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Lynn stared blankly ahead at the camera recording in front of her. She couldn’t find it in herself to care about it, to care about the punishment that would come after because of her insolence, her blatant refusal to put on a smile and entertain whoever was behind it.
Let them be mad and unsatisfied. She’s not moving an inch, not when her beloved peacefully sleeps beside her, with her head pillowed on her shoulder. Not when this is the only peace she can provide for Sullin before she has to break the bad news to her.
She clenched her fist at her side, unseen and out of frame, yet her expression remained impassive.
It was inevitable. Them taking their respective place in the stage. It was only a matter of time after all. And now, they could no longer ignore the ticking of the clock that becomes louder and louder with every passing moment.
Lynn felt Sullin twitch beside her, it made her avert her eyes away from the camera as she entwined their fingers together. Her heartbeats matched the slow breaths Sullin made as she continued to slumber, oblivious to their reality.
She let out a sigh of relief when the segyein filming them finally turned off the camera and left them alone. Lynn laid her head on top of Sullin’s and soothingly rubbed her thumb over their entwined hands, coaxing her to wake up.
The sooner she could rip off the band-aid, the better.
“Mhm... Lynnie?” Sullin mumbled, her words slurring a bit with sleepiness evident in her voice. Sullin stretched against Lynn, and then she rubbed her eyes gently with her knuckles.
When she turned to face Lynn, she found Lynn looking at her with love and tenderness written across her bright brown eyes. She felt them calling for her, beckoning her forward. So she did. Her gaze strayed downwards to Lynn’s soft lips. Lynn moved in closer, getting rid of the small space between them and that’s all Sullin needed before she tilted her head and slotted their lips together.
Lynn threaded her free hand to the tendrils of soft dark hair, gently tugging on them and pulling Sullin even closer. While Sullin’s hand rested on the small of her back, urging her to press more into their embrace.
Sullin let Lynn take control of the pace and she gradually slowed the movements of their lips, allowing Lynn to chase after a few more before putting her thumb over her now soft yet swollen lips.
“Will you sing a duet with me, my love?” Lynn whispered. Without uttering the real words. She knew that Sullin understood what she meant to say.
Sullin kissed her thumb. “Always.”
The night before their fated stage they found themselves outside gazing at the stars like they used to do when they were children. Comfortable silence settled around them and when Sullin’s hand shot up to the sky to point or make it look like she was trying to hold onto the cosmos. Lynn’s hand would follow but only to hold her hand and gently bring it back down with her and press kisses all over the back of it.
Stream of memories rushed back to her and she fondly remembered how Sullin would assume every passing spacecraft she saw was the earth because she had a bad eyesight, and how Sullin always hope that someday, they could return back to their home when they were young. But even now, Sullin still hasn’t lost hope that one day they could all go back home.
Her wishful and optimistic thinking enveloped them in this cocoon that blocked the harsh reality they lived in. Lynn loathed to leave it. She’d rather stay inside it with Sullin for as long as they could.
“My God, my universe.” The reverence laced in Sullin’s words cut her off from her thoughts and it reminded her of the first time she heard those words.
Lynn shuddered when the cold air blew and Sullin opened her arms in response, inviting her in and to share their warmth. She found herself gingerly snuggled in Sullin’s embrace, she buried her face in the crook of her neck, pressing her lips softly as she nuzzled it.
“You're indeed the ruler of my heart,” Lynn murmured and the arms tightening around her signaled that she had been heard.
Lynn lifted her face and slightly pulled back while Sullin watched her. She moved her hands to cupped Sullin’s face, fingers lingering and tracing soft patterns over it. She leaned in and briefly pecked her on the lips then she adjusted their position so she could make Sullin rest her head on her chest as her fingers threaded her hair. Lynn began humming a familiar tune. Their song as she had called it from the moment Sullin joined her in singing. The moment hope has entered the abyss she has lived in all her life.
My clematis
The once comfortable silence that surrounded them was now replaced by harmonious voices that blended perfectly well together.
Their stage required them to fight each other. This wretched system commanded them to stake their lives for the entertainment of others. Lynn would not have that. Tomorrow is not a fight but rather a culmination of the lives that have been intertwined since their first meeting where they were placed side by side and only separated by a sheet of glass.
Lynn closed her eyes and let the emotions brought on by their song flow over her along with her desire to selfishly bask in ignorance of their reality and the truth that they’re running out of time.
Please stay by my side
Silence surrounded them once again and she opened her eyes as determination flared up in her. She would do anything, and give everything to ensure that Sullin comes out alive. She wouldn’t leave unscathed but Lynn knew she was strong enough to push forward even if it meant they could no longer be together.
She proposed a duet for the chance to cheat the system but she knew no one had ever succeeded in doing it. Death will always be there and is the inevitable outcomefor all of them.
Lynn knew that although unspoken, Sullin also believed in the chance that they might get a tie if they chose a duet instead of facing each other head-on and she desperately wished for this scenario to come true.
The stadium was enormous, it’s a thousand times bigger than the small garden they’ve found themselves singing in from their childhood. Bright stage lights and light sticks from the audience nearly blinded her but nothing shone more brightly than her beloved standing right beside her. From the corner of her eye, Lynn watches Sullin, drinking in the sight of her desperately as this may be the last time she would have a right to behold a masterpiece before her.
Lynn was glad that she purposefully stood close to her instead of following the stage direction given to them prior just so she could feel Sullin’s warmth and she could comfort her by brushing her fingers against hers whenever she trembled.
It’s time.
Lynn lifted the microphone and softly she began singing. It was as if she was in a trance as she performed. She knew every note, every lyric, and the right timing to utter the words, and yet inside her mind she reminisced everything. Every single memory, encounter, happenstance. And all of them would lead to one person. It would all only lead to her. Her clematis, the ruler of her heart. Her Sullin.
Everything was a blur in her eyes except for Sullin so Lynn turned to face her instead of the audience, her smile grew when Sullin did the same. Right now, for them, they’re the only ones that exist in this space. Nothing else mattered but each other. As their voices harmonized and their song approached the end, Lynn and Sullin couldn’t be bothered to check the scoreboard. There is nothing more both of them wished for but to stretch this moment between them and never reach the inevitable end.
Lynn smiled and let her love for Sullin beautifully show in it. She preferred letting Sullin be the sole beholder of her emotions and expressions. She cared not for being called elusive by the ones watching them because she reserved this side of her for Sullin only. But at this point, she had thrown all caution to the wind as they neared the end. If her unabashed smile could give Sullin comfort for what’s to come then so be it. She’ll let the world see how much she loves the woman before her.
A loud bang came from behind her and suddenly, Lynn was falling, her heart clenched as she watched Sullin’s loving and dazzling smile get replaced by shock and horror.
It’s okay, Sullin. I’m fine. She wanted to tell her but only blood spewed out of her mouth. Lynn felt a thud and she guessed she must’ve hit the floor. Her smile never left even as tears streamed across her face because she couldn’t move no matter how much she wanted to. She wanted to crawl and comfort Sullin and tell her this was all a dream they would wake from soon but all she could do was stare silently as Sullin fell to her knees in front of her.
Her gaze began to blur as darkness encroached from the corner of her eyes. It began to steal her sight and she could only mouth words of love and hope Sullin could understand her but it was too much, the pain was unbearable, she was running out of breath, and she started feeling the coldness creep inside her bringing an eternal numbness to her body and soon everything went silent as her breath stopped short and the darkness she had temporarily escaped with the brightness Sullin brought in her life had claimed her again and completely consumed Lynn as she succumbed to her wounds.