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I’m not the silhouette you know

Summary:

“She can’t be into a girl normally. It has to completely invade her life and destroy her from the inside.”

Grace Beckham is a sweet, bright eyed freshman at Columbia University.

Violet Lannes is a troubled junior who works as a mechanic part time. They meet in passing, and Vi never gets over it.

Notes:

My first fic woohoo!! This is soo self insert btw :3 (spelling mistakes beware)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Pilot

Chapter Text

It was 4 am.

And the lightly plastered exposed bricks that surrounded Vi did their best to swallow the sound of college kids partying next door.

Vi awoke in her what some people would call a shitty apartment, But It was a dream come true for someone like her. She found the cheapest apartment a few blocks away from the university and it was hell of a lot nicer than where she grew up in Detroit .

Considering she has been so nicely woken up from her restless slumber, Vi decided it was a good idea to kick off this semester on good terms. Well no, she didn’t ‘decide’. her counselor had told her “you’re stewing in your own bullshit” and. “if you don’t bring up your GPA you’re getting kicked off your scholarship.” Since she spent last semester eschewing her Academic responsibilities, getting shit faced and party hopping every night. Fucking any girl that felt bad enough for her, and spent hours she should have been in class on the PlayStation, She swung her feet out of bed instead of going back to sleep. and planting her feet on the cold hardwood, she made for the shower. The first one in days.

She turned the hot water on. And couldn’t help but swear as she was assaulted with water chilled by the now cool autumn air. “This shit is never going to warm up.” Was murmured as she got to lathering.
Stepping out of the shower and sorting through a huge pile of might-be clean clothes on her floor, she threw on some dark grey sweats and a black compression shirt.

Her feet hit the pavement before she could talk herself into going back to bed, she was half jogging her way to the building a couple blocks down, cursing at herself for thinking 40 degree weather was warm enough to brace nature without a jacket.
She entered the gym as she downed her pre workout, flashed her membership card to the receptionist and got to work stretching.

As she was deep in a lunge she saw light brown curls bouncing as the person they belonged to walked past the yoga mats to the stair master. Vi watched as the girl put her water bottle in the cup holder, and turned on the machine. Vi watched as the girls ass flexed as she walked up the machine. Vi was very obviously staring at this girl, how her muscles contorted and flexed as she moved, how sweat dripped down her exposed back… Vi needed to continue her stretches. It’s now 5 am. She had hurried and finished.

Heavy sounds of shoes hitting a treadmill filled the quiet, mostly empty room. Vi loved cardio early in the morning, there’s no room for depressing and intense thoughts. Just breathing and listening to whatever bullshit is on her playlist. now over at the barbells. She picked up 20 lbs to start with. Vi did her best to focus on the workout, she repeated her mantras as she took steady, practiced breaths. “Focus in form, focus on form, engage your core, engage your-“

Vi felt a poke to her shoulder. Vi dropped the barbell and took out an earbud, turning around. “Excuse me! Sorry for touching you..” Vi spaced out for a moment as she looked down at the woman, the same one she had to pry her eyes off of earlier. quite petite she has now noticed. “It’s just.. I had been calling you for a bit but you didn’t answer,” “Uhm.. I just need someone to spot me, you look quite strong and you’re also the only other person here which makes sense because it’s like 5 am.. haha” She’s awkward, cute. But so was Vi, because she was just standing there unapologetically raking her eyes over the girl in front of her. Vi was making a mental note of the girls features. Long light brown hair tied up in a loose bun, short skinny yet toned body, she’s wearing matching pink sports bra and biker shorts, Air Force ones on her feet with Nike Nike socks up her ankle.. Big brown eyes looking up at her with uncertainty. “Uhh, hello?” God, get it together. “Oh, uhh Yeah?” “Great!” The woman exclaimed and took Vi’s arm and started to drag her to the leg press machine. Body heating up at the sudden contact. Well, she’s friendly. “My name is Grace by the way” She said sweetly with a big smile. “Vi” Was said flatly.

Grace sat on the machine and positioned herself.
Vi was fidgeting awkwardly while standing there as grace was doing great with her workout. She was using a bit more weight than Vi would have assumed she’d use, and the little grunts she would make as she enacted force onto the sled was driving Vi crazy.

But then Vi noticed shaking legs and the sled dipping lower than it should.
In a few swift motions Vi lifted the sled and Grace locked it into place.
There were exasperated breaths coming from the petite woman below, then she stood up.
“Oh wow, thank you” Grace said with a sweet smile
“I couldn’t exactly handle that weight after all, my trainer.. well trainer is a strong word haha, my friend told me to go up one. he thinks I’m much stronger than i actually am” Grace said with a laugh towards the end.
“Oh sorry, I love to talk. But seriously thanks”
She said with an apologetic smile and looked at her shoes

Vi wasn’t even sure she fully processed everything the brunette had said, she was flabbergasted a woman was actually talking to her, like normally. Not a fucked up one at a party or one asking for a cigarette.

Ah shit. She was just standing there and staring like a dumbass. Eventually something falls out of her mouth.

“It’s no problem really, and you were doing okay. With heavier weights you’ll just reach failure sooner so just uhm. Look out for that.”
God, could you be anymore awkward?

Grace starts to pick up her things. Bending over and Vi couldn’t care less about staring.

“Do you go here often?” Grace says with her back turned to Vi.

“Uh yeah. Since I moved here a few years ago”

“That’s great! I just moved here from Pittsburgh, here for college.”

Grace has now turned around and looking up at Vi again with a smile. Damn, how tall is she? 5’3?
And of course she was then again sitting there like a dumbass.

After a beat of silence Grace made an interesting face and started to walk towards the locker rooms.

“Well I’ll see you around, stranger.”

Vi watched as the girl walked away. A strange voice in her head was scratching at her brain. Vi liked to call it a voice, despite how stupid that sounds to her. Her counselor called it ‘intrusive thoughts’

It’s now almost 6 am and people are starting to trickle into the gym, people were giving her weird looks as she was just standing in the middle of the leg area, so before she could think her legs were taking her to the woman’s lockers.
This wasn’t a good idea, actually what’s the problem? She’s a woman who needs to take a shower after her workout. Except she didn’t even finish hers, but that’s beside the point Vi thought.

Vi entered the locker room and started looking around, trying to look chill as she was searching for clues of the woman’s presence.

She laid her eyes on a small pink duffle bag sitting on a bench next to a shower. with the name “Grace” spelled out in rhinestones.
“How cute” Vi scoffed.

She opened the zipper and started digging around inside. A few pads, protein bars, cash.. And there it was, an extra pair of clothes to change into after the shower. Picking up the clothes and un folding them, she found a pair of small white panties and held them up to her nose. Clean she thought. Unfortunate but it’ll have to do. She quickly stuffed them in her pocket and tried to best to put everything back where it was and zipped up the bag.

Vi sat close to the door, near the sinks a bit away from the shower Grace was in, waiting for her to walk out. Hopefully she was far enough that she couldn’t be seen. She started thinking about what might be happening in that shower. Piecing together memories of her face and sticking it onto previously seen naked bodies. Lost in thought, Vi almost missed the girl step out of the shower. Towel wrapped around her hair and unfortunately her torso. Grace lifted her toned leg and placed it on the bench and reached into her bag. Vi’s heart started to race as she imagined her realizing it had been tampered with, looking around the corner and making a scene. But that didn’t happen, instead she pulled out body oil and started messaging it into her bare damp leg.

Vi was in shock. Her core heating up at her own obscene actions. Now would be the time to get up and walk out. But that didn’t happen, instead she pulled out her iPhone, made sure flash was off and snaps few zoomed in pictures of this girls towel clad body.
She then switched legs, now moisturizing the other one. Vi could feel her face heating up and turning red at the sights.
As it was just getting good a group of woman that take the pilates class walked in. And a few glanced at Vi, maybe wondering why she’s just sitting there.

“How long until 7?” One of them asks.
“About 10 minutes, class starts soon guys!”
The other one said loudly, for the group to hear.

Shit. 10 minutes?. Vi gets up and darts out of the locker room. Then grabbing her things and tugging an oversized shirt over her head, and books it down the street to the subway.

She almost missed her stop, after grabbing her things she darted out of the subway, climbed the stairs and sort of jogged to her job.
Vi has made it. But about 15 minutes late. Great!

It’s a rundown place. The shithole barely gets customers anymore. it’s been home to her ever since she moved, and it’s been enough to survive.
Her boss is waiting right as she walks in.

“You’re late.” The balding 40 year old man said.

“At least I showed up” Vi murmured.

“You know I can’t employ someone who’s unreliable right? I have paper work to do and someone just came in 10 minutes ago. I had to stop what I was doing and help them”

“Like you have a choice.” Vi said under her breath

“I need you at the register today. We’re getting snow and ice early this year and people are already looking for snow tires.”

“Aye aye”

Vi went to punch in and the device told her the days she’d be working, and it’s only 3.

“The fuck?”

“What?”

The man said as Vi walked up to him.

”what’s up with my hours? You’re fucking my paycheck, man.”

The man sighs. “You weren’t able to keep up with longer hours last year and attend classes, I’m making it easier on you.”

Vi felt a familiar feeling of frustration and irritation creep up her chest, another nagging feeling.

“I don’t need you to look out for me, I need to pay rent.”

The man looks up from his paper.
“Just show me you can handle both, that you can be reliable”
The last word was over pronounced, said slowly, almost mockingly Vi thought.
And before she could say something she regrets, the bell was rung as someone opened the door.
Vi sighed and got to work.

Hours flew by, her day filled with annoying customers and repetitive activities, her mind couldn’t help but wonder. Thoughts about her doe eyes and blessed proportions invaded her mind like a virus. She can’t help these.. obsessions. She can’t be into a girl normally, apparently. It has to completely invade her life and destroy her from the inside.

“Hello? How much for an oil change?”

Vi sighed.