Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

T'was a moonlight night, with the moon out in the sky, so full and bright.

The Manly Sir Jack requested some Mondstadt Grilled Fish, and he ordered the most skilled chefs to make this dish.

You must be cold, was what thou said, but he brushed it off, lighting a patch of grass instead.

However the fire grew, out of control, it spread and it flew, burning away the grass that had just grown anew.

Thou pleaded for the man to leave that patch of land, but he refused rudely, saying he was a brave man.

'There's no need', he said, though advice, well, he paid no heed.

You did depart, worryingly, worried for the man who was living his life oh so dangerously.

What Manly Sir Jack didn't know was that his actions would cause his death, and that he would burn in fire until nothing was left.

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Silver-tipped arrogance
The way to a fool's heart
I should know

The fool.

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Thin whites, red liquid
Dripping down the cross

Sheets flipping up and below
Words mixed, like my breath
To ask for more is greed

And silence, loud as can be
Sealing my fate
With a click.

My lines start to bleed

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Mind-numbing reality
Take my hand
And twist it, shatter my insides

Cracked soul
Fragments of the past
Torn at the edges

All wrapped in a gift ribbon
The now is no longer here
I am you
Not me

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Thorns entangled
Even the loveliest of roses
Won't let go

Red paints this sky
A dull hue
Please, bleed into my eyes

Bruised, broken and buried,
I love you.

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Weakness
My bones feel weak
Round my eyes spin

Like the earth
Faster, faster I go
Spiral downwards, tipsy over the edge
It creeps out, inside it goes

Peeling and peeling the layers
Crimson, red and hot
This is not my skin

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Let me be lost, let me be found
Let me be cast aside, let me be treasured
One day, for the slightest of moments,
Grant me this blessing.

Let my weary bones rest, let my tired eyes close,
For a moment of peace,
Let me rest.

Once, I am lost into the abyss of darkness, a stillness I had never known,
I am free.

Please, kind sir,
Let me rest.
And dream.

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The bleeding carcass of the rotting sun
Stretches upon,
under an insipid ocean.

Vast lands,
an eye only can see,
But never glance upon the silver of another moon.

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I'm glad I left your room tidy.

When they come for your things,
I'll whisper your name,
why the room was too full,
too suffocating.

Too much, too little,
a glass half full,
its emptiness consumes me whole.
It tips over to the edge, barely in place.

You smile and smile and smile it seems so real, but the water is piping hot,
the smoke and ashes form pretty shades on my arms,
I can't help but choke.

An unquenchable thirst,
a lump in my throat that seems to burst out,
I cough, you wretch.

All for a flower.
I crush its leaves,
the petals in my eyes,
my vision clouds,
I stumble,
The plug is pulled.

The hotline is dead.
Sinking deeper, out of the pot,
and into the boiling sea.
The room is angry.
A raging fire,
spitting flames of contempt.

The pale, cold floor,
my eyes unfocused,
like your bed,
empty.

A dream of a future,
all gone.

The walls tear and chew themselves on the inside, the carpet shrivels up and sinks.
Red and roses were your favorite.

A pretty sight,
all the roses that bloomed across your chest,
the chill in your bones never seemed to leave.

Few of those flowers blossom.
Thick, long vines of red,
trickle down from my wrists and onto the floor,
spreading out into beautiful roses.

I'm glad I left your room tidy, my beloved.

Chores can finally rest easy tonight, and so can you.

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A handful of coins, to pay the fee for the bus.

Quiet chats, with rough leather seats, a skin away from alive. Scenery, stretching out into the unknown, the window outside, painting a gateway to the acres of trees.

I smile, knowing these moments are between the two of us.
Just you and me.

With the sea and sky for company,
Guided, by a soulful dream
We are one.

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To my dearest father,
I love you.

Between that untouched stack of papers,
this bouquet of flowers.
The soft mumbles of words,
and a squeeze of your hand.
Your endearing embrace of another.
There is your love.

This warmth of one's heart,
the catalyst of love,
misunderstanding sinks,
with well-mannered intentions.
Thoughts forming into nothingness,
my mere words.

Well, comfort has a taste.
It waits, like a steaming bowl of soup,
filled to the brim with love.

It's a hug so tight it swallows oneself,
mixed with untucked collars,
mismatched socks,
and the rushing to be untangled and free,
this struggle to stay awake.
Alive.

Your hand is cold,
my heart, warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Quiet exchanges,
hearty laughs,
and clickings of a pen.

A bed, a home, empty.
Patiently waiting,
lingering for an everlasting later.

Beeps of the unknown echo,
and I sit quietly,
just the two of us.
But I am lonely,
With only but the sea and the sky for company.

This sliver of hope engulfs the room,
and wraps around like a coat,
a few sizes too big, always.

The weight of a human soul,
this intangible kindness of his beating heart,
with a world of love to offer.
A good man.
That, I say,
was my father.

A breathless life, left there lying.
Filled with chatterings of the lost,
one you will never meet again,
forever intertwining the silence,
slipping into a cacophony of noise.

A hesitation, slowly dying.
But what not is a sweet nothing,
without this message spoken from my heart?
Surrounded by consoling words,
uneasy goodbyes.
I had promised you, and only you,
an unspoken story, this lie.

A sky above, soundlessly crying.
These missed memories you will never make,
and the loneliness of solitude,
a longing for a friendship,
simply for your love once more.

It's quiet.
I shiver.
Awaiting, hoping.
The living dead don't toil for long,
and there are warmer places than in your arms.

Drowning, dying in a memory,
one that isn't quite mine,
but isn't quite his either.
There wasn't a day you weren't by my side,
but time awaits none.

The string of fate tied us together,
one soulful dream.
Happiness had known nothing, until it met you.
That is, until you fell.
Fell to the skies you did,
off this lonesome earth,
away from me.
All hushed, quiet, unmoving.

Still, your heart beats.

Someone's on the other side, a shadow.
Watching, waiting, wanting to be let in.
A mirror, a reflection, holding back myself, keeping the unlocked door close.

And then.
A knock.
The unlocked door, left slightly ajar.
I slowly peek my head inside.
This darkness, my fear.
It's you.

The shadow, this man, it smiles.
He sits, he stays,
he whispers, to me.
Now, and forever more,
I am lost,
scattered among the stars.
Roaming the sea above,
far, far away,
until the end of time.

Yet.
Whenever I seem to fade,
remember this, and never, ever, forget.
My eternal promise, my parting gift.
A comfort, these string of simple words,

I love you too.

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With trembling cold feet,
and tightly clasped palms,
An emptiness fills me.

Organs spill out,
tumbling and mumbling amongst one another,
in a broken disjointed mess.

In the recesses of life,
the hotlines are dead,
and so will I, be too,
soon am I to be put to bed.
All alone. Quiet.

Whispers, the cries of those who suffered,
under this wretched, unwanted being.
The graverobbers in our own skin,
shifting, waiting to escape.
To pry loose, to hurt.

Forget. Dream. Sink.
This modern day suicide,
in every sense of the world.
With my eyes closed, and a head empty,
I am not loved.

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To the remains of my uncut clear soul,
do you know what it's like to breathe?
While we follow the path of the stars,
to the land of freedom,
hoping for the best,
and a brighter horizon.
Fighting, breathing, these pains.
Is living truly worth all this?

Oh, but...
To feel the wind against your hair,
the warmth.
The sky, the sun, the beauty of the world.
A soft breeze welcomes us into its arms.
This tinting on the blush of your cheeks,
and the giggle that escapes your lips,
when will you know what it's like to live?

To smile at the dawn of a new day,
to take joy in the memories you make,
to be happy just simply live, and to be?
Lost in the eyes of others,
the maze of the universe,
out of sight,
a path, out of mind.

Yet, will you ever think to wonder, even just for the littlest of seconds?
How the sun is always surrounded in the centre,
and spread out for all stars above,
waiting for another.
Far apart from the others, all alone.
Always waiting.
Doesn't it tire?

Well, to my dearest unbroken half,
without you, I am nothing.
So I thank you with this,
a final message.
Achieve your final dream.
Do not falter, do not ache.
Always live on,
and be free.

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Lines blend together,
words, stories, pass by in a blur.
Nothing seems to make sense,
not anymore.

Stringing my nonsense into something intelligible,
something to make sense.
Of all the muffled scrambles of things,
and objects out of time,
fixing things into places,
lost memories of strangers in my mind.

Overwhelmed by the presence of choice,
with more and more red crosses,
lacking of not, and not checks,
why can't I get anything right?
This difficulty to remember,
to know what is real,
and what is not.
It troubles me, most deeply.

Enjoy the concord melodies,
these dissonant sounds.
Limbs torn at the hem,
brains splattered from the insides out,
leaving myself to the point of no return.

Smog fills my lungs,
its taste is rough on the edges,
not smooth around my innards.
I rather savour the bitterness of heartbreak,
then experience the cruelty of losing you,
time and time again.

As I choke on liquid plastic,
feeling aspirin burning in my veins,
I can't help but question.
What's the meaning of life?
For we live only to die in the end.

Our bodies are soaked in sin,
and it's too late to swim out.
Tipsy from the thought of even thinking,
and hatred too deep into the bone.
I can't help but sink into despair,
the fruitlessness of it all.

If this is hell, so be it.
Selfish bastards deserve no mercy.
Please let me suffer, and die alone forever.

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bleeding hearts, buried amongst one another.
a casket of tomes, a stolen freedom
sword at the helm, an owner long gone,
one final strike, is all it took.

step after step through the sweltering heat
a thousand of tears drip down my chin
as i gaze down upon the endless valleys.

the fearless, facing the unknown
with bravery dying alongside their hearts,
yet coursing, rushing, and blazing through mine.

tear down the banners,
storm the city!
burn the listless memories.
tell the whole world-
the cruel fury of a god is no more.

with freedom is on the horizon,
all but a glimpse away,
hope blooms once more,
it lights up the darkest of times,
soothing the aches of my heart.

to reenact the spark of rebellion,
to purge this world of destruction,
to rid of this wretched eternity.
one final strike, is all i'll need.

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my head is crushing in on itself about,
it feels like its about to pop.
can't think straight,
can't think clearly,
cant understand what i mean,
or what i meant to say,
chattering nonsense on and on.

im ready to spill,
with my organs still intact
and the curves and lines and guts inside,
lined up in a corner,
all neat and tidy and organised.

words spit themselves out from my mouth,
like little tiny faults and cuts across my tongue.
i drink on sorrow out a gasoline pump
lost in a facade of my identity
with no destination,
no path leading home.

let me squeeze my insides open
and make myself whole again.
with teeth yellowed,
eyes bloodshot,
throat burning and sore.
im set to go down a rabbit hole
and never climb back out.

emotions roam about uncontrollably,
they stick out in odd places,
and poke through the holes in my skin,
making it look ugly.

as i fill my holes with the alcohol,
these odd jobs and poor grades,
nothing seems the same,
nothing seems right,
nothing, nothing, nothing.
i am nothing less, nothing more.

overdosing on caffeine,
hitting the dopamine rush,
staying up late.
theres not enough of my melancholy,
to fill my bleeding heart.

im a sad little kid,
with a broken radio.
playing static sounds over and over,
mimicking a silly lullaby,
to hide that im all alone.

the only way out,
a final escape,
is to lose my own hand.
so i will live with the self-pity,
this selfish way to die.
waiting, waiting, waiting- snap!
for the day i can finally say goodbye.

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my heart all heavy,
please hold my hand,
for old times sake.
love me again
let us feel like, what it's like to be alive
before we take our final breath
under the stars, together.

sitting alone,
let us be merry,
drown out our sorrows in whisky and wine.
the empty barrel, knowing no end
drink away regrets,
bubbling to spill,
please cry away the blues
forever and forever,
you promised to be mine
yet another morning comes,
without you by my side,
I'm going to drink my tears tonight.

at the end of the world,
upon tips of the peaks,
is where we'll meet
so please be kind to me
let this soothing love
be everything and nothing, all bittersweet.

and in the end of it all,
i'll miss this, and so much more.
you'll come back to me, stay for the night,
and i’d wait until you disappear at dawn.

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My acquaintance, I remark.
I'm not a full moon, and not a full heart.
Less of a man that I once was, less of a person that I wished to be.
My screws are loosening, a stark hollow,
Yet we embrace each other, wholeheartedly.

Trying to fill up what was lost, what was taken,
what was gone and gone and gone once more,
never returning, even for the fleeting moment.

But I was taken, and never the same soul again,
But my voice drifts, and your eyes don't follow
an empty feeling in my respite, with a bitterness in my tongue.

My friend, I sigh.
Don't keep the telephone waiting, answer my call.
I wait for your reply earnestly,
your love will be the only thing that gives me life, that loves me oh so endearingly.
Don't leave me alone, don't leave me to die,
nurture me with your light, and love me with all your might,
Until my heart blooms and wilts, you'll keep loving me until the end.

Our love is fleeing, our love is desolate,
yet I'd still love you in the end,
even though I know I'll go one day.
Maybe you'll hold my hand and make me understand
Why it had to be?

I don't need forever, I just want you for a moment longer,
please don't leave me so soon.
I can compose love poems, hymns, stories dedicated to you
but it's never really you, it never feels like you,
and I know its not you, it can never be you.
Still, please, please love me.
Don't leave me to starve, your bowl of affection is what keeps me thriving.

My dearest, I whisper.
I am ravenous for love, filled with sin.
Nothing is worth loving, nothing is worth living for,
but only one thought occurs again and again-
you and me, me and you.
Why do we live? Simply for each other.

You and me, me and you.

It has always been us, us two, the two of us.
Never me, and it never will be me,
I will never be a reason to live
I'd remove myself from the pair, erase my name from the equation,
leaving only you behind, like always.

It always been you, and only you.
Only you will stay, only you will remain, and only you will be left.
I will be long gone, with nothing left for my remains.
Please live in my name, please continue on.
Forget about me, your old lover, your old friend.

Please love me for who I once was,
not who I've become, a being incapable and unworthy of your purest love.
No, please love anyone but me.
Indeed, love and I are such cruel people.
Will you still pretend to love me dearly, so I do not have to love myself?

My love, I smile.
To the moon and back.
I fell in love deeply with a soul,
yet we never shared a last name on our final days.
I know the end is near.
It has always been close by, waiting for me.

Well, for my final goodbye,
Never let me go, lest you let me wither once again,
and open my eyes like I once did, that last summer's eve.

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hello? am i still your only friend?
lonely is me, woe is death
we are one and the same, too alike for our own good
love you, love me, love everything about life, despise everything about death

there is only one way of thinking, one way of breathing
but never one way of living, but only one way of dying
regretfully. sorrowfully. a demise unfitting of a person.
that is the death i wish for, i yearn for
one deserving for a sinner like me.

i cannot help but rejoice
my victory is never certain, my defeat is inevitable
but the thought of my life at its end, at the brink of salvation known as death
brings me great comfort, joy and peace.

i know that the end is near, and i welcome it willingly
the light is not silent, the darkness is but solitude
in the end i can only choose myself to be happy, but it is an impossible task.
loneliness, my friend,
my only companion in these humbling moments.

i fight day to day, with a knife as my sword, and overwhelming emotions as my last love
i cant help but struggle against the uncertainty, knowing my last breath draws closer
it makes more the satisfying conclusion, an end to the cycle
quiet, steady, like a beating heart
a whisper, a dew drop, in the flowing mist
a piano key, that note out of place
its eerie, mysterious, and a quiet peace I've never known.

look at the burnt crevices of my palm,
the mutilation of my corpse's life
dissect and bleed my heart tonight
i want a premature death, burning in purgatory

my greatest crime was deceiving oneself, my greatest deed putting the headless human out of misery
i have sunk in too deep, beyond gods salvation
too much lost in the wreckage,
love wont save me now.

please, heaven, give me salvation
and end my misery once more
let me lie at peace with my sins
and bask in the glory of my youth,
look past the misdeeds of a miscreant
idolize my youth, despise my presence,
love what is perfect, not what is missing
armed with only this bittersweet memory
i mourn for the youth you were robbed of.

i know im a disaster at heart,
a sailor always lost at sea
all i just want to is to have one restart
and finally be free
but little sweet death's too good for me
so i continue on toiling fruitlessly

its a choice to continue, a choice to give up
a choice to sell your soul to a devil, to give up happiness for mercy
to over indulgence in the recesses of life, to forget who you once were
to be too human, to be beyond saving

will you please allow me another chance?
to give up fully, my joy and happiness
in exchange for something worth living for, an aimless purpose
i can only protest at what my life could have been, but never changed a thing
simply watching afar, never doing.

alas, this is what my life truly means
like my purpose, both are alike
my suffering, my misery, my pain
always amounted to what i not hoped, but known all along
absolutely nothing.

this was not death, not life, just an unknown entity,
the chaos of love, and the multitude of emotions that come forth
grasping, holding, tightening its grip around my neck
i struggle to breath, in the overwhelming state of it
im too sweet, too full, too much of everything,
but suddenly too little, too few, and never enough.

i will swallow my doubts bitterly, and smile to the future.
the sunrise and sunsets,
ones i will end before ever seeing once again
my final ode, my only goodbye
left in short, little words.

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when the sun rose and fell from the sky,
and the moon caught them, ever so gently, and cradled them in their arms
that's when i fell in love.
but the hilltops look so lonely without the sun shining above,
while the stars cry out for their stolen moon
and my heart feels so empty without your embrace of love.
will you call me for again at night,
when the sun dies, and the moon lives once more?

i'm lost in your starry eyes, sinking into the depths of despair
always, i get giddy when i think of you.
its bad for my appetite, but i cant help myself from loving you
you're perfect in every way, because you're nothing like me
i need you forever and ever
its an obsession, an unhealthy form of love
because you're mine, and mine only
pleading, begging and crying
this broken self of mine needs you

you rival the sun, the stars, and the moon
so please love me, please fix me
and fit all the pieces back in place together, prim and proper.
i'd hope your affection fills the void In my heart
and keeps my tears from spilling once more
but plain boiled rice fools no one

lets play make-believe, just like those fairytales
when we were nothing beyond compare
those star-crossed lovers, that chanced upon each other
enduring the holy divination of fate.
a composition of hope, love and despair
that's the first time i met such a loving soul.
the world endeared us in their care,
and i'd clutch your hand lovingly, hoping you'd never let go
but alas, tragedy would befall us.
wasn't it supposed to be you and i, forever?

i'm sorry for loving you, i'm sorry for leaving you
you lie, yet i still love you nonetheless
beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
so i know you're the kindest liar of them all.
cry your heart out, my dearest
but i've always known you would be the first to go
so ill forgive you time and time again,
like how the sun rises and sets, the moon comes and goes
yet my love never fades, and remains unchanging.

now, would you promise me this?
hand in hand, we'll meet again one day
and even if this was the end of all kindly things,
i'm glad i got to have a final moment with you,
the chance to love and be loved,
before i left in that hospital bed.

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our bed of thorns wilting, our devotion rotting,
drunk on the ecstasy, and blind to the faults that lay awake.
my hand longs for your burning warmth,
and these arms of doubt beg for your mercy.

kiss my pain goodbye for tonight,
and bless the bruises in the morning.
regret toils in my midst, for i have never left your side.
you'd nurse my wounds with hard-boiled venom, patch my sores with an icy poison
how could i not love a maiden as cruel as you?

my heart bleeds every moment you speak,
and i know this is the day i'll cry myself to sleep.
but i'd let you break my hope again and again,
and murder me in your forgotten memories
until i finally give in, beyond a simple fix and mend
so i may die once more, in your deathly embrace.

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plunge your sword into my chest,
and bury my miserable, twisted heart.
the red rivers gush out, aching for their freedom,
rivets of starry-eyed tears fall from the heavens above,
and onto the depths of the below, the endless, dark abyss.

rejoice, the foul beast has been slayed!
the horrible, wretched creature, dead beyond the grave.
swallow your bitterness thickly, and curse the despicable monster,
the lump in my throat grows bigger, and i curse the bastards before me.
determination fills my core, oozing and swirling about my stance,
i fall in despair, tumbling down the endless sea of nothingness.

with only the stars to witness my final act, my greatest deed for the world,
the savior of the living, the vanquisher of evil.
i am your unknown hero, with tales of heroics unsung and untold, all too unfamiliar.
alone in my due time, my only companions are the whispers in the wind.

forever left to roam the world, eternal in my solitude,
no friend, no foe, just my pitiful self.
the only escape resting in my very own hand, my life, my blade, my death.

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Rewinding fragments of the past,
Looking back at sweet reminiscences
With smiles for these aging graves
Let the forgotten be remembered
For this one final day

Trudging through the snow wearily,
A lone spark of hope, a longing in my heart,
Burning and blazing the way to glory
Close your eyes to hear the symphony
It feels so afar, yet too close for comfort

Your palm always feels warm in mine,
Stranded in a far place from home
Toil the journey, seek for answers
All in due time, I will return
Move forward bravely, and face this future

Burying my dreams, leaving behind this husk
Gripping my resolve tightly, it's all I have now
Don't leave me too, to grief in your wake
Cracking at the seams, fading through the lines
Indescribable are my emotions
Once lost in our era of wonder

I can feel my heart race
Drowning in short-timed breaths,
We've struggled to live
The years have escaped my grasp,
And left like fleeting memory

The sunlit days of the past,
Hums a melody of stars
Delicate petals filled with joy
Blooming in my chest
For my only friend

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Skies up above, raining tears
I want to love you addictively,
Like a weed, I devour your dreams with a sickening smile
Pretending to be a blooming rose during the day,
I steal you away in the night
My embrace feels suffocating.

Heartless murderer, justify cruelty with love
Harboring no regret, no criminal charge
I've crushed you to pieces
Strangled your lively soul with bloody hands
Don't think, don't try, don't leave
Failure is all that waits
You need me to live, you need me to be happy
This is my protection, my promise.

I wish for no one else to see your beauty-
Abandoning you to dry, under the burning sun
Wilting and drooping, your stalk begins to twist
Downwards goes this fall, a descend to madness
Losing yourself, forgetting your way,
You resemble someone I've once known,
Different, but all the same.

Lies and lies and lies form the roots,
With your buds all dead and gone,
I've torn up your petals, erasing your memory
No replacements, no escape
The flower I loved, now all mine.

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Looking back at the past
With days long gone, our love buried,
I can't help but wonder
Where did it all begin?

Talk about the delicacies of death over dinner,
Furniture as mannequins
A spectator to the pretense.
With love so despairing like a poison,
An obsession burning my insides
Consuming my very center.
I'm drowning in a sea-less land,
Struggling to survive this soulless world.

I fell right into your trap,
Sunk deep within your ship.
A never-ending cage all around me
Lest you dream, know an escape is impossible.
Hope has been sucked dry,
My life has lost all meaning.

Dear sun, shine down on these metal bars,
so I may feel some warmth.
Hard and cold, I've been left behind,
To rot for all of eternity,
In a prison of my own making.

This silver gate keeps you from me
Only you have the pass to enter,
I have to let you inside.
Don't and don't and don't fills my head,
But forgetfulness envelops me, a warm blanket.

You stay and go, with the key always out of reach
Shower me with affection, but leave me to suffer
Choking down tears, I thanked you for your stay
The house is empty, the sky is clear
A perfect day to leave your eyes
To escape from myself, to die.

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my chest bursting at the seams
your hair ribbon comes undone
a girl dressed in persimmon
welcomes us through death's door
a mountain of bodies in the wake
and my steps have tracked down in the ground

the sunlight grants the weeds their life
but hesitation takes away the men in the sand
you've given birth to a maggot, the doctor said
do you want to squash its dreams into a tiny little box?
stuck, stuck, stuck.

watch the city blow up like rapid fireworks
my chest is melting in your palms
an explosion burns away the cold unfeeling world
i lost my weapons of hate,
we fight for that shred of hope in the dark
illuminate the skies with this tiny spark
with a fire burning so bright

imprints of time fade away
with your memories in a broken glass mug
coils of time tighten around in my grasp
in a moment i would have lost everything
loneliness creeps in, a tiny child in an empty room

pretending to be alive in this tight human skin
thoughts crawl over the bugs, a mask slips over
crumbs of thoughts hide behind my insides
rotting once more

keep rubbing the salt on the wound
the alcohol is going to run out soon
still my sores bleed high and dry
and I'm left behind in the end, all the time

leave your heart out on a platter
for the starving eyes to feast on
devour the tiny morsels of fallen dreams
my heart heavy, my head full

let us be swept up by the waves of change
craving for hunger, a silence in my mind
to soothe the aching soul
rest is all I need

Chapter Text

Raze my thoughts on the pyre
Burn all tidings of my soul
All the ashes fade away
Into a distant memory
Keep the tombs unturned
Finally letting weary men go

Chapter Text

Empire of distrust crumbs under the weight
Of a fortuitously timed defeat
Betrayal sinks in, the storm of the century
A slice of ill luck will shrivel in its grave
Come forth a hero, who rises from the flames
Let glory shower this coat of arms
Below reveals a casket of lies
Deceit entombed deep in their bones

Chapter Text

Sunkissed moon under the starry sky
A crystal teardrop always out of reach
Grasping on strands of what once was mine
Eternity lacks the solace of flight
Heavenly symphonies echo through the halls
Begging on its knees, hands clasped in a prayer
To give up on life itself

Chapter Text

Thank you for your time,
For staying by my side.
My reason to keep going,
You make me smile on rainy days.

Soon, I'm going to close my eyes
Living forever in my daydreams
But the end of everything,
I'm glad we're still together.

Finally, I can look to the sky
Saying I'm truly happy,
That I've lived a life worth living for,
And I fell in love with a shooting star.

So goodnight, my dear friend,
Rest well today, and the days after tomorrow
I love you, always
Now, and forever more.

Chapter Text

I can't help but hurt the people I love
With oozing venom out of my silence
Past regrets wash up against the shores of the sea
Drowning in the holes of grief
Endless pain follows the guilty men
The song that comes after the rain
Brings sorrow in your eyes

Chew on my bitter veins
And choke it all down
With a cup of disregarding nonsense
This sword I slip through your chest
Regardless I hold your hand tightly
I dream for warmth, yet feelings expire
My love twists, spoilt milk in the heat
Amongst the clean rows of clothes, lies the dirty laundry of mine
Craving for situationship, but instead it hangs you dry
Hot crimson tears keep me up at night

Apologies can't mend the wounds
Salve only hides the scars
The best way to heal is if you let go of this unforgivable sinner
Doomed for damnation, an eternity in hell
I'm burning at the pyre I set fire to
Alluringly sparkling, stroke the flames
Keep your thoughts on my sins, every mistake committed to memory
Sink with me forever

A sorry seeps into my mind
But I can't let you wander alone
Then I beg for you to stay
Forgetting boundaries etched in stone
Sucking the life out of your marrow
Ending your hopes once more
With your dreams long gone

You lock the door of our only home
Hoping I don't knock and bang and scream
The rain howls out my sorrow
Waiting at the steps of my heels
Pooling a puddle of grief
Turn towards yourself, and realise
What I've made of you

I've destroyed every fiber of your being
Ripped your heart out into shreds
Staked down every single friendship
Growing weeds in your rose garden
I pluck my rotten heart out for you
Displaying my love in its simplicity
Swallow my little memories
And look back for me, please

Fated cycle starts and ends again
The people I've abandoned along the way
A perfect untuned harmony
Slaving away to smoothen the circle
Erasing the points along the line
Paying thousands of my soul
To fix what was lost, and regain your control
Making it a straight road ahead
For a journey that will never end

My condolences for thinking out loud
Poisoning the world with my sounds
Will you stab me in the eye and think
Finally you'll forgive me, my friend
For ruining your life, your everything
Then I can lie and smile brightly, and say a truly useless, but lovely
Thank you.

Chapter Text

Let me forget, my dear... Let my little tears fall.
Sun-kissed days, a radiant smile on your lips
Enamored with your beauty, suffocating through intoxicating breaths.
With my hands, hold these secrets tight to your chest
Chasing down old days of glory, alongside you.
My head burns achingly, from yearning alone
All these fits and the darkest of dreams,
The question of its purpose eludes my very judgment.

Oh, how much I loved you so
Melodies echo in my head,
Laying a cacophony of emotions in my throat,
Keeping the bitterness from spilling out
Revealing my true envious nature
Acquiesce this presence, at your heart's behest
Steadily creeping through the grounds
Tangled up in your web of lies
But, like a daydream, you stayed
Similar to the night sky, you never, ever change
In the mirage of symphonies, you loved me.

Sink down under, my sickly companion
The shambles of my mind don't align,
With those unspeakable intentions of mine
Pleading for my attention, your hunger never abates
Queasy from holding your hand, and running through the sunlight,
Always too warm for something, anything else
I've fallen in love with a deadly blossom.
Beg and scream, yet I crave is solace in my misery
Please go away, flee in the night
But when the morning comes around, I find myself waiting for you, once more
Around you, nothing is as it seems.

Fly up high, let's play a game of pretend
Look at the sights that await you
It's not unusually difficult to be alive
Cut off all the strings that hold you back,
Prune out the veins between your skin
Before long, you've surrounded my thoughts
Carry a heavy burden, on your shoulders it starts to live.
I'm dreaming for riches simply beyond a name,
With sickening human eyes full of deceit and lies
Temptation the devil, debauches friendships of innocent souls
Everything you love, in the end, inevitably dies.

Abandon all your innermost thoughts and feelings,
Forget all those things makes you sad
Because in the end, all that you really need
Is a dishonorable friend like me.
Sinking in the rubble, this oblivious nature of yours
A saccharine future awaits your weary soul
You must be happy and move on
Start sailing the merry seas and beyond
In the place of where you once were,
Remember clear blue skies, the crystal waters left in your wake
Don't look back and think of regrets
One will only drown in the thoughts of what could be.

Send me to hell, a sacrificial lamb to slaughter
Agony crept from the corners
Fabricated happiness, a delusion to keep me from being free
Spitting out the aged vitriol in short-lived sentiments
You and I, we were not destined to be
Promising you would descend down to save me
Do you enjoy sending the guilty to their dreams?

At the young ripe age of twenty-five,
You must move on, my only reason,
Listen to the forgotten memories
Instead of losing into the recesses of life.
Fix what's broken with false pretenses,
But if you were to depart, nothing can be mended
What's worth thinking and dying for,
Especially in the battle of love and war?
Follow through your promises, even to the end
Chalice of gold, heal all my wounds
End my tragedy, once and for all.

Chapter Text

Please snap off all the strings,
That hang me down from the ground.
Dictate my feelings, give me rules to follow
Not a thought in sight, a word in mind
The audience, we know what you are.
A mere puppet in the wings, waiting.
Walking alongside you aimlessly,
Looking for a path that leads to nowhere.

Capable of loving, knowing what's worth living,
Forever endless toiling, from the winds of change
Enduring eternal hardship, with the bellowing storm.
Does the aforementioned guilt still linger on your mind?
Pain is all I despise, craving relief amidst the raging havoc
Whispers for salvation, but none hear my cries
Granted no mercy, to soothe this aching, to mend this broken heart.

Fasten a gift ribbon around my neck
Tighten and twist, form a bitter departure
Your bone meets my flesh, together we form a human,
Intertwined in fate, but never meant to be
Cut it loose, you're someone I need to lose
Looking for a way to live alone, to leave this encroaching trap
Impossible for a moment of escapism, for it will only seek to strangle me in the end.

Chapter Text

Longing for freedom, to drift, like the boats on the shore
The ocean calls, it wants me to stay.
With sunny days gone, now knocking on the door
Promising to keep the sea of regret at bay
So I don't forget who I made these memories for
Now, steal this feeling of sorrow away
And smile all day, living freely once more.

Chapter Text

Sending away packages of hidden words
Filled to the brim with stolen letters
Stories left untold in the handwriting of another
Forgotten, and abandoned, turning into dust of the distant past
No one remembers the legacies of before
When the tides of the ocean were called by their name,
Songs of the heart contained some message,
And my words of love had a meaning,
Not this foolishness encompassing a lie.

Listlessly listening to the echoes of others
Follow the script! Go by the book!
Don't go off-track, and ruin it all for good
Forget yourself forever, your purpose unresolved
Your presence unwanted, your reason undefined.
Bury your voice deeper, into the pit
Extinguish the flames of passion with a wisp of sorrow
Fill in the mold, force yourself to fit
Standing out, a sore thumb in the winds, is forbidden.
With the know-it-alls, know-hows, but never a why.

A cycle repeats once again
This click and things are set into place
Round motion, it goes, chiming endlessly
The destination unknown, full speed ahead
With only but a single arrow pointing to the future,
Proper directions shunned, alongside the journey ahead
Lost at the middle, nowhere to go
Obsessive monotonous tone is how the world spins
Compulsion drives my ticking heart
Onto the setting horizon it flees
Staring through the mirror, wondering if it's truly me
My memories and love float into the stars
What shall I do now, society? Die.

Chapter Text

everyday slips by so quickly,
we're losing track of time.
struggle to run along, while chasing after the past
i can only look towards this future,
hoping for our best, and living in the present.

Chapter Text

while the burning world needed a god,
i needed a loving mother
but all i got was a cruel joke of a fraud.
yet, for old times' sake we have to pretend,
to love each other
and beyond the the ribcage, only on the inside,
my bitter, angry heart can safely rot.

i’m always screaming- you are my own flesh and blood!
so i ignore the cuts in my skin
wipe away reds beneath those eyes
and love you once again
our relationship filled with lies.

now, do you want a hundred, a thousand apologies, for ever being born?
i can't scratch my name off in crimson ink
so hand me a pen- then i may stab it out,
this beating sensation in my chest
that keeps my existence from being free
always begging for your mercy,
condolences, i'm sorry.

Chapter Text

i’m still sixteen
lying in my dreams
i don't know how to move on
so, i ignore the signs
of this life crumbling before my eyes
i will stay with you, to the end of all things good
i will hold your hand through the storm
whispering i love you, and never letting go

i ask, what am i chasing for?
is it the sweet relief, that drips down from my cheeks,
maybe the bleeding tooth, an aching sore
or the fact i can't help myself but sink,
a desire to indulge in so much more
dig into the lining of my skin
show me what it's like to be human
to have a meaning in life
a purpose to abide by, a direction to follow.

embracing the catastrophe, about to befall my head
hand me a liver on a platter to consume
now that i think of the consequence,
it doesn't quite make that much sense
remove my other body in the mirror
it lies strangely, not fitting with furniture
the atmosphere is really odd in my room
im just waiting for the corpse to rot.

its too long to proclaim im innocent
im drowning in the weight of my endless sin
it feels so hard to act human
and live my days in this horrified skin
why did you have to give me a choice
just to take away my voice
can’t you take the hint?
and realize this is a battle we can't win
so give up, and surrender your identity.

Chapter Text

an explosion racks through my mind
in the dark, there comes a whisper
let me live, let me live
now it begs and screams, haunts me in the night
to let it live, to let it live
and i’m thinking of the weight you carry
the burden you have to bury
yet at the end of the day
i miss her (and so, so much more.)

Chapter Text

scribbling in my red pen
if i circle out your name,
and admit that i liked you
would be still be friends?
well, i want to hold your hand
but i’m afraid of losing what i have,
things will never be the same again
so i give up another wasted chance, another missed opportunity,
another means to our end.

Chapter Text

oh, so sweet and pretty lady
smiling and shining, every single night
it must be a pleasurable crime,
to know your lips taste
sway with the dance, my hands to your waist
and seal it all off with a final kiss.
before i leave, a short reminder.
please tell me a little white lie,
"we'll meet again, one day."
finally- say goodbye.
we never have enough time
to speak what's on our mind
so we recite our greetings quickly,
thinking of what one should say
to make up for the lost hours.
alas, i’m a hopeless sinner who lost it all
you're someone i think about, someone i'd miss
now, i spend my last days in bed,
wishing you were mine.

Chapter Text

comedic sirens ring in the air
im putting on my best dress
prepared to act out my role in this play
do you see the master hiding in the wings?
with puppets laid out, perfect and bare
the dolls, all ready to impress
tied down to the stage, a marionette in the ring.

please call, call my name
one ask, your task, that's all i ask
for you to slice this mask in half.
i hate my reflection, this burden of being me
im screaming- run, hide, tell (someone. anyone.)
down on my knees, begging, and begging
for someone to hear my desperate pleas
hoping for an equality in my judgment,
i’m five feet under in this hell.

but one always watching, waiting for the director's cue
they know what you're pretending to be-!
no, apologies, continue to lead the way.
holding on to a string of mediocrity
i don’t know what it means to truly be free
but i won't be fooled by the hypocrisy
or the candles with their flames, suddenly burning out.
lost in miserable hysteria
freedom was never an option.

my ancestors' blood lies in memories of old
even to the bitter end, they fought
for our lives to be ours, the rice grains to stay in our pot
but the people still give it up every morning.

i know there are rules in your book
my life is cheap, but my words are not
a worthless expense, with meager value
yet my heart burns true, an iron fire
now, hear my pleas, lessen my worries.
burn these chains of ire,
please, set me free.

Chapter Text

little starry dreamer, don’t hide your sin
blood follows your dripping tears
telling from the pages, you are not innocent
i can see the fronts you put up, all those silly disguises
and the lies beneath those eyes.

when the riverbanks turn up dry,
and roots on the ground shrivel up and rot
will you keep asking yourself, why, why, why?
when everything you once loved finally dies
leaving you without hesitation, not a second thought
will you realize all you believed in, was just a mere filthy lie?

the rich will get richer, and the poor will simply die
but i have to eat the starving crows
stuck between the lines, of poverty and the cold
roaming, lost, at the damned crossroads
was the path to happiness always a lie?

i always wondered, how could betrayal be so bitter?
one would never expected their friend
to be the one who dealt them the worst hand.
now, tell me, good sir, where do you draw the line,
between the truth and the lies
is it only when your child commits suicide...
or do you have something else to hide?

we can see all the misdeeds
implanted, howling in your mind
your unorthodox cravings, your every need
so don't try to hide
your true malicious nature.
how do you plead? guilty.

pray tell, don't lie
im boiling,
brimming on the surface of lucidity
voice, full of venom,
dripping with raging acidity
you should know the limits of your regret
and never, ever forget
i’m here for your self depreciation
because i’m always on your side
in the storm, no matter what
i'll be there.
but...

you have to take my hand
and let yourself sink in the misery
asking, what am i doing this for?
see the logic, the motive, the reason
behind every action, every movement
then say you understand
the consequences of war.

Chapter Text

the two of us knew
it was never meant to be.
(was it only me, or maybe you too?)
but we pretended to be together,
we pretended to be free.
yet, despite everything
without you, i am nothing
for you, i am nothing
and i will always be nothing, to you.

with the silence burning the tips of my ears,
and in my arm, laid a bouquet of fresh roses
i always noticed you...
amongst the weeds in the garden, you were fluttering freely in the sky
so i whisked away all your hopes, dreams, and fears,
i clipped your wings, yet demanded for you to fly.

now, open your eyes, and see.
this basket of flowers' thorns, that robbed you of your sight
with my promises of love fading into false proposes
i had stolen your heart in the middle of the night
but never returned it back to the sender! (i’m waiting for you... are you waiting for me too?)

Chapter Text

when the last of the cries fade away
finally, i will learn the real reason why
the glorious revolution died
before my very eyes.
a battalion gone in a spark
the small bloody world goes dark
leaving not a soul to be seen in the chaos.

the howling winds echo,
with tales of the men that charted for home
yet, they will never return from the battlefields
resting alone, surrounded by the cruel plains

i can hear how the guns went off, a bang!
and the next second, the telephone rang
"your husband's dead," the telephone man said
"he isn't here right now, he's lying on his deathbed."
"he won't be coming home."

then, their wives will cry alone in agony
of the tragedy they had become
to the sons who met an unfortunate end,
please bid farewell, to your freedom.

Chapter Text

Once, you told me of your sacred dream
To one day, conquer the sky.
So I gave you my love, so you could rise high
You were the only one who stayed,
But then, one day, you ran away.

You clipped my wings
and let me believe I could fly
You made me feel like a friend
Yet I was always wrong.
So, why, why would you lie?

You stole my light in me
and left me to brave the stormy seas
Drowning in the ocean, with my heart still intact,
Beating soundly, in your arms, our ship crashed.

Now fate is telling,
We weren't meant to be
I wonder how it feels like,
to learn to break free.

You stole my voice, I lost my choice
Still, I kept dreaming,
Never thinking about beyond
I have no song, I will give no more.

Who am I living for?
I can only keep singing-
So long, so long, so long,
Until the day I'm finally gone.

Chapter Text

for your raging voice to be heard
in the midst of scurrying chatter
i scream endlessly to the winds
praying you wouldn't die alone
please, please, stay safe, my dear
don't get hurt in the crossfire

bullets rain down on the battlefield
im crying for your safe return
but when you show up at the door, all tattered and blown
im seeing your chest right through a hole
my mind starts to drown in wretched agony
all the fated fears consume me whole
and the crushing anguish seeps into my bones

a bittersweet feeling, of a selfish victory
where you win nothing in the world
and lose everything in the aftermath
your life and your love, your one and only everything
the flags are raised in surrender
happy men laugh to toast over the end
their cheers ringing in my ears, always too loud
to cover up the misery of their fallen friends.

finally, i know it's over.
i should be happy, right?
but i still miss you tirelessly
they say time can't heal all wounds
still painted crimson red- raw, fresh and tender.

i sit by myself, at the dining table
eating my cold runny eggs,
with a cracked cup of coffee,
the weather outside a damning storm.
and the realization hits like a raging hurricane
you're not coming home, forever.

Chapter Text

Listening to your every command
They don't understand
The sacrifices you make for the people,
They only take, and take the good will
Stealing away all of your memories, losing every ability
Well, I'm done placing bets on a foolish gamble
And asking on the endless debt of the selfish men
I'll roll all my dice, reveal my hand
Lose all the kindness I was owed
Now, bury your right hand
So you can right the wrongs, write a song
With your journal of my truth.

Chapter Text

Plastic artificial lifeless doll
Is that what I mean to you?
I stayed by your side
Yet you took away my right
To speak my mind freely.

I was nothing more than a price tag
And a useless waste of a tool
I'm slowly losing myself, piece by piece
My life's worth, torn to shreds
I can't pretend to feel alive anymore
My heart is dying, rotting away
I die with every touch, day by day
It's an expired can of worms,
With its endless ticking, forcing me to move.

I peel and peel and peel, hoping to prove my innocence
Cutting deep, straight to the bone
Leaving my flesh and insides exposed, vulnerable.
I was a human once, but you took my humanity away from me
Nothing to play with anymore, an emotionless toy for the dumps
I've given up on all hope of escape
Because I was only temporary.

Never thinking, never stopping
A chance to make or break it all
Seems like I'm failed miserably
It's no struggle to understand
How I've become the way I am now
Discard my feelings like a unwanted gift
In the end, I have so little love left to give
Please just throw me away, remove my existence
I'm sorry for the disappointment, for ever being born.

My desire to be loved-
All carved out, hollow and gone.
I wish I had stayed guilty of ignorance
And forgotten the truth of my past
No more mistakes to be made,
No more sins to atone for
At least I would no longer be alone.
I could pass away in doses, happy and content
But instead I chose to suffer in the pain,
Losing hope of being to able smile once more

I stand by myself in the grass fields
Simply drifting by, thoughtlessly
Letting the wind, and my beloved dreams die
I'm lost in the ocean, drowning in the stormy seas
Begging for the end of everything,
Grant my wish, and set me free.

Chapter Text

In a lifetime.
One chance, one dream, one wish.
I live only once.
Thank god it's only once!
But I long to be free.
I'm caged in a prison.
Was it of my own making?
I stay inside regardless.
I'm afraid to leave.
To see what others might think of me.

A wish. I wish to be happy.
But I get nothing. Brutal agony.
I hate I hate I hate. I hate it.
Or do I simply hate myself?
Questions never get answered.
I can't be happy.
I can never let myself feel-
Nothing other than grief.
I don't deserve anything else
But miserable.

Hello, I ask?
Everyone wants something. Someone.
They always want. They always need.
Always so greedy, always so selfish. But I give in, regardless.
So why do you care? Do you even care?
Please care. Please, love me.
No. I'm wrong, like always.
I mistake your intentions.
I lied to myself. No one loves me.

Now, think. Clearly.
What do I remember?
Nothing. I don't know why.
I forgot how to speak. How to remember.
Your smile. Your laughter. Your warmth.
The sun rises and falls. You come and go.
I reach out. No one is there.
You're gone like the wind.
Quickly slipping into my heart
And quickly leaving, leaving me to rot.

Who am I?
People say different things, great and good and horrible
I don't know what's the truth.
But when I look into the mirror,
The reflection staring right back at me,
I know it's me.
But it used to be someone else.
No. They are gone now.
I stole them away in the night
Crushed their heart into pieces
Smashed their brain into bits
I took over their identity.
I miss you. I miss me.
But why?
To someone I don't even know,
How can I miss you?

I'm guilty. The red is on my hands.
Everything in my head is screaming
Die, die, and die!
My thoughts, my memories, my love.
Lost all meaning.
I'm falling now.
I don't remember anyone.
I don't remember anything.
I don't remember anymore.
What did I forget?
Who did I forget?
Why...
I repeat. I don't know. Endlessly.

There is-
One end, and only one death.
One, and only one.
Never less, never more.
Still it's never quite enough.
To live without the dreams,
To love without the memories,
There is no purpose in this world.
Forget. Apologize. Repeat.
Again, and again, and again.
I'm tired of this cycle.
Click. Thud. Snap.
Weep, my dear child.
For whom?
The stars, my soul, and nothing else.

Chapter Text

One day...
The sea will set me free
I'd accept my place under the stars
Dancing all night long,
Enjoying my time endlessly, about the days past of glory.

Oh, how I long for that day-!
The day I can finally smile and sing,
With a beaming joy in my heart,
And fondness for the gift of life that was bestowed upon me.

I'm yearning for this long-awaited freedom
To feel the heavy burden lift up from my shoulders
To look into the mirror, and tell my reflection this-
That things will finally be okay.

Chapter Text

Watch the audience clamor about,
Unaware of their own obsessive, unsavory nature within
They cluster together,
Muttering, and murmuring
"Outsider, Outsider...
You don't belong here."
Ignorant little pests.
Bloodthirsty insects buzzing around
Waiting for the finale, with its novelty painted in gold
The ending spectacle for their own entertainment.

Society dictates one follow the status quo
And every now and then
The voices are saying to go with the flow
But I can't help but ask
When, when will this suffering end?
When can I learn to speak up,
And finally say no-
To the demands of the selfish men?

Then, I remember there's a spine ingrained in my back
To make up for the ego I lack
Holding no blatant disregard for the misery of many
Not wanting to spare a single penny
Leaving the masses to cry alone.

But I'm surrounded by corrupted souls,
All living on their own
I keep feeding into this endless lie
Grasping onto the strands of life
Always holding on to the delusions of hope...
But why?
Struggling, day in, and day out
I've already died.
So why should I bother to try?

Chapter Text

New life comes, taking in every breath
But with spirited birth, comes unseemly passing.
So I contemplate over the aftermath
Ruminating for any causes of death
Since I have nothing else to think about
To take up my days of leisure

Too afraid of tying up loose ends
Abandoning all of my closest friends
For a mere slip-knot, and a moment of doubt
My way, my compass, my long winding path,
I lost everything.

Tears wash away the stains
Time erodes any yearning pain
The things I kept close to my heart
And everything I held dear
All lost to my lonely, selfish fear
This love, no longer mine.

I molded stones into tall buildings
I formed the thoughts that you were thinking
I gave up the world so you could live
But in the end,
You ignored the miracle of my gift
You fell from the sky, up above
And sank into the abyss, down below
Yet, I waited and waited in the cold
Saying goodbye to a past memory
Only for you to say you forgot me.

I'm-
Thinking about something.
Something, someone I forgot.
A companion, who had made my heart warm,
This friendship, now faded, and withdrawn
And a home, where I believed, I could finally belong.
Each and every one of them... truly long gone.

All that remains after is nothing,
Except this pent-up swirl of emotions
Screaming out of rage
It's begging for you to forgive yourself, and move on
Please turn the page, and end this story.

Don't worry about before,
Live in the present, not the past
In order to set yourself free, from this cage of misery
To find a happy ending for both you and me
You must leave the stormy seas,
And venture out to the beyond.
Leave, dearest me, and finally be happy.

Chapter Text

The wind flutters freely, while breezes drift about in my hair
A warmth envelopes me, making me feel loved inside
Sweet words like honey, softening my heavy heart
You untied my noose, and set me free
From the shackles of others' expectation, and the burden of being alone
You brought me back to reality.

Now, you hold onto my hand tight,
Never letting go, you showed me the light
Like a shooting star in the night sky,
You blazed brightly, leading me through the dark
You taught me how to fly, amongst the birds, and soar up high.

With the gift of flight, it gave me a purpose
A reason to keep on living, to carry on loving.
Finally, you embraced me softly, and told me something unforgettable-
"I love you too.”

Chapter Text

Living in the past
You should have known it'd never last
You were never there
You were never anywhere to found

With nowhere to call home
You left them to die
All alone on their own
But you should have known
They'd make it past eighteen
They lived their lives, they survived the horrid lies

So fuck this mortality,
You don't deserve to be forgiven.
Just rot, rot and rot
Suffer like the bastard you are,
You don't deserve mercy,
Die.

Chapter Text

You tear me down, and crush my heart into pieces
Forcing me to fit in a mold, always two sizes too small,
I can't even recognise who I am in the mirror anymore
The cycle repeat over and over again
So I can't help but ask myself relentlessly
How many more times must I pick up my broken pieces
And make myself perfect for you?

Chapter Text

We've shot down every bird in the sky
And replaced them with artificial wings, for our aircraft to fly
But can lost ideas and machinations really keep this tiny stubborn world afloat?
When you told me you wished to make the world a better place,
Did you mean one lacking of painful suffering and misery,
But also free of an earnest expression of oneself?
Buried amongst the sand of dashed hopes and dreams
Lies the heart of humanity, the crux of it all,
Something we've forgotten,
Forgiveness.

Chapter Text

I'm at that age
Where I start thinking about the reason I'm living
And why I should keep existing with such cruelty
All these thoughts grow and take root in the brains
Squeezing to fit, inside the spaces in my skull
They become too heavy, too thick for my head
And burst out to escape, dying in the process
When I'm thinking about all these big things
I feel small, little and tiny,
I'm barely sixteen,
Yet I wish to die so early.

Chapter Text

The aching in my heart longs for your warmth
With tears welling in the creases and crevices
I feel almost sorry, to see you go
Remembering all the moments we spent together
Looking back at the books of our history
We had many happy memories
Ones that can never be taken back, never be returned
To the same form they used to
Tarnished with cruelty you showed me
I'll never be the same again
Losing myself, piece by piece
Is this what they call, a heartbreaking first love?

Chapter Text

Everyone lives like a coffin
People only care about what the person used to be
They love the memory, but not the mistery
Of seeing a beloved one rotting inside
Cheeks pale, eyes closed,
How could anyone think that they were once alive?
A shell of their former self,
Presented neatly for all to see
It's shameful to think about
How, in their last moments,
They are paraded as a tool,
And not treated carefully, like the human they once were.

Chapter Text

This is our way of life
Turning and turning around, never stopping
Competing in a never-ending race for the end
Not knowing what our destination is,
But running, sprinting towards for something, anything
To tell us, to comfort us
That the sacrifices we made along the way
Was worth it for a temporary relief, and a futile reward.

Now do you understand me?

How useless our lives are, in the grand scheme of things
We mean nothing.
We are just a string of words
Names in a yellowed book
Photos from a forgotten memory
Numbers on a shadowy screen
Pure nonsense scrambles out of our mouths
Wishing to make sense of our existence.

To do something, anything,
To make our time worthy, to find reason.
To fill in the holes in the space between us
To give purpose in a meaningless life
To give hope in a society of melancholy
To give us something to believe in.

We attach useless answers to these questions
But there is no point in this senseless action
Twirling in the insanity of the universe
The desperation to feel needed and be used, to feel loved and be hated
It makes us whole, full, complete
Like we were never missing anything in the first place
It removes the longing void in our hearts, and the empty aching in our souls

God, I fucking hate myself.

Every ill-timed breath is struggle
It serves as a reminder of how difficult it is to live
A temporary relief from the harsh reality of the world
An explosion of euphoria from the joy of living,
Then the regret that comes with a slow, painful death
Forgetting, forgiving, for someone.

The crazy, turning, twisting world
That lifts me off my feet, and forces me to walk
I'm dying and breathing and living in a world,
In a tiny universe, where I am worth less than a penny
Because I have burnt out my candle, the light no longer flickers
And I have cut off my stems, the petals. will wither, and eventually die.

Realisation dawns upon me, a strange sun in the starry sky
On a planet, where everything, anything and something has meaning,
It will never be enough.
Nothing is good enough.

Nothing.

I repeat this word to understand my position
My task, my hand, my purpose
I don't know what else exists for me
Except burying myself into the roots of this world

Nothing.

I amount to nothing, nothing, nothing.
Always, and absolutely
Nothing, nothing at all.

I don't understand.

Chapter Text

Close your eyes and forget
All the lost ones along the way
Sleep peacefully, in the midst of the meadow
My forehead adorned with a wreath of flowers
Blooming prettily under the sunlight
A locked chest, behind glass doors
I stay back, closed off from the world
In my clasped hands,
Lies my key, alone and firm
Open this lock quickly, and free me from my chains
Into the dizzying, enchanting creation
Of people's hopes and dreams
Remember the promise I had bestowed upon you
That once I could fly, you'll look back, Watching me from the sky
And finally let me spread my wings, and take flight.

Chapter Text

To fall in love with the world
You must understand its beauty, its unearthly grace
An alluring voice draws you nearer, to the ends of the universe
It holds you close, almost lovingly, whispering in your ear
"Please love me forever"
Do what it says quickly, and follow their every command unquestionably
As you struggle to satisfy its insatiable appetite
With misplaced exchanges, forgotten promises,
It will spin you a tale, a drop of a lie,
I love you, my dearest.

Chapter Text

my brain feels so exhausted
like i can't think can't talk cant try
i don't want to
my head hurts
it feels like in a moment, it might blow up, burst and pop!
rolling to the side, like a lone little thing
my body dismayed, akin to a saggy ragdoll
the cracks underneath my skin, so thin and tiny
broken broken broken human
can you even call yourself a person
i throw up looking at my reflection in the mirror
i can't recognise that figure behind the screen
a liar
you lied
happiness is nowhere near
i am alone
all alone
with my thoughts racing in my head, ready to explode

Chapter Text

Dearest Captain,

The one at the helm of my ship
Leading the path through the storm
These tides rock me over, making me uneasy
Between the devil and the deep blue sea, it truly is-
Suffocating like the waves, who steals the air out of my lungs
Ferocious like the wind, who knocks the breeze out of my sails.

Alas my savior, I will confess
With my love as boundless as the sea
And as vast as the endless ocean
I must ask for your guidance once more-
Be my only compass, and liberate this process of thinking
I wish for nothing less, and nothing more.

Show me the light, kind sailor
Tell me which way to go
Which way to think, which way to breathe,
You are my everything,
You mean the world to me.
It pains me, from an old seafarer, to say these words.
To my dear Captain, my journey ends here.
Fair Winds and Following Seas!

Farewell.

Chapter Text

guilt, guilt, guilt!
it swallows me whole,
and devours my insides,
leaving nothing left.
i am consumed by it,
every fiber of my being,
lost to the feeling.
regrets bubble up in my throat,
mistakes ive made fill up my mind and make me spiral.
how could someone love someone so imperfect?
how could i ever forgive myself?
do i deserve forgiveness, god?
i plead for an answer, but i can only wallow in my misery.
sorry, sorry, sorry, a thousand times,
but the intended receiver never accepts my plea of pity,
because i will never forgive myself for my endless sins.
sorry.
did i say too much?

Chapter Text

this is hell on earth.
repeating this cycle again and again.
of forgiveness, of forgetfulness,
oh how i despite it so.
i wait, and wait, and wait,
for a moment of peace,
for a moment of freedom.
but there is nothing-
except my cold, bitter self,
and my long lost hope for the future.
i lay there, and rot,
knowing my time of purgatory will never end.
it will just.
keep.
going.
and i will sink,
and let myself drown in this sorrow,
so i may never have to think about
struggling to breathe again.

Chapter Text

i turn to god and ask him silently
what right do you have to determine our lives?
the strings of fate, grip us tightly
we are bound for the path you have set for us
how much are you going to keep robbing the poor?
until they've spent every last of their expenditure
what choice do the poor men have?
they can only follow along reluctantly.
on and on, to the front they go
like ants they die out, quietly.

Chapter Text

How can that lovely, pursed mouth of yours
Spew such horrid and distasteful lies,
Utter nonsense dripping from your lips
When you say,
Dig my heart out, for the masses to see
How much I loved you, how dear you were to me
They sting and burn, chipping away at my skin
Ruining me from the inside out, I've become ugly
It hurts when you speak, it's killing me slowly.
Why, why do you hate me?

Chapter Text

Apologies fill my head
How can I explain my actions?
Forgiveness is out of the question
I'm sorry, for lying
A story without its conclusion
I'll leave the stage
I'm tired of this endless suffering
I'm still stuck in the beginning
Drifting.

What to do? What to do?
Sorrow fills my bones
Sorrow, I'm sorry.
How can I ever get you to look at me the same?
I know you're gone
And it's exhausting
You're gone, and this love is toxic.

But where else could I go?
Only home, in your arms.
So accept me back, my love.
Hold me tight, hold me close
Love me forever, and love me the most.
While I make many empty promises
Like when I promised you
That I would never leave
I never meant for it to turn out to be a lie
If I had told you, a long time ago
How I truly felt, how I loved you so
Would you still have left, and let me go?

Regrets are boundless.
I’m sorry dearest,
I understand your grief
And I’m sorry for leaving,
Will you forgive me?

Chapter Text

But why?
Why?
Purpose fills my mind
I don't understand a thing
It's quiet, no words are spoken,
Just pure, suffocating silence
Take me home,
I've assimilated with the garden of bones.
Are you feeling happy now?
Finally you have peace
No more noise screaming in your head
Such gratifying relief.

Chapter Text

Trusting in our savior to protect us from harm
We believed in your neverending reign of glory
Your thick, tall lies, built us up above
Scaffolding our expectations of you really were
A liar, a fake, a false revelation.

Do I matter?
Do I have a purpose?
Should I die?
Ask, and ask, and ask.
Pray. Pray. Pray.
Yet you receive nothing but contempt. Nothing but silence. Nothing at all-
Except your voice, echoing in the halls.

Regardless,
I still deem you as my savior.
Lies piled upon lies,
Delusions become my reality.
So, reach out your hand to me,
My kind lord
You shine brightly, among the stars
Your grasp felt like salvation.
You are my everything,
My reason to survive.
You are my joy and pride,
My reason to keep this life.

My god, I am your devotee
Dearest lord, please bless me
Free us from our worldly desires,
From all of our selfish inhibitions,
And lead us to the correct end, the final decision.

Chapter Text

It's the only decision that you made of your own choosing
While nobody cares that you're always losing
And nobody cares that you're always bleeding
Say, who really cares about what you're feeling?
When all your love will simply amount to nothing.

Chapter Text

Is the red splashes on my face another way of saying you love me?
Do the tears symbolize drops of your never-ending devotion?
Your confession of sin thoroughly confuses me.

And I shunned every part of you, from my memory
Maybe I am the villain for painting you in black.
I can't decide what role you play in this story.

Gently rocking, my cradle astray
Peer through the lens, to see the fragments of recollection
I can only see the world, in black, white and monotonous shades of gray.
With me, will you stay, forever?

Chapter Text

I find your arms wrapped around mine tightly,
Suffocating my will nauseatingly
The rest of my life, I'm burning away in your presence.
While sinking deeper into the abyss,
I am enamored with your sugary-sweet lies
Promising this time I have left to you.

As much it aches my fragile heart,
I love you.

Won't you give me a final chance?
To live with you breathing down my neck
I need to be with you forever.
With the hope that feels so far away,
And all the things that mean something-
Just forget it ever existed.

Chapter Text

We've lost all our hopes and dreams
Society has clipped our fragile wings
It has taken all of our ambitions
And left us with nothing but a decision.
To give up the world, and all that is dear
to us.
To leave us somber, in our final moments.

Chapter Text

Lacerations litter your every being,
Slits decorate the spaces between your arms,
The skin around your incisions reddened in fury,
And the mess simply peeled apart at the seams.
With self-gratification as your holy grail,
You wait anxiously, for the next moment of temporary relief.
Knowing every time, you give into your desires of hatred
That you'd slice yourself up giddily, with no thought taken to spare
For the consequences that come after, the burning red scars,
And the choice, the temptation, to suffer all over again.

Chapter Text

Oh.
So many voices, crumbling in the grooves of my brain
Chanting, questioning, whispering
Where did it all go wrong?
I can't help but rub the temple of my head
And feel the firm, hardness of my cranium
Reminiscing on the work put in by my parents to create this trouble, to invent this mistake
Painstakingly so, I ponder

I want to waste it all.

To ruin this effort, to rid myself of humanity
I'm thinking about dying.
I'm thinking about how-
To gain a glaring spot between my eyes
To bare a gaping hole through my insides
To slice up thin, disorderly rows and bleed out dry.

I look up to the heavens, eyeing the strands of my fate
All tied neatly with a gift ribbon
The hands above offered me a string, to tether my soul closer to God
I find myself nearer to the sky, in the form of a crass, hanging oval
Perfectly shaped, for my humble, bowed pathway
That connects my skull to the rest of my body
Please, I beg softly, to the one in the sky
Let me pass, let this purgatory end.

And then, I look down below,
To the one that got away
The scum of the earth, those who shall never be loved, never be named
And I can't help but think-
That I belong there, with them
That I must suffer for my sins, alongside them.

Dreaming was something I regret deeply.
Now, I must live out the rest of my days,
Filled with meaninglessness, forgetting about what could have been
For failing to remember my place amongst the people
And for thinking I could ever be happy.

Chapter Text

Maybe I'm a washed up lighthouse
And you're my broken sun
I'm drifting off course
Looking for the one.

Chapter Text

the words written above
are a struggle to express honestly
when i depart, in the middle of the night
i think of everyone, carefully and earnestly
forever, thank you, and-
goodbye.

Chapter Text

if i tie a knot around my neck
and step off quickly,
will that make the process go much more smoothly
and finally cement the choice as wholly mine?
after being in the wings for so long,
can i grow a pair of my own, finally?
does this mean my life is over, the suffering lost,
and the tears spilled along the way, meaningless?
ever since i came out into the world,
and had to face my reflection, my own making,
i could see every part of my mistakes,
i was my own undoing.
there is no fixing this error, it started when i was born
so maybe the solution is to die
to end myself.

Chapter Text

words flow about freely
something i never thought i would see
but then i hoped to see you again
and that came true, didn't it?
i thought i lost you forever, my former self
to the ends of the earth i travelled, looking for you
finally, at the finale of the journey, i realised-
you were with me all along, waiting.

Chapter Text

the spirit of a ghost withers away
in the eyes of the world, it stills
what does it mean to live freely?
no one knows the answer, but we can try
to live without regrets, is the greatest joy
unfortunately, life may go astray,
but still, try to live your life,
it's the only one you get in this lifetime
i wonder why, people are only born once?
is it because we cherish things more?
they say second chances are true, but what is the redo for life?
you only have one opportunity, so you must take it
i regret my choices, but i must move on
no matter what, grab the strands of life firmly
and go into the light, standing bravely
embrace your number one,
your only one.

Chapter Text

im-
tired.
what used to be?
gone.
i need some form of pity,
some reason to keep living,
to keep leaving, to keep doing something
anything at all
but nothing comes to mind
splutters of semblance crosses my mind
i miss you,
sometimes.

Chapter Text

sorrow fills my being
it feels so emptying
words feel funny, like an inside joke
and i stand around silly, trying not to mope
about the people i left behind,
the words forgotten, trying to cope
with all the visible seriousness in an act that must be taken, i float aimlessly
my hands grasping around the line
of a firmly tied rope
rhymes are silly, words are silly
nothing makes sense anymore
why bother with a sense of structure?
what it makes for a fitting end
will never be able to replicate the magic of a beginning
and the brilliant birth of an idea
that all stems from me, my thinking
died that very night, when i lost hope
when the song of rhythm was stolen from me
when my spirit faded away, into the world.
there is, there was nothing.
my existence, my birth is an endless cycle,
of misery, i turn about waiting for the end of this tragedy
what comes first, the idea, the thought, chicken, or-
the egg's yolk?

Chapter Text

what does it matter?
i tire, i toil tirelessly
my mind goes awander
im not sure where i am now
in the moment, or lost forever
that, i think about carefully,
something i take the time to ponder
when one is far apart from another,
does that make the heart grow fonder?
or cause the bond between two to grow stronger
a striking question indeed, i wonder.

Chapter Text

im sorry for ever daring to be born
and for every breath i stole from the world
i apologise for it all, every single terrible deed
my regrets run deep, seeping into the underneath
what should i say now? im sorry.
i beg of you, pleading for your mercy
please return this body of mine to the sea
and set my unsightly remains free
i wish to leave this earth peacefully
now, i sit alone, surrounded by the dense foliage
all alone, as these things should be

Chapter Text

its a long way down
down and down, goes the stairs
tilting right around the bend
sometimes, it takes a realisation
that some things can't be mended ever again
that a mistake lives with you forever
like a stray dog following its savior
once abandoned by its family
only to find itself wrapped in the arms of
a god, a false divinity
with fake promises of cherished love
i fall in love with a lie instantly
there's a little less than hope left
and i feel like i have no choice but to give in
losing my final say in the matter
i throw my casket out in surrender
asking the coroner to prepare the body
to seep my bones with euthanasia
and kill the life in me, forever

Chapter Text

mother, im defenceless
fear, chaos, and despair amasses
i ask myself, what is all this?
all of this fighting, is senseless

Chapter Text

round and round we go,
on the carousel
it occurs to me
theres nothing i can to do to help myself
round and round we go,
on the ferris wheel
i think my relationships
cant ever heal
round and round we go,
on the merry-go-round
i find myself praying to be buried
thinking i am to be falling
on, under, in the ground

Chapter Text

even now,
i cannot bring myself
to utter the words quietly
its over.
war is over.

Chapter Text

they say lies are based in truth
so could you deceive me, and say you love me too?
whisper those sweet nothings, into my ear
and hold my heart close,
letting it beat, serenading your sleep.

Chapter Text

innate desire compels us to move forward
to strive, to end our slumber
to create something new, something greater
in a merry fashion, we follow
and steadily, we go, towards the light.

Chapter Text

do you regret your mistakes?
the way you breathe, the way you live,
theres no going back to the way things were
doesnt the quiet silence haunt you?
clouding your vision, looming overhead,
lays the weight of your past sins,
sliding off your measly mortal shoulders
like raindrops, against the howling wind
inconspicuous in the storm.

Chapter Text

the world has gifted us these hands,
to spread love, not exacerbate hate
it has blessed our eyes with vivid colours,
for us to appreciate, not to differentiate
and thus my heart weeps in sorrow
to see these simple rules not be followed

Chapter Text

even if you are not my god
even if you are no longer my savior
because i have nothing left
i will offer myself up to the altar for yoh
and embrace you willingly

even if it hurts me dearly
even if my heart starts to bleed
because i am nothing without you
i will give up my dreams for you
and lose myself willingly

even if i must endure all forms of suffering
even if i must die over and over again
because you have become my everything
i will sacrifice my live and love for you
and pass on willingly

Chapter Text

i dare not ask if god has forsaken our souls
and decided to leave us to rot for our sins
i find the punishment befitting of the crime
but im afraid of being left alone, to die alone.

Chapter Text

staring at the walls with apathy
i cant help but ask myself,
whats wrong with me?

why do i despise the way my mouth moves,
and the horrifying sounds that follow?

why am i unable to speak, unable to think,
unable to meet your eyes?

i feel so small in your presence.
i feel so small in your eyes.
maybe i'm nothing,
maybe i'm worth nothing.

something must be wrong with my way of thinking
and my miserable way of living
or maybe-
there's something wrong with me.

Chapter Text

i hate all contorted words that reek of misery
or how i like to sink, and wallow in boring self-pity
please, make it stop
these thoughts of hatred
questioning why i have lived,
refusing to die, to endure my suffering
i ask myself-
why?

Chapter Text

The first time, it was an accident.
The second time, it was a mistake.
The third time, it was a choice.
The fourth time, it was deliberate, purposeful.
By the time the fifth time rolled around, it had wormed its way into my life, as a hard to break habit.
And the final time, it became my way of living.

Chapter Text

can i just die!
i led my life astray, meandering
im so tired of this awful suffering
ive asking myself over and over again
why? why put up with this misery?
with no course to cross back to,
and no love reserved for me.
did you even see me as a friend?
or just another means to an end.
i think you've left irreparable scars in my heart
you make me question if everything was worth it
you make me wonder if i even deserve it
maybe i should just give up on this life and restart
somehow i'd make amends for my past mistakes
in this situation, all you did was take
and take and take until i had nothing left
and then you left me.
see this pain, and the tragedy of this relationship
something that can't be fixed with a mere bandage
it just all went to shit.
all the times we spent together,
all the memories we made together
yet i could never be that her, huh?
tell me the truth, im a whore, admit you are.
you only wanted me until i asked for no more
im a worthless pawn in your scheme, your plans, (rit.)
you only kept me until i started to bite
im a parasite that sucked your parts dry
you only loved me until you grew tired,
i'm just a pretty little appendage that fit the bill
wasted my time, what for?
i went ahead and fucked up my life
things started to go awry
now society swallowed me whole, and spit the innards back out
ive been rejected even by the outcasts
shamed and turned away, always outclassed
when you know you can only lose,
when you know you can never win,
kinda makes me want to throw in the towel
and say fin-!
i hate every moment of this torment
i didnt understand why you hated it
this is what you meant.
it's no place for me, this earth
i feel judged for every word that escapes my lips
the world out there is unkind, cruel
its rough on the misled and misunderstood
im coughing the flumes out of my lungs,
and theres something else, on the tip of my tongue
maybe i'd be better off dead.
this toxicity is ruining the creases of my face
im tasting the bitter vitriol.
ive had enough of this horrid place,
surely, i wont miss any of this, right?
yeah. i'd think so.
thus, i go quietly into the night,
goodbye, and goodbye.

Chapter Text

I'm waiting for when it snows
When the leaves turn withered and old,
And in the night, it gets cold
That's when I'll finally know
I've returned home.

Chapter Text

The weather is harsh, cold and chilly
And the howling wind calls out my name bitterly
It urges me to go now, to go quickly
To the ends of the road, I follow, diligently.

Chapter Text

I have been waiting for a while
Wandering aimlessly, in the wild.
Without the eye of the beholder,
It has lost its only form
And thus, the world is meaningless,
Its beauty vast, always adorned,
But never chosen, and never worn
I have lost my ability to smile

Chapter Text

Luminous, heavenly birds
Fly up, high in the sky
Let your cries of freedom soar
Carry these dashed hopes,
And all these forgotten dreams
May it reach someone kind,
To cherish it dearly.

Chapter Text

To all those who flock to the sky
Do they know the reason why?
When they kiss the clouds, and fly up high,
They will never understand how they die.

Chapter Text

Sometimes, it feels like we are meant to be
Like your fate is written in our destiny.
My love will finally set you free.
So why can't you see, how much you need me?

Chapter Text

i miss the way you used to smile at me
but i still love how you look at me now
your beautiful eyes captivated me
your soothing warmth smooths my shaking hand
hearing your sweet voice simply makes my heart flutter

but in the end, my mind aches
knowing you can never be mine
knowing that you don't feel the same about me
that im just someone to you,
and not the one you need.

so im sorry for loving you,
for acting like an abandoned dog
with how i yearn for you longingly
with how i know you make me happy
with how i promise to be yours for eternity
will you say you like me?

Chapter Text

my heart aches for you
and i can't help but love you
everything hurts
even if i beg you to stay
i know it's pointless
because you don't feel the same way
i told you i loved you too
but you didn't say a word
so i gave up, and accepted that
maybe you don't like me back
the same way i like you
all this pain, again and again
all these tears, year after year
all because i thought i liked a girl.

Chapter Text

i think i’m hurt
time and time again
i fall in love with someone i can’t have
i fall in love with you over and over again
even if you break my heart
and keep it trapped in your cage
i'll let you hurt me
and pretend that you like me back somehow
even though i don't deserve it
i want you to like me back too
the same way you like talking to me
and in the same way i like talking to you
i love you so much
it hurts that we are not together
and it hurts that you don't seem to feel the same
i wish you do
i wish that you liked me back
or i wish i didn't feel this way
every time you turn to face my way
i feel like i'm in love again
im smiling and happy
but when you leave
everything turns dark and grey
i hope you don't leave forever
please stay by my side
even if you don't love me the same
let me love you until the day i die

Chapter Text

And finally, it's my time to go
Maybe one day I'll realise
That someone out there loves me too
To my best friends
I will miss you.

Chapter Text

i'm not very good with words, i shudder
it seems i've forgotten the meaning of it all
your words and mine, they feel-
senseless. worthless. useless.
words cannot change a man,
nor can it change my destiny.
i can write and write, and beg you to stay,
but in the end, like all able-bodied flesh,
you will leave my bones one day.

Chapter Text

mother, i am drowning
sinking in my endless misery
can't you see?
i'm calling out for help, screaming your name,
but you don't understand my intentions,
you turn around to face the other way
and left me stranded, to choke on my own blood
i loved you like no other
but you don't feel the same.
no, you don't feel at all.

Chapter Text

please, thank god for saving us
and maybe he's out there, trying
but i'm trying too, to get by every day
even when things don't go my way
i turn to your light, for guidance.

Chapter Text

bridging the gap between unfamiliarity
and the vast unknown
it feels like a difficult job
to adapt and change, like the times
to move and rejoice, like the wind
how can i ever hope to be like them?

Chapter Text

i think it's squeezing-
for an answer
for a drop of lemon
for the birth of another
this sensation brings so much-
painful
souring
life.

Chapter Text

i'm so tired
of everything
of waking up everyday
realising there's nothing left for me
you're gone, far far away from me
now i'm all alone, and no one loves me.

Chapter Text

sleepy and dozing
i dream of another world
another life where we are happy
where you loved me dearly
when i could call your name sweetly
and hold your hand as we dash along the fields
into the joyful times ahead
but i wake up, and remember-
you're gone.

Chapter Text

goodness, goodwill,
it's all apart of god's will.
live, love,
loving thyself, should be enough.
sometimes, it doesn't feel like it's enough,
but i brush those thoughts aside,
like discarded pen knives,
the sting of the thinking still brings a sense of melancholy
i think i think too much for my little head
so i must say,
i must say-
goodbye!

Chapter Text

it's ten o'clock.
the cycle never stops.
it continues on and on,
just like your boring speeches
just like your silly mannerisms
and your false pretences.
when will you learn to stop, sailor?
when will you rip your sail,
and disrupt your winds?
when will you learn to fly, dove?
when will you steal your dream,
and discard your wings?
i don't think you will ever learn
you will continue on this path,
and i can't look away.
i can watch. i can only, as it all burns,
watch.

Chapter Text

i wish you love, love, love me
because i need, need, need you
so badly, i love you
but i know you never felt the same
it feels like i'm pouring my heart out
and you're tipping the glass over
telling me my intentions are half empty,
but i was half full.
even if you tell me lies,
i still listen obediently
even if you leave me to die,
i still wait patiently.
like a pathetic dog, i must follow
i love endlessly, obsessively,
i can't let you go, out of my mind
i wish you were mine,
but you care not for me.
so i must watch on the sidelines
waiting, for you to accept my heart with open arms
i dream for that day,
though i know it will never come
i will wait for you to take my hand
and wipe away the wounds and scars
and make me feel alive again, with your touch
i will wait a thousand days, a thousand years,
for you, i would do anything, and everything.
even if you don't feel the same,
i feel something.
because in the end, i have only you,
my one and everything,
without you,
i am nothing.

Chapter Text

there's a warmth somewhere,
there's a feeling down there
i'd hope you would care
about how i'd fare
about how i'd bear
without you.

Chapter Text

it's strange,
to think of life without you.
you touched my heart, my soul
you have become my everything
it feels strange,
to think of love without you.
when you're gone, far far away
even when i begged you to stay
i missed you so much.
and i'm afraid to ask-
did you feel the same?
what didn't you say, when you saw me once again
what did i say again?
it feels like a blur,
time passes by quickly when i'm with you
don't you think it's strange too?

Chapter Text

i need these hollow, juvenile dreams
to keep my little world afloat

Chapter Text

it's a long way down
but i'm good at waiting for the end
in the myriad sea of faces
i don't think i see a familiar friend
sometimes, i feel so terrifyingly alone
please, can you fix this feeling of despair
and free me from this never-ending nightmare?

Chapter Text

i can't even recognise my own face in the mirror
i can't identify my self-reflection
even after i've stolen all those dashed hopes and dreams
these thoughts can't escape me now
i know i won't ever change
so i don't dare to steal a glance
i'd never look back twice, i promise.

Chapter Text

a craving love can't satiate
an expression i can't help but hate
the voices in my head, criminalising and condescending
this empty feeling, is something i struggle to comprehend
because it's something that i don't understand
in order for the situation to de-escalate
i believe i need some form of escape
to stop myself from thinking about the end,
about when this end will come to be.
oops, i think I've hit my saturate
that wasn't my intent, surely?
i see, my world must be ending
so in hopes for the future, i must repeat the sentiment-
woe is me!

Chapter Text

sometimes you love me, sometimes you don't
it feels so hot and cold, your touch
when your words hurt, they make my arms bleed
when your words sweet, they make my heart beat
you smile at me sometimes,
maybe you notice the heat on my cheeks,
but you look away sometimes,
and ignore my gaze.
i don't understand how you feel, when you leave me
i don't understand how you feel, when you love me
and yet you do it all again
it drives me a little crazy
and emotionally distraught
to deal with this rollercoaster
of your highs and my lows,
am i too clingy?
you can tell me the truth, you know?
is what i'd say, if you'd even talk to me
i haven't see you these days
are you getting better? am i getting worse?
i don't know. i don't want to know.
i see you in the corner of my eye, the shadows of my vision
i hear you everywhere
i think about you all the damn time,
knowing you probably don't feel the same
i think i almost cried when you left
but you will never feel the same.
never.

Chapter Text

if i disappeared
would you even notice?
if i left
would you even care?
if i died
would you even bother to cry?
yes, you'd say
but deep down in my heart,
i'd know it was a lie.

Chapter Text

black hair breezing in the sun
with lovely sun-kissed folds
your piercing eyes stare right
into my longing soul
questioning the journey ahead
i can't look away
as the deep sea drifts
and the lonely moon stills
i think i'll confess my secret
tonight, i love you.

Chapter Text

obsession suffocates
perfectionists isolate
find yourself
a place to hide
from all your problems
find yourself
a shoulder to cry on
to escape from your mistakes
erase your memory
to preserve your dignity
you must die.

Chapter Text

no one needs an explanation
for the things i've done
for the things i'm about to do
no one needs to understand
the things i wanted
the things i cared about
even i don't understand myself.

Chapter Text

how can i explain this feeling?
i'm suffocating in the guilt
the burden of knowing
the burden of thinking
of what could have been
i'm sorry for everything
but a thousand apologies can't bring you back.

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even if i devote my whole life to a sorry
it will never be enough
to replace the aching hole in my heart
i can never be enough, can i?
i can't fill in your shoes
no matter how hard i try
it will never be enough,
maybe if i tried.
but i'm tired of trying
of giving, of losing
i'm tired of everything. trying.
what's the point?
i'm not enough. i never am.

Chapter Text

oh dear...
i think there's some fog in my brain,
it's filling up with fear
i'm drowning in the rain,
dripping with tears
nothing really feels clear.

seeing their face,
looking at me with disdain
knowing this is something,
something that i can't ever hope to mend.
i can't pretend that-
i don't feel the insufferable pain
of losing my only friend.

so i look at the bottom of the barrel,
take a swig of my beer
realising that things will never be the same
seeing that it's the end of my years,
thinking how i miss being here,
how i'll miss calling your name.

Chapter Text

i close my eyes
endure my suffering
put away the negative thoughts
and keep thinking happy

i live in my delusion
of dreams and hopes
none i can ever hope to fulfil
i continue sleeping

i turn a blind eye
to the pain around me
failing to understand
the truth of the world

i must wake up
take a step forward
open my mind to the future
and stop living in the past

i need to move on
if i refuse to do so,
i will never learn to let go
and be free.

Chapter Text

they told me
you'll understand once you're older
and then you left me, lonely
to rot alone, to toil alone
when all i dreamed of was to hold your hand
and maybe be more than a friend
could i ever hope to be more?

maybe not.
maybe this is all a false revelation,
a mistaken confession
maybe it's just another unhealthy obsession.

i can't tell,
from right and wrong
from love and hate
from you and i,
to you, truly,
whom i used to love,
i'm sorry you can't love me.

Chapter Text

i'm sorry for being so unlovable
for being born imperfect
for being daring enough to be born
i'm sorry for everything i've done
for stealing so many breaths from the world
i don't deserve any of your forgiveness
even if i pray to the savior for mercy
i don't believe i deserve any of it.
i think i'm losing my talent
my attention, my meaning
i can't write, or write my rights
i can't tell from right, and right
i don't understand the words you are deciphering
the words you are interpreting feel foreign
my breaths start to feel stolen again
my thoughts start to feel useless again
i can't understand you
i can't understand you
help me
help me see the truth
please.
isn't that enough?

Chapter Text

from the book of a dying patient
from the words of a deceased soul
from the thoughts of a dead brain
i used to think life was better when i was alive
maybe it's an obvious fact
but i could still move freely
i could still speak freely, dream freely
i could still think coherently
but now i am useless
rotted to the bone
the maggots are invaded my flesh
and the knife has carved out my insides
the insects have made a home out of my dying self
my guts have spilled out
scattered on the floor like my incessant thoughts
like a sacred offering in an act of desperation
to reverse the wheel of fate, and grant me more days
but alas it proved useless in the end,
just like my existence
a little something to remember me by
i'm sorry for existing
for taking up space from others
but you no longer have to worry about dead weight
for now, i am a dead, back space.
it's endless, unwelcoming, and deathly cold-
blank, eternal death.

Chapter Text

i think that maybe, just maybe,
the loneliness will kill the life in me
that one day i'll realise that life has nothing left in store for me
staring down the bottle of liquor
the sting of liquid courage, it feels so bitter
removing the painful memories, the forbidden knowledge
i'm thriving, i'm lying
deep down, i'm dying
and i'll wake up and see
there's no reason left for living
i'll spend my last days alone
waiting for your words
so i can validate my worth
for a devotion that doesn't exist
for someone i deeply miss
but i know it will never come.
i'd think it's almost a stranger speaking
estranged, deranged, yet life remains unchanged
you are a shadow of who you once were
i think i'm waiting on something that was never meant to be
this frugal honesty truly hurts me,
a fleeting feeling, i can't understand this.

Chapter Text

i'd date the moon
just to be able to see the stars
in the vast night sky
alluring, dazzling eyes
surrounded in a deep sea of lies,
let me drown, in your mesmerising dream.

Chapter Text

you'd think you love this guy
the next thing you know, he's between your thighs
purloining your very innocence
i'm sorry, you didn't have the foresight
to finally call it a night
the disgust starts seeping in, evident
flesh against skin, it begins to rip
draining the spirit of your humour, a man's parasitic brain tumor
numb to the consequence, it drips
you become his perfect, plastic doll
submissive and subservient,
and suddenly, you don't remember what you're doing here at all.

Chapter Text

nobody has to know
what i'm doing between my thighs
what i'm thinking about, like ending my life
alcoholism synthesizes the metabolism
living losing its meaning
dying feels like im thriving
im chasing this never-ending high
never wanting to stop, to ask myself why
i drown further in my thoughts
the disease plaguing my mind
the need to finally leave everything behind
the desire urging me to die
nobody had to know.

Chapter Text

sometimes you need a friend
a dear one indeed
to tell you when
you have to send
your parting letters
while hoping to mend
your past relationships
boosting morale at an all-time low
with morbid rites to follow
hey, did you know?
the rules can't bend
no matter how much you wish, though
you can't defy the status quo
so now, i must say,
sometimes you need a friend
a kind one's in need
to help you comprehend
that it's finally the end
it's the end, indeed
say goodbye, me.
see, sea, si.

Chapter Text

people's faces are losing meaning in my eyes
people's words are losing sentiment in my mind
oh dear god, in my time of need,
why have you forsaken me?

Chapter Text

don't you feel the same when you see my guilted expression?
don't you feel the love, my twisted apprehension
is this not enough, my form of admiration
for you, i'll do anything.

Chapter Text

skin against skin
scraping the barrel
blade against flesh
releasing the insides
warmth fills my bones
and so does the jelly fat
it hobbles around silly
a reminder of what i've done.

Chapter Text

i can't help but think
i wish i had died a long time ago
maybe it's a form of suicidal ideation
at this point, who really knows?
some people say it isn't healthy
but i always knew it wasn't
better yet, who really cares? about me.

as i stand on the roof, high above
peering at the eerie drop below
death stares me right in the eye
it seems that people have eventually understood
how twisted and rotten i am
especially, terribly on the inside
it feels fitting, almost right
to finally be able to take my own life.

surrounded by my thoughts, i'm all alone
purged in endless contemplation, with fallen aspirations
i ponder about my lowering self-esteem
our relationship was always a tumultuous one
i couldn't bother to fix it, so it all went downhill
i lament on my past and present mistakes
there are just some things you can't change, some things you can't fix
no matter how much you try
i should know. i tried.

the world condemns you, damnation be with you in hell
leaving you to suffer in a prison
of your own making, a cell of your own craving
you ruined your only bright future
with your self-loathing, your deathly addiction
and now, there's nothing left
to do, to say
nothing that can convince me to stay.

delving deeper into the issues, i peel back the layers
how did it feel, when you realised
there was no one waiting for you?
except for the empty bed left behind.
how did it feel, when you had nothing left?
except for a sliver of hope, for the mercy of another.
and even as you begged and begged for forgiveness
an ode to the apologies, a song for the miseries
for him to offer you mercy and salvation
just know that god cannot forgive you,
for you cannot even grant yourself forgiveness
so do you truly deserve to be forgiven?
do you truly deserve to be loved?
i'd like to think the answer was maybe, someday
but i know you'd rather take a no.

henceforth, you are forced in an act of crucifixion
despite your earnest wishes, your heartfelt prayers
they are meaningless to a corpse
a withering piece of flesh
with an unthinkable brain to boot
the only thing keeping me alive is my beating heart
unwilling to give up, unwillingly ticking away my time
as i scramble to grasp the loosening threads in my fingers
moments of my life dash past, forever lost
unable to be recovered, unable to be remembered
in the essence of things, they become meaningless.

i think deeply, i must end this suffering
so i drive this blade through my chest,
i pierce this knife against my skin
my skull lying on the pavement,
where my fallen body meets
and this is where my soul finally leaves
a bullet to end my troubles, in a world i could never win
a sacrifice to end my struggles, in an existence filled with sin
my blood kisses the floor, in a riot of passion
crimson, crimson red, my love
the familiar iron stench that rots my lungs
while the cold, hard ground folds my insides out
splattering an ugly stain, for all to see
what was wrong with me

the coroner declares my body's condition
parades it around, with a simple word in the description
"death," is what they call my state.
thus they decide they must hold a small gathering
in recognition of my memory,
a little something to remember me by
a ceremony to send the decayed and decomposed away
to honour their last living moments, up until they died
whatever that means, i don't really care
they never really recognised me, for who i was
i could never show them my true colours
i could never get them to love me, like how i loved them
i wished for their validation, to give me a reason to live
but i received none, even as the days passed on
maybe people will care a little more, once i'm dead.

tucked in a corner of the fields
with rocks aligned in the shape of my former name
with flowers to decorate my final resting place
with pretty words uttered, but none left for me
my heart must ache miserably
tormented in the travesty of devastation
for they are not the ones i wished them to be
couldn't they have told me these lies when i was alive?
why must they wait until i'm gone,
when they regret the words they can never take back
when they regret the things they never dared to speak
it's already over, the funeral ends.

the aftermath never stops. it simply carries on.
"it wasn't suicide..."
the family murmurs, distressed with the information
"it must have been a mistake!"
the crowd hollers, indignant about the revelation
for my death, you offer the blame to no one
you tell yourself over and over again
convincing yourself, that very lie
which you seek to base the accident on
is now forming into the truth, sinking its treacherous poison

it was no one's fault.

maybe it will help you sleep better tonight
to believe it wasn't your fault
that your dearest friend died,
to know it wasn't your fault
that they would dare to conceive the very notion
of commiting their own suicide.
ha, doesn't that sound about right-

how could they ever think to die?

Chapter Text

you're better off without me.
why won't you leave me?
why did you leave me?
simple questions you can't answer
reveal the lies between your teeth
the truth peering through these gaps
glaringly obvious to my familiar gaze
don't you tire, from this endless game of lying?

Chapter Text

take the apple that sink your teeth into its flesh
biting, chewing, ruining the appearance
it's ugly now, no one wants you
discard and throw it away
that useless piece of junk, a wasted garbage
bleeding, dripping, it's a mess
my mind aching, sinking, everything is falling apart
devour me whole, you love me
corrupt me entirely, you hate me
i'll give my form willingly,
to the first person who stalked on the high
for this worthless name of mine
i beg you to consume me
take your prize, take your dignity
go far, far away, until i forget your name
fail to recall your face, erase you from my memories
please, leave.

Chapter Text

disposure of the corpse
exposure to the corruption
losing my composure
how can you be absolutely sure
that it was enough?

the lies, the false narrative
you tricked those people.
you tricked me, with your deceit
yet you smile knowingly, confidently
taking your chance to escape

you flee the scene
a criminal to everyone that sees
hiding in the dark, hidden from sight
you sit there alone, almost painstakingly
one must lament.

Chapter Text

the bird's wings of freedom
were snapped off and discarded
losing every sense of its ambition
look at that crying creature
unable to fly, return to the sky
lost from friends and foe
abandoned by the system it was born in
they will live, they will lie
even if we reject it so
and refuse to listen
nature will always die.

Chapter Text

in hindsight, i should have known.
to me, living has become a burden
from joy, it turns into misery
now, i breathe because i must
from ignorance, it forms into necessity

i've given up on all my hopes and dreams
losing my will to live, open my eyes and stir
waking up is such a chore, i'm so sick and tired of it all
my fragile mind is bursting at the seams
i think i miss who you once were

nowadays, all i do is pathetically weep
telling myself life will get better, that familiar lie
i spend my time sinking, into a painless sleep
praying that someday, i'll finally have the courage to die.

Chapter Text

life is no longer fun
tired of waiting for someone
i want to run away
from what plagues me so

i sleep and laze all day
then wake up whenever
the cycle repeats
escape waiting to die

is this what it means
to be free
of life itself
and responsibility?

off i must go
into the night
drifting all alone
embrace the fondness
of long awaited slumber

these empty feelings
make me hollow inside
it becomes a struggle
to stay alive

i feel enervated
mixed with exasperated
always exhausted
seeking for a means to an end.

Chapter Text

i know, for you, my words became nothing
and yet, i find myself wishing for more
our friendship, this relationship
i hope it meant something to you.

Chapter Text

nothing is worth the risk
no price is worth paying
if it means you end up dying
but i didn't heed no warnings
i still went ahead, and ruined things
despite everything, i couldn't change a thing.

Chapter Text

your trust is truthfully misplaced
my acts, are falsely praised
i feel my brain being stretched
from the inside out
my rotting flesh
has an unbearable stench
the squelch of my remains
my blood, a liquid courage
or an act of self-sacrificing cowardice?

Chapter Text

I just need a witness
Why play this wretched game
It's driving me insane
I'm not crazy, my memory is just hazy
Tell me these thoughts are mine
These monsters lurking are not in my mind
This suffering is real, to me it is
The truth, misconstrued
An enemy, are you?

Chapter Text

Even if you have passed, I cannot let go of your embrace
So I shall continue to lovingly call for your name
And I will sing this melody, to remember you by.

Chapter Text

i still don't know what i'm trying to be
can't tell when things went south, yeah
my life is collapsing all around me
these words spew out of your goddamn mouth
you call this true love, another lie
weren't you the one saying you'd leave?
now i'm only one left, asking why
people must suffer before they finally die.

Chapter Text

i slice open the flesh that was offered before me
a dedication to a cause most meaningful
i give myself over, now and fully
the little drops, slippery and small
drip down below, embracing the fall.

Chapter Text

Nothing is as it seems
They carry him about slowly
Unease slipping off their shoulders
Gently, words fade in the dark
Leaving behind a mold of the man
An aftermath of an awful affair
Death denotes this simple occurrence
As nothing more than a bad dream

Chapter Text

What am I doing here?
A fish above saltwater
Blurry faces, erased places
I can't breathe
It's your fault.

Chapter Text

Pain and resentment
Back and forth I rock
Shake and stake
My hopes on a door lock
Keys and birthday cake
All I do is take
Just wondering if you meant it then?

Chapter Text

trapped in a cage, a prison of my own making
i ripped your wings, to set myself free
you have molded, into a person of my own design
you change yourself, to attend my every need
on the inside, all i feel empty,
harrowing guilt eats me alive
knowing i have killed you, that much indeed
i'm sorry for ever living, for taking all that is dear to me
in the end, i lost my only friend.

Chapter Text

Trapped in a cage, a prison of my own making
To set myself free, I must cut off your wings
But in the end, I lost everything
I'm sorry, for dying.

Chapter Text

why bother giving birth to a child if you despise them so
kill me already, let me fucking go
dont suffocate me in this oppressive embrace
just let me die, at least give me this final grace

Chapter Text

im suffocating
what were you expecting?
its all your fault
negligence
the cruelest thing you've done
is breathe life into my figure
at least if i die, not by my own will
the death will be justifiable, honourable almost
not a lone soul waiting, for their own self-destruction
i know you don't feel the same way
you'll never say i do
thank you for giving me the opportunity
to finally say i love you
and i miss you too

Chapter Text

how you ruined me
my reflection in the mirror
my temptations to steer clear
fading gradually, sinking slowly
burn and bleed from these bruises
talking about the little things
what matters who cares why bother
collapsing false reality
won't you descend down from the heavens
and come save me?
suffocating embrace, these fleeting moments
i grasp at the threads
subtle expectations, drift by idly
in my eyes, the world glossed over
seconds tick by, aeons blink pass
i find myself, waiting alone
always still, nothing lasts
black coffee, and my glass is full
of unspoken tears, final regrets
life is deprived of its meaning
memories are gone, distant and unseeming
the way you died at that creek
this numb and empty bitterness
surrounded by cold, harsh plateaus
my hometown
the motherland
i miss you
raising the flag high in the air
white in surrender
death hung heavy
this rope curled around my neck
tightens, it scurries
this blade pressed against my skin
ripens, it blurries
the edge of the ceiling
the dangling fan, in the corner of my passage
heightens, i must hurry
shadows hidden from sight
darkness, no longer my light
making things right
something, someone
was what i meant to be
born out of a blossom
wilting, dying in a costume
rebirth in a coffin
rest easy, rest dearly
my eyes close for the final time, thinking
this wasn't meant for anybody
my mind buries in, my voice cracks
theres nothing left to say.
nothing you can do
i cant fix this
im beyond help
im beyond repair
consume me as you see fit
decipher my words as you find suitable
cry for help
desperation, useless words
give up, something i must do
does this even make sense
i dont think it does
i just wanted to be loved
i just wanted you to love me
i just wanted to be happy
yet i achieved nothing
im pretending to be something greater
im pretending to be something better
but im nothing, this is all a facade
my words dont make sense
logic remains missing, no longer a constant
and its all my fault
somehow, everything is
im doomed
impose your thoughts, your preconceived notions
i am an object, an idea
never a person, never your one
discard any hopes of understanding
blame no one but yourself
for what happened
for what ive done, what im planning to do
its already over
never enough time
i always wish for more
there is no saving a sinking ship
just jump abroad, swim far, far away
the wreckage cannot be salvaged
the mistakes cannot be mended
leave me to drown now
please?
im sorry for making you see this
this awful, terrible side of me
but to those who have, to those who once cared
thank you for reading
goodbye.

Chapter Text

put an end to this empty feeling
as i spend my life searching for meaning
please just let me die, dear god
and grant me the courage to do so

Chapter Text

pink and pretty lungs
dont you get me
ruining you mind
dont you see me
how much will it take
until its finally enough
how much must you break
until it's over?

Chapter Text

if someone asks me
what good have you done with your life
the only thing i can answer is
nothing
the end is the best part
bliss within respite
finality for those who seek
paradise

Chapter Text

please take responsibility
im begging you
please say you're sorry
and then maybe
we could fix things, start anew
until you take that first step
nothing could be done
when i take that first step
everything would be over
a fall from grace
someone's forgotten face
friendship, memories, drift by quickly
fleeting away, fading into the distance
i want to cry
my tears fill up the riverbank
i sit by the shore
all alone, surrounded by stillness
forgive me, for what i'm doing
and what i'm about to do
after all, there's no going back
no mending of the seams, no repairing the broken bonds
the blurry spots between your eyes
the blackened corners in your vision
tightness grips your chest
an aching takes hold, your heart none the wiser
what are you waiting for?
holding out for a phone call, some kind of text
you know it'll never come, so why bother?
i don't know.
tell me, dear god
whose forgiveness shall i ask for?
maybe myself, nothing more
wordlessly i go, into the night
splat! my face hits the concrete
as they gather around, see the corpse on display
thinking, singing—it's just another day!
truly, unduly, fulfilling their duty
glorious parades, festivals beyond the mind's eye
a quota to fill for bodies discovered
goodnight to one, goodnight for all
farewell!

Chapter Text

Goodbye one, farewell all
You must take responsibility
One day you will
But not today
You live in denial
I live in grief
We both sink, drowning in regret
A pit too deep to swim out of
Tar, black, vice-like grip
It envelopes my heart
Bleeding, squeezing its essence dry
Leaving nothing left but guilt
A prayer, a penny, the left and right
Clutching its cold coin in my hand
Realisation strikes me, once more
I've lost every one of my friends
So reasoning aside, how can one live?
All alone, over and over again
Ceasing to exist, perhaps becomes a mercy
To the lonely few, who must toil the earth relentlessly
What a burden, you must be.

Chapter Text

The hardest thing to do
Is to say goodbye
To close your eyes
To peacefully lie
The world goes dark
I'm afraid of the cold
The emptiness within
The fact I'll never grow old
Or see the flowers blossom
The sun rise once more
Not another breath
Pain, suffering, grief
It becomes meaningless
In the great scheme of things
A life once worthy
A memory once happy
A person once, ending it all
And everything is—
Finally gone
Like how things should be.

Chapter Text

Extreme ends of the earth
Connect, collide, to form the stars
Reaching out, grasping for a relation
To mend the seams of this broken devastation
Static in my ears, as I watch them dance
Melancholy in my eyes, as I yearn to be free
I stare into the mirror, my reflection in the water
Is that unfamiliar face, truly me?

Chapter Text

Close your eyes, rest easy
But I've grown weary, waiting for your texts back
Exhausted from the energy I've spent
The hours that can never be undo
The tears my eyes have wasted
Thinking about you
Questioning everything has got me dizzy
Spiralling into another baseless affair
So won't you tell me the truth
Harrowing it might be
If it's spoken from the heart
I might be able to live with it
Love, devotion, endless delusion
Peel back the layers, the petals on my skin
Melancholy, a note in the cacophony
Warmth drips down my arms
Encompassing, encasing my thoughts whole
Clinging to every bit of affection
Like it's the only thing keeping you afloat
With the storm raging in your mind
Please don't ever forget me, it begs
I can't bear to be alone
And suddenly, I'm back again
Five years too young, a few seconds too late
The air reeks of something surgical,
Sterile and scrubbed of everything
Dedicated to your memory
Walls painted with crimson, pooling in clean streaks
A lump in my throat tightens, I struggle to breathe
There's something bitter in my lungs
In this chest of mine, the knife twists
Into my flesh, it remain heavy, always damning
I swallow. Hard.
Against mine, your skin feels cold
Hand in hand, I pause for your heartbeat
Yet it never comes—
Just like you.

Chapter Text

A single white swan, basks in the light
Graceful and elegant, it glides
Through the water, observe its reflection
One’s true identity comes to light
It now bares its feathers, in an effort to scare off others
But the dove sinks further into the water, longing for their warmth
Drowning, sinking, while the swan watches keenly
Encompassing, delving into madness
Both birds, now descending in self-destruction
Now this, I say—is true love.

Chapter Text

Going through the cycles
Passing through the days
Seeing people move on already
They rise quickly, fade away slowly
One day, things will be okay
Even when I start to lose the droplets of hope
And life starts to seem meaningless
That phrase gives me hope
But I'm beginning to forget
Everything special to me
As I selfishly cling onto you
Praying for your words of permission
To make me feel better
I realise after all this time, I've deceived myself
You aren't real, and so is this future
I don't know anymore
Lies or reassurance, my fateful hand
Sorry for hurting you
Maybe I am

Chapter Text

when i die, do not desecrate my body
by laying to rest with those fools
i rather live an eternity in solitude
then to see your ruined face again
to confront this wretched reality
that you, and i, we were never loved
not once, never.

Chapter Text

people should die as they have lived
as a coward, a weakling
and the ice that melts after a breath's touch
the way i have to beg for your love
like how a dog begs for an ounce of attention from its owner
loving you was an experience i rather not forget
lonely is the heart, searching for a place to belong
it finds itself in a home, in the arms of someone that knows they do not belong
it embraces you gradually, crushing your dream slowly
suffocatingly knocking every breath out of your lungs
until it's too late, and you realised you're choking
but you don't know how else to breathe
so i accepted you lovingly, despite you killing me slowly
and now i can't live without you
no one understands you, at least thats what i thought until i met you
you don't understand me, you know me too well
you want me to become like you
no longer myself

Chapter Text

the sun rises from the horizon
just these thoughts
this tightness in my chest
every single second
it ticks by slowly
passing away
the spark in your eyes
it fades quickly
like everything else
and how you died in my memory

Chapter Text

in my death, you seek closure
and now, you will blame everyone but yourself
i know you will
i give up, im done
see me no more
perceive me no longer
then i can rest easy
closing my eyes one final time

Chapter Text

thank you for the memories you have gifted me
thank you for the times i cherish deeply
i missed you so much
between every line, every wall of text
every waiting blue sky, every waning blue interest
eventually you fade away, like all good things
maybe i’m wrong for clinging onto you
trying to hold you tight, hoping you wouldn't let go
but even my best efforts were futile
you slipped away, so quietly i couldn't do a thing
every laugh, every smile, back when times were simpler
i miss everything so dearly, so damn much
but i can’t take it back
no matter how much i try
the only end i see is a goodbye
to my memories, my forgotten past
the only thing left is a farewell isn’t it
this wasn't my intention, not at all
maybe its better this way
to disappear without a word
so you don't feel an ounce of guilt
you can sleep on peacefully
just like i have when i flew with
my clipped, broken wings
why did i try to fly?

Chapter Text

life will get better, the lies you must tell
maybe it will, i know it won't
i understand how you feel
don't lie, and make things smaller than they seem to be
people will miss you
because of what they've forgotten to do
cherish this time we have left
you never know which day will be your last
but this sin i've committed
it feels liberating, it's the first act i've completed with my own free will
red dots, red lines pop up
idly passing by, ignored for the lights
the way the sun rises, the way the body passes
seeing the world for what it is
i love you, these words uttered too late
i am already free, exhausted from the fighting
yours truly, my sincerity
how have you been?
good, i lie—
but i wish life could have been better.

Chapter Text

squeezing an answer from this rotten mind of mine
peeling back the layers, the lies beneath my flesh
the bitterness between my eyes, reveals its true form
sourness wrapped in sweet epiphany
a hollow, trifling cacophony, kisses in the sweltering summer
buried these complicated memories under the fruit tree
a sympathy of half-truths, this white flaking skin blossoms
take a bite, see the way i melt under your gaze
but there's much more that meets the eye
these tears that run down your chin, revel in a thirst-quenching relief
and even if you insist it so, and have all the branches lined up in your favour
in the place where you first met me
i'll submit to this confession, and take refuge in my admission of guilt
my dearest, the blood i bleed is crimson
not like what the world used to believe—
it must be orange.

Chapter Text

How can I ever dream to save you
When I can't even get rid of this unhappiness inside of me...?
These haunting regrets, this miserable pain
I'm sorry for hurting you,
But I wish you'd say that too.

Maybe it's an eye for an eye
Payback for everything I've done
"Only I understand how you feel."
Those bitter words that you whispered in my ear
But you're the one who made me this way

And still, I love you all the same
Even when you hurt me,
No matter how many times you do so
Over and over again
I feel guilty, like I owe you something
Like I deserve this.

So even though you're sinking,
Drowning in your endless sins
I'll stay forever, by your side
In this lifetime, in every single one
I'll always be with you.

And for all of eternity
Until the end of time, I promise
I'll live for you, I'll die for you
I would do anything for you, my dearest
Now this, I say—
is true love.

Chapter Text

Shut up until you're dead in the night
You said you don't wanna hear it
Mouth zipped, heart ripped apart
My sorrow is endless, I'm crying out regrets
Like the church bells ringing through the halls
I'm buried ten feet under, I ended it all
Stinging melancholy from your veins
It's too late to fix anything

Chapter Text

Quiet, desperate echoes of a plea
Won't you fall asleep with me?
Lonely, loveless entity, with no one's eyes
Forgotten and lost, buried deep inside
Even when I'm half-rotted, bleeding on the floor
Maybe the ground's when I belong
My face meets the pavement, the red splatters all over
Sometimes I can't help but think
Why didn't I do this before?

Chapter Text

And if I disappeared off the face of the planet
Erased every instance of my existence on this earth
Would it even matter?
When I'm here, when I'm there with you
It doesn't mean a thing
So if I were to go, to wipe myself away
When I'm gone, would you care?
When I'm lost forever, do you even think of me?

Chapter Text

Life doesn't get better
Stop spitting that bittersweet lie
I love you so much
It's all just falsified words, right from the snake's lips
They pile on one another, a damning mess
I can't crawl out of the abyss
So I'll sink, thinking about you
Maybe you can lie, and say you loved me too.

Chapter Text

Straight As, fully decked out in inventory
Peel back the layers, you see the forgotten history
More lines than words, more scars than looks
I'm writing something noteworthy
A pen and a knife, etched into my skin
The numbers mean something, the odds I must win
But this race is meaningless, no goal to achieve
At the end of the road lies emptiness, leaving no will to live.

Chapter Text

August finally rolls around
A finality that echoes my heart-felt sentiments
I hope it meant something
Those tiny, little words
Those soft, aching lines
Those rainy, quiet days
When I told you I'm sorry
Repetitive are these words
The things I pen down, useless
Unfamiliarity strikes me center
Just like the days gone by
The memories lost to time
The people fading away into silhouettes
I've forgotten every moment of meaning
Every smile, every regret
It bleeds into one, singular line
Across my thoughts, buried in my wrist
Tangled in my chest, twisted deep in my heart
My mind still clicks, filled with a capability to contemplate
But it can't undo the pain, it overwhelms me completely
Then, a thought occurs to me
Omnipresent in every dream, a lingering sensation on my lips
How could I ever have called this place home?
The miserable suffering I endure
The wounds inflicted in my toiling
On this weary soul, wasn't it enough?
Every waking second, I see it
Shadows, lurking in the back of my mind
The corner, tucked away, deep inside
Hidden from any stray, prying eyes
I may have needed you, wanted you,
Embraced your form in my outstretched arms
But now I think of this not
Praying I get by the passing day, without a hitch
In my throat, with my breaths, catching
Hand to hand, tagging, with the love I so desperately crave
The touch that could make me whole
And fulfil the longing in my heart, rid the aching in my chest
This can never be achieved,
It's a concept I cannot grasp
An understanding I can never hope to attain
Once, I wished for my happiness
Oh, what a hollow dream
Pondering the thoughts I cannot own
The light I cannot steal, the darkness that surrounds me
Unrelenting in its pursuit, refusing to let go
So I sink, I drown, I accept it fully
Despite everything, I couldn't change a thing
I come to a final realisation, the world splits apart
This fragile affection of mine shatters
In another lifetime, I loved you, but not anymore
No one can mend what's broken
No one can stop this unraveling
Of the mind, the heart, the very essence of my soul
I have swallowed bitterness, choked on my very unhappiness
I have already planned my defeat, and delved into the hopelessness
I apologise for my mistakes, for ever daring to be something more
Yet there's no turning back now, no undoing my choice
I cannot outrun my terrible past, nor can I bury my endless guilt
I have to accept what's done is done
It's what you would have wanted
God, I feel so fucking lonely
Alienated in a society, that refuses to embrace me
Desperation shakes me to my very core
Piercing straight through my veins
In my head, this voice rings incessantly
Pleading, begging, praying for a future
That I would somehow find a scarce joy
But this fruitless wish is short-lived
Ever since I have come into this world, allowed the light to seep onto my skin
Ever since I have taken my first breath, when I have first opened my eyes
I have already failed in this task
And lately, I've been thinking
I want to end it all.
I don't know how to live anymore, especially when I've already given up on everything
I can't believe I'll be able to endure the emptiness I feel
I don't think I can live any longer than this
I'm so tired of it all, I wish I could die
I desire to pass away early, far beyond my time
In this plight, I perceive no end, no way out of this misery
What hope is there left? Nothing ever remains
I know there's no peace in ending it all, only suffering for those left behind
And you're still so young, barely grown
But all these reasons, they don't matter, they don't mean a thing
For once, I want to be selfish, and make a choice that's wholly my own
This one and only ending is my first
Things are impermanent, and that's the way it's been, how the universe was created
But I disagree, for the world always changes, far too quickly for my liking
Nothing in the universe is set in stone
Yet death washes away all those stains
No more worries, no more grievances
A permanent stop to the thinking
Peaceful silence in the meadows, a sun that never stops shining
Your eyes that will forever remain open
Unblinking, staring, right back at me
Gazing deeply into my soul, judging
And when my brain meets the concrete
Just ceasing to exist, killing the uneven breathing
The tick-tock chime, the consistent beating of a heart that should end
Blood pools underneath my shaking resolve
Trembling in fear, knowing what I've wanted to do
Seeing the endless abyss, engulfing me whole
In its sickeningly sweet envelope of distance
I think it's better if I ended things
It'd be the best for everyone involved
A conclusion to a story no one bothered to notice
An attention never intended to be granted
I plan to slip away quietly, and vanish into the night
So that no one would remember me, or how I died
Goodbye, my friends, and goodnight to all
I promise that I'll miss all of you deeply
I'll look back on whatever memories I have left, and remember each and every one of you fondly
Just know that this way, I can finally rest
Maybe I'll find some solace, drifting in the afterlife
I know I'll be happier when I'm gone
And thinking about it now, it starts to make sense
From the start, I should have known,
From the day I was born, when I was brought into this world
I was never fated for greatness, only misery
How foolish can I be, I ask, what do I even have to live for?
I should have never dreamed of being happy
After all, it was never meant to be
This bittersweet truth, it's all I know
And in the end, no matter how hard I tried
I'm sorry... I still couldn't let go
This heart of mine was always destined to be filled with sorrow

To my beloved companion, and my dearest friend — I love you.

Chapter Text

Even as the seconds passed on and time lost meaning…

Will you even remember me?
Will the sound of my name haunt you?
Those words I uttered in my final moments, as I bled out in your arms—I love you—do they mean anything now?
What did it mean, seeing the look on my face, as I begged you to tell me the truth?

Do you... regret what you’ve done?

Chapter Text

in your eyes hides such a bittersweet sorrow
something far beyond my understanding
love lies steady, awaiting you tomorrow
a never-ending dream you cling onto
with simple words so endearing—
"i love you."

Chapter Text

i might have skipped a few lines
sorry, maybe, i couldn't quite tell
can you really this living?
not knowing, not remembering
forgetting the place where you stand
im dancing along the edge
of a room i cannot cross
waltz across the cold, narrow distance
cutting these ties, fixing my knots
presenting a neat little bow
shipped to another, expelled wearily
while the tempo slows and closes
until there's nothing left but eternity
and everything meant something
to someone like you,
please just forget me.

Chapter Text

the erasure of a life i could have loved
but the most horrifying thing was never remembering
looking at things that arent quite right
smiling at people who arent quite there
questioning a scene that was never lived in
slow, drips of crimson seep through my skin
blooming across my chest, red angry streaks
a long ago, they meant something to me
but now, i dont know.
and i cant remember who
or what i was ever meant to be
now im stuck rotating, spinning around the clock
watching the hours tick by
forgetting, waiting for the inevitable end
looking for a memory of someone i used to see.

Chapter Text

I don't know what to do
It's just a cycle, this misery
Hoping things get better, but they get worse
Without you, my life has no meaning
Lingering quietly, as I wait for the end,
I mourn my past feelings of happiness
I miss being younger, letting go of those carefree memories
I miss my friends, and how things used to be
I know some things can't stay the same forever,
But am I so wrong for wishing they would just remain as it is?
And for one day, I can convince myself with this foolish lie—
That everything will be okay again.

Chapter Text

Say goodbye to someone
The person I used to be
With feelings I will miss dearly
Remaining stagnant, void of change
So many emotions running wild
Deep in my veins, they smile
Waiting for the day
I can go out with my sorrow
And bid that wretched thing
Finally, a blessed farewell—
Any day now, it'll be my time.

Chapter Text

I just can't bottle these feelings up anymore
I stare at the ceiling, picture the swing
The slow, gentle sway, and the thing that hangs hauntingly
A sight for sore eyes
But I wonder what will take me out next
My inevitable boredom, or the questioning of my existence
Then, I realise I don't care—
I just want it to happen soon.
Now, to repeat the same lie
Etching in my skin like routine,
A fond friend to this darkness
Dissolving deep within my bones,
This old yet familiar companion
Of words and falsehoods alike
"Sorry, I really am."
Followed by a quiet realisation
Comes that damned question
The one I always hated to hear.
"Do you think anyone will miss me when I'm gone?"
Of course they will
Still, I'd rather they don't
I know in your arms, I am wanted
And yet, I already feel guilty enough
From stealing the air from your lungs
Glancing upon the smile on your lips
I never deserved a thing.
So please, don't think of me kindly
Just bid me a goodbye
That will be enough for this weary soul
Don't love me at all, let me rest in peace
I shall offer you one last comfort
As the world fades away,
And the months bleed out
Leaving a shadowy, crimson splash
Blooms across pale skin, lines across the road
I breathe my final words
"It wasn't your fault."
But who really believes that, right?

Chapter Text

Thank you for making my last few moments worth living
A ray of hope in these troubled times
Although this might an experience
One I rather not repeat once again
I would do anything just to see you again
My final declaration of thanks
I love you so much it hurts.

Chapter Text

In a sea of faces, I'm just another one in the crowd
A number on the board, a pawn never worth your attention
I start seeing people seem so happy
Smiling with joy I've forgotten how to possess
And yet I linger like a ghost, staring into the fields
Watching the flower petals scatter into the wind
Memories of a past, lost forever
Wondering how I can ever learn to feel that way again
But my existence seems meaningless,
An easy way out gleams forward, lighting the path
A tightening around my cord, ticking seconds pass by
Counting down to the moment it ends
The sound they hitch and catch, lost in my throats
Words long pass the notion of death
I only wanted to be set free.
Final sailors wait at the station
Stone meets my sentiments, followed by the foggy after
A lone umbrella waits quietly in the rain
Ones trying to remember a soul already gone
Soon they become busy, far and few
The thought occurs to me, sudden and sharp
An unease fills the cavities in my chest
It creeps doubtfully, into the corner of my mind
Reminding me of that haunting statement, once I used think was true—
"I can't believe anyone would miss someone like me."

Chapter Text

I wish I could stare in the mirror
Look back at that haunting reflections
The long, dark shadows, lying behind my eyes
I want to tell myself to live—
To finally learn how to smile, genuinely, for the first time in my life
But deep in my heart, I have always been a coward
And I could never forget you
So I hide away from the truth, sinking into oblivion
"Things will get better."
But that's just another lie, isn't it?

Chapter Text

The world is a raging storm
Yet I live my dreary life
Drifting by people I cannot recognise
Hoping for a sign from above,
For familiarity to strike my features.

A stinging needle in the thread,
These decisions all point towards the north
Memories always circle back to the beginning
But nothing awaits the sea of chaos
In my heart, I have all but one wish—
To meet someone I can call home.

So my tiny hand extends forward,
Reaching for the end of this dream
To be reunited in their arms...
At last, I see your true smile.

Chapter Text

Fateful words, forgotten memories
I'm already writing these goodbyes
They drift past your reach, fading into the unknown
My will is hanging by a thread
Then one day, it snaps!

Quietly, I go forth, lost into the night
So rest forever, and never think again
The grievances one has can finally be set free
Now, the only task I may carry out—
Is to die.

Chapter Text

Finally, comes the conclusion of everything
Grasping at what should have been,
A resolution already on its journey
I made a foolish wish—
"May good things last forever."
Yet deep down, I must have known
The cracks in this glass bridge had started to show
Bitter tea leaves, sugary sweet pastries
Interlocked and intertwined arms, one in the other
Such loose memories weren't enough to keep us together
But my heart, the words still feel heavy.

Seeing you hurts my soul
Maybe this is the kindest way to bid a goodbye
To leave and never return, without a note of farewell
To quietly fade away, into the night
But of all things, of all the ways to say adieu
This must be the most tragic one
A love, never to be seen again.

In the end, here lies my apology
There was no closure to our memories
With no ending for where our life begins
People come and go, that is inevitable
It is about time I accepted that painful truth
Such is life.

Chapter Text

Black and green, cold blooms across your chest
Ragged, hurried gasps, and a pleading for mercy
Air grasped from your lungs, clouded with smoke and mirrors
Echoing a facade of your true nature
A motivation led by hatred.

Something iron plunges into your stomach
Crimson seeps through, trickling down in rivelets
They come struggling, even in the darkest of nights
Aching to be put down, a lamb to the slaughter
Finally drawing its last, stolen breath.

The moment site idly, stories waiting in the wings
Kept forever in the shadows, a past left behind
One passes by, years long gone
You must accept your inevitable end
With the way you fade from the crowd's eye
Turns the closing chapter to your story.

But now, I bring forth an injustice—
A question meant to be, it is posed to the world
If someone can bring so much happiness
Should such a creation be forsaken?

Chapter Text

My hat fastened tightly to the rim
I'm decked in green, skin filled with scars
Bloodied thoughts, and fractured wings
Sacrifices made for the sake of humanity
A justification they perpetuate, in the name of good
Reaching for the peace they cannot attain

There are whispers in the corner, voices echoing in the darkness
Clawing their way out of my mind
Sparks go off under my eyes
Old friends and wet tears, blur my vision
Dripping down onto the ground
Shadows stretch forward, extending their reach

You come home feeling like a hero
Yet you're lying in your bed, all alone
Clutching your pillow and hoping for comfort
Missing the touch of another, with warm hands swallowing your own
A kiss of goodnight sends you to the realm of dreams
Forever, I must stay here, my love.

Chapter Text

I've spent so long, waiting for a sign
That I had begun to think my existence was meaningless
I'm picturing a horizon, one without the clouds
No one misses them when they're gone

A drop of water, ripples on the surface
Disruptions to the nature order
Chaos that follows with every consequences
Actions I can't take back, forever drowning in regrets

But in my heart, this truth I know—
Even without a soul to watch,
The sun will rise again.

Chapter Text

We're by the beach, watching the sun set
Sand between our toes, the sea breeze in my hair
I grab you by the hand, holding it in mine
With our fingers interlocked, my other points to the future
To the vast, endless horizon stretching ahead

"Let's run to paradise together!"
I proclaim, a declaration at the top of my lungs
I take you in my arms, pulling you astray
Chasing this foolish, senseless wish
The calcium roots and the crimson leaves, they grow and wither
If only I had known the slippery slope this hope would become

Now, what once was is gone, whatever it was
They say ignorance is the greatest sin of them all
I'm left behind, surrounded by the aftermath
Fragments of a stolen dream, sinking in misery—
Even in despair, rejoice!
Another desire must be born.

Chapter Text

Cracked at the seams, reaching for a brighter future
Our hopes and dreams, carried on your feathers
You burn and decay, scattering into ash
Even as you rise to meet the sun
You have never known what true happiness has felt like.

Chapter Text

I'm still here, longing for a reason why
Waiting for an explanation, a hundred missed calls
A number that knows no recipient
A home that has no address
The hotline is already dead
Yet you leave me here, standing
Remaining alone, until the end of my days
Yearning, for you, to take my hand
Even if it's only for one more time—
The joy of seeing you again
That will be enough.

Chapter Text

You've long overstayed your welcome
Rolling down the sleeves, accompanied by the dusty carpets
You, not once, have ever belonged here
The roses have wilted, the kind words have melted
Sugary sweet smiles feel almost saccharine
In a way, all that remains for us
Is to say goodbye.

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Now, I'm left wondering
What possessed you to make this choice?
You knew you would hurt people, you did this to bring ruin—
To burn our reputation to the ground!

Selfish, you know you are, always seeking attention
Even in places you don't deserve
Ruminating in the pain, your past
One you know never happened
You don't deserve this, I echo
Even when they lower you to the ground

I still firm to my beliefs, I did no wrong
But a piece of me feels guilty, like a needle prickling through my chest
Something feels heavy, a little tighter than it should be
It wasn't my fault, I never did anything
I... was never guilty

Yet deep down, you know what you've done—
You killed me.

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They place wilted flowers, resting at your wake
A gathering, held together by desperation
A mourning, surrounded by condemnation
With false pretenses of their love, all devoted to a life
One shown, far too late
The stars are already gone.

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Great, and fantastical dreams
Far removed from reality
Ones that are nothing more
Than mere words on a page
Strings of letters all tied together
Forever meaningless, because of the lost writer.

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Now comes the time
To end the hurt in my heart
The emptiness that follows
My every waking moment
The one that accompanies
My every hollow footstep
I wave my hand slowly
Mimicking a weary farewell
But in my heart, I am joyous
For my time has finally come.

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To different people, I am all sorts of things
A terrible friend, an awful student
A useless failure, and a disobedient daughter
But not once, have I ever been my true self
Unbothered by the world
I remain in my corner, thoughts tucked away
Tonight, I no longer dream of being happy.

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Tears drip down my cheeks
A godless river in its wake
In which those who have sinned
One's sacrifice for which it seeks
There is nothing left to take
Except the cold, chilly wind
Signalling the end of everything.

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I should have known better
Why do I keep holding my heart out to people
Who has never felt the same?
I keep wasting away my energy
Toiling, waiting for the day
I can smile again
But in my heart, truly
I am afraid of what lies ahead
That one day, I may come to the damning realisation
That no one, not even me—
Ever, once cared.

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the days are blurring together
and there's nothing going for me
empty pits with a downfall
i throw my shot away
i know i won't make it big now
so just go home to where you belong
one revels in your arms' warm embrace
my calls come with missed lines to note
no one left standing
goodbye, world

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but now, i have nothing
i truly am alone
i walk by myself
tracing sea lines by the shore
standing between buckets of sand
watching the sunset behind those eyes
i've been drowning all my life
fighting to stay afloat, wanting to stay awake
that resolve has long faded
the air bubbles from the back of my throat
i cough back shuddering gasps
choking the last of my words
wishing you all a farewell
i sink into the abyss

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am i supposed to laugh
sit down and cry
you betrayed us all
our trust misplaced, into the hands of your faith
are you satisfied with what you've done?