Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nicole never really did care for others. Her actions or their consequences meant nothing to her. She did drugs, she smoked, she manipulated people, she. used them, a lot of evil shit. She didn’t care, and thought she never would.

…

Not until Jecka. She made her care. Care about keeping her around, to not fuck up the friendship… the other stuff not so much.

…

“That bitch stole my depression idea, fuck her.”
“…you should have said nothing.”

Jecka walked off, Nicole’s jaw dropping slightly as she watched her leave the scene. What? What the fuck? Jecka never cared about this shit. Sure, she usually did it to men… but why is it so wrong that she did it to Ari? She’s not straight… she’ll just be miserable for the rest of her life. That’s not bad… It’s not THAT bad… right? Nicole sighed deeply as she walked the other way. She had to think about this.

——————

Nicole arrived home, flying past her mom into her room before her mom got the chance to say anything. Nicole slammed her door shut, throwing her bag on the floor. She snatched her pillow and shoved it into her face, flopping down on her ground, into her laundry pile on the floor. Gross, but Nicole didn’t care. Mostly. Nicole groaned loudly, the pillow muffling the annoyed noise. There was no way she did that. It must have just been a big dream, right? RIGHT?! TELL HER RIGHT NOW IT WAS A DREAM! TELL. HER.

…

Nicole knew deep down that it was real. It was just thrown inti her face at full force after she pinched herself and it hurt. She slid her face out of the pillow and looked around her room. Time had passed, and this was definitely not a dream. Ugh, this sucked. Nicole hoped Jecka didn’t abandon her. Was this wrong? Should she be feeling much more guilty about abusing Ari? She didn’t feel guilty about that, just guilty about Jecka leaving her. God damn it, Nicole was starting to feel a little guilty wondering if she was supposed to feel guilty. Jecka is such a bitch. Yeah… she’s a bitch! This (probably) wasn’t Nicole’s fault. Nicole threw the pillow down on the floor, feeling frustrated now. Nicole got up and kicked the pile of laundry she sat on, now a bit disgusted that she sat on it.

“Yuck!”

Nicole spat and stormed into her bathroom. She was totally dramatizing this situation, but it made her feel a bit better than if she didn’t. She turned on her bath water to really hot. She was going to relax and forget all about this. (Can she?) Nicole started to calm down but still locked the door and opened her drawer, grabbing the razor hiding in a lame book she never read. Nicole set it down on her sink counter and she quietly undressed for her bath. She looked at the scars on her wrists, ready to up the number by a fuck ton. It’d make her feel so much better. (she wanted it to)

Nicole ran her finger along her scars, feeling the imperfections. She turned back to the filling up tub, and shut off the water, testing it. It burned hot. Perfect. Nicole grabbed the razor. and set it down next to her, lowering herself into the scalding water. It hurt, it hurt it hurt. And that made Nicole yearn for more. She deserved this. (Did she?) She grabbed the razor and harshly cut along her wrists and slowly up her arm a bit too. It stung and the water made it hurt. As blood dripped down her arm the water started to tint pink, and it’d be red if she kept this up.

Nicole stopped after she his a particular spot that just made her bleed a bit more than she would have liked. Nicole sets the razor down and submerged her arm into the hot water, the temperature adding to the hurtful stinging. Was this worth it? Of course it was, Nicole knew it was. (Right? Right?) The water turned a red. Sorta gross. That’s okay though. Nicole wasn’t planning on actually cleaning herself in here, she’ll do that later. Once the bleeding died down Nicole drained the bloody tub water. She wrapped herself in a black towel and pat the cuts down, they still bled a little. The black covered up the blood stain.

Once Nicole got dressed she lifted her sleeve to look at her work. Instead of any other emotion, Nicole felt numb. Tears welled in her eyes. That never happened. Ever. She threw her head into her hands and just slumped down the ground. What is she going to do…?

Chapter Text

Nicole woke up, her eyes hurt and so did her wrists. She had fallen asleep in her old, dirty clothes. They stunk and so did she. It was time for school and she was very far from ready. Nicole sprang up and turned on the shower water and grabbed clean clothes. She was NOT about to be a female version of Jeffery today. She bets he doesn’t even wear deodorant, absolutely foul. She was basically on a fast autopilot until she started to puff her perfume on her neck as a finishing touch.

Nicole was tired and her dark circles were a bitch to cover up with her concealer and makeup. Maybe Jecka forgot about yesterday…? Maybe if Nicole was really really nice today, the universe would reward her with Jecka’s forgiveness.

…Who was Nicole kidding? She had done some fucked up things and being fake nice one day will NOT fix it. Besides, as she walked in she saw Jeffery wear a particularly embarrassing shirt. Well, embarrassing for him. This shit was going to be funny to laugh at him for it. “Wow Jeffery, did you just walk out of the children’s section in Walmart?” Nicole sneered, feeling a bit better after she’s been mean to Jeffery. “Hey! This shirt is comedy gold I’ll have you know!” Jeffery protested in his disgustingly nasally voice. “How about I get a bar of gold to hit you right in your baby fucking teeth? That would be comedy gold, not your lame-as-fuck shirt.” “I have great teeth!!” Jeffery cried as he ran off. Nicole sighed contentedly. “I feel so much better…”

Nicole walked over to her locker with no other altercations. She unlocked her locker and popped open the top to a bottle of percocet she bought off Kylar the other day. She popped a few to cool the fuck down before lazily throwing them back in her bag and slamming her locker door shut. She checked the time on the clock above the lockers. 5 minutes late for class. She heard footsteps coming her way and she inwardly groaned. “Shit.” Nicole ran off to the girl’s bathroom to skip. She didn’t have a class with Jecka and was NOT about to spend the class in science with fucking Jeffery and Hunter.

Principle Lynn had enforced a few teachers to walk the hallways during their free classes to catch any skipping students after Nicole and many other students got caught way too many times. It’s bullshit, but she can’t really do much against it. Nicole opened the door to the girls bathroom. “Are you actually going to buy adderall or not? Because if you aren’t… get the fuck out!!” Nicole could recognize that voice anywhere. It was Emily. “Oh my god fine! You’re so addicted Emily!” Kelly pushed past Nicole and exited the bathroom. “Woah, what happened?” Nicole asks, walking up to Emily.

“Just some bullshit with Kelly. She comes in here every skipping period to chat but I’m usually here and then she doesn’t buy addys. Doesn’t she know this is where people buy and sell shit??” “…I’m pretty sure this is just a skipping bathroom.” “Are you talking down to me?” “What? No, just correcting you…?” Emily frowned and grabbed Nicole’s shirt and pulled her close. “If you were talking down to me, I’d choke you until you bled out of your fucking eyes!!”

Nicole decided to go to her next class instead of skipping. Atleast she’d see Jecka today? (Hopefully Nicole is forgiven too.) Sadly that meant it was also photography, which she hated. Nicole pushed open the door to the photography classroom. “Welcome in Nicole! It’s nice to see you didn’t skip today.” Mr. White greeted, with a slight passive agressive tone. Nicole just rolled her eyes and sat down next to Jecka. It was quiet between the two for a few minutes. “…Hey Nicole.” Jecka spoke up.

Nicole felt a little ripple in her heart, thankful that Jecka spoke up first. “Hey.” Silence ungulfed the two during most of the class. Mr. White was just giving everyone a photography lecture. He was surprised at the girls cooperation and after the lecture he had Nicole and Jecka stay after class. “Sucks for you whores.” Kylar sneered as Mr. White announced they’d stay after class. “Sucks to like lacrosse you fucking field hockey reject.”

——————

“Jecka, Nicole. What was the motivation to actually listen during class?” Mr. White asked the two of them. “I wasn’t listening.” Nicole bluntly answered. “I meant the no talking out or interruptions.” Mr. White corrected himself. “Oh… I dunno.” Jecka gave a half-ass response. “What the fuck does this have to do with the class?” Nicole snaps. “It was just a nice change of… behavior.” “Sure yeah okay..” Jecka just walked off and Mr. White let her, frowning slightly. Nicole sighs and follows after her. “Jecka! Wait up..” Nicole catches up to Jecka, who didn’t stop for her. “What is it Nicole, are going to turn me extra straight like how you did with Ari?” Jecka snapped, turning to Nicole.

Nicole paused. “What? No! I- Just… why are you avoiding me?!” Nicole struggled to find the words. The words were “I’m Sorry” but, Nicole never really said those before… and meant them. She thought nobody deserved one, and people who said and meant them were pussies. However… she thought that Jecka might need one. ….And maybe Ari too but she’s second priority. Jecka knew Nicole wouldn’t say it and just walked away, done with her bullshit, leaving Nicole in the dust. “Yeah? Well fuck you too Jecka!” Nicole threw out at Jecka. Jecka just flipped her off. Perhaps a wrong move on Nicole’s part.

….

Definitely a wrong move.