Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

     Light Yagami was the perfect son to everyone in his life. To everyone outside the home. At home, it was much different. His father, Soichiro Yagami, always seemed proud of his achievements or his report card, but that was it. He never seemed proud of him. Light figured this out long ago and was used to it. He had always assumed that his father was living his dream life through Light himself. The conversations rarely strayed from grades anyways.

     Sachiko Yagami, his mom, loved him though. It was very obvious to anyone, even him. She’d go beyond the topic of grades, asking about his interests, ideas, where he was going to college. That answer was always To-Oh. The college his dad picked out for him. Otherwise, the only other question he’d really hear often was “Have you gotten a girlfriend yet, Light?”

     The topic of girlfriends always bored him. He never understood the reason why they’d ask. He’d get one when he was ready, he’s just not ready. Why were they so pushy? More than they were before. He was 18. He still had time to get that sort of interest in girls. He was just late. That’s all.

     Now Sayu Yagami, his little sister, made him feel normal. Not like a genius or perfect little son or anything like that. They’d study together, really it was just him helping her with her homework, but that was it. They laughed, they talked about anything, they just messed around. He was really happy with her.

     That fateful morning, he just put on his usual tan suit and fixed his hair. He’d really like to have a style of his own, but he had to be perfect. Always perfect. When he finally came downstairs, Sayu was already grinning when he saw her. She beamed at him and said, “Light! Hey, can we go to the mall after school?”

     Light knew that was coming. “Again? You went last week.” He didn’t mind though. He was already planning to say yes. He figured she knew that as well.

     Sayu pouted. Then she used those puppy eyes. She liked playing around with him. “Yeah, but I really want to go again! Please?! Maybe next weekend then?!”

     He just sighed. It was fine, he had the money and he needed an escape as much as she did. “Alright, just a few more days. Let me finish up high school. It’s only today and tomorrow anyways. Then we can go.”

     That appeased her. He went on with his morning. It was extremely uneventful, as it always was. He’d love it if something happened for once in his life. School was as easy as it was boring. He sighed quietly. Everything was boring. He sometimes thought he had chronic boredom, if that was even a thing.

     Until he looked outside. He stared. What the hell was that? A notebook- from the roof? Was someone on the roof? No, it fell straight down, there was no arc, it literally fell from the sky. He was starting to think he might not be feeling well. He felt fine, but he wasn’t trusting his feelings at that moment.

     As soon as he finished up classes, he walked out to the courtyard. Looking around, he realized that he was alone and he also saw that fallen notebook. Naturally, curiosity won over and he walked over and picked it up. He was just going to put it in the lost and found, seeing that it wasn’t his, so he didn’t pay attention to it much.

     The moment he thought that, his phone rang. Mom…? He answered and walked home. His mother needed him home. She said it was important, so he promptly went home, forgetting about the notebook.

     He walked into the house with unease. The entire family was sitting there waiting and immediately looked up at him when he walked through the door. Geez, what did I do…?

     As soon as he sat down, his father started talking. “Light, as I’ve told your mother and sister, I will be working late every night on a high profile criminal case.”

     Light stared at him. Okay? “Good for you…?”

     Soichiro stared back, unamused by his response. “I may not even come home some nights. That leaves you in charge of your studies solely with no help. I expect nothing less than when I am here.”

     Light looked befuddled. Why is he singling me out? Why did he have to tell me about the high profile case? What does he mean that I have to keep up my studies even though he’s gone? It’s not like he’s done anything but stress me out about it, so it’ll probably even be even easier with him gone. He huffed inaudibly. “Anything we need to know about the case?”

     Soichiro looked intently at him. “I won’t be home much, as I said. This is a high class serial killer that kills criminals. It was believed to be an organization, but we’ve been led to believe otherwise now. That’s all I am legally allowed to say.”

     “Sure,” he said simply. He didn’t really worry for his or his family’s safety now. If this person killed criminals, then none of the family would be killed. None of them were criminals, so none of them would be a target. It was unfortunate though, for those guys. He had never been one for capital punishment.

     His father watched him for a while. He said nothing, but the look he gave said, Really? That’s all you’re going to say?

     Light shrugged and just went to his room and sat on his bed. He didn’t want to deal with his dad. He was always stressed around him. He didn’t like being around him when he was at home. Or being around him. Or him…. He didn’t like his father.

     He started to think. Really, from a young age, he was forced to study upon the realization that he was a genius. He didn’t get to play much, or have fun, he was made to learn that studying was fun. That learning was fun.

     While yes, it is, but not when it’s forced. The forced learning with little free time did wonders for his knowledge, sure, but where were the experiences? The life? It wasn’t there. It would have been, if his father hadn’t forced him to be perfect. If that man just wasn’t around much, he’d be happy.

     He rummaged through his bag and found that notebook from earlier. Damn, I was going to turn that in. He looked through the book, realizing it was in English. Why is this in Japan? The more he read the rules, the more grossed out he got. A killer notebook? Ugh, sick joke, I refuse to even participate in that stuff. “Seriously, this is nasty. Who writes this stuff? I hope it’s a prank and not some twisted perversion.”

     It was silent for a bit, until a voice broke through it. “Huh. Now I’d thought you’d be more interested in it. Don’t you wanna test it out a little bit?”

     Light whipped around and blanched- what the hell is that?! He stared wide eyed. His expression then turned to defiance. “Excuse you, I am not trying out this crazy book! Seeing you, it’s probably real! I’m not a killer, thank you.”

     He looked at this creature. They had black spiky hair, a strange outfit, a huge smile, one earring…. “What the hell are you?”

     “You don’t seem very scared, Light-o. Normally humans scream or run away. You’re pretty interesting.”

     “Okay, answer my question. You’re in my damn room!”

     This creature looked rather amused. “I am a Shinigami. That is my notebook. When I write a victim’s name down while picturing their face, they will die. Each time I take a life, it would add the remaining lifespan that they had left over to my lifespan. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that for humans.”

     Light just took in that information. A Shinigami? Great…. “So… what….? Are you going to kill me then? Take my soul or something?” He looked flabbergasted at this new development, this new creature.

     The Shinigami just laughed. “All you humans seem to think that. No, I just dropped the book and you picked it up, I’m tied to the book. That’s the only reason I’m here. Once the book lands in the human world, it belongs to the human world. Therefore, it’s now yours, until you die or give it up.”

     “Great, so why did you drop it? I assume you did it on purpose. I don’t see a reason it’d be here otherwise. Seems precious enough to keep safe….” Light wondered why he wasn’t running away or screaming. This Shinigami said that usually happened. He felt just a little bit smug about the fact he wasn’t running or scared. He felt rather calm for someone facing a Death God.

     “I was bored. Simply put, the Shinigami realm is so boring. It’s all sand and it has dried and rotten apples. Nothing to do, the other Shinigami make fun of a Shinigami for killing anyways. I hate it up there,” the Shinigami grumbled.

     That’s an interesting place to live… it does sound rather shit to live there. “You said you’re tied to the notebook. Do I have to carry it with me to keep you around or what?” Light was definitely going to need to know things about this if he was going to keep them around.

     “I can follow you even if you don’t have the notebook. I am tied to the notebook, but you own it currently. I guess that means I’m also tied to you, Light-o.”

     Light just shook his head in amusement. “Okay. Good to know. How the hell do you even know my name?”

     “With my eyes. Shinigami eyes are very special in the way that we can see the name and remaining lifespan above any human’s head. Now… if you wanted, you could make a deal with me and I could share them with you.” This Shinigami’s eyes seemed to gleam at this thought.

     “The price?”

     The Shinigami sighed. “Figured you’d ask. I assume you won’t take it, since you don’t want to use the notebook anyways. The price is half of your remaining lifespan.”

     Light laughed in exasperation. “That’s stupid. Half? No, I’m not doing that.” Nope, he liked life. He liked living, he had hopes and dreams. Not a chance in hell was he taking that offer that was rather useless to him anyways. He’d die before he ever killed.

     “So, since you’re staying here… since I have the notebook, can I at least know your name?” Light figured he’d need to get used to this thing, so he wanted to ask questions. The Shinigami seemed friendly enough.

     “Ryuk.” That was all the Shinigami, Ryuk, said. It seemed like this entire conversation amused them. Everything amuses this creature, huh…?

     “Okay, what about the fact that there’s a damn Shinigami attached to me? I can’t exactly just pretend you’re not there. You’re very easy to spot….” Light would very much love to not have people see an actual Shinigami attached to his hip. It’d be rather hard to explain… considering the circumstances.

     “Nope. No worries. You can pretend I’m not there… even though that’s so boring. What’s the harm, you’d only look a little crazy! Anyways, no, if it helps any, only you can see me currently, since you touched the notebook. The only way to see a Shinigami is to touch their Death Note.” Ryuk did look bored just by mentioning the idea of keeping him hidden.

     He didn’t, however, seem bothered by that fact they could be seen if someone did touch the notebook. They like drama, don’t they? Light wouldn’t be surprised if they did, seeing as they dropped a murder weapon for anyone to use simply because they were bored.

     I thought I had chronic boredom. Nice to know the Shinigami attached to me… Ryuk… also has it. This should be fun…. Light wasn’t even sure if he was being sarcastic or not with that thought. “You said humans normally scream and run… so you guys have come to Earth before- was it you? It was, wasn’t it? That wouldn’t surprise me at all.”

     Ryuk took mock offense. “Awww, Light-o, you really think that?” Then they just grinned more, which seemed impossible, but here they were. “Absolutely. It was me. Correct! Yep. Smart guy.”

     Light sighed. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out, Ryuk. All this because you were bored….” Honestly, he thought this whole conversation was strange. This entire situation. They were talking as if all of this was normal to say to a random person you just met.

     Light didn’t know what else to say. Honestly, what else was there to say? All Light was really focused on was the fact that he had a notebook that murdered people and a Shinigami in his room that only he could see. He finally looked at Ryuk. Really looked at them.

     Ryuk was quite tall. They had large black feathery wings, their teeth looked quite sharp, their hair looked so spiky. He wondered if he could run his fingers through it. Their red eyes were a really pretty color, and their smile…. “Does it hurt?”

     Ryuk paused and stared at him. “Huh?”

     Light repeated his question, smiling slightly at Ryuk’s confusion. “Does it hurt to hold your smile like that?”

     Ryuk looked taken aback. It took them a bit to respond. Likely processing the question. “Well, no. This is just how I look. It doesn’t change, it’s natural, so it doesn’t hurt.” They just watched him. “Why…? Nobody ever asks me about those things.”

     “I just did. Besides, I was just curious.” Light raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I have your notebook and you’re here. Do you want it back?”

     “You can give it back…. Yes. You can also keep it. You know, most people use it at least once. I’m surprised you haven’t, Light-o.”

     “Oh, really now? Well, I don’t plan to. Prepare to be very bored, Ryuk the Shinigami.” Light chuckled. He definitely wouldn’t mind them hanging around. He had been bored himself.

     “In the meantime, do you need anything?” Light really was interested in Ryuk. They were so cool, the way they look, their face, their outfit….

     Ryuk thought for a moment. “Oh! Hm…. Do you have any apples?”

     “Plenty! Come with me. We have Fuji apples, not sure if that’s what you prefer.” Light led them from the room down to the kitchen.

     “That’s fine, I can scarf down all apples, Light-o.” They seemed rather excited about apples.

     Cute. Light pointed to the bowl of apples. “Help yourself. Just don’t get caught when you do. It’d be weird to see a floating apple disappear into nothing.” He proceeded to watch them eat half the bowl in one go. They really can, wow, those apples went down real quick.

     Ryuk looked satisfied, so Light let them be. His sister suddenly came bouncing into the room. “Hi, Light!”

     “Hey, Sayu.”

     “Are you done with school yet so we can go to the mall?” She was so excited for that. It was amusing to him.

     Light just rolled his eyes fondly. “Not yet. Just a day or two. Like I said.”

     “Okay! You can bring your girlfriend, too!” She just giggled at her statement.

     “Sayu, for the last time, I have no girlfriend. It never crosses my mind to look for one.”

     “Aw, come on! You have to have one! You’re a genius with perfect grades and you’re one of the most popular kids!” She pouted at him.

     This was how it always was. It was all anyone asked him outside of how school was going. Did you get a girlfriend? What’s your girlfriend’s name? You should invite your girlfriend over! He was sick of it. He knew he was supposed to like them! He got it! That’s how it worked! Girls are girls, he’d get one eventually….

     He didn’t understand why they asked him all the time? He didn’t have one. Why did they assume he did? He hadn’t chosen one yet, none of them seemed good enough. He didn’t want one, he’d get one later. That was what he told himself every time they’d ask him about one. He’d just… get one later.

Chapter Text

     Light actually had a friend now. They hadn’t been there for long, but he was already so happy with Ryuk around. He never told Sayu, though Sayu had noticed he was getting happier. She attributed it to a secret girlfriend. She came into his room one day, demanding, “Okay, spill, big brother.”

     Light was so confused. “What? What are you talking about? Whatever it was, it wasn’t me, I’ve been in here the whole day.”

     “What’s her name?”

     Light blinked rapidly. “Huh? Who?”

     “Your girlfriend! You’ve gotten so happy lately, it’s obvious to anyone with a brain. Half of a brain, really…”

     “Oh… I just met a new friend.” Ryuk was his best friend. Not that he had any friends really. Ryuk was all he needed.

     Sayu grinned, not believing him, even though it was the truth. “Right, a ‘friend’. Sure. Girl or boy?”

     “Um….” He didn’t know what Ryuk was. He never asked. He looked male, but then again… he was a Shinigami.

     Ryuk popped through the wall, still hidden in plain sight, since Sayu had never touched their Death Note. “You can tell her. I’m a guy and my name is Ryuk.”

     Light nodded imperceptibly. “He’s a guy.”

     Sayu just grinned cheekily. “Why’d you hesitate? Hmmm?”

     Light just rolled him eyes. He felt like he was starting to do that a little too often. “I don’t know, okay? He’s not a girl.”

     Sayu sighed hard. “Fine. What’s his name then?”

     Light stated simply, “Ryuk.” Just as Ryuk had when they first met. Cute.

     Sayu looked surprised. “Wh- Ryuk? That’s their name? Seriously? What kind of name is that?”

     Light looked offended. “It’s a good name! I like his name. Don’t say that.”

     Sayu was amused. “What, that they have a weird name?”

     “He doesn’t!” Light noticed she kept calling his friend “they.”

     “Wow, you seem overprotective…! What’s with that, huh? You sure they’re not a girlfriend, Light?” Sayu teased.

     So that’s what it was. She still thought he was hiding a girlfriend he wouldn’t admit to. She left him to his own devices anyway. “I’ll get you to admit it, don’t you worry!” With that, she was back in her room.

     It wasn’t long after that the news spread of Kira in Japan. How the police knew they were in Japan still baffled him. He thought Kira acted like a God. He knew they were human though, using a Death Note. He’d already figured that out with Ryuk.

     “It’s a Death Note. Unless this is a group of elite assassins, but that’s seems like a waste. Most of these people are already locked up or on death row. Nobody would waste their time or resources to kill them. I can only assume it’s a Death Note. This is probably the case Dad is on.”

     “I’d say so. What will you do?” Ryuk sounded genuinely curious. It amused Light. He liked to entertain Ryuk. It had become a nice little hobby for him.

     “Leave it alone, unless I have to get involved. I don’t see any reason to.” Light had no intention of getting involved. If the Death Note got discovered at all, they could take his away. He didn’t want to lose Ryuk, he was already his best friend. Not that he had anyone else, but that was a moot point.

     “Aw….” Of course Ryuk would be disappointed, he was an entertainment whore. Anything nearby that gave him fun and he would already be there yesterday.

     “Of course you would be disappointed.” Light did think his little love for fun was cute. He’d, of course, never tell him that though.

     “Hey, that’s- you know what, you’re right.”

     “Knew it! You’re a sucker for drama and entertainment.”

     “You try living in the Shinigami realm all day, every day! It’s boring as all hell!”

     “I’m sure it is. Do you do anything? At all?”

     “I’m here, aren’t I? You’re interesting.” Ryuk seemed to grin more. Light didn’t know if he was seeing things. He didn’t think that was possible. It made him smile nonetheless.

     Since school had ended, he was officially out of high school. Sayu had told him about different things, she always got him to take her to the mall with her or her friends. He did take them, since Ryuk always came along. They obviously didn’t talk, but it was just the company that was nice.

     On the days he was home alone, he played video games or studied new topics with Ryuk. He was very into writing and poetry, surprisingly enough. He actually wanted to do that for a job, but his dad… wouldn’t ever let him do such a sin.

     His dad did come home some days, and while the family never caught on, Ryuk saw the way it immediately stressed Light out. The most he was able to do was place a clawed hand on his shoulder. It helped though.

     They were all eating dinner one night when his father, who was actually home, stated, “Light, you need to focus on To-Oh. You’re getting into To-Oh anyway, since your grades were perfect. You need to study for the entrance exam.”

     Light was comfortable with Ryuk holding his shoulder. “Dad, why do I have to be an officer?”

     As he thought it would, his dad looked at him like that question could summon the Devil himself. I mean… not far off… Love you, Ryuk. Heh.

     Soichiro looked furious for some reason. “You’re going to be an officer. It’s a highly respected job and you’re very smart, a genius, so you can do so well as a detective. You’re doing it. Do not ask again.”

     Light huffed quietly. “You’re planning my life.”

     Soichiro gave him a dirty look. “You are going to be an officer, get a pretty wife, and have kids. That’s the perfect life, you will have nothing less than a perfect life.”

     Something in that statement made Light’s blood boil. He wasn’t sure what part it was. “Stop assuming what I want, Dad! You don’t know what is going to happen in my life!”

     Soichiro just yelled back. It turned into a big argument. “You don’t know what you want! You’re too young! I know what’s good for you!”

     “You don’t! I want to write books! I don’t want to be an officer! Maybe I can write books and stay with a roommate! I can live with another person without dating them!”

     “Why would you want to live with a woman without marrying them!? You’d already be living with them permanently that way!”

     “I’m not talking about a woman, I have no interest in living with a woman. I told you, I haven’t gotten a girlfriend yet, I’ll live with a girl when I get one!”

     “You’re talking about living with a male? Why? There’s no point. You’ll be better married and living as an officer!”

     “I never said I’d not get married, I just don’t want to live with a girl! I want to write!”

     “You don’t get to do that! You’re going to To-Oh! You’ll get a girlfriend there.”

     “I don’t want a girlfriend.”

     “Why don’t you want one? Huh? Why haven’t you ever gotten with one of your crushes?”

     “I don’t know what a crush feels like. I’ve never felt any different than normal around a girl.”

     Soichiro looked weirded out by that. “You’ll know when you like a girl. You haven’t liked one yet? Yes, you have, you’re just too nervous to approach one. That’s normal with a crush.”

     “No. I haven’t ever liked a girl. When I look at them, I think ‘oh, she’s pretty’ or ‘oh, she looks like she’d be a good gossiper’ but I never had the thought of dating one cross my mind ever. I’m just too busy!”

     “You mean you are too busy to find people attractive? That makes no sense, it’s instinct to find people attractive.”

     “Okay? I don’t do that with girls. I think they’re pretty and that’s it.” Light just looked tired at this point.

     “Oh, whatever, you’ll get it soon. Now, you’re going to To-Oh. That’s final.”

     Light just got up and went to his room. He was done. He didn’t bother with his father’s complaints. He went and laid down, he didn’t bother changing. Ryuk sat by him and just watched him, before running a clawed hand through his hair. Which immediately calmed him down.

     Ryuk just quietly said, “I’m sorry. Your dad is an ass, I get why you hate him.”

     “Yeah…. Easy to see….” He wasn’t sure why… he just never felt anything for a girl. Not like he felt for Ryuk. Ryuk was his best friend. He knew what he felt for him, but for a girl… no. There wasn’t any interest in them. Maybe one day….

Chapter Text

     Light was very careful around others, careful to keep Ryuk a secret. Ryuk knew why, but he hated being ignored. He’d always complain to Light about it. Ryuk seemed desperate for Light to talk to him, which made Light oddly happy. He liked the way Ryuk wanted him. I like it, I do. I like the way he wants to talk, or play games together, or touch my hair. Just the fact that he wants me. I like that Ryuk wants me.

     Eventually, it got to the point that Light had to explain to Ryuk that he didn’t want to get caught, because he might lose him. Ryuk never complained after that. It seemed to Light that Ryuk didn’t want to leave. Light felt a little giddy at the thought, but he wouldn’t admit it.

     For a few months, Light was very happy. His best friend was still around and nothing had gone wrong. There had been the usual girlfriend questions.

     Things were going good, very good, for a long while. His favorite thing to do was write stories. He did it a lot, too. He read up on writing and he read more books. He learned what a fandom was. A fanatic domain? I figured it was more based off the idea of a fan based kingdom or something along the lines of that.  He really liked certain genres and was invested. He made his own stories based of existing media and created his own original characters. It was so fun.

     He got a lot of help from Ryuk when creating characters. Ryuk gave good ideas about personal traits to add to the characters that he might never have thought of. Since Ryuk wasn’t human, he assumed that he’d have seen a lot of those things before, so that was why he’d be mentioning them.

     He started writing a story about a self insert that basically lived his life but differently to not be too obvious. It became like a diary. Ryuk promised not to read it. He had a lot of fun writing.

     His father never realized he was hell bent on writing. He never knew the things he’d written or the little contests he’d won. Ryuk did though and was very happy with what he was doing. This was his dream. Something he’d never be able to do….

     His dad controlled too much of his life. He still had to go to To-Oh. He still had to get a girlfriend. It really bothered him, the way he was so forceful about it.

     One day, Ryuk flew back to him and explained that he was being followed. What, followed?! Why? What did I do to catch anyone’s attention?! Is it my dad? He’d started to realize how much his dad paranoid him.

     This caused Light to panic internally, though outwardly, he showed no distress, as that would look weird. He didn’t want to get caught doing anything odd. Not when he had Ryuk in his life. Ryuk was his everything. The fact that he could be taken away the moment his little notebook was gone freaked him out. That was all it took, just taking the notebook. Light was very nervous about that.

     The man didn’t stop following him, day after day. He seemed to tail him mostly when it wasn’t obvious to anyone else. He was very freaked out, the guy was good at blending in, but Light still already knew he was being followed, so it didn’t help him when he couldn’t see the man.

     The man just kept following him, but he never seemed to actually do anything. Light watched the way he looked at him, studied him. It seemed to be pretty typical for a stalker. Though he actually seemed harmless the longer it went on. He never seemed to go too far either, never coming around at night or coming near the house. It was an odd style of stalking.

     Ryuk said he was writing notes down about him. Light had asked him directly if he was a stalker. If he was out for some twisted fantasy or if he was just a strange guy in general. Ryuk had actually denied all of the weirdo allegations. Instead, giving him the idea that he was, in fact, an officer of some kind.

     Ryuk had tailed the man secretly for days and easily figured out he was an officer. He had a badge, he had a gun, he wasn’t so discreet when he was comfortable. It was easy to see what he wrote and who he was, due to the fact the man couldn’t see Ryuk following him.

     “His name is Ray Pember. He’s trying to find that killer with the other Death Note.” Ryuk told Light when they got home, watching him carefully. He didn’t want to see him panic. Ryuk hated seeing any sort of distress on his best friend. Yes, Light is his best friend. He will admit that.

     “Wait- the killer? I’m not the killer! What-?” Light did panic anyways. He hadn’t wanted to get involved. “I never wanted to get involved in this! It’s so weird that they go after some who also has a Death Note and doesn’t use it. It feels so backwards!”

     “It does, doesn’t it? They seem to suspect you in some way. Soichiro is a police officer, which gives them the idea of you being a suspect, due to your connection to the police force.”

      Light hated the sound of that. Curse his dad for being in the police force during a time like this, working on that stupid case! I knew that case was a bad idea! “Why?! Sure, I have connections through my dad, but I’m not the killer! I get maybe they don’t know that, but I still don’t- I don’t know what to do!”

     “Well, the officer was writing good things. He realized that you’re not Kira and is going to relay that to the other officers. I assume the ones on the Kira case.”

     “How’d they know Kira is in the Kanto Region? Or even in Japan?” Light did look a little befuddled. It made little sense to him, he hadn’t seen any evidence about Kira, he was not invested like most people. He knew practically nothing about them.

     Ryuk sighed. “L. He did a broadcast a while back. He said it was worldwide, but it was actually just in the Kanto Region of Japan, since that’s where most of the murders are. He used a fake L, a criminal who was going to die in a few hours anyways.

     Kira killed the fake, the real L explained everything, and that’s how they got here.” Ryuk’s voice seemed a lot quieter, softer, as he explained. This was odd for Ryuk. “I know you don’t watch the news much….”

     “What do I do…?!” Light really was panicking, his eyes were tearing up. He wasn’t thinking about himself either, he was thinking about the fact that if they actually find the Death Note, Ryuk could very well be taken.

     Ryuk said nothing, though a clawed hand went to his hair and he patted his hair a few times. This seemed to shock Light into calming down. He liked the feeling. Which was odd for Light.

     It wasn’t long later that, when the two came home, Ryuk told Light not to talk to him. That there were cameras all over the house. Light wanted to panic again, but Ryuk just ruffled his hair outside of the cameras vision and left him to it. That calmed Light down. Light noticed and wondered how Ryuk could do that.

     Light decided to take Sayu to the city since he was really stressed. She got so many things. So many…. She asked him, “Hey! Why are you looking at the earrings?”

     Light just absentmindedly mentioned, “I was thinking of my friend. He has an earring. With a heart on it.” He knew Ryuk was in ear shot. He didn’t really mind.

     Sayu grinned. “Right, so your friend has a heart earring and he’s a boy? You sure make this convincing, Light.”

     Light sighed. “He is a boy, he’s never taken that earring out as far as I know. It’s nice on him anyways. He looks good with it. It fits his style and hair color. I like the fact that it is a heart, which people usually color red, since his eyes are red.”

     Sayu looked incredulous. “His eyes are red? What, is he a demon?!”

     “No! No. He’s just got red eyes. They’re really pretty.”

     “You called his eyes pretty. You really aren’t convincing me he’s a guy.”

     “He is! He’s got very pretty eyes. His style is pretty cool too, he dresses in dark colors and has cool hair. It’s short and spiky.”

     “He sounds like he’s got issues.”

     “Shut it, he’s perfect.”

     “You sound like you like him. It’s got to be a girl.”

     “It’s not.”

     They went home that day. Both were happy, but Light was immediately reminded about the cameras as soon as he saw the front door. Right… great.

     One day, Sayu had said, “You need a girlfriend. I’m serious. It’s ridiculous.”

     Light was done with those conversations, so he ignored her. Until she kept pestering. “I’m fine as I am, Sayu.”

     “You can’t tell me you want to live alone!”

     “No, I want a roommate, like I said. With another guy. I’m more comfortable with guys. They make me happy in general.”

     “Guys…?”

     “Yeah. I prefer guys. I’m not interested in living with a girl, I’m just going to have a roommate that also swears off girls.”

     “Good luck with that. What would you even do with them?”

     “I dunno. Spend time with them. Maybe go places with them. Just us. Just be with them most of the time. Happy.”

     “You’re describing a girlfriend.” Sayu looked exasperated.

     “Yeah, I’d do all that girlfriend stuff, but with a guy.”

     “No way! You do that stuff with girls, not guys. That’s weird. That’s not a thing.”

     “It’s a thing, I’m sure. We’d just be best friends.”

    “Like with your Ryuk?”

     “Yeah. With… Ryuk, yeah.”

     Light saw the way she wasn’t turning down the idea of him being roommates with a guy this time. The way she was asking questions about it instead of forcing the girlfriend question.

     This was how it was every time it was brought up. The first time was still a girlfriend. “You got a girlfriend now?” The second time it was more open. “You got a partner now?” The third time it was actually directed at Ryuk specifically. “Are you and Ryuk gonna at least have fun together?” The fourth time was… a little odd. “Do you have a partner or are you just going to date Ryuk?” The fifth time actually started having him second guessing himself. “Are you going to date Ryuk yet?” The sixth time… “Hurry up and get a boyfriend.”

     Light wasn’t sure what she meant by “get a boyfriend”, but he didn’t pay much attention to it. He was trying to get a girlfriend first….? He’d focus on getting another guy friend later. Ryuk was enough.

     It was nice not having Sayu ask about girls anymore, he was so relieved. He wasn’t sure why he was so relieved though. He just got nervous when she upgraded “get a partner” to “get a boyfriend”. She never said it in front of their parents though. Maybe for good reason. He figured she was joking.

     As time went on, Light tried to be subtle and hide his nervousness from the cameras, he really did, but he was too stiff, too anxious on the cameras. He wanted to go back to his old life. To play games and study with Ryuk. He had kept writing, but it didn’t help his anxiety. Unfortunately Ryuk could only watch.

     Light was worried who was on the other side of those cameras. A stalker? Maybe. He wasn’t really keen on having a stalker though. Maybe his dad did it? To force him to study, maybe make sure he was studying. It sounded a little ridiculous though.

     More likely, an officer of some sort, seeing as he’d been being tracked by one previously. He’d never met that guy, but he was actually relieved that he’d wrote down that Light wasn’t Kira when he was tailing him. Even so, an officer literally stalking an eighteen year old seemed a bit extreme. Crazy world nowadays, with Kira around. People were so divided too….

     He started to wonder what happened to that officer. Raye Pember was it? The officer was writing him off as a normal kid according to Ryuk. He couldn’t help but wonder if he was okay. Maybe he was taken off his case. He hoped nothing happened to him. If anything did, he might be a bigger suspect. His family would be sad too, if Raye had one.

     This time of being watched did, however, give Light time to reflect. When Ryuk came to his room for the first time, he wasn’t even scared. Even though Ryuk had said he should’ve been. He easily grew on him too, which wasn’t typical with Light. While most people seemed to stick around for a selfish reason and made it obvious to him, Ryuk was forced to stay and didn’t even care. They played games and he even helped Light study when he was bored.

     He was very happy around Ryuk. He knew when he had people in his life, he’d never considered them real friends, since they all left when they didn’t get what they wanted. Girls had made moves on him, contrary to what he felt and said about having a girlfriend, but he turned them down because he didn’t think the relationship would be beneficial enough. He knew it had gotten ridiculous when the supposed prettiest girl in his high school asked him out and he rejected her.

     With Ryuk, it was the first time ever that he had felt that way around someone. Actually liked being around someone. He got a little nervous sometimes, in the best way. He didn’t mind Ryuk touching him unlike when other people tried to.

     It was just… different with Ryuk. He just chalked it up to the fact that Ryuk was a Shinigami and left it at that. He didn’t think about it for a long while afterward.

     When the cameras had disappeared, he was very relieved. He could talk to Ryuk again. Ryuk could eat his apples, too. It was all around easier. Ryuk decided to talk first.

     “You liked to look at me. When the cameras were up, I mean. It was cute, the way you were doing that. I wasn’t entirely bored while those cameras were up.” Ryuk had explained once the cameras had gone away. He seemed quite pleased about what he said, too. “We have spent a long while together, you know… Light-o. I’ve come quite accustomed to being around you 24/7. It’s nice. I’m rarely bored.”

     Light watched him with a wide eyed look. Then shook his head. “Huh? I looked at you weird-? Well, I did really want to talk to you again.”

     Ryuk chuckled. “Yeah, I could tell. It was very obvious. You were clearly thinking things too, I saw you zone out a lot.”

     Light paused, then went a little pink. “Oh- uh- yeah. I was thinking about you. The fact I’ve been happy for once with another- person? Being. It’s been nice, I’ve not felt like that before. Not with anyone. I did a lot of reflecting.”

     “I see! Well, that’s an interesting development, Light-o. You really are funny. I like that.”

Chapter Text

     The day of the entrance exam was wild to him. Ryuk, of course, came along. Light was glad, he’d be too distracted worrying about him if he was gone.

     Then, the teacher had told a kid to… sit normal? He looked behind him and was immediately startled at this guy’s appearance. Why the hell are his damn bare feet in the desk? Sure, this guy was cute, but that’s didn’t excuse feet- cute?

     He only looked a that guy briefly, but was even more startled when he saw that guy was already staring directly at him. So, like an idiot, he proceeded to stare directly at him back at him, stick his tongue out, and flip back around. He missed the imperceptible smirk on the guy’s face.

     The exam wasn’t hard at all. It was actually easy, he got done way too early, and proceeded to watch Ryuk do stupid things to the teacher. He had to refrain from laughing when Ryuk would go back and forth knocking one paper off the desk, the teacher went to pick it up, then he knocked the opposite one off.

     It wasn’t long when he got accepted into To-Oh. He was excited until he remembered… it’s not writing, it’s criminal justice. Right.

     The day of the entrance ceremony, that was when things went haywire. He’d given his speech, when “Feet Guy” from the entrance exam had spoken to him.

     The strange guy, who was going by Hideki Ryuuga, spoke to him quietly. He wasn’t really listening, but if he had to paraphrase, “Light Yagami, son of Chief Soichiro Yagami, you want to be an officer and you have a strong sense of justice.”

     Light had to think. I’m becoming an officer, yes, but it’s because I’m forced to. Dad won’t take no for an answer. I have no interest in justice other than hating capital punishment…. However, he couldn’t dwell on it, because the next thing the guy said made him freeze in his seat.

     “I am L.” L watched him as he revealed his identity. He was expecting something. Anything that looked like a sign of guilt. Not what Light had said next.

     How the hell does he want me to respond to that? Light just said, “Oh, I’m glad you told me, I did not believe your name was ‘Hideki Ryuuga’. I was calling you ‘Feet Guy’ in my head.”

     Afterward, they had walked out together and L just trailed along in confusion. Light and L stopped outside when Ryuk came back around. That made Light immediately relax and Ryuk noticed, which made him happy as well.

     L looked at Light with a neutral face and monotone voice and stated, “I think you, Light Yagami, are Kira.”

     Light, since he already figured this out, wasn’t stressed anymore. Especially with the way Ryuk was staring daggers at L with the pretty eyes of his. It took a long few moments for that to even register in his head. Wait- pretty? What? I didn’t say that, right? Well, they are red, I like red…. That’s my excuse. Yep, a very good excuse, I just like red, no other reason.

     L stared. Light wasn’t responding. “Light.”

     Light jolted. “Huh-?!”

     “I told you I think you’re Kira.”

     “Oh, right. That’s fantastic, good for you…. Sorry, I was thinking about the color red.”

     L blinked. Huh? What does red have to do with this conversation? He stored that absurd statement for later. “Would you mind coming with me to test your intelligence? You may make a great detective in this case, even if you are Kira.”

     Light sighed, rubbing his face a bit. “You can do that if you want, but I have no interest in catching Kira. Personally, I don’t give two shits and want to stay as far away as humanly possible from this person.”

     L looked visibly confused. I never pictured Light swearing…. He had thought that Light, being Kira, if he was, would want to have a place in the task force to always stay a step ahead. That was throwing him off just a bit.

     “I mean, really, I like my life as it is, I’m happy with everything. I have plans for hobbies and for things I want to do. I know Kira will get caught eventually, since you and a bunch of officers are on their tail.

     I’m assuming they’re only one person, so that’s like- at least five to one. Even if they can kill in an instant, there’s likely a few measures that can be taken anyways. It’s not like you’ll die if you’re smart about it. Which you are, so I’m sure you’ll do fine, which means I don’t care to be a part of the little investigation. I want to live my life.”

     L really looked baffled. What. “Either way, you are my main suspect. I’d prefer it, especially if you say you’re not Kira, that you come to test your intelligence, even just to clear your name.”

     “Do I have I to?”

     “No, but it won’t help you clear your name, to refuse.”

     “Eh. I’m not Kira. I refuse. Bye.” With that, Light went home.

     L was so confused. If he wasn’t guilty, wouldn’t he want to clear his name? If he was guilty, wouldn’t he also want to clear his name? Either, he’s convinced he won’t get caught, or he’s really not Kira. Even if he was convinced he wouldn’t get caught, he’d likely try to get the blame off him, right? Maybe he really isn’t Kira.

     Ryuk looked visibly happy. When the two got home, he simply said, “Good. I wouldn’t be able to talk to you or eat apples if you were stuck around police all day every day.”

     Light just flopped onto his bed, rolled over, and watched Ryuk. He didn’t say anything for a while and neither did Ryuk. However, he definitely felt different watching him. He still didn’t know why. He just liked him being around, the fact that Ryuk liked being around him too was really nice.

Chapter Text

     “Can I tell you something about Shinigami?”

     “Go for it.”

     “Okay. We’re actually not allowed to get romantic with anyone, even another Shinigami. Nobody at all. Some try, but we never find out what happens to them. They get away with it, until the king finds out, and then they just… vanish. Nobody knows.”

     Light thought about that and it made his chest ache. Why? He had no clue. He watched Ryuk sit on the bed next to him, he felt the way the bed creaked, the way he touched his side slightly. He felt everything. “Have you ever been romantic? At least, have you thought about it?”

     Ryuk was very quiet. Like he was hesitant. “I have. Yes. Though I haven’t acted on that feeling. It’s dangerous. I’m just- nervous about the outcome. Not even for me, but for the other guy.”

     “Wow… I had no idea. A guy too, huh? I figured you just liked fun. I’m glad we’re friends though. Would that get you killed?”

     “No. Just romance and… you know, the next steps.”

     “Right…. Who is the person you like, if you don’t mind me asking?”

     Ryuk was silent for a long time, until, “Eh…. If I put it bluntly, you.”

     Light went very still. His whole body just heated up. He had no idea why that was happening and it was getting hot. He let out a breathless, “Oh….”

     Ryuk looked a little surprised, but happy. Like he knew something about this that Light didn’t. “Your face is red.”

     “What- is it? No, it’s just hot is all….”

     “It’s only hot all of a sudden, right? You’re flustered. I wonder why…..”

     “I’m not flustered! I’m not…. I’m just- it’s- you just make me really happy. I just feel like I never want you to leave. I want you to stay.” Light thought this was normal. That this was just because Ryuk was a Shinigami, so that’s what he said. “It’s because you’re a Shinigami? Right? This is normal for this kind of- of relationship- right?”

     “….no.”

     “What?!”

     “No, people don’t normally feel that way just because they’re with a Shinigami. That’s not part of this.” Ryuk definitely looked happy.

     “Then what-…. Why…?”

     “Well, how do you feel around me?”

     “Hot. Happy. Nervous. I don’t know!” Light did know, he just didn’t know why.

     “It’s sounds like… don’t get me wrong, but it sounds like you like me.”

     “Yeah-! You’re my friend.”

     “What if I was more than that, Light?”

     Light stilled more. Real name… no nickname. “Huh?”

     “What if we were more than friends?”

     “I… I never…. Is that it? I’m supposed to be that way with a girl. That’s what’s normal. Not a Shinigami or a male….”

     “Well, people wouldn’t understand it. That’s not their problem. It’s simply the case that you do like a Shinigami who’s also a male.”

     Light just looks… panicky. “I’m not supposed to! What is that? I’m not a girl!”

     “You don’t have to be a girl to like guys, Light-o. Many call it wrong, but that’s doesn’t make a difference to how you feel. It’s just called being a homosexual.” Ryuk had to carefully explain, as he didn’t want to scare Light. Clearly Light had never thought about it like that.

     “I’m not a homosexual! I can’t be! What!? Wait…. Is that why I don’t even feel anything for girls? I thought you picked the one you think is best, I didn’t think feelings were actually attached!” He had thought it was more of a kind of transaction. A thing you did if it was mutually beneficial. This kind of explains a lot….

     “No. You pick the one you feel like you can’t live without. The one you love being around, the one that makes you happy, the one that gives you nerves in the best way, the one that makes your heart beat faster.”

     “You sound knowledgeable.”

     “Well, I get that way with you. That’s how I know.”

     “Wait, but that’s how I get with you…. I like you? Oh… I like you, Ryuk.”

     “Yeah…. I like you too, Light.”

     “So what now?”

     “What do you want to do…? I’m okay with the danger. It’s fun! Besides, I’d love-… I love to be with you. You’ve really grown on me.” Ryuk said. This whole thing was out of character for them both. “Can I show you something?”

     “Oh, yeah, go ahead.”

     It only took a few seconds. Light had to close his eyes and when he opened them, Ryuk was completely different. He was a person. A human. He had a human form. He had straight black hair, it was rather long… gorgeous patchwork skin…. A cool outfit too. He looked so good, just as good as his other form.

     “Beautiful….” Light just murmured. He saw Ryuk cover up so that his normal skin was showing and he looked perfect. Light really was in love with him.

     Light was being tracked by L as Light said he could do. They never caught anything about Kira. Eventually the surveillance did stop. Everything was normal again. For a long time.

     Light was lying in bed one day and Ryuk changed to human form and laid beside him. It was nice until Ryuk pulled him in and kissed him. To Light, it was the best feeling in the world. It was heaven. He let out a small noise, too wrapped up in the feeling.

     Ryuk broke away and whispered, “Dear, it can get so much better than this….”

     That’s what happened. Ryuk had slipped over him, that’s all it took. One look from this position, with Light’s red face, the way he was staring at Ryuk, that’s all he had to do.

     Clothes were tossed, roles were easily figured out, and it all happened so fast. It really took hours, but to Light, it was too fast. He’d never felt like that before. Ever. The fact that Ryuk was the one to make him feel that way for his first time and do that with him made it so special to both of them.

     They established a lovely relationship afterward. It went so well for so long. Until one day, Light’s mother called him downstairs after they had been sleeping together after another lovely session.

     When Ryuk had turned back into Shinigami form and Light had gotten dressed, he slowly went downstairs to see his Mom, Sachiko, watching him with a nervous expression. “Light… we need to talk.”

     Light went very still. “Uh… okay.”

     “You have a boyfriend, I hear.”

     What? How did she find out? “What?”

     “I’m not deaf, dear. I can hear you and another man in your room a lot.”

     Shit. “Uh… right….?”

     “Light, you know that’s… wrong?”

     Light tensed. He narrowed his eyes and responded. He was not ashamed of Ryuk. “Yes, I do. He makes me happier than I’ve ever been. Love isn’t wrong, Mom.”

     “Your dad won’t be happy.”

     “I don’t care! He’s controlled every part of my life and I won’t let him anymore! I’m done! I love Ryuk and you can’t change that!”

     Ryuk went very still. “Light-o….”

     “Your dad is coming home, just go in your room and we’ll send him up there. You can explain to him then.” Sachiko looked very sad.

     Light turned around and fled upstairs. When my dad comes in my room… I’m going to die. He looked at Ryuk and noticed something wrong. “Ryuk…? Ryuk!”

     Ryuk was just very still… and his body….

     “Ryuk?!”

     “I’m sorry…. I am so sorry. This is what happens to us when we get together with a human or another being. Light-o-…”

     Light panicked. “Where are you going?! You can’t leave! Please! Please?! What’s happening?!”

     Ryuk said quietly, “I’m turning to dust.”

     “What?!”

     “I’m leaving now….”

     “When will you come back?!”

     “I won’t.”

     “Why?! I thought you loved me!”

     “I do. That’s why I’m going to die.”

     “What…?”

     “I’m dying for you.”

     “No…!”

     “I knew it’d happen somehow.”

     “Then why did we get together?!”

     “I love you. That’s why.”

     “Ryuk….”

     “Goodbye.”

     He’s gone. “I love you, too.”

Chapter Text

     Light just sat there and cried. For a long time. Until he heard a knock on his door.

     “Light.” It was his father. He walked in and sat on his bed. “I hear you have a boyfriend.”

     “No, I don’t.” Not anymore.

     “Your mother said you did. She said she could hear you and another man quite often.”

     “Yeah… I did.”

     “You know I did not raise you to be a faggot. You’re ruining your reputation and the family reputation.”

     “I don’t care about the family reputation. You can’t raise a sexuality, Dad.”

     “I did not raise you that way, I don’t care if you think you like men. I’ll set you up with woman until you find one you like.”

     “Stop acting like it’s even about you. It’s not. I will never be happy with a woman. You think that’s fair for the woman I end up with? To have a partner that never wants her? She’d feel like shit.”

     “It’s selfish to date a man as a man.” Soichiro seemed to try to push his beliefs onto Light, not realizing that his son just lost his boyfriend that day and likely wouldn’t listen to a single word.

     “It’s selfish to think it’s all about what you want.” 

     “You’re a disgrace to the family. You cannot be a disgrace. You need to fix yourself.”

     “You don’t have to worry about it. I’ll fix everything.” Like it never even happened.

     “Good. Now stay upstairs, your mother and I are going to talk about what we need to do with you.”

     “Fine. Do that.” You won’t be doing whatever you think you will be doing.

     His father left the room. Immediately afterward, in a rash plan, Light went and rummaged through the cabinets and grabbed a bottle of pain medicine. He went back to his room, took all the pills, dry swallowed, and went to bed. He did not wake up.

     Later on, his mother came to tell him what they had decided to do, to send him away to a therapy camp. Only to scream when she saw him, dead on his bed. Overdose.

     Life sucked after that for the family. Sayu lost her only sibling and became a shell of the girl she once was for a long time. His mother cried every day until she was mostly numb. His father blamed Light. For being with a man, for being gay, if he wasn’t gay, he would have been alive. That’s what he told himself.

     As for Light? He was in the eternal embrace of nothingness. A place where he only felt love. A quiet place of rest where he found his only love again.