Chapter Text
If you knew anything about Seungmin, you would know how much he loved routine. It seeps through his day-to-day life, filling the cracks and holes that surround him. It patches him up, mending the holes that threaten to tear him apart. Seungmin can’t afford that, can’t afford to fall, he has a job to do after all. So, instead of falling apart, he pours his heart and soul into planning his days. He loves knowing what he is going to do, loves knowing that no matter how unpredictable his life becomes, some things will never change.
So, that means when something throws him off his planned course, he doesn’t take it well.
Taking a deep breath, Seungmin pushes the door open. Hyunjin and Minho are already in the room and send a glance his way as he enters. As he makes his way past them, to put his bag down, he hears them discussing plans for a new choreography.
He groans internally as he starts untying his current shoes to change to ones with better support, a new choreography will mean more practice. But if that’s what the two want, he can make it work. He’ll have to add a few extra hours of practice instead of lunch, but honestly, dinner is enough for him anyway. He glances down at his arms, where they’re holding his pair of shoes. Did he need to lose weight? Often idols aimed to lose weight around comeback season, but Seungmin has yet to lose any. He’s been going to the gym a bit more, so if anything, he’s gained weight. That wouldn’t be good. He’ll try better. It was decided then. He nods to himself as he finishes putting his old shoes back in his bag. Yes, spend time where he would usually be eating, practicing instead. That way, he will improve his dance and lose weight.
The door to the room opens once more, and Jeongin, Jisung, and Chan enter. The trio smile as they enter but say no more. They look tired, maybe they had been at the gym? Seungmin applauds their dedication mentally. They too, put their bags down, but only Jisung changes his shoes. Looking at them, really looking at them, he can’t help but admire them. For their skills yes, they’re so incredibly talented, but for their looks too. Seungmin glances at himself in the mirror. Does he keep up with them? Or is he lacking the flair that makes people look twice? He quickly blinks that thought away. He shouldn’t be thinking like that.
Minho catches his eye in the mirror. "What are you looking at Kim Seungmin?" He calls out, his conversation with Hyunjin apparently over.
Seungmin let himself smile slightly. "Nothing of importance." He goes to ask about the choreo but can’t find it in himself to care at this moment. Minho will tell them when they need to know.
Minho scowls at him, opening his mouth to respond, but seems to change his mind, his gaze softening slightly. He looks tired, Seungmin notes, the lines around Minho’s eyes etch deeper into his face than usual. He supposes it makes sense. They haven't had a proper break in what feels like forever. If Seungmin’s memory serves him correctly, there will be a break coming up at the end of the month, a precious few days of rest and relaxation before their comeback. Looking back at Minho, who’s turned away at this point, it will be a much-needed rest.
Seungmin considers his options. A road trip with the whole group would be fun. They haven’t gone on one in a long time. But he could also head back home and spend some time with his family. Play the role of a good son for a few days. He misses them, and he loves them dearly, the warmth of their presence is like a balm to his soul. He might even take Changbin with him, he's always looked in love when he’s eaten Seungmin's mother's food, his eyes lighting up with a childlike joy. It depends on what everyone else will be spending their time doing, he supposes. He can bring it up with them later.
Speaking of Changbin, the man has yet to return from the bathroom. He and Felix had entered the room, only to dash out again. His bathroom break prevented the dance practice from starting, and in its absence all the members are sitting down for a small while, and Seungmin assumes Changbin knows that, and is taking extra long so they can rest up. They aren’t even close to the end of day, after all. That or...
He glances at Hyunjin, to distract his thoughts. His movements are sharp and precise, the way they always are. The picture-perfect example of a dancer, his every move a tribute to his dedication and skill. Next to him is Jisung, the other keeping up with Hyunjin's snaky movements easily, his energy infectious.
“Sungie, you look like you’re trying to—,” Hyunjin begins, and Seungmin’s lips part, ready to hear the punchline.
But then, something shifts. A flicker, almost too quick to register. The studio lights stutter, a brief, disorienting pause in the rhythm of the day. Then, just as quickly, everything snaps back into place. Seungmin jolts in his place, heart beating wildly.
Hyunjin’s words hang in the air, his mouth stretching into a happy grin, though an outraged Jisung is slapping his back, the playful banter would a familiar comfort. It would be. But Seungmin is still unsure of what just happened.
"Yah! Hwang Hyunjin!" Jisung turns his angered gaze to where Seungmin’s standing, seeking allies. "Seungmin! Did you hear how mean Hyunjin is!"
Seungmin blinks. "Uh, no." He mutters eloquently.
Hyunjin sighs. "There he goes again..." He whines dramatically, flopping to the ground.
Jisung nods in solemn agreement. "You know, sometimes I think he hates us..." He joins Hyunjin on the ground a few moments later.
Hyunjin opens his mouth to respond. Suddenly, a thought pops into Seungmin's mind. 'Always pretending not to know us...'
"He's always pretending not to know us too!" Hyunjin lists off, voice filling with hurt. Jisung pats him on the back, and the two begin to rant about how rude Seungmin is.
But Seungmin can’t focus on that.
His heart remains pounding, a sudden, sharp thrum against his ribs. He’d known what Hyunjin was going to say. He tries to shake it off. It was a coincidence. But the feeling lingers, a subtle unease that settles in his stomach like a cold stone. He knew this routine, knew it intimately. He had gone through the schedule a million times last night. Yet, something feels so devastatingly wrong.
"You're just going to watch them complain about literally every aspect of your personality?" Jeongin's voice comes from behind him.
Seungmin jumps, not having expected someone to break him out of his thoughts. He can’t let his uncertainty show though. He has to hide it. It will only be a hinderance if anyone finds out he feels anything other than content.
"Well, as they said. I don't associate with people of their kind." Seungmin replies, leaning slightly in Jeongin's direction. He can play it off, act like he’s listening, it’s easy. Really.
Jeongin scrunches his nose up slightly, glancing at where Hyunjin and Jisung are settled on the floor. "They're so weird..." He complains.
Minho snorts, inserting himself into their conversation. "And you're not?"
Seungmin and Jeongin exchange glances. They might be weird, but they aren’t Hyunjin and Jisung level of weird. That’s almost impossible.
"Go away Hyung!" Seungmin barks out, staying true to his I-Hate-Minho agenda. Why’s he all in their conversation anyway?
Jeongin grins at him. "All of our Hyung’s are so weird..." He whines, his voice slightly higher than usual.
Seungmin nods, considering his next words carefully. "I would never associate with them." He pauses, glancing Jeongin up and down. "Though," He begins, leaning even closer to Jeongin, "I would associate with you."
Jeongin began to back off slightly. "Hyung...Hyung don't you dare." He warns, but it’s too late, Seungmin is already chasing the younger across the practice room. "Hyung!" Jeongin screeches out in annoyance.
Seungmin’s fast, but Jeongin is faster. That, and he keeps running in circles, and over objects, even over Hyunjin and Jisung. Someone’s about to get hurt, Seungmin can feel it. But it won’t be him. He’s sure of that. He waits for the right moment, biding his time, before tackling Jeongin to the ground.
"You can't run from him Innie, you should know that by now." Chan contributes, shaking his head in disappointment. "I taught you better than that."
"Yeah," Seungmin pants out, slightly out of breath, "Listen to the old man."
Still on the floor, Hyunjin and Jisung let out twin 'oooohs'.
Suddenly, Seungmin’s picked off Jeongin, a pair of strong arms holding him securely in place. "Say that again." Chan dares, a teasing lilt to his tone.
Seungmin finds himself smiling harder than he has all day. “Hyung!" He cries out. "I'm trying to shower our Innie in love!"
Chan pauses. "That's true." He seems to consider Seungmin’s point briefly, but then Minho lets out a loud boo. "That doesn't matter. Apologise." Seungmin doesn’t mind honestly, his smile remaining intact.
Chan steers Seungmin to the couch in the back corner, near the bags, and places him down. The two stare at each other. The room goes silent.
Until Changbin throws the door open. "Guys!" He yells. "I just took the biggest shit."
Everyone bursts in to laughter. Felix, who had gone with Changbin sighed. "TMI, Hyung."
As the attention is brought off him, Seungmin takes the time to reflect. He touches his cheek, his skin feeling cool beneath his fingertips. Is he imagining things? Is he just tired? Maybe his mind is playing tricks on him. But as he rejoins the others, the same nagging thought echoes in his mind: Something is terribly wrong.
Felix notices. Felix always notices. It’s something that Seungmin admires about him, but right now, it’s plain annoying.
Felix's eyes, usually bright with playful energy, are currently clouded with worry. He studies Seungmin's face, searching for answers Seungmin will refuse to hand over. Felix passes him a water bottle, encouraging Seungmin to take a sip.
"You seem...distracted." He says softly, "Is everything okay?" Seungmin wants to tell him, to confide in someone, but the words catch in his throat, trapped by a fear he can’t explain. Something inside him is screaming not to tell Felix, that it will ruin everything. Seungmin doesn’t know what ‘everything’ means, but maybe it’s around the comeback. Maybe his plan, which is a good plan, so that doesn’t make sense.
Seungmin shakes these thoughts, and instead, he reaches for the water bottle Felix had originally handed him. Suddenly, the world seems to stutter. The studio's ambient hum, usually a constant, comforting drone, suddenly drops an octave, resonating with a low, metallic growl that vibrates through his bones.
The bright pink of Jisung's hair seems to leach away, replaced by a sickly, sepia-toned colour, the edges of his figure blurring like a poorly loaded image. The mirrored wall, usually a perfect reflection, now showed a version of himself, his eyes too wide, his skin a sickly grey, like a corpse. He looks dead, almost.
The feeling of the water bottle in his hand morphs, the smooth plastic becoming rough and sharp, like dried, cracked earth, unnaturally cold to the touch. He forces himself to remain holding the water bottle, keeping his gaze off it, but he swears he can feel bugs crawling across it, up his arm, little feet scurrying to their fated death.
But, just like before, the sooner it starts, the sooner it’s gone.
Seungmin takes a deep breath to settle himself. He looks Felix up and down, the other completely normal. From his blonde (and admittedly dead) hair to his plain sweatpants and shoes, Felix is completely normal.
"Minnie? Maybe you should sit down. You look pale." Felix’s looking even more concerned now, something Seungmin really can’t afford.
"No." His voice comes out harsher than intended. "No." He says again, softer this time. "I'm fine, really."
Felix pauses slightly, eyeing Seungmin up and down, as though assessing his mental state. He sighs slightly and leans back. "If you're sure..."
Seungmin nods once, a quick, unnatural movement. "I am." Felix turns to go, but he stops the blonde, grabbing on to his arm. "Felix...Did you see that earlier?"
Felix glances back at Seungmin, the concern re-entering his gaze. "See what?" He looks like he has absolutely no clue of what Seungmin’s talking about.
Seungmin flushes pink, embarrassed. "Never mind." He smiles. "Let's get back to practice."
Felix searches his face, before sending a returning smile. "Yeah. And Seungmin?” He squeezes the youngers hand. “You can always talk to me.”
Seungmin nods dumbly before walking off.
He catches Minho's gaze in the mirror once more, and the older member's eyes seem to linger on him a moment too long, a flicker of suspicion in their depths. Seungmin forces a smile, hoping it looks convincing. "What's with the staring, Hyung?" He asks, his voice a little too high.
Minho shrugs, a dismissive gesture that does nothing to ease Seungmin's worry. "Just making sure you were still alive." He replies, his voice laced with a teasing edge that feels more like a veiled threat.
But that’s just what Minho’s like, and it provides Seungmin with a sense of familiarity, something he desperately needs. Some routine. He finds his position in the formation and the group begins to dance. They look perfect, and Seungmin feels some of his worries wash away with the music.
But the low growl returns, stronger this time, a throbbing pulse that echoes in his skull. The colours of the room seem to bleed into each other, creating a swirling vortex of distorted images. He feels a wave of nausea come over him, his body swaying unsteadily.
"Seungmin, you alright? You're missing your steps," Chan's voice cuts through the haze, concern in his features. Seungmin forces a smile, trying to appear nonchalant.
"Just a little dizzy, Hyung. I'm fine." He tries to regain his composure, to focus on the routine, but the world around him seems to be unravelling. He is fine though, really.
"Are you sure?" Chan looks worried. Great. That’s three out of seven. "You look a bit pale..."
Seungmin smiles. "I went to bed late last night, so I have a small headache, I'm fine now though, Hyung, really."
Honestly, Seungmin thinks he convinces himself more than Chan. It makes sense, he did get a bad sleep last night. He’s sure that’s it, that’s the reason everything is being weird and wrong. He'll go to bed early tonight and be completely fine in the morning.
Seungmin is sure of it.