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Nate struggled to lift his eyelids in the morning, feeling the effects of a totally satisfying one-hour sleep. The events of last night flooded back into his brain faster than it took for him to even process the cabin.
His date with Daniel did not go nearly as well as it did in his head. A strikingly romantic candle-lit dinner, charming flirting, an ever-so-soft yet intimate kiss to top it all off… that was his ideal plan. What actually happened was why Nate had solemnly sworn to never put himself out there, and why he should have known going back on his word was a bad idea. Against his will, he recalled the incident once more.
By sheer coincidence, some heart-shaped object with a harsh message came hurtling toward Daniel. It hit her in the face the second he ducked in panic, avoiding the kiss; perfect timing. Nate struggled to convince Daniel that it wasn’t him, and ultimately, she stormed off the scene. It’s not like he could blame her though. How could one take that as anything but planned out? Of course, it had to happen to him, of all people, Nate thought. Nothing in his life could ever go right without getting screwed over.
After a good 10 minutes of painful self-loathing, Nate finally rose out of bed. He went to the nearby bathrooms and changed into his usual outfit, drowsily fumbling with the buttons on his varsity jacket. Luckily nobody was there, so he had enough time to belittle his reflection in the mirror again. His eyes were droopy with exhaustion, his back was slumped lower than usual, and his hair looked unkempt despite his multiple attempts to fix it. Nate gave up after a while of trying. After all, who would notice? Nobody paid much attention to him anyway.
Daniel was always an early bird, so Nate knew he wouldn’t run into her at the dining hall at this time, which is where he was headed. Even though the food there was disgusting and bland, he needed something to fill the emptiness of at least one of his organs. He entered the cafeteria and walked up to the counter, letting the lady serve him some nasty-looking mush. He tried to sit down as far away from the few people there as possible, feeling too upset to interact with anyone.
Despite wanting something in his system not too long ago, Nate realized he felt too dejected to eat now that something was in front of him. He poked around at the substance in his bowl with his spoon and kept his head low. To Nate’s surprise, his demeanor must have triggered the attention of someone, because he felt the presence of someone looming over his spot on the bench. He didn't bother to look up, until he heard the person spoke.
“Nate?” The voice sounded quite smooth, accompanied by a distinct French accent. In that moment, a moment that felt almost frozen in time, two and two came together, and it became very evident who had just spoken. It was none other... than Remi.
Remi...
...Oh god. Why didn’t he just stay in that cabin and wallow in his pain forever?!?
Did Nate have anything against Remi? No, not at all. In fact, it was more the opposite; he just found himself in a bit of an awkward situation with him. He knew they both had romantic feelings for Daniel and tried to act upon them. However, Nate felt much more inferior to Remi in every way possible. Not only was he charismatic and talented at flirting, but he was socially skilled in general. He could do everything. Whenever Remi was around, Nate felt completely ashamed to be in his presence. Especially if Daniel was involved.
Remi knew how to be suave with her, while Nate’s courting skills were… well, about as smooth as a rollercoaster. He couldn’t understand why Daniel decided to go on a date with him if he could barely manage to talk to her. Remi was practically perfect in every category, Nate thought, and he admired him in sorrow often. But he tried not to make this known. He didn’t want those feelings to cause any tension between them. And now that they were having their first real encounter, Nate desperately wanted to ensure that didn’t happen.
“Oh! U-uh, hi. Remi... right?” Nate stuttered, his head shooting up suddenly. “What are you doing here?”
The chef opened his mouth to speak, but Nate's voice started up again. “Oh my god, that sounded rude, I-I’m sorry! It’s not that I don’t want you here, you can stay, I was just… I didn’t… um... nevermind, forget it.”
“What in the world was THAT?!” He thought to himself. Socializing had always been dreadful to him, but now was one of the worst times to stumble over his words! “It’s your first time talking to this guy, for Christ's sake! If he didn’t think you were a loser before, he definitely does now...”
Remi frowned, his brow furrowing in empathy for the boy in front of him. “Hm. You seem upset. Are you feeling alright?”
Nate froze in place. The last thing he wanted to do was tell Remi he had gone on a date with Daniel. Even worse, mention that the date had gone wrong! He didn’t know how Remi was going to take that. As an opportunity to seize Daniel, knowing Nate had almost no chance at that point? As something to use against him in the game? Maybe he’d get so angry to hear he went out with Daniel that he would hate him forever. Nate’s heart had already been sledgehammered enough times, he couldn’t bear the thought of even more people disliking him.
He frantically shook his head and avoided eye contact, faking a smile. “No, no! Everything is fine, it's- it's all good, really! Don’t worry about me.”
Remi was clearly not convinced; the skeptical look on his face said it all. Nate looked down at his bowl again and raised his shoulders to shrink himself down. He wasn’t exactly the best liar. But what was he supposed to say? He barely knew the guy.
After a second or two of silence, Remi sat on the seat across from Nate. “Why not? I can tell something’s wrong.”
Nate paused for a moment. “Mmh, I dunno... Since we’re on opposite teams and all… I didn’t expect you to, y’know, care.” He said sheepishly, looking back up to see Remi even closer. Nate had only ever observed him from afar, so seeing his face so close was weird for a few reasons. Oddly enough, the one he found most strange wasn’t even because of the situation with Daniel. Would it be weird to say that Remi’s natural charm flustered him the most?
“You may be competition, but we’re all human, no? Besides, it's more fair to keep your rivals in good shape. Don't you think?" He quipped with a playful smile, folding his arms on the table. “So, I want to help you.”
“Uh... you want to help me?” Nate repeated, shocked by the proposition. It was a sweet gesture, but at the same time, he felt himself starting to get nervous. Was Remi being genuine or not? He couldn't tell. And after things crashed out with Daniel, being vulnerable with someone he barely knew was the last thing he wanted to do.
“Of course. I’d do anything for a sweet boy such as yourself.” Remi affirmed, moving to prop his chin up on one hand.
Nate felt his face grow hot at the compliment. Being in the spotlight of someone's attention gave him anxiety like crazy. He was sure Remi was just trying to be nice, and he tried not to overthink it, but his cheeks couldn’t help themselves from lighting up pink. “I- Remi, you… you really don’t have to-”
Remi cut him off. “Non, but I would be more than happy to.” He insisted, putting his hand over his heart.
Nate subtly glanced up to scan Remi's face, hoping for the universe to give him a sign, any sign, that this was a bad idea. But something about those eyes– they reflected a certain kindness that Nate wasn't used to. And in tandem with that smile, that lit up his face so well... how was he supposed to see anything wrong with this?
“Huh. Okay then,” Nate replied, his words gentle, but his face beaming. Remi’s accent and mannerisms were just so… inviting. Nate couldn't bring himself to decline that! “So… what did you have in mind?”
“How about a walk?” Remi suggested. “You don’t have to talk about why you’re upset, of course.”
Nate nodded. “Sounds good!” He tried to show his excitement, even with the troubles he was having to work against the fatigue. As they walked out of the dining hall, Nate could already feel the shift in the atmosphere. The fragrance of the forest carried over with the breeze, the sharp and sweet pines mixing with the damp lumber. The fresh air helped to relax Nate’s nerves a bit, although he still felt slightly skittish to be alone with Remi, worried he might screw himself over like he had too many times before. He took a deep breath, hoping for all to go well.
“We should get to know each other better,” Remi said, initiating conversation quickly. Nate promptly perked up, his full attention on Remi now. "I’m sure you can tell I’m from France, no?”
Nate chuckled. “Yeah. France... I’ve, uh, always wanted to go to there. It looks beautiful.” He responded. To be completely honest, he never really thought about traveling all too much, but he wanted Remi to feel like that he was interested in what he was saying. Not like he wasn’t, of course. Nate had always been fascinated by him. He wouldn’t mind listening to him speak all day… uh, that wasn’t weird, was it?
“It is! I learned how to cook at a very young age there. If you’ve heard that we’re proud of our food, then that’s true. I work at my father’s restaurant, so people around know me very well.”
Nate’s eyes widened. “Oh, really? Nice! I wish I had that kind of talent, heh. I can still barely make a pancake.” He replied jokingly, immediately face-palming internally for making himself sound so lame.
Remi didn’t seem to mind, however, chuckling. “Is that so? I wouldn’t mind teaching you how to cook. If only they let us use the kitchen…”
Cooking? With Remi? Yeah, that didn't sound so bad... in fact, it excited him. The heart of the black-haired boy started to pummel a bit faster at his chest at the thought. He couldn’t seem to understand why he was feeling this way, but he assumed it was purely out of paranoia. There were a million things that could go awry if they decided to hang out, after all. Nate could make a fool out of himself, Daniel could find out, Remi would regret befriending him... the list could go on for days. But there was something else nagging the back of his mind; at first, it was only when he imagined being alone with Remi. Now, he feels the same feeling actually being alone with him too. He just couldn't place his finger on what it was.
Suddenly snapping back to reality, Nate reacted with an awkwardly-timed laughed, rubbing his arm to soothe his nerves. Remi continued to speak.
“Anyways, it’s a wonderful place, but always busy. Cooking is my passion,” He exclaimed with a gleam in his eye. “Though it can be a little… exhausting. That’s kind of why I signed up for this show. It’s a nice change from my normal routine, you know?”
“Oof, I get that. Places with lots of people have never been my thing, heh… too overwhelming.”
“I’ve always been a people person, but even we get tired sometimes.” Remi smiled. “I take it you’re an introvert?”
Nate scratched the back of his neck and nodded. “Talking to people is hard, but it seems so easy for everyone else.”
A beat skipped and Nate spoke again. “E-especially for you. You can just walk up to someone like it’s nothing and start a conversation. You’re like an expert!”
Remi laughed. “Well, I grew up not too far from the Eiffel Tower, so I got used to meeting a lot of people. It’s quite a popular tourist spot.”
“The Eiffel Tower?” Nate repeated surprisedly.
“Oui! I have my own Vespa, so I ride down there to see it a lot. The area is very social.” Remi explained.
“Wow, you’re so lucky. I bet the view there is incredible.” Nate remarked fascinatedly.
“Very!” Remi exclaimed. Then, with a shrug, he added: “But I’ve seen much better sights.”
Nate tilted his head. “Really? Like what?”
“Well, one of them is standing right next to me.”
Everything went dead quiet.
Silence. Remi gazed at Nate.
Silence. Only the rustling of pines filled the air.
Silence. Nate’s eyes shifted all around until, suddenly, the comment clicked in his head. Remi grinned wider as he watched the other boy’s jaw slack open. Nate, in disbelief, had to take a double take.
Did… did Remi just flirt… with HIM?!
HE FLIRTED! With him, of all people! Was he just having some horrible, messed up dream to make up for the void of rejection? No, it couldn’t be, it just felt too real! But why? Why would Remi do that? There was nothing special about him. There was absolutely no reason to-
“Okay, okay, hold it!” Nate’s conscience alerted him. “He flirts with everyone. You’re not special.”
Despite that reminder, Nate still couldn’t contain his excitement. He pursed his lips and clung tighter onto his arm, flustered at the remark.
“WUH- u-uh... me?! Really? Wow, uh, thanks…" Nate sputtered. "But y’know, I’m not that good-looking..."
“Seems like someone hasn't been looking in the mirror lately...” Remi teased, leaning in slightly as he elbowed the other boy.
The touch was almost electrifying, sending intense shockwaves right to Nate’s heart. His chest heaved, feeling the same pang in his heart he had just a few minutes ago, and multiple times before. It was sharp and abrupt, but not his usual sense of guilt or shame. Rather, he felt incredibly giddy. Every bad thought he ever had seemed to dissipate in an instant, even if it was just for a split second. A floodgate of emotions was hitting Nate, and at the moment he was floating tenderly in the eye of the hurricane. But the more he thought about it... the more he realized these feelings kept coming back. He had felt this before, hadn't he?
With that train of thought, Nate was led right back into the storm, forced to face the inevitable realization he tried so hard to repress.
He was in…
Oh no.
No, no, NO. He couldn’t be. Not again.
He had to get rid of these feelings. Bury them. Forget about them. Anything. Was he trying to end up in the same situation twice?
That is, if he would ever end up in that situation with Remi. He was totally out of the guy’s league. He knew Remi was way too good to ever love someone like him, someone so vastly different, and that made it hurt so much more.
“Yeah, well, I’d rather not,” Nate replied somewhat shakily, feeling a lump caught in his throat. He hoped to play along with the humor, to hide his mood better this time. He smiled, trying to hide the mix of self-doubt and lovesickness that swallowed his mind. He couldn’t tell which one was worse.
“You should be more confident, Nate,” Remi remarked as if reading his thoughts. “Easier said than done, of course. But I decided to talk to you for a reason. And whoever accepted your audition must have seen what I see too, because your presence is a blessing.”
Remi ended his sentence with the chef’s kiss gesture, causing Nate to giggle. Maybe a little too hard.
“That’s more you than me. If I actually talked to my teammates… I’m not sure they’d like me,” Nate sighed. “I’m not charming, or funny, or any of that. I’m kind of a loser.”
“Quoi?!” Remi cried. “That's nonsense! Nate, you are a lovely person.”
“W–what if they don’t think so?”
“That doesn't matter,” Remi stated firmly, putting his hand on Nate’s shoulder and looking right into his emerald eyes. The other boy felt a flutter in his stomach that made it hard to control his breathing, shocked by the newfound contact. “You just need to think of the people that see the good in you. Some people don’t even like me, you know.”
“But... why wouldn’t they?” Nate replied. He forced himself to maintain eye contact, though it took everything in his power not to trace his vision over all of Remi’s features. He felt there was nothing about that man that wasn’t perfect.
Remi shook his head. “I don’t know. But, well... I've just learned to ignore it."
The two of them went silent for a moment, an almost tense atmosphere building in the air. After taking a moment to collect his thoughts, however, the tension began to fade at the sound of Remi's smooth, deep chuckle. He seemed to be recalling something.
"You know who Nicole is, right?”
“The, uh… brown-haired girl with the knife?”
“Oui. Well, during the musical challenge, I tried to start a nice conversation with her. All I did was introduce myself, and you want to know what she told me? 'I didn't ask'!” Nate’s companion laughed, recalling the experience.
“You’re kidding!” Nate exclaimed.
“Nope, that’s all she said,” Remi confirmed. “I was upset at first, but I just decided to move on.”
“How did you do it?" Nate knew he would have been absolutely crushed if someone had said that to him.
“Well, I realized there was no point in stressing over it. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, my friend. And if letting go of her led me to you..."
Before Remi could finish his sentence, he took Nate by the hands, not a single ounce of subtlety in his actions now. "Then maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all.” He finished, ending strong with a wink.
Total bliss overcame Nate, the feelings tinging his cheeks with a soft burning. That wink must have awoken something in him; he was sure of it. What a man.
“...Yeah. You’re right.”
He didn't even realize how wide he was smiling.
“Now that’s the smile I like to see, beau! Just in time too.” Remi noted as they arrived back at the dining hall. Jeez, did it really go by so quickly? This might have been the first time on the island that Nate didn’t feel like time was a depressing drag. And the first time in a while that he would actually consider a social interaction he had somewhat of a success.
“Mhm. Hey, thanks for doing this for me, Remi. I… I really appreciate it.” He said bashfully.
“It was my pleasure. Maybe we can hang out more later, but Daniel and I planned on meeting up soon as well.”
Shit.
How could he forget that they were actually friends? He got so caught up in appreciating Remi that he completely forgot about Daniel! He knew how big of a problem this could prove to be, but he was so desperate to prove to this guy that he wasn’t a complete dunce. And yet somehow, he ended up proving just that. If Remi planned on telling Daniel about this walk, who knows what could happen? The same grim whirlwind swept in, almost completely destroying the joy he had spent building up this whole time. He suddenly remembered why he was so afraid of this, and now he was even more worried about ruining everything.
Luckily, he had one last barrier left standing to shield his feelings. “O-oh! Uh, okay! Well, have fun…” Nate replied apprehensively.
“Au revoir, mon ami!”
The farewell was sweet to Remi, but oh-so bitter to Nate. There was so much more to lose now. Whatever the opposite of a happy accident was, this was it.
“Great,” Nate mumbled. “I just made things even more complicated.”