Chapter Text
Naruto leaned back in the booth at Ichiraku, slurping noodles like he’d been stranded in the desert for weeks. Across from him, Sasuke sat, chopsticks suspended midair, his glare sharp enough to dice vegetables.
“You’re telling me,” Naruto began, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “that you told Auntie Mikoto you’re engaged?”
“Hn.”
Naruto froze for half a second before bursting into laughter so loud it startled the old man behind the counter. “Engaged? You? Oh, man, that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week!”
Sasuke’s glare intensified, his dark eyes narrowing like he was trying to decide whether Naruto’s demise should involve his chopsticks or the scalding ramen broth. “I don’t remember asking for your opinion.”
Naruto leaned forward, a mischievous grin plastered across his face. “Okay, okay. But seriously—who’s the lucky girl? You have a secret girlfriend you haven’t told me about? Or… wait.” His grin widened. “Did you just make it up to get your mom off your back?”
Sasuke’s silence was all the confirmation Naruto needed.
Naruto dropped his chopsticks with a loud clatter. “You lied to Auntie Mikoto? You’re braver than I thought, teme. She’s gonna murder you when she finds out.”
“She won’t find out,” Sasuke said curtly, turning his attention back to his sashimi with a deliberate bite, as though the conversation were over.
“Oh, really?” Naruto smirked, picking up his chopsticks again. “And what happens when she starts asking about wedding dates, the guest list, or, I don’t know, your non-existent fiancée?”
Sasuke paused mid-bite, his jaw tightening as if Naruto’s words were physically painful. He set his chopsticks down carefully and pinched the bridge of his nose. “This is why I don’t tell you anything.”
Naruto snorted. “Lucky for you, I’m a genius at fixing dumb mistakes. And you’re in luck, ‘cause I’ve got the perfect solution!”
Sasuke tilted his head slightly, his expression as skeptical as ever. “Do I even want to hear this?”
Naruto grinned wider, like a man about to pitch the deal of a lifetime. “Easy! You should just go through with it—a marriage of convenience!”
Sasuke stared at him blankly, not even bothering to mask the incredulity in his tone. “A marriage of convenience?”
“Yeah!” Naruto declared, waving his chopsticks in the air like he was unveiling the next big invention in ramen toppings. “Think about it—your mom’s happy, you’re off the hook for those awkward blind dates, and you don’t have to fake being in love forever. It’s genius!”
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, deadpan as ever. “And who exactly do you expect me to marry?”
Naruto shrugged, grinning as he leaned back in his seat. “Oh, I don’t know. Just pick someone who won’t drive you crazy. Or better yet, someone who’s already crazy enough to agree to it.”
Sasuke stared at him for a long moment, his face perfectly still. Then, with the slow precision of a predator sizing up its prey, he leaned forward.
“You’re an idiot,” he said flatly.
Naruto laughed again, unbothered, as he slurped down the rest of his noodles. “Sure, but you know I’m right.”
Sakura stirred her cappuccino, glaring at the foam art like it had personally offended her entire family. “I’m telling you, Hinata, I’m running out of options. The roommate ads aren’t working, and if I can’t pay rent by the end of the month, I’m toast. Burnt toast.”
Hinata, ever the picture of poise, gave her a gentle smile. “I’m sure something will come up, Sakura.” She took a sip of her tea, pausing just long enough to make Sakura narrow her eyes.
“That tone,” Sakura said suspiciously, leaning forward. “You know something. Spill.”
Hinata’s cheeks tinged pink, and she looked down, fiddling with her napkin. “Naruto mentioned your situation to me, and I… I might have a suggestion.”
Sakura groaned, dragging a hand down her face. “Oh no. If Naruto’s involved, this is already doomed. Is it another one of his ‘get-rich-quick’ schemes?”
“No, nothing like that!” Hinata quickly said, her hands fluttering nervously. “It’s just… unconventional.”
Sakura raised an eyebrow. “Unconventional how?”
Hinata hesitated, then set her tea down with care, as if bracing herself. “What if… you got married?”
The café seemed to go completely silent, the hum of conversation and clinking dishes fading into a void. Sakura blinked at Hinata, sure she had misheard. “Married?” she said, her voice high-pitched enough to draw glances from nearby tables. “Hinata, I love you, but please, for the sake of our friendship, tell me you’re joking.”
Hinata’s blush deepened, but she held her ground. “Not a real marriage. Just… something practical. A marriage of convenience.”
Sakura snorted so hard her cappuccino foam nearly flew out of the cup. “Convenience? What am I, starring in a soap opera now? Am I supposed to marry a secret billionaire who’ll pay my rent in exchange for, what, homemade bento boxes?”
Hinata tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, her expression both embarrassed and determined. “I know it sounds strange, but think about it. If you found someone who needed a reason too—like, I don’t know, for tax benefits or family pressure—you could share expenses. It wouldn’t have to be forever.”
Sakura dragged her hands through her hair, staring at her best friend in disbelief. “Hinata, I can barely commit to a shampoo brand, let alone marriage—fake or not.”
“It’s just an idea,” Hinata said softly, looking down at her tea again. “But it would solve your rent problem. And you wouldn’t have to trust a stranger. You could pick someone you know.”
Sakura shook her head, laughing bitterly. “And who’s lining up to marry a broke, overworked resident? No one’s that desperate.”
Hinata hesitated, her expression unreadable for a moment, before she said quietly, “Sometimes, people have their own reasons.”
Sakura frowned at the cryptic tone but waved it off. “You and Naruto are perfect for each other, you know that? You both wake up every day and think, ‘What’s the wildest thing we can throw at Sakura today?’” She pushed her cup away, leaning back in her chair. “Marriage. Honestly.”
Hinata chuckled softly, but her suggestion hung in the air long after the conversation moved on. And later that night, as Sakura sat at her coffee table, staring at the pile of overdue bills, she found herself muttering under her breath:
“Marriage. That’s ridiculous. Isn’t it?”