Archive of Our Own

In the bleak silence that followed, a tinge of wistful longing swept over Yooyeon's eyes. They were distant, glazed over and drowning in a dire hunger for love. 

Only a specific sight could reignite Yooyeon's long extinguished fire. Mayu knew that the older girl craved affection - not from her, but from a human girl named Yoon Seoyeon.

It was in times like these that Koma Mayu wished to shed her wings. 

Eight entities had been raised on the moon's sacred surface. Collectively known as EVOLution, the winged girls were brought up as protectors of humankind. Mayu was one of them - or so she had always wished.

Twenty-three years ago, she was born to the sky as a guardian angel. At least, that was what Mayu was told. She did not need a reminder from Kim Yooyeon, who opened her mouth to respond at long last.

"I can't stay on the moon forever. Guardian angels have to take flight, and I am no exception." Yooyeon's expression was now blank, void of even the slightest hint of emotion. Mayu rested her head in the crook of Yooyeon's neck, hoping to feel things on behalf of the older girl.

Stay. Don't leave me alone on the moon with my hideous wings.

Tender notes of peach perfume threatened to intoxicate Mayu. She wrapped her arms around Yooyeon's slim figure, wanting to bury herself in the familiar scent.

Go. I presume you are Seoyeon's guardian angel after all.

Metal brushed against feathers. Mayu instantly pulled away, knowing her wings had touched Yooyeon's for a split second.

Biting her lower lip hard enough to draw blood, Mayu zeroed in on the older girl's delicate wings. They were white with the immaculate purity of snow. True angel wings were elegant with a beautiful fragility. They were Mayu's favourite natural creation - but also something she herself did not possess. 

Feathers were woven together with exquisite intricacy. Wings were lovingly affixed on girls sent to guard Earth's people. Mayu admired the moon who created her friends.

"The way you stare at my wings...it reminds me of Seoyeon," Yooyeon half-whispered. Her voice wavered as she uttered the human girl's name. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." 

I know what you mean. Everyone can see it.

Yooyeon, I would rather be a human than a misshapen angel.

"Your wings are pretty, but mine are a different story. I can't...do what all angels should."

"Obviously. I know that."

Yooyeon let out a resigned sigh before plastering on a sorry smile. Her hand danced freely across the metallic surface of Mayu's rigid wings, causing them to stiffen instinctively.

More often than not, Mayu wished to resent the moon who cursed her with a pair of permanent burdens. Her metal wings weighed down like boulders on her back, rendering her incapable of soaring through the infinite sky.

The ice-cold appendages had always jutted out awkwardly from Mayu's back. However, the warmth of Yooyeon's touch was enough to make them feel like actual wings - worthy of being loved. 

"Will I ever be able to fly?" Mayu mused, more to herself than to the older girl. The thought of finally lifting her feet above the ground was but a distant allure.

For Mayu, flying was a mere ideal. She could not imagine it as her truth.

"Maybe. If you keep trying, that is," Yooyeon's words were coolly recited. They were half-hearted and undoubtedly rehearsed. Mayu hated the false hope. She wanted to love her wings and hate Yooyeon. 

Unfortunately, the moon was merciless enough to shape Yooyeon with a magnetic field. The moon was careless enough to form a helpless magnet named Mayu. To this day, she had yet to feel anything but love for the older girl. If Yooyeon told her to try, she was not going to hesitate to fly.

Before she knew it, Mayu was abruptly rising from her seat. She spread out her worn wings, displaying her collection of scars. The ugly red patches lined Mayu's full wingspan, making jarring crevices in otherwise smooth metal. Each one was a painful souvenir from her haphazard attempts at taking flight. 

After all, Mayu had always crashed into numerous objects during her five seconds above ground. That day was no different. The perceived strength of her wings had never been more than a facade.

It's not fair, how the hurt done to my metal marks it forever.

A silvery shard of steel fell despondently to the ground, leaving yet another gap in Mayu's wings. "I'm just like this," she drawled, attempting to sound nonchalant. However, the burning sensation where a new wound had materialised was impossible to ignore. 

"It takes patience, Mayu," Yooyeon stated matter-of-factly. She retrieved the piece of fallen metal, proceeding to observe it from various angles. "Just like how it took me so long to find Seoyeon."

I'm not a guardian angel, Yooyeon, and I don't want to find anyone who isn't you.

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"Mayu."

A dim light filtered through Mayu's partially shut eyelids. The weight of drowsiness made them feel almost as heavy as her wings.

My wings. They make me.

"Yooyeon, what do you see when you look at me? Don't your eyes just hurt upon this sight?"

An angel. Not one of protection, but one of failure.

Mayu frantically beat her wings, not caring that she was lying limp on an unknown surface. She expected metal to crash against solid ground. That would have caused a wave of acute discomfort. However, there was no sign of it.

Instead, Mayu could only feel plush fabric. It was a welcome relief to her wings, which gratefully took to sinking into the softness. Eventually, she allowed her eyes to flutter open. 

Mayu gave her surroundings a few double takes. Much to her denial, she was indeed in a cozy bedroom that was not her own. Fairy lights illuminated the wall nearest to her, where a series of polaroid photos were pasted.

"Yooyeon," Mayu uttered the name, the weight of desperation hanging in her voice. A small part of her clinged on to the hope that just calling out would be enough to summon the older girl. More than anything, she fervently wished for Yooyeon to magically materialise next to her. 

Mayu longed for familiarity.

Familiarity was not supposed to be the girl standing at the bedside. 

Despite the scarce lighting, Mayu could see her dressed in a rose pink t-shirt and a white waist pleated skirt. Her jet-black hair fell just above her shoulders, framing her thoughtful expression as she gave Mayu a once-over. 

The angel's wings tensed under the scrutiny, relaxing when she observed that nothing grew on the girl's back.

I don't see Yooyeon. You're a human. I'm not on the moon. This is Earth. 

What am I doing here?

"I'm Yamada Kaede," the human girl shot Mayu a cordial smile. Kaede's eyes were practically aglow with intrigue - which had never illuminated Yooyeon's face before. "You're-" 

Mayu jerked suddenly, shifting herself to sit bolt upright at the bed's edge. Her wings now existed in the comfort of this room - velvety bedsheets, late night breeze through the windows and Kaede. This warmth was something even Yooyeon could not give, and Mayu could already sense her heart melting. Any moment now, she was going to unravel.

I'll regret this. Kaede, please forget this when I return to the moon.

Please forget me.

"I'm a fake guardian angel. I'm not ready to be here on Earth," the words spilled uncontrollably out of Mayu's mouth. It was simply too late to take them back. 

Despite that, Mayu could not ignore the persistent tugging at her heart. "Kaede, I'm sorry for letting you hear my thoughts. I'm so sorry for calling you...Yoo-," her voice lowered to a whisper.

"...Yooyeon," Mayu winced as the older angel's name escaped her lips. There was zero probability of Kaede not noticing.

The least she could do now was to not look at Kaede. However, playing with the younger girl's soft duvet did not provide enough of a distraction. Mayu was certain of herself being a pitiful sight - an "angel" with drooping defective wings, eyes searching a pretty human girl for answers.

Mayu craved answers. She yearned to understand the parts of herself which perfect angels (like Yooyeon) could not explain.

"No, Mayu," Kaede shook her head vigorously. "I was going to say that you're beautiful," she let out a shy chuckle, the ends of her lips curling upwards. 

You answered me.

Despite the late hour, Mayu could feel a stream of sunlight radiating onto her heart. It was just warm enough to apply rose powder to her cheeks.

So the warmth doesn't come from this room alone. 

Kaede, are you the sun to my moon-made being?

You're beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful...

The single word spun around in Mayu's head on repeat. She fully understood its meaning, so why was she questioning it only now? "Beautiful" was used to describe someone elegant like Yooyeon, or perhaps someone cute like Kaede. Of all the words Mayu had ever spoken, it was the last thing she would use to describe herself.

However, Mayu was going to believe in whatever Kaede saw.

"Mayu," Kaede breathed, settling down right next to the older girl on the bed. She dug into the pocket of her skirt, fishing out an oddly familiar piece of jagged metal. "My friend, Seoyeon, gave this to me. She said it belonged to my guardian angel."

~FLASHBACK~

"Yooyeon, how do you tell if you are someone's guardian angel?"

"It's simple. Seoyeon knew my name before I even spoke to her."

~END FLASHBACK~

You chose me when she couldn't - with everything I have and don't have.

Mayu had last seen the silver metal in Yooyeon's suffocating grasp, under the older girl's penetrative gaze. At that time, it had appeared dull, unpolished and dead - just like a scrap to be discarded of.

Now, the metallic flake lay in Kaede's hand, glowing ever so slightly in the dark. It took the form of a raw jewel - ready to shine despite its imperfections.

"You breathed life into it, didn't you?" Mayu reached a tentative hand out to touch the metal. It was a part her own wings had abandoned - falling to the moon's ground, scooped up into Yooyeon's unfeeling hands - only to lead her to Kaede.

The younger girl did not respond immediately. She tucked a stray hair behind Mayu's ear, waiting for silent seconds to dissolve until the time was right. "Couldn't have done it without you," Kaede's voice carried the warmth of treacle as she cupped the angel's cheek. 

Mayu found her left wing closing in on the human girl. She considered moving away, fearing that Kaede would flinch or shudder at her metallic touch. To Mayu's surprise, she was only met with fingers tracing the scars on her wings. 

In that moment, there was no moon and no Yooyeon. There were no expectations and no pained attempts at flying. There was only fresh blood coursing through metal wings. With Kaede, Mayu only saw rebirth.

"You're a freestyle angel, you know that?"

Mayu liked the sound of it. With Kaede, she did not need elegant white plumes to be enough. She could still be an angel, even if she wasn't ready to guard.

"So I'm now free-"

"And beautiful. Mayu, I know you never hated your wings. You just hated how they couldn't be loved," Kaede's eyes twinkled with something akin to a sunbeam. "I'll love them for you, and I'll love you."

I can't fly, but I've somehow flown too close to the sun.

Mayu's eyes searched Kaede's. Amidst the overwhelming sunlight, she found a freestyle angel with freshly luminous wings smiling back at her.