Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a stupid idea . Really, James was certain it was the stupidest idea they ever had. To be fair, it was his own and he had thought it was brilliant, but now, standing in front of a big wire fence he wasn‘t so sure anymore.

It had all started three weeks ago when James and Sirius went shopping in the biggest mall in England. It was enormous with lots of clothing stores and probably the biggest supermarket James had ever seen so he made the joke that they should break in when it’s closed. Of course he hadn’t been serious but his friend was. What started out of a joke became a mischievous plan. And an illegal one.

When Sirius and James told the other ones the plan they expected a hard fight but Remus was weirdly easy to convince. To convince Peter on the other hand was tough. He always stuck straight to the rules and they always had to drag him along with them even when they just committed school pranks.

After two hours of arguing and a big chocolate packet from Remus (his dad was a chocolatier) Peter finally agreed to come with them but he made sure that he wouldn’t get any blame if they would be caught but that wasn’t a possibility for James.

After that, two weeks of concrete planning followed and during that process the girls caught a glimpse of what they were doing. So it seemed like more than four people were breaking into a high secure mega mall. 

Lily, Mary and Marlene instantly stated that they would be joining them and it was a praise because they had ideas none of the boys would’ve come up with in a billion years. But because of them problems showed up too.

Such as that Marlene insisted, her girlfriend Dorcas had to come with them. Don't get this wrong James loved Dorcas but it’s always harder with a bigger group, and the number of people kept growing. 

Three days before their coup the group consisted of twelve people after many fights and ultimatums. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Mary, Lily, Marlene, Pandora, Dorcas, Evan, Barty and last but least Regulus Black.

James hated Regulus Black. Regulus was Sirius' younger, good looking brother who was rude to everyone. He once bumped into a first grader and screamed at him for his mistake. That situation summed him up really well. Plus James never really forgave him for not being at Sirius' side when he needed it. 

Sirius and Regulus grew up in a very abusive household with very cruel and manipulative parents and Sirius always stood up to them while Regulus never had the courage to defend his older brother. 

It got really hard for Sirius when he became friends with James at school. Sirius' parents had never approved James as a person their son can befriend with so they punished him every time they saw him hanging out with James. 

When the hits and blows became worse Sirius had to leave for his own safety and of course he begged Regulus, his own brother, to come with him but he didn’t. He stayed in that household, abandoning Sirius.

James could still remember Sirius on his doorstep crying and covered in bruises. It was the most horrible night James ever had.

About one year later Regulus fled too and stayed with his friend Barty whose father had just died. James knew that it wasn’t Regulus' fault and he also knew that Sirius and Regulus had rebuilt their relationship but still it wasn’t enough for James.

All over all you could say that James wasn’t pleased that Regulus was coming with them.

The night came and Regulus could’ve cursed his friends. Not only had they talked him into this stupid idea but they also didn’t tell him, that fucking James Potter was coming with them.

Regulus hated being with James because it was so clear that he hated him. When he told Sirius about it he just replied that it was nonsense but it was clear to him.

James Potter was nice to everyone but the tone in his voice when he talked to Regulus was different, almost hateful. James hated him since Sirius left and to be fair he couldn’t blame him for it but all this hate still after he and Sirius made up was ridiculous.

The worst part was that Regulus had a crush on him since he was sixteen. 

How could he not but to fall in love with the good looking boy who hated him and was the best friend of his brother. As much as Regulus hated to admit it, he was still in love with James.

He had told himself a million times to stop loving James but everything he saw him he crushed again. Evan and Barty had held multiple interventions about it but it didn’t help. So the best thing he could do was cursing his friend while putting on black clothes.

„Regulus are you ready?“ Barty shouted from the entrance.

„Yes, I’m coming,“ he replied, grabbing his bag and rushing downstairs.

In the kitchen waiting for him stood Barty, Evan and Pandora.

„You look great Regulus,“ Barty said, which caused him to be hit by Evan. „What? I’m allowed to compliment other people even though I have a boyfriend.“

„You are but not if you didn’t compliment my outfit first,“ Evan said in a judging tone.

Barty grinned „Oh but I showed you that I like your outfit in different ways.“

Evan immediately started to blush but didn’t fight back anymore, which led to Barty looking very pleased.

Regulus just rolled his eyes, walked by and took Pandora's arm that she was offering.

„You really look fabulous,“ she whispered in his ear in her same old beautiful voice which always managed Regulus to feel warm. He really loved Pandora and if a compliment came from her, he took it with pride. 

Pandora had been there for him when he went through his transition, always holding his hand when he needed it. Every time he cried she was there pulling him into a hug. Pandora was a treasure and Regulus would defend her against anything if he needed to. But he didn’t because everyone loved her and acknowledged the treasure she is. 

They went to the car, an old Bentley and Pandora and Regulus sat in the backseat while Barty was riding shotgun. Evan drove of course. 

Regulus nervously fidgeted with his fingers. The mall was getting closer and closer and he couldn’t think of anything but the flaws in their plan. For example how could they be sure that there were no security guards. 

He had been told that the security guards only patrol the first hours checking if anyone would hide inside but then they would leave and because it was Sunday night there should be no risk but still how could they be sure. And what would they do if they accidentally activated the alarm system. Many questions with no answers and Regulus didn’t really fancy getting caught by the police. 

„Just to check again, what is the exact plan?“  He asked after having enough of his questions.

Evan sighed „As we told you before, we don’t know the exact plan, but we’ve been promised that there would be no security problems but I think we will have more clues in a minute,“ he said as he turned into a small street and parked there.

Already waiting there, the rest of the group stood there, all dressed in black. Finally they had some fashion sense. Sirius smiled at him and Regulus smiled back. It felt good seeing his brother but this feeling stopped when another boy stepped next to Sirius' side: James Potter.

Regulus hated him, he hated that stupid heartwarming smile, he hated these stunning curls in which you could get lost staring at them and he hated that he looked even better in black, how was this even possible. He hated how much he loved him and hated that it made no difference to James and he hated that James didn’t even know. So instead of smiling he just snorted silently and faced Dorcas while the others were all exchanging greetings.

„Hi Dorcs, how are you doing?“

„Great, really. Love Marlene in black but somehow she hates it. Did you hear that we are going to climb? I heard them talking about breaking in over the roof.“ 

Over the roof of course. There would be no cameras or alarms because no one would be so stupid to climb on a twenty meters high building. Well no one except this crazy group of lunatics. 

Regulus thought about fleeing but unfortunately Evan, who was joining their conversation now, blocked the way behind him.

„Climbing of course. Brillant, no one thinks to look up, who had this idea?“

Peter who was standing next to Dorcas the whole time snorted

„Remus, the bloody traitor.“

„Oi, don’t talk about my moon that way,“ Sirius said while hitting Peter quite hard for the thing he did.

„Your moon?“, Regulus asked Sirius, sounding confused.

„Yeah, my moon. Suits him right, eh?“ He replied while trying to kiss Remus, who was stepping back but based on his tomato red head, he liked being called Sirius’ moon. Regulus didn’t judge it. He thought that they were the perfect match. He remembered the many nights he and Remus spent talking about their crushes and Regulus was happy that at least one of them found their star.

Everyone was invested in the conversation now and Barty turned to Evan „Why don’t you call me your moon or something like that, it doesn’t have to be this big but I don’t know you never called me something like your streetlight,“ he said with a very judgmental voice.

Evan gave him a very sharp look that said that they would be talking about this later and turned to the group again „Well I guess I can tell you now that Barty and I are officially together.“

Everyone lost it, it had been very obvious to everyone but apparently not to Evan who now looked very confused. Still he got congratulations from Lily, Mary and Remus and everyone was having a nice time until James who was unusually quiet the whole time coughed „I think we should start going“

After that they all started moving but Regulus was wondering why James was acting so weird. James Potter was not the kind of person who stopped chatting to continue with a plan. Regulus wasn't sure if he was imagining it but he could’ve sworn that James had stared at him, instead of ignoring him. All that was odd but Regulus forced himself to think about it because now they were standing in front of the back of the mall.

Regulus looked up and searched for the way they were supposed to get up, but there was nothing except, oh. A rain gutter on the side of the building where Sirius was standing before he started climbing up. When he reached the top safely, he looked down and James started following him, after that Remus and then Lily. 

All the other ones were following until only Barty who was now starting to climb, Pandora and Regulus were left.

Pandora, who must’ve seen how nervous Regulus was, leaned forward to whisper in his ear. „You go first, if something happens I’ll catch you.“

Oh how much Regulus loved Pandora, of course he was built small and not heavy at all but still Pandora would hurt herself catching him and she knew that. 

Barty had reached the top now so Regulus bit his tongue and started climbing up, he was not going to show weakness in front of snobbish Potter. He took step after step and it was horrible. Regulus was afraid of heights so he didn’t look down nor up but he just imagined all their looks boring through him. After half a minute which felt like centuries he reached the roof and took Evan’s hand gladly. 

Pandora followed safely.

Now standing in front of the fence, James hated this idea. He was waiting for the other ones to arrive and walked from one sight of the street to the other one up and down. The only ones missing were Regulus and his friends and James wished they would never arrive. 

James hated to admit it and he would never say it out loud, especially in front of Sirius but he got cold feet. He hated being afraid of things but he was.

His mother had always assured him that it was okay to be scared and that everybody had flaws but James always had the impulse to be perfect. He had been a strong wall for so many people and if he’d break down all these people and especially Sirius would break down with him. 

At least that was what he thought. Of course Sirius was way more stable now but it was not worth taking the risk. So he tried playing it cool.

James wondered if Remus knew he was nervous because Remus always knew if something was wrong, but if he did he mentioned nothing. Maybe he was just too busy snogging his boyfriend. 

These two were really made for each other, always finishing their sentences and having physical contact every second they could get. 

James would be lying if he would say he never walked in on them doing it, sharing a college room with them it had been doomed to happen. 

He remembered the first night it happened, he couldn’t stop laughing and immediately walked to Lily to tell her what had happened. He also remembered walking in on Lily, his girlfriend at that time, and Mary, her best friend. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

He was a person who would never in a thousand years cheat on their partner in a relationship and he thought Lily was such a person as well.

After hours of James wandering through the college he finally went to confront Lily about it and after he shouted a bit, she explained why she did it and he somehow understood her reasons. Apparently she was a lesbian and always, without knowing it herself, wanted Mary, not James. 

She had told him that she had been unhappy in their relationship and that when it happened she even was relieved not having to be with James and as much as it hurt, he wasn’t angry anymore.

Of course she apologised many times but it didn’t matter anymore. Deep in his heart, James had already forgiven her. After a few weeks of James ignoring Lily on principle, they slowly went back to being friends. Mary and Lily were still together so James thought it was really worth it. Back then, Sirius had told James he should be angrier but he wasn’t.

One day, after a few drinks with Remus, he admitted that he must’ve been unhappy with the relationship as well because he never really felt sad or anything. Remus had just hugged him with his I have thoughts about this gaze but because it was Remus, he kept quiet as he always did.

James thought about how he could escape when an old Bentley turned into the street. There was no turning back from there on. 

The four people got out of the car and James took a step forward to see their faces. He regretted it when his eyes met Regulus'. Regulus had been smiling until then, but now he made a face of disgust and turned to Dorcas.

James didn’t know why but it hurt him. Regulus always treated him badly but for some reason, it was bothering James more this time. It bothered him so much, that he stayed in the back while the others were talking. He just stood there, watching Regulus. 

Regulus who looked like always, Regulus who was always wearing dark colours but this night, they suited him better than ever before.

Marlene looked at him and followed his eyes which were still focused on Regulus. She seemed confused but didn’t say anything. 

After some time, James finally gained control of his thoughts again and he remembered their plan. Even though he was still afraid, James coughed awkwardly and reminded everyone that they should start with their mission. Luckily, no one argued and they quickly stood in front of the rain gutter they would be using to climb up.

Sirius went first and James followed right after, forcing his thoughts to focus on nothing but their break-in plan. When he reached the top he looked down to the rest of the group. Remus was following but his eyes concentrated on Regulus. He looked nervous and suddenly James felt a lump in his throat. 

Right before Regulus' turn, Dora whispered something in his ear and James was wondering what she said. Was she comforting him? Was he anxious? Whether or not; James was worrying now, but why? Why was he worrying about Sirius' little asshole brother who was now climbing up? This was stupid. He didn’t take longer than the rest but it felt much longer.

When Regulus reached the roof, James felt such a relief he almost let out a sigh and to avoid any other complications he turned around and started walking to the vent they would be using to get in. He didn’t even wait for Pandora‘s turn, she could handle it.

Remus had a bad feeling about the night. Besides the obvious, that they were committing several crimes, his friends were behaving strange, or better James was behaving strange. 

Before the last car arrived, James was walking up and down, looking very stressed. Remus wouldn’t have blamed him for being nervous but this was very odd, considering it had been James' idea, though he suspected that Sirius had been the pushing factor.

Remus decided to not comment on it, as always, but to kiss Sirius. In situations like these, Remus was more thankful than ever to have him. He was his anchor, a safe place that Remus could always rely on. That’s how he felt most of the time and he knew that all his friends saw their relationship as perfect.

If he was honest, Remus hated that. Of course he was happy but he was unhappy too. It can be hard with Sirius. For example Sirius‘ need to always protect his friends no matter what, often ignoring if it helps or not. How many fights they had because Remus apparently wasn’t passionate enough about his friends even though it was as far away from the truth as possible.

Remus loved his friends but he was also smart. He knew that fighting for them won’t help. He knew a lot of things about all of them; secrets they didn’t tell him and things they couldn’t admit to themselves yet, but Remus stayed quiet. If he said something, it wouldn’t do anything. He just kept observing but Sirius, Sirius didn’t observe, he only fought. He probably thought everything was great when it clearly wasn’t.

When Regulus and his friends arrived James was unrecognisable. He didn’t take part in the conversation but just stood in the back. He didn’t even react when Evan announced Barty’s and his relationship, which was hilarious. 

Evan had thought they were all clueless even though they probably all knew before they realised it themselves.

James even interrupted to set their plans into motion. James schedules weren’t important-Potter was setting the plans in motion. Something was off.

When Regulus climbed up the ladder Remus knew that James' weird behaviour had to do with Regulus. The whole time James looked electrified and Remus noticed how he physically relaxed after Regulus reached the top. After that, he didn’t even wait for Pandora, but went straight to the vent.

He knew that James hated Regulus. James probably didn’t even know himself but it was very obvious. He was friendly to everyone but when it came to Regulus he just didn’t talk to him or put on a neutral expression.

Remus really hated that. Regulus and him have been good friends since he was seventeen when he talked with him about his crush on Sirius. Regulus on the other hand talked about his feelings for James and Remus pitied him. James already didn’t like him back then and Regulus noticed that, of course. His defense mechanism was to be rude to James who was living off affection so he grew to hate Regulus even more.

Remus was pretty sure Regulus still fancied James and it must have been killing him. All the history the two had, James never behaved like today.

James and his friends were already waiting for them when Lily arrived with Mary, Marlene and Dorcas. It had been a fun drive. Lily had been driving while they were playing games and singing to the music so they arrived in a good mood. 

Lily's mood dropped when she saw James, who was going up and down a few metres away. He clearly was nervous and Lily hated seeing him like that.

They all gave their warm hellos but still, James was nervously walking up and down, ignoring them.  

The one thing she hated more than seeing him like that, was not being able to do something. There was a time where she could’ve comforted him but that was in the past. She threw all that away when she cheated on him.

Lily regretted it ever since. She obviously was happy that the relationship had ended and she loved Mary but that wasn’t fair of her. Because of her stupid mistake James and her had grown apart. He wouldn’t admit it but it was true.

Yes, they hung out together, but never alone and it wasn’t as deep anymore. Back then, they could‘ve read each other’s mind, but now they were hardly talking. She hated it, so she forced herself to look away and to stick to Mary, but Mary wasn’t there for her. She never was.

Lily needed a shoulder to lean on which she didn’t get from Mary who was happily chatting with the others while Lily was struggling to keep a happy face. Only when Pandora arrived, she got some comfort from her. Of course Pandora noticed something was off with her, and not her girlfriend.

If she’s being honest, Lily didn’t know if she wanted to keep calling Mary her girlfriend. All they did when they were alone was fighting and apologising. Mary was so good at apologising but that wasn’t enough. 

Mary worked a lot and hardly had time for Lily anymore. On top of that, their life goals were just too different. Lily looked forward to a life in a small town with a family and children. Mary on the other hand didn’t want children, no she even hated them.

Lily knew that they would break up eventually, but right now, she was sticking to it because it was all she knew. 

Marlene would be on Mary’s side of course and Remus was in a happy relationship with Sirius and she definitely wouldn’t want to be a ballast. And James, James would probably be mad at her because he would realise that she was a fraud who had cheated on him with some random girl.

So she stayed, feeling terribly alone when climbing up the rain gutter.

Sirius was happy. The night was perfect so far and everyone was in a good mood, so he had a good feeling in his chest, when he was walking to the vent.

Chapter Text

Crawling through a vent wasn’t an experience Regulus would recommend. First off, it was very narrow and there was no time to rest because there would be people waiting behind him. 

It was dusty and a long way and Regulus was very grateful that he wasn’t claustrophobic anymore. He remembered how his mother always locked him in a small chamber. It took much practice with Barty to leave that behind.

When James, who was crawling first, stopped, Regulus felt a huge relief in his chest. No more crawling in small spaces that could kill them all if it went wrong. When he saw what James did next, his relief was gone. He didn’t see much, but he saw how James disappeared in the ground and he heard a noise that sounded like something falling onto the ground. Oh-oh.

When it was Regulus' turn he looked down. It was a three metres high fall and everyone was waiting down there in a relatively large room. All he got to do now was to jump, just jumping without dying. Fuck Barty, without him he wouldn’t have had to do this, he thought to himself and jumped. 

When he safely landed, Sirius was waiting for him, asking if he was alright. Regulus looked around. James who stood there seconds ago was gone again, not even waiting for Pandora. What a prick. 

Pandora followed easily and Sirius, who was also looking for James, but then gave up, said they should follow him before he walked out of the room.

What was waiting outside the room stunned Regulus. He had been to other malls in his life but this place was different. It was bigger than anything Regulus had ever seen. You could have fit twenty planes in just one hall. Dorcas who must’ve been as amazed as Regulus let out a small wow . Sirius of course noticed it

„Big isn’t it? And it’s all ours tonight but we’re just going to discuss some important rules first and then you are free to explore it on your own but I would recommend that we all stay in groups.“

Regulus was only half listening, his eyes searching for James who was leaning against a wall in the dark. What was wrong with him? Remus must’ve asked himself the same question because he was walking to James and pulled him towards the group.

„Ah, here you are. Prongs why don’t you give the instructions,“ Sirius said and James looked overwhelmed. Regulus wondered why Sirius always called him Prongs. If it was a nickname it suited him very well.

„Uhm - Eh, yeah of course,“ James said, not sounding convinced at all „So I guess you all know that this is highly illegal so you need to be very careful and please check everything thrice. If you want to take anything for example food out of the big supermarket, please make sure to make it casual. Don’t take too much and leave nothing behind. I appeal to your common sense guys. If they get clues someone was here we are fucked.“

Regulus gulped. So the plan was not thought-through at all. If the security saw anything suspicious or just had a feeling to check the cameras , they were doomed. 

Their fingerprints would be everywhere and they would all go to jail. Regulus would have freaked out if it hadn‘t been for James' beautiful mouth that was speaking. It was really unfair, it made Regulus forget his instincts.

„Guys! Let’s make groups,“ Sirius said while clapping in his hands.

Groups. Regulus hated making groups. He remembered the sport lessons back in elementary school. The girls never wanted him because he was weird and the boys didn’t want him because he was a girl to them. After a while Regulus just didn’t participate anymore. He sometimes wondered if that had been the reason why he was so slim. 

Regulus just waited at Barty’s side while the others were making groups. It seemed like Dorcas, Mary, Lily and Padora were one group and the rest decided to stay together. Remus and Sirius would sneak out at one point anyways and maybe Evan and Barty too. Marlene probably went with them to spend time with Barty, her childhood friend who she hadn’t seen for four months.

Their group only had one flaw. James Potter. James Potter, who was now again standing in the background, watching Regulus. Why was he observing him? Was Regulus' appearance now too offensive for Potter. Regulus decided to let it be.

Marlene was now standing next to them with a big smile while pulling Barty into a murderous hug.

„Missed you Barty-doll,“ she said while Barty was trying to flee her grip.

Regulus rolled his eyes and turned to Evan „Gonna be a long night.“

When the group split Lily had the strong urge to go with James and the boys but here she was, stuck in a small group with Mary, Dorcas and Pandora. Marlene left their group to spend time with Barty and it took loads of it’s okay baby ‘s and I’m so sorry ‘s to separate Marlene and Dorcas. Lily thought it was annoying but she also thought how it would be if Lily was the one leaving Mary in the other group behind. 

She either wouldn’t care at all or she’d make a rude comment about it. Whatever it was, it wouldn’t be cute like Dorcas and Marlene were. Lily hated it here. She just wanted to disappear but what would her friends think? Again she would’ve needed her girlfriend, but Mary was happily chatting with Dorcas.

Pandora coughed „Where do we wanna go to?“

Ah right they were in the mall to do something. Lily honestly didn’t know what she wanted to do. It was just a mall and she didn’t fancy stealing. Right now, Lily couldn’t even remember why she wanted to come along with her friends. Her friends, who all were invested and excited because they had things they wanted to do in this Mall.

„Uhh, can we go to the supermarket please,“ Dorcas said, half begging.

„Really Dorcas, the best at first? Are you five?“ Mary replied, which made Dorcas burst out of laughter. 

There was a time where Lily would be jealous in such situations but now, she didn’t feel anything. Again she had the strong urge to disappear but as she was looking for an escape, Pandora put one hand on Lily's back while smiling at Dorcas and Mary.

„The Supermarket it is,“ Pandora said so they started heading to the supermarket. 

Lily thought she could keep it together but after a hundred metres of walking she couldn’t. She was watching Mary walking ahead with Dorcas and Lily tried to breathe, tried not to panic. She needed to get away. Anywhere but not here, she could just wait at their entry.

„Guys I think I lost my phone, you can keep going but I’m going to try finding it,“ she said while gasping for air. Why was the air getting thin?

„I’m coming with you,“ Pandora announced and Lily wanted to refuse her offer but Pandora was quicker „We will catch up to you!“

Dorcas looked confused but Mary just shrugged it off and continued walking. Lily had enough she needed to flee so she stumbled into the direction they were coming from, now hyperventilating. 

Pandora, who apparently was still with her, shoved them to the side, where the others couldn’t see them anymore and Lily sank to the ground. She was crying now.

„Lily, Lily breath. Come breathe with me, please“, Pandora instructed and started breathing loudly. Lily didn’t want to but she did. She slowly adjusted her breathing with Pandora‘s until she felt the air filling her lungs again.

„Oh thank god,“ Pandora said quietly. „Are you okay?“

Lily nodded but they both knew she wasn’t. But why? Nothing was different. It wasn’t the first time Mary had flirted with another girl just for fun and also not the first time she wanted to break up. What was the difference now? At the end of the day Lily was the one who was planning to break the other person's heart and it was pathetic that she was crying, but she did. She sat on the ground crying.

„Lily I’m not asking what the problem is but I need to know that you are okay. I can’t leave you behind like this.“

Lily nodded. She knew that but how could she assure that she was fine when she wasn’t. Pandora slowly sank to the ground too and pulled Lily into a soft hug. 

They sat there like this for a few minutes and Lily slowly collected herself. She had stopped crying now and everything seemed less bad than before. 

„I’m sorry Pandora, I think I’m fine now.“

„Don’t apologise, but I’m glad you feel better now.“

Pandora waited a bit before talking again „I think I should catch up with the others but I can find an excuse for you.“

Lily thought about it but she didn’t want Pandora to have trouble because of her. She would be holding herself together, the least she wanted was to ruin everyone’s night. 

She sniffed. „I think I can come with you.“

Pandora didn’t look convinced but instead of saying something, she jumped up.

It took them a while but eventually they found Mary and Dorcas. They were standing on a counter, having a good time.

„Look who’s coming,“ Mary greeted them. Of course Mary wasn’t empathetic but rude.

„Look what we’ve found,“ Dorcas said with a big grin on her face. „I found a necklace with Marlene’s name on it. She’s gonna love it.“

Lily smiled. „That’s sweet“, she said. 

Marlene, just like Lily, loved such romantic gestures and Lily was happy that Marlene got them from Dorcas. Of course Mary didn’t find Lily a necklace but her name probably wasn’t available anymore and even if, Lily had already given up on expecting things from Mary.

Lilly thought she wasn’t a person who would lose their temper from one second to another but when Mary pulled out a necklace with her own name on it, she couldn’t stay quiet anymore.

„Oh of course,“ she snorted quite calmly for the anger she felt.

„Of course what?“ Mary asked, sounding upset now. Of course Mary was upset.

„Of course you only thought about yourself again, laughing, while you didn’t even notice that I was struggling,“ Lily said, now getting louder.

„Oh, were you struggling?“ Mary said in a baby voice. „I’m sorry that my world revolves around other things than you Lily“

Lily‘s mouth fell open. She couldn’t believe what Mary just said. She didn’t even care how Lily felt and that’s when she lost it.

„FUCK YOU! YOUR WORLD DOESN‘T REVOLVE AROUND ME, FINE, I‘M LEAVING YOU!“ She screamed and stormed off.

Never again was Mary going to treat her bad, never again. Lily looked behind her one more time only to see Pandora following her and a furious Mary who tried to escape the grip of Dorcas that held Mary from running after her.

Lily didn’t care anymore.

Remus liked the mall. Not only was it an amazing place but the criminal aspects gave him a good amount of adrenaline.

Remus still worried about James but he figured that there was nothing he could do about it. Sirius was walking with James ahead of the group and Remus took the opportunity to chat with Regulus. 

Remus liked Regulus. He wasn’t impulsive but calculated and brutally honest most of the time. Remus liked that. Even though it can be hurtful, he appreciated honesty very highly. It was easy to lie but telling the truth was hard. 

„So, how do you like it here?“ Remus asked.

„I mean it’s nice but I want to state that you all are crazy. Breaking into the biggest mall in England just for fun – that’s psycho. By the way, where are we going?”

“First off, you’re just as crazy as we are. Breaking into the biggest mall in England without even knowing the plan – that’s crazy,“ Remus countered, making Evan chuckle. „And I think we are going to some sort of storage but what we are doing there, no clue.“

Regulus snorted but Evan looked excited. 

„Uhhh, when I was a kid, I always dreamed of hiding and climbing in these gigantic storage halls.“

Barty and Marlene, who had joined their conversation, looked at each other. „So you’re saying we should play hide and seek?“ Barty asked in a sarcastic voice.

„No that’s not—“, Evan started but Marlene interrupted him by shouting to Sirius „Did you hear that? We are playing hide and see-heek!“

Sirius turned around with a grin on his face that meant it was settled now. Remus honestly didn’t care as long as he wouldn’t have to hide alone. 

Regulus on the other hand didn't look happy with hide and seek. „As long as I’m not the seeker,“ he murmured grumpy but Sirius, who was now walking beside Regulus, gave him a pat.

„I promise you won’t have to be the seeker,“ Sirius said in a docile tone but he also winked at Remus at the same time.

„Sirius!“ Regulus said bossily. „Promise me without winking“

„I can assure you, you won’t have to be the seeker“, Sirius repeated while winking at Remus.

„Aurgghh!“ Regulus let out a frustrated sigh which made Sirius laugh.

They reached the storage and it was impressive. Ceiling high shelves full with packages of different sizes. Remus pitied whoever had to seek and it definitely wasn’t going to be him. Luckily, Barty and Marlene volunteered and a few minutes later, he was hiding with Sirius, not really believing that they were seriously playing that game.

Sirius and Remus were hiding in a staff room with a cozy sofa. Of course a sofa in the middle of the room wasn’t the best place to hide and of course blocking the door was against the rules but Remus didn’t care. Right now he was alone in a room with his boyfriend.

Something was wrong with him. James couldn’t recognise himself. He didn’t talk with the others and always stayed at the side, observing them, or better, observing Regulus.

James didn’t know what was different that night but all he could think about was Regulus and his eyes. He thought about how rude Regulus was and how much it hurt him. 

When he felt upset because Regulus was talking to Remus, James knew what it was. It was just the next state of dislike. The urge to protect his friend was so strong that he almost snapped at Sirius when he was pulling James with him to the front of the group where James couldn’t watch over Regulus anymore. James figured that he was angry because he wouldn’t be able to protect Remus from him.

James had always had a strong protective sense but tonight it was stronger than ever. Not only did he feel angry because of harmless things, but he also looked at Regulus very closely. He looked at Regulus' eyes which were shining. James admired those dark-brown, almost black eyes which were kind of cute, but also dangerous. James had to remind himself of the dangerous part.

Apart from the eyes, Regulus' whole body was a beauty, almost like it was painted, and it was true if James, who was straight and hated him, could acknowledge that. 

Yes, Regulus looked like a lamb but James knew it was just a trick, at the end of the day he was watching him just because of his distrust. 

Ultimately, James forced himself to stop thinking about it and to just talk with Sirius and he even started having a good time. This stopped when the rest decided to play hide and seek.

James hated hide and seek. It started when he was a kid. He was hiding from his mother and father who were searching for him and he was just sitting under the kitchen table, giggling, but his parents had made a big show out of not finding him, still acting clueless when James was shouting where he was.

When they stopped the damage was already done and James had cried the whole evening. The first weeks after it he refused to sleep alone.

James hated to admit it but he was a Mama’s boy. He couldn’t bear the thought of his mother missing him and after that, he didn’t want her to miss him again and that was the reason why he slept in his parents bed at a way too high age.

James thought about it a bit longer and he didn’t hate to admit that he was a Mama’s boy. His mother was an angel and James was really lucky to have her. 

He probably had the least traumatic childhood ever and his mother had always been there for him. She was the most understanding woman and never judged her baby. 

Sometimes James thought she even should be less polite. She let people treat herself poorly and even though James was happy with Sirius, she adopted everyone who wanted to, way too fast. More than once James had cried because another street cat had died after two weeks in their family.

Anyhow, James still hated hiding from people he loved or in other words he hated playing hide and seek.

Not wanting to be the odd one out, James played with them anyway and because Barty and Marlene desperately wanted to be the seekers, he had to hide.

After running back and forth, James found a remote, U-shaped location with packets all around it. When he crouched behind one of the boxes he was very pleased with his spot. Maybe hiding wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Once again, that feeling was gone when Regulus walked into the same location and hid there too. 

James could’ve said something at any point, he could’ve just told him to fuck off, saving him from a lot of problems, but he didn’t. He didn't, so now Regulus was lying in the same room as him, not saying a word because he didn’t know James was there.

Sirius looked at his boyfriend. The last twenty minutes had been very nice even though one time somebody tried to open the door but the blockade had been strong enough. 

Sirius was still amazed but when he looked at Remus he noticed that he was already worrying about something. You could tell Remus was worried because of the small wrinkles on his forehead and his big brown, puppyish eyes who were staring into nothingness. Sirius had to admit that Remus looked cute when he was worrying. After a while of peace Sirius sighed.

„What are you thinking about Rem-Rem?“

Remus looked like he had been woken up. „First off, don’t call me that and it’s nothing.“

„I’m sorry but your name is Rem-Rem as long as you won’t tell me what it is,“ Sirius teased him.

Remus looked like he was considering it, he really hated that nickname. Remus let out a sigh and straightened up. 

„I’m worried about James. He was acting weird the whole evening and I don’t know but he never opens up. Sometimes I think he’s locking up so that he can be our solid rock.“

Sirius thought about that. Whatever Remus had noticed, it must’ve been visible but Sirius had no clue that something was off with James. Sirius was his best friend, shouldn’t he notice it first? Sirius was convinced that James was his soulmate.

He could remember the night his parents wanted him to join their stupid cult but Sirius refused to. Naturally his parents didn’t take it well but that one night it was worse. They just didn’t stop hurting him so he had to leave. He ran away as fast as he could, not able to think straight. The next thing he could remember was him standing at James doorstep. He found him without his mind working.

Since then, their bond had beendeeper. James was Sirius’ safe wall which was always protecting him and it was true that in his eyes James was perfect.

Sirius thought about Remus' words and maybe he was right. James had always been like a parent to Sirius, always putting him first. Yes, he had Effie and Monty now but he had James too. This wasn’t good.

„Oh,“ he just said.

„Oh, you are right.“

„Wait, I am?“

„You are right, James is our solid rock and that’s not good,“ Sirius admitted, sounding ashamed. James had always been there for him but what did Sirius ever do for him?

When the Lily thing happened he had just tried to make him angry instead of listening to what he was feeling. Had James been low without Sirius noticing it? Sirius felt so guilty about being a horrible friend and without even knowing, tears left his eyes.

Remus was clearly overwhelmed with the situation but he took Sirius in his arms. 

„I’ve been such a bad friend,“ he sobbed.

„No, no. Listen, nothing bad is wrong with him. I just worry a lot and I knew if it was something big,“ Remus assured him.

Sirius nodded. What would he do without Remus? Now being able to think clearer, he needed to know what Remus noticed about James that night.

„So what is it that's different tonight?“

„Well,“ Remus started. „He was very quiet the whole time and I just figured that he was just nervous beforehand but it got worse when your brother arrived…“

„My brother, what does Regulus have to do with it?“ He asked, confused. Had he missed something?

„Well, we all know that James doesn’t like him—“

„Wait what??!“ He interrupted him. Was that true?. He could remember that Regulus had once asked him if James hated him but Sirius had told him no and that it was stupid. James didn’t hate Regulus.

„Oh honey, yes. Didn’t you notice how James never talks with him and if he does his voice sounds so rude?“ Sirius felt dumb. „But tonight, tonight it’s different. James doesn’t talk with anyone and observes Regulus every free second and I could swear he was nervous when Regulus climbed up the rain gutter.“

Of course James was nervous, Sirius had been as well. But he thought about it and Remus was right, James had never liked Regulus and he was behaving differently today. He wondered why but Remus had his old I know something gaze on his face so Sirius called him out.

„You know something, spit it!“

„I can’t, really I can’t tell you,“ Remus told him which made Sirius feel offended. What could it be that Remus couldn’t tell him except— oh. Oh no .

„Don’t tell me, oh god, does James have a crush on Regulus?”

When Remus didn’t answer, he knew it was true. How could James do that to him?

„That’s literally incest!“ Sirius stated.

„No it literally isn’t,“ Remus replied.

„Yes it is, they are both my brothers, fucking brotherfuckers!“

„Alright, could you please stay reasonable plus it’s just a theory I have because I’m a romantic sucker so calm down“

Remus was right, it was just a theory. Maybe James just ate something wrong. Nevertheless he had to confront James now.

„Let’s go find the others,“ he said while standing up. The room was small and the air was getting thick anyway so he was more than happy to leave.

They cleared the things they shoved before the door to the side, which took ridiculously long. Why had they decided to move a fucking shelve. When they were finished he wanted to open the door, but it was locked. He shook the door handle over and over again but nothing changed. Someone had trapped them in here.

Chapter Text

Marlene loved hide and seek. The thrill of hiding and the excitement of finding someone, everything was fun. It was even more fun with Barty.

Marlene had known Barty since she was five, when her parents moved next to Barty‘s. Marlene had been a shy child but everything changed when she met him. He had such a wild energy which most people thought was crazy but Marlene loved it. He always pushed her to do more dangerous things and brought out her true self.

They were both different. Loud when the other kids were exhausted and quiet when they were supposed to be speaking. It was fair to say that Marlene’s mum had quite a hard time handling her. In school it got so bad that their parents decided together to put Marlene and Barty into a private school which allegedly healed troubled kids. Marlene was almost eleven when her mum told her, almost crying but she didn’t care.

Barty was her only friend and he got to go with her so she had no problem with it.

It was really a miracle that Barty was allowed to attend that fancy private school because his dad was very difficult. Barty never talked about it but it was clear that his dad was abusive and it must’ve taken a lot of convincing from Barty’s loving mum to send him there. Marlene remembered seeing her two days after the decision through a window and it was horrifying. Her whole face was covered in bruises and she was limping. 

What was even more horrifying, was to see Barty three years later, after his dad had hit him for the first time. How often Marlene wanted to do something, to save them, but her mum had always told her there was nothing they could do. Marlene still blamed her for that.

It was in the middle of the Easter break during their fifth year at that private school when it happened. Marlene remembered talking with Mary over her phone when the police cars came. At least six cars were rushing into her street and they were stopping right in front of Barty’s house. She remembered not even saying goodbye to Mary but to rush downstairs and to run to his house with a feeling of panic spreading in her body. And there he was.

Barty stood in the middle of his lawn, hands covered in blood and a guilty look on his face. But it wasn't a guilty look. It was a look of I did something bad . Two years later, Barty admitted to her that he wasn’t feeling guilty or bad about it. The court decided in favour of Barty, that he was acting in self defence and it was probably true, so he moved on with his life.

During that time Marlene was really worried about him but he managed it. He managed it in that hollow school of bastards. Marlene hated that school, she hated it from the second she heard about that stupid house system. 

The so-called sorting system was based on an online test and it sorted them into houses based on their strengths and characteristics. Marlene got sorted into the Gryffindor house, named after a stupid professor who had been very brave or something, meanwhile Barty was sorted into the Slytherin house, named after a professor who was known for his hate against students and for his cowardness. Really fair system. 

In the end they both liked it in their houses but nevertheless it was stupid. Marlene had less time to spend with Barty and that sucked. A good thing was that she met Lily and Mary who she loved. Well, for a long time she loved Mary a bit differently but that settled too. She could remember the first time she told Barty that she liked Mary but that she wasn’t sure if she likes boys too. He immediately came closer and gave her a gross, wet kiss and then she knew she didn’t like boys.

Barty had just shrugged and said, if she wouldn’t like him kissing her, she would like no one and he had been proved right. Barty had been her first kiss and she now knew that he had been Regulus‘ and Evan’s first kiss too.

Barty had met them in the private school as well and Marlene was very glad he did. Evan had helped him through the time when his dad died and she really liked  Regulus. When he fled from his parents house to Barty, she spent many nights with him stargazing and he was also the one who introduced her to Dorcas. Dorcas who he said was the perfect match for her and he was right.

Marlene loved Dorcas. She loved Dorcas' long hair, she loved her flawless face, she loved her voice and the way she held her tight. Dorcas felt like the missing piece in her soul and she could never make it up to Regulus. Regulus who never had been in a real relationship. 

At least Barty found someone as he’d announced today. Marlene was happy for him really, but she also felt bad for not noticing it. Everyone else seemed like they already knew it but Malrene hadn’t had a clue. That’s the result of her studying dozens of miles away from London. She felt guilty for leaving her friends behind so right now she tried to just concentrate on having a great night.

Barty and her were leaning against a wall so that they couldn’t see anything and Barty made a big show of counting backwards so when he finally reached zero the tension in Marlene’s chest was almost unbearable. Oh, how she loved that game.

She grinned at Barty. „Ready to find these motherfuckers?“

Barty put on a menace smile. „Oh I’m born ready,“ he replied.

Marlene snorted. That was such a James Potter thing to say but on the other hand there must’ve been something that Regulus had liked about Barty. She kept her thoughts to herself though, so they started searching. 

The place was big. The shelves were so high and long that they seemed infinite. They were walking on parquet floors and their steps were echoing through the air as they were walking down carefully. 

Barty was looking right and left all at once at the same time but she just wondered how they could find anybody in here until she thought about what Evan had said earlier. 

„No one thinks to look up,“ she whispered under her breath and Barty was looking confused at her.

„What did you say?“ He asked impatiently. 

„No one thinks to look up,“ she repeated louder this time. Barty looked like he was processing this simple thing way too hard but then his eyes flickered and they both looked up at the same time. And there he was hanging on a lamp right over their heads.

„Evan you’re crazy! Have you been following us all the time? Aren’t your arms tired from hanging?“ Barty shouted, sounding very amazed.

„Have you been following us?“ Marlene asked but judged by his grin she already knew the answer.

„Of course! Took you quite a while to figure it out,“ Evan shouted.

He started climbing down and it was amazing. He moved so fast and elegant that he didn’t look human anymore but more like a silver spider. She looked to Barty to her right and saw him staring at him, mouth open with an admiring gaze.

„Love sick idiot,“ she mocked him even though she was more than happy that Barty found his luck. Barty just poked her and went over to kiss Evan.

The kiss was quite attractive, she thought to herself. It was very energetic and passionate and Marlene wondered if Barty was putting on a show when he had kissed her back then, because this, this was a good kiss. A few seconds passed of her awkwardly watching them eating each other, she had enough. They had to keep going anyway.

„You love sick idiots!“ She shouted while pushing them in the direction she wanted to go. 

Barty frowned at her but Evan, who must have forgotten why they were here and with whom, looked embarrassed and more than happy to start moving.

„And you really didn’t see anything of the others?“ Marlene asked Evan once again.

Evan sighed. „As I told you before, I only saw Sirius and Remus going into the staff room but they will kill us if we walk in on them. Where Peter is, I don’t care, he probably went somewhere else because he had enough. Regulus is good at hiding and we won’t find him so practically the only one left is James.“

He was right. He had told her the exact same thing three times before but Marlene needed to hear it again. They have been searching for the others for forty minutes now and it was getting exhausting. She would’ve come out at this point of the game but her friends were too stubborn. 

The only one who still had energy was Barty who was jumping ahead shouting phrases which didn’t even make sense everywhere. Someone needed to take that kid away from coffee. 

They now walked to the last possible hiding spot that they hadn’t checked yet. It was a big, U-shaped room with loads of packets around the middle. She squinted her eyes until she could make out a shape behind one of the bigger packets.

„Got ya‘!“ She and Barty shouted at the same time. She looked at him, grinning, until she noticed that he was pointing to the opposite side where James was.

And there they were coming out of their spots. James and Regulus had been hiding at the same place. When they saw each other their faces went synchronously from shock, to fear and to anger in the span of milliseconds.

„What the fuck Potter?!“ Regulus shouted at him but his anger wasn’t convincing. Had he known that James was there with him? 

„Piss off!“ James said annoyed, pushing Regulus who had walked in front of him away. Regulus looked furious now and before anybody could do something, he jumped forward and hit James as hard as he could in his belly. 

Marlene was shocked. That escalated quickly but Evan sprinted to Regulus and held him before he could do more stupid things. James was curling in pain but he still groaned and looked like he would attack the boy back at any second. Marlene and Barty stepped forward and pulled James to their side, while the other two were walking somewhere else. What the fuck was that?

The thing is, Regulus knew that James was in that room. Yes, he didn’t see him but obviously he heard that someone was breathing and he basically studied the way James breathed. 

It was soft and calm, but also filled with a note of excitement. He also liked James' smell. James smelled like the air after the rain and it always reminded him of his few happy days with his dad, the days where he was riding his horse Buttercup (named after a stuffed cat he had until his mother threw it away because he was too old for such things) while his dad was watching him from the terrace of their holiday house in Scotland. 

This was one of the few good memories of his childhood and when he needed peace, he always went back to it so James simply existing always gave him nostalgia. He knew that James was there but instead of avoiding him or doing anything about it, he just sat there and enjoyed James' presence. Pathetic.

Honestly, Regulus thought he deserved the ugly results of his action. When the others came in he panicked and immediately offended James. James who had nothing to do with it and who probably didn’t even notice him. But that’s how Regulus is, a pathetic bastard who always blamed other people for his mistakes.

Evan and Regulus were sitting in a different room now. It was a small storage room, with cool air conditioning. The room had one heavy metal door and walls of steel. 

Evan was sitting across the room, gaze fixed on Regulus. It was clear that he expected him to start first but he really didn’t want to. Yes, he knew it was stupid and that he overreacted but he had his reasons and Evan knew that.

After a while, his friend sighed and started talking. „So, you know it was stupid?“ Regulus said nothing. „Jesus, now you’re just playing grumpy tomato. It’s your own fault that you hurt your cute love-interest.“

Again, nothing. „Arghh, you’re so unbearable. You know that there will be an apology session?“

He looked up in panic. „What?“

„Oh please you don’t think he will let it be, do you? It’s bloody James Potter,“ Evan explained the obvious. Please, he thought, please don’t let me talk with him tonight. „Did you know that he was in the room?“

Silence. Evan laughed and shook his head in disbelief. „Oh my god, you’re crazy, let me tell you this.“

„Enlighten me, what was I supposed to do? Not seeming surprised and angry about it, basically telling everyone including him I have a crush?“

„Who of you was the first one in the room?“

„James,“ he answered confused. „But I—“

„So then he would get the questions. If you hadn’t been this aggressive you could’ve played it on him and lied that you didn’t know he was there.“

He felt dumb. Yes, of course James should’ve known he was there and why didn’t he say anything? The second sentence didn’t make sense to him though. Why wouldn’t lie to embarrass James, who probably just didn’t want confrontation. 

„But I wouldn’t want to hurt him,“ he said honestly, sounding like a lovesick bird.

„But you did!“ Evan replied louder. Pretty rude if you asked him. „You did without even thinking why he didn’t do anything beforehand.“

„I figured to avoid confrontation or that he just didn’t notice me,“ he admitted shyly.

„Bullshit, that bloody bastard is in love with you!“

What? Potter wasn’t in love with him, he hated him.

„Please, don’t plant that shit into my head. You know how long I’ve tried and how hard it is for me, to be in love with him? Hope only makes it worse.“

„Would you leave Remus mum out of this?“ Regulus rolled his eyes. „And haven’t you noticed how weird he was acting today? This man is obsessed with you.“

Regulus was angry. Instead of him being left alone, Evan had made it and gave him the idea of him and James being together. It was so stupid that the idea alone gave him goosebumps and it would take another five years from now on to get over this and Evan knew that. So why, why would he do that to his mental state?

„Fuck you,“ he murmured but before Evan could respond the door slung open and James entered the room.

James' belly hurt. Regulus might be a small boy but damn, his hits were powerful. He wondered what he did to deserve it. Had he pushed him? Yes. But that was no excuse for this and it pissed James off. What pissed him off even more was that Marlene and Barty were looking disappointed at him . 

He did nothing bad that they knew about and clearly he was the injured one.

„What?“ He growled which caused them to look even angrier. Marlene looked like she couldn’t believe it. „Tell me, what is it?“ He asked louder this time.

„Oh I just thought you would find an excuse or something like that,“ Marlene snapped.

„For what?“ James asked too loudly. „He fucking hit me, not the other way around!“

„Oh please, as if you didn’t push him first,“ she countered.

„Yes, I did but it hardly affected him, I just don’t understand why you are blaming me.“

„He had his reasons, Potter,“ Barty entered the conversation. „What are yours?“

„He’s so rude to everyone, somebody had to show it to him.“

He was lying. He was such a bad liar that he couldn’t even convince himself. This hadn’t been the reason. In fact, James had panicked when everybody was looking at him and Regulus. When the boy came closer to confront him, he could sense his body heat and it kind of embarrassed him? No, it was kind of nice actually but the glances of the other one’s were so intriguing and it felt like drowning. Shoving Regulus away had been the most peaceful way to not cause a scene.

On the other hand though, Regulus was always so rude to everyone and nobody stood up to him. What did that boy have that everybody fell in love with?

It had been quiet for a while now and he slightly looked up to find a disappointed looking Marlene and an amused Barty. Was there something he didn’t notice? Eventually Marlene smiled too. What was so funny? Barty even chuckled now and a few seconds later they were full on laughing. As crazy as they were, he had to admit that their energies fit perfectly together.

„Okay,“ James asked defeated. „What is it?“

It took a while until they managed to keep a straight face. Barty sat back and it looked like only Marlene would be explaining the world to him today, great. 

„It’s just that you are a terrible liar,“ she told him with a smile on her face. „What’s the real reason?“

Normally James never felt like silence. He found it discomforting and it always felt like he was expected to say something. There were only a few people he could be silent with, to be exact Remus and his mum. He didn’t enjoy it with them either but it also wasn’t eating on him like with other people.

Strangely, he never liked silence when it came to Sirius. Sirius had been his best friend since ever but their friendship was wild and never quiet. It was reasonable that he hated silence with Peter though. Peter always made some nervous fidgeting noises and it drove him crazy.

He hated silence and after a few seconds of Marlene staring through him he already crumbled weakly. 

„I—I don’t know,“ he murmured defeated. Marlene sighed.

„Different question: Who was the first one hiding in the room?“

There it was, the question James had been avoiding. He was the first one and it was his fault that it escalated that quickly. The more important question was why? That was the question he’d been asking himself since Regulus entered the room. That and why he was enjoying his presence. Why was he enjoying his slow breathing and why was his heart pounding because the other boy had sneezed one time?

„Me,“ he admitted. 

„Okay,“ Marlene started but he already didn’t like where this was going. „May it be because you like him?“

Did she lose her eyesight? He clearly hated him. He just had a big fight with him so he clearly didn’t want to be friends but something about Marlene’s voice sounded like she didn’t mean that.

Really, the idea of him liking Regulus was absurd and Marlene wasn’t making sense.

„What do you mean by I like him?“ He asked.

„Well, in romantic matters.“

„What!“, James shouted, sounding a bit too offended so he continued calmer. „I’m not gay.“

Barty, who had been quiet for a few minutes, joined the conversation. „Oi! A bit too defensive considering that all your friends are gay!“

„I’m sorry!“ James apologised and he was. He loved his friend and had nothing against queer people but it just caught him in such a surprise. That he loved Regulus Black was such a wild thought and Marlene was clearly delusional. Maybe he started to find Regulus sympathetic, that was a possibility, but definitely nothing more.

On top of that, James was such a straight stereotype and he had dated multiple women, to assume he could be gay was crazy. Surprisingly, that lifted his mood and his stomach wasn’t hurting anymore, Marlene had made it.

„I can assure you I’m definitely not gay,“ he said, now sounding happy. „I’m all yours if you want to.“

Barty snorted and Marlene smiled slightly. 

„I should apologise,“ James said, motivated. „You’re right, it was totally my fault.“

Marlene lifted one eyebrow. „I am?“

„Yes completely!“ He confirmed and went forward to give her a big smooch which clearly caught her by surprise. Barty turned his face to the side, clearly offering a cheek but James ignored him. He didn’t fancy kissing a boy so instead he rushed into the direction Regulus and Evan went to.

When he was standing in front of the door of the room where Regulus probably was waiting for him, James got cold feet again. Hopefully Regulus would forgive him because he really didn’t want to have a discussion plus James didn't like it when he was angry at him. 

He would walk into the room, trying to make a new friend, so he took a deep breath before he opened it energetically.

Evan and Regulus were sitting in the room, clearly in a state of shock. Luckily the air conditioning cooled his red head because blushing was the last thing he needed right now.

„Hey y‘all!“ He greeted them which seemed to worsen their state of shock. Evan raised both of his eye-brows but smiled. Regulus on the other hand just looked very confused with his mouth open until he shook his head.

„Hello James,“ he answered softly and James' heart made a jump because this clearly wasn’t going to turn into a fight.

Evan looked very amused. „I’m gonna leave you two birds alone,“ he said while giving a look to Regulus that James couldn’t read. Regulus frowned back at him but he just thought about what a cute expression that was.

Evan walked out of the room and James noticed that he had been standing in the middle of the room for too long so he sat down in front of Regulus who was mustering him. 

To be fair, James had done that the whole evening so he didn’t mind. What was weird was that the boy always looked away when their eyes met. James didn’t like that. He liked Regulus' eyes, especially now when he wasn’t angry with him.

James also noticed that he shouldn’t be referring to Regulus as a boy in his mind anymore. They were all grown up now and he was clearly not a boy anymore. And his punches definitely were manly. 

There was a long moment of silence until James remembered why they were here.

„Listen I’m sorry,“ he started but he already got interrupted.

„Wait, you’re sorry? I punched you. I hurt you, it’s my fault,“ the man explained but James didn’t pay attention. First, because it was bullshit it was completely James' fault and second, because he only watched Regulus' lips. He never noticed how beautiful his lips were.

„Listen, I provoked you, I pushed you first, don’t apologise for things that are not your fault.“

The other boy, James decided that boy suited him better, looked perplexed. 

„I escalated it though, can’t you let me take this?“

„Nope!“ He responded boldly. Regulus looked like he had just been told he won the lottery. Amazed, but not believing a single word. After a while of silence that James weirdly enjoyed, he remembered what his goal was.

„Friends?“ He asked, sounding very pleading.

Regulus laughed nervously. „Friends, are you serious?“

James grinned. „No but your brother is.“

Regulus stared at him and then burst into laughter. A real laugh. More, more, more, James screamed inside his head. Regulus' laugh was so soft and innocent and it made James feel even warmer so much that his skin burnt. 

Keep going, he begged in his head, don’t stop laughing. Why was that making him feel so good? Why did it mean the world to him that Regulus Black was happy?

Oh. Oh.

Chapter Text

Friends. Friends, he had asked him. Twenty minutes earlier they had an enormous fight and hated each other, and now James wanted to be friends?

Of course he liked the thought of being friends but it wouldn’t be possible anymore to hide his feelings. He had a real laughing attack because James told a stupid Sirius joke and when their eyes met, he just collapsed like a house of cards. He couldn’t always just look away, not if they were friends.

Plus, friends was such a stupid concept. He didn’t need more friends, and his close friends looked hot enough already; a literally shining James Potter would be too much.

What made it even worse was that Evan had planted the idea in Regulus' head that James had a crush on him as well. What a cruel thing to do. Now he saw signs of James being in love with him everywhere and it was impossible to act normal under such circumstances.

Regulus had to tell him that they needed to keep a distance, but when he looked at James with his perfect eyes and his boyish smile that he adored, he couldn’t do it. James had been so happy that they were getting along and he couldn’t break his heart, which was beating a bit too fast for his taste.

„Okay James,“ he started and the tension in James' face was growing insane. „We can be friends.“

Regulus tried to read his face. He was definitely happy but there was something more. There was some sort of strong relief and his face kept blushing since they started talking. 

„GREAT!“ James shouted a bit too loud. „Great.“

There was a bit of an awkward silence. Regulus always liked the silence but when it came to James, he always wanted to hear more. Of course he loved listening to his breath but his voice was a thousand times more beautiful and how his lips moved when he was talking. 

Their eyes met again but this time he didn’t look away. To his surprise, it was James who crumbled this time. He quickly looked away trying not to fold under Regulus‘ gaze. Odd.

Odd and annoying. Why didn’t the boy let him see his face?

„Alright,“ Regulus nervously tried to resolve the awkwardness. „How did we even get here? Why were we hiding in the same room in the first place?“

Yes, this question was mean and he would probably get it back but he needed to know. If James wanted to be friends, what was the reason he didn’t say something earlier. Apparently the question was too hard for James because the expression in his beautiful face changed so quickly and he could read none of them.

A minute passed with James arguing in his head, that’s what Regulus could tell, but it didn’t look like he would get an answer soon. 

„James?“ He asked and he could swear the other boy's breath grew more intense because he had said his name? What was that about? Bloody Evan, James didn’t have a crush on him, it couldn’t be.

„Uhm, yes, sorry,“ James responded, avoiding his eyes. „I, I just… I kind of liked your presence.“

James‘ eyes widened at the same time Regulus‘ did. They both were clearly in shock. Had he planned to say something else? Whatever it was, Evan might be right. He liked my presence, he repeated in his head. It was ridiculous that all these little things meant so much to him but he always felt love that intense and there was nothing to do about it. 

No, no, no, this was not happening. He was just going to pass that night and eventually everything would be fine again.

He sighed. He really didn’t want to reveal his secrets but an eye for an eye.

„I knew you were there,“ he admitted, which resulted in a very surprised James, who was still blushing, adorable if you asked Regulus. „I liked your presence as well.“

He had to know. He must’ve known. It was so obvious now, how could he do that mistake, it had to be very uncomfortable for James. James who didn’t look uncomfortable at all, but who was smiling with that boyish smile that could cure any disease, at least any of his diseases. Well, everything except his stupid love. 

With every other friend of James, the boy would’ve made a joke about loving him, but not with Regulus. But it seemed like Regulus liking his presence gave him confidence.

„Well, I guess that’s off the table, but may I ask why you reacted so harshly when the others found us?“ James asked him.

What was the reason? He definitely couldn’t say because he was in love with him and always will be but that that was his defence mechanism because it will never be a thing. But what else could he say? 

„I guess it was because you hated me and I like to be the first one to attack,“ he said, definitely sounding more childish than he planned to. James just looked confused.

When it came to it, Regulus was a genius at lying.

„I never hated you,“ James stated, not realising what a lie that was. When it came to it, James was a terrible liar. He had hated him for so long but now where he wasn’t anymore he immediately forgot every other time. He was sure now that Evan had been right.

„Oh, please. We may be friends now,“ James' breath was again getting more intense because he had said friends. „…but don’t you remember all the times you never talked to me but in a different tone in your voice?“

James looked upset and very regretful like he had just thought about it now. That man was not good at thinking.

„I—I’m sorry. It was only because you hated me,“ James confessed.

„Oh please, you’ve hated me since Sirius left me behind and you didn’t stop even after we made up.“

James somehow looked even more upset and regretful now and Regulus hated it. Yes, he kind of should feel regretful, but seeing him like this was just terrible. James needed to be happy; he wanted James to be happy.

„I’m sorry,“ James stuttered. „That wasn’t fair of me and you had every right to hate me.“

Stupid James, of course, took all the blame again. „No, no, it’s fine. I was an asshole back then so stop blaming yourself for everything.“

James looked less upset but more confident again and Regulus felt a relief in his chest. 

„I wanted to ask you anyway, why didn’t you come with Sirius when he left? Because he had told me that he has offered it to you,“ James asked him quietly.

Oh, they were having that conversation. Regulus hated having that conversation but it was with James, who was interested in finding out what his reasons were.

„Uhm, but you really don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable.“

It was with James who didn’t want to pressure him.

„No, it’s fine. Well, where do I start?“

So he started at the beginning, how it was to grow up in such a household with his mother who always told him he wasn’t enough and gave him the feeling there was no way out. James' face got sadder and angrier with every word that came out of Regulus‘ mouth.

It didn’t hurt him anymore and somehow he loved talking to James.

„…And when Sirius left it was the first time they accepted me as who I am, the first time they called me Regulus.“

„Wait  what would they call you instead?“ James jumped in. 

He couldn’t be serious, right? He must’ve known, he was Sirius's best friend.

„James, you know I am trans, right?“ He asked carefully.

James was clearly surprised, not disgusted, luckily.

„James, you literally knew me when I hadn't transitioned yet,“ he stated, sounding annoyed but he really was just surprised that James didn’t know. That man was really terrible at thinking. Regulus liked it.

„Wait, really? But Sirius always referred to you as Regulus, his younger brother and you always gave male energy.“

Regulus was flattered. James didn’t know and somehow that made him feel warm. It was a similar feeling like when Barty had given him a male nickname the first time they talked.

„Anyways, did somebody ever tell you that you picked a beautiful name?“

A beautiful name. Now Regulus was blushing, James called his name beautiful.

„No, actually no one ever did,“ he laughed. „Sirius told me that I should’ve broken the bloody star name tradition.“

„A star?“

„Yes, Regulus is the brightest star in the Leo constellation,“ he explained.

James muttered something that Regulus couldn’t make out but he could’ve sworn he heard him repeat the brightest star . 

„Anyway, the first time my parents called me Regulus was the day Sirius left. The true reason was because they needed an heir and stupid me thought it was because they accepted me. It took me a year and a lot of bruises to figure out that they only cared for themselves, especially my mother.“

James' mood dropped. He was furious now, like he would seriously damage Walburga if he saw her again. Well, he probably had that feeling before with Sirius.

„You know I’m gonna kill her?“ James asked and Regulus‘ heart started beating faster. Yes, because of a death threat but it was against his mother.

„You’re amazing.“ The words just slipped out of him but he meant it and James looked very pleased as if he just won a trophy.

„You are amazing,“ James whispered and they were closer now. Regulus‘ heart kept beating faster than ever and he could feel James breath on his skin. 

He needed him. He needed to feel him, needed to feel his lips. Before he could even process it he leaned forward and his lips were touching James‘. 

It was quick and so sweet and James, who tasted like summer, didn't flinch back. Regulus didn’t want to stop, never again would he breathe through his mouth. The kiss had just been two or three seconds long but it felt like ages. 

It was first when he hated himself when he looked at James‘ face. The other boy was completely pale and in shock. Fuck. 

„Fuck, fuck, fuck,“ he started to panic.

Where was the door, he needed to find the door. It took him way too long to find it, he had to get away. The horror got worse and the door didn’t open.

„Fuck!“ He hissed, not looking at James. Why were they stuck? He shook the door over and over again but nothing changed. He looked at James who was still sitting in the same position with the same expression as before.

„James!“ He instructed. „If you tell any soul about this I will kill you, do you understand? And I dare you to talk about this with me!“

James didn’t respond so he walked to the furthest corner from James. The room was too small and right now it seemed like it was shrinking.

James was in love with Regulus. He knew it now, he might as well own it. An annoying side effect was that he couldn’t stop blushing since he discovered his love and it was getting obvious.

James thought Regulus already knew about his attraction towards British, small, black-haired boys because he wasn’t good at hiding it. Great , he had screamed a bit too enthusiastically for him just wanting a new friend.

After that Regulus asked him why they were in the same room in the first place and stupid as he is James admitted because he had liked his presence. Honestly the words came out of his mouth before thinking because there was no way he would say that with a clear head.

The first time he let the possibility of Regulus having a crush back on him come to his mind was when he said he liked his presence as well. That wasn’t a thing you just say back to be polite, right?

James also learned that Regulus had noticed that he had hated him. He was mainly just angry with himself for letting Regulus see that he didn’t like him before. It was absurd how much he despised him before and a he just tried to forget that part of his life because now it was all love.

It was all love when he was watching how the other boy moved his mouth when he spoke, it was all love when his breath got more intense because Regulus was saying the word friends and it was all love when he wanted to know more about his backstory.

James knew so much about the Black house and Sirius told him everything but he cared because it was Regulus. Regulus who was completely different from Sirius and who was sensing the pressures of the house they grew up in, in a different way from the experiences of his older brother.

They both had their own difficulties and James understood now why Sirius was standing on his doorstep alone all these years ago and the reason he had been angry at Regulus was ridiculous now.

James wasn’t sure anymore if this really had been the reason or if he maybe was hiding the fact that he found Regulus attractive. He was always referring to him as Sirius‘ good looking brother and he never really found girls attractive. He liked them, of course, except did he?

James loved Lily but had he really loved her? She was sweet and kind and she was willing to be his girlfriend. He loved the idea of having a girlfriend and Lily would’ve been the perfect one but he never cried because he lost her. He never felt something in his chest when she looked at him. With Regulus everything seemed different.

James wondered how he had been so oblivious before. He clearly liked boys now but he had always been defending his straightness even when it came to his close friends. He suspected it was because of family pressure.

His parents were the most understanding people there could be but James also knew how long they tried to have children and that they rather waited six years instead of just adopting a child. He also knew what the name Potter meant. It meant so much that soon enough everyone in England would know that a Potter and a Black were dating and that they were both boys.

His mother would’ve tried to protect him from all that pressure but even she couldn’t do it. Nevertheless, James was definitely going to tell her about his new discoveries about himself when he’d come home the next day. 

James also learned that Regulus was a literal star and the brightest too. You are my brightest star , he had whispered to himself and luckily Regulus didn’t hear him. 

The first time James really considered that his star might have a crush on him was when he told him that James was amazing. Amazing . James didn’t know how his body was functioning at this point because his head clearly wasn’t. They came closer and all James could think about were the small, beautiful lips of Regulus‘ and how bad he wanted to taste them.

It took him totally off guard when his dream came true. Regulus kissed him and it felt like a million exploding suns. It was like all the ice creams he ate at once. 

Nothing had ever felt like this and nothing ever will. Please, please don’t stop , James had begged in his head, but it did. It ended way too soon.

James was still in a state of shock and then it happened. Regulus was freaking out regretting it. No, I loved it, I love you, James assured him in his head but his body was still electrified and not able to do anything.

One minute passed and James processed that the door wasn’t opening.

Two minutes and James processed that Regulus was cowering in the corner. 

Three minutes and James was able to move again and one look at Regulus was enough to remind him what was wrong.

Oh no, what had he done? Regulus opened up and he had failed. 

„Reg—“ , James tried to start.

„Don’t,“ Regulus interrupted him, quite harsh. 

„But—“, he tried again.

„Please don’t, just stop!“ The other boy begged desperately.

Okay so apparently Regulus liked him back but didn’t fancy talking about it. How long has this been going on? James thought back to all the times he interacted with him.

All the looks James interpreted as hatred, had they been jealous love looks? Oh. If this was true, James had been such a terrible person. All the times he showed his dislike towards him and the way he did not react after the kiss. He needed to make it right.

James stepped forward. „The thing is—“

„Jamie please,“ Regulus pleaded again, shutting his mouth when he realised what he had just said.

Jamie, oh how much he loved hearing this name when it came from Regulus, or should he say Reggie, with that cute French accent.

„Say that again, call me that again.“

„Jamie?“ Reggie asked, sounding confused.

„Yes, I love that name,“ he said softly while stepping forward to hold Regulus' face. „I love you.“ 

That was an early I love you but he didn’t care. He leaned forward to give Regulus a kiss. First a short one to see if it was fine but when he saw his melting face, he didn’t  hesitate twice and pulled him into a third kiss.

It was a long one and a real one, nothing compared to the other ones. It was intense and James tried to feel as much of Regulus as possible, tried to explore his throat as deep as possible. 

Time stood still. All the kisses James had with girls before that he didn’t like, all the pain Regulus must’ve felt and all the old hatred went into this kiss. The world stood still, just him exploring every cell of Regulus' mouth.

It took longer than he expected and it was probably way too intense but why should he complain? 

Eventually they came to a stop, both visibly satisfied. James felt like smoking right now. 

He wasn’t a smoker, in fact he hadn’t smoked once but sometimes he wished he would, just for moments like these. Oh how he would love to lie in a bed in Italy, arm around Regulus with a cigarette in his other hand. Unfortunately he wasn’t.

No, he was in a stupid, way too cold mall storage room. The fact that they were locked in there didn’t help though it was more bearable with Regulus on his side.

They hadn’t talked about their current situation yet, no, they haven’t talked at all since the incident but James knew that eventually they had to.

He nervously fidgeted his fingers. „I guess, uhm, I guess we should talk about the locked door.“ 

Regulus looked him in the eyes. There was something in his stare. Disappointment? Had he done something wrong? Please don’t be angry with me again, he begged in his head.

„Did I do something wrong?“ He asked, sounding more upset than he should.

The other boy laughed softly and shook his head. „No Jamie, you did nothing wrong,“ his heart immediately jumped when hearing that name. „It’s just that I tried to hold on to this for as long as possible. I know it sounds stupid, but this is the best I’ve ever had and I’m afraid if I walk out of here everything’s gone.“

He mustered the other boy. Was he really thinking that? For all James knew, his body never before felt like this, never felt so electric and it would be his new mission to hold onto that feeling.

„What does my love mean in French?“ He asked while reaching out for Regulus‘ hands.

Regulus looked unsure but eventually he gave up. „Mon amour."

Mon amour, he liked the sound of that. 

„Mon amour, I won’t leave you here. You wanna stay here, I stay,“ he whispered to him, now standing so close their noses almost touched.

Regulus smiled. „You won’t stop calling me that, won’t you?“

He chuckled. „No, never,“ Regulus made a grimace but James could tell he liked it. „Mon amour,“ he added, noticing the small lifting of the other boy’s smile.

It’s really crazy how much he had learned about him in such a short time. Yesterday he couldn’t have told Regulus‘ eye colour but now he knew it, he knew their shape and he knew how cute they could look. 

James felt like he knew every part of Regulus and his love was so, so deep already. A small voice in his head kept asking if these feelings were real or if they were just a creation of one sleepless night. Could one night really be enough?

He was really worried it wasn’t. The feelings he felt right now, the emptiness that was gone and the little tingle in his stomach when he looked at Regulus. 

All these things were worth fighting for and he would but what if it just was an illusion? What if he woke up the next day and didn’t feel them anymore, what if the emptiness returned, even when holding Regulus close?

He liked how things were right now but how could he be sure, in the end it had just been a quick night with a lot of confusing feelings. 

All these worries he had were gone when he looked at his love, son amour, and felt the need to inhale him. 

The door, we are locked, think about the door, James reminded himself.

„Reg, I think we should really talk about the being locked situation.“

„Yes you’re probably right,“ Regulus sighed. „The question is why.“

He was right. Why were they trapped? Someone had done that to them and it definitely wasn't his friends. They are stupid but they have some common sense. Well at least Evan had.

Had the door just shut itself, it was possible but on the other hand it was not that kind of door. Suddenly James worried if somehow they had activated the security system because they would be doomed if the police found out.

People got thrown out of college for more harmless reasons.

„I don’t know,“ he admitted, sounding defeated. He would’ve loved to tell and protect Regulus. „But whoever it was, this isn’t good.“

Now they both looked worried. The other boy slowly walked towards the door. James followed him.

While Regulus tried to listen if he could hear something from the outside James, who always had been more direct in nature, knocked loudly on the door.

„HELLO, SOMEBODY THERE!?“

Regulus jumped up and he realised that he forgot to warn him.

„Potter! Do you want my ears to die?“ He asked in a very attacking way.

James looked ashamed. He didn't fancy the new old name. Jamie sounded so much nicer. The smile on his face dropped and he tried to look as ashamed as possible.

„I’m sorry,“ he replied sadly.

Instead of being grumpy, the other boy immediately started looking regretful. James noticed that his nose was cute when Regulus looked regretful.

„It’s okay,“ he whispered. „It could’ve brought something— besides, why didn’t it help?“

Another great question, why didn’t it help? Their friends should still be there.

„I don’t know, the other should still be there but whatever is the reason, this isn’t good.“

Regulus‘ face symbolised James‘ feelings well. Nothing but worries. They were trapped in a cold room without comfy spots and they had to leave the mall in approximately three hours. 

That was the first time the thought of them getting caught really occurred to him and it was freaking him out. What would he tell his mom? Would he still be able to follow his career path? What was about Mary who technically still was on probation and was at risk of facing jail. 

It was all his fault, he was the reason they were in the situation in the first place. They all would hate him if they got arrested. Maybe Sirius would stay but honestly James didn’t know if he would when he would find out about him and Regulus, his little baby brother.

James anxiety was growing and despite not being alone, the feeling of loneliness in his body was rising. 

After a while of silence James heard a noise, something metallic. He looked around the room, trying to find the source.

„Was that you?“ He asked Regulus but the boy shook his head.

Then there was another noise. This time louder and James could identify it as from outside the room. Then he heard quick steps belonging to just one person, who was getting closer and closer. 

Someone was coming towards them.

Chapter Text

Mary was furious.

Here she was, 1 a.m. in a mall, without her girlfriend who had just broken up with her. Great! 

Yes, it was doomed to happen but of course stupid Evans couldn’t wait to do it privately but had to make a big shitshow where she blamed Mary for everything, again.

She was used to it by now, always being the bad guy. Mary, Lily‘s mattress, Mary, who worked too much, Mary, who imagined a life without children. And now Mary, who was so rude that they broke up.

She knew that Lily saw her as the villain and probably everyone else too but she just had enough.

She obviously noticed that Lily wasn’t alright that night because she wasn’t able to hide her feelings like every other sane person. She figured it had probably something to do with their relationship or James, her favourite subject.

Mary liked James, well not romantically, in that matter, she would prefer Sirius, but James was nice. And clearly gay. He might not know himself but yes it was obvious.

The looks he gave other boys, the tension between him and his former unhappy relationship with Lily, he was just too oblivious to notice. That’s really the only reason Mary didn’t feel too bad for cheating on him whereas Lily still felt the need to be responsible for him.

She was always upset when she saw how James was doing and Mary just didn’t care anymore. Does that make her a bad girlfriend? Maybe.

Maybe, but again her world didn‘t revolve around Lily. Before Lily came, Mary was very happy snogging with boys. In fact, she had made out with 37 until she fell in love with her. She still was.

Lily didn’t realise how much she loved her. She loved her so much but still she was the villain. Just because she wasn’t an attention seeker, she was worse?

What Lily didn’t realise was that Mary obviously found a necklace for her as well. It was supposed to be a sweet joke but no, Lily made everything about herself, once again. 

Maybe it was good that it was all over now so she didn't have to deal with this shit anymore. Maybe she even would get nice evenings now. Really, the only bad thing about the break up was that their friend group would be messed up.

Hopefully Marlene would stay at Mary‘s side because she couldn’t manage everything without her. With Marlene came Dorcas and she liked her. The boys would probably buy Lily’s stupid stories, that she certainly would tell them, but she didn’t care about the boys. They were stupid anyway. 

When she thought about it, she didn’t need Marlene as well, she could handle it alone because she’s not weak like Lily. But on second thought she liked her life as it was. She loved her friends, even the boys.

Mary would be able to handle it but she didn’t want to. She wasn’t ready to. Was one night enough for all her life being thrown over?

Dorcas was staring at her. It had been awkward since the incident. Dorcas had held her there but after that she took a few steps back and started watching her.

Mary didn’t like that. It was that look of trying to figure someone out. It was kind of her own patented look. She was the queen of understanding people. No, not really, she was the queen of finding people's true thoughts, intentions and secrets.

Understanding was not her strong suit. People were so dumb and always used excuses for their actions. How could she understand people if they were acting stupid.

It was an exception that she understood why Dorcas was staring at her but she felt intimidated anyways. Because there wasn’t only wonder in her eyes. There was fear and worry as well.

Mary hated when people worried for her, she was no one you had to protect or who was at a risk. And fear? Was she an impulsive dog that is a risk of snapping any second?

It wasn’t fair. Lily was the one who screamed and lost her temper. Mary quickly pushed the Lily-thoughts away. She immediately felt the anger and sadness expanding in her chest.

Sadness and anger, a dangerous combo. 

Dorcas now looked like she wanted to say something, Great! Without realising she sighed. Fuck , she thought, now there was a conversation opener.

„Look, I’m sure you don’t want to talk about it but we should,“ Dorcas started.

Mary ignored her. What else could she do?

„Okay let me formulate otherwise: We talk about this now. I’m not risking you storming off, doing something stupid.“

Silence. How could she respond to that? She was no wild tiger but again if she would say something it would sound very angry because she was.

„Come on, it’s not like I’m on Lily‘s side,“ Dorcas continued.

That took Mary by surprise. She was not? That was new. Still, she tried not to answer.

„Oh, this is stupid. I’m fucking helping you.“

Mary bit her lip. „Okay,“ she started, sounding defeated. „What do you mean you’re on my side?“

„Oh I’m not on your side either,“ Dorcas laughed rudely. „All I know is you both had to break up. You obviously had your reasons to not go after Lily who was clearly having a horrible time so who am I to judge. It also doesn’t mean that I’m on your side just because I know that you got her a necklace.“

Stupid, fair Dorcas. Couldn’t she just be on one side? It would make loving or hating her much easier. Like with Pandora, Mary was sure she hated her now so she hated her back, that was easy. 

„Great and what do you think I am supposed to do? Except for talking to you of course,“ she asked loudly, sarcastically smiling at the end.

Dorcas snorted. „Please, you don’t have to play the victim here,“ again, quite rude if you asked Mary. „I want you to assure me to keep away from Lily and that you won’t start a fight.“

„First off, she started the fucking Fight,“ she started loudly.

„Bullshit, you know how toxic it is to say your world doesn’t revolve around her?“

„BECAUSE IT DOESN‘T, I‘M MY OWN PERSON!“ Mary screamed.

Dorcas shook her head. „See, that’s why I think it wasn’t just her who started it.“

No Mary didn’t see. Dorcas’ point was so wrong but she ignored it, she was too angry now and too loud.

„SECOND, what makes you think I’m a sort of unstable person who has to fucking assure you to keep away from her?!“

„Because you are!“ Dorcas replied, now screaming too. „You are boiling right now and that’s fair but that’s why you have to promise because it is important, for Marlene it is.“

Fuck, Mary had lost. It was pretty cruel to bring Marlene into this but yes, she was right. Dorcas was right but unfortunately her own ego was quite big as well.

„Yes, very nice of you to pull her into that!“

„Oh please, as if you didn’t know what dating Lily meant before you started it,“ Dorcas countered.

„Don’t you think I know that?“ Mary desperately sobbed, tears filling her eyes. „I know that this is gonna ruin my whole life and every relationship with my friends.“

Mary was crying now. She hated crying, always had. The way she wasn’t able to control her body and the blurry vision, it all felt so helpless.

She searched for a place to sit down because she feared to pass out. There was nothing or nothing that she saw so she just slowly crawled onto the ground.

Dorcas watched her, at least she suspected that. Mary would watch if someone else was crying on the floor as pathetic as she did. 

Nevertheless the other girl didn’t say a word, probably waiting for Mary to gain control of herself again. She didn’t.

She tried and tried to stop and to just brush it off but how would that be possible. What reasons did she have to get up? No one was here she wanted to see and the coldness of the floor spoke to her.

Maybe some store owners would be finding her the next day and the police would arrest her in a tiny, dirty cell. At least she wouldn’t have to wonder what’s next.

Minutes passed, maybe hours and Mary was still lying there, crying. Her eyes started to feel crusty. She never had a breakdown like this and she was so deep in, she didn’t care about anything.

When Dorcas knelt down next to her, she refused to look at her and she was visibly overwhelmed with the situation. Mary didn’t blame her, not everyone could be like stupid, perfect Pandora. 

„Mary please, I don’t know what to do,“ Dorcas begged. She couldn’t answer.

What had happened to the strong, self confident Mary? It felt like everything was crumbling down on her, all the relationships she had, all the times she rushed into a new one to not have to face her feelings. It was all coming down now.

The one moment she had to be strong, she failed.

„Shit, okay I’m going to find Marlene, okay?“

She didn’t respond but a few seconds later Dorcas was gone.

Evan walked out of the room with a high boost of confidence. Regulus and James would be making out any minute, there was no doubt.

When he found the others he smiled at them.

„Hello! I think it’s just going to be us three for a while.“

„What happened?“ Marlene asked excitedly.

„Well, tell me why James Potter was in such a good mood? And did you know that he hid first in the room?“

„Yes, he told us. His conclusion was that everything was his fault and he gave me a big smooch afterwards.“

„He kissed you?“ Evan asked.

„Yes,“ Barty snorted. „And I offered him a cheek but he fucking ignored me.“

He had refused Barty‘s offer? How could you not say yes to kissing Barty. Fool. Evan looked at his beautiful face, all the fine lines, a signature of God's hand. 

He wanted to eat it right now, not softly, roughly, leaving marks of himself everywhere so that everybody knew the boy was his. He stepped closer.

„Awww, did he ignore you, you poor little mouse.“

„Yesss,“ Barty sobbed. „And he’s number four on my hot friends I would shag list.“

Number four? They definitely had too many hot friends.

„Uhm, would you tell me who the other three are?“

Barty laughed. „Well number three is Remus of course and I think no one blames me—“ No Evan didn’t blame him. Everyone who fancied boys had at least had one minor crush on Remus Lupin. „—Number two is Regulus, I’m sorry Baby, don’t be mad but it’s bloody Regulus.“

Well to be honest he was a bit mad. He knew for a fact how long Barty had a crush on Regulus and it was so hard staying friends with them while being so incredibly jealous. On the other hand he was just being called Baby and even though it was classic, he fancied it.

„My number one, of course, is you,“ Barty finished, stepping closer, offering himself and well, Evan took it. There was no way of resisting and he wanted it so badly.

He got carried away a bit, to be fair, they both did. It was getting so intense that once again Marlene interrupted them.

„I really don’t wanna be the bad guy but could we keep moving? I’m getting lonely here.“

Evan thought of a million different insults flying around in his head but he was in a good mood.

„Ok, it’s you who is missing out on a great show! What do you think, we should find the girls?“

„Yay,“ Marlene clapped in her hands. „Dorcas and I are going to teach you how a real show looks like.“

He mustered her. She didn’t look crazier than usual but she was definitely not sane. Not even Remus and Sirius could pull off a better show than they did. You can’t beat perfection.

They slowly strolled to the big supermarket where the others went when they had split. It was their next destination anyway and they had a great time.

Evan would soon learn that the way was way more fun than the actual place. For one reason, he had Barty and Marlene to entertain himself. With the two of them, he could just relax and sit back, metaphorically, as they were running back and forth, screaming and laughing while hyping each other up.

The second reason why the way was more fun was what happened when they arrived. Another interesting thing happened though.

As he was watching the power-duo in front of him, he noticed Lily and Pandora hiding behind a corner.

He first blinked twice because why would they be hiding? Then he saw Lily cowering on the ground with a noticeable struggle to breathe. Pandora was crouching next to her, probably trying to calm her down.

Evan thought about whether he should do or say something but then his eyes met Pandora‘s. Pandora hardly stared at someone’s eyes but when she did it was to express something.

The message was clear: Don‘t. He didn’t do it but continued with a numb feeling in his guts. What possibly could’ve been the reason for Lily being in such a state and well, the rest of her group wasn’t doing better.

They were almost there when Dorcas found them. She was clearly out of breath and her eyes were filled with panic. 

„Oh god Dorcas, what happened?“ Marlene asked trying, come off very calmly but it sounded very anxious.

„Ma—Mary… She isn‘t doing well,“ Dorcas gasped. „Her and Lily— They had a big fight. They—They broke up and I never saw her like that.“

Oh. That explains a lot. Not only the interaction he and Pandora had before but also why the group dynamic had been off. When he thought about it, Mary and Lily had been in an unhealthy relationship for quite a while.

There never have been public fights but they showed no affection to each other and made snippy comments.

While they were running to Mary, Evan thought about what state she would be in. No one had ever seen her weak or harmed and just the thought alone gave him chills.

It was worse than he imagined it and he tried to forget it as quickly as possible. 

Somehow Marlene managed to calm her down, whispering things in her ear. Without even noticing it he moved closer to Barty who was holding him now.

It was a terrible experience seeing a friend suffer like this and it made him realise how much he needed Barty really.

Stupid, he knew. But he thought about which state he would be in and the answer would be dead or a murderer. Probably both.

As toxic and dangerous it sounded, that would be the purest form of love. He wouldn’t even try to heal, what would be the point?

He liked the thought and it pleased him even more that Barty would do the exact same thing. They really were made for each other.

Mary finally got onto her feet again but she couldn’t bear to look anybody in the eyes. Head bowed, she moved with them.

The night was definitely over now so they went to find the others. If he ignored the other circumstances he was even excited to find Regulus and James kissing.

They still hadn’t figured out what to do if they ran into Lily and honestly, Evan couldn’t picture one way where it would end well or okay.

That was a problem for later because they had other stuff going on. For example that someone had suddenly switched on the big mall lights and that they could make out stepping noises from the entry.

The first time Pandora had noticed she was different was at the age of six. When all the people she had called her friends slowly started excluding her.

She didn’t notice at first because how would she, but her mother had held her one afternoon and said she was sorry about what her best friend had done.

Pandora had been confused, it was just a harmless prank, friends always played like that. Also their family had enough money to pay the best hairdressers so what was the matter, it was not like her friend had cut her with the scissors.

After that she observed closely what her mother was doing, every step she took, Pandora mirrored it. As much as she loved her mother, that didn’t help her make friends at all.

She tried so hard to make friends but all her attempts failed. Her mom had always told her to sit straight up when she was eating and that this would make people like her. As a result she reminded everyone to straighten up so that other people would like them too.

She didn’t have many friends. Most of the time she sat on an empty table at lunch. 

Pandora loved to talk, she always blabbered like a waterfall driving their butlers crazy. When she had no one to talk to she just had conversations with the squirrels in their back garden so she spent a big amount of time outside.

Sometimes she imagined that the squirrels were knights who lived a long time ago and that’s why they were so invested in her stories. That thought had always made her giggle. 

Most of the people, including her father, thought she was a weird child. She never understood that because she had been very reasonable.

The harder she tried, the worse it got, too. Eventually she learned how to read people’s minds based on their microexpressions. That helped her but with her new skill she also learned that most of the people wanted her to shut up.

She did. And still people found her weird. 

The first person she really bonded with was a thin, British, black-haired boy.

She and Regulus Black met at one of these pureblood meetings she had to go to because of her noble family name. Lestrange didn’t even sound that good.

Regulus had been alone because Sirius was sick. Knowing his parents, he must’ve been really sick. 

Regulus had been very shy but their parents said they should play together. They both were nine and didn’t talk and Regulus kept looking away. Pandora, weird as she was, kept staring at him, trying to understand his actions.

After clearly being afraid, he tried to make himself bigger.

„You know I’m very dangerous just so you know!“ The small boy said.

„And I can bite!“ She replied while clattering with her teeth and pushing Regulus softly. When he flinched as a reaction to that she noted in her mind that he didn’t like being touched for later.  

After that they quickly started talking and they weirdly understood each other. In the following years their bond became closer and their dynamic changed.

Pandora tried more and more to be there for Regulus and he kind of became her favourite person. Not like that but more like an obsession.

From that point on it became her mission to make Regulus Black feel secure. 

She faked the answers on her online test to get sorted into Slytherin as well. She still thought that was a brilliant idea because being in the same dorm helped a lot.

In their first year, he already looked like a boy and went by the name Regulus and Pandora kept all the bullies away from him. She helped him in all possible ways throughout the years, it got better though. She didn’t feel responsible anymore.

What Regulus didn’t realise was that he helped her a lot too. He was always a safe place to look at and he made her feel comfortable.

It was her deepest bond so when he got new friends, Pandora did as well. Surprisingly everyone liked her immediately and she suspected that was caused by her empathy skills.

Or her fraud skills because she really only learned to say the right things but she didn’t feel it. 

That brought her into the current situation where she was the person who had to comfort Lily, who clearly wasn’t all right, without even knowing what to do. 

Lily was heading to nowhere. She walked swiftly with her nostrils still fluttering. Pandora couldn’t even see her face. 

She thought about what to say but that was hard because she didn’t even fully understand Lily. It was obvious that she felt sad and maybe angry but why?

She broke up with Mary because she was unhappy so that should’ve made her happy so why the drama? Of course Pandora didn’t tell her that. She started more delicately.

„So Lily, how are you?“ It sounded better in her head.

„Fine!“ Lily answered quickly. 

She just nodded because what else was there to respond. They kept going until they heard the voices of Barty and Marlene. Suddenly Lily was in a rush to hide behind a corner.

Pandora first wanted to ask her why they were hiding but she had other problems. Lily had struggle breathing again.

She didn’t know what to say so she just began to breathe loudly again. Eventually it helped but unfortunately Evan spotted them.

She just gave him a long stare signalising him to let it be. And he did. So now her only problem was Lily again.

„Are you alright?“ She asked but Lily just sniffed.

She hugged her softly. What else was there to do?

„Why did you want to hide from Marlene?“

The other girl swallowed. „I don’t know,“ she stuttered in that voice everyone close to tears has.

„Okay, but you are avoiding her, right?“

Lily nodded.

„Okay, I just want to find out. It has something to do with Mary, am I right?“

Another nod. 

„Are you afraid of her reaction?“

„Y-yes, Mary is her best friend and she used to have a crush on her,“ Lily stuttered.

Pandora made an understanding noise which hopefully didn’t sound rude.

„But you two are friends for the exact same time, why would she abandon you if that is what you fear?“

„Of course we are friends but what if she thinks I’m the villain here? I was the one who screamed.“

„Oh honey, I think no one is the villain here. Most of the relationships end and some in a big bang. That’s just reality.“

„I know but friends normally choose sides, don’t they?“

Pandora thought about that. She and Mary weren’t the biggest friends but if she imagined Barty and Evan would break up like that, she wouldn’t choose sides. Of course there wouldn’t be sides because they’d both kill each other or themselves immediately, but still.

„I wouldn’t choose sides,“ she stated. „I mean I’m not but especially I wouldn't if it was about my two best friends. I’m sure Marlene still loves you both.“

Lily was quiet after that. Her breathing had calmed down and she was clearly thinking about that. After a while she nodded.

„You’re right. I won’t lose her or anyone.“

Except for Mary was the addition that she didn’t say but both heard it loud in their minds and Lily‘s facade was crumbling again.

Pandora quickly tried to distract her.

„Okay! What do you think, should we find Remus and Sirius?“

Lily‘s eyes lifted up. „Oh yes please, where are they anyway?“

„I think they went to the storage section and they are probably sleeping with each other.“

„You can call it by the name, they’re shagging!“ Lily grinned.

Pandora smiled but she thought that the other girl was being very inappropriate. 

„Do you know where Regulus and James are though?“ Lily asked her.

„No,“ she even hadn’t thought about them. „But I think we should find them too because they are probably at the edge of hurting each other.“

„Oh yes,“ Lily agreed. „I don’t know why but Regulus always had something against him.“

„What?“ Pandora asked loudly. „No, no, no, Regulus definitely doesn’t hate him and I know that. Also James clearly has something against him.“

Lily looked confused.

„Oh, I know he’s acting strangely around Regulus but I thought that was because he secretly had a crush on him.“

They looked at each other and suddenly it became very clear. Oh, this would be exciting in the future.

Lily looked happier now but just as they arrived in the storage, the big lights switched on and they could hear the entry door swinging open.

Lily looked around a corner and then turned to Pandora. 

The police , she mouthed with a concerned look. Why were the police here?

Chapter Text

Peter stood outside of the mall entrance, anxiously waiting. What had he done? No, he had gone over that for a thousand times and he was in too deep now. This wasn’t a spontaneous decision, he had precisely planned this for weeks.

This was crazy, his friends were lunatics. Who was stupid enough to think they could honestly break into a high secure mega mall. Oh, and how proud of themselves they sounded, as if they had broken the code of life.

„Oh come on Wormtail, for once don’t be the boring one,“ Sirius said annoyed. 

Annoyed because Peter was being the unreasonable one here, as always. There was not a single time he said no to a stupid prank of his friends, never.

Of course he often had objections because he actually didn’t need stupid thrills and he always thought about the risks such as getting kicked out of school or later from university or being imprisoned.

Oh, his friends were so good at math and poetry but when it came to realism and seeing the danger in things they had two brain cells. 

Remus was less bad than Sirius and James and he sometimes even expressed concerns but then it was always you are right and bloody Remus, what would we do without him. Peter was the boring one though. No, not Peter but Wormtail.

They were in third year when they made a stupid online test on what animal they were. Remus got a wolf and that’s why they called him Moony because wolves howl at the moon.

Sirius was a dog, even though he always said black dog because black was allegedly a cool colour, and it fit him. The name Padfoot matched as well and it even sounded cool.

James got a stag and Peter had really wondered how accurate these tests could be even though there was no science behind that and then he got his spirit animal.

A rat.

Peter was a rat, of course. The most loyal one of their group was a rat. That day was also the day Sirius invented the nickname Wormtail because a rat hadn’t been bad enough.

Peter told him and James a million times to stop calling him that but no, his friends couldn’t grant him that simple wish.

„Please Wormtail, we understand your worries and what Sirius was trying to say that we would really enjoy your presence,“ James reassured him but Peter was speechless.

James Potter, who was such a good guy, who even hated hide and seek because he was afraid of being alone, lied straight to his face without even flinching.

What Sirius meant was that Peter shouldn’t be such a boring bitch and that’s what he said. 

He hated to admit it, but these things hurt even more when they came from James. James had been his oldest friend and back then it was just them. They had met at a playground and immediately started bonding.

After three hours of playing, approximately two hours of James talking during that time, Peter came home and told his mom about his new friend.

His mom had not been that excited about it but after she had first talked with Effie she allowed it. No one could resist being charmed by Euphemia.

The years after that, it had just been James and Peter, the duo. He knew everything about James because he was an amazing listener and James a great yapper. 

Peter had been so excited to go to the boarding school so they could finally spend all their time together. His Excitement faded when they entered that train that took them to the school.

Many people described Sirius and James as one force, a natural phenomenon and Peter agreed. Only he knew what it was like when they first met though.

He and James had searched for a cabin but they were all full except for one with a black-haired boy. They had politely asked if there was room for them and Sirius, as he was, had introduced himself, invited them in and immediately began to explain how his mother had forced all the other kids he liked to sit somewhere else.

James had been, as he was, very invested and talked back. Their conversation had felt like a thunderstorm of back and forth, and the two boys were lightning bolts. It had taken them twenty minutes until they were both bursting into laughter.

Peter hadn’t said a word in all of that and from then on, that was the rule. 

How could a mortal being like Peter enter a conversation of two gods? After one week of school it was just James and Sirius, the two best friends and their roommates Peter and Remus.

Not once did someone assume Peter could possibly be James‘ best friend. It was safe to say that Peter hadn’t liked Sirius. The feeling had been and still was mutual though.

Of course they called each other friends but mostly because they had always shared a dorm and James had that crazy obsession of them four being best friends who would die for each other.

For him it was probably even true but he didn’t see their group from the outside. Two best friends, one couple and one ballast. That’s probably how bystanders saw it and to be honest, Peter too.

There was a time where he had really liked Remus. They had many similarities and were very rational. The big difference was that Remus had always been praised for his intellect and personality by James and Sirius and Peter was the boring one.

The older he got the more Remus had turned into one of them, into a true Marauder and he showed it as much as possible.

Remus wanted to play more and more pranks and he drank more and more alcohol at their stupid parties.

The peak was in that moment, when he tried to bribe Peter into commiting several crimes, by offering him a chocolate box. 

Peter looked perplexed, mouth open. That was the moment where he made his decision, when all his friends had turned into monsters.

„Yeah sure, for chocolate I’m in!“

Peter looked nervously at his watch and ate another chocolate bar. Was there something wrong, why were they taking so long? What if the others would be wondering where he was? No, he got smarter in the nick of time. Probably no one even wondered where he was and he had thought about all the possibilities over the last two weeks, there were no risks.

Peter went to the library. Not to do research in books but because he needed a place without his friends and he didn’t own a computer so he used one of theirs.

He found out that the plan was even crazier than he assumed. There were cameras all over the place and security guards began their routes at 4:30 am. The plan was to leave at 4. 

Knowing his friends, they could never keep the time limit. He only needed a plan where they left as much evidence as possible. He researched more about the infrastructure of the building and found something interesting. 

There were silent alarms at all the entries except for the vents. He also found out that there were cameras in the vent which meant that if they would be crawling through them, all their faces would be caught.

All this information was public so clearly they would come across these things too but Peter was pretty sure they wouldn’t give a damn about the cameras because they felt too safe.

It was nighttime when he finished everything that he needed to, he had even looked up that the nearest police station was 2 minutes away and there was hardly any crime in the area.

He entered the dorm and the three boys sat on James’ bed, gathered around a piece of paper.

„It’s time you came,“ James grinned at him and Peter felt an ache in his chest. „We printed out the floor plan!“

He walked over, they were faster than he gave them credit for. They had even marked the vents already.

„We even know how to get in!“ Sirius told him, smiling too. 

„No way, how?“ He asked, trying to sound as surprised as possible.

„Through the vents!“ Sirius said enthusiastically.

„Wow, that’s brilliant. Great work Moony!“

„Oi!“ James shouted. „Why do you think Remus discovered it? Of course he did but that’s mean.“

„You can’t convince me you two idiots could come up with such an idea,“ he laughed but the happiness was hurting him. He wished the moment would end.

„Thank you, thank you,“ Remus calmed the situation but it was too late.

Sirius and James had both taken a pillow which they were hitting Peter simultaneously with and a few seconds later they had a huge pillow fight. Four grown men.

The evening was too nice. They had too much fun. 

Peter read a bit until all his friends were asleep and snoring. Then he cried himself to sleep.

James roughly woke him up the next morning. Peter had a headache.

„Come on mate, you have lectures“, James shook his arm.

Oh right, he had lectures because he wanted to become a lawyer. His head was filled with so much other trouble that he had totally forgotten.

It didn’t help his headaches that James was really caring for him right now. He couldn’t allow himself to miss another lecture and James knew that.

„What‘s the matter Prongs?“ He heard Sirius’ voice from across the room.

„He needs to wake up because of a lecture— if he misses it he fails.“

„Let him sleep,“ Sirius grunted. „Failing once isn’t that deep, he cares way too much about that stuff anyways.“

James didn’t listen but kept on shaking Peter until he finally sat up.

„Ok, OK! I’m awake Prongs,“ he said, sleepy and not very casual.

James let out a sigh as Peter shuffled to the bathroom, he needed a hot shower right now. 

Twenty minutes later he was ready to leave and James threw a bagel to him as he was walking out of the door. James really loved his bagels and it was like receiving chocolate from Moony.

When he arrived at the lecture hall he was thirty minutes early so it was empty. The only other person there was a girl in the first row who was two years older than him. 

He knew her barely from parties and she was a very kind person, always smiling. She waved at him, gesturing that he should come sit next to her so he did. He would be needing new friends anyway.

„Hi,“ he greeted her.

„Hi,“ she smiled at him. She looked a bit similar to Lily. „Did your clock not work right as well?“

„No but I have an annoying roommate who made sure that I don’t fail this class,“ he groaned but he tried to not sound too serious.

„Oh, that sounds lovely! Are you two good friends?“

Peter froze. He didn’t know the girl, not even her name and she wouldn’t even care if he lied. On the other hand she wouldn’t care about it and they didn’t spend time together, so why lie?

Plus, the guilt was nagging at him and talking almost always helped.

„Well,“ he began nervously. „I’m actually trying to end our friendship.“

She didn’t answer, which was very kind. Nobody would like to explain why and she respected that.

„But since I made the decision in my head everything is perfect with them, him, and I don’t know if this is the truth or just an exception,“ he described his problem further.

„Uff, I know that feeling, these are the so-called rose-tinted glasses. Everything seems perfect right now but if you decide to stay you see the downsides again,“ she explained and Peter was nodding along, this made sense.

His friends weren’t always like that and his mind just ignored the bad things right now. For example Sirius that morning. He didn’t even care what Peter had wished for in the past.

James had been nice, yes, but this wasn’t just about him and he was rude too. For example when he kept calling Peter Wormtail. No, his friends weren’t saints and he had the right to execute his plans.

„Thank you!“ He thanked her, ready to head to the library.

„You’re welcome, Ey, where are you running to, we have a lecture?“

Oh right, he sat back down.

„So excited to dump your friends, they must be really bad,“ she assumed but Peter just murmured something under his breath. Thinking bad about them was fine but talking bad about them just felt wrong.

The rest of the day didn’t go as planned. Peter went to their dorm to drop his things off and he found his friends putting on hiking clothes, or the most similar to that which they owned.

„Am not!“

„Are too!“

„Am not!“

„No, you are not!“

„No I am… Damn, you tricked me!“

James looked at Sirius, pleased and then he turned to Peter.

„Great, you’re finally there! Do you agree that Sirius is a dork who should get clothes which don’t contain leather?“

Peter laughed. „The only thing I’m agreeing to is that you two are bloody childish.“

„Cheers mate!“ Remus shouted which caused Padfoot to look angry at all of them.

„Where are you guys going?“ Peter asked to quickly change the topic.

„WE are actually going hiking around a big lake Sirius told us about,“ James grinned at him. „The lake is owned by the Black family and there are no people allowed.“

He sighed. It should’ve annoyed him but he honestly was in the mood for nature and he even fancied the criminal aspects.

Technically Sirius was a Black and could talk himself out of it but still. Plus he should spend as much time with these idiots as he could.

„Alright just let me use the bathroom really quick and then I’m ready!“

James looked like someone had kidnapped Peter and replaced him but he mostly seemed very excited.

„Ok,“ James nodded and he saw Sirius mouth what the fuck? „That sounds great!“

An hour later he was lying in grass with Remus enjoying the waterside and Sirius and James playing around in the lake.

It was a sunny day but the heat was still bearable, he even enjoyed it. Remus still wore one of his sweaters, reading like a maniac.

Peter didn’t understand him. If he had a boyfriend like Sirius, he would definitely prefer watching him but Remus probably saw more the most of the time anyway.

Peter closed his eyes and listened to the sweet sounds of nature and to his friends laughing.

When they arrived home later, he instantly went to bed, trying to sleep. The bad feeling was faster though.

Peter sat in the library, listening to music. Their big coup would be taking place in three days.

His friends had been very fast with the planning and his time with them was running out. There were more people invested in it too.

Sirius‘ brother and his friends would be joining them as well as the girls which was a shame if he was honest. He liked some of them very much and they had nothing to do with it.

He figured that they knew what the risks were. Peter’s main reason for his action was his moral code by now anyway. It was the only acceptable truth he had and it was somehow valid. It was very illegal to not report something like that especially if you want to be a lawyer.

His father had always told him that crime had to be punished and celebrated every time he sent someone to prison. He always drank a glass of wine after every trial but for the big cases he saved cigars.

He could still remember the numb feeling he had when he smelled the smoke, knowing another person had been sentenced to death.

It’s quite ironic that he became friends with such troublemakers, his father would’ve had a heart attack if he knew what Peter knew.

He was doing the right thing, legally and personally, though he couldn’t be sure about the last part anymore. The rose-tinted glasses effect was very strong, he didn’t recognise his friends anymore.

They all behaved like angels and the last week had been one of the nicest in his life. There were moments where they were rude again and these were the most painful ones because they reminded him he had to do it and that he was actually unhappy.

Like today, all his friends had gone on a trip without even asking or thinking of him. They had just returned very happy without explaining what they had been up to.

When he had asked about it, obviously a bit upset, Sirius had just told him to not be such a drama queen.

That was also the reason why he was sitting in the library now, crying to Lorde‘s liability .

He looked around while tears were rolling down his face and luckily no one was there. It was okay.

He turned up the volume. Soon it would be over.

The day of the coup came and Peter was losing hair again, though he gained a bit of confidence when it came to his own plan.

He had been shutting himself off the last two days so that it would be easier to leave. It helped. 

He still looked nervous but when he looked at the faces of the other people in the car it wasn’t too conspicuous. Everyone of them worried about the night except for Sirius maybe but the Black was always nervous in cars. None of the others knew why but it helped that Remus was driving. 

They were ten minutes into the drive and nobody had said a word yet. There was a strange energy in the air and Peter‘s seat was getting more and more uncomfortable.

„So, what are you most looking forward to?“ Sirius finally broke the silence.

„Definitely the criminal aspects and the kick it gives me so maybe the climbing,“ James, who had just been woken up from his thoughts, answered, but Peter didn’t because he had only one thing in mind. Climbing.

Peter hated climbing since he could remember. There was just nothing good about it, nothing that spoke to him. James obviously liked the danger of it but that made it worse for Peter. He was a very rational person and knew how much even a small fall could hurt. The craziest part to him was that there were parks just for climbing and even crazier, people went there for fun.

It’s safe to say he wasn’t pleased about the climbing but his friends technically had told him before that they would break in over the roof, he had just pushed the thought of climbing up to reach the roof away.

„And you Peter?“ Sirius asked him.

„Uhm, me? Everything, I don’t really have a favourite thing,“ he stuttered but nobody asked further. 

„I’m looking forward to just taking things from the shelves for free,“ Sirius stated, which brought him a side hit from Lupin.

James also looked judgy. „But nothing too expensive Pads, we are still honourable members of society and we don’t stand above the law“, he rebuked.

„Au contraire, our friend Pete here, is the law!“

„Lawyer,“ Peter blushed. „And I’m not even one yet plus I wouldn’t be above the law.“

„Alright, alright,“ Sirius gave in. „But you would defend us in court, right?“

„If you did nothing wrong, yes. But you did, so no. For Remus, of course.“

„Ey, that’s not even fair!“ Sirius shouted, offended. „I’ll be a Lupin someday too, but he gets the lawyer friend?“

James and Peter looked at each other. Never before had one of them talked about marriage and knowing Remus he was freaking out right now. Contrary to the expectation, Moony didn’t look panicked but more angry.

„No, no, no, I’m not keeping my name!“

„Oh please, I've been dying to not call Black anymore since I was seven. That name gives me a bad reputation!“ Sirius shouted back.

„Well I’m not willing to be named Wolf Wolf anymore. Imagine you would be called Noir Black, you’d want to change too!“

„To be fair, Noir Black would be a fucking hot name,“ James gave his opinion and Remus threw him an angry glance through the rear-view mirror.

„Okay Peter, what sounds better: Remus Black or Sirius Lupin?“ Sirius asked him.

„Well I’m not sure,“ he admitted, causing both Remus and Sirius to be angry at him. „Both names are very cool, I mean compare Lupin and Black to boring Pettigrew .“

„He’s not wrong you know,“ James added. „Can’t you just try a double-name?“

Remus again looked angry at him. 

„No that would suck,“ Sirius jumped in. „That would be a typical lose-lose“.

„Then I don’t know!“ James dramatically threw his hands in the air. „Why don’t you just both take the name of the other?“

There was a beat of silence where everyone probably asked the same questions in their heads.

„Is that a possibility?“ Remus posed that question and everybody turned their eyes to Peter.

„Guys, I want to be a lawyer not a notary,“ he said but all eyes were still fixated on him and he worried that Remus would cause a car crash if that continued. „But I don’t know why it shouldn’t be legal. You’d probably be the first couple ever but you’re not quite conventional anyway.“

„We’d be the coolest couple ever you know,“ Sirius said to Remus in a soft tone. „We‘d be pissing off my parents even more“.

Remus blushed because he probably had just realised that they were talking about their wedding and that Sirius was flirting with him in front of the others. Peter didn’t mind though. He thought it was sweet and he could just imagine how cool their wedding would be.

He even looked forward to it. Oh. He wouldn’t be there. Suddenly the pain in his stomach returned. Why was he doing this to himself? Their wedding would probably be boring as hell and everyone would get too drunk. Or maybe everyone would be happy because Peter was finally gone.

Stop , he told himself. This was torture, his stomach was hurting even more now. It didn’t help that he hadn’t eaten for 40 hours. They arrived and somehow he managed to drag himself out of the car while maintaining a straight face.

Peter was worried that his friends would notice that he was having a hard time but James seemed to have his own problems, pacing back and forth on the street and Remus and Sirius were being gay.

He looked up. It was a clear night and the many stars calmed him down. Peter had always liked stargazing and the beauty of them was just relaxing. Sirius was always making fun of the star names of the Black family but Peter honestly liked it. Not only did each of them have their own star, which was amazing, but they also had that tradition, a thing that defines the family.

The Pettigrews were nothing, no tradition, no honour. His father had been the first successful one of the family, so Peter got to grow up in a nice house with a big garden. As a kid, he had thought their house was big. Then he got to know the Potters’ house. It was a completely different world. 

They had over five guest bedrooms with enormous beds and three living rooms with new TVs. As much as he heard, the Black domicile was even bigger, fitting all families of their sacred blood club. They had multiple butlers, multiple dining rooms and one with a table as long as in Hogwarts. All of that, and Sirius didn’t even appreciate his wealth. He just took it for granted.

James still didn’t understand why Remus and him weren’t inviting people over but he had always been happy to host.

The girls had arrived now and the car of Sirius‘ brother and his friends was just turning into the little street.

The next few minutes were a bit of a blur, but nobody noticed that Peter wasn’t really participating in their conversations. Maybe they even forgot him because nobody talked to him either. He was just standing there while everybody seemed to worry about James.

Not everyone would’ve noticed, but Peter saw how Remus, Lily and Marlene were throwing confused looks to James and all of that because he didn’t talk. Peter also didn’t talk but when it came to James you just had to care about it.

They finally started and Peter survived the climbing. After that they went through the vents and Peter made sure that there were really cameras and he wasn’t disappointed. By the point where they made groups, there was already enough evidence to convict them all.

Peter stayed with the bigger group, containing all the dudes and Marlene. 

He walked behind, unnoticed by the others. He really racked his brains to find a way to sneak away. Yes, it would be easy to just stay behind but they would notice eventually. Or maybe not, maybe he had too much trust in the others. Why didn’t he think of that before?

He pondered desperately to find a solution until Barty and Marlene, just like two angels sent to earth, suggested that they could play hide and seek. That was it, the perfect opportunity. Once everyone would be hiding, they wouldn’t notice him sneaking off and they wouldn’t care or wonder where he was if they were at it for long enough.

So they played hide and seek and Peter wanted to leave as soon as possible but then suddenly he was lost. It was just twenty metres to safety and he would never have to look around again but he wasn’t ready yet.

Panicking, he secretly followed Remus and Sirius. They hid in a small staff room and it was clear what they wanted to do.

Suddenly he got the fear that they would find out about his plan, completely unreasonable but this close to fulfilling it, he stalled as much as he could. Locking them in there would secure that they would be caught by the police and one less risk he was taking.

He locked the door with a key that was inside of it as quiet as possible so that they wouldn’t notice and they didn’t.

Still being lost, he searched for Barty and Marlene again. He found a spot to hide temporarily and when they started seeking, he followed them. 

It took a while, but they finally managed to find James and Regulus. Peter was quite surprised by their fight but he had other worries. For example he didn’t know what to do now, he should’ve just walked away and continued with his original plan. He told himself that he could do that if he had locked up one more person.

Luckily, that opportunity came fast. James and Regulus were talking in a room with a heavy metal door that locked itself when being closed. They probably haven’t checked this detail but they also left it slightly open. 

Peter looked around. No Evan in sight. There was the door, just standing there and it intimidated him. The moment he would close the door, it was done. His life as it had been would never be the same.

If he betrayed James, his oldest and closest friend, there wouldn’t be a going back. It was just a push but it felt like a marathon to the summit of Mount Everest. Every step felt like burning as he was walking to it and the push felt like being stabbed by ten rusty blades and then, silence.

He had done it. Peter stood there, paralysed. His stomach wasn’t hurting anymore. This was it. Suddenly the weight on his shoulders was gone. Yes, he still had things to do but he’d officially ended it. The glasses showed the reality now and he was finally free and new confidence was building up.

Without even looking back he sprinted towards the exit, now there was no time to lose. He pulled out his phone as he was coming to a halt.

999, Peter dialed in his phone.

Hello, Emergency Services here, what is your problem?

„Hello, my name is Peter Pettigrew and I want to report a break-in happening right now in the big mall of London. I’m a member of the friend group who is doing it right now. I’ve been forced to join by intense peer pressure but my plan was to report it right now,“ he repeated the text he had practiced so many times.

Ok, we are sending the police. Where are you and your friends right now?

„I’m at the main entrance and my friends are playing around inside the mall. We came in through the vents and there should be surveillance cameras with clear footage of our heads,“ he informed the woman on the other side of the line.

Okay, we are going to check that. Is there a risk of escapism and why haven’t you reported it earlier?

„No, there is no risk of them fleeing,“ Peter smiled. „I reported it now because now it’s a crime“.

You should have informed us earlier, even before it happens because our goal is to prevent crime.

„Oh, I didn’t know that, I’m very sorry. I thought planning wasn’t something that needed to be reported,“ he said with an innocent voice but he was smiling. He was studying to become a lawyer of course he knew that.

Okay, now you know. Please stay where you are, the police are on their way. A good evening Sir.

„Goodbye.“

Everything was going according to Peter‘s plan. His act as an innocent person who had been pressured to join the others went perfectly. 

He looked up at the sky. There were still no clouds and you could see many stars. The police would arrive any second now, the closest station being two minutes away. 

It had been five minutes since the call now, and Peter's anxiety was rising again. He still felt confident about his action but he worried that something was going wrong. What if the others found out about the people he had locked in? The stomach pain was back too.

To not drive insane, he pulled out his checklist again. The letter which requested a dorm room change had been sent this morning and he had secretly sorted his things. He would block all his friends as soon as he‘d arrive home, including Effie, which would probably hurt the most.

Finally, ten minutes later, he saw the two police cars arrive. An old officer with a moustache was getting out of the first car and next to him a blonde officer with big glasses. 

The officers from the other car were much more interesting though. The two women were clearly sisters, one with dark, messy hair and the other one with straightened, blonde dyed hair. Both looked like they had killed people but their hair seemed to mirror each person’s craziness. The blonde dyed lady had a gaze sharp as a knife but the other one had these crazy eyes which looked like she’d enjoy people’s suffering.

„So, where are they?“ The cop with the moustache greeted him rudely.

“Inside, four should be somewhere in the storage,“ he informed them.

„Okay,“ he waved to the officers from the other car. „Malfoy, Lestrange, start searching and take the dogs with you!“

The dogs, Peter thought and then he saw that they brought two big police dogs with them. This was perfect. 

„Why are you so late?“ He asked as the two officers were walking in the mall.

The police man who clearly had the command looked annoyed at him. Peter didn’t like him.

„There was a drunk guy on the street who we had to arrest but that’s none of your interest. You should better be thinking about what you‘ll do if we can’t find your little imaginary friends“.

Imaginary friends? Why was the officer implying that? They clearly must’ve checked the cameras and they left enough evidence behind. By now they had probably committed theft. Peter's skin was itching and he felt more and more uncomfortable.

„What are you implying?“ He asked sharply.

„Please,“ the officer laughed arrogantly. „We obviously checked the surveillance footage and found out that they are fakes for three months now, because their system is outdated. And you're telling me your stupid story should convince me?“

Peter was stunned. He didn’t know that and suddenly all the consequences he would have to face if everything went wrong, flew into his head. But there was too much other evidence, they left traces.

The next half hour was awkward. Neither of the two waiting cops talked to him and his legs started to hurt. His heartbeat hadn’t relaxed since they arrived either. The speaker microphones that the police used to communicate weren’t functioning so Peter had no clue whatsoever was happening right now.

Peter just tried not to panic but to find other things that didn’t send him into a downward spiral of overthinking.

For example he forced himself to think about where he recognised the two police officers who were searching for his friends, from. He figured that they were no celebrities but their faces looked so familiar, especially the eyes. 

He knew that sounded crazy but it felt like he’d seen these brown eyes a million times. On the other hand, he only saw them for a few seconds and it was dark, so his mind could’ve easily played tricks on him but that would be unusual. Normally, he’d always stood corrected.

His observing mind also noticed that it had been quite a while since the searching started and that he should be concerned about the possibility of his plan failing. If they had found someone, they’d be back. 

How come they haven’t found anyone yet, though? He told them where to search and some of his friends were literally locked in, how hard could it be?

Another twenty minutes passed until the doors were slammed open and the two officers returned, with no one to accompany them except for the dogs and a nasty looking smile.

„None of your imaginary munchkin friends was inside there nor any clue somebody had broken into the mall. The dogs haven’t even barked for a second,“ the one with curls informed him.

What? That couldn’t be. They had to be lying. Peter stood still. He wanted to argue with them, accuse them of being corrupt, but no sound left his mouth. He just realised the huge consequences his actions would bring to him but there was so much more.

„You’re going to have to come to the station with us, for causing a completely unnecessary operation, you will have to pay for it, you know,“ the officer with the moustache told him in a pleased way. 

Peter knew. He also knew that he should just get in the car with them and cooperate but he couldn’t speak or move at all. He couldn’t even remember the next few minutes, all he knew was that he ended up handcuffed at the back of a police car.

He could think straight again. All that he would have to do is tell the police about the cars and provide evidence of his friends being there, there had to be fingerprints.

That’s all he would have to do but he already knew, in the back of the car, that he wasn’t going to do that. That would mean to defend his action and to fight for it.

Peter wasn’t a fighter, he knew that. This whole plan was a very, very cowardly attempt to get rid of the bad relationship with his friends . He knew that now, or better, he admitted it now.

Peter wasn’t a brave man and not a person who stood behind his actions. He would stay quiet, as he always did. Maybe that made him brave? No, he was a little, stinky, cowardly creature who betrayed the people he loved the most. A rat.

In the end, the test had been right about his spirit animal.

Peter leaned against the door. He needed sleep right now.

The cop turned on the radio and in the perfect irony of the Universe, the song playing was liability .

He closed his eyes and there they were, tears streaming down his face. He cried and sobbed, getting louder and louder.

He cried about having to deal with his father tomorrow, he cried about the struggles with his lawyer-future he would now have to face, because he had committed a crime. He cried about many things but mostly about one thing.

His friends. No. The friends he once had.

He cried over the friends he had lost, he cried because there was no reason to be happy anymore.

Chapter Text

Regulus' heartbeat was rising, something was really wrong. Not only were they locked in a shrinking room but there was also someone coming to them.

If this was Evan he was going to kill him but this wasn’t him. Regulus would recognise any of his friends by their walk and he could rule that out. The person who was getting to them must’ve been wearing big boots and they had a loud walk but their steps weren’t regular, it even sounded like they were hopping.

He looked at James but his face just reflected his own fear. James' beautiful face was frightened, this wasn’t right. A happy James was such a miracle and his smile looked a bit too good for an always-smiling person. So good that Regulus immediately felt sadder just because he didn’t get to see that smile right now. You could’ve assumed he was used to not seeing it but the thirty minutes of attention and polite Potter had been enough.

He noticed that he had been caught up in looking at him and that he completely forgot about their current situation.

The person had arrived at the other side of the door now and he heard a different, strange noise. Sniffing. He heard something sniffing and then a loud bark. Regulus widened his eyes because he suddenly realised what that meant: the police had found them.

It made total sense, the bark belonged to a police dog who was helping to find the intruders, which unfortunately, Regulus was a part of, and the loud steps he couldn’t recognise were from an officer. 

That also answered why none of their friends had helped them when James had been hammering furiously on the door. The only question left now was why the police were there.

He would probably find out any second but he wasn’t sure James would’ve been able to wait any longer. His chest was rising higher with each breath and his eyes were wandering around the room too quickly.

There was a noise of a lock being opened and Regulus jumped back, tearing James with him before he got his head knocked and one moment after the door opened with a huge swing. 

The silhouette of a female police officer was forming in the bright light that came from outside, brighter than before. Oh no, Regulus thought, everything but this.

He tried to, but there was really no denying it. The messy, black hair, the stature and the clisché sunglasses. Bellatrix. What did he do to deserve this? The last thing he needed right now was a family reunion. He would never admit it but he actually missed her and Narcissa, he did, but right now was the worst timing possible.

He looked over to James whose brain was definitely running at full speed. He still looked frightened but he was clearly figuring out what to do now and from where he knew the face of the officer.

Regulus was more in a grumpy mood, not concerned at all. Whatever led to the police in the form of his crazy cousin to come, it wouldn’t matter. He was family after all and Bellatrix didn’t care about the law, obviously. The thing that annoyed him most was the talking part.

He thought about how to start the conversation but his mind was interrupted by the raucous laughter that was getting louder and louder. She had this kind of maniac laugh, a laugh after which you weren’t sure anymore if the other person was still sane. Poor James looked completely helpless now.

Regulus rolled his eyes but his mouth twitched a bit, he had missed it. Sirius would’ve punched him right now.

She slowly stopped laughing but a grin remained on her face, revealing her teeth. Again he thought about how to start but she interrupted him again.

„Reggie! That I see you again like this is just— is just… Come in my arms!“

„Bellatrix,“ he answered, hugging her stiffly, trying to remain as much James on his body as possible, just in case he’d never get the chance to feel him again.

„Please, it’s Bella for you, all these years and you’re still being polite for a maniac like me,“ she said, still not calming her voice but at least she was self-reflective.

„ Bella ,“ he added. He would not call her that.

„Wow, Cissy‘s not gonna believe this— you breaking into a mall, why?“

Her smile would’ve intimidated everybody and that was probably the reason James hadn’t said a word yet but Regulus knew how to deal with her.

„Well, I was dragged into it by my brilliant brother.“

„Eugh, please don’t talk about him, even though I liked my food today, I would like to keep it in,“ Bellatrix teased.

„Why, isn’t he your favourite anyway? You two are so alike,“ he teased back, knowing which hate it would cause in both of them and he enjoyed seeing how her face turned from playfulness into disgust.

He never understood why she hated Sirius because they were really similar. It all started with his betrayal by leaving the family but she knew how their conditions were and she had forgiven Regulus for it, as he had just learned.

„Please Reggie, we both know that I prefer you!“

„But why?“

„First off, you didn’t leave because you were a stupid rebel who needed attention, you left because you followed all the rules and they still abused you,“ she started and Regulus' blood was already boiling. Sirius didn’t have the option to stay and it was no act of rebelling against the parents, it was surviving. She must’ve known that but she saw the world differently and that didn’t count for her. „Second, I’ve always liked your calculating evil sense. You didn’t break the rules, you found loopholes.“

And again she was sweet. This family. Regulus too, he was too easy to charm. He looked at James who clearly struggled to follow everything and it was admittedly hard to follow Blacks at a conversation. After what Bellatrix had said about Sirius he looked angry, and he breathed out sharply, drawing her attention to him.

„Oh, and who do we have here? Don’t tell me your friends with Potter too now? Wait, why were you two alone in this room?“

Great, they were having that talk. He looked at James who opened his mouth.

„Jamie!“ He warned him. It would be better if he did all the talking. He realised his mistake too late.

„NO WAY, you have nicknames?! You’re really telling me you’re fucking James Potter?“ She yelled out, laughing but not upset at all. She even sounded some sort of approving. Regulus and James on the other hand were both blushing now. That James blushed worsened it for Regulus. „To be fair, you can do worse.“

Oh yes, he could. He’d really like to say something sweet to James right now if it hadn’t been so awkward. They technically had been a thing for less than two hours and Bellatrix’ support just supported the awkwardness.

„Thank you,“ he muffled out and Bellatrix, much to his distaste, stepped forward, laying one arm around him. 

„Look how you’ve grown up, you finally reached your being-stupid phase,“ she said, winking at James.

Regulus was suddenly quite interested in ending the conversation with his cousin and he remembered that there was still an important question to solve.

„I’m happy to see you too,“ he said sarcastically. „But why are you even here, what gave us away?“

„One of your little munchkin friends betrayed you. I can’t remember his stupid name but he was a blond guy and he looked a bit… uhm… like a rodent,“ she informed them, forming two teeth with her fingers making rat noises.

Shit. Peter had betrayed them. Regulus had dozens of unsorted thoughts flying through his head. None of them was anger, he wasn't mad. He had chosen to join this coup, knowing the risks and he couldn’t complain, not now when there wasn’t even a consequence for him. 

He also understood Peter somehow. He was always the outsider, the one being left out, even tonight. Had any of them thought about where Peter was when they played Hide and Seek? No. He was always in the shadow of James and Remus and Sirius. If he was honest, he’d probably made something similar.

All of this was speculation of course, but Peter probably realised how unhappy he was and saw that as the only option, if it was true. He must’ve planned this for weeks.

Regulus would do the same, not because he was afraid of confrontation but to ruin everybody’s life, in some sort of way, he was worse.

All of that was unimportant to him right now because his only worry at the moment was James. He had such a big heart that loved everyone including Peter. Knowing him, and he didn't know him very much, these things destroyed James, and Regulus accidently came to care for him. It didn’t help that the other boy hadn’t said a word for too long, not even a question reassuring that it was true.

Bellatrix must’ve noticed the uncomfortable silence as well and she scratched her head.

„I think I’ll have to leave you now. Stay here for a while and don’t worry, I won’t arrest your little friends, Reggie, come around sometime.“

He gave her a thankful look and with that she hopped away, giggling madly.

Remus really didn’t understand Blacks. One day ago, Sirius had told him how all of his relatives, excluding Regulus, Andromeda, and his uncle Alphard, could rot in hell and how much he hated them. 36 hours later, and there he was, chatting happily with his cousin Narcissa.

It was the first time he heard Narcissa speak and he was impressed. She was very cool, a bit like Regulus, but she had that special sense of humour— that kind where people didn’t realise that they had been made fun of.

She didn’t show much facial reaction which made sense if she still took part in that pureblood bullshit. He distantly remembered that she had married another one of that kind. 

Sirius and her had talked for a while now and they just updated each other on their lives. Remus learned that she was trying to have a son but that she also hated the traditional parenting of the family and that she would raise him her own way.

She was sympathetic but it surprised him that she got along with Sirius, knowing their history and their different views on all the pureblood crap.

„— You can just be lucky that I found you and not Bella.“

Sirius grinded his teeth. This was interesting. He never spoke about her in front of Remus.

„Yes, I guess you can say that,“ he said.

„Ah come on, why won’t you two just get along?“

„Because she thinks I left as an act of rebellion and not as an act of survival,“ he swallowed at the last bit and you could still hear his trauma. „Plus she’s a maniac!“

Narcissa sighed. „Okay I’m gonna tell you this one time— she doesn’t really think that. She was really hurt that you left, because you were family—are family—and she misses you.“

„If that’s the case then she can tell me on her own!“ Sirius replied angrily but there was something more in his eyes. It was that look of hope hidden behind not believing Narcissa.

„Why do both of you have to be so stubborn?!“ She growled, revealing that she had had that conversation with Bellatrix already but Remus was sure that she did it on purpose.

Sirius had no response and Narcissa looked pleased. Remus took the chance to jump in because they had important things to discuss.

„Hate to disturb the family bonding, but why are you even here?“

„He’s right,“ Sirius gladly jumped on the topic change. „Did we make a mistake?“

„Not exactly,“ she started with a serious tone now. „One of your friends, Peter Pettigrew is his name, called us, basically telling us what you are doing right now.“

Remus clenched his fists, how could he do that? They all had been close friends for more than ten years and he betrayed them just like that, puff. He really was a rat, a stinky one. He had no reason at all to do that and it was so stupid too, he had no benefits from that. If he was scared he should’ve just stayed home. Also he had automatically admitted that he broke into a mall as well.

He was boiling right now but when he looked at his boyfriend, he wasn’t the most furious person in the room. You could hear his sharp breaths and his hands shook a bit. Narcissa looked quite unimpressed.

„Yeah, I guess I will leave you to that and I’ll try to stop Bella from arresting your friends, goodbye,“ she said and then she was gone, leaving them alone.

Remus really wanted to kiss Sirius right now. All this anger was really attractive but he didn’t because of his own anger and he was scared of Sirius‘ reaction. He already was surprised that hadn’t said anything yet.

„WHY DID HE DO THAT?“ Sirius burst out.

„I know! Like, what was his reason?!“

„I don’t know but I swear, if I ever see him again I will end him!“ Sirius said, not joking at all but one thing suddenly came clear to Remus.

„Wait, that means we aren’t friends with him anymore, right?“ He asked because he honestly hadn’t thought about that before.

„No, of course not!“ Sirius replied, without a note of sadness.

„But won’t you miss him, besides what he did?“

Sirius looked him in the eyes, confused. „No.“

No? Not at all? They had been friends for so long and the answer was so simple. He wanted to argue with Sirius about that but if he listened to his inner self he felt the same. No regret, no broken heart. But he should feel that way, shouldn’t he?

Whatever he was supposed to think, he didn’t. Neither did Sirius. 

Remus decided that this was the moment for a kiss and Sirius returned it very passionately.

James was totally fine. Nothing was wrong. His heart wasn’t bleeding, no. Regulus wasn’t watching him because there was a reason to worry about him, if anything, it was the opposite.

It had been the first time James had met Bellatrix and he was still overwhelmed by her. The whole conversation had been odd and if that was how all Blacks were, he should’ve really worried about the mental state Regulus and Sirius were in.

And they had to deal with that on a daily basis? 

Anyhow, Regulus should not have looked at him that way. He was obviously alright. Also, if James hadn’t been, it wouldn't be the smartest to be quiet. Talking comforted him the most and even now the silence disturbed him.

„We should talk,“ he said bluntly because what was the point in finding an excuse if you could just tell the truth. Regulus mustered him.

„About what exactly?“

„Anything, just talking.“

The other boy looked at him even more confused now. „You can’t just decide to chat, what—?“

„If you haven’t noticed yet, I can. So tell me something!“

Regulus paused for a few seconds, staring at him. With a big sigh, he gave in . „Okay, okay, what do you want to know?“

„Uhm…“ That question surprised him, what did he want to know? Everything but if he said that Regulus would lynch him. „Anything, what’s your favourite colour?“

„Out of all things— fine, my favourite colour is purple or maybe maroon and no, it's not black nor green.“

Purple. He would remember that; there were many purple flowers and somehow Regulus was even more adorable because his favourite colour was purple and maroon and it fit perfectly with his cool but also warm heart. At least if you asked James. 

„My favourite colour is orange, like the sunset,“ he added excitedly without being asked. „They match don’t they?“

„If you mean that they are complementary colours, then no, that would be yellow but yes, they look very nice together.“

„Do they,“ James said while softly taking Regulus‘ hand. „Tell me more, what’s your favourite animal, I’ll go first, cats. I used to really love stags but then one night a black cat ran to me and didn’t leave so we kept it and I began to like cats.“

„Stags? You used to like stags?“ The other boy asked, laughing.

„Well, we took an online test to see which animal suits us the most and I got a stag,“ he explained.

„And you thought why not own it? Forget it…How did you name your cat?“

„Mr. Puffles,“ he had to laugh, not only because the name had been so stupid but also because he saw the amusement it brought to Regulus, who still had a beautiful smile.

„Mr. Puffles, let me guess, it was the fattest cat to ever exist?“

„Oh my, how did you guess that?“ James asked dramatically and Regulus couldn‘t stop smiling. „Mon amour, you still have to tell me your favourite animal.“

Regulus blushed and their faces were only inches apart.

„Also the cat, I always admired their elegance,“ Regulus started but James didn’t let him finish, pressing his lips onto Regulus‘. He needed that, he needed him and every part of him. Of course he liked the elegance of a cat; he had it himself. 

It was like the universe was helping them but then again, it didn’t because the door was opened. Regulus immediately flinched back and James turned to the door, furious.

In the entrance stood Pandora and Lily, eyes wide open. They all stared at each other for a second until Lily burst out laughing. James relaxed his shoulders a bit, it could’ve been worse.

Lily couldn’t stop, but now Pandora glanced angry at him. Why, what had he done?

Whatever the reason, it intimidated him but maybe that was her goal. 

„So uhm, hello,“ James said, still out of breath and he could feel Regulus awkwardness without looking at him.

„Hi,“ Regulus added quietly. 

„Hi,“ Lily, who had caught herself a bit, answered. „So I guess you had a nice time?“

James coughed, what was there to say. Yes!! He kept his composure though. Not only because Regulus was clearly embarrassed but also because he was technically talking to his ex right now, that shouldn’t be the first person to out yourself and your new boyfriend.

Pandora still looked angry.

„So are you together?“ Lily continued.

„Hell yeah!“ James replied a bit too enthusiastically at the same time as Regulus was answering. „Not really—“

They looked at each other, Regulus clearly in shock. Weren’t they together now? They had kissed multiple times and he had confessed his love, if there would be a definition of being together, that would be it. Still, Regulus had to feel comfortable as well and if he didn’t want to then that’s ok.

„No we’re not,“ he corrected himself while turning to Lily and Pandora again but he could feel the eyes of Regulus fixated on him. 

„Wait do you want to be together?“ Regulus asked so carefully that it came off as whispering.

James leaned closer to him so that it would be a bit more of a private conversation.

„Yes,“ he said delicately, as if it would be a thing that could shatter any moment.

„But I totally respect your decision.“

Regulus stared at him for a long time without blinking, as he would study him. 

„James, you hated me a few hours ago, how can you even be sure you want this, want me?“ His breath brought out his voice, shaking at the end. 

That moment felt so intense and it was strange that others were present. The last part of what Regulus had said broke James' heart, why was he assuming James didn’t really want him.

 The worst part was that James had the same fears. That all the warm feelings he had right now just by being with Regulus, would be gone the next morning. He didn’t want to lose the feeling. 

James had rushed into this as he did with everything only that he already had what he wanted. He had realised what he was feeling for Regulus an hour ago and here he was, kissing him, wanting to be his boyfriend. What if his brain just had a weird night. Could one night really be enough for everything to change?

He had had that fear since their first kiss and he didn’t want to disappoint Regulus or hurt his feelings. On the other hand, his whole body was screaming at him to be his boyfriend, to kiss him again and to shove Lily and Pandora out of the room because he was rooting for that boy, because Regulus made him forget about—no not now, he had other, more urgent problems.

„Love, I want you and nothing else,“ he whispered in his ear so that the girls couldn’t hear. He was pleased when Regulus‘ face relaxed. Then the boy nodded.

„Yeah, we are together,“ Regulus announced and James‘ heart made a jump.

Lily grinned while Pandora and Regulus were communicating silently just through looks until Pandora turned to James again, not angry but smiling this time.

„Congratulations!“ She said, basically giving her consent. 

„So guys, why don’t you find the others so that we can leave and we’ll catch up?“ He suggested. 

„Sure,“ Lily laughed. „We will take our time but if you won’t come, I’ll send in Sirius.“

That was a threat.

„Of course, and hey, now our friend group has no single person anymore,“ he joked but Lily‘s smile faded instead of growing. Had he said something wrong? Pandora didn’t count because she was aromatic and she wasn’t alone. Whatever it was, James couldn’t let it get to him right now because his mind had enough to deal with right now.

Lily and Pandora quickly left the room after that and they were alone again. James was in a good mood, ready to get a bit of Regulus before having to face Sirius.

„Lily and Mary broke up.“

„What?,“ his mood instantly dropped. How could he have said that and how could he have known that?

„Pandora has signalled to me that something is wrong earlier and did you see how she reacted to your joke?“

Oh no— no, no, no. Everything, the facade he had built since Bellatrix had delivered the news, was crumbling down right now. The pain suddenly rushed in, not only that he had been happy while Lily must’ve had a horrible night but all the suffering he held back about Peter.

Why Peter, WHY? His head was screaming a million different things right now. His oldest friend, who he loved, who he would go to jail for, had backstabbed him? Had he done something wrong, was that about James? 

He couldn’t even describe how he felt right now, this wasn’t like a break-up it was so much worse, it felt like someone-close dying. The only thing he could describe was the pain he felt.

Like a reflex, his body sank to the ground, full-on sobbing right now. He first didn’t realise but Regulus was holding him. During all the suffering he went through right now, Regulus held him, softly stroking his head. 

It didn’t help because James didn’t stop crying. After a long while, he couldn’t have said how long it was, he slowly calmed down and that was the moment where Regulus helped. It gave James the peace and warmth he needed. He closed his eyes.

It was very silent but he could hear the other boy‘s breath, slow and steady. He synchronised his own breath which made breathing easier. It took another while until Regulus said something.

„How are you feeling?“ He asked which wasn’t the right start but what else would be?

„Yes, I’m fine— I mean I’m not but…,“ he tried helplessly.

„James it’s okay, you can feel bad,“ Regulus said as if it was important that he knew that. Of course he did.

„I know, I know,“ he said while sitting up, immediately regretting it because it was comfortable in Regulus‘ lap. „I just don’t want to feel bad right now!“

„No of course not,“ Regulus sounded sorry. „But unfortunately you do and you should talk about it.“

„About what am I supposed to talk about? About how one of my best friends betrayed me and how I don’t understand why and about how much it hurts?“ He asked snippy, realising that even that helped. The tears were coming back though.

„Oh James,“ Regulus said, tucking him in his arms. „I don’t know if this will help but you are a very emotional person, right?“

He nodded, head burrowed in Regulus‘ shoulder.

„I’m not trying to defend him but have you really thought about his reasons?“

James didn’t answer because he hadn’t. What reason could’ve been there?

„Alright, from an outside perspective it seemed like Peter has been unhappy for a long time now,“ he made a pause for James to say something but he didn’t. „I know you love him but honestly I don’t think he and Sirius ever got along. You are his best friend and he is Remus‘ boyfriend.“

„Yes but why do something like that and not talk with Padfoot?“, he asked angrily.

„It’s not always that easy,“ Regulus sighed. „Not everyone has the courage you have when it comes to being honest or confrontation. I imagine he once got the idea in his head, constantly ignoring every voice he had inside of him and maybe he got so lost in the plan that he forgot everything else. It could’ve been a spontaneous decision of course but that’s not Peter.“

He was right. Peter wasn’t a villain, he knew him. Still it fucking hurt.

„I also honestly think it was better for him to end the situation he was in, sometimes the people you love the most are suffering from that. You were probably the reason he stayed.“

Right again, how did he do that? Regulus wasn’t that close but still he noticed all of that? James still didn’t feel good though.

„I don’t wanna lose him as a friend,“ he whispered.

Regulus sighed again. „Maybe you don’t have to. It would be pretty hard, but if you really tried, I bet you could do it.“

„What if he doesn’t want to be my friend?“ He asked desperately.

„Then you’ll have to move on eventually but I don’t think so, even though I can’t be sure. I think we will find out soon. The police won’t have found anything in here, but of course he could demand an investigation any time and there would be much evidence. If he does that, he wants to hurt us, if not, you know why he did it. Then you can try,“ Regulus explained to him. 

The thought of them being friends again helped. He would’ve assumed there wouldn’t be a going back after something like that but Regulus' honest words helped. 

„Okay,“ James said.

„Okay?“ Regulus reassured himself.

„Yes, that really helped, thank you.“

„Of course,“ the other boy murmured.

„No really, you are amazing at that.“

„I have to admit, I‘ve outdone myself this time but I’m not that great usually.“

„You are,“ James contradicted him. „Always.“

Regulus looked at him with that gaze again, he had earlier to memorize the moment. James did the same. Whatever would happen, nothing could take this moment, the memory of his boyfriend would be in his head forever.

„I think we should leave before Lily really sends Sirius in,“ James disturbed the peace.

Regulus nodded. So they left to find the others, leaving that room, with all the things that happened in there in just one night, empty. It was fine though, the room existed in both their memories, large, warm and sparkling.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8: The breakout

When did life become so complicated? Back then, it had been so easy and Lily had never had the problem of defining what she felt.

Right now she was feeling a weird mix of indescribable pain, relief and happiness, every emotion was reasonable though. She had successfully blocked out all the Mary stuff until James had made that thoughtless comment.

She had been really happy for him before, shining really, because he finally found someone good. Sure it was very new but she had that feeling this one was going to last. She was also happy that they weren’t arrested. 

Pandora and she had eavesdropped on the two cops and found out that they were related to Regulus and Sirius so they immediately went to track them down. Lily wanted to find Remus last so they had found James and Regulus first. The kiss had lifted her mood even more.

Now she was standing in a hall, hyperventilating again. She had somehow made it out of the room but the meltdown happened anyway. Pandora helped as always and Lily quickly calmed herself. Everything was fine. Only it wasn’t.

The worst part: Remus was still to come. Remus was her best friend and he was the first person she went to when she had problems. He also always knew when something was wrong with her, like a mindreader. 

She didn’t want to have a conversation with him, because she was kind of stable right now, because she didn’t want to cry but he always brought out the raw emotions out of her. On the other hand, he helped a lot too. She would’ve felt better much faster.

Unfortunately for her, Remus and Sirius had spotted them now, smiling. Lily started to panic, what could she say? Pandora saved her again. Against her usual nature, she put on a smile and spoke first.

„Sirius—Nice to see you, what do you think, we should find the others,“ she said while stepping forward and tugging him away. Obvious but effective. Sirius looked too surprised to defend himself. Remus already looked concerned.

„Lily, are you alright?“ Remus asked directly, not starting with unnecessary small-talk first.

She shook her head, falling into Remus' arms. Having no resistance from him, she started to cry. She was still able to breathe, that was good.

„You’re not—okay, it’s okay,“ he reassured her. He was right, it was okay in Remus' arms, she was safe there.

Lily took a while to rest, to collect all the safety.

„I left Mary,“ she said so quickly and quietly that it was a miracle if he had heard it. He did.

„Oh… come here… it’s okay.“

After another while, she felt stronger again, not good, she wouldn’t for a long time, but stronger.

„Okay, I’m fine. How are you?“

Remus mustered her for a while.

„It’s complicated,“ he finally said, doing exactly what she needed, switching the topic. „As you may know, Peter called the cops and I feel angry of course but what disturbs me even more is that I don’t feel sad—not at all.“

Oh. She didn't know Peter had done that but it made sense. She wouldn’t have expected it but it was logical and what Remus described– She felt sorry. She knew the feeling of slowly falling out of love from multiple occasions but it must hurt too if you just realise you didn’t love the other person anymore. She had nothing wise to say.

„Guess both our nights were shit, eh?“

„Well, at least I got to have great sex.“

„Cheers!“ Lily said and with that their problems were off the table and just like they had listened to their conversation, James and Regulus arrived.

„They are together now,“ she quickly whispered to Remus, this was going to be great.

„You did it Regulus?!“ He shouted to them.

Regulus didn’t look embarrassed this time, he looked proud for some reason. Did Remus know something she didn’t?

„I did it,“ Regulus announced and Remus immediately pulled him into a hug. She just looked at James who was grinning ear to ear.

„Sirius is gonna kill you,“ Remus laughed while pulling back. James' smile dropped because that was an actual risk. 

„I know that,“ James grumbled. „And thank you for not congratulating me first.“

„Congratulations James, you finally figured out you're not as straight as you always claimed to be,“ Remus said and James looked down awkwardly.

„Wait, I was your awakening, how embarrassing for you,“ Regulus, who was clearly comfortable around them, mocked his new boyfriend.

„Like you slept in one room with me for years and you never had weird dreams?“ Remus added.

„Even I had weird dreams about Remus,“ Regulus continued.

„Same here,“ Lily lifted her hand.

„OKAY, okay, I get it, I’m a late bloomer! Just for the record, I had those dreams too but Remus was my best friend, I thought that was just a side effect.“

„No you’re right, me shagging Sirius is totally platonic and a normal thing for friends to do,“ Remus countered, causing Regulus to be very interested in his shoes.

It seemed to be a magical spot because the others were now coming to them as well, Sirius at the front. After a quick overview Lily noticed that Mary and Dorcas were still missing but not Marlene, which surprised her. She would’ve thought Marlene stayed with Mary at all costs.

They all shared their welcomes again and Lily found out that Dorcas and Mary were walking ahead and that was probably for the best. Everyone also agreed they should definitely leave now, without talking about the events around Peter. Soon they started their way back to the vents.

Crawling through a vent was still an activity Regulus wouldn’t recommend. They didn’t get wider the second time. 

It didn’t help that he was constantly observed by James and Sirius. One was a love-sick idiot from whom he enjoyed the looks, the other one was an annoying, overprotective brother with too strong sibling-senses.

Sirius knew something was off. Regulus recognised these stares and they meant nothing good. Sooner or later he would’ve found out, but Regulus didn’t expect it to be that soon. He was in fact so close to figuring it out, that he didn’t speak. With him and James not speaking, the mood wasn’t the brightest.

They were all tired too, it was still in the middle of the night after all. And what a night. One breakup, one betrayal, the police came and he had a new boyfriend. The last part was the best of course. He still didn’t understand how it happened.

From what he knew, Jamed had developed a crush on Regulus tonight but he apparently just hadn’t realised before. Still it was fucking fast. They had already made out multiple times and James had said I love you . Regulus hadn’t processed half of it.

Oh, and he had a small family reunion. Sirius too and they had already decided to visit Narcissa and maybe Bellatrix, if Regulus bribed him enough. Unfortunately all of his friends were there too otherwise it would’ve been the craziest hour of gossip ever.

Maybe he could call Monty, even though he didn’t look like it, he loved gossip and he would hopefully be happy for his and James relationship but that wasn’t really at debate. Oh, the next meeting with Effie would be amazing too.

Better than this vent in any case. At least there wouldn’t be a big jump waiting for him at the end. Then he remembered the rain gutter. Climbing down would be even worse but so he had something to worry about again. It didn’t last long though, because they were already on the roof.

Remus luckily distracted Sirius so Regulus got the chance to talk with James.

„I’m kind of afraid of heights,“ he informed him, because something needed to happen. He would not climb down that gutter.

„Uhm—shit…okay, I have an idea,“ James took the initiative. 

Two minutes later, he was clinging to James back, eyes closed, while James was climbing down. 

Regulus had exactly two thoughts during their rise to the ground. First, don’t look down, just don‘t die and second, James‘ back was very muscular. 

When they finally finished the climbing, he first realised how deep he dug his fingernail in James‘ shoulder but there was no time to apologise because Sirius was standing right infront of them with the most confused look Regulus ever witnessed. His poor brother looked done with the world.

„Uhm, yeah, we became friends over the night,“ James lied, scratching his head. Sirius slightly opened his mouth but he didn’t say anything. 

It was clear, he knew.

Something was off.

It had all started when he and Pandora had found the others. They had been looking around for a while, shouting their names and after a while they had received an answer. From under the roof. Evan had apparently infected them with his climbing obsession.

Sirius had immediately sensed a weird tension but that had been very reasonable. Pandora had of course informed him about the breakup beforehand and he thought that Mary had been pretty good at holding herself together.

Her and Dorcas were staying behind, already finding the exit. 

The second tension he had felt was when he came back to Remus, who was chatting with Lily, Regulus and James. His brother and James stood suspiciously close to each other for supposedly hating each other and Regulus always looked away when Sirius tried to read his face. James was happy, like always, but there was something more in his eyes. 

Remus and Lily also seemed a bit too amused for everything being normal. All that made him suspicious and he kept observing them, especially Regulus. He acted like usual but he always looked back, paranoid, which, to be fair, could be explained by Sirius studying him.

After a while he almost let it be and even talked with Remus. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw James climbing down one minute later with Regulus clinging to his back.

It would’ve been a completely normal thing to do for friends, except they weren’t. As he had learned tonight, they despised each other. Evan had even told him they had a fight earlier and Regulus had punched James in his stomach. That part didn’t concern him but this?

James‘ reason was that they had become friends? Sirius didn’t buy that but he just couldn’t get behind the secret. 

James was happy. Happy was an understatement but he couldn’t think of another expression. Anyhow, happy described it pretty good.

He was mourning too but honestly he felt more motivated about Peter by now because he still loved him and Regulus had convinced him Peter did too and James had always liked a challenge. He was kind of famous for hunting his love interests down until they agreed to date him. It would be the same with Peter.

Still he couldn’t sleep tonight because of what Peter had done. It was fine though, he’d have other things to do, hopefully. 

They were slowly wandering towards the cars again but suddenly a problem occurred that no one had thought about before. Which car would each Lily and Mary take because they clearly couldn’t sit in one car. There were multiple easy solutions to the problem but James was the first one to suggest one.

„Okay, we have one free seat due to you know who so why can’t Regulus drive with us and Lily joins Pandora, Evan and Barty?“

A perfect solution if you asked James but the rest didn’t seem to agree.

„But couldn’t Lily just join your car?“ Marlene asked and James felt dumb. Lily and Remus were giggling but then he saw it. The slight flinch on Sirius‘ face that meant he had realised it.

„JAMES!“ Sirius growled. „Did you snog MY little brother?“

„Well,“ James started, there was no denying anymore. „I did snog my boyfriend.“

Admitting it was worth it when he saw the many emotions flicker through his best friend’s face. A bit of happiness, a pinch of confusion and a lot of anger. Regulus had stepped a few steps back, not wanting to be the centre of attention. 

Remus had taken the hand of Sirius but he surprised them all. From one moment to the other, he was barking with laughter.

„I’m proud of you, did not expect that, but good for you,“ he said while patting James on the back and then, still laughing until he quietly added a quick note to his congratulations. „If you’ll hurt him, I will kill you.“

He had said the last part with a smile and James definitely saw the similarity between him and Bellatrix. 

The topic was off the table now and James turned to Regulus trying to kiss him but the other boy was faster. He could make out a choking noise from Sirius' direction so he decided to draw it out a bit longer.

Eventually he pulled back and looked up at the sky. The stars were out tonight and he appreciated their beauty more than ever. He looked down again and spotted his own star who was waiting for him.

The others were already getting in the cars but James turned around once again. He stood in front of the big fence again and thought about the night. This was the most brilliant idea he had ever had.