Archive of Our Own

Eddie didn’t think she’d get to have this, but here she is with screen-tired eyes looking through wedding venues beside her fiancée who loves every single one of them. He says it’s because he’d marry Eddie anywhere, anytime, no matter how shitty the place is. 

And while she obviously appreciates that, Eddie thinks she actually wants to be picky. The last time she had a wedding, it was rushed and private, done in her prom suit on a day she can hardly remember, nor wants to. Eddie always looks back on her past with empathy, because she never knew what she wanted, nor what she could have. Trapped, afraid of her own mind.

But now, her hair is grown past her chin and she’s been practicing with makeup (she loves lipstick because it’s easy and for the prints it leaves on Buck. One time she told him to lie there so she could mark him up head to toe in the maroon pigment). Currently, her fiancée—who she loves very much—is talking about how great this two star venue looks. They need to have an idea of what they want to narrow things down for their wedding planner, Kelsey, and Buck isn’t exactly helping that process.

“Buck, baby, you know I love you,” Eddie says, leaning into his side, “But this place is shit.”

“Whaaat?” He spouts out. “No it’s not, they have a DJ booth!”

“My standards are a little higher than those of a middle school dance.”

Buck pouts and slumps in his chair. “Middle school dances were fun. And you’re just a little more particular than I thought you’d be about this.”

She sighs, glancing away. “I guess so. I just—I didn’t have a choice last time. I got married in the church I grew up in, and it was the first time I’d been there in like…seven years. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t…what I wanted. Y’know?”

Buck makes a small smile at her, kind and understanding. “Yeah, I get it.” He takes her wrist and runs his index along her gold bracelet. “I just don’t want you to lose your mind about it.”

“I’m not, Buck don’t worry,” Eddie assures. “And really, I thought you’d be a little more strict about things. Y’know, bring out the clipboard and make sure every little detail gets checked off. Get snippy with wedding planners because they ran out of the exact color we ordered.”

“Hey… but I could definitely bring out a clipboard if you’re into that.” He grins, and Eddie rolls her eyes despite the slight flush on her face. “But—seriously, I never even thought someone would want to marry me, so I could marry you in a ditch on the side of the road as long as I have you. If you were okay with getting officiated right this second I would do it. Of course you aren’t, so I won’t suggest that, but there is nothing I want more than to say Eddie Buckley-Diaz is my wife!”

Wife, oh god. Every time she thinks about it she gets a little dizzy. It’s something so new, so perfect, it makes her chest feel airy. For so long Eddie was someone’s husband, and the label always felt like it was branded onto her. Raised and obvious, made to define her but was just uncomfortable and far too heavy to handle. But wife? It feels domestic and sweet, everything Eddie’s ever really wanted.

Because the idea of being married always worked. A ring on her finger, another reason to make it through the next day, that bond that feels like it’ll last forever—Eddie’s always wanted to be someone’s. She just had to find the right someone, who happened to come in the form of Buck. 

And it wasn’t easy getting here. Years of aching and wanting without understanding, but Buck helped her find her way. She’s grateful for it in a way words can’t express, because she knows without him she would have been trapped for the rest of her life. Never wanting to look within to know herself, keeping herself alive only for Chris, going through every day feeling like there was a gaping hole in her center. 

Here? Like this? Eddie’s so alive. Despite being exhausted after working she still wants to spend hours searching through places where Eddie will be declared as Buck’s and Buck as Eddie’s. They’re each other’s. It’s sweet. 

Eddie never realized she was such a romantic until certain gestures suddenly made her heart flutter. Like Buck rushing out of the car to—and though it’s unnecessary—open the door for her. Or pressing gentle kisses to knuckles. Or quietly swaying together to older music, getting dressed up for expensive dates, washing each other’s hair, giving each other flowers. 

It feels like the greatest coincidence that Buck loves doing big gestures for people while she gets to tell him he’s making her so, so happy. It all works out.

“I know, sweetheart,” Eddie coos, watching Buck’s cheeks flush. “Can’t wait to call you my husband, too.”

Buck beams so hard his eyes nearly close. “Ooh, I love it! Say it again.”

“You’re gonna be my husban—Ah!”

Buck pulls her up from her chair by the wrist before reaching up to kiss Eddie so lovingly she stumbles. 

“Mmh, maybe—“ Eddie tries between the brief moments they disconnect, “We look at this later—“ Kiss “With Chris—“ A deeper, longer kiss that pushes a low noise from both of their throats.

Buck’s hands travel down to her waist and stay there as he seems very okay with that plan, walking her back to the bedroom using nothing but intuition and hope that they don’t knock something over. 

It feels like she’s on her honeymoon and she’s not even married yet.

-

The next thing they run into is who to invite. Both of them are putting paint to a canvas while they think—it’s a new thing they started to keep their hands busy when they’re not working or wedding planning. Sometimes, like today, the painting and wedding planning is at the same time. Eddie loves it, it just reminds her how far she’s come, being able to share something she used to hide and be ashamed of. 

Buck isn’t a very skilled artist, and that’s okay. She loves his corner-suns and cotton candy trees. 

Anyway, they’re trying to make a list of people, but seem to be heavily lacking.

“So we’ve got Chris, who’s a given, Maddie and Chim, Jee, Isabel and Pepa, your sisters, Hen and Karen, Denny and Mara, Bobby and Athena…and…”

Eddie laughs. “We don’t have a lot of friends, Buck.”

He scoffs in offense. “Yes, we do! We can invite Albert…Ravi…”

“Chim’s brother and our very nice coworker.”

“No—don’t think about it that way!” Buck exclaims. “How about May? You love May!”

Eddie rolls her eyes at him amusedly and dips her brush in a jar of water. “Yeah, I mean, if she can get away from school for a bit, that’d be great. I do miss her. But. Athena and Bobby’s daughter.” Before Buck can throw a pretend-fit, she adds, “I could invite Linda, though. She’s the reason I can cook semi-decently.”

“See, there you go, not family,” he remarks, waving his neon blue paint-filled brush at her. Buck goes quiet for a moment. He narrows his eyes and puts the brush back down on the table. “Hm.”

“What?”

“I don’t think I have any friends, Eds. This is kind of sad.”

“That’s what I’m saying! Neither do I!”

Buck shakes his head quickly, apparently very passionate about this. “Not true! You know people.”

She tsks quietly, a little snarkily. “Well, I did have a friend once, and then you almost broke my ankle about it then dated him for half a year even though you didn’t like him.”

Buck blanches. “You did not just bring up my ex when we are engaged! And you didn’t like him either!”

“Yes, big coincidence that the moment the guy started going out with you I decided I hated him,” Eddie laughs, though at the time it wasn’t very funny. She hates even thinking about how she was at that point—about one inconvenience from blowing her life apart. 

It’s really a testament to her growth, being able to look back and think oh god, you look so stupid. Poor thing. 

Eddie’s working with the pale green of a lily stem, noticing she’s already improved a fair amount since they started doing this a few weeks ago. Perhaps she was just a little rusty, the last time she’d done any kind of art she was eighteen. She missed it dearly, it soothes a place she forgot existed.

Buck giggles. “Yeah, cause you’re in love with me,” he teases.

“Shut up. Yeah.”

More delighted giggles tumble from Buck’s throat. He’s so giddy about getting married it’s like he’s been living with his head in the clouds ever since he accidentally proposed to Eddie on the couch. It’s adorable, she doesn’t think she’s ever seen him so happy. 

Joking about being a little friendless aside, Eddie doesn’t need anyone else, not really. Buck’s been her best friend for years, and now it’s a little different, but fundamentally it’s the same. They’re each other’s biggest support and emergency contacts and spend every day and night together. Eddie gets to lay her head on Buck’s chest and fall asleep to the beating of his heart, but now she can do it with a ring on her finger.

It’s cliché, but they really do just fit in each other’s lives like puzzle pieces. 

-

The topic of who to invite comes up again after a phone call with her dad. She hasn’t told him about the engagement, or the wedding. Because what comes with that is an ask about when and where it is, while Eddie isn’t sure if she wants them to be there at all.

She knows Ramon has accepted her as best he could manage, he tries his best to not call her the wrong terms, but Eddie knows her life doesn’t align with how her dad was raised. She’s grateful to still be loved, though.

Helena is a stubborn woman, and that’s all she’ll say on that. Eddie knows she does not want her there. She remembers a time where her feelings about her mom were complicated and messy. Most of what she feels now is disappointment.

So, being on the phone with her dad makes guilt bubble under her skin. It’s clear he’s trying to stay connected, but Eddie’s once again hiding something big from him when she shouldn’t. Right? Is she doing the right thing? It eats at her a bit, she almost wants Buck to make the decision for her so she doesn’t have to worry about it. But she couldn’t ask that of him either, since he’d probably tell Eddie to do what she feels is right. Eddie isn’t sure what is.

The call is what someone would expect: basic pleasantries, talking about Chris, about work, about little things in their lives. Sometimes Ramon asks if Eddie is still called Eddie and she’ll always reply, ‘yes, I’m still Eddie’. He says it’s quite stale over in Texas now without any of his kids around, and Eddie does her best not to snarkily add that Chris is her kid and not his. They’re moving forward, it has been three months, but in a way, Eddie thinks some damage can’t ever be fully erased. That’s part of why this is so hard.

“Well, do you think he’d be a problem if he came to the wedding?” Buck asks once Eddie finally caves in and goes for advice. It’s late in the night, house settled and quiet. “You two have been pretty okay, right?”

She sighs and tips her head back to look up at Buck from where she’s situated. She’s laying in his lap while he cards through her slight waves. It’s calming. “Yeah, but it’s not like I came out to him and all our problems vanished. Now instead of being the disappointing son I’m the disappointing daughter.”

Buck frowns and moves his hand to gently hold her face up. “Heyy, don’t talk about yourself like that. And it sounds like you don’t want to invite him. You don’t have to.”

Eddie shuts her eyes and pulls her knees closer to her chest. “I kind of don’t, but I feel like I should. How do I avoid ever talking about the fact that I’m married?”

“We could say we eloped.”

“No one elopes at thirty-four.”

“We could be the first,” Buck tries, pressing his thumb into the mole under her eye. 

It makes Eddie smile, all things considered. She always loves Buck’s efforts to help her out. “Well, what do you think? Because I mean…” Eddie trails off with a pout. “I wanna wear a dress,” she mumbles.

“Would him being there make you not want to?”

“No—that’s…” Eddie exhales. She sits up, wrapping her arms around her knees. “I want to, I mean, I’ve gotten used to wearing the clothes I want. But he’s never seen that from me. I haven’t sent him any pictures of me since we left either, my hair’s totally different, I’ve been on HRT, and I don’t act like I used to. I’m just worried because…he accepted it when it was just words. What if he can’t accept it when it’s real?”

“Then he isn’t worth your time anymore,” Buck says firmly. “You pretty much cut your mom off, and if they both can’t love you for you, then they aren’t worth it.”

Eddie frowns at the thought. “I wish I didn’t have to. I miss her, y’know. Even though she doesn’t…accept me…she’s still my mom.”

“I know.”

“…How did you get your parents to start caring again?”

Buck hesitates. “I uh…I told them I forgave them. Even if it wasn’t entirely truthful, I wanted to move on, and I think they did, too. We had family therapies for a while. It’s still not perfect, but. They…put in the work.”

Eddie’s frown only deepens as she glances away, eyes wide and sad. “So am I just not worth it to her?”

“Eddie…”

“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have—“

“No, it’s okay,” Buck reassures, hand firmly on her shoulder, mirroring Eddie’s designated spot in that junction of Buck’s neck and shoulder. She brings her gaze back to his face full of sympathy. “Listen, Eds, I don’t want you to be stressed about this, we’re getting married! I’m going to be your husband and you’ll be my wife, and if you’re worried about leaving people out we could just bring Chris. Have Bobby officiate. Then maybe we could celebrate at Bobby and Athena’s new house, chosen family only.”

She hums, taking the hand on her shoulder and angling her face to press a gentle kiss into the engagement ring there. After the accidental proposal, they both went ring shopping together, no point in a surprise when they both knew they wanted it. 

“Maybe. I don’t know. I want people there, I want a celebration, I want…” She sighs. “I’m still not used to talking like this. I’m being a little bit of a bridezilla, though, aren’t I?” 

“Not at all,” he says. “I love how thoughtful you are, you know that. You want things to be perfect, there’s nothing wrong with that, baby.”

“Other people might disagree.”

Buck smiles sweetly, tucking her short strands behind her ears. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not asking for anyone else’s opinions. I don’t want them anyway. You’ll always be perfect to me.”

“Buuck,” she groans, face hot under the attention. “You’re gonna kill me.”

“Not on my watch,” Buck grins. “I’ll just bring you back.”

“That’s a form of torture, I’m sure.”

“You’d love it.”

Eddie beams at the absurdity of it all, chest tight, but not in a bad way. It's just full of love. 

“Maybe. But I love everything you do.”

Their faces inch closer, matching fond grins stuck on with little giggles falling out of them. 

“Oh, you do?” Buck mutters, eyes flickering downward. 

Eddie finds herself looking at Buck’s lips, too. “You know I do—“

“I know you do.”

She giggles again, closing the gap to briefly press her lips to Buck’s. “How can I not when you’re all I’ve ever wanted?”

“Funny, I’d say the same.”

“Stop trying to one-up me,” Eddie pouts, kissing Buck once, then again when he opens his mouth to keep speaking. “Shut up.”

“N—“

Eddie kisses him again, crawling into his lap to deepen it and so Buck can hold her closer. It’s all slow and tender, further softened by light laughter and the comforter beneath them. It’s a lot like a dream, or something that Eddie will only remember by a mere feeling, one day when smells and sounds are all that can pull out memories. She’ll remember this. Buck, soft and gentle, but firm and grounding. And she’ll remember herself, too. Free and joyous, held and cared for. 

She pulls back enough to look into Buck’s sickeningly fond eyes. “Thank you,” she mumbles. Eddie brushes her thumbs against his cheekbones. “I still need to think about it all, but I don’t know. You always just make me feel better.”

Buck looks gorgeous hearing that, quite frankly. His eyes shimmer and cheeks flush from the shy smile pushing them out. Eddie thinks it all the time, but Buck is just so pretty. And she’s gonna keep him forever.

“Good.” Buck leans further into her touch. “You look so pretty, by the way.”

“I was just thinking the same thing!”

“About yourself?”

Eddie narrows her eyes. “No, about you, silly.”

“Oh. Awww,” Buck coos. “I think we’re telepathic. Oh—maybe—do you think since we got hit by the same lightning our thoughts are connected, but only sometimes?”

She snorts, bringing her hands to wrap around the back of his neck. “I think telepathy isn’t real, honey. I think we just spend too much time together.”

“Not possible. I will surgically attach myself to you.”

“You’re so weird. I love you.”

-

The next bump in the road is the outfits. Buck’s should be easy enough, but it’s hard to know exactly what he should get when Eddie hasn’t even looked at wedding dresses yet. She’s nervous, obviously. Nervous in the way that makes your pulse flutter and breathing deepen, nothing too serious. Eddie knows what she wants only vaguely, always drawn to long flowing skirts as opposed to anything tighter. They’re just a little hard to walk in, and she’d like to be comfortable. The other thing is that wedding dresses can cost a fortune, and Eddie isn’t looking for anything that will send her and Buck into debt.

She and Buck book an appointment and Chris wants to tag along and give his opinions, so they happily bring him. Eddie chews on her cheek the whole ride there, hoping the workers are very nice people. 

Going in, the first thing Chris mutters is, “It is so white in here.”

Eddie laughs, but god, it really is. Beneath her feet are large ivory tiles, reflecting the overhead lights that illuminate the store and add to the whole ‘sterile’ feel she’s getting. There is a woman with a messy updo upfront behind a white rounded desk who smiles and waves at the three of them.

“Hi!” She greets, her smile bright. “I’m Alicia, do you have an appointment scheduled for today?”

“Yes,” Eddie says, nerves alight. “I’m Eddie. So. It should be under Eddie. For twelve.”

Alicia hums, briefly scanning through her computer. “Ah, gotcha. Alright, there’s no bookings for the next hour, so I can definitely work with you today! Just come with me.”

Buck and Chris introduce themselves as they’re walking to one of the large dressing rooms—a room that is just as white and blinding—and settles them two down on a couch in the center of the room. 

With a tape measure, Alicia quickly jots down Eddie’s measurements to get a good grip on sizing then lets her sit with her family.

“So, did you have a style in mind or were you thinking of trying a bunch and seeing which you liked best?” 

Eddie purses her lips in thought and taps her ankle against Buck’s. Just for comfort as her head swims with thought after thought that spill from her mouth at once. “Anything flowy would be nice. I’m not a big fan of strapless since it doesn’t really stay up. Maybe sleeves. Maybe not. I don’t know if I’d um…fit. With sleeves. Cause I’m a firefighter, I’ve got…arms. But—uh they have slimmed a little, I’m…on hormones—um looser sleeves could work. But they don’t have to be there. So…”

The room is silent, and Eddie keeps talking, to her dismay. “Actually! I have been on Pinterest—it’s like an app, it’s great. Buck showed it to me and now I’m like a picture addict, I’ve got venue ideas and catering ideas and dress ideas and—“

“Eddie…” Buck whispers, nudging her by the ankle.

“Hm?” 

“Just uh…” He chuckles, tone sweet and eyes still fond. “You’re sounding more and more like me every day.”

“Oh,” Eddie says, then smiles delightfully. Deep down she knows how Buck meant it, but she loves Buck’s rambling, so it’s a high compliment to her. 

Alicia soaks all of Eddie’s mess in and nods slowly, clearly trying to bring all of that into an actual coherent statement. “Well…I think I get it anyway. You don’t need to show me your Pinterest, I feel like you’re leaning towards A-line and ballgown. How do you feel about lace?”

“Not…opposed.”

“Ruffles?”

“Maybe.”

“Sheer?”

Eddie hums. “Sounds kinda fun.”

“And you’re thinking traditional white?”

“Definitely.”

“Alright, I will be back!”

That leaves the three of them alone in the stark white room.

“Mom, you sound so nervous I thought you could pass out,” Chris giggles.

Eddie pouts. “Well forgive me, I’ve never had to do a wedding dress fitting before. It’s sort of a big deal.”

Buck grabs onto her hand and interlocks their fingers together like muscle memory. “You don’t have to be worried, nothing has to be final today. We can just try things on and see what you like.”

“He’s right, you know Say Yes to the Dress?” Chris asks.

“Yes…?”

“Everyone takes forever.”

Her and Buck dissolve into quiet laughter. “Since when did you watch Say Yes to the Dress?” Eddie questions through giggles. “You’ve never watched it with me. Is this why you wanted to come along so bad today?”

“I watch it on TikTok when it shows up! Don’t shame me,” Chris defends himself, crossing his arms with a reddened face. 

“No one is shaming you, Chris.”

Not long after, Alicia walks back in with an entire rack on wheels and an assortment of white dresses to pick from. Eddie’s eyes widen to an alarming size at just how much she’s picked out for her. 

She shows off a wide variety, from ruffled skirts to ballgowns to off the shoulder tops, sheer and silk and lace. They do a process of elimination—Chris eliminated the ruffles first because he thought they looked like tablecloths. Eddie decided to take his word for it since her son is apparently an expert now. Buck gives his opinion on some of them, but he keeps saying they’d all look amazing on Eddie. Typical.

When they get down to six options, it’s time to try them on. Alicia brings Eddie to a connected curtained changing area and tells her to ‘holler if she needs anything’. 

Eddie stares all six dresses down like they’ll vanish if she touches them. Then again, they’re very enticing. Somehow it feels like she’s trying on a skirt for the first time in the mall all over again, like she’d break down as soon as she looks at herself in them.

She must have dreamt of this before, those dreams she never could remember even when she thought hard about it. Perhaps it was during that period of her life she hardly recalls, somewhere between telling her mom that Shannon was pregnant and leaving for her first tour. It would have added to all the devastation ever-present, the hollowed feeling of wrong that she felt all over her body, watching Shannon in her simple white dress and strained smile. Eddie’s sure she dreamt of standing in Shannon’s place, white veil obscuring her eyes, head bowed in shame. It was forgotten when she came to, stowed away somewhere safe, waiting for her to look and find what was missing. She used to feel sick with longing for something she couldn’t understand. 

Eddie grazes the soft fabric and breathes slowly, processing and grounding herself in the moment. It’s a lot, being someone who was barred off from even thinking about something like this. Now she has it brushing against her fingertips. Eddie reaches out and holds it firmly, but not enough to wrinkle or damage it. It’s delicate. 

The outfit she has on now is purposely simple, but feminine enough in case the workers weren’t nice. Alicia seems sweet, though, so she probably shouldn’t have worried. Regardless, Eddie pulls off her long skirt and sweater, folding them up and setting them aside. 

The first dress is off the shoulder, opaque white on the bodice with a layered sheer skirt that extends to the floor. The back looks complicated, but there are two large bows right where the skirt connects to the bodice. Eddie isn’t even sure she can get this on by herself. But she tries, unlatching every intricate piece in the back before stepping into it, pulling it back up until her chest is covered. Only thing is, it really is impossible to fully put on without someone’s help.

Eddie doesn’t think she wants to make Alicia do it, but she isn’t sure Buck could figure this out, either. It’s hooked almost like a bra, but nicer to look at. Actually, what is she kidding? Buck can handle a bra. She’d know.

She snatches her phone up, holding the bodice against her chest with one hand to text Buck. It takes him about ten seconds to get there, opening the curtain just enough to slide his way in.

“Hey—oh my god,” Buck attempts, looking at Eddie like she’s wedding ready while the dress is just barely hanging on. He blinks twice, hard, then shuffles over while Eddie turns her back to him. It’s nothing new for them, especially when Eddie usually wears dresses for dates. “Woah, it’s like a…puzzle.”

Eddie snickers, watching Buck in the mirror carefully pulling the pieces together, intricately stitching her up in a comfortable silence. Buck manages, eventually. Eddie removes her hand from the front of the dress and it doesn’t fall to her feet, thankfully. 

Buck’s gaze finds hers in the reflection and he smiles, hands now curved on her waist. “Do you want me to say anything?” Buck asks gently.

Eddie swivels her hips slightly, the swooping fabric following her movement. A smile finds her, a small, but real one. “It’s good for twirling. When we dance, it’ll look pretty.”

Buck hums in agreement, taking Eddie by the hand and lifting it over her head until she twists around into his arms. The skirt billows out then bounces back to its regular state again. Both of them smile about it, private and sweet. 

“You look like a dream,” Buck murmurs, as if the thought slid its way out of his mouth by mistake, hypnotized. Eddie’s lashes flutter—merely by instinct—as she inhales deeply, face warm.  

He blinks, then, back in reality. “Jesus. I’m going to be no help in making a decision. How do you feel?”

Eddie rolls her shoulders around. “The off the shoulder is kind of hard to move in,” she admits. “But it’s pretty.”

“So pretty.”

“I’ll show Chris, for sake’s sake.”

She does, and he says it’s good, and that even though he didn’t like it on the hanger, Eddie looks super cool. She’ll take that. It’s a high compliment from a fourteen year old. 

Alicia gives her own thoughts, like how it’s classy and simple, but if Eddie wants something less modern, some of the other dresses would be better for that style. 

Buck becomes Eddie’s lovely helper with each dress. The next is an off-white simple satin gown with thin straps. The front of the skirt is just above floor length and the back drapes out behind her. It also comes with sheer elbow-length gloves. Buck tells her she looks like a princess, Chris thinks it’s pretty, but doesn’t love the color, Alicia says the straps slightly dig into her. Eddie agrees with…everything.

They go through a couple more, a combination ruffle-sheer dress that Buck thinks is so pretty and Chris thinks is nice, but looks like a picnic dress. The next is another off the shoulder with a lace bodice that travels its way down the long solid white train like vines. Buck looked like he was going to pass out, Chris said it was super cool, but wasn’t sure if it was Eddie . Eddie thinks about how picky Chris can be about these things and laughs fondly, knowing he obviously means well. She and Buck raised a very particular son. 

They’re left with two, and looking at them on the rack, they’re both gorgeous. 

One is vintage, with an embroidered bodice on an empire waist and elbow-length bishop sleeves (according to Alicia, Eddie doesn’t know this terminology well). The trim on the bottom of the skirt is embroidered, too. It’s beautiful. 

The other is an A-line satin dress with halter straps and open upper back. The waist has something like a corset, though it’s smooth and uses a zipper instead of a lace-up. In the back, a large satin bow rests just below where the dip of her back would be. Her favorite part, though, is the front. Right in the junction of the sweetheart neckline are four rose-like shapes in the fabric, colored a very pale teal, just the slightest pop of color.

Eddie’s favorite color. 

The house is just littered with it. From her teal ovens, to her teal painted bedroom, to lamps and to cooking utensils, Eddie has never loved a color like she loves this blue. It’s just her luck that Buck’s eyes would be so similar to that gorgeous color, and that it would be attached right to this one wedding dress Alicia picked out. 

To preface, the vintage dress is stunning. Eddie puts it on and feels like she should play an old song and wrap her arms around Buck in the kitchen like they did out in Texas. Buck must be reading her mind when he takes her by the hand and twirls her in a full circle this time. Between the four of them, this one is the favorite so far. Chris’ only comment was on how it looked old, which Eddie had to explain was the point. 

It comes time for the final dress to be put on, and Eddie’s heart beats out of her chest, thumping against her ribcage as she pulls it on by herself. She doesn’t look at herself in the mirror. Buck zips it up and straightens out the skirt, then presses a soft kiss to the back of her shoulder. 

“Oh wow,” Buck says in awe, now a couple steps away. “Baby, you look…”

Eddie raises her gaze to make eye contact with herself in the mirror, and finds herself instantly teary-eyed. The soft straps anchor to the back of her neck, the bodice with the small roses tapers in on her waist until the skirt delicately falls outwards over her hips to the floor. She turns slightly to look over her shoulder at the large satin bow that sits low on her spine while the end pieces hang down to the back of her knees. It’s not a complicated dress, but it is…perfect.

She’s overwhelmed with it suddenly, the strength of her emotions pushing the tears from her eyes. The yearning once had isn’t a figment of her imagination, it was always possible. Here Eddie is, in the most beautiful thing she’s ever put on, with a ring on her finger, her fiancé watching her with more love than she thought was capable of being given to her, and her son just outside the curtains — waiting for them. 

“Eddie…?” Buck speaks tentatively, an arm trying to extend to ground her with his touch, but hovers. 

She tries anyway. “Buck, it’s—“ Eddie whispers. “It’s so—“ The words choke up in her throat, dying in a soft ‘oh’ noise before the tears turn into quiet sobs and Buck finally gets close enough to pull her into his arms, face tucked over his shoulder.

“Oh, my sweet girl, it’s okay,” Buck breathes against her neck. “I’ve got you.”

Eddie lets out a sad sob, muffled. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted,” she quietly weeps, wary of Chris and Alicia in the other room. “I look—. I look so pretty.”

“You do. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world, and you’ll be the most beautiful bride, too.”

“Oh, god,” she cries, practically blubbering. “I’m so scared.”

“What? How come?” Buck worries, the hand combing through her hair to calm her stuttering to a stop. He pulls back just enough to look at Eddie‘s reddened tear-stained face.

“Because I…I’m afraid I’m going to wake up. Like…like all of this is just a dream and then I’ll wake up and I’m still— trapped and alone and—“ Eddie sniffles hard and choked out more thoughts she didn’t even register she’d been having. “Living to make myself feel worse. Ashamed. Avoiding you. Sitting by Chris’ bed wondering if he’ll ever want to come home. I’m so scared I’ll wake up and all of this has been one of those dreams I can never reach, left as just something in the back of my mind. And it’s so stupid, because it sounds ridiculous that I’m so happy I’m horrified by it. But I’ve never known a life as good as this, I can't lose it.”

Buck moves his hands to cup her face, eyes darkened with deep empathy. “You’re not going to lose this, I promise. You’re not dreaming, things are just better now. And they’ll keep getting better, and I’ll stay here with you no matter what,” he comforts, wiping the corners of her eyes. “You’re not trapped anymore, Eddie, I mean look at you.”

He steps aside and lets Eddie look at herself again, this time with Buck’s hand lingering on her shoulder, soothingly. 

“You don’t just look like a dream, Eddie. You look like the rest of my life.”

If anything is going to make the waterworks keep running, it’s that. A wet laugh escapes her, disbelieving just how perfect Buck is and how good he is to her. 

“God, Buck,” she laughs again, rubbing her teary eyes. “You can’t just say that.”

“I’m not just saying it,” Buck chuckles. “I mean it. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe it, too, but it is real. We’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together.” He lifts Eddie’s hand and presses a gentle kiss into her knuckles. “And let’s not act like you don’t have multiple counts of dropping the most romantic things I’ve ever heard like they’re nothing. Expecting me to just live my life normally after that.”

“They weren’t nothing.”

“I know,” he smiles.

Eddie groans and rubs at her eyes a bit more, a little embarrassed but pushing through. It’s just Buck. 

“I guess you’re learning from me, then.”

“I guess I am.”

Silence falls between them, something comfortable and satiated while Eddie takes another look at herself. She sees it — pairing the dress with gloves, maybe sheer ones, and a veil to match. Not a long veil because it would cover up the bow. Her hair would be done with light makeup on her face since she’s still learning. 

She wants her whole 118 family there to see her like that. At work, she doesn’t get the opportunity to feel very feminine, not in a way that genuinely bothers her, but Eddie loves to reclaim femininity for herself. After being taught to be ashamed of those parts of her, thinking it was wrong and something to keep hidden, a secret, Eddie wants her family to see her heart worn on her sleeves, to show them everything she once kept locked away. 

A wedding between just her, Buck, and Chris would be okay, but Eddie would feel too much like she’s hiding. She wants to share herself, pretty in her wedding dress. 

“This is the one,” Eddie says, holding the skirt and moving the fabric to swish left and right. “I’m gonna wear this one.”

When they open the curtain, Eddie knows it’s very obvious she’s been crying—nose sniffly and eyes red—but hell, she’s sure Alicia is used to this. 

“Sorry for taking so long.” She clears her throat and glances at Alicia, then Chris, and they’re both smiling. “Got a little—it’s okay. Um. I really like this one.”

“See, that’s how you know it’s the right one,” Chris nods. “The brides always cry in the show and then everyone hugs her.” 

The room bursts into giggles, and Eddie moves towards the couch extending her arms out, saying, “Come here, you silly reality tv watcher.”

Chris stands, wrapping his arms around her middle and smiling against her upper arm. “Just so you know, Mom, I also approve. It’s the best one.”

She kisses the top of his head, making a small mwah noise as she does. “Glad we’re on the same page, bud.”

-

After picking out a venue, their wedding planner, Kelsey, says she needs an exact number of reservations in order to arrange tables and chairs and all the other fun stuff. Eddie sort of spaced out after she mentioned an exact number given her dilemma, hoping Buck had his head on straight for everything else she mentioned. 

It’s come to her attention that with how much it’s digging into her, she’d regret not even bothering to ask. There would always be an unanswered question during what’s meant to be the happiest day of her life. She might as well ask. Right? 

That’s how Eddie ends up pacing around the kitchen with her dad’s contact open on the table. Buck picked up an extra shift—they do need money for this wedding—and Chris is at Denny’s. With all the alone time, Eddie’s brain kicked into overdrive. This would be the perfect opportunity to call him. But what if he says no? What if he gets weird about Eddie being a bride?  

Eddie wishes Buck was here to convince her to start a call, but she can do this on her own. Eddie is so brave and strong, she has a silver star and has seen terrible things and been through much worse than having to call her dad. Yeah. She’s got this.

Eddie picks her phone up and presses the call button, heart immediately picking up its pace to a rate she has to do a breathing exercise to get through. With every unanswered ring, she imagines herself like strawberry jello to relax, enough so that she ends up sitting on the kitchen floor, limbs fully jellied. 

“Hey, Eddie,” Ramon picks up. “Usually you text before you call.” Eddie sits silently for a moment, eyes wide and angled away from the phone, as if avoiding eye contact. “Eddie, you there?”

“Uh—yeah, sorry,” she says, clearing her throat. “I just wanted to talk to you about something. Something pretty important.”

“Uh huh.”

His tone is almost disinterested, worming its way under her skin and making her just a bit more unsure of herself. 

“So…big news, I guess,” Eddie chuckles stiffly. “I’m getting married.”

“What?” 

Her throat goes tight. She doesn’t know how to take that at all. “Yeah. Married.”

A slight pause. “To who? Buck?”

“Well, yes,” Eddie says. “Who else would it be, we’ve been dating for months. You know that—I…I told you how I feel.”

“Don’t get defensive, I was just asking a question. You’re really committing to marriage so early?” 

She frowns. “I’ve known Buck for almost eight years. He’s very important to me, we both wanted this, and Chris approved, too. And it’s not like you saw anything wrong with me committing to marriage the first time.”

“Oh, I saw plenty wrong—“

“Dad.” She speaks firmly, cutting herself off to breathe for a moment. “Just. I’m getting married, I don’t care how you feel about it. I am. There’s going to be a wedding, and…I’m extending an invitation to you.” Eddie tells him the date, time, location, everything he needs to know while he stays silent on the other end of the line. “You don’t have to go, and I didn’t invite Mom, I’d rather you didn’t tell her. For my sake.”

Ramon, blunt as ever, asks, “Why? Because she doesn’t approve of your new life?”

“…Yeah. Obviously,” Eddie sighs, thumping her head against the wall. “Listen, I don’t… look like I used to, and I certainly won’t during the wedding either. Okay? I’m not just getting married, I’m the bride.”

“Ah. I see.”

“And I want to be true to myself, especially on a day that’s this important to me. I want to feel comfortable, and free like I have since I left Texas. My family here, they love me. If you don’t want to go, I can live with that. I just wanted to give you the option. I could even reserve a seat for you in case you don’t want to RSVP and just…go on a whim. As you do,” she tacks on, slightly bitterly. “I know you try your best to respect who I am now, and I’m so grateful, but if me being someone’s bride is too much for you, don’t go. Please. I don’t want a scene.”

Ramon’s quiet again, that contemplative silence he always falls into when thinking of the exact way to word his sentences. It used to make her wonder how hard he thought on the things he said to her growing up, all those pointed jabs that would upset her. How hard did he think about those things he said? Were they just in his nature?

“How about this,” Ramon starts, “I’ll think about it. Just have a chair for me, I’m no good at getting back to people.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

A long sigh from the other end of the call. “Alright, Eddie. I might show up, and if not, I’ll um…I’ll pay you back for the cost of the chair.”

She snorts quietly. “Great. Thanks, Dad.”

They say their quick goodbyes, and then disconnect from one another. Eddie thunks the back of her head against the wall again, eyes closed in the stillness of her home. 

Not a yes, not a no. Hardly even a maybe. Borderline in a state of flux, just depending on Ramon’s mood for the day on whether or not he wants to see his daughter in a dress. Great.

The first person to get home hours later is Buck, letting some light into the dark living room where Eddie lays sideways on the couch. The TV illuminates enough light so it isn’t pitch black, but she’s not paying it much mind, it’s just the cooking channel for white noise. 

“Hey,” Buck says carefully, rubbing her shoulder so she looks up at him. “Spaced out?”

“Mmh, yeah.” Eddie blinks and pushes onto her elbow. “Kinda tired. Come sit.”

Buck smiles, rounding the couch. Eddie sits up further to let Buck get behind her and wrap his arms around her center. He smells like the station’s showers, which isn’t bad, just sort of sterile. Eddie leans into him anyway. 

“I feel like nothing fun happens on B shift,” Buck mumbles tiredly. “Just a load of minor medical calls. I didn’t even do anything.”

“Hey, we still got the money.”

“Sure. Still, bored out of my mind. What’d you do?”

Eddie sighs, steeling herself for a real conversation. “Asked my dad about the wedding.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

She can hear Buck grimacing behind her. “Did…did it go well?”

Eddie groans, curling further into him somehow. “He said ‘he’d think about it’. We have to reserve a chair for him because he doesn’t want to RSVP in case he changes his mind.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah.”

Buck combs his fingers through her slight bedhead from being pressed into the couch cushions, humming out a noise. “Sounds very flaky.”

“Well, if you looked up flaky in the dictionary, a picture of my dad would show up.” Eddie sighs again, closing her eyes. Buck’s touch is soothing. “At least I gave him the option. I felt like it was better than not knowing if he would’ve gone. Probably would’ve always wondered, then. Now I’ll know.”

“Even if he doesn’t, that’s okay,” he replies. “It’s not about him, it’s about you, us, our family. I hope you won’t think about it too much. I just want you to enjoy yourself.”

“I am,” Eddie pouts, placing her hand over Buck’s where it rests on her stomach. “I’ve never enjoyed myself as much as I have these last few weeks. I mean it. You make me so happy, always have. I don’t need my dad to go. I just want to know if he would. For me. That’s all.”

“I get it.”

She can feel Buck twirling a strand of hair around his finger from the slight tug on her scalp. Buck loves Eddie’s hair grown out like this. It’s short, but it’s the longest it’s ever been, and Buck tells her all the time how adorable he thinks she looks. He has some sort of cuteness-aggression issue, not that Eddie’s complaining, especially when the aggression comes in the form of kissing her all over until her face is bright red and burning hot. But Buck loves the changes in Eddie because he knows it’s what she wants. Once he said that Eddie’s always been beautiful, but she’s the most beautiful she’s ever been because of how at peace she is with herself. It’s a glowing kind of beauty.

Eddie has her bumps, like back in the dressing room where for just a moment she feared the absolute worst, but that doesn’t make her any less at peace. She’s only scared of a life where she’s still stuck with a war in her mind that had gone on for so long that the cause was left buried. But that won’t happen here. Not when Eddie knows herself better than she ever has before.

The fingers in her hair begin to relax, unfurling until Buck decompresses, cheek gently pressed to the top of her head. 

“‘M gonna fall asleep,” he mumbles.

“After such a long day of doing nothing, too,” Eddie jokes, letting herself be used as a pillow. Buck’s lack of energy seeps into her, making her eyes droopy. “Chris is sleeping at Hen and Karen’s…by the way. Don’t have to pick him up.”

Buck nods faintly. He wraps his arms back around Eddie fully like a big teddy bear and pulls them down so they’re laying across the couch together. “Yay,” he quietly cheers. “Nap time.”

“It’s dark out, baby, this is called sleeping.”

“No, I wanna get up later and…make something.”

She chuckles. “Okay, you do that.”

“Brownies?”

“Mmmh…fuck yeah.”

Buck giggles and curls his leg over Eddie’s, somehow putting them close enough they could probably merge into one being if they tried hard enough. “Knew you’d be into it. Also, you smell really nice, is it something new?”

“Sleep please, I want brownies sooner.”

“Okay.”

-

By the next week, everything seems sorted out on the surface with Kelsey. The venue is booked, it’s an outdoor garden setting surrounded by greenery with a separate section for the reception. They’re inviting the Wilsons, the Grant-Nashes, the Hans, Pepa and Isabel, the Buckleys, and maybe Ramon. Depending on his mood, apparently. 

(Buck had been hesitant with his parents, not wanting to cause a scene. But they’d behaved at Maddie and Chim’s wedding, so he thought they could come here, too. Eddie’s met them, they’re not outwardly against the way she lives her life now. She kind of hates them for what they did, but Buck kind of hates Ramon, so it’s like a trade-off of sorts.)

Eddie has been aiming for a simple but elegant look with the tables, and the main centerpiece is a small glass vase with one pink evening primrose, also known as a pinklady. The only ones who would understand the significance are her and Buck, maybe Chris, but she likes that about it. It’s special.

So when they’re reviewing everything over with Kelsey, going through each detail of what is being ordered to the venue, she doesn’t expect her to say, 

“Right, about the flowers, the usual vendor I buy from—we have a great relationship—he’s all out of the pink evening primroses, but he does have plenty of the Missouri evening primroses, which are in the same species, just yellow instead. Is that alright with you two?” 

Buck places the checklist in his hands down on the table, silently eyeing Eddie beside him. “Well, to be honest, we asked for that color specifically for a reason, but…Eddie?” He asks calmly. 

Eddie can feel both sets of eyes on her, and she knows, right? She knows how it would make her look to talk about the specifics of the flower color, but god , that’s the one thing that mattered. She wouldn’t care if it was the color of the chairs, or the table cloths—unless they were hideous—but the flowers? Eddie…well, she just expected they wouldn’t run out of flowers at a flower business. Right?

“Uh…yeah, no,” she chuckles stiffly. “Not okay.”

Kelsey’s mouth opens slightly to speak, but nothing comes out for a moment. The silence in the room is piercing. 

“I mean, you can find another vendor, right?” Eddie presses a little. “He can’t be the only one in the world who sells flowers, and I mean, I’m sorry, but it’s kind of important to me. Like…personally and all. I wouldn’t have chosen to have the flowers if they were gonna be yellow, because the whole point is that they’re pink.”

She nods quietly, typing on her computer like it might bite her. “Right. Of course.” Kelsey smiles tightly, and stands. “You know what, I will call him right now and see what I can get arranged. Mind if I step out?”

“Not a problem,” Buck says. There’s a similarly tense but kind smile on his face until she’s all the way down in the living room. Once he’s sure she’s completely out of earshot, he turns to Eddie. “Who’s getting snippy with wedding planners because they ran out of the exact color we ordered now, huh?”

Eddie groans, placing her head in her hands. “I’m sorry, that was so embarrassing. But why yellow, I mean, that doesn’t go with anything else we’ve ordered! And look around us, you’ve hung up everything I’ve painted somehow, thank you for not hitting anything important, and almost all of them have pink flowers in them. Just tell me you’re out of pink, don’t even offer me yellow.”

Buck snickers, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Ooh, baby, you’re in it now. You know, you’re cute when you know what you want.”

“Don’t test me, Buckley.”

“That’s Buckley-Diaz to you, Miss.”

She scoffs. “Won’t be in a minute.” Eddie’s a terrible liar and can’t bite back the way the corners of her lips begin to curl up as she stares at Buck’s pouty profile. “Wait, don’t frown, she’ll think I said something mean to you”

“I just got threatened with divorce, I can frown,” Buck retorts heatlessly, sliding the hand on her shoulders into her hair. “You’re not getting away from me, though.”

“Mmh, wouldn’t dream of it.”

When Kelsey returns, she does it with a much different demeanor than what she’s had the past month, to Eddie’s embarrassment. Less enthusiastic, more cautious. 

“Alright, I was on the phone with him for a while, I do apologize,” she smiles politely, sitting back down with her laptop. “But after working some stuff out, I’m now able to get you the color of flowers you requested.”

Eddie lets out a relieved sigh, unaware that a situation so silly had her so tense. Maybe that was why Buck’s been giving her a bit of a back rub for a few minutes. 

“Well, that’s good, thank you.” She pauses, the need to say something gnawing at her skin. “I’m sorry, by the way, it’s just some stress getting to me.”

“No worries! I’ve dealt with much worse, one time one of my clients threw a bottle of wine because it wasn’t made in the year they wanted,” Kelsey laughs, though Eddie can tell she just wants her to feel better. “Very, very rare occurrence to be that bad, but still. Most people getting married are particular about it.”

Still, even with that, Eddie can’t help but be unable to meet her eyes. “Yeah, I’m a bit of a bridezilla, aren’t I?” She mutters shamefully.

“Hey, I’m the one with the clipboard out,” Buck jokes. “If anything, we can be bridezillas together.”

She snorts, leaning further into his space as his comment fills her with warmth. It should be nothing, but Buck won’t let her fall into a bad mindset alone, always opting to step into her space and sit beside her so there is someone there for Eddie if she needs him. She always does. 

Her fears of this life slipping from her seem silly at times like these, when Buck is as grounding and supportive as ever, in their shared kitchen planning the final details of their wedding. They ordered a cake, not an extravagant one, but a nice one. Eddie picked out shoes, a veil, and gloves with Maddie and Karen last week — the three of them have gotten closer since she came out. Pepa has been visiting every now and again, always telling Eddie she looks so pretty, pinching her cheeks before moving on to Chris and Buck. 

Everything feels…perfect. It should still ring alarm bells in her head, but as time goes on, she’s been settling into a comfortability that comes with a life like this. It’s easy, it’s fun, it’s just what she always wanted. Every day Eddie wakes up, she’s less surprised the world around her still exists. Buck is still there, Chris is still there, Eddie is still there. Her chosen family in the 118 and the circle of people surrounding that are still there. A life like this can't escape her now because she has it, it’s hers to keep.

-

Eddie stirs with a light groan, the lack of her personal weighted blanket throwing her off balance. She glances over her shoulder to Buck’s side and finds it empty. Usually it wouldn’t concern her much, Buck tends to get up and busy himself when he can’t sleep to tire himself out, but tonight is especially important for rest.

She pushes herself out of the bed drowsily, padding across the house looking for him. First, the bathroom, then the dining room, and lastly the living room. She finds Buck in there, rearranging the frames above the fireplace as he dusts the top, but she imagines everything in this room has been dusted, too.

“Hey,” Eddie calls to get his attention. It works, considering he perks up and looks to the entranceway. “You okay, honey?”

Buck places one of the picture frames back where it was, like he’s been caught. “Yeah, hey, sorry did I wake you up?”

“Mmm, kind of,” she hums, stepping closer. “I was more wondering about you, though. You just trying to get tired or is it something else?”

He hesitates for a moment, then sighs, placing the duster down on the coffee table. “Both.”

“Mhm.”

Eddie takes Buck by the hand and brings him to the couch to sit with him, and maybe she curls up into him because she finds it hard not to do so. 

“It’s the wedding tomorrow,” Buck continues, a little distantly.

“Yeah,” she smiles, though it fades after a moment. “Why, is something wrong?”

Buck must notice the shift, for he glances at Eddie and shakes his head quickly. “No, no, there’s nothing wrong. I’m just…nervous, I guess.”

Eddie frowns, shifting to rub the hair at the back of his head. “What for? Everything’s ready to go, our outfits are sitting in the closet, Chris has a suit. Everyone who’s definitely going RSVP’d. Bobby’s agreed to officiate since we asked. My vows are done, I hope yours are done.”

“You’re not nervous?”

She shrugs. “I mean. Not really. There’s one area I’m nervous about, but I don’t think it’ll keep me up at night anymore.” Eddie swings her legs over Buck’s and leans her head onto the soft blue cushion of the couch. “I have you, and I have our family, and I know I’ll have all of these things forever. That’s the most stable I’ve ever been, I don’t want to worry anymore. Fear just holds me back from enjoying what I have.”

Buck looks at her like she hung the moon and stars themself, a small smile gracing his features. “Maybe I shouldn’t be worried, then. I was doing it for you.”

“Being worried?”

“Yeah,” he says. “Once I realized just how important it all was to you, I’ve been trying really hard to make it perfect. Make it good for you. Keeping track of things, telling you how much I love everything so you’d love it too. If I got it all right you’d be happy.”

“I am happy, Buck,” Eddie assures, meeting his eyes with equal strength. “Despite how neurotic I’ve been the past month, I really am happy. You know I’d love you and still be your wife even if the wedding didn’t go to plan, right?” 

Buck makes a little face, cute, sort of pouty. “Mhm. Sometimes my brain likes to tell me otherwise, that’s all.”

“Well, you tell your brain to keep it down, okay,” Eddie smiles. “Because I love you so much, I do. And I’ll say those two words tomorrow, too, no matter how it goes. Even if the flowers are yellow and it rains and the catering food tastes awful. You’ll still be my husband by the end of the night.”

She leans in and gently presses her lips to his cheek, then to his plush lips. “Don’t worry for me. I want you to enjoy yourself tomorrow, too. It’s our day, Buck.”

He laughs something soft and airy, pulling her in to rest her cheek against his shoulder. “Our day. I like it. And by the way, I do have my vows finished.”

“Well, thank god, the wedding is in the morning.”

“Started writing them in November.”

Eddie blinks, then thinks about that for a moment. “But that’s when we got together.” 

“Well, yeah.”

She shifts. “Buck, it’s April. You proposed in March. Or I guess I proposed. We both proposed.”

“Mhm,” Buck affirms with a nod. “I mean—obviously I didn’t finish in November. I had to change all the pronouns, we’ve done a lot since then, and now you’re like…the most you you’ve ever been. It’s great, I love it. Love you.”

Eddie blinks back tears, pulling herself together. “You wanted to marry me in November? I was…I was such a mess! We started dating the night you broke up with your boyfriend while we were tipsy and I was half naked. And you thought—let me write my wedding vows?”

Buck nods again. “There was no one else for me, and I knew that. So why not get a head start, right?”

“…Jesus, I didn’t even…I mean, I didn’t even know if you wanted to marry me, this is—“

“What? Are you kidding?”

“No,” Eddie says, and she means it. “I was a total disaster, and when I was married the first time, I was a terrible partner. Neither of us were really that good, but for a long time after Shannon died, I just assumed marriage wasn’t for someone like me. I always wanted it. I loved being married. I’m gonna love it even more with you. But I just thought I was…a little too…broken for that.”

She rushes to continue. “I—I know it’s not like that now. I know you love me, and I know I deserve it, and that I’m not something irreparable. Just sort of…took me off guard. That’s all. Sometimes I don’t realize just how much you love me. It’s pretty intense.” Eddie feels the weight of Buck’s hand land on her knee, thumb rubbing there. “I guess it’s a good thing we’ll be completely bound by law tomorrow. Neither of us will have to second guess ourselves anymore.”

“Hm…yeah, I guess you’re right,” Buck grins. “This is like my way of surgically attaching myself to you. I’ll take it.”

“Should’ve known you’d bring that up again.” She grumbles and tucks her face further into Buck’s shoulder. “Now that you’ve woken me up, you’re carrying me back to bed, by the way.”

“Am I, now?”

“Yes,” Eddie groans, eyes droopy. “I’m tired, baby. I don’t wanna be grouchy in the morning.”

Buck laughs, curling his arms around Eddie’s body to lift her, a bit like a cradle. “Okay, okay, princess needs her beauty sleep, after all.”

“Mmmh, yes she does,” Eddie mumbles, tucking her face in Buck’s neck. “You smell like Clorox wipes.”

“That would be the Clorox wipes.”

“Wow. You’re something else.”

-

The morning of feels too calm. Buck, Eddie, and Chris brush their teeth in the same cramped bathroom and Buck makes them eggs and bacon with toast. Eddie would help with something, but she knows Buck’s nerves are probably running wild, and letting him have at it in the kitchen helps. He kisses Eddie on the forehead as he sits, leg bouncing as he then shovels down everything he made for himself in just a few bites.

“Woah, you’re gonna throw up or something, Buck,” Chris comments, taking the words right from Eddie’s mouth. 

“‘Orry…merbus.”

“What?”

Eddie snorts, translating, “He said sorry, nervous. What are you nervous for? I told you everything would be fine.”

Buck swallows his heaping mouthful of food and shrugs grandly, making almost a show of it. “I don’t know! I feel like I’m gonna explode.”

“Maybe you’re just excited,” Chris suggests. Eddie points at him, like good point.

“I am very excited. Y’know, in a few hours I’ll be your step-dad.”

He pulls a face, like somehow he’d never even thought of that before. “Woah. No. You’re just Buck.”

“Nah,” Buck grins, cheeky and big. “I’m gonna make you call me Pops, might as well start now!”

“Eww, I am not calling you Pops! Mom, if he tries to make it happen, it’s time for a divorce.”

Spouts of laughter tumble from her mouth watching her boys be ridiculous, and from the idea that Buck would ever want to be called Pops. It’s still early dawn, the sun not fully above the horizon just yet. The day is young, and Eddie feels like it’s going to be a long one.

-

“You’re gonna be a real stunner today, Eddie,” Karen compliments as Eddie does her mascara very, very, carefully in the mirror. Her mouth is open, and she isn’t sure why. “Those lashes were made for mascara, seriously.”

“You’re just gonna be my hype-woman?” Eddie questions, capping the tube and setting it aside. 

“Hype-woman and the one to make the sure look is perfect. Sort of the same thing, though.”

“Uh huh.” Eddie turns to her. “Does it look okay?”

She beams. “Looks great!”

Eddie smiles to herself and turns back, pulling out blush and a brush to accompany it. She’s not amazing at this or anything, but she’s been watching plenty of tutorials online. Buck sends her Youtube links and Chris sends her TikToks or Reels, and Eddie will usually learn something. For example, don’t overdo blush if you already have a blushy face.

She knows well and good that she’ll be beet red for most of the ceremony since she’s presenting her love in front of everyone. Just the idea of standing in front of everyone saying ‘I do’ and meaning it is making her flush. 

“Buck’s not alone right now, is he?” Eddie asks absentmindedly, dotting concealer under her eyes. “I think he’d get all up in his head again if he was.”

“Nah, I think Bobby’s with him.”

“Good,” she says. “That’s good. Should I use one of the sponges or a brush for this? I always see one or the other.”

Karen hums contemplatively. “I think the brush, you’re not putting a lot and the sponge will just soak it up.”

“Ah, good point.”

The rest of the makeup process goes like that: Eddie asking for advice, Karen happily giving it. She didn’t hire an artist, she wanted her makeup done on her own. Or, relatively on her own. Karen helps with some parts, like the light eyeliner she bought in a brown shade and some contour placement. By the end of it, Eddie looks very pretty and glowy even with her hair pulled back and messy. 

Karen’s definitely doing her hair, though. Eddie can do braids and updos, both from growing up with her sisters and learning them in the past few months. However, trying to keep short hair together with your hands behind your head and no real way to see it from the back is a disaster. 

What Eddie ends up getting is the front pieces of her hair pulled back and braided then pinned to the side of her head. It’s simple, but cute. Buck would love this. Will love this. 

“Oh, you look so pretty and we don’t even have the dress on yet!” Karen squeals, rushing to grab the dress encased by plastic off the rack. “I’ll help zip the back and get the veil on properly.”

Eddie thanks her and shuffles behind the divider, making quick work to take off her own clothes without messing up her hair and makeup. She steps into the dress, looping the halter strap behind her neck so it sits over her torso. The sheer white gloves hike up above her elbows and rest there, making the ink circling her forearm turn gray. 

She steps out and Karen smiles, moving to carefully zip up the back then pin the short veil to her hair, the fabric gently brushes her shoulder blades and extends down her back. It stops just before the large bow held in place, exactly how she had envisioned it. Eddie pulls her white heels on and adjusts to the balancing act. She’s definitely gotten better at it, these heels aren’t too tall anyway, even if she’s bordering six-foot-two with them. 

“Please look in a mirror, you look amazing.”

Eddie holds up the skirt to walk to the full length mirror hung on the wall and view the final look. Seeing the reflection, she almost doesn’t recognize herself, but simultaneously does. That’s her. The same her she’s always been, but dolled up and presented in a way that feels right. Her lip gloss matches the apples of her cheeks and her hair is styled and her dress is perfect and she’s going to be Buck’s wife—

“Oh, Eddie, don’t cry,” Karen comforts, rubbing her shoulder.

She blinks and only then notices the dampness in her eyes. Eddie angles her face up at the ceiling, muttering, “Shit, I can’t cry, I have mascara on…”

Karen snorts. “Been there. Don’t worry, the one you’re wearing is waterproof.”

“Uh huh…!” Eddie frantically fans her face to dry her eyes. “Still, it would mess up the makeup, I put hard work into this. And then I’d be walking out with red eyes, that would be so embarrassing.”

“Everyone cries at their wedding, it’ll be okay!”

“No,” she retorts, eyes dried successfully. She brings her face back down and smiles. “I’m fine, see?”

“You are something else, Eddie,” Karen giggles. “I think you might be wedding ready. How do you feel? Other than fine, obviously.”

Eddie exhales sharply, relaxing her shoulders in the process. “I feel. Good. Pretty. Nervous.”

“That’s a nice adjective list.”

“I put a lot of thought into it, thank you.” Eddie inhales slowly, filling up the space in her chest with air, then lets it deflate. “God, I haven’t even said, I’m so caught up in me, you look so great.”

Karen smiles sweetly, eyes near disappearing with the strength of it. “Thank you, the dress was picked out by a woman with great taste.”

“Oh, stop. Don’t flatter me.”

“I think you like being flattered!”

Eddie holds a finger to her lips that can’t help but curl up at the compliment. “Don’t tell Buck, he won’t stop then.”

Karen makes a pshh sound, waving her hand, saying, “Please, he knows,” before straightening herself out. “Alright, I have to get myself out there, Isabel should be here in a minute to walk you down the aisle.”

“Yeah, okay,” she nods. 

She looks Eddie over one more time, frantic nerves and all, and smiles again. It’s softer this time. “It’ll be great, Eddie. I promise.”

“I know,” Eddie says. “I’ll see you out there.”

“And I’ll definitely see you!” Karen calls out, halfway through the door, waggling her fingers goodbye until the room is sealed and Eddie’s left in silence. 

She wonders how Buck is doing. Mentally, at least. Is Bobby giving him a pep talk? Telling him to relax, and that getting married was one of the happiest days of his life?  

There isn’t much time to consider, not when the door reopens and in enters Isabel, who gasps once she catches sight of Eddie.

“Oh, Eddita, you look so beautiful,” she coos, holding her arms out and letting Eddie step into them. 

It shocked her at first, just how accepting her and Pepa were when she told them. It was done separately, but they had responded in nearly the same way. Teary-eyed, like a lost loved one returning home. They pulled Eddie into their arms and held her there, repeating the same words Isabel whispers to her now.

“I always knew you’d get here, mi muñequita.”

And oh. Right?

Isn’t it such a beautiful thing to be known? 

To be seven and twelve in her sister’s dresses feeling light and free, not knowing why, now aware her joy had permeated the room, opened a door for everyone to have a glimpse of her for just a brief moment before shutting herself out again. But they knew. Because for those two moments, Eddie had glowed, and they knew it.

“Don’t make me cry, Abuela,” she mutters, running her hand across Isabel’s back. 

“Oh, we can’t have that…ruin all your pretty makeup.”

Eddie chuckles, pulling back to hold her by the shoulders. “You think I did a good job?”

“You did that?” She gasps. “Looks professional, you should do my makeup sometime. Doll me up.”

“You don’t even need it,” Eddie laughs wetly, back to fanning her face. God, she’s going to be covered in tears in front of everyone, isn’t she? 

Last year, the thought of that would have felt like a nightmare, a way to humiliate her in front of an audience of her loved ones. Now, those thoughts don’t dig into her. Not even when she’s finally walking down the aisle between a great handful of chairs, her and Buck’s family on both sides. The thought of crying doesn’t feel mortifying nor degrading, it just feels like something that could happen. Yes, it would mess up her makeup, but it wouldn’t be a cause of shame, the end of the world won’t come if Eddie feels. 

And she does. She does feel as she keeps her eyes dead set on Buck in his white suit that matches hers (it’s untraditional, but it felt right for them. They’re one, in a way). There is a mix of white and pink flowers clutched in her hand—the pink matching the pinkladies in the venue just a bit away—while the other is wrapped around her abuela’s arm. 

Buck really does look at her like they’re alone. Like both of their families aren’t present and watching. His breathing deepens as Eddie approaches, gaze not daring to divert like if he closes them for a little too long she’d disappear. But she won’t. 

Soon, Eddie kisses Isabel’s knuckles and lets her sit before taking her place across Buck. She smiles shyly, and he matches it. Bobby stands between them, book in hand, beaming proudly. Like look what I helped make, I’ve contributed to something beautiful. Eddie’s grateful for him every day. For saving her life, for bringing her and Buck together, for being someone she could always count on, for being Buck’s father. It’s only right for him to declare them husband and wife. It was always coming for them.

She looks out to the audience for a brief moment, managing to catch the eyes of one person. He sits right in the seat she thought would be empty today. 

Ramon smiles tightly, one of those approving dad smiles that immediately wells up her eyes. She can’t think about it all yet, not when Bobby’s just started to speak but she’ll talk to him. She will. 

Once her eyes are back on Buck, he’s looking at her knowingly, softly. He’s delighted for her, she can just feel it. 

Bobby greets and addresses everyone and states the purpose for the gathering, then moves into a speech of his own. 

“When I met Buck, he was a hotheaded kid with a lot of love in his heart, and very few to give it out to. Picking my team I think about chemistry, about cooperativeness and teamwork, I think about how I can see us growing and changing as time continues to move. When I chose Eddie, it was deliberate. She was highly sought after, but I knew Buck needed someone like her. Level-headed, kind-hearted, someone strong willed and experienced. Buck needed grounding, and he needed a best friend. Someone to look out for and care for.”

Eddie flushes, pulling her lips in and glancing downward. 

“Now, with nearly eight more years of life on our belts, it’s quite apparent that they had both needed each other. The ever-growing strength of your relationship is a testament to how much you need each other. Eddie, giving you and Buck that paid time off was one of the best choices I’ve ever made next to making you a part of this family. You came back fully realized, allowing yourself to feel without losing a thing. All you did was gain, and I’m exceptionally proud of you. Buck, I really do feel like I’ve watched you grow up. Getting to officiate this wedding is a great honor, and I thank God every day that I get to have this. I love you, kid, and you’re gonna do great in this next part. I’ve already seen how you are, you have a family. And that’s something beautiful, it deserves to be cherished. Both of you should be incredibly proud of yourselves.”

 A small applause breaks out, and Buck is pouting hard enough his mouth turns into a heavy frown. His eyes are all wet as he mouths thank you to Bobby. Bobby’s hand finds Buck’s shoulder to rub as the clapping quiets down. 

The moment there is silence once more, Eddie clears her throat to say her vows.

“Buck… Evan,” she says. “I didn’t need to think long and hard about how good you are for me, living the way we have in the time we’ve known each other is evidence enough. I wish there was a way for me to describe in words how much you’ve changed my life. From pretty much day one, you came in and you gave yourself a place in my life. You stepped in and made the weight of the world easier to handle. I didn't even have to ask, you just…knew. And I think that’s something incredible about you, you just care. You always have. You’ve saved my life, Chris’ life, and you—you got me out, y’know? Do you know that?”

Buck hesitates, but nods faintly.

Eddie sniffles, a shaky smile forming on her face. “Obviously I had to work through it, but I mean it, I couldn’t have done it without you. And I’m just…I’m so free. I’m not gonna wake up and find all of this missing, it’s my life. And I will love it and fall in love with you all over again every day. You’re my family, we have a beautiful life together already, so much so that I’ve felt married to you for years. I don’t believe in fate and universal forces, but I do think I was meant to be yours. I’m not trapped anymore, I have this freedom, and I’m choosing this life with you. I want it. I have it.”

Buck takes all that in, giving her a look that screams I love you I love you I love you I love you, then begins to speak.

“Wow, god, I don’t know how I’m gonna follow up from that,” he chuckles, clearing his throat and looking into Eddie’s eyes. “It’s funny, I didn’t bring the paper either. I’ve read it probably a hundred times by now, and anyone who knows me knows it only takes me one time to completely memorize an incredible amount of words.”

Eddie snorts, which is incredibly embarrassing, but smiles through the flush on her face. 

“When I met you, Eddie, I could not stand you, you were just too perfect and that drove me crazy. There was no way someone like you could exist, only you do. On the day we finally realized what we wanted, we should’ve been in two separate worlds, I mean, I came to your house devastated and there you were, as beautiful as ever. We were both terrified and you had cried on my shoulder, but I wouldn’t change a thing about that day. And that day, I started writing this, I even did it during our weeks in Texas. You had no idea!” Buck giggles, taking both of Eddie’s hands in his.

“But sweetheart, those weeks? They were some of the best of my life. I got to watch you figure it out, and you never hesitated to share those things with me. You never wanted to think about yourself before, but once you did, it was like watching the light find you. I’ve never seen you so happy, so… free.” Buck’s voice chokes up, blinking rapidly to stop the waterworks. “And I am so…Eddie, I’m so lucky to be a part of your life like this, to be someone you knew you could come to, to help you buy the clothes you wanted and to figure out who you are together. To love and cherish every version of you. Because. I mean, we’re a team. Y’know, as a wise woman once said, you could have my back any day. I’ve made sure to uphold that. I always will.”

A sad whimper escapes her throat and she really should’ve seen it coming. Eddie lets it flow. She’d have to take her hands off from Buck’s if she wanted to wipe her eyes. 

“Buck…” She whispers.

“Shhh, you had your turn,” he mumbles sweetly, eyes wet. “Eddie, you’ve given me a family, you know that? People I know I can come home to and with. I—I didn’t think…” Buck pauses, but manages to push it out eventually. “I didn’t think I’d ever have that. I thought I’d end up in a cycle for my whole life, but I’m not going to. I have you and I have Chris. It does get better.”

It really does, doesn’t it? Eddie blinks through the dampness in her eyes and finds that the sun has peered out from behind a cloud and the rays bounce off of their white clothing. In this moment, both of them are held in that warmth and they glow. Buck looks magical. 

“Evan Buckley,” Bobby starts now that they've finished with their vows, “do you take Eddie Diaz to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in matrimony, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for today and eternity, as long as love shall last?”

Buck beams. “I do.”

Bobby turns to her. "Eddie Diaz, do you take Evan Buckley to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for today and eternity, as long as love shall last?”

She nods quickly, throat tight. “I do.”

“Now, we just need our ring bearer…”

“That’s me!” Chris calls out, he’s Eddie’s best man, of course, and the ring bearer. Chris stands from his seat a few feet behind Eddie with a little velvet box containing both of their rings. He briefly hands it to Eddie so he can walk over to the center, then takes it back again to open it. The rings are beautiful, and they definitely need to pick up extra shifts after all of this. 

Eddie’s is thin and gold, twisting like vines and leaves up to the gemstone, a pink tourmaline that sits right at the top. It’s stunning. Buck’s is a gold band with leaves curling around the sides with the same, but smaller pink gemstone right at the front. A matching set. 

“Your speeches made me cry,” he mutters, slipping the rings over both of their fingers then smiling proudly. “I’m glad you’re my parents.”

Eddie reaches out with her ringed hand and ruffles Chris’ hair, but not enough to mess it up since he hates that it’s hard to keep his curls in order. “Thanks, bud. I’m glad you’re our kid.” 

With everyone back in their places, Bobby brings his book back up to read. “By the power vested in me by the State, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Bobby announces, grinning ear to ear. “You may kiss your bride!”

She giggles a little just from being referred to as a bride. Then Buck steps forward and steals the breath from her lungs before they even kiss. His hand comes up to thumb her jaw, though he doesn’t even need to tilt her face since she has heels on. Briefly, Eddie had been insecure about this until Buck said he loved how tall she was and actively swooned about it. Now, Eddie doesn’t feel that insecurity when Buck softly presses his lips to hers to seal their marriage and tie them together forever. 

It’s brief and chaste, but it’s full of so much love that Eddie doesn’t realize everyone is clapping until they pull away. She presses her forehead to Buck’s and kisses his nose before looking out at the small crowd. Ramon claps along with them, nearly starting up the waterworks again. 

Eddie is Buck’s wife and she looks pretty in her wedding dress and her dad sees her like this and still accepts her. It is dizzying in a way that carries all way the way into the reception. Her first dance is a blur, they didn’t get much practice with it and Buck isn’t the most graceful, but she can’t stop smiling anyway. It was to the first song they had slow danced to, done in that rented kitchen, At Last by Etta James. She gets hugs and speeches and tear-filled eyes from others around her. Sophia and Adriana are just as beyond delighted to have another sister as they were when Eddie first told them. May hardly knew about Eddie and her new life, and was pleasantly surprised, but not shocked. Apparently she always knew there was something below the surface, even if it wasn’t this. Linda thought similarly, and now the three of them have plans to go out sometime. Maddie tells her she looks amazing, to which Buck had said ‘don’t I get a compliment?’ and she rolled her eyes and told him that yes, he looks good too.

She’s brought around in a whirlwind while everyone’s seated, the bustle on her dress allows her to walk around much easier and talk to everybody. By the cake cutting, Eddie is sure she’s been smiling so hard there will be permanent lines in her face. Buck swoops up a dollop of icing and boops her nose with it, kissing there to clean it up. Eddie scoops up a large forkful and feeds it to Buck. He manages to eat it all in one go quite easily, making Eddie giggle when his cheeks get all puffed out.

Once the reception turns to the open dance, where anyone can get in the center, Eddie decides she needs a moment to sit outside, her ankles are aching just a bit and some fresh air would be nice. When she gets out to a small bench, she plops down and sighs, taking her heels off and rubbing her ankle bones.

It’s beautiful out here. The whole place is, of course, but the darkening sky provides a firey and blush toned background for the greenery, small lights draped and intertwined in the scene. It looks magical, like a fairytale. Sometimes Eddie thinks she entered one at some point in her journey here. As if she fell right into a world where a prince and a princess waltz in a forest, birds chirping and the world would feel so miniscule in that moment. Nothing matters but them. 

“Hey.”

Eddie turns, not thinking of who it could be with her mind at peace and the music muffled against her back. Seeing him, she sits upright.

“Dad,” she says, dumbfounded for a moment. “Hey.”

Ramon sits beside her, just a couple feet away. It’s the closest they have been since she left Texas in December. Despite how he’s seen her all day long, he takes this quiet moment to look at his daughter fully realized, changes apparent from her hair and face to the way she holds herself. 

He nods, moving his gaze out at the view in front of them. “I saw you sneak out and I thought, oh good. Finally I can get a moment alone with my daughter without all those people on you.”

Eddie chuckles, crossing her bare feet. Neither of them really look at one another, but maybe that makes this easier. “Well, Buck and I can kind of forget we’re latched to each other all the time. Just a habit.”

“Who am I kidding? It’s your wedding, I’m just a guest.”

She looks at him, then. “No you’re not. You know you aren’t just a guest. I invited you to be my dad.”

Ramon hums under his breath, a simple ‘Ah’ , then shrugs. “It’s a little difficult when I hardly recognize you,” he comments.

Eddie frowns, ready to retort something snarky right back when he says,

“I wish you sent me pictures sometime. You look happy.”

And all the heat in her chest dissipates. Eddie sits back again, practically slouched on this bench besides her father who needs to learn how to lead up to a compliment better. 

“Well…” she mutters. “Thank you. And I’m happy you showed up. It means a lot to me.”

Silence falls between them, not tense, but not exactly comfortable. That tends to be how it is with them. One of them should speak considering people will be looking for her soon. She is the bride, after all.

It ends up being Ramon to take the leap.

“Buck seems good,” he admits. “His vows were very nice and thoughtful, and I’d say I approve, but you’re already married. I also don’t think it would make a difference to you if I didn’t.”

“It wouldn’t.”

He laughs quietly, nodding in defeat. “Yeah, I guess not. But you have something very nice, you’re very lucky.”

“I wouldn’t call it luck for me,” Eddie says. “Buck believes in that stuff, but I worked hard for this. I wouldn’t have this with luck. It’s mine because I earned it.”

“Hah. Spoken like a Diaz.”

“…Buckley-Diaz,” she corrects, grinning cheekily when he raises a brow at her.

He shrugs it off. “Still in there, makes no difference to me. It’s in your blood. That kind of talk makes me proud, you know,” he says, offering her a small smile. 

Eddie smiles back, sincerely now, real and gentle. But it seems her dad always finds a way to wipe it off.

“I told your mother, by the way.”

The smile falls, and Eddie’s heart finds a new home in her throat. The sun sets entirely, the greenery looks more dull, the music behind them is suddenly piercing.

“What?” Her voice nearly cracks. “I—I told you—“

Ramon holds up a hand to calm her, but it doesn’t. “I can’t just catch a flight on a random day and expect her not to question it,” he acknowledges, then answers. “She misses you, you know.”

Eddie shakes her head, eyes shutting on instinct. “She couldn’t tell me this herself?” 

“Well, maybe she would, but you haven’t reached out in four months.”

“I had no reason to.” Her eyes sting with upset tears, a much different feeling than the other times she’s cried all day. There’s a knot in her throat and the tension in her forehead is causing a slight headache. “I try not to show it, but she hurt me, okay? She told me I was going through a midlife crisis and that I didn’t have to go to men since Shannon and I didn’t work out. I left so quickly afterwards because of her. It wasn’t on me, it was on her.”

“Eddie, I know,” he says firmly. “But she talks about you, wonders how you’re doing, and I’ll tell her. She tries to talk about you the way you like, she calls my mom and sister to ask about you.”

“No, don’t—“ Eddie tries to point as a warning, but is cut off by a sharp inhale that makes her shake her head in denial. “Don’t guilt me into speaking to her, she needs to come to me and apologize and mean it.” 

She shoves her feet back in her heels and stands abruptly. “Don’t do this to me, not on my wedding day,” she snaps. “I’m so happy, don’t bring this to me.”

“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Eddie,” Ramon pushes to his feet after her, eyes tired. “I want to feel like I have a family, and even though you’ve got your firefighter family, it’s different. Your sisters are here, my mother and sister are here, but your mother is not and she wants to try again. Finding out she’s missing your wedding had her… speechless. All she asked me was, ‘Eddie didn’t want me at her wedding?’. She let me go to the airport, hardly even said a word when I left.”

“So this isn’t me trying to put you down. This is me telling you that your mother wants to try again, and today might have been the final straw for her. No mother misses her daughter’s wedding without feeling like she’s made a great mistake.” Ramon places a tentative hand on her shoulder. “So, I didn’t want to upset you, but just think about it. I think she’ll be reaching out to you very soon.”

Eddie can’t help but bite down on her tongue, nodding anyway. Because really, the idea of it sounds lovely. Helena realizing Eddie is worth the effort to rebuild with? Eddie won’t forget, but she’s always been able to forgive. Deep in her core, her judgmental, overbearing mother being missing from her life had left a wound there. All she wants is to heal.

Today has been the best day of her life, and while she’s happy her mother isn’t here now, there is always the future. Perhaps, just as Eddie grew, she can adapt. 

She doesn’t think she’s weak for wanting to accept the idea of a second chance. She thinks it makes her strong. Eddie is someone who used to always let the tides move her with little solid ground to keep her footing. But she’s different now, she controls her own future. No one is going to tell her how to feel and react, what to wear and think. How to react when she is told her mother’s heart hasn’t gone ice cold, that there’s still a flickering warmth for her baby girl in there. Her first born, her eldest daughter. But Eddie won’t stoke the flickering flames herself, she needs her mom to take that step first. There is only so much you can do with sparks that won’t ignite. 

And perhaps Eddie will have to walk out on her again, realize she’d starve out here alone in the cold. She has to fend for herself, not for someone who won’t bother to reach for her. 

Yet, the sparks still exist. Hope can live so long as there is warmth. So, Eddie will hope.

“I’ll think about it, Dad,” Eddie mumbles. “I’m…I’m still glad you’re here.”

“…Me too.”

She nods, finishing this discussion and closing another chapter for them. 

“Are you coming back in?”

“I think I’ll be out here for another minute. You go enjoy yourself, you and Christopher and your new husband.”

Eddie lends him a small smile and leaves him to go back where the music is loud and her family is having the time of their life. It takes hardly even fifteen seconds for Buck to find her, giddy and flushed.

“Baby, where have you been?” He grins, pulling her in a few steps closer to the center of the room. “I was looking for you, are you—do your feet hurt? I can get you some socks instead!”

“Buck,” Eddie laughs, placing a hand on his chest to calm him. “I’m fine! I mean…okay socks do sound pretty nice.”

“One pair of socks, instantly delivered right to you,” Buck flourishes by digging his hand in his pocket to pull out a pair of white fluffy socks. 

“Wh—you just had this?”

Buck smiles, nodding like he’s got a tail to wag. “I know how you get,” he says lovingly. He bends down and helps Eddie step out from her heels and into the silly warm socks. “I know you.”

He comes back up and kisses her sweetly, now having to angle his head down to do so. She places her hands on his jaw and rubs her thumbs there.  

Pulling back, she flushes.

“And you love me,” Eddie swoons.

“I do.”

It gets better.

———