Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eight years before it had happened, I met a mortal. 

I had been walking the streets of Greece with no real destination in mind, when a mortal came running from somewhere with a bag in his hands. As the god of thieves it wasn't hard to tell this was his first time trying to steal.

I was bored and decided to follow him, or mess with him. I honestly don't remember which I wanted to do at the time. I easily caught up to the mortal. He was young, maybe 20 or so, with short black hair, and dark kind eyes.

"Hey, what's a young man like you doing stealing," I looked to see what he has stolen. "Fruit?"

"Listen I don't want any trouble. Please just let me go," I looked at the mortal and laughed.

"I'm not mad. In fact, i'm quite impressed. Most cannot steal that well on their first try," I grinned.

"Who are you?" This mortal had peaked my curiosity, so I decided to tell the truth.

"I'm Hermes, the messenger of the gods, or at least that's what you mortals most refer to me as. Though, you can trust me when I say I'm much more than that," I was faced with disbelief which wasn't a rare reaction so I summoned my staff as a show of power.

"So gods do exist?" The question surprised me.

"I was unaware there were still people that didn't believe in us. You interest me mortal. Tell me what is your name?" I looked at him in interest.

"I'm Crocus, pleased to meet you," Crocus had then bowed at my feet.

"You are very formal, but please stand," I looked at him with a calculating stare as he stood quietly and quickly, "you are quite fun mortal. I think I'll keep you."

"Keep me?" Crocus had looked taken aback at my declaration.

"I will come to you whenever I please to talk to you and entertain myself," I had laughed.

"So kind of like a friend?" I thought about it.

"I suppose we could be something of the sort," I smiled at Crocus.

I remember for around a year afterwards we had become close as friends, and started to really get to know more about the one and other.

We had once been walking around the Athens, before we decided to sit down in a field of flowers, away from prying eyes.

"Crocus, Darling, are you feeling yourself?" The man in question had been spacing off for about ten minutes, and I was beginning to get worried.

"Yes, I am fine Hermes," he had sighed.

"Okay, If you are sure, but just know you can come to me about anything. It's not as though I will tell anyone," I grinned, and nudged him playfully.

"I just feel as though no matter what I do, i'm always overlooked. I don't feel as though I have much of a purpose," I looked at him in interest.

"I believe I understand what you are feeling," he looks into my eyes.

"You don't have to lie to me. You're a god," I looked at him and tried not to laugh.

"Do you think that means I can't feel overlooked? Darling, i want you to tell me the first ever thing you learned about me when learning of the gods," I could see him trying to think, before finally coming to a realization.

"All I ever really learned growing up was that you are the messenger of the gods, and your job is to deliver messages from one god to another. I usually only heard of you in stories of the other gods. I never really heard anything else of you," He looked at me with sympathy. 

"All I am saying is that everyone can feel overlooked at times, but there are always people like who don't care if you don't stand out in a crowd. The people who care about you will always stand by your side," i looked at him and blushed when I saw the awe struck look that was on his face.

"I care for you too, Hermes," we were both blushing at that point, looking at each other like we hung the stars in the sky.

A few months later we had sat under a tree, not really talking, but rather basking in the company of one and other. Eventually I had broken the silence. 

"Have you ever thought of being in a romantic relationship?" I asked in genuine intrigue. It was random but i had needed to know. I had wanted to know if it was even possible after having wanted to be in a relationship with him for so long 

"Why, are you offering?" Crocus had teased or so it had seemed like a tease at the time.

"Actually, that's exactly what I'm doing," I had laughed, more in anticipation than anything else.

Crocus came closer to me and I felt my heart race as he gave me a soft kiss. I froze for a moment before saying "I shall take that as you wanting to be with me."

He looks at me in surprise, and comments, "I thought that would be obvious at this point."

I remember that every day since then he would greet me with a bright smile, and a kiss on the cheek. 

He also had almost always had a flower in his hair. When I had asked him about it, he had said that he had just loved flowers, especially the purple ones. So the next day I asked for persephone's help to make a gorgeous bouquet of purple flowers, to then give to him. 

"Hermes you spoil me too much!" He said holding his new bouquet of flowers.

"I don't think I could ever spoil you too much, sweetheart," I winked at him. He smiled, but then he seemed lost in thought for a moment. 

"What happens when I grow old or even die and your still here?" I was caught off guard by the random question, having never really thought about that before.

The answer seemed to come to me easily enough, "I would find a way to keep you in my life forever so you'll never truly die." Crocus took that in stride and seemed to move on. That question haunts me now as I look back on it.

We had eventually gotten happily married, after about four years of dating. We had gotten married in Olympus where Crocus had been able to bring his family and friends to attend the wedding. That day was the happiest day of my life. I still remember it like it was yesterday. In our vows we had promised to protect each other for the rest of eternity.

Around two and a half years after the wedding, me and Crocus were both sitting on the couch, "Hey Darling, are there any fun activities you know of? I'm so bored."

"Well I do really like playing frisbee," I had looked at him intrigued wanting to learn more about this frisbee game.

The ground is bare. 🖼

Chapter Text

"Well I do really like playing frisbee," I had looked at him intrigued wanting to learn more about this frisbee game.

"Frisbee?" I hadn't ever heard of any mortal games before, as I had never really cared enough to learn. He had changed me in that way, constantly intriguing me in ways, I didn't even know were possible.

"You've never heard of it?" Crocus had looked at me baffled, as though I had committed a heinous crime.

"Well now we have to play!" I looked at his happy playful smile in amusement. 

"Alright darling, how do we play?" I listened as he started explaining the rules, and they had seemed quite familiar.

"I think this is very similar to a game we have on Olympus, called discus," I had told this too Crocus with hopes to educate him on the game, nothing more.

"Really! That's so cool how do you play?" I explained the rules to Crocus, who was more than eager to learn. 

Everything was going great until it wasn't.

"What if we played that instead!" I had thought about it for a moment, a stupid, foolish moment.

"It's much more dangerous then your frisbee game. I think we should just stick with that," he had looked at me pleading eyes.

"Come on, nothing's gonna happen. It'll be fun!" I should have looked him in the eyes and said no, but I didn't.

"Fine... Just whatever you do just don't stand up," Crocus' face lit up. Even though I knew it was a bad Idea I took him by the arm to take him to go play a game of discus.

We had thrown the discus between us for a while. Everything was going well. After a while it had even been peaceful, but I should have known that all good things come to an end.

"Hey Hermes, I'm going to get us some wa-" I had thrown the discus as he started talking. I tried to stop him. I lunged to grab the discus, but I wasn't able to stop it. 

He stood up, and in an instant the discus went straight through his eyes. I caught him right before he fell to the ground. His blood was all over me, and pooling on the ground. All I could focus on was his nonexistent pulse. I knew not to get attached to mortals, but I wanted to scream as I looked at his face. His eyes were hardly visible through all the blood, and gods there was so much blood. It was all over him and me. If I had looked longer I would have seen his skull sticking out but as it was I just tucked a piece of hair behind his ear as I wept.

I needed to save him, but that felt impossible. There was only one thing I could think to do in that moment. I took a bit of soil, that had three drops of his blood soaked in it, before putting Crocus' soul into the seed of a flower to put in the soil. I had made it so the flower would last at least a thousand years. It wasn't enough. It would never be enough, but it was all I could do.

I went back to Olympus. I couldn't bear to stay in our apartment. I put the soil in a pot, and plopped onto my old bed.

All I could do was think about what could've been. What if I had talked him out of it?What if I had just payed more attention. No matter how many times I asked myself the truth stayed the same. He was dead. I had killed him.

I don't know how long I stayed there, in my bed. It could have been hours, days, weeks, months, or maybe it was even years.

My sister had knocked on my door, forcing me to get up and answer the wisdom goddess. We just stood awkwardly in the doorway for a bit.

"Yes, Athena?" My voice was godly as ever, even though it felt wrong when I spoke.It felt as though my voice couldn't match how I felt. Every word felt almost foreign to my tongue.

"I was going to ask if you've seen Apollo, but you look awful. What happened?" I looked at her deciding what I should say. I knew she was too smart to believe any lies I could have told her, so I decided to tell her the truth.

"I killed my husband," Athena looked at me like I had grown a second head. In her defense it was very blunt of me to phrase it as I had.

"I'm going to need you to elaborate," I looked at her trying to look annoyed,  but just looking as I had felt, exhausted.

"He convinced me to play a game of discus with him, and he-" I choked up trying to get it out, but I could tell she understood. 

"Hermes... I'm so sorry," She hugged me and I cried into her shoulder. Looking back on it I realize she was always there for me. Whether she was giving me lectures on why I should be obeying laws on Earth, or giving me advice on the best ways to kill a boar she had my best interest at heart. She was just always a great big sister to me, not that I would ever really tell her that.

Eventually, I calmed down and thanked her for talking to me. We talked a bit more over tea, and it felt both so natural and so wrong at the same time. The friendly banter came easily, for we had always acted in this way before. For some reason, it also felt like each word, and each smile was a carefully crafted lie. Then we hugged, and went our separate ways.

I thought back on those fragile memories with the man I once loved. How could've something so perfect been so harshly slipped out from underneath our feet? 

I walked over to the pot

Another knock broke my train of thought. That time I didn't go to answer the door right away.

"Did you forget something, Athena?" When there was no response I went to go and answer the door. When I turned I saw a bright yellow glow from under the door.

"Apollo?" I remember thinking to myself that Athena must have said something to him, that snitch.

A seed is planted 🫘.

Chapter Text

"Apollo?" I remember thinking to myself that Athena must have said something to him, that snitch.

I wondered why Athena had sent Apollo instead of someone more suited for this kind of talk, like Aphrodite. That being said, I was smarter than to question the god of wisdom. I opened the door. S0ure enough there was Apollo in all his bright glory.

"Hey Hermes..." He looked at me awkwardly clearly not knowing how to talk about this. Me and my brother had always had a weird relationship. Nobody on olympus really knew what our relation really was, and to be honest I don't think we did either. There were days we couldn't live without each other, and there were others where all we could do was fight.

"Come in," I gestured to the bed which had a few empty bottles of Dionysus' wine in it. He walked over and sat on the very edge of the bed.I sprawled on the bed next to him. He was always the doctor in Olympus, which made a lot of sense as the god of healing. However, that unfortunately did not translate to emotional healing. That’s something I learned when I sat there with him for close to an hour in awkward silence.  

"You look like shit,” I gave him an unamused glare. To his credit I knew he had no idea how to start whatever that conversation was supposed to be.

“I wonder why,” I rolled my eyes. He laughed, and it was probably the least awkward part of that whole exchange.

“Sorry, but you really don't look so good," I looked at his worried face, and sighed. 

"Yeah, I know," I wanted to tell him everything, despite not knowing how much Athena had told him. I was trying to figure out how to start, when he spoke.

"Hermes, I know we aren't the friendliest brothers, but I want you to know I'm never going to judge you for the things you choose to tell me," It felt nice to hear him say it, even though I had already known as much.

"I know. We may not always be the closest, but you're not an asshole. I just want to know how much Athena told you," I looked at him with silent question in my eyes. To be fully honest I was kind of scared to find out just how much of my privacy she had violated.

"Don't worry she didn't really tell me anything other than that you were, and I quote, moping around your room and in need of your dumbass brother, which like rude!" I felt reassured knowing that Athena hadn't just told him everything I had privately shared with her. 

"Sounds about right," I laughed at his downright offended face, which got me punched in the shoulder. 

"So what actually happened?" Like the flick of a switch, the mood in the room sombered.

"My husband, we wanted to do something together. He talked me into playing a game of discus with him. I knew it was dangerous. I should have said no, but I just couldn't. He died that night. All I could think to do was put his soul into a stupid flower," I choked out needing to cry, but not having the tears left to do so.

"I'm so sorry, Hermes. Trust me when I tell you, I know what you're going through." I had whipped my head up at that. 

"What do you mean?" I cocked my head curiously.

"Over a thousand years ago, my old boyfriend, Hiyacintus, played discus with me once. I hit him with the discus. I too had turned him into a flower, not knowing what else to do." If it weren't so fresh for me, I could've laughed at how similar our situations were. 

“Wow, we're just a mess of a family, aren’t we?” That got a small chuckle out of him.

“We sure are, but I don’t think that has to be a bad thing,” Looking back I know he was right. Father was always cheating, and Hera took it out on the people he cheated with, instead of her cheating husband. Aphrodite was dating Ares, even though she was married to Hephaestus, whom she didn’t even love. Hera dropped Hephaestus off Mount Olympus, because she didn’t like his disabilities. Athena cursed Medusa even though she did nothing wrong. Medusa was the victim of Poseidon. Hades kidnapped Persephone desperate for a wife. Demeter killed off a bunch of crops to get her daughter back. Then there was us consistently fighting each other as a way to deal with our miserable lives. Even through all of it at the end of the day we are all family broken and twisted but family. We will care for each other even when it doesn’t look like it. 

“It definitely feels like a bad thing,” He laughed, and gods he was giving me a migraine. He was way too bright for my eyes. It’s no wonder mortals go blind just from looking at the sun. 

“It does, sometimes, but I like to believe that everything we've gone through together, makes us stronger,” I understood what he was saying. Though I didn't really believe him at the time.

“You know for someone who claims to be bad at feelings, you’d make a great therapist. You already got the stupidly positive attitude down,” That earned me a punch in the shoulder.

"Says the one who literally caused gods to have anxiety and pessimism, by playing too many pranks on them," I rolled my eyes, and spat out my tongue, like a little kid.

"Says the god who got anxious over a couple simple pranks,"

"You stalked me for six months and placed venomous snakes, with teeth, all around my very guarded section of Olympus! You also stole my cattle... fifty four times!" I shrugged.

"Yea simple," I smiled brightly.

"You're insane."

"I know. It's part of my charm,” I smirked, and he flipped me off. 

“Back to the matter at hand,” he looked at me seriously to which I shifted my attention back to him. “How are you going to be if I leave?”

“I’m Immortal. I'll live.” 

“Not what I meant, and you know it, smart ass.” 

“I mean the same thing happened to you. You came out just fine, so I’ll be fine too.”

“I also had a lot of support from friends and family. I went out to meet new people, because I had a good support system that allowed me to move on. A support system that you are lacking, because you don’t let anyone get remotely close to you.”

“Yes I do!’

“Really name one person.”

“You.”

“Nope! Try again.” 

“Well… then… fuck you.”

“You just hate me, because you know I’m right,” I stuck my tongue out at him.

“I can move on easily. I can go out, and meet new people whenever I want!”

“Really… Since you're so confident… Prove it.”

‘What…”

“Prove to me that you are in the mental state to move on and meet new people.”

“Fine, I will!” He rolled his eyes at me.

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

He left, and I was mad. I did the only thing that was sensible at that moment, and I stole his harp. He found out, and came after me. I went to my father and, when we were talking, he spoke of a witch girl. She was exiled to some random island. What better time to go meet new people.

The first signs of a sprout. 🌱