Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You can’t breathe.

You run to the favor tree.

“Hey Sif!” Your fighter greets, his name was Isabeau, right? How cruel. “Sif…? Siffrin, are you feeling okay, bud?”

You can’t get yourself to respond. What is there to say…? You’re tired.

You want this to be over.

“Favor tree.”

…

Your fighter shoots you a worried look, before sighing. “Alright, Sif, I’ll leave you be…but if something’s wrong, you know where to find me.”

You can’t get yourself to look at them.

You smile, like you have, hundreds, maybe even thousands of times. You don’t think you would be able to count.

Your cheeks hurt. Your eyes sting. You're so blinding tired.

“Yeah, of course.”

…

“Okay, Sif….You know where to find me.” Your fighter walks away, exiting stage left!

You can’t help yourself from laughing when he’s finally gone.

You laugh and laugh and laugh. Hot tears flow down your cheeks, and you fall on your knees.

You’re sick of this!

You should’ve known! It wouldn’t be that easy! There is no way out.

You are trapped here, in this endless play, forever.

You wipe your eye as more tears flow, covering your mouth with your hand and screaming.

Only one thing left to do. Only one thing you can do.

You force yourself to get up. Your legs shake and it feels like you’re going to collapse again, but you ignore it, walking towards the favor tree.

You reach towards the tree’s branches and grab the pointiest leaf you can find.

Your hands shake.

You wish…

You wish… for it to be over. You wish you could get out of there. You wish for someone to help you.

For someone ANYONE to help you.

With tears dripping onto the leaf, you breathe your wish into it, repeat it three times, and fold it.

Please You beg.

…

You feel something. Something is pulling you.

You smile, your face wet. You close your eye, waiting for the curtains to close.

You wait.

.
..
…

!!!

You open your eye, expecting...well, you don’t know what you expect…something
better, you suppose.

But of course not! That would be too easy, too good for you! What are you but a punching bag for the blinding universe.

You curse under your breath. Hah, you really are stupid aren’t you?

You take a deep breath in….and out…

…

Is that cheese you smell..?

You look around….it looks to be all cheese. You don’t think you can spot a single thing that isn’t somehow tainted with the sticky substance.

Hah, it’s blinding! Why is the cheese so bright??! It’s a shade you don’t remember seeing before, and it gives you a headache.

…

You’re too tired for this.

You lay down, ignoring the way the cheese clings to you.

You breathe through your mouth.

…

You wait.

For the universe to correct its mistake, for someone to take them away from here, for anyone to help you.

None of that comes.

…

You continue waiting.

Chapter Text

Time has passed, or at least it should have.

You have been lying here for who knows how long! Blinding stars, you even fell asleep! If you’re remembering correctly, you even dreamt.

The image of yourself sinking in a pile of cheese, haunts you, it clinging to you, surrounding you, suffocating you. You couldn’t move, all you could do was scream as cheese crowded your lungs.

Your voice feels hoarse. 

Breathe in. Breathe out.

You open your eye.

It’s bright. It’s still so blinding bright.

It’s like nothing has changed! It’s like you had just gotten here!

The (cheese?) sun still shines above you, at the exact same place as before. It’s almost like no time has passed at all!

Haha! Isn’t that just lovely?

It’s just like the house all over again! You finally got out. You finally get to see something new, and it’s all just the same!

Haha, you’re being dramatic. 

Breathe in. Breathe out.

This isn’t the same as before! This is different!

You can’t say that you’ve ever been in a place like this! No matter how much you want out of here, it’s still something new!

A new play! With a brand new set! And a new script!

…

You don’t have a new script…The universe wasn’t generous enough to give you one in this hellscape.

You miss the old cast…you miss your fellow actors.

Could they be here as well? You haven’t seen anyone since you arrived, but surely you’re not entirely alone here! You just need to find them!

Plus, if you’re here, there’s a chance you can find a way out! Maybe this was how you were supposed to beat your loops! By getting out of here!

You ignore the way your stomach turns.

You just have to believe that there’s a way out! You just have to keep going!

Soon You assure yourself.

Get up, Siffrin. You have a hell to escape.

You slowly pick yourself up, brushing off cheese from your cloak. Some of it clings onto it, staining the ends a weirdly bright shade.

It makes your head hurt. You look away.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

You know how this works. You’ve gone through the house long enough to know.

There’s only one way to go.

You continue forward. 

You blink a few times. You’ve seem to have zoned out.

You don’t know why that’s happening though. You really only do that when you’ve already experienced something….but this is completely new. It doesn’t make sense.

Whatever. It doesn’t matter, you suppose.

You blink again, focusing on what’s before you.

It looks to be a sign…? It’s made of cheese….. Is this whole blinding place cheese?? You can’t even remember if you like cheese! You don’t want to traverse an entire hellscape with nothing but that!

Whatever. Whatever !

The sign reads: Layer 1: Cheddar

Layer one..?

Stars.

Don’t think about it.

Behind the sign seems to be a small looking cave entrance with a small door. You have to duck down just to get inside.

You place your hand on the knob of the cheese door. You have never appreciated your gloves so much. You do not want to feel the slimy mess of cheese on your hands.

You would much rather not be cramped into a small cave for the rest of your time here, but you don’t really have a choice, do you?

You want out .

And that means going forward! Teehee~!

You take one last breath before opening the door.
…

You take a step forward. Okay…now you’re just confused.

It’s cheddar cheese, so much of it. Mountains, valleys, lands spreading as far as your eye can see. It would almost be beautiful, if it weren’t for the fact that it’s all cheese!
Same bright shade, same strong smell. Now that you’ve had more time to take it in, you are sure.

You hate it.

But that isn’t the point is it?  What you like or dislike hasn’t mattered in a long time, maybe it never did.

Haha.

Ignoring that, all of this is all too big to fit inside that small cave you went inside. Stars, you don’t even remember exiting it.

You look back…It’s not there anymore…

The cave is gone.

The door is still there, it’s not the same as before. It’s larger, you wouldn’t have to duck your head to enter it. It seems… darker than before..?

You might be going crazy. 

Haha, that probably happened a long time ago~!

You debate opening the door and trying to go back, but you decide against it.

There wouldn’t be any use for it, going back won’t get you out of here.

You take a deep breath. 

Okay okay! Cheese time~!

You wonder if you’ll find another to go through. Stars, how many blinding doors are you going to have to open? 

You start walking.

You’re getting out of here. You didn’t get out of the loops just to get trapped here.

You will get out. You’re sure of it. You have to.

You keep walking.

Cause that’s all you can do.

You sigh. You’ve been walking for what seems like forever! And guess what?? You’re still not at the end!! You’re still on the stupid blinding “layer one”.

You just want to collapse. You want to lie down and let the cheese consume you.

Your legs hurt, your throat aches, you're thirsty. When was the last time you drank water?

You can’t remember.

You keep walking.

Finally!

You cast [Make Up The Time] and run, almost tripping on your own feet in the process.

You do not collapse. You do not collapse.

You are fine!!!

You grab the handle, opening the door. You do not see a sign this time, you don’t blinding care.

You don’t need to know which blinding layer you’re on. You don’t need to know how long you’ve been here. 

This is new! This is new!

This is better. 

It’s so much better~! You’re having such a good time~! 

Hahaha.

To the next layer you go!

You let yourself zone out, as a treat.

You’re so blinding tired.

Chapter Text

Layer 3?

You travelled through what you assumed was the third layer. Again, there wasn’t a sign.

You wonder if you’ll have to start keeping track yourself. You don’t think that would go very well.

There were many different buildings with many different stories, some even looked taller than the House of Change, or rather of that blurry picture in your mind.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen such a large city be completely devoid of life, not a single person.

You remember screaming to fill the silence.

Haha.

You wonder if you’ll ever find your party.

Layer 20

There was a sign this time. Thank —-- cheese.

…

There hasn’t been much happening on many of the layers so far, you haven’t been paying much attention to them though.

After the emptiness of layer (3?) You decided to just keep pushing forward. Occasionally calling out for your party.

You…can’t remember their names anymore. —-- Cheese, after you had finally remembered.

You don’t know what they looked like anymore, every time you try to imagine them, you just end up thinking of cheese.

Your head hurts.

You got distracted and got attacked by two (cheese hounds?). They had snarled and knocked you to the ground, but you had hit them with a scissors attack.

One of them bit your leg as you ran off. There was blood dripping off of it. You casted [Healy Bealy] and left it at that.

Your leg still ached, but at least it stopped bleeding.

You don’t know what you would do without your dagger.

Layer 21?

You laugh.

This is some kind of joke, right? It has to be, tears stream down your face, this entire scene would seem pathetic if it wasn't.

You wait, for the laughter, for the applause at the end of the punchline, but it never comes.

The Uni—--- Cheese doesn’t revert itself.

You wipe your tears, this isn’t funny.

Before you is a void, a cheese void, with pillars spread across, leading to a singular platform. You think there’s a door there, but it’s hard to see, since it’s so far away.

Cheese and crackers, this just had to be the layer directly after the cheese hounds! Great! Lovely! Splendid even!

You can’t even remember what had gotten you so distracted in the first place. The longer you think about it the emptier you feel.

You miss something.

Your party, right?

…

Did you even have one of those? The memories seem so distant that it feels almost like  a dream…like maybe if you reach out your hand towards it, it would fade into nothingness.

Maybe, it would be better that way, to forget. Not like you have much of a choice anyways!

…

Back to the task at hand.

Cheese pillars across a giant cheese void, the usual.

No…not the usual..the layers aren’t supposed to be like this..at least from your previous experience. None of them have really been deadly except for the last one.

Cheese…can you die here…?

You wonder what would happen if you fell into that void. You’re not particularly afraid of heights…like someone…you knew…?

You don’t want to find out what would happen if you fell down though…Knowing this place, you’d probably be stuck down there for eternity.

Looks like you have to jump from pillar to pillar until you reach that platform. Your leg still aches.

At least you can feel something, that’s good right?

You take one final breath, and run towards the pillars, leaping onto one of them and almost slipping off.

Okay! Note to self, take it slow, do not do it all in one go.

But there’s so many pillars..

You probably look pathetic. Come on, get going. It’ll be over soon.

You get yourself up and continue jumping from pillar to pillar, slowly this time.

Your leg aches with every jump, and you feel so overwhelmingly thirsty. You can’t remember the last time you drank water, to be honest you forgot it existed.

You jump onto one of the last ones, and fall to your knees. You’re exhausted.

With tears in your eyes, you now understand her fear of heights.

…

Who…who…?..You can’t remember..

Something about research..? About teaching..?

…You can’t remember anything about those topics…

You put your head in your hands, gripping your hair and pulling as hard as you can.

You’re fine. Breathe!

…

You can take a break when you’re in a somewhat “safe” spot, not that you need one. The faster you get all of this over with, the sooner you can go….home..

You don’t even remember if you have one..

Okay! More of a reason to get out of here!

Get up, Siffrin~!

You push your hands against the cheese, lifting yourself up.

Two more to go.

You take a deep breath, and jump the second to last one.

You look at the last pillar…it looks unstable..? It has cracks all over it.. You didn’t know that cheese could do that.

You wonder how long it would take for it to crack underneath you. You wonder if you’d ever stop falling.

Probably not.

Don’t think about it.

You go as far back as you can without falling off the edge.

Three.

Two.

You close your eyes.

One.

You open your eyes and jump to the pillar and again to the platform. You just barely land on your stomach, your feet dangling off the edge.

Your breath comes out all raspy.

You roll onto your back, placing a gloved hand on your chest, while trying to take slow even breaths.

You need to keep going.

You can’t stay here.

Get up, Siffrin.

You put your head in your hands.

You want rest.

You get up, like you’ve done before.. You think.

“Get going, Siffrin.” You say under your breath. “Just a bit longer..” You assure yourself. You try to ignore how raspy your voice sounds.

Maybe you should speak more often.

Anything to feel less alone.

You find your hand on the knob of the door to the next layer, and as always you open it.

…

This room seems…familiar…at least more than the last ones.. It seems like a place someone would live, a place that even you could live.

Did you live here before?

You take small steps into the room, letting the door close gently behind you.

You get the urge to take off your boots, until you remember that the soft looking carpets below you are still made of cheese.

You decide to keep them on.

You make your way a couch, and smile.

“...Was this our home once…? Did we even have one of those..” You ask into the silence as if someone else would respond, as if there was anyone else here to do so.

“Maybe it was…We’ll get back to it…I know it..” You answer yourself.

You flop onto the couch and close your eye.

The catacombs can wait.

You want to enjoy this room just a moment longer.