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Lucanis pretended not to pay attention while Davrin and Rook got everything ready for their picnic in Arlathan. He’d learned about his plans when Davrin had come into the pantry to get some food for it, and Lucanis had been in a sour mood since then.
He had no reason or right to be upset and angry, but he couldn’t be logical about it. He was jealous, he knew it and he could admit it, but he also knew he had no right to feel that way. Rook wasn’t his partner. Sure, there’d been some flirting, he’d thought she might be interested in him, but they weren’t in a relationship.
And whose fault was that?
He’d cut short all of her attempts to get closer to him. Maybe he’d made her think he was not interested in her that way. Far from the truth, but it was for the best. He had too much going on and so did Rook, she had enough to deal with without adding the hazard that was Lucanis now.
He had nothing to offer her, nothing but trouble, death and darkness.
He was an abomination and the shame of it burned bright. He had a demon inside him, that he couldn’t control, what if Spite took control of him when he was with Rook. The demon seemed to like Rook, oddly enough, to trust her even, or at least he was usually more at ease when she was around, but Lucanis didn’t want to risk it.
Spite was now far from calm, he too seemed upset at seeing Rook and Davrin. The shimmering anger of the demon was growing and growing to the point that Lucanis had to walk away, afraid that the Spite would take control over him.
“Rook. Is. Ours,” Spite yelled inside his head as he made his way back to the pantry, and Lucanis was glad to have walked away, in case Spite might have made him say something like that in front of Rook.
“She isn’t,” he replied to the upset demon.
And whose fault was that.
That was his own voice and thought, not Spite’s.
“She’s her own person and she can go out with whoever she wants, she has more friends.”
That wouldn’t change even if they were romantically involved, but still, Lucanis couldn’t shake the feeling that Davrin might think of the picnic as some sort of date, not a friendly hangout.
Spite brisked at the thought…how could a demon be jealous? Maybe it wasn’t jealousy but something else, some odd demon ownership thing, or maybe the demon was just picking up on Lucanis’ feelings. Whatever it was, it was annoying and hard to control.
Lucanis set on making a big pot of coffee. The last thing he wanted was to deal with Spite’s upset emotions, on top of his own, with their barely controlled anger and stupid jealousy. At least he could try to drown Spite’s voice in his head and his own feelings with black coffee.
As time passed, Lucanis tried not to think about what Rook and Davrin might be doing on their perhaps-date. He drank coffee. Exercised and trained. Cleaned his gear. Drank more coffee.
He couldn’t even blame Davrin for setting up a date with Rook, if that’s what it was. She was brave, smart, courageous, kind… of course Davrin would want to date her. What was a wonder was why Rook’d seemed to be interested in Lucanis instead, but perhaps he’d ruined it.
He couldn’t blame Rook for maybe turning to Davrin now, for being interested in him. Lucanis had his differences and problems with him, but he could admit the warden was brave, charming, and attractive, like a damn romance novel character. No, he couldn’t blame Rook if she wanted Davrin instead.
His wings popped out, eyes flashing purple, at his and Spite’s combined and badly controlled jealousy. Lucanis rushed to make more coffee.
*
Later, Lucanis was pacing the hall of the Lighthouse's main building, a cup of black coffee in his hand, lying to himself saying he was not waiting to see if Davrin and Rook walked up from the Eluvian room.
Eventually, he heard their steps walking up the stairs, followed by Assan’s squeaks and Rook’s laughter. He usually loved that sound but it now sent a pang of dread to his belly. So, she’d enjoyed the maybe date…of course she had.
“Let’s get you to bed.”
Davrin’s words turned the dread into angry jealousy. He had no right to be jealous and yet… Lucanis turned around to leave, trying to ignore the sight he caught of Davrin walking with his arm around a grinning Rook.
“Something. Is. Wrong,” Spite said in his head. “She smells…Funny.”
“Shut up.” Lucanis had no wish to hear how Rook smelt or if she might smell like Davrin.
“Hey, Lucanis, wait,” Davrin called after him when he opened the door, but Lucanis was decided to ignore him. “You know about poisons, right?” The odd question combined with Spite saying something was wrong made Lucanis stop and turn around to face them. “I might need you with Rook.”
Alarm bells began sounding in Lucanis’ mind, drowning even Spite’s agitation, as he rushed to them, looking at Rook. She was staring intently at Assan, before turning to grin at Lucanis with bright eyes…eyes too bright. She seemed unharmed, but also, Spite was right, something was off with her.
“She was poisoned?!”
“I don’t think so?” Rook answered and…yes, something was off.
“She was not.” Davrin alternated between looking at Rook and Lucanis. “But I made gingerwort truffle tea with Emmrich’s recipe and I think it didn't sit well with Rook.”
Rook herself just booped Assan and giggled.
“You drugged her with mushroom tea?!” Lucanis snapped. He knew his reaction was ungranted, he knew Davrin would never do that, yet he couldn’t help it.
“I didn’t.” Davrin rolled his eyes, unimpressed by his reaction and his purple flashing eyes. “It’s just tea, an old recipe. Emmrich said it might have some magical properties…but I think Rook’s just high.”
Davring had the gall to chuckle as he looked at Rook, and Lucanis felt more aggravated by it.
“I’m not high!” Rook protested. “I just can understand Assan’s language now, I don’t know why you can’t, you had the tea too.”
Davrin chuckled again while Lucanis looked at Rook, trying to wrap his head around what was going on, while trying to ignore and turn down Spite’s onslaught of questions regarding Rook, the tea, and if Lucanis could drink it too.
“Yeah? What’s Assan saying now?” Davrin asked.
“Nothing, but you just wait. Assan. Assan.” Rook called his name until Assan squawked and then she gasped. “See!”
Davrin snorted and Lucanis glared at him, but at least Rook didn’t seem hurt or in danger.
“She’s high, not poisoned. Your fault, by the way,” Lucanis accused him. “What do you want of me?”
“I don’t know, some kind of crow remedy?” Davrin shrugged at Lucanis glaring. “I think she just needs to sleep it off.”
“Possibly,” Lucanis replied icily.
“Hear that, Rook, the poisoner crow agrees,” Davrin said as he turned to Rook, and Lucans tried to control his and Spite’s wish to stab him. Poison wasn’t even his specialty. Stabbing, though… “Why don’t you go get a nap?”
“Can I take Assan?” Rook answered.
“Sure, if he wants to.”
“Assan, come on!”
Rook walked upstairs and to her room, slightly uncoordinated, with Assan at her heels.
“You got her high,” Lucanis huffed when the door of Rook’s room closed.
“I didn’t plan to.” Davrin rolled his eyes. “It was just gingerwort tea, it’s safe, but Rook seems to be sensitive to it.”
“Who would even want to drink tea,” Lucanis retorted. He knew he was being silly yet he couldn’t help it.
“Me. And Rook. She likes tea, she told me so when we were drinking it,” Davrin said. “But she has mostly coffee because that’s what you make all the time.”
“Oh…”
So, Rook liked tea and he didn’t know it. He’d prided himself on knowing Rook’s favorite drink. He’d thought she enjoyed coffee too. Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe she’d just been drinking it for his sake…
“Man, stop with the puppy eyes, it’s just coffee, you’re too attached to it.” Davrin laughed and Lucanis’ allegedly puppy-eyes turned purple and murderous as he glared at him, but Davrin seemed unimpressed. “Rook likes coffee too. Especially if you make it, she says it’s better then.”
“Rook…told you that?” Lucanis asked quietly, looking down.
“Yeah. She can’t shut up about you for more than an hour.” Davrin chuckled, but Lucanis thought he’d sounded just ever so slightly annoyed.
Lucanis couldn’t blame him. If he planned a date with Rook and she would spend it talking about Davrin, he knew he’d be annoyed. Still, he couldn’t help how pleased he felt at Davrin’s words. When he looked at Davrin, though, he was smirking.
“I think it’s bullshit, though, I don’t think your coffee is anything special,” Davrin teased.
“Oh? Have Neve’s coffee and then come tell me,” Lucanis joked back.
“No, thanks.” Davrin chuckled. “I’m going to tell Emmrich about the tea, just in case.”
Lucanis nodded. “I’ll check on Rook.”
*
Lucanis walked into Rook’s room, carrying a tall glass of water, and he was greeted by the big, odd aquarium. It made him feel uneasy, reminded him of the Ossuary, and he tried to ignore it, looking at the couch. Rook sat down there, holding Assan’s head gently as she looked intently into the griffon’s eyes.
“Rook, are you alright?”
“I wish he said something besides worms,” Rook sighed longingly, letting go of Assan’s head.
“Here, drink this.” Lucanis handed her the glass of water.
“Not coffee?” Rook asked, and Lucanis felt a pleasant warmth as he remembered Davrin saying Rook liked the coffee more if Lucanis made it.
“Later. Now drink that.”
Rook nodded, drinking the water.
“The tea made me understand Assan…do you think it made me understand Manfred and Spite too?!” Rook looked at him wide-eyed and if Lucanis hadn’t been as worried as he was, he’d have snorted. She really was high, more than he’d thought at first.
“Rook. You already understand Spite,” he told her calmly. “You have spoken with him.”
“Oh…right…I can understand him.” Rook nodded. “Right, Spite?”
Before Lucanis knew what was happening, Rook had reached to hold his head like she’d been doing with Assan, looking into his eyes, and Lucanis felt his cheeks burning. He tried controlling how his heart picked up, the odd twirling in his belly, a wave of feelings that allowed Spite to wrest control over him.
“Lucanis. Never. Lets me. Speak!”
“Lucanis…that’s not very nice,” Rook chastised and Lucanis huffed, trying to push Spite back. “Let him speak sometimes.”
“I let him speak enough.”
“You. Don’t!” Spite’s took control again, out of…spite, probably. “Rook. Smells like…Assan.”
“See, this is what happens when he speaks,” Lucanis said, mortified, but Rook seemed amused.
She was still holding his head, her hands gentle on his warm cheeks, and she looked at him intently. Lucanis swallowed hard, feeling his mouth going dry at the way she was looking at him, at how close she was.
You. Want that. Again. Spite’s annoyed voice said in his head. Lucanis didn’t need to ask what he was talking about, he knew what he was feeling, not for the first time or the second…
He wanted to kiss Rook. And she was so close, he’d barely need to lean in to kiss her…he wanted to. But she was high, it wasn’t right, not to mention the demon kicking in his head, Rook didn’t need that burden…
“Lucanis…” Rook called his name quietly.
“Yes?” He could barely whisper it.
“What if Spite possessed Manfred?”
Lucanis blinked at Rook, too stunned to talk for a second. “What?”
“Would they take turns controlling the skeleton?”
Spite took control of Lucanis to speak before he could. “Curiosity. Has. Hands! I want. That!”
“You deserve hands!” Rook agreed, letting go of Lucanis’s head…she really was way higher than either he or Davrin had thought.
“He doesn’t,” Lucanis said, trying to wrestle down Spite. “Don’t encourage him, Rook.” She just giggled. “We have enough hands already.” And he had enough with Spite trying to control his.
“Then you wouldn’t have to share…I’m trying to be helpful for both of you,” Rook sighed dramatically.
“I know,” Lucanis conceded. He couldn’t help half a smile at her. “I let him stab enemies with my hands sometimes.” Not. Enough. Spite complained in his head but Lucanis ignored him. “Why don’t you take a nap? Come on, now that you still have time.”
“Alright…” Rook agreed and Lucanis was glad he didn’t have to try to convince her. “I’m not tired but I have a headache,” she sighed as she lay down on the couch and Lucanis had to fight the urge to caress her hair. “Assan, come.”
Rook patted the couch and grinned when Assan jumped onto it, and, at Rook’s grabby hands, the griffon lay down almost on top of her, curling up with Rook. “Oof, you’re heavy for a baby,” Rook said as she wiggled, but despite her words, she held Assan to her, looking quite happy to snuggle with him.
Another half-smile tugged at Lucanis mouth as he looked at them. The sight stirred some feelings, warmth, fondness…longing?
You. Want. That? Spite’s voice asked in his head, sounding puzzled and confused. Like. Assan?
“Shut up,” Lucanis muttered.
Did he want that? To lie down there with Rook like Assan, in her arms? Of course. But he didn’t want Spite catching on it, asking about it, or making his wishes and thoughts worse.
“What?” Rook asked, already sounding drowsy.
“Nothing. Get some sleep, Rook.”
Lucanis walked away before his and Spite’s combined thoughts could get out of hand.
*
A couple of hours later, Lucanis was in the pantry when he heard someone fumbling in the kitchen, and he walked out to find Rook there, holding a piece of hard cheese. He’d gotten that one for grating it but she seemed about to eat it just like that.
“Hey,” Rook greeted, seeming a bit awkward. “I was hungry but I didn’t feel like cooking.”
“I’ll cook you something,” Lucanis offered, heading to the kitchen space.
“You don’t have to…”
“I don’t mind.” Lucanis shrugged. He liked to cook and he liked it even more if it was for Rook.
“It’s fine, I think there are leftovers from the picnic.” Rook nodded towards a basket. “We barely got to eat before I…” She sighed and shook her head. “I’m sorry you saw me like that before.”
“It’s okay, Rook,” Lucanis told her softly, trying to be comforting.
“I mean, I’m sorry for myself, it’s embarrassing to know that both you and Davrin saw me like that…” She shook her head, seeming mortified. “At least nobody else did.”
“It wasn’t your fault, it was the tea,” Lucanis reassured her, grimacing at the thought of the drink. It was Davrin’s fault for feeding it to her, but he didn’t say it aloud, he didn’t think Rook’d agree.
“A tea that also Davrin and Emmrich had and nothing happened to them,” Rook remarked and Lucanis tried to ignore Spite’s voice asking him repeatedly to try the tea himself and see what happened.
“It’s not your fault that you’re sensitive to it,” Lucanis tried to reason, he didn’t like to see Rook chastising herself like that.
Rook just shrugged with a non-committal humm and Lucanis watched as she took a sandwich from the picnic basket. He decided he’d cook something anyway, he didn’t trust Davrin’s cooking. Frittata with the grating cheese that Rook’d been about to eat.
As he began to get everything ready, it seemed Rook was going to say something, maybe to tell him again that he didn’t have to, but she didn’t, she just smiled softly and looked at him cooking in silence for a little bit.
“That smells so good,” she said as the frittata cooked and Lucanis couldn’t help how pleased it made him feel. It was a simple dish, truly, only eggs, cheese, and some vegetables mixed together, but he thought it was good nonetheless.
When the frittata was finished, Lucanis served it on a plate and handed it to Rook along with a glass of water. With a thanks, Rook took it and instead of going to the dining table, she sat down on the sofa around the small coffee table.
Rook looked at him as if wondering if he’d join her, and so Lucanis poured himself a cup of coffee and went to sit with her, not next to her on the couch but on the armchair near it. He noticed Rook eyeing his coffee while she sipped her water.
“I can make you a tea,” Lucanis offered, even if his nose scrunched in disgust at the thought of such a beverage, and he wasn’t even sure he could brew it properly, but Davrin had said Rook liked tea so at least he could try.
“I…I think I’ve had enough tea for a while…” Rook grimaced. “Besides, I love your coffee, it’s really good.”
A warm, pleased feeling spread through Lucanis at that, while a smile tugged at his lips. Davrin’d already told him Rook enjoyed his coffee more, but it was not the same than hearing her saying that she loved it.
Rook cut into the still steaming frittata and brought a piece to her mouth, closing her eyes with a delighted hmm, making something stir in Lucanis belly at it. “This is so good, really.” That warm, pleasant feeling grew even more.
Rook didn’t say anything else, just enjoyed the frittata, and Lucanis watched her enjoying the food in silence. Lucanis had rarely cooked for anyone besides himself, and he liked cooking for his friends at the Lighthouse and having them enjoy the food, but when it was Rook, it felt even better.
Once Rook finished her frittata, Lucanis already had a cup of coffee ready for her.
“What would we do without you, Lucanis, you spoil us,” she half-teased, smiling as he nursed the cup in her hands.
“I saw how you all ate before hiring me,” Lucanis tried to joke, trying to control the wave of feelings as Rook kept complimenting him. “You needed a cook, not an assassin.”
“And we were so lucky we got both,” Rook chuckled.
She lifted her legs onto the couch and leaned on the armrest closer to Lucanis, and he fought the impulse urging him to lean closer too, to touch her, maybe stroke her hair. For a moment, they both sipped their coffee in silence.
“I think maybe I should get ready another picnic with Davrin, one in which I don’t get…indispose…” Rook commented after a little while.
Lucanis’ warm, content and pleasant feelings were gone, replaced by hot jealousy at hearing Rook speaking about arranging a date with Davrin. He grimaced as he tried to control Spite’s onslaught of upset feelings as the demon caught Lucanis’ own emotions and what seemed to also be his own kind of feelings regarding Rook.
“Rook, I told you, it’s not your fault you’re sensitive to the tea…” Lucanis tried to keep his voice calm and even when he spoke. “It’s Davrin’s fault for bringing an unchecked recipe to a date,” he scoffed.
Rook looked at him wide-eyed. “A date? Do you think Davrin thought of that as a date?”
“I…don’t know…” Had he assumed things? He’d been pretty sure Davrin wanted a date with Rook. He tried to hide how upset he was at the idea “I thought so…”
“Oh…” Rook sighed, seeming worried. “Oh, I hope not…I just thought we were going to hang out in the forest, decompress, play with Assan…not a date, date.”
Lucanis didn’t know what to think of Rook’s words, there were too many emotions shimmering inside him, both his and Spite’s, and luckily Rook just kept talking without expecting him to say anything else.
“I mean, Davrin’s great and I really like him,” she began and Lucanis had to wrestle Spite down when he tried to take control of him. “Everyone’d be lucky to date him, but…turns out I don’t want to…”
Lucanis knew he shouldn’t smile at those words, but he couldn’t help how pleased he felt. What mattered if Rook didn’t want to date Davrin, though? It wasn’t like Lucanis could date her…he wanted to, he’d not lie to himself saying he didn’t, but he knew what a bad idea it was, how unfair it’d be for Rook, to get dragged into his mess, tangled with someone who could barely offer anything but death and trouble.
“It’d have been a nice date, though, a picnic in the beautiful woods,” Rook kept going, as if Lucanis didn’t have enough thoughts and feelings fighting inside him already. “But I think my perfect date would be different, I think maybe going to someone’s favorite café in his beautiful city.”
Rook wasn’t looking at him as she spoke, her eyes were on her coffee mug, and Lucanis was glad for it because, even though he tried to keep his expression neutral, he wasn’t sure he was succeeding. His heart had picked up his pace and some twirls were dancing in his belly.
He knew Rook was talking about when he’d taken her to Café Pietra. It’d been nice, even if it’d been for crow business, Lucanis had enjoyed being able to go back to his favorite café, and he’d been pleased to take Rook with him. It hadn’t been a date, yet he’d caught himself wishing it’d been, wondering about perhaps having a real one there, with Rook.
He’d tried to stop those thoughts and wishes but there he was anyway, they had just grown stronger as he spent more time with Rook.
“But I know that wouldn’t be everyone’s kind of date…” Rook said at his silence, moving back from the armrest and sitting straighter, perhaps taking his silence for rejection.
Lucanis knew he shouldn’t entertain his feelings or Rook’s and yet…he couldn’t help it… “It’d be my perfect date too,” he said quietly.
Rook looked at him with a smile that sent dancing twirls to Lucanis’ stomach again, before she looked back at her coffee, taking a sip, as if shyly trying to hide her growing smile.
“I think…” Lucanis began even if he didn’t really know what he thought anymore. “Once I’ve fixed everything, I’d like to go to Café Pietra again.”
For fixing everything, he didn’t mean only saving the world and stopping the gods, as if that were a small task already, but also taking care of the crow’s businesses and loose ends, and especially, fixing whatever was going on with and Spite, if that was even something he could fix. He didn’t want to put Rook in danger, and it felt like that was all he could offer her at that moment…she deserved something more, something better, but Lucanis couldn’t stop his feelings.
“I’d like it if you wanted to come,” he finished, his voice low and husky.
“I’d love to.” Rook gave him another of those smiles that had Lucanis’ heart dancing.
“It’ll take me a while to fix everything.” That if it was even possible…Lucanis felt pessimistic about it yet whenever he looked at Rook, he couldn’t help but feel something close to hope.
“That’s alright, Café Pietra will still be there,” Rook said nonchalantly. “And so will I.” Her tone was softer now yet reassuring, just like her smile, and Lucanis couldn’t help his own.
This was a bad idea, probably, but the twirls in his belly and the beating of his heart didn’t seem to care. In moments like that, Lucanis had to wonder if Rook was real, or if maybe he had finally break in the Ossuary prison and he was making her and everything else up in his mind.
Lucanis didn’t know what to say, he was feeling overwhelmed by everything, by all his emotions, but Rook didn’t seem to mind his silence.
Slowly, she placed her open hand on the armrest, palm up. An invitation.
Lucanis looked at it for just a moment, before bringing his hand to hers. Rook gave him another of those warm smiles that had his heart dancing, and she closed her hand around his, intertwining their fingers.
Her touch was soft, comforting, grounding…safe, even.
She was real, she was there for him, and she was willing to wait until he could offer her something more than what he could then, something better.
It wouldn’t be easy, there was much to do, but with Rook at his side, her and on his, Lucanis felt more hopeful than he’d ever felt.