Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Yes?” Nerissa calls out as she hears a tentative knock on her door. She allotted the day to rest a little, just mindlessly scrolling through the internet for things she liked in the comfort of her pillows and stuffed toys, her usual routine before bed. The door opens, and a head with familiar black and white peeks in, almost shy. Nerissa softens, almost immediately.

“Hey Reese.” The demon chuckles, gesturing for her to get in. “Close the door behind you and come sit here, Shiorin.” It was easy to invite her in, easy to let her do what she wanted, easy to ask. Shiori does just that, falling onto the edge of her bed with a heavy sigh, one she doesn’t showcase often. Nerissa stares, wide-eyed, anticipating what could be bothering the archiver.

Instead, her tongue clicks, and Nerissa tries to hide how her face reddened. She wonders about the furrowed brows, wonders about the frustrated look in her eyes. She almost reached out, breath stuttering as she does so anyway, running her thumb from between her brows to the end of her right one, thumb now circling her temple.

She watched her expression change from content to something Nerissa was too afraid to name. Shiori mutters something out, and Nerissa, staring at the way the archiver’s eyes flitted away, couldn’t hear what it was that she said. “Shiori?” She calls out to her, a silent plea for her to repeat whatever it was she whispered.

“How do you just… do that?” Nerissa blinks, wondering why Shiori’s inquisitive eyes study her, why she pouts her lips, all too adorable for Nerissa to bear. Still, the demon doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Shiori exhales, almost like a sigh, and Nerissa supposes it was too obvious that she didn’t understand. “How do you just… touch?” And Shiori, for all the words at her fingertips, couldn’t find any to explain.

Nerissa hums, filling in the space as she thinks of what to say. Why does she touch a lot? How, even? “I’m just drawn to people, I guess? It’s what’s natural to me, and as long as the other person’s comfortable, I don’t see why not.” Nerissa pauses, leaning away slightly. If Shiori noticed, she didn’t say anything. “Is it uncomfortable, Shiori?”

Shiori’s posture straightens, “No no. There there, it’s okay.” It must’ve shown on her face, the guilt of possibly going over the line. “It’s not that it’s uncomfortable. It isn’t, by the way.” Shiori adds, and she looks down, hand shy of making contact with Nerissa’s that was gripping the sheets. “I just… want to learn?” Shiori tilts her head, as if she was just as confused with what she was suggesting. 

“To learn?” Nerissa whispers, phone forgotten between them, eyes tracing the way Shiori didn’t know what to say. Tracing the way Shiori’s lips were in a pout, not used to being unable to control the situation.

But this wasn’t dangerous, this was just Nerissa. So why is it that she sees the usual look Shiori does when she wants to run away? 

Except Shiori remained, unmoving, simply taking deep breaths. Nerissa waits, patient in the way her grip on the sheets loosened, twitching, aching to reach for the hand that rests just beside her. But she doesn’t do anything. Not unless Shiori was ready.

“I want to learn how to touch, too.” 

“Oh?”

“No, not like that.” Shiori’s deadpan reply makes her laugh, and she’s glad the archiver chuckles along with her. 

“I know, I know.” Nerissa raised her hand once more, returning to cup Shiori’s face, thumb now caressing just under her eye. “You looked so worried, I wanted to try getting you out of that, darling.” Shiori closes her eyes, humming.

“It’s very effective.” She mimics the tone of the game, and Nerissa chuckles. 

“How do you plan on learning to be touchy?” Nerissa wonders. Why?

Shiori leans back, and Nerissa’s hand slides down to rest on her lap, waiting again. She finds the archiver staring at her door, and maybe that was all she was getting. Maybe that was all before she had to wait again. And again. 

And again.

“Can I come by your room every now and then?”

Nerissa blinks.

“You’re always welcome, Shiorin. Why, though?” Shiori stands up, back turned to her, and she knows the archiver is hiding. Knows the way she can never read her face like this, but she sees the way her shoulders are high, her hand wrapped around her other arm. 

“When I think about it.. Learning from you doesn’t sound so scary.” Shiori walks to the door, and Nerissa feels frozen in place. “Good night, Rissa.” The door closes.

“Good night..” Nerissa whispers, despite the fact that Shiori probably couldn’t even hear it. Hands raised to her cheeks, bright red and hot. “What..?” 

-

-

So this was what she meant. A knock on her door as she almost settled into her covers. She blinks. “Wait a moment!” She opens her closet to at least get a shirt before she freezes at the door opening, Shiori poking in with closed eyes, facing downwards. It was quiet for a few seconds.

“Are you..?”

“Yeah- Just- Just give me a second, Shiori.” Nerissa felt breathless. Shiori slowly retreated, closing the door with a click. In a rush, Nerissa puts on a shirt and shorts, just to be sure. She practically runs to the door, before opening it, taking in gulps of air. “Hi.”

Shiori still had her eyes closed. “Good evening, my lady. Uh.” Nerissa laughs.

“You can open your eyes, you know.” The archiver does as told, going so far as to only opening one eye before the other. Nerissa opens her door wider, and she turns around. Shiori steps in, quiet, gentle. “What do you want to do?” Nerissa sits on the edge of her bed, patting the spot next to her. Shiori stood in the middle of the room, quietly staring, eyes moving up and down. “Shiori?”

“Did you wear your shirt inside out by accident or is that a new fashion statement?” Nerissa looks down, only to see the inside seams of her shirt on the hem and sides, blushing up a storm. She doesn’t know what to do but let out a whine.

“Who makes a fashion statement at bedtime?! Actually, don’t answer that.” Nerissa huffs, “Just let me be, I was rushing.” Shiori laughs, finally sitting down beside her. 

“Is it comfortable? I can turn around until you can get yourself sorted out.” Shiori smiles, teasing lightly but meaning every word. Nerissa laughs, waving her off.

“Don’t worry about it.” They fall into silence, Nerissa sinking further in her seat before ultimately lying down. She waits, staring at Shiori who found the fabric of her own pajamas interesting. Shiori glances at her, and Nerissa doesn’t know what kind of expression she’s giving her.

Did she look too needy? Too much? Her brows furrow worriedly, unbeknownst to herself, and Shiori smiles at her with a raised brow, letting out a chuckle. “What is it?” Nerissa doesn’t know why her voice was reduced to a whisper, but she waits. Again.

“Can I sleep beside you? I can squeeze in whatever space is left, if you need a lot.” Nerissa blinks. Sleep? Beside her? What?

“Are you sure? I can give you some space too, you know.”

“Nah, it’s fine. Your dumpy’s gonna push me off inevitably anyway.”

Nerissa laughs as she moves closer to the wall, giving Shiori the space further out, giving her the chance to leave without being too scared to wake her up. Giving her the chance to refuse it all, like she always has.

They shuffled, moving here and there, adjusting as they laid there. It was barely enough, and Nerissa turned away, facing the wall with a slow inhale. “You can come closer, Shiorin. There’s enough space.”

It was quiet the next few seconds, no ruffling of sheets from movement, still air that suffocates Nerissa just a little before she feels Shiori’s back pressed against hers.

“Good night, darling.” Nerissa tries to get a last say, but Shiori responds with a mumble. Sleepily, the demon says words she tried so hard to utter less for Shiori’s sake. “I love you.”

Nerissa still loses, it seems.

“Love you too, Reese.”

-

-

Nerissa wakes up alone. It felt lonelier now that she knew Shiori was beside her the night before. She lays still for a few more moments, as if waiting for at least something to tell her that oh, Shiori stayed. She’ll come back, even.

Except there was nothing, and Nerissa sighs. She gets up, her sheets a heavy weight on her shoulders as she pushes against the mattress. Her eyes glance at her bedside desk, and she sees a piece of paper, neatly folded under her phone. She doesn’t know it, but a smile already makes its way to her face as she crawls to reach for it.

Sorry, I’m on breakfast duty. Come down to eat when you can.

Nerissa grins, changing properly this time. She makes her way to the kitchen, though she doesn’t find Shiori there. Still, as she smells bacon and pancakes in the air, she doesn’t mind.

Shiori’s presence filled the room anyway. It was enough.

-

She finds Shiori in the office. More like a library, really, and she walks quietly, wanting to scare her a little. “Hey Reese.” Well that was a foil.

Nerissa whines, the kind Shiori can surely tell was playful. She reaches out to her, glancing at the stacks of papers right in front of them. Her hands rest on Shiori’s shoulders, leaning over, “What are you looking into this time?”

And Shiori flinches hard. The kind that was hard to ignore. The kind that couldn’t be excused for just shock because the archiver already knew Nerissa was there. The kind that has Nerissa worried. Just as quickly, Nerissa’s hands rise away, folding at her chest as she takes a step back. Shiori turns around, and the chair awkwardly scrapes against the floor, making both of them wince. “Wait, Reese-”

“Sorry! Sorry- That was…” Nerissa didn’t know what to say. “I’ll go, Shiori. I’m sorry about that.” She turns hurriedly, before the archiver could call out to her, before she could even stop her. She walks to her room, hands shaking.

It felt like so much. It was never like this before. Nerissa could reach out, see Shiori flinch, and simply move away from her without issue if it wasn’t much of a problem to the archiver. So what changed? Nerissa’s hands were shaking.

What makes her so afraid?

Nerissa attends to her duties the rest of the day distracted, trying to figure out why she acted so out of order, so out of.. character. It was definitely not like her to run away, was it? It felt like she was in a daze, like a lost soul wandering aimlessly. She tried to not let it get to her. Really she did.

But the idea of possibly hurting Shiori or making her uncomfortable? Unfathomable. Yet it happened, and now Nerissa doesn’t know what to do. 

Once again, Nerissa does her nightly routine, sitting on the edge of her bed, hoping there was no knock on her door. Except there was.

“Reese?” The door doesn’t open like the previous nights. Nerissa stands up, lingering in front of her door. She doesn’t open it just yet.

“Yes?”

Silence follows after. She doesn’t know if Shiori realized how close she actually was to her door, doesn’t know why she isn’t letting her in. “Can I come in?” Shiori asks simply. Nerissa doesn’t have the heart to say no. She opens the door, and the look she gives as she stares back into Shiori’s waiting gaze was too obvious.

Too loud.

She takes a step back as Shiori steps in, further, further, and she almost trips with a yelp, only for Shiori to reach out to her. Her breath hitches. “Are you okay there, my girl?” Shiori’s hands left her just as quickly as she stood up straighter.

“Yes yes! Of course! Uhm..”

Shiori only stared, in that same way she would study something so closely. Eyes moving back and forth between hers, tracing her face, and she feels too seen. “Can you touch my shoulder again?”

Nerissa felt like color drained from her face. This was simple, too simple. Very easy. Just… just put her hands on her shoulder again.

Again.

Nerissa’s hands were shaking, but Shiori was waiting there, watching her closely. She gulps, and her hands ghost over her shoulders, barely there, more on the fabric of Shiori’s dress shirt if anything. “There.” Nerissa felt like too much.

“Reese?”

Nerissa retreats her hands immediately, now hanging on her sides. “Yeah?”

“I’m okay, y’know.”

Nerissa looks into her eyes, golden, insistent. Secure. She nods with a breathy sigh, posture melting a little. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I was just a little shocked.” Nerissa believes it untrue. “I could’ve anticipated it.”

“You don’t have to adjust for me, Shiori-”

“Who do you think this is for?” That shuts her up. Shiori laughs a little, as if hiding. “You think I’m trying to work up the courage to let you hold me the way you want just randomly? And for someone else? Who do you take me for?” Shiori chuckles at her, as if trying to lighten up the mood, as if she didn’t just admit something so huge, so monumental. So life-changing. “A harlot?”

“I would never!” Nerissa finally finds her voice, and Shiori laughs even more, shoulders shaking as her full belly laugh takes over her. The archiver’s hands find hers, leading them to her shoulders where they rest on fully, feeling the way Shiori’s laughter shakes her too. Nerissa finally lets out a giggle, and Shiori looks fulfilled. Satisfied.

“I’ll go back to my room now.” Nerissa already misses her. She hopes for a next time, and buries it deep, keeping it under lock and key to be fulfilled. 

“Of course,” Nerissa tries to not sound so desperate. “Good night, Shiori.”

“You too, Reese.”

-

-

It was movie night with Bijou and the twins. The couch was never big enough for everyone, but with Bijou sitting on half of Fuwawa’s and Mococo’s lap as she holds their bowl of popcorn for them, there was just enough space for Nerissa to spare Shiori the rest. She glances at the three, the casualness of their arrangement, and makes a mental note to ask Bijou next time.

The demon had… more pressing matters at hand. She sat comfortably, as comfortably as she could with Shiori next to her. She does her best to give her enough space, but with how things are, they still made contact in some way. She squirms.

“Reese?”

She hums.

“Are you okay there?”

“Yup!” Maybe she answered her too fast. Shiori only faces the television, patting Nerissa on her knee, before leaning her own onto her. Nerissa sucks in a breath, makes sure she wasn’t heard, swallowing the gasp that threatened to escape her.

She sighs, leaning back.

None of it was this big of a deal. “Oh you’re so sweet.” Nerissa whispers as she leans behind her, lightly burying herself into Shiori’s locks, finally finding the courage to act like how she usually does. Shiori only moves forward slightly, and that was her cue to stop. Nerissa finds herself wanting more, looking for more.

Even when she was just so afraid, she wanted more light touches. More casual hugs, more pats, more leaning. More of Shiori in something so innocent. So fleeting.

She couldn’t pay attention to the movie at all. Granted, it was horror, and Bijou almost threw the bowl upwards and made a mess, and Nerissa had the perfect excuse to hide behind Shiori’s figure, but her eyes were clouded with so many thoughts, so many worries. So many wants.

Mococo’s scream grounds her, chuckling as she watches the jumpscare, a little more calm now that the younger twin had taken all the screaming for herself. Bijou was buried in Fuwawa’s shoulder, one eye peeking at the screen. Fuwawa was just shaking, holding her close. Shiori was as calm as ever, save for a few flinches and monotone “woah’s”. 

She savors the closeness. The intimacy buried under practiced excuses and still air. Nerissa convinces herself it was nothing every time, only for the next contact to surprise her and build it all up again.

She raises a brow as the credits rolled, as Bijou begged to have a sleepover.

“You can come over and sleep in my room if you need.” That certain lilt at the end of her sentence has Bijou shooing her off. “No thank you.”

“Aww, but I’ll be lonely,” She teases further, a small smile slipping through. Bijou sticks out her tongue in defiance, and Nerissa laughs as she stands up. She glances at the twins, and she did her best to hold back a laugh at how wrinkled their brows were at her. She only winks at them before turning to the couch to clean up, only to be beaten to it by Shiori who already had the blankets gathered in her arms. “Let me get that for you.”

A small thank you was all she heard before Shiori dropped the folded blankets onto her arms. She gives her a glance, finds her turning the television off, eyes scanning everything as Bijou, Fuwawa and Mococo clean up all the food and dishes. She makes her way to the shared closet where all the sheets and big fabrics were stored, tucking it away in the spot where they got it from. They only used it tonight so far, and nothing was spilled onto them, so they’ll get washed another day. Nerissa makes another mental note of it, before heading out onto the hallway, trying to make her way back to the living room to help out.

She finds Shiori in the hallway, and Nerissa tilts her head as the archiver shakes her head. “It’s all good now, Rissa. Go get some sleep.”

“Oh you know I won’t.” Nerissa yawns, unintentionally perfect timing, and Shiori only chuckles.

“Well, I hope you do have some at least.” Shiori’s gentle nature still slips through and Nerissa is thankful the archiver already walked past her. “Good night, Rissa.”

“You too. Good night, Shiorin.”

-

-

“Were we running out of this, Shiori?” Nerissa runs ahead to take a box of cereal to show the archiver who pushed the cart to her. 

“Hmm. I don’t think so. But we can get this other one instead, I think Fuwamoco likes this one better.” Nerissa’s eyes soften, reaching for the box Shiori pointed out. “Beebs and I aren’t really picky about that. You?”

“Me?” Nerissa tilts her head slightly as they continue walking through the aisles.

“You’re not gonna get yourself one?” Nerissa blinks, eyes immediately moving to her preferred box, before humming out a no.

“It’s okay, I like pancakes more.” Nerissa laughs. Shiori only smiles, though unnoticed. Silently, the archiver puts pancake mix in the cart.

As they shopped, the supermarket slowly got filled with more people. Shiori could barely push the cart without bumping into anyone. Someone bumps their shoulder against her and she sucks in a breath as the stranger mutters a small apology before going about their way.

Nerissa reaches out for her hand, patting Shiori’s tight grip on the cart’s handle. She sees her take a deep breath. “We just have to get to the cashier.” Nerissa hopes it was enough reassurance.

It was hard to avoid the crowd. Everyone else was going everywhere they weren’t, and Nerissa could see Shiori consider putting everything in her Archives and just going back home through a portal, but then again, there were too many people. Causing mass hysteria over what Shiori can do was not on the list.

They make it to the cashier line, and Shiori lets one of her hands hang on her side. Nerissa gives it a glance, before reaching out, wrapping her pinky around hers. The lightest of touches. Shiori glances down, up, then down again, before staring at the cart as she pushes it with her free hand as the line moves.

“Thanks, Reese.” Nerissa mentally cheers at that.

“Of course.” She doesn’t know what takes over her to say this, but she continues, “Don’t wanna lose you in the crowd.” Shiori laughs, but doesn’t say anything further. Nerissa could already hear the tease that could’ve been said, the way the archiver would’ve said something like “Oh, but we’re in line, Rissa. You won’t lose me here.” The way Shiori would continue with an “unless I..” and say something so out of pocket Nerissa doesn’t know what else to do but laugh.

Oh how clearly it rings in her ears. But none of that happens. Between keeping up with the slow moving line, the crowd still shopping around them, and Nerissa’s sweating palms that she’s glad Shiori isn’t noticing nor feeling, the silence between them barely even existed.

Nerissa’s mind wanders on their way home, bags of groceries at hand with the help of some demon magic. She insisted, despite knowing Shiori could store it elsewhere before taking it all out again at home. She sets them on the counter, unpacking and folding the bags to use for later. Shiori steals the groceries in a portal, already arranging them in their pantry.

Nerissa could only shake her head.

-

-

A knock echoes from her door just as Nerissa was about to get a shirt to sleep in. “Gimme a sec!” She doesn’t know when wearing a shirt to sleep started to become a routine for her, but she goes with it. Especially when Shiori comes to visit her room recently.

She goes to open the door, and Shiori only smiles at her sheepishly. She laughs, like it was natural, like it was so easy to laugh with her. And it was.

“Why hello there.” Nerissa teases as Shiori walks into her room. She closes the door softly, and walks to the archiver who sat on the edge of her bed. “You come here often?” Nerissa couldn’t stop the proud smile on her face.

“You’re so corny, my girl.” Nerissa laughs as she sits beside her. Close but just far enough, never too far away from her.

“So? What takes you to my humble little corner?” Nerissa felt like theatrics tonight. More of a show to hide how nervous she was.

“Can you hold my hand?” Nerissa blinks, and holds out her hand. Palm up, waiting wordlessly. She watches as Shiori’s eyes trace the lines, every joint, every finger before taking a deep breath to place her hand over hers. It felt ghostly, like they were never there.

“So suddenly?” Nerissa whispers, and Shiori tries gliding her fingers over hers, trying to rub her thumb against her palm so gently, so softly. Nerissa’s hand closes slowly around Shiori’s and the archiver stops. She pulls back a little, and Nerissa lets her. “Was it because of earlier?”

“A little.” Shiori raises her hand, almost like she’s asking for a high five. Nerissa simply rests her hand against it, fingers relaxed as Shiori ever so slowly intertwines their fingers.

Shiori’s eyes were blown wide with curiosity and awe, staring at how their hands loosely tangled in between them. Nerissa curls her fingers, holding her in a tighter but still loose grip, almost like a question.

Can I hold your hand a little longer?

She doesn’t know if Shiori perceived it, but it is answered in the way Shiori follows, the way Shiori tightens her grip the lightest bit. Nerissa could feel her palm sweat, feel her hand shake. She doesn’t want to let go so soon.

“Is that okay?” Nerissa breaks the silence they didn’t know they were submerged in, her own thoughts too loud of an echo in her mind to realize. Shiori seemed shocked at the question.

She purses her lip, unsure how to answer, but coming to a conclusion anyway.

“Yeah.”

Ultimately, Shiori turned to the door, as if contemplating whether to go or not. Nerissa bites the bullet for them, loosening her hold but not pulling away. The archiver turns to her, unspoken words stuck at the tip of her tongue, almost let out in the way her lips parted and closed, but alas.

There was only silence.

Shiori’s hand slips away the slowest way possible, fingertips tracing from her knuckles to her wrist. It raises back up to hold her again, and Nerissa’s breath hitches. “Your hands are soft.” Shiori looks up at her, before looking down at her free hand. “I have piano fingers.”

“I like holding your hand.” Nerissa blurts out, awkward, out of nowhere. Sudden. “I- Your hands are still soft, Shiori. Even if they objectively weren’t, I’d still like holding your hand.” She’s rambling, she knows.

Shiori only hums. “You’re warm.”

“Yeah?” Nerissa whispers as Shiori’s hand slips away again, this time leaving her skin as her fingertips reach the base of her palm just before her wrist. The raven already missed the kind of warmth she could only get from Shiori’s skin.

“Yeah.” Shiori looks away, almost embarrassed. She stands up, and Nerissa doesn’t chase after her. “Good night.”

“Good night, Shiorin.”

Nerissa already missed the way she’d say her name.

-

-

Shiori hasn’t visited her room in a while. It had been a week or so, if anyone was asking. Not like she was keeping count. Still, Nerissa opts to wear a shirt to bed, on the off chance that Shiori knocks on her door.

She was on breakfast duty today. A little surprised to see pancake mix, wondering if anyone went out to buy it during the week. She prepares them anyway, humming a random tune into whatever song comes to mind. She hears footsteps, and without turning she says, “They’ll all be ready in a bit.”

She feels someone peek closer, sees familiar black and white and she almost freezes at the feeling of Shiori’s shoulder against her arm. “What you got there?” Shiori glances down and exclaims, “Oooh pancakes.”

A pause.

“Ooh, burning pancakes.”

“What?!” Quickly, Nerissa flips it, and it folds over itself a little, but that just needs a little nudging to fix. Nerissa deflates, relaxing at the sight of an alright pancake side, a little darker than the previous batches but close enough regardless.

Still, she lowers the heat a little. Shiori laughs at her panic, the light pat on her lower back making her wings flutter a little. “Good morning, Shiori.” Her voice wavers, and she uses it as an excuse to look away and cough.

“Good morning.” Shiori moves away just as quickly. Nerissa focuses on the rest of the batter, barely hearing the conversation everyone else was having. A pat on her back as she was setting the last pancake on the plate had her flinching. “Reese?”

“Y-yeah?” Nerissa stammers and grabs the plate to serve on the table, where Bijou and the twins were setting plates and utensils for everyone. Shiori’s hand still hasn’t left the small of her back as she walks to the table. “What is it?”

“Fuwamoco suggested for us to go out today, though I don’t know where.” Shiori pats her again before going to her seat.

“A walk!” The two spoke simultaneously.

“A long walk, probably.” Bijou whispers, and the twins only enthusiastically nod. Nerissa smiles helplessly. 

“Alright, we can go after lunch then?”

“But what if we went out for lunch!” Mococo nods along with Fuwawa's suggestion. “There’s a new restaurant nearby! They opened a few days ago, so there’s probably no long lines now!”

“We missed the opening promo though.” Mococo’s ears flatten a little. Shiori chuckles.

“We can still check it out, don’t worry.” Shiori smiles as they cheer. Nerissa hums.

“Let’s go!” They speed through their pancakes, with Nerissa preparing glasses of water for each of them. Bijou chokes a little, and she hands her a glass, laughing a little.

Oh, their morning is quite lively today.

~~

With full stomachs, they roam the streets mindlessly. Nerissa doesn’t know how it came to be, but she and Shiori seem to be lagging behind the three a little. She halts when she feels a tug on her sleeve, making her blink as Shiori is facing away from her. She follows her gaze, only to spot a donut shop across the street.

“I thought you were full?” was the first thing Nerissa asks as Shiori practically drags her there. She follows along anyway. “Fuwamoco! Bijou! You guys go ahead!” She manages to shout, seeing them salute as they make their way home.

“Don’t be out too late!” Mococo shouts back, and Shiori responds this time. “We won’t!”

They enter the shop, its warm lighting a contrast to the cloudy afternoon. Nerissa hums as she looks at the selection of flavors. “I am full, by the way.” Shiori answers her question despite the timing of it. “I just want to bring some home for the girls.”

“Oh.” Eloquent, as always. Nerissa felt full, not from all the food they’ve eaten, but from how sweet Shiori was being. “Which ones are you getting?” Nerissa looks at the display, then at Shiori who seems lost in thought.

“I.. I don’t really know.” Shiori laughs. “I’ll go ask them then.”

~~

They reach home after walking all the way, exhausted but Nerissa tries not to show it. She’s been riding on some sort of high with the way Shiori held onto the sleeve of her jacket the entire way. She sets the box down, and just as she parts her lips to shout for the girls, she feels a weight on her back.

Shiori mutters unintelligibly, and Nerissa couldn’t move. She feels Shiori lean further, as if burying herself into her long locks of hair, as if hiding. Nerissa forgets how to move, feeling like if she did, it’ll break the air around them, shattering the bubble that veiled them in the faint kitchen light.

She wants to turn around. To face her. To check on her. But Shiori didn’t let her. Won’t. And so she doesn’t. She bites her lip, and Shiori simply says thanks, before walking away. Nerissa takes a deep breath, her entire body shuddering at the feeling. She puts the box of donuts in the fridge.

Fuck it.

Nerissa touched because she knew nothing would come of it. Being physically affectionate came naturally to her, and she always managed to adjust so easily depending on the person. But Shiori wasn’t just anyone.

She walks up, almost walking to Shiori’s room when she finds her own door ajar, light slipping through to the darker hallway. She opens the door to find Shiori sitting on the edge of her bed, hands gripping her sheets tight on her side, looking down at her feet. She would call out to her, Nerissa thought. She would… If the look in Shiori’s eyes, despite the fact that it wasn’t directed at her, told her otherwise.

So she waited. Like always.

Because it was so worth it. Shiori always was.

“I almost ran away again.” Shiori declared, and Nerissa only walked closer, sitting on her carpeted floor in front of the archiver. Forcing her to look at her at least. Shiori gives her a glance, trying her request, before her eyes travel elsewhere, almost through her. And so Nerissa waited again. “I almost didn’t want to come here.”

“So why did you?” A whisper, never accusing, never pointed. Almost like a hand reaching out for her.

“For you.” Shiori smiles, the kind that doesn’t reach her eyes. Nerissa is so, so afraid. But the question needed to be asked. For her heart, at the verge of bursting. For Shiori, so close to crumbling right in front of her.

“Was it worth it?” Nerissa’s hands rest just beside Shiori’s, her warmth barely stolen in the air between. Shiori curls, her hands letting go to cup Nerissa’s cheeks. She had tears in her eyes, overwhelmed by so much. Maybe she was overwhelmed by trying so hard today. Maybe she was overwhelmed by how each time she tried, Nerissa froze up.

Maybe she was overwhelmed by their love that only seemed to clash in the middle.

“You’re always worth it, Rissa.” Nerissa sobs. Hands resting on Shiori’s knee, unmoving. “But I still don’t know how you do it.” Nerissa laughs, garbled through tears that Shiori wiped away.

“You don’t have to learn my way of being affectionate, Shiori. The way you love me is already so loud.” Nerissa really does think so. Shiori laughs, as though she doesn’t believe it. As though she can’t.

Shiori hums, not knowing how to reply. Not knowing how to continue from such a confession. Nerissa hums along. She wants to say it, be loud, be boisterous, be the way she usually was but with Shiori, she is quiet.

There is no show to perform. No curtain call.

Still, as her heart bursts, she says, “I love you, Shiori.” The archiver gasps, almost surprised, yet she melts, surrendering. “Even if you don’t know how to be physically affectionate. Even if it’s rare. Even if it doesn’t happen at all.” Nerissa smiles wide, almost like a grin, like she’s teasing her. “I already know you love me. Don’t you, Shiorin?”

An escape. Shiori laughs.

A hand takes what is held out.

“Yeah yeah.”

Chapter Text

Words were a strength Nerissa never particularly noticed in herself. It was something that came naturally to her, something she felt confident in, something she appreciated. It was something she learned that she wanted, and so she makes use of it at any opportunity.

It was one of those nights: Shiori in her room, eyes averted, courage bubbling in her chest trying to manifest into something that can climb up her lungs. Nerissa wonders about the look in her eyes every time.

Sometimes… Shiori looked distant within her determination. Like what she needed to achieve didn’t concern them. Didn’t concern her.

Nerissa struggled to give it a name. Shiori, in times of need, felt out of reach. And she’ll come back with the problem solved like it was naturally supposed to be that way. The demon sat restless. She wishes Shiori could rely on her too.

Despite their literal closeness for the past few weeks, there was something that floated between them that Nerissa was frankly too afraid to touch. Too afraid to name.

Thus, Nerissa felt the need to bridge that gap. She felt the need to reach out, the need to go and call for her, because if she doesn’t…

She felt like Shiori might disappear in a blink.

-

-

“Rissa.” Shiori finally breaks the silence. Nerissa hums, letting her speak, brushing her fingers through her hair, tucking it behind her ear to see her expression better. She stops Shiori’s hand that hiked up to put it back, and she tightens her hold slightly at the archiver flinching, as if she only realized what she was doing then.

“Yeah, Shiorin?” Nerissa whispers, watching their hands drop to the archiver’s lap before looking back up to watch Shiori’s expression.

“I.. I wanted to say that- that,” Shiori buries her face into her palm, and only then did Nerissa really see the harsh blush that she adorned.

“That..?” She wanted to say it as gently as possible. She wanted to, but desperation boiled over unexpectedly. It spills a little, like a nudged glass of water.

“That you’re so..” Shiori tries to look at her, and for a moment, she is an open book. For a moment, she is vulnerable. Open. “You’re so lovely, Rissa.” Nerissa blinks, a little taken aback.

“Lovely..?”

“Or is “loving” the better word?” Shiori leans back, resting her wait on her hand on the sheets. “I just think that the way you’re able to express so much with words so easily is very… lovely.” She falls back, shocking Nerissa, making the demon yelp in surprise. Shiori laughs, hiding. Nerissa could see it.

That thin veil of a wall that appears with the specific way Shiori laughs, the soft one, the one that fades into something more like wheezes, laughter that squeezes against her throat. Nerissa could see the wall get built up in real time, see the way Shiori’s smile barely reached her eyes as the archiver finally stared at her.

“You’re able to say what you feel so easily,” Shiori closes her eyes. Nerissa lies down with her. “And I figured it was something you need every now and again.”

As always, Shiori always manages to surprise her.

“So, just like last time..” Shiori’s eyes are gentler, like a closed window with open curtains. Nerissa was welcomed to see beyond. “I’d like to learn.”

Nerissa sucks in a breath.

“But.. I know my limits.” Shiori scratches her cheek. “I can’t say anything if there’s anyone else with us. Is that okay?”

Nerissa wanted to agree so readily. She doesn’t know why she hesitates.

“Is there a reason for it?”

Are you embarrassed of me?

“I’m just.. not open, in that sense.” Shiori moves her hand, the one still in Nerissa’s, and intertwines their fingers together. “Do others need to know about how I feel..” Shiori’s voice was weakening, and her hand was shaking, but Nerissa waited. “..for you?”

“Besides, it’s not like they don’t know about it.” Shiori rolls her eyes and Nerissa, pulled out of her trance, laughs, pulling the archiver closer.

“Okay.” Nerissa felt full, light. “Good job on speaking up on it today, it must’ve taken a while.”

Shiori only laughed, returning her hug. “Oh you don’t know half of it.”

-

-

Nerissa was perusing the house, no particular destination in mind. She had finished today’s work, and she wandered until her feet stopped in front of familiar doors. Ones she rarely went to. Reading was not something she found much joy in, after all.

Still, she twists the knobs and parts the doors like she’s been there as often as its usual resident. She already smiles at the sight of her.

“Hey, Shiorin.” Walking to her was natural. Sitting next to her, leaning close, it was all like gravity. Magnetism, if she was inclined to mention. She glances at the book Shiori kept reading despite her sudden intrusion.

“The Bloodflame Lineage.” Nerissa read aloud. “Why are you reading about Liz, hm?”

“I..” Shiori struggled to find the words she wanted to use. Nerissa waited, sneaking in kisses to her hair like it was the most normal thing in the world. And it could be. “I just wanted to know more.”

“Is that so?” Nerissa doesn’t try to push further, knowing no more prying will amount into anything. Still, it can’t be said that she isn’t disappointed.

Shiori pauses. Nerissa only notices after a few minutes how the archiver has not moved the page once.

“No. Not really.” Shiori sighed, almost like a weight fell off of her shoulders. Nerissa pulls her close to let her lean on the demon. Shiori gave no sign of rejecting the idea.

“Curiosity? But..” Shiori interrupts the words that were already in the back of her throat. “I can’t be too calm. Low chances for Justice to turn on us, and the gods to capture us, but it is, as it is,” Shiori paused, and Nerissa saw her expression still. “Never zero.”

“Of course, this is precautionary. It doesn't mean anything until it is necessary.” Shiori adds, closing the book to face Nerissa. “I know I ask this all the time you get here, but is there any story you might fancy in this humble Archive of mine?”

“Anything I fancy?”

“I’ll read it to you.” Nerissa hums.

“Won’t your voice get tired?” 

“No no, it’s alright. It’s almost night time anyway.” Was Shiori riding on Nerissa falling asleep?

Nerissa hums again.

“Anything you want to read about, I don’t mind.” Nerissa watches the way Shiori’s eyes shine.

“Then there’s this book on parasites and microorganisms I rediscovered the other day. It even has slides! We can use my microscope for it.” Shiori shined the brightest talking about what she liked. Nerissa smiled softly.

If only you talked about me like that too.

Nerissa almost shakes her head aggressively. There was no point in getting jealous over something Shiori was passionate about.

“Are you okay, my bird?”

Nerissa blinks.

“Yes?”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm.” Shiori’s eyes stayed on hers, and it was one of those times where the archiver could hold her stare for one particular reason: studying her. Nerissa can’t hide. She doesn’t. Not even when she wants to. “I’m sure.”

“I like you more, don’t worry.” Shiori turns to set up, eyes sparkling, excited to show the demon the specimens she’d found. Nerissa notices the way her ears were red, peeking through her hair.

She smiles.

“Oh you’re so sweet.”

“Look Reese, these ones were having coitus!”

“What?!”

-

-

Nerissa wished Shiori mentioned what she wanted more often. Of course, she had declared things she wanted to do, like this want to learn how Nerissa loved to be loved, but she didn't reveal anything she wanted. Nothing more than jests of an item she found hilarious. Nothing more than something the other girls already wanted.

The demon finds her in the kitchen, a small blanket draped around her shoulders. Oh, it’s about to fall off.

“Ah- Oh, Rissa.” Shiori’s eyes were wide with surprise, mellowing out as Nerissa fixed the blanket. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, Shiwowi~” Nerissa glances down, seeing a cute clay frog on the counter. “That’s cute. What is it?”

“It’s a tea pet.” Shiori looked at it. “I just thought it looked cute.”

“Oh! For tea ceremonies?” Nerissa brushes the pads of her fingers over the figurine. Shiori leaned back, resting her weight against the demon. “Would you like to do them?”

Shiori shakes her head. “No no, I just.. found it cute, is all.” Her eyes never left the pet. “It looks like you.”

“Excuse me?!”

Shiori’s laughter fills their morning more than Nerissa realizes. 

-

“What’s this?”

“A tea pet.” Nerissa was pretty proud of this one. She was looking for a raven tea pet ever since, a little spite against the Rissa-looking-frog one, and a little more on simply wanting to gift Shiori something she might like.

The archiver did like ravens after all.

The tea pet was small, a simple black bird, presumably a corvid. It was hard to tell which specific one it was, but it was close enough, and Nerissa was glad she even found one.

Shiori only stared, just like that morning. Nerissa waits, expectant.

“Thank you.” Shiori picks it up, and Nerissa could feel how gentle she was, how lightly she held it. “It’s adorable.”

Nerissa felt proud.

“Like me?” Nerissa points to herself, exaggerated, measured. Fishing for compliments that she can brush off as a joke if it fails. Shiori chuckles.

“Just like you.” Shiori smiles before turning away. Going to her room, Nerissa assumes.

“Want me to bring you some tea?” Shiori stops.

“Will you be staying?” Nerissa gasps.

“Can I?”

“I’ll just go set this down and I’ll help you.” Nerissa shakes her head. 

“I got this!! Don’t you worry.”

-

Nerissa calls out to Shiori right outside her door. “Shiorin?”

“Welcome, my lady.” Shiori bows as she opens the door, tipping a non-existent hat. “Let me get that for you.”

“Thank you,” Nerissa took her time taking Shiori’s room in. The bright pink decor always takes her aback, but she never expected anything less. The archiver was adorably girly. She spots the tea pets beside a certain figurine, and she blinks at a new addition.

It was.. Like a worm? A black worm with a pointy end, and two big eyes. Nerissa couldn’t figure out what it was. Shiori sets the tray down with a clink, and scoffs, like trying to hold back a laugh she couldn’t contain.

“I was looking for a raven one too, y’know.” Shiori could barely hold her laughter, words sounding almost choked out. “Then I saw this little guy and knew I had to get it.”

Wait.

What?

“Yup.” Oh, she said that aloud.

“That’s… a bird?” Nerissa tilted her head just to see it from a new angle. She could barely see the shape of the body that shrinks into a neck then bulbs out into the head and ends into a point. The only telling thing was the eyes.

“Looks like you, doesn’t it?”

“Oh you cheeky little..” Shiori finally lets herself laugh, erupting as she hands Nerissa a cup of tea. The demon could only sigh, a helpless smile already taking over her confused expression.

“What? It reminded me of you.” Shiori takes a sip, almost hiding. Nerissa blinks at that. She’s suddenly consumed by the want to unravel the reason, to find out. To know.

“Well I’m glad you think of me.” Nerissa tests the waters, unknowingly hitting the mark.

“Of course I do.” Shiori had furrowed brows, a slight pout. 

Did she… say something wrong?

“Shiori?”

The archiver shook her head.

“Of course I think of you.” She took a deep breath, as if preparing herself to spill more of the truth she guards so much. “Who do you take me for?” She runs away. Nerissa smiles, a slight twitch to her hand around the cup she was holding. Right.

“I don’t know.”

She didn’t mean to say anything.

“I.. I’ll go back to my room, Shiori.” She set the cup down on the tray as she stood up to walk out. Nerissa doesn’t dare look at her. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” She allows herself one glance.

“Sure. Tomorrow.” Shiori had that look on her face. The analytic kind, the one Nerissa could never truly hide from. The demon turns around, and she doesn’t know if she would’ve preferred if Shiori stopped her there or not.

She reaches her own room with a heavy sigh, leaning on her door, sinking down to the floor as she looks up. Her arms wrap around her knees as the ceiling simply looked interesting at that moment.

What was she so afraid of?

What was she doing?

She was supposed to be good at words, so why was it that she couldn’t use them then? Why was it that she doesn’t?

“What am I doing?”

A knock on her door makes her flinch.

“Reese?” 

“Yes..?” She stands up, opening the door like she always does.

“Can we talk?”

Nerissa felt contradicted. Like nothing in her could agree with herself.

They lingered, and Nerissa doesn’t know what shows on her face.

“We can do it tomorrow instead, if you prefer. I just..” Shiori reaches up to cup Nerissa’s cheek, and the demon melts immediately. “I just don’t want to sleep on something that bothers you.”

Nerissa laughs, defeated.

“Oh you’re so sweet.” 

“So?”

“Tomorrow.” Nerissa reassures her. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

Shiori lingers, as if she wants to object. As if she wanted to sit down and talk it out immediately. The night was young, and talking ‘til sunlight was not new.

Still, she leaves her be.

“Okay.” Shiori pinches Nerissa’s cheek slightly, making her whine. “Good night, Reese.”

“Good night.”

-

-

Nerissa stood under the running shower, mind full of thoughts for the day. She needed to arrange her words, rehearse it, make sure she doesn’t say too much, too little.

Make sure she was understood.

It’s cold.

She turns the shower head off, and her thoughts sounded loud against the bathroom walls, its echoes haunting her mind. She doesn’t know how she’s sitting on her bed, all dressed and ready. 

She doesn’t remember going through the motions.

Her hands were shaking. She buries the lower half of her face into her palm, close to her wrist. She takes a deep breath.

She hears a few knocks on her door.

“Come in!”

As though she knew Nerissa was ready, Shiori walked in, closing the door behind her. 

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself.” Nerissa laughs at Shiori’s quick jab of a jest. She pats the seat next to her, and Shiori takes it.

Then they were quiet. Nerissa doesn’t know for how long. Doesn't realize, when her paragraphs were louder.

“Reese.”

“Hm?”

“Is there something bothering you?” There was a slight quiver to her voice. “Should I.. not have?”

“Not have what?” Nerissa glanced, and Shiori was already hiding. Her hair and her head was down, and her hands were resting on her lap, unloving.

“Should I.. not have brought up words?”

“What.. what made you think that?” Nerissa didn’t know what to do. She could feel her slipping away, like sand through her fingers.

“You’re so good with words, Rissa.” There she goes again with that. Am I really? “I wanted to try to.. do the same.”

Nerissa leans her head onto Shiori’s, her way of hiding.

“I’m not good at words, Shiori.”

“But you are! You’re always able to say what you wa-”

“Not always.” Nerissa takes a deep breath. “I get scared, too. If my words are too imposing. They spill out because, well, I love you.” Nerissa hides in her hair, not knowing how to stop herself.

“I love you so much, Shiori, and I know that it’s hard to always be on the receiving end of everything I say so I try not to say anything.”

“Don’t hold back.”

“I feel like I have to..” Nerissa whispers. “That if I say too much, you’ll go.” 

“I’ll go?” Nerissa swallows, trying to keep it all down, let it fester and rot away in her lungs. Let it destroy her instead of whatever it was they had.

“Shiori..” Nerissa hides as well. “You always looked so… faint, like you'd slip away so quickly. Like you’ll be gone and I won’t know how to find you.” Nerissa felt overbearing then, and she felt overbearing now, spilling her worries, her fears.

Who was she to stop Shiori? To anchor someone so free, someone was never meant to be caged just like her?

“I’m so scared I’d be too much for you.” And there it was. The hardest thing to admit, the most open secret Nerissa could think of.

“I.. You’re okay..” Shiori says, slowly, like gauging the next step. Nerissa’s lips were quivering, eyes cloudy with tears unshed. “I don’t mind.”

“But it can’t always be like that, can it?” Nerissa chuckles out a weak laugh. “I’m a lot, Shiori. I get jealous. I’m obsessed. I’m clingy.” Nerissa scoots away, holding her knees to her chest as she leaned on the corner, temple to the wall as she looked down. “I’m everything you’re uncomfortable with.”

She didn’t realize how close Shiori had gotten then.

“Oh my bird..” Shiori whispered, slow, formulating words she herself thinks she isn’t good at. “Did you think I don’t know that?”

“Huh..?” Shiori smiles, a slight huff to her breath as she wipes Nerissa’s tears away. Her eyes were such a soft gold, like gentle silver linings, like pale wildflowers. Nerissa doesn’t move any closer, but Shiori does.

She moves, her leg leaning near Nerissa’s feet, her other leg stretched beside them, almost like she’s trapping her without much restraint. Shiori leaned on the wall all the same.

“I mean it when I say I don’t mind. I don’t mind it when you get jealous over things, because I know how strong your feelings are.” Shiori’s eyes were downcast, but they were far from sad, disappointed. No no. They were…

Lovely. Lovingly so.

“I don’t mind how clingy you get. Even if you’re attached to me like a koala, it doesn’t matter. I’ve accepted it long ago, remember?” Nerissa doesn’t know what she’s referring to. Barely, but she isn’t sure.

“It doesn’t matter how clingy you get because I know you won’t do anything that’ll make me uncomfortable.”

“But what if I do? What if I read you wrong and suddenly I-”

“Then trust me to tell you, and trust yourself to make it right.” Shiori holds her hands. Nerissa loosens her hold, and wonders about what she’s saying.

Trust.. herself?

“I know you won’t do anything to harm me. Not intentionally, anyway.” Shiori chuckles and Nerissa tries to think of why. “I feel like I’m using your own words against you.”

“Oh.”

Oh, indeed.

It felt like a weight lifting off of her shoulders.

“Please trust me when I say I don’t mind.” Shiori mentions it again, and Nerissa whines, throwing her arms up to hug her and burying herself into the crook of her neck.

She wails.

Sobs.

Shiori’s arms worming to hold her and her hands resting on her lower back, being careful around the base of her wings, and oh she’s so..

“There there.”

The simplest of words, but ones that were effective in Shiori’s hands. Like a miraculous salve that heals anything. Like a patch that covers a pouring leak.

Because Nerissa’s heart had always been pouring. Pouring out onto everyone, onto the girls, onto Shiori. It spills and gets everywhere, and it's a mess, but Shiori takes it all in stride, siphoning back the same amount in due time.

“And I love you, Nerissa.”

Usually, her full first name out of Shiori’s lips meant trouble, meant that the archiver was running away and never looking back, but here, as Nerissa looks up to see Shiori’s eyes, she can’t say this was the case this time.

Though she can’t deny that she was stunned, stuck in canaries.

“I know I usually call you by a nickname, but right now, I wanted to use it. Your name.” Nerissa sucks in a breath. “Is that okay..?”

“More than okay.” Nerissa leans on her chest, ear to her skin, knocking on her ribs to let her heart speak through. She hears it, fast, loud. Nervous. She laughs a little.

“Hey now.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Nerissa hums, a certain curiosity appearing in her mind. “I wanted to ask..”

“Hm?”

“Where did ‘Reese’ come from?”

Nerissa didn’t expect the surprise in her eyes. She watches Shiori furrow her brows, squinting at nothing, trying to remember just the same.

“Ah.” Shiori looks away, though her reddened skin doesn’t go unnoticed. “It came from nothing.”

“Now we both know that’s a lie, Shiwowi.” Nerissa whined, shaking her by the shoulders a little.

“...ous.”

“Huh?” Nerissa could barely hear her.

“I think.. It's because I was jealous.” 

Nerissa was stunned again.

“Everyone started calling you ‘Rissa’ too so I.. made a new one.” Nerissa fully knows how red her face is, fully knows how static her jaw is. She can’t bring herself to say anything. “Say something..”

Except she couldn’t.

How long ago did it start?

Why did she only notice now?

“You’re so..” Nerissa manages to say before she buries herself into Shiori’s skin, hugging the girl tighter.

“Wait! Give! Give!” Nerissa loosened her hold the slightest bit, and it was enough. Shiori sighed, looking down to see Nerissa peeking upwards at her. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“You’re really savoring your time on my chest.”

Nerissa shot up, or she would’ve if Shiori wasn’t laughing while wrapping her arms around Nerissa’s nape to keep her close.

“I’m kidding! It’s fine. You’re fine.” Shiori pulls her to hide. “I don’t want to part from you yet.”

“Oh..” Muffled as it was, Nerissa’s barely mumbled realization has Shiori giggling.

“Ticklish.”

“Oh?”

“Mm.” A no to a silent question. Nerissa promptly just laid there, unmoving.

“I might fall asleep like this.”

“We don’t have anything tomorrow. Feel free.”

“Okay..”

-

-

Nerissa woke up first. Rather, she wakes up with Shiori still with her. Somehow, she’d fallen on her side, but is still very much holding onto the archiver. Nerissa feels Shiori’s hand on her arm, and warmth fills her lungs so quickly.

She’s still here.

“Good morning, Rissa.” 

She didn’t have time to be surprised.

“Good morning,” she responds. Shiori’s voice in the morning was husky, hoarse. High pitched yet rough around the edges. Nerissa didn’t know how to feel hearing it. “You’re here..”

“I couldn't have possibly left you alone after that, could I? I’m not heartless.” Nerissa chuckles, still trying to swat sleep away from her mind.

“I know, I know. Don’t worry.”

“Mm.” Shiori hummed. “Can I, uh.” 

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you?” Slow, methodical, Nerissa looks up at her and she sees focused furrowed brows. She giggles.

“Yes, please.” Shiori’s kisses were slow, and were usually just one prolonged kiss, but right now… Nerissa giggles as Shiori kisses her cheek, her nose, her temple, any part of her face that she could reach. “You have morning breath.”

“You do too, my girl.”

A pause before their laughter, light, airy. 

“C’mon, you big bird.” Shiori gets up first, not without reluctance weighing her down. “I’ll talk to you while you shower.” Nerissa perks up.

“Can I talk to you while you shower?”

“If you want to, I don’t mind.”

Nerissa gasps.

“Or.. we could shower toge-”

“Not today, my queen.” Shiori laughs at Nerissa’s eagerness. “Some other time.” The promise was enough to get Nerissa out of bed.

“I’ll remember that.”