Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Fuck.

Kakashi woke to a sharp, throbbing pain in his wrist. Blinking through the haze, he scanned the room—his carpet was soaked in crimson, and beside the stain lay his kunai, equally bloodied.

‘Great….’ Kakashi thought while trying to stand up and mumbling about how much time he would have to waste attempting to clean the stain. He glanced out the opened window to the moon staring down at him. It had been 4 years since Rin's suicide and 3 years since Minato-sensei’s. Kakashi had just come back from a S rank mission; with no other missions to distract him, Kakashi had to come up with a more fitting distraction.

‘Rin wouldn't have wanted this…..’

‘Rins not here anymore.’
‘It was your fault. You caused this. You could've prevented it.’

“Ka…ka..shi…”

His hands were starting to feel itchy. Lost in thought, Kakashi had already walked to the kitchen sink and started washing his hands. It stopped feeling uncomfortable the second it touched the burning water. His hands felt painful when he scrubbed, but Kakashi couldn't feel it. All he knew was that it stopped itching. He kept scrubbing.

“Kakashi wait! You have to kill me! I can't go back. They did something to me; it will destroy the village!” Rin’s voice was weak. Her eyes screamed with determination and sadness, but Kakashi was too selfish to see it. He was too selfish thinking back to the promise he made to Obito that day. And because of his selfishness he also broke the promise.

Kakashi didn't know how long he’d zoned out thinking about that night, but when he came to, the burning water had turned lukewarm and there were new blisters on his hands.

‘Fuck.’ He has a meeting with Danzo-sama later today and without a doubt he was definitely going to be assigned another either S or A rank mission. The blisters are going to show how pathetic he is—can't have that now, can we, Hound?

He attempted healing his hands with a healing jutsu Rin had taught him but failed—his hands shaking at the thought of replacing their team's gentle, talented medic. His stomach turned. He nearly vomited.

Kakashi trembled as pain blossomed in his head and heart. And suddenly, he was back there again. Memories of that mission—of everything falling apart—flooded back.

“None of this would've happened if you had just let the boulder crush me… instead of sacrificing yourself, Obito… And I’m sorry I couldn't protect Sensei and Rin like I promised. Please forgive me”; Kakashi had heard himself whimper before passing out.

—

“Kakashi..?”

“Kakashi! Can you hear me?”

“Rin! Over here!”

“What happened?”

“I don't know! W-we were just sparring like normal a-and Bakashi went still; I thought he was just messing with me! Then he passed out, I swear I didn’t do anything!”

“Go get Minato-sensei, I’ll get him to the hospital.”

—

When Kakashi opened his eyes, he wasn't sure what he was expecting to see, but it wasn’t to be laying in a hospital bed. He hates the hospital and the staff there definitely hates him too: so who could've brought him in? Maybe he was late and Danzo-sama came and checked up on him? Hopefully not. Plus the possibility of him actually checking up on him was little to zero. Even if he did, he would've just ignored Kakashi in this state. And it can't possibly have been Gai; he left for that escort mission just yesterday. So who-

“I swear I didn't do anything Sensei! He just passed out; besides you know how much better Bakashi is at taijutsu than me”

“Yes yes, I know, Obito; but we have to be sure. Kakashi doesn't usually pass out unless it’s chakra exhaustion.”

..!

‘Obito?! A-and Sensei?’

‘No. No way. I-i’m probably still knocked out right now.’

‘But..but this feels so real..they sound so real…’

Kakashi looked down at his hands and counted- ten. Ten fingers. So he wasn't dreaming...but how..? Obito and Sensei were supposed to be dead.

“Obito! Quiet down! There's other people resting here; shhh”

“Ah! Sorry Rin!!”

‘Rin too?..I must be under a genjutsu..’

‘What a sick joke.’

Kakashi forced himself up; ignoring the sharp pain that ran through his body. He made his way to the window and tried unlatching it, but it wouldn't budge. He checked for seals and while checking, Minato-sensei walked in with Kushina by his side holding a bento box.

“And where do you think you’re going, young man?”

“Don’t tell me you’re trying to run away again…”

“You still got one more checkup to do, ya know!”

‘Great. So much for slipping out unnoticed. Why aren’t they attacking..? Whoever’s genjutsu this must really suck. I should just go along with it, they might just be a distraction.’

“Uh. I was just trying to get some fresh air.”

“You little liar! You were tryna escape; good thing I made sure Minato sealed up all the windows. You can’t fool us!” Kushina pouted.

“I know you hate hospitals, Kakashi—but this time, it’s necessary. Normally, I’d just let you walk it off, but not this time. You passed out while sparring with Obito, and while you were still unconscious, the doctors ran some tests. They found something strange—your chakra levels suddenly spiked. Like, a serious jump. The thing is, your body’s not used to it. You’ve always had chakra closer to a civilian’s, so this kind of change—it’s a shock. Your system’s struggling to keep up.”

“Kai!”

…A few seconds passed by and nothing changed..

“Uh.. You okay there Kakashi..?”

“I-I’m fine. I’ll just train more to get my body to keep up. No need to worry, I won’t be needing more checkups or tests. I just need some fresh air!” Kakashi tried shunshin out of the room but before he could, Minato had already shunshin behind him with his hands on Kakashi’s shoulders.

“Not so fast Kakashi. You still need to eat something and rest.”

“Right, here ya go!” Kushina handed him the bento box she had been carrying. “Eat up, I made your favorite!

Kakashi looked down at the bento box; it felt so real, you could even feel the warmth of the box.
“Thank you, Kushina”

“It’s Kushina-nii for you mister!’

“Right..”

“We should get going now, let Kakashi rest, I also need to speak to the doctor about something."

“Alright, comingg” Kushina singsonged.
“Get some rest Kakashi and don’t try to run off again! We will check on you later with the rest of the team, Obito and Rin can’t wait to see you, ya know!”

…

‘What. The. Fuck’

‘This. This can’t be real. It has to be a genjutsu. It must be, there's no way. How did the genjutsu not dispel? Am I out of Chakra?’

Kakashi tried again. Nothing. Panic struck Kakashi. He could feel his chakra–strong, a bit shaken yet still strong and steady. So why the hell is the genjutsu not dispelling? For the first time since landing in the hospital he took a good look at himself and he saw…him…but 7??

‘????’

‘...’

‘Could it be… I…’

Not daring to finish his thought, Kakashi shunshin-ed to his apartment’s door. He knocked twice and slipped into a tree nearby.

‘Just..just making sure.’

A part of him died again when an old grumpy looking lady opened the door. It was the same lady that sold him the apartment when he was 9. If she was still living here then this proved Kakashi’s thought correct; he had somehow managed to time travel. And Kakashi was not happy about being right this time.

Chapter Text

He had somehow gone back in time. Back when everything was still going well—back when his team was still alive.

—

Kakashi was now back in his hospital room. Kushina had mentioned Obito and Rin were going to visit too soon. Despite knowing he probably won’t be able to handle seeing them, he didn’t want to worry his teammates. After being lost in thought worrying about what he was going to do with this new discovery for a good 10 minutes, he heard footsteps from the hallway that sounded like it was headed towards his room.

“Do you think he’s okay?”

“Pffttt– this is Bakashi we are talking about! Of course he would! Besides…I didn’t even do anything to him… He should be fine.”

“If you say so… Oh! We’re here, room 067!”

Kakashi quickly laid back down and turned his head toward the window when he heard the doorknob turn.

“Obito you’re supposed to knock first!”

“Oh whoops!—Hey Bakashi! How are you feeling?”

Kakashi managed to choke out a “Fine.”
His throat was burning and his head was all over the place knowing Obito and Rin were there. With him. Psychically. Alive and well.

Obito started to explain, “Nice! Oh and by the way, something came up and they needed sensei for hokage stuff so he’s probably not going to have time to visit anymore today. And uhhh… what was it? I think Kushina-nii got worried and went with him. Or was it because she was going to get something, I don’t remember. She’ll maybe come later today though—.”

Rin cut him off before he could start rambling more.
“Have you eaten anything yet? Do you need anything?” Rin, as thoughtful as ever, was already placing down the to-go box she brought on the table next to Kakashi’s bed.

“I’m good. I already ate.” Kakashi said, lying through his teeth.

Rin glanced over to the untouched bento box Kushina made for Kakashi next to her to-go box and sighed. “You have to at least eat something to recover.”

Kakashi hums half heartedly, still looking away

“What the—Hey Bakashi! Don’t just ‘hm’ Rin! She’s just looking out for you! You should be thanking her, or at least look at us!!”

Kakashi was already on the urge of shunshining out of there. He didn't want to think this was real. He wishes this was just a dream, he really couldn't handle seeing them.

“It’s fine Obito. We should be letting him rest, not yelling at him.” Despite the girl trying her best to not sound like she is, Kakashi could hear the disappointment in her voice. Feeling guilty, Kakashi forced himself to turn to her. Unfortunately, the moment he made eye contact with the girl he killed, he was instantly reminded of her soulless eyes looking back at him.

“Uh… Bakashi you okay? You don't look so well, do you need us to get the doctor?”

“He looks like he’s about to throw up!” Quickly, Rin scrambled to retrieve the trash and hold it up for Kakashi to puke in.

Kakashi starts to feel queasy after remembering Rin’s destined tragic fate. Then, he felt a gag—then another—which led to him pulling down his mask and puking into the trash can held by the very person whose death was a canon event in his life. Suddenly, everything was blurry, the young boy couldn't hear anything other than the ringing in his ears. He started to feel dizzy, he barely made out the words “Here”, “I’ll go”, and “Doctor” before he passed out.

—

This time, when he woke up, Obito was sitting beside him. With Rin in front of the doorway talking to a doctor. Great. There was definitely no chance of escaping them without being noticed now.

“Bakashi! You’re awake!” Well—that definitely caught Rin and the doctor’s attention.

All of a sudden, Kakashi felt a sharp pain in his throat and sat up. Obito, quickly looking away, swiftly handed Kakashi a cup of water. “You okay?” Kakashi took the cup and gulped it down in one go.
“Yea. Fine.” After placing the cup down, he managed to grab his mask and adjust it before facing the doctor now walking to the bed side.
The doctor proceeded to start integrating Kakashi, asking questions stupid to him like “When was the last time you ate or slept” and “Are you doing anything different in your training?” or, the stupidest one, “ Do you know why your chakra spiked up like that?”
All his answer was something along the lines of a “I’m not sure.”
The doctor left after a while, telling Rin something Kakashi was too tired and didn’t bother to know. He unawarely accepted his condition and just laid back down, resting his eyes.

“Bakashi, you should really eat something. The doctor said your body is weakening due to the chakra spike. Eating more should help, even Kushina-nii mentioned something about her having to eat a lot because of how much chakra she has.”

Without having a choice, Kakashi was forced up by Obito with Rin trying to shove a spoonful of the bento box Kushina had prepared in his face. Kakashi immediately took the spoon and beto and glared at both of them. And with that, as if the glaring was a sign, both turned away allowing Kakashi to eat. After hastily finishing the food, he made a bullshit excuse to use the restroom, and slipped out of the hospital. If he really time traveled back, he would rather change the outcome than sit around in some godawful hospital knowing his friends are going to die.

—

Using his past memories, he let himself find his way to the Hatake compound’s front gate. It's been 4 years since he has been here. He stood there planning a way to avoid the stain his father had left for a good half an hour before coming to the conclusion it just wasn't possible. He had thought about turning around and leaving, but for the sake of his friends, Kakashi took a deep breath and stepped into the compound.

Chapter Text

After stepping into the compound, Kakashi felt a cold breeze welcoming him. The compound’s coldness makes it feel like it's been abandoned for years. If it was another person here, they definitely would’ve mistaken it as abandoned. Kakashi trudged reluctantly over to the study purposely ignoring the stain in the living room. He knows his father kept scrolls on the White Light Chakra Sabre in the study but he never got to use it in the future after it got destroyed during Kannabi. This time he was going to use the blade to its fullest.

—

“He’s not coming back is he..” Said Rin, more confirming than asking. Sighing, Rin started to clean up the mess from the bento.

“That Bakashi really pisses me off! He is such a jerk.” Obito complained while helping.

“Cheer up Obito, you know how Kakashi can be.”
Rin then gave Obito a warm smile, “Come’on, it's getting late, let’s go get Ichiraku.”

While walking to Ichiraku, Obito couldn't help himself from worrying about Kakashi. Obito knows it’s been 2-3 years since Sakumo’s death, he also knows how much it affected Kakashi. He still remembers how differently Kakashi acted the day after Sakumo died. Times like now, where Kakashi acts so coldly and slowly drifts away, it makes it even clearer on how much the passing of his father affected him. ‘Maybe I should check on him…’

—

After Ichiraku, Obito, having nothing better to do, decided to pay Kakashi a visit. ‘Not because I was worried or anything’—Obito assured himself. ‘I’m just bored and need something to do.’

Following his instincts, Obito lazily took a stroll over to the Hatake Compound’s gates. When he got there, he was able to hear Kakashi training. The Uchiha was a bit alarmed at first when he heard chipping coming from the Hatake training ground. Wanting to get a look but also not wanting to disturb Kakashi’s training, Obito jumped up to the roof to watch.

—

Sensing it was just Obito, Kakashi carried on with his training. He thought maybe if he ignored him, he'd just go away after a while.

Being back in his old body, Kakashi is now one sharingan-less. This means that without the sharingan there won’t be anything in the way feeding off his chakra every second of the day preventing him from using his chakra at his fullest. But this also meant that he couldn't use his Chidori to its fullest. Kakashi was able to back then with the help of Obito’s eye, reducing the tunnel vision, but since he hasn't gotten the eye yet—he also isn't planning on getting it in this lifetime—he will have to find another way to reduce the tunnel vision. So far, he’s making okay progress. Channeling to the blade is helping but it’s not quite enough.

After a while, Kakashi noticed Obito was still there—on the roof, watching.
“Don't you know stalking people is really inappropriate? I know you're there, Obito.”
Startled, Obito tried standing but slipped down from the roof and landed in front of the Hatake.
“I-I wasn't stalking! Just uh observing..?” Embarrassed, the now flushing red boy rubbed the side of his head.

“Sure. Observing. Great excuse Obito.” After giving the other boy an unimpressed look, Kakashi turned around and started heading back into the compound. Feeling a bit overwhelmed and not wanting to deal with his teammates yet, the younger boy called out—back still turned— “It’s getting late. You should go home. Your grandma’s probably worried.”

“Oh, right! I’ll see you later then!” Not wanting it to become more embarrassing for himself, Obito, also relieved that Kakashi gave him an easy way out, quickly waved goodbye and ran off.

—

After getting rid of Obito, Kakashi laid in bed gazing up at the ceiling. He still felt a bit overwhelmed. Despite it only being a small interaction, it still felt wrong. He still didn't understand why he was brought back. He still can't face his teammates without feeling overwhelmed. He still doesn't feel like he belongs here—like, in general. It feels weird being back. His eyes were getting heavy, already tired and wanting this whole thing to just be over, Kakashi closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

At first, everything was pitch black. “Hello?” Kakashi tried calling out to the seemingly endless void. Suddenly his surroundings started to shift drastically. He turned around to check where he was but instead of seeing where he was, he only saw Rin running towards him. He tried everything to prevent it, moving his body, stopping the jutsu, calling out to RIn to stop, but nothing worked. Nothing came out of his mouth, and his body just won’t listen to him. Before he knew it, his right arm was already halfway through Rin. Looking at the cold body in front of him, he whispered “No no no. Not again. Please, Rin, don’t leave me…” and then his eyes shut.

“Huff, Huff, Huff…” Kakashi woke up gasping for air. His ears were ringing, slowly it came to a stop to the sound of crows croaking outside his window. ‘Great. That dream again.’ Kakashi should be used to it by now but every time he wakes up after seeing Rin’s eerie look it sickens him. Considering his light stomach after that dream, Kakashi skipped breakfast and went on the train in the Hatake training ground.

—

At team 7’s training ground awaits Minato, Rin, and Obito. It has been approximately 3 hours since they–or Minato and Rin–have waited for their teammate. Obito showed up about an hour ago, confused like them, wondering why the heck is Kakashi not here?

“Bakashi sure is taking his time. He’s late! Like, seriously late! I even arrived before him! Me!” Obito complained to no one in particular.

“Maybe he's sick?” Rin suggested.

“I guess so. Let's get started then. We’ve waited long enough.” Minato sighed.

While Obito and Rin were training with Minato, Kakashi—not knowing what day it was plus too busy improving his blade skills to care—was still at home doing his own training.