Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You had been the only female mercenary on the team, so getting along with all the men was pretty hard at first. Technically you weren't really on the team, you were a shopkeeper/repairman. You were the only employee working at a small shop inside of the RED base, hence your name being "The Shop Keeper." Whenever Engineer was busy with his work you helped him out with repairing some of the team's equipment. Miss Pauling and The Administrator hired you to take care of the Upgrades Station in the MVM missions. The kiosks at the station started to glitch out more frequently than they normally did. Instead of fixing them, they wanted to hire someone who could just take care of it, since constantly repairing was "too much work." After some time you were assigned to also be on the RED base with everyone else since MVM missions weren’t so common.

Your first introductions to Miss Pauling were quite slow. When first meeting Pauling she was fairly quiet, only really talked when needed to. You found it endearing for some reason, like it attracted you more to her. You thought it might've been because you related to her in some way. Before you started getting along with the team, you kept to yourself when you were around other people. Not because you didn't like talking to people, but because you didn't really know people. This didn't last long since the team would always talk your ear off no matter what. Before you officially met the team, you got to know Pauling a little better. At first, the conversations were professional, then they quickly turned into friendly banter between you two. You got to know her interests, how she got hired at Mann Co., and so much more. Everything about those small get-togethers seemed to trigger something inside you, yet you couldn't figure out exactly what it was.  

After a while you started to feel nervous around Pauling, laughing way more than usual at her corny jokes. Safe to say you felt yourself changing. Everyday at work you couldn't wait to talk to Pauling once she came over to do a quick check on the base. Your friend Scout seemed to notice this quickly but thought nothing about it. He knew you and Pauling talked whenever she was there and since you two were the only females around the men he could only assume so much (he's also just stupid). One day you waited eagerly in your small area of the base, cleaning and tidying things up like a bird making its nest. 

"Man, you think you cleaned enough in 'ere?" Scout said, commenting on your cleaning habits. He startled you but quickly snapped you out of your daze. "What? A woman can't be clean anymore?" You replied to him with a huff. He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms while leaning on your door frame. "I mean, you're always cleanin' when Pauling comes over, what's the deal with dat?" He asked suspiciously. You rolled your eyes and shook your head, waving him off with your hand. "Just let me be, if I wanna clean then I'm gonna clean." You told Scout. "Plus, Pauling said she wanted to hang out with me for a bit and I don't want it being messy in here." You added. Scout groaned as he stood up straight to start heading out of your room. 

"Yeah, yeah whatever. While you're at it you should ask her to come to the party on Friday." He suggested. "I don't think she'd be able to, I mean she works everyday Scout." You reminded him. He looked down in realization of her working status. "It's worth a shot." He shrugged. "Anyways, I'll see you later. Don't forget to ask her!" He shouted back to you as he walked away.  You shook your head, putting away the last of your items before coming to a stopping point. You looked around one last time just to make sure everything was neat and tidy. You sighed and smiled in approval at the sight of your clean room. You walked out and made your way into the kitchen just to get yourself a light snack. To your surprise you saw Engi in there as well, since he's always in that workshop of his. You greeted him kindly as you searched for something to eat. He interrupted the silence by clearing his throat. “So, Pauling comin’ over again huh?” He said with a sly smile, taking a sip from his drink. “Well yeah, she always does at the end of the day.” You responded confused. The tone of his voice sounded like he was teasing you, but you really couldn't tell.

He chuckled to himself as he set his cup down. “You know Y/N, I think you've taken a grand liking to ol’ Pauling lately.” He tells you. “Why's that? Is it because we just hang out everyday?” He shook his head while fully turning his body towards you. “Now it's not just that Y/N, it's the fact that you always seem so excited and giddy every time she comes over now. Not to mention the red face of yours when she is here.” He explained that in too much detail for your liking. You stared at him blank faced with a hint of confusion still lingering. “No.” You said to him. He rolled his eyes before picking up his cup and starting to walk away. “You'll notice it sooner or later darl’.” Engi said, putting his hand on your shoulder before slipping away. You didn't know what he meant, maybe he was making fun of you? You didn't wanna think too much on the topic since it wasn't a major thing, at least you thought. 

A few hours passed and it was now around the time Miss Pauling would be arriving at the base. You were sitting in a chair by the window in your room, silently reading a book while comforting tunes played from your radio. You heard a soft knock on your door, interrupting your reading. “Come in!” You said just loud enough for the person behind the door to hear. The door creaked open as you saw the familiar face of Pauling enter through. You lit up, standing up from your chair and setting the book down on the windowsill. “Pauling, it's great to see you again!” You told her as you went in for a hug. She giggled a bit before hugging you back, feeling her smile on your neck. She was warm, soft, and just so comforting. You couldn't tell what it was about her, but it was definitely something different from anything else. You slipped out of each other's embrace, making your way to your bed. You began discussing each other's days, telling her about how you had one of your busiest days in months. She did the usual of cleaning up and disposing of bodies. 

You noticed her way of speaking with her hands a lot, making the most exaggerated expressions on her face as well. You admired the way she would make eye contact with you, like she was making sure you had her full attention, which you did. She was really touchy too when it came to talking about some funny life stories. You didn't mind this at all, it felt nice in a way. After about an hour or so you both ended up laying down next to each other. Laughter filled your room more than ever that night, which felt off for a bit. Eventually it fell silent with the two of you just staring at the ceiling. You turned your head to the left to face Pauling. Her features seemed to fit her face so perfectly, she looked so content just laying there, it was an amazing sight. She turned to look at you as well, giving you a gentle smile. Buzzing suddenly came from her bag, she sat up quickly and started rummaging through it. The buzzing stopped as she sighed, getting up from the bed. “I've gotta go, I'm gonna be late clocking out if I don't leave soon.” She told you, almost disappointed. You stood up from the bed giving her a nod. You did the nightly routine of walking her out the base, stopping when you got to the entrance.  

“It was nice talking to you again Y/N, I'm not sure if I'll be here tomorrow though. The stack of papers on my desk have been piling up a bit.” She chuckled nervously, awaiting the masses of paperwork that she had to deal with. “Don't worry about it, I think I can handle at least one day without you.” You told her jokingly. “Yeah we'll see about that, goodnight Y/N.” She waved goodbye to you. Before you closed the door you remembered what Scout had said earlier that day. “Wait, Pauling!” You called out. She turned around with an eyebrow raised. “Do you think you'd be able to come to a party here on Friday?” You asked hopefully. She thought for a second before shrugging. “It really depends on how much work I have, or if Administrator lets me obviously. I'll be sure to let you know if I can, so don't worry.” She gave you a reassuring smile. You smiled back before saying your final goodbyes for the night. 

Walking back to your room Scout caught up from behind and put his arm on your shoulder, walking along with you. “So, what she say?” He asked. You rolled your eyes before pushing his arm off you. “She doesn't know for sure yet, she's a busy woman, Scout.” You answered bluntly. He groaned into his hands in annoyance. “Well you gotta find some way to convince her. I'm trynna shoot my shot with these sick moves I've got.” He proceeded to do the most confusing forms of “dancing” you've ever seen. You stared at him for a moment, fully judging everything you saw. “Uh huh, yeah you have fun doing that. I'm going to bed.” You said before walking off. “Aw come on! You really don't wanna stay and watch what I've got goin’ on?” You didn't have time to deal with what Scout had to say, you were too tired. Shutting the door to your room, you started to get ready for bed. Once all dressed and comfortable you laid down. You closed your eyes, ready for a good nights rest. 5 minutes… 10 minutes… 20 minutes… you couldn't sleep at all. All you thought about was Pauling that day. The way she talked and looked at you so gracefully, it was all you could think about. You felt your face get hot every time it happened. You knew this wasn't normal, you knew this had to stop, or did it? See, Medic wasn't a therapist, but you knew you had to talk to him about this, urgently. 

Chapter Text

It was hard for the first hour, but you finally managed to get some sleep. Waking up felt normal as usual until you remembered those strange feelings from last night. You were worried about yourself, like… you didn’t feel the same anymore. You needed to eat something before your brain exploded from overthinking. You got dressed into your work attire and started your way to the dining room. Luckily making yourself food wasn’t an issue, Heavy was making the team some quick breakfast sandwiches. You sat patiently and traced imaginary shapes on the table with your finger. Slowly you started to write some letters in cursive, they were in an awfully familiar order. P, A, U, L, I… oh no. Your face heated up as you came to your senses. You tried to discreetly look around to see if anyone noticed. A small sigh of relief escaped your nose while leaning back in your chair. The food was done, which meant you could eat and then go along your merry way. Or so you thought. The men were chatting amongst themselves, laughing and slamming the table with no care. Usually you would join in and crack some jokes, but once again— today was different. 

After eating you got up and put away your dish. You decided that talking to Medic would be your best choice, since he would probably know what was happening. Walking up to him you greeted yourself with a tap on his shoulder. “Ah! Hello mein freund, how are you doing today?” He asked you kindly. “Hey Medic, I guess I’m doing alright. I just wanted to know if I can talk to you about something after battle today?” “Why of course! Just meet me in my usual spot in the medbay, I’ll be there!” He directed. You gave him a nod and thanked him before taking your normal route to your shop. You were always the one who had to go to work before the other mercenaries to set up. The routine was a little slower today, you kept getting caught up in your thoughts. It did happen a lot while being in the shop, but never like this. You could’ve sworn you were going insane or something, like you just needed to be put down like a dog.

Your work station was neatly settled now. The mercs weapons were safely stored and all the ammunition they could need was right at your finger tips. To pass some time you dusted off some shelves that had some of your own trinkets, just to make the place look a little better. Some small gifts from family and the mercs along with picture frames. You got to one that you’ve seen a million times before, but this time it just felt different. It was a picture of you and Pauling on your first day of your new job. You stared at it for a moment before feeling perplexed at your own feelings. You furrowed your eyebrows together and sat down promptly. This was getting bad, very bad. All you needed to do was get through the day until you get to see Medic, easy as that…right? Soon after your small mental breakdown you could hear the mercs starting to pile in the locker room. You flipped your small sign to the “Open” side as it once was “Closed.” In just minutes, the men equipped their loadouts and went on their way. As always Engi would stay behind to set up his buildings before moving them, while doing so you both would have a small chat. You had a feeling on what today’s conversation would be.

“So, Y/N, mind tellin’ me about good ol’ Pauling?” He questioned you. “What uh, wh-what do you mean?” You wanted to play dumb, but you knew wholeheartedly that Engi could see past your facade. He gave you a familiar look while titling his head, it wasn’t fully visible due to his goggles but you knew which one it was. “It’s…difficult to explain Engi, I really don’t know what it is.” You sighed in defeat. You looked down in sorrow, unable to see Engi’s expression change to being concerned. “I’m gonna talk to Medic about it later today, so maybe he can help me.” Engi shook his head. “I ain’t too sure if he can help you with something like that darl’.” He stood up straight and stretched his back with a groan. “You can go ahead and do that though, tell me how it goes would ya?” He gave you a soft smile before packing up and going with the rest of the men. You sat there quietly before uttering something to yourself. “As soon as I figure it out, I will.” The room fell quiet, you were used to it but you just felt more lonesome than ever. You wanted to fill the silence with music from the local radio station before pulling out a book you’ve been reading for some time. You were so sucked into your book that you hadn’t noticed how much time had actually passed. The sudden noise of loud footsteps and cheering disturbed your peace. It was quite obvious RED team had won once again. This had only meant one thing for you, you could finally get to see Medic.

You waited about 30-45 minutes for the men to settle down before going to the medbay. You knocked softly on the door, waiting for a response. “One second!” You heard Medic shout. After a bit the door opened abruptly to reveal Medic standing there with his usual creepy yet evil smile. You knew he meant no harm to you or RED team, but it still sent shivers down your spine sometimes. “Ah! Hello there dearest Y/N, please, step inside.” He said welcoming you inside and showing you to a seat. You were never really in the medbay too often, so being inside always had some eeriness to it. “So, Miss Y/N,” He said, snapping you out of your thoughts. “What was it that you wanted to discuss with me?” He asked me with a neutral expression. You hesitated for a moment to think about how to put it into words. “I just…I don’t— feel well.” You fidgeted with your shirt as you stuttered. “How so? Any aches, pains, a fever perhaps?” He questioned as he took the back of his hand to your forehand. You chuckled lightly at his concern, it was quite sweet. “No, not like that doc. I’ve been having these feelings lately. It only ever happens when I see Pauling or just think of her. I don’t know what’s going on.” You looked at him with worry in your eyes. He raised an eyebrow at your words, but he knew what this could be leading to. “Do you mind telling me what specific feelings you might be having?” He asked. Usually when he saw his “patients” he would have his clipboard in hand, but it didn’t seem to be needed this time. “I don’t know, I guess flustered or maybe embarrassed, skittish I suppose.” You explained to him to the best of your abilities. He eyed you down for a moment. He arose from his seat while a warm smile appeared on his face. “I think I’ve already got a diagnosis for you, mein freund.” You tilted your head confused. “It seems like you have a little crush for Miss Pauling!” He exclaimed excitedly. 

“What! No, that can’t be right! I’m- I’m not a, uh…” You hesitated. “A…homosexual?” Medic asked. You nodded. Medic sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he thought of a way to explain this to you. “Y/N,” He started. “The human brain works in many wondrous ways that I am very educated in, so listen to me when I say this. Your brain has found a deep attraction towards Miss Pauling, one that may or may not go away depending on the strength of said attraction. This isn’t a horrible thing Y/N all humans can feel this way towards anyone, so don’t take it the wrong way.” He looked more reassuring than usual, like he was really trying to teach you something about yourself. “Homosexuality has been on this planet since the dawn of time. Any kind of animal you can think of has probably had some history of homosexuality in its past. This is a natural thing that can occur in the animal kingdom Y/N.” He was trying to cheer you up, seeing the disbelief in your actions. You sat quietly, shaking your head at the words he was trying to put in your head. “No, it’s not right Medic. I’m not supposed to feel this way towards her, I can’t!” You raised your voice. “Now Y/N, if you were to just let me explain-” “No it’s not natural! It's not right! I can’t be like this!” You interrupted him. You stood up angrily from your chair before storming out the medbay. You opened the doors forcefully, running towards your room before your eyes began to water. “Scheiße…” Medic cursed to himself. 

You slammed your room door closed, crying into your hands as you slid down against the door. You didn’t want to believe what Medic had said to you, but you knew it was true. This was Medic afterall, one of the smartest mercs on the team besides Engi. All you could feel was betrayal against yourself. Guilt, sorrow, anger filled your head as you wept into your now shaking hands. What would your family think if they found out about this? Do they even have to know? What if they found out anyway? You could only think about the outcome of this disaster. After a few minutes there was a knock on your door. “Y/N? Are ya doin’ okay in there? I ain’t never seen you like dis before, I just wanna check in.” It was Scout. He had seen you run in your room and heard your cries. “Go away.” You told him, your voice sounding stuffy. “Ah come on, do ya at least wanna talk about-” He was cut off. “Let her be Scout, she needs some time to herself partner.” It was the faint sound of Engi’s voice talking to Scout. You heard footsteps getting farther away from the door by the second. You sniffled, rubbing your puffy eyes with your shirt collar. You got up and went to your bathroom to clean your face and blow your nose. You walked lazily towards your bed to plop yourself down to curl into a ball. You laid there in your bed, not thinking of anything at all, just laying there. Your eyes were heavy. The exhaustion from crying took over and put you in a needed slumber. You just hoped someone would wake you up for dinner.