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Wheatley lounged around in the facilities of Aperture Science, as one may do if they've gotten used to the constant sound of failure. His only current jobs were to keep GLaDOS under control and, occasionally, watch the test subjects. The distant deaths of both humans and robots alike echoed in his ears, and he was itching for escape.
Conveniently, he was approached by GLaDOS soon after, and he got the relief that he wanted.
“I’m here to inform you that your presence is not needed here at this time, for I am a raging lesbian and I want to make out with Chell without your snarky comments and remarks. Begone for the next hour or so while I proceed to kiss my loving partner extremely passionately or some shit idk.”
Without a word, he practically dashed out of the building and to his car that exists in this fic because he's a human. The only thing Wheatley is looking for is entertainment, excitement, to try something new.
And that’s when it hit him–he could go to a restaurant.
He hadn't thought of the idea in years, and the last time he did he ended up getting some shitty junk food that he could hardly stomach. So he drove off to the nearest restaurant he could find, hopefully not walking out with a stomach full of chicken tenders this time.
Turns out, the nearest place to him was a Panda Express, oddly in the middle of nowhere. There weren't any cars parked nearby either, but that part was pretty expected considering the unfortunate location. He pulled up to the side of the road, got out of his car, and walked towards the entrance of the Panda Express.
The moment Wheatley stepped foot into the restaurant, he was welcomed with warm, inviting scents of foods he had hardly even heard of. Everything was so new to him, and he was eager to try it all.
Before walking in line, he took one good look at the menu, and he immediately locked his eyes onto the most heavenly looking meal of all:
The eggrolls.
The moment he saw them up on that board, he knew it was love at first sight. He needed as many of them as he could, and now.
He rushed into the line, feeling impatient, ready to get his hands on those eggrolls. Customer after customer, the line died down, and there he was, face to face with the worker. When they asked what Wheatley wanted, he blurted out immediately.
"I need as many eggrolls as you can make and NOW."
The person behind the counter was obviously confused, but the customer is always right or whatever so who gives a fuck. Wheatley slid his whole wallet over the counter (he figured the money he's been saving from Aperture should be enough to cover the cost) and sat at the nearest table, anxiously tapping his foot deep in thought.
It wasn't long before his food arrived, all 54 of his glorious eggrolls stacked meticulously on a large platter. Wheatley couldn't believe his eyes. The sheer sight of all those eggrolls, every last one for him, made his mouth water.
As they were placed in front of him, he immediately stuffed them into his face, one by one. Each and every eggroll tasted exactly as he'd imagined, if not better. As he ate more and more, the stack of eggrolls slowly decreased, and soon, he was down to his last 4.
Just as he was about to put the next in his mouth, there was a crash coming from the front door. In walked 2 familiar figures, GLaDOS and Chell. It was pretty expected of them to show up here, considering they're gay gay lesbians that are gay and the Panda Express was the closest restaurant to the facilities.
Wheatley knew what they were gonna get, considering GLaDOS never shuts up about how good Panda Express's eggrolls were and that if she had to pick 1 thing to eat for the rest of her life then they would be it. Wheatley took this into consideration and began eating the last of his eggrolls as they walked to the counter, not noticing he was there yet.
He heard GLaDOS arguing with the people both behind the counter and in the kitchen, yet he didn't bother to pay attention to the words she was saying because he was too focused on his glorious eggrolls.
Eventually, 1 remained on his platter, and as he reached out to pick it up, he heard GLaDOS's voice come from behind him.
"Hand over the eggroll." she boomed in a commanding voice. Her intentions were clear, and she was obviously pretty pissed that the Stupid Fatty Brit took all the eggrolls from her when he knew she liked them too.
Wheatley was enraged by this. He had grown so fond, so attached to these eggrolls, and she was just expecting him to give them up so easily? He furrowed his brow and attempted to shove the last eggroll into his mouth, but GLaDOS stopped him with a hand on his wrist.
In his last efforts, with no other choices left, he makes a mad dash for the (now shattered) door. Chell and GLaDOS follow soon after, determined to take his precious, precious eggroll. Wheatley sprints to his car & out of panic, locks himself in the trunk. Surely they couldn't reach him there, and if they did, they were paying for his windshield.
GLaDOS and Chell stare at him from outside the window of his car for a moment, but Chell has an idea. She like. fucking. portals into the car but that was a really shitty idea because now all 3 of them are stuffed in Wheatley's trunk.
GLaDOS tries her hardest to reach for the eggroll clutched in Wheatley's hand, but the lack of space makes it impossible. They were stuck, due to Chell's fat ass doing something and fucking up the portals. Wheatley's the first one to say something, considering the awkward silence was killing him.
"Um, okay, guys, don't- don't panic, I have an idea. If I could only, hold on.."
It had been a while of Wheatley struggling to pull the escape latch, but after a while, Chell had scooted in such a way he could reach just a little farther. The trunk opened and all three of them came tumbling out, along with the eggroll that was practically crushed from Wheatley's grip.
Before Chell or GLaDOS had any chance to remember the eggroll, he shoved it in his mouth quickly. It was a little cold now, but it didn't matter, because those eggrolls were the most heavenly thing his tastebuds had ever discovered.
Wheatley hurriedly runs to the driver's seat of his car and drives off like really dramatically, leaving Chell and GLaDOS stranded at the Panda Express because Chell portaled them over there and Chell fucked up the portal gun in the trunk.
Wheatley took pride in knowing that his meal was complete, and all 54 eggrolls were savored and enjoyed thoroughly.