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“Gilear, please , show us the first task!” Fabian shouted to the audience.
Forcing a smile, Gilear turned to the audience, large crystal in hand. “Yes, of course, Fabian. We have a very simple task: melon.” The Vice Principal’s deadpan tone was met with cheers from the audience, drowning out his very last word.
On the large screen behind the two hosts, a video popped up, and the speakers surrounding the auditorium all began to play sound in perfect sync.
In the video, the five contestants—the remainder of the Bad Kids—all separately walked into a room that looked like a cozy study, due to its status as a cozy study, Books and a mess of drawers lined the walls, and a large painting hung next to the entrance door—a large, fancy portrait of Fabian that he had commissioned to be made. He had loved it so much that he had ordered copies to be hung in his room.
In front of the painting was a desk, with a nice wooden chair prepared for whomever entered the room. On top of the desk was a small envelope, closed with a wax seal that had the initials FS pressed into them
Riz looked around the room, studying everything in case he needed to find something specific.
“Lots going on here,” he said to Gilear, who had been there to overwatch the tasks while they were being conducted.
“Yes. Yes indeed.”
A cut in the video, and Adaine walked into the room. Much like Riz, she looked around the room, concern spread across her entire face.
“It’s a lot more cluttered than I thought it’d be.”
Another cut, and Gorgug walked in. No words came out of his mouth.
“Gilear!” Fig shouted with a wide grin spread across her face. “You look amazing!”
Gilear was dressed in his usual vice principal uniform, with cuts and burns visible across the entire outfit.
And last but not least, Kristen suspiciously opened the letter—all five kids revealing their very first task to themselves.
‘Eat the most watermelon in one minute. You may not consume any watermelon outside of the time frame. Your time starts when you enter the lab. ’
“Lab’s just over there, right?” Riz asked, pointing towards the lab door.
“Yes,” Gilear confirmed.
“I didn’t know we had watermelon in Elmville,” Fig said as the video came to an end.
The audience cheered once more, and Fabian had to motion for it to cease so he could say what was on his mind.
“Normal task, yes?” he said, turning to Gilear.
“I think so, yes,” Gilear said with the exact same cadence as a defeated sigh. “They have to go in, eat watermelon. Hopefully not make a mess in the lab.”
“My lab,” Fabian added quickly.
“Yes, of course. Your lab.” The audience laughed at the quick exchange, mostly because Fabian’s smile motioned for them to laugh at it.
“Who are we seeing first, Gilear?” Fabian asked.
“The Barbarian and the Cleric! Gorgug Thistlespring and Kristen Applebees.” Gilear pressed a button on his large crystal. Everyone’s attention turned to the large screen in front of them all as another video started playing.
“Watermelon,” Gorgug said to himself. “Watermelon.”
“Yes,” Gilear confirmed.
“Watermelon. How do you eat watermelon?”
“Have you never had watermelon, Gorgug?”
“No, no, I have. It’s just… no, okay, yeah, I think I’m ready. Actually, do you have a knife?”
“Okay,” Kristen said. “Watermelon, right?”
“I believe so,” Gilear responded.
“Cool, okay, can I have a knife?”
Gorgug walked into the lab, knife in hand. It looked tiny in his large hands, but the metal still shined. Plastic covered the entire room. Nothing was in the lab, save for a white table holding a watermelon.
“Okay, yeah, watermelon. That’s what I thought.”
Gorgug walked over to the watermelon and calmly sliced it in half. Slowly, with his hands, the half-orc pulled out bits of watermelon, eating it as if he was enjoying a picnic.
“This is pretty fast, right?” he asked, mouth full of watermelon. “I don’t think anyone’s going to do this well.”
Kristen walked into the lab, and instantly dashed towards the watermelon. With her muscles being a large aid for her, she cut through the watermelon quickly and started digging it out with her hands.
“Should have brought a fork, probably,” she said as juice dribbled out from her mouth.
“It’s fine, it’s fine.”
The two kids continued to dig into the watermelon until Gilear signaled for them to stop with a shrill whistle.
“Thank you,” he said to Gorgug.
“Anytime, Gilear.”
“Thank you,” Gilear said to Kristen.
“More Elrume,” Kristen said, watermelon stuffing her mouth. She slowly digested the rest of it and walked out of the lab without any other words.
The video ended and the crowd applauded as Fabian turned towards his friends.
“Right, well, that was fine,” Fabian said with a smile.
“I think I did really good!” Kristen said from seat.
“Yes, definitely, better than Mr. Picnic,” he said with a friendly laugh.
“Gorgug, you know this is a competition, right?” Kristen asked playfully.
“No, yeah, I do, it’s just… watermelon, you know?” he said. Nobody knew.
“No, I don’t know.” Fabian said. “But what I do know is that you’re probably getting last place.”
“No…” Gorgug trailed off. “No, probably not.”
“Well, we’ll see,” Gilear interjected. “Next, we have The Elven Oracle herself,” Gilear said as he pressed another button on his large crystal.
Adaine tried for a smile, but it faltered. Mostly because she knew what she’d done during the task, but also because she still wasn’t very good in public settings if she wasn’t drunk.
The video started up and Adaine was looking at Gilear, small specks of that blue Oracle light forming in her eyes.
“Is it a whole watermelon?”
“All the information is on the task,” Gilear said deadpan.
“Okay, thank you,” Adaine said, a hint of annoyance in her voice. The lights already forming in her eyes grew, quickly covering the surface of her eyeball. The elf’s body started to float up into the air dramatically, pupils gone, wind rising all around. Then, quickly, it stopped.
“Who just puts a whole watermelon in a room?”
Gilear just shrugged. Adaine took a deep breath and looked around the room.
“Am I allowed to use magic?”
Adaine emerged into the lab, as did a second and a third Adaine. The two other Adaine’s had cold, emotionless expressions on their face, while the original Adaine looked more weirded out than anything.
“God, do you use this room to kill people in?” the original Adaine said, her eyes filled with misplaced disgust.
“No, no, this isn’t my house,” Gilear responded.
“But you kill people in here?”
“The clock has started, Adaine.”
“Oh, god.” Adaine drew her Sword of Sight and quickly sliced the watermelon in half. Applause from the audience rose as she handed half to her two Mirror Images and she started to dig into one herself.
“You know, I’m sure Fig will do something similar to this,” she said as she slowly nibbled on her half of the watermelon. “But… much more efficiently. I’m not very rabid.”
The two Mirror Image’s were silently wolfing down the watermelon, with no care for staying clean or not choking. Adaine stared at them with concern, as did Gilear.
“You know, it’s a bit unnerving to see two you’s act completely out-of-character.”
The eating continued for a couple of seconds until Gilear once again blew his whistle. Adaine covered her ears as the sound cut through, and her Mirror Images disappeared.
“Thank you, Adaine.”
“No problem,” she said as she sheathed the Sword of Sight and walked out.
Applause rose once again as the video ended, and Fabian looked a lot happier at the result.
“You and I can disagree on something, Adaine — I think it is hilarious to see two you’s rabidly wolfing down a watermelon.”
“Well, I’ll gladly disagree on that,” Adaine said, “But I’ll also add that I don’t know why I gave myself the same amount of watermelon as those two.”
“I was just about to ask about that,” Fabian said.
“I think it was really brave of you to have that self-confidence,” Fig said, placing her hand on Adaine’s arm.
“I think you should’ve done the same thing as the other yous,” Kristen chimed in.
“I would’ve used a knife,” Gorgug said.
“Well, maybe someone else did! Gilear?”
“Yes, next we have my wonderful daughter, Fig Faeth.”
Fig’s head instantly fell into her lap, and the rest of the Bad Kids exchanged glances of curiosity.
“I am very proud of her,” Gilear said as he pressed yet another button on his crystal.
The video started and showed Fig looking at Gilear, confusion in her eyes.
“Really easy task, I think…” her voice trailed off.
“Do you think it’s not easy?” Gilear asked.
“No, no, I… Hmm.”
Fig emerged in the lab, and shock took over all other emotions as she spotted the watermelon.
“Oh, a watermelon! Like a whole thi- oh, I need a knife. Okay, hold on.” Fig walked out of the lab calmly, and Gilear shot a concerned look at the timer.
Fig audibly walked to the kitchen and searched for a knife. By the time there was only fifteen seconds, Fig emerged back in the lab, knife and fork in hand.
“Now things get serious,” she said, a smile spread across her face.
Slowly, she cut into the watermelon, making sure her cut was as precise as it could be. By the time she had grabbed a piece with a fork and put it in her mouth, Gilear’s whistle blew once again.
“Is that it?” she asked with a mouthful of watermelon.
“I’m afraid so,” Gilear said, sadness evident in his voice.
“Are you serious?” Fig asked as tears welled up in her eyes.
“Yes,” Gilear replied.
Fig put her utensils down and wiped some excess watermelon off her face. She sadly looked at the watermelon, her heart mourning her own failure.
“Thank you, Gilear,” she said as she slowly turned to leave the room.
“I’m sorry about that, Fig,” Gilear said.
“Bye, Gilear,” Fig said as they exited.
Applause rose once again as the video faded out. Fig’s head was still in her lap, her arms pressing it down as her friends all clapped. Except for Adaine, who mirrored Fig’s earlier show of comfort.
“Fig-” Fabian started.
“No, I think we can just go to Riz, it's fine.”
“I just want to-”
“No, we can just go ahead,” Fig said, her head unmoving.
“I really want to focus on-”
“Fabian.”
“Yes?”
“Go ahead.”
Adaine pulled Fig into a full hug as Fabian tried his hardest to contain his laughter.
“Am I still getting last place?” Gorgug asked, deadpan.
“Probably not, Gorgug,” Riz interjected for the first time.
“Well, for all we know, Fig might not even be last place. Gilear?”
“Right, yes. Let’s see Riz Gukgak!” Gilear pressed yet another button on his large crystal and the last video for the task played.
Riz burst into the room, and without a second of hesitation, he leaped onto the table and chomped into the watermelon. Gilear barely had time to start the timer before Riz was already through the watermelon shell and digging into the actual edible part of the fruit.
Complete frenzy took over Riz’s body as the watermelon quickly went from existing to simply not , and when Riz finished his clothes were stained red.
The goblin looked at Gilear, his eyes still frenzied, and calmly asked, “how much time do I have left?”
“Thirty seconds,” Gilear said, his voice shaking with fear at the sight of Riz’s insanity.
“I should probably… clean up, huh?”
“No, that’s- that’s what the plastic is for.”
“Okay. Yeah, okay, well, I’ll just… do I leave, do you want me to leave?”
“Do you want to wait for the time to finish?”
“No, I have something to do.”
“Alright. Yes, Riz, you may go.”
“Thanks, Gilear!” No traces of watermelon, save for the stains on Riz’s clothes, continued to exist. He walked out of the lab calmly, and the video faded away. The rest of the Bad Kids struggled to keep their laughter in, while Riz sat deep in thought, holding eye contact with Fabian. Singular eye contact.
“The Ball-”
“I ate the watermelon.”
“Yes, you did. I don’t think anyone else could have done that.”
“I could have,” Fig said, holding her hand up. She quickly laughed at herself and received another comforting hug from Adaine.
“But you didn’t! The Ball did, because he is batshit insane!” Fabian said jovially.
“I just knew what I had to do. I had a job and I did it.”
“And that’s why I asked you to do this,” Fabian said with a boisterous laugh. "Did you just eat the watermelon, go home?"
"Well, no, I-" Riz started to pull on his collar. "I honestly left so I could go to the bathroom, I felt really sick after eating-"
"An entire watermelon," Fabian finished.
"Yeah, exactly."
"Well, I loved it, The Ball." Fabian turned to his assistant. “Now, Gilear, do you have points for us?”
“Yes, yes I do, Fabian. But—and I am terribly sorry about this—I have a small clip I want to share, if we can just look at the screen again.”
Everyone turned as Gilear tapped his large crystal, and a new video of Gorgug faded onto the screen.
“So, task done?”
“Yes, I suppose it is,” Gilear said with a sigh.
“Can I have a bit more watermelon? I’m a bit hungry.”
Gilear didn’t respond, but Gorgug grabbed the bashed watermelon and took another bite. Gasps filled the room as the audience and contestants alike felt shock reverberate through their bodies.
The video faded as Fig turned to Gorgug and shouted, “You cheated!”
“No, no, I was just having an… illegal snack.”
“Gorgug, not cool, man!” Fabian said playfully.
“I was hungry!”
“So was I,” Riz said.
“Yes, we saw, Riz,” Adaine said. “Most of us don’t finish meals in half a minute.”
“Say that to your magic clones!” Kristen shouted, rather weirdly interjecting herself into an argument for no particular reason.
“Okay, okay, no fighting!” Fabian shouted. “Only I get to yell at people on this show.” The contestants fell silent as the crowd laughed at the chaos on stage.
“Now. Gilear. What does that mean for Gorgug?”
“Well, it’s up to you, really, but rules dictate he should be disqualified.”
“Then he will! Sorry, Gorgug, you need to get better self-control.”
“I- I- I’m just a freaking guy, okay?”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Fabian said as he turned to Gilear.
“Right, then that means we can go through some stats — Gorgug ate about two hundred grams, but he is also not eligible for points. Kristen is right ahead with two hundred eighty-six, Adaine and her magic clones ate about six hundred and twenty-four, Fig ate… about sixteen grams,”
Laughter filled the room once more, drowning out Gilear’s voice. He waited for the laughter to die down to finish his list.
“And Riz ate all one thousand, seven hundred, and sixteen.”
Claps filled the air, a deafening noise that made life unbearable for everyone on stage for fifteen seconds.
“So, we have two points to Fig, three points to Kristen, four to Adaine, and five to Riz.” The claps returned once more, and Riz smiled, content with his lead in the show. Fig continued holding her head in her lap, embarrassment still leading as her primary emotion. But the show had to go on.