Work Text:
Remus could have spent the better part of his week explaining in great detail why this trip was a bad idea. He could have spent the entire month debating with Sirius and James about taking a port key (which was the only real way to travel, not sitting in a muggle propelled tin can with nothing but science both holding it together and up).
James and Sirius thought it was the coolest thing in the world. So naturally, the plane was still happening.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t wait any longer for you to recover,” Sirius said, carrying several bags because his recovering werewolf boyfriend obviously still needed to recover. “It’s not like Evans gave us much of a choice—”
“I’m sorry, I don’t actually recall discussing this with you. Hmm, I wonder why…” Lily pretended to ponder. Remus kept an even pace so he was a physical barrier between the two. “Oh, I know why, maybe it’s because I didn’t bloody well invite you!”
“Now that’s just bad manners on your part. Not my fault I had to learn about this trip second hand from my best mate.”
Lily huffed and stalked off to their gate, muttering about taking a port key and an unbreakable vow next time.
Sirius grinned, but his victory was short lived as he tripped over a bright yellow caution sign on the floor. He flailed a bit under the weight of the bags, but managed to stay upright.
While greatly impressed with his boyfriend’s reflexes, Remus reached over to take his bag back. Sirius would have none of that, and danced out of reach.
“Padfoot, just—”
“Bloody hell! We found you guys.” James stumbled into Sirius and the two tumbled onto the fake tile floor of the airport, retaining absolutely none of their Quidditch grace.
Peter toddled alongside Remus, wheezing as he tried to catch his breath. “Customs—gasp—pass—pass—passport! Confundus—ouch—”
“Prongs, did you already confound a customs agent?!” James finally detangled himself from Sirius and looked up, sheepishly adjusting his glasses and messing up his hair. “Bloody—We haven’t even left the country yet! What happened?”
“Wormy forgot his passport! Can’t go tearing through Canada one piece short of the Marauder set now can we?” James clapped Remus’s shoulder gently.
“Of course not.” Remus deadpanned. “I’m telling Lily.”
“Wait, what? NO! Moony—”
For someone recently recovering from turning into a werewolf, he moved quite quickly.
*Two hours into the flight*
Remus was highly suspicious after a surprisingly smooth takeoff, with absolutely no screaming, whooping, or otherwise Marauder-ish disturbances.
Lily confessed to putting a drop of sleeping draught in their drinks. “Takeoffs are the absolute worst, and I was not about to have my fiancé embarrass me by throwing up his arms and yelling ‘Look Lily-love! No hands! I bloody love muggles!’”
“Good point, I won’t say a thing.”
Unfortunately for them, the draught wore off after about an hour. Which left another five hours to entertain them. Except for Peter, he put a sleeping mask on, a pillow around his neck and was off to dream land for the duration of the flight. Bless his sleeping habits. The drawback to this was that Remus had to take care of an overly excited Sirius Black all by himself in a tiny flying tin can.
“Moony, why does the nice stewardess lady keep giving me peanuts?”
“Probably because she wants you to sit down and shut up, Pads, but she’s just too polite to say it.”
“That bitch!”
Truth be told, that particular stewardess was using any excuse to talk to/flirt with Sirius, and Remus was not having any of that. (The fact that his boyfriend actually sat down and shut up was a huge bonus, of course)
The poor girl stopped paying so much attention to him after Sirius gave her the patented Aristocratic Black Glare.
*Three hours into the flight*
“What is Prongs doing?” Sirius flopped over his seat to unsubtly spy on James and Lily (who were right behind them).
“I’m NOT doing anything.”
Remus frowned and joined his boyfriend in his unsubtle spying. James refused to look up and acknowledge them.
“No, that leaning thing.” Sirius paused. “THERE! You just did it again!”
“For Merlin’s sake, keep it down, you’re disturbing the muggles,” Remus hissed.
“I am doing NOTHING!”
“He’s trying to fly the plane,” Lily stated, not bothering to look up from her book. “Can’t handle not being in charge. It’s making him nervous. I’m surprised it’s taken you lot this long to figure it out.”
“LILY!”
Remus snorted. “Well who would’ve thought Prongs’d be the worst flier of all of us.”
“My money would have been on Peter, but I forgot he’s been training for this his whole Hogwarts career with you twats to sleep through bloody anything.”
“Er, Lily-love, are you alright?” James tucked his wand back up his sleeve.
“I’m quite alright, now bugger off and go back to sleep.”
*Four hours into the flight*
Twenty solid minutes of turbulence, and Lily was most certainly not alright.
Sirius clung to Remus (who was both happy and uncomfortable at this) as though his life was ending for the duration of the patch of turbulence, whining and muttering about muggles and their flying contraptions and “Are you sure we’re not going to die?” “Yes, Pads, I’m quite sure. It’ll be over in no time. Although maybe this will help you reconsider this means of transportation in the future.”
James gipped the arm rests of his seat so tightly he actually dented them (and was so scared that he forgot all about the wand he still had stuffed up his sleeve).
Peter was jostled away for a whole three point six seconds, before he shifted and resumed snoring lightly.
Lily however, found out she got incredibly airsick during bouts of turbulence, and was sick no less than three times.
James, in his infinite wisdom, didn’t know that being airsick was actually a thing, and knew of one thing that could make a woman sick. So, once the air surrounding the plane finally settled back down, he asked the only thing he could think of. “Lily-love, are you pregnant?”
Sirius and Remus poked their heads over the seats to watch the scene unfold.
Lily stared at James, who stared back at her.
She opened and closed her mouth several times (still looking a bit green). Deciding not to dignify it with an answer, the rest of the flight was met with silence.
The surrounding passengers and stewardesses were extremely happy.
Now, having stowed the sleeping draught in the overhead bins without proper access to it, everyone on the plane had to endure one final dose of Marauders as they made their final descent, which mainly consisted of:
“Oh sweet Merlin, why did we take the plane, Prongs, why?!”
“This was your bloody idea! I was just stupid enough to go along with it!”
“Evans! If I die, make sure to name your unborn child after me!”
“I’M NOT PREGNANT YOU WANKER!”
Peter snorted as he finally woke up and peeled off his sleeping mask. “What’d I miss?”
*Canadian Customs*
“Sir, can I see another piece of identification?”
Remus sighed. He really should have expected that with such an odd name. On the plus side, at least he got to break out his unused driver’s license his mother insisted he get.
“Remus Lupin is his real name!” Sirius shouted from the gate (because for whatever reason, he’d gotten through customs without a hitch). “Who would bother to make such a barmy fake name?”
“SIRIUS! SHUT UP!”
“Can’t we all just get along?” Peter asked, rubbing at the sleep lines on his face.
Lily was having about the same amount of luck with James.
“Anything to declare, sir?” the customs agent asked routinely, looking down at the card and passport.
“My undying love for my fiancée, who is the beautiful angry woman right over there, and our unborn child she potentially might be carrying.”
The customs agent slowly looked up at James, then over to Lily, who’s face was well on its way to turning the same colour as her hair.
“JAMES POTTER! FOR THE LAST TIME, I’M NOT PREGNANT! I WAS AIRSICK!”
“Of course, Lily-love, whatever you say!”
The customs agent passed back the documents. “Good luck talking yourself outa that one.”
*ten minutes later*
“Padfoot. Pads. Sirius!”
“What is it Prongs?”
“Why is your bag shaking?!”
“Uh—well—er—you see…”
“No, never mind, I don’t want to know.”
“But there’s a really good reason—”
“Lily-love, cover me, I’ve got to confound—oh… OH! IS THAT A TROLLEY!”
Sirius whipped around and hit Remus in the head with his plait. “Bloody hell, it is!”
The two ran off. “I want to push the trolley!” shouted one of them, or both. Probably both.
Lily and Remus sighed. At least the vacation wouldn’t have a single dull moment.