Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Nihility smells empty, somehow having a scent and being scentless at the same time. It smells like tainted, dirty water, lavender, and a lot of other plants and flowers he can't name and then he doesn't smell anything. Sometimes he does, sometimes he thinks he was imagining the sensation in this emptiness. And then, it's back for so long he can't imagine it ever fading.

The ground is uneven, yet he doesn't feel any ridges beneath his shoes. He has touched the water beneath him, the ground, felt the small waves meet the resistance of his hand. And then, it felt like gravel, then leaves like a forest in fall, hears them crush under his hands. Yet, a moment later, the water, the waves he sees perfectly mimic his own temperature, making him not feel the waves at all. Instead it starts to feel more like the experience in fog, then he feels its sand. His hand isn't wet afterwards, yet after another 50 steps, devoid of a time frame in this hellhole, he feels like there's sand stuck to his hand.

There's nothing on his hand, yet at the same time, he still feels the itchiness of wet sand sticking to his hand, under his fingernails, in between his fingers.

Sometimes he's walking on something similar to an evenly paved road, sometimes he feels the resistance of the ground sucking his shoes into itself, like in a bog. He feels its slimy wet substance sticking to his feet, to his legs, to his pants, almost up to his knees.

There's nothing on his pants, he hasn't sunk into the black sea either, yet it's wet and feels beyond horrid on his skin and yet the ground has not changed. He only sees small waves brushing against his too expensive shoes.

And now he even has to experience wet socks. He really wants to take them off, then decides against it, when his socks are nothing but dry on his fingers. He decides he has every right to hate the Nihility after that.

May the goddess Gaiathra close HER eyes three times.

Maybe he's losing his mind, he comes to the conclusion after wandering in silence for.. an unknown amount of time. The “light at the end of the tunnel” has not increased in size, and has rudely decided to not show him any indication on how far he's walked.

Sometimes he feels the voices of his family speaking to him. His memories speaking to him.

Acheron has left him alone here for an eternity. Not like she has any power to have him escape either way, but.. he feels so lonely.

He hasn't hungered, hasn't had his body desire water, has not felt himself become tired.

His watch sometimes simply stands still, other times he watches its hands make rounds in both directions (one clockwise, the other counterclockwise). Other times the smaller hand seems to resemble the hand depicting minutes, instead of, as normal, being the hour hand.

This place shows off so much, yet it also displays nothingness, since most of anything it shows, seems to be an illusion. Perhaps, he has simply imagined everything he would consider anything?

He has forgotten his starting point. Is he simply walking in big circles? Has he made any progress at all? Is IX going to watch him, keep him here, until he reaches the end of his journey inside here? Is he going to be released earlier?

And finally, Kakavasha stills.

Was there even an end? An end to nothingness? That sounded ridiculous, even to him, once he thought about it. How would an end to nothingness even exist?

The universe started from nothingness.

He hears. That's new. He didn't know that Ratio was on the table for hallucinations. Usually, it was bits and pieces he still remembers his mom saying, but mostly words from his sister. He feels like laughing at how Ratio is the one he hears now, after his family. So he does laugh, because he's alone in here and has no reason not to simply show any emotion he feels.

Keep your blood eternally pulsing.

There was nothing. And then the universe began.

Even in the face of Nihility, life has persisted.

First, according to the Standard Big Bang Theory or SBB, there existed “primeval atoms”, perhaps they stretched out evenly across the initial space before our universe came into existence. So, even before the existence of our universe, there did exist matter in this initial state. It was not devoid of anything. As most of you will already know, physicists call “matter” anything that occupies space and has mass, no matter how miniscule.

Ultimately, a small, minuscule amount of matter lasted in the void of nothingness. These particles, together with an infinite amount of density and temperature, caused the “Big Bang”. Now if anyone is unfamiliar with that term, please see yourself out and retake this class next semester. (There is no shuffling to be heard)

The fact that we can only attribute the number “infinite” to 2 variables in the equation means that not only is current knowledge on the beginning of the universe lacking, this irregularity, known as gravitational singularity, also shows that even the most advanced equations of physics are unable to shed light on the laws of physics before our known universe. You should see this as motivation to continue your research, not to despair that the people before us did not solve the problem for us.

Now, about the Singularity of the Big Bang: The temperature of the explosion itself has been calculated to be around 5.7 billion Kelvin. When the singularity and the start of our universe as we know it happened has also been calculated. For that, the proportionate rate of expansion of our universe was used and place the Big Bang singularity at around 13.7 billion years ago.

It took around 400 million years for the newly formed universe to cool down enough to produce its first star. This star was produced through atoms such as hydrogen, helium and small amounts of lithium and beryllium (there's the telltale sound of chalk, apparently inseparable from any memory to do with Ratio, against a blackboard). These atoms are in their gas form to all the idiots who do not think for themselves. (A sigh, as if Ratio decided to add that to the board simply because there was a big enough idiot last semester to claim otherwise). These atoms, together with Gravity (the sound of chalk is heard again, Aventurine remembers it to be an equation to do with gravity) and dust then led to the creation of the first star, then slowly expanding into galaxies, ultimately resulting in what we now call a life.

Even if atoms do not categorize as typical “life forms”, they came to be within the void before our universe began. And they persisted and in the end - against the nothingness that is nihility - led to the creation of our world and our lives as we know them now.

[Quick authors note: I don't know shit about physics;]

[please take this with a grain of salt, even if i did my research]

Well.. he doesn't think he has died yet, after all, he still “persists against the void of nothingness”. He does need to agree with Ratio there. Even if his will to escape, if his stubbornness to see this through to the end, has slowly deteriorated in all the time he was forced to spend here, he breathes. He lives, somehow. When he puts a finger on the pulse on his other wrist, he hears his heart beating.

Even as Ratio continues his lesson on complicated physics - nuclear fusion and fission, nucleosynthesis, quantum physics, different forces, different types of matter such as the unexplained dark matter - Aventurine does not mind. After all, it's been quite a bit since he heard a familiar voice. Not only that, it's.. comforting, really. He does miss human contact, he thinks. After all, even with his body cared for in this space removed from the usual flow of time, his mind has been constantly tested since he arrived. To have Ratio of all people in his life be the one to remind him he's alive..

And besides that, hearing that whole lecture again, Aventurine can only agree with his original takeaway - being knowledgeable and confident about it is kinda attractive.

“Cogito, ergo sum”. I think, therefore I am

On the other hand, it is a cruel joke. To use Ratio of all people. After all, it could be the Nihility fishing through his memory, to show him that his journey has not come to an end. It would not be the first time after what had happened to him with the curse afflicted by Xipe, the Aeon of Harmony.

And he still doesn't appreciate an Aeon (or more the power of one) looking through his mind.

Seems he can't end this on his own terms, by giving up. It seems he needs to finish his journey.

So he continues treading through the dark void.

If he was already dead, he would not see a point in starting this journey through Nihility in the first place. Because as a dead man, he'd have nowhere to go, would not feel the drag of something from within his chest, he reasons. Even if its sensation was weak, only barely there, it was pounding, begging, as he stopped.

How was he not aware of it himself, where else there is nothing? He feels his will from deep within him, now stronger than ever as he has continued.

Later, he feels something in his pocket, rubbing oddly at his thigh as he walks. So, as he continues, he puts a hand in his pant pocket until he fishes this.. trinket out. Very Ratio, he muses, if the greek-ish, owl-ish design for the metal lid was anything to go off of.

Let your journey be forever peaceful.

He smiles to himself. A real smile, not that practiced one for his role as Aventurine. He forgot that the damn doctor slipped this to him. It has been an eternity since he remembers being on the streets of Penacony.

He hesitantly opens the lid, letting the contents flop out onto his other, open hand. His eyes fly over the calligraphic words, as he unravels the small paper. He doesn't comprehend the words on that paper, until he reads, no, notices the emotion in the way they are written.

Do stay alive.

The writer seems to have lingered, left his pen on the paper for too long, at both the D and the dot at the end of the sentence. There's also slightly more space between the “Do” and “stay”, like Ratio has stopped writing in one go, perhaps sighed, and then continued writing.

I wish you the best of luck.

Aven-.. Kakavasha smiled. Something in his face relaxed that he didn't know he was keeping tensed up.

Yes, he would return. He was confident.

He ignored the first half of the message, like his mind was sure of its irrelevance. Or that it already knew of its contents. It didn't really matter to him more than the heartfelt - never in his life would Kakavasha have thought to describe Ratio of all people that way - message.

And then, Kakavasha meets himself. His past. His journey through Nihility seems to have reached his end. He would go back to Penacony.

He smiled, softly. His other self smiled back. He took off his hat, he kneeled to be on the same height as himself.

And he held out his hand to the other Avgin.

“Are you going now?” His other self asks

“Yes” After all, he still has much to do.

He feels a hand on his own and he closes his own eyes. Remembers the blessing.

“May the Mother Goddess Thrice close her eyes for you” -he begins.

“Keeping your blood eternally pulsing” -they continue

“May your journey be forever peaceful” His sister joins in.

Ah, the memory of their parting must be coming to him. He can almost hear the wind of the cold Sigonian night.

And your schemes forev- .□▧■⬛

“...and your schemes forever concealed.” He hears his sister speak, alone.

He's cold. And he's completely drenched. He also is confused why he didn't finish the blessing himself.

He blinks, opening his eyes. Blinks again instinctively, when a drop of rain hits his nose.

“Farewell, Kakavasha.” He sees his older sister, his own small hand pressed against hers.

Even if this is a dream.. a memory..

“Sister..” he speaks, unsure why he even can speak if this is his own memory “I-” he grasps onto her hand, intertwining them. Desperate.

He is hesitant about how he should try and change her fate. It doesn't even matter if his attempt at changing her fate will be futile. Even if only for one dream, he must, wills himself, to at least try. For his one and only sister and last remaining family member.

He can't beg for her to accompany him. He couldn't make her go through slavery, which would undoubtedly follow his survival on this dying planet.

“Please, run away too. Survive. For me” he begs, tries, feels the tears well up in his eyes. He doesn't know why he's almost crying. This dream feels so visceral, so real, losing his sister again, seeing her right in front of him, moments before her death. Even if he had seen it tens and tens of times in memory, in nightmares, this is the first time it has felt so real since.

“I- I don't want to end up as the last Avgin alive” he looks up to her. He never noticed how she was trembling too, back then, clearly holding back her own tears, trying to be strong for him. She also could just be trembling due to the cold, but he doubts it. He feels how unsettled she is by him refusing to immediately run away. Worried.

He approaches her “You should- you should really run. They're coming, Kakavasha. Our paths will cross again at the next Kakava. Beneath HER shimmering auroras in the night sky” she tries.

He hugs her. Tugs her as hard as his small, underfed body will let him. Kakavasha feels her cold body, feels how drenched the both of them are after being in the rain for so long.

He sniffs, wipes his eyes harshly from any tears with his torn clothes. It only leaves his whole face wetter, the fabric, having absorbed too much rainwater already, was dripping. “Survive.” He repeats, gaze sharp. “Because I love you” Because he, Gaiathras blessed one, wants her too. “Even if they're calling for you; Mom, Dad, Gaiathra. What does it matter if I possess HER blessing if no one remembers its importance beside me?”

He let's go, he sees her torn gaze, he turns around and runs for his life. From the Katicans, from death.

He leaves his only remaining last family member behind. Kakavasha hopes she will follow his wishes.

When.. will this memory end..? Exactly..?

Chapter Text

Don't dreams usually end, sometime after their most impactful scene?

Kakavasha muses, no, overthinks until he has a headache. Why isn't he waking up?

He ran again until his legs gave out, happening sometime near dawn. In the middle of the desert, rocky mountains somewhere near the horizon, not a plant, not a life in sight.

He passed out as a child at that point and awoke woefully unhydrated in the afternoon, sun blaring down on him.

Keyword, as a child. Now, willing his shaking legs to stand up, he looked for environmental shelter or at least shade near one of those mountains. Shelter didn't mean man made structures, it meant to take advantage of the only walls mother nature provided him with. Cracks in a mountain, cliffs, rifts in these brown, red mountains.

Perhaps he would just need to last until he fell asleep?

And after a load of nothing after falling asleep - actually, more like passing out - he wakes up.

Yet, when he sees the blue sky and the same rocky mountains, he wants to scream.

Fuck.

How? Why was he still here? Why.. couldn't he wake up? Why does it all feel so intense?

The heat of the sun, the sweat on his forehead, one droplet slowly making its way down his forehead, then towards one of his ears, not even down his cheek - ugh -, the sand he could feel everywhere on his body, clinging to him uncomfortably..

Ugh, because it really was warranted to say that more. He sits first, then stands up, momentarily confused by how small he is. Yes, he must be.. how old is his body now? 7? Was it his 7th birthday? Maybe 8th? Or 6th?

And he feels incredibly weak too. Physically, not only from the current conditions around him, but also just from his stature and lack of muscles in a child's body. Sure, he wasn't jacked, not like Ratio, that hulk, but he did have some muscles to call his own. Enough to last him in combat combined with his shield he got due to his alignment with Qlipoth.

Compared to now.. well.. he is an underweight, malnourished child, somewhere between toddler and pre-teen with the mind of an adult who's been through hell. Hah, how did he survive this hell as a child again?

He would get sold to his ‘master’ when he's a teenager. 14? 15? Counting his age wasn't really the priority back then. How old was he, when he killed that man and was bound to the IPC instead? Was he 18?

.. it's all too vague to plan around, not what he needs.

Since he hasn't returned to reality after his first night of sleep, it's likely nothing will happen after his second night. Or third.

So preparing how long he needs to survive on Sigonia would do him good. A whole year is a long time, after all. Not that slavery would be his savior, not by a long shot, but it's a step towards.. the IPC? Who use him, just like his past master, just in another way? For financial gain instead of-

He sighs and well, it's not like it was a fulfilling life. But it's better than rotting on a dying planet. Or in a cell. He could at least somewhat live a life through the IPC.

At least if he is reexperiencing everything, he can end his suffering earlier.

He killed that scum of humanity once.

He will gladly do it again.

And, saying he has simply returned to the fateful day of his childhood, will save him a lot of headaches in the future. He knows who to ally with. Maybe he should get in contact with the express?

Well, he had enough time to think about it while he searched for food and water. After all, he had an agreement to fulfill, even if Ratio won't remember.

And even with how ingrained survival on this planet was in him, he still was grateful for remembering it all. How to find water, how to survive in this heat, how to find food, all on this barren planet.

I will stay alive, even if the you right now doesn't know who I am. Did I leave you behind, I wonder?

How funny, really. He never thought he'd have to see this scenery again.

So, Kakavasha survives. If not out of obligation to a promise he couldn't fulfill with his Ratio - not to a, what, 8 year old? at this moment - then out of hesitant curiosity for what he is experiencing.

It's not like it ever was a promise or an agreement discussed between the two of them, to have him stay alive. Despite that, he feels like he owes it to a Ratio who.. well.. will probably never get to see the results of it.

A problem with figuring out what is going on is that Kakavasha is not a researcher. He's never received education about Aeons or power equally as powerful as that (He really only learned what he needed to do a good job for the IPC; economics, statistics, manipulation, the likes). He doesn't have the slightest clue why he is back to being (somewhere around) 8 years old. He knows his birthday just passed, but even his years with his family blend together, not to mention his memories of surviving on his own, alone.

He also never really questioned how he, as an 8 something year old, survived alone in a desert. After all, it's practically suicide for anyone to survive almost a year here. Yet, he, as a child, somehow managed almost a decade. Gaiathra really likes keeping him alive, huh..

Wait.. is Gaiathra’s blessing responsible? It keeps him alive, when he's alive, with its unbelievable luck, sure. But what if he died? If he died to Nihility?

Ouh.. he doesn't like to think about dying within the Nihility. Mostly, because he thinks how disappointed Ratio would be in him for failing to keep that agreement. Plea? No, Doctor Veritas Ratio with his 8 PhD’s doesn't beg. It's just, well, Kakavasha did do everything in his power to stay alive, so it's unfortunate that Ratio will never know of his efforts.

No. - Kakavasha decides - He's sure he didn't die to the Nihility.

Because Gaiathra is a goddess, yes. She is the God of the Avgins, his goddess. But she is not on the level of an Aeon. At least, she doesn't have a path you could pursue. After all, how would one improve their luck? Something that is external to one's physical and mental state?

And for his goddess to possess powers to turn back time? Or.. whatever she did? With all due respect, he doesn't think she possesses such extraordinary power.

Perhaps he simply would not be able to fathom how a goddess with the ability to affect time, space, who possibly sent him to another universe!, would end up with him as her only remaining follower.

Why Kakavasha specifically received her blessing has always plagued his mind too. Thoughts somewhere between doubting his own abilities and characteristics and his mourning and guilt towards his dead clan.

But, he decides that why he received her blessing of luck out of everyone in his tribe will not bring him further on his quest to finding out how the fuck he's a kid again.

He hears crying, weeks after he started surviving. Someone was dreadfully sobbing, noise torn out of their throat. Audibly in emotional pain, if you will. It really sounds like they were choking on their own tears.

Except, even when Kakavasha climbs the nearby rocks up to elevation provided by the mountains around ‘them’, there's no one. It's surprising, but also unsurprising at the same time. Unsurprising because his abilities had to have terribly deteriorated to not notice human life near him, in the middle of the desert.

Surprising, on the other hand, because he still hears the cries, even when he notices that they audibly don't make sense. Even when he followed the direction the person's heartfelt crying came from, he could hardly believe it when the noise grew fainter, despite him hearing no movement at all from this mysterious person, likely a man. Kakavasha determined that with how, when the person's breath hitched, when they were sucking in breaths, a bit of their voice, or more like general tone of voice came through.

Really, it was the definition of ugly crying - not that he was judging.

Is it a remnant of the Harmony he was affected with? Or from the Nihility? Is he just hallucinating? Did it take so little for him to lose his mind? Because he felt fine. ..not that that was a good indicator if he is or isn't currently hallucinating.

What perturbed him, these cries were, felt, so.. real. Frustratingly so. It tugged and tore at his heartstrings that he couldn't help this person at all. Well, he probably would not be able to do much, he wasn't going to delude himself that he would even have a sliver of an idea how to comfort the man, but.. doing nothing, not being able to do anything, felt wrong. Worse, really.

Knowing that this person didn't exist did not make his heart lighter. His feelings didn't magically disappear, even when he rationalized that the mystery man could not exist in the same space as him. The fact that he was hearing their cries did not erase his need to comfort, even if the person was someone unknown to him. His chest felt heavy as long as he was subjected to the man's cries and even after, the feeling only slowly faded into nothingness.

Was he feeling guilty? ..Why? He tried his best to find him, to help. No, was it even about finding him?

The person felt.. familiar - for lack of a better term. Kakavasha didn't feel like he was searching for someone unknown. Sure, he couldn't tell who exactly he was looking for - also excluding that it was highly improbable to even find the same version of the person he was looking for, since he's (probably) 20 years in the past - but he knew that someone. There was.. relief? Comfort? Peacefulness?

How odd.

A guy - Actually, that feels too impersonal.. A.. a companion? Yes, that sounds nice. A companion from when he was Aventurine, maybe, was crying. And he felt.. guilty about his companion crying..

Oh. Was he hearing the cries, reactions, to his.. “death”? It's been.. a couple.. days? since he began his survival on Sigonia again, after all. Perhaps a week or two?

Yeah, it was probable that the news of himself being missing was announced by the IPC. Even more probable was the chance they already announced his death, despite - at least likely - missing his body, to gain his bargaining chip for a discussion with Penacony’s families and leaders.

He made a face just thinking about it. Not that he hasn't designated himself as a bargaining chip, but it still felt.. wrong. Similar to the deep, unappetizing bitterness he was tasting on his tongue, despite not having eaten since morning.

Another problem occurred to him, he didn't really think he had anyone he would call a companion in that old life of his. Who would cry so earnestly, heartbrokenly, about his death?

An argument could also be made by how his life as Aventurine wasn't at all like the emotions towards the mysterious crier. He wasn't secure, or at peace by any means while working for the IPC. Part of that absent security was by choice. After all, he would rather die - which apparently had a literal meaning now - than let himself become complacent to the schemes, the manipulation, the legal slavery with the tens of thousands of interns at the bottom of the corporate ladder of the IPC, nevermind to how most were happy about being an unpaid worker, the fake exclusivity by having at least 15 interviews for even the position of intern, the corner-cutting to reduce costs by any means necessary, the greed of a multi-whatever-amount-of-0’s-it-is credits corporation.

And he knew much more as a Stoneheart. It wasn't pretty. More like disgusting.

A sigh, again, who would grief his death so.. emotionally? Seems like he can't make sense of it. Maybe a hidden admirer? But to have him be comfortable with that person too?

The closest male colleague he had would probably be Ratio. Despite their arguments - bickering he heard Topaz call it, when she was present once, before excusing herself, since even she could tell that that bickering meant no amount of productive work would be done. Again, despite their less than stellar agreement on frankly anything and everything, Aventurine could entrust his back to Ratio.

But the thought of Ratio being the one balling his eyes out, when he heard of Aventurine's untimely demise? Hah, not a chance.

They were colleagues, sure. But he would even hesitate to call the Doctor his “friend”, here: actual friend. Not bargaining chip. He couldn't see Ratio ever having such an emotional breakdown over his death.

Over his dead body.

Wow, perhaps he actually has a knack for dark humor..

Chapter Text

Trending posts on w/VeritasPrimeUni:

»Has anyone noticed that after Dr. Ratio came back from his trip, he became.. stricter? He’s much more easily agitated. Someone asked for a pencil in a lecture I attended and both of the participants in the conversation got chalk thrown at them. It was a quick interaction too! If they had a full on conversation, sure, but this was just harsh.

So, did something happen???«

LilGuifangirl

»You haven't heard yet? Since Dr. Ratio is also a member of the Intelligentsia Guild, he is often dispatched on missions with a representative of the IPC. He just returned, right?

And, the IPC announced the death of one of the Stonehearts, died while on a mission. I hear they're using the fact that one of their own died in Penacony, yes, THE Penacony, as grounds for getting involved in Penacony's future. As compensation

So.. put that Dr. Ratio, now more on edge than ever, just returned from a major mission and that a high ranking IPC representative just passed away..«

Penthewriter

»It's really admirable that Dr. Ratio is continuing to teach immediately following this. If my closest colleague, who I’d probably entrust my back to, just passed, I would take sick leave immediately.

#1officialRatiofan

Please be lenient if our professor is a bit emotional right now!«

Impartiallandmark

»I’m sure he's annoyed by his emotional outbursts more than we ever could be. Dr. Ratio was one of the most impartial professors when it came to grades that I ever had«

caffeinedependancy

»Look at this article:

hppts:thestar/Death_of_Aventurine_on_Penacony/72976420

It is surprisingly well researched, relatively unbiased and already mentions the actions of the IPC and the Stonehearts, who got assigned to Penacony following Aventurine's passing.

They even interviewed the Astral Express crew for statements regarding what happened, so it seems quite credible.«

Op

»I can't imagine being so.. unbothered about someone's death that they handle the discussion of compensation before the funeral.

Makes my skin crawl.«

Oop - caffeinedependancy

»Guess that's the Stonehearts for you. Always looking for profit. Apparently, there is no body “anyway”, so it's up in the air if the IPC will even pay and find a burial for their fallen director (tho the Stonehearts are basically executives of the company). Since it “would be an empty casket or urn anyway”.

Apparently he has no family to speak about, so they don't see a reason for it, since “nobody will complain about it anyway”.

(Unconfirmed rumors btw)«

Op

»Holy sh/t. That's gruesome. That's knowledge I never wanted to have.. I’ll take a grieving Dr. Ratio over whatever that is any day.«

DepressionInAPan

»I'm sorry, WHAT. In the actual FUCK. Did you just tell me?!??

Nah, that's horrifying. Imagine you gave your life for your mission and company and then you don't even get a grave🤡«

julie.karamel

»I decided I'm never gonna work for the IPC just now. If that's how they treat one of their highest ranking employees, how will they treat a normal worker?«

historymayor

»Internally, a relatively big number of IPC employees have been happy about the death. The most prominent Department in this has been the Strategic Investment Department itself, where Aventurine himself worked in. The Stonehearts are staying impartial as ever, but the employees working under them are not. They're saying stuff like “He never brought in much profit”, “His gambling only was a liability”, “We could never trust that Avgin anyway. They're always scheming and manipulating everyone around them.” and most see it as a means of getting a promotion.

I mean, I already knew racism towards Avgins was bad around a decade to half a decade ago, but perhaps it simply all got suppressed, when Aventurine rose within the IPC, and has not ceased to exist. Now, they seemingly aren’t afraid to speak their thoughts, since do not fear consequences from a dead man.«

BoycottIPC

»Reason 207 why you should not work for the IPC.

Check out my full list here: …«

“I never thought that a bust could look exhausted” a whisper in the halls of Veritas Prime University.

“I went to Dr. Ratio’s office hours for a consultation; He was wearing that bust, even in his own office, while he was alone. It took 2 minutes for him to even notice me.”

“Oh.. that's new. He usually takes it off, when he’s alone in his office or “when not in the presence of idiots” or whatever he calls it..”

No one is being hush-hush about Professor Doctor Ratio having changed after his recent return. The students don't stop their conversations even as he walks past them, towards his next lecture on the other end of campus.

“He's been to the Library every day of the week. You know I was studying for that oral exam, and I.. he's there before I arrive and he’s still there when I leave. I don't even know what he's reading, but there were at least 8 books, legal levels thick, to the side! I was there for 5 hours!”

“Actually, I don't think I saw him ever stand up in that time.. And not that he would remove his bust, but I not only think that you can’t ingest food and water through a marble fucking head. I'm pretty damn sure.”

“I heard he went to the Intelligentsia Guilds headquarters last weekend. My friend saw him at the space station. Is he involved in an important research project?”

Then, a gasp “wait.. is that?-” incredulous, unbelieving eyes followed Dr. Ratio as he left campus for the last time this month.

The other half of the month would be spent at a Department of the Intelligentsia Guild by the IPC headquarters on Pier Point. Everything was prepared, the lessons he would have held were already pre-recorded and uploaded for his students to access, his luggage was packed, the spaceship of his choice was leaving the station in 2 system hours, his house cleaner at Pier Point has been paid handsomely to have his second home ready to move into the moment he landed.. Nothing could go wrong, since he had made sure everything was taken care of.

Whispers from other “researchers” reach his ears from the moment he walks the halls of the Intelligentsia Guild. Even working adults apparently haven't learned to gossip only in private or at least with the person talked about not in the vicinity. The whole thing is foolish, if not idiotic.

“I heard he made a trip to headquarters only to look at the knowledge within the Databank. Sonia almost fainted when she saw that walking bust approach her. Apparently it was very intimidating. Even more so when he spent the entire time the headquarters were open in the Databank for the 2 days he was there, silent to the point of almost forgetting he was there.” “Aren't the headquarters open for 18 hours a day?”

“Has he found another way to get noticed by Nous? Perhaps he's on his way to getting his 9th doctorate?”

“Haven't you heard that his assigned colleague from the IPC passed? I heard that their relationship wasn't stellar, but seeing him go about his business like nothing happened.. Perhaps it was a lot worse than everyone thought.” “It’s like he's unaffected by his death. Creepy bastard.”

Ratio enters the office of his “superior”, even if the hierarchy is in name, job title only. After all, Ratio has more than proven his value to the Intelligentsia Guild with his influential research projects and inventions in his pursuit for knowledge, and as a correspondent between the Guild and the IPC.

“I'll be taking a step back from working with the IPC. I see more benefit in continuing my pursuit of knowledge for the time being. Please find a replacement” Veritas hears himself say, the stern voice making it clear this would not be open to discussion. “My resignation from the position is effective immediately.” He will not even entertain the consensus to remain in the position temporarily, while a replacement was found. Even without reaching this consensus through conversation, he can tell this would be asked of him if he will not immediately shut it down.

His superior only sighs, seemingly unwilling to argue with him “I assumed you would step back after what happened in Penacony.. Can I also assume this to be effective immediately?” A nod and the poor guy reserves himself to the fate that Ratio's will, when he already entered this office, would not be shaken by mere words of a plea. Normally, one could at least try to appeal to a researcher's empathy; how it was difficult to find immediate replacement and how it put the Guild on the spot and in a difficult position. There was no need to even try with Dr. Veritas Ratio, since Dr. Ratio was by no means a “normal researcher”.

The report on the mission in Penacony’s Dreamscape was handed in by himself, some remaining questions were answered and Ratio left the office with one less responsibility in his life, yet his life still packed full.

He would need to head to Herta Space Station to discuss the new iteration of the simulated universe soon. Screwllum specifically requested his assistance in this matter and he was interested in the mind and the goals the Geniuses working on this project had.

After exiting the office of his superior, he heads back towards his private office.

“Hey.. was that crack in his bust always there?” “There's another at his ear” “oh, at the back of the head too”

..What? He almost pauses completely in his tracks, by some miracle, he only stops for half a second. Even when he didn't pay attention to the gossip of dimwits, he couldn't help but pay attention the moment his bust was mentioned. It was.. cracking? How preposterous, he had never handled it without care. How could it be damaged without his knowledge? In a matter of hours, there were 3 seperate cracks?

Perhaps even giving these people the light of day was too much. Only giving them the opportunity to spread their lies.

Despite himself, he still couldn't help but worry about this matter. Especially because he wouldn't be able to explain how the cracks had formed in the first place.

So, once he entered his private office and locked the door behind him, he slowly took off the bust at his desk and examined it.

A piece at the neck broke off and landed on his desk, shattering even further on impact.

It wasn't exactly a loud noise, but it felt louder in the silent office.

..Perhaps he had judged the other researchers too early. They had been telling the truth, after all. An exhausted sigh escaped him. After all, he couldn't even explain how the first crack got there, not to mention the other two!

He had not prepared for an event, where his bust would spontaneously break apart. Another sigh and he slowly, careful to not break it further, puts it down on the desk.

Does he disregard his routine and head home and prepare another bust or does he ignore the cracks until he's home in a couple of hours? After a look at his schedule, he feels the frustration kick in. Perhaps a normal person would have let out expletives at their predicament. Veritas Ratio thought himself above such endeavors, despite the fact that a “normal” person would never be in this position anyway.

According to his schedule, he would visit IPC headquarters in one and a half system hours to meet someone from the Strategic Investment Department. Apparently, they still had business with him and over messages refused to give him insight into the topic.

He can't.. move this appointment. Well, he can, but that would need to be rescheduled and the Strategic Investment Department is also known to be booked full, much like his own schedule.

Letting out a shaky breath, he takes his tablet and walks rounds in his office.

What should he do? Show up with a cracking bust? What if it completely breaks while he's wearing it? He could still fix this bust if he brings it home to work on it. But then he’d need to show up without it. Meeting someone he's likely never met, going into a meeting or meet-up with a topic he wasn't informed of?

Perhaps he could freshen up in the bathroom? The bust always messes up his hair and he's aware he must have dark circles under his eyes by now. Knowing of his unhealthy and restless amount of sleep and being able to fix this problem were sadly two very different things.

This is not about maintaining his image. He does not care about it. What does worry him is.. emotion. Being aware of how.. irritable he has become, it was more difficult to trust himself to remain professional. Especially when working with the IPC, who he, with few exceptions, marked off as imbeciles, he feels incredibly uncertain about the outcome of this meeting. Additionally, with how much influence the IPC had across the cosmos, he could not afford to slip up.

It did not help that they still wanted to go forward with the appointment, even when he informed the worker, which he was corresponding with via messages, that he was proceeding to step down from his position as a correspondent between the IPC and the Intelligentsia Guild. It was worse that they wanted to meet him for himself as scholar Dr. Ratio or as his job as professor for all he knew. Not him as a representative of the Guild.

According to his schedule, right now, he should be continuing to collect and sum up data on Sigonia-IV found in this department of the Intelligentsia Guld. This.. was a private matter, nevertheless, it disappointed him to waste time on problem-solving another matter. Especially because it was an important matter, it also frustrated him that he was this worked up about something else and wasting time.

Quickly, he strides over to his desk and examines the cracks on his bust again. It was unlikely that they would combine with how far apart they were. Yes, he would just continue to wear it and fix the cracks or exchange this bust for another in the evening. That way, he could continue his schedule without issue.

With that matter decided and with how worked up he was, he decided to simply postpone his research until evening. Afterall, it was counterproductive to use his precious time on research, when he would clearly be unfocused throughout and would ultimately not get much done. Rather, inserting his lunch period back into the current time slot would be better and take his mind off of the tragic fate of Avgins and the planet Sigonia-IV, his current private research topic.

He makes an effort to clean his desk, which still holds the small remnants of what had been a piece of his bust, before heading towards the cafeteria. The chipped off piece wasn't big, perhaps one or two square centimeters (cm²) were missing on his bust, but it left quite a lot of smaller pieces and dust in its wake.

Good. The cafeteria was 4 minutes away at most, a well balanced meal would take 20 to 30 minutes of his time, so he could easily head back after his meal to grab his belongings then. Not knowing what was needed of him at the meeting with an IPC representative, it was better to just take everything he had on hand.

He gives heading to the bathroom to fix his hair a thought, but that would only get messed up once he put his bust on again. And.. he would not need to look at an image so unlike him. The only times he allowed himself to not take care of his body to this point was when he was bedridden sick.

He is not currently seriously sick. It was pathetic, really. After all, he is more than aware that to have a long-term healthy mind, one needs to also take care of their physical body. So..

He avoids his reflection in the automatically opening glass doors to the cafeteria. At the same time, he feels perplexed by how he had already arrived and had no memories of his path to the cafeteria.

Had he been this caught up in his own mind for his body to take him here on autopilot? A sigh escapes him. He should pay more attention on his way back.

After paying for his lunch, he also notes the lack of his book. Dear, he was really off his rhythm today to even forget his latest reading material. It was a interpretation on how the Genocide of Avgins came to be. Even when the different Sigonian tribes decided to sign a compromise with the IPC for interplanetary travel and expansion, the vendettas that had them fragment into different clans lived on. There were small wars between factions and they were especially hostile against both the Katican clan and the Avgin clan. A listed reason could be a harsh and bloody war now known as the First Katica-Avgin Extinction Event. Other factors include both racism and other prejudice and the want to remove themselves from a potential second war coming to pass.

These reasons led to the Sigonian government (made up by the different clan leaders or one of their trusted members) to exclude both the Katican and Avgin clans from the agreement with the IPC and have them move to the desert. It is still unclear what the Katican clan gained in exchange, but the Avgin clan gained full autonomy for stepping back from the agreement and moving back into the desert.

For Ratio, he can easily tell that the other clans simply left the Avgin clan to die and washed their hands clean by handing them the autonomy they desperately wanted. It's disgusting, after all, this was not a benefit for the Avgin clan, but rather for the other clans by not having to participate in another war under the guise of the Avgin clans autonomy.

After all, if the Katican clan started another war against the Avgin, if neither clan was featured in the Sovereignty, the other clans had no obligation to help either party. Or more likely, were not expected to help the victims (the Avgin clan) due to being unexpectedly attacked.

And the Katicans did prepare to start another war. With the goal of eradicating the remaining members of the Avgin clan. A genocide.

This is now known in the history books as the Second Katica-Avgin Extinction event.

What had interested him in this particular book, was that the author had apparently found reports of correspondence between the IPC's Marketing Development Department under Oswaldo Schneider and the Avgin clan. He has not reached the detailed findings of the author yet, but it was said to be an agreement on military aid from the IPC Department to the Avgin clan in the upcoming war.

But, this agreement was never fulfilled on the side of the IPC. And with how Aventurine is-

A slightly shaky breath leaves him.

..how Aventurine ..was the first ever living Avgin he saw and with how there was a distinct lack of any other living Avgin mentioned anywhere across the internet and cosmos, even after hours of in depth research on Ratio's part..

It was clear that the Second Katica-Avgin Extinction Event ended with very, very few survivors on the Avgins side.

He has never breached the topic with Aventurine, after all, they were not close. Ratio barely held any personal knowledge on Aventurine as it was, even after all their time together on different missions. It was not difficult to assume that his perilous journey one could call life made him very closed off. There was a lot less left to one's imagination about someone's past, when there was a seared on mark, marking the owner of the body a “slave”. And yes, even with Aventurine and his carefully constructed personality, his overt friendliness to gain “friends” and his need to ramble to fill the silence, nothing in those ramblings gave way to any personal information. Well, he did not know how much Aventurine’s personality was really an act.

There was nothing that made him think that Aventurine had faked his reactions in their conversations or in their arguments. He was only doubting the extent of his confident, showing off his wealth in every clothing article on his body, ever bringing in the profit side of Aventurine’s personality. Ratio didn't buy the “glamour” of someone risking his life every mission as if their life was worth risking for a bit of extra profit.

Now that he thought about it, he only got to know a small amount of what Aventurine even liked.

There was a vague interest in gambling, but who would not turn to gambling if they were given mathematically impossible to replicate odds? Using the blessing of good luck effectively is easy in gambling. Using it in all of their missions like Aventurine had required actual skills beyond that, though.

The fact his gambles involved risking his life, almost without fail, did give way to a highly likely unstable mindset, but knowing about this problem and being allowed to help were 2 different sides of a coin. He would never know if the message to Aventurine had been well received on his part.

There was also an interest in knowledge that Ratio especially couldn't help but admire. Not only once had the peacock stalked into his lecture halls without even asking for permission from him. Even with Ratio being possibly the furthest away from someone asking for compensation in order to share his knowledge, he would have appreciated a warning, no, to simply be informed beforehand. In the end, the unexpected visits were more than welcomed by him, but back then he couldn't help but wish they were expected.

How difficult was it really to send him a single text before the lecture?

Another sigh escapes him and the empty plates sit before him, fully eaten. He was, in fact, not more attentive in that time, despite that he had planned the opposite.

He looks at the clock and knows immediately that he took a bit more time than expected. A quick trip returning the empty plates and he is returning to his office to grab his belongings.

A couple of researchers noticed him, but he was rushing and they only seemed to look at him with pity. Perhaps his messy look made it seem like an overworked researcher before an important deadline? There weren't many here who knew how he looks, so perhaps they simply do not know that he is the Dr. Ratio. No matter.

He quickly grabbed his bag and slowly put on his bust, careful to not break it or worsen the cracks. According to his own plan, he was a couple minutes late due to his inattentiveness at lunch. Yet, since he has also planned to arrive a couple minutes earlier it will likely balance out. Meaning, he will arrive just on time.

He leaves his office, locks it, then takes the quickest route towards the main entrance of the building. Outside, he can already see the IPC building, stretching high into the clouds. It was conveniently close to the Department of the Intelligentsia Guild. Or perhaps it was the other way around, since the headquarters of the IPC were built first.

Ratio arrives just on time to find a female intellitron worker. “Ah, Dr. Ratio. I am glad to make your acquaintance. I am Samara, P-35 and an employee under Director Aventurine.” she gives him a quick look over “The cracks are..?” “They appeared during office hours. It is not a pressing matter” He lied through his teeth. It was an important matter to him, but a personal one. He could not simply postpone this meeting with a lacking reason like this. At least she seemed concerned.

“I see.” She quickly recovers “I understand your confusion regarding this unusual summoning. With how everything turned out, I cannot fault you for stepping back. It is a quite.. unusual situation for our department too.”

As she heads towards an office. Carefully opening it. He catches the nameplate next to the door, hanging at face value.

P-45; Director of SID

Aventurine

“Are you sure this is the.. right office?” He asks and she simply nods “The matter we will discuss is not business related. Given that Mister Aventurine was a Stoneheart and with how he engaged in his missions, he left a will. What we did not expect is the choice of executor and there to be a second letter addressed to certain executor.”

Ah.

“The Gambler decided to choose me to handle the last of his business” he puts together.

He takes a deep breath and sits down at the next chair he can reach.

Right next to the table. Now sitting right in front of the letters.

Fuck.

He grabs the countertop, perhaps harder than he probably should, to ground himself to something.

He hears the door close and his gaze flits there immediately, before feeling his eyes themselves start to shake. They're darting around the room, painfully ignoring the letters laying on the table in front of him in favor of simply analyzing, oh who is he kidding, it was familiarizing at best, himself with Aventurine's office. It's humble, more like a blank slate, like an office one just got assigned rather than one where Aventurine has spent years in. The only thing making it seem like it was used in the first place were a couple papers on the desk and a couple named binders in the cabinets. Nothing that screams luxurious, nothing that screams Aventurine. Bland, white walls, a black and white clock on one wall, a perhaps fake plant in one corner, the table he's sitting at in the middle of the room. Nothing holds even a trinket, there was absolutely nothing that wasn't exclusively work in here.

He wills his eyes to look at the papers in front of him. His pupils are still shaking and it is one of the worst experiences in recent memories. Are his hands shaking as well? Or is his whole body shaking? Is he imagining the sound of cracking?

Samara, who gave him all the time he needed and only stood next to the door, slowly approaches and sits down in front of him. “We will only handle the most pressing matters today. I can tell the wound of your grief is still quite fresh.” She isn't patronizing like he expected, she also doesn't pity him. She is simply empathetic and understanding, Ratio comes to understand.

“Given Mister Aventurine's trust in you, Sir Ratio, with naming you the executor of his will, I get that this trust must be mutual. Now, Aventurine has kept pets. We are aware of this and I have been taking care of them here in the office. But I am in no position to keep them permanently and they also aren't comfortable here.” She takes the papers out of the already opened letter and then lays them in front of him, pointing at the section in question.

Pets: My only wish is for them to end in a loving home. I do not care for who takes them in specifically.

Ratio takes a couple breaths, willing himself to calm down “Ah, are the pets in question these.. cat-like beings with a shell that looks similar to a cake?”

“Yes.” Samara answers surprised, looking a little caught off guard “Your description is on point, actually I do not think i could’ve described them in a better manner”

“They are aptly named “Cat cakes”. A researcher from the Genius Society had created them on Herta Space Station, when I visited last.” He explains the situation to Samara, before going more into the memory aspect, before he can stop himself “After checking in with the Trailblazers, who ended up taking care of the unruly bunch while looking for people to adopt them, they found Aventurine was one of their many friends interested in taking care of.. I believe 3 of them? I took on the job of transporting them to Pier Point back then.” he sighs fondly at the memory of a smiling, genuinely smiling Aventurine when looking upon his new pets for the first time.

“I.. I’ll take care of them. ..Can we discuss other matters at another time?” His voice sounds smaller than he likes.

And then.. His vision adjusts as the marble around his right eye disappears, dropping down in what feels like slow-motion.

Before he can help himself, his body jumps up and away from the impact, purely on instinct. He hears the chair hit the floor and the other half of his bust falls from his face at the sudden, unexpected movement.

He hears a crash, then another as both pieces of his bust hit the floor, shattering to pieces and dust.

This day can not get worse, he decides then and there after stopping himself from swearing once more today. Given, it takes all of his willpower not to.

“I.. apologize for making a mess. I’ll clean this up if you would tell me where..” he trails off, his hands are sweating and they're still shaking. Embarrassment kicks in, more for failing to see the disrepair of his bust and failing to correctly calculate if it would break apart in a matter of hours than for sharing this with another person. He does feel anxious about her reaction to him, though. No one is more aware of his current state of.. being than himself, after all. He also hates making a fool of himself and this probably takes the cake in all his time alive.

Samara.. looks alarmed. Then she sighs, taking another look at him, slower this time, before excusing herself “I’ll get the cat cakes and the cleaning supplies”

And then she's gone.

Great. Really messed up this time.

He’s biting his bottom lip, he notices. That's a bad habit just waiting to form.

Slowly, he pockets the unopened letter addressed to him. He can't help but be very, very careful in handling it. He doesn't even want a crease to form. Even if it's in a formal letter casing, he can tell by the see through plastic window built into the casing that the letter inside is handwritten.

That's the only thing he has left of him now.

And his pets. The cat cakes he spontaneously decided to adopt. Geeze, his decision making was really on point today. He reprimanded himself again. Veritas was more than aware of his jam-packed schedule for the next 3 months. Where was he gonna fit in “taking care of pets”? The Gambler's pets of all the pets in the universe. They were used to his love, how could he make up for that in the first place? He's never taken care of something before. And they deserved the best.

These pets deserved the best not only because of Ruan Mei’s horrible attitude towards biological lifeforms after she was done with her experiments. Leaving them to fend for themselves in a lab? Where all food sources were very likely contained in very specific drawers? Inaccessible to these poor lifeforms unless they could use their tails as an arm? He was glad that the Trailblazer found them so quickly. And glad that the other Trailblazers helped with the process of getting the cat cakes adopted to individuals they trusted.

Secondly, these cat cakes in particular deserved the best because they were Aventurine's.

At least he had enough space for them. In both his homes.

When Samara came back, she had the 3 animals in one big cage. Food and water bowls stacked on top and a hand brush and dustpan stacked under her arm.

She slowly deposited the cage she was holding with both her hands on the table. Ratio immediately held open his hands for him to receive the cleaning supplies. Instead, Samara shakes her head at him “it's no problem, I’ll take care of it. Please just take these little guys off my hands, okay? Oh, and please just buy your own litter for them. I doubt you want me to get the one we currently have and i’d just rather throw that one away”

“I have inconvenienced you quite a bit, I understand that's the least i can do, when you're offering to clean up the mess i made here”

I take the bowls and put them into my bag. They're clean, so there's no way to get any remnants of food into my bag. “When is an appropriate time for you? Or should we discuss this via text messages?”

Samara looks at him. She really looks at him for a moment. His likely messy hair, not only due to the bust, his eyes and the dark circles beneath them, he probably is a little paler as well “If you would listen to my honest opinion, you should take some time off. Respectfully, Mister Ratio, you look exhausted. And if you don't always look like that, I suggest you take some time off to deal with the grief. Handling the will can wait for a little while.”

Ratio can understand that if a person he's never seen before says this to him, there must be some truth to it. He has been overworking himself lately, he's more than aware of it. Even if research on the Avgins and Sigonia-IV has been very important to him, even if he's been restless throughout the last couple weeks, he is very aware of his lacking attempts at taking care of himself.

Perhaps he should buy some sleeping pills for the moment? Since he is not only restless throughout the day, expressed with the need of knowledge, but also in the sense of insomnia or at least a lack of sleep - He doesn't want to link this to Aventurine's death, but it did start a couple days after he'd seen Aventurine last.

When the sinking feeling around that time started to consume him, when that feeling was telling him something was wrong, very wrong, the restlessness came with it.

Because Aventurine did not emerge from the red, gore-ish slash of the Emanator of Nihility from within the Dreamscape. He did not return, half-dead from the injury he sustained, like the Gambler had predicted and Ratio had hoped for.

Ratio remembers the bout of emotion that overcame him when the IPC declared him as dead. He still remembers the bile in the back of his throat, feeling sick to his stomach with nausea overcoming him as they informed him of his mission partners passing.

The fact that they denied the existence of a funeral, when he asked for those details. Or a place of rest for the Gambler, even if only in spirit, with the body never going to be able to be recovered.

The hurt he felt, the betrayal that they would simply throw away a Stonehearts life and not honor them in any way for their work was sickening. It didn't make him shed more tears, it just made him resentful, despite knowing that it was not his place. Yet, logic and reasoning can rarely reach a bleeding heart, let alone patch it up.

He never was more than a coworker to the Gambler, after all. Perhaps there was a semblance of acquaintances, maybe starting to bloom into friends if they put their bickering aside (They didn't).

Veritas Ratio, in his 8 doctorates and every invention, in every formula he's cracked and scientific papers he's written, in his whole being, was aware of his lack of closeness for him to feel resentful and betrayed, let alone act in accordance to such emotions, in Aventurine's place.

But now? Perhaps they were closer than he gave himself credit for? Why would the Gambler decide to lean on him as an executor?

..Perhaps he was allowed to speak up according to the hurt he felt at the disgusting action of the company his.. dear was a part of.

It was a false sense of pride, to feel appreciated, have their bond appreciated, when the other half of the bond has passed. Apparently they were closer Ratio thought them to be, perhaps Aventurine just trusted he would do a good job, but it all comes crashing down when he's reminded of the tense he needs to use. Were.

He knows to deny it, is to be deceiving himself. To poison his heart with a “quick-fix medicine”.

Aventurine not having shown up in the Dreamscape until now almost confirms his death. He knows to hope is to stare disappointment in the face. It's idiotic and everything he despises in life and he can't help but hate how tempting fickle hope is for the heart, one he never thought he possessed until Aventurine, that was ripped from him.

It's pure idiocy to hope for someone's return after they have come face to face with an iteration of IX almost a month ago.

Yet, still, despite everything, his heart wants to cling to hope. Hold onto the last strands of a tearing rope that will never break and only slowly lose the last remaining strands of thread with time.

He lets out a stuttering breath and grabs the cage with the cake cakes and pockets the will as well.

He has come to understand the fools choosing to remain in their illusion when faced with a horrifying truth more than he ever thought he would.

Perhaps he has still not rid himself of everything idiotic.

He comes to understand that turning idiotic due to his love affects him a lot less than the thought of it happening with anything else.

His dear being an exception in his logic-ridden brain does not induce fear, unlike what his reason tells him he should feel from something intruding and affecting his mind.

Veritas Ratio realizes his devotion could turn him insane and he would not cut it out of his heart in an attempt of self-preservation, for he would need to rip it all out.