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Lucy jogs out of the locker room at the end of shift, barely catching sight of Tim disappearing through the station back door into the parking lot. Echoes of fear course through her veins as the memory plays on loop like it’s stored on a broken DVD.
Watching Tim throw himself into the wrecked car right as its engine ignited. The weight of the explosion that followed. The screech of tyres against slick asphalt as the force sent the already-damaged vehicle spinning backwards, straight into the central reservation. The sickening crunch of metal-on-metal as a car on the other side of the road lost control, swerving into the wreck Tim had jumped inside.
Picking up her pace, she pushes through the back door, sidestepping a couple of officers trying to duck in from the rain, and squints against the water lashing down. He’s heading towards his truck.
Standing there in the pouring rain, completely helpless, Lucy looked on in horror, convinced she’d just watched the love of her life die.
Despite the fear running through her, the reminder of just how dangerous the conditions had been reignites the fire, the agony she’d felt a few hours ago as she’d watched the moment unfold in slow motion, and Lucy forgoes trying to close the gap between them, instead calling out across the lot.
“What the hell were you thinking?!”
Her fury rings out sharp and clear through the rain, voice echoing off the tarmac. Tim’s footsteps slow as his head turns slightly in her direction, confusion knitting his brows together.
“Lucy? What—”
Able to catch up to him now that he’s stopped not too far from his truck, Lucy comes to stand right in front of him, arguably closer than necessary. Staring up at him, she’s only spurred on by the physical evidence of what had gone down right in front of her. A bruise is already forming on his jaw, purple blotching beneath the white butterfly bandages holding together red scrapes, and gauze wraps around a particularly large gash on his left arm.
He got so lucky.
“What were you thinking?”
“Wh-what?” Caught off-guard, Tim somehow looks genuinely confused as to why she’s upset, and it just drives her frustration even more.
“You can’t just keep recklessly throwing yourself into dangerous situations like that.”
Tim scoffs. “Like what?”
“Like your life matters less than anyone else’s!”
She can practically see the moment Tim’s walls go up, his head rearing back in shock. “The hell are you talking about?” His tone grows defensive as the rain intensifies, and Lucy feels the large droplets of water roll down the side of her face. The uncomfortable sensation just makes her more annoyed.
“You’re forever the one throwing yourself into harm’s way to protect everyone else!” she exclaims. “It doesn’t always have to be you.”
Tim rolls his eyes, huffing slightly as he shifts his weight onto his back foot and shakes his head. “If this is about what happened at the pile-up—”
“Of course it’s about what happened at the fucking pile-up; you almost di—”
“That guy was trapped—”
“How could you be so reckless?!”
“He needed help—!”
“You’re a sergeant, you’re—you’re supposed to review the safest course of action, delegate tasks, not carelessly jump into car wrecks while instructing everyone to stand the fuck back,” she scoffs.
Their raised voices echo across the empty parking lot. Everyone’s sheltering inside from the storm, delaying their journeys home, but Tim and Lucy are just creating a hurricane of their own in the midst.
Tim looks around them at the violent weather, clearly not wanting to meet her eyes. His hair is beginning to stick to his forehead. “Someone had to do something—I wasn’t just going to let him die.”
“But why did it have to be you?!” Lucy yells out. “Everyone else has to clear out from the car that’s about to blow, but Tim Bradford has to jump right in to throw his life away for someone else. Do I have that correct?”
“The only people nearby were you and Officer Wheaton, and Wheaton has a wife and three kids at home.”
“And what about me?”
Tim’s shoulders deflate slightly, defences coming down. “Those situations are unpredictable,” he repeats, “I didn’t see any reason for you to put yourself in a precarious position.”
“But it’s different for you, of course,” she scoffs.
“Look—how was I supposed to know another car would come skidding through the barricade like that?”
The reminder of exactly what had happened makes it feel like the rain is turning to ice in Lucy’s veins.
-----
They’d been responding to a pile-up on the freeway, a multi-car collision which was the result of the stormy conditions reducing visibility to almost nothing. Lucy, Tim and Officer Wheaton had been assisting two members of the fire department in extracting a woman and her husband from their crushed vehicle, and the woman had just been lifted clear of the wreck when a spark had flown from the engine.
Tim and a firefighter had yelled out for everyone to “get back!” as the petrol spilling across the tarmac caught alight. Someone had pushed at her back to force her away—Tim, obviously—and Lucy had sprinted to a safe distance thinking he was right at her heels.
She’d turned back to face the wreck once she was behind the cover of their shop, confused when Tim wasn’t there beside her. Her heart had stuttered as she’d watched him leap through the space where the car door had been removed, wrapping his body around the man still pinned down inside right as the engine ignited.
The force of the blast sent the already-damaged car skidding backwards, tyres grating on tarmac before it collided with the central reservation. But the shocked silence that followed, filled only with the twinkling of glass and metal shards littering the ground, was temporary. In the next moment, a car on the other side of the freeway lost control on the road’s slick surface, careening through the central reservation and straight into the wreckage.
Blood spattered across the tarmac.
It felt like time warped, the stretches between every beat of Lucy’s pounding heart feeling like hours as she stood there, completely paralysed, convinced she’d just watched the love of her life die.
“Shit—” Everything reverted back to normal speed when she’d heard his voice, slightly strained but definitely alive. “Guy’s punctured an artery—we need to get him out of here, now!”
And just like that, everyone had spurred into motion to pull the two civilians and the officer out of the newly formed wreckage.
-----
As the memory pierces through to her bones, Lucy just watches Tim silently, his words echoing in her mind. “Are you saying you wouldn’t have gone in if you’d known what was going to happen?”
“Of course that’s not what I’m saying,” he huffs. His response is too immediate, too certain, and it just makes Lucy more upset. “He could’ve died if I didn’t.”
“You could’ve died because you did!”
Disbelief flashes in Tim’s eyes, mirroring the lightning lighting up the sky right over their heads. “So you think I should’ve just left him to get blown up?”
Putting her weight on her back foot, she turns away from him momentarily, unable to comprehend how he just isn’t getting it. “He got blown up anyway!” she cries out, fury and anguish splitting her voice apart. “The only difference is that you put yourself in the middle. I—I don’t understand what you were hoping to do.”
“He survived because I was in that car, Lucy. No one else could’ve gotten close enough to put pressure on that wound from the second crash.”
“We would’ve figured something out! We always do. And anyway, who could’ve known there was going to be a second crash, Tim? As far as we knew, that car was about to get blown to dust and all your being in there would’ve achieved is two people dying instead of one.” Tim’s lips part to interject. Lucy ignores him. “But you threw yourself in there in some last-ditch effort to save him, because for whatever reason, in that moment you deemed his life more important than your own.”
“I—”
But she’s still not done. “Your life isn’t just a—a buffer for everyone else’s, Tim! You act like you’re expendable or that you’re worth less than anyone else, but you’re not.”
Tim shakes his head adamantly. “Lucy—this is all pointless, because I’m fine,” he says, completely ignoring her point and gesturing to the bruise on his jaw like the fact he miraculously walked away from the incident makes it all okay.
“You got so fucking lucky and you know it,” she seethes. “The only reason you’re not in the hospital right now is because you happened to be a foot over to the left when that car came through the reservation.”
“But I wasn’t—” He’s about to brush it all off, and Lucy won’t have that.
“What if you’d died, Tim?” She feels her eyes sting and now she’s not quite sure if the water on her face is rain or tears. “You’d expect me to just… continue on like nothing happened? Live the rest of my life thinking about how I should’ve pulled you behind cover with me? Wondering if I should’ve jumped in instead?” Even just saying it out loud makes her feel sick, and she knows deep down that’s part of the reason she’s so upset about this whole thing—if Tim had been killed, Lucy would’ve felt partially responsible. She would’ve never forgiven herself.
“Lucy,” he says, voice barely above a whisper, and if she wasn’t standing so close to him she wouldn’t have heard him over the storm. “You know damn well that I’d die for you.”
Of course she does. She’s always been fully aware of that fact, it’s been crystal clear since she was a rookie. But today came so fucking close that it’s hammered home just what that means.
“I fucking know, and I hate it, because I don’t want you to!” Tears definitely escape from her eyes now, salt mixing with rainwater as she throws her hands out in front of her in frustration. “I want you to live for me, you idiot!”
She says it like it’s common sense, because it should be, but the way Tim’s eyes narrow slightly at her words? He’s wearing the expression of someone who’s never heard anything like that before.
In the silence that follows her outburst, realisation hits Lucy like a freight train.
His whole existence, Tim’s life has never been the ‘reward’ for anyone. It’s never meant more than the sacrifices he could make.
Taking the hits for Genny, letting her go through her childhood unaware of their father’s true nature. Joining the army, where giving one’s life for your country is one of the highest honours. Serving LA as an officer, putting himself in harm’s way to keep civilians safe—it’s practically in the job description.
His suffering, his ability to take the hits for others, that’s always what has meant the most to the people around him. And he’s never known anything different until right now.
It breaks Lucy’s heart to think that Tim went into this relationship with the same perspective he’s always had, thinking that giving his life for hers is somehow the highest form of showing love, the greatest thing he could offer her.
The rain is completely battering them both now, jackets soaked through, and lightning continues to flash above their heads, thunder low and heavy in its wake.
Beneath the overwhelming noise of nature around them, Tim remains silent.
“I want you to live for me,” she repeats, quieter this time, voice quivering with an overflow of emotion that swirls into the raindrops. Her words almost get buried by the sudden rumble of thunder that vibrates their bones. Tim’s face remains blank, but the stoicism feels like it grows more forced as she continues, “I want us to buy a house together, get married, have kids, grandkids, maybe another dog… I don’t want you to die for me, or for anyone else. And maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t fucking care. I want a future with you, so don’t you dare throw that aw—”
Tim suddenly pulls at the collar of her jacket and clashes their lips together, cutting her words off as another sharp clap of thunder rumbles overhead.
They’re both drenched with rain and shivering involuntarily, but as Lucy reaches up to tangle her fingers in Tim’s hair, she’s never felt warmer.
Tim eventually pulls away, but not too far, resting his forehead against hers as she lowers her hand to rest at the nape of his neck. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, eyes closed.
“Earlier, I—I thought I’d lost you,” Lucy admits. It’s easier to say out loud now that she can feel the warmth of his breath, can feel his rain-soaked skin under her fingertips, knows for certain that he’s still here. Even if the crushing sound of metal still rings through her ears, even if those terrifying moments of stillness after the impact where she’d thought the worst still echo through her, he’s here.
Tim sighs, eyes still closed. He shakes his head slightly, the wet strands of his hair tickling her forehead, and his lips part slightly like he’s trying to figure out what to say.
She gives him the silence to figure it out, taking the opportunity to indulge in the warmth of their fire amidst the icy storm raging around them.
Eventually, he opens his eyes and takes a deep breath.
“Putting myself in front of the danger, protecting people at all costs,” he starts slowly, eyes tracking a raindrop trailing down her lapel, “it’s what I know. And—and I don’t think I could ever live with myself if someone got hurt when I could’ve stepped up in their place.”
It’s not exactly what Lucy wants to hear, but she’d expected it. She reaches a hand up to brush against his cheek, lifting his face so his eyes meet hers. His eyes reflect the stormy grey of the clouds, dark and defeated. He’s expecting the worst.
“I know,” she breathes. At this, his shoulders relax, eyes shining with vulnerability. “I’d never ask you to change who you are, Tim. I just—please know how valuable your life is. Don’t throw it away by being so recklessly protective. There’s always a safer way through.”
Tim’s eyes gaze into hers, and he makes no movement to say anything for a few moments. Lucy braces herself for another argument, until—
“Okay.” The two syllables are tinged with reluctance, but she feels something start to unknot itself in her chest at his response all the same.
“Promise me,” she begs.
Tim hesitates before exhaling slowly. “I promise I’ll try not to be so reckless in future. For you.”
Lucy’s lips turn up in a small smile. “Good. That’s all I’m asking.”
She leans up and her lips meet his once again. This one starts gentle, tasting of love, coffee, and rainwater, but the fire sparking between them just intensifies beneath the storm hanging above their heads. Her fingers are icy against the rain-soaked fabric of his jacket as she grabs it and completely removes any distance between them, while he presses her up against the side of his truck.
Even breaking for air they don’t stray far from one another, and Lucy feels the warmth coursing through her stomach despite the fact that she’s freezing.
He’d almost died today. And right now, she just wants to be as close to him as humanly possible.
“My place?” she breathes, intentions clear in her low tone.
Tim’s smirk is suggestive as he leans back in. “Thought you’d never ask. It’s cold out here.”