Chapter Text
Stacey was the first one to notice, then she tells Aiah about it. The eldest agrees; just last month Colet and Jhoanna were inseparable, like they were connected at the hip by some force far too great for them to understand. This month, though, everyone can see how Colet desperately and discreetly—but failing miserably—avoids one Jhoanna Robles.
“May something kaya?” Stacey whispers, not letting it go. She’s invested in this somehow.
Aiah shrugs her shoulders with a teasing grin, “Lubog na yata Jholet mo,” she answers before snickering.
Stacey shakes her head at this, “Seryoso nga Ate Aiah, ano sa tingin mo?” she presses some more.
They both look up to watch Colet move from one spot to another, her blue Sony headphone—which, by the way, is identical to Jhoanna’s—fitting snuggly over her head. She didn’t pay any mind to her surrounding, not even Sheena who’s brightly smiling at her when she passes by her. Stacey and Aiah see the confusion etched on the youngest girl’s forehead after that. Sheena catches their eyes, mirroring her unsaid questions. They both shrug in response, Aiah offering a gentle smile.
“Oks ka lang?” It was Mikha, innocent and a little oblivious at times, who has the guts to ask.
Colet lifts the right earpiece off her ears, brows raised as if she’s asking Mikha to repeat what she said.
“I was asking if you’re okay lang ba,” Mikha offers again. Four pairs of eyes are now not-so-discreetly tuned in to their conversation.
Colet lets out a laugh. A fake one, the ever-observant Gwen comments in her head.
“Oo naman,” Colet offers, hoping it sounds convincing enough. She gets rid of her headphones before putting it back inside her bag. “Ba’t mo natanong?”
Mikha shrugs her shoulders, sensing that it’s not entirely true, “Wala lang. Just wanted to check, parang you’re out of it kasi earlier,” she dead-pans. Classic Mikha. “Anyway, how was your weekend pala? I saw nag pottery class ka? Parang I want din.”
Colet’s lips now curve into a genuine smile and this somehow comforts the four spectators, getting back to what they were doing earlier—Aiah and Stacey looking through pictures of the older girl’s dog, Honey. Sheena is scrolling through Tiktok, while Gwen is in her own little world—before tuning out Colet and Mikha as they talk about the pottery class Colet and her friends attended over the weekend.
After some twenty minutes of idling around, the door to the practice room opens, revealing Jhoanna and Maloi with their dance coach behind them. Colet’s eyes unconsciously move towards Jhoanna’s direction out of habit before she quickly averted her gaze. Maloi notices this and she gives Jhoanna an intrigued look, who didn’t even give her a single glance as the younger’s eyes lingers on to Colet.
The studio transforms into a quiet space for just a couple of seconds before Coach Mathew clears his throat. “Okay, so final na yung pairings for the concert, ha,” he says as he took the center of the studio and the girls settle down on the floor, their attentions now fixed on the coach. Whatever this weird atmosphere is, they can talk about it later.
After a few discussions, Coach Mathew left them to run some errands for their bosses, leaving the girls to lounge around the studio some more, waiting for further advisory. Aiah is now engaged in a conversation with Mikha and Maloi about her next travel plan, which piqued Mikha’s interest – come to think of it, the last time she travelled with Aiah was almost a year ago. Sheena and Stacey are learning a new Tiktok dance on the other side, laughing every now and then when they make mistakes on the choreography. Gwen and Jhoanna discuss the younger’s latest theater gig, with Gwen showing interest in trying it, too.
Colet sits at a corner farther from the rest, a guitar in her hand which she took from one of the guitars stands in the studio. Her fingers absent-mindedly play chords as a melody comes on. The chatters slowly simmer down as they tune in to Colet who is now singing softly, oblivious to the ears that have turned to listen.
Nakapili na ba ka
kung kinsa sa among duha
ang pilion mong makauban
ipailailas ginikanan
Jhoanna’s ears tuned in to the song, she does not understand the words but she’s familiar with the song as she remembers this is one of Colet’s favorites from their favorite artist. She remembers asking Colet before what the song meant and the older girl said that it’s about loving someone who loves someone else, begging them to come back to you when things don’t work out with the person they chose.
Gihatag ko na ang tanan
ug ihatag ko pa ang tanan, apan
Jhoanna thinks that this is such a tragic song because, really, what hurts more than loving someone who loves someone else?
Kung siya man ang mapilian
wa koy mahimu ana pero
sakit lang jud kaayu
kung siya man ang maswertehan
mupalayu nako ninyu
ug ihilak nalang sa tago
pero ug iya kang byaan
ug iyang binoangan, pag mahitabo
wala na siyay balikan
Colet sings, closing her eyes as she lets the melody take her. This is one of her favorite songs, she’s memorized this by heart since it first came out. She was in high school, then, singing this song without relating to it, little did she know she’d one day be the person begging to be chosen.
Kung pananglitang sa iya
gyud mas giganahan ka
maghulat lang ko diring dapita
basin diay ug mubalik ka
Gihatag ko na ang tanan
ug ihatag ko pa ang tanan, apan
For the first time in weeks, she lets her thoughts drift towards a certain doe-eyed girl whom she has also painfully but masterfully evaded for the past weeks—the younger’s messages left unread, her missed calls not returned. Colet’s heart feels heavy at the thought. If she’s being honest, she was so sure she couldn’t live a day without Jhoanna, she couldn’t even stay mad at the girl before that even if it’s in the wee hours of the day she needed to send a lengthy paragraph of what made her upset and adding an I love you, Jho at the end just so she’s sure Jhoanna knows her Ate Colet loves her no matter what. But this… this feels like a different kind of pain. Something a lengthy text can’t explain. Something Colet should not be entertaining, really.
Kung siya man ang mapilian
wa koy mahimu ana pero
sakit lang jud kaayu
kung siya man ang maswertehan
mupalayu nako ninyu
ug ihilak nalang sa tago
pero ug iya kang byaan
ug iyang binoangan, pag mahitabo
“Nakausap mo na?” Aiah asks in a low voice only Jhoanna can hear, breaking the thoughtful look that has settled on the younger girl’s face, surprising her because she didn’t notice Aiah moving to sit by her.
Jhoanna was caught off-guard at the question, but this is Aiah asking so she offers a little smile before shaking her head no. “About work lang,” she says before glancing at Colet who still has her eyes closed, head leaned on the wall beside her.
Aiah nods in understanding before adding, “Did you try to talk to her about it?”
Jhoanna shyly shakes her head no again, because paano nga ba kausapin ang taong ginagawa ang lahat maiwasan ka lang?
Aiah nods again, squeezing Jhoanna’s hand, choosing not to press further. Whatever this is, she’s sure Jhoanna and Colet can get through it. She knows this, like the many times they did when they had misunderstandings.
Ang reyna sa akong damgo
tua sa laing palasyo
ug iya kang byaan
lingi diri kay ako kang pakasalan
Jhoanna didn’t realize that she’s still staring at Colet until the older girl tilts her head down and opens her eyes, their gaze connecting for what felt like a lifetime. Jhoanna feels her heart racing at this, before it stings at the sadness that has evidently and permanently settled in Colet’s eyes, dulling the sparks that once made it look so happy. Jhoanna wants to cross the distance between them, wants to cradle Colet in her arms and assure her that everything will be alright, even if she’s not so sure if she believes it, too.
Colet averts her gaze, looking down at her fingers on the guitar, guilt eating her up. Why does Jhoanna look like she’s about to cry, too? She couldn’t bear to look at the longing in the younger girl’s eyes.
Kung ikaw man ang magustohan
wa koy mahimo ana
pero ampingi siya palihog
kung sa imo man siya maganahan
mupalayo nako ninyu
ug hatagan ta mog respeto
Hangyu lng ay syag pasakiti
ug ayaw jud siya biyae
kayg ug imong sayangan
buhaton ko ang tanan
Wala na kay balikan
The song ends and the studio falls silent for a while, none of them talking, before Mikha moves to squeez Colet’s shoulder in silent support. She has no idea what the song was about but the sadness in Colet’s voice tells her that it’s something heartfelt.
“Baka Ace ng BINI ‘yan!” Mikha beams proudly, making the other girls laugh because despite it being a compliment, it always ends up sounding like she’s mocking. The girls know this, though, and had never taken what Mikha says any other way.
“Bolera,” Colet says while laughing shyly, thankful for Mikha’s support and how she tries to lighten up the atmosphere that seem to have shifted in a much darker mood. She rolls her eyes playfully at the red-haired girl before standing up to put the guitar back to its stand, passing by Jhoanna, Aiah, and Gwen who are sitting near where the instruments are.
“Tama na, ‘te” Gwen teased Jhoanna when she notices how the younger girl’s eyes follow Colet’s movement. “Apaka halata mo naman, eh.”
Jhoanna feigns innocence, raising her right brow at Gwen and their silent banter. “Ano?” she mouths before rolling her eyes.
Colet settles back in her previous spot, joined by Sheena and Stacey as they ask her to choose which video to post on Tiktok.
“Ano ba kasi’ng nangyari?” Gwen now asks, totally invested in her friends’ not-so-subtle silent treatment towards each other. Well, it was involuntary for Jhoanna, Colet just put her in that spot.
Jhoanna lets out the breath she’s been holding in a sigh. Gosh, was she not breathing all the while Colet was there? “Hindi ko din alam, sa totoo lang,” she confesses, eyes soft as if she’s about to cry. She misses Colet and how the older girl treats her. She’s not used to the silent treatment; she’s not used to not having Colet barely an arm away from her. This distance between them—physically and emotionally—has been the source of her restless nights for days now, suffocating her at times.
As if on cue, Coach Mathew re-enters the studio, a big smile adoring his face. “Girls, I have good news,” he starts saying and the girls settle down to focus on what the coach is about to say. “You are free to go early today since you’ve been very diligent naman sa practices ‘nyo last week, but you are expected to be here early tomorrow.”
A unison of Yes!! erupted from the girls as they start to stand up to gather their things. They still have ample of free time as it was just 2 in the afternoon.
“Basta early tomorrow, okay?” Coach Mathew reminds them, earning a ‘Yes Coach, thank you!’ from the girls.
“Oh-kaaay, bonding time!” Aiah announces, looking at the rest of the girls expectantly. “Oy, ‘di pwede mag no, ha.”
Sheena happily skips to stand beside Aiah, “Basta si lodi ang mag-aya, yes agad ‘yan!” she jokes lightheartedly, earning laughter from the rest.
“Syempre, si Tom Cruise na ‘yan, makaka-no pa ba tayo?” Stacey adds, making the girls laugh some more.
“Mga sira!” Aiah counters, still laughing. “Saan ‘nyo gusto?” she adds when the laughter died down.
“Parang masarap ang Smirnoff today,” Mikha jokingly suggests with a giggle, looking around with careful eyes, lingering at Aiah who had been known to be strict about things like that.
The girls seem to welcome the idea. “G lang ako kahit ano,” Gwen replies, swinging the strap of her duffle bag over her left shoulder.
Mikha gives the girl a thumbs up, grinning widely. A silent thank you for the support.
“Same, oks lang din sa’kin,” Sheena agrees, to which Stacey nods at.
“Sa condo ko na lang,” Aiah says, not waiting for the rest of the girls to answer, seeing that nobody is actually protesting. This doesn’t happen frequently anyways. She could let loose just this once.
“Colet? Okay lang?” Mikha asks, tone careful and respectful. Colet has always been one of the more disciplined ones out of the group, next to Aiah, so she wants to make sure that Colet is okay with that, too.
Colet nods, offering a smile at Mikha. “Oks lang naman,” she says, looking at expectant eyes. “Deserve din natin ‘yan. Basta okay kay Aiah, okay ako.” She turns to look at Jhoanna for a brief second, “Ikaw, Jho, okay lang ba?”
Everyone waits with bathed breath before Jhoanna answers, “Okay lang. Minsan lang naman.”
Mikha smiles widely, satisfied with the plan they had just made. She moves to put an arm over Colet’s shoulders, practically dragging the older girl. “Let’s G!!!”
Turns out Mikha had other plans as she ditched the Smirnoff to two bottles of Tequila. Colet protested at first, saying that they have to get up early for practice the next morning, knowing how lightweight the girls are except for Mikha and Gwen – yes, the timid girl can actually hold her liquor. It was futile, though, as she found herself in Aiah’s living room with the rest of the girls, two bottles of Tequila and lemons on a bowl in front of them.
Colet shakes her head at Mikha who’s now starting the rounds, “Sira ulo talaga ‘to,” she says pointing at Mikha accusingly. The red-haired girl just offers her a grin, shrugging her shoulders proudly. Never underestimate Mikha’s convincing powers.
Colet looks around. Aiah had transferred into a bigger unit when they were starting to get brand deals, which in hindsight was a good idea because she had a bigger space when she got Honey, albeit unexpectedly and unprepared. The white walls adorned with paintings and framed album posters looks back at Colet, the gray carpet lays softly under their crossed legs. They had the center table moved to the side to give more space as they sit in a small circle, face to face with each other. Chatters fill the space and Colet lets her mind drift away momentarily, gaze fixed on the small floor-to-ceiling glass window behind Jhoanna—who sat adjacent to her—giving her the view of the cars and people below the building going about their lives and the horizon marked with tall buildings. The afternoon sun isn’t too harsh as it has been a little gloomy all day, an LPA brewing just outside Luzon. Colet finds herself relaxing at this, mind going back to gloomy days in Tagbilaran when all they’ll have for company is her father’s trusty radio playing songs from the past. A smile unconsciously creeps up her lips. Those were the times when life was a little hard for them, but they were getting by and they were happy. Thinking about it, now she misses home, but lately home has been a little difficult, especially with their fame shooting up a hundred times that they now can’t go out without people bombarding them for pictures, and then getting bashed when they are just too tired to pose for a picture, their privacy at stake most of the times. Buhay artista, they would say, but that still doesn’t sit right with Colet.
In front of her, a pair of doe-eyes behind thick glasses with black frame watches with caution, as if she’s crossing some boundary just by looking. Jhoanna can’t deny the gap that has grown between her and Colet. It was so obvious that even Gwen asks about it, that even Aiah agreed to the drinking session in hopes of fixing whatever this is, that even her parents ask why Colet hasn’t been messaging them lately to check in on them—something the older girl religiously did in the past, treating them as her second parents. Jhoanna has a hunch, though, but she still doesn’t want to jump into conclusions.
“Ayayay,” Mikha breaks Colet’s train of thoughts, her eyes unconsciously finding Jhoanna’s before she turns to her left to throw Mikha an inquisitive look.
Mikha, seated between Gwen and Aiah—who sits beside Colet, tilts her phone towards Gwen’s direction, showing something to the taller girl.
Gwen chuckles teasingly, throwing Colet a not-so-subtle look. “’Pag ako ‘yan, naku, binakuran ko na ‘yan,” she comments, piquing Colet’s interest as she tries to look at what the two were talking about.
Mikha moves her phone further, “Problem is hindi risk-taker,” she laughs, throwing a look at Colet, too, her deep voice echoing in the living room which now had the other girls’ attention.
“Hoy, ano ‘yan?” Maloi asks, stopping what she, Sheena, and Stacey were talking about. “Patingin,” she says, her arms extended to grab the phone from Mikha who masterfully tucks it away.
“Wala ‘yan,” Gwen answers, snickering. “’Yung ship namin ‘yan sa anime na pinapanuod namin ni Mikhs.”
“Weh?” Sheena, ever so suspicious when it comes to the two, raises a brow. Jhoanna sits beside her, silent all this time as she downs the shot glass handed to her by Gwen.
Aiah keeps mum but a chuckle can’t help but escape from her mouth. She sneaked a peek at the phone in question earlier. “Ang hina naman kasi n’yang manok ‘nyo, eh, lubog tuloy.” She comments, her chuckles sounding deep but playful.
“Mga bakla kayo ng taon,” Stacey comments joining in on the laughter. She was always quick to catch on things, and she’s pretty sure she knows what Gwen and Mikha are talking about.
Colet lets out a sigh of defeat, gaze falling at Jhoanna who has been quiet all this while. “Oh, dahan-dahan,” she comments as Jhoanna’s face contorts slightly at the taste of the alcohol burning her throat. She shakes her head with a little smile, feeling lightheaded now, the alcohol getting to her.
Jhoanna snorts at this playfully, this has been the first time Colet has regarded her outside of work since the older decided to give her the silent treatment. She badly wants to cross the distance now, leap into Colet’s arms and beg for her forgiveness. Forgiveness for what—that she has no idea for now.
Mikha passes the newly refilled shot glass at Sheena now, who is sitting beside Jhoanna. “Oh, bottom’s up, Shee!” she hypes up, to which Sheena responds by downing the shot glass in one go, turning it upside down over her head to show that there’s no drop of liquid left. This hypes up Maloi as well, who sits beside her and before they knew it, they were all tipsy from the first bottle, save for Mikha and Gwen.
“Ang lightweight talaga,” Mikha says in her usual teasing voice while she opens the second bottle.
“Mikhs, pwede ba, maaga pa tayo bukas,” Colet lets out, trying to reach for the bottle that’s now cradled in Mikha’s hands.
“Ano? Ang early pa eh, mag five pa lang dude.”
Aiah snickers, “Ayan, lumabas na pagka ‘BGC Parey’ ni Mikhs,” making fun of the younger girl.
Mikha rolls her eyes, “Halikan kita diyan, ‘ta mo,” she teases, making the older girl blush.
“Mekalem!” Aiah squeals, her left hand landing on Mikha’s right thigh. “Baba gyud nimo!”
Colet laughs at that, being the only one who understands.
“Hoy, this is a no bisaya zone,” Mikha counters playfully. “Col, ano sabi niya?” she turns to look at Colet for some help.
Colet grins widely, teasing Aiah before she says, “Yung bibig mo daw,” she lets out a laugh before proceeding, “Sarap halikan.”
Aiah makes face at Colet, feigning irritation. “Colet!!!!” she screams laugh, “Buang gyud ka ba! Don’t believe that, I didn’t say the last part!”
The girls laugh at the lighthearted moment, easing into the comfort that their group bring to each other.
“Te Colet, tingnan mo ‘to,” Sheena calls out when the banter dies down, signaling for Colet to transfer beside her. She moves to give Colet space, followed by Maloi and Stacey, so Colet now sits in between Jhoanna and Sheena. She thinks it’s a little cramped, her right arm accidentally brushing Jhoanna’s. She mouths a ‘sorry’ to which Jhoanna just nods at.
“Ay, na refresh, sorry Te Colet,” the youngest of the group smiles sheepishly before she tucks her phone away. Now Colet sits awkwardly, fully aware of the body beside her.
The tension between the two of them feels too thick, too suffocating that Jhoanna decides to breaks it, “Order tayo food,” she announces, pulling her phone out, her voice cracking a little. “Ano gusto ‘nyo?”
“Libre ba ‘yan?” Stacey, who now takes Colet’s previous place, asks with playful suspicion.
“Ay hindi na uso libre ngayon, beh,” Jhoanna counters laughing, thankful for the distraction.
“Kay Ate Colet na lang na phone,” Sheena says mischievously, knowing full well Colet will never ask them to pay for it.
“Ay namumuro ka na, Sheena,” Colet replies with fake irritation, to which the youngest just laughed at.
“I’ll pay na nga lang,” Mikha offers her phone to Aiah who gladly takes it. “Ikaw na mag choose.”
“Taray, kami wala ba’ng karapatan mag choose?” Maloi teases.
Mikha just rolls her eyes at that while Aiah asks for their order.
“How about you, Jho?” Aiah asks as she’s now just down to Jhoanna and Colet’s orders.
“Kahit ano lang, Te Aiah,” Jhoanna says mindlessly, her finger tracing patterns on the carpet, still a little buzzed.
“Ikaw, Col?” Aiah asks Colet this time.
“Chicken with spag na lang, Yang,” she trails off for a second, ducking her head as she murmurs in a low voice, “Tapos ano, pa order na din ng macaroni soup para kay Jho kasi parang malalasing na yata ‘to.”
Aiah teases her, “What? I didn’t catch the last part.”
Jhoanna, who heard the words clearly, couldn’t help but feel warmth at that. No matter how much Colet tries to distance herself, her naturally caring self still gets the best of her. Feeling a little courageous with alcohol in her system, Jhoanna gently nudges Colet’s shoulder, a silent thank you for considering her.
Colet groans, repeating what she said earlier, earning amused looks between Mikha and Gwen, their lips cracking in teasing grins. She mouths ‘Piskit kayo’ at the two, trying so hard to look serious.
The drinking session continued after their early dinner. Mikha and Aiah are now engaged in a ukulele session; Gwen, Sheena, and Jhoanna are engaged in a conversation about the rerun of the latter’s theater gig; Colet, Maloi, and Stacey are also engaged in a conversation, their voices low as if nobody else is allowed to hear about the topic.
“So ano na nga?” Maloi whispers, eyes darting towards Jhoanna to make sure she’s tuned out of the conversation.
“Ano’ng ano?” Colet answers, confusion written over her face.
“Teh, halatang halata naman namin lahat ang hindi ‘nyo pagpapansinan ni Jhoanna,” Stacey chips in, voice a little louder than it should.
Maloi snickers at how straightforward the younger girl is before looking expectantly at Colet for some answers.
Colet shakes her head, “Buang kayo,” she says playfully. “Wala naman kasing ganap, kelangan ba magkausap kami palagi?”
Maloi’s mouth opens to answer, but Stacey beat her into it. “Jusko ka teh, nung isang buwan lang eh kulang na lang mag laplapan kayo?”
Maloi laughs too loud for Colet’s liking. She throws a subtle glance at Jhoanna’s direction who is now engrossed in Sheena’s phone, together with Gwen.
“Bibig mo talaga walang preno,” Colet tells Stacey, her gaze pointed as if to scare the younger girl.
“Woah woah woah,” Stacey jokes, raising her hands up as if to surrender. “Facts only,” she adds, making Colet groan internally.
Unbeknownst to the three, Jhoanna actually heard what they were talking about. Maybe it was the alcohol, but the three weren’t really being discreet with their conversations because even Gwen and Sheena heard it, save for MikhAiah being too engrossed in their own little world.
Colet lets the topic die down, stretching her arms towards the back in support as she arches her body forward a little, eyes closed and head tilted back.
Jhoanna can’t help but stare. It feels so long since she’s last been this close to Colet. Her eyes trace the outline of the older girl’s face, the setting sun—who just shyly creeps out behind the grayish clouds, giving that barely golden glow—bathing her skin through the glass window. She stares a little too long, as if she’s memorizing the details. Colet’s brows that furrow a little, her long lashes that’s sitting softly on her upper cheek, her nose that so incredibly complements her face, and her lips. Oh, God, those lips. Wait, what? Jhoanna shakes the thoughts away.
“Ehem,” Stacey, ever so teasing, clears her throat, making Jhoanna jump up a little. “Baka matunaw naman,” she adds with a laugh so teasingly Jhoanna could swear her face is now beet red.
Jhoanna retorts, throwing Stacey a look that says ‘You’re dead’.
“Yung ice kasi,” Stacey counters, sticking her tongue out at Jhoanna.
“Kahit walang ice,” Jhoanna murmurs, looking back down at the bottle of tequila sitting at the center.
It was past seven in the evening when they all decided to part ways and rest, noting that their coach had emphasized the early call time the next day.
They cleaned up first and put everything back to its place in Aiah’s living room before they bid the eldest girl goodbye and wishing her a good night. Mikha lingers for a moment, as if she wants to ask Aiah to let her crash there tonight.
“Good night, Mikhs,” Aiah says softly, her eyes heavy with exhaustion from the day and the previous days.
“Good night, Aiah,” the red-haired girl replies.
“Wow, promoted na ba ako? From Ate Aiah to Aiah?”
Mikha rolls her eyes, “Bahala ka diyan,” she says before disappearing to catch up with the rest of the girls.
Aiah smiles softly at this, her heart warming up. Maybe they’ll both figure something out soon, but for now she needs to wash away the day’s exhaustion.
“‘Wag ka na mag drive, Jho,” Colet reminds in a stern voice, seeing that Jhoanna is fishing for her keys in her bag.
Gwen nods in approval, they were the only ones left now as they wait for the rides they booked. “Oo nga Jho, sabihan mo nalang si Ate Aiah na iiwan mo yung sasakyan mo sa parking,” she adds.
Jhoanna considers for a moment, before answering, “‘Di, okay lang, kaya ko naman.”
Colet shakes her head, “Naibook na kita ng Grab, ‘wag na matigas ang ulo mo. Naka inum ka.”
As if on cue, Gwen’s ride arrives and she bids the other two goodbye. “‘Wag mag papatayan, ha,” she jokes, snickering as she enters the car.
Colet shakes her head with a smile, mind already wandering to her soft bed. She can’t wait to rest.
“10 minutes away daw,” she announces, still not looking at Jhoanna.
Jhoanna nods, even though Colet couldn’t see it. “Thank you,” she says in a low voice. She’s still a little tipsy from their little drinking session, but she’ll never admit to it, especially not to Colet who is now scrolling through her phone, face unreadable. And as if she wasn’t a sight enough to see, Colet absentmindedly runs a hand through her hair, brushing it up, making her effortlessly cool. Jhoanna groans inwardly at that, the heavens are testing her today and she’s not their strongest soldier. And what’s up with these thoughts? The tequila definitely had something weird in it, Jhoanna swears.
Exactly ten minutes after that, a silver Toyota Vios pulls up in front of them outside the main lobby of Aiah’s condominium building. Colet moves to open the door, her strides confident and purposeful, “Pasok na,” she says, finally looking at Jhoanna. The younger girl obliges and was shocked when Colet entered as well, sitting beside her in the backseat, although a little farther away than Jhoanna would have liked.
Jhoanna didn’t ask why, because she knows Colet. She knows that the girl, no matter how tired or mad, will take them home especially when they had anything to do with alcohol. That’s how protective Colet is.
It was a short and silent ride to Jhoanna’s condo, five songs short to be exact—Colet does this, a habit she’s developed since she was young, counting time with songs. One of the songs played was Lagi, and Colet finds herself humming, remembering the time when she and Jhoanna fought during the shoot of the MV. It was chaotic and awkward to say the least, Sheena still talks about it to this day and it still brings laughter to the girls but it was something Jhoanna and Colet had buried deep with a promise that something as trivial as that will not happen again. But this distance she desperately put between them seems to break that promise. She sighs out of frustration. Frustrated at herself for letting this happen, for letting herself fall for one Jhoanna Robles when it was clear from the start how straight the younger girl is and that doesn’t seem like it’s going to change anytime soon—especially now that one certain guy has been so explicitly vocal about how he wants to be with Jhoanna and the girl seems to be… okay with it? Colet thinks to herself. She puffs, her inner turmoil now visible on the scowl that’s form on her face.
“Col?” Jhoanna calls out, now standing by the door to her condo unit, effectively snapping Colet out of her thoughts. The older girl blinks once, then twice, looking at Jhoanna, before looking down.
“Una na’ko, Jho.” She turns to leave but Jhoanna had other plans, she holds Colet to keep her in place.
“Usap muna tayo,” Jhoanna says in a soft but commanding voice, something you can’t say no to.
Colet considers her options at first, looking at the hand that still firmly grips her wrist – firm but not suffocating. And then it hits her; the exhaustion of trying to avoid Jhoanna, the guilt when she sees the younger girl looking at her with those longing eyes, the guilt of unfairly pushing Jhoanna away just because she can’t figure out her own feelings, and the silent pleading in Jhoanna’s eyes when she looked up to meet them.
Colet nods her head, letting Jhoanna drag her inside the unit. Jhoanna reluctantly let go of her wrist once they are inside, afraid that she might slip away from her again. Colet relaxes, though, her eyes scanning the place she’d once frequented like her own. A lot of sleepovers happened here, a lot of late-night talks with Jhoanna—about their dreams, of how exhausting but fulfilling their new found fame is, of how they had imagined their lives would be. Her eyes softened when her gaze lands on the framed picture on the small side table - it was her and Jhoanna, faces so close together and smiles as bright as the sun.
Jhoanna moves to put her bag and keys on the small kitchen counter-slash-dining table before setting up the coffee machine. Colet, on the other hand, instinctively sits on the comfortable sofa.
A few minutes later, Jhoanna sets two coffee mugs on the coffee table. “Kape ka muna,” she says as she sits down a few inches from Colet on the same sofa.
Colet thanks her before taking the mug, blowing on it before sipping with caution, the hot liquid doing wonders to her stomach. She smiles at the taste - Jhoanna’s signature coffee.
Silence settles between them as they try to come up with words. Jhoanna’s courage from earlier seems to have simmered down and Colet doesn’t know where to start.
With a sigh and a resolve to get things straight, Colet turns towards the younger girl, her eyes soft as she looks at Jhoanna—really looks at her, for the first time in weeks. “Jho,” she starts, her voice low and soft and comforting. “I’m sorry,” she now tilts her head to look down, ashamed of the situation she put them in. “I’m sorry sa inasal ko the past days… weeks. Wala naman problema sa’yo, eh, ako yung may problema. I’m so confused and so lost. Hindi ko rin talaga alam, pero for now ‘yan lang talaga ma-ooffer ko na apology sa’yo. I’m sorry if medyo lackluster s’ya, sorry if it doesn’t justify the confusion I put you through. Pero I’m not sure kelan ako magiging okay, I’m not sure if I can still be the Colet you’d always depended on.” Colet says, spewing her words one after the other, afraid that she might back out again if she doesn’t let it all out. It’s the truth, but not totally the truth at the same time. But for now, it’s the best she can offer Jhoanna without compromising their friendship.
Jhoanna nods, always understanding even with little details. She doesn’t hate Colet for the treatment, she was just worried. She could never hate Colet when the older girl’s eyes always looked like they’re lost, always deep in thoughts. She just wanted to understand, to be able to comfort her and tell her everything will be alright.
However, she pushes on because this is Colet. She’s always known the older girl like nobody else does. And right now, the older girl is obviously holding back some things. “I’m sorry din, Colet, if I seem to be pushy,” she starts, moving her hand to reach out to Colet but decided against it at the last minute so she sets it on her lap instead. “Pero kasi ‘di ko lang talaga kaya na hindi ka nakakausap, na hindi tayo nag-uusap,” she says honestly because she can always be vulnerable when it comes to Colet.
The older girl nods, understanding the weight of Jhoanna’s words. They have always depended on each other—well, that’s how it is with the other girls, too, but with each other it was a different level of comfort.
“I really want to understand, so if there’s anything I did na hindi mo nagustohan, I can apologize for it properly and can reflect on my actions,” Jhoanna continues, her voice soft but with conviction. “Ayaw ko lang kasi na nagkaka ganito tayo, eh.”
Colet offers a weak smile. Jhoanna catches her gaze and holds it, trying to see deeper into Colet.
Defeated, Colet says, “Natatakot lang ako, Jho, na baka may magbago.”
Jhoanna encourages her to continue, her eyes still soft, never judging.
Colet looks off to the side, the weight of Jhoanna’s stare now getting into her. Her heart pounds loudly in her chest, her ears buzzing she could swear she’ll faint anytime soon. Letting out a deep breath, she moves to hold Jhoanna’s hand, as if getting strength from the younger girl. Jhoanna reciprocates, squeezing Colet’s hand in encouragement.
“Jho, kasi ang totoo,” Colet’s hold falters but Jhoanna doesn’t let go. “I think I’m jealous.” Colet’s words hang in the air as they look at each other, confusion now evident in Jhoanna’s face.
“Jho, ‘di ko alam kailan nagsimula or kung pa’no, pero nagising nalang ako isang araw na…” Colet trails off, searching Jhoanna’s eyes for any sign to stop, and continues when she didn’t see it, “Na mahal na kita. Hindi bilang Jho lang sa Jholet ko, pero mahal na kita sa paraan na hindi kita dapat mahalin.”
It was Jhoanna’s turn to falter at the confession and Colet instinctively retracted her hands, afraid that she’s now crossing a lot of lines.
Jhoanna tries to open her mouth to speak but words just won’t come. She doesn’t know how to take this confession.
“Okay lang, Jho, you don’t have to say anything,” Colet offers, accompanying it with a smile - soft and warm and understanding. “Don’t stress about it, too,” she adds. “Baka lilipas din ‘to, I just need some time to figure this out.” She captures Jhoanna’s hands once again, squeezing them for assurance, before she stands up.
Jhoanna stands up with her, her mind still trying to wrap around Colet’s words. She walked silently towards the door with Colet, the gears in her head turning.
“Jho,” Colet says before opening the door. “‘Wag mo masyadong stressin sarili mo, ha? And don’t worry about me. Sorry din if this was so sudden, and if this complicates things for us, maiintindihan ko. Pagod na kasi akong maglihim sa’yo.” And with that, Colet disappears behind closed door, not giving Jhoanna the chance to respond.
The next days were grueling, the girls barely able to catch their breath as rehearsals, events, and solo commitments lined up, effectively taking Colet and Jhoanna’s minds off of the confession that happened a week ago. Mostly just Colet, anyway.
Today, though, lounging in the music room with Maloi and Sheena, Colet finds herself so distracted. Her mind wandering towards the subject of her unrequited love. She ruffles her hair in frustration.
“Wala na, nabuang na talaga,” Maloi laughs, throwing an amused look at Colet, making Sheena laugh too.
“Malala na ‘yan, beh,” Sheena says in between laughter.
Colet groans, dramatically laying her head down on the table.
“Splook mo na ‘yan,” Maloi comments, voice still tinged with playfulness but her concern evident.
Sheena just nods at that, tucking her phone away as a sign that she’s now all ears.
“Mababaliw na yata talaga ako, Bai,” Colet admits, her voice laced with exhaustion and defeat. “‘Bat pa kasi umiksina ‘yun, eh. Di naman tayo pinapansin nun dati, ah? Ta’s ngayon eh kung maka dikit kay Jhoanna akala mo jowa, eh,” she rants on, face buried in her folded arms.
“Ahhh, nagseselos,” Maloi comments and exchanges look with Sheena for a moment. This has been the most vulnerable they’ve seen Colet in terms of love, although an ‘unrequited’ one (Colet would always make sure to add that word). She used to always shy away from the topic, always just listening to the girls when they rant. This Colet, though—frustrated and confused and… hurt—is a version of the older girl that tugs at their hearts, wanting nothing more than to make things right for her.
“Oo nga,” Sheena finally speaks. “Inis nga ako do’n, eh,” she echoes Colet’s sentiment. She doesn’t just say this to comfort the older girl, but because that’s how she really feels about all this fiasco.
Maloi just listens, she’s never one to judge although she, too, doesn’t like the guys who’s been hanging around Jhoanna these days. Especially one nepo baby who raises a lot of red flags. And knowing Jhoanna’s people pleasing tendencies, Maloi can only shake her head.
Colet lifts her head, looking apologetically at the two girls. “Sorry,” she offers. “Ang unprofessional ko do’n.”
Maloi shakes her head, her eyes soft and understanding as she reaches out a hand to hold Colet’s. “Ano ka ba, tao ka din naman, may pakiramdam. At mga kaibigan mo kami, more than anything else, kaya don’t apologize. We’re here for you.”
Colet couldn’t be more thankful for this, her heart swelling, overwhelming her. She feels her eyes well up and before she could stop them, the floodgates open, pouring her heart out through hot unstoppable tears. She buries her face back into her arms, letting herself be vulnerable in the company of the people who never judged her.
Maloi and Sheena silently supports her, their hands rubbing gently onto Colet’s back.
“It’s gonna be okay, Col,” Maloi says tenderly.
“Dito lang kami, Ate Colet,” Sheena adds.
“Ba’t ko ba kasi pinasok ‘to, eh,” she says, voice muffled but the two girls hear it nonetheless. “Dapat kasi mas naging strong ako, dapat pinigilan ko.”
Maloi shakes her head, her hand still rubbing Colet’s back gently. “‘Di naman kasi gano’n sa simple ‘yon, Col. alam mo naman ‘yan,” she offers, voice kind and comforting. “Nagmahal ka lang naman.”
Sheena could only nod at this, feeling like she doesn’t have the right words to comfort Colet. She’s happy that Maloi is here.
“Ba’t kasi ang daling mahalin no’n, eh,” Colet raises her head now, frantically wiping her tear stained cheeks. She laughs bitterly at her words. ‘Di ka naman inutusan mahalin si Jho, eh.
Maloi and Sheena laughs, too, relieved that Colet now seems to be in a better mood.
“Beh, bakla ka lang talaga,” Maloi comments, grinning.
“Piskit ka talaga,” Colet laughs some more, thankful for the two girls and how they accept her for her.
They stayed at the music room for more time so Colet could freshen up and not look like a hot mess when they face the rest of the girls. When they came back to the dance studio, Jhoanna immediately looks at Colet, sensing that there was something wrong. She was about to ask the older girl when Gwen spoke.
“Jho, may tumatawag sa phone mo,” Gwen says, eyes unreadable.
Jhoanna turns to check her phone, groaning inwardly before reluctantly answering the call. “Hey,” she answers, throwing one last look at Colet before excusing herself to talk outside.
Colet offers Gwen a weak smile, seeing the soft look of concern in the latter’s eyes.
It was another week of full packed schedule and Colet finds herself enjoying this - not having the time to be sad, not having the time to think about Jhoanna and a certain nepo baby who, by the way, has been irritatingly dropping by the studio more frequent than Colet would like. Actually, if it was up to Colet, she’d never want to see that face ever.
“You have a free weekend,” Coach Mickey announces, eliciting excited responses from the girls. “Rest and recharge, okay? I want you on your bestest best when we get back here on Monday.”
The girls scurry to gather their things as soon as they got dismissed, exhaustion now catching up with them.
“Smirnoff?” Aiah suddenly asks as soon as the coaches left the studio. Seven heads snapped towards her, eyes wide incredulously. “Ang oa, ha,” she laughs at the reaction.
Mikha tilts her head a little, eyes narrowing as if inspecting the older girl. “Hindi naman kita inaway, ah?”
“Buang!” Aiah laughs, making the other girls laugh as well. “‘Di ba pwede’ng miss ko lang mag ot8 bonding?”
Mikha pouts at this, “So, you’re sawa na with my company?”
Colet barfs teasingly, “Pabebe ampots.”
Gwen nods in agreement, looking at Colet as she impersonates Mikha. “You’re sawa na with my company?” she says in a voice that’s too cringe-worthy it makes Colet gag.
Mikha throws her cap at the two, “Sira talaga kayo,” she says with a laugh because all this is just lighthearted and they never really take it to heart.
Stacey then speaks to take them back to the previous topic. “Sleepover tayo!” she beams, her eyes twinkling expectantly. “Parang miss ko na’ng matulog ng masikip sa iisang kwarto, eh.”
The rest of the girls agrees to the idea. They have a free weekend, anyway.
When they arrived, a horrific scene greets them. Honey had way more fun than he should as he transformed Aiah’s living room into a crime scene.
“Eh kaya ka pala nag-aya, Te Aiah,” Sheena comments as she takes in the aftermath of the storm that was Honey. “Magpapatulong ka pala maglinis, eh.”
Aiah shakes her head defensively, “No, hindi ko talaga alam na ganito pala ginawa ‘nya, di ko kasi nacheck puppy cam ko today.”
Mikha just shrugs her shoulders, taking a step towards the war zone. “Ako na bahala dito, mag freshen up na lang kayo,” she says it so calmly as if this is a frequent occurrence for her.
Colet and Gwen exchanges teasing looks again. “Lakas talaga ng tama,” Colet comments, walking towards Mikha to help. “Freshen up ka na, Jho. Kami na dito,” Colet blurts out, regretting it after a few seconds. She wants to slap herself now, the words just came out unconsciously. She’s almost always regarded Jhoanna first so she says this out of habit. She fakes getting busy, unable to look up to see the pairs of eyes that’s now looking at her incredulously, including Jhoanna.
“Go na Jho, ikaw lang pala may karapatan mag freshen up, eh. Binigyan pa kami ni Colet ng responsibilidad dito.” Stacey teases, making Colet’s cheeks burn.
“Ay beh, di ako tutulong sa’yo, pasensya ka na. Pagod ang katawang lupa ko. Kayo na lang ni Mikha d’yan kasi maliligo talaga ako sasabay ako kay Jho.” Maloi rants, her voice playful and teasing.
Aiah joins in, her laughter deep and contagious. “Sige na, kami na dito nina Mikha at Colet. Bahala na lang kayo sino first gagamit ng banyo.”
“Halata ka do’n beh,” Sheena comments before turning towards Aiah’s room with Maloi, Stacey and Jhoanna.
Gwen stays in the living room, watching the three girls clean up the mess that Honey made. “Totoo pala ‘yun, ‘no?” she suddenly speaks, making the others look at her. “Ano nga ba ‘yong verse, Ate Aiah? The mouth speaks what the heart is full of?”
Colet’s cheeks heat up faster than she could suppress it.
Mikha clicks her tongue as she puts back a plant on its stand in a corner. “Hay naku, ewan ko na lang talaga kung ‘yung isa d’yan di pa din makahalata.”
“Parang matagal naman nang alam, eh,” Aiah comments. “‘Di lang yata nagkalinawan.”
“Eh pa’no, may kalinawan na yatang iba,” Gwen says.
“Ako na naman trip n’yo, ha.” Colet huffs exaggeratedly, throwing the last piece of trash in the garbage bag that Gwen now holds. What Gwen said leaves a pang in her heart and an invisible punch to her stomach, leaving a hole in there that’s slowly eating her away. Colet has always been someone who knew how to compose and mask herself, so they didn’t catch the sadness that’s settled in her eyes.
The four girls finished freshening up after a while, all now clad in comfortable outfits - Jhoanna in an oversized shirt and sleeping shorts, Maloi in her pair of lacy pyjamas, Sheena in a white tank top and jogger pants, Stacey in her pink pyjama. Colet moves to shower now, so fast that you’d think someone’s actually in a race with her.
“An’yare, do’n?” Maloi asks, her gaze landing at Aiah.
“Ito kasi si Gwen,” Aiah says, throwing the younger girl a look as if she’s about to laugh. “Pinaiyak na naman si Colet,” she adds jokingly.
Jhoanna’s expression turns into worry and this did not go unnoticed by Stacey. “Tahimik mo d’yan, kanina pa,” she says, nudging Jhoanna.
“Ha? Ah, wala, pagod lang,” Jhoanna answers with a weak smile.
“Sino ba naman di mapapagod, ikaw kaya habol-habolin ng isang bondjing,” Mikha comments.
Stacey laughs at the term used. “Saan mo naman nakuha ‘yan?” she says before throwing Aiah an accusing look.
“Hoy, not me, ha. Ewan ko d’yan kay Mekalem.” Aiah counters defensively.
Jhoanna laughs at this. Light and playful, her heart finally settling down. “Kayo talaga,” she shakes her head, the smile still playing in her lips. “Asaan na ba ‘yung Smirnoff na offer mo, Ate Aiah?”
“Hoy, wait lang naman, ang lagkit pa ng balat ko, paligoin mo muna kami,” Gwen says. “G na G ka naman malasing d’yan.”
“‘Yung Smirnoff na ‘yan eh Smirnoff ba talaga? O baka codename na naman ‘yan for two bottles of Tequila, ha!” Maloi throws a pointed look at Mikha, who just raised her hand in surrender.
“Mas maaga tayo’ng makakatulog sa Tequila… and it’s three, actually.” Mikha grins at the others who groans in response.
When they were all done with cleaning and freshening up, the group gathers at the living room once again but this time they choose to sit on the sofa - Jhoanna, Maloi, Stacey, and Sheena on the small sofa while Colet, Mikha, Aiah, and Gwen sit on the carpeted floor just below them. They are facing the TV that’s playing an old Filipino comedy film that Sheena picked out, while Mikha rounds the shot glass.
Colet’s eyelids feel heavy as she tries to focus on the film, it being the only source of light in the living room. The film was funny, she’s seen this film a couple of times before because this is Sheena’s favorite, but her exhaustion still seems to be winning. When Mikha hands her the shot glass, Colet downs it absentmindedly, wanting nothing more than to close her eyes to rest for a second. She could feel the alcohol in her blood now, making it even harder to stay awake. Without a thought, she leans her head back at the sofa, surprised to bump into a pair of long limbs before delicate hands hold her in place, steadying her. Colet didn’t fight it, she lets herself melt in Jhoanna’s touch as the younger girl’s fingers gently brush her hair, effectively lulling her to sleep.
“Col,” she hears someone say softly in her ears. Colet smiles at the voice. So gentle, so soft, like a lullaby.
“Hmm,” she says as a response, snuggling closer to a person’s… right leg? Colet jolts awake, her eyes blinking trying to adjust to the darkness. She looks up and sees Jhoanna smiling softly at her, her thick eyeglasses reflecting what is being played on the television, masking her eyes. “S-sorry,” Colet scratches her nape, moving herself away from Jhoanna. “Nakatulog yata ako.”
Jhoanna nods, her smile never leaving her lips. “‘Di lang ikaw,” she points to the rest of the girls that are now uncomfortably but somehow contently sleeping on the sofa and on the carpeted floor, their faces relaxed and their breathing steady. “Linisin ko lang,” Jhoanna points at the bottles of Tequila on the coffee table, one still unopened and two already empty, their pulotans long consumed.
Colet stands up abruptly, almost losing her balance. Jhoanna catches her and holds her steady, their eyes connecting in the dimly lit living room. “Sorry,” she says as she reluctantly let go of Jhoanna’s hand. “Nabigla lang.”
“Dahan dahan lang,” Jhoanna says, her eyes never leaving Colet’s. It’s moments like this that makes Jhoanna reevaluates herself - the proximity of Colet’s face from hers, their breaths almost touching each other’s skin, the loud pounding of her heart she could hear it in her ear.
They stay in that position for a moment more, neither of them wanting to move away from the other, like gravity is pulling them towards each other. And then Jhoanna sees it, under the faint light of the television - Colet’s eyes, glazed with unshed tears, almost speaking—begging for her, still too soft and gentle but with sadness that tugs at Jhoanna’s heart. Jhoanna didn’t think twice, she doesn’t have to, because looking at Colet’s eyes, she’s sure of one thing. So, she dives head first, throwing all her confusion and cautions out the window. She takes Colet’s lips in her - gentle but sure, trying to communicate what her mouth can’t speak of, her eyes fluttering close to savor the moment.
Colet was surprised at first and that’s evident on her wide eyes, before she lets herself be consumed by Jhoanna, melting into the kiss. Gentle and assuring and everything that Colet could have asked for, speaking thousands of unsaid words. She closes her eyes, momentarily forgetting the world around them, meeting Jhoanna’s lips with as much yearning. She moves to cup Jhoanna’s face, and for a moment everything felt right.
Out of breath, Jhoanna breaks the kiss, her hands had found their way into Colet’s waist while the older girl rubs gentle circles on her cheek with her thumb, resting their foreheads together.
Colet refuses to open her eyes, afraid that when she does, she might wake up from this beautiful dream. Jhoanna lands another kiss on her lips, short and sweet, as if to assure her that this is all true. That Colet had just kissed the girl she’s been trying to move on from for weeks now.
Jhoanna gently moves her face away from Colet’s, her hold still firm on the older girl’s waist. “Col,” she says gently.
Colet now opens her eyes, her hands retracting slowly but Jhoanna was quick to hold it, keeping it in place. She leans into Colet’s touch, her head tilted a little, her smile the softest that Colet has ever seen. The older girl mirrors this, her hesitations long forgotten.
Then Colet shakes her head, she sees the reluctant look in Jhoanna’s eyes and she doesn’t want to hear it. Not now, at least. “Don’t,” she says. “Please, just let me have this.”
Jhoanna doesn’t understand but nods anyway, whatever this is, they can always talk about some other time.
They reluctantly let go of each other, now standing awkwardly, not knowing what to say. They have long evaded each other’s gaze. Colet clears her throat, the alcohol now out of her system. She scratches the hack of her head and offers, “Gusto mo ubusin na lang natin ‘to?” pointing at the unopened bottle of Tequila.
Jhoanna raises a brow at the random question then lets out a giggle, careful not to wake the rest of the girls. She takes the bottle and shot glass then drags Colet to Aiah’s room where they continued drinking until they passed out.
“Picturan mo, dali baka magising.”
Colet stirs at the intrusive voice, cutting her sleep. She opens her eyes groggily and sees Maloi with a phone pointed at her. She was about to snatch it when she feels a weight sprawled over her chest. She looks down and Jhoanna’s sleeping face meets her gaze. She stops moving, not wanting to wake the younger girl up but still throws threatening look towards Maloi and Stacey. The two girls, unfazed, just turns to get out of the room, giggling as they close the door behind them. “Off limits ‘yung room for now, guys,” she hears Stacey announce.
Colet looks back down at Jhoanna who’s still peacefully sleeping on her chest, the younger girl’s arms wrapped around her waist like it’s the most natural thing ever. Colet’s heart leaps at the realization of the kiss they shared just hours before. She brushes the strands of hair that has settled in Jhoanna’s exposed cheek, her touch light and careful. Jhoanna stirs a little, snuggling closer to Colet as if they weren’t close enough, making the butterflies in Colet’s chest go haywire. She holds Jhoanna tight enough to feel her, but not too tight to suffocate her, cherishing the moment while she can.
The door opens slowly and she sees Mikha looking apologetically. “Sorry,” the red-haired girl says. “I just need to use the restroom, can’t hold it anymore, eh.”
Colet rolls her eyes, faking irritation. “Panira ka talaga,” she says jokingly.
Mikha takes light, careful steps towards the bathroom while whispering, “Don’t mind me, tuloy mo lang ‘yan Boss,” in a teasing voice.
Colet smiles to herself, unaware of the eyes that have opened to observe her, unaware of the grip on her waist that had tightened.
When Mikha walks out of the room again, Jhoanna whispers, “Good morning,” her sleepy voice pulling Colet back to reality.
Colet just smiles, looking at Jhoanna before she detangles herself from the younger girl. “Morning, Jho,” she says as a yawn escapes her lips, twisting her body a little to stretch it out.
Jhoanna immediately misses the warmth they shared but doesn’t have the courage anymore to pull Colet back into the hug, so she moves to get up from the bed, fixing her hair and shirt before picking up her glasses from the bedside table.
“Ako na mag liligpit n’yan,” Colet says when she was about to get the bottle and shot glass. She smiles and nod gratefully at Colet before leaving the room to join the rest of the girls.
When they rejoined the girls, a hearty breakfast was already laid on the dining table, complete with teasing looks and side comments.
“Masarap talaga’ng matulog pag may kayakap ‘no?” Maloi starts, to which Gwen and Stacey laughs at.
Colet’s cheeks heat up, trying to hide the uncontrollable smile that is dancing in her lips.
“Jho, ikaw, masarap ba matulog ng may kayakap?” Stacey now joins in, straightforward as ever, her loud laugh bouncing around.
“Sira,” Jhoanna answers with a laugh, trying to hide the blush that’s settled on her cheeks.
“Pa’no ba ‘yan, parang di na lubog ship ko,” Gwen comments, putting her palm up at Mikha who laughs before she fakes putting money in the open palm.
The rest of breakfast was spent eating, sharing stories, and of course, more teasing.
They all get ready to leave, except for Mikha who made up an excuse of helping Aiah clean up. They all thanked Aiah for hosting their sleepover.
Colet hugs the eldest just a little tighter and longer. “Thanks, Yang,” she says, her words weighing more than what they lead on.
Aiah squeezes her, “Anytime, Col.”
“Aga naman n’yan,” Sheena groans at the persistent ringing of Jhoanna’s phone as they walk towards the elevator.
Jhoanna looks at the caller ID and groans, loud and irritated.
“Silent mo na lang, Jho,” Maloi suggests.
“Block mo na kaya?” Stacey offers before getting inside the elevator.
Colet stays silent all this while, Gwen observing her and offering a gentle smile whenever their eyes meet.
“Eh, lalapit lang din naman kay Direk Lauren ‘yun pag binlock ko. Nahihiya na ako kay Direk kasi siya ‘yung naiistorbo,” Jhoanna sighs in defeat.
Colet’s ears piqued at this. So, there was more to the story than what she knew. And now she feels guilty for leaving Jhoanna to navigate her situation on her own. If she only knew—if she only asked! Colet mentally slaps her forehead. All this while, there was really nothing to be jealous about? And there she was, spending months sulking and crying over a nonexistence relationship.
The elevator dings, signaling that they have reached the main lobby. Jhoanna and Colet walks side by side. “Hatid na kita,” Jhoanna offers, her voice low but convincing.
Colet considers for a while before giving in, because whatever they shared earlier, she’d want to be in it longer. At least for today.
“Jho, hatid mo ako please,” Stacey pleads. Maloi, Gwen and Sheena join in.
Jhoanna obliges happily, skipping to her car that she’s parked just outside the building, insistent caller long forgotten. Colet follows behind her with a smile, the events of the morning etched in her mind.
When Jhoanna dropped her last passenger—Gwen, who lives just a few blocks from Colet’s condo building, Jhoanna gnaws at her lower lip as she hesitates to ask Colet the one thing she’s been thinking about since waking up.
“Colet,” she calls out, eyes focused on the road as she navigates the city traffic.
“Hmm?” Colet hums, her eyes trained on the buildings they pass by, before turning to look at Jhoanna.
“May plans ka today?” Jhoanna asks shyly.
“Wala naman, bakit?”
“Pwede pumasyal sa condo mo?”
Colet looks at her with raised brows before answering, “Pwede naman. Di mo naman kailangan magpaalam, eh.”
Jhoanna’s lips break into a smile. Sweet and triumphant.
Colet taps her fingers on the granite kitchen counter rhythmically, her left hand propped up her chin as her mind wanders back to the kiss they shared earlier that morning. It was everything Colet imagined it to be - Jhoanna’s soft lips fitting perfectly with hers in a dance that the stars seem to have orchestrated. It was magical, to say the least, and Colet can’t help but wonder if this changes everything between them now. Of course she doesn’t want to be pushy about it, she’ll let Jhoanna decide on her own. For now, though, she feels hopeful. That maybe, somewhere deep in Jhoanna’s heart, the girl feels the same.
She snaps out of her reverie when the door to her bathroom opens, revealing Jhoanna in an oversized shirt she’s gotten from Colet’s dresser paired with a pair of dolphin shorts. Colet reluctantly tears her gaze away from the long, silky legs, before looking up to meet Jhoanna’s gaze. They are now both in fresh clothes. The younger girl walks toward her, sitting on the empty chair beside her.
“Hi,” Jhoanna says playfully, as if she’s out of words to say.
Colet shakes her head with a smile, “Hello.”
Silence envelopes them for a moment, hearts pounding and thoughts racing. Colet decides to break it, then, her voice gentle but firm. “Jho,” she starts. “You don’t have to push yourself, ha.” She looks at the younger girl, her eyes soft as ever. “‘Yung kagabi, if you’re not comfortable talking about it yet, it’s fine. Or if you don’t want to talk about it ever, it’s fine rin.”
Jhoanna’s eyes soften behind her thick glasses as she looks at Colet, her hand moving to tuck a loose strand of hair behind the other girl’s ear. “Nicolette,” she says, Colet’s name rolling out of her tongue perfectly, like she had spoken it a thousand times in other lifetimes before. “Alam mo ba’ng ang ganda ganda mo?”
Colet shyly looks away, her cheeks tinged with the lightest shade of pink. Sure, she’s been complimented before, both by fans and people from the industry, even Jhoanna had complimented her before. But this—Jhoanna saying those simple words with her eyes glazed with new found adoration and something Colet can’t put her finger on—this is different kind of flattering. She feels… seen. Raw and unfiltered and vulnerable under Jhoanna’s gaze.
“Col,” Jhoanna says again, gently turning Colet’s head to look into her eyes, hoping to convey what her words would fall short of. “‘Yung kagabi, I want to talk about it. I’ll talk about it. A thousand times. In this lifetime and the next. I won’t get tired of talking about it. Kasi, Colet, last night made me realize how sure I am of my feelings for you. It’s not just the kiss, but the way you stood there in that dimly lit living room, parang gusto kitang yakapin at ‘wag nang pakawalan pa.”
Colet is stunned, unable to speak, Jhoanna’s words ringing and lingering in her ears, bouncing off her mind as if it was too hard to digest. She answers with a bewildered look, blinking at the girl in front of her. Jhoanna just confessed—no, not really, but it does seem like a confession? Colet is now confused. She’s never done this before and she’s not very good at reading people, apparently.
Jhoanna sees Colet’s turmoil, with the way her brows are almost knitted together, her mouth moving to speak but nothing’s really coming out. She offers a smile, the hand that was on Colet’s face now moves—agonizingly slow, Colet thinks—downwards to hold Colet’s hand resting on the surface. “If di mo pa gets,” she says with a little laugh. “Ma. Nicolette, I’m saying na I feel the same towards you. Mahal kita hindi lang bilang Let sa Jholet ko, pero mahal kita sa paraan na hindi ko pa nararamdaman para sa iba.” She squeezes Colet’s hand—a promise, an assurance, anything that Colet would take it as. “At pwede ba, ‘wag mo na akong iwasan? Sa susunod hayaan mo naman ako mag explain? Alam mo ba na halos mamatay na ako sa mga linggo na hindi kita nakakausap? Nauubusan na ako ng excuse kina Mommy at Daddy pag tinatanong ako tungkol sa’yo.”
Colet can’t help the tears that are escaping her eyes at the confession, relieved and overwhelmed at the same time. Jhoanna Christine Robles, the girl she had assumed to be straight all her life, is now in front of her confessing her love to her. She’s now a crying mess, heart swelling with a love she never knew she was capable of carrying. She suddenly feels so light, like she could actually fly, her hands tingling like they are being electrocuted.
Jhoanna worries at the sight of the crying Colet, her hands instinctively moving to wipe the other girl’s tears away. “What’s wrong? May nasabi ba akong mali?”
Colet could only shake her head before burying her face in Jhoanna’s shoulder, dampening the fabric there. “Sasabog na yata puso ko, Jho,” she says in a muffled voice, her tears finally slowing down.
Jhoanna holds her closer, hands rubbing Colet’s back to comfort her.
Colet composes herself, letting out a deep breath before pushing herself away from Jhoanna ever so gently. She cups the girl’s face, locking their gazes in an intense staring contest. Her eyes flicked towards Jhoanna’s lips for a fraction of a second before staring back up as she says, “Mahal na mahal kita. Hindi ko alam kung paano, kailan, o saan nagsimula, pero isa lang ang alam ko, mahal na mahal kita na para ba’ng sasabog na ang puso ko sa pagmamahal sa’yo.”
Jhonna gives her a delicate smile before capturing Colet’s lips in a short kiss.
“Nakakarami ka na, ah,” Colet jokes when their lips parted. The atmosphere now eases into that of what they’re used to – comfortable and lighthearted.
Jhoanna smacks her shoulder playfully, making them both laugh. “As if naman hindi mo ini-imagine ‘yan.”
Colet’s cheeks are burning again, like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
“Hala, totoo nga?” Jhoanna teases more, grinning widely.
“Feeling talaga,” Colet tries to deny it but the blush on her cheeks says otherwise.
Jhoanna sticks her tongue out before pulling Colet by the collar of her shirt, crashing their lips once again in a needy kiss.
“At talagang umisa pa,” Colet says, almost out of breath, but smiling nonetheless.
After the confession, they find themselves tangled in Colet’s bed, fitting each other’s mold they might actually fuse anytime soon. Colet has always been the Yin to Jhoanna’s Yang. Colet plays with Jhoanna’s hair, humming a song the younger girl hasn’t heard before. Jhoanna holds Colet tightly by the waist, too, head resting on the other girl’s shoulder.
“Alam mo,” Jhoanna speaks in a low voice. “Nai-imagine ko ‘to dati.”
Colet looks down at her to throw a questioning look.
“‘Yung ganito, tayo. Magkayakap lang, komportable, walang iniisip.”
“So, crush mo na ako dati pa?” Colet asks in a teasing voice.
“Kaso medyo slow ka, eh, tapos sad girl pa.” Jhoanna laughs, taking Colet’s hand to intertwine their fingers.
Colet looks at the intertwined fingers—it’s as if hers were designed to fit Jhoanna’s perfectly. “Syempre, ayaw ko naman mag assume, ayaw ko din masira yung ilang taon ng pagkakaibigan na iningatan natin, ‘no. Tyaka ‘yung vibe mo sa totoo lang it’s giving, over-achiever academic girlie na straight pa sa ruler.” Colet giggles at the last part because it sounds like something straight out of a fanfiction. But it was true, nonetheless, she’s always saw Jhoanna as someone who’d settle down with a man.
Jhoanna understands this because this was also how she felt about Colet’s confession, but scrunches her face at the last part because that sounds so stereotypical. Of course, things will change when they decide to take their relationship to another level. The risk of losing Colet weighed far more than her yearning for the girl. Because if there’s anything that Jhoanna learned about relationships, it is that it will not always be rainbows and unicorns. There will come a time that they’ll fight, that things will get messy, and she wasn’t willing to risk her friendship with Colet just yet. But now, though, having Colet this close, her heart beating against Colet’s, being able to hold the other girl like this, makes Jhoanna feel hopeful that maybe no matter what comes their way they’ll be able to get through it. That they’ll be okay.
“I love you, Nicolette.” Jhoanna’s eyes flutter close, the vibration in Colet’s chest from humming her song You Did Well gently putting her to sleep.