Work Text:
“D’you wanna stay over though?” Charlie asked while dressing Nick.
Nick, not usually accustomed to sleeping over at the Spring residence, was slightly taken aback by the offer. He would spend the night only on occasion or if Charlie’s parents were out of town. “Will your mum let us?”
Charlie smiled shyly as he continued buttoning up Nick’s shirt. “Yeah, I’m in her good books at the moment.”
***
For the remainder of the afternoon and into the evening, Nick was on edge. Charlie’s observation from earlier, him knowing that something was up, kept replaying in Nick’s mind. He was so thrown off that he didn't even have the energy to play Mario Kart with Olly. Then, Nick was operating on autopilot during dinner, giving one word responses to Charlie’s parents’ questions about uni apps and rugby. But luckily, once the Spring parents redirected the conversation, Michael managed to talk for the rest of the time, taking some of the heat off Nick. And for Michael's rambles, he had never been more grateful.
Later on, when they went back to Charlie’s room, Nick was unable to focus on his coursework, and the environment felt abnormally suffocating. He was trying to figure out the reason for his lack of focus, or what expression on his face alerted Charlie that he wasn’t feeling good. Sure, he was a bit anxious about uni apps, and David being home, and there was the incident from a couple nights prior when he cried while they were having sex, but it didn’t mean there was something actually wrong, right? And why was it, when Charlie comforted him, he was instantly reminded of how his dad never did?
“Hey, Nick?” Charlie asked gently, placing a hand on his wrist.
“Yeah?” Nick responded, snapping out of his gaze.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
The alarm bells went off in Nick’s brain. His gut reaction was to snap at him, but that wouldn’t do anyone any good. He was just concerned, that’s all.
“I’m sure, Char. I promise. Just a bit tired,” Nick replied, full well knowing it was just another excuse.
“Well, if you’re sure. I only ask because you just spaced out, but… we can take a break from studying, if you want?” Charlie proposed suggestively, trailing his hand up Nick’s arm.
Nick sighed, feeling weirdly exposed and not in the mood to be so visible, even if Charlie’s offer was extremely tempting. What if I cry again? “While I would love to, I really do need to finish my coursework. Too bad I’m too dumb to get full marks on this.”
Charlie frowned, the type of adorable frown that made a wrinkle appear between his eyebrows. Nick wanted to kiss it. “Hey,” Charlie retorted. “No being mean to my boyfriend.”
Nick laughed weakly. “Sorry, I’m being dramatic. How about we work for the next half hour, get ready for bed, then watch another episode of Gavin & Stacey?”
At that, Nick could’ve sworn he saw a flash of disappointment in Charlie’s eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. Charlie leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
“You’re full of good ideas, Nelson.”
***
Although Charlie loved to profusely apologize for the lack of space on his single bed, especially considering how much they had grown in size in the year and a half they’d been together, Nick quite liked the closeness. Sure, he would overheat at times, but there was something about being tangled up with each other, not knowing where one of them started and the other ended, that brought Nick a sense of calm. It quieted the buzzing in his brain. Charlie’s touch had always been an incredibly grounding force for him, so the 2 months that Nick had to go without it were unbearable. In the present moment, Charlie was nestled on Nick’s chest and absent-mindedly rubbing circles on the older boy’s stomach.
“Did you fall asleep?” Charlie whispered, snapping Nick out of yet another daze.
“No,” Nick replied, kissing Charlie’s hair.
Charlie laughed at that. “I was asking if you wanted to watch another episode, but I guess not.”
Nick yawned while shutting off his laptop. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m so tired.”
“No sorries about that, don’t be silly,” Charlie replied, looking up at him and continuing to rub circles on his stomach. He then leaned in to kiss him, initially going for a quick peck then drawing it out. He brought his hand up to cup his cheek, then pressed his tongue on the seam of Nick’s lips. Although surprised, Nick reacted quickly and opened his mouth. They made out lazily for a few minutes, and once Nick became aware of the growing stiffness in his joggers, he pulled away.
Lowering his hand to the waistband of Nick’s joggers in an attempt to continue what he started, Charlie whined at the loss. The noise alone nearly pulled Nick back in. But if Nick was certain of one thing, it was that he didn’t want to have sex tonight.
He huffed, kissing Charlie’s forehead in an attempt to placate him and quickly think of an excuse. “I’m sorry Char. But if we have sex right now, I just know I will snooze my alarm and I have to go home in the morning and grab clothes. This is me being a responsible adult.”
Charlie laughed at that. “Fair enough. I love dating a responsible adult. It’s hot.”
Nick’s breath stuttered. “Spring, I swear to god.”
Charlie smiled mischievously, lying down on the pillow and facing Nick. “It’s not my fault you’re a cougar.”
The older boy mirrored him. “And it’s not my fault you’re into an older man.”
“You love it.”
Nick considered taking the piss out of Charlie, but he hardly ever said no to a tender moment. “I do. I love you.”
“Wanna know a secret?” he whispered.
“I always wanna know your secrets, Char.”
Charlie kissed the tip of his nose. “I love you too.”
For some reason, something that Charlie had said hundreds of times at this point managed to make Nick quite emotional. His eyes became misty, and he fought back tears, hoping Charlie wasn’t looking too closely at him. To avoid hearing his own shaky voice, Nick said nothing and burrowed his head in his boyfriend’s chest.
“You know…” Charlie started.
“Hm?” Nick hummed.
“Can you turn off the lamp?” Charlie redirected.
Nick did so, then responded, “I know that’s not what you were gonna say. Out with it, then.”
Charlie sighed. “I just…I’m gonna miss nights like this when you’re in uni.”
Nick stiffened at that, hating when Charlie brought out the inevitability of long distance. “Me too.”
“Well, we’ve kinda done long distance before, last year," Charlie replied. "Except with no phones which is objectively worse. And in less than ideal circumstances. Anyway, I guess Kitty is gonna take the #1 cuddler spot while you’re gone.”
Nick didn’t really know what to say to that, also hating the reminder of Charlie’s time in inpatient, so opted for his one word responses again. “Yeah.”
Charlie kissed his head. “You sound tired. Call it a night, then?”
“Yeah. Goodnight, Char,” Nick croaked.
“Goodnight, Nick.”
***
Nick woke up with a start and the sun peeking through the curtains, but this time, he was in his own bed, not Charlie’s. He had no idea how he got there, what time it was, or where anyone was. He tried looking for his phone, but couldn’t find it, so searched the house for his mum and David. Hell, not even the dogs were there. He went outside, and the cars were gone, too.
In a panic, Nick ran to the Spring residence and was deeply unsettled by the lack of people around.
What day was it? What was happening?
He made it there in record time, because time didn't feel like a concept at the moment. When he reached Charlie's house, he was panting and drenched with sweat. He rang the doorbell, but when no one responded, proceeded to knock aggressively on the door.
To his surprise, Tori opened it. She looked terrible, with dark circles under her eyes, her skin looking paler than usual, and clothes that looked like they hadn’t been washed in weeks.
“Tori?” Nick asked, surprised by the sound of his own voice. “What happened? Are you okay?”
She ignored the question. “What do you want, Nick?”
While he didn’t appreciate her non-answer, and genuinely wanted to know how she was doing, he needed to find Charlie. How did he not remember leaving last night? “Where’s Charlie?”
Tori scoffed at that, then her expression morphed into what could only be described as anger. “What the fuck, Nick.”
Nick was so, so confused. “What’s going on? Is he okay?”
Tori rolled her eyes. “Just go home.”
She tried to slam the door in his face, but Nick stopped it. Then, tears sprung up in his eyes and started rolling down his cheeks. “Tori, I’m genuinely asking. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t remember anything, and I’m scared. Please, Tori.”
Her face then transformed, the anger dissipating and turning into genuine concern.
“Charlie, he's..." Tori sighed. "A couple nights ago, you slept over. And when everyone had gone to bed, Charlie... he…he relapsed. By the time I went to the bathroom, he had already been there for hours and...”
Nick started hyperventilating. He composed himself enough to say, “And what, Tori?”
“You really don’t remember?” Tori asked, accusatorially. “By the time we got to the hospital, he had lost so much blood, they…fuck,” Tori’s voice broke. She bit her fist to hold back tears. “They declared him brain dead.”
Nick couldn’t breathe. He burst into tears, felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, and before he knew it, he was wretching on the ground.
How could this have happened? How did I not wake up?
Tori knelt down on the ground with him. “How do you not remember? You were there, you saw him…”
His eyes were burning, the tears wouldn’t stop, his body was shutting down.
Nick didn’t understand. Charlie always slept by the wall, so he would’ve had to move Nick to get out of bed. Nick has always been a light sleeper, even the slighest movements woke him up. And why didn’t Charlie wake me to tell me something was wrong? Why was he suffering in silence? Why didn’t–
“Hey, what’s wrong, what’s going on?” a familiar voice asked, jolting Nick awake.
As he opened his eyes, Nick was momentarily paralyzed by shock. When he tried to speak, he noticed his throat was closed and that tears stained his cheeks. Looking at Charlie in the darkness, Nick noted his features and that his boyfriend was alive and breathing. Then, he turned towards the ceiling, unwilling to face him.
Finally, he squeezed his eyes shut as he confessed, “I had a dream you died.”
There was silence. Nick refused to look at him. A few moments later, Charlie pulled him towards his chest and held him tightly. Then, the dam broke.
Nick’s whole body was wracked by sobs. But, he was able to breathe through it because this time, Charlie was there. Physically there. Alive and well. Nick smelled him, heard his heart beating, was enveloped by his embrace.
“Shhhhh,” Charlie soothed him.
“Sorry, this is so s-stupid,” Nick managed.
In an attempt to calm him down, Charlie just kissed his forehead and ran his hands through his hair.
But the cries wouldn’t stop. Nick relived the moment over and over again, the way his entire world ended at the notion that Charlie had died. He came to the conclusion that he could not live without him. He knew he was soaking Charlie’s shirt, but he didn’t feel bad to the point that he could just stop crying. It felt endless.
“It’s okay…shhh…It’s not real...I’m right here,” Charlie whispered. He repeated those words several times, and Nick’s heart rate finally managed to slow down.
A few minutes later, Nick whimpered, no longer overcome by gut-wrenching sobs. He breathed deeply, holding Charlie tighter in his need to be grounded by touch.
“I’m right here...I love you.” Charlie said, this time with a shaky voice.
Nick didn’t really have the energy to speak anymore, or to feel guilty about worrying Charlie like that. His brain and nervous system were catching up with him and slowly beginning to register that the dream wasn’t real.
Charlie’s embrace was his anchor, the ship bringing him home. As his boyfriend massaged his hair and continued pressing his lips to his head, Nick drifted into a dreamless sleep.