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Effy wasn’t too fair to Katie, even though she acted more like the victim of the two. She could sense that, even just when she saw the pale brunette for the first time. Especially since she had that wide eyed girl Pandora cling to her like a little puppy. She supposed that was another way that they could relate to one another, given she had her own twin follow in her shadow every second, but it still stung. The moments they had alone together were fleeting, since as she said, they were the best-looking girls at school.
Effy was beautiful, and it evoked a range of emotions in Katie that couldn’t have been caused by just jealousy. It was an anger that was born from how difficult it was to push away her admiration. It was better to hate than to befriend, and she learned this after time. The approving smiles Effy gave when Katie made a joke that she liked were enough to turn her from a desired teenage queen to a little girl with a crush. It sickened her. Why couldn’t she behave more like a boy? She should’ve stared at her cleavage and made inappropriate comments, not hold her hand gently when walking to Pandora’s birthday party. She replayed that moment over and over and it never failed to give her the butterflies she felt when it first happened. These were the emotions Katie should’ve felt about a boy, so why wouldn’t Effy act accordingly?
She sometimes even envied Emily, which is shocking considering how Emily was the one who should be jealous of her. It was because of her severe lack-of-a-life that Katie found herself so envious. It didn’t matter that Emily was a dyke, or that she spent most of her time drooling over that pervert with the short blonde hair, because nobody else would really notice. Katie never would’ve been able to kiss another girl as carelessly as she did, even if it was only her twin who saw. She had too much to lose.
She never truly cared for any of her past boyfriends, which is why she had them for so long. Even now, dating Freddie, she still didn’t get a sense of accomplishment from winning him over, despite how much of an achievement it may seem. They were more like trophies, for other people to admire rather than for her to pay much attention to. She could brag about them all she wanted, but after a while they would get boring to talk about or even talk to, so she moved onto the next.
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The most unfair of all of it was the way that Effy acted at that camping trip. Desperately staring at Freddie any chance she got, it was utterly pathetic. And no matter how much Katie wanted to deny it to herself, she knew that he loved her still, too. It was purely embarrassing. It was embarrassing that her boyfriend loved anyone other than her - it didn’t matter if she would reciprocate or not. That was just how it was supposed to be. That was how it had always been. Why was Effy trying to ruin that? She had still somehow dragged Cook all the way here too, even though she was specifically asked not to. All that girl did was ruin. And now, she had run away from all the destruction she had brought to Katie’s peaceful camping trip. Katie followed.
It wasn’t too difficult to find her, she just had to follow the sounds of intoxicated wailing.
“Effy? It’s okay, it’s just me,” She spoke softly, in an attempt to silence the cries from the mass of black clothing and messy brown hair. It made her sick to her stomach, the way Effy’s face turned from fear to relief. She could see behind those distant blue eyes that she had no clue how rude she had been. She had to learn.
“Why are you crying?” She asked, approaching cautiously to the figure sat on the ground which seemed more like a wounded animal than a human. Somehow they were still able to find each other, even in the pitch black of the night.
“I don’t know.” Effy responded, her voice cracking, uncertain due to her drugged state. Katie stepped forward.
“God, you’re like, totally fucked aren’t you?” Katie laughed, almost pleased. The girl in front of her kept that same fearful expression - her dark makeup smudged with tears. It felt that finally Katie wasn’t the one who’s entire day revolved around attention from the other girl, and all she felt was ashamed at how delighted she was. Still, she had the option to make Effy feel worse than she did internally.
As if a switch had flipped, she dropped to her knees before the girl, and pushed the thin girl’s shoulders down, forcing her to lay on her back on the leaves, no matter how much she tried to fight it. “It’s fucking pathetic, you know, staring at someone else’s boyfriend. Just makes you seem like a desperate whore. Everybody knows it, too.” Katie spat, her voice laced with envy. Maybe she wouldn’t be so miserable if it was her that Effy stared at.
She continued with the verbal abuse, still pinning Effy down as she cried to be released. The girl’s thin arms were almost freezing cold to the touch, and it was hard for Katie to focus on what she was saying when she had the girl she loved most in her arms. She paused, and Effy stopped fighting back as hard. She took a second to consider the girl beneath her, her eyes desperately pleading. Even when the pair of them spent moments alone before, there was still that invisible audience that meant they had to maintain their social appearances: Effy remaining mysterious and aloof, Katie remaining confident and unimpressed. But Katie wasn’t confident, and every move the brunette made seemed as though it was the most attractive action ever done, and Effy hardly seemed that unapproachable when she had the weight of the other girl forcing her to the ground. Now they were alone.
As if they were magnetically attracted to one another, Katie leant down and met Effy’s lips forcefully. Maybe it wasn’t magnetic, maybe she just didn’t want to think about how she had chosen to kiss the girl who had spent all day ruining her plans.
Effy fought it at first, hitting the girl on top of her’s sides with her restrained arms. She gave in though, to the lip gloss-coated lips that forced their way onto hers, Katie’s scent of body spray filling her nose. She felt the fluffy leopard print coat above her much more affectionately now, taking bunches of it in her hands whilst she reached her neck up to kiss the girl wearing it. To Effy, it felt as though everything now made sense. The way they were drawn to each other immediately, how she noticed any time Katie was absent from a room, the pain she felt when seeing Freddy together with her. She understood it now, she understood as she simultaneously felt as though this was new and exciting, and as though she knew her kiss like the back of her hand.
Katie held her eyes shut, not wanting to think about what she was doing. It was too perfect. Kissing wasn’t supposed to be enjoyable, it was supposed to be more like a chore than an act of affection. It wasn’t supposed to make her entire body feel warm, like it did now, and it definitely wasn’t supposed to dampen her Victoria’s Secret thong. She pulled away in disgust, though when she saw the disappointment in Effy’s face, she didn’t know how to feel. Maybe she never would. The grip on her arms had lessened, naturally, but Effy didn’t run or fight.
Katie fell to the side in defeat, now laying on her back beside Effy. Her hand shifted over to meet the redhead’s, who held it without thinking. Effy turned her head to look into the other girl’s eyes, but Katie didn’t meet them. She just stared at the dark sky, deep in thought.
“I’m not a dyke.” She stated, her face still blank and afraid to make eye contact. For the first time, Effy laughed. That wasn’t fair either, how it could be so insignificant to her, yet so monumental to Katie despite how similarly popular they were. It wasn’t that she thought Effy might tell anyone, more the fact that it had happened at all. More the fact that it would be yet another moment for her to repeat in her mind like a broken record.
“Okay.” Effy responded, seeming to accept it. For now, anyway.