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Chapter Text

It was a normal day. For everybody except Goebbels. All day, he was writing propaganda for his dear leader, Adolf Hitler. Why did he enjoy this so much?

It was 7:20 AM. Joseph Goebbels was slouched over a typewriter, he somehow managed to convince an entire nation that The Führer is the greatest leader in all of space. The sky was just a greyish blue, the sun setting in. Germany was going well, the birds were chirping a wonderful song (Probably the song Erika), and nobody had a care in the world, except for the jewish people. The bunker where Goebbels was, just had slight noise of the steps of the officials walking down halls. It reeked of coffee and cigarettes; Maybe because Goebbels decided to write his propaganda in the smoking lounge. (Dumbass.) Oops— His mind wandered off. He continued to write down some stuff to keep the Germans distracted from the world falling apart. His fingers on the typewriter went tap tap tap. More tap tap taps. Joseph carried away and wrote 3 double sided pages about Hitler's propaganda. He sighed. But then—

"Did you have another affair?"

Dear God, help Goebbels. That was his wife, Magda Goebbels. Joseph sighed, stood up from his chair, the chair groaning behind him.

"No I did not." The lie felt bitter on his tongue. He spoke with a straight face.

"I know who Lida Baarova is, you dick!" Magda shouted out, stomping her foot.

Goebbels rolled his eyes, shouting back. "So what? She's just an actress from Czech!"

Magda scoffed. "We have 5 childre–!"

"4! The other one is from your failed marriage!" Goebbels spat, cutting her off.

Magda raised both her eyebrows. A pause. That was a low blow. She shouted once more before leaving.

"You just can't seem to land your finger on the person you love!"

Those words probably echoed in Goebbels' head. Magda quickly turned her heel and walked out. Thank Goodness nobody was in the smoking lounge during that time. Magda's heels clicked on the tiled floors as she walked away. Goebbels stared at her, furious for even thinking about everything. He sat down and read his own propaganda, to check for mistakes. Suddenly, he felt so attached to the words he wrote himself. What kind words were written about Adolf Hitler. What kind words were said about him. Goebbels couldn't help but by instinct agree almost immediately in his mind. He got more and more sucked into the propaganda he wrote. Not because it's propaganda, no. Its because of how he wrote passionately about Hitler. Why was he so fascinating now to Goebbels? The area didnt change around him. Still reeked of smoke. But maybe something changed in Goebbels. Get over it, Goebbels, it is just your leader.

Chapter Text

A day passed since Goebbels wrote his iconic 3 double sided Nazi Propaganda pages and thinking the main character is a smokeshow. Magda was still being bitchy but in this situation, the children were out of the picture.

However, there was been a situation with her husband, Joseph Goebbels. Whenever he saw the Führer, his heart raced and his breath always hitched. He always tried hiding his flustered face because it was always redder than the soviet flag. And whenever he hailed his words and land, his right hand flew up, craving the need to worship Hitler. "No, this is wrong. That's my leader." Goebbels always thought to himself. But his heart was in different places.

He had to show The Führer himself the propaganda he wrote, he must. Sure he approved of many, but this one was written with his own hands, his own words. His footsteps echoed from the corridor in the bunker as his nervousness increased. Goebbels looked around the walls, glancing at the German paintings and photographs. As Joseph Goebbels finally reached the door to the Führer's study, he clutched the papers, just overthinking what could happen. He knocked on the door gently. And then came the deep, cold voice.

"Komm herein." ("Come in.")

Aah shit. Joseph Goebbels was sweating bullets as he opened the door. He saw him. Doing paperwork but God—

His cold blue eyes, His side part that never stuck out, the moustache that always suited him, and the uniform that made him look like an absolute—

"Guten Tag!" (Good Day!) Joseph said nervously, clutching the papers into his both fists.

Hitler looked up at him from his paperwork, his expression softened.

"Guten Tag to you too, Goebbels. Why are you here?" Adolf's eyebrows furrowed, his voice still remaining cold but gentle.

Joseph could feel his heart racing and his face slightly flushed, as he glanced at the side.

"I wrote something. I wrote some propaganda. I followed all of the policies and I think its pretty good but.. I would still– I'd still like for you to read it.. if you are interested, Mein Frührer.." Goebbels said nervously. 

Adolf squinted his eyes and slightly sat up. He took the papers from Joseph and put them beside his paperwork, left as something to be read later.

"Danke, I'm very grateful for your devotion to your place and work in this nation. We need more men like you." Hitler said as he clasped his hands.

He didnt know it, but Goebbels' knees were weak from his compliments. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could—

"You may go now."

Adolf said, returning his attention to his paperwork. Goebbels nodded stiffly, walking out. He muttered a small "Auf Wiedersehen" To Hitler as he left.

The door made a small clink as Joseph returned to the real world. What was he even missing in his life? He was the picture perfect man. He had a wife, children, and a cute woman that he always had affairs with. But.. nothing was filling in that missing piece. Everything he put was put together with school glue, nothing was stable. He can ignore this feeling but he would end up unhappy. But God, what would fill this empty void?

As Joseph Goebbels walked through the hall where his footsteps echoed like little reminders of what happened, he replayed the moment in his mind. He felt empty but so full. He felt so nervous but so bold. That's it, he felt horny, he'll send a letter to Lida Baarova again. Maybe that would fill the gap. Maybe that would make him happy.

He quickly went to the smoking lounge and wrote a passionate but short letter. He spent some time on it, choosing the right words, the pen ink slightly smudging on his fingers. He sent a guard shortly to send the letter to Lida Baarova. But Goebbels knew, for the next night, he wouldn't be alone. He knew that it wouldn't fix anything he felt but just for that short moment of pure ecstasy... He'd risk it all.

What a man. He wishes for everybody's pride, while the nation wishes for his.

Chapter Text

10 PM. The stars flicker faintly in the dark sky. After a very, very steamy night, Goebbels was putting his clothes back on alongside with Lida Baarova. She already felt dazed after the passionate night. Magda was nowhere near his heart now, in fact, Dear Joseph even thought of divorcing her just to be with Lida.

But who else was near Goebbels' heart?

Lida was smoking a cigarette, the smoke curling in the air and fading away. The blanket covered most of her bare body, warming her up. Joseph finished dressing up in his uniform as he turned his head around to glance at the woman he just made love to.

"I had a wonderful time." Goebbels stated, softly smiling at her.

Lida Baarova blew out some smoke and grinned.

"I've had a wonderful time as well. Same time next week?" Her voice was indeed tempting, Joseph couldn't help but fall for it.

His eyes glimmered with the thought of the night repeating—His soft smile turning into a devilish iconic grin.

"Oh absolutely. And hey.." He softly added. "Maybe if we get closer, I could divorce Magda and... Oh, Lida, don't look at me like that, Schatz."

Baarova sighed, slightly leaning in. Her expression wasn't that playful anymore, maybe even a tad bit serious. The suggestive intentions in the room immediately shifted to something else. Something serious.

"Oh but Joseph..." Lida started softly, her words a gentle murmur to not scare him off so soon. "...What will you do when the Führer finds out?"

Goebbels head whipped back almost instantly after she said that; away from his eyes meeting hers. The mention of him. His face burned with confused feelings and shot-wide eyes. The room immediately became pressuring for Joseph.

Crossing his arms with his back turned: "I-I'm not sure, Lida." That voice was low; The question answered so quickly, it even made Lida raise a suspicious eyebrow at him.

"Ähm.. Okay, whatever." Baarova waved off his almost nervous demeanor. "I'm serious, if he finds out, he'll end the spark we have. I do not speak poorly of our Führer—"

There it is. His rank again. Goebbels could feel his heart pounding against his chest. Under the uniform, and under the flesh, what in the world was he feeling?— He probably thought to himself. His hands began to sweat as Lida Baarova continued to ramble about consequence and risk. The air felt thicker, he couldn't handle this anymore. He suddenly cut her off, his head turning to her.

"Hey! Seems like I've got a lot of work on my hands, hm? Ill see you next week!" Joseph choked out with probably the most nervous fake-smile he's ever done in his life. Lida, dumbfounded, stared at Goebbels already leaving the room. As the door softly slammed, Lida just blinked in surprise. She didn't dwell on the weird topic too much, she just sighed before mumbling: "what a strange man." To herself before lighting another cigarette. Baarova laughed softly at the absurdity of his goodbye as she watched the smoke curl in the air.

Meanwhile, Joseph was walking (well, limping since he had a weird right foot) as fast as possible. He had to get home. His forehead was glistened with sweat as he felt his cheeks reddening again from the entire situation. He wanted to smack his head against the nearest wall, he wanted to deny all of this, he wanted to just disappear.. Although... Then the Führer will worry about his absenc- Oh, focus, Goebbels! Why, just why was he thinking about his glorious leader like this? Goebbels was supposed to just praise him.. Not become a lovesick fool for him. The alleyways were dark and empty as he tried to avoid people recognizing him—his steps almost too precise. He finally reached a well trusted man to give him a lift somewhere where the countryside began, just the path to his home. He asked what was the problem; Goebbels politely refused to talk. Finally, after a few hours of driving and 30 minutes of walking, he saw it. He saw his home. Goebbels shakily took out his keys and unlocked his door. Finally! Some rest after all of that...oh no. Magda was standing right Infront of him with her arms crossed and her face sour. Goodluck with this, Joseph.

They stood in silence for what seemed like 5 hours. Magda's eyes were scanning him up and down.

She inhaled and muttered an angry— "It's late." 

Goebbels, already feeling a bit irritated and not knowing how to reply to that, just nervously said, masked as simple:

"Well, no shit, woman."

"Is that all you have to say for yourself?!" Magda snapped, her voice just a whisper-shout to not wake the kids up. "You've been cheating again, haven't you?"

Joseph gulped. Yeah, that gave it away instantly. He groaned as he rolled his eyes, slouching.

"Okay, well, fine, I may have just fucked a tinie tiny bit—"

Magda threw her hands up in the air, her eyebrows knitted together in irritation and fury at the misalliance unfolding in front of her eyes.

"Fine! Go rest. We'll see eachother in the morning."

Goebbels, like a son yelled at by his mother, quietly made his way to their shared bedroom; His footsteps echoing in the hallway. It was for the first time that he didn't feel pride or bashfulness from the night of his affair. Lida wasn't on his mind, it was, yet again, the Führer. Joseph actually felt remorse for his actions, who knows why.

Magda turned her head as he walked away. She slowly smiled and muttered to herself:

"We'll see how you'll continue your affairs after this, my dear husband."

Chapter Text

..Aaand that's how Hitler listened to Magda ranting about the affairs Goebbels has for about.. 4..5 hours? Perhaps more. Of course, the Führer was irritated and a bit führious (haha get it), but this felt like a taste of his own medicine by listening to Mrs. Goebbels. How has her tongue not bled by now and her voice not strain? It was truly a mystery.

Magda sat across from him, her legs crossed and the words starting to seem like white noise. The study was quiet until she strolled in, polite at first but now a pest. Hitler's eyes were focused on her face even though for him it was pretty blurred and his hands were fidgeting with the edge of a piece of document. He could feel his patience running thin and his head starting to hurt, not even he had the strength to talk like this. Suddenly, everything in the study seemed so interesting, somewhat even more interesting than what Magda was talking about. (Yes, Hitler was staring at the rectangle patterns on the wall.)

After possibly 5 more minutes of talking non-stop, Adolf raised his hand and gently interrupted her. It was probably for her own good aswell.

"Frau Goebbels... I appreciate that you're informing me about this matter. I will take notes on your words and I will talk with your husband."

Hitler said. For a man who probably had no feelings behind those eyes.. You could tell the most joyful feeling in his chest was blooming as he put an end to her manic ranting. As he spoke, Magda crossed her arms– And when he finished, her head was high and her lips curved into a very prideful smile. She nodded as she stood up and offered a hand for the Führer to shake.

"Thank you, mein Führer. Im very thankful you are taking action."

Hitler looked up almost hopelessly at Magda's smug eyes. He slowly stood up, the chair groaning behind him; Adolf shook her hand. Just as she turned around and walked out of his study, he fell back in his seat again. And when the door closed? He let out a very satisfied sigh. Hitler's joy slowly faded away as he realized... He really needed to talk to Goebbels about the situation. It was really unfair to Magda and his children— and he himself also said that a man must remain loyal to the pure german family. What the hell? He said he's a loyal man! What a liar. The propaganda he spoke was turning against the man, it seemed like he only cared for his needs— not for the reich.

A few moments later, Hitler pondered on what and where and how Goebbels was doing. He knew he was working, he knew everything, but it didn't answer the questions enough. The main character was Goebbels by now but.. How did his Führer feel? Was it the same way? Even he didn't know.

Hitler did consider and see Goebbels' values, it was impressive. He was in his inner circles, so of course he had a good view on his image— but sometimes he was such a piece of work. He had warned him, a man will have desires, don't let your own thoughts betray the tongue you rant with! And what did the man do? Exactly that. Goebbels was a very high intelligent man but Hitler believed that he could fix him in some way. He would, there would be no room left for disobidience from any of his men. 

It was very early in the morning, even the leader himself had no idea how he was up; he wasn't even a morning person for the Reich's sake! The dark circles under his eyes gave him away to anybody who could've walked in the room. All because of that nagging Magda who decides to ask for meetings at a time where the other side of the planet is preparing to sleep. Luckily for Hitler, there was light in the darkness; he was going to be the main star of a rally, around 10 AM. Oh just to imagine how the crowd would raise their right arms in pure devotion and trust, how marching bands would play songs written either for or about him, how everyone would feel his powers in the air— for those who didn't, apparently didn't feel rightness. Germany's authority would appear right in front of their eyes as even the Führer was bigger than his own shadow. It wasn't even his first time! He's used to this but addicted to the feeling every single time. He would feel like he owned the worl—

Knock knock.

Adolf's slumber came to an unfortunate end as he jumped in his chair from the sudden noise. He responded instantly with a raspy voice, his vision blurry—

"Ja?"

Behind the door: "Mein Führer! The time is exactly..." A gentle voice called out. Must've been one of his guards. "..8 AM. The rally is upcoming in 2 hours."

Hitler blinked with furrowed eyebrows his statement. Did his mother drink alcohol she was pregnant with him? The rally is upcoming in 2 hours! That's plenty of time to–

"Right. Thank you."

The Führer listened to the man's footsteps fading away as he walked off. He let out a huff as he slowly stood up from his chair, mentally preparing himself for the day ahead. He knew he'll have to greet everybody in the hall.. actually, he didn't have to, the men would greet him anyway.

Meanwhile, Goebbels was alone in his shared bedroom with Magda. The kids were asleep and.. Goebbels was not. Instead, he was laying flat on his stomach on the bed— the diary infront of him was laid open with every pen mark narrating his thoughts. Joseph's smile was not from ear to ear, it even went beyond his ears from the joy he felt. (That sounds horryfing visually) Now what was Dr Joseph Goebbels writing about so much that it had even stained his fingers? Hitler. Just Hitler. Goebbels had also gotten the invite to the rally and that also meant seeing his leader with his bare eyes.

Joseph whispered every word he was writing to himself. He heard his wife unlocking the front door, thus, he quickly wrote down a simple sentence to end the entry for today's day. Ofcourse, his wife arrived in the room– Joseph had no clue why she'd gone this early, so ofcourse he was going to ask. He propped up his arms to speak and asked innocently:

"Magda? Where were you, liebling?"

Frau Goebbels stood still as she looked at him as if he had 3 heads. There was a moment of silence which she broke by simply retorting—

"What are you writing?"

Goebbels came back to his senses and closed the book— he had also attempted to sit in the most manly way possible at the same time but that attempt was probably the straightest thing he had ever done in his life. His cheeks tinted red as he smiled through lies.

"Oh, nothing! I was just.. writing a play."

"You used to do that in your twenties."

Joseph gulped. "Well.. things come and go but this came back, no?"

The woman squinted her eyes at him and snatched the diary out of his hands.

"Give me that!"

Goebbels' heart dropped as he saw his entire life flashing before his eyes. He immediately stood up to retreat the book back but it was too late before she got to his latest piece.

"No! Honey! Don't ask about anything!"

Magda scoffed in disbelief as she looked at his last session of writing just minutes before. "What is this? You never write about me! What.. 'Dear Hitler do you groan or whimper?' What is this Joseph?"

Goebbels ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"It's not what it looks like! I promise you!" Oh, the accismus. (For those of you who dont know what the word accismus means— it's a noun in which means that an individual or thing is pretending to not like something when infact they do. You're welcome)

Magda flipped through the pages of his personal heaven as Joseph saw hell unleashing infront of his eyes. He was yet again sweating bullets but for another reason this time.

"Oh, wait!" Magda held up a finger as she saw something in his writing that caught her eye. That finger landed on it as she red— "When I look at Germany's Leader I sometimes pity being married."

Silence.

"..Well, I can't get mad at you for that, I feel the same way. I also sometimes wonder how you married.. a woman." Magda's voice returned to normal.

Goebbels stood there like a statue, his facial expression on default with his mouth agape. Magda gently threw the book on the bed, walking out of the room. 

"I'll make breakfast for the kids before i educate them." She stopped in her tracks, turning her head to look at Goebbels who was still shocked from everything he witnessed.

"You... Prepare your speech if you're doing that." With that final statement she exited the room, leaving him.. like that. Joseph heard his wife's heels clacking against the floor. Goebbels immediately thought of Hitler and got butterflies in his stomach. He quickly brushed off the feeling by ending his thoughts about him.

An hour probably passed since then, making it approximately 9 am. The birds were chirping again and the sun was just begining to send all of its sunlight to all land. Every high ranking was preparing for the big day; some were nervous and some were proud.

And what was Hitler doing? Fantasizing how the entire rally would unravel. Seriously, he's obsessed. He was already charismatically reciting his speech infront of the mirror. His voice echoed in the study as.. has he been in his study all day? Not a single doubt in that question. Just an hour before the rally, The Führer was supposed to meet up with his men an hour early for some political reasons. He was outside, just adoring the beauty of the sky infront of his building. He smiled gently, the sunlight warming him up.

"....Nice weather, huh?"

Hitler jumped and turned his head, seeing a flustered Goebbels smiling shyly. Goebbels was about to faint from the sight of him looking so handsome in the daylight. Hitler was turned slightly toward his propagandist, his eyes wide and his eyebrows knitted together. He let out a huff, his eyes darting to the side.

"Why's everybody startling me today? Doesn't matter." Hitler's eyes went to Goebbels. As soon as Joseph saw him locking eyes with him, he looked away— anywhere that wasn't his beautiful icy eyes. Hitler reached out a hand to shake his own, only to feel a wet thing. As soon as the handshake ended, the leader wiped off the excess on his pants from the slight grossness of the situation.

"Good morning, Herr Goebbels." Hitler said, his facial expression stoic.

Joseph smiled. "I know, right?" He mentally slapped himself in the face. Goebbels instantly corrected himself:

"Uh- Sorry! Hi and Heil, Mein Führer.." The propagandist muttered.

Hitler sighed, speaking in a serious tone now. His arms went behind his back. The atmosphere around them became a tad bit pressuring.

"Since nobody is around us, I think it's the perfect time to warn you about something. A little birdie told me that you have been having affairs without my knowledge."

"...Was that little bird called my wife?"

"Indeed it was. You cannot be unfaithful to your wife and then tell others to have happy functioning families, and for the sake of everything, you're the prime example!"

Oh but who did Goebbels want to be married to instead? Hitler continued to speak, his voice scolding like Goebbels was a child who was caught sneaking out of class.

"I expect better from you. Now if you'd like to be promoted, and if you really love me as your leader, you will end the affair. No excuses and no buts."

Goebbels' face became red. His talk was supposed to teach him something! But it only flustered and drove him insane. It was so wrong, damn it. Joseph looked down at the ground in shame, his expression slightly sad.

"I- I apologize Mein Führer. I will solve this matter instantly."

"Thank you, Herr Goebbels. Make sure it does not happen again."

Oh his voice was so stern it fueled Goebbels' heart. As the men collected, and went to the rally, Joseph couldn't tear his eyes away from Hitler. He was lovesick. Even during the rally, he wouldn't stop looking at him. His heart was full of him, and he couldn't stop himself.

The rally, full of devoted supporters, stood one man with feelings everybody would consider wrong.