Archive of Our Own ^beta

Leo would admit it. He was a compulsive liar.

Sometimes, there would be something he had in mind to say. A perfect description of the words he planned to use. He knew what he was feeling and he'd say as much.

Yet the moment those quickly crafted and thought over phrases left his mouth, they just... never came out how he planned. One thing would lead to another, and then it turned into a lie.

It never meant to be that way, his sentences were just thought of on a whim and were pieced together in only seconds, of course they'd come out chunky and untrue.

He wasn't good with words—he didn't have Donnie's extensive vocabulary to pick out the right adjective to capture what he was trying to say. He might as well stay four miles away from debating classes, and law school most definitely would chew him up and spit him out.

Arguments were a prime example of his poor word choices. Sometimes, a word would slip before he could swallow it back down—a completely unrelated and untrue comment. Whether it was calling Donnie an idiot or Mikey insensitive, neither of which was true.

Whenever this happened, Leo had absolutely no evidence to back his claim up—because it was simply a lie—but he stuck with it anyways like a complete fool. Really, he just hated being in the wrong and he refused to admit defeat, but maybe the compulsive lie was the friends we made along the way. Whatever that meant, anyways.

Raph never did and never would appreciate his poor word choices, which had become a constant back and forth between them whenever they fought. They constantly bickered ever since he became leader.

Christ, if Leo could go back and time and undo his father's words, he probably would. He never asked to be leader, but nobody could really... go against Splinter's words. So that was that, and Leo didn't know how he felt about the role.

For whatever reason, Raph wouldn't stop pestering him about "focusing" and "being more mature" and whatnot. Leo never cared for his twenty minute long-scoldings because really, how hard could leading a team be? It was supposed to be like every other mission—fun, silly, full of lighthearted jokes and goofing off.

But apparently that wasn't the case anymore, because Raph somehow always found something to pick on him for. 'Be better at this' or 'you should've done this' or 'focus more, you can't be in charge if you don't act like it' or 'you have to take responsibility for your mistakes' and all the other boring smack he said.

It was the root of every argument and every fight—this one included. Right after a mission too. Goodness gracious, how hasn't this gotten old yet?

"You never think things through, Leo!" Raph snarled his way, his fist slamming down onto the kitchen table with a thud. Mikey flinched at the sudden sharp movement, and he turned away with his shoulders hunched as he curled in on himself. Instead of trying to stop the argument before it could brew like usual, he almost just shut down, his attention fixed on Donnie instead of the other two. It was like he was seeking in anchor in the storm.

Mikey just looked tired. They all did.

Leo didn't give it much thought though; whenever he and Raph got into fights, they drowned out all background noise, including their two other brothers. The slider slumped over the side of the counter in exhaustion, rolling his eyes and shooting Raph a glare. Could this guy ever stop talking?

Apparently not, because Raph went on. "Every patrol, it's the same story—you goof off, do your own thing, mess up the mission, and you expect me and the others to clean up after your mess!"

He inhaled sharply and gestured his words with his hands, "I just—what part of 'stick to the plan' do you not understand?! I don't get it, Leo! Please explain why it's so hard to listen to me!"

Leo opened his mouth to shoot back, but Donnie interrupted the two by clearing his throat, "Gentlemen, it's been a rough day. Can you both just... continue your verbal quarreling tomorrow? Mikey's exhausted, I need eight gallons of pomegranate juice injected into my veins, Raph's about to pop a blood vessel, and Leo? You need some sleep—"

Leo snapped his head towards his twin, venom in his words, "Zip it, Einstein. I'll sleep after I talk some sense into this knucklehead."

He was a lot quicker to snap when Raph decided to pick a fight. He didn't mean to be harsh—especially to Donnie of all people—but his attention was locked on Raph, and his sole focus was riling him up and defending himself. He was too blinded by his sparking emotions to care about hurting Donnie's feelings.

Donnie blinked, his expression caught between something of hurt and anger. He opened his mouth once or twice as if to respond, but no words left him. After a moment of silence, he stood from his seat abruptly, taking a confused Mikey's hand and leaving the room without so much as a glance back.

Leo didn't find it in his schedule to care about feeling bad. Instead, turned back to Raph with a sharp scowl, "So what is it, Mr. Dictator? Is this mission screwed up because of me? You're telling me this is my fault?"

Raph extended his hands out beside him, his eye twitching with anger. "Yes?! Was that not obvious?! You never listen to me, Leo! You may be the leader now, but I'm the oldest. I have to make sure none of you get hurt under my watch! And you're making that harder! You're being reckless and dumb out there!"

Leo scoffed. His first resort was defense whenever he knew he was in the wrong, and when he couldn't admit that he was being a dick, he shrugged it off. Yeah, maybe he was being a little careless in front of the face of danger, but it wasn't like one run in with the foot clan would kill them all. What was the big idea?

Rolling his eyes, Leo groaned in frustration. "Maybe if you let me have some freedom instead of scolding me for everything like my fucking dad, then we wouldn't have problems! You're so controlling sometimes!" He shot his brother a glare. "Chill out, it won't kill you, I promise."

He knew he was starting to strike a few nerves, but he always stood tall and puffed out his chest whenever he got into a fight. Really, he was all bark and no bite—but he would stand his ground and he'd super glue his feet there if that meant that he could stand by his statement.

Clearly though, he couldn't, because he started to run out of words as Raph breathed out a laugh. "Chill out?! Do you have any idea what it's like to be responsible for all of you?! Do you know what it's like to keep a family together?! You don't, which is why I'm obviously cautious of you being the leader in the first place!"

"Keep us together, huh?" Leo snarled, "Literally nobody asked you to do that, Raph!"

Truthfully, this was when his compulsive lying was relevant to the plot in the first place. By that point, both of their voices were spiking into yelling, but Leo continued as he straightened his posture and stepped forward, "You're just mad because you can't boss us all around into being perfect! This is my life! I'm the leader! I'm capable of doing things my way, myself, and without you to tell me what to do like some selfish asshole!"

And oh, Raph did not like that.

Clearly, selfish was not the best term Leo could've used to describe what Raph was acting like in his head. But he couldn't find it in himself to care if that was the right word or not. He didn't care if the words coming out of his mouth were dangerous or untrue. This was an argument, not a truth or lie quiz. Whatever got his anger across to his brother was fine with him.

However, that didn't stay fine for long, because right after those words left his mouth, his eyes widened as Raph abruptly froze.

"Selfish?" The snapper breathed, his eyes going wide and his hands gripping into wobbling fists. "Did you actually just call me selfish?"

Leo blinked, his mouth hanging open like an idiot, ready to fire back a snarky 'yeah, what are you gonna do about it?'

But no words came. They caught in his throat and choked the air out of his lungs. Why? Because it was simply untrue. Raph wasn't selfish, not in the slightest.

The disbelief in Raph's expression deepened, and his eyes twitched as a bitter grin stretched across his face. His voice was cracking into shouts as he let out a breathy laugh. "I've poured my blood, sweat, and tears into taking care of all of you because Dad couldn't! I gave up my own childhood for all of you, and you just called me selfish?!"

His older brother sucked in a shaky breath, his voice wobbling under the weight of his emotions. "I've been stuck! I've been stuck being the caregiver, the protector, the oldest! I've been stuck trying to be perfect! My whole entire life, and literally—the only thing you have done is mess up! You mess up constantly! And I have to make sure your mess up's don't get us murdered!"

It didn't take a genius to know that Raph was a split second away from breaking into tears. Leo understood that fully. But did he stop pushing? Did he backtrack and admit that he went too far? Did he apologize and end the fight? Did he try to be the bigger person? Of course not.

"Nothings messed up! If you want to control us so badly, if I'm just always going to do everything wrong, then why don't you just be the leader again?! Would that make you happy?! Why are you always making this such a big deal?!"

And that was Raph's breaking point.

"I never wanted to be the leader!" He yelled, his voice cracking as he threw his hands out in exasperation. "I was doing it for the family!"

And then time froze.

Raph's gaze went from bitter rage to utterly lost in only seconds. He stood there silently, his breaths shaky and his fists opening and closing, clearly trying to regain his composure.

Leo stared at his older brother blankly. All the anger he felt prior had practically dissolved right then and there.

All of a sudden, he felt like a withered husk of his own guilt-ridden selfishness.

He never gave Raph's position in the family much thought—ever. He never really put himself in his older brother's shoes. He never even bothered to think about it. Raph didn't ask to be the leader. He had to be the leader.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

And then Raph, without a word or warning, just left the room. No heads up, no comment—just a faint glint of tears in his eyes.

Leo watched as his older brother walked past him silently, his shoulders sagging under the weight of his emotions. And then, just like that, he was gone.

Leo remained frozen in place, his mouth slightly parted and his eyes wide like he'd just been slapped. All fight had left him. He suddenly felt no anger, frustration, surprise—all that remained was a heavy, solemn stillness.

Well, shit. He really was the problem.