Work Text:
Tonks knocked on the weather-worn wooden door hesitantly. No response. Xe glanced back, towards the horizon, where the tourquise sea met the indigo sky of twilight. Xe longthened xir hair for a few moments, just to feel it flying in the chill, salty breeze. Xe knocked again, more loudly. Still no response.
"Well," xe thought out loud, "He woul've put a proper locking spell had he really wanted people to stay outside! Alohomora!" and stepped into the small cottage.
Remus Lupin's home seemed different than Tonks expected. Knowing Remus, she'd expected an appartment that's small, furnished purely out of second-hand stuff and messier than a fifth-year students' dormitory, but in a nice way. A beautiful clutter, a place made with a small budget but a great passion. Instead, the place looked as if it wasn't even meant to be lived in. The walls were barren, there were no sofas and only one, metalic chair. The bed was merely a mattress laid on the cold stone floor. And, most disturbingly, there were no books. Tonks could accept that xir's friend's financial issues forced on him such spartan living conditions, but c'mon. Remus spoke of books as if they were sacred. They were a life nessacity to him, not a luxtury. (Tonks xemself enjoyed a good story, but had a hard time concentrating on reading without accidentally skipping paragraphs.) He would rather starve than give them up! Maybe he found a good public library around here and decided it was sufficient? Nevermind.
"Hi Remus!" xe kneeled and put xir bag on the floor. "Molly said you didn't feel well, so I brought you chicken soup! Oh, it's my first attempt at making one, I hope I didn't put in too much salt... If it is too salty, I also brought brownies as compensation - I know you love chocolate - and they're, like, the one thing I actually know how to cook. I also brought you a book to pass the time - a fantasy book. One of those novels written by muggles trying to imagine what magic would be like, you know? I think it's so cool. This one specifically seemed to me like a bore - it's written more like a myth than a novel - but Dumbledore said you'd lo-"
Remus got up, wearing an oversized pajama, with a gaunty look on his face.
"Get. Out. Of. Here." he said. Harshly, but not in anger. More like he was warning xem.
"Is it infectious? well, I'll just leave it here." xe said, stepping away.
"Take the book with you." he said grimly. "For it's own safety."
"But what will you do?" xe asked, wide eyed. "Just lie here alone, bored, without even fictional people for a company?"
"It must be so, Tonks." he answered. "It is not safe for anything, or anyone to be around me tonight."
"What do you-" xe pondered, than noticed the grey-brown fur growing on the back of his hands. "Shit, is it the full moon?!"
Now, any sane wizard or witch would have ran away as fast as they could. Luckily, Nymphdora Tonks did not identify as a wizard or a witch, and perhaps was not completely sane. Xe understood xe doesn't have a lock, and if the door stays open, Remus might run after xem and bite some innocent bypasser. Xe needed time to cast a locking spell.
"Hey, calm down." she backed away, raising xir hands before xir face in defence as the wolf growled at xem. "Who's a good dog? Who's a good dog? You're a good dog! The sort of dog that doesn't bite his buddies! The sort of dog who'd let me get out now and-"
Suddenly a certainly insane idea crossed Tonks's mind. Xe heard one a legend, that had someone loved a werewolf enough to follow them into the forest and call their name, they'd return to human form.
"Remus!" xe shouted. "Remus John Lupin! Howl what you howl, but I know you're un there, under all of that... fur..."
Remus was still a wolf, though now a very confused wolf. He stopped and looked at xem for a moment, and then charged. As Tonks wasn't that much of an idiot, xe took out xir wand and casted "Stupefy!". The wolf dropped on the floor, paralyzed, and she carried him onto the mattress, which was harder than it seemed. He was so fluffy, xe noted to herself. She expected his fur to be like a dog's, but it was much longer and thicker - almost four inches long in some places.
"You know what," xe said, "You're actually really cute like that. Not like you aren't cute as a human, but, you know... Merlin's Dishwasher, it's the first time I'm telling Remus he's cute and it's right after I stunned him! Why do I always find a way to mess it up?!"
Remus stared at her with his strange wolf eyes, black and lime. They appeared sealed, undecipherable, with no white in them, no way to know which way he was looking. But then, Tonks wasn't very good with reading people's eyes anyway.
"Alright, there you go, everything is okay now." Said Tonks, relaxing xemself more than Remus. She could just leave him there on the mattress and go away, he won't chase her or be a threat to anyone else. But what will he do? How will he eat, or go to the restroom? Can xe really just abandon him here? "What are you usually doing?" she asked. The wolf only growled in response.
Tonks tried to think. She knew there was a potion that helped werewolfs remain in control of themselves while they were in wolf form, but didn't know how to make it - and even if she had the recipe, xe didn't trust xemself to make it properly on first try: potions weren't like chicken soups. They required a scientific accuracy not everyone had the skill for. Why don't they teach how to make this potion at school? She wondered. Why doesn't The Ministry of Magic fund pre-brewed rations for werewolves who don't lnow how to make it or dfind on't have the ingredients? The Aurrors and the Magical Creatures Department could've saved so much effort on stopping werewolf attacks had they just given werewolves the means to prevent them in the first place. If Remus was an example, werewolves wanted to protect the world from themselves. Now the barren room finally made sense: Remus didn't want anything too delicate to be accidentally ruined. Idealy, he should have a basement or even just a separate room he could lock himself in for the time of transformation - but how will he get the money for a larger living space if he literally wasn't allowed to work?! It made no fucking sense. But it was easier for the people in charge to tag these folks as monsters, to ignore them until they threaten the 'normal' society... Xe almost understood Greyback - but just almost. There was no excuse for murdering that poor kid...
"There's another thing about werewolves that doesn't make sense." It occured to xem. "I've read a bit about wolves. They aren't blood-thirsty monsters. Humans aren't even normally their prey. Usually they attack only if they're either provoked, or very hungry." Xe took the pot of chicken soup out of the bag. "Are you hungry, Remus? do wolves eat potatoes and zuccini, or should I give you just the chicken?" Xe decided to play safe. Xe went to the cabinet, which was placed so high she had to metamorph herself into a taller figure, and took out two small plastic bowels. "Anyway, werewolf attacks seem to be the other way round - You guys only bite humans, and only enough to infect them. Maybe it's an evolutional instinct meant to ensure the continuation of your 'species'? But you can procreate normally..." xe suddenly felt very awkward talking about procreation.
And then she got an idea.
"Remus," xe said in a reassuring tone, releasing the stunning spell. "Tell me - well, growl to me - about five things you see right now, four things you hear, and three things you smell."
Remus seemed to be concentrating for a few moments, and then growled a long growl, more calmly than beforehand.
"It's a grounding technique a muggle therapist taught me to help with my meltdowns when I was in fifth grade." She explained. "My dad insisted I'd go to a muggle primary school, like he did, to understand their society and get some basic education on science. Theoretically a good idea, but it didn't work for me: I had to stop myself from transforming in school so I won't expose myself. It was so hard to just stay in one form all day, I didn't feel like myself anymore! Dr. Lois did her best to help me, but I don't think she really understood, and I couldn't tell her." Xe poured some soup into the bowels - with more chicken to Remus's and more vegtables to xemself. "I know it's not comparable to what you've been through, but I know what it's like to live with supression, to be ashamed of my differences. People seem to always find a reason to pick on people who're different, whether or not the difference is really a problem. See, you're already calmer! How about you..." Oh, she realised: Remus can't hug himself and tap on his own shoulders - another trick brought to you by Dr. Lois - in wolf form. "...I don't know, wiggle your tail?"
Remus grunted very, very humanly.
"I knew it!" Tonks grinned. "It's not like the 'wolf mind' in taking over you. It's a flght or flight response, what happens to everyone - human or animal - when they're panicked! Well, transforming against your will can panick anyone, but you're supposed to be used to it by now after so many times, aren't you?" Remus growled angrily at her, hearing this. "Unless you couldn't, because you've never processed your memories from the first time!" Xe finished. "It's like - you're experiencing what Severus feels every time he looks at Harry, seeing the image of the one who'd hurt you in another person, and going back to the same emotions you felt towards him! Only for you it's worse, because you're seeing it in yourself."
Remus nodded. He seemed surprised, relieved.
"I know it must feel similar." she continued. "Then, like now, it was full moon. Then, like now, you were in pain. Then, like now, you must have seen around you fur and fangs and claws..." Remus let go a sad howl, and Tonks sat on the mattress beside him and patted his back. "But it's not the same, Remus. You're no longer that helpless child, and you'll never, ever, be the man who'd bitten you!"
Remus turned his head towards xem, as if asking 'how do you know?'.
"Because I know you, Remus, better than you think." Xe answered. "And the Remus Lupin I know is driven by one thing: The desire to protect people, to help them, to get them into improving themselves. The Remus Lupin I know can't even think about revenge for the sake of revenge without being disgusted. The Remus Lupin I know has his flaws - for example, his ridiculus unwillingness to admit it's possible for him to be loved and respected for who he truly is - but he always does his best to avoid hurting people or letting them be hurt. The Remus Lupin I know is a brave, compassionate, clever and adorkable man - otherwise I wouldn't have fallen in love with him."
Remus seemed shocked.
"Merlin's Hairclip, another love-confession you can't respond to! I thought this only happens in muggles' action movies."
Xe magically re-heated the soup, and they ate their dinner there, on the mattress. Remus had a table, of course, but there was only one chair, and he couldn't sit to the table, and Tonks wanted to show him he doesn't have to be alone. Chocolate is poisonous to dogs, so they had to keep the brownies for the morning. So Tonks had read to him from the book she brought (She found out it's easier for xem to avoid skipping paragraphs when reading out loud, and the story wasn't that boring once you got used to the unusual style.) until they'd both fallen asleep.
They woke up with the sunrise, and Remus was human again. He seemed tired, even more than usually, and Tonks wondered about the amount of magic it must take to transfigurate into another species. Fortunately, she knew exactly what he needs.
"Good morning, Remus." she got up. "Want some brownies?"
"What the heck are you - oh, right." Remus yawned. "Tonks, you have both the kindness and the respect for boundaries of a kender."
"Never heard of that magical creature." Xe shrugged.
"You wouldn't." he got up slowly, painfully, but with a slight smile on his face. "It's from another one of those novels written by muggles trying to imagine what magic would be like."