Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There’s something wrong with Jackie. 

Well, okay, start over. There’s always something wrong with Jackie: homework, her Mom, how many calories her food has, literally fucking anything. If there is an experience to be had, Jackie will happily experience it and complain the whole way along. 

No. This is different. 

There’s something seriously wrong with Jackie. 

Shauna doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. At first, she'd tried to sum up the other girl’s weird behavior to a cold, or being extra tired from practice, or hell, maybe she was PMS-ing. Jackie always gets really bitchy around her period, after all. 

But it’s been three weeks, and the strange signals Jackie is sending haven’t stopped. And, unfortunately, the evidence is undeniable:

Deep, flushed red cheeks whenever she lays eyes on Shauna. A rising heartbeat she can feel thudding beneath Jackie’s skin whenever she goes to check her forehead temperature. Nervous, sweaty skin, and shifty eyes that refuse to meet her gaze. Every hangout is cut short as the team captain stutters out some awkward excuse and takes a quick exit: hell, the two have hardly even seen each other in the past two weeks! 

Shauna’s no Einstein, but she is pretty smart. All A’s, honor roll, bitch. And so, with her vast expanse of knowledge, she knows that all of these signs can only point to one thing:

Jackie is angry at her. 

Not just any anger, of course. Shauna knows what Jackie’s frustration looks like: pursed lips, furrowed eyebrows, a cute pout. While quick to rise, her anger is also quick to fall — Jackie never stays mad at Shauna for more than a couple of days.

No. This is something much, much deeper. 

Seething, snarling rage.

It has to be — that’s the ONLY possible explanation that aligns with the signs she’s observing: The flushed cheeks? A common sign of fury! Her thudding heartbeat? She must be so incredibly upset that the pure sight of Shauna is raising her blood pressure! The way she avoids Shauna’s gaze? More evidence.

It’s been two weeks of Jackie dodging any invitation to hang out, and so, Shauna can only reach one conclusion:

Jackie must know about her and Jeff. 

Shit. Fuck. She never meant for it to go this far. Why did she even sleep with Jeff? The boy is gross and sweaty. Not sweaty, like, Jackie after a hard soccer game sweaty (is that a weird thing to take note of?). Sweaty, like, gamer living in his mom’s basement, sweaty. 

Oh God. This is bad. 

What if Jackie outs her to everyone? It’s not like Jackie even fucking likes Jeff — she complains about him all the time! But if she decides to tell everyone about the cheating, both of their lives will fall apart.

Shauna will lose Jackie as a best friend, that’s for sure. They’ll turn into social outcasts, she’ll get kicked from the soccer team because nobody will want to pass to her, Brown will reject her after an anonymous email is sent in telling them that she’s a terrible, awful person, and she’ll end up working at the local gas station with Natalie fucking Scatorccio.  Worst of all, she might have to marry Jeff, since the only person a cheater like her deserves is another cheater. They’ll have ugly babies, live in a two-bedroom apartment in the worst part of town, and she’ll have to listen to him talk forever about how fertility rates are going down, and women need to please the men in their lives, or whatever the fuck he hears from those Manosphere podcasts. 

And she won’t have Jackie.

No. No, that won’t do. Shauna refuses to let a future like that unfold. It took a couple of days to think of what to say, but as she stares down at her phone, she knows that she’s written all she can


The only thing left to do is send the message.

Jackie stares down at the short, one-line sentence Shauna sent her fifteen minutes ago, brows furrowed in confusion. 

'I’m sorry.' 

Um. Okay. Way to be specific, there, Shipman. Sorry about what?

Sorry for not letting Jackie copy her AP Lang homework a week ago? Well, it’s a valid apology, since sharing homework isn’t even really that big of a deal, but Shauna never apologizes to her over academic issues, so it can’t be that. Sorry for not passing the ball to her at practice the other day when she was wide-open? She should be, honestly — it was the perfect set-up, and Shauna blew it! But no: that, too, is something Shauna would never apologize for. Sorry for— 

Jackie’s breath catches in her throat.

No. She knows what this apology is. 

Shauna isn’t apologizing for something she did — she’s apologizing for something she’s currently doing . 

Her best friend must have realized Jackie’s dark, dirty secret: the fact that she has a crush on her. And that message? Her manner of rejection. Of course! It all makes sense. A wave of hurt and sorrow fills her chest: how does one get rejected before they confess? Fuck, that’s pathetic. 

But... of course, Shauna wouldn’t like her back. No hard feelings, Shipman. She totally gets it. Jackie’s weird, and ugly, and totally overbearing, and, like… has Cs and Ds in every class. A smart cookie like Shauna would never want to spend the rest of her life with someone as useless as herself. How would they even get by? They’d have to be supported by Shauna’s one-woman salary as a journalist, since Jackie doesn’t intend to change her plans on being a housewife. Shit! Shauna always says her carrot cake tastes like a baby vomited in it. What use is there in a housewife who can’t bake? Stupid, Jackie! 

Tears rise to her eyes unbidden, and she stubbornly tries to push them down. 

No! This is no time to wallow in sorrow. 

I am Jackie fucking Taylor, and I can achieve anything I want!

And what she wants, without a doubt, is Shauna Shipman. 

Jackie stands up sharply. No time to waste!

There’s work to do. 

When Jackie calls him over to talk, Jeff Sadecki expects tears and heartbreak and maybe a thrown vase or two. Not, uh… this. 

“We should break up.” 

Break up? Jackie wants to break up with him ? Not the other way around? 

Er. That's a mean thought. Well... it would make sense, of course, for her to break up with him once she found out about his whole thing with Shauna, but given the lack of sobbing and yelling, he’s taking an estimated guess that she doesn’t know yet. So, what could be the reason?

“Oh, um. Why?” Jeff asks cautiously, trying to gauge his girlfriend (ex-girlfriend?)’s intentions. 

Jackie’s lip quivers, and her eyes well up with water. She knows she’s probably breaking the boy’s poor, fragile heart, since he’s so totally in love with her, but it has to be done. 

“I’m sorry,” she says carefully, trying to let him down gently. “I just… have someone else in mind.” 

Jeff’s mouth dries. Someone else in mind? What? Who? He knows he has no right to ask. But, despite his actions, there’s a feeling of guilt and shame that coils into his brain. He really does love Jackie, just… more like a sister? Um. A sister... he occasionally kisses? 

Okay, bad metaphor. The point is the same — over the past few months, he’s realized that he likes Jackie. But he’s in love with Shauna. 

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. If he can help Jackie get with the new person of her dreams, perhaps she’ll never have to find out about him and Shauna’s… secret activities. He can ask Shauna out officially, Jackie will be with the one she truly loves, and all four of them can ride off happily into the sunset.

Fuck yeah. A perfect plan.

“Who?” Jeff asks, very kindly and not at all with any desperation. 

Jackie’s eyes shift from side to side, awkwardly. Clearly, she’s afraid to tell him outright. “Um… It’s someone you know very well.” 

Groan. That line is so middle-school. Also, completely unhelpful, since Jeff knows a lot of fucking people. He gestures for her to go on. 

“Long, dark hair…”

Okay, got it.

“Doe eyes…”

…Doe eyes? 

“On the soccer team…” 

Long, dark hair, doe eyes, and on the soccer team? 

He’s got it! 

Jackie looks at him embarrassedly, her eyes practically screaming, ‘Do I have to keep going?’ 

Jeff smirks to himself inside his head: No, Taylor, you don’t need to keep going. Be thankful that your ex-boyfriend is a total genius. 

He understands what she’s saying perfectly well: Jackie Taylor is in love with Lottie Matthews. 

He didn’t expect his girlfriend — sorry, ex-girlfriend, that’ll take some getting used to — to be into women, but thinking about it, it makes perfect sense. She never wants to go to third base with him, she’s on the soccer team , and her top Spotify artist is Chappell fucking Roan. Honestly, he should have guessed it sooner.

The realization brings him no discomfort: Jeff Sadecki may be a cheater, but he is also an ally! 

“It’s okay,” Jeff says benevolently, like the Pope passing forgiveness. 

Jackie sniffles and looks up at him. “...It is?”

“Of course!” Jeff exclaims. He pats her on the back comfortingly. “I completely get it.”

At that, Jackie’s face twists from quiet sadness and relief to confusion. “...You do?”

“Yes!” Jeff replies vehemently. 

Because, honestly? Lottie Matthews is a total fucking hottie. Not his type, of course: he only has eyes for Shauna. But if there’s anyone Jackie has to end up with, it might as well be someone on the same level as Jeff. Matthews is hot, rich, and has that ‘nice girl with a dark secret’ vibe she’s attracted to.

Huh. Thinking about it more deeply, Lottie is pretty similar to Shauna. 

How funny that he and Jackie have the same type! 

Unbeknownst to him, Jackie’s thought process has taken an entirely different path: He… gets it? Huh. I didn’t know Jeff was gay.

Talk about a lavender marriage. 

“Don’t worry, Jackie,” Jeff continues, determination shining in his eyes. “I’ll help you.”

Jackie, surprised at how well Jeff is taking the situation, blinks a few times to clear her eyes. “Really?”

Jeff nods. “Yeah. Tomorrow morning — behind the school. Wait there before class starts, okay?”

Then, he runs off, yelling into the distance: “I am the perfect matchmaker!!” 

The next morning, Jackie is exactly where she promised she’d be: behind the school, waiting for whatever plan Jeff has in store. 

Honestly, she half expects him to just send Shauna and tell her to confess right then and there, the idiot. A man like him can’t possibly understand the intricacies of a good confession. Besides, Jackie’s already been rejected, so… an in-person confession probably will only make the situation even more awkward. 

Fuck. It’s cold outside, too. Jeff had better send somebody actually useful to make it worth all this hassle.  

As if answering her prayers (or rather, her nightmares), the last person she ever fucking wants to see when asking for help turns the corner:

Natalie Scatorccio. 

Seriously, Jeff? This is who you could come up with? God, boys are so stupid!

“Um,” Natalie says with a guarded expression, eyebrow raised. “What’re you doing here?”

Jackie scowls. “Same reason you’re here.”

Is she playing dumb? Senior year only lasts one hundred more days, which means Jackie only has one hundred days to woo Shauna Shipman. Every second the two of them spend behind the school is time wasted! She doesn’t know why Jeff chose Natalie, of all people, to play wingman, but being the kind and generous ex-girlfriend that she is, she’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe Scatorccio is, like, a secret romantic genius. 

She does look like someone who would have fire pick-up lines. 

Natalie crosses her arms. “You’re buying drugs?” 

Buying drugs? What does she— 

Ah! Jackie understands. Buying drugs is code for something. Obviously, nobody would be stupid enough to seriously buy drugs behind the school, so it must mean something else. Stupid Jeff didn’t tell her they’d be speaking in code! 

That’s okay, though. Jackie may not be Shauna-level smart, but she’s not the dumbest toy in the box, either. She’ll play along with whatever weird stuff Natalie has in store until she figures out exactly what the burnout’s master plan is. Once she does that? 

Boom! Jackie and Shauna can get married, and she’ll never have to speak to Jeff or Natalie ever again. The perfect conclusion to such an imperfect chain of events. 

“Yup,” Jackie says, putting on her ‘I am completely normal and not at all looking down on you or planning anything weird’ face. “Buying drugs.” 

Okay. 

What the fuck. 

All Natalie wants to do is get away from her shitty trailer, buy some weed, and hopefully make it through the school day without wanting to kill herself.

Instead, she gets Jackie Taylor following her around like a lost puppy: All. Freaking. Day. 

The morning encounter was weird enough: Jackie Taylor, wanting to buy drugs? Yeah fucking right. The girl can’t even get through a single house party without giving every person who blows a cloud of smoke a killer death glare. Now, she’s saying she wants to not only buy weed, but buy it from some shady dealer behind the school?

No fucking chance.

There’s something else going on here. Natalie, of course, did not go through with buying the weed while Jackie was around, meaning that now she’s had to go through the day without the help of supplements. 

First and second period, thankfully, she has to herself. Third period, though, was an awkward fifty minutes of staring at the walls, the ceiling, the floor, anything but acknowledging the burn of Jackie’s gaze on her back. 

Lunch is worse. Natalie never eats lunch with the other Yellowjackets, the primary reason being that most of them are just really fucking annoying. Sometimes, Van tries to make her join them, so to avoid being found, she usually alternates spending her lunch periods in various classrooms, behind the school, and the rooftop.

Today is a rooftop today: so how, in the everloving fuck , did Jackie find her?! 

“Leave me alone!” Natalie yells, running back down the stairs in a way that is totally badass and not at all cowardly. 

Sue her, okay? Jackie is the team captain, so even though the two of them do not get along, Natalie still doesn’t want to piss her off! 

Mind racing, she tries to think of reasons for Jackie’s strange actions. She’s already determined that there’s no way the girl is serious about buying drugs. It has to be something else. 

Like being dumped with a bucket of cold water, realization enters Natalie’s mind:

Oh fuck.

Jackie is a fed . 

Shit! Jackie is a fed, and she’s totally trying to catch Natalie in the act! That’s why she’s been following her around, acting so weird, and asking about drugs. Of course, an uptight, prissy, social-elite type like Jackie fucking Taylor would make her way into law enforcement — this is why rich people suck! Fuck the police!

Okay. That’s fine! Natalie can work with this. 

Jackie seriously thinks she’ll be able to catch her in the act?

Ha. Fat fucking chance! 

From now on, Natalie resolves that she will be nothing but the perfect student around Jackie: she’ll do her homework, she’ll join the other members of the team at lunch, she’ll keep completely sober. There will be absolutely nothing that Jackie can use against her. 

Let the game of cat and mouse begin, bitch.

Shauna is stressed.

Very, very stressed. 

Jackie completely left her on read after her super thoughtful, well-worded apology message. Fuck! 

So it’s true, she is pissed. 

To make things worse, Jeff won’t leave her alone. He even found her in the courtyard before school started that morning and told her, in no uncertain terms, to stay away from the back of the school! Which, like: Okay, weirdo. Now she’s definitely going to check out the back of the school.

The person she met there was unexpected, though: Lottie Matthews. 

The tall girl looked confused as she stood alone, occasionally glancing down at her watch. When Shauna asked her, Lottie said that she was there for Jackie: Jeff had apparently told her that the team captain had a ve~ry special message for her, and to meet behind the school before class started. Shauna decided to wait there with Lottie, hoping to get the chance to talk to Jackie and explain herself, but the other girl never showed. Once the bell rang, Lottie left, perplexed, leaving Shauna standing alone with nothing but her thoughts. 

Why didn’t Jackie come? Did she see Shauna and decide it wasn’t worth it? More importantly, why did Jeff want Lottie to meet with Jackie? 

Things only got worse the rest of that day: why the fuck is Jackie following Natalie Scatorccio around, of all people?!

The odd behavior persists, and by the end of the day, Natalie has seemingly pulled a 180. It’s like she’s a completely different fucking person. She’s smiling, she’s apparently got a study session of all things planned with Jackie, and she only cusses, like, twice! What on Earth? 

Of course, Shauna is a genius, so it doesn’t take her long to connect the dots in her head:

She and Lottie are dating. That's obvious. There’s no way two people who give each other fuck-me eyes to the extent that they do aren’t together. Shauna’s willing to bet that the duo has been sneaking around together for the past couple of months. Why they didn’t make their relationship official? Shauna doesn’t know. Maybe it’s because of their very different social classes, or the fact that Lottie is totally out of Natalie’s league. 

Either way, clearly, something has changed.

The way Lottie looked confused and sad behind the school that morning can only mean one thing: Natalie must have fallen in love with Jackie, and broken up with Lottie right at the same time that Jackie broke up with Jeff.

Fuck! 

It makes perfect sense. Deep, profound love is said to change people, and Natalie has done nothing if not change completely overnight. That bitch!

Shauna knows she has no right to complain. After she slept with her best friend’s boyfriend, it makes complete sense that the girl would want nothing to do with her. 

But this?

This is completely unacceptable. 

Shauna knows she may never have Jackie back as a best friend. But, as someone who still loves her very, very much, she knows that she can not allow this… Natalie-thing to continue. 

One thing is clear:

Natalie Scatorccio, you are going DOWN.

Chapter Text

Three weeks pass by, and with it, Natalie’s reputation somehow skyrockets. 

She doesn’t even mean to do it. The only intention is to get Jackie off of her trail. This starts with small things: smiles in the hallways, telling teachers and classmates ‘good morning’ instead of telling them to fuck off, sitting with the Yellowjackets at lunch — normal things. 

As time goes by, this somehow escalates into near-daily study sessions at the Taylor household (Which, like, yikes. Somehow, Jackie’s family is almost as cold as hers is. Almost.) Then, random students start… approaching her? Asking her for fashion advice, or complimenting her hair, or asking questions about the homework. 

The worst part, somehow, is that due to the constant study sessions, Natalie actually knows the answers to the homework! Fuck, she’s becoming a nerd! It creates a cycle, too: Natalie can’t let up on the act, now that she’s this far in, so she has no choice but to actually help them out. But the more she helps people out, the more her other classmates feel comfortable asking her for more help! 

The change isn’t just academic, though. Van makes a comment two weeks in about how more of their peers have started showing up to class in eyeliner and leather jackets. Without jumping to conclusions, Natalie thinks she notices a whole lot more bleach-blondes walking around as well. 

Fuck, some kids have even told her to her face that she’s ‘surprisingly cool’, and that they respect her ‘nonchalant final boss vibes’. Whatever the fuck that means. 

So, yeah. In three weeks, Natalie Scatorccio has somehow managed to go from societal outcast to school celebrity. That’s just the Jackie Taylor effect, she guesses.

Which, speaking of Jackie Taylor, the girl still hasn’t left Natalie the fuck alone. 

These days, the two of them are spending almost every single moment together. In the morning? Jackie’s there. Between classes? She’s there! After school? If they aren’t having a study session, Jackie’s there to walk her home. 

Natalie doesn’t know what she did — what crime she could have possibly committed — to make Jackie so goddamn determined to catch her in the act. She’s learned more about the team captain in the past three weeks than she’s learned about her in the past three years . What she likes to have for dinner (that being nothing, which is honestly pretty concerning and something Natalie plans to address once they’re past the immediate emergency of Jackie trying to JAIL her), her favorite movies (corny, romantic ones), the fact that she really never liked Jeff at all, the fact that she never shuts the fuck up about Shauna, and so on. 

It is, in Natalie’s opinion, way too concentrated a dose of Jackie. She can handle her for like, an hour a day, maybe. Two hours if they don’t talk much.

Definitely not for three straight weeks. 

The breaking point comes one day after school, when Jackie insists on walking her home again. 

She can’t take it anymore. 

“Fuck, Jackie, enough!” Natalie snaps, spinning around with a fierce glare. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but it isn’t going to fucking work, okay? You aren’t going to get a confession out of me!” 

Jackie’s face drops in a mixture of momentary hurt and shock. For a second, Natalie feels bad, but she comforts herself by remembering that this is necessary. 

Hopefully, that will be enough for Jackie to get the message. 

Jackie does not get the message. 

She’s confused — what is Natalie trying to say? It’s been three long weeks of following the other girl around, searching for the master plan hidden behind her mysterious actions. She’d changed overnight, going from the local burnout druggie to an upstanding, well-liked member of the school society — that had to be related to the plan, right?

Jackie had tried to ask Jeff why he picked Natalie, but for whatever reason, he wouldn’t stop talking about Lottie. Like, hello? If Jeff has a crush on Lottie, that’s none of her business; she’s got bigger things to worry about! Why send Natalie her way and then not even explain what the girl’s plan is? 

God. Boys are so stupid. 

Jackie repeats the girl’s words in her head: You aren’t going to get a confession out of me!

Why, in God’s great name, would she ever want a confession from Natalie ? It’s Shauna’s confession she’s trying to get! 

Then, like a pound of brick, it hits her: This is her plan! 

It all makes sense. Natalie is doing a perfect Shauna impersonation.

That cold, distant demeanor, like she’s too good for Jackie, but a simultaneous willingness to have sleepovers and study sessions? That’s exactly how Shauna acts! Like she enjoys her presence, but will never actually admit it. 

I’m so stupid! How could I not have seen this before?

Jackie is supposed to be practicing wooing Natalie as a stand-in for Shauna! 

The former burnout is a fucking genius. No wonder she’s been acting like the perfect student for the past couple of weeks — all she’s doing is emulating the AP-class, honor-roll-like nature Shipman has. What do they call that? Method acting?

Wow. Natalie’s in the wrong extracurricular: forget soccer, the theatre club is calling her name. What a thespian. 

Okay, Jackie, game time. Natalie’s already told you that you’re not doing enough to get a confession. What else can you do? What do girls like? 

An idea lights up in her head: a movie! 

Movies are, like, the perfect date night activity! ‘Netflix and chill,’ or so they say. Jackie has to think like a boy — what would make a girl swoon? Obviously, she can’t sound too excited. She needs to be nonchalant and cool. 

“Come over to my house tonight,” Jackie says suavely. “Alone.”

Natalie’s face goes white. Huh. Weird. Usually, people’s faces turn red when hit with a pickup line of that caliber, but Jackie assumes that she must just have a weird complexion. 

“What for?” Natalie asks, shakily. Good! She sounds nervous — that means that Jackie’s on the right track. Surely, the girl is kicking her feet internally. Keep it cool, Taylor. Keep it cool. 

“Let’s watch something,” Jackie starts, before pausing to think of what they should watch. Obviously, a girl like Natalie wouldn’t want to watch something boring. Shauna stand-in or not, Jackie knows that she has to impress her date with something cool, something niche. 

What could that be?

Ah! She knows: it’s a movie she hears Jeff talk about, like, all the time!

“The Godfather,” Jackie continues confidently. 

Yeah. That should be good. 

Prepare yourself, Scatorccio. I’ll make you swoon like a blushing bride!

Natalie is fucking terrified. 

The Godfather? Who the fuck watches The Godfather other than, like, weird film bro incels? 

Shit. Fuck. Jackie totally ignored her earlier. All she wants is to be left alone, but for whatever reason, Jackie is completely locked in on catching Natalie in the act. 

It has to be a sign. 

Asking her to come over, alone? A very, very fucking red flag. 

Asking to watch The Godfather? A movie about a fucking mob family, where the patriarch of the family dies?

It’s obviously a message — If Jackie is the detective, in this circumstance, and Natalie is the supposed ‘mobster’, then this can only be one thing:

Tonight, tired of playing this drawn-out game of cat-and-mouse, Jackie Taylor is planning to end the chase.

Tonight, Jackie Taylor will try to kill her. 

Fuck me.

Everything is going terribly, terribly wrong for Shauna. 

Not only are Natalie and Jackie closer than ever, but Natalie’s newfound, overnight popularity means that Shauna’s been able to dig up zero dirt on her! 

In fact, she’s gotten so popular that Shauna’s even found a few Instagram fan page accounts! The accounts all have weird fucking names like ‘natscattluvers’, ‘scatorcciostudios’, and, in one particularly creepy case, ‘natalie.scatorccio.feetpics’. 

Ew. 

Even worse, she even found a fucking ship post on one of the accounts! It’s a shitty, grainy picture taken from the back, but if the grainy silhouettes aren’t recognizable by themselves, the caption “#JackieNat 4 life” is a dead giveaway. JackieNat isn’t even, like, a creative ship name!

Shauna reports the account for hate speech. 

Somehow, most terrible of all, she’s overheard that the two of them are planning to meet up together later today — for a movie night, of all things! 

Absolutely not. This is the worst fucking timeline. 

Taking matters into her own hands, Shauna decides to start leaving cryptic notes in what she assumes is Natalie’s locker. None of the lockers has names on them, but judging by how often she sees the girl in front of this one, it’s pretty safe to assume that it’s hers. 

Smirking, she places the ominous Post-it note on the inside of the locker door. 

Let’s see how brave you really are, Natalie.

Lottie has a stalker.

It wouldn’t be the first time, honestly. As the child of a rich businessman, she’s had her fair share of creepy men in black suits trailing her and ransom kidnappings over the years. Y’know. Normal, childhood stuff. 

This is the first time her stalker has been someone her age, though. 

And of all people… Jeff Sadecki?

The boy has been following her around for weeks now, constantly asking her weird questions about Jackie Taylor. It’s odd — the two of them had, to Lottie’s knowledge, broken up, so she doesn’t understand why Jeff is coming to her, out of everyone. It’s not like she and Jackie are particularly close, and even if they were, she certainly wouldn’t help him get back together with her. 

The weird part is, though, that Jeff’s intention doesn’t seem to be that he wants help getting back together with Jackie. If anything, he almost seems to be avoiding her. His time is instead spent trying to get Lottie to meet with her one-on-one. Repeatedly. 

The few times she’s given in and gone where Jeff told her to meet, Jackie never even shows up! 

Most likely, because she’s spending all of her time with Natalie Scatorccio. 

For some reason, the thought makes Lottie a bit angry. Not because she’s jealous! She’s not. Definitely not. 

She just doesn’t want Natalie to be taken advantage of, that’s all. 

Jackie and Natalie have historically never gotten along. That isn’t some big secret: the whole fucking school knows it. So, for them to go from being near-enemies to hanging out every single day?

Something fishy is going on. That’s all.

And yeah, Lottie cares about Natalie. So what? That’s normal! 

Just normal, friendship love. Yup. That’s it. 

And besides, she and Natalie have formed an… interesting relationship. She wouldn’t call them super close, per se, but they definitely have some sort of connection. It was about a year ago, when at a party, they had both drunkenly confessed to how shitty their families are. The admission seemed to take Natalie by surprise, as if she had never considered that a rich family could be broken, too. 

But regardless, they’d ended up bonding over it. 

Now, they have a bit of a tradition: on occasion, they’ll leave each other little messages on post-it notes inside their lockers. Small things, like “You can do it!”, or “Good luck today,” or even just little smiley faces. Actually, Natalie tends to write things like “fuck 'em up” or just draw a dick, but the sentiment is the same! It’s cute; something to brighten up her day.


Which is why, on top of the stalker situation, Lottie is confused when the nature of the notes starts to change. What used to be cute little encouragements or silly jokes has turned into ominous warnings: things like “Watch out!”, or “Go away!”, or, more recently, “Evil witch!”. 

It’s a weird transition. Even weirder, when she asks Natalie about it, the blonde merely scrunches her eyebrows and says that she hasn’t left any notes recently. Been too busy with Jackie, she says. 

Okay. Yeah, that’s fine. Whatever. ‘Busy with Jackie,’ huh? 

Lottie isn’t jealous. 

She explains the situation one day to Laura Lee after practice. Laura Lee is the one person Lottie knows she can go to for advice, who she can trust without question. 

Unfortunately, the advice she gives is not the advice Lottie expects.

“You need to move on”, maybe, or something preachy like, “God will reveal the truth in due time,” would make sense. Instead, Laura Lee sits with a complicated expression on her face and doesn’t speak for a solid five minutes. When she finally does look up, there’s determination and a bit of fear in her gaze.

“I’m afraid… Natalie has been possessed.”

Lottie’s jaw opens in shock. “Possessed?!” 

“Yes,” Laura Lee says with a solemn nod. “Think about it: a sudden personality change, an inexplicable rise in popularity, and now, she’s leaving you sinister and threatening notes? All the signs align.”

Lottie balks. “But that’s…” 

Well — honestly, maybe it does make sense. After all, what in God’s name could ever make Natalie Scatorccio turn her affections to Jackie Taylor, of all people? Yeah. Yeah, that does make sense! Of course Natalie isn’t spending any time with Lottie: she’s in real, legitimate, grave danger! 

It isn’t that Natalie has lost interest in her. (Not that Lottie cares, of course. She's just concerned. As a friend!)

It’s that Natalie has literally been taken over by a demon!

“Laura Lee, what do we do?” Lottie asks resolutely, with a serious tilt of her head.

Laura Lee’s eyes shine. 

“The only thing we can do: hold an exorcism.” 

Chapter Text

The rest of the day flies by, and before Jackie knows it, the clock has hit 5:50 pm — ten minutes until date night. 

Calling it date night feels like a bit of a betrayal to Shauna, but Jackie calms herself with the reminder that this isn’t a real date. Natalie is just a stand-in for Shauna, and since the blonde has proven herself to be such a good actor, it might as well be as though Jackie’s on an actual date with Shauna, anyway! 

Even if they cuddle, or hug, or kiss, or, uh… whatever else couples do during movie night (she doesn’t know, the furthest she ever got with Jeff was handholding before the feeling of disgust became so strong that she had to go vomit up her dinner), it won’t really count since she’s supposed to be pretending that Natalie is Shauna. 

So, with that being said, Jackie has spent the last three hours preparing for the date.

What? That’s a normal amount of time to set-up the house. Right?

After kicking her parents out, she set up ambient mood lighting with candles and LEDs, made a giant bowl of popcorn, put on some vaguely romantic music, and sprayed some floral-y scents throughout the room. Hopefully, that should be enough to ‘set the mood’. She’s dressed in a loose pajama set — something casual, but in a slightly sexy and flirty way. 

It’s subtle, which is perfect.

Now, with ten minutes left on the clock, Jackie spends her time frantically reading through a book she found on her dad’s bedside table called ‘The Man’s Guide To Women: How To Woo Your Dream Girl’. 

Which, like, seriously ew. Not something she ever wants to associate with her dad. But oh well. Desperate times call for very, very desperate measures. 

Frantically, she flips through the pages, making sure to take note of all the reasonable-sounding advice. Make her date feel comfortable? Yeah, she can do that. Don’t seem too desperate? Yeah, got it. Take it slow? Sure, easy peasy. 

‘Rizz her up’? Uh. Alright, sure. Jackie can do that. No problemo. 

One problem: how does one ‘rizz up’ Natalie Scatorccio?

No, bad Jackie, she internally scolds herself. It’s Shauna you’re on a date with, not Natalie. Get it together!

She has to get her head screwed on straight. After all, it would be an insult to Natalie’s prowess as an actor to keep referring to her out of character. Actually, thinking about it… does this count as roleplay? 

Never mind, that’s a weird thought that Jackie doesn’t want to focus on. 

The doorbell ringing signifies Natalie’s arrival. Jackie lights up and goes to answer the door. 

When she opens it, she’s met with… a considerably dressed-down date. Well, maybe dressed-down is the wrong word. Jackie is in pajamas, after all. Perhaps the better term would be out of place. 

Jackie’s pajamas fit the vibe perfectly: light, silky, delicate, casual enough to give off a ‘let's chill and have a movie night’ effect but also sexy in a subtle way. That’s what the magazines she bought them from said, in any case.

Alternatively, the bulletproof vest Natalie’s wearing is admittedly a strange choice. 

Suddenly, Jackie finds herself at a loss for words. 

“You came,” she finally says lamely. 

Natalie scowls. The look is very Shauna-coded, and Jackie takes a moment to marvel at how easily the girl gets into character. “Didn’t have much of a choice.” 

“I like the, uh, vest,” Jackie blurts out. “It matches your… shoes?”

“...Thanks.”

They stand by the door in silence for a moment. Natalie’s hands are shoved into the pockets of her pants, which honestly, given her height, makes her look more like one of those middle school boys with an Edgar cut than anything cool. Like, trying to appear nonchalant and aloof, but a bit too short to make it work. 

That’s a mean thought. Remember, Jackie, this is Shauna you’re speaking to!

The thought brings a bit of heat to her cheeks, and she steps aside to open up the doorway. “Well, come on in.”

Crossing the Taylor house’s threshold feels like stepping straight into a pre-made tomb, but Natalie forces herself to be brave and enter the lion’s den. 

She doesn’t know what Jackie has in store for her tonight. Obviously, it had to be something sinister, but the exact details remain a mystery. In preparation, she’s brought a couple of tools:

First and foremost, a bulletproof vest. Natalie was hoping the sight of it would be enough of a deterrent for Jackie to call the evening off, but the other girl hardly reacted to her choice of protection. Still, it provides information: likely, Jackie isn’t planning to kill her with a gun, since otherwise she would have reacted poorly to the vest. Poison, then? Something else?

Of course, Natalie prepared for this — seventeen years of trailer-living with an abusive (and now dead) dad and a neglectful mom has left her as more of a survivor than a teenage girl. She knows how to get out of a seemingly inescapable corner. 

I didn’t make it through all of high-school just to get offed by a girl to showed up to her first soccer practice in high-heels! 

Because, yeah. Jackie did that. 

She was still made team captain though, so apparently, anything’s possible.

And with the knowledge that anything is possible, Natalie’s prepared her second line of defense for the night: ultra-strength pepper spray. It sits loosely in her pant pockets (Natalie had dug up the biggest pair of pants she could find; she thinks they’re Kevyn's). The bulge is still a bit visible, but since the pair she chose was so big, it looks more like the imprint of her hands than any sort of object.

If things go south, all Natalie has to do is give Jackie a quick spray and then make a hasty retreat.

Then, she’ll have to pick up and move somewhere the police will never find her. Like Detroit. Or something. 

Actually, dying might be the preferable alternative to Detroit, Natalie thinks sourly. 

Following Jackie, Natalie is a bit perturbed to realize that she knows the Taylor household layout by heart, now. Honestly, she’d been over for study sessions so many times by now, it’s no wonder the other members of the team thought she and Jackie were close friends. 

If only they knew. 

Jackie flops onto the couch and gives Natalie a slow, lazy grin, picking up the remote. “You’re gonna love the ending.” 

A chill travels down Natalie’s spine. Love the ending? What’s that supposed to mean? The ending of Natalie’s life? She tenses, preparing for whatever could happen.

To her surprise though, Jackie smiles and opens Paramount to… the Godfather?

Uh. Wait a minute.

That was just a metaphor, right?

They’re not actually going to watch the Godfather. Surely. 

Jackie pats the empty spot on the couch next to her. “Come on, baby,” she purrs. “Let’s start the movie.”

Natalie pales. 

Oh god. 

Meanwhile, outside of the house, Lottie and Laura Lee approach the mansion from further down the street in… suspicious attire. They’re dressed in all black, complete with hoodies and facemasks. 

The two of them had heard about Jackie and Natalie’s movie night through the grapevine, AKA a mysterious Instagram account by the name of ‘natscattluvers’. Interestingly, the account was full of content about Natalie — where she was at any given point in the day, what she was wearing, what brand of makeup she uses, her favorite musical artists, the whole lot. The most recent post, the one that Lottie and Laura Lee used to get their information from, was tagged with the caption “#JackieNat 4 life”, which definitely did NOT aggravate Lottie. Not at all. 

Anyways, the key word here being was . Weirdly enough, the account got banned for hate speech shortly after. 

Huh. Somewhere out there, a bigger JackieNat hater than Lottie herself exists. 

In any case, it’s the information they needed. Now, here they are: suited up and prepared to take the demon down. Laura Lee holds a bible in one hand, and both she and Lottie have handmade squirt guns full of holy water. 

The plan is simple: wait for an opportune moment, burst through the door (because rich people never lock their doors, Lottie can attest), spray Natalie with the Jesus-sauce, and then get out. 

Easy as pie. 

Approaching the windows of the house, they can hear muffled voices: 

An offer you can’t refuse…

A pause. Then, another:

Leave it all to me…

Lottie turns to look at Laura Lee questioningly and finds the other girl’s face dropped in fear. 

“That’s the demon,” Laura Lee whispers. “It’s making a deal with Jackie, right now! We have to go, before it gets to her, too.” 

Lottie nods. It’s go time.

Inside, Natalie is dying. No, actually, scratch that. She isn’t dying, and that’s the problem. 

The TV drones on, one of the characters going on a long-winded monologue that she honestly couldn’t follow since she had tuned out of the movie a long time ago: I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse. Okay? I want you to leave it all to me.

Natalie thinks that honestly, she would have rather just died than have been forced to watch The Godfather.

Maybe Jackie is an evil genius. She knows that watching incel movies is a far, far greater torture than death could ever be. 

As if hearing her thoughts, Jackie turns and gives a smirk: “This is pretty great, huh?” 

“Ha ha. Yup, amazing,” Natalie forces out through gritted teeth, angry at herself for falling into the other girl’s trap. “I am having so much fun right now.”

Jackie beams. “I knew you would be.”

Oh my God. Just kill me and get it over with. 

This is going great!

Jackie is over the moon. Natalie won’t stop talking about how much she loves the movie! If there’s one thing Jeff did for her before they broke up, it was this: leaving her with great recommendations. 

Actually, she really, really underestimated Jeff. Not only is he a great source for movies, but he also was the one who sent Natalie her way. Jackie was skeptical at first, but the blonde has proven to be a truly helpful, dedicated… friend.

Yeah, friend. That’s what they are now, right? Friends. 

Oddly, the thought doesn’t bring Jackie any discomfort. It would have, a little over a month ago. Like, no freaking way would she ever be caught dead gallivanting around town with the local burnout. What would her parents think? Or worse, Shauna? 

But now? 

Jackie can admit it: she’s really come to like the grungy little blonde. She’s fun, and sassy, and really devoted to helping Jackie confess to Shauna. That kind of loyalty and helpfulness is rare these days. She can’t think of a single person she knows who would go this far for her. 

But Natalie changed more than just her daily routine: she changed herself. Going from a druggie loser to a well-liked, upstanding member of society. Honestly, it’s really more of a benefit for Natalie, but still. That kind of change couldn’t have been easy.

So, yeah. It’s official. Natalie Scatorccio is a good friend. 

And as a good friend, Jackie tells herself that she’s actually… okay with going further than this. Natalie’s already been doing a fantastic job acting as Shauna. She doesn’t have any personal experience, but Jackie knows from the movies that this is usually the time when people take things up a notch. Y’know, third base and all that. Obviously, she wants to do that with Shauna, but getting Natalie as practice isn’t as revolting a thought as Jackie would have expected. 

This is good, right? 

“I think it’s time, don’t you?” Jackie whispers in a way that she hopes is sexy.

Natalie’s face goes white. Again, must be a weird complexion thing. Maybe goth-y kids are just naturally ghostlike. “Time for what?”

Jackie lets out a breathy huff. She’s sure Natalie must be tired now, too, of working around the clock to help her out. “To finish the job” 

There’s movement as Natalie’s hands fly towards her pockets. Her eyes are wide, locked onto Jackie’s, but she doesn’t say anything, which Jackie takes as acceptance.

She leans in…

And all hell breaks loose as two cloaked figures burst through the door. 

“IN THE NAME OF THE LORD, BEGONE, DEMON! I REBUKE YOU!”

Suddenly, there’s water, and Jackie is thrown aside as Natalie is surrounded by the two figures. A bit of liquid gets into Natalie’s eyes, which makes her squint them in terror and start screaming. 

Uh. Because Natalie’s eyes are closed, she probably can’t see very well, but Jackie is a bit confused at what is very obviously Lottie and Laura Lee in cheap, party-city cloaks, holding water guns that they squirt at the poor blonde girl on the floor. 

“Um…”

“Take this! And this! And that! And that!” 

A bible is thrown. Honestly, it doesn’t hit Natalie very hard. Laura Lee is pretty weak. Still, the girl yells like she’s being murdered.

“NO, NO, NOT LIKE THIS! DON’T KILL ME!” 

Laura Lee turns to Lottie. “You hear that? We’re vanquishing it! The demon is dying! Keep going!”

Uh…

“Guys?” Jackie weakly interjects, but she’s cut off by Lottie.

“Not now, Jackie!” Lottie says firmly. “We’re doing this for you.” 

Erm. Okay? 

They really came at a bad time, though.

Does this mean the date is over?

Jackie groans. Not fair.

Natalie can’t believe it.

That bitch, Jackie, called in a fucking hit on her!

Two masked figures burst through the door right as Jackie says that she’s going to finish the job, spray her down to take out her vision, and then beat her with something! Then, when Jackie speaks up, they tell her that ‘we’re doing this for you’? 

Fuck! Natalie can’t believe she didn’t account for this. 

Jackie is rich — obviously she’d have the money to hire hitmen! 

Thankfully, this is why Natalie is a genius. She’s prepared for this moment — she will NOT die like this. 

“FUCK OFF!” she yells, ripping the pepper spray out of her comically large pants and spraying it in every direction she can. Her eyes are still shut from whatever the cloaked men were spraying at her: acid? Blood? Chemical water? Whatever it was, it blocks out her vision, so she settles for spinning in a circle and spraying in every direction.

There are screams. Someone yells, “Ow, fuck!”, and another one yells, “Oh goodness gosh!” 

Target hit, she’s guessing. 

...What kind of person gets hit by pepper spray and says 'goodness gosh'?

Shauna isn’t quite sure what she’s watching.

She’d found out about the movie date from the Instagram account she reported earlier in the day (which, thankfully, was taken down! Some website admin must also be a JackieNat hater). Showing up outside the Taylor household was less of a planned sort of thing than an impulse, but to make up for her lack of strategy, she’d devised a plot on her walk over.

She was going to livestream herself going to Jackie’s house under the guise of simply paying her best friend a visit. Then, when she entered the house (which is always unlocked for some reason), she’d catch Jackie and Nat, like, making out or whatever on livestream. 

Jackie’s parents would see it and force her to break up with Natalie, leaving Shauna as the one who could sweep in and pick up the pieces.

Manipulative? Sure. But with an adversary like Natalie Scatorccio, you do what you have to do. 

But this…

The livestream chat explodes as Shauna walks in on the chaos of the Taylor household. The mood inside the house is dark and ominous: there are no lights on, only odd candles and LEDs, and there’s some movie on the TV playing with gunshots and dramatic music. In front of the TV, Jackie stands awkwardly off to the side while two masked figures beat down on Natalie with a book. Er, is that the bible?

What the fuck is going on?

There’s a puddle on the floor, too, as the two people squirt what look like water guns. 

Then, in a dramatic twist, Natalie stands and, with her eyes still closed, unleashes an absolute megaload of pepper spray into the house. 

“Holy fucking shit!” Shauna says, immediately running out of the house to avoid whatever that disaster is. Behind her, she can hear coughing and yelling, and then a blur as the two masked figures, which she can now see are obviously Lottie and Laura Lee in tacky Halloween costumes, run out of the building and down the street.

Jackie follows soon after, hacking up a lung and rubbing her now-red eyes. Looking up, she seems momentarily shocked to see Shauna. 

“Shauna!” Jackie exclaims, fearfully. “I— uh. I can explain! This isn’t what it looks like!” 

Shauna peers behind Jackie at the house’s interior. Er, quite honestly, she can’t even tell what this is supposed to look like. Still, she fixes Jackie with a cold look. “It’s not a date?”

Jackie goes on. “It’s— Natalie was just— she was helping me defeat those guys!!” 

“...Helping you defeat them.” 

“Yeah,” Jackie says quickly, stumbling over her words. “I, uh, have been stalked by some strange dudes, and so she’s been coming over for the past month to help me because… she… uh… knows Taekwondo?”

Shauna stares at her blankly. “...Natalie knows Taekwondo?”

“Yup,” Jackie says in a very convincing tone of voice. “Taekwondo. Black belt. Or whatever they call it. Very strong.”

“...But all she did was get beaten down with water guns and a Bible and then use pepper spray.” 

“That's, uh—” Jackie stutters. “That’s because she’s following the Tenth commandment of Taekwondo!”

…

“...Which is?”

“...Um. Let your fists be swift and your pepper spray be swifter?” 

Shauna stares at Jackie.

Jackie stares at Shauna.

A few moments of silence pass. 

Then, Shauna shrugs. “Well, okay.”

It’s a weird hobby for the blonde burnout to have, but then again, Natalie’s just a weird person in general. At least she and Jackie weren’t, like, having a movie date and planning to kiss or anything. This is a preferable alternative. 

Besides, it was kind of funny to see Natalie get hit with a Bible.

“What’s that?” Jackie asks, breaking Shauna’s train of thought. 

“What’s what?” Shauna asks, confused.

Jackie points at her phone. “Why is your flashlight on?”

Oh.

Oh no.

Shauna balks.

She forgot about the livestream.

“Did you hear? Natalie Scatorccio totally beat down on two guys all by herself yesterday!"

“Yeah, I heard she’s a black belt in karate.”

“Wasn’t it jiu-jutsu?”

“Dude, it’s all of them! She’s, like, a quadruple blackbelt! A complete beast!”

“No freaking way. You guys are all a bunch of liars.”

“No, it’s the truth! It was all livestreamed!” 

Well. It’s official.

Natalie Scatorccio is, without a doubt, the most famous person at Wiskayok High School. 

Overnight, the video of her fighting off the masked figures went ultra-viral, spawning a wave of clips and posts and reshares all over social media. The footage was grainy and blurry, making it hard to get any specific details of the incident.

As such, the rumor mill began to fly. 

“Yeah, well, I heard that the guys she was fighting were totally, like, demon cultists.” 

“Nuh uh!”

“Yuh huh!” 

“No man, they were hitmen! It was at Jackie Taylor’s house, and that family is like, totally loaded.”

“So you’re telling me Scatorccio saved Jackie Taylor from a kidnapping?”

“Yup”

“Wow, what a badass!”

The entire school was alight with the drama. Natalie herself opted to stay home from school that day. Probably a smart decision, honestly. 

Of course, there is no one who benefited more from the insane turn of events than the owner of the infamous Instagram account, ‘natscattluvers’: 

Misty Quigley. 

Which is why the girl is surprised to find none other than Shauna Shipman looking for her the next day. 

“Quigley,” Shauna says sharply, “I know you’re the one behind the Instagram account.”

Misty crosses her arms. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Seriously? How did Shauna, of all people, track her down? That shouldn’t be possible — Misty erased all traces from the account that could lead back to her!

Shauna scowls. “In one of your creepy, stalkery photos of Natalie, you forgot to crop out your journal, which literally says ‘Misty <3 Nat’ on the front.”

“Oh,” Misty says simply. “Oops.” 

“Anyway, not the point,” Shauna continues, looking like she’s dreading even having to speak to Misty. “The point is, you’re the one who was behind that stupid JackieNat shit, right?”

“...Aren’t you the one who reported me for hate speech?”

“Semantics. Listen, okay, I need you to do that for me and Jackie.” 

Misty tilts her head consideringly. “Like, make a fan page for the two of you?”

Shauna nods. 

“Hmm,” Misty hums, “but why should I?”

“Uh, because you did it for Natalie?”

“Yeah, but, I like Natalie,” Misty says with a frown. “I don’t really like you all that much, to be honest. Sorry.” 

Shauna groans. God, what a little fucking freak. Then, her eyes light up. 

She has an idea!

“Wait, so you like Natalie, right?” 

Misty’s face turns red. “Uh— not like, like like, but like, like as in like—”

“Don’t care,” Shauna cuts Misty off, “Listen, you set things up for me and Jackie, and I’ll help you with Natalie. Capeche?” 

Misty’s eyes shine consideringly. “...Really?”

“Really.”

“Well, then,” Misty laughs, a dangerous look overcoming her face. “Don’t worry about a fan page. If you want to get Jackie to like you again, I have a much, much better idea…”

Chapter Text

”So, let me get this straight.”

Misty nods her head seriously.

Shauna raises an eyebrow. “Your grand plan to get me and Jackie together is to talk to Lottie…”

“Mm-hm!”

“...Ask for her assistance…”

“Yup!”

“...And have her hire a hitman to fake-kidnap Jackie so that I can swoop in and save her?”

Misty crosses her arms and shakes her head. “No, not hitmen, Shauna. Goons!”

…

Shauna grits her teeth. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

Predictably, Shauna’s greatest mistake was trusting the psychopath that is Misty fucking Quigley to come up with any sort of genius plan. All she wanted was for the curly-haired freak to make a jackieshauna fan account, just like she made that stupid jackienat fan account, and pray that the school would love their dynamic so much that they’d just have to get back together.

Instead, she gets this.

“Hey! You said you wanted my help!”

“For Instagram, not crime committing!” Shauna snarls. Then, she takes a second to pause and look around. “Also, why are we having this discussion on top of a mountain?”

Misty had made them drive out, like, three hours in order to have this conversation. Shauna thought they were going to access some super secret base or to speak with an amazing connection, but instead they’re just… standing here. And it’s really fucking cold.

“It’s cinematic,” Misty tuts like it’s obvious.

Shauna raises an eyebrow. “Why the fuck does that matter?”

“Paramount said we need to get our ratings higher than Dexter.”

“Oh.”

Well, alright then. Whatever that means. Anyway, back to the problem at hand:

Shauna shuffles anxiously in place. “Do you… really think this’ll work?”

“Shauna,” Misty says, placing a benevolent hand on her shoulder. “I know it’ll work. Just… give Lottie a call, and we’ll do it, okay?”

“Like… right now?” Shauna asks.

“Absolutely.”

“...Are we even gonna have signal at the top of this mountain?”

Misty shrugs. “Eh. Don’t worry about it.”

Of all the calls Lottie expects to get that day, Shauna isn’t one of them.

She stares at the lit-up screen of her phone with confusion. Nearby, Laura Lee raises a questioning eyebrow, as if asking what the source of the commotion is. Lottie quickly shows her the caller ID, puts a finger up to her lip in a ‘shush’-ing motion, and then accepts the call, putting it on speaker.

“...Hello?”

“Lottie… need— help.”

“Shauna?? Are you okay??”

The voice on the other sound of the line crackles. Static filters through the phone, the words coming in sharp, scattered bursts

“I… plan to— tonight.”

Laura Lee leans over Lottie’s shoulder. “Shauna, can you confirm that you’re okay?”

“Need… goon—”

And then the line goes dead.

They both sit in silence for several minutes. Then, Lottie turns to Laura Lee with a confused expression.

“...Shauna wants to goon?”

Laura Lee’s face twists into panicked concern. “No, no, no, this is bad, Lot, really fudging bad!”

“What? What is it?” Lottie asks, fear rising.

“The demon, it’s gotten to Shauna, too! The fact that Shauna’s asking to goon with you: that's a cardinal sin! The devil of lust has possessed her.”

Oh, god. Lottie takes a moment to reflect: first, Natalie, then Jackie, and now Shauna. Whoever this demon is, it’s powerful, and it’s slowly but surely taking out all of her friends. She’d thought they got it the other day with the holy-water, but clearly the demon is even smarter and even stronger than they could have ever imagined, seeing as it thought to bring pepper spray in preparation.

Fuck. This is bad. What if Natalie is possessed forever?!

Oh. Uh. And Jackie and Shauna too.

She retries the thought: What if Natalie and Jackie and Shauna are possessed forever?!

“What do we do?” Lottie asks, tears in her eyes.

Laura Lee hums in contemplation, turning her gaze to the ceiling for several minutes. Then: “We’ll have to bring out the big guns.”

“You want to shoot her?!”

“What?” Laura Lee tilts her head, aghast. “No! Not real guns! What I mean is that I have a connection: someone who knows a thing or two about exorcising demons. I didn’t want to have to call in this favor, but… I’m left with no other choice.”

Later that night, Shauna sits outside a dingy-looking warehouse, waiting for her prey to arrive.

The place is a total dump. Perfect for a late-night kidnapping, she supposes, but also really stinky, and she doesn’t appreciate having to scope out the place for several hours beforehand.

Misty said that she called again when the signal was better, once they were off the mountain, and worked out the details. The hitmen (sorry, goons) were told to get the blonde girl from the soccer team — and NOT the grungy, freaky one. Shauna’s had enough of people misunderstanding her intentions.

Now, after a couple of hours, she watches as a black sedan pulls up to the curb. Four men get out, carrying a tied-up woman with a garbage bag over her head. Yikes, okay. This is pretty dramatic, huh? Hopefully it won’t leave any lingering trauma.

Whatever. She has work to do.

Carefully, Shauna stalks into the building, keeping to the shadows as she follows the men. After a moment of observation, she pounces — she kicks, punches, and even bites a few times (she can’t help it, okay?), fighting the men with a fury. They seem unprepared for her. Huh, Lottie did a bad job at prepping them, huh?

Well. Either way, after a couple of minutes, they seem totally overwhelmed by her super-awesome feral fury.

“Why the fuck does she keep biting?”

“How is she so strong!”

“I’ve been beaten by a furry,” one of the men cries, running away in tears.

At last. They’re alone.

Gingerly, Shauna walks over to the kidnapped girl and removes the garbage bag, and—

Oh no.

“Wow, Shauna… you saved me!”

Those idiots…

Melissa Hat stares up at her with hearts in her eyes.

…They got the wrong blonde girl!!

Finally, Jackie Taylor stands awkwardly outside of Natalie’s trailer.

It’s been, like, five days since Natalie’s been seen at school. Honestly, it’s pretty weird: if Jackie had the total motion and fame that she currently does, she’d be at school every day! But, Natalie seems intent to avoid it.

So, because she’s a good friend, and because she feels slightly bad about the whole pepper-spray thing, Jackie is here to visit.

“Um… Nat? Can I come in?”

“Go away,” the voice on the other side of the shitty trailer door moans.

Jackie awkwardly shuffles. “Cmon, it can’t be that bad to go to school. You’re, like, totally famous now.”

“I don’t wanna be.”

“You looked cool!”

“I looked stupid.”

“Nat,” Jackie says, raising an eyebrow. “The whole school thinks you know Taekwondo, Jiu Jutsu, and Karate. That’s pretty fucking badass, and you know it.” After no response, she quiets down, leaning against the outside of the door. “...What’s really going on?”

There’s silence for a moment. Then, Natalie gently opens the door. She looks… well, like a wreck. Her makeup is already pretty emo or whatever on a normal day, but now it runs down her face like she’s that guy from The Cure. Yeesh, overdramatic, much?

“...Lottie won’t talk to me,” Natalie quietly says.

Jackie blinks. “What?”

“She isn’t talking to me.”

“...Why?”

“I don’t know!” Natalie cries. “One minute, it was fine, and then it was just radiosilence! I don’t know what I did!”

Okay. Um. Jackie’s not really equipped to handle relationship drama. Wait, is that what this is? Does Natalie…

“Do you… like her?”

Natalie’s eyes widen, looking like she’s never considered the idea before. “I… I don’t know.” She looks down. “I didn’t think I even liked girls.”

Jackie’s heart clenches sympathetically. She knows the feeling of not knowing your identity, or being afraid of what it means to like the same gender. If Natalie likes Lottie, then that means… it means that Jackie should return the favor, right? Since Natalie tried so hard to help her with Shauna and all.

Although for now, clearly, emotional support is what’s needed.

“Listen,” Jackie says delicately. “You… it’s okay if you do, y’know? Like girls, that is. That’s what high-school’s all about. Finding your identity, exploring, becoming someone new. If you think you might like Lottie, then I say: fuck it! Go for it. What’s the worst that could happen?” She sits back for a moment, and then meets Natalie’s eyes. “You know, there’s only one person who can tell you who you are.”

Natalie smiles. “Me.”

“No, me,” says Sue Sylvester, spontaneously transmigrating through the dimensional fabric of the universe.

“What the??? Who the fuck are you!”

Sue ignores the ratty blonde one’s demands and lowers her sunglasses. “Someone called in a favor. I hear you girls have a demon to bust.”

Jackie balks. “What? A demon?”

“Trust me,” Sue continues, “After William, I know a thing or two about busting demons. In fact, even thinking about it right now, I'm lactating with rage.” She looks around at the ratty trailer park. “Vile. This place reeks of failure and repressed homosexuality.”

“Um, what?”

“Shut it, Spongebob Squaretits. Now, which one of you mentally ill degenerates summoned me?”

“Neither of us…” Natalie says, trailing off awkwardly.

“Great,” Sue moans, “You people can’t do anything.”

“...you people?”

Sue heaves a heavy sigh. “Fine. I’ll track them down myself. Come, tweedle-dumb and tweedle-dumber: we’ve got work to do.”