tells you the stories of growing up in New Jersey with Ford- some hilarious, some heart-wrenching, and some you don’t quite believe but he nevertheless swears up and down are true.

You often find yourselves on the top of the roof of the Mystery Shack, even in the wintertime.  You never bring up changing back, even though he is the last one in town to do so, but… it didn’t seem important.  Lucky for you, he and Ford had decided not to return to sailing until Stan was cured, and since you were able to spend basically all your free time together, you find that you had fallen absolutely, deeply, irreversibly in love with Stan Pines.

Time passes, and soon you and Stan are once more on the roof the night before his great niece and nephew- Mabel and Dipper- are going to come back to visit for the summer.  You are so excited to see Mabel again and meet Dipper properly- after all, you had been cured after they had returned home- and happily discuss the plans Stan has for when the kids return.  He had just finished describing a fantastic camping trip he and Ford want to take the kids on, and you sigh happily.  “Our kids are going to be so lucky, Stan.” 

He freezes.

“What?” you ask nervously, scanning the sunset-lit forest, trying to find what made him react that way.

“Our kids,” he says quietly, looking straight at you.

Your stomach drops.  “Stan, I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to freak you out,” you start rambling.  “I just thought… I mean, the way we’re going I feel like we’d eventually get married and - I mean-” you swallow.  “I didn’t mean to jump the gun, you know?  I’m so sorry-” you move to get up, but he lightly takes your arm.

“Do you really mean it?” he asks softly.  “You… want to get married and have kids… with me?”

You smile nervously.  “Yes, Stan.  I thought you did too, but if not I won’t bring it up again.”

He slowly shakes his head, clearly digesting something.  “You… want to spend the rest of your life… with me… and get stuck with our kids…”

“Yeah,” you say, your smile a little softer as you think of that future.

“So… I’m more than just-…just a protector…”

You turn to face him, and gently put your hands on his face.  “You are a protector, but yes, absolutely more.  You’re so clever and funny and determined and hard working and so good and yet so bad with people… you’re Stanley Pines, and I love every facet of you, and can’t wait to discover more as we go through life together.  I love you, Stan.”

“Heh,” he says,  “OK.”  Then brings you into a kiss.

You drift away into the kiss, his warm lips and scratchy scruff feeling absolutely delicious, as he pulls you closer to him, his strong arms a contrast to his soft abdomen…

Wait.

You pull away from the kiss, the excitement on your face a direct conflict to the confusion on Stan’s face.  Gosh, you’d forgotten how handsome he is… and those eyes… those beautiful brown eyes.

“What?” he asks.

“Stan,” you say, unable to hold back tears.  “You’re cured.”

He stares at you, then swallows.  “Say that again,”

“You’re not a gargoyle anymore, Stan!  You’re you!  You’re y-” he cuts you off with an ecstatic kiss, which you gladly return, enjoying his warmth and softness and… passion, for he no longer needs to hold back. 

You wrap your arms completely around him, caressing his back unimpeded by wings…  you have never felt so alive.  He was cured, your wonderful Stan was cured. 

As he renews the kiss and you drift away in bliss, you can’t help but be grateful for everything that happened. 

Maybe it hadn’t been a curse after all.