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Chapter Text

Once he decided to go home the travel became dangerous. Each attempt to get closer to home was met with some degree of resistance. He could barely find horses, carriages, or boats to take him anywhere. He realized that most of his traveling around Europe had taken the path of least resistance, just going where the easy road took him, wandering without a real sense of direction or purpose. It is how he ends up in small villages and funny situations. But this time, actually trying to get somewhere and not pretending that a war was occurring all around him meant paying two and three times more than he should for meals, tickets, and rooms in inns. He hPerched on the bow of a slow-moving fishing boat Colin Bridgerton trained his eyes on the horizon until England came into view. At the first sight of her Colin’s chest eased and made room for a deep breath. He was home.

It had been an arduous journey to get even this far, and he wasn’t sure his nerves would allow him the patience to get all the way there. If he could swim faster than the wind could push this boat, he would have jumped into the water hours ago. But he had paid handsomely for the privilege of sitting on this boat, so he resisted the urge to jump into English waters and satisfied himself by breathing English air instead.

Colin missed the air of home, and he was well past due to return. It had not been easy securing passage across the channel. Everyone in France is agitated, as Napoleon tries to extend his power and dominance across the continent, the people of France are restless and desperate. For months of his tour around Europe people could only talk of Napoleon, of the war and Colin Bridgerton pretended it bored him, that his genteel background gave him the privilege not to care about the political landscape of the continent. He is British after all, they have a strong King, a stronger Queen, they are protected from the affairs on the continent.

This is just what Colin Bridgerton pretended to feel. On the inside he was terrified. This tour of Europe was so much different than his last. Fear permeated everywhere. No one trusted foreigners and he hated to admit, he was a foreigner everywhere he went. Napoleon's power seems to grow and wane with regular people caught in the crosshairs. It was supposedly a dignified war, amongst soldiers, but no one could pretend that Napoleon had any right to conquer the lands he claimed. The rumors of Napoleon's plans, the locations of his troops never seemed to be right. The newspapers contradicted themselves day to day and finally, Colin grew weary of the circumstances and decided a repose in England was necessary. He could leave the Napoleon nonsense on the continent and return to steady England. He had already abandoned half his luggage twice and will now be arriving home with little more than a single trunk.

With the war on he had received almost no word from home for months. He did not know if any of his letters were completing the journey either. So, his heart felt particularly tender at the sight of the English coast; confirmation that it did exist swelled in his chest. When the boat reached the harbor, Colin was pleased to be confirmed that carriages for hire were much easier to find and engage. He joined an older couple also on their way to London and settled into a satisfied slump in the corner of the open-air carriage. He resisted the urge to close his eyes and sleep on the journey; as much as he’d like to return home well rested, he could not take his eyes off his country. Every scene, building, and field that they passed by seemed to echo, “Home. Home. You belong here.”

Penelope Featherington sat at her seat in the window overlooking Grosvenor Square wishing she were anywhere other than the Featherington House right now. Penelope had spent the afternoon with her best friend, Eloise Bridgerton across the square at Bridgerton House. Penelope spends as much time as possible across the square at Bridgerton House, or on promenade with Eloise, or shopping at the markets with Eloise, but there is always the time of day where she must return to her own home to make an appearance before disappearing into the solitude of her own room.
“Mama, may I go to my room to rest before preparing for the Mondrich Ball?” Penelope asked her mother.

Lady Featherington reacts to the voice of her youngest daughter as if her request had been shouted in her face. Annoyed at having her own conversation with the housekeeper interrupted, she dismisses Penelope, “Yes, yes, but do not take too long, you will need to start early to get ready for the ball.” Lady Featherington waves her hand and Penelope is relieved this small remark is the only one Lady Featherington makes.

Penelope’s quick escape to her room is the only peace she finds in this home. She can spend hours here, reading, writing, daydreaming. She prefers her own company to any of that of the members of her household. Her daydreams mostly consist of marrying someone fine and handsome who takes her away from her stifling family home. Well, not someone, not just anyone. Her dreams are always about Colin Bridgerton and his wavy chestnut hair, and his fine laugh, and confident hand taking hers and giving her a more interesting life than the one she leads now.
But she cannot think of Colin Bridgerton now. Her fantasies are getting stale, they need new life, but Colin has been touring the continent and his letters home have been sporadic. She doesn’t have time to dwell on his whereabouts now, she has some work to do before she can get ready for the ball.

Taking a rest was only a ruse, in truth, Penelope has work to do. She has an article deadline tonight after the ball and she wants to make her final touches to the piece. Of course, she would keep room for the addition of anything noteworthy from the ball itself, and considering the likely guestlist, there was sure to be something, but Lady Whistledown’s Society Papers could not be scribbled in the back of a carriage on the way to the printer, she needs time to write the perfect turn of phrase.

She had started the scandal sheet in secret many years previously and it still brought her great fulfillment to tease the ton with her newspaper. No one suspected Penelope Featherington to be the writer and mastermind behind the cultural sensation, so it was easy to work in the shadows and collect her bits of gossip. But her favorite parts weren’t the gossip, they were the social commentary, her challenges to the ton’s way of thinking. She had many a time pressed a little too hard on the Queen herself and found the danger thrilling.

Penelope finishes her draft of tonight’s Lady Whistledown issue with barely enough time to prepare herself for the Mondrich ball. She is ready for the carriage before her mother is, which is always her goal. The entire carriage ride to the Kent Estate is just Lady Featherington complaining about their lost family fortune and how unbelievable that the Kent Earldom has gone to the son of a boxer.

Once inside the Kent Estate Lady Featherington’s commentary turns into loud proclamations about the decorations and Penelope quickly seeks her escape heading straight for a glass of lemonade on the far side of the ballroom. She surveys the crowd and sets to work listening in for new gossip to include in tonight’s issue. However, most of the chat is either about the decorations, the Mondrich family’s ascent to the ton, or the war on the continent.

The ton has been alight for weeks talking about Napoleon and his troops. Penelope has long exhausted any reserves of interest about the war in her society papers. She has mostly used it to speculate on the potential for new members of the society to visit from the continent as life abroad becomes more unbearable. Perhaps next year’s debutants might be competing with Italian Contessas or setting their caps at Austrian Princes.

Today’s whispers are a little more about Napoleon's troops and a little less about how it affects the aristocrats and gentry. Lord Macclesfield seems to believe that Napoleon will try and make an attempt on English soil, but Lord Cowper is steadfast in his defense that the King’s army is formidable enough to scare Napoleon from across the waters. Penelope takes her time around some of her other favorite sources of gossip; Lady Danbury, Lord Macclesfield, but not even Lord Dudley had anything interesting from the recent Parliament meetings to say. So, resigned with nothing new, Penelope seeks out Eloise.

Eloise finds Penelope first, snatching her hand and tugging her so hard Penelope stumbles to regain her balance. “Eloise! You almost knocked me down!”

“Sorry about that. You were walking so quickly I was trying to catch you.”

“I was looking for you actually.”

“There it is, of course you were, I am the most interesting thing at this party.” Eloise gives her a cheeky grin. Penelope returns an indulgent smile.

“Eloise, as your best and most devoted friend I must tell you that you are the most interesting thing at every party.”

“Aha! I knew it!” They hook arms and start a walk from room to room, just to wander and enjoy one another’s company. These two have spent most of their lives with their arms hooked together sharing their thoughts and creating a world for the two of them far more fabulous than the world they inhabit. It’s a world where their individual dreams thrive away from the trappings of their polite society.

Once they find themselves at the sweets table, as if the sweets table had not been their intended destination, Eloise is filling Penelope in on her day. “After you left to go home, you’ll never guess who appeared.” Penelope doesn’t get the chance to answer before Eloise explains, “Colin! Back from his tour. Did you not see him on the street? He must have walked in the door no later than twenty seconds after you left.”

Penelope is startled and titillated, “No, no, I did not see him. Did he accompany you tonight?” Trying not to appear too hopeful Penelope tries to will her flushed face to return to its normal temperature.

“No, he did not. He was weary from the travel, I’m sure he will start appearing at society events in a day or two.”

“Ah yes, of course, such grand adventures must be tiring.”

Eloise scoffs, “Grand adventures? He drinks on a beach, he drinks on a boat, he meets other sodden young men from the continent and drinks on their terraces. He doesn’t have to travel to do that. If I could travel, if young women could travel, surely, we would make such better use of it. –” Eloise continues describing the type of learning and philosophy she would engage in if she were allowed to travel to the continent like Colin.

Penelope does not pay attention as she starts crafting in her mind the exact way she will announce in her paper tomorrow morning that Colin Bridgerton, handsome, wealthy, single Colin Bridgerton has returned to London. Her readers love news about the Bridgerton men, she is not the only one who seems to be in love with them from afar. In fact, most of the women their mother’s age would take a go at them if it were proper. In fact, with Benedict, they probably have. Penelope smiles a wicked smile to herself, that’s exactly what she’ll write in her issue. Place Benedict in the crosshairs and announce Colin’s return. This is very good news indeed.

As Penelope tucks herself into her carriage and begins scribbling away at the last-minute addition to Whistledown she does not notice the presence of Queen’s guards that arrive at the ball as she departs.

The redcoats of the King’s army might be more obvious during the day, but the glint of candlelight on the metal fastenings of their coats, and the hilt of their swords cause the crowd to hush and part as they approach the Queen on her perch above the ballroom. Lord Dudley leads the redcoats to her and all eyes in the room track her face as the Queen listens to Lord Dudley and reads the note he hands her.

“I see.” Queen Charlotte says, surveying the crowd with a glint in her eye. She holds up her hand to command her subjects.

“Ladies, vacate to your country homes. Gentlemen, see your households taken care of then report to Parliament, we convene in six hours.”

The crowd starts to chitter, unaccustomed to receiving such commanding orders from the Queen in the middle of a jovial ball. Queen Charlotte lifts her hand to quiet them.

“Napoleon has set foot on the King’s soil.”

The ballroom erupts in horrified gasps. Their Queen has no time for histrionics.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, rest assured. We will squash him. Imminently.” She turns and walks herself out of the ballroom, leaving a roar of disorder in her wake.

Trunks crowd the entrance of the Featherington house and Portia stands in command directing the staff. There are more staff than family in the Featherington household so it shouldn’t be too difficult to pack everything into the two family carriages and leave to the country estate in Surrey. Except Portia doesn’t trust the staff, or the other residents of London, and she knows that in times of turmoil people will steal anything they can get their hands on. So, instead of allowing the staff to return to their homes and families or pack their own belongings, Portia has directed them to pack every item of value until the carriages are full. She is trying to divide the goods while still leaving room for Penelope if only Penelope didn’t take up so much room, Portia mumbles out loud to herself.

Penelope’s lady maid approaches Portia, “Ma’am, I’ve packed Miss Featherington’s effects. They’ve been loaded into the second carriage.”

Portia moves to dismiss Miss Sullivan, but the maid continues, “She’s not back yet ma’am. No one has seen her yet. She never returned from the Mondrich Ball last night.”

Portia sighs and presses her hand to her forehead, more concerned with the logistical difficulty this poses than with the fact that her daughter is missing in London during a siege and upheaval.

“What am I meant to do about that?” Portia snaps at the maid, not expecting a response. Miss Sullivan cowers and knows to hold her tongue. “I cannot go look for her. You can hear the chaos out there. It’s dangerous. I cannot send the butler or a footman, they will surely leave us, and we need them to drive us to Surrey. Do you want to brave the throng and look for her?” Miss Sullivan almost responds to this before Portia continues, “I didn’t think so.” Portia curls her lip in disdain. “Very well. You may wait with the second carriage in case she returns. I will leave in the first. But you must leave at least an hour before dark. The paintings are in the second carriage, and I don’t want any grubby hands getting them before they can leave town.”

Portia sweeps out of the room motioning to the housekeeper to follow her. Rae is dumbstruck as she watches Portia’s carriage leave. Rae feels alone and scared. Rae has long not understood Portia’s general disdain for her youngest daughter. But to leave without caring about her welfare in the middle of a siege is truly despicable. If Portia doesn’t care about Penelope at least she has Rae. Rae will always be there for Penelope.

And the Bridgertons, Rae realizes to herself. Penelope can always rely on the Bridgertons; they are an honorable family and have a tender spot for Penelope. Rae gets an idea. She approaches the driver and footman, to relay the instructions Lady Featherington gave her, and then she will cross the square and seek out the Bridgertons. For all Rae knows, maybe Penelope has been there the whole time.

The driver is not pleased that he will have to wait for the Miss of the house to get home. They argue. He doesn’t believe she’s coming back, and he doesn’t want to risk his own neck waiting for her. Rae is losing the argument with every reason she has to get him to stay. He doesn’t care about his job as much as he cares about the fact that he has two horses and a carriage and no master to force him to remain.

A loud ruckus emerges from nearby and Rae and the driver look around to see where it is coming from. A fight is breaking out on the streets on the north side of Grosvenor Square. Fear rips through Rae. She has never seen such a violent display. A carriage is tossed over on its side and a woman screams. Rae thinks that must be Lady Chatham or one of her maids. For a moment everyone else around the square stills and falls silent as they watch the terror in front of the Chatham house. Then the panic takes over and every maid, butler, footman, and driver gets to work getting out of the way and to safety. With a shout the Featherington driver takes off with the second carriage. With the paintings. Without Penelope. Without Rae. With pure fear racing through her veins Rae takes off at a run across the square to the Bridgerton House.

As she nears, she sees some of their carriages leaving in haste, but not all of them, some are still being loaded. She looks for someone she knows, maybe one of the girl’s maids, or the butler. Rae’s head whips from face to face, all ignoring her in their own fear and occupied state. She backs up to the wall feeling like her only chance at finding someone she knows is quickly fleeting. She backs into a body moving at a quick pace.

Despite the general chaos this man manages to steady both of them, “Excuse me.” He even manages to be polite in the circumstances.

Rae recognizes him. This is the one Penelope loves. Miss Eloise’s brother, the one that annoys Miss Eloise. This is her chance. “Mr. Bridgerton wait!” Her voice is strangled and cracking with fear.

He stops to take her in. He sees the tears streaming down her face and her eyes wide with fear. He sees her green uniform and flicks his eyes quickly across the square to the Featherington home. “Yes?” He replies.

“Penelope. Miss Featherington. She is not here, is she?” Tears start to appear in her eyes.

Colin is beginning to understand the extra layer of unease this maid carries with her. He wasn’t surprised to see a maid scared and crying, there is an army of French soldiers marching towards them across England, anyone with sense should be scared. But she is asking about Miss Featherington, Pen, and anxiety swells in Colin’s chest as well.

“No. She is not here. Did she not leave in one of the Featherington carriages?”

“No. Lady Featherington has already departed, and our second driver just left without waiting. She never came home from the Mondrich Ball last night.” Rae cannot speak anymore and begins to sob.

The servants bustle around them and Colin cannot help but think how odd it is to have such a familiar conversation with his friend’s maid in the light of day on the street surrounded by dozens of people. But this is about his Pen. In the middle of a siege. And propriety has no place.

“She did not return home?” Colin knows the streets of London have been filled with chaos for hours. No one could sleep last night either from their own preparations to leave or from the general malaise and volume in the air. A million questions swirl in Colin’s brain. Could she be at the Mondrich’s still? Did she take refuge with another family? How did she not come home with her mother in their carriage? How did her mother leave without her? How did their driver leave with more than one vulnerable woman dependent on him for safety? These questions swirl inside his brain and his heart and he only knows of one way to tamp down the rising anxiety: get to work.

Colin turns to Rae and assures her, “We will find her. Stay right here.”

Rae feels a sense of calm return to her as Colin directs her. She watches him confer with some Bridgerton staff and anchors herself against the wall. She feels safer over here on this side of the square than at the Featherington’s. She observes the rest of the square. Most of the streets have emptied of carriages and now servants and staff who didn’t leave with their employers are shutting up the houses or heading off to their own families. She wonders how many staff will remain close by taking care of the homes and grounds left behind and how many will abscond like the Featherington driver did.

“Excuse me, Miss??” Coin’s voice jolts her out of her people watching.

“Yes, my Lord?”

Colin is amused, “It’s just Mr. Bridgerton. And I do not know how to address you?”

“Oh, excuse me, Miss Rae Sullivan. I’m Miss Featherington’s lady’s maid.”

“Yes, Miss Sullivan, thank you. I would like you to go back to the Featherington House and wait for Penelope there, in case she returns. I will seek her out on horseback. I have instructed staff to wait here at Bridgerton House until I direct them otherwise. We will not leave without you and Pen, Miss Featherington.”

Rae stares at him.

“Do you feel comfortable returning to the Featherington House and waiting?”

“Yes.” His calm lends some courage to Rae. “Yes. I will return and wait for her there. Thank you.”

They nod to each other, and she takes off running.

Colin watches Miss Sullivan retreat to the Featherington House. He hopes she locks up the door and stays away from the windows. He has heard of Londoners already breaking into homes and it is long past the time for them all to be leaving if they want to be safe. A groomsman brings him a horse and with a nod, Colin takes off towards the Kent Estate.

The ride is exhausting. When the fear and the anxiety creep into his brain Colin forces himself to shut it down and repeats over and over, “Find Pen. Find Pen. Find Pen.” When he lets his brain wander, it creates scenarios of danger, and his breathing gets shallow. He cannot allow Penelope to be hurt. Thinking of Penelope alone and scared and hurt creates an acute tightening in his chest. He needs to find her and make sure she is safe.

He thinks about his mother and sisters riding off to Aubrey Hall in the carriages with the staff to protect them. And then little Penelope, as dear to him as his own family is, alone in some dark corner of Mayfair. How would she even know how to get home? It’s possible she doesn’t know the streets from Kent Estate to the Featherington House. He takes a different route back to Grosvenor Square than he did on his way to the Kent Estate. No sign of Penelope. Every flash of red hair or bright dresses he gets hopeful it’s her. As he nears Grosvenor Square tears prick at his eyes and he scrunches up his nose in shame for failing to find her. He hopes against all hope that she took refuge with another family of the ton and that she is safe.

Colin approaches the Featherington House from the side and enters through the garden. He calls out for Pen and then Miss Sullivan to a house that is purely quiet. No one is here at all. Without the people inside, especially without Penelope smiling in every room, Colin realizes this house is a strange house.

The furnishings are not as nice as he remembers, but maybe they have just been knocked about a bit as the staff packed and departed. The walls have been stripped of paintings and decorations and it’s clear to see that they are in need of care and maintenance. He feels pricks of sadness for Penelope for growing up in a home like this.

Colin rides his horse back across the square, unwilling to walk anywhere on foot today in case unsavory characters from London accost him on the street. Back at Bridgerton House there are still a few staff who elected to stay upon condition that their families could stay with them in the big house. Colin is eager to again be inside a safe building with known people. One of the staff greets him, one he doesn’t recognize well, and the wide smile she wears makes him feel wary on such a dangerous day.

“Mr. Bridgerton. You have guests.”

“Guests?” He asks with confusion. “Penelope?” He runs to the formal drawing room and catches Penelope and Miss Sullivan on the couch huddled close together eating ravenously. They both jump up from their seat when he bursts in, more surprised than scared.

“Penelope!” Relief crashes around him as Colin grabs her into a tight embrace. Penelope sobs in his arms as she releases her fear and exhaustion. Her body shudders with desperation. “Pen, Pen, Pen, you’re safe now. I will take care of everything.” He murmurs to her as she sobs.

Miss Sullivan clears her throat many times, absolutely scandalized at the physical closeness the two of them engage in. She has been Penelope’s chaperone on too many occasions to forget her duties even in the middle of an unprecedented disaster. Rae relents because she knows she can depend on Mr. Bridgerton to care for Penelope even as he would his own mother and sisters.

Colin guides Penelope back to the sofa and urges her to sit. He has a million questions he wants to ask about her missing hours, but looking into her red lined eyes he knows that can wait. She is here now, and with him she will be safe. Colin hands Penelope her cup of tea to help her calm her breathing and starts to eat himself. Coming down from the adrenaline of being outside he realizes he is quite hungry. The three of them eat in silence, feeding their bodies while their minds try to process the day.

Eventually Colin finds his words, “I think you two should stay here tonight. It is too dangerous to leave Mayfair now, but we can leave first thing in the morning. I think we all need a bit of rest before we can start the journey to Surrey.”

“To Surrey?” These are Penelope’s first words and Colin doesn’t know why she is confused.

“We cannot stay here. It is not safe. Miss Sullivan told me your mother has already left for your family country home in Surrey.”

“Colin, surely, you want to go to your own family, you do not need to take me to Surrey.”

Colin scoffs at the suggestion, “I will not depart from you until you are safely in the country Pen.”

Penelope exhales and more tears fall from her face, “Thank you Colin. Thank you, I- I do not know what to do.”

“I only want you to be safe, Pen.” He reaches her hand and squeezes. Rae pretends not to notice but she notices everything. “Miss Sullivan. What would you like to do? Would you like to accompany us to Surrey? Or would you like to meet your family elsewhere? Either way you should undoubtedly stay the night and rest.”

Rae considers his offer, “I will accompany you to Surrey, thank you for the hospitality and shelter Mr. Bridgerton.”

Her words seem to jolt Colin back into propriety and he drops Penelope’s hand and stands. “Very well. We have limited staff at the moment, considering all this.” He waves his hand to the general outside. “So, our hospitality might be a little lacking. But I will order the staff to make rooms and baths available to you both. I must meet with them now to direct preparations for our departure tomorrow.” With a bow to the ladies, he makes for the door.

“Colin!” Penelope stands abruptly, “Thank you.” With another bow he leaves the room.

As he walks the hall looking for staff Colin realizes he has never felt as needed as he had holding
Penelope. He never wants her to be scared again. He vows to himself to always be there to protect her and provide her security. He will deliver her to Surrey safely. That is his only purpose now.

Chapter Text

Daybreak has not yet begun when the staff of Bridgerton House start preparations for the last of the household to depart London. Colin rises early. Sleep had come to him hard and fast, his body stiff with slumber, he is surprised at the early hour, but pleased, he does not want to delay their departure. He believes that the earlier they leave the safer they will be. He directs the staff to pack the rest of his belongings, prepare breakfast and provisions, to wake Penelope and her maid, and ready the last carriage. At breakfast Penelope can only manage tea, but Miss Sullivan is hungry and eats quickly.

“Once we have finished breaking our fast, we will depart. I do not want to delay.” Colin instructs them. He feels better about the situation when he can be in charge.

“Pardon me, my Lord, Miss Featherington and I have no personal effects. They were all in the second carriage that left yesterday. Might you find someone to accompany me to Featherington House, that I may find some more appropriate travel wear for Miss Featherington?”

“Of course. Excuse me Miss Featherington,” Colin looks over Penelope, and her dress, “You must still be in your dress from the ball. How careless of me. I will find someone at once.” Colin departs.

“My apologies Miss, my nerves have an effect on my appetite.” She says to Penelope when Colin leaves them alone.

“It is I who should apologize. I have put you in a most worrisome position, Rae. I’m so sorry you had to wait for me. And if I were – different, you wouldn’t need to brave crossing the Square at such an hour just to find me a travel dress. I could find one here.” Penelope lowers her eyes to her tea.

“Nonsense, Miss. You’re perfect and I’d do anything for you.” Rae pats Penelope’s shoulder and excuses herself from the table, off to find her escort.

Colin returns and Penelope is alone now, just the two of them around the breakfast table, a
circumstance that still makes Penelope’s heart race.

“Pen,” Colin says as he sits back down, “Are you well? I was so frightened when you were out all night by yourself.”

Penelope’s eyes water and she’s not sure if it is the security and tenderness Colin displays or the fear from the previous night creeping back into her body. “I am well enough.” She stammers. “I lost my carriage and-”, tears start falling from her eyes and she cannot speak.

“Pen, you are safe.” Colin kneels beside her chair and grabs her hand. “You do not have to speak of it until you want to. I will keep you safe and I will get you to your mother.” Colin hands Penelope her teacup, just as he did the night before. A long sip helps her settle herself. “I have a few things to finish before we depart, our carriage will be at the back of the house, will you meet me there when you are ready?”

Penelope nods her agreeance, and with a bow Colin departs the room. He does not like to see Penelope cry. The night before when she sobbed in his arms he felt like the most important man in the world. As if only he could bring Penelope comfort, a role he is craving to fulfill. He has seen his sisters cry a million times. Has been the cause of their tears more times than he wishes to admit, but it is different when Penelope cries, or maybe it is the circumstances. Usually, he tries to tell a joke or cause a funny disturbance to get his sisters to laugh. But with Penelope he wants to hold her hand, to embrace her, to be her anchor in the storm. Maybe next time, he thinks, she’ll let me wipe a tear from her cheek. He flushes pink thinking of touching Penelope’s face. His feelings of protector waver, tinged with anticipation, an ardor.

He chastises himself. How can he think of his vulnerable friend like that in a time like this? She has only him, he cannot allow himself to even think of her in any way other than as his ward, he is a gentleman after all. But as he surveys the home around him, he cannot stop thinking about the soft hand he was just holding and how badly he wants to hold it again.

By the time they leave London Colin has spent most of the carriage ride thinking about how he can sit next to Penelope. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Penelope and her maid sat on the same side of the carriage, leaving him alone to stare at them as they drove out of town, but he is a little disappointed. It would have been nice to be close to her, to get to speak softly to her without Miss Sullivan hearing, or pat her hand, or anything really, he just needs an excuse to switch places with her maid and he cannot think of a single reason.

Colin is brought out of his inner thoughts by Penelope, seemingly wanting to break the silence of the carriage ride, “Welcome home, Colin.” She begins to laugh to herself, “I haven’t properly greeted you yet.”

Colin laughs too. “Yes, my return home has been somewhat overshadowed.” They laugh together and even Miss Sullivan smiles at the absurdity. “I had not one proper meal at home before chaos descended. It is hardly the homecoming I was hoping for.”

“No proper meal? I thought our breakfast this morning was quite satisfactory.” She teases him.

He teases back, “Miss Featherington, any meal spent in your company is beyond satisfactory.”

“Colin Bridgerton!” She blushes deeply, knowing that he is trying to make her laugh on purpose. “I really shouldn’t be shocked that the charm of the Bridgerton men cannot even be dulled by the reality of an invasion.” She laughs and waves her hands wildly, “Napoleon himself is in England with his army and you cannot resist a well-timed flirt!”

“It is not the flirtation I cannot resist; it is the lady.” This time he winks, overdramatic.

“Colin!” Now even Miss Sullivan is laughing with the two of them. Penelope beams at him as the tightness in her chest loosens with their laughter, “It is so good to have you home.”

Colin feels warmth radiate across his skin at her words. It is good to be home indeed. No one ever makes him feel the way Penelope Featherington does. But he knows if he cannot stop flirting with her, even in this ridiculous unserious way, that he may do something truly improper. So, he tries to change the subject.

“Miss Sullivan? Are you from London?” He isn’t used to engaging in small talk with the staff, but he supposes that in these circumstances she is more than just a lady’s maid. Her concern over Penelope the previous day made it clear to him that Miss Sullivan dares to care for Penelope’s well being even more than Lady Featherington. So, for her devotion to Penelope, Colin already respects Miss Sullivan a great deal.

“No, sir, this was my second season in London. My family is from Surrey, we have long farmed the land there.”

“Oh well then, you are familiar with where we are going. That is good news.”

“Aye, Sir.”

“Is your family still in the area?”

“Aye Sir, my uncle and his family still reside close to the Featherington Estate. That is how I got my position with the Featherington’s. My aunt and I have often been hired at the Estate while the family is in residence and the girls are in need of a lady’s maid, or for events and such.”

“Well, how fortunate of Penelope to be under your care. You were very brave to act outside of your duties as a lady’s maid to secure safety for Penelope.” Colin’s words are genuine, and Rae feels immensely satisfied at being acknowledged for her work by such an esteemed gentleman.

Penelope interrupts here with a teasing smile on her face, “Is that another well timed flirt Mr. Bridgerton? Indeed, your charm knows no bounds!”

The three in the carriage laugh and settle into a comfortable drive together. Miss Sullivan tells them about the farm she grew up on and the cousins she misses. She convinces Penelope into gossiping about the Vicar and Colin chuckles over the dramas of the local parish. Even in the storytelling and conversation he can see the loyalty Miss Sullivan dotes on Penelope and he is touched. Penelope deserves to have people around her who can see what a brilliant diamond she really is, and her lady’s maid seems to be one of those people.

The drive to Surrey should only take four hours in a carriage and Colin begins to feel that they should be arriving soon when the driver pulls the team to a stop. Upon looking out the window it is clear to the passengers that they have not arrived at the Featherington Estate but that the road is now blocked by a line of horses in front of them.

“Napoleon!” Rae hisses, her eyes full of fear as Penelope clutches her hands.

“Quiet!” Colin whispers to them. “Stay inside and stay quiet. I will see what the problem is. Do not panic, but do not follow anyone’s instructions but mine.” He lays his hand firmly on Penelope’s knee as he exits the carriage. Penelope and Rae huddle close together, silent, not allowing fear to take over, listening to hear anything that is occurring outside.

Colin exits the carriage to a nightmare. A horror story he could not have conceived of. He sighs a moment when he recognizes that the men on horses surrounding his carriage are not French soldiers, but poor country highwaymen. Perhaps they can be reasoned with. He admits they appear terrifying, but he has two ladies dependent on him, and he will not allow himself to show fear. He is a gentleman and will act with dignity. His eyes sweep the crowd; he notices that his carriage driver and a horse have disappeared. Anger flares in his chest but instead of feeding it Colin prays to the wind, “I hope he finds safety.”

Gathering his calm Colin addresses the band of highwaymen in front of him, “Good day. I wish to secure safe passage for me and my passengers.”

The crowd laughs at him. A short man on a blonde horse leads his horse forward. He carries a long cane and pushes it into Colin’s chest, backing him against the carriage. “A gentleman I see. Fine clothes. Scurrying away from London in a fine carriage? There must be quite a lot of finery in these trunks.” He pokes his cane into Colin’s chest, and draws it down his vest, then jabbing Colin again on his hip.

Colin glances towards the boxes on the carriage. “Allow me and my passengers to walk away and you can have the trunks.”

The short man smiles, “Oh, we will have the trunks.” A few of the men laugh again. “Why should we let you walk away? Perhaps the value you carry lies with the passengers and not the luggage.”
Colin’s chest squeezes tight as he thinks of the two women in the carriage. Vulnerable. Innocent. In his care. His duty to them flames in his chest. He wants to kill the man in front of him with his two hands. But he knows he will lose against the crowd, and his hope of winning over the band with diplomacy is waning.

Colin lifts up his two hands and says, “I assure you; all our valuables are in the boxes. As the third son of a long-passed father, my life is really only valuable to the mother I seek on my journey home today.”

The leader of the band of highwaymen laughs again, pity in his eyes as he looks over the simpering gentleman in front of him. “You face death, and you really only wish to cry for your mother? Pathetic. Take your friends and leave.”

Colin quickly reaches for the door handle and grabs at Penelope, “Come, now quick.” Penelope and Rae hop down from the carriage to loud jeers from the men surrounding them. Colin grabs each by a hand and takes off running as fast as he can.

Colin runs through the trees until the loud laughter and crashing sounds of the highwaymen is far behind him. He can only think of distance and speed when the hand that holds Penelope’s is suddenly jerked to a stop and Penelope crumples to the ground in tears, sobbing. Colin releases Rae and the two of them kneel together to comfort Penelope.

“Colin, Colin, I cannot, I cannot.” Penelope tries to choke out a few words. “I cannot continue to run.”

Rae, also breathless, pats her mistress on the shoulder and speaks soothing words to her as Colin takes in their surroundings. They are in a thicket of trees, and he can no longer hear the highwaymen, perhaps they are far enough away to be safe. He doesn’t see a road nearby, no buildings either. So, they may be undisturbed for a while if they rest.

“It’s alright Pen, you did so very well. We are safe. We can rest here a moment.” He reaches out and pets her hair. Her red weeping eyes tear his heart into pieces.

The three of them sit together in the dirt and brush for a few minutes trying to catch their breath and calm their nerves. Inadequacy and failure creep into Colin’s mind as the adrenaline of the escape fades. All he had to do was deliver Penelope safely to her family home and he could not accomplish it. Now she is sitting in dirt with tears streaming down her face without a single piece of luggage, just her cloak and her lady’s maid. What a failure indeed.

“I am sorry to have put you two into this situation. I apologize for my driver. If I had known he would have abandoned us, I would not have selected him to drive us.”

The two women stare at him with confusion in their faces. “Sir?” Rae ventures to speak, “Are you trying to apologize?”

Penelope reaches a hand towards Colin and rests it on his arm, “This is not your fault Colin. The only thing you should be taking responsibility for is delivering us safely from those horrible men. With our lives, and –”, she looks over at Rae, and squeezes her hand too, “And dignity intact.”

Rae nods along, “We owe you our lives sir. Thank you, Mr. Bridgerton.”

Colin nods solemnly, not sure he is ready to accept their appraisal of the situation. He tries to tell himself they are safe and that is all that matters. Over and over, he repeats the words in his mind as his eyes flick from Penelope to Miss Sullivan.

Eventually Rae breaks the silence, “I believe we are not far from the estate. Miss Featherington, do you think you are ready to walk? Mr. Bridgerton, do you think it would be safe for us to proceed on foot?”

They both nod to her and the trio begins to walk on foot while Rae talks about the area. “I’m not completely sure, mind you, but I believe if we pass over that hill there will be a small pond.”

“The Clearwater Pond?” Penelope asks.

“Aye, the Clearwater Pond.” Rae replies.

“Then we are not far from home at all.”

“Good, good. I am glad you two know your way around here. I do not think I’ve ever even seen the Featherington Estate on a map. If I were in charge of the navigation, I believe we’d be better off living in the woods.” He looks over to Penelope to see if he made her smile. It was a slight one, but a smile, nonetheless. Colin’s chest loosens as he thinks that maybe they might be okay in the end.

They summit the hill and see the pond in the distance. Penelope points out the way home to Colin who finds her confidence breathtaking. He finds himself very content to follow their lead. Penelope suspects they’ve walked for just about an hour when the surroundings start becoming familiar to her. Eventually they pass by trees and patches of grass that feel like home and her eyes well with relief.

By the time they reach the manor they are exhausted, and when they discover that the manor is completely unoccupied, no Lady Featherington, no staff, no groundskeepers or animal tenders, the trio loses their last shred of strength.

It was unspoken, but each of them had hoped for a reception, even a modest one. A warm meal, or a meal at all. Anyone to say hello, welcome, rest from your troubles. But there isn’t even a scullery maid to ask for hot water from. So, the three decide that rest is what they need most of all and they retire for the night. Silent, and deflated of optimism.

Rae rises early to fix breakfast. The kitchen is still stocked with basics and she starts a fire to heat water for tea. In a back larder she finds some cured meat and pantry staples. Enough to make some flatbread to eat with the ham. It’s a rather pathetic breakfast, but she is not a cook, and she hopes Miss Featherington and Mr. Bridgerton don’t have much of an appetite after such a terrible travel day. Her legs are still sore, and she wishes she had a maid herself.

Mr. Bridgerton is the first to appear in the morning. He looks weary and tired. “Good morning, sir, I have tea for you.” He doesn’t say a word, he just settles onto a bench in the kitchen and accepts the teacup. “I’m sorry there isn’t any milk, but there’s sugar if you’d like it.” Colin cannot manage a word until he’s drunk two cups of the tea.

“Thank you, Miss Sullivan. The tea is perfect.” He drinks a third cup before she places some fresh bread and sliced ham in front of him. “Oh brilliant, I didn’t expect any actual food to be here. Thank you.”

At this moment Penelope walks in the room and Colin forgets about his breakfast. The bench surges behind him with a loud scrape as he stands, and Colin feels a blush of heat rise in his neck. She’s beautiful. Even after the torturous travel the day before, even in her simple country house dress, her eyes shine and her hair glows. His blush deepens. “Good morning, Pen. Please sit, Miss Sullivan has made a very good pot of tea.”

Penelope is startled by his politeness in the midst of all this chaos but is calmed by the structure of the polite society they come from. She nods to him and sits. “Rae, thank you.” She takes a sip of hot tea and the heat sweeps across her face; Colin notices every movement of the steam against her skin. Rae brings a plate of flatbread and ham to Penelope too and Colin remembers his own.

“Excuse me Miss Sullivan, I have forgotten myself. You do not have to serve us, forgive me. I know that you are Penelope’s lady’s maid, but please, considering the circumstances, please join us for the meal.”

Rae looks towards Penelope, “Rae, please, come and join us. And we will do the clean up as well.”

Rae grabs her own teacup and food for herself and sits down. They all feel a little awkward. Rae clears her throat and addresses them, “With all due respect, I don’t think either of you have washed a cup a single time in your entire lives.” The table meets her with complete silence, and then bursts of loud laughter from Colin and Penelope, the tension broken, the first smiles and laughter any of the group has felt since they were accosted on the road.

“You are very right about that Miss Sullivan, but today seems like a good day to start.” Colin enjoys the smile on Pen’s face more than the smile on his own, and for a fleeting moment he thinks things might be okay. They are here in the country, and they are safe enough for now.

The trio enjoys the rest of breakfast together and Rae is charmed by the genteel duo as they insist on cleaning up breakfast. There isn’t much to clean up and it is so amusing to Rae to watch them that she feels pangs of real gratitude to the pair of them. They agree to remain at the Featherington Estate another day before discussing any future plans. But Rae knows, as she wanders the vast empty estate, that she wants to go home.

Chapter Text

Breakfast on their second day in the country is the same flatbread and ham as the day before. Only this time it is accompanied by a variety of fruits Rae and Penelope harvested from the gardens. Luckily it is summer, and the staff maintained the garden before they all seemingly left.

Colin is the first to break the quiet morning with talk of the future, “I think we should travel to my brother’s home, in Wiltshire. It is much further removed from London and should be much safer.”

“But what of my family? Should we not wait for them here?” Penelope is alarmed that he wants to move on so quickly.

Colin tries to be gentle but does not know how to proceed under such delicate circumstances. “Pen, I do not think your mother is coming. She would be here by now if she came here.”

Penelope’s eyes mist as she tries to understand him. “I think she must have joined your sisters. Do you know where the Finches or Dankworths have country homes? Even if she had come here, there are no staff, so she must have not stopped. And why would the staff have absconded? They either do not think it is safe here or went onward with your mother.”

All of this is new information to Penelope, and she feels overwhelmed. She had been holding out hope that her mother would join them any day. But with every sentence Colin makes more sense and it becomes clear to Penelope that until the nation is at peace, she will probably not see her mother.

“I, I do not know about the Dankworths, but I think the Finches home is on the East Coast.” She is staring into her teacup; she doesn’t want to look at Colin.

Rae interjects, “I would like to go to my uncle’s home. Miss Featherington,” Penelope’s eyes flash to Rae’s face with the return of formal speech from her maid, “I know I promised that I would be here to serve you, but my uncle’s farm is not even a half day’s walk from here and I would be most obliged if I could return to my family.”

Penelope sees water collect in Rae’s eyes and tears of her own fall silently down her cheeks. “Of course.” Penelope whispers, “Of course you would both want to be with your families right now.” She scoots off the bench, turning her back to the table, “We can leave for your uncle’s farm mid-afternoon and escort you there today. Excuse me.” Penelope rushes from the kitchen to the garden and fresh air outside.

Colin and Rae stare at each other. Colin speaks first, as he rises, “We will be happy to deposit you at your uncle’s home. If we leave later today, we will have time to pack and prepare. Excuse me.”

Colin leaves the room as well, towards the library. Rae shrugs, it could have gone better, it could have gone worse. Rae truly likes Penelope, and wants to be there for her, but she is so close to home she can barely stand being at the Featherington Estate for another minute.

Colin feels his chest restrict and his skin start to itch. He needs to get Rae home. Penelope is crying. They are not safe here. He needs to get to Wiltshire. How is he going to do that? He searches the library for a map he can carry. They will have to walk until they can find a horse or a carriage to hire. Maybe Rae’s uncle can help secure them horses. At a time like this, it is unlikely. It is unlikely that they will find inns willing to shelter them, and any that will probably cost them a large amount of money. And they will need to avoid further confrontations with more unsavory travelers. How can he assure Penelope that they will be safe to journey to Wiltshire?

Glad he is not wearing a cravat, Colin fumbles the buttons of his shirt trying to get air, trying to breathe. He gets his shirt open and lays down on the floor to get his breath under control. His anxiety and fear are rising. He doesn’t want to let Penelope down. He doesn’t know if he’s good enough for her to rely on him.

Penelope had taken herself to the orchard, to a little bench tucked away against a wall, forgotten by the staff and her family. It was her secret retreat when the family was here outside of the social season. She could spend hours in the orchard without anyone to bother her. She had spent many hours here alone crying. Her own sacred crying spot.

Footsteps on the gravel approached her and Colin appeared into view. Penelope had thought she had recovered from her crying, but at first sight of Colin the tears started again. He sits down on the bench and gathers her in his arms, relieved he can do something for her. He may not know what they are going to do tomorrow or the day after that, but now, right now, he can hold her and comfort her.

He holds her until her breathing slows down. He can feel the wetness from her tears spread through his shirt. He likes it, as if she’s leaving her mark on him. “Penelope,” he whispers, not wanting to startle her, “Everything will be well. We will figure this out together.” Keeping one arm around her he uses his other hand to lift her chin up so he can look into her eyes. They are red from crying, her face flushed and blotchy, she does not shirk from his touch as he wipes away her tears with his hand. “I will go wherever you will go. My only purpose is to keep you safe. Rae must go back to her family, but I will stay with you, always.”

Only as he says it does Colin realize he means so much more than just today and tomorrow, until this disaster with Napoleon is solved and the cities are safe again. He means forever, but he does not want to place any more emotional burden on her, Penelope is not really keeping it together as it is. He wants to protect her heart, not burden it further.

Penelope nods and leans back into his embrace, her head resting against his chest. She is aware that she should not be touching him or be touched by him in this way. But she does not care. In fact, it feels like the most natural thing in the world, to be comforted by Colin Bridgerton. She is grateful for him. She feels like she is coming apart stitch by stitch. Rae’s desire to leave her and return to her own family makes Penelope feel so alone. Like the only connection she had to her family is gone. She doesn’t even know where her family is. Rae and Colin know where their families are, or at least where their family’s homes are. Penelope doesn’t even know that much. She is a burden to Rae and Colin, of course Rae would want to go home.

“Pen, do you think you could be ready to pack and journey to Rae’s farm? If we leave early enough, we can take her there and probably find an inn to stay in for the night, before going to Wiltshire.”

“An inn?” she peels herself from his embrace, noticing his exposed neck and the soft peaks of his chest hair for the first time. “I’ve never stayed in an inn before. Will it be safe?”

“We will only stay if it is safe.” They rise from the bench together and start back towards the house.

“How did you find me?” Penelope asks.

Colin smiles, “Well, I thought to myself, if I had to spend an entire summer with Prudence and Phillipa, where would I go? And well, there you were: in the tiniest hiding spot, furthest away from the house.”

Penelope laughs and laughs and laughs, he is exactly right.

The journey to Rae’s family farm is not difficult. Penelope struggles to carry a bag but does her best to keep up with Rae and Colin. They pass by their abandoned carriage and sure enough, everything useful was stripped, the trunks and bags all gone. Colin shakes his head, even out in the countryside people are taking everything they can get. The further away from London he can go the better he will feel.

Rae points out the farm from afar; it is up a hill from where they can see it from the road. As they approach Rae starts to get nervous. She doesn’t know who will be there and if they will accept her much less her escorts. The farm can feed the family, but it isn’t as nice as the farms on the Featherington Estate, and she is sure Mr. Bridgerton has never been anywhere as homely as this. But she is proud of where she is from and grateful to her uncle and aunt for raising her until she could work in service to the Featherington family. She holds her head up high as they approach.

They see no one and hear nothing but livestock. No one comes to the front door as they approach, so Rae leads them to the side, towards the barn. A tall figure leaves the barn and sees them immediately. He is not smiling; he looks at them with suspicion. He is taller than Colin, and thicker with strength that comes from working on a farm.

Rae quickens her steps towards him and then stops. With a whisper she asks, “Thomas?” He doesn’t hear her as she says louder, “Thomas? It’s Rae.”

His head snaps to her eyes and a wide smile fills his face, “Rae!” He runs to her, and she leaps into his arms. He buries his face in her hair, his arms gripping her. Colin looks to Penelope; Penelope looks to him and a blush sweeps her face. Clearly these two have a history and Colin and Penelope feel like they are intruding on a rather private moment.

At the same time Thomas and Rae both ask each other, “What are you doing here?”

Rae laughs, Thomas sets her down, but does not let her go.

“I came home. London isn’t safe.”

“I’ve been working for your uncle since you left.”

“I never should have left.”

“You never should have left.”

“Thomas, I’m so sorry.”

“Rae you’re here with me now. I want you to stay.”

They continue talking over one another having five conversations at once. Filling each other in on everything they’ve missed.

Colin turns to Penelope, “I do hope that is not her uncle.”

“Colin Bridgerton! Your cheeky mouth!” Penelope laughs hard.

“Did you know she had a beau?”

Penelope giggles, “No, definitely not.”

Penelope is happy for Rae, so happy for Rae. Cleary this is her home, and this is where she belongs. Eventually Colin clears his throat and Rae introduces her escorts. Thomas is both perfectly deferential to these two people with higher status than he, and a welcoming host to them. His gratitude for her safe return is evident in his eyes. Thomas leads them to an outbuilding where they find Rae’s uncle, and it is only then that Thomas finally lets go of Rae’s hand.

Rae’s uncle welcomes them for a meal and offers shelter for the night. Penelope accepts on their behalf and Colin spends the evening learning from the uncle about the area and conferring about how to get to Wiltshire from here. He cannot spare a horse, but he can offer them shelter tonight and provisions for the walk tomorrow.

Chapter Text

The following morning Rae comes to Penelope to help her dress one last time. “Miss Featherington, Penelope, thank you for everything. Thank you for bringing me home and thank you for being such a good mistress. I’m so glad I worked for you.”

“You were an exemplary lady’s maid, and sometimes even, a very good friend.” Penelope squeezes her hand. “I do not know what is going to happen from here, but it sure seems like your future is here, and Thomas will take care of you for as long as you let him.”

“Oh Ma’am, I really love Thomas. I had no idea he would be here. But Thomas is my home, he always has been. I cannot believe I was foolish enough to run away from him for a year.”

“Well, I sure hope you marry him, and soon. I have something for you.” Penelope grabs a small purse from her bag and presses it into Rae’s hands. “Take care of yourself and Thomas.”

Rae opens the bag and shoves it back to Penelope, “No ma’am. I could not. I cannot accept. No.”

“Nonsense Rae, you have been a friend and supporter when I needed one. This does me no good if the people I care about could put it to good use for their families too.”

“Ma’am that must be a year worth of my wages, I couldn’t possibly.”

“Well, you know how I earned it, and you helped me get it. Don’t worry, I kept plenty for myself as well.” They giggle together and Rae grabs her for a hug. Penelope feels a great sense of peace sweep over her.

Rae’s aunt loads Colin with a bag of provisions and they start off before Colin can lose his nerve. He knows the walk to Wiltshire will be long, but he is more on edge about meeting more suspicious people along their journey. Colin doesn’t want Penelope to fear, and he really doesn’t want her to be harmed. Penelope is a genteel woman; she promenades in parks as a member of good society but has been known to sit out of the more vigorous games during summers in the countryside. So, Colin is mindful that she might not be able to walk very far or very fast. Penelope is worried about the distance too. She doesn’t want her slow pace to put them in danger.

The first few hours are fine, with the roads generally well-tended and flat. They break for lunch and after a while it almost feels like they are just out on a picnic. They talk about the weather, the birds they see, how smitten Thomas looked when he saw Rae. They laugh and have fun, remembering why they are such good friends in the first place. Out in the countryside it is easy to forget what circumstances sent them there.

“Pen, I think we should probably get going. We still have a way to go before we get to the inn Rae’s uncle recommended.”

Pen is shaken back to reality and attempts to stand up and finds her legs crumpling beneath her. “Oh! Ouch!” She lands back on the ground, surprising Colin.

“Pen! Are you alright? What is wrong?” Concern splashed across his face; he reaches his hands to her arms to lift her up.

“Just stiff. Really sore actually.” Colin holds her a bit as she shakes out her legs and makes some tentative steps. “This is incredibly embarrassing; my legs seem to be very tired.”

“That is fine.” Colin says, even though Penelope knows it is not. “We can take it slow, warm them back up again. I’m not used to walking such long distances either.”

Penelope smiles at his kindness and lets him hold on to her as she starts to walk. They walk slowly, touching, for a few minutes before Penelope feels solid enough on her own two legs that she can let go.

“Thank you. I’m sure I’ll get used to it.”

“Yea, we have a few days of walking, but we can go slow.” He smiles brightly at her. Almost as if he doesn’t mind walking slow.

Their conversation continues seamlessly. Being in the country reminds him of his childhood at Aubrey Hall and they swap stories back and forth. He tells some familiar ones and Pen finds that she likes to hear him retell old stories she’s already heard. As evening approaches they’ve spent the entire day in conversation, and they feel relaxed and happy in one another’s company. They near a town and Colin verifies on the map that this is the town with the inn he wants to stay in.

“Could you show me?” Penelope asks, looking over his shoulder.

“The map? Yea sure.” He pulls the map over so she can see it better. He highlights the route they are taking, “Mayfair is here, your family home here. We started this morning right about there; Rae’s family farm isn’t on the map. And we are here in this town, Farnham, for the night.”

“Where are we going?”

“Wiltshire. Well, not exactly all the way to Wiltshire, but close. Over here.” Colin points to a dot on the map he inked in and wrote “My Cottage” over the top.

“Is that all? Is that all we’ve walked today? That’s not even a quarter of the way!” Penelope looks deflated.

Colin keeps his chuckle to himself, “Pen, we did a great job today. We are not as fast on foot as a horse or a carriage. We got a late start, I want to be lodged by dark, and it’s only the first day. I think the second day we will walk even less, on account of being sore. But then we will walk further on the third day, and by the fourth day we won’t even remember how tired we felt today because we will be soaking in a hot bath!”

Penelope stares at him.

“I mean. You’ll have a bath. And then I’ll have a bath.” He’s bumbling. He had a brief vision of Penelope in a bathtub with him and now he cannot say the words with his mouth that he thinks with his brain. “The hot water is beneficial for sore muscles.” Heat flushes his neck and into his face. Penelope is staring at him, and he doesn’t want her to notice, so he turns away, pocketing the map, and walking further down the road. “Let’s find that inn.” Penelope doesn’t say anything.

The evening only gets worse. They find the inn, and the innkeeper will let them a room for the night, but no water for baths, and no meals from the kitchen, and it costs Colin Bridgerton three times as much money as he thinks it should. Soldiers occupy most other rooms and are demanding all efforts from the kitchen and maid staff. Colin is in a foul mood by the time they reach their room and is then faced with having to explain to Penelope why they only have one room.

“I am so sorry Penelope. I know this is impolite. I want you to know you are perfectly safe and I will not be – untoward.”

Penelope sees his discomfort and it makes her laugh; she wants to put him at ease. “Colin, I am not worried. That proprietor wasn’t going to budge on the negotiations. And anyway, I want to share a room with you.” She sits down on the sofa, hard, wanting to rest her feet.

Colin is dumbfounded, her response is most unexpected, “Pardon me?”

“I want to share a room with you. I’m in a strange village I can barely remember the name of in the middle of an unprecedented siege, with soldiers in the other rooms and highwaymen on the roads. I would feel very insecure in a room by myself.” She looks him over and can see that he still doesn’t understand, “I know you will keep me safe Colin. I trust you more than anyone.”

Her eyes and words are sincere Colin realizes, and a familiar warmth spreads through his chest and belly. He doesn’t know what he has done to earn her complete trust like that. He’s just her friend’s often absent older brother. “Pen, my entire purpose is to keep you safe and deliver us to our families. We will make it and I will allow no harm to befall you.”

She nods, “I know.”

“And the name of the village is Farnham. It’s really not that hard to remember.”

Penelope laughs and Colin joins her on the sofa with the map. As they look over the map she says, “I’ve studied geography, I’m familiar with a lot of the place names. But it is all just in theory really. I’ve never once paid attention to where a carriage was driving. Or how I got somewhere.”

She leans down to remove her shoes, she’s never seen her shoes and stockings so dusty, but she is too tired to be embarrassed in front of Colin, “It never seemed important until,” she pauses, seeming to reflect, “until the other night.”

Colin notices the pause and wonders if there is something she wants to talk about. But he doesn’t want to press her. Every hour their relationship seems to change shape and morph, and he doesn’t want to break the spell by pressing on her, so he deflects the conversation, “Are you hungry? Let’s eat before bed.”

“I’m famished.”

They eat and talk about the journey they will take tomorrow. There isn’t much to do to get ready for sleep, they have so little with them. Colin removes the thick quilt from the bed, leaving a thinner one for Pen. He folds the thick one and places it on the ground between the bed and the door. As he grabs the decorative blanket from the sofa Pen asks, “What are you doing?”

“Getting my bed ready. I will not allow you to sleep in the same bed as me Pen, so the floor for me.”

“Oh.” Pen realizes she hadn’t thought that far. That maybe he’d sleep on the sofa or ask her to sleep on the sofa, he did pay for the room, after all. But she knows that Colin is a gentleman. And the circumstances do not matter; he will not share a bed with her. He cares for her virtue, and that makes Penelope blush.

“I do not want to make any presumptions about the state of dress you will need in order to sleep. So, I suggest that we remain in our clothes until we extinguish the candles. The darkness can lend us some privacy.”

“Yes of course, that is a good idea.”

“Are you ready for the candles to go out?”

“Yes, now is fine.”

Colin blows out the candles and walks back to his nest on the floor. It won’t be a very comfortable night’s sleep, but he knows that comfort is not the priority right now. Colin removes his shoes, his socks, his vest, his shirt, and his breeches, placing them, folded, towards the side nearest the wall. As he is about to kneel to the ground Penelope calls out to him.

“Colin?”

“Yes?”

“Colin, I seem to have forgotten that, well, I do not have a lady’s maid.”

“What? Yes, we left Rae at her uncle’s.” Colin doesn’t understand what Penelope is confused about.

“I mean to say. I’m a little helpless over here. Without a lady’s maid to undo the back of my dress.”

He can hear the tension in Penelope’s voice, she is strained and about to cry. Colin jumps towards the far side of the bed, where he saw her last. “Oh, of course Pen, I should have realized. Would you like me to fetch a maid to help you? I’m sure there must be someone here who can help, or I can try my hand at the laces.” He mumbles the last few words, very aware of what he has offered.

Silence comes from Penelope’s side of the room. “Yes, yes, would you give it a try? I do not want to inconvenience you to find a maid.”

Colin has to slow down his breathing. He reaches out his arms trying to find her. He finds her by the shoulder and turns her back to him. There is no light in the room, and he cannot even find the laces after pawing at her back, “I’m sorry Pen, I cannot see anything. I need to light the candle again.” He feels foolish, a man of his status should be able to unlace a woman’s corset he thinks. But the truth is, he has never been in this position before, he has never unlaced a corset or helped a woman out of her dress.

“Okay, she says.” Her voice is still tight, nervous that Colin will have to touch her again, that he will help her out of her dress, and possibly see parts of her she so badly wished he would see, just under very different circumstances.

Colin crosses back to his side of the room to light a candle. Penelope remains turned away from him and he hurries back over to unlace her dress and corset. As each lace loosens and more of her thin chemise is visible the desire to touch her beyond her laces increases. He wants to touch the skin of her neck and back. He wants to feel her lush curves through the thin chemise. Heat builds in Colin’s stomach, and he feels a little warmth of embarrassment in his cheeks. This is his friend. His little sister’s friend. And she’s lost from her family and needs to be protected until she can be returned. He takes a deep breath to control himself. When he’s satisfied that it is loose enough for her to remove on her own Colin scurries back towards his side of the room.

“Thank you.” Penelope says as she turns her back away from him. She is too quick though and catches his eye right before he blows out the candle. Then in pure silence neither Colin or Penelope can think or breathe as they both realize Penelope just saw Colin in nothing but his thin short underpants.

Colin gets under the blanket and settles in. Penelope too, with a face flush with the thought of Colin’s bare chest, finishes getting undressed and gets into bed. The room is silent, but neither can fall asleep after their heated interaction.

Some time passes and Penelope whispers into the dark, “Colin?” hoping he is asleep.

“Yes, Pen?” he replies, no sleep in his voice.

“I was just thinking about the soldiers; I can’t wait to tell Hyacinth, she will be so jealous!”

Colin laughs, thinking of his little sister. “She would be a menace to them. Would barge right in on their conversations and ask a million questions.”

“Yes!” Penelope laughs. “If they knew what was good for them though, they’d recruit her. She’d make an excellent spy.”

“No way! She would not. She might hear everything but she’s a gossip too. Any secrets she could retrieve would be printed in Lady Whistledown by the morning. Now there is who should recruit her!”

Penelope laughs hard and the sound of her joy spurs him on.

“I can picture it now, Hyacinth with a small writing pad in her reticule. Bribing the maids to take her to the park where she promenades to ask impertinent questions of members of parliament.”

“Colin Bridgerton! Stop! It’s unbearable!” Penelope can barely breathe she is laughing so hard.

“She’s sneaky, that’s for sure. She should put it to good use instead of just antagonizing Gregory all day long.”

They laugh heartily together, and they both feel settled and at ease. The silence returns, but neither of them sleeps.

“Pen. Penelope. I know that the last few days have been incredibly difficult. If you needed to talk about it, you will find no judgment from me.”

He hears her sigh in the darkness. “I confess, I have not been able to sleep the past two nights without,” her voice trembles, “without thinking about the night I was alone. And with Rae and you in my near constant company, I have not been able to cry as much as I want to.”

He knows she is trying to make light of it, but he cannot stop before he knows she was not harmed that night. “Were you alone? Did anyone harm you?” Colin’s voice is tight.

She takes her time to reply, and he feels no need to rush her. “I was alone, yes. I came very near to harm, but I was not harmed. Merely lost. And the witness to such appalling behavior I had never before imagined possible.”

“It occurred to me, when I set out on my horse, that it was possible that you would not know how to find your way home from the Kent Estate if, in fact, you were alone and lost.”

“Indeed.” She could barely reply. “Oh Colin, it was horrible.” Her composure lost; her voice cracked on the shape of his name, hot tears running down her face to gather on her pillow.
The darkness and privacy made him bold. Despite his state of undress, and hers, which he tried very hard not to dwell on, Colin raised himself from his nest of blankets on the floor and kneeling, leaned against her bed. His hand searched for hers over the covers and grasped it tightly when they united.

“Tell me Pen, tell me everything.”

On borrowed strength, she told him everything. Of her carriage taking her to Bloomsbury, being deserted by the driver, attempting to keep to the shadows until she could find some street name she recognized or familiar monument. She spent the first hour or so of her sojourn merely annoyed at the carriage driver and the fact that she could neither find a hack to hire nor remember much of the geography and maps she had learned as a student. Eventually, fear began to rise in her and she realized that every step she took could be taking her further away from home or closer to danger.

She told Colin about the crowds. Rowdy crowds of people with loud voices, full of fear and danger. At first, she tried to stay away, but eventually she tried asking for help. She took out her hair adornments and tucked the outer layer of her dress up into her cloak so her finery wouldn’t make her more of a target. No one would help her. They all saw her as a rich vulnerable girl and she had to run away from others. She saw violence, men pushing and shoving one another. Throwing items into storefront windows and banging down wooden doors. She rarely saw a woman and when she did, she did not feel safe to approach her.

“Eventually, I found a quiet alley, behind some shops I hoped wouldn’t be targets for looting, and I took refuge there. I did not want to be seen. I was so frightened, I feared I would make more mistakes, so I made the decision to repose.”

Penelope could not see Colin’s face, but his thumb rubbed against the back of her hand, imparting comfort and courage with each stroke.

“I was exhausted but knew that I could not sleep. I just needed some time to get my head on straight and plan. By then, the sky was lightening with morning and the looting seemed to have moved on from where I was. I decided to walk westward, hoping that I would eventually near Mayfair if I had not completely gotten off course. I was very lost indeed. The first thing I recognized was the Prince’s park. With occasional rests and hiding, it took me much of the day to get home. And well, you know the rest.”

Penelope’s breathing slowed the more she spoke, and Colin knelt there wishing he could hear every single detail of her night of terror. He was in awe of her resourcefulness and angry that she was in that circumstance to begin with.

“Penelope, you are the bravest, cleverest woman I know. You demonstrated fortitude and courage in a circumstance you should have never been in. I am in awe that you managed to keep yourself safe and make it home.”

When Colin felt like Pen had quite recovered, or at least calmed down a bit, he let go of her hand, patted the blanket next to it, and slumped back into his blankets. “And I’m quite glad I get to be the one to keep you safe now, Penelope. You will never experience that kind of fear again.”

“Thank you, Colin.”

Her heart warmed at his kindness, but Colin realizes this was not just kindness for a neighbor, or the friend of his sister’s. This was a promise. He wanted to be there always as her protector, her guardian, her companion.

They settled into the silence, finally readying for sleep.

“It’s quite nice talking to you, when the rest of the world is silent like this.” Colin says. He cannot speak upon his real feelings for her, not now, not with the world on fire.

Heat floods her face and warmth rolls around her heart, “I like it too Colin. I always like talking with you.”

By the next morning Penelope is well rested and feeling more at ease than she had since the start of her fateful carriage ride. She took great comfort knowing Colin was near her to protect her from harm and walk her through her emotions. She looked over to Colin’s nest to see that he had vacated the room. She tried not to feel disappointed at his absence. She thought it must be for practicality: to procure food, or directions. Maybe to give her privacy when she wakes up. Privacy she desperately needs. She does not want to risk him returning during such embarrassing activities, so Penelope quickly uses the chamber pot and slips into her dress. Her attempts at tightening the laces are futile.

With a sharp double knock on the door Colin calls out, “Penelope! Are you awake?”

“Yes! Come in.” Penelope replies.

Colin entered the room with a maid in tow. “I brought someone to help you with your dress. I’ll give you a minute.” He left the room again and the young girl, the maid, entered the room to lace up Penelope’s dress.

The young maid didn’t say a word and left as quietly as she came. “Thank you!” Penelope managed to mutter out as the girl left the room. Upon her departure Colin re-entered the room. This time with a tray carrying a teapot and cups.

“They would not provide milk or sugar, but tea they could manage.”

“Oh, that is quite alright, I’m desperate for even a drop of tea. Thank you. And thank you for finding someone to help me.”

Colin nods and sits down at the table. Penelope pours him some tea and she sits too. They each drink a full cup in comfortable silence, as if they have done this a thousand times with each other. Penelope feels the warmth of the tea move through her body and imagines it like a wave washing away the tumult of the previous day.

“Colin, we must eat then we must go!” She is cheerful, if not a little bit excited. Sharing her experience made her feel lighter, gave her hope. Colin’s strength and support has made her feel like that was the worst night of her life and now she knows for a fact she will never have another. She almost feels like celebrating. “Rae’s aunt included some sundries we could eat; we need some nourishment for the journey.” Penelope busies herself with setting out some of the packed food, pleased with the task of caring for him and getting Colin fed. She wishes this weren’t such a novelty, that she could pour him tea every day.

Colin smiles at her enthusiasm, borrowing some of her cheer. “Yes, let’s eat, and get on our way. Today we should move through the remainder of the farming country.”

They make the most of the walk, pointing out birds to each other and beautiful sights along the way. They take more rests today than the day before, making an excuse each time they see a nice vista. By the time they rest for lunch Colin’s back is aching from the bag and the hardwood floor he endured the night before.

“This is a nice grassy spot. Lay down and rest your back.” Penelope takes a commanding tone with him, and Colin feels happy to follow her directions. “I will get out some food.” She wishes she had any sort of blanket or cloth to spread out for them, to protect his clothes from the grass, but everything they have with them is contained in one small pack Colin has been carrying. Although it has only been three days since they left Mayfair, their clothes are looking quite shabby and unclean.

Colin rests his back until Penelope has assembled the remainder of their food. It is the last of the bread, a small amount of butter and some fruit. Colin aches inside as he knows he is so hungry he could eat all of it now by himself, but this is all the food they have until they can procure more. Penelope tries to eat modestly knowing that Colin must be hungry, but they both leave their picnic disappointed and hungry.

“We will try harder at our next stop to procure food.” Colin is trying to cover his embarrassment from Pen, she just nods along. “The innkeeper at our last accommodation was not helpful but we need better sustenance if we are to continue to Wiltshire. I will work harder in the next village to find food.”

“Yes, we do not need to rely on an innkeeper next time, we can find a shop owner or maybe some other establishment -.” She trails off, unsure of herself and where to procure food.

Colin reaches for Penelope’s hand, and they continue walking, “Of course, you are quite right. We will seek out something suitable together. I am sorry I failed to procure enough food for us, please forgive me Pen.”

“There is nothing to forgive Colin, you have done nothing wrong.” She squeezes his hand. “You cannot do everything yourself, let me help, Colin, let me shoulder some of the burden too.”
He nods and they continue walking, holding hands, taking comfort in one another despite the circumstances.

Eventually they find a pace that is easy for them both to manage and Colin’s back feels looser without the weight of the pack. It does not contain much, but Penelope insisted on being the one to carry it so his back could rest. He knows that she wants to be more active in their arrangements; as a gentleman, he feels out of sorts thinking that he cannot take care of everything himself. As a man, he feels a warmth in his heart knowing that Penelope worries over him. He likes the idea of her taking care of him too.

They take another rest after a few hours of walking, Colin pulling out his map. “I think we only have about another hour until we will be at the village for the night. Are you holding up okay?”

“Yes, I am fine. I almost feel like I’ve been on holiday today, hiking in the wild, on a pleasure expedition not fleeing London under siege.” She gives him a carefree grin.

Colin laughs. “Me too, it has been nice to travel somewhere new with someone. Usually when I’ve crossed this part of the country I’ve been in a carriage, or with my siblings. When I travel, I’m usually alone. This has been nice, very nice, to be here with you.”

Penelope feels that familiar warmth in her chest. She likes spending time with Colin, always has. And now that she’s over the embarrassment of the circumstances that put them together, she gets to just enjoy being with him. He likes pointing out the geographical features they see and always smiles when she points out a bird. He’s a nice traveling companion, just as she always knew he would be. Without all the rigidity of the society they usually spend time in, or the propriety required when they are with their families, Penelope and Colin have fallen into a sort of partnership, an ease of communication, a pattern of mutual trust. She likes it. It makes her think about what a marriage with Colin would be like. In the quiet spaces between their conversation, she holds herself back from imagining that particular fantasy too much.

“Pen. There is something that is bothering me about what you told me last night, about your night alone in London.” He knew this was a delicate topic and did not want to hurt or scare her by bringing it up. “You said that your carriage driver deserted you. How can this be? Did he force you out of the carriage? Whatever reason would he have to force you out and then abscond with your family carriage? And what were you doing alone in the first place? Did he abduct you to Bloomsbury and then abandon you?”

“Colin-” Penelope can barely answer before Colin interrupts again.

“I know this is sensitive and I do not want to injure you by bringing it up again. I am just confused.”

She remains silent, but he can tell she is trying to find the words to tell him the truth. What she never would have dreamed of telling Colin Bridgerton a week ago she now feels compelled to explain. “It doesn’t make sense because it was not the full truth.”

Colin sputters in shock, was all of it a lie? Was she covering for someone, a lover perhaps? The thought of Penelope conducting a clandestine affair only to be abandoned by her lover on such a dangerous night made him feel torn and anger deep in his chest. “You lied to me? Pen?”

“I- I did not lie. But I was not ready to tell you the truth. I felt like was unraveling and if I told you everything that maybe-”

“That maybe I wouldn’t believe you? Or I would not console you?”

“That you would hate me.”

Colin stops walking, Pen throws a look back over her shoulder but keeps walking. Colin trots a minute to catch back up with her.

“Penelope. I could never hate you. I would never treat you undeserving. Tell me?”

She casts her gaze upon him and knows that if she ever wants the tight feeling in her chest to dissipate, she must tell him. She cannot think about what his reaction will be. If he will abandon her or condemn her. Every experience she has ever had with Colin Bridgerton makes her think that she could trust him. So, she does.

“It was not a family carriage. It was a hired hack. I left the ball early, as I always do, to go home and write. Then I hired a hack and took it to my publisher in London.” She glances at him. He does not understand. “By the time I was finished dropping off my sheets to the printer my driver was gone in the chaos, and I could not find another.”

“Publisher? Printer? Whatever do you mean?”

“Colin,” She starts gently, “I am Lady Whistledown.”

“Lady Whistledown! Are you quite serious?”

“Yes, I am.”

Colin’s brain begins to think through every issue he ever read of Whistledown, every conversation he took part in where her scandal sheets were mentioned, Eloise’s obsession with uncovering the author. The awful things Whistledown wrote about him, his family, the Featheringtons, Penelope.

“It doesn’t make any sense.” He mumbles to himself.

But then it does. It makes perfect sense. She was often alone and overlooked, hanging on to the edge of the ballroom or gathering. Staff didn’t tend to notice her; her family never seems to pay her any attention. Of course, she was perfectly situated to receive gossip and print it. She was clever, the smartest and most well-read of any woman he knew, so to think she could be such a witty writer was no leap of conscious thought. He himself has been the recipient of many letters from her and knew her to be a keen observer and engaging writer. She could take the most mundane scenes and convey them with importance and interest.

“It makes complete sense.” Colin says, louder this time, so she could hear. “You are Lady Whistledown.”

Penelope nods but will not turn to look at him.

“I’m not sure if I should be impressed, grateful, or angry.”

“You do not have to mince words, Mr. Bridgerton, I know how much you despise Lady Whistledown.” Penelope scoffs and begins walking at a slightly faster pace.

At the use of his last name, with such derisive tone, Colin feels as if cold water has splashed on his face. “Pen! Wait!” Colin catches up to her and grabs her by the hand to stop her from walking away.

She turns towards him and looks at him full in the face. Colin stares into her eyes, holding her hand in his own. He reaches his other hand towards her face, cupping her cheek so he can take her in, fully. She does not back down from his gaze. He looks at this familiar face, this face that has come to mean home and safety and peace, the face of a dear friend that means more to him than friendship, a face he knows as well as his own, as well as any of his sibling’s faces, he looks into her eyes and sees her new, as if for the first time. He sees a woman, a magnate, a witty, discerning woman who built an empire, a legacy. She has molded society with her musings in the last three years, she has all the ton and many beyond the ton feasting on her every word. People have married, uncoupled, disinherited children, and moved out of the country because of her sheets. The power she wields, the humility it takes to keep that secret. Colin steps closer to her, “You’re amazing.”

His words take her by surprise. She was expecting admonishment or abandonment for her betrayal. “What?” is all she can say, is all she can think.

“I always knew you were the most clever woman I knew, but I didn’t realize you were the most clever person anyone of us knew. Everyone hangs on Lady Whistledown’s reports more than the sermons of the Archbishop of Canterbury, more than the decrees from the House of Lords. I mean-” Colin is getting excitable, “Lady Whistledown has almost as much power as the Queen!” A wide smile crosses his face, “You are Lady Whistledown!” He laughs an exultant type of laugh; he is amazed at her. He sees that she still has trouble looking at him, her eyes cast down, but the familiar red of her blush has crept up her neck. “Don’t worry, Penelope, don’t get too boastful with my praise, I’m still furious at you.” He teases her.

Colin grabs her hand, squeezing it, and pulling her to start walking again. “This really gives me more questions than answers to the ones I asked you before. But now I understand why you were alone at that time of night and abandoned by your carriage driver.” He does not release her hand because he can sense that she is turning away from him, turning in on herself, like it took everything in her to make that confession, like she is still scared of him. He wants to anchor her to the ground, to his side, together. They walk in silence for a few paces. He has decided to let her take the lead, but he will not let go of her hand.

Eventually she asks him, “What did you mean when you said you did not know to be impressed, grateful, or angry?”

Colin shrugs, “I guess I feel all three, really. Angry that you engage in such a dangerous pursuit, could you not at least hire someone to do your late-night deliveries? Impressed at your publishing empire, a real feat, I hope you’re proud of your accomplishments. Grateful that you entrusted me with this knowledge. Angry for what you wrote about Marina, me, Eloise, yourself. Grateful that you saved me from a marriage with Marina. Impressed at your boldness. You are brazen, Penelope, truly fearless.”

He squeezes her hand again. And when his words of praise cause her cheeks to erupt in a red blush Colin wants to cradle her face in his hands and kiss Penelope. Kiss her and never let her go. He looks at her face and Colin feels the warmth of a blush attend his own visage.

“I see.” She whispers.

Colin lifts her hand to his lips and kisses it before slowly letting go, “Lady Whistledown.”

It is not much later that the walking duo reach the village they have planned to rest in for the night. They find the inn and procure a room easily, but again, the inn will not be offering any sort of sustenance. Unwilling to go much longer with the growling in his gut, Colin is determined to find them food for tonight, and for the remainder of their journey.

Upon recommendation from the innkeeper, Colin and Penelope walk through the village in search of food. There is a row of market shops one road over from the inn. They procure bread, including a handful of dinner rolls they consume immediately. At another shop some ham and cheese that should keep until breakfast, and sundry items like nuts and dried fruit. Before they leave the shop Colin finds a display of candy and he has too much fun buying a bit of everything. “This will help keep our energy up on our walk tomorrow.” Colin is feeling buoyed by having something in his stomach, and the promise of a greater meal together once they return to their room and settle in for the evening.

As they walk back to the inn, they are a little distracted by the candy, their enthusiasm and happiness turning to giggles and childlike joy. Penelope sees a glimpse of what Colin was like as a boy, before he went away to school, she used to love that kid, and she’s relieved to see a moment of him again after such heavy conversations and experiences in the past few days. Penelope feels a lightness in herself as well, divulging her well kept secrets to Colin makes her feel bold and content.

Not paying attention to their surroundings Colin and Penelope do not notice when two men walk out of a building right behind them. Together the two men push Colin against a building wall, grabbing at his bag. Penelope screams. Colin grunts as he is slammed into the wall. He begins to fight the two men but is overcome by their strength and surprise.

“Colin!” Colin can hear Penelope yelling behind the men, he wishes she would run to safety, but he cannot find the words to tell her to run. All the air has been punched from his lungs.

“Get away from us! Let him go!” Her yelling attracts attention from one of the men who produces a blade and holds it close to Colin’s face. The second man lets go of Colin and starts a slow prowl towards Penelope.

Colin finds his voice, “Do not touch her!” The blade presses cool into his cheek. “What do you want? Take the bag.”

The second man remembers the bag and picks it up from the ground. Rifling through it he scoffs, “Some apples and a few pieces of bread? I would expect much more from a man dressed as fine as you.”

The man with the blade whispers to Colin, “Maybe we could have an exchange. You take the bag; we take the bitch.” Spasms jerk through Colin’s body, and he feels like he will vomit. The jerking scares the man with the blade, and he runs the blade swiftly across the side of Colin’s face.

Unaware of the blade slicing into his flesh Colin only has eyes for Penelope. The second man reaches her and grabs her by the arm. “Unhand my wife!” Colin yells.

A burst of energy rips through Colin and he slams his captor against the wall, kicks him in the stomach and then rushes the man holding Penelope. Without the grace he learned in the boxing ring or on the fencing pitch, but with the power of a man protecting his family, Colin tackles the second man to the ground and lands a half dozen punches before the man slumps to the ground, out of fight.

“Colin!” Penelope stares at him, her wide eyes brimming with tears.

“We must go Pen, now!” Colin lurches off the man, grabs the bag, grabs Pen’s hand, and takes off running. Penelope is running faster than she ever has before and it is not fast enough. Her breath is coming too quick, her eyes are flooding tears down her face, and her sides are searing with pain. He pushes her on, unwilling to stop until they have reached the inn. When they do, Colin gets them to their room without being seen by anyone else in the establishment. He locks the door behind them and crumples with Penelope to the floor.

After a stunned silence where they both try to catch their breath Colin pulls Penelope into his lap where he wraps his arms around her and holds her tight. She wraps her arms around his shoulders and lays his head across her chest, hoping to hug all the terror and malice out of their blood. Eventually she feels his breath even out and she stands up out of his lap. He looks up at her standing above him, feeling cold and alone with her sudden departure. “Come.” She says, pulling him to his feet. “Let’s take a look at that.”

Penelope pulls him to the settee and silently commands him to sit. He winces as he moves, feeling the punches that landed across his torso. She finds the bag and forces him to eat some ham and cheese between bread. He is not hungry, but he surrenders himself to her completely.

Between bites she finds the wash basin and with a cloth she wipes away the blood on Colin’s knuckles and then from Colin’s face. His gash runs across his temple, but it doesn’t look deep. “Does this hurt?” She whispers.

“Yes.”

“I will seek some bandages from the innkeeper. It is not too deep, I do not think you need a physician, but you do need bandages.”

“Pen do not go. I’m not ready for you to go.”

“Alright.” Penelope continues washing his face until the last of the dried blood is gone. They sit together on the small settee, legs touching, hands touching.

“Thank you for saving me.” Penelope tentatively says to Colin. She is worried that he is practically catatonic.

He looks down, dejected, unable to meet her gaze. “Oh Penelope. I’m so sorry. I should not have put you in danger. I was careless and you were almost hurt.” He snaps his eyes to her, “Were you hurt?”

“No, no, not at all. He grabbed me rough, but it did not harm me.” He doesn’t believe her. “Colin, you did nothing wrong. You did everything right. Thank you for saving me.”

“How are you so calm?” Colin feels like his insides are on his outsides. He is barely keeping a simmering rage at bay, and he is infinitely disappointed in himself.

“Calm? I am not calm. I am trying not to cry. You are keeping me from dissolving into tears.”

“Oh Pen, I am sorry. You deserve better than this.” The tears falling from Colin’s eyes surprise Penelope.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I deserve better than this? Colin, you're the only one who cared for me enough to search for me, wait for me, escort me out of London. My own family and staff left me! Every day you have placed my comfort above your own needs, making my safety your priority. And here we are, four days on the road, having interacted with many strangers, and I am safe. You have succeeded.”

Colin reaches for Penelope’s hand and squeezes it. “I wish I could give you so much more than cold ham sandwiches in a creaky inn. I wish I could give you everything.” Her heart flutters at the words.

Colin has not allowed himself to speak to her about his feelings for her, she is vulnerable, and he cannot take advantage of their circumstances to press his feelings on her. But he feels like his entire body has been split open and exposed and he cannot contain his emotions.

“Colin, you have given me everything. I owe you my life.” She reaches for him, and they embrace. Penelope is the first to pull away. “Now, let me take care of you. I’m going to search for some bandages.” Colin watches her leave the room feeling like he is watching his heart leave before him.

By the time Penelope returns to the room Colin has undressed to just his shirt and breeches and has created himself a nest on the floor by the bed, just like the night before. Penelope spares it an uncomfortable glance before setting up her tray on the sitting area table. She has procured a hot pot of tea, a glass of whiskey, and some bandages.

“Penelope! You are amazing. I’m not sure what is better to see, the whiskey or the tea.” Colin smiles for the first time in an hour and Penelope feels a sense of pride at helping him feel better. Colin weighs his options and decides to down the whiskey before Penelope attends to his gash, and then sip the tea afterward to relax. She is surprisingly deft at adding the bandages to his face, and he likes the feel of her fingers fluttering across his skin. He wishes she would run her fingers through his hair and look at him in the eyes. But something in Penelope is still at unease, she is holding back, there is tension in her face. Colin hopes the pot of tea will help her relax too.

They sit together, close, on the settee and sip tea until the pot is empty. With each sip Penelope’s body relaxes further into the settee, into Colin’s outstretched arm until she is cradled into the spot that feels safest in the world. She knows the moment Colin falls asleep because his arm becomes heavy across her shoulders. She sinks into bliss under the weight of his arm and lets him get further asleep as she finishes the last cup.

In the quiet of his slumber, tucked into his side, Penelope reflects on the evening without worrying that her face might upset Colin. The events of the evening were most distressing. She has never felt that kind of fear and terror and confusion. Nor the sense of security as Colin grabbed her hand or held her in his lap. She knew her feelings of love toward Colin were more than gratitude, and those feelings grew each day they spent in one another’s company. There have been moments on the walk, when he laughs or makes her laugh, and she thinks that she would die happily if she never spoke to another person ever again. Colin was everything to her.

And then, in the nadir of the attack, he had called her his wife.

“Unhand my wife!” Spoken with the force of possession, the words sent shivers down her neck every time her brain replayed his shout in her mind. His wife.

For most of her life Penelope Featherington has wanted to be Colin Bridgerton’s wife. But she wasn’t his wife. She is just his little sister’s best friend, abandoned and desperate to leave London. If she were being kind to herself, she could admit that she was his friend too, but she had entrusted herself to his care knowing that the duty to protect her was more about her family’s status in the ton and her relationship to his sister than it was about her or her own friendship with him. But, oh, how her heart ached to be his wife, truly.

He probably said it to deter the attackers. To let them know that he was serious and would do anything to protect her. There could be no other reason she assumes.

Colin’s head droops on to Penelope’s shoulder and it rouses her from her thoughts. He must not be very comfortable, she thinks, he is too tall to lean over her on a settee and sleep comfortably.

“Colin. Colin!” She whispers as loudly as she can and gently gets up from the settee, pulling on his hands and forcing him to follow her. She leads him to the bed, “Come. Get some sleep.” She gently pushes him to sit on the bed and then picks up the pillow and blanket from his nest on the ground.

“Pen?” He is resisting waking up all the way, but he can at least understand that she is inviting him to share the bed.

“You cannot sleep on the floor another night, your back.” She shrugs and tucks him in.

“Pen, I can sleep on the floor.”

Penelope is more forceful as she tucks him in, “No. My savior will not sleep on the floor tonight. I couldn’t bear it.” She reaches down to stroke his forehead and weaves her fingers through the curls in his hair she finds there. His eyes close at the touch and when she thinks he has fallen asleep again she leans down and kisses him softly where the curls meet his skin. “Goodnight Mr. Bridgerton.” She whispers and blows out the candlelight.

Penelope wakes up to the weight of Colin’s arm across her waist. He has somehow folded himself over her with an arm over her waist and a leg intertwined with one of her own. She has never been held like this, an embrace from behind, and laying in a bed. Heat flushes her face, and she knows this is improper. That if anyone knew she was in this position she would be forced to marry him or be ruined. But most of their activities in the past few days would be shocking to their Mamas and the ton.

It reminds Penelope of dancing with Colin at a ball. When they dance, she isn’t self-conscious about how he looks at her, how he touches her, she just surrenders to him, and it is euphoric. She is euphoric now, in his arms and she doesn’t want it to end. So, before she slips under the water and drowns in her unrequited love of this man, yet again, she squeezes his hand to wake him up.

“Colin? Colin?”

He sighs a great deep sigh and tightens his arm, pulling her back into his chest. This makes Penelope giggle, and she gets louder, “Colin, good morning, it’s time to wake up.” He huffs a non-response, and she adds, “Or at least it’s time to get back to your side of the bed!” She is giggling loudly as she tries to flip him on to his back, he finally wakes up and a bright red flush rushes his face.

He scrambles away from her, “Pen, oh excuse me, I’m so sorry.” He looks around confused.

She turns herself over to face him and snuggles deeper into the blanket covering them, “How dare you take liberties with a vulnerable, unmarried young woman Mr. Bridgerton!”

Her response stuns him, and he looks distressed before Colin notice’s her wicked grin. Giggling again she says, “What would our mothers have to say about this?”

Colin groans and buries his head in the pillow. “Our mothers will never hear of this Miss. Featherington.”

She reaches out playfully and rubs his head, “Colin, don’t worry yourself. Nothing happened. If anything, I was the one that took advantage of you.” She gives him that wicked grin again, “Gave you whiskey, waited until you were half asleep and then shoved you in my bed.”

Now Colin laughs. “You woke up cheeky Pen.”

She nods, “I did.” Penelope cannot recall a single day of her life she woke up happier than she did this morning. They stare at each other, only inches apart in the bed, neither wanting to leave the cocoon of warmth beneath the blanket. “Do not fret, you’ve treated me no different than if I were a sister.” She is trying to assuage his doubts.

His face turns cross, and he reaches under the blanket for one of her hands. Drawing it to his lips he stupefies her when he says, “No my dear, I would never touch one of my sisters like that.”

Unable to find words, or even think a single word, Penelope Featherington slips beneath the water and drowns in Colin Bridgerton.

Chapter Text

Eloise is puttering around the garden for the second time today. Since arriving at My Cottage a few days previously she has taken up gardening. Not really, nothing so important as gardening. But you couldn’t really call it flower arranging either. That is, ostensibly, what she is doing. But mostly she is trying to keep her hands busy, to keep her mind from racing. She feels as if she is living in constant turmoil. She doesn’t know where half her family is or what is to become of them. Benedict and Mother are worrying enough for the rest of them. Sophie and Hyacinth are managing quite well to keep everything normal for the little boys. But nothing is normal. Everything is a mess. So, whenever the fear creeps up and her chest gets tight Eloise runs through the gardens and grounds with a basket and shears in hand. She has no patience to learn the names of the flowers she doesn’t know, or to arrange them beautifully. But every room in the not so snug cottage has had fresh flower deliveries at least once a day since her arrival.

Today she is not pleased with what the garden has to offer, and Eloise is caught up ruminating on whether her family would allow her to start bringing tree branches into the home when she hears voices. At first, she is scared, she hasn’t seen anyone outside of her family or the cottage staff, in many days. But then she is curious and starts to look around for the source of the voices. Two voices, a man, and a woman, coming from down the road. They are probably walking toward the cottage, only covered from view now by the trees down the way. She moves closer, hoping to see them before they see her.

All at once two figures round the thicket of trees along the road and come into view. Eloise first sees the sun glint off brilliant red hair and screams. Before her mind can really comprehend what she sees, her feet are running. Her voice is yelling, “Mother! Mother! Oh! Oh!” Before she gets to the pair Eloise is sobbing. She grabs them both in a wide hug and sobs as they hold her. Penelope. Colin. Standing in front of her, hugging her. Penelope cries a bit too and Colin’s eyes release tears of relief. He’s never been so full of joy to see his sister than he is at this moment.

Having heard Eloise’s screams, the rest of the household files out of the cottage. This time it is Colin who starts to run, at the first sight of his dear Mother. Violet has not run since her eldest children were very young, but she finds her feet have command over her body and she rushes to greet Colin.

Penelope feels at once out of place. This is not her family; this is not her home. The way Violet embraces Colin fills Penelope with longing. Maybe she should have let Colin go ahead so he could greet his family without her there intruding. But these feelings are dashed by the exuberant cry of Hyacinth yelling out for her and wrapping her in a big hug. Only when Hyacinth finally lets go does Penelope realize that Eloise never took her hands off her either. She receives embraces from Sophie, the little boys, and even Benedict. But when Violet Bridgerton hugs her and whispers, “Precious Penelope, I’m so glad you’re home.” Penelope weeps.

For the rest of the day Hyacinth or Eloise is holding her hand, sitting close to her on the couch, hooking arms and walking. And the same for Colin. Now that they are here, everyone is holding on to them tight, as if the wind might blow them away again. Penelope is cheered by their presence and feels able to relax in their company. They all talk around her, over each other, laughing at the stories Colin is telling them about their journey to My Cottage. She looks at her hands and finds a plate of biscuits sitting there. She doesn’t remember who gave them to her or when. It has been like that for hours. A glass of lemonade here, a cheese plate and bread there. Even at supper she didn’t have to think, Eloise kept her plate and glass full. After many days of plain water and old bread Penelope was thrilled to eat as much delicious food as she wanted.

Tucked into the bosom of the loving Bridgerton family Penelope does not notice when she starts to nod off and doze. Eloise doesn’t either, content to be huddled close to her friend on the couch and enthralled by Colin’s retelling of their narrow escapes. Sophie returns to the gathering after taking her boys to bed and notices Penelope gently snoozing, cradled between Hyacinth and Eloise. “I think it’s time we get this little one to bed too.” Sophie says with a smile, happy to see her husband enjoying the company of his brother, returned safely home. Sophie gently tries to awaken and lift Penelope and guides her out of the room, leaving just Violet and her children together.

Once they’ve left the room Sophie whispers, “I know you’re exhausted, dear, but I highly recommend waking up long enough to take a bath, Penelope.”

This comment awakens Penelope rudely, “Oh Mrs. Bridgerton, I am so sorry. I am so ashamed. I must look awful. I must not be a pleasant being to smell either.” Penelope attempts to hold herself up, now ashamed she has been leaning on Sophie.

Sophie laughs. “Nonsense, Penelope. Please call me Sophie. I am so pleased you are here; you could be covered in mud, and I would wait on you hand and foot for the pleasure!”

Penelope’s eyes water again. The love of the Bridgerton family seems to grow with every addition. Even Sophie, with whom she has never had a solo conversation; Sophie is treating her as an honored guest. “I am so grateful for you and Mr. Bridgerton - Benedict - for welcoming me. I do not know where I would be without the Bridgertons.”

Sophie gave her a knowing smile, “Nor would I.” They have ascended the stairs and are walking down the hall of rooms. “I had Mrs. Crabtree prepare you a bath and find you fresh sleeping clothes. I do have dreadful news though.” Penelope looks at her curiously. “We do not have enough rooms for everyone to have their own, so you must share.” Penelope feels a warmth in her stomach. “Eloise said she is more than happy to share with you.” Penelope’s stomach does a flip, of course, Eloise. “She said it would feel like you were kids again. And I would hope that it might feel nice to not have to be alone after such a troublesome journey?”

“Yes. Yes, that is fine. That is perfect. I have shared accommodations with Eloise before.”

“Grand. Hyacinth will be moved in with Lady Bridgerton and her room will become Colin’s. An overstuffed home is a happy problem to have, in times like these.”

“Yes, most happy. Sophie, oh thank you.” Penelope grabs Sophie in a tight hug, “It feels like heaven here, in your home.”

Sophie squeezes her back tightly then leaves her to rest and bathe.

The following morning Eloise has already dressed and left the room by the time Penelope wakes. It was comforting having Eloise with her through the night, but it wasn’t like Colin. With a sigh Penelope sinks back into the pillows thinking about Colin. Walking with Colin, laughing with Colin, eating in the grass on the side of the road, pouring over the map together, settling into the bed in that terrible little inn together, hearing his breathing as he slept, the warmth of his body, the weight of his arm over her middle and the security of his chest pressing into her back. No, no, sharing a room with Eloise was nothing like sharing a room with Colin.

Penelope is slow to leave the comfort of the bed. She dreads dressing in the same dress she’s worn for days. It’s dirty and the hems are ragged. It might be a while until she can get new clothes made, but at least she brought her Whistledown money, so she can pay for it herself. A flutter of pride fills her chest, yes, she can support herself for a little while at least, she cannot depend on the Bridgertons forever. Penelope talks herself through her predicament, she can stay with the Bridgertons for a short time, but she does not wish to overstay her welcome, once she finds where her mother is she will take herself there. Yes, that is a good plan.

Penelope finds a brush and sits before the vanity brushing out her curls. It has been many days since her hair was well taken care of, so she takes her time. Once she is ready to brave leaving her room she looks around for her dress, hoping that maybe Sophie or Mrs. Crabtree had grabbed it and at least washed it. It may be ragged, but she doesn’t want to put on a dirty dress. Instead, she finds a small stack of neatly folded dresses on a chair by the desk. She knows by sight that none of them are Eloise’s, so maybe they are meant for her. She is doubtful they will fit, but it looks like they are her only option if she wants to leave the room.

She lifts the dresses, one by one, and Penelope thinks, maybe, they might fit. They are simple, but pretty: a blue one, a pink one, and a cream one. They are unadorned, quite simple, they look like they are loose and comfortable, summer country dresses. To her delight the blue one fits perfectly, looking at herself in the mirror Penelope almost feels pretty for a moment. The outdoor walking has given her skin some freckles and her hair burns bright against the pale blue of the dress. Feeling good about herself, Penelope is ready to leave the room and search for some breakfast.

Sophie and Alexander are the first people she sees as she descends the stairs. “Penny!” Alexander calls out as he lurches out of his mother’s arms.

“Hi there sweetie, good morning to you too.” Penelope giggles as she takes him into her arms for a big hug.

Sophie is amused, “He became quite enchanted with you last night. You were the first thing he mentioned when he woke up.”

“Really? That is quite a surprise.” To the boy, “Well I love you too, do you want to come with me to eat some breakfast?” Penelope is enchanted by him too. She wouldn’t mind being on child duty today, it would be a relief to focus on taking care of Alexander and Charles for a while.

“We are just heading now for a nappy change, but then I’ll bring you right back to Penelope!” Sophie smiles at her son and tries to grab him back, but he is very uninterested in leaving Penelope.

“Sophie, this dress, thank you, it is quite beautiful.”

Sophie smiles wide, “It suits you. I hope you don’t mind having to wear dresses from a few seasons ago. There were a few others I placed there in the room for you.”

“I do not mind, they are beautiful. I’m just surprised that you had any dresses that would,” Penelope bites her lip nervously, “Well, suit me.” Penelope speaks carefully and looks away from Sophie.
Sophie pats Penelope on the shoulder, “I have more dresses than I should. This blue one was one of my favorites when I was carrying Alexander, very comfortable and easy to move in while I was also chasing Charles around!”

Penelope laughs at this and blows Alexander a kiss while she continues descending the stairs.

In the breakfast room Violet Bridgerton is drinking tea and reading while Hyacinth stares out the window with her plate, finished, in front of her. As she spots Penelope Hyacinth squeals and jumps up from her chair. “Penelope! Good morning! Come! Sit here, I’ll get you some tea. The scones are delicious too. That is a beautiful dress, and your hair looks so pretty.”

Pulled in by the enthusiastic storm of Hyacinth, Penelope lets herself be pulled into a chair and treated to tea and a plate full of breakfast. Hyacinth doesn’t seem to notice that Penelope hasn’t said a word, she just keeps talking while Penelope eats and drinks. Penelope doesn’t mind, she likes it when Hyacinth gets like this, her brain and mouth working a mile a minute. When Gregory is around Hyacinth’s tongue is sharp and despite their ages maturing, the two of them will still chase and wrestle and bicker at the slightest provocation. In a lot of ways Penelope feels like Hyacinth is her little sister too, so she just enjoys the brightness of her face as she talks to her through breakfast.

Eventually it is Violet Bridgerton that breaks Hyacinth’s monologue with a clearing of her throat, “Hyacinth dear, will you take a break for a moment? Perhaps Penelope would enjoy her tea in quiet.”

This causes both Penelope and Hyacinth to giggle. “Lady Bridgerton, I assure you, Hyacinth’s commentary is most welcomed.”

Hyacinth beams, “Yes, however did you bear six days with only Colin to talk to? I think I would have been talking to the trees and birds if I had to spend six days with Colin.”

“Hyacinth!” Violet Bridgerton scolds her youngest daughter, “That is no way to speak of your brother.” Then to Penelope, “But in all seriousness, six days with only each other for company must have been very taxing.”

“Oh. It wasn’t.” Penelope is a little annoyed at how little these two must think of Colin’s company and conversation. “It was quite enjoyable. We rarely had silence, there was plenty to talk about.” Both Bridgerton women look at her doubtfully. “It was, it's true! Colin was most amiable to travel with, even if the circumstances were – “

“Terrifying”

“Grim”

“Boring”

“Trying” Violet and Hyacinth add in their own descriptions of their long walk.

“Unusual.” Penelope manages to say over them. She blushes a bit and drinks more of her tea. “Where is Gregory?” She asks mostly to change the subject off her and Colin’s journey together, but also, because well, she’d like to know where Gregory is.

“He is now with Kate and Edwina and their children in Sheffield. He was at school when the news of Napoleon's troops reaching the shore and the students all left the school for home. Sheffield is closer to his school, and he wisely went there first. Anthony and Edwina’s husbands are still required in Parliament, so at least they have Gregory with them.”

“And the Duke and Duchess?”

“They are safe as well, they were at Clyvedon and took their children to Sheffield as well. And of course, Francesca and John were in Scotland, and I believe they remained. We have been awaiting word from them.”

Penelope nods along, “That is well.” She begins to push food around her plate and Violet notices.

“Hyacinth, will you please go and assist Sophie with the boys?”

Hyacinth understands she has been dismissed and says, “I will leave, but I will not go and help Sophie with the little monsters!” She skips out of the room.

As she leaves, Violet takes her time and sits herself in the chair next to Penelope that Hyacinth vacated. “My dear,” she says softly, “Are you well?”

Penelope has tears in her eyes as she looks over at Lady Bridgerton, the mother of her best friend, but also, the only woman to ever really be a loving mother to Penelope as well. Her own mother, Lady Featherington was never soft and maternal with Penelope, but she misses her mother all the same.

“No, I am not well. But maybe well enough all things considered.” Soft tears fall from her face and Violet pulls her in for a side hug. “I am most grateful for you, your family. Without Colin I would, I would have –”, Penelope cannot speak the words.

“It’s alright dear, you do not have to relive it for me. London was a scary place the day we departed. It would have been quite dangerous to have remained or to have been alone. I am grateful that he found you and brought you here.” Violet releases her, not wanting to spook her but needing to ask Violet presses on, “Penelope, you look well, if tired, but did any harm befall you? You know I love my son, but I would be remiss if I did not check that you remained unharmed in his care.”

Penelope sets widened eyes on Violet, “Oh Lady Bridgerton! Certainly! Colin is a perfect gentleman, he took good care of me, protected me from other dangerous people. In fact, I felt most safe and comfortable with him. As if –”, Violet looks her over lovingly, “Well, when I was with him it felt like nothing bad could happen.”

“I see.” Violet nods.

“The night before we left, I was lost alone in London. It was the scariest night of my life. But Colin, well, all that fear just erased with him. He was safety. I felt like the worst event of my life had already happened and now nothing bad ever would.”

“I am pleased.” Violet squeezes Penelope’s hand, “I am sorry you were left alone without protection that night, but I am all the more relieved you were not harmed, and you found safety with Colin. And I am a proud mother indeed to know he rose to the challenge of being entrusted with you in his care. He is so like his father that way. Edmund could never-,” Violet seems to be lost in thought, “Well he could never let anyone suffer if he had the power to change it. Colin is like that too, he wants to take care of everyone.” Violet stands as her eyes begin misting. “Today I will write letters to try and find your family dear Penelope. They must be so worried about you too.”

Penelope’s heart warms at the thought of Colin being like his father. She had never known the man, but he was spoken about with great love and reverence. Colin deserves that kind of praise she thinks; he is the best man she has ever known.

Benedict was less delicate with his interrogation of Colin. Benedict had wanted to talk to Colin right away, the first night he had to bite his tongue and resist pulling Colin away from the clutches of their mother to talk over a large glass of whiskey. Benedict likes to meddle; he likes gossip and scandal and his brother just showed up to his house after six days on the road alone with Eloise’s best friend. He wants to know everything. Sophie had held him back. She was soft and gentle, and Benedict loved that about her; he needed to be grounded in reality. Sophie was right, Mother should get the chance to monopolize Colin’s presence, at least for the first night.

Sophie implored him to give Colin some time to adjust, to settle in and recover from the journey. She reminded him that he had been under a lot of pressure and needed some respite. But then there was the Penelope of it all. This was Penelope, Eloise’s best friend who grew up alongside his other little sisters. And if one of his little sisters showed up having been in the company, alone, with a man for six days, well, he would channel his inner Anthony and make sure the young man was never heard of again. But the two of them appeared well, just worn out from the journey. They were clearly dependent on each other, and Benedict noticed Colin glance and check in with Penelope every few minutes last night. Like he couldn’t adjust to having her away from him, even though she was just across the room.

So, after the family lunch Benedict made up an excuse to get Colin out of the house with a walk to the lake. “Ben, I really do not want to walk to the lake. I do not want to walk anywhere. I want to sit on your terrace or lay on your sofa and give my feet a break for a month.”

“It is not but a five-minute walk from the cottage!” Benedict knows that Colin knows it’s further than that, but he wants to get out of the house, away from lurking ears. “We will go. It will be good for your legs; we cannot let them stiffen.”

Colin is convinced and they leave the cottage. While in view of the house Benedict rambles on about some changes his gardener has planned for the fall. Colin cannot bear to follow along, but luckily Benedict stops walking as soon as they are out of sight of the house. “Did you sleep with her?”

Colin sputters in shock, “What? Excuse me?”

“Penelope. Did you compromise her?”

“Benedict! I would never! I cannot believe you would ask me such a thing. I would never dream of compromising Penelope Featherington.”

“Good.” They continue walking. “You are my brother, and I love you dearly, but that would have been unforgivable.”

“I care for her very much, Benedict. I vowed to keep her safe and I would never cause her suffering.”

“I know you care for her very much. You kept her safe and brought her here. It was very noble of you. Very gallant.” Benedict means the words, but he knows his tone is coming off like a mocking older brother. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t care for her too much. I noticed in your retelling of your journey that the sleeping arrangements were not always clear, and I thought perhaps you were obfuscating on purpose.”

“Ah well.” Colin looks away and doesn’t answer.

“You didn’t!”

“Now, now, Benedict. I did not compromise Penelope. But we did share rooms at the inns.” Benedict storms off in mock-offense. “It was a necessity! For her safety!” Benedict scoffs. “Most innkeepers wouldn’t rent us two rooms; we were lucky to get one. There were soldiers. I slept on the floor one night but it made my back sore –”.

“Your back!”

“And she insisted I join her in the bed.”

“She insisted?” Benedict turns to Colin with a skeptical look on his face. “Penelope Featherington insisted that you share a bed with her, to soothe your back? Oh Colin, no one will believe you!”

Colin is using his hands to try and calm Benedict down, “No one must know. I did not share that part of our journey with everyone else, did I?”

They continue walking. After a few moments of silence Benedict asks, “Does she have, um, expectations?”

“Expectations? Whatever do you mean?”

“I mean, does she expect you to become betrothed now that she has shared her bed with you?”

“Benedict!”

“It is an easy assumption to make!”

“I cannot believe we are having this conversation. You are worse than Anthony!” Colin quickens his pace to walk ahead of Benedict.

“No, no, no. I am not as bad as Anthony. But I care about our family, and I care about Penelope.” Benedict grabs his arm and forces Colin to look at him. “If Eloise or Hyacinth had been alone in the company of a young man for six days, what would you do?” Colin looks down, “You would kill him, I know. Now, I trust you. I believe you. But I must ask the questions Colin.”

Colin cannot look Benedict in the face. He knows he is right. But Colin had been a perfect gentleman! The circumstances were not ideal, and they certainly had been in some intimate circumstances, but not once did he compromise her. Another thought needles at him, “Would it be so unbelievable?”

“Would what be unbelievable?” Benedict doesn’t have a clue what Colin is referencing.

“If she, if Penelope had expectations?” Colin eventually looks up to Benedict and Benedict is wearing a wide smile on his face, salivating at this development.

“You are smitten, aren’t you? Completely in love with her.”

“I think so, yes, Ben.” Colin nods.

Benedict lets out a wild shout that vibrates through the trees and embraces Colin around the shoulders. “Very well done, Brother. This is wonderful. She’s quite the catch.”

Colin is sheepish again. “I do not know if she’ll have me, Ben.”

“Oh, she’ll have you. I’m sure of it.”

Chapter Text

Colin was starting to get desperate for attention from Penelope. In the three days since they had arrived at My Cottage, he had not had a single private conversation with her. Eloise and Hyacinth were in near constant proximity to her and dominated one another’s time and attention.

Without Gregory around to terrorize or partner with in mischief Hyacinth was a completely different creature. She was just as smart and quick witted as Eloise and Penelope and he saw that Penelope treated her with great affection, always including her and taking her opinions seriously. Under Penelope’s gaze Hyacinth’s cleverness was maturing and far from the youthful antics she engages in with Gregory.

Many times, in the past few days he has tried to join the trio in conversation only to be left dumbfounded and speechless watching them volley the conversation back and forth. It could be about the war, the books they are reading, or the plants Eloise keeps leaving around the house and the three of them leave Colin feeling like he left his brain on his pillow. At first he was annoyed, but eventually he realized he could just sit there and listen. His sisters have always been smart, opinionated, and verbose, but something about Penelope’s face as she lit on to an idea or expressed her own knowledge on a subject captured his attention like a spell.

After three days he had enough of the three of them and tried to break them up and get Penelope alone. In the morning he had invited her to see a book in the library, but Eloise came too. At lunch he sat next to her only for Alexander to scramble into her lap and take all her focus. Eventually Alexander’s enthusiasm for Penelope’s tickles resulted in lemonade spilling down her dress. While she excused herself to change, Colin chastised himself for being jealous of a toddler and vowed to spend more time with the little heart stealer.

Penelope leaving to change was his chance. A few minutes after she left, he follows her into the cottage and waits at the bottom of the stairs for her.

“Colin!” She exclaimed as she came down the stairs.

“Pen I –”, Colin stutters at the sight of her descending the stairs. She wore a soft pink dress that brightened her feminine face. “Pen, you look very pretty in that dress.” Her face flushed pink and Colin smiled knowing that he could make her feel that way.

“I was hoping you’d be interested in walking the gardens with me.”

She looked at him surprised, but pleased and replied, “I’d love to.” As she joined him at the bottom of the stairs Colin offered his arm and steered her away from the lunch party for a promenade in the gardens.

Quickly they found the familiar pace they had built on their long walk out of London and the conversation flowed easy and familiar between them.

“You seem more relaxed in the country. Is this what you are like when you travel on the continent?”

“I suppose I am more relaxed in the country than in London at society events. But I suspect it has more to do with the presence of my family and less to do with the location.” His elbow gives her a nudge, “Besides, I’m no longer fleeing a siege and I’m with my favorite person, of course I’m relaxed.”

“Colin Bridgerton!” Penelope scolds him while laughing, “You absolute flirt!”

Colin smiles at her fake indignation, “I know I’m not the only Bridgerton man who wants your attention for himself. I was quite jealous of the way Alexander commanded all your attention at lunch today.”

“Jealous of a two-year-old, are you Mr. Bridgerton? My my.” She shakes her head in disapproval.

Colin decides to be honest and not just flirtatious, “I liked having you all to myself when it was just us walking together. Now that we are here, my family cannot leave you alone for a minute and, well, I miss you.”

Penelope is a little shaken by his sincerity, “I feel the same.” She manages to say before they fall into an awkward silence, neither sure how to proceed with their feelings having been spoken out loud.

Colin wants to stop walking, hold her close and tell her he loves her and beg her to marry him. But he feels like that would be foolish and he starts to get a little hot thinking about the embarrassment. They near the cottage again and he can tell that she is ready to pull away from him, so he lets her.

As Penelope turns away, she looks back at Colin to say, “Thank you for the walk. You’re my favorite walking companion.” Warmth surrounds his heart as she walks away. He questions the feelings she has for him; does she think he’s just a pleasant companion, or does she feel the same nervous longing inside her that he feels? He hopes he can be bold enough to tell her how he really feels, soon.

The next day, again after lunch, Colin approaches Penelope to ask her to promenade, but before he extends the invitation, Penelope nods her head, reaches for his arm and ambles away with him wordlessly. Colin is pleased and they settle into a familiar pace and joyful conversation.

“Have you visited the lake yet?” Colin asks her, hoping to take her somewhere beautiful.

“I have not. I have heard it is a perfect swimming spot.”

“It is. I have only been here a few times when the weather has been nice enough for a swim, but on those occasions the lake has been perfect.”

“It would be nice to dip in a lake on a hot day. There were a few days on our journey that I was so hot and dusty I longed for a swim in a cool lake.”

The image of Penelope wet from swimming in the lake, her clothes clinging to her body, makes Colin feel hot deep in his stomach. His mind races with excuses to take her swimming, but he knows it is too improper. As they walk, he cannot help but think of floating in the lake together, her legs wrapping around him, his arms holding her afloat. They neared the garden and Colin knew he needed to purify his thoughts before they returned. He stops short at a bush of blossoming roses and snaps a yellow one loose to hand to her.

“For my favorite walking companion.” Colin whispered as he handed her the solitary flower.

Penelope accepted the rose and blushed deeply as she turned her face away and they continued walking through the garden. Colin feels like the timing is finally right, he will ask her if he may formally court her.

Before he can speak his mind, Hyacinth yells out to them, “We have a letter from Francesca!” Penelope instinctively pulls herself away from Colin at Hyacinth’s acknowledgement, making Colin wince. Lady Bridgerton looks the two of them over then continues to read Francesca’s letter aloud as they approach.

“Mother, the little news we have received from London is distressing. I am so pleased to know that you and Eloise and Hyacinth have arrived safely to My Cottage. I cannot imagine the fear you three experienced as you left London. I have also heard from Kate and Daphne, and it appears that Gregory is already putting his mischief to good use with his nieces and nephews.

I wish to extend my husband’s invitation for you, Mother, and to all our family members to retreat to Kilmartin for the foreseeable future. It would be our pleasure to host you here in peace away from the upsetting events happening in the south. Scotland is most pleasant this time of year, and quite beautiful in the fall. There are many lovely diversions to occupy even Hyacinth and Eloise, as temperamental as they may be.”

“Hey!” Hyacinth cries out at the sisterly insult.

“Shush” Colin and Penelope say in unison.

Violet continues. “Send word when you are available if you plan to come. Our invitation is open to all my siblings and their families. I will be writing Anthony, Daphne, and Benedict as well. I have not yet heard from you about the whereabouts of Colin, and I am distressed to think he may still be on the continent. Any word about his well being would be most welcomed. Yours truly, Francesca Stirling, Countess of Kilmartin.”

Violet looks up at Colin and says, “Well Colin Bridgerton, I do believe you owe your sister a letter. Today!”

“Yes, Mother.”

“It is cruel of you to leave her in suspense. I assumed you would have written Anthony as well so he could know you were safe. Please, do not delay, your letter must arrive in Kilmartin before we do.”

“Yes, Mother.” Sufficiently scolded, Colin departs the women for Sophie’s study to seek out parchment for some overdue correspondence.

“Hyacinth, will you find Benedict and let him know that I would like a word?” Hyacinth takes off. “Penelope, dear, would you take a seat?”

Penelope is pleased to hear that Francesca is well and enjoying her home with her husband. But the thought of Lady Bridgerton, and most likely the rest of the residents of My Cottage leaving for Scotland fills her with loneliness and dread. She still does not know where her family is and maybe it is time to start thinking of a plan for herself and how to support herself with her Whistledown money. She was right, her time as the Bridgerton ward would not last forever.

“Penelope. I do believe it is wise for us to journey north and spend our time in Scotland. Although I think Francesca may be exaggerating the diversions and beauty of the place while ignoring the temperature altogether, it would put us far from harm’s way and in a home more suitable for a large party.”

“Of course, Lady Bridgerton. There are many people here at My Cottage, and I know my presence only places a further burden on our hosts. Perhaps by the time you are ready to leave for Kilmartin I will be able to journey to my family as well.

“My dear, definitely not. You must come with us to Kilmartin! It is surely safer than anywhere your family may be. And Penelope, I will not have you think your presence with us is a burden. It is a delight.”

Tears begin to fall from Penelope’s eyes, she thrives under the warmth of Lady Bridgerton and loathes the thought of returning to her mother, but she cannot accept Lady Bridgerton’s offer. “Lady Bridgerton, my mother must be worried. I’m sure she would prefer I journey to her than remain here as a ward of your family. I could not go to Scotland without her knowing I was safe.”

“Very well.” Violet replies, patting Penelope on the arm. “You do not have to decide right now, and you’re right. You do not know where your mother is, and she does not know where you are. I was quite frightened when I didn’t know where Colin was and incredibly relieved to see the two of you walk down the lane that day. Your mother deserves the relief of knowing you are safe. It will take us a few days to prepare to leave for Kilmartin, let us hope we hear from your mother in that time.”

“Ah, Benedict.” Benedict has found and approached them, “We have much to discuss.”

They leave Penelope sitting on the bench.

The days after Francesca’s letter move slower for Penelope. They do not feel as carefree now that insecurity has crept into her heart. She does not know what she should do, if she should travel to Scotland with Lady Bridgerton, remain at My Cottage with Benedict and Sophie, or find her own family. Penelope thinks that the sensible thing to do would be to remain at My Cottage until she hears word from her own mother, and then hire herself a coach to take herself there. She is not the Bridgerton’s responsibility, she should be with her mother.

The idea of spending the remainder of the war with her mother fills her with dismay. She does not think it will be as pleasant as the last week at My Cottage has been. Her mother will be a knot of nerves and complaints. Annoyed that Napoleon has ruined her social plans. Critical of whichever family is hosting her. And where could her mother even be? She thinks most likely with the Finches at their country home, but she cannot remember where that is. Penelope does not know the Finches well, but she knows of the family well enough to know that they will be a constant target of derision by her mother and Penelope does not want to be anywhere near that.

Benedict and Sophie do not want to leave their home and believe that they will remain safe here in the west country. They have room for her to remain with them for a while and Penelope thinks that would be most pleasant. But she does think it would feel like a grave intrusion into their blissful family world if she were to remain after the other Bridgertons left. Perhaps Sophie would be willing to have her as the children’s governess, for then Penelope wouldn’t feel like such a burden.

Penelope decides to seek out Sophie and ask her about her plans. As usual Sophie is with her boys, only for a rare moment they are all three in the nursery instead of outside. The three of them sit on the floor while Sophie reads a book. Penelope cannot help but picture herself doing the same thing, only instead of Charles and Alexander she is reading to her own children. Children with chestnut locks, like Colin’s.

Penelope sneaks into the nursery and sits down on the floor next to Charles before Alexander spots her. But when he does, he lets out a loud scream, “No! Penny!” Alexander runs and pushes his older brother out of the way and jumps into Penelope’s arms.

“Alexander. Do not push your brother. That is not how we get what we want.” Penelope gently scolds him and embraces him in a tight hug. “I always want to see you, my dear boy.” Alexander settles into her lap, unphased by the light scolding. Charles doesn’t seem to care either and leans against Penelope while their mother continues reading a story to them. After she finishes reading Sophie demands a kiss from each boy and shoos them off to play with some wooden toys along the wall.

“Good day Penelope, what brings you up to the nursery?” Sophie smiles to her kindly, somehow knowing that Penelope was here to seek out a sister, not the rowdy children.

“I came to speak with you actually, about staying here with your family.”

“Do you not wish to accompany Eloise to Scotland?”

“No, no, that would be grand. But I feel like I owe it to my family to return to them as well. Or at least know for certain they are well. I would not want to depart from here and miss word from them.”

“So, you want to return to your family?” Penelope can see that there is more to Sophie’s question than just the words she has said.

“I am not sure. I do not know where they are and whether they can accommodate me either. My sisters are married, and my mother has always preferred them to me. I fear my presence would be embarrassing for her.” Tears well in Penelope’s eyes and she is uncertain why she is speaking so freely to Sophie, someone who she barely knows.

Sophie turns kind eyes to her and says, “I know what it is like to not feel at home with the people who are supposed to take care of you. To be raised by a woman who despises you.” Tears fall from Penelope’s face; she cannot look at Sophie again. “You are welcome here for as long as you want.”

After a few deep breaths, and with the strength gifted to her from Sophie’s mission of commiseration Penelope finds the bravery to ask Sophie for what she wants, “You have been a most gracious hostess and I’m so grateful for your hospitality. But I hate to be a burden and intrude upon your family happiness while I’m here. I was wondering if after Lady Bridgerton leaves, I could remain, until I know how to reach my own family. And while I’m here, if you would consider employing me as a governess.”

Sophie is clearly surprised at the request.

“For Charles and Alexander.” Penelope clarifies, suddenly feeling insecure in her request.

Sophie seems to find her words, “You have aspirations as a governess?”

Penelope stutters, unsure of how to sell herself to a potential employer. She feels hot and tongue tied like she does with the suitors of the Ton. “I have not much considered being a governess before. I hate to impose on your family, and I thought this could be a mutually beneficial circumstance.”

Sophie can tell Penelope is embarrassed and struggling to find words. “Dear Penelope. You may stay here for as long as you wish. You do not need to earn your keep; you are a delightful addition to our household. Although I have every confidence that you would be an exemplary governess, I think you set your sights too low. Motherhood is your destiny I predict. And I have a good feeling that Scotland is where you will find it.”

Penelope is left truly dumbfounded by her words.

Eloise finds Penelope sitting on a bench in the garden, a book in her hands, pretending to read. After her talk with Sophie Penelope feels more confused than she did before. She was so sure that she would be accepted as a governess and then she would travel to her mother when she learned where she was. But now Sophie had made it clear that she didn’t have to do either. And there was a little part of her heart that ached for the future Sophie showed her, motherhood of her own.

“Pen!” Eloise exclaimed as she plopped down on the bench next to her friend. “I see you came out here to read but you have too much on your mind. You’re staring at the trees, not the book.” Eloise lovingly takes the book from Penelope and sets it on the bench between them.

“Yes, I have much on my mind. I am trying to figure out what I should do.”

“What you should do? About what?”

“About Scotland. Whether I should accompany you or wait here until I can join my mother.”

“You are not seriously considering going to your mother? Pen, she’s terrible! She will complain, bully you, and will not allow speck of fun. If you are interested in torture, I advise you to join the army not return to Portia.”

Penelope laughs. “Eloise that is most rude!”

Eloise sighs, “I know you love your mother. But I know that you know that she is horrid too. Please come to Scotland with us. Scotland has Fran! And we all love Fran.”

Colin continues to take Penelope for a walk about the grounds every day after lunch, even though Lady Bridgerton is preparing to leave for Scotland and Colin will be pressed upon to escort his mother and sisters. He is loath to leave Penelope, but she is determined to remain at the cottage.

Unable to contain himself any longer Colin’s panic bursts out of him, “Penelope you must come with us. It is not safe to travel to your mother.”

Indignation burns in her eyes as she looks up at Colin and removes her hand from the crook of his arm. “I must not do anything. Colin, you are not in charge of me, you do not get to tell me what I must do or what is best for me.”

“Penelope?” His eyes look hurt, as if she had slapped him. “I know I am not in charge of you.” He hesitates, unable to find the words to express himself but not hurt her either. “I know that I took my responsibility for your safety seriously as we traveled out of London. But I never meant to infringe on your independence.”

Penelope does not reply, she just crosses her arms and glares at him. “I know you are capable of taking care of yourself.”

They do not move or speak for many breaths as they just stare at each other. Penelope speaks first, “I cannot keep imposing on your family. It is not your responsibility to care for me. I have my Whistledown funds, and I can take myself to my sister’s home.”

Colin looks up at her shyly, “I would like it to be. I would like to be the one to take care of you. I would like you to stay with us, where you know you are wanted and not with Finch’s family to whom you are practically a stranger.”

Penelope doesn’t have much to say to that. “I feel unmoored. With no real place to be home.”

Colin wants to say, “Let me be your home”, but the words catch in his throat, and he invokes the collective Bridgeton instead, to hide his true feelings. “You always have a home with the Bridgertons. You are never a burden to us.”

Penelope seems to relax, and he pulls one of her hands close to his heart. “Come with us. Stay with us. Please.” He kisses her hand and Penelope knows she could never, would never want to resist this man.

She gives an almost imperceptible nod and steps closer to Colin, removing her hand from his by placing it on his arm and pulling him back to a walking pace. “I’ll go to Scotland.” She says and Colin’s heart breaks open with relief.

As they walk Penelope remembers the last time Colin kissed her hand and knows that this man will always have her heart. With him she feels the safest in the world. The most herself, the most at home, the most seen. She knows in her heart that she will always follow him, that she will do anything for him.

Today as their walk returns them to the cottage Lady Bridgerton beckons Penelope into the sitting room. “My dear, I have received a letter from your sister, Mrs. Finch.” Instead of reading the correspondence out loud, Lady Bridgerton hands Penelope the letter to read for herself.

“Lady Bridgerton,

It is an honor to receive your correspondence. We are most pleased with the news of Penelope and word of her safety. I wish to convey my gratitude that you have cared for her in our stead. My mother was most distraught when she arrived without Penelope; she had no awareness of Penelope’s location and was most relieved to hear she was with you Lady Bridgerton.
For now, my mother resides with me and my husband at my husband’s family country home in Suffolk. It is quite crowded to have so many people at a small country estate. As I’m sure you know we could not move to the Featherington Estate because of its proximity to London. I have received word from my other dear sister, Mrs. Dankworth, that she is not well at the home of her husband’s family, as she is with child and is in need of the attentions of her own mother. It is because of that necessity that Mr. and Mrs. Dankworth will also be joining us at the Finch Home. It is with my deepest regrets that I say we do not have the room to accommodate my younger sister at this delicate time. If she is unable to remain with you there, I would be obliged to assist in making arrangements for her to travel to Ireland where my mother still has family who she can remain with.

Sincerely, Phillipa Finch.

PS. If you would be so kind as to pass along a message to my sister, please tell her: We are relieved to hear of your safety and know that you would be more comfortable in the care of the Bridgertons. Please write.”

Penelope recognizes before the end of the letter that she is not wanted by her family. Whether or not the cramped arrangements are true, it seems like they are happy to offload Penelope onto the Bridgertons. Her mother could not even be bothered to write herself, but she assigned Phillipa the task. Schooling her face to an impassive one Penelope dares to look up at Lady Bridgerton.

“It appears my family is well. And what happy news of Prudence’s impending blessing.”

Violet looks at Penelope with love and grace. “Yes, what happy news for them. It will be a busy time for your mother, preparing for the birth of a grandchild.”

“Yes, I am sure there is much to be prepared for the baby’s arrival.”

“My dear, I am most hopeful this news from your family means you will be confident in joining us in Scotland?”

Penelope stands, still retaining the letter, and nods, “Yes, thank you Lady Bridgerton, it would be most desirable to retreat to Kilmartin with your family.” Before she cries in front of Lady Bridgerton, Penelope swiftly removes herself from the room.

Chapter Text

The evening before the party is set to leave for Kilmartin, Sophie arranged a farewell dinner party. Sophie and Benedict would be remaining at My Cottage and want to celebrate the special time they shared together before the home is quiet again. Before dinner Benedict served up specialty drinks made for the occasion and sided with Hyacinth against their mother to insist she be allowed to join in the fun. Eloise greatly enjoyed the drink while Colin was disappointed Penelope barely sipped hers and he didn’t have an excuse to grab her another.

Sophie and the boys led the family in a raucous game that had the boys running from adult to adult yelling louder and louder for their attention. Colin had paired himself with Penelope, using the frenzy of the game as an excuse to touch her hair, her shoulder, her hands. He whispered jokes to her and felt her giggled reply in his blood. At the end of the game no one was surprised when Charles selected Grandma Vi and Alexander selected Penny to sit with at dinner.

Dinner was extravagant, a farewell to summer and the favorite dishes of everyone in the leaving party. Colin seated himself next to Penelope, boxing out Eloise and earning a fierce glare from her. He placed Penelope’s favorite foods on her plate while she did the same for Alexander. Penelope felt their smooth partnership, developed on the long walk, click into motion, and indulged herself by asking him sweetly to refill her glass or get her a serving of this or that. She lost herself for a few moments, tending to Alexander, and thinking about being at society events with Colin. Is this what it would be like? An attentive companion making her laugh, getting her the best of the food and drink, complimenting her hair, her dress? Penelope heated at the reveries and let herself touch his hands and arm whenever she could, unable to rid herself of the fantasy.

Benedict led the party in a series of sentimental toasts, lavishing praise on all the lovely women at his table, and even some pride in Colin. It gave Colin a sense of puffed-up confidence to know that Benedict trusted him to deliver them all to Scotland safely. But when Penelope placed her hand on his forearm and gave a gentle squeeze, turning her eyes up to his and giving him that tender smile, Colin’s body thrummed with the knowledge that he could do anything, and that for Penelope he would do anything.

After dinner and toasts, that even little Charles joined in on, to tell Grandma Vi that she was his true love, and to tell Hyacinth not to take his toy horse, it was time for Alexander and Charles to go to bed. Alexander refused to leave Penelope and she graciously stood from the table to take him. Colin saw his chance to be with Penelope, so he called off Sophie and volunteered himself. “Come up after we’ve gotten them ready.” And he threw Charles over his shoulder as Charles squealed with laughter and Penelope and Alexander followed the uncle and nephew up the stairs.

Getting the boys ready for bed, into their sleeping clothes and into their beds was much more challenging than Colin had anticipated. The two boys were the most demanding Colin had ever seen and none of his fun uncle tricks were working. Eventually Penelope sat down on Alexander’s bed and started reading an adventure book out loud to them. At the sound of her sweet voice all three of the boys in the room calmed down and gave her their attention. With the two children as mesmerized as he was with the angel in the room Colin was able to get them dressed and tucked into bed without them noticing.

Penelope continued to read until both boys were sound asleep. Colin had seated himself on the floor, leaning against Charles’s bed and stretching out his legs towards Alexander’s. When Penelope stopped reading, he tapped her with his foot and said, “You were like a magical fairy. They were so entranced by you they didn’t even notice they were being put to bed.”

Penelope smiles and deflects, “It’s not me, it’s the story.”

“No. Pen, it’s you.”

She stares at him in silence, not sure what to say. He decides now is the time, he wants to court her, and he wants her to know. If he is being honest, he doesn’t really want to court her. Their relationship has grown so naturally over the years that he cannot imagine what more he could learn about her or how much more his feelings could even grow if they were to court. But he wants to buy her gifts, and take her on promenades, and have her on his arm at the edge of the ballroom giggling at his every word. He wants to give her romance, and flowers, he wants to flirt with her and have everyone in the room know that she is his. He doesn’t want to court her; he wants to marry her.

“You’ll be an amazing mother.” He whispers. “I just know your children will adore you.”

Penelope whispers back, “I’d like that. I want children. I want to be the kind of mother Lady Bridgerton is, that Sophie is. Caring, attentive, present.”

“You will be. You already are those things. Everyone knows how deeply you care for them. It’s your gift.”

Penelope blushes deeply and looks down at Alexander so she can look away from Colin. He knows his words of praise make her shy, so he moves himself over to her, kneeling. Colin picks up one of her hands in his and runs his other hand through her hair with awe and reverence.

“So beautiful.” Colin whispers. Penelope watches Colin play with her hair. “You’ll have daughters with coppery curls and sweet smiles just like their mama.” His heart catches in his throat, he wants to tell her that he wants daughters with coppery curls and sweet smiles just like her. He wants to tell her that he wants her to bear his children, to raise them in love, to build a family together. But he is frozen by her blue eyes, staring into him, and reading his heart.

Sophie opens the door and interrupts their intimate moment. The feelings growing between them with words unsaid as she enters the room. “Well, I see that they’ve fallen asleep already, no need for me.”

Colin stands and holds out a hand to help Penelope rise, she takes it. “It was all Penelope. She has these boys falling at her feet.”

“I’m sure she does,” Sophie replies, looking at the sparkles in Penelope’s eyes. “They love their Aunt Penny”. Sophie remains behind to kiss her boys goodnight and Colin leads Penelope back down the stairs to the farewell party.

Feeling like her heart is running away from her, Penelope struggles to descend the stairs and grabs Colin’s arm. It might be an excuse to stop holding his hand because she fears her emotions will overflow any minute. The way Colin was speaking to her she was sure he was going to kiss her. She was sure that maybe Colin felt for her the way she felt for him. She liked the vision he painted of her as a mother, doting and loving. She wants to be that way with him too. She dreams wistfully of a fantasy as the two of them join the party again. As soon as they enter the room Colin drops her arm and turns away from her, shattering the last remainders of the fantasy she held in her mind.

Chapter Text

The group was up before dawn, into the carriages that would take them to Scotland. To Eloise’s surprise and annoyance, Colin insisted on riding in the carriage that contained herself and Penelope. Penelope was not surprised. Every day Colin had been making more excuses to spend time with her, often putting himself in Eloise’s way. She had thought he was bored and lonely at the cottage until last night, until he almost kissed her. Until she almost fell apart and confessed her feelings for him. Now she is sitting across the carriage from him and wondering if he might share in her feelings of affection.

As the sun rises the three of them make use of their time commenting on the scenery and their hopes for their time in Kilmartin. Eloise has read of Francesca’s frequent hikes around the vast Kilmartin grounds and longs to spend hours of freedom in the hills. Penelope is hopeful the estate has a vast library with volumes she doesn’t know. Colin wants time with Penelope, but he doesn’t say that, instead he talks about the raspberry jam Francesca’s cook makes and how he hopes she made extra this year.

For the most part Eloise talks and Penelope listens and Colin watches Penelope. He likes seeing her face light up at the sight of something beautiful and the sound of her laughter, even if it's Eloise and not himself that makes her laugh. After their basket lunch Eloise asks if she can have the side of the carriage to herself for a nap. Penelope agrees and switches to Colin’s side but pulls out a book to read.

Not even a minute after Eloise falls asleep Colin seizes his only time with Penelope and draws her out of her book and starts reminiscing about their time together on the road. Comparing it to the journey now. He gets a few of her smiles and a lot of her giggles. He uses Eloise’s condition as an excuse to scoot close to her and whisper in her ear. He quickly draws her into a full flirtation, each one trying to make the other squirm with glee. A few times he alludes to the close quarters and elicits a few gasps. That is what he wants, for Penelope to think of him like that. He wonders if she thinks of their nights together as often as he does. If she wishes she woke up every morning feeling the warmth of his body near hers, under the covers. He thinks about her every morning he has to wake up alone. And now the warmth of her leg pressed up against his makes him want to gather her in his lap and never let her go.

When Eloise wakes up from her nap, she shatters the intimate conversational bubble Penelope and Colin had been steeped in. Colin is frustrated as Penelope quickly goes from being his Penelope to Eloise’s. He knows it’s wrong to think of her as his, but it's maddening to see how Eloise dominates her time and attention, talking to her rather than with her. He longs for a carriage ride without his sister, but he knows that his mother would never allow Penelope and him to share a carriage alone.

When they reach the inn that night Colin is left on his own after the dinner meal. He goes for a walk seeing that the women would rather retire early than keep him company; they are less accustomed to travel and desire rest. They have stopped in a small town with quite a few inns and shops. It seems to be a major junction because he has heard a lot of different accents throughout the evening. As he looks around the shops, he sees one that catches his eye and makes him think of Penelope. He goes inside and decides to buy her a gift.

As he looks through the books and the stationary items, he thinks about all the letters they’ve written each other over the years as he has traveled. He always loved her letters. He thinks of how much she reads and how brilliant she is for running her Lady Whistledown business all these years. She truly is brilliant. He wants to spoil her, dote on her, celebrate her. He buys two matching notebooks and some stationary supplies, including some parchment that has been stamped with a floral decoration. He smiles to himself imagining her sitting at a desk, deep in thought, writing him a letter with a quill and parchment he bought her himself.

Back at the inn, before retiring for the evening, he uses a quill and parchment from the inn to write her a letter. He had been so derailed by Eloise’s demanding presence in the carriage that he felt more distant from Penelope than when they started that morning. He thought back to the night before. When she squeezed his arm and looked at him with pride in her eyes. Her voice as she soothed the boys to sleep, her curly hair tumbling about her shoulders in the moonlight, smooth and bouncy as he played with it in his hands. And her sweet smile, her soft lips, the ones he wanted to kiss, before Sophie interrupted.

Colin writes to her about his feelings, every feeling he has had about her since the moment he heard from her maid that she was missing. He writes to her about the way she has taken up space in his heart and made it bigger for him to love the other people in his family deeper. And then he confesses his love, his dreams of her, his desires for a marriage and children with her. Satisfied that he has not left anything unsaid, Colin folds up the parchment and falls asleep dreaming of Penelope.

On the second morning of their trip Colin elects to take the trip in the carriage with his mother and Hyacinth. Before Penelope can ascend to her carriage Colin grabs her hand and presses his letter into it, getting close and whispering, “Have a pleasant ride.” Penelope shivers at his words, cursing herself for reacting to such a cheerful greeting in such a wanton way. She notes the paper in her hands and quickly tucks it into her book.

The first part of the journey that day seems to drag for Penelope. The scenery is much the same as it was the day before, only now her view was also missing the handsome, smug smile of Colin Bridgerton too. Eloise takes Penelope’s silence to mean that she can continue talking away, and Penelope lets her, preferring to stay within her own thoughts in her own mind. She is scheming about how she can read Colin’s letter without Eloise seeing. Penelope knows that if Eloise sees the letter she will get nosy and demand to know what the letter contains. Hopeful that Eloise wants to nap again today, Penelope tries to keep herself occupied until the afternoon.

Penelope gets her wish when right after their basket lunch Eloise lays herself out on the opposite bench and takes a nap. Penelope tries to read her book for a few minutes until she cannot take the tension any longer and she flips open Colin’s letter. Her eyes read faster than her mind can process the words and then they start tearing as Colin’s description of his love for her overwhelms her heart. His words are sweet, demanding, intense, and romantic. He paints a vision of their life together as husband and wife, with cheerful children and cherished companionship. He compliments her relationship to his sisters and mother and describes what a lovely mother he thinks she will be and how her goodness inspires him to be a better son and brother. How one day, if she consents, he would like to try and be a good husband to her. He makes promises of devotion, praises her beauty, and expresses his regret that he has not already made her his wife.

Penelope feels a longing in her heart, a fire in her core, and she wants to tear out of the carriage and jump into the arms of the man she loves.

For she loves him too. She always has. This she has always known. The few weeks they’ve been away from London have been some of the happiest of her life. Any day with Colin is the best day of her life. She reflects on the daily afternoon walks they would take around My Cottage. It was not because he wanted to escape his sisters, or because he was restless, it was because he loved her and craved her company, just as she craved his.

Penelope reads his letter six more times before Eloise awakens. She formulates a million responses and pictures talking with him in a dozen different ways. When Eloise wakes up, she sees that Penelope’s nose is red and sees a handkerchief in her hands. Penelope lies and blames the book, a beloved character just passed away from a mystery illness she says. It’s very touching and sentimental. Eloise rolls her eyes and tells Penelope about her dreams instead.

As Eloise talks around her, Penelope tries to script in her mind what she will say to Colin when she sees him next. With every turn of the carriage wheel, she knows that time is drawing closer. By the time they reach the town the sun is low and ushering in dusk. Colin meets them and opens the carriage door, first helping out Eloise and then Penelope.

Colin thinks he should be inside verifying their arrangements; he should be directing the footmen to unload the travel bags and showing them toward their accommodations. But he doesn’t care about any of his responsibilities, he simply wants Penelope. His Pen. He wants to know if she read his letter and if she will allow him to court her. He wants to make her smile and hear her laughter, or he thinks his heart will crack.

Penelope grabs Colin’s hand to steady herself as she descends from the carriage. She looks him in the face, into his deep blue eyes and simply says his name, “Colin.” Her breathy light voice sends shivers through the tips of his toes with just one word.

“Pen” he replies, and he watches a blush scatter across her face and chest. He squeezes her hand, “Pen, I wanted to- “,

“Colin!” Lady Bridgerton sings out, forcing Colin and Penelope to break their contact.

As she drops his hand Colin gives her a slight bow and says, “Pen, I will see you at supper.” And he walks to his mother to attend to his duties.

As the women leave their rooms and find the dining room in the inn, Colin is finally entering from outside after having directed the footmen and staff. He looks exhausted and Penelope lingers as the Bridgerton women file into the dining room.

“Are you well, Colin?” Colin snaps his head up, not having noticed his family yet. At the sight of Penelope, standing alone in the hallway greeting him, a wide smile crosses his face.

“Very well Pen, I’m very well.” He approaches her and stands a little too close, but not close enough. He looks at her and his gaze makes her squirm. He waits for her to speak, taking in her beauty as she finds her words.

“Colin, I – “

“Yes?” Her soft, nervous voice makes him feel hopeful. But he waits gently for her.

“I read your letter.” Their eyes meet and she sees the longing in the deep blue of his eyes; she steps closer to him and places her hand on his forearm. He looks down at her hand and then back at her face. “Colin, I love you too.”

His nervous tension erupts from him in a blast of laughter. His arms are swift as they scoop her into an embrace, and he spins her around. Her giggles light up his brain and make his heart swell.

“Colin, you are all I ever wanted.”

Colin sets her down, and unable to stop smiling he decides that this is it, this is his Pen, and she loves him too. “Penelope Featherington, Pen, will you marry me and be my wife?”
Her eyes wet with excitement, Penelope nods her head up and down and simply says, “Yes!” Colin tightens his arms around her for another embrace, and without thinking dips his head to hers and kisses her. She gasps at the surprise, at the softness and warmth of his lips. He stops because he cannot keep himself from smiling.

Colin and Penelope enter the dining room together, walking close and Hyacinth is the first to notice: holding hands. The three women turn as Colin and Penelope approach the table, all silent and staring at the clasped hands.

Colin clears his throat and looks at the three sets of eyes nervously, “Mother, Penelope and I would like to be married.”

Hyacinth squeals and jumps up from the bench to hug Penelope. “You will be my sister now, truly!”

Lady Bridgerton embraces her son in a much more dignified manner and sets her hand on Colin’s cheek to whisper, “Well done son, very good.” Then she hugs Penelope and says, “I couldn’t be happier.”

With smiles and tears and hugs all around Colin finds Penelope’s hand again, hoping to never let go.

Eloise’s eyes bounce back and forth between Penelope and Colin. She has no words; she cannot stop looking down at their clasped hands. Eventually Hyacinth’s giggles quiet down and Colin, Penelope, Violet, and Hyacinth stare at Eloise in silence.

Pen takes the lead, “El?”

This seems to be enough to break Eloise’s stare and she looks Penelope in the eyes, “You wish to marry my brother? Colin?”

Pen blushes, “Yes, Eloise, very much.”

There is continued silence as Eloise watches all four faces on her. She feels like she is watching the five of them have this conversation from somewhere above and in a moment of clarity Eloise jerks herself forward to Penelope and wraps her in a tight embrace. “How wonderful.” She whispers.

Eloise pulls herself away from Pen, but keeps her hands on her shoulders and looks into Penelope’s eyes, “Are you quite sure?” Penelope nods: yes.

“Eloise! Do you not care for me, your brother?” Coin interjects to break any tension that may be forming from Eloise.

Eloise grazes her eye over her brother and replies, “You could not find a better wife, you do not deserve even the half of her! But I do admit this is rather convenient for me. So, I give you my blessing.”

Colin rolls his eyes and Penelope glows with love at her friend’s words.

The party of five settles back into the bench at the table so they can continue their meal.

In the middle of more banal conversation Hyacinth shouts with an, “Oh! Tomorrow we will be in Scotland!”

Violet looks at her, “Of course dear. Tomorrow we enter Scotland and the day after that we will arrive at Kilmartin Castle.”

Hyacinth surveys the table, “No, I mean, tomorrow we will be in Scotland. You could get married!”

The table erupts in laughter; the whims of a spontaneous adolescent making them nervous.

“Hyacinth, dear, they could not marry tomorrow. We need time to prepare. To contact Penelope’s family. To alert your brothers of the news. Colin may have Eloise’s blessing, but he has not yet sought an audience with Penelope’s mother.”

The hope shimmering in Penelope’s chest grows heavy and sinks into her stomach. Considering the status of the war and the scattered placement of their families across the country, Violet’s reminder of propriety means that Penelope will not be able to marry Colin for months. She wishes she could marry him sooner.

Hyacinth whines, “Oh but it is so romantic. We can just send letters to everyone afterward letting them know it happened.” She waves her hand around dismissing her mother’s sense of propriety.

Penelope glances at Colin and sees the spark of love in his eyes and decides to be bold, “Lady Bridgerton, if I may; I do not believe my mother would be unhappy with my betrothal to Colin; she has always held the Bridgerton family in high regard. I do not have a close male relative with whom Colin would negotiate a dowry, I can assure you, any dowry my family estate may be able to provide is quite pitiful.” She looks around embarrassed and settles on Hyacinth’s face. “I agree with Hyacinth, it would be most romantic.” Penelope shyly looks up to Colin’s face to see him beam at her.

“I think so too.” Colin whispers to her. Then louder, for all his family to hear he asks her, “Penelope Featherington, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife, tomorrow?”

She giggles, and losing herself in him she leans forward as he kisses her on her forehead, “Of course.”

When the enraptured duo manages to look away from each other they see tears in Violet’s eyes and so Colin removes himself from the bench to hug his mother.

“Mother, I love Penelope very much and I do not wish to delay our wedding. Would you give us your blessing?”

“Of course, my dear. I couldn’t be happier for you.” They embrace and Violet dabs at her teary eyes. “Well then, if we are to have a wedding tomorrow, we are going to have to get to work!” She stands up from the bench and begins giving orders.

Penelope and Eloise both wake early in anticipation of the day’s events. The two had stayed up late into the night talking about Penelope’s feelings for Colin and how she had come to desire him as a husband. Confused by why an intelligent dynamic woman such as Penelope would want to marry at all, much less to her most annoying brother, Eloise could see that Penelope cared for Colin deeply in a way that she could see in the marriages her siblings had. Despite being quite annoying to her, it sounds as if Colin had been quite gallant with Penelope and Eloise felt confident that he would cherish her dear friend as a wife. Then again, if he failed as a husband, which he very well could, Eloise could still steal Penelope away and live out a comfortable life by the sea.

Hyacinth did not wait long to come to their room, wherein Eloise and Hyacinth argued fiercely over which dress Penelope should wear. Eventually they decide on the cream one because it matches the small posy of flowers Eloise had managed to procure the night before. It takes both of them to style Penelope’s hair, and despite the fact that her hair is curly and theirs is straight, Penelope looks ethereal in a braided crown with delicate curls framing her face. When they leave the inn they learn that Colin has already been tucked into his carriage and sent ahead so he could make preparations and so he would not see Penelope before she was ready.

They have about a four hour ride before they are to arrive in Scotland, at the town they selected to be their wedding village. As the three Bridgerton women surround Penelope in her carriage there is a lot of giggling as Penelope shares her side of the story. Violet is proud of their love, Hyacinth is mesmerized by the romance, and Eloise is generally sickened but content.

Eloise wants to put an end to the talk of romance, “How can you possibly know you’re in love, what is love anyway? A warm feeling when you’re with him? Of course, you’ve known each other forever and he’s charming.”

Hyacinth is quick to defend, “Don’t try to dismiss it Eloise. Love is so much more than that and I believe they have it. Besides, I’m pretty sure once you kiss, you know.”

“Hyacinth Bridgerton!” Violet yells in shock. “That is most inappropriate for a young lady!”

“Why? It is well known that it is an enjoyable act with someone you like. That it is expected in a marriage. That men get to do it with whoever they like, but women cannot do it until they get married. Penelope, what is it like?”

“Hyacinth!” Violet can only say her name in a scolding tone before she herself is drawn to hear Penelope’s answer. Hoping she keeps her reply appropriate for Hyacinth’s tender ears.

Penelope is red with embarrassment and cannot find words to say or safe eyes to look at.

Hyacinth cannot stand a silence, “You have kissed, right? Oh, you must have kissed! I could never be engaged to a man I had not kissed!”

“Hyacinth Bridgerton you are going to give me heart palpitations.” Violet mutters.

“Yes. We have kissed. Once. After he asked me to marry him. It was nice.” Penelope blinks up at the three sets of eyes staring at her. “Very nice, surprising? I’d quite like to do it again.”

“Penelope!” Eloise is now the one who is scandalized.

“But what did it feel like?” Hyacinth pushes for more detail.

Penelope cannot decide if she wants to look at Lady Bridgerton or not, but she doesn’t stop her, so she thinks it’s okay. “It was soft and small. It was over so fast I don’t really remember anything else. Except when he kissed me this warmth exploded through my body. Like wood crackling in a hearth.”

Violet smiles knowingly. “That is good, Miss Featherington. That feeling, that crackling fire feeling is desire. It is very good to have that feeling with your husband.” Then to her two unmarried daughters, “And only your husband! If you ever have a feeling like that about anyone to whom you are not betrothed or married you are to tell me at once!”

Then with softness in her voice she turns to Penelope to ask, “My dear, has your mother ever told you about the marital act? Or how a married woman comes to be with child?” Violet can feel her daughters perk up at these words and she knows that she will have to tell them all now, no matter what. Better to have this conversation with all three of them at once instead of one at a time over the years.

“No, Lady Bridgerton, she has not. I know from my sisters, both married, that there are activities reserved for husband and wife, but I have not been educated on the topic.”

Violet looks at all three eyes as they hold attention on her face. “I am going to say this once and only once. I will only say what is proper for a young lady to hear and afterward you may all ask one single question and then we will discuss more appropriate things, like the weather and seasonal bird migrations, understood?”

“Yes ma’am” all three girls say at once, scared to lose this opportunity.

“When a husband and wife are married they perform the marital act, this act is what makes a baby. That desire Penelope spoke of grows between a couple and they perform the act as often as they would like to. You kiss and touch, and then join your bodies together in privacy. The first few times may be a bit painful or uncomfortable, just because your body has never done it before.”

Violet lets out a long exhale only to see three very confused faces before her.

Eloise is the first to talk, “Mama, I do not believe that explains any more than it confuses.”

Violet laughs. “I am quite nervous! This is something a mother should tell her daughters, but I have a great deal of difficulty speaking about these things.”

“Is it because it is very painful? Is it dangerous?” Eloise asks her question.

“No! Yes!” Violet is already stumbling over her words, “I mean to say, the first few times are awkward as you get to know each other, but then it becomes very pleasurable. The more a couple enjoys one another’s company the more you may choose to engage in this activity, simply for pleasure.”

Eloise makes a disgusted face.

Pen is troubled by this additional information, “But what if a couple does not enjoy one another’s company?” She looks down at the hands in her lap, “My parents were not particularly fond of each other, and they had three children.”

Violet softens, knowing that this part of the information is delicate to convey. “Well, not every time this act is performed results in a child. For some people the only times they perform the act are to consummate the marriage or to become with child. As you know, many people in the Ton do not marry because they love one another and that makes this act very difficult and less enjoyable. Especially for women. This is why it is my dearest desire that you all marry honorable men who love you. Without affection and respect the marital act can be quite unsettling.”

There is silence as the young women absorb this information, especially Penelope.

Hyacinth chirps up, “What do you mean by join? Does the wedding ceremony not join a couple?”

“Yes, the wedding ceremony joins a couple ceremonially in the eyes of God, the church, and the community. But in the marriage bed you join physically, literally.” Violet closes her eyes and speaks very rapidly. “Men and women have different anatomy, a man will insert himself into a woman. In the private place between your legs where your monthly courses come from. It is here that he deposits his seed, and a woman comes to be with child.”

“No, no, no, Mama, absolutely not.” Eloise looks sick. Penelope is blushing and Hyacinth only has more questions.

Violet charges forward, hoping to steer the conversation away from such intimate conversation. “It is rather like dancing. It is most enjoyable when you know the steps, when you like your partner, and you are in a cheerful mood.”

The girls are silent for a moment before Penelope says, “Well Lady Bridgerton, I must say, out of all of your sons, Colin has always been my favorite to dance with.” The carriage fills with their laughter, each woman grateful to break the tension.

Colin arrives at the village with more than enough time to secure lodgings for the night for his family and to make the marriage arrangements with the local priest. As he stands outside the church straining to see his family carriage appear he begins to get nervous that they might never arrive, that they were hurt along the way, that Penelope changed her mind, and they turned back to My Cottage and left Colin standing alone in a small village in Scotland in his best borrowed waistcoat and his heart in his throat.

Just as Colin has decided to send his carriage driver to go look for them, the second carriage arrives. As it stops he hears the mirth in his sisters voices wafting from inside. He hopes Penelope is as happy as the two sisters who exit the carriage because as soon as Eloise sees him she pushes him away from the carriage so he cannot see Penelope. Violet places her hand in his arm and charges into the church.

It is a small church, in a small village; its size reflects the intimacy of the ceremony. The priest stands at the front of the pews and a parish secretary sits up front, waiting to do the paperwork. Colin is relieved that his only audience today will be his family and a parish secretary. If he could, he’d like to marry Penelope alone, just the two of them, with only their hearts declaring that they belong to each other. When Eloise pushes open the door and escorts his bride into the church Colin forgets about the rest of the world entirely. He sees Penelope, his Pen, walking in the afternoon light and she is a fairy, a nymph, a goddess. He is reminded of their time on the road together, when they walked in the dust and sun and no one could interrupt the bliss of simply being together. He sees her simple posy of flowers and the empty pews and thinks it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter because Penelope Featherington is walking to him, and the smile she wears on her face is the only opulence he needs on the day he is marrying his best friend.

They hold hands as they exchange vows. They hold hands as they kiss for the second time. They hold hands as Violet, Eloise, and Hyacinth embrace them. Colin and Penelope do not let go of each other as they walk to the inn and enjoy tea with the family. And they do not let go after they excuse themselves to retire to their bedchamber.

As Colin finds their room he scoops Penelope into his arms and carries her into the room, “Our room, Mrs. Bridgerton.”

Penelope giggles as he sets her down and dips down to kiss her. Colin loves kissing Penelope. He cannot believe that he gets to kiss her and that she wants to kiss him too. He never imagined that kissing one’s wife would be so enjoyable.

“Dear wife, before I get too carried away, I have a gift for you.”

“You have a gift for me?” Penelope blushes with pleasure, already enjoying the attentions of her sweet groom.

“Seeing as I have failed to court you properly, you can expect many gifts from me in the upcoming weeks.” He presents to her his small parcel and watches her face with delight as she unwraps the flowered parchment and new quills.

“This is lovely Colin! Thank you.”

“I knew I wanted to buy them from the moment I saw them. I thought about all the letters you sent me as I traveled, and how much I enjoy your letters, and the thought of you sitting at a table writing with paper and quill that I bought you, well, it made me feel important. And the notebooks because I thought well,” Colin falters as Penelope stares at him with wide eyes, “you do not have your Whistledown column to write at the moment, but maybe you miss writing and want to journal or something?”

“Colin, you are astonishing. This is a wonderful gift.” Penelope sidles closer to him and stands on her toes to give him a kiss. She is pleased that he responds to her heartily, she had not yet initiated a kiss between the two of them and was a bit nervous.

“I will use this parchment to send my mother an announcement of our wonderful news. She will surely be shocked, hopefully the flowers will distract her long enough to read that we have wed.”
Colin laughs. “She may not be too surprised.”

“What do you mean?”

“I already wrote to your mother. Before we left My Cottage. Asking her if she objected to my pursuit of a formal courtship.”

“Colin!” Penelope beams at him, shock and pride on her face.

“To be honest, I’m glad circumstances allowed me to write to her instead of calling on her. Your mother is rather terrifying.”

Penelope laughs, “Well she is your family now too! You’ll have to sit and have tea with her eventually.”

Colin wraps his wife into his arms, “Yes, but perhaps by then we can arrive with a distraction in tow, to take some of the pressure. Like a little Penelope or Colin Junior.”

“Colin Bridgerton! You’re a mischievous man!”

“I am yours Penelope. The world can call me whatever they want, but I am yours.” Colin lifts his wife into his arms to kiss her. They kiss and kiss until no one can think about Lady Featherington or Colin Juniors or seasonal bird migrations anymore.

Chapter Text

Francesca Stirling, Countess of Kilmartin stands outside Kilmartin Castle and watches two carriages weave over the green hills of the estate. Fog has settled in the low places between the hills and each time a carriage emerges her heart hammers wildly in her chest.

One carriage seems to maneuver the hills better than the other and when it stops in front of her, Francesca’s steady brother descends with a grin on his face.

It has been over a year since Francesca has hugged one of her brothers and she indulges in her embrace of Colin. Something about his embrace is uniquely Colin, an immediate sense of ease fills her with happiness. He looks well, despite the fact that he is escorting four women out of Napoleon's London.

As Colin pulls away, a mischievous smile crosses his face, “Francesca, may I introduce my wife, Mrs. Penelope Bridgerton?”

Francesca’s smile falters into confusion. She is always happy to see Penelope, they grew up together, and were often the quiet duo in the room when Eloise and Daphne were loud. But it takes a moment for Colin’s words to make sense in her mind.

“Wife?” At once the words make sense and Francesca leaps towards Penelope and wraps her in a tight hug. “You two are married! Oh, my what a surprise!” The two women shriek and giggle like children as the rest of the party watches. Still holding on to Penelope, Francesca manages to congratulate her brother as well, “Colin. This is the best thing you have ever done.” To Penelope, “I do not know who I am happier for; him for getting to call you his wife, or me, for getting to call you my sister.” The two hug again.

Hyacinth breaks them apart, “Yes, it’s all perfectly wonderful Francesca, and perfectly disgusting as well; you haven’t had to share a carriage with them.” Hyacinth grabs Francesca into a hug.

“You were warned Hyacinth.” Penelope strikes with her wit and makes them all laugh.

Francesca’s husband, John Stirling, Earl of Kilmartin finally gets to interject, “Well, what happy news, we must celebrate.”

Indeed, that evening, they celebrate. Francesca had already requested a full feast for the arrival of her family. But John found some of the special champagne to toast the newlyweds with, and even Hyacinth was allowed to drink an entire glass herself.

To Violet’s delight John insists on sequestering Colin for a brothers only nightcap. Violet thinks it is a good sign that John is acting like a brother. She thinks it is a little sad that Colin and his bride did not have a proper celebration, how she would have loved to have had all her children together for the ceremony. But as John steps in as a de facto brother to Colin, she warms with pride at what a good man Francesca has chosen.

Violet decides to follow the men out, to retire early, knowing that the young women have things to discuss that they might not want their mother to hear. She considers making Hyacinth come with her, but she cannot bring herself to steal her away from the fun. Hyacinth so often has been left out of the fun of having sisters, being so much younger, so maybe for one night, she can let her revel in the full experience of young ladies talking and blushing over the thrill of romance.

In his study, John pours his best whiskey, but Colin declines the cigar. “I still do hope to retire with my wife this evening.” He says as a way of explanation.

“I understand. Our wives’ delicate sensibilities are to be cherished.” John replies as he puts the cigars away, forgoing one himself. “Your wife is delicate indeed. I had met her when I was courting Francesca, but she was always too shy to say anything in my presence.”

Colin thinks John is implying something, but he is not sure what. “Penelope is quite shy around people she does not know well. She has always been at ease with our family though.”

“Indeed, she was most chatty tonight. I was quite surprised. I had thought maybe marriage had given her some boldness.”

Colin blushes at the word. Although they had only been married for two days, he had noticed a sense of surety come over Penelope. She had in fact, been more verbose at the dinner table tonight than he had ever witnessed. He liked that side of Penelope, when she doesn’t feel self-conscious, when her wit and humor are on full display for everyone to see.

“It is still only our second day of marriage, we have yet to see what marriage has made of us.” Colin replies, feeling a bit protective of his wife and their young marriage.

John realizes Colin is uncomfortable, “I did not mean to offend. I think Penelope is delightful, and you clearly care deeply for one another. To fall in love and wed on the road from London is most romantic indeed. In fact, I pity any suitor who tries for anything less with Eloise and Hyacinth, you have set a high standard for them!”

Colin laughs and relaxes finally with John. Though they do not know each other well, they share a precious common denominator and Colin thinks John will be a good friend and brother.

“In fact, let’s make it even harder for the younger Bridgertons to live up to their sibling’s legacy of romance.” Colin watches John as he approaches the hall outside his study and addresses a staff member waiting in the hall.

Within a few minutes the staff member has returned with three large wooden boxes in his arms. He sets them down carefully on the low table in front of Colin and John and opens them one by one.

Inside is jewelry. Sparkling bracelets and gleaming rings. Stones set in intricate settings and simple strands. Colin is admiring the collection but is quite confused by its presence.

“Well, dear brother, these are the Kilmartin family jewels. What do you say we each pick out something beautiful to gift to our wives?” John sits back with a self-satisfied grin, eager to share the beauty of the collection.

“My goodness John, I could never! That is too much.”

John waves his hand, “Nonsense. What good is having all these jewels if no one wears them? Besides, if you were home in London, the Viscount would do the same with the Bridgerton collection. Now, let us take a look.”

The two men pour over the boxes. John sequesters a few pieces he had already decided he’d like to give to Francesca eventually. Colin admires a bracelet marked with light purple amethysts and a few of the rings.

“I did not see a betrothal ring or wedding band on Mrs. Bridgerton’s finger tonight, did I?” John asks as he sees Colin inspect the rings.

“Indeed, you did not.” Colin leans back into his chair and sips his whiskey. “I did not exactly prepare for this marriage.” He blushes a bit. “It all happened rather swiftly.”

“As long as one pleases you, choose for your bride a ring then. Perhaps this yellow citrine set, with the ring and the necklace.”

“Oh no, no, she would not like yellow.”

They continue to discuss the virtues and flaws of various pieces until Colin settles on a ring that feels very much like Penelope to him. He can picture it on her finger. He can picture placing it there himself and kissing her hand as she sees it for the first time.

“And the amethyst bracelet. Give that to her as well, I saw you admire it.”

Colin clears his throat, “I wasn’t thinking of Penelope when I saw that.” John’s eyebrows lift heavenward. “No, no, nothing like that! I thought of Hyacinth. For someone named after a purple flower, I do not think I’ve ever seen her wear amethyst.”

John laughs heartily. “I should have known. Only a Bridgerton would look at beautiful jewels and think of his sister. I think you’re right. I will save that, and Francesca can give it to her for her debut.”

Colin’s heart warms at this lovely generous man. “You are a true brother, John. Taking in our family during this awful war. Spoiling my sisters, thinking of my wife even though you barely know her at all. And I can see what love you have for Francesca. She loves you very much.”

“Who Francesca loves, I love too.” John says and then men share an embrace. “Now, if you don’t mind, choose your wife a pretty bracelet and let’s go surprise our wives.”

Jewels packed up and returned to the staff member, and with a few special pieces tucked into their waistcoats, the men leave the study to seek out the women. Colin finds Penelope already settling in for the night in their guest suite. Francesca had made it clear to Colin that the room and adjoining sitting room were for them to enjoy, as newlyweds. Considering the location of their suite being in an entire separate wing to the rest of the family, Colin was very grateful to his sister’s thoughtfulness.

Penelope is speaking with a maid as she directs her to unpack their few belongings. Colin very much likes seeing his wife in charge of their luggage. He has a brief vision of what it would be like when they have a home of their own and Penelope leads their staff and children.

When Penelope sees Colin, she graciously dismisses the maid and greets him with a kiss. “My husband, I missed you.” Colin deepens their kiss in agreement.

“I love being your husband, dear wife.” Penelope’s blush spreads from her neck and across her face.

“Oh, I don’t think I will ever tire of hearing that.” They giggle together and he leads her to the sofa in front of a soft fire.

“My dear. We’ve made it to Scotland, however; I hate to say,” Colin falters, unsure how to continue his line of thinking, “Penelope, you must know, we haven’t spoken of it, but we do not have a home. I have not made arrangements with Anthony yet. I am but a third son and I had not prepared well for our marriage.” Colin looks at her with trepidation.

Penelope giggles and snuggles herself closer into his arms. “It is all rather unexpected, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is. Amazing, but unexpected.”

“I had no idea that marriage could feel so glorious, Colin. I feel perfectly content. Yes, we do not have a marital home. Yes, our families will learn of this union from letters instead of standing with us in a church. Yes, we are here as guests, and yes, Napoleon is in England! We have a lot of things we need to work out. But Colin, I do have a home, here.” Penelope wraps her arms around Colin and snuggles her face into his chest. “You are my home. And it is a happy home indeed.”

Warmth spreads through Colin’s chest and his eyes water. “We do have something great; don’t we Pen? As long as we are together, we shall have a happy home.” He feels her nod her head against his chest and he tucks her closer into his arms. They fit together perfectly, and he loves how she moves against him.

“Pen? I have something else for you.” He releases her from his arms, and she looks up at him quizzically. Looking at her in the eyes he fishes the ring out of his pocket and slides it on her finger. “For you, my wife. Mrs. Penelope Bridgerton.”

Penelope gasps and flings her hand closer to her face. “Colin!” She says as she inspects the ring. It is dainty and feminine, small pearls arranged like petals of a flower. It makes her feel precious. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.” She reaches her left hand to his face, and curling her fingers in his hair draws him to her for a long kiss. Colin doesn’t want to end the kiss; he has never experienced anything as divine as kissing his Penelope.

“It is from the Kilmartin collection. Apparently, it was a gift from the monarch to one of John’s grandparents for service, loyalty, or some good deed. John only asks that the jewelry remains in the family. And -”

“And?” Penelope responds.

“And, one last piece.” Colin pulls forth a stunning necklace of a pale pink quartz in the center with smaller diamonds extending along the chain. Colin holds it up before clasping it around her neck. “This necklace made me think of you. Of the pink of your blush when you laugh.” He kisses her neck, right where his fingers clasped the necklace closed. “Of the pink of your lips, of the pink of the dress you wore as we danced at the Vauxhall Ball –” Penelope gasps in surprise and delight as he nibbles her ear. “Of the pink I see when you’re in my bed.”

“Colin!” Penelope stutters, “You are too much, such a wicked man!”

“No, my dear, I could never be enough for you.”

“You are everything, Colin.” She touches the necklace, “It’s so beautiful, thank you.” Penelope only wants to look at her handsome husband, she can barely believe this is her reality. “Now husband, how would you like to see your sweet wife in nothing but the jewelry you’ve given her?”

Colin groans and lifts Penelope from the sofa as he stands. Kissing her on her neck and walking her toward the bed he whispers, “Yes, yes, yes,” after each tender kiss.