Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

''mama, can i get this toy?'' i hear elis say to me, were walking through the mall and he suddenly stops me and points at a toy displayed in the window. i feel my heart ache a bit as i say ''of course my love, just wait for your birthday.'' elis jumpls up and down with joy as i replay my previous thoughts, he just so happened to pick the toy piano out of all the toys he saw, how ironic. '' can we go mama? my legs are starting to hurt.'' i realize id been zoned out for way to long with my son just staring at me, i pick him up and lay his head on my shoulder. '' yes dear, do you want a ice cream for being so good?'' '' yes please!!'' i giggle and rustle his beautiful blonde hair, while also heading torwards the food court.

i spot charlie brown and his girlfriend scanning a jewelry store window display, with a huge pearl necklace in the middle. ''hey blockhead!'' charlie turn around and smiles widely at me. '' hey lucy, how you been?'' i scan him for a moment and realize how much hes grown, i saw him about 6 months ago, but he seemed to grow out his hair, and i gotta say the curls suit him alot. '' ive been good, i see you and the little red hair girl are out jewelry shopping, engagement ring i suppose?'' they both get flustered, then charlies girlfriend finally speaks up. ''no lucy, were just looking for a piece to give my mother, you know its heather right?'' ''yeah i know i just find your nickname to suit you more, all the time through elementary to highschool, it was always shes so pretty! from charlie, or i want to- '' ''OK LUCY WE GET IT!!!'' charlie says while waving his hands in my face, obviously flustered. suddenly i see my son lift his head, confused and sleepy from charlies scream. ''mama, when are we gonna get ice cream?'' ''soon baby, just give me a minute.'' i fasten my grip on my bags, while my arms ache from carrying my son. '' ill see you guys later, gotta get this one some ice cream!'' i begin to walk away, but charlie grabs my wrist.'' wait lucy! i got to tell you something!'' ''ok then, spill it out! i got places to be!'' '' no i need to... privately.'' i roll my eyes as we walk to a nearby vending machine, away from the crowd by the food court. heather is following somewhat behind us, clearly giving us space. '' what is it? im a very busy women dumbo.'' i begin to get frustrated since its already late and elis is getting sleepier by the minute. '' schroeder... i heard hes back in town'' '' my heart stops for a second and i stare at charlie with a look of shock and somewhat fear. ''i got it, ill see you later.'' ''i think you should tell him lucy, i mean yo-'' ''thats enough, hes busy enough as it is, probably, so this shall not be discussed, got it?'' ''yes lucy, ill leave you to it.''

i wave goodbye and begin to speed walk to the exit of the mall, i figure my son is to tired to remember ice cream anyways. i feel a wave of uneasiness after that situation which is understandable i guess, but still i want to leave this suddenly claustraphobic place. as i make it to the car, i fasten my sons car seat and put my bags in the passenger side. i begin to drive after all is settled, and my mind begins to clear from the uneasy thoughts. as i make it onto the highway, i find elis staring at me from his car seat through the review mirror. '' whats wrong dear?'' it goes silent for about 10 seconds, as my son looks like hes trying to figure out how to say what hes thinking. '' mama, whos schroeder?'' i grip the wheel, out of all things he could have said i was not expecting that. '' nobody you need to worry about, you can take a nap and ill carry you inside when we get home, alright my love?'' ''yes mama.'' as he gets comfy in his car seat, i wonder about what he asked me. i thought he had passed out in my arms, but obviously he was listening to me and charlie talk. as unwanted memories rush int my mind i realize we are home already. i take elis out of the car and bring him in, i lay him on his bed and sit on the couch.

its 8pm, and since i finally didnt have any work to do, i poured myself a glass of wine and read a book on the couch. i just really needed to clear my head after today, who would have thought that my mostly normal day would have some suprises waiting for me when i least expected it. as my mind begins to daze, i begin to think about the last time id seen schroeder, what he looked like, when id seen him, the ywere all memories i couldnt stop thinking about for years. i recall the day of graduation like it was yesterday, that day was somehow the most devastating day and best day of my life.

Chapter Text

i remember that morning, i had dolled myself up for two reasons. one was to look good for everyone supporting me, and two was to give Schroeder one last chance to confess his love to me before he left for that fancy collage he was so excited about. though everyone told me he was a lost cause, i still had hope that he would do ONE romantic gesture to make me wait for him. as i was imagining scenarios in my head, my mother called to me. '' Lucy Van Pelt! your going to be late to your own graduation! hurry it up!'' i rushed to grab my purse off my bed, i had everything in boxes as i was planning to go to a casual community college not far from town. i had saved up all my money since i was a little girl for a apartment for college and the day had finally come! i almost forgot my moms screams from downstairs from imagining my new life, but i quickly snapped out of it and rushed down the stairs and out the door in my graduation gown.

as i arrived at the school i has spent four years perfecting my grades and aiming for honors, i realized that my life would actually matter when i got this diploma. i had it all planned out, i would get a job as a barista by my college, make enough money to pay rent and have fun once and a while, while hopefully living with a dog or cat to keep me company while Schroeder was away. i began to walk throughout the school, aiming for the auditorium when i spotted my friend violet chatting with a girl named Frieda. i was never close to Frieda, we both had a crush on Schroeder when we were little, but i guess we both grew to respect one another as we grew in age. the difference between us is that while she explored different guys, i stayed leaning on Schroeders then real piano, still a hopeless romantic. as i approached the both of them, they both gave me a small smile. '' hey lucy! you excited to be done with school?'' violet says to me in a excited tone, frieda groans behind her. '' ughhh, why do you keep bringing up how your going to be done with school... now im reminded i have to finish 4 or 5 more years of it.'' violet giggles at her response, and says in a playful tone '' oh cheer up, you get to go to those sorority partys, thats better than staying at home working a 9 to 5 job.'' '' i join in hyping her up. '' yeah, at least you'll have something to distract you from work.'' Frieda smirks and says in a sarcastic tone '' oh... but what will distract me from the ache in my heart.. oh Schroder..'' we all laugh as we arrive at the auditorium doors, we walk in and take our seats in the student section, inpatiently waiting for the ceremony to start.

as im daydreaming, i realize i haven't seen schroeder at all day. he didn't come to school which to be fair, many people didn't want to go to school when it wouldn't effect them at all, but he would still call her like he always does when he cant come, so where was he? as i scan the room, i realize the boys and the girls were seperated to where the boys were more or the left side of the auditorum and the girls were more on the right. as i realized this, i dart my eyes to the right side of the room, where all the boys are sat. i spot charlie, franklin, pigpen, then i see almost all the way in the back, Schroeder is focused on trying to fix his graduation cap, which is typical of him. as i was about to approach him, a loud voice came from the stage. its our principle tapping the microphone to test if it working, as the auditorium goes silent, he begins to speak.

''Good afternoon everyone, as you all know, today we are celebrating the graduating class of 1982. today we are giving these brilliant students their diplomas, leading them to a better future. in a moment we will start calling out names, so im asking for every student to prepare.'' as the names began to start being called, i catch myself staring at Schroeder again. he doesnt seem to notice me, or maybe he is just avoiding me, i cant tell anymore. as i continue to stare, i jump at the sound of my voice blarring through the microphone. i stand up and walk to the stage, i give a speech about how proud i am of my classmates and how i was honored to be class rep, honors, and others i couldn't remember. as i was talking, i see Schroeder looking at the floor, at that moment i knew he was avoiding me, but he should know by now im pretty pushy, so that will be shut down soon.'' as i walk off the stage with my diploma, i see Schroeder look my way, but when he sees im glaring back at him he quickly retorts to looking at his feet.

after the ceremony finishes, i rush over to Schroeder, stomping my feet in anger. as i arrive at his seat, i see he hasn't moved at all. hes just staring at me in shock, which makes me more mad because hes acting like i haven't simply walked up to him before. '' whats wrong with you?'' i ask him, he fidgets with his hands a bit and just stares at the floor. '' its nothing lucy.'' ''well obviously it is, because youve been avoiding me all ceremony and you didnt eve come to school on the last day, which you always let me know when you cant come to school.'' i tap my feet in impatientness as he stays silent. '' uh... are you going to franklins house after the ceremony?'' when he asks me that i remembered that thats all people would talk about today, i wasn't gonna go but i realized this is going to be my last day where i see Schroeder for who knows how long, so my new goal was to convince Schroeder to go with me. ''yeah i am, you should come with me.'' '' Schroeder rolled his eyes at me. '' you know i dont like that stuff lucy, i havent even had alcohol before.'' '' well this is your chance to, you dont want to be sad packing to leave rather than making some lasting memories with me, do you?'' Schroeder avoided my eyes as he seemed to be debating which he would rather choose. '' fine, ill go.'' ''ah, i knew i would get you back to normal, why were you ignoring me anyway?'' '' i got to go, see you later.'' in the blink of a eye, Schroeder had rushed away to his mother waiting for him. im still confused to this day what was up with him, but i was just happy he decided to go to the party with me. as i watch him disappear in the crowd of families and graduates, i hear my mom call my name from the opposite side of the auditorium.

it was 9pm, and i was finishing my makeup. i looked at my body in the mirror, i was wearing a blue long sleeve, with some mom jeans and a dark brown belt clasped onto them. my hair was a blowout with a blue headband, the color matching my shirt. i was wearing my hoop earrings with a heart shaped necklace around my neck, it was my favorite because it was one of the first gifts Schroeder had given me in highschool. as i adored my outfit in the mirror, i hear Linus call my name. '' Lucy! your friend violet is outside for you!'' i grab my tote bag, wrapping it around my shoulder as run out the door, yelling goodbye to him.

as we arrive to Franklins house, i can already hear the music blaring down the street. we park violets car across the street, and all i can wonder is how the cops haven't been called yet. i can already see the people tripping outside the house, with their red cups spilling alcohol all over them. i was never a fan of drinking, the last time i drank was when violet convinced me to have a sip of whiskey from her parents stash in their drawers. i didnt like it, but kept drinking anyway, leading to us being drunk on her roof while her parents were passed out. as i remembered the chemical taste of it, i grow dreary for agreeing to come to this party. but before i can tell violet i don't want to go in, she grabs my hand and forcibly drags me through the door.

a hour or two goes by, and i'm talking to patty with a drink in my hand, i didn't want to admit i was getting getting tipsy, but looking back i think i was completely drunk by then. i remember scanning the room for anything else to do, and seeing Schroeder standing in a corner awkwardly, with a cup almost empty cup in his hand. i saw he was wearing a dark purple crew neck with a white collar popping out from under it. he was also wearing some dark blue sort of baggy jeans, that had looked great on him. as i stumbled over to him, he spots me and gives me a confusing glance. id walked up to him and gave him a tight hug, which made him stumble a bit. he began to shove me off of him, and grabbed both of my shoulders to observe me. as he looked into my eyes, he must have realized i was drunk because he groaned loudly. '' are you serious lucy, the party started like a hour and a half ago.'' i stare at him in a daze, trying to comprehend what hes saying to me but after a few seconds i think he realized i couldn't understand him. he grabbed my hand and led me through the house, saying to me '' you cant stay here, you can barely understand what im saying to you.'' as he was mumbling drunken slurs, downed my drink in one gulp once i had realized we were leaving. after that all i could remember was a car, a house, and then kissing Schroeder.

i had woken up the next morning in my room, my head aching like hell, and a blanket covering my naked body. i hadn't given it a second thought and walked to the bathroom in my blanket, looking at myself in the mirror i begun to sober up. i stared at myself for a few seconds while my memories came back, i began to get redder and redder, before i hurriedly grabbed some random clean clothes and rushed downstairs. i stop in the living room door way, panting like a dog, and see Linus watching some channel on the tv. i yell at him '' where did Schroeder go?!'' '' he stares at me in confusion as he begins to speak. ''at the ariport? he left like 3 hours ago.'' '' i stare at him in disbelief for a minute,then i feel the urge to throw up. i rush to the downstairs bathroom and throw up in the toilet, Linus follows me looking worried and scared from whats happening to me. as i finish throwing up, i sit in disbelief for a few minutes, just trying to comprehend whats going on. i began to cry, with Linus comforting me the best he can. i do this for about 20 minutes, until Linus decided to cook me some breakfast. at this time i figured out it was 9 am, so Schroeder must have slept over at my house then just dipped, without telling me how to contact him. after all this time i had never expected that day to go in the direction it did, but after he left i got sicker and sicker. my family thought i was going through a depression or eating disorder, so they took me to the doctors. but after some tests were run, they found out i wasnt puking everyday because of schroeder, a baby was causing me to do that.

my parents were understandably pissed, my brother on the other hand was sort of excited. he was the reason i kept the baby, i thought at least this baby will make my brother happy. i still bought a place but decided to do a house instead of a apartment, my parents came over every week with groceries and money for me to pay my rent and get free food. i had to give up my dream of becoming a psychiatrist, but i didn't mind because when i held my son for the first time, i realized my one dream in life was to raise elis with love and care. i convinced everyone who knew of my pregnancy to not tell anyone else, they all knew by now it was probably Schroeders but i only told my parents, Linus, Violet. and charlie it was his. even five years later i dont regret it at all, but ones thing for sure, i need to avoid Schroeder in this small town no matter what.

Chapter Text

as i rise up from my bed, i check the time on my clock to see its 7am. i wake up elis and tell him to get ready fro school. i brush my teeth and find a nice fully blue women's suit with some cute stilettos i had found at the mall. after about 20 minutes goes by, i check on my son to see him watching cartoons on the tv. as finish putting on my makeup and touching up my hair, i call out to elis, reminding him to grab his book bag off the counter, along with the $5 to buy his lunch. i grab my black leather purse and my essentials, and walk to the car with elis. i strap him in and begin to drive, i work as a assistant reporter for the local news channel, and today i was informed to come in early. i have to get my son to school by 8:10, and i have to be at work by 8:30, leaving me enough time to get a latte before my stressful day. as i pull up to Pinecrest elementary school, i get a bit nostalgic by the familiar entrance. i walk my son to his class and give him a kiss on the cheek, i quickly walk to my car as i realized id forgot the time and i had about 15 minutes to get to work. i had to skip my latte this morning, which put me in a bad mood because i already had to come in 30 minutes early. i pull into the parking lot of the filming studio and pray that im overestimating my work, and today ill just jolt down a bunch of words. as i walk through the big double doors leading to the studio, i pause and drop my purse to the floor. there sitting at my reporter table is the famous Schroeder Felton, staring straight back at me with an equal amount of shock in his eyes.

as i continue to stare with my mouth to the floor, my boss calls me over to his office. i scurry over, not wanting to accept what i just saw. as i close the office door behind me, i sigh in relief. but before i can even try to comprehend what i saw, my boss in shoving a folder in my hands. as i oppen it, its filled with information about Schroeder and questions i need to ask him. my boss says to me '' sorry lucy, forgot to give you a heads up about our important client. i need you to fill in for Jennifer, shes out for the week and there are no free reporters.'' i hold back my frustration and say, '' yes sir, ill begin the interview now.'' knowing that either way i need to work to hopefully get a raise soon.

i walk out of his office and don't give Schroeder a second glance as i sit in my seat at the reporter station. i signal for the cameraman to begin preparing the camera, and avoid eye contact. '' mr. felton, i will begin to ask you a series of questions as soon as the camera rolls, ok?'' ''Lucy-'' i rush to cut him off.'' just begin with your introduction when the camera rolls mr.Felton, roll the camera in 3,2,1...'' as the camera rolls, i begin to talk. '' hello everyone! from your local news, we have an interview with the one and only- Schroeder Felton! tell us who you are sir.'' the room goes silent as Schroeder stares at me, trying to comprehend what i said. '' oh- yes hello everyone i'm Schroeder Felton, a pianist thats mostly known in the US or the UK, a honor to be here.'' i look down at my notes and begin to read the questions labeled. '' first question, what inspired you to become a pianist?'' i already knew that one, his facination with Beethoven led him to learn he was a musical prodigy. over time the notes on the piano grew to calm him so he decided he wanted to do that for a living. '' uh- i guess when i was a kid i didn't have anything better to do, so i just started to play.'' i look at him with confusion, what happened to the enthusiasm he would have when talking about his uprising? '' ok... next question when and where will you be performing this upcoming week?'' '' i will be performing at Santa Rosa, California at 5pm on the upcoming thursday and saturday.'' '' i see, and will you be performing your popular song-'' i pause as i reread the script, every time i went over that line the redder i got. ''uhm- will you be performing your all time popular song gorgeous van pelt?'' i cover my face with the folder id been hiding under the table, turning the opposite way of Schroeders glances. ''yes, i will'' i glance over and see Schroeder twiddling his thumbs, like he used to do years ago when he got nervous.

after finishing the questions, me and Schroeder both waved goodbye to the camera as it was shut off by the camera man. as soon as i saw that camera turn off, i rushed out the two double doors and to my car, not caring about what my boos had to say anymore. as i sat in my car, i laid my head down on the steering wheel, letting my face un-redden. as i laid there all i could think about is that nobody bothered to tell me that this lunatic made a song for me?! did Charlie brown purposely not tell me because he knew i would freak out? i had so many questions, but i knew deep down it was not the best idea to get them answered. after about 10 minutes of just resting in my car, i get up and walk to the entrance of the building, with the feeling of a brick being tied to my foot. just as i'm about to open one of the double doors, someone opes it before me and smushes me behind the door. as i squeal and hold my now reddened nose, i look up to see its the one and only Schroeder who did this to me. i try to walk past him but he blocks my way, closing the doors behind him. '' Lucy i-'' i put my palm up to his mouth. '' i don't want to hear it Schroeder, now if you don't mind i need to get to work.'' as i begin to open the doors and walk through, he grabs my wrist with a firm grip. '' Lucy we need to talk, i ha-'' i push him away from me, blushing like crazy when i enter through the two doors and rush down the halls to go to the bathroom. i walk into a stall and lock the door behind me, dropping to the floor with my body against the wall and holding my head with my hands. after all this time i cant help but grovel at his touch, and i cant tell if i felt uneasiness or comfort.

Chapter Text

i never imagined after all these years, i would find Lucy so easily. and even worse, she knows my most popular song was based off of her- gosh could i be even more of an idiot! she was angrier than i had ever seen her before, she was turning red for heavens sake! i'm sitting in the back of my car, with my driver bringing me to a nearby coffee shop i used to go to all the time when i lived here. me and Lucy used to go there every sunday, because she knew i only liked my coffee made from that specific coffee shop. i came back for my performance, but as much as i hate it, i was curious to see how lucy was. on my flight here, all i could think about was what she looked like, where she worked, how her life's going, if she had a boyfriend, completely normal questions filled with curiosity. as the driver stops, i tip him and walk to the front door, wanting to get some coffee in my system as fast as possible.

as i wait in line, i look around at the familiar interior surrounding the place. the comfy lighting, booths by the windows, small pictures on the walls, etc. after a good 5 minutes, i get to the front of the line, i hear a familiar voice ask for my order. '' hello sir what can i get yo-'' i pause and make eye contact with the one and only Linus, we used to be friends because of Lucy, but ever since that night i hadnt talked to him at all. '' oh hey Schroeder, back in town for a show or something?'' yeah.. hey can you possibly convince Lu-'' ''no.'' i stare at him in disbelief.'' why? is she mad or-'' ''no shit Schroeder, you left without a trace 5 years ago, didn't tell her how to contact you, and left her with-'' he stops himself from talking, just glaring at me from across the counter. '' don't bother her, shes finally over you and we both know things aren't as they used to be.'' i stare at him in shock as the people begin to whisper behind me, saying '' how long is this going to take?'' or '' whats the holdup?'' i decide i need to end this conversation. '' ill have an iced americano, thank you.'' i walk away and sit in the back at a small coffee table.

after 30 minutes or so, i rethink my life as Linus is still glaring at me from his work station. i try to wrap my head around the situation, the things i had done to lucy come rushing back to my head. i had tried to cover up anything i could remember senior year, but i think after all this time, after all that has just happened, i should try to remember my mistakes.

when i was little, i had despised Lucy. all i would do was play piano, and she had ruined it for me. all the times i had been bugged my her when playing piano had irritated me so badly, i had said some rude and unforgivable things to her. but the first time she had tried to give me space, it had made me angrier then when shed be bothering me all day. i thought at first i would be relieved, but as hours turned into days, i couldn't play my piano at all. but my ego was way to high, so i had never told anyone about my frustrations with me and Lucys current relationship. as much as i hated to admit it, i realized i was completely betrothed by her, even when all she would do was talk and sleep.

then their was High school, i thought my feelings for Lucy were natural, and all in my head, but after asking Charlie Brown in 10th grade, it was obvious i was in love with her. i had done everything to keep my feelings burrowed deep inside, from ignoring lucy, to fighting, obviously causing major and small fallouts in our friendship. after talking to Charlie, a year or two passed with me keeping my feelings to myself, and me and Lucy getting closer by day. one of my favorite memories was when me and Lucy had both met by the pond at 10pm, and we just walked around a nearby trail just talking the whole night. i remember her saying to me '' promise we will keep in touch?'' after she'd heard about my plans to go to Warwick university, because id gotten a scholarship there. i had just stared at her, imagining what life would be like for both of us in 5 or so years. before i had met Lucy, all i wanted to do was become this generations Beethoven. but after i met her, i wanted the same thing as before, but also for her to forever be by my side, leaning on my piano. but honestly i doubt she'd even want to look at my face again, i know i messed up, but how can i go another year without seeing her? i hadn't even looked at anyone else since i left town, and i honestly don't think i ever will.

i leave the coffee shop after a while, and honestly just mope in my hotel room working continuously for the rest of the day. i close my laptop after responding to many emails, varying from sponsors, to managers, to fan mail, to whatever i work on these days. i and check the time, its 8pm and i have to get up early tomorrow for my show. i pass out after a couple minutes of rethinking my life, and suprisingly instead of dreaming, i replay the memories from the day of graduation, when i'd last really been on good terms with Lucy.

Chapter Text

that week, a lot of stuff was going on in my life. i had to pack for college, somehow ship my piano across the sea, and my main priority, was to tell lucy i wanted her to come with me. i know, i should have told her earlier, but do you know how hard it is to tell your best friend / love of your life to travel across the world together when you haven't even told her you like her? yeah didn't think so. anyway, i obviously had a lot on my mind those seven days, and for some reason i ignored all my friends, especially Lucy.

after distancing myself for 5 days, it was friday, graduation day, and i still hadn't told lucy how i'd felt. that morning, i did my hair as best as i could, but the gelled back look didnt fit me so i wet my hair and left it to dry normally. i looked for the best outfit, even though i would just wear a graduation gown over it. i settled on a purple crewneck with a white polo under, and some baggy jeans. i don't bother to bring anything with me besides my watch, and walk downstairs to my car, beginning to drive to my school.

when i get there, i don't bother talking to anyone. i arrive kind of early, so i just sit in my assigned seat and wait for the people to flood in. a while later, i see most of the crowd start to flood in. i see charlie brown walking with heather, his longtime crush. i wonder if hes planning to confess to her, just like how i am with lucy. as im in my own world, i dont notice him walking directly towards me. '' hey Schroeder, you've been pretty quiet all week, you doing ok?'' i look up at him, '' im fine. uhm- you excited?'' i pinch my arm, how stupid do i sound? i have never been great with people, and this days already stressful enough. '' yeah, can you believe it? your going to be moving continents!, while everyone stays here, your going to become something great Schroeder, i already know it.'' i nod silently, taking in his words. '' thanks charlie, can i ask you something?'' '' yeah of course dude, what is it?'' '' do you think i still have a chance?'' i fidget with my fingers, my face slowly heating up. '' huh? what do you mean-'' as hes talking, i think he realizes what- or who im talking about. '' dude, Lucys been by your side since like 3rd or 4th grade, if you think shes just going to let you leave after 10 or so years you truly are blind.'' he looks at me and sighs. '' dont wait any longer is all im saying, if your gonna tell her its now or never, ill see you at franklins party later.'' i lift my head, watching him walk back to his seat a couple rows ahead of mine. all i can think about is what he'd said last, if your going to tell her its now or never. the phrase repeats in my head over and over, till i spot lucy walking in. she hasn't seen me, which makes me suddenly feel like i look like a mess. i focus on my graduation cap, trying to focus on making myself look neat. as i am about to see where lucys sat, i hear the principle begin to talk.

after his speech, awards, diplomas, etc, i don't bother to move as everyone begins to walk to their families. i just stare at my diploma, wondering if this really means ill be leaving tomorrow, leaving my home, leaving Lucy. i look up to see Lucy walking towards me, she seems pissed which makes me confused, what did i do? i see her stomping closer and closer,and it makes me more nervous. she stops in front of me, glaring down at me. '' whats wrong with you?'' she says to me gritting her teeth. '' its nothing lucy.'' i say to her, beginning to fidget with my hands. i cant even focus on what she saying to me, i feel my face heat up as charlies words repeat in my mind. if your going to tell her its now or never, tell her its now or never, now or never. after a few seconds of silence, i ask if shes going to the party at franklin's, i took a wild guess after charlie said he'd see me there later. i look up at her and see her thinking, i don't realize how long i'm staring until we make eye contact. she says something about coming with her to the party, and i obviously decline, she should know by now that i don't do party's. i cant remember how, but she convinces me to go with her. she asks me why ive been ignoring her, and i use my mom as an excuse to get away from her. i decide that at the party later, ill tell her, hopefully when shes sober, i haven't seen her drunk so i dont know how high her tolerance is. i focus on my mom, trying not to think about it.

i dont bother changing my clothes, i comb my hair out and fix my collar before leaving the house again. i arrive at the party early, which i now know is totally lame of me to do. i knock on the door on top of it and franklin answers, its 8pm and im so nervous that i was probably shaking a bit. '' hey Schroeder! early bird gets the worm! come in i just finished setting up the drink area.'' i nod and walk inside, it looks like a typical party you would see on a vhs movie. '' here, its just normal beer, but you can mix it with stuff, sorry im not a bartender.'' he chuckles a bit as i take the cup hes offered me. i take a whiff and my first thought is that it smells like chemicals, but with the imaginary pressure i felt at the time i chugged the cup in front of him. i hold back my gag as he laughs and slaps my shoulder. '' your a pro at this Schroeder, i never knew!''

after a while people began to flood in, i sit in the corner with my red cup just drinking away my nervousness. i must have a sort-of high tolerance, because i dont feel that drunk, but as i drank probably 2 more cups, my vision gets more blurry. after i cant remember how long, i spot Lucy swaying her hips in the middle of the living room. its like she was the only person in the room, she looked great with her hair done, earrings, clothes, and suddenly i get nervous. i try to focus on my cup, when i see her walking over to me. i look at her with a confused glance, she has her arms spread widely as shes approaching me, and i know what shes planning. she captures me in a tight hug, which catches me so off guard i stumble back almost into a table. i look into her eyes, which are beginning to turn red. i groan and say something i cant remember to her, but i drag her out of the house and to my car. i swear i had no intention to do anything with her, but as we pulled up to her house, she had kissed me. i kissed her back, which wasnt the best idea but i wasnt in my clear mind either. she had stared into my eyes and opened her door, walking into her house. i was confused and went after her, but somehow when id try to ask her what had happened it led to us in her bed, and i cant bring myself to even think about now, because i feel a wave of heat and embarrassment wash though me. it was my first time and still is my only time, which made me even more embarrassed the day after.

i woke up that morning to lucy in my arms, i didnt think much of it before i realized i was naked. i jolted up and grabbed my clothes, running to her bathroom to look in the mirror. my hair was all messed up, i had hickeys on my neck, and the more i looked the redder i became. i didn't even think about what i was doing before rushing down the stairs, where i found Linus sitting on the couch, half awake. '' hey Schroeder, you leaving already?'' i lean on a nearby wall and fidget with my fingers. '' yeah, im going to be leaving really soon, so just tell Lucy i said bye, and im sorry.'' he looks at me confusingly. '' ok, hope to see you soon Schroeder!'' '' bye Linus, take care.'' i leave though the front door and don't look back, i feel a wave of guilt pass through my body but it was to late to turn back.

my belongings were already shipped, so i just needed to get on my flight in an hour. i met my mom at the ariport, said goodbye to her, and never looked back at the town id grown up in, or more importantly, where lucy was sound asleep in her bed, with no idea i was on my way to a whole new life.

the next five years were great, but hell at the same time. a day didn't go by where i hadn't thought about Lucy, which left me tossing and turning in bed every night. how had she reacted when she woke up, was she mad? sad? disgusted? all the possibilities kept me up all night. i became a sensation in England, and in america as well. when people used to ask me what was my inspiration, i said everything but Lucy. i wanted the world to know of my feelings, but i needed to know if she felt the same way. thats what led me to tell my sponsor i wanted to play in my hometown, i was focused on the show, but as much as i wanted to deny it i wanted to see Lucy so badly. five years gave me time to think, and i don't think anyone else could fill my heart like how Lucy did. which is so fucking frightening, because she seems like she hates me, and i only talked to her once since id been gone.

Chapter Text

i check the time, its 2pm, and i haven't finished ANY of my paperwork. i rest my head on my desk, the memories of earlier replaying in my head. did Schroeder really just walk through those doors a couple hours ago? where did he go? as the thoughts flowed in my mind, i hear the wall phone start to ring. i pick up the phone, not knowing who to expect. '' hello this is community news, what can i do for you?'' '' hey Lucy, you coming over for lunch?'' its Linus, ive been trying to go over there for lunch almost every day, but works been busy lately. '' yeah, keep a latte hot for me, kay?'' ''ok Lucy see you soon.'' i put the phone back, and figure its time for me to leave work anyway so i pack my purse and walk out the double doors.

as i arrive at the coffee shop, i spot Linus through the big glass window, putting down what i assume is my latte to the side. i walk through the front door, which rings a bell above my head. Linus smiles at me, '' hey Lucy, tough day?'' '' don't get me started...'' i flop onto a chair near the barista workspace. '' you know, Schroeder seems to be everywhere.'' linus says to me, '' oh i forgot to tell you, i saw him today.'' Linus accidentally spills a drink hes working on, cussing under his breath. '' seriously? what did he say? was he bothering you?'' '' no dont worry, it was just REALLY awkward...'' i feel my face heat up slightly. '' Lucyyy... what happened?'' i bounce my leg up and down and look out the window. '' he may have made a song based off of me...'' '' SERIOUSLY?!'' the cafe goes silent as everyone stares at Linus and me. '' uhm, give me a minute.'' he puts some whipped cream on a hot chocolate and gives it to a customer standing nearby. he walks back looking shocked. '' tell me everything.'' i take a deep breath, and just spill it all, beginning from when i walked through the doors and then to me pushing him away. he stares at me for a couple seconds, the nhe begins to speak. '' the audacity, you know i saw him today to, and i got to say they look alike, like twins!'' i roll my eyes. '' you don't have to remind me, i see Schroeder's face every time i look at Elis...'' he gasps and points at me '' i got it... Schroeder 2.0'' '' what are you talking about?'' '' a little nickname!'' i glare at him, '' what i thought it was funny!'' i smile and look at the coffee in my hand. '' you know he was asking about you... i think you should tell him.'' i rub my temples, not only is Charlie starting with this crap but Linus too? i dont know how much more of this i can take. '' i thought we agreed it wasn't a good idea, for many reasons.'' '' yeah but your ignoring the pros, and focusing on the cons Lucy. im not fond of Schroeder either, and trust me i don't want him around, but he should know.'' '' i don't want to talk about this anymore, can we go back to normal conversations?'' '' sure.'' silence engulfs the atmosphere, as Linus moves away to focus on his customers. after a few more minutes i give Linus $8 and wave goodbye to him, hearing the bell ring behind me as i rush out of there.

I stand outside my sons class, patiently waiting with the other parents for the bell to ring. i spot violet walk in, she has a little girl named Stella in the 4k class, she and her boyfriend got married last year and shes my only mom friend. '' hey Violet! how you doin?'' she smiles and walks my way. '' good, how is elis? i heard hes top of his class!'' '' yeah, im so proud of him, im glad i have you here i dont know who id be able to talk to...'' '' yeah girl! but real talk... have you seen Schroeder?'' '' i uh... yeah'' i look away awkwardly, not trying to make eye contact with her. '' girl i saw him walking down the street, hes like... hot now!'' i stare at her in shock and she covers her mouth '' oh... sorry i forgot you two.. sorry im a jackass'' '' don't worry about it violet.'' after she says that it gives me time to think. before Schroeder was kind of a nerd, but i never judged him for that, thats what id liked about him. now it seems like hes more mature, serious, it was pretty hot- but i shouldn't think about him like that, he probably has a girlfriend by now. as i lower my self esteem lower and lower, the bell rings and i see Elis walk out with a smile. '' mama!'' he hugs my leg, and i pick him up. '' honey, how was school?'' '' it was great mama, i got a star, see?'' he points to a yellow sticker on his chest, i kiss him on the head. '' good job, you want to go to the pond to feed the ducks?'' '' yes mama!'' i carry him to the car, and begin to drive to the pond.

i take Elis out the car, and set him down gently. we had stopped at a bakery nearby and got two long loafs of bread, picked out by Elis himself. the pond was a bit packed, it had a trail along the side of it and a lot of elderly or couples came to hang out. i had invited violet to coem and she said she would come in a few minutes or so. i begin to feed the ducks with my son as violets car pulls up. shes with her husband and daughter Stella, and excitedly walks over to us. '' hey Lucy, Elis! how have you been hon?'' '' ive been good ma'am.'' '' so respectful! hes so smart Lucy.'' i smile and ruffle his hair. '' i know.'' 30 minutes goes by, and were all eating ice cream from a stand nearby. we decide to sit at a picnic table close to the pond, and stare at the ducks. me and Violet talk about mom stuff, when i leave to go to my car. i know Violet will take care of Elis, so i don't worry about them. i sit in my car for a couple seconds, just taking a short break, and grab my purse next to me. i step out the car and lock my doors, when i hear a voice behind me. '' Lucy?'' i turn around, and to my luck its Schroeder. he darts his eyes to the ground and fidgets with his fingers, saying '' what are you doing here?'' i clear my throat, '' im just uhm, hanging out.'' we stand in silence, but i wouldn't say its awkward silence. i stare at the table violets at, but she must have went to throw away the wrappers because only her husband and the kids are there. he sees where im staring and rubs the back of his neck '' are you here with your husband..? and kids...'' he still is looking to the left, obviously avoiding eye contact. i burst out in laughter, he really is stupid, only Elis looks like me and Violets husband is dark haired with tan skin. he looks at me and smiles a bit at the corners of his mouth, i say '' your crazy, you assume to much.'' '' yeah, i guess ive always been like that.'' '' oh my gosh do you remember when you got jealous of me and Franklin in junior year? you said something like ''i heard he snores'' '' i didn't say that! your putting words into my mouth!'' he crosses his arms as he turns pink, im still laughing as we look into each others eyes. '' you know Lucy... id-'' '' mama?'' my heart drops as i turn over to see Elis gripping my leg, looking up at me. '' when are we going home?'' i laugh nervously as i look up to see Schroeder, looking at Elis, then at me, then back at Elis, mouth wide open. '' OH- WELL I GOT TO GO! BYE!'' i grab my son and buckle him quickly, rushing to my drivers seat with Schroeder staring at me a couple feet away. i pull out of the street as quick as possible and speed off, seeing Schroeder watching me in my review mirror. 

by the time i get home its about 4pm, and i just want to take a nap. i make my son dinner and tell him to be good while i rest up, he nods and eats his spaghetti while watching tv. i slump onto my bed, burring my head into my pillow. i take off my heals, accidentally throwing them against the wall. i groan as i try to get comfortable, fuck me. i guess it was going to happen eventually, and knowing Schroeder hes already connected the dots. shit, what do i do now?

Chapter Text

i don't even know what to think, i just watched Lucy scurry off with her kid next to her. he had blonde fluffy hair and blue eyes- Lucy's eyes. i just stare as the car slowly fades when going around a corner. as im trying to move my legs, i hear a voice behind me. '' Schroeder? long time no see!'' i turn around and see Violet gray, with a child in her arms and a man behind her, who i thought was Lucy's husband. '' where did Lucy and Elis go? did something happen?'' my heart sinks, a mix of emotions washes over me as i leave to go to my car. i sit down in the back as my driver brings me home, i look out the window and rethink my whole life. the name repeats in my head Elis, Elis, Elis. my mind replays a specific memory from middle school.

''Schroeder, whats your favorite song?'' we were in my room, i was playing the piano and she was of course, leaning on it. ''Für Elise.'' '' erm... whats that? french?'' '' no, its German.'' a long wave of silence flows between us, with only the keys of my piano filling the room. '' can you play it?'' id sighed and cracked my fingers, preparing to preform. as i hit the last note, i look up and see Lucy looking at me intently. ''what? do you not like it?'' '' no, its really beautiful.'' she locks eyes with me, but i look away after becoming nervous. '' so... whats the problem?'' she sighs, '' do you think when we get older, we'll forget these moments? like, they wont matter in the end?'' '' geez, where did that come from?'' '' i don't know, its just been on my mind.'' the room goes silent again, and we both avoid eye contact. '' you should focus on the present, don't worry if they will matter or not.'' '' yeah but, when you become a famous pianist, will you even remember me?'' '' oh trust me, i wont be forgetting you anytime soon.'' '' is that sarcasm Schroeder?'' '' this time, no.'' she gets off my my piano, and walks around my room, stopping at my record player. '' what are you doing Lucy?'' she reaches in my pile of records, and pulls out '' knock three times'' and puts it on the record player. ''Lucy?'' she smiles and grabs my hands. '' dance with me.'' '' i don't know how to dance...'' she laughs and brings me to my feet. '' neither do i!'' that day we stayed up for hours just dancing to music.

im in my hotel room, i just got out of the shower and i flop onto my bed, in my plaid pajama pants and a matching robe. i rethink what id saw earlier today, the boy had to be around 4 or 5, when he looked at me for a second all i could see was his eyes. lucy said she wasn't married, so maybe divorced? this would mean it had to be around the time id left. i remember what Linus had said to me, ''she finally got over you.'' and then something about leaving her with something? the dots click in my head. i last saw lucy 5 years ago, the age her child supposedly is, he has blonde hair, and shes been avoiding me, and got extremely nervous when i saw him. HOLT SHIT I THINK I MIGHT BE THE FATHER.

i jump up from the bed, grab a shirt, and run outside. i don't bother to tell my driver, and i begin to run down the sidewalk to Lucy's house- or old house im assuming. my heart is pounding, my palms are sweaty, and i have raggedy breath. there is a big chance im not the father, but i need to know for sure.i pull up to the familiar house, its dark out by now, and i run to the door. i knock three times, and fidget with my fingers nervously. i hear the lock click, and i see Lucy's mother. she looks the same, just with some faint lines on her face. '' Schroeder?!'' she covers her mouth. '' Mrs. Van Pelt, i need to ask you something, i might sound ridiculous, but Lucy's kid-'' '' its yours Schroeder.'' i stare at her in disbelief, she continues to go on. '' don't tell Lucy i told you, but you have a right to know, and Lucy wont listen to me, sorry.'' as im about to speak, she speaks one last time. '' don't come back until you talk to Lucy, my husband is waiting for me, its nice to see you.'' and she quickly closes the door on me, with the last sound being a click from the lock.

i make it back to my motel, with my slippers being covered in dirt. i sit on my bed, staring at my wall for i can't remember for how long. I cant just ignore this, i need to find Lucy.

Chapter Text

i finally made it to Friday. i'd been on edge all week, looking around, expecting to see Schroeder behind me. I've begged my parents to watch Elis for me this weekend, i need a break and Charlie said the old gang is meeting for drinks, so of course i got to go. though some couldn't make it, i know Charlie, Heather, Linus, Sally, Violet, Patty, Marcie, Frieda, and Franklin should be there. its been a while and i can only imagine the questions they'd have for me. '' you have a kid?!'' ''who's the dad?!'' the thought makes me want to curl up in my room. i look in my closet, and find a slightly short shiny blue dress, with the back open, and a square neck with slight sleeves on it. i grab that and a white cropped cardigan and put it on, then put on some stockings with white heels. to top it off my hair is in a curled half up - half down ponytail, and a white headband. i put on some classic blush, mascara, lipstick, and a matching gold necklace and hoop earrings.

i grab my purse and check the clock on my wall, i have to be there by 9:30 and its 9:00, so i call up Charlie. ring ring ring... '' hello? Lucy?'' '' Hey Charlie! you ready to meet at the bar?'' '' yeah i just need to find my watch, and Heather needs to find her purse.'' '' ok, i was just checking up on you guys, ill see you there!'' as i'm about to place the phone back, i hear Charlies troubled voice. '' WAIT!- ugh... beofre i say what im going to say i want you to-'' my phone begins to ring, signaling another person is calling. '' oh, wait a minute, somebody's calling, just tell me at the bar, okay? bye!'' '' Lucy!-'' i pick up the next call, and hear Linus. '' Hey Lucy, you heading to the bar yet?'' '' no, im waiting a couple minutes, how about you?'' '' i'm just chilling... where's Elis?'' '' i got mom and dad to watch him for the weekend, this weeks been crazy, you know?'' '' that's an understatement...'' we both laugh. '' What are you going to do about Schroeder? i mean, hes gonna wanna know...'' '' eh... ill be easier to talk to when drunk, and its 9:20 so ill be heading out.'' '' alright Lucy, see you there, bye!'' '' bye Linus!'' i hang up the phone, grab my purse, and head out the door.

I walk into the bar, its small but pretty packed, typical for a Friday night. i walk over to the table we were supposed to meet at, seeing charlie, heather, Linus, Sally, and Frieda talking. they all spot me and signal for me to sit. ''Lucy! its been a long time huh?'' Frieda says waving her margarita around. we all talk some more, Linus and Sally are reconnecting i assume, charlie and Heather are overly romantic, then me and Frieda are catching up. over time Franklin, Marcie, and patty show up, and join the conversation. i walk to the bar and order a cocktail, i've grown used to the taste of alcohol, its just seen as a relief for me now. as i'm walking through the crowd, i spot the table where everyone is, but i see the back of a familiar figure, and when they slightly turn, i see Schroeder.

i tighten the grip on my drink, and rush into the crowd. the jukebox plays some 70's songs, and just so happened to play the song me and Schroeder used to dance to. i chug some more drinks, fading into the depths of the many bodies on the dance floor, i find some cute guys and dance with them, but they all seem to jump to the next girl they see. i don't know the time, but my visions blurry and all i can see is a mans chest in front of me, grabbing my waist. i make it back to the bar, order some straight vodka, and sit for a bit. i couldn't even go back to the table if i wanted to, i forgot where it was and i'm mixing up my lefts and rights. i'm talking to a man sitting next to me on the stools, when i feel a grip on my shoulder. i turn around to see Schroeder, he looks into my eyes, but not in a angry way, but a way i can't make out. '' Lucy, we need to talk.''  '' uhhhhh....'' i feel somebody grab my wrist, and i see a guy i was dancing with before. '' hey baby, this guy bothering you? come on lets dance again...'' i pull my arm away and feel Schroeder's hand on my shoulder tighten. '' uhm... im good... sorry.'' '' come on, we danced so well together, cant you feel this tension?'' he grabs my wrist again and sort of pulls me in, but Schroeder stops him by grabbing his arm. '' shes good, so leave her be.'' '' who's this? your boyfriend or something? man your just a used up whor-'' the guy couldn't finish his sentence before Schroeder uses his free hand to right hook him. he grabs my hand, gently leading me through the commotion that just formed around the guy with a fat bruise on his cheek.

were outside the bar, and he lets me sit on a nearby bench. hes standing in front of me, pacing back and forth with his hand on his chin. i get a good look at him, hes wearing some dark jeans with a purple striped short sleeved unbuttoned, with a white undershirt tucked into the pants. with that is a golden watch and chain on his neck, and his hair a medium-length shag, with many waves in it. i admire him a bit more before he stares directly at me. '' Lucy, tell me whats going on, please.'' i look at the floor, tears falling from my eyes. '' i'm so sorry, you weren't supposed to know, i just didn't know how to tell you...'' i cover my face, the alcohol is really getting to me. Schroeder sits next to me and hugs me, i'm a bit suprised but i'm not complaining. i cry into his shoulder, as he caresses my hair, whispering into my ear, '' its going to be ok.''

i use my last sober brain cell and tell him my address, it does't feel weird to tell him, though it wasn't the smartest option. he helps me scramble to my door, as i unlock it he fixes the grip around me, and we walk into my house. he plops me onto my couch and sits next to me, he picks up a nearby photo on the side table, its of me and Elis for his first day of kindergarden. i watch him stare at the photo for a few more seconds, before sadly looking up at me. '' do i really have a son?'' i don't know what to say, i feel so much guilt seeing how sad he is right now. what was i thinking? did i really think i could get over him? i stand up and walk over to my kichen, i shockingly don't stumble as i grab a glass of water. i give one to Schroeder and begin to speak. '' his name is Elis, hes 5... im really sorry.'' my hands shake, i feel so nervous right now. he sets down his water, and grabs my hands in his, he looks me straight in the eye. '' i know were both pretty drunk, but i mean this, i will do anything to live here with you and Elis.'' i begin to cry into his chest again, and after a while we both fell asleep on the couch together, holding one another.

Chapter Text

i wake up on an unfamiliar couch, with pressure on my chest. but when i look down i don't expect to see lucy's face laying on me. it takes a few seconds before the headaches start, i have so many emotions and feelings going through my body that i still can't remember where i am. i decide to slightly move Lucy off of me and stand up, i look around the unfamiliar house and spot 3 doors along a wall. i walk through the one closest to me, i see a children's room, which i assume is Elise's room. it has his bead against the wall, and a window right above it, there are toys organized in cubby's, but all i can notice is in the middle of the room, there is a toy piano almost identical to what my red one was like. i walk up to it and press on the familiar keys, the different tones of the keys are filling the silence of the house. i pull my fingers away from the keys and rush out the room, who am i to walk into this boys room and play on his piano? i don't have any right to even be in this house.

i walk into the second room, it is decorated elegantly, with a beautiful wood vanity against the nearest wall, and a queen sized bed on the opposite side of the room. a light-shaded blue wallpaper and bed sheets makes the room look beautiful with the light seeping in from the curtain's of a wide window in the middle of the vanity and bed. without a second thought i go over to the couch, lift Lucy up, and lay her on what i'm assuming is her bed. she shuffles a bit as im tucking her in, which makes me jump. i take off her heels and her earrings, which makes me a bit nervous getting so close to her. as i was taking off her earrings i look at her face, her long eyelashes and pretty lips shine along with her long hair. i scurry over to her vanity and look at myself in her mirror, my hair is all messed up and i'm still in my clothes from yesterday. i place her earrings on her vanity neatly, along with her heels nearby, and silently close the door behind me.

i walk over and open the last room, which is thankfully the bathroom. i splash the water onto my face as i try to comprehend why i am here, but all my thoughts are blurry after approaching the table where charlie brown had said to meet him. i give up on remembering and walk out of the bathroom, i find my bag near the front door, and i put it over my shoulder. as i'm about to walk out the door, i stop in my tracks. i rush back in and walk to the island in the kitchen, i pull a notepad out of my bag, along with a pen, and begin to write. '' dear Lucy, i'm not sure what happened but all i know is i woke up in your house. we didn't do anything i think, but please contact me as soon as possible. my personal number is XXXX-XXXX, maybe we can meet for dinner or coffee? i really need to talk to you.'' i sigh in relief and finally walk out the door, but my relief is short lived as i don't see my car anywhere outside.

i ended up walking along the sidewalk, which led to a gas station after 10 or so minutes. i called up my manager and he sent a car for me, which had driven me to my hotel. i jump in the shower and change, the time is 2:45, i think about how Lucy is probably awake by now, reading my note, and i wonder what her reaction was. i have a show at 6:30, so i drive over to the designated auditorium to practice. my keys drift over the notes, as my manager and staff listen in the front row seats. they clap after my practice performance, but truthfully i know they are doubting me. i messed up more than usual and iv'e been less desperate to practice. i mostly play piano to calm my nerves but now it isn't helping me at all. just like when i was a child, when Lucy would be mad at me, i would mess up on my keys and get overly frustrated. i manage to calm my nerves by convincing myself she doesn't hate me, and play through the song without any mistakes.

as i sit in my room backstage, i hear a knock on my door, it opens and its my manager. '' sir, its 6:30, shall i notify the stage crew?'' i stare at myself in the overly big mirror against the wall, with the Hollywood lights surrounding it. '' yes.''

Chapter Text

i wake up later than usual, my head throbs in pain as i rise up from my bed. i cant remember anything from last night. i walk over to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, my hair is a mess, my mascara smudged in tear like streaks, and my earrings are gone. shit! those were like 100$... i groan as i hop in the shower, and recognize a familiar cologne scent on my body. i get a whiff of it once or twice when bathing, its almost like a vanilla and honey scent with a touch of something else i cant quite get, but it calms me down. i get out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my body and walk back to my room, i walk to my closet and choose a simple flared jeans and a buttoned up long sleeve outfit, and sit at my vanity. when i sit i don't expect to see my earrings sitting neatly in front of me, i definitely would not been able to line it up so perfectly in a drunken state- then it clicks in my head, did someone come home with me?! i look at the couch, there is a long dent like someone was sleeping there. i go to the kitchen, and as i'm looking around i see a note on the table. i read it in a daze, i don't even know who wrote this note, they didn't sign it! i look at the clock on my kitchen wall, it reads 1:23. i was supposed to pick up elis by 1:00! i rush out the house, purse in hand, and watch the note slowly drift to the floor.

i get to my parents house, they are in the front lawn with elis. i scurry over and apologize to my parents. '' im so so sorry mom-'' she cuts me off, '' its ok, elis didnt cause any trouble so im not upset.'' i thank them and put elis in the car, we wave to them as we drive away.

i run to the store to get groceries with elis, he sits in the cart as i make my way around the freezer section. we get food that will last us for a week and we make our way to the checkout, i greet the familiar cashier and place the food on the conveyor. as im waiting for my items to be checked out, i listen to the nearby radio. '' tonight at 6- broadcasting on musicians live- come listen to Schroeder Felton for FREE!'' as his name enters my head i feel like puzzle pieces are connecting. i remember from last night Schroeder had showed up to the bar where everyone was meeting last night, in a attempt to avoid him i stayed at the bar and kept drinking to distract myself, then a guy tried to hit on me- ''mama! lets go!'' i wake from my daze and see the cashier looking at me with a worried stare. i thank them and scurry to put the groceries in the car. after settling the groceries into the trunk, i put elis in and drive home.

by the time we get to the house its around 4:00, and after putting the groceries away we flop onto the couch. as i keep trying to recall last nights events, Elis walks up to me. '' mama? you know when we were at the store?'' i open my eyes and position myself more comfortably on the couch. '' mhm, what about it?'' '' did you hear the radio?'' he twirls his hair. '' yes... what are you trying to say hun?'' '' i know that time is usually when you watch your show, but i wanted to see if we could watch that guy play piano?'' i dont really know what to say to that, but i speak anyway. '' whatever you want love.'' he happily sits on the couch next to me. '' great! because i wanna practice my piano and i want to take notes from this guy- grandma and grandpa talk about him a lot and they say that hes really good at piano!'' i get up and walk to the kitchen hallway where the phone is located. '' give mom a sec hun!'' i hear him grunt in agreement as i make it to the phone. i call up my parents house phone and impatiently wait for them to answer. '' Lucy? whats the matter?'' my dad answers the phone. '' why are you guys talking to Elis about Schroeder.'' the call is silent, i hear some rustling and mumbles after a while, and someone picks up the phone. '' Lucy.'' its my mother. '' you need to tell him someday, they both deserve to know.'' '' at the end of the day its not up to you mom! i will someday, and you shouldn't be doing my job for me.'' the call goes silent once more, till my mother finally speaks. '' i already told Schroeder Lucy.'' i hang up the phone and lean against the wall, i had a feeling he knew but to have my mom tell him herself after i SPECIFICALLY told her to let me. i felt so many emotions that i just crouched onto the floor with my face in my hands for a solid 5 minutes.

after i while i rose from the floor and began to prep dinner, i cooked some macaroni with broccoli, along with some chicken on the side. it took a solid hour for it to cook, and we patiently waited for the broadcast to start. Elis could not stop talking about how curious he was to hear Schroeder play since grandma wouldn't stop saying Elis was just like him at that age. during that time i could recall almost everything from last night, after a guy approached me Schroeder stepped in and stopped him, we went outside and he confronted me about being distant, he took me home and i told him about Elis after he asked me again. i cried- he cried, and we fell asleep on my couch, and then i woke up on my bed with that note on my counter. at least he left a note, and he didn't try anything with me, ill call him soon, he deserves to know his son.

the channel finally begins, for an hour it just showed a blank screen with the words ''show starting soon'' in the middle. we both watch intently as the screen shows a upper view of the auditorium, claps and cheers begin to start as Schroeder walks out the side of the stage. there is a microphone in the middle front area of the stage, and a piano 10 or so feet behind it. he walks over to the microphone, hes in a neat black suit with a red bow, and his hair is neatly gelled back. the clapping silences as he clears him throat into the mic, and opens his mouth. '' i want to thank everyone who will be listening to my performance today, especially since this is my last show on tour.'' he fidgets with his hands and goes silent for a few seconds. '' all i want to say is that... this all was for you... Lucy.'' my jaw hits the floor as he walks over to the piano and sits down. as he plays the song, the melody fills my head with so many emotions. it begins with a playful tune, it reminds me of the times me and Schroeder would spend together as kids, me laying on his piano, we were so ignorant back then. it transitions to a more passionate, lively tune, i'm not sure what it really is supposed to represent, but it personally feels like all the times Schroeder would show affection to me, like when he used to praise me and open up about his feelings, maybe that's what he intended to make it feel like? it soon becomes a depressing tone, which honestly made my heart hurt, as he was playing this part it zoomed in onto him, his eyebrows furrowed and a frown on his face. it feels like that joyful tune that once played is now a distant memory. the keys stop abruptly, then after a few moments of silence its starts up again, slow but building into what it used to sound like. the music is now like it once was, and the performance comes to an end after a beautiful exit. cheers and claps begin again, and Elis copy's them. i don't even notice my face full of tears, and i clap as well. Schroeder walks to the front of the stage, bows quickly, and rushes backstage. i look over to Elis and hes lit up. '' mama, i wanna be just like that someday!'' i smile at him, he really is just like Schroeder.

Chapter Text

its been 4 days since I've seen Lucy, and I'm losing my mind. ever since my last performance ended, I've decided to take a break till we can figure out a solution to the current circumstances. my manager was a little upset with me, and there's a decent amount of controversy, but that's not my main concern. I'm trying to be patient and give her time, but I'm watching my phone like a hawk. I've talked to Charlie brown about it, since he's like- my only actual friend. he told me he knew for a while, which i was upset about at first but I've come to understand he didn't want to mend in our business. anyway, he told me Lucy's phone number, so I'm debating if i should contact first. i remember all of what happened on Friday at the bar, Charlie invited me but didn't tell me Lucy was going to be there, then i saw her with a guy, i shooed him away, i dropped her off, and we reconnected, i think? i hope? I'm still not sure.

i lay on my hotel bed, staring at the ceiling one again. i hear the phone start to ring, and without a second thought i run over. i end up tripping half way, but i end up getting the phone before the ringing ends. i hang onto the wall, breathing heavily into the phone, ''Lucy? is that you?'' the call is silent, then i hear '' who's Lucy? is a girl the reason why you missed your interviewing session today?!'' i sigh in disappointment and rub my temples, my manager claims that if i want to go on a break then i'm gonna have to keep a good public image. this being said i may have been a LITTLE distracted, but you cant change the past, that's for sure. '' sorry...what do you want me to do now?'' i hear scoffs on the other side of the phone '' come to ######### avenue, floor 3, we got you a gig with some reporter. my heat skips a beat, isn't Lucy a reporter? '' ok, ill be on my way..'' i calmly say my goodbyes before putting the phone down. I'd gotten ready in under 10 minutes, wearing some casual clothes and making sure i look nice, just in case. i use a borrowed car and drive to the address given to me, thankfully i remember the building from going on walks as a kid and noticing it. as i pull into the parking lot, i grip the wheel, i take a deep breath, then i exhale. i walk out of the car and straight into the building, its modern with a beautiful chandelier in the middle of the lobby. the lady at the front desk lets me pass after complementing me, and i ride the elevator to the 3rd floor. i adjust my cuffs, my collar, i feel all nervous. i watch as the elevator doors open, hoping to see Lucy sitting at a table with a camera facing her, but I'm mistaken. there is a woman with a high ponytail and a blue dress, but i cant even settle in before hearing screaming from across the film studio. '' i told you the color needs to be wine red twat!!'' i look over curiously and see a familiar face. the one and only Frieda, red hair flaming more then before, she's on the phone with somebody, and abruptly hangs up. she slaps her face and looks up, we meet each others gaze and she smirks. ''well well well! long time no see!'' she walks over cheerfully, it scares me how fast her mood changes. '' hey... Freida... long time no see.'' ''oh you don't have to be all awkward, how you been?'' i rub the back of my neck, '' oh fine.. not much to say'' ''are you serious? not much to say? your a world famous musician.'' she laughs. '' you really are the same Schroeder, some things never change.'' '' yeah, same to you.''

she introduces me to the woman who will be interviewing me, she's a small first year college student, she curiously asks me about my career and i tell her willingly. after a while i go explore, thankfully i wasn't too late, i just missed a practice interview. i stand next to a snack table, with a cup of water in my hands. i hear heels clacking on the floor and see frieda head over to me. '' you tired already?'' while talking Frieda told me she's now a director for this film studio, which i praise her for because she seems to be doing well for herself. '' kinda.'' i say, she stands next to me, a coffee in her hands. '' by the way how did you enjoy friday? i honestly couldn't remember much.'' she laughs, '' it was fine.'' she stares at me, a smirk crossing her face. ''nothing happened?'' i look at her curiously, '' what are you trying to say?'' '' we all saw you two schroeder, you saved her from a guy and left together, so tell me, did something happen between you two?'' i get flustered at what she's accusing me of, and start to wave my hands. '' you got it ALL wrong! i just- dropped her off at home! nothing happened between us, and i don't know what you heard but all we did was fall asleep on the couch together!'' '' jeez, i didn't know about that last part, but i'm happy for you two.'' i stare at her, trying to read her expression. '' id always want a connection like the two of you had, you guys were stuck together by glue it felt like. thankfully soon i had found my husband and were happily married.'' she shows me her ring. '' anyway, i'm just saying you and lucy have this connection i've always wanted with someone, you guys are like- perfect.'' she pats my shoulder and walks past me, but before she can walk away completely she stops and turns back. ''don't lose her twice schroeder, im cheering for you guys.'' she leaves me to dwell on what she said, i now know what i want to say to her.

i sit across the table from the girl id met earlier, i learned her name was eve. Frieda is behind the camera signaling 3...2...1... and then the camera turns on. i don't know what questions they are going to ask me since i missed the rehearsal, so i'm a bit nervous, but i have a feeling i know what they'll ask about. '' today i am here with the one and only Schroeder Felton, who has came to visit his hometown for his last performance on tour. how you feeling mr. Felton?'' i clear my throat. '' i'm fine, just glad to be here.'' '' i sense board props up behind me, out of the cameras sight, with questions to be asked. i see Eve look over my shoulder to read the questions. '' so, we've heard your taking a break from being a musician Mr. Felton, why is that?'' '' well, i have a lot to deal with in my personal life, and after i situate that i'll return.'' ''i see... does this have to do with the ''Lucy'' you mentioned in your so called introduction speech 4 days ago?'' '' i gulp and begin to fidget a little bit. '' yes.'' '' do you plan to show your many fans this mystery woman?'' '' hopefully in the future.;'' '' i see, i'm guessing she's your lover?'' '' uh...no... not right now at least.'' i feel my face heat up, realizing they only brought me here to ask about me and the mystery woman i'd made a song about. '' i see, would you suppose she's watching this live interview right now?'' i stare at the camera, '' i'm not sure.'' '' well if she was, what would you say to her?'' '' uhm..'' i stare into the camera, my gaze is so fixated on it i can see my reflection. '' uhm... you remember when you forced me to watch grease with you? it just came out in theaters, and no matter how much i nagged you took me anyway, and paid for our food. and because of that, i was able to forget about my stupid piano for once.'' i drop my eyes to the table. '' i was so ignorant, id never realized all those years you were the one taking care of me. i want to repay you, i want to take care of you the way you did all those years.'' i stand up with my hands on the table, still looking down. '' please, call me soon.'' i say goodbye and walk out, while they all stare at me confused. i ride down the elevator, my face now burning. what if she was watching? how will i compose myself when i see her again? i stand outside the building, leaning against the wall, i cover my face with my hands. '' what do i do now?''

Chapter Text

I stare at the TV in front of me, my mouth covered with one of my hands. I'd just witnessed THE Schroeder Felton express his desire to take care of me on live TV, with who knows how many people are watching! i turn off the TV and sit on my couch, i don't know what he meant by that statement but it causes my face to fluster anytime i think about it to much. as i'm dwelling on my couch, the phone rings, i get up lazily and answer it. ''hello this is Lucy!'' ''Lucy its Charlie, did you see the broadcast?!'' ''if you're talking about Schroeder's interview that just ended, yes, i did.'' ''well, what do you think?'' i go quiet for a few seconds, trying to find the exact emotion i'm feeling right now. ''i... don't know.'' ''well you better know soon! you can't just avoid him.'' hes right, ive been debating how to call Schroeder for the past few days, it honestly isn't that hard, but something about it makes me nervous. ''i know i know.. give me some ti-'' ''he called me the other day asking about you, hes going crazy.'' he laughs a bit, ''listen, i didn't expect him to go tell the whole world that he loved you, but he did.'' ''he didn't confess his love for me block head! stop assuming things.'' ''just call him soon so he'll stop bothering me, see ya Lucy.'' and a second later, the line went silent.

it was Thursday, three in the afternoon, and Elis was having a sleepover with violets children. i was a bit hesitant to let his stay at another house, but i trust violets family, and Elis is a smart boy, so he'll tell me if something happens. I walk over to the phone in my room after twenty or so minutes of pacing back and forth, i look at the posted note in my hand, and begin to rotate the numbers to match Schroeder's. when finished i wait nervously while the line rings, sitting on my bed and bouncing my leg. surprisingly it goes to voicemail, and i panic hearing the beep go off, signaling me to start speaking. ''um...hey Schroeder its Lucy, sorry it took so long to call yo-'' the phone picks up halfway through my voicemail. ''Lucy? is that you?'' ''uh, Schroeder?'' ''yes... i'm here, continue.'' i sigh, ''i- honestly, i was a bit nervous to call you, that's why it took so long.'' ''that's ok.'' an uncomfortable silence began, before Schroeder finally broke it ''so... would you like to grab dinner soon?'' i snap back into reality and nervously answer. ''Yeah!.. what day works for you?'' ''i'm free all week, how about you?'' ''i get out at two o clock Monday though Friday.'' ''how about Friday night..?'' ''that works for me, how about at eight?'' ''yeah, ill pick you up?'' ''sure.'' ''great.'' another pause of silence filled the call, but more comfortable then the last one. ''ill see you then, Schroeder.'' ''huh? oh yeah- see you then.'' ''goodbye Schroeder.'' ''goodbye Lucy.'' i put the phone down, and lay on my bed. i grab a nearby pillow and shove my face into it, is it just me, or does it sound like were going on a date? maybe its just my teenage mind, but i'm all giddy now.

...

Friday came faster then i thought, before i knew it i was in front my my vanity mirror fixing my hair. i was wearing a deep blue satin gown with black floral lace embroidery, a high slit, and thin straps. I styled with sheer black gloves, a pearl necklace, and a small black handbag. i didn't know where Schroeder was taking me, but there is no shame in being overdressed. i had a blowout hairstyle and a deep blue headband to match my dress, with it i wore some black heels. i had been waiting for the right occasion to wear this exact outfit and i was proud to say i looked good in it. Elis was still at his friends house so i didn't have to worry about him, and now i was putting the last touches on my makeup while i waited for Schroeder. I'd remembered how he'd always make sure to be early rather than late, so i tried my best to get ready early. as i was finishing another coat of my lipstick i hear the doorbell ring, i hurriedly walk over and take a deep breath before opening the door. There is Schroeder in a black suit with a few of the top buttons loose. he had damp curls draping around his head, not too flat but not too fluffy. the way he stared at me made my heart jump as we stood staring at one another for a few seconds. ''Schroeder?'' i wave my hand in his face and he seemingly snaps back into reality. he stutters a little bit while speaking. ''y-you ready to go?'' i look back into my home and can't remember anything i'd forgotten to do. ''yes, i am.'' I walk out my house, thankfully since summer had just ended the sky wouldn't get dark that quickly. i look in my driveway, i see a dark blue Cadillac running, and for a moment i forget hes a millionaire now. he walks over the the passenger seat and opens the door for me, waving over for me to get in. i do as he instructs me to do, and he walks around, sitting in the drivers seat. ''you know, you never told me where were going.'' i say, looking over to him. ''i set a reservation for golden hour bistro, i hope that's ok.'' i stare in shock, ''isn't that place expensive?!'' ''its fine, it's my treat.'' ''i cant accept this, let me check my wallet for some cash-'' as i'm about to pull my wallet out my purse he grabs my hand and looks me in the eye. ''i said its my treat, don't worry.'' we both stare into each others eyes for a while, and i notice the way his eye bags deepened. he widens his eyes and quickly goes back to his side of the car. ''uhm- sorry, lets be on our way.'' i keep staring at his face while buckling my seat belt, i smile at his flustered face and close my purse.

we arrive at the restaurant, i'd only passed it a couple times in my life but it captivated me every time i saw it. we park in an open space and he gets out first, i watch him walk over to my side of his car and open my door. was he ever this gentlemen like? i turn slightly red as i take his hand and he pulls me out the car. we let go and walk along the sidewalk and into the building. it has a chandelier in the middle of the ceiling and tables surrounding a bar in the center. he leads me to what i assume is the host/hostess desk. ''hello! do you have a reservation?'' ''yes we do, its under the name Schroeder Felton.'' ''ah!- Mr. Felton! we've been expecting you, follow me to your table.'' we both walk behind the man who leads us to a table in the far corner of the restaurant, beside a large window. ''i'll have someone check on you in five or so minutes, just sit tight. ''he walks away without another word, and Schroeder pulls out a chair for me. i sit down and put my purse on the floor besides me, ive never been to a fancy restaurant, but learned lots of knowledge from movies and such. ''Lucy, what have you been doing these past 5 years?'' he focuses his eyes on me and sits up straight. ''well you know, ive been moving from job to job just trying to get by... taking care of Elis, how about you, Schroeder?'' ''well i went to that college i was always talking about in England, published music, got famous somehow, just like how you'd wanted me to.'' ''how i wanted you to? you wanted it as well, right?'' ''i mean-yeah, but i cant lie, ive missed being home with family, friends, you, ive just felt kinda lonely you can say.'' my heart flutters a bit when he says that, i know he probably meant that in a platonic way but it still shook me. ''you didn't make any friends in England?'' ''i did, but it didn't feel the same.'' ''aww, you missed us so much, didn't you Schroeder?'' i place my face in my palm. ''you don't have to tease me for it, Lucy...'' he looks away with his face red, and i cant help but smile, i missed this- i missed him, a lot.

The waiter showed up and give us menus, and the whole dinner was filled with our laughter, smiles, and reoccurring memories. before i knew it, the bill was handed to us. ''here is the bill folks, pay when your ready.'' i glance at the total cost, though i can't see the numbers i see its 4 digits and there is a comma. i look in shock and Schroeder casually picks it up, pulls out a few wads of cash, and sets it back down. ''Schroeder please, let me pay some of it, it feels unfai-'' ''Lucy, for the last time, its my treat. not to brag, but it won't really effect my bank account.'' i nod, he stands first and holds out his hand. i'm not going to lie, with that fancy wine they offered me i do feel a bit tipsy, but it doesn't really effect me as much as it did in the beginning. i take his hand and we walk out, he does what he'd done when we came and opened my car door, i get inside and he walks around to get in as well. our drive is somewhat silent, before he speaks at a red light. ''i really enjoyed tonight, Lucy.'' my face heats up and i respond. ''me too.'' after another few minutes of silence we pull into my driveway. i stare at his face that has a hint of disappointment. ''ah, here we are.'' i look down at my purse and speak, ''was this a date, Schroeder?'' i see him panic for a second. ''i- don't know, was it? do you want it to be?'' ''i lift my eyes to him, hes staring directly at me. '' i'm sorry, we didn't even get to talk about Elis, i didn't even notice.'' ''its fine, there's time for that another day.'' the car becomes silent one again. ''so...was it a date?'' i say, he quickly darts his eyes away. ''yes, it was, to me at least, sorry if i didn't make that clear enough.'' he looks ashamed as he fidgets with his fingers, i instinctively grab them, massaging them like how i'd use to so long ago. ''it's fine, i was hoping it was.'' he looks up at me and i continue to stare at him, i don't know if it was the mood, or the wine in both our body's, but we both leaned in and kissed each other. it felt so familiar, i wrapped my arms around his neck and he instinctively grabbed my waist, this went on for at least a minute or two, before i finally snapped out of my trance and we both locked eyes. we were both out of breath by the end of it, and it took a couple more seconds before the shock came through. i lept off of him and he let go of my waist, i grabbed my purse and hurriedly rushed out the car with a quick goodbye. i slam the front door closed and peered out the nearby window through the blinds. it was dark out, but i could see his faint figure sitting still in the car, and after a while he drove off. i step away from the window and walk over to the bathroom, i look at myself in the mirror, my lipstick is smudged, and my face is red. i walk over to the phone and dial Charlie Browns number, he answers and in a sleepy tone says, ''Lucy? its 11 at night, what could you possibly need?'' ''i think you weren't making assumptions, me and Schroeder just had a two minute make out session in his car.''