Chapter Text
Lisa Cuddy was a lonely woman and she made peace with that. At the ripe age of 39, she just gave up finding the right man for her. She yearned for affection, she wanted to love and to be loved, but she won’t beg for it. She won’t chase anyone just to end up heartbroken and alone.
Relationships at her age should be taken seriously and planned to settle down, but for some reason she never seemed to find the right person who matched her wants and needs.
Sure, her last boyfriend did, but she never really felt anything for him. Or for the previous one. Honestly, she never really fell in love with anyone. She just felt affection for her partners when she threw herself into various relationships, but she always hoped it would grow into something more.
It never did and her many failed relationships are the proof of her unfortunate luck in sentimental matters.
Her slender fingers stopped their movements over the keyboard, hovering over the letters for what felt an eternity. She was lost in thought, her loneliness making her feel sick to the stomach and reminded her that she wasn’t, in fact, perfect as she wanted, her mother’s voice in her ears, telling her she was an absolute failure.
Lisa’s eyes burned, little drops of tears crept up from her eyes, threatening to fall on her pale cheeks. Thinking of Arlene never made her feel good. They had a complicated relationship, to say the least, and the print of the trauma she went through as a child was still fresh on her skin. It never healed, it continued to bleed at times, making a mess of her. So she hid it under her high fashion clothes, makeup and a hard facade that protected her from the vulnerability that she never shared with anyone.
A notification brought her back from her thoughts, reminding her of where she was. She put herself together, blinking her eyes two, three times, to send away the salty tears that stubbornly remained in the corner of her blue eyes.
Lisa opened the notification still bouncing on her screen and buried the last memory of her childhood away.
The notice of a medical conference on endocrinology, immunology and neurology at the end of March looked back at her on the computer screen.
She eagerly read the details, finding the timing of the conference absolutely perfect. She needed a break. Lisa would’ve never admitted that she was mentally and physically spent aloud, not even in the solitude of her office, but nobody could hear her thoughts (beside House, that is.) and going away for four days, in LA, where the weather in that period was delightful, could only do her well.
Happy to finally have some time for herself, she sent the notice to everyone in the hospital who could be interested, besides House’s team.
She had to hand them a case, anyway, she could tell them by herself.
Lisa took the medical record and she stood up from her chair and smoothed the non existent creases on her skirt.
The walk to House’s office wasn’t long. Compared to other doctor’s offices, his was the closest to hers and it was both good and bad. More bad than good, if she had to be honest, but compromising was the only way she could keep him at bay.
The slender woman entered her employee office and her eyes immediately fell to his minions, all of them occupied into a different, non medical related, activity. Foreman seemed really taken by the book he was reading, on the edge of the seat as if he was about to discover the greatest secret of his life. Chase on the other hand was playing with a gameboy, House’s gameboy to be exact, a wrinkle of concentration on his forehead and the tongue between his teeth.
Nobody seemed to have noticed her or the click of her heels. House nowhere in sight or he would’ve already made a comment about her boobs. Or ass. Or both.
The only one who had her eyes already on her was Cameron, a cup of hot coffee in her pale hands.
“Dr. Cuddy.” Her soft voice filled the otherwise silent room, capturing the attention of her colleagues who, embarrassed to say the least, put away the objects they had in hand.
She smiled softly at the woman and removed a strand of hair from her face.
“Glad to see you’re occupying your working time saving patients.” Her voice came out with a slightly more sarcastic tone than she intended, but it wasn’t like they didn’t deserve it. The statement made Cameron giggle softly and Lisa’s breath stopped for a second.
The younger woman always had this kind of effect on her. Her witty comments, her tenacity and empathy all made her feel different and unnamed emotions.
She quickly gathered herself and decided to shift her attention on the two men in the room.
“Where’s House, anyway? I have a new case and i’d be glad if you gave it a look”
The three young doctors looked at each other, slightly confused.
“House told us he was coming to your office to talk.” Foreman, as diplomatic as ever, spoke for the rest of them, his voice firm.
House never stepped foot that day and the thought of the limping man going around making who knows what kind of troubles made her shiver.
Lisa took a deep breath, her next destination being Wilson’s office.
“Okay, I'll take care of it. Start reading the record, will you?”
Defeated, she almost stepped out of the room before remembering the conference.
“Oh, one last thing.” Three pairs of eyes looked at her with an interrogating glint. Cuddy found herself glancing at the only woman around the table. She didn’t understand why. It wasn’t envy, that was clear. But the older woman was really fond of her, for some reason, her attention always on her clear blue eyes whenever she was in the room.
“In two weeks there’s gonna be a conference in L.A. about endocrinology, immunology and neurology. Thought you could be interested.”
Cameron was already nodding enthusiastically at the proposal. Lisa wondered if she needed some rest, too. Having to deal with House everyday did no good to anyone.
“I’ll let you know, Dr. Cuddy, I’m probably still on vacation with my girlfriend in that time span.”
Lisa nodded, the dreading feeling of being single coming down on her again. “It’s alright, just make sure to let me know your intention before the week ends.”
“I’m definitely coming, it’s been a while since i’ve been to my last conference.” Her pink coloured lips stretched in a small smile that made Lisa’s heart flutter a bit. She needed to book a cardiological check, it wasn’t normal to have those little jumps.
“Perfect. I’ll send you the details.” She smiled too, then hurried out and towards Wilson’s office. Finding House was now her priority.
Lost in thought on what her friend could be up to, she didn’t notice a pair of blue eyes that clinged to her figure.
*
Allison Cameron loved love. Just the thought of it made her a happy mess. She soaked into the description of it, the words of adoration some patients had for their partners or their family, the gifts the children gifted their friends, the authors who spent their entire lives trying to put into words. Hell, she became a doctor because of the love and empathy she felt for the others, the entire process of making someone feel better is thrilling, the rush in her veins never failed to electrify her.
She was also lucky enough to have experienced love. It wasn’t as thrilling, fulfilling and empowering as the one everyone seemed to describe, but love felt different for everyone and maybe that was her way to go through it. Even though she felt like something was missing, she quickly erased the thought because what would she be even missing? It was her psyche making her feel that way, that was all.
She was standing next to the coffee pot, waiting for the dark liquid to be ready. Lost in thought she barely registered House leaving the office, mumbling some words that resembled “going to Cuddy’s office”. No one acknowledged him, but he never cared if they did.
She wondered if one day she would end up just like him: sad, alone and acidic. What scared her the most, was to end up alone, without love, without a significant other who would care for her. It was an incredibly depressing thought, but a valid one indeed. She was still young, barely 29, she had her whole life and more than ten years before she even reached his age.
But time moves fast and being a doctor didn’t allow her to have a prolific social life. Still, she wanted to be confident. She experienced great love with her late husband and she could find it again. Maybe not that great, but still good. Still enough.
She thought House could’ve been that person, but she soon realized he wasn’t emotionally available and, as much as it was fun when flirting, it wasn’t a nice character trait when dating. Her need to cure and fix everyone made her believe House was the right choice.
Now, free from the infatuation, she started noticing Chase a bit more. He wasn’t strictly her type, but they had history and he was nice, caring and not bad to gaze upon. Maybe he could be the right choice, he could be the right one.
The smell of hot coffee reached her nostrils and she swiftly poured almost half of it. The boredom was going to kill her and she needed something to relieve it.
She sighed heavily, the irksome noises coming from Chase’s game almost made her have a melt down and as she was about to shout at the Australian man, a well known figure came into her vision.
Dr. Cuddy wasn’t one who ever went unnoticed. It was impossible to not stare at her whenever she entered a room. She exudes power from every pore of her skin. She was charismatic and she deserved her place as boss and dean of medicine.
She was smart, witty and, even though extremely sensual and beautiful, she still managed to be strong.
Allison admired her. She always felt a rush of exhilaration when the woman was in the room, her pulse quickening and her cheeks burning. The young woman never really felt this way for someone and since she never admired someone like she does for Dr. Cuddy, she could only explain her feelings this way.
The only rational way.
When the woman entered the room, her colleagues continued with their shenanigans, not noticing the lovely woman who looked at them with an exasperated expression.
Allison took her time to admire the lean figure of her boss. She always found herself gazing at her body, perfect in every aspect and Allison wondered if it was envy that made her so attentive of the older woman.
Unexpectedly, their eyes met.
She felt a rush of emotions all throughout her body, a battle inside of her that she didn’t know how to stop.
“Dr. Cuddy.” Her voice came out as soft and quite shaky. She hoped nobody noticed, especially the other woman. She already had much power over her, increasing her bossy ego was the last thing she wanted.
Luckily, her colleagues noticed the Dean of Medicine in the room and had the decency to act embarrassed. Dr. Cuddy seemed to love their reactions as her eyes had that glint of satisfaction that glossed her eyes whenever she had the better hand.
“Glad to see you’re occupying your working time saving patients.”
The comment made the brunette giggle unexpectedly, though it wasn’t hard for her to admit that the woman now eyeing her was especially funny, her comments hitting just in the right spot. Allison was fond of this characteristic too. She hoped to be like her, one day.
“Where’s House, anyway? I have a new case and i’d be glad if you gave it a look”
The young doctor sat around the table, the cup of coffee held firmly in her hand. As the name of her boss was pronounced, a pang of an unknown feeling hit her full force. Probably the infatuation she had for the older man wasn’t completely gone. Him and Cuddy go way back to med school, they seem to get along really well and, though he always makes comments on her appearance, he feels a deep respect for his boss.
She composed herself fast, remembering how House limped out of the office to go talk to the boss, now standing in the room.
“House told us he was coming to your office to talk.”
Allison saw how the woman’s face fell, tired of the scheming, the troubles and the endless shouting of both patients and employees of the hospital.
She felt pity, it was certainly exhausting to be around such a complicated personality and make sure nothing too bad happens.
“Okay, I'll take care of it. Start reading the record, will you?”
The small figure was headed out of the office, her shoulders squared and chin high. Being her meant to never crumble down, Allison thought as she focused on the list of symptoms.
“Oh, one last thing.”
Her head snapped again towards the woman, almost out of the door, the position making her blouse open further, almost revealing the bra. Allison’s eyes hovered over the chest area long enough to make her feel like the feminine version of House.
“In two weeks there’s gonna be a conference in L.A. about endocrinology, immunology and neurology. Thought you could be interested.”
The invitation sounded like a trip to paradise. She needed a break, the cold months especially difficult. Her body needed rest and she nodded contently, picturing already how those days will benefit her mentality too.
“I’ll let you know, Dr. Cuddy, I’m probably still on vacation with my girlfriend in that time span.”
Allison almost winched, the thought of being alone was unpleasant and she did everything she could to push it down. As she looked back at Dr. Cuddy, she could almost swear to have seen her having her same reaction.
And Allison remembered that, as much as she looked not a day older than 30, Lisa Cuddy was heading over her 40’s and it wasn’t a mystery that she was unmarried, not a boyfriend in sight and that her only babywas, in fact, the hospital. The thought of how a woman so perfect as her could still be single went through her mind.
“It’s alright, just make sure to let me know your intention before the week ends.”
“I’m definitely coming, it’s been a while since i’ve been to my last conference.” She smiled softly, the previous considerations still around her brain.
“Perfect. I’ll send you the details.” Allison nodded, her stomach churning uncomfortably when Dr. Cuddy smiled back at her. Then, as she arrived, she went away, her pace steady, fierce. Foreman and Chase came back reading the papers in front of them but Allison couldn’t tear her eyes away from her silhouette, so perfect and beautiful, till she disappeared and was no longer visible.
She sighed softly and came back reading the record.