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Chapter Text

Yao made her way up to her bedroom after finally being left to sit outside the base for half the night. Her eyes burned from a combination of the tears she shed and the exhaustion pulling at the fringes of her mind. She made her way into her bedroom and flopped on her bed, falling asleep the second her head hit the pillow. 

The next morning the boys were confused by the way Yao had dressed this morning - gone were the childish patterns and oversized clothing. She was wearing dark tight fitted jeans and an emerald green button up blouse leaving little to the imagination. Her expression was focused and no-nonsense. 

They looked at each other and then at Sicheng and then at Yao. 

“We’re good. We’re fine. Let’s get back to training. We’ve still got a lot of matches to win.” Yao’s voice was oddly neutral and had unusual inflections. 

They ran practice scrims are per their normal routines. But, one thing stood out to them and that was the way Yao was playing. She was playing the tiniest bit more aggressively but that wasn’t what was shocking - it was her shikigamis. They weren’t her usual ones but they were leveled up and played with unerring accuracy. 

After they had finished playing, she sat at her screen and was looking at other shikigamis. She was humming under her breath as she scrolled through them debating on who to train next. 

“Yao, what do you want to get for dinner?” Pang asked as he was walking towards the kitchen, but got no reply. He figured she was simply focused and hadn’t heard him. 

“Hey Yao, we playing duos tonight?” K tilted his head in confusion when Mao got no response with her name either. 

Yue wandered over and loudly spoke her gamertag. “Smiling!”

Smiling spun in her seat with a pinched expression on her face. “What do you need? And why do you seem so annoyed? You didn’t need to raise your voice. It’s not like you’re across the room.” 

Ming looked over at her and noticed several differences in regards to how she spoke, how she carried herself, and also how she played. “We said your name - Yao - several times.”

Smiling snorted. “Yeah, that ain’t gonna work for awhile. I’m Smiling, nice to finally be able to introduce myself to the men with no regard to how a person feels. I’m here to make sure she stays safe and protected. And until I feel like she is going to be, you assholes are stuck with me. Cheers!” 

Sicheng was walking towards the kitchen for some water. He instantly pivoted down the hallway and into his office where he pulled up Jinyang’s phone number and pressed the dial button. 

"Ah, Chessman. To what do I owe this honor ?” 

Sicheng exhaled through his nose at her tone. “Everything you know about Smiling. And go…”

A heavy silence hung before a harsh exhale whooshed through the line. “ Fuuuuuuck…..” 

Jinyang’s expletive didn’t bode well. 

“ So, here’s the thing. Yao didn’t have the happiest childhood. Between her parents struggling to provide and then Jian Yang’s fuckery, she went through some trauma - with a capital T. Somewhere in the middle of that, she picked up OPL. And the handle Smiling, which I found out was another identity. I got her out of that environment and to a professional who was able to diagnose her with DID. And normally, it’s fine and she’s all good. But, whenever something really bad happens… like the Anime Convention or something worse, Smiling comes out to protect her. I never know how long the bitch decides to stay out. Depending on how bad the situation is, could be a day or two. Could be longer. What happened to her that caused Smiling to surface? ”

Sicheng let out a heavy sigh as he knew he was to blame. “I fucked up, Jinyang. We were at the arena for the match against DQ-5. She mentioned she bit Xu Tailun and wouldn’t expand further. In a fit of rage, I locked her out of the base  last night well into the early hours of the morning. And then it seemed Smiling made an appearance this morning for scrims. ….The fuck did I do?” 

“ Right now the more important thing is what do you need to do? Smiling generally peeks through the curtain during matches giving Yao some extra confidence and skills. Yao just thinks she’s hitting her zone. You need to try to get Smiling to recognize that the threat is gone and Yao is safe around you and the rest of your team. I would offer to come over, but she is not one of my biggest fans. Good luck, Chessman. Hope you find a way out of this check .” A sharp click indicates that Jinyang had ended the call. 

Sicheng rubs a hand over his face. He looks up to the ceiling and shakes his head in disbelief. His first task is to have a meeting on how to let the team know the situation and then work with them to formulate a plan to make Smiling not only trust them to take care of Yao properly but also believe they wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. 

Chapter Text

Sicheng calls for a meeting as soon as Smiling heads up to take care of DaBing. He’s at least comforted by the fact that the cat is loved by both Yao and Smiling. He watches as the boys shuffle into the meeting room and flop down into the chairs. 

“So, I’m sure you’ve become aware of some personality changes and met Smiling. I just got off the phone with Jinyang. She explained that Yao has DID - Dissociative Identity Disorder. She let me know that it is a result of factors coming together to create the perfect storm as she was growing up. And apparently Smiling is Yao’s way of protecting herself. She will come out only when Yao is threatened or believes she needs to be protected. It happens in great times of stress and the amount of time she is out varies based on the level of threat that Smiling feels exists.”

The boys all looked at each other and started to speak over each other all at one. Sicheng raised his voice and told them to raise their hands if they wanted to speak. He knew they needed to sort this out - with a definitive plan for once and not their normal FAFO attitude to life inside the base. 

Ming raised his hand. “I did notice something immediately off with her when she came downstairs but figured she might have just wanted to look pretty. She’ll do that every once in awhile. Something about the way she said ‘we’ had me worried.”

“Mao and I both were weirded out when Yao didn’t respond to playing duos. She never turns down an opportunity to play with us.” K spoke softly. 

“Missy never turns down food. It’s how I knew something was wrong.” Pang’s expression turned gloomy when he realized he might not have a snack friend anymore. 

Yue had a guilty look on his face as he raised his hand. “Did I do something wrong by addressing her as Smiling? I know I can be a dick but I was just trying to get her attention.”

Sicheng looked at everybody before admitting the truth with a heavy heart. “No, it was solely my fault. I went silent after the Anime Convention but ignored she was a little weird. Then, last night - it was my fault. I was angry at her for not trusting me with the whole story. I’m the one who added fuel to the fire by not allowing her inside. If anything, I’m completely at fault for fully dragging Smiling into the spotlight. While we all do need to get better at communicating in general, it’s a steep curve with Yao. We’ve never had to deal with a female before in this capacity.” 

He watched as the team got thoughtful looks on their faces as they tried to figure out how best to win over Smiling. 

“The first thing I am doing is going over to HQ after getting the footage from the arena. I am planning on dragging that prick through the mud and won’t stop until there is no chance so he can’t hurt anybody ever again.” Sicheng vowed solemnly. 

Chapter Text

Every day seemed to be an exercise in futility. Each day Smiling would come down and grab her coffee before heading into the gym and working out with the heavy bag. Then, she would wander back up before coming down to stream for her fellow fans as Yao. The way she would flip to the softer gentler curves of Yao with the bubbly energy before sliding back into sharp angles of Smiling as soon as the camera cut had the boys blinking and doing a double take. 

They knew it wasn’t Yao as there were still too many quirks but to the casual streamer, they had no clue. 

While they hadn’t quite given up hope that Yao would return, they grew accustomed to the new dynamic. They ran scrims every day with Smiling and still invited her to go to hotpot after a good training session. They included her on movie nights and did their best to show her that they cared. 

Movie night had run long one night as they had chosen a two part movie and instead of watching one part that night and the second part the next night, they decided to watch it all in one sitting with a small intermission. The boys stretched and prepared to go up to their bedrooms when they saw that Smiling had passed out sometime during the second movie. 

“Cheng-ge….” Yao’s soft voice, unmistakable in tone, drifted into the silent room as she dreamed. 

Sicheng looked over and his heart clenched as the full force of how much he had missed her hit him at that moment. He grabbed the large blanket from the back of the couch and laid it over her sleeping form. He tucked a stray piece of hair delicately behind her ear as he did so. “I hope you come back to us soon, Shorty. We all miss you, but not as much as I do. I didn’t know how much I would.” Sicheng’s whisper hung in the air. 

Sicheng watched as her eyes open slowly and a soft smile formed on her face. He swallowed hard as he realized it was actually Yao. He leaned closer and breathed her name. 

“Cheng-ge? I’m sorry. I miss you guys so much. Especially you...” Yao’s eyes grew watery as she struggled to express how much she was forced to keep to herself. 

Sicheng leaned his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry to you. I felt like I was allowing myself to be weak by caring about you. I never realized that you were actually making me better. I promise I will do everything in my power to make sure you are seen and heard from here on out, Yao.”

His voice cracked on the last few words. His emotions - set into the open, raw and untempered. He pulled back to look into her eyes; his own softened by sincerity. He paused and hoped for some sort of response. 

Unfortunately, it was not quite the one he was expecting to receive.

“The fuck are you doing?” Smiling surfaced mere moments later, in those fragile heartbeats, with Sicheng’s face way too close to hers. 

She sat up quickly, scooting back as if burned to make sure there was a proper amount of distance between them. “Why the hell were you so close?” 

Sicheng stood up from his crouch and took a step back, seeing the wariness in Smiling’s eyes. “You had fallen asleep. I was covering you with a blanket. Would have done it for any other member of this team. I apologize if I overstepped.” 

He did his best to keep his posture and tone neutral. Inside, he was dying a thousand deaths after getting a few moments with Yao after months of Smiling’s cold attitude. 

Smiling blinked a couple times and saw nothing but sincerity in his eyes. “Thank you then. I appreciate it. I’m going to head to bed then. Have a good night.” 

She headed up the stairs to her room but could feel his eyes tracking her movements. She was the tiniest bit confused on how those whiskey amber eyes seemed to see her. As she headed into her bedroom, she shrugged and figured there was plenty of time to figure things out. 

Chapter Text

Smiling came out of her bedroom and looked over the railing at the rest of the team running scrims. She was off the schedule for that day so Yue could practice on his synergy with the team and also working on deepening his pool of shikigami. She watched them play for a few minutes longer and then turned around to take care of DaBing when she heard her name. She remained close enough to listen but far away back so they didn’t see her. 

“Do you think Smiling would want to grab a late lunch with us before we start training this evening?” Pang asked. 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Mao excitedly said. 

“I agree.” K’s voice was warm. 

“Do we have to do more training? Can’t we just have a movie night? I love how Smiling takes apart the movies.” Yue’s grin could be heard around his words. 

“I’ll order her favorite crawfish and we’ll have a relaxing night in. I wouldn’t be opposed.” Sicheng’s voice drifted up. 

She also heard Ming and Rui chiming in about ordering some RIO’s as well as trying to put limits on the movie night. She froze as she felt the knot that had been under her rib cage for what seemed like years but knew was only a couple months start to untangle. She realized that they were making an effort in trying to get to know her. They had paid attention to what foods she liked, what movies she enjoyed. 

Smiling walked back into her bedroom and picked up the phone. Scrolling through the contacts, she brought up Jinyang’s number and pressed the dial button. 

“ Yao? ” A hopeful voice came through on the other side of the line. 

“Jinyang, it’s actually Smiling. Look, I need your help. I know how much you care for Yao and I know you were always trying to look out for her.” Smiling’s voice was tight and touched with uncertainty. “I just overheard the boys downstairs talking about dinner and they discussed my favorite foods without a second thought. They’ve been making efforts to know me, to include me. I want to do right by Yao. I can’t do that without help. Can you help me? I don’t know if it is possible but my hope is that by going to therapy, we might be able to merge. Do you still have the information for the therapist?” 

Jinyang’s voice responded, filled with support. “ Of course I do. And just so you know, I always did respect you for looking out for my sister. Might not have agreed with how you did it, but I’ll be damned if you didn’t keep her safe. However I can help, know that I am only too happy to do so .”

Chapter Text

Smiling sat in the office a couple times a week in order to try to work through her past trauma. She unloaded her past and worked towards her goal of not only healing Yao but also trying to heal herself as well. While she spoke almost clinically about the experiences at first, she slowly grew more emotional as the barriers between her and Yao broke down.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Yao’s eyes shot open as soon as their voices raised; her light sleep disturbed. She never did sleep deeply anymore. She rubbed her eyes briefly and tugged at the hem of her nightgown. She waited a couple heartbeats before hearing a loud thump and the voices growing louder. She grabbed her stuffed rabbit and wandered into the bathroom. She huddled in the bathtub under a towel as she heard her parents going at it again for the third night in a row.

She heard crashing and squeezed her eyes shut. She clung to her bunny like it was the only port in a storm. She heard the knocking from the front door and heard the policemen checking on the situation. Her parents quieted down and they left. With a shaky breath and tremors still wracking her small body, she made her way back to her bedroom and pulled the covers over her head. 

The door to her room opened and she heard her mothers voice calling her name but she played opossum. A few minutes later, she heard the door open again and heard her fathers voice. She knew they cared but wished things were different. She knew things were hard. She might have been only six but some things weren’t hard to miss. 

The lights not turning on. 

The fact sometimes her parents wouldn’t eat because they weren’t feeling well. 

The knowledge that she was a mistake. Overheard when they thought she was asleep. 

Yao lived with all these things and more. It was so hard for her but they tried. She knew they did, but it wasn’t enough. As she got a little older, she did her best to mimic the same behavior her parents exhibited. She tried to eat as little as possible and whenever she could, she would help out a neighbor for a little extra money that she would sneak into her mother’s purse. While it didn’t fix things, it might provide enough for them to all eat for one meal or keep the lights on another day. 

Things got a little better when Jian Yang moved down the hall from her. They became friends and she often spent time over at his place. She was only too happy when they invited her to stay for dinner. She always ate too much and suffered one too many upset stomachs but to Yao it was worth it not to feel that gnawing feeling with which she was only too familiar. 

She didn’t know snacks were a thing, nor those yummy yogurt drinks. She did her best to conceal her excitement around those things but nothing could dim the way her eyes shone. 

In school she kept to herself, not that she really had much of a choice. She was quiet and withdrawn. She never had the latest fashion nor the newest thing. If she was being honest with herself, she really didn’t even have the oldest thing. Her clothes were from the thrift store around the corner and repaired more times than she could count. 

She always had her nose stuck in a book - while they may have been rescued from the trash or rescued from the library’s unwanted stacks, they were her constant companion. It was there she learned the ability to leave her current life and go where she wanted to or be who she wanted to be. 

As she got older, computer games took her focus away from her books. Instead of traveling to different places and being different people, she was able to be powerful characters with unfathomable powers. She enjoyed this immensely and latched onto it tightly. 

It was when Jian Yang went off with his career that suddenly her gamer tag took on more than just the hope that ‘Smiling’ is what she would do but what she would become. When she learned about him ghosting her, she sobbed herself to sleep and that was the first time Smiling made her grand debut.

Chapter Text

The door to the base creaked open and in walked a familiar petite female figure. The boys looked up and were pleasantly surprised at what they saw before them. Gone was the stand-offish attitude of Smiling but so was also the exceedingly shy personality of Yao. What stood in her place was a confident young woman who carried both within. 

“Hey guys, I’m home. Thank you for everything. While it did hurt to be treated the way I was, it was actually kind of a good thing. I didn’t realize how badly I was broken. This kind of forced me to be able to confront my past. In a very weird way, I have you guys to thank for it.” Yao smiled softly. 

“Who’s up for some crawfish and RIO’s? I heard a rumor that the captain was paying.” Yao giggled mischievously as the rest of the team backed her up with animated gestures and loud exclamation. 

Sicheng pretended to huff. “Fine, but next time I’ll have Rui dock the pay of whoever suggests that I’m gonna treat the next time!”