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When those three words came out of Keefe’s mouth, oh so suddenly, Sophie didn’t know what to think. Her heart was racing. Whether it was in a good way or a bad way, she had no clue. But at the same time, she felt a pit in her stomach.
Fitz was her boyfriend. Sophie had been infatuated with him since she first arrived at the Lost Cities; she couldn’t possibly love Keefe. After all, he was Fitz’s best friend . A bond that shouldn’t be broken over a girl. Especially not Sophie. She had more problems and risks that came with her than she could count on ten fingers. Even engaging in conversation could put someone at risk.
No wonder most kids at Foxfire avoided her. Sophie would avoid herself too if she could. Yet Fitz was her lifeline, the one who brought her to the Lost Cities. And most importantly, her Cognate. What would happen if he found out that…maybe…possibly…Sophie had feelings for Keefe?
Sophie didn’t, of course. Couldn’t. She loved Fitz. But as she stared into Keefe’s ice blue eyes, his words swirling around her head, she couldn’t help but wonder… Could she be with Keefe? How many times had Keefe flirted with her and she missed it? Or when he gave the clearest signs, like the occasional glance at her lips, the way he leans toward her in a crowd.
Oh my god , Sophie thought. Is this what her friends meant by “The Great Foster Oblivion?” She tugged on her eyelashes. Was she really that clueless?
While Sophie was caught in her thoughts, she had almost completely forgotten that Keefe was still here. In her room. On her bed. With her . When Sophie looked back up at him, she knew without a doubt that Keefe could feel her inner turmoil. Hell, even just by looking at her face, he could probably tell.
The silence between them was making her skin crawl. Sophie knew Keefe wasn’t the best at expressing his feelings. He grew up in a household where there was anything but the exchange of feelings. And that point was only proven when Keefe’s mother, Gisela, said she only chose Keefe’s father for the best chance of getting a powerful child.
And after that, it only got worse as he got older. All the emotional trauma they induced onto Keefe was practically never ending, yet he never opened up. She could always see it in his eyes. The weight of everything. Which was why then was such a surprise to Sophie. The first time he opened up with positive feelings, and he confessed his love.
“Sophie?”
Keefe’s voice only reminded her of the words he said a few minutes ago.
”I love you.”
Sophie shook her head, finally forcing herself to say something. “I can’t. I-I lo–” She cut herself off there. She and Fitz had been together for nearly six months, but they hadn’t said the “L” word yet. Sophie definitely liked Fitz, but did she love him? Did he love her? “I’m with Fitz,” she finished finally.
Keefe’s face dropped, which made Sophie immediately hate herself for even speaking. His lips parted, like he wanted to say something—but then, his expression hardened, his usual expression replaced by a blank mask, something she didn’t see very often. Sophie could tell that he had held onto the hope that she might love him too. She hadn’t even considered the idea of him being more than a friend until a few months ago—until some stupid comment Biana made at lunch.
”He stares at you an awful lot, doesn’t he?” She had said, glancing at where Keefe sat. “You’d think he was obsessed with you.”
“He is the self proclaimed president of ‘The Foster Fan Club’.” Sophie had replied back with a laugh.
Biana smirked like she knew something Sophie didn’t. At least now she knew that that something was.
Sophie knew she liked—or possibly loved Fitz. That was definite. But Keefe confused everything. He made her head spin and her stomach churn.
Keefe took a large breath, turning away from Sophie. “Yeah… I know.”
Sophie hated this, all of it. These feelings. Keefe’s beautifully sad face.
“Keefe,” she said slowly, but Sophie didn’t really know what she was going to say after that. A reassurance? An apology? Would that even help? Keefe looked up at her, sadness and a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
She should look away. She should shut down the whole situation before it spirals out of hand. But she didn’t. Instead, she let herself take in every detail—how the glimmer in his eyes had dimmed, how his shoulders were smaller, as if he was bracing for the worse. She hated that she was the cause of it.
Sophie knew for sure that she’d have to figure out all of her feelings, especially the ones she felt for Keefe. But as she stared into his eyes, everything that she had tried to ignore came rushing to the surface. The way he made her laugh when she needed it most. The way he stood a little too close, like he was ready to catch her if she fell (which happened a lot). The way her heart ached at the thought of losing him.
Maybe she already knew the truth. Maybe she’d always known.
“I…I love you…”
Keefe’s eyes widened, the hope in his eyes shining brighter than before.
“But I don’t want to,” she blurted out, her heart pounding in her chest.
The hope falters. “Wh-what do you mean?” He asked, a slight tremble in his voice.
Sophie tugs on her eyelashes, avoiding his gaze. “You know what I mean. I’m with Fitz.” But even in her ears, the words sounded hollow.
Keefe scoffs sharply, his voice reflecting a quiet anger. “Fitz may be my best friend, but he doesn’t deserve you. Not by a long shot.”
Sophie looked back up at him at that. “What?”
“You heard me,” Keefe mumbles, resting his arms on his elbows. He takes a breath and softens his voice. “How long have you loved me?”
How long has she loved him? Maybe since the ride with Silveny to see the Black Swan. Maybe since Sophie had become Keefe’s sole comfort when his mother was presumed dead. Maybe since he had gotten two steps too close to kissing her at the Sanctuary. Maybe ever since he kept her company through all those trips to the Healing Centre.
Maybe she’s loved him since the day they met, as she was walking to the Healing Centre for the first time.
“I’m not sure,” Sophie finally responded.
Keefe hummed in acknowledgment. Then, his lips tick upwards in a small smile. “I think I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you. When we first met, I knew that I had just met a girl who would change everything for me.” His eyes met Sophie’s with so much love, her heart was near bursting. “And you did.”
Sophie’s hands tremble as she reaches for one of Keefe’s. She was surprised to find his were shaking too. “That long?”
Keefe’s eyes were locked onto their clasped hands. “That long.” His eyes slowly drifted upwards, towards Sophie.
Keefe stared at her for a long while, his eyes occasionally flickering down to her lips. Sophie’s breath hitched. Was he…? She glanced down at his lips, almost subconsciously, but found her gaze lingering there.
“Sophie…”
Keefe leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. His soft lips moved against hers, and Sophie found herself leaning into him. His hand made its way to her waist, lightly tugging her closer. Sophie happily responded, her hand tangling in his hair.
Sophie would be lying if she said she hadn’t thought of Keefe’s lips before, how it would feel if they were against hers—and it was so much better than she imagined. His hands on her waist pulled her tight against his chest, sending goosebumps down her spine. This boy was doing things to her head… Keefe tasted like the salt of the ocean, and he was warm and soft and—though she hates to admit it—much better than Fitz.
Fitz.
In the midst of all their tension, Sophie had forgotten all about Fitz. Suddenly she felt the need to pull away from Keefe. This is wrong. I’m with Fitz, she wanted to tell him. And she must’ve transmitted that thought, because he quickly pulled back. His cheeks were red, his hair mussed, his lips kiss swollen.
Sophie stared at him for a long while, before finally whispering, “Keefe, we…” She sucked in a breath. “We can’t.”
“I know,” Keefe replied, reaching up to brush Sophie’s hair out of her face. His hand lingered on her cheek, his gaze saying more than his words ever could. The way he looked at her made her heart race.
Fitz hadn’t made her feel like that in a while.
Sophie wanted nothing more than to pull Keefe back in, but—failed romance or not—it was wrong. She didn’t want to go further if it meant cheating on Fitz. And Keefe understood that. He sighed, his hand falling back to his lap. “I should go, huh?”
No. Stay and keep kissing me. “Yeah, you should.”
So Keefe got off Sophie’s bed, albeit a bit slowly. Maybe he didn’t want to leave as much as she did. He flashed his signature smirk. “Hail me when it’s over. I have many more things I’d like to do.” And before Sophie could get a word out, he leaped away.
Sophie’s face burned bright red at his words. She fell back on her bed, then a ball of dread wound up in her stomach.
She had to talk to Fitz.