Chapter 1
Summary:
For now, he could only lie there, feeling utterly powerless. He held onto the vivid, horrifying memories of the night, knowing that what he had witnessed had forever changed him. It was a sight burned into his mind, something that he could never unsee.
Lucas's POV of what happened in The Sunshine Court with Grayson and Jean.
Notes:
Trigger Warnings:
Spoilers for The Sunshine Court
Implied violence, sexual assault/abuse
Guilt (I'm not sure about this one, but I'm including it, because it is a big part of Lucas's character and development in my opinion)
Aftermath of Grayson's attack
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Then take his word. Ask him why he’s so sure the rumors are true.”
Jean’s words kept echoing in Lucas’s mind long after he had turned off the lights and was lying in bed. His thoughts were trapped in a relentless cycle, replaying the events of the day and on the crushing weight of what came "after."
After he had reached out to Grayson. After he had asked Jean to talk to him. After Grayson’s brutal assault on Jean.
After, after, after…
The images refused to fade, blurring together like a nightmare. He saw Grayson, furious, as his teeth sank into Jean. The sight of his brother’s anger and violence was burned into his mind– it was a side of his brother that he didn’t recognize.
He saw it again. And again. Grayson was biting him as Jean struggled desperately against his brother.
His memory and perception of Grayson had splintered. Witnessing this violence felt like looking at a complete stranger. The brother Lucas had deeply admired was gone. The one who protected him as a child was gone. This was someone Lucas no longer recognized.
That brother, the one who had shown kindness and patience, was gone. Not just gone, but replaced by something darker, something terrifyingly unpredictable. Lucas could only fixate on the destruction. The destruction that he had unknowingly invited. He doubted he could ever forgive himself. Doubted that anyone would forgive him for this.
Cody’s words from summer echoed within him. “We don’t know if those rumors are true. We shouldn’t judge yet. It might not be the truth, Lucas. If the coach signed him, there's a good reason. He's transferring to USC. Jeremy knows what he is doing. We just have to trust him. Wait until we meet him ourselves.”
Lucas’s gaze had drifted over to Jean. Bandages were wrapped around his wrist. That image of Jean, hurting and injured. It hit Lucas hard, as he knew that while he hadn’t directly caused the injuries, he was the reason that Jean was hurt. This was something that could have been prevented if he had only listened to what he had said.
The realization made his stomach twist. How could he have let things get so out of hand? How could his careless words have contributed to all this pain?
“Is this a bad breakup thing?” Lucas was trying to make sense of what had just happened, wanting to just believe that this was just a miscommunication, or a fight between former teammates.
But, deep down, Lucas knew better. That this was not a breakup or a fight. The way that Grayson had gone at Jean with unmitigated violence like that couldn’t be explained away… and by the look on Jean’s face right then told him another story. A story of pain, fear, and something else that he couldn’t quite name.
Jean’s grim expression and body language weren’t that of someone caught in a fight with another; that was a face of terror. He remembered the expression he’d worn when first seeing Grayson– wide eyes, lips pressed tight with fear, muscles tense as if ready to run or fight.
He didn’t understand how his brother could have become this?
Lucas knew, with absolute certainty, that the brother he grew up with was gone. The Grayson he looked up to was no longer there.
The brother he had once looked up to hadn’t been perfect. He’d never been kind in a soft, gentle way. But he was protective and loyal. The kind of brother who had always been there when Lucas needed him. He had admired him from the time he was young enough to know that Grayson was his older brother and that he was there to love and protect him from the world.
Now, that person seemed completely gone, replaced by rage and violence.
Seeing with his own eyes the monster that had festered and grown at Edgar Allan was no longer someone he knew.
Part of him wished he could redo the entire situation– make a different decision, have a different outcome. Maybe if he had just let things go that night and listened to Jean, it wouldn’t have escalated so far. If he hadn’t pushed, if he hadn’t asked questions, maybe his brother wouldn’t have snapped.
Maybe then, he wouldn’t have been shown that cruel, ugly side. Maybe he wouldn’t have witnessed that murderous display of anger and violence that seemed so out of place for someone he once loved. The thought haunted him. Perhaps then, Jean wouldn’t have been assaulted due to his need to find out what had happened.
No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't undo what had happened. All he could do now was feel the weight of his mistakes heavy on his chest.
He whispered a silent apology to Jean that he knew he wouldn't hear. “I'm sorry, Jean,” the words felt inadequate, small against what had happened that night. He knew that he couldn’t fix everything overnight, that he couldn’t take back what had happened, or what would come in the morning or the next few days.
But he made a quiet vow to himself: he would find a way to make amends. He would commit himself to repairing the damage, no matter how long it took. His commitment to making things right with Jean was absolute.
For now, he could only lie there, feeling utterly powerless. He held onto the vivid, horrifying memories of the night, knowing that what he had witnessed had forever changed him. It was a sight burned into his mind, something that he could never unsee.
Notes:
The next chapter shall be out within the next couple of days!
Chapter 2
Summary:
All Jeremy could offer was hope. Hope that he was enough. Hope that he could guide Jean through the wreckage of his past. Hope that he could help him navigate the pain and brutality of the Ravens. Most importantly, he hoped he could help Jean find his way to healing.
Jeremy's POV of what happened at the end of The Sunshine Court.
Notes:
I couldn't wait to post this, so here is the second chapter from Jeremy's POV! I originally didn't plan to write this, but I found myself thinking how much I wanted his thoughts about after and decided to write it myself 😇
Trigger Warnings
Spoilers for The Sunshine Court and The Golden Raven
Suicidal thoughts implied
Implied suicide
Depression/anxiety
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“If I asked you to kill me, would you?”
Jean’s question, ”If I asked you to kill me, would you?” replayed over and over in Jeremy’s mind. His own words echoing even now as he just wanted to help Jean.
”Don’t ever say that,” Jeremy had said, his voice low and insistent, as Jean refused to meet his gaze with a quiet, ”I won’t”.
”We’re your friends. Please let us help you. You are supposed to be my success story, but you’re actively working against me. My failure is your failure, right? Tell me why you’re fighting me or let me in.”
Jean’s words that followed were not the confession that Jeremy wanted, what he needed to hear. He knew when to press and when to yield. He chose trust. He decided to believe in Jean’s innate resilience.
”Okay, so what can we do now?”
”Nothing,” he’d said. ”It is not now that is the problem, and it is not then, either. You cannot save me from what came before, and you help neither of us by trying to dig up those graves. Leave Evermore to me and Dobson. You made me a promise, so I will hold you to that: help me survive what comes next.”
”Is that all I can do?” Jeremy had asked, his voice tight with frustration.
”It is what only you can do,” Jean replied, his gaze steady. ”I trust you.”
☼☼
Jeremy couldn’t shake the memory of how Jean had looked when he came home from his visit with Neil Josten or after the attack from Grayson Johnson. It haunted him even now. But the memory that truly stuck, the one he couldn't move past, was Jean asking him to kill him.
The memory of his younger brother, Noah, was an unavoidable ghost. It had been nearly four years since that fateful day. Jeremy had failed Noah. He hadn’t been enough to save him from himself; he hadn’t seen the depth of his brother’s despair. He hadn’t recognized the signs that Noah was teetering on the edge, ready to choose an end.
That night was a blur. Drugs and alcohol had clouded his system, blurring the details of that night. But some things remained sharp, etched in his memory. He remembered leaving Noah in their shared hotel room. He remembered telling him that he could do whatever he wanted, while Jeremy planned to party with the other players.
Noah had told him he hoped he’d enjoy himself. Then, Noah had said, ”I love you.”
Love. He hadn’t heard those words from Noah since they were kids. The Knoxes and Wilsheres were not a family of open affection. Jeremy couldn't recall the last time any of them had spoken the word "love." But he had been too high, too lost in his own world, to understand the weight of Noah’s words that night.
By the time the police confirmed his brother’s death, delivering the news that shattered his world, it was far too late. The damage had been irrevocable.
He couldn't even attend his brother’s memorial service as he was sent to rehab almost immediately following the news of the tragedy, and it was as if life moved on for everyone.
All he had were those final, fragmented memories of his younger brother and the crushing guilt from that night.
And now, his teammate, his partner, was telling him he wanted him to kill him. No. Jeremy wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He had already told Jean not to speak those words. He had promised to protect Jean, to watch over him– it was a promise he took very seriously.
That night, after a late dinner, Jean finally slept. Jeremy could not. How could he when he worried over what might happen? He remembered what Jean had said weeks before, after Wayne Berger’s suicide.
”I promised I wouldn’t kill myself.”
Jean had made a promise. To whom? Would he keep that promise? Jeremy was consumed by his fears and anxieties. He didn’t want to find out tonight if that promise was strong enough to keep Jean alive. Not so soon after the assault, or whatever had happened with Neil Josten. He dreaded thinking about what it had cost Jean.
He feared seeing the cost it was still costing him, watching as Jean slept so fitfully.
All Jeremy could offer was hope. Hope that he was enough. Hope that he could guide Jean through the wreckage of his past. Hope that he could help him navigate the pain and brutality of the Ravens. Most importantly, he hoped he could help Jean find his way to healing.
Please, Jean, stay here with us. We need you here, with us.
Notes:
Thank you for reading! ♥️
smllwe on Chapter 1 Tue 14 Oct 2025 10:25AM UTC
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