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My winter nights are taken up by static
stress and holiday shopping traffic
But I close my eyes, and I’m somewhere else
just like magic…
♪ ♪ ♪
“None of them have even spoken with him! How are they this obsessed with him?”
“They just think he’s cute! It’s superficial.”
“They are tripping over themselves for a boy they know nothing about!”
“Okay, I agree they’re being kinda ridiculous. But that’s why it’s funny!”
“...It is quite funny.”
Yuri admitted that with her shoulder pressed against Natsuki’s, peering over her girlfriend—which was not a challenge, given the six inches of height Yuri had on her—at the Parfait Girls manga volume Nat held open in her lap. The pair were seated on the floor of the Literature Club, next to the closet in which Natsuki stored her manga collection. Beneath the window on the adjacent wall, they were just out of the path of the brilliant afternoon sun. Yuri had to hunch herself even further than usual to avoid bumping her head on the sill. But with Nat beside her, close enough for her vanilla-and-strawberry scent to be exquisitely noticeable, she couldn’t have been more comfortable.
Towards the center of the classroom, Monika and Sayori sat in two desks they had slid together a few minutes into the meeting. The club’s President and Vice President were intently discussing a Christmas-themed poem Sayori had brought in. Understandable—it was early December, and the holiday Yuri always thought of as a time of warmth and gratitude and sparkling lights was just around the corner.
This Christmas, though, would be quite unlike the others. Before this year, she’d never spent the holiday with anyone outside of her family. Before this year, there had never been anyone else to spend it with.
But before this year, she had never known someone as stunningly wonderful as Natsuki.
Neither of them had yet acknowledged the holiday in conversation; no special plans had been made. In fact, Yuri knew nothing of her girlfriend’s Christmas plans or whether those plans could intertwine with her own. She hoped so. A soft and enamored voice in her mind murmured that this Christmas simply would not feel right without Nat close enough to hold.
She needed to speak to her about that, but the topic could wait—at the moment, she was engrossed in the ridiculous ice cream shop scene in the first volume of Parfait Girls , which Natsuki had wheedled her into reading. Yuri had not expected to enjoy it as much as she was currently. But perhaps the lengthy and gruesome psychological thrillers she usually read meant that she could appreciate a lighthearted change of pace.
“Honestly, though,” she scoffed after taking a minute to scan the next two pages. Minori tripped and not only fell flat on the floor of the shop, but spilled her fresh ice cream on the boy she and the other girls were mooning over. That poor girl couldn’t catch a break. “What on Earth is desirable about this boy, even superficially? I do not think he’s good-looking.”
Natsuki grinned sideways at her. “Me neither,” she said. “But we’re definitely not the authorities on whether boys are cute.”
“Fair point,” said Yuri wryly. “Although I doubt most straight girls would find him attractive. He is the human equivalent of a blank white board.”
Nat burst into laughter, a shower of unrestrained giggles that had Sayori and Monika glancing over in amusement and warmth burgeoning in Yuri’s chest. She stared at her girl the way one would stare at a particularly breathtaking sunset, taking in the laugh lines by her screwed-shut eyes and the playful wrinkle of her button nose, committing the sound of her unabashed laughter to memory. Unbridled adoration jolted through her like a burst of adrenaline.
Catching her breath, Natsuki puffed, “You are way funnier than you probably realize.”
Yuri couldn’t quite remember how to make words come out of her mouth. Only half of her attention was in the present; the other half was lost in memories.
She thought about that fateful afternoon in April, nervously conversing with Monika and Sayori, who had both been strangers then, about joining the Literature Club the former had just founded. And without warning, a tiny girl with hair and eyes the color of bubblegum had marched into the classroom like she was the new club’s president. Though Natsuki was one of the prettiest girls she had ever laid eyes on, Yuri had initially disdained the first-year for her domineering swagger (and a bit, she admitted, for her taste in literature). Her fate had been sealed the day she’d discovered that Natsuki’s irksome overconfidence was only a defense mechanism, a disguise for the same anxieties and insecurities that ran through Yuri like the blood in her veins.
After that, Yuri had opened herself up to Nat as she had with no one else before. She’d yearned for the girl to see what she now saw: two people who came from polar opposite walks of life and yet, beneath all of life’s clutter, possessed matching souls.
The days had blurred together in a haze of newfound, tentative incandescence. Then October had blown in, bringing with it frightened gazes, trembling hands, and slowly whispered words. And it had left with eyes widened in joy rather than fear, fingers gently intertwining, and a feather-soft kiss that had changed everything.
Every day since, Yuri had thanked the heavens that the force of nature currently leaning into her side had deemed her worthy of being her girlfriend.
Nat was peering up at her with a lingering smile, her pale cheeks beginning to flush. “Why are you staring at me?”
With a bold lack of hesitation that would have terrified the Yuri of the past, she answered, “Because you’re very beautiful.”
She relished the way her girlfriend’s smile doubled in size and her face reddened further—the notion that she could have that effect on anyone was still astonishing. After a moment that felt much longer than it was, Natsuki quickly lowered her gaze back to the manga.
“And you’re an idiot,” she mumbled, her grin audible. “Keep reading.”
Smiling to herself, Yuri obliged her. A few minutes of quiet page-turning elapsed. It seemed Minori could catch a break: the boy appeared interested in her despite her making a fool of herself. Yuri felt distantly happy for her. Though, judging from her friends’ shocked and then envious looks, jealousy and competition would be imminent. And all over some dull boy.
The girls eventually left the ice cream shop for Alice’s house, though the three other girls practically had to drag Minori away from her new friend. Yuri studied the montage-like illustrations of the lively group working together to bake cupcakes. Baking had been a prominent element in the story thus far. Her eyes flicked to Natsuki’s expression; her girlfriend’s lips were twitching fondly as she gazed at the pages.
“I have a question,” she said.
Nat gave her a slightly suspicious glance. “Yeah?”
“Did you start baking because of this manga?”
“Uh—” She quickly cut herself off, likely shoving down an instinctively defensive reply. “I…might have thought it looked like fun,” she admitted with a lopsided grin. “Which it is. And it turns out I’m also pretty freakin’ good at it.”
“That you are.” Yuri’s mouth nearly watered just thinking about the green tea cupcakes Nat had once made just for her. “What do you enjoy baking for Christmas?” she asked curiously. “There are plenty of options.”
“Oh, um…” Natsuki’s face fell, her eyes sliding to the floor. “I don’t bake for Christmas,” she replied with hesitance.
Yuri tensed, realizing the error she must have made. “My apologies!” she said hurriedly. “I shouldn’t have assumed that you celebrate…”
“It’s not like that,” said Nat. She was still unusually quiet and uncertain, like she was actively debating whether to continue speaking. “I do celebrate—at least, I would . But my dad is…not a super festive person. We don’t do food, or decorating, or presents, or anything.” She bit one side of her lower lip. Her suddenly despondent and vulnerable countenance clawed at Yuri’s heart. “I haven’t had an actual Christmas since I was little, when Mama was still around.”
Yuri didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t necessarily shocked by this revelation—Nat had revealed to her months ago that she did not have the best relationship with her father. But finding out that she had been denied any joyful Christmas experiences for practically her entire life…it was heartbreaking. I’m sorry didn’t feel anywhere close to adequate.
Natsuki grumbled to herself. “Ugh. There I went and killed the mood.”
“Don’t feel guilty,” murmured Yuri, raising two fingers and brushing loose strands of cotton candy hair behind Nat’s ear. Her frown lifted almost instantly. “Christmas this year will be wonderful. I’ll make sure of it.”
With a look that was both coy and affectionate enough to melt her like wax beneath a flame, Natsuki replied, “You already have.”
Yuri could feel her face reddening the longer she gazed at the smile that was reserved only for her, but she was incapable of looking away even if she wanted to. If Monika hadn’t chosen that moment to announce that it was about time to go, Yuri wouldn’t have held herself responsible for whatever she would have done next.
She tore herself away from Natsuki with an effort as they both rose to their feet. “Will you be coming to my house?” she inquired while Nat vanished into the closet to put the Parfait Girls volume away.
“Not today,” came the sighed reply. “I’ve got a load of homework. Yippee .”
“I could assist you,” Yuri quickly offered.
Natsuki’s head poked out of the closet. One eyebrow was arched in a really? sort of look, her mouth curved in a knowing grin.
“Doing homework together makes us less productive, and you know that.”
Yuri’s brain merrily handed her several decadent memories of eager lips on hers instead of pencils on paper. Cheeks flaming again, she averted her eyes when Nat fully emerged from the closet, skin and hair glowing in the sunlight in her peripheral vision.
“What if I promised to stay focused?” she asked, voice faltering.
Her girlfriend’s grin only widened. She glided closer, leaned up on the tips of her toes, and playfully kissed Yuri’s cheek, placing a hand on her forearm for balance. Then, warm breath tickled her ear in a whisper, and it was an even greater effort to stifle a shiver.
“I wouldn’t believe you.”
♪ ♪ ♪
In my heart is a Christmas tree farm
where the people would come
to dance under sparkling lights
Bundled up in their mittens and coats
and the cider would flow
And I just wanna be there tonight
♪ ♪ ♪
That evening, Yuri found that she could not stop thinking about Natsuki’s confession in the Literature Club. I haven’t had an actual Christmas since I was little. And when she had vowed to help give her a good Christmas this year, she’d only brushed it off—albeit with dizzyingly sweet words. She had not realized that Yuri wholeheartedly meant what she said.
Nat deserved to experience the ebullient atmosphere the holidays had to offer. She deserved the chance to make special memories with the people who truly cared for her.
And so Yuri decided that, whatever she was going to do for Nat, it would involve the Literature Club as a whole. Not just Yuri herself, but all three of Natsuki’s closest friends. The magic of Christmas, as cliché as it sounded, stemmed from the people with whom you spent it. Nat would get as much of it as possible.
Seated on the edge of her bed, Yuri tapped the Call button beside one of the few names in her cell phone’s contacts. The phone didn’t vibrate for long; Monika picked up on the second ring, her energetic tone chiming through the speakerphone.
“Hi, Yuri!”
“Hello, Mon. I apologize if you’re busy…”
“No, you caught me at a good time. What’s up?”
“Well…” Yuri paused, debating how much of Nat’s personal trouble to divulge. “I discovered today that Natsuki does not get to celebrate Christmas, but really wishes that she could.” Monika made a quiet, sympathetic sound on the other end of the line. “I want to surprise her with something involving the whole club, so she can spend the holiday in a good way. It would be fun for the rest of us, as well.”
“That’s a great idea!” exclaimed Monika. “And good timing, ’cause I was actually thinking about throwing a Literature Club Christmas party, but I wasn’t sure about it. I am now!”
“Oh, fantastic! Are we going to hold it in the clubroom?”
Monika tittered. “We might have to. I had a bigger idea, though. It’s not a hundred percent certain, but I’m hoping it’ll work out.”
Eyebrows raised in amusement and suspicion, Yuri asked, “What is this big idea?”
“I’ll tell you if it doesn’t fall through. Otherwise it’ll be for nothing.”
“Fair enough. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“If you can find out when Natsuki will be free the week of Christmas, then we can pick a day for the surprise,” Mon suggested.
Yuri nodded to herself. “I can do that.”
“Perfect. Other than that, Sayori and I will handle everything. This is going to be great!~”
She heard Monika’s sly grin through the phone, and wondered what on Earth her President was plotting.
♪ ♪ ♪
Sweet dreams of holly and ribbon
Mistakes are forgiven
and everything is icy and blue
And you would be there, too
♪ ♪ ♪
It was Christmas Eve, and Yuri now knew exactly what her President had been plotting.
The afternoon was glacial, with two or three inches of snow crunching pleasantly beneath her and Natsuki’s every step. But the snowfall had ceased an hour ago, and a bright sun was at last peeking out from pale gray clouds, making the chill more bearable. The girls were bundled up regardless. Yuri wore a thick, maroon turtleneck sweater—the most Christmassy item in her wardrobe—navy jeans, dark brown knee-high boots, and fluffy white earmuffs that Natsuki found absolutely adorable. Nat herself looked the quintessence of adorable in a cable-knit sweater dress that matched her hair, light gray fleece tights, and soft brown ankle boots. One gloved hand was buried in her dress’s pocket, the other wrapped around Yuri’s. Her face was flushed with cold and delight.
They had spent the last couple of hours wandering the Christmas tree farm located outside their city, partaking in the various holiday activities the place had to offer. They’d walked the tree field to admire the few snow-dusted trees that remained, taken a ride in a true one-horse open sleigh (Natsuki had bounced between laughing gleefully and singing the song, and Yuri had fallen for her all over again), and snacked on homemade mince pies and hot chocolate.
Yuri had staged the day as simply a festive date that would allow Nat to soak up the Christmas spirit she’d missed for so long. Nat had no idea that there was something even bigger awaiting her.
“That,” she declared now, as they walked away from the building that had served their food, “was the best hot chocolate I’ve ever had.”
“I’m inclined to agree,” Yuri replied. “The mince pies were good, too.”
“I’ve never had a mince pie until today, so those are running unopposed.”
She reigned in her surprise, aware that mince pies were considered Christmas pastries. “You must try my father’s,” she said. “His are better, in my absolutely unbiased opinion.”
Natsuki’s head snapped toward her with a shocked grin. “Wait, your dad bakes?”
“Only for Thanksgiving and Christmas,” she supplemented, smiling at her girlfriend’s reaction.
“Still, I can’t believe you never told me that!” Nat laughed, briefly moving closer to bump her shoulder against Yuri’s. “Now I’m even sadder that I couldn’t come over for Thanksgiving.”
Yuri cast her a warm smile of utter certainty, and softly said, “You’ll be there next year.”
Because there was no doubt in her mind that she wanted Natsuki there for every Thanksgiving, and every Christmas, in the foreseeable future.
Nat beamed back at her, obviously taken aback by her abnormal brazenness but pleased. Secretly, Yuri felt relieved that her declaration was not met with hesitation. Shadowy doubts about—well, just about everything—never left her mind alone, and so she sometimes wondered whether Natsuki was as serious about this as her. But it appeared, as she understood deep down where anxiety couldn’t touch her, that Nat was in it for the long run as well. Good, because before she came along, Yuri hadn’t thought it possible to find someone who could want her at all.
“So where are we walking, anyway?” Natsuki’s question stopped her pensive train of thought. “Is there anything else to do here?”
Glancing around at the wintry landscape, Yuri realized they were approaching the receptacle of the surprise: a red-and-white gambrel roof barn surrounded by dark hedges and strung on all sides with colorful lights. Both the roof and bushes were coated in a thick layer of snow.
The barn was a venue that the tree farm rented out mostly for holiday events. Fortunately for the Literature Club, it had been free when Monika—who actually volunteered every December at this very farm—asked the owners if she and her school club could use it for one day. The owners had agreed, allowing the club to use it free of charge as a way of thanking Monika for working so hard each year.
The Club President and Vice President had arrived this morning—the fact that Sayori had awoken early on a Saturday spoke volumes to her commitment—to prepare the place for Natsuki’s surprise party. Yuri honestly had no idea what she and her girlfriend were walking into. All she was certain of was that the gift she’d purchased for Nat was somewhere inside, with Monika and Sayori’s presents.
“Um…I believe they have something set up in that barn,” she said to answer Nat’s question, pointing to the building with her free hand. She was a poor liar, and hoped that her anticipation wouldn’t be obvious.
Natsuki didn’t appear to notice it, merely squinting dubiously at the barn. “Are you sure? I don’t wanna end up trespassing. Or walking into a place that smells like animal crap.”
“I know I saw something online,” said Yuri, doing her best to sound casual and certain. “I just…can’t recall what it was.”
“Welp,” Nat said with a shrug. “I trust you. Let’s go see what it is.”
She tugged Yuri along to the barn, their boots rustling through the snow. The large sliding doors were closed, and no sound came from inside. Yuri wondered if Monika and Sayori knew they were coming and, if so, how. She’d been too distracted to text them. Perhaps they had cracked the doors to peek outside. Or Sayori had peeped through a hole somewhere in the old structure’s walls. The latter was an amusingly realistic thing to imagine.
“It’s awfully quiet in there,” Natsuki muttered through the side of her mouth. Still, she released Yuri’s hand to grab one door handle with both of hers. With a grunt of effort, she hauled the door open, the sliding mechanism above it creaking in response. Warm light spilled out, its touch ghosting over the snow and the nearest hedges.
Simultaneously, the two walked into the barn, Natsuki curious and Yuri expectant.
The first thing Yuri registered was Sayori and Monika enthusiastically shouting, “Surprise!”
Then she took in the barn’s interior, which was a combination of what had already been there and what the girls had brought in this morning. It was a cozy atmosphere. White-gold string lights hung from the rafters across the entire ceiling, the source of the warm light. Decorative bales of hay dotted the rustic wooden floor, and a long picnic table dotted with various fruits and pastries sat in the center. Mon and Say stood mischievously beside it in warm holiday attire, hands clasped behind their backs. There were double doors on the back wall—likely leading to a storage room—and a huge, live Christmas tree to the right, dressed up in beautiful, twinkling ornaments. Beneath it lay Natsuki’s three presents, neatly wrapped, presumably by Monika.
Finally, Yuri turned and drank in the look on her girlfriend’s face.
Nat was torn between bewilderment and delight. The barn’s lights reflected in her wide pink eyes as they wandered over every inch of the space, admiring and disbelieving. Mouth hanging open, she looked at Sayori and Monika, then at Yuri, then back again.
“Wh…what’s going on?” she stammered, with the beginnings of a smile.
Sayori’s eager yell echoed through the barn. “We threw you an awesome Christmas party, that’s what!”
Monika was grinning widely. “It was your girlfriend’s idea,” she said pointedly.
That made Natsuki shift her gaze to Yuri again, eyes soft and questioning. You did this? she was asking. For me?
Yuri smiled shyly at her and whispered, “Merry Christmas, Natsuki.”
For several heartbeats there was silence as Nat stared back, shock and understanding and gratitude and so much more swimming through her eyes all at once. Then her tentative smile ballooned into an ear-to-ear grin. As if she could no longer help herself, she squealed gleefully and flung herself into Yuri’s arms.
With a startled laugh, Yuri instinctively wrapped her arms around Natsuki, who buried her face in her neck. She took little notice of her other friends’ coos of “Awww!” as she rested her cheek on her girlfriend’s hair, breathing in her sweet scent and her almost tangible joy.
“Yuri,” she exhaled, muffled by Yuri’s turtleneck. Yuri could have been mistaken, but she sounded close to tears. “Thank you, thank you . This is…I…”
“You deserve it,” Yuri said simply, saving her from trying to articulate her emotions. “You deserve a real Christmas with all of the people that love you.”
She only realized exactly what she’d said after the words had already passed her lips. But she did not even consider taking it back, rephrasing the sentence. Why would she, when it was her favorite truth in the world? She did love Natsuki, had loved her for quite some time. And finally saying it aloud made something inside of her settle. It was a feeling as natural as the sun dipping steadily below the horizon every evening.
Natsuki stiffened in her arms, and only then did she worry that she shouldn’t have said it. But that was followed by Nat lifting her head and pressing a soft, lingering kiss to her cheek. “I will say that back,” she told her slowly, “when we’re alone, and not being gawked at by our friends.”
Yuri fought down an elated grin, swamped with relief. “Fair.”
To their credit, Monika and Sayori had turned around at some point, allowing them a semi-private moment. Yuri slotted her hand into Nat’s as they broke off their embrace, and they approached their friends.
“Two things,” announced Natsuki, prompting Say and Mon to face them again. “One: thank you. You guys are literally the best friends anyone could ask for.”
“Oh, it was our pleasure,” said Monika, grinning and waving a hand. She was obviously still amused by Nat’s abrupt display of affection. Of love, Yuri corrected herself, silently thrilling at the word.
“What’s the second thing?” Sayori asked, her sky blue eyes curious.
Natsuki pinned her and Monika with a sharp, threatening look.
“If either of you ever mention the last two minutes to anybody,” she declared grimly, “you are dead .”
♪ ♪ ♪
Under the mistletoe
Watching the fire glow
and telling me, “I love you”
Just being in your arms
takes me back to that little farm
where every wish comes true
♪ ♪ ♪
A couple hours later, as the sun set outside, Monika said to Yuri and Natsuki, “There’s one more thing that Sayori and I did. It’s for both of you.”
Yuri felt greatly suspicious of the mischief in her and Sayori’s eyes. The Literature Club was seated at the picnic table. Nat was beside Yuri, admiring the festive sets of measuring cups and spoons Monika had gotten for her. Yuri’s gift had been a pale pink-and-purple scarf knitted by her mother; Sayori’s had been a cat plushie wearing a Santa hat that was both ridiculous and adorable. Nat had loved all three presents.
“What did you do?” she asked now, her tone both amused and wary.
The President grinned far too slyly. “You’ll see~”
“It’s in that back room!” said Sayori, pointing eagerly to the doors that Yuri had guessed led to a storage room. “Both of you go in and see!”
Exchanging a look, Natsuki and Yuri rose from their seats and cautiously approached the double doors.
“Do you happen to know what’s in there?” Nat asked wryly, low enough for only Yuri to hear.
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
They slipped through the doors, closing them once they were inside. The room didn’t look like anything special. Unlike the main area of the barn, this much smaller space was lit by a few bare lightbulbs dangling from cords attached to the ceiling. Cardboard boxes labeled in black marker and loose strands of hay were scattered about the floor. Yuri frowned as she took the room in, searching for whatever surprise Mon and Say had—
She knew Natsuki had just spotted it too, because at that moment, her girlfriend said, “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
In the center of the back wall, hung from a hook and tied with a tiny bow, was a cluster of dark green leaves and crimson berries that Yuri recognized immediately. Mistletoe.
Slowly, she looked sideways. Nat met her gaze. Not three seconds passed before both girls burst out laughing.
“I mean,” Natsuki giggled, trying to catch her breath, “we can’t not .”
Yuri nodded with all the seriousness she could muster, given the grin plastered across her face. “It would be an insult to the spirit of Christmas if we didn’t,” she agreed.
“I’m gonna kill those two for this later. Right now I’m just glad for the excuse to be alone.”
Abruptly, Nat grabbed her hand and dragged her forward until they were both standing under the mistletoe. Then she faced her with shining eyes, taking a deep, smiling breath, and that was when Yuri realized what she was about to say.
“I love you too, Yuri.” Natsuki said the words with more surety than Yuri had ever before heard from her, and her heart skipped an unhealthy number of beats. “And I would say that no Christmas will ever top this one, but since I wanna spend next Christmas with you, too—and every Christmas after—it wouldn’t be true a year from now.”
She took a step closer, keeping their eyes locked. They were mere inches apart. “I meant what I said at the club. That you’d already made this Christmas wonderful. I loved the party and the presents, but all I ever needed to have a good Christmas was you.”
Even as Yuri felt like she was melting from the inside out, she realized Nat’s words were exactly her own sentiment surrounding Christmas. The holiday’s magic came from the people you spent it with. She loved Natsuki, and Natsuki loved her. That in itself was its own kind of magic.
Smiling softly, she lifted a hand to Nat’s face, brushing her thumb over the delicate skin beneath her eye as if it were diamond. Nat’s eyelids fluttered, and she leaned into the touch. She raised her head at the same time Yuri lowered her own.
The kiss was an amalgam of everything Yuri found beautiful about Christmas, of snowfall and hot chocolate and lights and laughter, of giving her heart to a small, pink-haired miracle and discovering that she’d already had hers.
Merry Christmas, Nat. I love you.
♪ ♪ ♪
And when I’m feeling alone, you remind me of home
Oh baby, baby, Merry Christmas
And when the world isn’t fair, I’ll pretend that we’re there
Baby, baby, Merry Christmas
to you
Under the mistletoe
Watching the fire glow
and telling me, “I love you”