Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

***

It was a hot Wednesday afternoon. I sighed deeply as I climbed the stairs in the club building. As I reached the landing for the hallway that contained the literature club, I gazed wistfully off in the distance in the vague direction of the Seibunkan bookstore.

Yanami had insisted on taking me to a new Western-style ice cream parlour near Tsuwabuki, ranting about how you could get a free ice cream cake at the grand opening with two new customers. However, Yanami forgot that she wasn’t a new customer because she had been to all the other locations, and we ended up having to pay for the cake, which meant I had to pay for the cake. At least the manager gave me a discount, telling me he didn’t want to disappoint the young couple. I would have to wait until next month at least to get my hands on the new release of I Found A Girl Living In The Woods Behind My House And Now She Is Going To School With Me As My Sister (recommended by Kaju).

Yanami ran off after bowing profusely to me, saying that she had to put the ice cream cake in the freezer as soon as possible and her house was closer. I had no confidence that I would actually get to eat any ice cream cake.

I approached the club room and slid the door open nonchalantly.

“Good afternoon, Prez.”

Shiratama welcomed me with a sweet smile.

“Weren’t you with Yanami-senpai? I saw you two leaving school together.”

“Yes, I was, but some stuff happened…and I decided to just come back here.”

“I’m glad you’re back, Prez. Would you like some tea? You look awful.”

“Oh, that sounds nice, Shiratama-san. Thank you. Wait…huh?”

“No…let…me.” A quiet whisper shivered through the room. Gleaming white eyes emerged from a dark corner. It seemed that Shikiya-senpai had been leaning on the wall there.

I started.

“Oh! Shikiya-senpai, I didn’t see you there. What brings you to the club?”

She staggered towards me.

“Student council…literature club…still on probation…”

Senpai leaned extremely close to my face. Her white eyes filled my vision and were searching mine. I caught a whiff of Senpai’s perfume. It smelled like peaches.

“Your face…Shiratama-chan…right…”

I sniffed loudly and got an even deeper smell of peaches. I leaned away hastily. I broke eye contact with Senpai, and my gaze went down, and…

Peaches.

“I’m fine, Senpai. Shiratama-san, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I always look like this.”

I had turned just to speak with Shiratama, no other reason, but she had taken a seat on the couch near the door and was watching me lean away from Shikiya-senpai with a hungry, conniving look. She hurriedly tried to recompose her features.

“You’re right, please forgive me, Prez.”

“Oh, by the way, Prez, I’m going to have to ask you for a favor. I need you to come with me to the little party that is being thrown in the teacher’s lounge on Friday, to celebrate my sister and Tanaka-sensei’s wedding, since they’re back from their honeymoon.”

Shiratama tried to hold it in, but her voice dipped from a high pitched, “sweet kouhai” voice to a low growl at the end.

“Oh, that’s nice for the faculty to do. Are you sure I’m supposed to be at something like that? I wouldn’t want to intrude…on a…family moment-a happy family moment!”

“Of course! Prez, have you forgotten that you’re my boyfriend?”

I collapsed heavily into a chair at the table.

“No, I haven’t forgotten…”

“Good.” Shiratama said, her face darkening.

I heard a squeal from behind the bookshelf.

“W-W-W-What??? Y-you’re d-dating S-Shiratama-ch-chan?” Komari’s face poked out from out of nowhere, her eyes wide and her pigtail quivering.

“Uh…it’s a long story, Komari. But not really. What are you doing back there?”

“Y-y-y-you disgust me. Y-You use women for your own sick games.”

I heard a gentle tink and a teacup and saucer were placed gently in front of me.

I grabbed the cup gratefully and drank just to have something to do instead of regretting coming to club today. The tea was fragrant and still steaming, but somehow just the right temperature.

I heard a soft rustle as Shikiya-senpai settled herself into the seat across from me. Komari squeaked and disappeared to wherever she had just been.

“Thank you, Senpai.”

“Komari, this tea is really good. Why don’t you come out and have some with me? I can tell you about why I’m pretend-dating Shiratama-san if you want. “

“G-go die. Also, I’m…uh…o-organizing the books.”

“You’re so popular…I can see…why.”

I coughed and spluttered. I decided to set the cup down.

“Ah, that’s right, Senpai, how did you get this tea to cool down so quickly?”

“I just…held the cup…my friends tell me…I have cold hands…”

Shikiya-senpai’s hands suddenly reached out and grabbed mine.

“What…do you think?”

The backs of Senpai’s hands were indeed cold, as her fingers curled into mine. But her palms were warm, with a pleasant lingering heat. I froze to contemplate her question. I wasn’t thinking about how soft her hands were.

“Prez…what are you doing? We haven’t even gotten to the hand-holding stage of our relationship yet…” Shiratama smirked.

I saw Komari glaring at me through a slit in the bookshelf. Oddly, it was at knee height. She must have been crouching back there to organize the old textbooks. They were previous editions that the library committee had donated to the club years ago, but I think they just wanted to get rid of them. Wait, why would Komari need to organize those? Nobody cared about them.

Why was my mind wandering? I had to answer her question. I didn’t like holding hands with Senpai at all. I didn’t. Please believe me.

I hastily wormed out of Senpai’s slack grip. Shoot, my palms were sweaty for some reason.

“No, they weren’t cold. I mean, they were cold, but a nice cold. They were also warm.” I spoke to the scrunchie on Senpai’s left wrist.

Senpai tilted her head to the side to consider my answer. I thought I saw the shadow of a smile on her face.

“You…are so…animated…today…Nukumizu…kun.”

“S-so, Senpai, how long is this probation period? Will you be here everyday?”

“Faculty…will lift it…based on…student council’s…recommendation.”

“Ah, so can I talk to Hokobaru-senpai about it?”

“Yes, but…I volunteered…to take care…of it.”

“Also…Koto-san…asked me…”

“I…was a member…and there’s no reason…to stay away…”

The bookshelf rattled a little. It seems like Komari bumped into it.

Chapter Text

***

Thursday afternoon. Yesterday, I decided to try to do math homework, but didn’t get very far with Senpai watching me. Shikiya-senpai gently pointed out my mistakes when I gave my paper to her. Shiratama had been taking notes while sitting on the couch, but I didn’t see any textbook out. Then she left. Eventually, Shikiya-senpai left for other student council business, and Komari raced out from behind the bookshelf after her. I tried to wish her a good evening, but I swear she hissed at me.

Not a very noteworthy day. For some reason, Yanami was absent sick, though. Himemiya-san even came over to ask me about it, but I couldn’t tell her anything. Yanami looked fine yesterday. Also, Amanatsu-sensei had been rambling about taking up cooking, and suddenly asked if anyone could teach her, but I guess no one could.

I decided to visit Hokobaru-senpai and ask exactly what was going on with the probationary period.

I knocked on the student council door, and received a pleasant, clear, “Enter!”

Prez was sitting at the table. She cut an impressive figure in the golden afternoon light coming through the window. She looked up from her documents and smiled, standing up to greet me.

“Long time no see, Nukumizu-kun. What can I do for you?”

I think I just saw Prez at the gate before school, though. She greeted me, and I even tried to say good morning. Well, I thought about it.

“Good morning, Prez. Prez, when you said that the literature club was no longer suspended, you didn’t mention that there would be a probationary period.”

“Ahhh…yes…” Prez gave a rueful smile. “I must have forgotten.”

“I had to make it look like we were doing something responsible. Well, Shikiya volunteered, so there you have it. “

“I’m planning to just have it be a week. I’ll submit my ‘findings’ to the faculty then, and I’m sure that the pressure will be off the literature club.” Prez finished with a confident grin.

“Ah, it’s no big deal. If you really feel that guilty about it, Nukumizu-kun, you can come help me with student council business sometime. Shikiya won’t be able to help just as much right now. Sometimes, I also hear Hiroto muttering about how he wishes he could have some help. He’s too proud to tell me why, for some reason.”

“Uhhh…sure, Prez. Maybe.”

“Thank you, Nukumizu-kun.”

Sure enough, Shikiya-senpai was in the clubroom again. She had brought a book with her today, but she frequently looked up to watch me. I guess Komari had finally accepted her presence a little more today, because she was sitting next to me at the table. She was holding my jacket sleeve for the first 20 minutes of Senpai being there, though. I decided to run everything Prez had told me by Tsukinoki-senpai.

I knew Tsukinoki-senpai was busy with beginning college, so after everything that happened with Shiratama, I had just sent her a brief message on LINE explaining that the club had been temporarily suspended due to Komari getting in trouble, which was technically true. I didn’t bother her with the whole details of how we all, even including members of the student council, committed the crimes of trespassing, impersonation, and identity theft. Back then, Tsukinoki-senpai sent me a message thanking me for telling her and then some stupid stickers.

They included: a bomb, a stop sign, and a danger sign. And some crying laughing emojis.

I also had a message from Shiratama.

LINE: Shiratama Riko

[Prez, I won’t be at club today. I’m thinking of some lines for you to say tomorrow. Maybe even some stage directions. It’s not a full script, but I’m still working on it.]

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I replied:

[Ok]

LINE: Tsukinoki-senpai

[Senpai, Shikiya-san is visiting the club everyday. Komari is a little nervous.]

[Oh, yeah…I was a little worried, so I asked Shikiya if she could pull some strings for you to keep you guys out of trouble in the future. You know, classic abuse of power. And we’re friends again, so it’s not even bad to ask her to do that!]

[Also, she mentioned she likes Komari, so I asked if she could keep an eye on her too. I just can’t believe she got in trouble! #NotMyKomariChan]

I felt a slight shift on my right. Something tickled my ear, and I caught a whiff of peaches again.

Shikiya-san was sitting very close to me. I don’t know when this happened, but she moved to the seat next to me and was reading my messages.  She had leaned in and her hair was tickling my ear. But that was nothing compared to what happened next.

Her soft murmur filled my brain: “Yes…I’ll make sure…to take care of you.”

I wondered if Shikiya-senpai had an ASMR roleplay MeTube channel. Not that I watch those.

On my left, Komari was grabbing my sleeve again. Maybe she heard what Senpai said.

Well, it looked like Hokobaru-senpai and Tsukinoki-senpai had somehow managed, in both of their own clumsy ways, to get Shikiya-senpai to become a new unofficial member of the Tsuwabuki Literature Club.

I couldn’t really ask Shikiya-senpai to move back to her seat across the table, so I concentrated on not accidentally touching her with my arm as I tried to do math homework again. Komari gripping my other sleeve didn’t help with my mobility. It was immensely uncomfortable. I tried to hold my breath, but I gave up and started inhaling Shikiya-senpai’s peach scent. I started feeling soft and fuzzy.

“Hey…uh…Senpai?”

Senpai looked up from her book. The light glinted off her pale eyelashes and her white eyes seemed to stare deeply into mine.

I hesitated. I wasn’t dazzled or anything, by the way.

“Do you know how to approach this problem?”

“Yes…integration…by substitution…”

After that, I found it a lot easier to ask Senpai for help with every question that I had trouble with. Komari bolted when Senpai left to use the bathroom during the tutoring.

In the end, I wondered if Shikiya-senpai also had one of those math MeTube channels where the guy draws on a black screen with the mouse.

***

“You…did well…Nukumizu-kun.”

“You’re a good teacher, Senpai.”

“Thank…you. You…are…a...good student.”

“And I…learn from… you…too…” She whispered.

“Do…you want me…to walk home...with you?”

I gulped. If I had to inhale Senpai’s sweet scent any longer, my brain would probably melt. It was already cooked from the math. This was too dangerous. Who knew what might happen?

“N-no, thank you…Senpai…I…uh…tired…?”

“I…understand…”

“Another…time…”

Suddenly, Senpai’s hands came up and cupped my face. Senpai swept my hair off my forehead. She gently pinched my cheeks.

“Show me…more…beautiful expressions…tomorrow, okay…?”

I made some kind of noise. It sounded like: “Guh.” Maybe it was involuntary.

I could swear that Senpai smiled.

I wobbled towards the door. Senpai swayed after me, mimicking my movements.

I’m acting a lot like her today, aren’t I?

Chapter Text

***

It was Friday. I woke up happy that it was about to be the weekend, but then I remembered that I had to go as Shiratama’s boyfriend to the faculty party after school. I wondered how my life had gotten so difficult when I made it a life goal to avoid trouble. Kaju made me pancakes as a special treat, and looked a bit concerned at breakfast with me eating her pancakes with more syrup than usual. She reminded me giddily that we would go grocery shopping together on Saturday, so I should cheer up, and that she loved me more than anyone else.

After all this time, Kaju’s still a sweet kid, isn’t she? I can’t trouble her with my problems. It only was a few months ago that she refused to believe that I had spoken with 5 people in a single day.

I opened the front door wearily and took a last wistful look at Kaju wiping the table. She beamed at me and waved happily. I felt like a soldier going off to war. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too long, and I wouldn’t be too traumatized, until I could come back to this domestic tranquility.

Unfortunately, the first bomb had dropped just outside my house.

“Good morning, Prez-senpai!”

Shiratama was outside my door. Her blouse was also slightly undone, the black and brown bowties drooping, leading down to…

I quickly shut the front door.

“Shiratama-san, why are you here?”

“Why, Prez-senpai, I just wanted to walk to school with you today. You’ve got to begin fulfilling your boyfriendly duties!” She giggled through the door.

I panicked, and swung the door open. The rush of air ruffled Shiratama’s hair, but her innocent expression remained unchanged.

“Shiratama-san, I’ll go, but please, don’t mention that here!” I pleaded, looking behind me, hoping that Kaju hadn’t heard anything. I heard the sink running, so I might be safe.

I walked out of my house and started down the street at a brisk pace, but before I had gotten far-

“Wait, Prez-senpai! You have something on your face.”

I turned, and found Shiratama gently holding my necktie.

She licked her thumb, and rubbed it near my mouth. She then licked her thumb again.

“Mmmm…syrup.”

I gaped, speechless, at Shiratama-san. Her eyes were narrowed and her mouth was curled in an evil grin. She twirled a strand of her hair idly. Wait, her hair seems a little frazzled. And now that I look at her eyes closely, she’s got dark circles. Combined with her untidy blouse, she seems a little off today. Particularly dangerous.

I felt a presence at the window.

“Let’s GO, Shiratama-san!!” I grabbed her arm.

“Kya!” She let out a cute shriek.

I dragged Shiratama-san out of view of my house’s window.

“So forceful, Prez-senpai! Maybe you aren’t such a herbivore after all~” Shiratama looked up at me shyly, with a rosy blush on her cheeks.

“Okay, what is going on here? What are you planning?”

“Also, why are you calling me Prez-senpai?”

“Oh, would you prefer something else? Maybe…Kazuhiko?”

“W…What?” Only Shikiya-senpai has called me that.

“Basically, Prez-senpai, we are doing a modern retelling of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet at the faculty party today.”

“Try calling me ‘Riko-chan’.”

“…”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Romeo-san, it’s going to happen later, so you might as well try it now. You’re familiar with Romeo and Juliet, right?”

“Yes…we read it in class in middle school.”

“Oh? And what part did you play, Romeo-san?”

“Uh…I think I was a clown…?”

I remember Yakishio was voted by the class to play Romeo, that’s all. That is one of my major impressions of my time in middle school.

“Okay, so your recall probably isn’t that great, Prez-senpai, but this time, you’ll be in the starring role.”

“Well, it can’t be too similar, or else Tanaka-sensei might catch on. He is a literature teacher, after all.” Shiratama muttered to herself.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Shiratama-san. There’s a reason I was only a clown.”

“Of course you can, Prez-senpai! You’ve already cross-dressed for me, after all.”

Oh. I forgot that happened. Or maybe I wanted to forget. Wait, that’s not exactly why it happened…that makes me sound like I wanted to do it…

“And you need to ask for the starring role. You have to stop thinking of yourself as a background character…”

“Also, Prez-senpai, I made you a bento today. I put in all your favorites.”

I accepted the bento that Shiratama handed me and lifted the lid briefly. Thank goodness, it looked way better than whatever Yanami had been serving me. As expected. There was even a delicate heart in the rice made of pink furikake seasoning.

“Well, since you brought up my lack of acting skills, I want to make one thing clear, that I didn’t have any ulterior motives when I helped you the first time, and that I don’t have any now.”

“Shiratama-san, you don’t have to try to charm me to get me to help you. I’d always help you, because you’re you.”

Shiratama stopped walking. She blinked.

There was a faint blush on her cheeks again. Man, she is a good actor.

“Thank you, Prez…” She said quietly.

We walked along quietly for a while after that. I was waiting for Shiratama to elaborate on this scheme.

“Anyway, Prez-senpai, the important part is doing the emotional final scene, where the star-crossed lovers take their lives.”

“Eh??”

“Yeah, Prez-senpai! When Tanaka-sensei and my sister see how devoted you are to me, and how much I reciprocate your love…not even death can keep us apart…”

“Juliet stabs herself right in her breast! Do you think I can do it?” Shiratama-san flapped her loose blouse. Her bowties dangled a bit suggestively. I wasn’t looking, though. Not at all.

“Shiratama-san, maybe you should tidy up your appearance a little?”

“Oh, don’t pretend that you don’t like this bit of fan service. I got the idea from watching you and Shikiya-senpai the other day~”

--!

“On second thought, Shiratama-san, I can’t accept your bento.”

“W-What? Why?”

“I’m thinking it’s better for me to fast a little. You know, Buddhist asceticism, so I can focus on the task at hand. Also, it’s better for me to have a settled stomach before I try this.”

“Hmmph!” Shiratama pouted.

“You know, I understand what the senpais mean when they say, ‘I don’t like this part of you’, Prez!”

Chapter Text

***

As I was going for my customary drink of water before starting the school day, I decided to indulge a bit. I’ve tried to see how long I can drink water before gagging before. The tipping point is really when the water finally stops tasting cold and refreshing and becomes like a tasteless, burdensome weight in your mouth. You become self-aware of how your muscles annoy you with the tedious motion of gulping. At that point, you only continue drinking for the love of the game.

I knew I would need a lot of water today. It’s important to keep hydrated when you’re under mental pressure.

That was easy. For some reason, the water tasted particularly sublime. It was crisp and fresh, like the first breath of life, created by God. I found myself contemplating the beauty and wonder of existence in the scintillating stream that leapt from the faucet, with just a mere turn of the spigot, like a comforting embrace. There was infinite beauty in how the water caught the morning light as it fell and threw brilliant sparkles into my eyes. I felt immense gratitude towards modern society and the hard work of the kind workers who toiled anonymously to make this possible. I was so fortunate to be born when I was. This is what I was meant to experience.

This was my last meal. I would never have wished for anything else.

As I was gulping, losing track of time, I faintly saw something red quivering in my peripheral vision.

I wasn’t really paying attention, but Komari might have been mumbling about death under her breath the entire time during my impromptu tutoring session with Shikiya-senpai. Maybe I was finally about to learn what that was all about, after 16 long years on this Earth. I never thought Komari would be the form of the Angel of Death, though. Life really is a mystery.

When I turned my head finally, beyond endurance, I saw red wavy hair, but it belonged to Hiroto Sakurai, not Komari. His head was lowered in a bow.

Shoot, how long did I make him bow without acknowledging him?

I was now faintly aware of people whispering all around and even felt some dirty looks.

“Wow, what’s he done to Sakurai-kun?”
“Sakurai-kun’s so nice and innocent, why would he ever bow to a morals-less womanizer like Nukumizu?”

“Nukumizu can’t keep his list of victims to women, huh?”

“Maybe Sakurai-kun’s innocence belongs to him now…”

Someone shrieked.

I wished they hadn’t done that. You guys haven’t proven anything yet. Also, I haven’t done anything.

The girl who shrieked was knocking into people, causing a lot of confusion as she fled the scene. Please don’t report me.

“Sakurai-kun…? This isn’t what it looks like!?” I said in a panic.

What does what look like?

Maybe me slurping water so vehemently made some girls uncomfortable in the past. I understand. 

“I’m sorr-"

“I’m sorry about Hiba-nee! I should have known that she might try to take responsibility for whatever you guys have done. She’s always been too proud to realize she’s gotten in over her head. That makes this all my fault.” Sakurai-kun shouted.

Finally, someone else who can relate to carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sakurai-kun is really too nice for his own good. I can even believe he might be taken advantage of by someone like me. Wait, what am I saying?

“And now Yumeko-san is involved, too…what a mess.” He added.

“What’s he done to the Student Council President?”

“I don’t even want to know…”

“I have a couple guesses…”

“More like one guess.”

“He charmed Kurata-san like it was nothing and then dropped her like a rock, but that wasn’t enough for him…”

“Some track girls have been keeping an eye on him ever since, and it looks like he was training with Prez…and she was showing a lot of skin…”

“He’s got her in his clutches now, and Prez is too honest to escape…she probably thinks it’s her fault he’s been taking advantage of her…”

“And now it looks like he’s been stringing the Student Council Secretary along this whole time…”

“Two-timing in the student council…”

“It should have been me…”

“Hatred…”

“Please don’t worry about it, Sakurai-kun. Please raise your head.” I cowered, looking all around at the spectators now surrounding us, but furiously avoiding any eye contact.

Finally, Sakurai-kun raised his head, and looked me straight in the eye with an honest aura radiating off him.

“I feel awful about this, but I need to ask you to come with me, Nukumizu-kun. Hiba-nee wouldn’t outright ask, but Yumeko-san has free time. If you would please come to the student council room, Basori-chan can help me work everything out with you three so there’s no misunderstandings about who is doing what with whom. “

“S-sure, Sakurai-kun…let’s go.” I sighed deeply.

“Good, looks like he’ll be exposed for his crimes.”

“Sakurai-kun should be on the Public Morals committee for stopping this polycule.”

“They’ll probably tear him limb from limb behind closed doors…”

“I’d pay to watch that…”

“Me too…”

Finally, the crowd of people trickled away slowly. I felt their disappointment that my punishment in the student council probably wouldn’t be public.

Hey, if that’s all you want, I’m willing. Please give me another chance.

As I stood there, staggering slowly like Shikiya-senpai after Sakurai-kun, something from the departed crowd caught my attention.

Something was glinting on the ground. I picked it up. It was a name tag. I didn’t even have to flip it over to know whose name was on it.

Basori Tiara.

Chapter Text

***

Sakurai-kun walked quickly to the student council room. I tried to look innocent and not guilty as I followed behind him. Basically, I was his shadow. I did not need any more negative attention after the misunderstandings that just happened. Wait, shadows are dark. Maybe not the best analogy.

Sakurai-kun opened the door and held it open for me. He ushered me inside. How courteous. He really is a good guy.

Prez was standing in the middle of the room with her back to me. For some reason, she was flexing with her arms in the air like a bodybuilder.

Prez whirled towards me with surprising speed, her red hair tracing a fiery arc through the air and her dark eyes flashing intimidatingly. However, when she saw me, her gaze softened and she smiled. Whew. I did not need Prez looking like that at me again. I forgot how intimidating she can be. I was about to confess to anything she wanted.

“Ahh, Nukumizu-kun. You’re here to help us move the extra desks out of the storage?”

What? Definitely not. That sounds hard. Good luck with that.

“Oh, is that why you were flexing just now, Prez? Sorry to interrupt.”

“Yes, Nukumizu-kun, very quick of you. I think my body is up to par with the most masculine student at Tsuwabuki. I was just demonstrating to Basori-kun here that while I am certainly not afraid of physical exertion, it might still be efficient to enlist some help, so that we can attend to other matters quicker.”

“Of course, you’re already very familiar with my physique, Nukumizu-kun. I’m quite proud of it, but you’ve seen it a million times.”

For the first time, the student council vice president, Basori Tiara-san, leaned out from behind Prez to look at me. Her hands were clasped in front of her chest in a pose of barely controlled excitement. Her eyes were glazed over. Goodness knows what goes on in Tiara-san’s head sometimes. Wait, her nose was plugged. Both nostrils had tissue in them. A recent nosebleed?

Well, Tiara-san does seem stressed a lot, and she does get worked up easily. I wonder what happened.

Wait, I might be responsible. Was it she who shrieked out in the courtyard earlier?

“Hiba-nee, stop! I know everything.”

Sakurai-kun finally made his presence known, as he stepped to stand next to me.

For the first time, Prez’s smug mood faltered a little. She frowned.

“Hiroto? I’m sorry about taking your shoes to school last week. They’re the same size, and I didn’t notice.”

“No, Hiba-nee. This isn’t about that, and I didn’t bring Nukumizu to help with the physical labor.”

“Sakurai-kun!!! Have you come to ask Prez for her blessing to begin dating Nukumizu publically?!?!?!?” Tiara-san shouted.

Time stopped. Everyone looked at Tiara-san. But her attention was already on something else.

“Sakurai-kun’s so brazen, yet seems so docile! I thought he was the bottom, but it turns out he’s the top! He’s ready to steal his lover Nukumizu away from his own cousin and NTR Prez!?!? So soon after Nukumizu stole his innocence? How can you be so honest, yet so evil? It’s all too much…too much…but what did Nukumizu do to corrupt him like this? He’s bored of Prez’s masculine body already? He needs a softer boy…” Tiara-san was mumbling absolute nonsense to herself. Her eyes were spinning.

Luckily, Prez took proactive charge of this situation (?). As expected of a responsible and admired leader.

“Basori-kun, how about we let Nukumizu-kun take you to the nurse’s office? You’ve already had one bad nosebleed this morning. Maybe you’re not feeling well?”

“And miss out on this plot development!?!? Never—err, I mean, no, thank you, Prez, I’m feeling perfectly fine! I’m euphoric!”

“Okay, Basori-kun, but I’m still a little worried about you. Let’s have you lie down, at least. Nukumizu-kun, help me, please.”

Prez and I each grabbed one of Tiara-san’s arms and began supporting her by her shoulders. Tiara-san was still able to walk, thankfully, although her legs were shaking. We led her unsteadily to a couch under the window. This was new. Morning sunlight was flooding through the window. We managed to settle Tiara-san into a lying position on the couch, although it was a little difficult.

Wait, someone else was already sitting on the couch. It was Shikiya-senpai. She was sitting there absolutely motionless in the sun.  We had to put Tiara-san’s floppy legs in her lap.

Senpai didn’t complain. In fact, she didn’t even move.

“Yumeko-san gets tired in the mornings sometimes, so Hiba-nee brought this couch in for her to recharge on if she needs it.” Sakurai-kun offered helpfully.

That makes sense with my observations. In my Shikiya-san observation diary, I’ve noted all the times I’ve seen her stagger through the school gate. 37. I had scientific conjectures written down theorizing that her energy cycle probably necessitates an morning rest to recover from her morning commute. Sometimes I try to find her afterwards to make sure she’s okay. It’s good to finally get confirmation that my theory has predictive power. I’ll have to write that down. Soon I’ll be able to present my findings at the International Shikiya-senpai Conference. I have to do a bit of editing on my work before peer-review, though. I only have an academic interest in Senpai. It’s not weird or anything.

“That makes sense, Sakurai-kun. You know, have you ever noticed that Yumeko-san—”

“…Yumeko…san…?”

I guess she must have been here the whole time since Sakurai-kun brought me, but Senpai spoke for the first time.

“Uh, e-excuse me, Shikiya-senpai—”

“…You…can…call me Yumeko…san…if you want.”

“N-no, it was a mistake, Senpai, please forgive me.”

“…H…h…hmpf…”

What was that??? Did Senpai…just…try to pout at me?

“…Not…forgiven…”

Chapter Text

***

Before I could react, Sakurai-kun stepped in. He probably wanted to keep things on track. I guess he’s used to that being his job.

“So, Hiba-nee, you’ve told the teachers that you’re handling the literature club’s probation personally, but you’ve delegated that to Yumeko-san, just because she asked. Isn’t that a little dishonest?”

“Well…Hiroto…” Prez looked a little uncomfortable.

“You’re being dishonest to the teachers, and you’re being dishonest to Yumeko-san.”

“Ahh…” Prez even looked a little sweaty. Guys, a new SSR Prez has dropped. Sweaty Prez.

“Hibari-neechan, I’ve always respected how honest, straightforward, and forthright you are with everyone. I’m sure everyone can agree that’s one of your best qualities, and the reason students trust you to be their president.”

Prez wasn’t even looking at Sakurai-kun anymore, she was looking out the window at the buildings of Tsuwabuki High School with a serene, unbothered (?) look on her face, her hands behind her back.

Wait, her hands were twisting together behind her back.

Suddenly, Prez whipped around just like she did when I came into the room.

“Shikiya, you know, after personal reflection, I am very grateful that you volunteered to watch the literature club during their probationary period. You are indispensible to the operations of this student council and I am very lucky to have you. However, I now realize that I should have been the one to take on this responsibility from the beginning. If you don’t mind, I’ll be handling the burden of watching Nukumizu-kun for the next week, and you can rest. We have a lot of other duties that I’m eager to get your help with.”

“No.”

?!?
All three of us turned to look at Shikiya-senpai. She had just spoken with the most force and intensity that I had ever heard come out of her. I think even Tiara-san raised her head a little out of her stupor.

“May I ask why, Shikiya?”

“Nukumizu-kun…is…fun. I…have fun…when I’m…with him.”

“I feel…something…when I’m with…him…”

“It feels…warm…”

“W-Well, Hiroto, I think the issue is spoken for. Are you going to argue with the Secretary further on this issue?”

“N-no, Hiba-nee, I’m satisfied. I should have trusted your judgment.”

“Thank you, Hiroto. Now, I guess we can turn to other matters…”

“Nukumizu-kun, if you don’t want to help us with physical tasks, perhaps you would be more amenable to something else…?”

“Y-yes, Prez, let’s hear it.”

“We need to find sponsors for our sports clubs. Of course, our school is an old institution, but we’re primarily known for academics, not athletics. That means we rely on sponsors from the local community for our sports clubs and for our upcoming sports festival. It’s almost time to lock in sponsors for next year so we can begin processing the paperwork in the student council. If someone knows the local shopping district association, or has free time to make connections…I can get you in contact with the sports clubs, and you can serve as an official representative of the Tsuwabuki Student Council to conclude agreements and collect the paperwork.”

Prez, that sounds like a lot of work.

“It’s actually not that much work. I’m actually quite good at negotiating, if I do say so myself.”

I can see that. But what about me?

“Really, there’s only a few more clubs that we need to get signed and sealed. If you could just help with one of them, that would be a big help. Shikiya usually handles some, but she can’t do as many as she’s done in previous years, for reasons we’ve already discussed.”

I tried to look at Senpai, but she was looking away from me. Was it my imagination, or was she not meeting my gaze?

“Alright, Prez. I’ll help you. It’s my fault anyway.”

“Thank you, Nukumizu-kun. You really are very reliable. I was right to come to you on this.”

“Now, you’re free to pick whatever club you want to work with. And get whoever you want to help you with everything. Just let me know so I can put the President’s Seal of Approval on everything.”

For some reason, I was puffing out my chest a little. Prez just has this way of making you want to work for her. She’s very inspiring, and complimentary. And I never get compliments.

“You’ve got it, Prez.”

Prez beamed at me. Wow, what a great feeling.

“Is the track club still available?”

“Funnily enough, yes. I should have known.” Prez winked. Wow, another SSR Prez. Winking Prez.

“Well, whatever Prez thinks, we still do need someone to help with physical labor. Maybe a couple of boys who can work together consistently, and get to know each other… *huff* *huff*”

That’s good that Tiara-san’s recovered enough to say something coherent. Kind of.

“Ahh!!!! Shikiya-senpai!!!! Don’t roll up my skirt!!!!! Nukumizu-san is here!!!!!”

Well, that’s my cue to leave. If the general student body ever knew that I witnessed something like this, I would be in serious physical danger.

Chapter Text

Somehow, I found myself talking about the shopping district sponsors to Ayano Mitsuki, of all people. Don’t be too hard on me. I don’t have that many guys I can talk to. My number of haters has gone way up from zero ever since I joined the literature club, and probably increased this morning.

He was waiting outside the girls’ restroom for Asagumo-san. He was carrying her book bag. Yikes.

“Well, I’d love to help, but, I just can’t see how I would do a better job than you, Nukumizu-kun! You’re so social, anyway.”

What? How does this guy have such a wrong impression of me? It’s seriously impressive.

“Plus, Chihaya’s made me this mock exam compiled from dozens of previous exams that I’m working through. She always writes the best practice questions, they test the material more thoroughly than the actual exam. So, by the time I take it for real, it’s actually easy.”

Wow, this guy sure can talk about his girlfriend.

Nerd.

“When I have free time, she gives me quizzes based on personal things about her. She also writes quizzes about me, which I can’t even get 100 percent on. It’s like her love language. She knows my life better than I do. It’s amazing how much she cares about me. I’ve never been so happy.”

Wow, never knew studying could be so fun. So life-affirming. If only Ayano could be locked in a rubber room with his exam prep books until he went crazy.

Wait, that’s a little too harsh. I think Ayano’s my friend, although I’ve never confirmed it like I did with Yanami. Go explode.

***

As I was heading to class 2-C’s homeroom a little early, since clearly trying to kill time before school by talking to Ayano was a mistake, I heard a pattering of indoor shoes, some loud panting, and a shrill cry:

“Stop right there, Nukumizu-san!”

I turned around. Tiara-san was pointing at me with a trembling finger, her face flushed. Her skirt was still rumpled. Maybe I should remind her to fix it after what Senpai did.

“Oh, Tiara-san. Were you looking for me?”

“Y-yes! I was running around the whole school looking for you!”

“Tiara-san, you don’t have to be so desperate. Next time, just text me, and I’ll meet you.”

Tiara-san puffed out her cheeks in anger. Her face turned even redder.

“I-I-I’m not desperate for you!?!? I-I-I’m setting an example!! The school day is about to begin, I can’t use my phone now!?!?”

“O-okay, that’s great. But next time, we can meet anywhere you like, if you just text me beforehand.”

“N-next time? A-anywhere? L-like, maybe, the crepe shop again…?”

“A-ahem!” Tiara-san suddenly shouted.

“I had a good reason to search you out!”

“But don’t you usually just wait to pull me into the dark under the staircase?”

Some passing girls shrieked and ran away from me. What an awful mistake I just made.

“I-I have a reason to do that too! B-but this is urgent!”

“Nukumizu-san, you have to help us move the desks, o-o-o-o-o-o-or, I’ll have to tell the Public Morals committee about you seeing me with my skirt rolled up!”

Tiara-san, why are you always so quick to resort to blackmail? You need to have a little more pride in yourself.

And that wasn’t even my fault. Shouldn’t you be reporting Shikiya-senpai?

“Tiara-san, I didn’t see anything. There’s nothing to worry about. It’s not like having a mole means your thighs are disfigured or anything.”

“H-h-h-how did you know I have a mole?”

Shit.

“I-i-in fact, a lot of guys, not necessarily myself, like that kind of thing. It really draws the eye and helps you appreciate a woman’s natural beauty.”

“O-oh. Oh. Oh…”

Tiara-san, who had looked like she was on the verge of a violent outburst, suddenly became very docile. Her face was still red, for some reason.

This girl’s mind is a constant mystery.

“B-but…the desks…” Tiara-san protested weakly in a voice barely above a whisper.

“The desks…”

Tiara-san, I heard you the first time. Is this like when you were asking if I use LINE?

“Hey, Nukumizu! How you been, bro?”

Hakamada Sousuke suddenly swung an arm around my shoulder. I can’t believe this guy is so friendly. It’s completely unnatural. Maybe he hit his head as a child. I could ask Yanami.

“Oh, good morning, Madam Vice President. Are you feeling okay? Nukumizu here can be a bit passionate, but he always means well.”

“Wait. You aren’t cheating on Anna with the Vice President, are you, dude?”

“C-cheating?!?” Tiara-san squeaked.

“Hakamada, I’m not dating Yanami-san in the first place, remember?”

“Sure, suuureee. You’re totally not.” Hakamada winked.

“Karen tells me a lot, you know?”

Wait, what? What is Himemiya saying? What does Yanami tell her? I always thought Yanami only complained about me to her.

“It’s like listening to your grandma complaining about your grandpa’s annoying habits after 50 years together, apparently. I’m not getting in the middle of it, but Karen and I are always praying for you guys’ happiness!”

Thank you, but that’s not necessary. I’m perfectly happy with or without Yanami.

“But what about the desks…?” Tiara-san mumbled. Maybe Prez was right. Maybe she should go to the nurse’s office. I’m a little worried about her.

“Did you say something about desks, Madam Vice President?” Hakamada asked cheerfully.

“A-Ah! Y-yes! Desks! Need moving!”

Now Tiara-san’s adopted a weird speech pattern. It’s sort of like Shikiya-senpai’s. Maybe she’s picking up on Senpai’s habits?

“If you need help moving some desks, I’m happy to help! I’m not in any clubs, but I rock climb and train my body on my own time!” Hakamada grinned and flexed.

“Nukumizu, bro, you should work out with me sometime! You know, get sweaty! This bod’ can teach yours everything it knows!”

Tiara-san’s mouth was wide open now. She gaped back and forth between Hakamada and I, going faster, and faster, and faster…

And finally, she crumpled.

Chapter Text

***

“W-wow, Nukumizu. You’re really calm about all this.”

“Well, I figured this could happen. I think Basori-san’s a little sick or something. I think she had a huge nosebleed this morning.”

“Geez. That sucks.”

After Tiara-san suddenly collapsed, I was able to dive and catch her before she had a rough landing on the floor. Now both Hakamada and I were supporting Tiara-san, just like Prez and I had been not that long ago.

“I feel really bad. I’ll help you take her to the nurse’s office.” Hakamada said earnestly.

“No, no, it’s okay, Hakamada. It’s my responsibility. Or, I think I’m responsible for her collapsing.”

“No way, bro, what are you saying? You’re way too kind-hearted, man, there’s no way it’s your fault.”

Okay, maybe it’s the fault of Sakurai x Nukumizu, and now, Hakamada x Nukumizu. So I can’t claim all the credit.

“Don’t worry about it, Hakamada. I help Basori-san all the time. And besides, won’t Himemiya-san miss you?”

“You really are a great guy.” Hakamada smiled.

“I guess we’ll move those desks another time, when the Vice Prez is feeling better.”

He was serious about that? Dang.

“You sure you’ve got her?”

I nodded. Supporting Tiara-san was about as difficult as supporting Shikiya-senpai, which I do all the time.

“Alright, then, yeah, I do need to meet Karen. We’ve been watching this show together on video call, but last night, she fell asleep on the phone! Her sleeping face was so cute. I’ve gotta catch her up on what happened before class!”

Hakamada, why do you feel the need to brag? You really did hit your head as a kid. No normal person would be that cruel.

With Hakamada gone, Tiara-san did become a bit heavier. Maybe she was heftier than she looked. Her thighs certainly had me reevaluating things.

I was supporting Tiara-san along, but it was slow going. Tiara-san mumbled incoherently, saying,

“Nukumizu-san…Nukumizu-san…Nukumizu-san…”

It’s a little weird to be moaning my name constantly in your sleep, but I’m not going to judge Tiara-san too harshly.

I decided to take a leaf out of my own book, from when I princess carried Shiratama in her bridal dress to run with her.

I managed to get Tiara-san into a princess carry with her head resting on my shoulder. Hopefully this way I could move her faster.

I tried to avoid as many people as possible while taking Tiara-san to the nurse’s office. I didn’t need anyone seeing me carrying an unconcious Tiara-san like this and getting one of several wrong ideas. I once walked around the corner to hide when some students came into the corridor. I slipped into the stairwell to avoid another group. Luckily, I was almost there.

Clonk.

My face bumped right into someone else’s. I heard a surprisingly feminine squeal.

It was a girl with long brown hair, a long skirt, and a pretty flat chest. There was only one girl in our grade who was just as tall as I was.

It was Nonomura-san. I hadn’t thought about her since we worked together on our section of the decorations during the Halloween festival-wow, almost 6 months ago.

“Nonomura-san!”

“Nukumizu-kun!”

We just stared at each other in the shadows of the stairwell for a second.

“Ah, Nonomura-san, how are you? How was your Christmas?”

Nonomura-san ignored my ridiculously belated question.

“What are you doing here, Nukumizu-kun?”

“In the stairwell? Uh…avoiding people, I guess.”

“What are you doing here, Nonomura-san?”

“I-I, I’m avoiding people, I guess…”

“Not because you can’t talk to them…”

“But because I don’t really want to…”

“And you’ve gotta kill time before the bell…”

“So you can walk in right when class starts.”

It was crazy. It was like Nonomura-san and I were finishing each other’s sentences. Wait, that’s exactly what we were doing.

For the first time, we tore our gazes away from each other.

Nonomura-san looked down.

“Should I even ask why you’re princess carrying the Student Council Vice President, Nukumizu-kun?”

“There’s a good reason for this, Nonomura-san.”

“Hmm. And why is she unconcious?”

“There’s a good reason for that too, Nonomura-san.”

We looked at each other again. I could tell that Nonomura-san wasn’t going to ask. She didn’t care to know. That was very relatable to me. I always end up learning more about people than I really want to know.

“W-What class are you in now, Nonomura-san?”

“Me? I’m in Class 2-C.”

“Hey, wait! I’m in Class 2-C.”

“Oh. So we’re in the same class again.”

“I guess we’re in the same class again.”

Silence.

Nonomura-san and I looked at each other again. For some reason, the silence wasn’t that uncomfortable, though.

We both tried to speak at the same time.

“See-“

“See-“

“Oh, sorry, Nonomura-san, you go ahead.”

“I was just going to say, see you in class, I guess.”

“That’s what I was going to say.”

Even though we both never noticed that we were in the same class again, I'm a little happy to realize that she'll be there once the bell rings.

Nonomura-san smiled. I think that’s the first time I’ve seen her smile. I feel a little special.

Nonomura-san went down the stairs.

“Get the Vice Prez to the nurse’s office quick, Nukumizu-kun.”

“I will, Nonomura-san.”

***

“Ara, ara~ Prez, what in the world did you do to the Student Council Vice Prez?” Konuki-sensei asked as I carried Tiara-san towards a bed.

I ignored her question. I didn’t want to give her any information that she could use later.

Konuki-sensei smiled. She pulled aside the curtain for me. She gently helped me lay Tiara-san down in the bed.

“Nukumizu-san…” Tiara-san moaned desperately.

Konuki-sensei’s eyebrows shot up. Her laid-back gaze turned into an intense stare at me. She started radiating a weird aura.

I had to get out of here.

“Sensei, Basori-san collapsed when she was talking to me. That’s all. And she had a nosebleed earlier this morning.”

Konuki-sensei nodded.

“Thank you, Nukumizu-kun. I’ll have her rest and hydrate here, and then I’ll interrogate-I mean, ask her a few questions about what happened and whether she has any other symptoms.”

Tiara-san, be strong. Don’t fold. Don’t give her anything.

Wait, this is Tiara-san we’re talking about here. She’s going to crack like an egg.

As I gave one last look at Tiara-san’s peaceful, still slightly red face, I decided to pull the blanket up over her for protection against Konuki-sensei. As I was doing this, I leaned over Tiara-san. Her lips, so often pouting at me, were parted slightly. Her face, which was so often stressed, was calm. I noticed Tiara-san also had a mole on the side of her neck.

I guess Tiara-san looked a little cute. But in a sleeping cat sort of way. Tiara-san is a lot like a cat, now that I think about it. And I’m not even thinking about her in the cat maid costume.

I noticed that Tiara-san wasn’t wearing her name tag. She takes pride in that thing, even when no one else even wears it. Ah, that’s right, she dropped it after the scandal at the water fountain.

I realized it was still in my pocket. I pulled it out.

I decided to carefully try to slide it back into its little pocket on Tiara-san’s chest.

Tiara-san purred contentedly. I tried not to disturb her, but Konuki-sensei bumped into me from behind. Probably on purpose.

My fingers slipped and my hand fell onto Tiara-san’s blazer. I grasped with my hand unconciously for balance.

Squish.

I had a handful (?) maybe that is too generous-of something squishy below Tiara-san’s blazer. I always thought Tiara-san didn’t have anything under there. Maybe she really is growing into her oversized bras. This is interesting to know. I am glad that Tiara-san is healthy and developing heathily.

Tiara-san’s eyelids fluttered open.

I was completely groping her left breast while she laid on a bed with a curtain half drawn around her, covered in shadow.

Tiara-san’s face went through the 5 stages of grief in about 5 seconds. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Her face was red, then pale, then blue.

Then her eyes rolled upward in her head and she passed out for real this time.

I turned.

Konuki-sensei hadn’t said anything this whole time. But she was grinning ear to ear.

It was terrifying.

I ran.

Chapter Text

***

Once back in class, I began reading the announcement board. It’s a great way to get your mind off things. Fill your heart with gratitude and amazement at the accomplishments of others, and your problems don’t seem so big. It’s like the opposite of doomscrolling.

“Nukkun!!!” A bright and cheery voice exploded in my ears. I received a smack on the back. It stung. I winced at the embarrassingly loud noise my skin made. I guess I need to train my back muscles. But not with Hakamada.

I turned, and I was looking into the sparkling eyes of Yakishio.

“You’re coming to my meet on Sunday, right!?!?”

“If I’m still alive…”

“Hahaha! What does that mean, Nukkun?! You’ve become a real jokester!”

“I’ll send you the details later! And which events I’m running exactly. They always want me to run as many events as possible for our school’s rankings, but that’s not good for my individual training, so I’m not sure yet. But, I mean, I do want to run all of them!”

Yakishio grinned. Suddenly, that wheat colored body became a blur. Before I knew it, she was right next to me.

Yakishio nudged my hip with her own.

“Hey, hey, Nukkun, maybe you can be my coach and make the final call. I can get you a visor and a whistle and a stopwatch and everything. And if you say, ‘Lemon, don’t run this race’, I’ll be like, ‘Aye aye, yessir, Coach Nukkun!’”

“That’s too much responsibility, Yakishio…”

“Oh, cmon, Nukkun! Don’t be boring! You’re the reason that I’m running till nationals, not in the Going-Home Club with you! Don’t make me make you take responsibility~”

Yakishio always gives you a bit of energy. Maybe I really can make it through today.

Chapter Text

***

It seemed that Amanatsu-sensei had decided to alter her lesson plans on the fly again today. She was lecturing about various historical massacres, which had nothing to do with our unit learning about the Industrial Revolution in England.

“So anyway, this one Byzantine emperor, Basil the Bulgar-Slayer, he decided to blind 99 of every 100 men and leave the last guy with one eye so that he could guide them all home. I always wondered why he did that, but I think I’m beginning to understand. It was just justice.

It would be justice if 99 of every 100 men lost their tongues so that they didn’t have to eat food that they apparently hated so much. And the one good guy, Mr. Right, the one guy who appreciates food, can have his tongue so that he can offer some compliments. It’s only fair.

That’s why Basil the Bulgar-Slayer has such a prominent place in Byzantine history. His dedication to justice. “

I guess Amanatsu-sensei saying she was picking up cooking yesterday didn’t go well.

After Amanatsu-sensei concluded this lesson (?) by slamming the podium, telling us about the waves of men who died at the Battle of the Somme, I approached Yanami, who had been listening to the lecture with a placid expression. She was back in class after being absent sick, but her face seemed just like normal. Kind of blank. Unless you’re talking about food.

“Hey, Yanami-san. Are you feeling better?”

“Well, Nukumizu-kun, while you could go and just relax at home after the disaster at the ice cream parlour, I had to struggle to get the cake home all by myself. It was horrible. It started melting because it was outside so long while you were talking with the manager, and I had to start eating it as fast as possible while walking home as fast as possible.”

That’s a crazy image. I wonder if people thought Yanami escaped from an insane asylum, or that this was some kind of viral marketing tactic.

“So, Yanami-san, when do you think you can pay me back? I wasn’t really planning to buy an ice cream cake, but we can go 50/50 on it when I get my half of it.”

“Anyway, I think I had to eat most of it. When I got home, I put in the freezer, but then I suddenly got an awful headache and went to bed.”

“Then, the next day, my stomach didn’t feel good at all, so I decided to stay home. It must have been because I skipped dinner by sleeping so early. My body knows what’s right, telling me not to skip any meals.”

“Well, I had 4 good meals yesterday, and focused on feeling better, and that really did the trick. So to answer your question, I’m in tip-top shape! Yanami-chan is cuter than ever!” She flashed me a peace sign and grinned. She didn’t look cute, or anything. Definitely not. I was dumb to worry about her.

“Wait, Yanami-san. Why 4?”

“To make up for missing one, obviously!” Yanami said smugly.

Don’t look so pleased with yourself, girl. I thought you thought 4 meals a day was normal.

“Don’t all the snacks you eat in a day add up to a meal, Yanami-san?”

“Well, Nukumizu-kun, since you sadly don’t know, if you’re constantly snacking, that doesn’t add up to a meal. It’s because snacks keep up your metabolism if you eat them in the right intervals. You end up burning more calories than if you weren’t snacking.”

Huh.

“So, Nukumizu-kun, how about you come by my house this afternoon? We can share the rest of the ice cream cake. I’m a little sick of cookies and cream now, actually.”

Yanami, not enthusiastic to eat something? That was new. I paused to process this. And does she consider ice cream cake a snack?

“Fufufu…I bet you’re thrilled, right? This is a big step for you, going to a girl’s house.”

I mean, I’ve been to Komari’s house and Yakishio’s house, so is it really? It’s just Yanami.

Yanami tried to lean forward to see my facial expression, smirking.

“Sorry, Yanami-san. I’ve gotta do…something…with Shiratama-san.”

“WHAT??” Yanami yelped.

“Yanami-san, there’s no need to raise your voice.”

“What are you doing? You better not think you can sneak ahead! I always KNEW the Nu in Nukumizu stood for-“

“I can’t tell you.” I put on a solemn face. I would need a lot more where that came from to get through this afternoon. Maybe some Buddhist mantras about inner peace. Yanami looked uncharacteristically nervous.

“Saturday?” She pleaded.

“I’m going shopping with Kaju.”

“Sunday?”

“Yakishio’s got a track meet then, and she asked me to come.”

“Why is this so important to you?” I asked.

Yanami froze with her mouth open.

“W-Well, we didn’t get to eat it together! That was the whole point of you going with me to the ice cream parlour!”

“I thought the point of me going with you was so that you could get it for free.”

“Don’t you know that food tastes better when you’re eating with others? And when you’re sharing, it’s even better! Be the change you want to see in the world and all that?!?”

“Well, maybe next weekend-“

“It won’t be good then! Everyone knows you can’t really refreeze an ice cream cake that well!”

“Do they?” I asked.

“Yeah, duh! Because when you have one out on the table to cut out slices, it starts melting! And since slices are missing, it can really spread out, and get all gloppy. And it’s not like refreezing it can get it back to being all tall and chiseled like before!”

“That’s right, our cake was looking all sad and gloppy…” She muttered mournfully.

So you were going to feed me glop, Yanami?

“Wait, wait, wait! You’re distracting me, Nukumizu-kun! That won’t work on me!”

Of course it does, girl. Forget otters, you and food is like a cat and jangling keys.

“Anyway, you missed your chance! Too bad you won’t get to visit the adorable Yanami-chan’s house! Chew on that while you’re with Shiratama-chan, doing your WHATEVER, that’s so important to you that you can’t tell me about it.”

“Yanami-san, if I told you why or what I was doing, you’d be even more upset.”

Yanami blinked.

Yanami started poking me roughly in the side.

“I’ll eat the rest of the cake by myself!” “But you have to feel the same way I felt yesterday!”

No one thought you couldn’t do it, girl. You might have to persevere through more lactose intolerance pain, though. Ganbare.

“Don’t think you have to watch out for me! Okay? I’m the one who’s stuck looking after you!”

Yanami told me that she was hanging out with Himemiya and that she wasn’t serious about inviting me to her house in the first place, it was just a test. And I failed. I definitely failed.

“This is why I don’t like this part about you, Nukumizu-kun!”

Chapter Text

***

The other lessons of the day were flying by, despite me willing time to expand and trying to avoid the dirty looks Yanami kept shooting my way from the other side of the classroom.

By Japanese literature, I realized I finally understood the meaning of the phrase: “Looking daggers”. I guess I was learning about the delicate and beautiful intricacies of the Japanese language. Maybe it had to do with Shinobis and Ninjas and their throwing daggers and kunai. Good thing these excerpts were historical literature, not contemporary. Oh, would you look at the time. Time flies when you’re having fun.

Too soon, the teacher dismissed us for lunch. Himemiya-san suddenly came and embraced Yanami from behind, crying out in a sweet voice:

“Oh, Anna! I’m so happy that you asked me to hang out this afternoon! It’s been way too long since we last did!”

“Of course, Karen-chan! Yeah, so I’ve got part of an ice cream cake in the freezer at home, and I want to share it with you!”

“Wow, Anna! You’re sharing something like that with me? Thank you!”

“Of course, Karen-chan! Yeah, it’s the least I could do!”

I was trying to sneak out of the room, but I knew it was futile. I could feel Yanami’s hot gaze on me, trying to burn a hole through me (another phrase I now understood), and I could feel her body shaking and fists quivering, even though I wasn’t looking at her (very intentionally).

It’s not good to bottle things up like that, girl.

I’m not telling you for your own good, you know?

Suddenly, a chill seemed to come over the room. I shivered.

Shikiya-senpai stumbled into the classroom. She lurched around, leering into the faces of my classmates, causing them to freeze in fear. She craned around, and stopped; her gaze locked on her target. It was me.

“Nukumizu…kun…” Her whisper floated through the stagnant air.

“Y-yes, Senpai?”

“…I…need…you…”

No one reacted to this statement. Until a strange grunting sound came from around Yanami’s approximate location (I still wasn’t looking her direction).

“Let’s go, Senpai!”

More grunts.

I finally escaped into the hallway. Shikiya-senpai swayed after me. I walked quickly to get away from the grunting, which gradually died away. I think I caught a hint of Hakamada and Himemiya-san’s concerned raised voices.

“H-how can I help you, Senpai?” I asked finally.

I turned around to face her, and-

Senpai was right behind me. Her white eyes completely filled my vision.

“W-whoa-“

I backed up, but Senpai stayed right on me.

Bang. My back hit something hard and icy cold. I was backed up against the row of lockers. Senpai was right in my face. There was nowhere to go. I was completely held in place by her cold gaze. I shivered again.

I don’t think Senpai had ever intentionally tried to intimidate me before. That usually wasn’t necessary. And I think this was Senpai using just 10% of her power.

“A-Are you…angry with me, Senpai?”

“Hm….maybe…”

Senpai’s white eyes flittered away from mine as she looked to the side for a moment.

“I guess…I am.”

Her eyes returned, freezing me back in place.

She sounded a little happy with this statement. What could Senpai possibly mean? Am I about to die?

Please go on without me, Kaju. And please destroy the contents of my homework folder. Without looking at it.

“I…thought…we were close…”

“Just…like…this…”

“W-we are close! Shikiya-senpai!”

Is it okay for me to say this out loud? Well, I wouldn’t dare to presume that, but it seems to be what Senpai wants right now. I’ll worry about the consequences later. My plans are kind of short term. I’m focused on the next 10 seconds right now.

“Call…me…Yumeko-san.”

Gulp.

“Yumeko-san is too familiar, Senpai. I’m not worthy-I mean, I respect you too much to call you that.”

“I’m…telling…you…it’s okay…”

“At least let me call you Yumeko-senpai!” I shouted. I finally broke eye contact with Senpai and squeezed my eyes shut, tilting my head towards the sky and the gods above. This was too much. If Senpai didn’t accept this, my life was forfeit. This really was the craziest day of my life, and I didn’t even live to the end of it. At least I wouldn’t have to go to that faculty party.

“Fine…”

“But…”

“You owe me…a favor.”

!!!

I had just made a mistake. I was now in Senpai’s debt. I should have known the privilege of getting to call her Yumeko-senpai would have a steep price. The only question was whether I could possibly afford it.

Have mercy on me, Senpai. I only have one set of organs to sell, after all.

“A-anything you want, Sen…Yumeko-senpai.”

It sounded weird and foreign coming out of my mouth.

Senpai blinked. I have to record that in my notes. Blinking is one of Senpai’s rarest behaviors, possibly never documented, only theorized.

Senpai finally backed up a little. She began to sway from side to side. She blinked a few times, actually. This was astronomically rare, maybe like watching a snake shed its skin in the wild.

“Yay…” She said weakly.

Then her eyes slowly closed and her lips parted.

&^%*(@&#)%@(*$&@#)@(*&$!?!?!?!?

There’s no way I’m about to be kissed!?!? By my beautiful Senpai!?!?

Yumeko-senpai suddenly drooped forward and I caught her automatically. My body sprung into action immediately and then began to relax from a heartbeat of over 150 bpm. Yeah, there was no way Senpai would ever kiss me. I think I unconsciously knew that. Dang, why did my heart freak out then?

Senpai’s soft body was all over me. I tried to keep my mind calm, but my heart was still racing. Hopefully Senpai couldn’t feel how hard and fast my heart was thumping. I was enveloped in her peach scent again. Her chin was resting on my shoulder.

“Then…have lunch…with me…”

She whispered into my ear.

Chapter Text

***

I was supporting Shikiya-no, Yumeko-senpai (gotta get used to that) up the stairs back to her classroom to get her lunch. I mean, normally I have something from the school store, if Kaju doesn’t pack me something. So I’ll head over there after Senpai gets her lunch. But I try to mix it up there. I’m not obsessed with bread like Komari is.

I’ve supported Senpai more times than I can count. But this time feels a little different. I just can’t get my heart to calm down.

Yumeko-senpai’s also been quiet. But that’s also pretty normal.

I’m usually comfortable with silence between us when I’m helping her, but this time I feel compelled to say something, anything.

“U-uh…”

“Guh…”

Why can’t I think of anything to say???

Gulp.

Shoot, why did I swallow there? And why was that so loud? My heart’s pounding in my ears.

Mercifully, Senpai didn’t acknowledge my completely alien attempt at human communication. She also didn’t comment on my random embarrassing gulp. But it looks like some of the life has returned to her eyes since she collapsed.

It looks like the light is dancing in her white eyes. She looks almost…playful…?

“Nukumizu…kun…thank you…as always…” She sighs.

“T-thank you! Yumeko-senpai!”

Wait, what am I thanking her for?

“H…eh…”

The smallest snort of air exits Senpai’s nose as she continues looking at me.

Wait, does that count as a giggle?

I feel really, really confused. I think I’m supposed to be embarrassed, possibly even humiliated that my emotionless Senpai is actually laughing at me, but why is my stomach leaping right now? Why do I feel lighter? Why is my heart jumping up and down with its fist in the air?

Must be because I’m recording some new data to put in my Shik—Yumeko-senpai studies.

Yeah, that must be the reason my head is buzzing.

Somehow, we’ve made it to Yumeko-senpai’s class without incident. Or maybe I just had the incident to remember for the rest of my life. In all the dark and lonely days that are probably ahead, I can at least think of this moment, and smile.

Yumeko-senpai brought her other arm up and gently pushed on my chest to extricate her other arm from around my neck. I flinched at her touch like I was expecting an electric shock, and yeah, Senpai’s touch feels electric right now.
Senpai gently hums a low note as she works herself free of me.

“Come…inside…Nukumizu-kun.”

E-excuse me?

“My class…loud…warm…”

I don’t know if I can deal with that right now, Senpai. I kind of want to be alone with my thoughts right now.

Kinda in a nice, sunny place. Like a soft, grassy, field where I can stare up at the fluffy clouds in the brilliantly blue sky and wonder.

But Yumeko-senpai has other plans. She grabs the bottom of my green tie and pulls me inside with surprising strength and grace.

Chapter Text

***

I’m standing by Senpai’s desk, trying not to look awkward. Luckily, I didn’t cause much of a commotion when I came in with Senpai, being led by the tie. The third years, surprisingly, seem to be a lot louder and more rambunctious than my class, groups talking animatedly everywhere and breaking into laughter suddenly here and there. Everyone is enjoying lunchtime. I mean, people have known each other for several years at this point. They’re comfortable with each other in a simple way that is only worn by time. They’re focused on making wonderful memories before exam season truly takes them and never lets go. This is the point where someone could mean enough for you to take them to a shared treasured place and pour your heart out to them. This is the springtime of youth, when everything is flowering.

As I’m lost in thought, waiting for Senpai to get her things in order…(Why…? Oh, that’s right. We were going to have lunch together.)

--A bright, bubbly voice pulls me back into this world. I guess it’s not yet time for me to isekai into Another World of Fulfilling Youth.

“Heyo! Who are you?”

I turned, and was met with a short girl with big, droopy eyes and spiky pale green hair. Her bowties were green and pink and sat jauntily on top of a rather small chest. Her hair was cut pretty short, but two large tufts stuck out on either side, drooping downwards like big dog ears.

“Uh…I’m Nukumizu Kazuhiko of Class 2-C.”

“I’m Matsushima Maki, but everyone calls me Macchan or Matcha.”

She closed her eyes and showed me a toothy grin, revealing a canine fang. She raised her arm up to pose with her fingers in a peace sign parallel with her eyes, and I noticed she had a scrunchie just like Yumeko-senpai’s on her wrist.

“N-nice to meet you, Matsushima-senpai.”

“You’re an interesting one, aren’t you?” She smiled sweetly.

“Can I call you Kazu-kun?”

“W-why?”

“Well, we’ve just met, but you seem pretty trustworthy.”

These third years are completely beyond me. Her aura of friendliness is just way too strong. Can someone really become like them just by living one year more than I have?

“G-go ahead, Senpai…”

What am I agreeing to here? It’s like scrolling past the terms and conditions and just clicking yes. I have a feeling my personal data is going to be stolen.

“So, why are you here, Kazu-kun?”

“Uh, I’m here with Shikiya-san, Senpai.”

“Oh? And what are you doing with her?”

“I think I’m going to have lunch with her…?”

“And what exactly is your relationship with Shikiya-san?”

“S-She’s, my…my senpai?”

“…You…used to call me…only…Senpai…”

Yumeko-senpai’s head popped up, her white eyes staring at me.

Her tone sounded a little flatter than usual. Was that the slightest hint of…reproach?

“W-Well, that’s in the past, Y-Yumeko-senpai.”

“Oh, so you’re calling her Yumeko, are you? Good for you!”

Matcha-senpai smiled warmly.

“I knew you were trustworthy, Kazu-kun.”

Yumeko-senpai was holding two bento boxes in her arms. Wait, why two…? She can’t eat like Yanami, as far as I know.

“Yumeko-senpai, why are there two bentos?”

“…One…for you…”

Matcha-senpai was looking back and forth between us. Her droopy eyes were suspicious, and instead of looking sleepy, they were clever and full of mirth.

“So, Yumeko, how long were you going to hide this guy from me, huh?”

“How could you keep such a secret from me, Yumekoooo~”

Matcha-senpai started nuzzling into Yumeko-senpai’s side like a dog.

"...Matcha..."

Yumeko-senpai said slowly. She scratched Matcha-senpai’s head like a dog.

Matcha-senpai whined as Yumeko-senpai suddenly pushed her head away. Her droopy eyes flicked to me, as if to ask, (What did I do to deserve this?)

This is an interesting dynamic. I guess Yumeko-senpai has always been willing to use physical force to keep some people in line, like Tiara-san and now Matcha-senpai.

Other gyarus began to crowd around us.

“Yumeko, who is this?” Gyaru-senpai A asked.

“Oh, he’s just Kazu-kun.“ Matcha-senpai supplied unhelpfully.

“Kazu-kun!?” Gyaru-senpai A exclaimed like she was seeing an old friend for the first time in years.

“Hi, Kazu-kun!” Gyaru-senpai B giggled.

“How long have you been with Yumeko, Kazu-kun?” Gyaru-senpai C smirked.

“Guess Yumeko likes them younger, doesn’t she~?” Gyaru-senpai D whispered gleefully.

“Uwah…Kazu-kun!” Gyaru-senpai B finished.

I started feeling tingly. I was incapacitated by a kind of brain fog. This was a new and unexpected situation, so normally I would have been on guard, but in fact, I think I kind of liked being surrounded by older girls calling me Kazu-kun.

Wait. That might sound weird. I promise I’m normal. I’ve always been normal. I’m a happy and normal person.

I’ve gotta get out of here before something awakens. Before my life trajectory is ruined.

“W-well, it was great to meet you, Matcha-senpai!” I managed to get out.

“Yumeko-senpai?” I asked.

Senpai stared down her gyaru friends with her blank look, but none of them flinched. Their expressions remained a little exaggerated and their gazes followed us as we quickly left the classroom.

“Come back soon, Kazu-kun!” Matcha-senpai called after me.

Chapter Text

***

Here we are on the steps of the old club building. Me. Yumeko-senpai. Alone.

How did this happen?

I’ve been here plenty of times with Yanami, Komari, and Yakishio, but this is new. 

Yumeko-senpai takes a seat on the stairs close to the wall, so that she can lean on it. I sit on the same step, but leave a respectful distance between us.

“…Nukumizu-kun…why…so…far…away?”

“Yumeko-senpai, I have heard it’s important to keep an appropriate sense of social distance. ”

“But…how…am I…going…to feed you?”

!?!?!?

I must have finally cracked under the strain of all the stress I’ve been going through today. I’ve somehow gotten involved with so many troublesome girls that my mind has collapsed. This was probably inevitable. I can’t judge myself too harshly. It’s important to be able to forgive yourself.

I guess my delirious brain hallucinated Yumeko-senpai saying something that I would want to hear. It’s a classic scene from light novels, not something meant to happen in our lowly and degraded world. 

Wait, I bet it’s probably happened to Ayano. And Hakamada. 

Grr…

And they don’t even know what it means! What about all the late nights I spent reading wonderful and beautiful works of literature in my bed beyond the understanding or appreciation of normies? What about my grand vision for a perfect world? One where the ignorance and judgement of normies has been removed by the singing blade of vengeance? 

Truly, only the light novel reader can be described as the modern day Socrates, pointing out the absurdities of society and exposing the normies for the frauds they are.

We live in a society.

“...mizu…kun…?”

“Nuku…mizu…?”

“Kazu…kun…?”

“Come back to me…”

!?!?!?!?

Wait, what just happened? Did Yumeko-senpai just call me…Kazu-kun?

Finally, I stop staring off into space and look into Yumeko-senpai’s eyes. But she won’t meet my gaze. She grabs her hair and twirls it into bangs. She tries to hide behind them. 

A Silent Voice.

“...That…wasn’t like me…”

“...I…won’t do that again…”

Oh. This is sounding more like my reality. I flew too close to the sun. I probably used my entire lifetime of luck up right there. 

“...Yumeko-senpai…I liked it, when you called me Kazu-kun.”

Wait. What did I just say?

AM I TOTALLY INSANE?

Why did I say that?!?!?!

“.............”

“.............”

Oh God. It’s so over. I’m going to have to leave Tsuwabuki after this. I’ll be reported for sexual harassment and be expelled. I’ll have to change my name after being disowned by my family. I won’t be able to go out in public anymore. I’ll spend the rest of my life running from my past. Goodbye, Toyohashi. So long, Seibunkan bookstore. I’ll have to use Amazom now. 

Kaju wouldn’t take Nukumizu out of her name, would she?

“...Thank you, Nukumizu-kun.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!

“...I…I’m not like Matcha…I know that…”

“She’s…like a dog…and I…like dogs…”

“But…she got…so familiar…with you…so quickly…”

“And I don’t know…what distance to have…with people…”

“I…think…people are afraid of me…sometimes…”

Yumeko-senpai? Should I really be hearing this?? I’m not that trustworthy!?

“Yumeko-senpai!”

I grabbed her hand. It was cold. 

You know what they say about people with cold hands. They have a warm heart.

“Yumeko-senpai, you’re perfect just the way you are!”

“I, I also don’t know what distance to have with people!”

“But, if they knew you like I do, they would never be scared of you!”

What the hell am I saying? I’m sounding like a light novel MC. Where is this coming from? 

All I know is that I’m yelling out my feelings to Senpai, staring deep into her shocked white eyes. I have to let her know the truth. I can’t let her go through something alone again.

Well, if I’m already expelled for sexual harassment, I might as well hold her hand too.

I mean, that helped when I was with Senpai after Tsukinoki-senpai yelled at her. When she cried without shedding a tear.

Senpai had been trying to hide behind her bangs. But now her eyes were wide and shocked, showing as much emotion as I had ever seen them. 

I realized something. Yumeko-senpai was trembling. Not just her hand, but her whole body.

And, slowly but surely, a dull blush spread across her cheeks, like a rose finally flowering.

Chapter Text

***

What. Did. I. Just. Do.

Yumeko-senpai had suddenly wrenched her hand out of my grip with the most speed that I had ever seen from her and turned away from me, facing the wall. She had put her hands to her cheeks.

Yeah, they won’t even let me go free after this level of sexual crimes.

Well, time to get used to the same four walls for the rest of my life. 

Senpai slowly turned back towards me. She still kept her face out of view, though.

Her chest was heaving, her hand on it. The same hand that I had been holding.

“...My…heart…” She whispered.

“It’s never…beat…this…fast…” Yumeko-senpai sounded almost scared.

“I-I…I’m sorry…Yumeko-senpai. Please forgive me.” I hung my head like the hangman was putting the noose around my neck.

“Mmmmm…” Yumeko-senpai murmured.

“I’m…so warm…”

“Everywhere…”

“Even…hot…”

?!?!?!?!?!?

Senpai, what are you saying?!?!? This sounds like R18+ dialogue!?!?!? And I’ve never, ever been in the “spicy” section of a bookstore. Never. Please believe me.

“You…make me feel…funny feelings…”

“Like…when you wouldn’t…call me Yumeko-san…”

“Most of my friends…call me…Yumeko…”

“I think…I was angry…for the first time…”

“It’s natural for people to be angry at me, Yumeko-senpai. I don’t know why. It keeps happening, though.” I said.

“But…it’s not natural…for me…to be angry…”

True, I guess I haven’t ever observed that in my various studies of Senpai. 

“Of course it is, Yumeko-senpai. You’re a normal girl-I mean, a normal respected senpai.”

“...I guess so…” Yumeko-senpai wondered aloud.

“Thank you, Nukumizu-kun…you’ve taught me…so much…about feelings…about distance…that I can even be angry…too…”

Why am I still being thanked by Senpai? This feels unbelievable.

“Thank you, too, Yumeko-senpai. For being you.”

Suddenly, Yumeko-senpai’s hand came up. 

And it landed on my head.

She leaned closer to me.

There’s that smell of peaches again.

“You’re…a good boy…”

Yumeko-senpai’s soft hand brushed through my hair.

“And…so sweet…too…”

She patted me on the head several times.

She gently scratched my scalp.

AHFPIU)(#_@)T12515#U+NGA# &T#@^!@$&%@534&TQDW*&^@*T)@!AFH(!)@!@!@#(&!@#(!!@#*&(93187

This is I, Nukumizu Kazuhiko. This is my final will and testament. 

I leave everything to Kaju.

I have no regrets in this world.

Chapter Text

***

“...Then…I want your favor to me…to be…let me…call you…Kazu-kun.”

It’s day one of living in the afterlife. I guess somehow I was deemed good enough to go to heaven. Anyway, I know this kind of stuff doesn’t happen in Hell.

“Yes! Definitely! Yumeko-senpai!” I exclaimed automatically.

“But…I thought…my favor to you was to have lunch with you…” I asked.

Yumeko-senpai tilted her head slightly in confusion.

“...No, that was because…”

A shadow fell over us.

“ARA ARA!!!” Someone shrieked.

Yumeko-senpai and I both craned our necks up the stairs to see Riko Shiratama standing at the top of the landing, her figure blotting out the sun. Her finger and thumb were covering her chin in an exaggerated pose that a detective would make when he’s solved the case. There was a wild look in her sleepless looking eyes. 

I shivered.

“Shiratama-san?” I asked stupidly.

“Yes…this…cute kouhai…gave me a bento…and asked me to invite you to lunch…” Yumeko-senpai finally explained. 

“You wouldn’t take it this morning, but all I had to do was suggest it to your precious Yumeko -senpai~” Shiratama told me in a nasty, sneering way. 

Gulp.

Shiratama-san is known to do kinda crazy things when she’s left alone. And you don’t want to be the subject of her designs.

I made a big mistake by refusing her bento this morning. Shiratama’s the type to hold grudges. Against her own family. And in-laws.

“Sh-Shiratama-san! I-I’m sorry, o-okay? That was a mistake! Your bento looked really delicious, and I saw how much care you put into it. A disgusting, worthless senpai like me doesn’t deserve that. But I’ll happily accept it now, a-alright? I, I-I…I’m starting to feel really hungry right now!”

Shiratama-san stomped down the stairs. I winced at every footfall.

Finally, she sat down on the step above Yumeko-senpai and I, leering down at me.

“Apology accepted, Prez-senpai! <3 Please eat up! <3 I made it just for you, with lots of love! <3 And please, don’t put yourself down like that~”

Shiratama-san practically sang in a sickeningly saccharine voice. 

“...That’s for me to judge…” She growled.

Is Shiratama a classic yandere? How did I not see the signs??????

Well, she does play the coquettish kouhai so immaculately. 

I gulped again. Hopefully I could force the food down my gullet without throwing up in fear. Oh no, maybe Shiratama would force feed me. 

Luckily, I was looking into the oblivious and shiny white eyes of Yumeko-senpai again. She deftly lifted the lid of (Shiratama!!!)’s bento.

Well, the presentation is impressive, at least.

The portions are reasonable, and the meal is well balanced with rice, veggies, and rolled omelet. Yanami wouldn't know anything about reasonable portion sizes or nutritional balance if it hit her in the face. The rolled omelet is also dyed pink, now that I look at it. It matches the heart Shiratama made in the rice. How did she do that?

Yumeko-senpai’s eyes flashed.

“Pink…omelet…cute…” She murmured.

“Let’s start with your impressions on that, then, Prez-senpai~” Shiratama said.

I couldn’t focus on the heavenly image of Yumeko-senpai bringing the pink omelet to my mouth with her chopsticks, her other hand cupped below my chin.

I could acutely feel Shiratama watching me over my shoulder.

"...Aah..."

"...Kazu-kun..." Yumeko-senpai whispered.

My mind went completely blank.

Then, I felt a hand.

Patting me on the shoulder.

But then I felt it squeeze the back of my neck a little. 

Yumeko-senpai hummed a pleasant, clear note as she placed the piece of rolled omelet on my tongue.

“I-I-It’s absolutely delicious!!!!!” I cried out joyously.

I couldn’t taste anything.

In fact, if anything, my mouth tasted like ashes. 

Yumeko-senpai swayed happily like a dandelion on a summer day. 

But Yumeko-senpai can never know the truth about Shiratama. 

You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. 

I’ll be the hero she deserves, but not the one she needs right now. 

Shiratama’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector.

A Two-Face. 

Chapter Text

***

Yumeko-senpai gently fed me the bento while Shiratama looked on approvingly (?). I tasted nothing, even though logically Shiratama’s cooking should be of pretty high quality. Then she turned her attention to slowly eating her own lunch. I would have liked to take notes and compare and contrast Senpai’s eating behaviors with that of a koala or sloth, or perhaps something in the reptile kingdom. I’m thinking of a constrictor that digests food slowly and silently. Maybe those animals are more related than we thought. 

But Shiratama wouldn’t let me.

“Alright, now that you’re well fed…Prez-senpai, it’s time for you to learn your lines.”

Maybe I really will break a leg, and then the whole production can be cancelled. If only.

“Before we begin, Shiratama-san, may I ask you a question?”

“Is it relevant, Prez-senpai?”

“Absolutely.”

“Go ahead, then, Prez-senpai~”

“How did you find us!?!?!?”

“Oh, it was simple, Prez-senpai. Where would my esteemed and beloved Prez-senpai go if he wanted to avoid attention? There’s only one place.”

“Now, back to the matter at hand. That wasn’t relevant at all, Prez-senpai. Bad boy~”

A chill ran down my spine.

“So, in the climatic final scene, Juliet takes a potion to make her appear like she’s dead. And gallant Romeo finds her, and plans to drink some poison. There’s a few minor details, like Paris, the guy Juliet was going to marry, was there at her grave too, so Romeo had to kill him. But that’s not what I want you to focus on, Prez-senpai.”

“The important part is what Romeo says before he drinks the poison and dies. He praises Juliet’s beauty one last time and points out how not even death can diminish it.”

Shiratama then reached for the lid of the empty bento she had made for me and flipped it over. It looked like a slip of paper had been taped to it.

Shiratama removed the paper and handed it to me. 

“Specifically, this is what he says.”

O my love, my wife, /

Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, /

Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty. /

Thou art not conquered. Beauty’s ensign yet /

Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks, /

“Shiratama-san, I was never the best literature student…”

“Of course you weren’t, only I put all my effort into literature class to be Tanaka-sensei’s favorite student…” Shiratama muttered. 

“Right!” Shiratama shook herself slightly. 

“The first excerpt basically means, since you lack the emotional intelligence, that even though I’m dead, I’m still really beautiful.”

“D-Do I have to say that, Shiratama-san?”

“What? Do you not think that I’m beautiful, Prez-senpai~? <3”

Shiratama batted her eyelashes at me. 

I looked away nervously. 

“I-I just don’t know if I’m comfortable doing this. It might seem a little out of character for me to be going on about a girl’s beauty.” I said. 

“Prez-senpai, it won’t kill you to just give a girl some compliments, okay? I can’t believe you haven’t learned this yet. The senpais need to come and tell you this directly, but I guess I’ll do it.”

“Plus, don’t I deserve some praise after everything I’ve been through?” Shiratama needled. 

“And, as far as 95% of people at this school are concerned, you’re a smooth playboy who will say anything to a girl as long as it keeps her in the palm of your hand…” Shiratama rolled her eyes. 

“Uhh…”

Where do I even begin with this? I think there are multiple false premises to address here.

“What about your Yumeko -senpai? Isn’t she beautiful?”

Yumeko-senpai looked up from her bento at the mention of her name. She had still been eating slowly and silently this whole time.

There was a grain of rice stuck to her cheek. 

“U…….uhh…y-ye…”

“SO! You can do it!” Shiratama said triumphantly.

“When the moment comes, just rephrase Shakespeare in your own words. It’ll sound more natural, and that way Tanaka-sensei won’t catch on.”

“That’s why I prepared this slip for you. You can have it in your hand, Prez-senpai, and then look at it when you need to.”

This is too much. Shiratama, you’re asking way too much of me. Just because I have experience cross-dressing doesn’t mean I can ad-lib a dramatic scene, okay??? That skill is non-transferable???

“Now, flip it over.”

O, here /

Will I set up my everlasting rest /

And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars /

From this world-wearied flesh! Eyes, look your last. /

Arms, take your last embrace. And, lips, O, you /

The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss /

A dateless bargain to engrossing death. /

“This is the second point I want you to hit on in our performance, Prez-senpai. Before Romeo drinks the poison, he admires Juliet (me) for the final time, and gets ready to kiss me one last time.” Shiratama explained. 

“D-do I have to kiss you, Sh-Shiratama-san?” My voice sounded weird and quavery. I wonder why. 

“Just do what feels right, Prez-senpai~”

“Except I know you won’t have the guts~”

Shiratama smirked devilishly. 

“...Can…I…play…Juliet?”

Yumeko-senpai’s quiet voice suddenly startled both of us. 

“W-What? Y-Yumeko-senpai?” I asked. My mouth now felt bone dry. I wonder why. 

“...Kazu-kun,…you think I’m…beautiful…?”

Yumeko-senpai was staring me in the eyes. That grain of rice was still stubbornly clinging to Senpai’s cheek. It was really beginning to annoy me. How dare an inanimate piece of food make me feel so weak?

Unconsciously, I reached my hand out.

Just as my hand brushed her soft cheek, pulling off the rice, Yumeko-senpai whispered,

“...Maybe…you’d…want…to…kiss me?”

Chapter Text

***

“No!!!”

I received a sharp slap on the wrist, jolting me out of looking into Yumeko-senpai’s eyes.

I also receive a two for one, a hard shove on the chest. I have to quickly recover my balance to prevent myself from falling down the stairs.

Shiratama’s face looks red and flustered. That’s surprising, since she usually is able to stay in character with whatever scheme she is trying to pull.

“U-Um, Shikiya-senpai, I really appreciate you volunteering to act alongside Prez, but that won’t be necessary. I understand you helped me by acting as Prez’s fiancee to infiltrate the wedding venue, thank you. But I wrote lines for myself as Juliet…”

“I…understand, Shiratama-chan.” Yumeko-senpai said simply.

I watched Shiratama fan herself with her hand. She took a deep breath as she tried to get back into character.

Then her eyes narrowed again and she swiveled to me. Looks like the normal Shiratama is back.

“Wow, Prez-senpai! Who knew you could be that bold~”

“Then, you won’t have any problems at all!”

“Sh-Shiratama-san, I wasn’t acting just then…” I tried to defend myself. 

“Oh, so this is just how you are with Yumeko-senpai?” Shiratama said in a dangerous tone.

“Let’s have you act against me for the first time, then, and I can compare how you are with Senpai and me.”

“Stand up, please, Prez-senpai~” Shiratama says sweetly.

Reluctantly, I get to my feet.

“I have one more excerpt from Shakespeare on that slip, Prez, if you unfold it.”

I did as Shiratama asked, and read:

Here’s to my love. Drinking. O true apothecary, /

Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die. /

“This is what Romeo-san says after drinking the poison, his last, tragic words, uttered too late for anyone to save him, the final measure of his devotion to Juliet.”

“Uh, Shiratama-san, do you have any pretend poison for me to drink, or something?”

Shiratama smiled sweetly.

“Don’t worry about that, Prez-senpai.”

“D-Do I have to pretend to be dead or something?”

“Don’t worry about that either, Prez-senpai~”

What!?!?! What does Shiratama mean!?!?!? What is going on!?!?

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Yumeko-senpai watching my face intently. She’s got her hand over her mouth and is trembling ever so slightly.

“Yumeko-senpai? Are you okay?” I ask. Is she affected by my worry?

“Kazu-kun…your face…looks funny…” Yumeko-senpai whispers happily.

So she’s trying to stifle laughter? That’s hardly necessary. I’ve never even heard Senpai laugh out loud before. Well, at least someone is enjoying the dress rehearsal. I know I’m not. 

“Alright, Prez-senpai, let’s hear you try the lines.” Shiratama interjected.

“But remember to paraphrase.”

I looked at the lines again.

Here’s to my love. Drinking. O true apothecary, /

Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die. /

I looked down into Shiratama’s amber eyes. 

Her eyes were clever, malicious, but also innocent and pure. Wasn’t her pure, doomed love with her sister’s fiance the reason we had all decided to help her with her insane plans?

“Put some feeling into it, Prez…” Shiratama whispered up at me. Her eyes shone.

“Or else…”

My face probably contorted. To anyone else, it would look like I was possessed by powerful emotion. To me, I think my fight or flight reaction was triggered.

I stared Shiratama down. I’m not going down without a fight. I slammed both hands on either side of her, pinning her against the wall. I clenched my jaw like I was facing down my own death, which I might have been.

“I-I’m poisoned by love…! Just one kiss, before I die?” 

Yumeko-senpai clapped slowly.

“...You…really…are…expressive…Kazu-kun.”

“You…communicate…feelings…”

Right now, the only feeling I’m communicating is fear. Of this 5 foot actress acting opposite me. 

“...You…are fun…this game…will bring fun…to everyone…”

Yumeko-senpai, this is supposed to be tragic, gripping stuff, okay??? It’s only one of the most famous works in the romance genre in all of world literature. 

It’s like the original high school rom-com. 

Wait, Shiratama hasn’t reacted. I hope I passed…

Turning away from Yumeko-senpai, I look at Shiratama.

“W-Well done, Prez…” Shiratama says quietly. Her cheeks are red once again. 

Thank goodness. I guess I passed. 

“What is going on here!?!?!?!” A shrill voice screams over us. 

I think all three of us jumped: me, Shiratama, and Yumeko-senpai. 

I realize how this must look. I’ve got a red-faced Shiratama pressed up against the wall. Yumeko-senpai is watching intently.

It’s Yanami. She’s got her hands on her hips, standing at the top of the landing. 

She stomps down to me, completely ignoring everyone else.

“ Nu – ku – mi – zu – kun !!” Yanami enunciates every syllable. She grabs my tie, choking me and pulling me down to her height. 

“First, you turn down the greatest invitation of your life from your sweet, caring, generous friend, and then tell her, me, that you’re keeping secrets with another girl!?!? One who might be a little younger, and almost as attractive, but that’s all??”

“Then, you run off wagging your tail for a senpai who just wanders in? All because–because she says one thing that you like? That, that she n-needs you?”

“And then I have to struggle to get away from Karen-chan and Sosuke just to look for your sorry butt and make sure you’re not sneaking ahead, but what do I find???”

“You’re having a little private lunch with two girls and doing a wall slam on one of them? Spouting an insane line about tainted love or something??”

“Do you have ANYTHING to say for yourself?”

“Y…Yanami-s-san…”

“What!?”

“I…can’t breathe…” I choked.

“Yanami-senpai, Prez has just been helping me with my club report. I think that’s the secret you were talking about?”

“Huh???”

“Yes, Senpai. I was reading Romeo and Juliet recently to get some inspiration for my own writing, and I wanted Prez to have lunch with me to talk about ideas. What you heard about tainted love was just a line from Shakespeare.”

“Then why was he doing a kabe-don??”

“I asked Prez to act out some of the lines so that I could understand them better. He did that on his own.”

Shiratama, couldn’t you take responsibility for that one, too? Don’t throw me under the bus here.

“And why is the student council senpai here??” Yanami persisted.

“I asked her to come to lunch. She was interested in seeing how Prez would react under pressure for any student council business he might be asked to help with.”

“Shikiya-senpai, is that true?” Yanami turned to Yumeko-senpai.

“...Yes…”

Yumeko-senpai’s blank expression betrayed nothing. I guess that comes in handy sometimes.

Yanami looked between the three of us. Shiratama stuck to her story, Yumeko-senpai was unreadable, and I tried to look innocent.

Yanami didn’t have the proof of whatever she wanted to prove, whatever had enraged her. Her anger turned into an aura of confusion that leaked out of her in waves. Her misguided anger lashed out. It hit an innocent bystander.

“But I hate Shakespeare…”

Chapter Text

***

Not much time left.

LINE: Shiratama Riko

[Prez, I’ll be in the faculty room early helping set up a few decorations with my sister, so just come in whenever you’re ready.]

Then, a new message popped up.

[But don’t even think of running.]

After Yanami and I went back to class, I could tell that she was still fuming, but she had kinda burned herself out for now. Through the final classes, I was able to concentrate, not on the lesson, of course, but on what I was about to do.

The final bell rang. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.

“Karen-chan…let’s eat the ice cream cake tomorrow. I’m feeling a little tired, so I think I’ll just go home and take a nap…” Yanami drawled.

“Oh, Anna, that’s a good idea. I was going to suggest that, actually. I’m a little worried about you. Are you sure you’re okay, after what happened earlier?”

“Yes, Karen-chan…I told you, I was just grunting a lot because I thought about something that happened in the past that made me really angry…”

“Oh, well, it must be my fault, right, Anna?” Hakamada jumped into the conversation with a winning smile.

But Yanami barely blinked.

“Not this time, Sosuke…” She trailed off.

Yanami trudged out of the classroom at the back of the crowd.

Himemiya-san and Hakamada were left standing in the classroom. The only other person who hadn’t left was me. 

I felt them staring at me.

“Nukumizu-kun, do you know anything about why Anna’s been…”

I pretended not to notice Himemiya-san’s question and left the classroom. Sorry, Himemiya-san.

I made my way slowly towards the faculty room. I looked pensively out of the windows in the hallways at the school grounds. I was feeling reflective about life, now that it might be ending soon. I knew that I was getting closer with every step, but I was lost in thought.

If it weren’t for this, I’d say that I had one of the best days of my life.

Somehow, I’ve started calling Senpai “Yumeko-senpai”, and she’s started calling me “Kazu-kun”. 

Life really does work in mysterious ways.

Oh…

I’m tripping…

Oh well.

I landed on my face in the landing for the hallway containing the faculty room.

I’ll just lay here for a bit…

Shiratama told me to come when I’m ready, after all. 

It was pretty peaceful. The cold floor felt soothing on my cheek.

I heard a fluttering of fabric that prompted me to open my eyes. It was a long skirt.

I looked up, and saw Nonomura-san’s face.

She was crouching over me with a slightly sour expression on her face.

“Nukumizu-kun, were you trying to look up my skirt?”

“No…” I whispered serenely. 

Nonomura-san frowned, but she extended a hand to me. I guess I’ll accept her help.

I grabbed Nonomura-san’s hand and she pulled me up. I slowly dusted myself off a bit.

“So…you were just lying on the floor.”

“I guess so.”

Nonomura-san rolled her eyes.

“So, Nukumizu-kun, what happened in class today?”

“Shikiya-san from the student council came in, and you left with her.”

“Yanami-san was freaking out for some reason.”

“And now you’re all tired and acting weird.”

“Nonomura-san, I thought you didn’t want to know why I was carrying an unconscious Basori-san?”

“Nukumizu-kun, what does that have to do with this?”

“There’s a good explanation for what happened in class too.” I answered.

“It looked possibly very immoral…”

“I know I’m not very popular, but I hear things, too, Nukumizu-kun…rumors about how you’ve been messing around with multiple girls at once…” Nonomura-san gave me a sideways glance.

Really? I thought Nonomura-san didn’t care enough to keep tabs on people.

"Nonomura-san, do you ever feel like you're playing a role?"

"...I do."

"Like you have to be what someone else wants you to be, and you have no choice in the matter?"

"Are you okay, Nukumizu-kun...?"

“Can I trust you, Nonomura-san?”

“Y-yes…?” Nonomura-san was blushing very slightly. She sounded confused.

“So, you know that Tanaka-sensei and Shiratama-sensei have recently got married, right?”

“Yes, they just came back from their honeymoon.”

“Well, basically, Shiratama-sensei’s younger sister is a first year at Tsuwabuki, and she asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend at the faculty party. That’s where I’m going right now.”

I’ve definitely left a lot out right there. I would have to write a light novel to explain everything that’s happened with Shiratama since I’ve met her. 

“...Right.” Nonomura-san said skeptically. 

“You know, Nukumizu-kun, you don’t have to play a role in life? You don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be.”

I guess Nonomura-san takes that lesson to heart. She keeps to herself, and does only the things that she wants to do. Whatever those may be.

I guess I have to learn more about her, then. 

I’m beginning to feel really sleepy. Maybe that short rest on the floor really relaxed me. Nonomura-san’s right, I am acting a bit out of character. Or maybe just telling someone about a little of what I’ve been going through today relaxed me.

“Thank you, Nonomura-san. That was very comforting.”

“I feel like I’ve always known you, Nonomura-san…it’s like you’re from a dream. Or maybe…multiverse theory?”

“Nukumizu-kun…you’re not trying to tell me…I’m the girl of your dreams, are you?”

“What!?!? Oh god, no!”

“Hmmmm…”

Nonomura-san’s eyes were narrowed.

“Words have meaning, Nukumizu-kun. Be careful.”

“Maybe that’s why you have rumors swirling around about you.”

“Go on, get in there. Be with your 'girlfriend' and enjoy that party.”

Chapter Text

***

I’m standing in front of the door to the staff room.

Nonomura-san told me to go in and then walked away, to who knows where. 

If only I could have gone with her.

But there’s some things you have to fight head on in the course of growing up. 

I don’t know about that, but that’s what shonen manga would say.

All the hours I spent reading about other worlds, where courage and friendship is all that is needed, and justice will be served, has led to this. I’m light-years away from my light novels in the sanctuary of my air-conditioned room.

It’s time for me to play the protagonist. 

I can do this.

Well, that’s what I’ll tell myself.

I hope I can make it through this.

Knock on wood.

After a short wait, the door swings open.

Amanatsu-sensei is looking up at me with a sour look on her face. 

A little striped party hat is perched precariously on her fluffy hair. Her small face is circled by a thin string negotiating the hat’s continued association with Amanatsu-sensei’s head. She kinda looks like a kid at a birthday. Except not her own. You would never look that resentful if it was your own birthday. 

It’s party time. 

“Who are you?”

Sensei, it’s me. Nukumizu. I’m in your homeroom class.

“I’m Nukumizu Kazuhiko of Class 2-C, and I’m here…”

“Class 2-C? That’s my class…”

A lightbulb flickers on in Sensei’s eyes.

Then it goes dark.

Sensei’s eyes are flashing menacingly.

“Nukumizu…finally, a face to the name…”

Ouch. 

“I’ve heard your name a lot recently…”

“Students don’t seem to like you very much…”

“Except for beautiful girls…apparently…”

“I was beautiful once…I think…”

Sensei, you’re still in your twenties. Don’t give up yet.

“What did they call you…?”

“Yeah…the playboy of Tsuwabuki…”

Amanatsu-sensei was muttering darkly. She seemed to be gearing up for something. Her tiny form was expanding with suppressed emotion.

Sensei puffed up her cheeks. She looked like a chipmunk storing nuts in her cheeks.

“You know, some people just never learned any morals, I guess! That’s why society is crumbling!”

“It appears whenever an empire is falling in history; the birth rate drops! People don’t pair up like they should! And now we have it in Japan!”

“There’s bad guys who go after every woman that they see! But of course, they won’t commit to one and make her happy!”

Sensei was now bobbing up and down in anger. Her party hat was threatening to achieve liftoff and escape the gravity of its little string.

“And then there’s all the good, decent, smart, hardworking, charming ladies, but who are missing something or other for some reason!?!? And they don’t get a ring either!?!? In fact, they don’t get 5 dates in 5 years!?!?”

Sensei, that sounds awfully specific.  

Wait, you’re not saying I’m solely responsible for the downfall of society, are you, Sensei? If I’m a victimizer, there has to be a victim, too.

“I agree, Sensei, society has clearly failed you.”

Sensei spluttered, her face turning red.

“I-I-I wasn’t talking about myself, Nukumizu!”

“R-right. Of course you weren’t, Sensei. I’m here to celebrate Shiratama-sensei’s return from her honeymoon with Tanaka-sensei.”

“Oh? Of course, you’re not interested in a single, available, accommodating, but also highly desirable, woman. Of course, an already married woman gets all the attention, even from random students. You shouldn’t even be here, there’s no way you were invited-”

“I’ll be sure to be at your after-honeymoon party too, Sensei.”

Amanatsu-sensei’s eyes were wide with terror. She lurched away from me, her cheeks burning.

“Th-there’s n-no w-way y-y-you would be my husband!!!” She shrieked.

Sensei, that’s not what I meant. Isn’t that a massive leap in logic…?

“Oh, there you are, Kazuhiko-senpai!”

Shiratama showed up at Amanatsu-sensei’s elbow. Well, actually, it was more like Amanatsu-sensei came up to Shiratama’s elbow. 

“Shiratama-chan? Do you know this…this…thing?”

So I’m not even a student anymore, let alone your student, Sensei? I’m just a thing.

“Of course, Amanatsu-chan! He’s my…beloved boyfriend!”

Shiratama smirked at me.

Amanatsu-sensei’s mouth fell open in shock and horror. She staggered back comically as though she had been hit by Truck-kun. 

I took this opportunity to finally slip into the room.

“S-so, he’s here as your guest? For your onee-san’s after-honeymoon party?” Amanatsu-san whispered hollowly.

“Yep! We’re actually celebrating our one month anniversary of getting together! I thought I would bring my cool and dashing senpai to introduce to our family!”

“Aaaah…”

Amanatsu-sensei sighed weakly as if it was the sound of her soul leaving her body. She stared off into space. 

“Out of all the wonderful and beautiful girls around him, my senpai decided to mentor me in our literature club, and eventually he chose me! Out of all the stars in the sky, we’re star-crossed!”

Shiratama, please, stop! Amanatsu-sensei can’t take much more…!

Amanatsu-sensei’s gaze was now locked on me. How could such a tiny body hold so much rage?

I guess it’s been a team effort from myself and Shiratama.

Amanatsu-sensei’s eye twitched. Possibly from demonic possession.

“Let’s go say hi, Kazuhiko-senpai! <3” Shiratama chirped brightly.

She intertwined her arm with mine and forcefully led me away. I was just glad to be slightly further away from Amanatsu-sensei, so I numbly let Shiratama lead me away.

Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.

Chapter Text

***

Shiratama leads me through the faculty room. There’s streamers around, now that I look, in red and white. A few balloons are floating above the cubicle walls between each teacher’s desk. 

It’s tasteful. As expected of Shiratama. Not too elaborate for a simple event in the faculty room, but sweet and festive nonetheless.

A large, handwritten banner is on the opposite wall.

It reads:

“Congratulations, Tanaka!”

Shiratama watches me admire her handiwork. 

“Wow, Shiratama-san, I’m impressed.”

“Thank you as always, Prez.” Shiratama murmurs. There’s a quiet sweetness in her voice that I think is genuine this time.

“You really worked hard.”

“It was nothing, Prez. My sister did most of the work.”

“But I did the calligraphy for the banner myself.”

“You did a wonderful job. But why does it only say Tanaka?” I ask.

“Well, because my sister is going to take the name Tanaka, after all~”

Shiratama says airily, as though it didn’t matter to her. But her voice quavers a little at the end. 

“You’re a wonderful sister, aren’t you, Shiratama-san.” I say without thinking.

Shiratama’s gaze sharpens and fixates on me, as if she’s analyzing my intentions. But then her face softens.

Then she sticks out her tongue at me like a child. 

I guess Shiratama can be cute, even without trying, sometimes, too. 

As I turn my gaze away from her, scratching the back of my head, which is hot for some reason, I take in the other guests of the party. 

It’s just the teachers of the school, chatting with each other. But they all look happier than usual. Maybe it’s just because they can finally spend time in this room without being on the clock. 

None of them are wearing party hats, though. Was Amanatsu-sensei the only one who got that memo? Or was it her own idea?

As I ponder this question, a chill runs down my spine.

“Ara, ara~”

A lazy, seductive voice slithers by me. Along with the smell of expensive perfume. 

“Riko-chan’s man has finally arrived~”

I turn around with a feeling of dread. Konuki-sensei is looking at me like a hyena would look at an injured gazelle. Her eyes are filled with predatory mirth. 

There’s just one thing that completes this frightening picture.

Konuki-sensei is the only other person wearing a striped party hat. It hangs off a little to the side at an ominous angle. 

In contrast with Amanatsu-sensei’s little kid-like image, the striped party hat clashes horribly with Konuki-sensei’s mature image, all done up with expensive makeup.

It’s kinda like the party hat on a killer clown. 

“Thank you so much for everything, Sayo-san.” Shiratama says solemnly.

Then, she actually bows quite low to Konuki-sensei.

That looks wrong. Anyone showing genuine respect for this woman. 

Well, I guess Konuki-sensei did help Shiratama out of disciplinary trouble, taking her under her wing and forcing her into the literature club. From her perspective, Shiratama probably thinks of her as a generous family friend and mentor.

And maybe Shiratama would agree with Konuki-sensei’s scheming and plotting. The two are actually quite alike in that way, now that I think about it.

Maybe that’s another reason they’ve grown so close.

Oh no. 

“There’s no need for that, Riko-chan! It was my pleasure. After everything, it looks like you’ve made it to this day, one way or another.”

Konuki-sensei says evenly and with real kindness in her voice.

“Yes…ever since I first got caught sneaking into the chapel, and you saved me…I feel like I’ve gone through storm after storm.”

“But, you’ve finally washed up on dry land.” Konuki-sensei says.

“And, while it might feel isolating, you might feel like your rightful position in the world has been usurped, at least you’ve found a few good people on that desert island.”

“Like, Nukumizu-kun…”

“That’s right, Sayo-san. He’s quite… useful …to me.” Shiratama casts me a sideways glance. 

“He’s a good dog, isn’t he?” Konuki-sensei adds, very off the cuff.

I don’t like this conversation very much. I’m going to try to change the subject.

“More like my child that I have to manage sometimes…and I worry about his future…whether he has any romantic prospects…” Shiratama jokes ruthlessly.

“Uh…Sensei… gulp …uh…how is Tiara-san doing?” I blurt out.

“Oh, Nukumizu-kun, I left Basori-san back in the nurse’s office to rest. She woke up, answered my questions , and then she said she felt tired again and I advised her to rest as long as she wanted. “ Konuki-sensei explained smoothly. 

Oh no.

That’s my second “Oh no” since Konuki-sensei has shown up. And that was literally a minute ago. 

I want to ask if Tiara-san said anything about me groping her chest. I wonder if she’s pressing charges. Konuki-sensei would definitely take the witness stand against me. 

Except she’s the one who’s responsible for it happening.

Amanatsu-sensei stalks up, somehow looking even more sour than she did before. 

“ Konuki-chan! ”

She tugs on Konuki-sensei’s white coat to get her attention. It kinda looks like a pouting kid trying to get attention from their mom. 

“Yes, Konami?” Konuki-sensei says patiently.

“Hasn’t Nukumizu gone way over the line recently?”

“What do you mean, Konami?”

“Well, he’s fooling around with so many girls! When some people never had any relationship in high school! Or college, for that matter! Or even in the working world of adults!”

Sensei, why is everything that comes out of your mouth something that one should take to the grave?

“And now, and now–”

Amanatsu-sensei’s agitation was rendering her incoherent.

“He thinks he can finally make a choice and settle down with Shiratama-chan, and there won’t be any hard feelings! He thinks there can be a happy ending!”

“Let’s discuss this over there, in the corner, Konami~” Konuki-sensei’s clear, paternalistic voice somehow cuts over Amanatsu-sensei’s squeaking.

“Well, for some people, it never even began!” Amanatsu-sensei rants as Konuki-sensei practically carries her away. 

I look at Shiratama. She looks at me.

“Prez, I want to introduce you to my sister, for real, for the first time.”

I’m resigned to my fate.

“Okay, Shiratama-san.”

***

Chapter Text

***

“How should I act in front of your sister?”

“Just be yourself, Prez.”

We approached a young woman wearing a pantsuit and heels. She was right in the middle of some teachers, talking happily as though she didn’t have a care in the world.

“Onee-chan!” Shiratama called.

“Eh? Oh, please excuse me.” The young woman said to her colleagues, turning around.

Shiratama-sensei looked stunning, and not just because she was related to Shiratama-san. She was dressed perfectly professionally, this was her workplace, after all, but there was something about her that you could see from just a glance. Her skin practically glowed, she had a gentle smile on, and her eyes seemed to be smiling at you too. Her hair was slightly longer than her younger sister’s and rested in well-maintained curls on her shoulders.

She was so obviously content, it was like the whole world was her honeymoon.

“Riko-chan! There you are! We’re going to cut the cake soon~” Shiratama-sensei beamed.

“Oh?” She noticed me.

I was compelled to bow for some reason.

“Shiratama-sensei, my name is Nukumizu Kazuhiko, class 2-C. Congratulations on your wedding and thank you for having me at your party.”

Shiratama-sensei looked shocked.

“Thank you, Nukumizu-kun. I’m glad you came, even when only Yuuji-san is your teacher, not me.”

That’s true. I think Shiratama-sensei is a home ec teacher? Some kind of elective that I haven’t signed up for.

“Onee-chan, I asked Kazuhiko-senpai to come with me to the party today, because our relationship has really been progressing lately, and I wanted to introduce him to you and Yuuji-san.”

Shiratama-sensei blinked.

Then, she bowed quite low to me.

I hesitated, looking around nervously. The host of a party shouldn’t be bowing to me of all people???

“Thank you for taking care of my beloved little sister, Nukumizu-kun.”

“I-I-It’s my pleasure, Shiratama-sensei, please, raise your head.”

Shiratama-sensei lifts her head and smiles at me. Her smile is full of warmth and sincerity, wide, unreserved, and utterly genuine.

I feel a pang for Shiratama-san. How could you compete with her?

As if sensing my thoughts, Shiratama-san strikes like she’s plunging the knife into my side. 

“He’s been just so eager to meet you, Onee-chan, but I told him I wasn’t ready. You weren’t supposed to see us together in the mall, Onee-chan~”

“That’s quite alright, Riko-chan. I’m sorry if I rushed you.” Shiratama-sensei radiates older sister energy.

“Uh…” I feel like I’m supposed to say something here to communicate how eager I’ve been to meet Shiratama-sensei as Shiratama-san’s boyfriend, but I’ve got nothing.

Luckily, Shiratama-sensei helps me out with another gentle smile.

“I’m impressed that you’re taking so much responsibility and charge over the relationship at such a young age, Nukumizu-kun. You must have been raised very well.”

Yes, I am grateful to my parents. But they know nothing about whatever is happening here.

“Y-Yes, I think it’s important to secure a relationship, even if you’re young. You never know what’s going to happen. And you know what they say, young love is the sweetest! Childhood friends, high school sweethearts, everything’s just more important in this time of life and broken hearts hurt the most. You can spend years and years loving someone, just hoping that they’ll finally turn around and see it. I’m not one for wasting time. I’ll make sure that no one ever feels like a loser in love.”

What am I yapping about? I’m rambling on and on. Do I even have these opinions?

“W-Why are you saying these things???” Shiratama-san hissed vehemently. 

It’s your fault for putting me on the spot there! I think. But I dare not say that. 

“I-I don’t know?? Freudian slips? I’m feeling tired?” I whispered while another teacher, smiling, offered Shiratama-sensei another cup of juice, which she was unable to refuse.

“You’re feeling tired?” Shiratama-san whispers quizzically.

“Yeah, I don’t know. Since school ended, I’ve felt a bit drained.” I answer.

“Really…?” Shiratama-san trails off. 

This seems off. Shouldn’t she be more concerned that I might mess something up? 

I lean close to Shiratama-san’s face, trying to study her expression. I think, somehow, throughout all the chaos of today, she’s slipped up and even though her plans have been meticulous and well-laid, I have been able to see the cracks a little. I think I understand her a lot more now. This means something. If I try hard enough, maybe I can read her.

I search for Shiratama’s amber eyes, but she coincidentally keeps her gaze away from me, looking at the red and white cake on a table behind her sister. 

“Oh, pardon me, I just couldn’t refuse taking this juice, I just can’t deny my guests anything at a party~” Shiratama-sensei finally cuts back in with a charming giggle that reminds me greatly of Shiratama-san, and yet manages to fit with her station as an older, married teacher. 

“Oh~” Shiratama-sensei breathes.

“Looks like Nukumizu-kun can’t keep his eyes off you, Riko-chan~”

Finally, a little bit of the mischievousness of Shiratama-san comes through in her older sister.

“He really is devoted to you, Riko-chan. I can see that already. I’m so happy for you.” She says in a teasing, yet utterly sweet way. 

Shiratama-san says nothing. She continues to look at the cake.

But it looks like a drop of sweat is running down her temple. Now her eyes are darting all around, looking at everything except her sister and I.

I’m amazed. Even when Shiratama-san is acting a little dangerous, I’ve never seen her lose composure like this.

Shiratama looks pale, as if she’s wrestling with something internally. 

This isn’t right. Shouldn’t she be cuddling up to me right now and using me as a prop to prove how happy she is?

“ I know… ”

Shiratama-san whispers in the tiniest voice. I only just barely am able to hear it over the ambient noise of various conversations in the room, the sounds of people drinking juice, and the air-conditioning. I don't think Shiratama-sensei could have heard it.

I feel a weird sensation. It’s like a spider is crawling on my hand. 

I start and look.

Shiratama-san’s pale, slender hand is fretting over mine with a hesitant, feathery touch.

Then, like a crab, her hand pries mine open with surprising strength.

And our hands intertwine.

Chapter Text

***

I guess I’m waiting for cake. This is a happy moment. I don’t have to think about anything too hard.

I don’t have to think about why I’m holding hands with Shiratama. I don’t look at her. I don’t know if she’s looking at me. I hope neither Konuki-sensei nor Amanatsu-sensei are looking at us. 

Eventually, I am handed a small paper plate with a piece of the red and white cake on it. It looks pretty good. Actually, it looks better than that. The frosting is artfully done by someone who is clearly a skilled hand. 

Shiratama’s voice breaks me out of my reverie. 

“Oh, Kazuhiko-senpai, it’s an ice cream cake. We got it for free from a Western-style chain that opened a new location just near here, since my sister and I are new customers.”

No way.

“Please, pass along the cake until everyone has been served!” Shiratama-sensei calls out cheerfully.

I dutifully pass on my slice to a teacher and automatically accept another plate which I then pass on.

I just can’t believe that the cake comes from the same place where I went with Yanami, back before all this nonsense started. Back before I knew that Yumeko-senpai was joining the club and before Shiratama forced me into helping her with her plans at this party. 

I stare at squares disappearing from the cake, being cut out by Shiratama-sensei. The design on the cake was of roses with two large golden rings in the middle. 

“When the manager heard that we were going to serve the cake at a party to celebrate my sister’s return from her honeymoon, he personally insisted on frosting a design on it himself, free of charge.” Shiratama explained.

There’s that same manager again, alright.

Every slice was eventually handed out. The entire cake disappeared off the table, block by block.

I looked around. Every attendee at the party had a paper plate and a slice. Amanatsu-sensei was looking transfixed at her slice, bouncing up and down ever so slightly. I could tell she was just barely holding back until Shiratama-sensei prompted us to eat.

I looked down. I was empty-handed.

The cake is a lie.

"Okay, everyone! Itadakimasu!" Shiratama-sensei calls cheerfully.

“Oh, Kazuhiko-senpai, don’t worry.”

“I can feed you some of my cake.”

I turned, and Shiratama was already holding a spoon out to me. 

I saw Shiratama-sensei watching us happily.

I had no choice. 

I leaned forward and took the bite off the spoon.

Shiratama's smile was as sweet as ice cream cake.

I looked to the side. 

Shiratama-sensei gave us a thumbs up.

I looked further to the side. 

Amanatsu-sensei, with her plastic spoon sticking out of her lips, gave me, specifically, a thumbs down.

Konuki-sensei winked.

After seeing Konuki-sensei, an ominous thought suddenly struck me.

“Shiratama-san, did you already use that spoon?”

Shiratama smirked.

“Who knows~”

I tried to look at Shiratama’s slice to see how much of it was eaten, but I was interrupted by a commotion.

Tanaka-sensei, looking a little harried as usual, stumbled into the room. He looked amazed for a second, taking in the simple but pleasant decorations, and then his face broke into a wonderful smile that I had never seen before in Japanese class. He walked forward and put his arm around his wife. They smiled at each other.

“Sorry I’m late, everyone–I had to finish the lesson plan involving a personal essay by each student…You know how it is...”

“Speech! Speech! Speech!” A few of the staff chant.

Tanaka-sensei looks immediately embarrassed.

“Stop, please! Okay, I’ll give you a few words.” He says reluctantly. 

“Thank you all for welcoming us back to Tsuwabuki after our honeymoon. We had a wonderful time in Hawaii together. It means a lot to me that you all came to celebrate with us this afternoon.”

“We may be a little young to be married, but our love has grown over the years and years that we’ve known each other. I can’t explain with mere words how much Minori-san means to me. We might still be young, but I’ve already grown old with her, in my heart. Please continue to pray for our happiness.”

I didn’t plan on it, but I found myself genuinely clapping after Tanaka-sensei finished speaking. A few people cheered, and I was swept up by the mood into clapping harder and harder, and eventually loud cheers erupted throughout the room. I think I saw a striped party hat bobbing up and down at the back of the crowd as Amanatsu-sensei began jumping up and down in order to see Tanaka-sensei and Minori-san, in vain. I saw Konuki-sensei smiling serenely. 

Tanaka-sensei and Minori-san both bowed deeply.

Finally, I looked to my left at Shiratama. She was clapping and cheering like everyone else, with a big smile on her face. But her eyes were shining with tears. 

Only I knew what those tears really meant. 

I handed Shiratama a pack of pocket tissues. 

She accepted them wordlessly, shoving the half-eaten slice of ice cream cake into my hands.

I stood by dutifully, holding onto the cake as Shiratama dried her eyes quietly, watching other teachers approach Tanaka-sensei and toast him with juice. 

A quiet voice whispers to me behind the tissues hiding Shiratama’s face.

“Prez…”

“Have you had tissues on you the whole time…?”

If I lie, Shiratama will see right through me.

“...Yes…”

When I was in middle school, Kaju used to worry about me a lot more. So she would always send me to school with a pack of pocket tissues. I never used them, of course, so I’ve got a massive supply.

I thought it would be a good idea to bring them with me today. 

“...How dare you…” Shiratama whispered.

I shivered.

Finally, the tissues drop.

Shiratama’s eyes are quite red. There’s tears all over her face. Her eyes are really intense, almost glaring at me.

But she’s managing a tiny smile.

Shiratama leans forward.

I feel a kiss on my cheek, wet with tears.

“I guess…I actually like…this part of you, Prez.”

I’m numb. I’m still trying to process what just happened. I didn’t think I would be in this situation, no matter what.

I’m no good with feelings. But I guess it falls to me; I don’t mind, waiting with a losing heroine.

Waiting for the world to change. But it always does, it always moves on without you. 

And eventually, as long as you wait for tomorrow, you’ll find out the most surprising thing in your grey, unchanging world.

That you’ve changed, too.

Shiratama reels back. I don’t think she actually intended for this to happen. I know she tried to tease me with an offer of a kiss before, just after we managed to pull off the chapel infiltration. Maybe instead of following her plans and designs, she finally went with the moment for once.

Shiratama’s cheeks are quite red. Along with her red eyes, she honestly looks like a mess.

“This is all your fault, Prez!” She sticks her tongue out at me.

And I know what’s about to happen.

Shiratama gives a theatrical sigh and tosses the tissues all over the place. She crumples on the spot like Tiara-san, hitting the floor surprisingly hard.

All the partygoers’ attention is wrenched away from Shiratama-sensei and Tanaka-sensei, now desperately trying to refuse more cups of juice from the other teachers.

Shiratama’s red face and slightly open eyelids, revealing her bloodshot eyes, actually do make for a disconcerting image. I know I said that Shiratama looked like a mess, but if I hadn’t known what had happened just before, I would have actually been a little worried for Shiratama at this moment.

Well, this is it.

I set the half-eaten cake on the desk behind me.

I’m on.

Chapter Text

***

Romeo and Juliet.

Right. 

Romeo and Juliet.

How does Romeo and Juliet begin again?

“Two households, both alike in dignity…”

I feel a murderous aura emanating from Shiratama’s prone body, although she’s pretending to be semi-conscious.

I dug the slip out of my pocket with numb fingers. I can’t believe I managed to do that.

“...Um…joining…” I mumble, trying to sound somewhat coherent, but really just stalling for time. 

“I…uh…I think this is a little much for Shiratama-san…” I say.

I’m conscious of having lots of eyes on me, but all I’m focused on right now is looking at Shiratama’s little slip.

I can’t do it. My eyes can’t make sense of the words. My eyelids are heavy, and my eyes won’t stay open.

The seconds stretch on like centuries.

I’m just so tired, for some reason. I feel like passing out on my feet.

Why is this happening to me now??!?!? Shouldn’t my heart be beating out of my chest right now?

Faced with the end, my mind goes into overdrive. Somehow, my tiredness makes me feel distant and calm. I’m locking in, like after you pull an all nighter and you have the exam in the morning. I just have to get through this, and then I’ll crash like Yanami going into a food coma.

And suddenly, I can recall the script of Romeo and Juliet from memory from following along with it in middle school. An imaginary Yakishio reads the lines aloud to me. Her bright and cheery voice bouncing around the inside of my head gives me just enough energy to not slur my words.

ROMEO, beginning to force open the tomb 

Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death,

Gorged with the dearest morsel of the earth,

Thus I enforce thy rotten jaws to open,

And in despite I’ll cram thee with more food.

“Shiratama-san, are you okay? What happened?” I ask, feeling stupid. But I’m able to push past it by committing to the role of a concerned boyfriend who doesn’t care if he looks stupid.

“I’ll help you up!”

“You’ve got more ice cream cake to enjoy!”

Was that an attempt at humor at the end?

These lines sound awful, and nothing like me. But I’m ad-libbing here, and my tiredness is honestly pushing me past the point of caring. Sorry, William-san. 

Wait…Romeo didn’t get to Juliet right when he reached the tomb. There was someone else standing in his way…

PARIS

…

And here is come to do some villainous shame

To the dead bodies. I will apprehend him.

[Stepping forward.]

Stop thy unhallowed toil, vile Montague.

“Nukumizu-kun…you…you…you villain!”

Uh oh. I know that voice.

But what in the world is it doing here?

I turn slowly behind me with as much energy I can muster.

Yanami is standing there with Shiratama’s half-eaten ice cream cake in her hand, our (?) spoon in her other.

I can’t process this right now. My foggy brain seems to short-circuit on me.

“I won’t let you do something else bad to Shiratama-chan!” Yanami shrieked, brandishing the spoon at me like a sword.

“W-What?!?!?”

“I SAW! She, she, gulp she k-kissed you! On the cheek!”

I heard Amanatsu-sensei squeak in rage.

“That’s why she collapsed!” Yanami stabbed the spoon into the ice cream cake.

I was vividly reminded of a time long ago, just after I met Yanami and started having lunch with her on the emergency stairs, when she was complaining about Hakamada’s older sister not being able to get in contact with him, when Yanami knew it was because he was busy with Himemiya-san, doing who knows what. 

Yanami stabbed her taro to death then.

What could she do to me with a spoon?

“I think she was just a little overemotional from Tanaka-sensei’s speech, Yanami-san…”

I say desperately.

Yanami glared at me derisively and brought the cake to her lips with a trembling hand. She gulped it down like water on a desert island. She’s probably searching for any kind of stability she can. She might not even realize that she’s eating right now.

I don’t have time for this right now. I don’t know why Yanami barged in, or how she even knew that I was here. It can’t be because of concern for Shiratama, but frankly, Shiratama is my only concern right now. I’ve got to get Yanami out of here.

“Yanami-san, you shouldn’t be here, this is crazy!”

“I can explain all of this to you later, I promise, but you don’t understand what’s going on!”

Stay not, begone, live, and hereafter say

A madman’s mercy bid thee run away.

Well, if anyone’s a madman, I say it’s pretty close between me and Yanami. She’s shoveling the half eaten, I mean, fully eaten, ice cream cake into “thou detestable maw”.

PARIS 

I do defy thy commination

And apprehend thee for a felon here.

“I won’t accept any of that!” Yanami cried defiantly, her eyes shining heroically.

“I’m stopping you, right here, right now!” 

Wilt thou provoke me? Then have at thee, boy!

“Yanami-san, you shouldn’t always stress eat. And the reason you were sick: I think you might be a little lactose-intolerant.”

I shouldn’t have said it. I knew as soon as it was out of my mouth, I shouldn’t have said it. It didn’t need to be said.

With a single strike, I had ended Yanami Anna’s whole career.

Yanami jumped to accuse me of something else, or defend herself, or counterattack, her blue mop of hair bouncing. She opened her mouth–but she got cut off.

It was like lightning, and what followed; the clap of thunder.

GROWLLLLLLLLLLL

A roaring sound seemed to fill the room. It brought to mind a typhoon, lashing the coast with ten-meter waves. Every time you thought, or hoped, that it would end, it would start again, like the waves pounding the shore.

HISS

Now we started hearing the howling winds of the typhoon, truly frightful winds that could overturn a ship.

GURGLE

The ship gave a last, mournful gasp as it sank into the depths of the sea.

The Tempest.

Yanami clutched her stomach in shock.

“Oh… ow …” She muttered, seemingly absent-mindedly.

No one moved a muscle.

The only response was her stomach still rumbling slightly, like angry stormclouds.

Yanami looked up.

Everyone was staring at her.

Yanami looked like a deer in the headlights. Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

But dinner plates after she’s gotten to them. Completely empty.

“ Oh …”

Then, Yanami’s knees started shaking.

Yanami’s face turned utterly red, burning with shame. Her eyes swam with tears.

“Please…just…don’t look at me…” She begged no one in particular.

Yanami fell to her knees like I had just disemboweled her in a samurai movie, which I suppose I did, in a way. She rolled into a ball next to Shiratama. 

PARIS 

O, I am slain! If thou be merciful,

Open the tomb; lay me with Juliet. [He dies.]

“Have mercy on me, everyone…I’ll just lie here…just take care of Shiratama-chan…” Yanami whimpered.

I feel a little bad, but I don’t think Shiratama will tolerate this kind of delay. 

I have to get back on script.

I recall what Shiratama first said when I was “learning my lines”.

“...So, in the climatic final scene, Juliet takes a potion to make her appear like she’s dead. And gallant Romeo finds her, and plans to drink some poison. There’s a few minor details, like Paris, the guy Juliet was going to marry, was there at her grave too, so Romeo had to kill him…“

“The important part is what Romeo says before he drinks the poison and dies. He praises Juliet’s beauty one last time and points out how not even death can diminish it.”

ROMEO

O my love, my wife,

Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath,

Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty.

Thou art not conquered. Beauty’s ensign yet

Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,

“Shiratama-san, my future wifey,”

I might actually be slurring my words now. There is no way I just said, “Wifey”. I’m glad none of the gyarus saw that. And good thing Komari isn’t here. Komari would make sure I was reminded of that everyday, for the rest of my life.

“You’re a knockout, but that doesn’t mean you have to take it literally.”

“Well, I guess emotions ran high with this party.”

“But that blush looks gorgeous on you.”

None of the teachers have moved. Maybe they’re so moved, or so horrified, by my acting that they can’t bring themselves to miss a second. Maybe they’re so surprised at Yanami’s sudden appearance and public humiliation that they haven’t recovered yet.

But theoretically, Shiratama is having a medical episode here. This is a situation that at least merits the school nurse getting involved.

But I have a strange idea that the school nurse is hanging back and saving all of this to her internal hard drive, a few folders deep, right now.

O, here

Will I set up my everlasting rest

And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars

From this world-wearied flesh! 

“I’m feeling a bit tired too…”

Well, at least I’m not acting with that line.

“Not a good time, heh.” I give a weak chuckle.

“But let me just wake you up, Shiratama-san.”

“It feels a little weird to be awake without you, we’re so connected.”

Eyes, look your last.

Arms, take your last embrace. And, lips, O, you

The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss

A dateless bargain to engrossing death.

“It’s like I’m taking in everything for the last time, life just doesn’t feel complete when you’re not next to me.”

I might be laying it on pretty thick here. I’m giving off massive codependency vibes. 

But hey, that’s pretty faithful to Romeo and Juliet.

“I want the last thing I see to be you.”

“And I want you to be the last thing that I hold.”

“The only thing we’re promised in life is death.”

Here’s to my love. Drinking. O true apothecary,

Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.

“Well, this is a promise for love.”

“Like your sister’s wedding vows…I want eternal happiness for your family.”

“Until death do us part.”

I’m vaguely aware of Shiratama-sensei and Tanaka-sensei at the front of our “audience” jolting with a start at them being mentioned.

From the depths of my distressed brain, one more memory comes floating up.

“D-do I have to kiss you, Sh-Shiratama-san?” 

“Just do what feels right, Prez-senpai~”

“Except I know you won’t have the guts~”

Who…

Who says…

Who says I don’t have the guts…?

I’ll tell you who doesn’t have guts anymore…

Yanami…

Getting closer…closer…

All I see are Shiratama’s pouting lips…

And her red face...

They’re trembling…

Shiratama’s trembling…

She might be cracking an eye open in fear…but I don’t know anymore…

I’m leaning down…but I’m losing my balance…

I’m falling…

Down, into a warm darkness.

I hear a shriek and a collective gasp.

But they aren’t enough to pull me back.

I’m gone.

Chapter Text

***

I wake up staring into a field of stars. Everything’s bright.

Slowly, it becomes apparent to me that my consciousness isn’t hurtling across the universe at lightspeed. I haven’t learned to astral project yet. In fact, I’m stationary.

Then, I realize that I’m staring at a ceiling lit by fluorescent lights.

What I thought were stars are just bumps and protrusions on the ceiling panels.

And stains.

Wait. Staring at stains on the ceiling?

Oh no. I’m in the nurse’s office.

I still feel sluggish and pacified, but I sit up with a jolt of panic.

I draw back the curtain around my bed and get up.

I see another occupied bed, the curtain still drawn around it.

Before I can pull back the curtain, I realize who must be behind it. And the curtain pulls back for me.

It’s Shiratama, looking calm (?).

“Shiratama-san…”

“What happened…?” I ask sluggishly.

Something else comes to me.

“Did we kiss…?”

“I-I-I…I won’t tell you, Prez!”

Shiratama turns away from me to hold her cheeks, which appear to be burning.

This is very unlike Shiratama.

“Don’t worry, Prez~”

A lazy voice floats to me. The voice I was exactly dreading to hear.

I turn away from Shiratama, and find Konuki-sensei standing next to my bed. Where did she come from?

Please don’t tell me she’s been watching me sleep.

“I’m 60% sure that you two didn’t kiss. Even though I dived forward to look, I wasn’t able to see if there was lip-on-lip contact for sure.”

“Well, once I got over the disappointment of that, I checked both of your vitals and since I think both of you fainted, I was obligated to bring both of you here, since you’re stuck together, until death do us part ~”

I wish death could take me right now, actually. 

“I think a lot of the faculty swooned from that line, actually, Prez. A lot of my female colleagues were reminiscing about the passionate days of youth while I got you two out of there.”

“I myself was a little taken aback. I didn’t expect you to be so… unburdened .”

I spin away from Konuki-sensei as fast as I can in my delicate state.

I hear her smirk to my back,

“I brought Yanami-san to the nurse’s office too. I think she needed it, too.”

I decided to check on Yanami immediately. Because I’m concerned about her. Not because I need an excuse to get away from Konuki-sensei as soon as possible.

I approach the bed on the other side of my bed, not Shiratama’s.

The curtain is drawn.

“Yanami-san…?”

No response.

“Are you okay…?”

Still nothing.

What happened? Did Yanami pass out, too?

I reach out and pull back the curtain.

Yanami’s face is right behind it.

She’s sitting up perfectly straight in bed.

Her big blue eyes are wide and pleading.

I’m taken aback for a second.

“N-Nukumizu-kun…y-you don’t talk about what happened in the faculty room. Ever.”

Tears were welling in Yanami’s eyes again.

“O-or…I-I…”

“It’s okay, Yanami-san. I wouldn’t dream of it. In fact, I’m not quite sure what happened. I passed out, you know. I don’t have a good memory of the past few hours.”

“R-really? You mean that, Nukumizu-kun?”

With Yanami’s eyes shining with hope and tears, I know I have to lie to her.

“Yes, Yanami-san.”

Yanami lunges for me.

I don’t have time to dodge out of the way.

Yanami grabs my back and pulls me into a hug. She buries her face in my stomach.

“Yanami-san, Yanami…san…?”

Yanami gives a muffled gurgling giggle. I can feel my shirt getting soaked with snot and a bit of tears. 

Oh well.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in a situation like this before.

But it feels alright to just stand next to Yanami’s bed and let her hold me, occasionally sniffling and snuffling into my shirt like a small mammal.

Eventually, I feel prompted to get Yanami to do something else.

“So, what were you saying, Yanami-san?”

“I was going to run away to Paris.”

“Why would you do that, Yanami-san?” I asked.

“Well, at least I’d know there’d always be something to eat…”

Yanami, other countries have food, too, you know.

“Yanami-san, how did you know I was in the faculty room?”

“Well, Nukumizu-kun, I was wandering around, wishing I had followed you to see what you were up to , when I bumped into Nonomura-san.”

“I asked about you, and she said that you went into the faculty room because they were having a party there.”

“I was mad that you were going to a party and didn’t invite me, you didn’t even take me as your plus one, like I was going to do at Karen-chan and Sousuke’s Christmas party, so I said that I was going over there.”

“Nonomura-san walked with me, actually.”

?!?

“She’s actually pretty easy to talk to. I always thought she was a little quiet, though. We never really talked before.”

“She’s a lot like you, actually…but less annoying…”

“Wait, Yanami-san. Why did Nonomura-san go with you?”

“Oh, Nonomura-san? She said she was going to turn in a form to join the Public Morals Committee.”

Oh no.

Somehow, that’s the worst news of all.

Chapter Text

***

Suddenly, a squeak grabs my attention.

Amanatsu-sensei is watching Yanami hug me while she smiles into my belly.

I see a look of real hurt and jealousy in Amanatsu-sensei’s eyes before it’s glazed over by anger. But in that split second, I can see Amanatsu-sensei gathering strength to collect her rage.

It’s not her natural response. But it’s something she’s trained herself to do.

Konuki-sensei took off her party hat. But Amanatsu-sensei is still wearing hers.

She looked, for a moment, like a lonely kid, as though no one had bothered to turn up at her birthday party.

Sensei, why are you like this…?

“Yanami-chan!!! Get away from him!!!”

“He’s the Playboy of Tsuwabuki!!!” Amanatsu-sensei shrieks in fear and hatred.

I guess that’s my serial killer name. The Playboy of Tsuwabuki. Hopefully I can get a true crime documentary one day. 

Snork?

Another jet of snot hits my belly.

Yanami wrenches her face away from my shirt, finally, but she looks like a trainwreck, to be honest. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying, some hair is stuck to her face, and a few strands of snot still connect her nose and I.

“ Aaah!!!! ” Amanatsu-sensei screams, horrified.

Yanami’s face turns bright red again. She desperately tries to hide her face behind the covers. 

I hand her my other pack of pocket tissues.

Yeah, I had another one.

I came really prepared today.

Yanami’s hand fumbles around a bit since she can’t see from behind the blanket. I have to press the pack of tissues into her hand. She squeezes my hand hard, which I interpret as a sign of gratitude.

Oh no. I shouldn’t have taken my eyes off Amanatsu-sensei for a second.

She looks to almost be on the verge of tears herself.

Sensei…why?

“It all started from that Literature Club!!! Shiratama-chan said that he chose to mentor her from that Literature Club. IT MUST BE STOPPED!!!!”

“Konuki-chan!!! You have to!!! LET ME TAKE OVER THE PROBATION OF THE LITERATURE CLUB!!!” 

I didn’t even see Konuki-sensei come up to Yanami’s bed.

“Wait, Konuki-sensei, you approved the probationary period of the club?” I ask.

“Well, Prez, of course I did.”

Konuki-sensei said as though it were completely obvious.

“When Shikiya-san from the student council came to see me, I knew I had to let her do whatever she had to do. For the benefit of student body discipline. And my own entertainment, of course~”

“Sure, Konami. You have the final say on lifting the literature club’s probation now.”

“Hear that, Nukumizu?!?!?”

Amanatsu-sensei strode up to me, trying to act as arrogant and intimidating as possible, puffing out her flat chest.

It didn’t work, though. 

It was like a little sibling bragging about how mom said it was her turn on the X-Bawks.

“Your little club of moral degeneracy shall be cleansed!!! I’m going to destroy your little harem like it’s Byzantine court politics!!! It’s going to be sacked like Constantinople in the Fourth Crusade!!! And if you try to go up against me, you’ll lose like the Byzantines at the Battle of Manzikert!!!”

“Call me Mehmet the Conqueror!!!!”

Amanatsu-sensei shouted this triumphantly like it was supposed to make me tremble in despair.

Sensei, you haven’t even taught us enough of the second year curriculum about Byzantium for me to be able to understand these references. 

Amanatsu-sensei stands in her exaggerated, triumphant pose for a few seconds. Neither Konuki-sensei nor I move.

Eventually, she blinks. Her face flushes red with embarrassment. 

But at least I think she’s calmed down, just a little. Maybe obscure historical references are her safe space. 

“What exactly goes on in that Literature Club, huh? What are you making the other members do, Nukumizu?”

“Why did Shiratama-chan even enter that dirty club, anyway?” Amanatsu-sensei jabs a finger at me, her cheeks red.

Sensei, you don’t want to touch me right now. I’m still covered in Yanami snot. 

I see Konuki-sensei smiling like a real serial killer. I have to get in front of this.

Before Konuki-sensei can spread any lies about whatever may or may not go on in the literature club, I open my mouth.

“Uh…we write, …there’s a club report that we put out with our recent writing…”

“Amanatsu-sensei, I asked Konuki-sensei to add my younger sister into the Literature Club to give her a good environment.”

Amanatsu-sensei balked. Her mouth flapped pointlessly, making unintelligible squeaking noises. She looked like a chipmunk who had lost a nut.

Shiratama-sensei and Tanaka-sensei had entered the nurse’s office.

They were standing together silently and seriously.

“I trust Nukumizu-kun.” 

Shiratama-sensei-I mean, Tanaka-sensei, I mean, Minori-san said.

“B-b-but–! Shiratama-sensei, I still have questions–!” Amanatsu-sensei protests weakly.

“I’d be happy to answer them for you, Amanatsu-sensei. And I’ll vouch for Nukumizu-kun’s character, as much as you want me to.”

Shiratama-sensei gives me a gentle look as she puts an arm around Amanatsu-sensei’s shoulder and leads her out of the room.

Amanatsu-sensei looks totally defeated. I watch her party hat, still bobbing up and down on her head, as she is led outside.

Thank you, Shiratama-sensei.

While I’m standing there, Tanaka-sensei approaches me with a stern look on his face.

I just barely got through Amanatsu-sensei’s storm with the help of a nature spirit/fairy, Shiratama-sensei.

But there’s no one to help me now.

Tanaka-sensei’s going to take me to task for hijacking and ruining his party.

“Thank you! Nukumizu-kun!” Tanaka-sensei says sharply.

He’s bent into a perfect, deep bow.

Huh?

“I’m ashamed…”

“I didn’t act as soon as Riko-san fainted…”

“But you did.”

“You showed me you’re the right kind of man.”

“Decent, loving, emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feminine side, not afraid to show it…”

Uh…Sensei…?

I categorically deny all of those characterizations.

Please don’t ever say that again.

“I wasn’t sure about you in the past…I’ll be honest about that…”

“What you said about wishing us eternal happiness…that was very poignant. You should consider becoming a writer.”

Oh, but I am one, Sensei. You can find my work on <Let’s Become An Author>. 

Wait, I also contribute to a club report that we publish publicly to the student body. Sensei, you have to know that I write already. I am in the Literature Club. Actually, I’m even the president of the Literature Club. Please, say that you know this, that you remember anything about me. 

“I’m going to cry.”

Wait, did I just say that out loud?

“Please, don’t cry, Nukumizu-kun. There’s no need for that.”

“Please, Nukumizu-kun, take care of yourself.”

Tanaka-sensei said solemnly, then bowed very low to me.

“We may be part of the same household one day…and I noticed your increased enthusiasm for my lesson today.”

“If we are to be bonded so intimately, Nukumizu-kun, know that I do not take my responsibilities lightly.”

BLUH!

Gush!!!!

Tanaka-sensei and I looked curiously at the curtain of another nearby bed, where the unexpected and unidentifiable sound came from.

“I’m sorry, I have to get back to my work…I have to grade papers…” Tanaka-sensei looks harried once again.

“Konuki-sensei, you’ll be fine with the students, won’t you?” Tanaka-sensei asks sheepishly.

Konuki-sensei licks her lips.

“Oh, definitely, Yuuji-san.”

She winks suggestively.

“I wouldn’t mind you staying to help me out with them, though~”

Tanaka-sensei, if he’s affected by Konuki-sensei, he’s a much greater man than I. He doesn’t let it show.

He simply nods and takes his leave.

“Prez, why don’t you go and see what Basori-san needs…”

Oh no. 

That’s Tiara-san behind that curtain?

It feels like I haven’t seen her in months, so much has happened. Even though it was just a few hours ago.

Maybe it’s been enough time to run out the statute of limitations on me groping Tiara-san’s left breast.

It’s my only hope.

I walk slowly towards Tiara-san’s bed.

“Tiara-san? Are you okay?”

“N-Nukumizu-san??”

Time to see what’s behind curtain number 3.

Tiara-san is holding her nose. Once again, it’s bleeding.

I hand Tiara-san my third and last pack of pocket tissues.

Man, I’m really handing out tissues like candy today, aren’t I?

Tiara-san is looking at me strangely. Her eyes are glowing and oddly bright. 

It’s the same look she has when she sees me and Prez together.

She just looks at me in wonder.

Somehow, she’s able to do this with an air of gravitas while shoving tissue up her left nostril.

“Thank you for bringing me to the nurse’s office, Nukumizu-san…”

“That was very good of you…”

“Of course I would, Tiara-san.”

Tiara-san smiled sheepishly.

“Did Konuki-sensei take good care of you?” I ask.

Tiara-san looks alright, but you have to ask, with Konuki-sensei.

“Yes, she took excellent care of me, she brought me sports drinks, magazines…well, women’s magazines…not ones I can tell you about,...so don’t ask…applesauce, pudding…”

“All in all, I was very comfortable. It was a pleasant day at school, not having to worry about student council responsibilities.”

“There’s still the matter of moving supplies like the desks…”

Not the desks again.

Just to get Tiara-san off this topic, I ask another question.

“Did Konuki-sensei say anything? Or did she ask any questions?”

Tiara-san considers this for a moment.

“She was very gentle…she just wanted to know how I was feeling…if I could remember anything…yes, she kept asking if I remembered anything…about what happened before I collapsed, or when you were bringing me here…”

Oh dear.

“She told me that you brought me here, all by yourself…in a princess carry …”

Tiara-san blushes furiously.

“I-I, I wasn’t heavy, was I? I don’t want to think I made a lot of trouble for you…”

Kaju’s taught me what to do in this situation.

And Yanami, too.

“No, you weren’t heavy at all, Tiara-san.”

“Light as a feather, actually.”

Tiara-san gave a gasp of relief that she thought I didn’t notice.

It’s okay, Tiara-san. If I may say so, I prefer when girls have a little meat on their bones, actually.

Like on their thighs.

But I don’t tell her that. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.

Well, it looks like the elephant in the room has somehow been avoided so far.

If I can just subtly GTFO…

I smile gently at Tiara-san and prepare to bolt…

“N-Nukumizu-san…”

“W-while I was unconscious…”

“You…y-y-y-you…you didn’t grope me?...Did you?”

I’m just so shocked, I don’t respond for a few seconds.

Tiara-san’s face goes from pale when asking this question to rosy to burning red.

“N-no…I wouldn’t do that…” I say weakly.

Tiara-san’s grabbing her face in anguish.

“Of course you wouldn’t, Nukumizu-san!!!”

“I just had a crazy dream, I guess…”

“Not that I dream about you, or anything!!!”

I stared at Tiara-san.

She stared at me.

Tiara-san gulped loudly.

“A-a-a-anyway, th-that’s not the type of dream that I would want to have about you, Nukumizu-san!!!”

“Be mindful of your morals!!!” Tiara-san wags her finger at me.

Somehow, she managed to turn this into a lecture.

When she’s the one who has a dirty mind.

“I-I-I’m tired!” Tiara-san spits out.

“Please, leave me to rest, Nukumizu-san!”

“...Rest well, Tiara-san…” I offer halfheartedly while turning away.

Tiara-san glares at me while sliding the curtain shut, her face so red it looks maroon.

I think I caught a final glimpse of Tiara-san diving her head until her pillow and hiding completely under the covers.

“ ~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!! ”

I might have imagined it, but I think I heard a noise. 

It sounded like a muffled shriek.

Somehow, I think I’ve survived accidentally groping Tiara-san.

But if she ever suspects…

If she ever remembers what happened better…

“Yanami-san?” 

Having finally dealt with the Tiara-san situation, I turn to check on her.

But she’s sleeping peacefully in her bed, her mouth slightly open.

Drooling.

I’ll take that to mean she’ll be okay.

I feel a vibration in my pocket.

Wow, it’s my phone.

I guess it’s been in my pocket the whole time.

LINE:

Shiratama Riko: 

[Prez, please, come talk to me.]

[I heard my sister and Tanaka-sensei were here.]

Man, I’ve made a lot of trips around the nurse’s office just now.

I wonder what Shiratama might want to talk about.

She’ll probably want my psychoanalysis of Tanaka-sensei, to see how effective our whole production was on him, and whether we managed to impress the strength of our profound love for each other on him.

But, when I pull back the curtain, I don’t see the same Shiratama that I knew.

This girl looks fragile, and vulnerable.

I’ve never seen Shiratama that way before.

She’s always had a plan.

Looked defiant, or teasing, or scheming, always fighting for control of whatever situation she’s in.

But she might finally be losing control now.

Her eyes look hollow and scared.

There’s a long pause as I consider how to comfort Shiratama, even though I have no idea what’s going on.

“I…put sleeping pills…into that pink rolled omelet.”

The one that Yumeko-senpai fed me at lunch today?

No wonder it tasted like ashes.

“That’s why you didn’t have to worry about taking poison, or acting like you were dead.”

“And that’s why…why y-you…you passed out.”

Shiratama’s lip was quivering uncontrollably.

“I’m so, so, so, so, sorry, Prez. I completely lost my head.”

Shiratama hung her head in shame and remorse.

Bitter, miserable tears slide down Shiratama’s cheeks.

This wasn’t acting.

“I-I-I, I promise…”

Shiratama drew in a heaving, rattling breath.

“I promise…I won’t use you like that again, Prez.”

“I’ll always…be in your corner.”

“If you can trust me again…please believe that.”

I ran out of pocket tissues.

My shirt was stained with Yanami’s tears and snot. But I guess it was really only one side of it that got damaged.

I look at Shiratama, silently crying.

I offer her the other side of my shirt, the one that’s somewhat dry.

Shiratama looks at me.

She shoots me a look.

Really, Prez?

I shrug apologetically. 

“You have nothing to apologize for, Shiratama-san. I’ve already forgiven you.”

“But…I do like when you’re honest.”

Shiratama’s lip quivers again.

Then, she does the most honest thing she can in that moment.

She cries into the other half of my shirt.

***

As I’m on my way out of the nurse’s office, finally, feeling like I’ve aged a few years, I’m stopped.

Konuki-sensei has probably seen and heard everything that went on in this room for the past while. Somehow.

I just know she has.

I’m doomed.

“Prez, let me tell you a secret about Konami.”

“Uh…Sensei…I don’t really want to know…and you shouldn’t be telling secrets about your friends…”

“Oh, hush, Nukumizu-kun. This isn’t even that bad. In terms of secrets, it’s a one out of ten on the pain scale. This isn’t even like sharing confidential medical records.”

“O-Okay…?”

“If Konami is ever giving you trouble, there’s one way to completely induce a very suggestible mood. And no, it doesn’t involve any secretly administered drugs. Those are way overkill for someone like her.”

Sensei, you have the right to remain silent.

“Just call her ‘Konami-chan’. No one has ever called her that except for her mother, and me.”

I was right. I shouldn’t be hearing this. My heart seized with guilt and writhing with pity, I turned to walk away. Anything was better than this.

“Oh, and one more tip for the road, Prez?”

“Y-Yes? Sensei? Konuki-san?”

“Konami-chan is very, very easy. Someone like you won’t have to push very hard to get her to fold.”

I think she may have a wrong impression of me, somehow. I’m nothing but a wholesome boy, who yearns for the innocence of childhood.

But I can never go back.

Part of growing up is having worries and adult problems. Like all these losing heroines around me.

And I might have to add Amanatsu-sensei to that score.

I know I said I feel like I’ve aged a few years.

I was wrong.

More like a few decades.

“T-Thank you, Sensei.”

I bowed.

Then, I ran.

END OF PART ONE

Chapter Text

What Tiara-san heard, lying behind her curtain in the nurse's office:

[Tanaka-sensei]: "Nukumizu-kun!"

“You showed me you’re the right kind of man.”

“Decent, loving, emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feminine side, not afraid to show it…”

“I wasn’t sure about you in the past…I’ll be honest about that…”

“What you said about wishing us eternal happiness…that was very poignant.”

[Nukumizu]: “I’m going to cry.”

“Please, don’t cry, Nukumizu-kun. There’s no need for that.”

“Please, Nukumizu-kun, take care of yourself.”

“We may be part of the same household one day…and I noticed your increased enthusiasm for my lesson today.”

“If we are to be bonded so intimately, Nukumizu-kun, know that I do not take my responsibilities lightly.”

Chapter Text

***

I passed out instantly when I finally got home. I had restless dreams, too complicated to remember, with shadowy figures moving in and out, people I knew meeting up and breaking apart, and me just along for the ride.

I woke up with a start.

Gentle light was brushing my cheek through the window.

There was a pressure on my chest.

I was staring into the big dark eyes of Kaju, who was laying on top of me.

“Am I still dreaming…?”

“Of course, Onii-sama!”

“This is still a dream, so you may say whatever you want to Kaju! Any secrets, or things that you’ve always wanted to admit! You can even do anything you want to Kaju! No consequences! Don’t hold back, Onii-sama!”

I sat up groggily and pushed Kaju off my chest. With a squeak, she fell back and landed on my lap.

“Don’t mess around, Kaju.”

My hand came up and landed on Kaju’s head. 

Kaju purred as I petted her head a little.

“I am glad to see you again, though.” I thought distantly of the chaos that happened yesterday.

Kaju pouted a little.

“Oh, alright, Onii-sama, if that is all you are willing to give Kaju, I suppose you pass…”

I had to insist Kaju leave my room while I got dressed.

***

“Itadakimasu!”

Kaju beamed at me over the rim of my bowl as I drank her miso soup. 

“Aah, Onii-sama looks so happy when he’s drinking Kaju’s miso soup…” Kaju sighed.

“It really is good, Kaju.” I replied.

“And Kaju and Onii-sama will take care of the grocery shopping together today!”

“If only every day until the day Kaju dies could begin with Onii-sama drinking Kaju’s miso soup…The beginning of a perfect domestic life…”

“But some other housekeeping affairs first…”

“Onii-sama, why have some of your clothes been crusty when Kaju puts them into the wash?”

SLURP

I gave a particularly loud slurp. Kaju’s miso soup really is good. I could drink it just like water.

“K-Kaju? W-What are you talking about??”

Kaju blinked slowly. For some reason, there was a big smile on her face.

“Onii-sama, Kaju only meant, why was your school uniform all crusty and soggy when you gave it to Kaju to wash yesterday evening?”

“I…stepped in a puddle on my way home, Kaju. It splashed me.”

“Onii-sama, it hasn’t rained in the past week.”

“Onii-sama, I took the liberty of sniffing the shirt deeply…and I think I detected the fragrance of Yanami-senpai.”

“And…Shiratama-senpai.” Kaju finished, glowering. 

“So…you were comforting Yanami-senpai, as expected of you, Onii-sama. Everyone knows they can come to you for comfort and support.”

“Except one person…”

“Should I not have comforted Shiratama, Kaju?”

“Well…that is an interesting question, Onii-sama. Does Shiratama-senpai have an older brother?”

That’s complicated.

“I guess so…”

“Then you wouldn’t want your role to conflict with his, wouldn’t you?”

I suppose not.

“Kaju, do you dislike Shiratama…?”

“No, no, not at all, Onii-sama! It’s just, I don’t want roles to overlap!”

“She should be comforted by her older brother, and Kaju will be comforted by her Onii-sama!”

***

Kaju and I were walking through the streets towards our grocery in the local shopping district.

It was a bright blue day. The sunlight fell through the trees lining the streets, causing dappled patterns of light and shadow on Kaju’s long, shiny black hair, as she ran and danced all around me, it seemed.

She really has a lot of energy today.

Kaju was talking about everything and nothing, it seemed.

“So, Onii-sama, Gon-chan says that she’s got a new crush! She won’t tell me who it is, but I have a pretty good idea!”

“That’s nice…”

“And even Tachibana-kun is talking about someone new in his life! He’s just begging for attention, basically~”

How dare these young people have so many romantic opportunities?

I’m sure they’ll grow up to have very fulfilling high school lives.

“But they just don’t understand love like Kaju does…that’s probably why they want Kaju to get involved!”

“They think love is something long-lost, a secret to be held onto for years and years…but Kaju knows the best kind of love is the everyday, the ordinary, the comfortable!”

She nuzzled into my side at that point, for some reason.

***

We reached the supermarket and began setting about to look for everything on Kaju’s list. 

It was when I was getting eggs (get the 10 yen cheaper brand! And get the carton at the back!) according to Kaju’s housewife-like expertise that Kaju finally brought the conversation back to Yanami and Shiratama.

“So, Onii-sama, why did you have to comfort Yanami-senpai? Why was she in so much distress?”

“Yanami was embarrassed over something that happened. She thought that it would ruin her reputation at school, so I promised I would never say anything about it. So I can’t tell you, Kaju, sorry.”

“That’s okay!” 

Kaju’s eyes were shining.

“Yanami-senpai must really trust you a lot, Onii-sama! And your promise means that much to her that it would bring her to tears!!!”

“I’m so happy!!!”

Somehow, Kaju managed to turn shedding tears into a celebratory moment. Kaju immediately added ingredients for red rice into our shopping cart.

“Now…about Shiratama-senpai…how did that happen?” Kaju asked.

We had stopped near the cookware aisle. Kaju was gazing at a set of kitchen knives.

How do I explain this? I think I have to be really careful here. Probably the less Kaju knows, the better.

“Shiratama-san wanted my help with something after school. She brought me a bento and we had lunch together. The thing that she wanted my help with, it was pretty tiring, which is why I came home and went to bed so early. She got pretty worried about me working so hard, and cried. So I just comforted her.”

I think that’s a pretty vague summary of what happened. I also tried to present Shiratama in a positive and sympathetic light, in case Kaju somehow took something the wrong way.

Kaju was piling more ingredients into the cart.

“Kaju…?”

“Kaju has just decided that she will be preparing bentos for you everyday, like she used to.” Kaju said with a sweet smile. 

“How could she think that she could manipulate my Onii-sama into working like a slave with just a single bento?” Kaju muttered darkly.

“Did anyone see you having lunch with…her?”

“Oh, that’s right, Kaju.” I said nervously.

“It wasn’t a one on one lunch. We also had lunch with Yumeko-senpai.”

“YUMEKO-senpai???” Kaju exclaimed.

Oh no.

“O-oh, I meant Shikiya-senpai.”

“Kaju knows Shikiya-senpai!”

“Wait, really? How?”

“Kaju met her during a development camp for student council members last year!”

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she!” Kaju exclaimed.

“Well…yes…” I said reluctantly. 

“Onii-sama, onii-sama, onii-sama , what happened!?!? How could you keep this from Kaju!?!?” Kaju’s eyes were glowing and she was trembling slightly.

“Well, I turned down Shiratama-san’s bento at first, so she gave it to… Shikiya -senpai to invite me to lunch. Then she showed up later.”

Something flashed in Kaju’s eyes. Her face lit up with glee.

It was almost as if Kaju had completed her shonen anime transformation and shot lasers out of her eyes.

Kaju tackled me and I stumbled backward into the shopping cart with a loud crash. 

“You turned down Shiratama-senpai’s bento!?!?” Kaju asked, grinning ear to ear.

“Well, I tried to…” I said, trying to grab Kaju by the shoulders and push her off me. 

“You’re forgiven, Onii-sama!” Kaju cheered.

“I’m forgiven?” I asked.

What did I do?

Kaju was beaming at me.

She licked her thumb and tilted her head to the side in a cute pose.

“Next time, please allow Kaju to get any crumbs off your face!”

I guess she did see Shiratama use her thumb to wipe syrup off my face after breakfast yesterday.

Chapter Text

***

I usually like to go to the bottled drinks aisle to see the bottled waters and examine their ingredients and familiarize myself with every permutation of product each major brand offers. Usually things are the same, which is reassuring, but sometimes I find a new product or so that I have to keep in mind. I rarely make purchases.

Just considering the hydration options on offer for those few cultured scholars who know their stuff is soothing enough for me. Once in a while, I’ll try a water with a new filtration technique or compare two brands with a blind taste test.

Most people don’t know it, but our field is advancing. 

The next major breakthrough in hydration is coming.

Kaju’s been humming happily as she follows me into the drinks aisle. This is our usual routine. She knows I always want to check out this aisle.

“So, Onii-sama, what progress have you made with Yanami-senpai?” Kaju suddenly asked.

I was not prepared for this question.

The sports drink slipped from my hand. 

It bounced happily off the floor and rolled underneath the shelf of the bottled drinks aisle. 

I got down on my hands and knees and scrabbled blindly under the shelf, trying to search for the poor sports drink I dropped. Forgive me.

I tried to squint into the darkness.

Ah, there it is.

My hand closed around the drink finally and I was pulling it out.

“Onii-sama, do you feel closer to Yanami-senpai?” Kaju’s excited voice seemed to echo inside my head.

I kept my gaze focused on carefully extracting the drink. Not because I was avoiding looking at Kaju.

“I don’t understand her recently.”

“Not that I want to understand her super well, but she asked me to come to her house to eat ice cream cake.”

“But I really, truly, couldn’t go because of Shiratama-san asking me to help her with something.”

“Shiratama Riko…” Kaju muttered.

I took a chance and glanced at Kaju instead of focusing all my attention on the fallen brother (the sports drink).

Big mistake.

Little black flames were dancing in her eyes.

“How did you go from there to Yanami-senpai crying into your shirt, Onii-sama?” Kaju asked.

“Well, Yanami-san seemed like she was upset with me, so I don’t really know what happened…” I offered.

“I didn’t want to upset her more, so I didn’t tell her that the reason was because of Shiratama, but she refused to reschedule for next week…”

I heard Kaju sigh quietly.

As I straightened back up, Kaju scanned me up and down and gently brushed some dust off my chest.

“Onii-sama, maybe you should trust Yanami-senpai more. Try telling her the truth next time, and see how she reacts.”

“You’re doing your best, Onii-sama…Kaju will endeavour to help you as much as she can…but Kaju knows eventually you have to figure these things out for yourself…”

I felt the drink being pried from my hand.

“But, Onii-sama, at least you know, going through conflict with someone and maintaining your relationship will make it stronger in the end, right?”

“Yeah, Kaju, of course I–” I started.

Crack.

Kaju twisted the plastic cap off the drink and raised it to my lips. Automatically, I inclined my head a little and began to drink.

As I was contemplating the flavor–

“Then that’s good, Onii-sama. I won’t ask any more of you today.” Kaju smiled. 

And finally, with me drinking from the bottle, captured, she was able to look right in my eyes.

“Kaju…?” I asked. 

Why did that come out as a question?

“It’s okay, Onii-sama. I’ll buy this drink for you. You’ve earned it.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty good…”

***

Finally, we completed our purchases and were leaving the supermarket.

“Onii-sama, can I hold your arm while walking?”

“Kaju…”

“Fine…” I sighed, but internally, not feeling much reluctance about it.

“Yay! Onii-sama, I love you!” Kaju chirped.

“Ehehehe!” Kaju leaned on me and intertwined her arm with mine. The bags of groceries we were holding rustled a little as we swayed.

This was all according to our routine, but Kaju had added to the script this time.

“So, how do you feel about Shikiya-senpai, Onii-sama?” Kaju asked in a cloying, cotton candy-sweet voice.

“...I respect her.”

I felt the energy in the air. Kaju didn’t offer any response. She wasn’t satisfied with just that. I would have to say more.

“I’ve, uh…spent a lot more time with her recently…”

It hasn’t really been according to plan. Kind of more the circumstances that have somehow been thrust upon the Literature Club, and me as its President. But I feel like that’s an unnecessary detail.

“You’ve never described your relationship with her before, Onii-sama…” Kaju mused.

“And you’ve never really said you respect the girls in the Literature Club…”

“Well, that’s because I feel like I’m always taking care of them…” I said half-heartedly, trying to stop Kaju from cornering me. 

They are kind of troublesome, you have to admit. They’re losing heroines. If everything had worked out for them, they wouldn’t need me at all. 

“And Shikiya-senpai never needs taking care of?” Kaju prompted.

I considered this a bit. I guess it’s true that I help Shikiya-senpai out a lot. But I’ve never really thought of it as any extra effort. She just needs me, I feel like, and I feel compelled to help her.

“I don’t really think of it as that…”

“I guess…I like helping her.” I finished, not knowing where the words were coming from.

“That’s just like you, Onii-sama.” Kaju said.

“You’re such a truly kind person, Onii-sama. Never forget that.”

Kaju squeezed my arm. She leaned her head on my shoulder.

“Onii-sama, we are being followed.”

“We’ve been followed for a few minutes now.” Kaju stated simply.

“Ever since we left the supermarket.”

I shuddered at my little sister’s perceptiveness. The strangest thing was the complete lack of emotion in her statement.

Suddenly, I whipped around.

I saw a short figure was indeed following us. It was moving at a relatively slow pace, but the body language, jerky, greedy movements, made the figure look like it was scurrying along.

“Ahhh…I’ll never go home from the grocery store arm in arm with a man…” The unknown figure whimpered quietly.

However, the voice seemed to carry on the wind, or something, because every awful word cut right into my ears, even when I didn’t want to hear any more.

“I just have to accept it…”

“All suffering in life is caused by wanting things, as Buddha said…”

“Most people throughout history lived in poverty, and war, and famine…”

“Onii-sama, there’s a woman crying.” Kaju said.

“Kaju, let’s keep walking.” I said.

“Onii-sama, I heard what she said.” Kaju said.

“Kaju, we have to refrigerate the tofu.” I said.

“Onii-sama, the happiness of being with you…I’m sad that not everyone in the world can experience such love!”

“Ehehehe…we must look like a married couple…” Kaju continued. Her eyes were crinkled shut and a crooked smile was on her face as she held her blushing cheeks.

I sighed internally. However, whatever my sister wants, my sister gets. I mean, it’s normal for an older brother to indulge his younger sister once in a while. That’s what I meant.

I approached this hunched-over, shuddering creature.

Man, I didn’t really want a confrontation with whoever this was. They honestly seemed a little unhinged. I also didn’t want them to feel embarrassed that Kaju had noticed their public breakdown.

It’s better to pretend not to notice when someone is having an emotional freakout in public.

If you have to react, at least try not to give a big reaction.

That might only encourage a bigger scene and more unwanted attention.

These are things that I have learned from one Yanami Anna.

“Amanatsu-sensei?” I called out hesitantly.

Nothing happened.

“Konami-chan?” I called out, if possible, even more hesitantly.

She snorted a thick, snotty noise, and looked up, furiously trying to blink away the tears in her eyes.

“Ehhh…? Ah…?! AHH!?!?”

Konami-chan-I mean, Amanatsu-sensei’s face was turning totally red.

“A-Are you my prince? The one I’ve been praying for every shrine visit for the past 5 years?” She whispered, looking awestruck. She looked like a little prey animal looking up at a predator.

“Sensei, I’m still a minor. That was a problem for you before, remember?”

“Huh?!?!?”

Amanatsu-sensei finally reached up and rubbed her eyes with her fists like a child and then:

“AHHH!!!!!!!!! Y-Y-YOU!!!! THE PLAYBOY OF TSUWABUKI!!!!!!!” She screeched.

Sensei, for the last time, my name is Nukumizu. Please remember already.

Chapter Text

***
“Is that REALLY what they call my onii-sama!?!?

Amanatsu-sensei sniffled weakly through her tears and snot. 

“Y-yes…” She said miserably.

“WOW!” Kaju seized Amanatsu-sensei’s hands and shook them up and down.

In contrast to Amanatsu-sensei’s completely destroyed psyche, Kaju was now a ball of pure energy. I could see her bouncing off the walls and lifting off into the sky, never to be seen again.

“Alright, Kaju, let’s come back to Earth.”

I hugged Kaju around the middle. This sometimes happens, so I’m used to it.

Kaju leaned back against me and sighed.

“What an amazing transformation, Onii-sama…you’ve finally released your true potential…the power that Kaju always saw in you…”

Kaju, this isn’t even my final form. 

I’m still single. 

“So, are you a second year like Onii-sama, Senpai…?” Kaju asked.

Amanatsu-sensei hiccuped.

Then she started crying a little harder.

“Kaju, this is my homeroom teacher, Amanatsu Konami-sensei.”

Amanatsu-sensei sniffed loudly by way of a greeting. Maybe.

“She’s, uh, been having kind of a rough time recently…” I offered weakly.

“Oh, fine, THAT’S a good way to put it, Nukumizu…”

How else should I have said it?

“Go on, laugh. I’m ruined. I have nothing, I am nothing, I’ve always had nothing…” Amanatsu-sensei muttered a devastating cascade of self-flagellating criticism. 

“Umm, Sensei, why are you saying all those things about yourself? There’s no need for that.” Kaju said concernedly. 

Kaju, you’ll get used to it. 

This is just how she is. No need to worry.

“You’re so young and so beautiful, that’s why I thought you were still a high school student.” Kaju said.

Amanatsu-sensei gasped. She stopped crying suddenly. It was like she was suddenly able to just suck it up.

“I haven’t been able to find a boyfriend…ever…”

Sensei, you could have left that last word out, you know?

I guess you don’t know this, but maintenance of the ego is important to psychological well-being.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong…what I’m missing…I feel like I’ve tried everything to be more attractive to men…I tried to cook…but it was a disaster…”

“You’re a great cook…I had your sugar peanuts from the cultural festival…”

“Do you have an older brother?”

“?” Kaju tilted her head in confusion.

“Of course I do, Amanatsu-sensei. He’s right there.”

“No, no, no, I don’t mean him.” Amanatsu-sensei said dismissively.

“Like a secret, better, brother?”

“Someone older, kinder, more handsome, about 30 years old…?”

“Well, my Onii-sama is older than me, the kindest person I know, and no one could be better than him.” Kaju said earnestly with sparkles in her eyes.

Thank you, Kaju…

Amanatsu-sensei frowned.

She squinted at me.

She tilted her head to the side.

She put her fingers to her chin, evidently in deep thought.

“Well, beggars can’t be choosers…”

“Pardon me?”

Kaju asked sweetly. Her eyes were closed in a benign smile.

But the air suddenly turned cold.

Amanatsu-sensei’s face was a little paler than usual.

“U-Uh, Nukumizu-san, please don’t misunderstand me…”

“I meant that I’m the beggar! I’ve never had any romantic options, let alone choice…”

Kaju’s smile widened. But she still didn’t open her eyes.

Amanatsu-sensei was sweating bullets now. 

“B-B-But! I would choose your brother in a heartbeat! Now that I think about it, he’s completely my type!”

“He’s uh, handsome…”

“Ch-charming…”

Amanatsu-sensei was heaping praise on me. But I think it was all fake.

Kaju still hadn’t reacted.

Maybe she wasn’t convinced.

Amanatsu-sensei stopped. I thought I could see the wheels turning in her head as she desperately tried to think of any more virtues I might have.

“He, uh, he listens, more than anyone…”

“He doesn’t just ignore me or brush me off as a joke like everyone else…”

I guess I am more patient with Sensei than other people, but only because I’ve gotten used to taking care of losing heroines.

Amanatsu-sensei’s cheeks were faintly red.

Suddenly, she squeaked and shook herself, her fluffy hair bouncing.

Amanatsu-sensei gulped loudly.

“G-Girls are all over him at school! And frankly, I’m very, very jealous!”

Sensei, you mean you’re jealous of me getting attention, right? It sounds like you’re jealous of the girls around me.

Please take more time to consider your words carefully.

This concrete evidence, verifiable according to Kaju’s own delusions (there’s no way any girls are interested in me, despite what she or Sensei think) seemed to do the trick.

Kaju opened her eyes, now sparkling again.

“Please keep your feelings restrained for a little while longer, Amanatsu-sensei. If my brother wishes, he can choose you, but I shouldn’t condone an illegal relationship…”

“But even incestuous relationships, for example, are not illegal, given that both parties are consenting adults…”

Wow. I didn’t know that.

Wait, why does Kaju know that…?

“Patience is a virtue for all of us…” Kaju whispered.

“R-right! I-It’s hard being patient when it comes to your brother!” Amanatsu-sensei agreed in a slavish way.

“I-I want to eat him up right now!” She declared in a quavery voice.

Sensei, don’t try to channel your inner Konuki-sensei. It doesn’t work for you.

“Rrrrrrr…” Sensei made a weird noise while looking at me side-eye. 

Was that a purr?

Sensei, you’re lucky no law enforcement is around. 

“Well, Amanatsu-sensei, how about I teach you some cooking skills? Since you need to be prepared to be a good wife in the future…?” Kaju said in a tone that was somehow both kind and skeptical.

Kaju, you’re learning the right attitude to take with this woman very quickly.

Onii-sama is proud of you.

Chapter Text

***

“Pardon the intrusion…”

Amanatsu-sensei whispered timidly as she stepped over the threshold of our house.

“A-Are your parents here?” She asked Kaju and I, not meeting our eyes.

“No, they work a lot.” Kaju answered pleasantly.

“Oh. Okay. That’s good.” 

You could practically see the relief washing over Amanatsu-sensei’s face.

Sensei, you were that apprehensive to talk to our parents?

Don’t you have to do parent-teacher conferences?

“I don’t have to pretend I’m still in high school…” Amanatsu-sensei whispered.

She thought I couldn’t hear that.

“Give me just one moment to get things set up in the kitchen!” Kaju called cheerfully, already pattering to her destination, grocery bags in tow.

I was left standing in the entryway with Amanatsu-sensei.

Neither of us said anything.

Amanatsu-sensei was intensely studying everything in the house.

She peered at the shoe cubby as though she was fascinated.

She examined the wood grain of the floor and the set of drawers set against the wall, on top of which stood a mirror, for a last minute appearance check before you headed out of the house.

She looked almost wistfully at a framed family photo of us on the drawers.

Amanatsu-sensei, you know how to act human, don’t you?

I’m not even asking for “normal”. 

The bar is pretty low. 

Just don’t examine our faces like an alien who’s never seen a human before…

“C-Cool family…” She croaked finally.

“Thanks…” I managed to get out.

***

***

***

“Okay, this way!” Kaju called, reappearing.

Oh, thank God.

Kaju took one look at Amanatsu-sensei and her expression became extremely kind. Kinda like a zookeeper doting on an injured animal.

Kaju led Amanatsu-sensei to the kitchen by the hand. Surprisingly, Amanatsu-sensei offered no protest or resistance to this and allowed herself to be led along.

Once we were in the kitchen, I saw that Kaju had got a pan and some oil out.

“I think I’m going to teach you to make karaage, Amanatsu-sensei.”

“It’s not that hard, and everyone likes karaage, especially men.”

“I suspect a lot of men would live off of only karaage if it were socially acceptable.”

“And you know what they say, the easiest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!” Kaju smiled, looking at me for some reason.

“So, even if karaage is the only dish you know how to make, a man will probably still see some utility in keeping you around, whatever else might happen.”

A bribe. I see.

Kaju inherently understands the transactional nature of human relationships. 

How sad.

I was hoping to keep the ugly truth from her as long as possible.

Amanatsu-sensei nodded meekly at every assertion Kaju made. In fact, by the end, her eyes were even shining a little. She looked a bit like a human, even, and not a weird alien.

“Okay, Sensei, so first we have to wash the chicken.” Kaju smiled.

“But, let’s wash our hands, please.”

Somehow, everyone approached the sink at the same time. 

We ended up scrubbing side by side by side, me on the end, Amanatsu-sensei in the middle, and Kaju on the other end. 

I looked over and saw Kaju happily watching Amanatsu-sensei scrubbing her hands meekly.

Has Kaju become an older sister…?

***

This is totally surreal.

I’m standing next to Amanatsu-sensei.

We are slowly cutting the now washed chicken thighs into small pieces for the karaage. 

It’s harder than it looks, trying to get the meat off the bone in a clean manner.

Kaju had quickly demonstrated how to wash the chicken and had grated some ginger. Amanatsu-sensei watched the process intently and then ran the ginger over the grater with an expression of intense concentration not commensurate with this mundane task.

“So, Amanatsu-sensei, what do you teach?” Kaju asked.

“Me…?” Amanatsu-sensei looked around.

Um…yeah, Sensei. Who else?

“Well, I’m a world history teacher.” 

“Do you like the job?”

“Yes, I always wanted to be a teacher…”

She didn’t elaborate.

After a few seconds, Kaju gently asked a follow up question. As she did this, she deftly produced the bowl for marinating the chicken, already filling it with Amanatsu-sensei’s chicken.

“What do you think of the Tsuwabuki student population, Sensei?”

“They’re all smart…they’re all really good kids…I guess I maybe ask too much of them sometimes…”

Does Amanatsu-sensei actually possess some degree of self-awareness over her rants?

“Sensei, let’s start marinating the chicken. We’re putting your ginger, cooking sake, and some soy sauce in here.”

“You can add the sake, since you’re over 20.”

Amanatsu-sensei looked a tiny bit gratified to be given this position of respect.

“Are you the advisor of any clubs, Sensei?”

With Kaju’s high social skills, she kept trying to pivot to a different topic of conversation just before it would turn negative. 

“Yes, I’m the advisor for the table tennis club…but the students don’t really want me for anything…they just want me to sign off on documents…”

“I think they asked me just because they knew I couldn’t say no…” Amanatsu-sensei trailed off.

A single tear dropped onto the chicken.

Well, that’ll make for a bitter marinade.

“S-Sensei, are you alright?” I stuttered. 

She’s my homeroom teacher, after all. I can’t leave everything up to Kaju.

Splash.

A large amount of sake splashed into the bowl.

We’ll have to drain some of that out.

“I-I don’t know.” Amanatsu-sensei breathed. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t really know how to talk to people.” She said quietly.

“I’m getting old…I don’t know how to relate to young people…

All I really know is history…”

“I know I like history, but no one really wants to talk about it with me…

It’s hard, because no one else knows enough about history to discuss it deeply, and if I try to explain things, they kind of lose energy, and I know they don’t care as much as I do…

Even being a teacher, people have to listen to me explain history…

I try as hard as I can to be interesting, or make history relate to students…

But sometimes even as a teacher I feel like no one really listens to me…”

“I either talk too much or too little…

And now I know I’ve talked too much…”

Amanatsu-sensei closed her eyes briefly.

“I don’t know what you two must be thinking, but at least, thank you for making me feel heard…”

Amanatsu-sensei said to the chicken, staring straight down into the bowl.

Amanatsu-sensei gasped.

Her voice came out weaker and more strained as she went on:

“I couldn’t really make friends when I was younger…

I guess Konuki-chan was my only friend…

She took care of me in a lot of ways, which I am grateful for, but…

We were never really on the same level…

I’ve always known that…”

“Konuki-chan’s always had a boyfriend, and I never have…”

“And why would anyone ever look at me when I’m standing next to Konuki-chan?”

Amanatsu-sensei stopped talking. 

It was like whatever internal processing she was doing was too much for her to continue. 

“I’m sorry, what do you guys like to do?”

Amanatsu-sensei offered us a fragile smile.

Chapter Text

***

“Well, as for what I like to do, Sensei…”

I feel compelled to tell Sensei a little bit of the truth.

“I like reading, Sensei.” I answered.

But I’m not an oversharer like she is. 

“And Kaju likes her Onii-sama!” Kaju declared.

“Kaju’s sorry it’s been hard for you, Sensei. But it’s good to be grateful for everyday and what you do have.”

“In Kaju’s case, she has Onii-sama, and she’s already the happiest person in the world.”

“He’s so thoughtful.”

“And he would never leave anyone behind.”

“...Even me…?” Amanatsu-sensei whispered.

Amanatsu-sensei looked up from the bowl at me.

I tried not to pay too much attention to this, but…

Wow, she’s really staring…

What emotion is shining in her eyes?

I finally looked up, curious, and made eye contact with Sensei.

She blushed and looked away.

“Just from spending enough time around him, Sensei, you’ll find out how much he cares. It’s impossible to miss! That’s why women are so drawn to him!”

Kaju, thank you, but I don’t know if I am everything you say I am.

You might be just a little biased here.

“Allow us to demonstrate, Sensei.”

“This is what true love looks like! A scene of perfect domestic tranquility!”

“...True love…” Amanatsu-sensei murmured, looking mesmerized. 

“Watch my Onii-sama and me.”

Kaju turned around and stood at the counter.

“Okay, Onii-sama, now come up behind me and plant some kisses on my neck, like you just woke up and found me cooking breakfast.”

“Kaju…? I don’t know about this…”

“Onii-sama, look at Sensei!”

Amanatsu-sensei was looking very strange indeed. I couldn’t even really describe her mental and emotional state if I had to guess it.

On the outside, the best description I can give is that she looked lobotomized.

Her eyes were completely glazed over and her mouth was open slightly. 

“Onii-sama, at least kiss me on the cheek like a husband would.”

I settled for a brotherly kiss on the top of the head rather than a husbandly kiss on the cheek and especially not the kisses on the neck.

Kaju grabbed my hands and placed them around her.

Kaju was slowly sliding my hands down her…down her waist…

I quickly broke away from Kaju.

“K-Kaju, let’s finish prepping this chicken, then we can get Amanatsu-sensei to try frying it.”

Suddenly, my phone, which had been laying abandoned on the countertop, began buzzing.

Wiping my now sweaty palms on my pants, I stepped over and flipped the phone.

I looked at the caller ID.

LINE: Yana-chan calling

Well, it must not be important.

I was about to flip my phone facedown again–

“Onii-sama, what are you doing?”

“It’s just Yanami-san, Kaju.”

“What do you mean it’s just Yanami-senpai?”

“Well, I’m busy, aren’t I?”

“No, no, no, Onii-sama, Kaju can handle things for a second so you can get your hands free! Just answer Yanami-senpai, right now!” Kaju ordered forcefully.

Jeez, Kaju, fine…

I don’t know why this is so important to you…

Well, I’m at least putting her on speaker. I have to put the chicken into the cornmeal mix that we are using for the breading.

“...Hello…?”

“Nukumizu-kun??”

A sharp and insistent non-greeting, as always...

“What is it, Yanami-san…?”

“Why do you sound so unhappy to hear my voice, Nukumizu-kun??”

“Well, what do you need this time, Yanami-san?”

In lieu of being able to frown at Yanami’s face, I instead frown at the piece of chicken I’m currently rolling in cornmeal on a plate.

“Eh!? How rude, Nukumizu-kun! I don’t always call when I need something!”

Yanami’s voice turned sly.

“How about you tell me that you missed my voice, Nukumizu-kun?”

“We just saw each other yesterday, Yanami-san.”

“You’re so lame, Nukumizu-kun…” Yanami booed.

“Yanami-san, I’m hanging up…”

“Ah, no! Wait, wait, wait!” Yanami said quickly.

“I, uh…, I was eating the ice cream cake, and I thought about you!” Yanami stammered.

“Uh, well, you don’t know what you’re missing out on!”

“So, I’m gonna make you regret flaking on me about eating the cake with me!”

Yanami, how can I flake when I never agreed to do that in the first place?

Something incredible happened.

Loud smacking sounds were coming through the phone.

I have no idea what’s going on.

Now the smacking was sounding a little wet.

Now I even heard some slurping noises.

“Yanami-san, what on earth…?” I hesitated. 

“Ahm eaten he kay!!!”

I then heard a loud gulping noise.

“How’s that!?!? Torture, right!?!?”

Yanami, that would only work on you, you know?

Yanami must have been eating with her mouth wide open and intentionally making smacking noises with her lips.

I’m glad I only had to hear that and not see it in person.

Maybe Yanami Anna can still keep a shred of dignity as a human being and not an animal.

“Speechless, huh?”

Oh, I’m speechless, all right.

“...Wait…”

“Maybe this counts as cruel and unusual punishment…”

“I’m actually kinda busy, Yanami-san…”

“No freaking way, Nukumizu-kun, you’ve definitely finished grocery shopping with Imouto-chan by now!”

“Hi, Yanami-senpai!” Kaju had approached without me noticing and suddenly called out.

“What were those smacking sounds?” Kaju asked brightly.

“Um! Wait! I-I, uh…” 

I could practically hear Yanami’s cheeks turning red.

“Nukumizu-kun! No one else was supposed to hear that!” She hissed.

You do realize Kaju just heard that, too, right?

“How could you not keep our conversations private!?” Yanami whined.

I guess I’m supposed to go through attempted torture and suffer in silence.

Yanami, even horror movie victims are allowed to scream when the killer gets to them.

“Yanami-senpai, don’t worry! I understand there are things about your relationship with my Onii-sama that you’d rather keep private…”

“They grow up so fast…My Onii-sama has become a man…” Kaju sniffed.

“Wait! Imouto-chan, I think you’re misunderstanding something here…” Yanami started, sounding a little panicked.

“You have my word, Yanami-senpai. Whatever Kaju may learn about your relationship in that way, Kaju will consider in private, and treat the matter with utmost secrecy!”

“Aghhh!” Yanami wailed.

I finished coating my last piece of chicken in cornmeal and transferred it to the plate where I had been piling them up. Now all we had to do was fry them.

I turned and saw that Kaju had, of course, already turned the stove on and the oil was already heating up in the pan.

That’s my little sister.

“Anno…Nukumizu-san?” Amanatsu-sensei ventured shyly.

“Yes, Amanatsu-sensei?” Kaju spun around and said happily.

“What should I do now?”

Kaju looked approvingly at the pile of breaded chicken I had produced (Amanatsu-sensei only breaded a few after slowly copying me) and gave me a thumbs up.

I gave Kaju a thumbs up.

The phone (Yanami) lay completely forgotten.

A faint groan was still coming through the speaker phone.

“Amanatsu-sensei, you’ve done very well so far!”

Amanatsu-sensei puffed out her chest slightly.

Maybe this is the closest anyone has ever gotten to complementing her cooking skills.

The end product is still raw, though.

“Now, let’s begin frying the karaage.” Kaju said.

“Y-Yosh!” Amanatsu-sensei looked boosted after that semi-compliment from Kaju. She clenched her fists in front of her chest, drawing them into her small frame.

The faint groan coming through the phone finally stopped.

“...Is that, Amana-chan…?” Yanami asked incredulously.

“H-hello, Y-Yanami…” Amanatsu-sensei quailed.

“Do you know what true love is from being around Nukumizu?” Amanatsu-sensei blurted out suddenly.

“Wha-gah-guh…w…O-Of course not!!!” Yanami shrieked.

“Wait, Amana-chan, what in the world are you doing so close to Nukumizu-kun?” Yanami countered, trying to keep her voice steady.

“He doesn’t need any private tutoring, does he?”

I could hear Yanami smirking on the other side of the phone.

“Oh, that’s a great cover story…” Amanatsu-sensei muttered emphatically.

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Wait, Amana-chan, why are you there?”

“Yanami-senpai, she’s training to be a future wife!” Kaju chirped happily.

“...WHAT THE F-”

Boop.

Amanatsu-sensei had pressed the end call button on my phone.

Sizzle!!!

Blorp!!!

Amanatsu-sensei yipped like a dog.

“Sensei!?” Kaju and I both shouted.

“I-I’m okay!” Amanatsu-sensei insisted.

It looked like Amanatsu-sensei had recklessly dropped a piece of chicken into the pan while we weren’t looking.

She bravely held the piece of chicken in the oil with her chopsticks, her arm shaking the whole time.

Then she finally deposited the singular karaage onto the plate that Kaju had also conveniently set up next to the pan.

It looks a little burned, but glistening with oil, freshly fried, with the fragrance wafting towards me, I’m sure that it’s at least edible, if not delicious.

Karaage a la Amanatsu.

Instead of celebrating, Amanatsu-sensei shouted out,

“I’ve gotta go home!”

We finally saw that there was a small pink spot on Amanatsu-sensei’s forearm. A bit of oil really did burn her.

Well, no one can say that she hasn’t suffered for her art.

“Sensei, we can take care of you here!” Kaju said, looking very concerned and guilty at the same time.

Kaju immediately wiped Amanatsu-sensei’s small burn spot with a cold cloth from the sink and was now making her an ice pack to put on it.

“No, it’s okay, I’ve imposed on you long enough, Nukumizu-san!”

“I’ll call Konuki-chan and ask what I need to do…”

“Thank you very much for everything!”

Amanatsu-sensei flung herself in a very deep bow to Kaju.

“I hope that I can be lucky enough to return the favor of your teaching and have you as a student in high school!” Amanatsu-sensei shouted sincerely.

“I hope I can have you as a teacher too, Amanatsu–no, Konami-sensei.”

Amanatsu-sensei gaped in wonder at Kaju.

Tears were pooling in the corners of her eyes.

Then stifling a sniffle, she burst through the front door and began running away as fast as her little body could.

I guess we’re having kaarage tonight.

But I’m gonna spend the next 20 minutes frying all of it…

Results for today:

Amanatsu Konami-san produced one singular piece of karaage.

***

*Knock* *Knock*

An hour or so later, after Kaju and I had cooked all of the karaage and had our dinner with various side dishes Kaju quickly whipped up, I heard a knock on the door.

I quickly excused myself from washing the dishes with Kaju to check.

I opened the door.

Amanatsu-sensei was standing there, looking sullen.

Both of her forearms were covered in Band-Aids. 

Uh…

No way Konuki-sensei told her to do that, right…?

“Th-This demonstration isn’t over!” Amanatsu-sensei squeaked.

“I’m not letting the literature club off probation until I learn what true love is!” Amanatsu-sensei declared, pointing her finger at me accusingly.

Uh, that’s great, Sensei…

What do I have to do with it?

Oh no, Kaju…

What did you just get me into???

Amanatsu-sensei blushed dark red like a classic tsundere and scampered away into the coming twilight.

…Until you learn what true love is…?

Spoken like a true losing heroine.

Don’t hold your breath, Sensei.