Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

00:28 AM

Galactic baseballer: I cant sleep

Send help

7/11: ill personally knock you out with a box of boba

DID YOU SWITXH MY NAME????

Resident Nerd: switch has a C

RESIDENT NERD?????

Galactic baseballer: You should see my contact list if that name concerns you danny

Resident Nerd: I swear on the fucking stars 

What is your contact name for me

Galactic baseballer: .

So anyways

Red mom: Go to bed

...

????

Caelus 

Galactic baseballer: yes mom?

Red mom:  ...

Fine

Wait then what did you switch welt to-

Grandpa planet: ...

You're grounded

Galactic baseballer: transphobia

Grandpa planet: I bought you your pride flag

Galactic baseballer: ...

Stelleronphobia

Grandpa planet: Go to bed Caelus

Galactic baseballer: but the sky is awake

So I'm awake

7/11: DID YOU JUST QUOTE FROZEN?

Galactic baseballer: yes 

No

Maybe

So

OH MY GOD WAIT 

Mr.Yang

Grandpa planet: oh now I'm mr.yang again

Galactic baseballer: is the pretty guy with a coffin your ex?

Grandpa planet: ...

Caelus is in timeout

Permanently 

Galactic baseballer: PERMANENTLY?

Wait

Do I get snacks?

Resident Nerd: WRONG KIND OF CONCERN

Galactic baseballer: timeout seems more fun than when we almost got locked in a giant prison

Resident baseballer: ...

I'm dating him

HIM

7/11: OK

But when I asked you about it

You went 

"Oh but March he's so funny and I love him so much" blah blah blah

Shut up gay boy

Resident Nerd: I hope the next milk tea you drink is WARM

7/11: YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU TAIL LESS LIZARD 

Resident Nerd: LEAVE MY TAIL ALONE

GOD

Galactic baseballer: Dan Heng

Just say fuck

Resident Nerd: Caelus

Go huff paint

Galactic baseballer: Jokes on you I'm into that

Resident Nerd: mmhm

Yeah 

Yeah ok

I'M PUTTING YOU IN A FUCKING BOX

Galactic baseballer: WHYYYYYYYY

I THOUGHT THE BOX WAS FOR MARCH

7/11: that means you get the leash

Galactic baseballer: the fucking 

WHAT

Resident Nerd: everytime you run off we just pull you back by the scruff 

Not our fault you came with a leash

Galactic baseballer: its FASHION 

Resident Nerd: its ADHD baby

And you definitely have it 

Red mom: oh lord

Galactic baseballer: also

Is it bad if I helped a criminal escape the authorities?

Grandpa planet: say that again, slowly

7/11: who did you...

when did you....

Galactic baseballer: Kafka

Red mom: YOU ARE SO FUCKING GROUNDED

Galactic baseballer: ITS NOT MY FAULT

SHE TEXTED ME

Red mom: imma send you to JESUS

YOU TEXTED HER

Galactic baseballer: ._.

Perhaps

Ive also texted the other one

Grandpa planet: Who haven't you texted 

Is the question 

Galactic baseballer: Sampo 

Cause I blocked him after he gave March an edible so bad she used proper grammar

Resident Nerd: back the fuck up

Edible?

March with proper grammar?

When was this?

Galactic baseballer: remember how after the whole

"Oh I'm actually a dragon resurrection" blah blah blah

And you said you were too overstimulated to breathe and could feel the colors of the walls 

Yeah so me and March went to belobog 

Sampo gave March candy 

March goes "I'm not feeling too good"

We get back to express

I sit with her in her room

She starts talking about the physics of ice????

She's high off her rocker

I was scared as balls to tell anyone 

Didn't 

And yeah

That's that

Resident Nerd: Jesus CHRIST

7/11: Was that the day I threw up and you put on barbie princess movies while making sure I was ok?

Galactic baseballer: yeah

7/11: well thank you

ALSO WHAT

Grandpa planet: Never ever leave them unattended again

7/11: its not our fault

I just wanted a fruit gummy 

Resident Nerd: two adhd riddled people in the wild

What crimes will we commit

Galactic baseballer: Can I roll for perception?

Resident Nerd: 20

Galactic baseballer: Can I kiss the hot guy in thr archives?

Resident Nerd: Yes

But also no

It's 1 in the morning 

Galactic baseballer: SO???

GIMME AFFECTION 

7/11: Bro ill do it if he won't 

Galactic baseballer: bro

7/11: let's cuddle and watch breaking bad bro

Galactic baseballer: OMG???

Resident Nerd: STOP STEALING MY BOYFRIEND 

7/11: THEN STOP DATING MY BESTIE

Resident Nerd: hmmmmm

No

Imma be on that boy like white on rice 

Galactic baseballer: hot

Red mom: Caelus don't be a simp

Galactic baseballer: How many times have you and mom divorced 

HOW MANY

I HAVE TWO CHRISTMAS'S EVERY OTHER MONTH

PICK A LANE

Grandpa planet: the day she picks a lane is the day I no longer feel the need to give you a chaperone 

Galactic baseballer: ya get possessed one time 

Suddenly you can't be left alone

Resident Nerd: PAUSE 

YOU WHAT

Galactic baseballer: SO

How y'all like ya ramen?

7/11: Wet

Galactic baseballer: ...

Girl 

Resident Nerd: pardon me

WET????

7/11: yeah 

If dry it's crunchy 

Resident Nerd: ...

God i wish they just put me in prison 

Grandpa planet: DAN HENG

Resident Nerd: READ THE DUMB FUCKERY I JUST READ

Red mom: where did you learn to type like this

And the phrase "dumb fuckery"

Resident Nerd: Cae

7/11: Cae

Galactic baseballer: I repeat shit like a parrot

Cause I also do this

Mr.Krabs~

Start digging in yo butt twin ~☆

7/11: THE LITTLE STAR AGDJDNDKFKFKDD

Red mom: no more internet for you

Galactic baseballer: But moommmmm

My memes

Resident Nerd: forget the memes

Come cuddle me

Ill kiss your forehead 

We can have snacks

Galactic baseballer: I'm listening

7/11: if that's all it takes to persuade you to live without wifi 

Good lord

Grandpa planet: as long as he's not doing drugs

Galactic baseballer: So about your boyfriend 

Grandpa planet muted Galactic baseballer 

Grandpa planet: Bedtime.

Now.

7/11: HE

HE JUST 

Resident Nerd: NOOOOOOO

Red mom: I love it here

Chapter Text

02:03 AM

Galactic baseballer: first night in pecan colony

Pecan....

Peacan?

7/11: Penacony

Galactic baseballer: THANK YOU

anyways

I got threatened by a twink

Resident Nerd: suddenly I'm wide awake

Ok

PARDON 

Galactic baseballer: yeah some twink from the ipc was in my room

Threatened me???

And left after a purple lady showed up 

Red mom: AND YOU WERE GONNA MENTION THIS WHEN?

Galactic baseballer: probably after I explained how i went on the longest tour known to man kind 

Then got fucking Nerfed by a fake Sampo

7/11: im sorry but

Why would you wanna be HIM

Galactic baseballer: the same reason why you made Mr.Yang a lackey and gave him the worse voice acting possible 

7/11: I WAS SOLVING THE MYSTERY 

Galactic baseballer: girl

At this point the mystery here is why I ask YOU for advice

You choked on a cheeto and called it divine intervention 

7/11: SHUT UP

Resident Nerd: back to that twink...

19:44 PM

Galactic baseballer: MAN FUCK SOULGLAD

I JUST WANT A DR.PEPPER

7/11: How about a sprite cranberry 

Galactic baseballer: fuck you and your citrus berries 

I'm traumatized

Tired 

Confused as fuck 

And I want Dan Heng

Resident Nerd: Scale of one to ten

Galactic baseballer: I witnessed a murder 

Resident Nerd: .

I'm breaking into penacony

Grandpa planet: DO NOT

IM NOT GOING THROUGH ANOTHER EVENT WITH ONE OF MY SO CALLED CHILDREN BEING ARRESTED AGAIN 

KEEP YOUR ASS ON THAT TRAIN

Galactic baseballer: WAIT YOU CAN SWEAR?

Red mom: No Dan Hengs in penacony

Maybe if shit goes to hell then yeah 

But we're good for now

7/11: yeah totally

Cause traumatization is normal at this point right? 

Galactic baseballer: I think I can talk to cartoon characters 

7/11: Yeah nevwrmind

Dan Heng help

Resident Nerd: im coming

Grandpa planet: Sit down

Resident Nerd: I'm sitting

Galactic baseballer: Hey so like

Why does the twink know the stellaron is in me?

Resident Nerd: im breaking out of this train

Immediately 

Grandpa planet: I will have pompom put you in the time out car again

Resident Nerd: I sit out on one fucking trip

1

AND YOU BROKE MY BOYFRIEND 

Grandpa planet: that boy was broken when he joined the crew

This is NOT my fault

Galactic baseballer: fuck you Grandpa 

Grandpa planet: I'm gonna say it

Red mom: WELT NO

Grandpa planet: IM GONNA

7/11: man is welt Grandpa or our dad

Galactic baseballer: Yes

Resident Nerd: we could always

Make him a Grandpa

Like officially

Galactic baseballer: ha ha

WHAT

Grandpa planet: if you even breathe the same air as Caelus when we get back I'm sending you back to the Loufu 

Resident Nerd: i can't BREATHE?

Grandpa planet: stay away from my son

Galactic baseballer: damn my first dad

Time to add that to my list of parents along with the two moms 

7/11: Man i want a list of parents too

Galactic baseballer: Ya know

Yunli claims I'm your legal guardian 

And called you my child

7/11: does that make Dan Heng my dad too?

Resident Nerd: you are so fucking adopted

7/11: HELP????

Galactic baseballer: oh hey

That makes Welt a real Grandpa now

Grandpa planet: Himeko

Grab my cane

Red mom: LETS NOT

Grandpa planet: YOU CAN'T JUST ADOPT MARCH

Galactic baseballer: so what

You want us to do it the old fashioned way?

Grandpa planet: .

No.

Just

Whatever but she isn't allowed to call me Grandpa 

7/11: what about peepaw

Grandpa planet: March, do you wanna go back in the time out car?

7/11: no

Grandpa planet: Good

Now

Caelus

STOP GETTING DRAGGED INTO CRAZY SITUATIONS 

Galactic baseballer: YOU THINK I ASKED FOR THIS?

I WANNA GO HOME

Red mom: we can go home after we fix the problem 

Galactic baseballer: AHSJDHDJSAHJD

T^T

Dannyyyyy

Danny save me

Resident Nerd: I'm TRYING 

Grandpa planet: NO

STAY ON THE TRAIN

Resident Nerd: BUT MR.YANG

HE'S SENDING ME SAD CAT PHOTOS

Grandpa planet: THEN GROW A SPINE

Resident Nerd: I KNOW THE MAN WHO'S BODY SOUNDS LIKE A BOWL OF RICE KRISPIES AIN'T TELLING ME TO GROW A SPINE 

GO FIX YOURS 

Red mom: :0

7/11: ._.

Galactic baseballer: oh my god

Grandpa planet: Dan Heng

Resident Nerd: Mr.Yang

Grandpa planet: Go on

Resident Nerd: this train is a fucking prison

Galactic baseballer: DONT PUT HIM IN THE TIMEOUT CAR

7/11: DAN HENG NOOOOOOO

HIMEKO DO SOMETHING 

Red mom: let me think

No

We have a job to do

Dan Heng will be out of there way before we get back

Galactic baseballer: how rude

Oh shit

Hold on

I uhhh

I think I'm fucking bout to die

7/11: HUH

CAE

CAE?!

Red mom: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING 

Grandpa planet: I'll get him this time 

Chapter Text

22:10 PM

Galactic baseballer: Hey

Uh

Guys

7/11: Haaaaaai Cece

What's up 

Galactic baseballer: I

I think I'm concussed

Resident Nerd: Jesus CHRIST 

Are you alone???

Galactic baseballer: yes

No?

I think Mr.Yang is coming

Grandpa planet: i am

Stay put

Galactic baseballer: cool

Can I nap though this hurts and I'm eepy 

Resident Nerd: after a doctor looks at you

Galactic baseballer: awewwwwwwww

Fineeeee

:(((

Red mom: weren't you just with me and March 

How did you hurt your head?

Galactic baseballer: I was minding my business 

Suddenly 

Something dropped on my head????

And then I guess adrenaline wore off or something cause I made it my room i think

And now walking is a challenge

And Mr.yang said to get off so byeeeee

Resident Nerd: yeah 

Yeah he's definitely concussed

7/11: ill cuddle him for you bro

Resident Nerd: ill accept it this once

Cause I'm not there and GOD

DAMNIT 

Red mom: worrywart

Resident Nerd: HE'S CONCUSSED

Red mom: Dan Heng I watched you take down 7 enemies and rearrange the archives while concussed and puking

And Caelus literally has survived the most insane shit to man kind 

I think after proper medical attention he'll be fine

7/11: pause

DAN HENG WHAT

Resident Nerd: I

I was young

Red mom: THIS WAS LITERALLY 

A WEEK BEFORE CAELUS JOINED

Resident Nerd: .

Your coffee taste like the plague

Red mom: YOU SON OF A BITCH

Grandpa planet: minor concussion and I'm sitting with him in his room

Also

What in Aeons happened here

08:54 AM

Resident Nerd: i just got a gun pointed in my face by a robot cowboy? 

Galactic baseballer: Oh cool

I'm climbing walls and talking to dream God 

Wait

DID YOU SAY A GUN?

7/11: ROBOT COWBOY???

HELLO???

Resident Nerd: yeah

Yeah 

12:24 PM

Resident Nerd: Guess who came to penacony 

YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME 

Galactic baseballer: if you don't find me IMMEDIATELY 

Resident Nerd: I just sat down

I threw a dragon at mechanical God for you

Galactic baseballer: kiss me you nerd

Resident Nerd: March how do I respond to a challenge?

7/11: fuck it we ball

Go ball

Resident Nerd: ok 

Caelus prepare your last words

Galactic baseballer: what like 

Like I'm gonna die? 

I want affection not violence 

And

UH

UMMMM

7/11: So we all saw that

All of us?

Resident Nerd: I'll get my spear

02:19 AM

Red mom: Back on the train

Back on the train :>

I need a vacation so bad 

Grandpa planet: me too

Also

Where's Caelus?

7/11: Him and Dan Heng are cuddling in Dan Hengs room

Or at least they were before they fell asleep

They offered a cuddle pile but I decided sit in the tub with my inner thoughts

Grandpa planet: ...

Well

As long as its not drugs

So

How's things?

Red mom: Welt we all just fought mechanical God 

And threw a train at him

That was so fun

7/11: and we only lost track of Caelus like

6 Times?

That's less than last time 

Red mom: Yeah!

Wait no

We shouldn't loose him at all!

7/11: the struggles of him literally having a stellaron in his being

Grandpa planet: we should definitely find a way for people to stop finding out about that

Red mom: Oh after the IPC's resident twink said it on a jumbotron in dreamscape topia 

Grandpa planet: well

Yeah 

...

Nevermind 

7/11: man i wish the boys were up

I need advice 

Red mom: on?

7/11: Girls

Galactic baseballer: IM UP

7/11: WHY THE HELL

Galactic baseballer: oh I had to use the restroom and peaked at the phone

So

Girls?

7/11: How do i know if she's 

Ya know

Interested 

Galactic baseballer: the dots on her face are the lesbian flag baby 

She's down

7/11: I DIDNT SAY WHO

Galactic baseballer: ITS PAINFULLY OBVIOUS 

7/11: NUH UH

Grandpa planet: No I'm with Caelus on this one 

7/11: WAS I REALLY THAT BAD?

Galactic baseballer: remember me with Dan Heng?

Yeah

It's almost that level 

7/11: OH MY STARS

02:53 AM

Galactic baseballer: i reopened a museum

Caught ghost for clout 

And my tummy hurts 

7/11: Was this all today? 

Galactic baseballer: no

Ive had a busy week

Now

DAN

FUCKING 

HENG

Resident Nerd: present

Galactic baseballer: I love youuuu

♡♡♡♡♡

Resident Nerd: ...

♡♡♡♡♡♡?????

Galactic baseballer: Close enough 

I'm marrying him

Resident Nerd: I

OK

WOW

IM NOT COMPLAINING IM JUST FLABBERGASTED 

Grandpa planet: Off topic 

Remember the doll bomb incident 

Galactic baseballer: no

Because I dont fucking want to

7/11: you're just mad you only found like 5

Galactic baseballer: I WAS SOLO

EVERYONE ELSE HAD A TEAM

AND WHAT DID I HAVE?

ANXIETY 

Resident Nerd: if I had a nickel for everytime we almost died

I would've lost count

I need sleep

Caelus I need sleep

Galactic baseballer: Then sleep???

The fuck you want me to do?

Knock you out with my bat?

Resident Nerd: no

What the fuck

No

I

I want cuddles 

Why the hell was your first instinct to knock me out?

Galactic baseballer: Once Himeko knocked me out

I woke up in a dentist office 

Grandpa planet: YOU SAID YOU GOT HIM TO CHANGE HIS MIND

Red mom: I mean

Technically 

He did 

Grandpa planet: HIMEKO 

Red mom: cry about it

7/11: •○•

Who taught her that

Resident Nerd: probably Cae

Galactic baseballer: Ey its ya boi 

Word master 

...

Whyd they get quiet...

7/11: oh no are they actually fighting

Resident Nerd: im gonna hold your hand when I say this

Galactic baseballer: OH MY GOD THEY'RE FUCKING

Resident Nerd: I 

THEY

OK HOLD ON

7/11: FR?

DEADASS?

Galactic baseballer: Welt

Himeko 

If we're wrong

Silence me rn

7/11: he's still alive-

Resident Nerd: THERE'S NO POSSIBLE WAY

13:39 PM

Galactic baseballer: IF I EVER

AND I MEAN EVER

SEE ANOTHER MONKEY AGAIN

ITS FUCKING OVER

Resident Nerd: Never thought I'd say this but

I never wanna go to a school ever again 

My God 

That was awful 

7/11: yeah

But they were kinda cute

Galactic baseballer: Go float in space again you reject primogem

7/11: What the fuck is a primogem

Resident Nerd: Guys

7/11: Also it know the guy who got hit in the back of a head with a CHROMEBOOK charger ain't talking

Galactic baseballer: Go straighten your hair bitch

Bet it makes the roblox coil sound when it coils back

Girl your name is a DATE and its like August 

Flip the calendar 

Resident Nerd: OH MY GOD

7/11: Did you 

I know the trashcan enthusiast isn't talking

Galactic baseballer: Girl

You make me WISH I was a trashcan

7/11: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

Resident Nerd: GUYS

WTF

Galactic baseballer: Aw what's wrong baby need attention 

Resident Nerd: NO

MAYBE???

...

are you offering?

7/11: DAN HENG STOP SIMPING ON MAIN

Resident Nerd: SHUT UP

LET ME WIN MARCH

7/11: No

You literally let this man run rabid in the streets saying he needs enrichment

Galactic baseballer: imma enrich his ment

7/11: I BEG YOUR FINEST PARDON

Resident Nerd: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

MY WHAT

YOU WHAT

Galactic baseballer: Dan Heng

Do you know how to eat ice cream 

Resident Nerd: ._.

Perhaps?

Galactic baseballer: Good

Resident Nerd: Wait why

Why good

What is happening 

7/11: bro I'm scared for you

Resident Nerd: HUH

Galactic baseballer: yeah I've mcfucking had it 

Dan Heng come organize me like a bookcase

Resident Nerd: AHSIEBRKRHS9W9W9293J4RKEK

DGFC9DDJE RJCXJSJSHRHR

WHATTHEFUCKFHSSJSJRNT

7/11: Dan Heng unlocked key smash

Nice 

Also

PARDON

Galactic baseballer: Remember the Loufu 

Yeah

Yeaahhhhhh

What else them hands do

Resident Nerd: CAELUSEHDJDJDJDJ

7/11: ON MAIN?

FOR FREE?

Galactic baseballer: Its always free for Dan Heng

Resident Nerd: SHUT THE FUCK UP OR IM GONNA FUCKING THROW YOU

Galactic baseballer: Jokes on you I'm into that 

Resident Nerd: WHAT

noted

BUT WHAT

7/11: NOTED????

Resident Nerd: yeah

FUCKINAGDJRJEES

IM GONNA FUCKING KILL HIM

BYE

7/11: WHAT DID HE DO?????

Red mom: what in the world

Grandpa planet: what does any of that even mean

7/11: freak for freaks in the wild 

And Caelus is about to get cracked 

Grandpa planet: what?

What does that mean?

7/11: they're gonna 

Uh

Do the do

The nasty

The deed

Horizontal tango

Grandpa planet: THATS ENOUGH 

Red mom: LMAO 

Chapter Text

01:19 AM

Resident Nerd: MY BOYFRIEND TOLD ME TO BITE HIM????

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO

Galactic baseballer: Bite me

Resident Nerd: NO

SIT YOUR FREAKY ASS THE FUCK BACK DOWN

Galactic baseballer: No

Resident Nerd: scuse me

Galactic baseballer: no but cutely

7/11: AJDJFLDNELDJFKDKDMDKCKF

YOU CANT JUST

Galactic baseballer: I just fucking did

Now Danny

Resident Nerd: I WILL NOT 

BE NORMAL

Galactic baseballer: Will that make me a good boy?

Resident Nerd: I

I JUST

CAELUS

Galactic baseballer: hehe

7/11: Once again I say Caelus should go on birth control 

For the sake of humanity 

Galactic baseballer: Jokes on you 

Im pretty sure the stellaron would completely nuke anything in my body

7/11: Terrifying

Effective

But terrifying 

09:52 AM

Galactic baseballer added Sunday to group

Galactic baseballer changed Sunday's nickname to "Resident Bird"

Galactic baseballer: :3

Resident Bird: Why Bird?

Resident Nerd: why is he a resident too

Galactic baseballer: Dan Heng

You dont even like that you're resident nerd

Why you salty

Resident Nerd: I am not

7/11: Yes you are broski 

Galactic baseballer: give me 2 minutes 

Resident Bird: is that good or bad?

I'm new to this...

Resident Nerd: stay new

Grandpa planet: Dan Heng

Be nice

Resident Nerd: Mr.Yang

No

Galactic baseballer changed 5 nicknames

Galactic baseballer: Werk 

Danny boy: Ah

Damn you

Snowflake: YIPPEEE

IM AN ACTUAL NICKNAME HE CALLS ME LETS GO

Birdie: You talk to Gallagher dont you

Galactic baseballer: weekly yes

Birdie: Stop it

Galactic baseballer: Lol no

Mom 1: Caelus...

Father: I

It's just

Ok

Why are you like this?

Galactic baseballer: Would you rather be a Grandpa? 

I can work on that 

Father: NO THE FUCK YOU WILL NOT 

Danny boy: hold on

We all have permissions here right?

Danny boy changed one nickname 

Danny boy: :>

Starry: YOU

YOU MOTHER FUCKER

Danny boy: I love you my star

Starry: IM SENDING YOU BACK TO THE LOUFU 

Danny boy: cool

Im dragging you back with me 

Starry: HUH

Snowflake: IM SORRY LOL

THIS WENT FROM "AWWWWW" TO

AHDKDKSMSKDDMD

Birdie: congratulations on your marriage I guess?

Starry: I know Gallagher gave you that hickey

Birdie: SHUSH

Father: YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH A BLOOD HOUND?

Birdie: How many people have YOU slept with Mr.Yang?

How many notches are on your belt huh?

How many have taken you under the sheets?

How many have YOU taken under instead?

Leave my... extracurricular activities alone

Father: I

Ok I'm taking in a lot here

Birdie: Not the first time you've said that 

Father: PARDON ME?

Mom 1: OH MY GOD

LOL

Starry: he's here for like 6 minutes 

Already called my dad a whore

Father: I AM NOT

Snowflake: Didn't you and Ms Himeko bone the other week?

Danny boy: :0

Starry: and then there's you and coffin guy

And not to mention you're old

You could've had bitches back then 

You old bisexual crisis 

Danny boy: BISEXUAL CRISIS 

Snowflake: That could sum up this group 

But I'm a lesbian

Dan Heng is so fucking gay they could make a novel out of it

Danny boy: I am?

Not sure my boyfriend agrees with that

Starry: Its the fact that you fumbled that

Danny boy: if you can agree to let it go I'll bite you

Starry: What do you think I am? A cheap whore?

You can't sway me with that

Danny boy: ill buy you 7 plushies

Starry: ...

Tempting but no

Danny boy: open the door

Starry: WHY?

WAIT

I

IM NOT FALLING FOR THIS 

Danny boy: Baby please 

Starry: Thats right beg

Now shut up I wanna share memes

Danny boy: THE DUALITY OF IT WHAT THE HELL

Snowflake: Had me in the first half not gonna lie ajkdkdkd

Birdie: The way he responded with it so easily 

Makes it clear that this happens a lot

Danny boy: Meaning what

Birdie: nothing...

Bottom

Now who said that?

Danny boy: I AM NOT

Starry: No comment

Danny boy: DONT START THAT BULLSHIT 

DEFEND ME

Starry: oh ok

So do I just air out everything rn

Danny boy: NEVER FUCKING MIND 

GOD

Snowflake: the fuck kind of freakery yall doing

Starry: Dont worry about it virgin

Snowflake: rude

Wait

AM I REALLY THE ONLY VIRGIN HERE?

Starry: just shoot your shot 

Snowflake: im so not talking about this while her BROTHER is here

Birdie: one moment

Ok

You're dating my sister? 

Snowflake: kinda???

It's a slow and safe process 

Birdie: Ok I can respect that 

But just know that she never shut up about you

Snowflake: oh!

Birdie: slow and steady wins the race and all but

If I see either of you pining one more time

Starry: Can't we say the same about you and Gallagher?

Birdie: SHUT UP

AEONS

Starry: just say fuck

Birdie: I WOULD NEVER

Starry: Sunday

Lemme tell you like this

Trans to trans communications 

SAY IT

Birdie: I SHALL NOT 

TRANS TO TRANS COMMUNICATIONS?

Father: There's a Trans pin on your bag...

Birdie: Outed by my own accessories drat 

Pardon my language 

Danny boy: didn't you just

Call Mr.Yang a whore not that long ago

Drat isn't much

Birdie: I shall never stoop so low as to speak in that chaotic form of which you converse in

Starry: oh dont worry 

Ill corrupt you soon

So about you and Gallagher

Birdie: SILENCE

I WILL RECREATE THE CHARMONY FESTIVAL 

Danny boy: Damn he's down bad

Snowflake: Confess your sins holy boy

Birdie: Ive seen the amount of Robin memorabilia you have

One Pic and its over 

Snowflake: .

Fine you win

Starry: No i do

So feathers

Your boy toy has reached out to me

With explicit details

Birdie: Oh too bad I can't just

Do this 

Dan Heng do the thing 

Danny boy: Oh ok

Caelus

Starry: ????

Danny boy: Be a good boy

Starry: I

WAIT A MINUTE 

Snowflake: OOP

Starry: I

WHY DOES HE KNOW

Birdie: Two can play at your treacherous game baseball boy

Starry: is this kink shaming?

Birdie: Oh you're probably into that too

Starry: I BEG YOUR PARDON

Birdie: Get on your knees first

Starry: HOLYFUCJUNGEGSJSNFNF

MY GOD

Danny boy: He's learned all your tricks oh no 

Snowflake: COULDN'T WE TEACH HIM SOMETHING NORMAL 

Father: I'm so tired of reading stuff here

Just so tired

Mom 1: lol

20:26 PM

Starry: OH MY AEONS

OH GOD

DAD

DAD

DAD DAD DAD DAD DAD DAD

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

MR.YANG

Father: good lord Caelus what?

Starry sent one image 

Starry: IS THIS YOU????

Father: where did you find that

Genuinely asking

Snowflake: YOU WERE AN IDOL?

Danny boy: FORGET THAT PART

YOU WORE A DRESS?

Mom 1: soooooo making this my wallpaper

Father: DO NOT

Mom 1: already done :3

Suffer

Father: so you've chose violence

Caelus

Starry: yessir 

Father: Himeko and Kafka 

Last night 

Starry: I FUCKING KNEW IT

Mom 1: SNITCH

Father: I ain't going down alone

Birdie: Kafka...

As in...

The stellaron hunter?

Mom 1: I won't judge you fucking the bar tender if you leave me alone with my taste in women

Birdie: Deal

Danny boy: So

You're fucking a hunter?

Mom 1: isn't your previous incarnation literally the ex of one of the hunters

Sit down and file data dragon boy

Danny boy: Yeah ok

Im so fucking your son now 

Mom 1: EXCUSE ME

Danny boy: Can't hear you

Bout to make you a grandma out of spite

AND GIVING YOU A SON IN LAW

Mom 1: DAN HENG

Father: Please let him be joking

I swear on my fucking cane

Snowflake: why the cane?

Father: March

Don't ask questions im not answering 

Birdie: They got quiet....

Father: NO

NOT LIKE THIS

DAMNIT

Snowflake: Cae is on birth control 

It's a new development but

That's something right?

If they are fucking to begin with 

Birdie: Oh they totally are

I sent Caelus a meme and didn't respond

He always responds to memes

Especially since he's teaching them to me

Father: Im too young to be a grandparent 

Snowflake: How old are you 

Father: Old enough 

Mom 1: 67

Father: THATS SO WRONG THAT IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY

67?!

HIMEKO WHY 

Mom 1: you're getting me shamed for eating pussy

Suffer

Father: ...

Im deleting the messaging app from my phone

Snowflake: cause of pussy?

Cause I can quote Caelus on some shit rn

For example 

"Baby oil implies that they got the oil from a baby, and they put it back on babies, making it a never ending cycle of babies"

Father: So this is what a stroke feels like

Ok

Birdie: Was

Was he like this before the stellaron?

Snowflake: No one knows

That's the thing

Mom 1: probably for the best

Maybe 

So

Might as well join the chaos 

I'm betting for a grandson

Father: And im betting you lose a battle with the void

Mom 1: What

Father: :>

Nothing

Mom 1: ....

Riiiiight

Snowflake: AHDJFJADJKDDKSS

Chapter Text

09:31 AM

Starry: imma be real with y'all 

The fact that I gotta look up at my boyfriend now

Fills me with rage only cause it hurts my neck if I look too long

Birdie: step stool

Snowflake: make him get on his knees

Starry: I

Wait a fucking minute 

I CANT JUST CASUALLY ASK HIM TO DROP TO HIS KNEES MARCH

Snowflake: You could ask that man to jump into a sea of pudding

And he'd gladly do it

He's a simp Caelus 

Danny boy: No one asked you

Snowflake: I asked myself

Danny boy: I liked you better when all you did was spam emojis and snort glitter 

Snowflake: I liked you better when you were just a human encyclopedia 

Dan Heng: WELL TECHNICALLY YOU DIDN'T KNOW ME THEN NOW DID YOU

Snowflake: How the fuck do you think memory regaining works Lizard skin

Starry: Anyways

Oh m gee

I wanna make star shaped cookies

Snowflake: OK that actually sounds nice

May I witnessed this

Starry: YEAH!

You can eat some too :3

Snowflake: See

See he's nice

Why can't you be nice

Danny boy: Caelus has seen so many people transform before

Not to mention he just went through so much shit on that planet

I don't think you turning emo is a big change for him

Snowflake: IM NOT EMO

Danny boy: Hard-core emo bro

And the fuck is the umbrella for?

Snowflake: Asthetics

Birdie: Maybe she burns easy in the sun

She was in some sort of ice coma for gods knows how long

Snowflake: Yeah

Jeez Dan Heng

Danny boy: anyways

Cookies?

Starry: would you....

Like a cookie...?

Danny boy: .

Im gonna fucking marry you

Starry: I 

OK?

BUT DO YOU WANT A COOKIE???

Danny boy: YES I WANT A COOKIE

BUT I WANT YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE RN

Starry: This is a strangely aggressive proposal 

Snowflake: if you say no you're a pussy

Starry: WHAT ARE YOU THE WINGMAN?

Snowflake: Caelus if you don't marry this man

Starry: I never said I wouldn't 

Danny boy: LETS FUCKING GO

YEAAAAAAAH

Birdie: ive never seen him so...

Excited

Starry: I have

Kinda

Actually 

Nevermind 

Birdie: Boy

Starry: hehe

Snowflake: Oh wait 

Cae what were you gonna ask me?

Starry: OH SHIT RIGHT

Maybe sunny can help too

So how late is too late?

Snowflake: As in showing up on time?

Mail carriers?

Text sending?

Using veggies?

Starry: Period

Snowflake: .

Cae

Cece

Caelus

Bestie

Sweetie

How late are we talking here?

Birdie: Like a few days?

A week?

Starry: 2 months

I didn't exactly have stable hormone usage during all that time loop cycle bullshit I 

I cant explain it without a headache 

Snowflake: So its been two months?

Does it come regularly?

Starry: Define regularly 

Birdie: Like once a month

Starry: oh!

Yeah usually

But I remember the first time it skipped a month sometimes

Snowflake: And this time?

Starry: seems to be regularly 

Birdie: ...

Cae

Buddy

When's the last time you and Dan Heng were intimate 

Starry: Thats 

That's not something I think I want in the group chat especially after discussing periods

Snowflake: Its normal

Now

When's the last time you boned

Birdie: Good lord

Starry: ummmmm

It's been a while 

No one really gets freaky after the shit we've been through 

Birdie: So what was it like

Before the cycle thing?

Starry: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Yeah?????

I think

Wait 

Like 3 months ago

Birdie: .

Are you still on contraceptives?

Starry: Timeline cycle bullshit Sunny

Do you THINK

IM STILL ON THE PILL

Birdie: Oh gods

Starry: What

Snowflake: Caelus

You know the birds and the bees right

Starry: yeah why

What does this have to do with animals?

Snowflake: ...

Birdie: im gonna hold your hand while I say this 

You might be pregnant 

Starry: no

Birdie: THE FUCK YOU MEAN NO?

Starry: fact number 1

STELLARON 

Fact number B

Dan Heng is from a long life species that resurrects or whatever and is infertile 

Two wrongs dont make a right

Snowflake: yeah

Yeah ok

But factor in said stellaron 

And everything that happened in Amphoreus

Starry: ...

That can't

It wouldn't 

THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY

Snowflake: LISTEN 

IT COULD

Birdie: call it divine intervention in a way

Starry: FUCK THAT

Mom 1: so what exactly is happening

Snowflake: He's pregnant 

Starry: I AM NOT 

I think

Mom 1: you THINK?

Starry: I'M NOT

Father: Im sorry what

Starry: LOOK

ITS PROBABLY NOTHING

MAYBE I'M LATE CAUSE OF THE TIMELINE CYCLE THING

OR ITS THE HRT

MAYBE ITS NOTHING

DAN HENG LITERALLY COMES FROM INFERTILE DRAGON PEOPLE WHO HATCH FROM EGGS FOR FUCKS SAKE

Danny boy: Yeah im caught up now

Also

HUH

Starry: im not pregnant 

It's literally not possible

Everything is good and fine in the astral express so let's just

Make cookies

Snowflake: But do you want cookies cause of fhr shape or cause of the baby

Starry: shape

THERE IS NO BABY

SHUT UP

Danny boy: Mr.Yang

Father: Dan Heng

Danny boy: How high is too high for blood pressure?

Father: ...

What numbers?

Danny boy: It gave me an error message

Father: fuck

Im gonna go fix Dan Heng

Birdie: I'll help!

Mom 1: you broke Dan Heng

Starry: ITS NOT MY FAULT???

THEYRE TALKING POSSIBILITIES THAT AREN'T POSSIBLE

Snowflake: if you're pregnant you owe me boba

Starry: IM LITERALLY NOT

MARCHIE PLEASE

Snowflake: we'll see about that stellaron boy 

Starry: STOPPPPPP

OHNMYGOD

IM NOT STRESSING ABOUT THIS I JUST WANNA MAKE COOKIES

Mom 1: wait

Does this mean that you finally got back from gods knows where

And the first thing you did

WAS HAVE SEX?

Starry: I'M NOT ANSWERING THAT

Snowflake: we should get a test

Starry: you should learn what sunscreen is you vampire wanna be

Snowflake: I really hope you are knocked up now 

Just out of pure spite

Starry: BITCH

Mom 1: Oh my lord 

Chapter Text

21:06 PM

Father: Hello my wonderful astral express family

Mom 1: who gave him shrooms? 

Father: shush 

How we doing today?

Starry: Nauseous 

Father: When's the last time you ate?

Starry: um

Like 

breakfast

Father: Go eat

Starry: No ill puke

Snowflake: Just puke first 

Starry: That doesnt

that doesn't help 

Why would that help

Who hurt you

Snowflake: :3

On a scale of one to ten

Starry: Imma get back to you on that

Snowflake: Oh he's so not ok 

Can we rule out food poisoning we all ate the same stuff

Mom 1: Yeah we did

Maybe its a bug

He does rummage in trashcans when bored

Birdie: At least he's not abusing substances 

Danny boy: Just say drugs bro

Birdie: You told me to and I quote 

"Make like a real bird and run into a glass door"

I am not your bro

Father: YOU TOLD HIM WHAT

APOLOGIZE 

Danny boy: OH

BUT WHEN I GET CALLED AN EXTRA LONG LIZARD THATS OK?

Father: Well

He's got a point 

Danny boy: Im so voting to put you in a retirement home

The one without cable 

Father: WHAT?

WHY SPECIFICALLY NO CABLE?

Danny boy: because I hate you rn

Mom 1: Do we check on Cae now 

It's been a minute 

Starry: im alive btw 

Mom 1: oh yay

Starry: I feel like shit

Snowflake: wait....

Remember that one time the like other week

When we discussed something 

Starry: get to the point Pinkie 

Snowflake: 1 fuck you

2 you should really get a test

Starry: THIS SHIT AGAIN 

Snowflake: You just puked

And doesn't Mem have like an extra sense or something 

Starry: MEANING????

Snowflake: ask her how many humans are in the room 

Starry: she said 2

Snowflake: Now who's in the room 

Starry: me

OH

OHMYFUCKINGGODWAIT

WAIT 

Birdie: DID

DID IT JUST CLICK?

Starry: FUCK

FUCK FUCK FICK FUCK

DAN HENG

Danny boy: sup cutie

Starry: My room NOW

Danny boy: ok

Wait why i wasn't paying attention 

Snowflake: The signs point to y'all breaking the laws of biology 

And creating new life

Danny boy: PARDON

Snowflake: yeah

Birdie: run

Father: WHY DID I JUST SEE DAN HENG BOOK IT DOWN THE HALL?

Snowflake: Cae is preggers

Father: Repeat that slowly

Mom 1: didn't we just talk about this a week ago? 

Father: We did?????

Birdie: Mr Yang

Do you have memory issues?

Father: im not against putting you in a cage bird boy 

Birdie: kinky

Father: EXCUSE ME

Snowflake: AHSJDHDKSSHDKDNFKDKDNDNDMD

SNDKFKZSKDKF

IM WHEEZING OMG

Mom 1: well he into older men....

Birdie: Dont slander me

Your promiscuous evenings are with a wanted criminal 

Mom 1: And im coparenting too

Snowflake: SO YOU ARE DIVORCED 

Birdie: WAIT 

SHE'S SLEEPING WITH HER EX?

Father: im getting the popcorn

Mom 1: ITS NOT LIKE THAT

WE JUST

fuck

AND GO ABOUT OUR BUSINESS 

Snowflake: YOU HAVE A SITUATIONSHIP

WITH YOUR EX WIFE?????

AND Y'ALL COPARENT CAELUS

A GROWN ASS MAN BTW

Mom 1: Girl you were found in ice

In space 

Don't start with me

Snowflake: at least my lesbian escapades are with my girlfriend 

Mom 1: I will fuck your dad

Snowflake: you already did

Now is that also just a fuck and leave it alone

Or is there foreplay here

Father: I left for 3 minutes 

3

Why am I dragged back into this 

Snowflake: did you or did you not fuck Himeko 

Father: Well hi March good to see you too

Also it was ONE TIME

Birdie: ITS LIKE WATCHING MAURY

Snowflake: YALL

YALL

IN OUR TRAIN?

Father: oh please

The boys clearly do it everywhere and the train

Starry: hey so fuck you 

Mom 1: hi Cae

Starry: dont start

I can read 

What the FUCK

Birdie: Good job

Now

Spill

Starry: spill?

Snowflake: Where's Dan Heng?

Danny boy: Dissociating 

do we have a panic room?

Father: Why do you need a panic room?

Danny boy: To panic in

Mom 1: Why?

Starry: it was positive 

Danny boy: IT WAS FUCKING POSITIVE 

Snowflake: Bronya owes me so much money

Starry: WHAT THE FUCK MARCH

Birdie: Congratulations!

How do you feel?

Danny boy: So many things

Starry: like shit 

Danny boy: i can fix that

Starry: YOU DID IT 

Danny boy: ...

But I can fix it

Snowflake: AGDJKSKSKD

CAELUS LET HIM TRY

Starry: Tomorrow 

Im processing how so much shit happened in Amphoreus that now I'm knocked up

.

Oh god is our kid gonna have a tail?

Danny boy: We'll find out eventually 

Starry: DAN HENG I SWEAR TO GOD

Danny boy: LOOK IT COULD HAPPEN

IT COULD NOT 

IDK

Starry: im gonna birth a lizard....

Danny boy: DONT CALL THEM A LIZARD 

Snowflake: could be worse

It could be an egg

Starry: yeah no

Fuck this

We're going to the Loufu ASAP

I AINT LAYING SHIT 

Danny boy: Caelus

Starry: DAN HENG I SWEAR IF ITS AN EGG I'M LEAVING YOU BACK IN THE SHACKLING PRISON 

Danny boy: Jesus 

CHRIST

22:39 PM

Danny boy: It has legs

I'm not going to jail chat

Snowflake: aw damn I wanted to use your mug shot as a reaction Pic

Danny boy: Hey so fuck you

Birdie: Im just imaging Caelus telling them to see if its a round shape or something that looks like an alien

Danny boy: Very much an alien

Starry: Yeah and you put it there you alien

Snowflake: CAN WE PLEASE CALL THEM ALIEN JR

Starry: I will force feed you your camera

Snowflake: its that or gecko 

Starry: thats actually kinda cute

Danny boy: OVER MY DEAD BODY 

Starry: Too late 

We're only referring to the baby as gecko

Also HOW AM I ALMOST 3 MONTHS PREGNANT I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS

"Based on size you're ten weeks along"

BITCH I FOUND OUT LIKE 4 HOURS AGO

Snowflake: AHSKFHDKSJDKKKDKD

CAE T^T

Starry: Anyways 

Who wants pictures of baby gecko 

Snowflake: MEEEEE

ME ME ME ME ME ME

Starry sent one image

Snowflake: look at that extraterrestrial thing

Just growning

Birdie: Looks just like Dan Heng

Danny boy: im taking you to KFC

Starry: OH MY GOD

Snowflake: THATS

DAN HENG YOU CANT SAY THAT

Danny boy: YOU'RE CALLING MY UNBORN CHILD A GECKO

SHUT UP

Starry: we could get them a lizard onesie too

With a tail incase they don't have one

Danny boy: I love you

I really do

But shut up

Starry: Dan Heng

If the baby has a tail

You will sing nasty dancer for me

Danny boy: And if they don't?

Starry: I won't get the onesie

But I will still get them a toy lizard

Danny boy: fair

Annoying

But fair 

Starry: ok im gonna nap till tomorrow 

Father: buddy that's called going to bed

Starry: I said what I said old man

Mom 1: Im still betting on a boy 

Starry: I dont care what It is

As long as they're healthy and don't actually look like an alien

Danny boy: Is it bad if I vote girl to join the Lols

Starry: No

Gives diversity though

Have fun

Im going to sleep

Actually

Dan heng is coming with me

I need a pillow

Danny boy: Just ask me to cuddle you

Starry: No that's gay

Danny boy: WE'RE DATING????

WE'RE HAVING A BABY???

WHEN WAS IT NOT GAY?????

Snowflake: real

Mom 1: AHDKDKDKDKDK

HELLP???

Birdie: lol

Chapter Text

17:39 PM

Starry: So i sneezed right 

Dan Heng starts acting like im dieing

Danny boy: Nuh uh

Starry: THE FUCK YOU MEAN NUH UH

YOU LITERALLY HELD ME FOR 20 MINUTES THINKING IT WAS SOMETHING SERIOUS 

I SNEEZED BRO

Danny bro: my child is in your uterus

Don't fucking call me bro

Starry: then don't freak out when I sneeze

Danny boy: ITS NOT MY FAULT

ITS GENETICS 

Birdie: worse excuses ever 2025

Part 1

Danny boy: OK BUT IT LITERALLY IS

Snowflake: If you get worried over a sneeze

What happens if he just changes his breathing pattern

Danny boy: I check to make sure he's still breathing then look away

Starry: back the fuck up

You WHAT

Danny boy: Caelus ive done that since we fought cocolia 

Starry: HUH

Danny boy: YOU WERE STABBED

Starry: Not the first time its happened

Well in that context yeah it is 

Danny boy: im sorry

There's been OTHER TIMES?

Starry: ...

Do dreamscapes count?

Birdie: WHO STABBED YOU IN A DREAMSCAPE???

Starry: Acheron

Birdie: WHY?

Father: She

WHAT

THIS WOULD'VE CHANGED A LOT HOLD ON

SHE STABBED YOU?

Starry: more like slashing

In a dream btw

Father: DOESN'T MATTER

Starry: i mean

Once I wasnt paying attention and almost ran myself over with a cement orb

Snowflake: ...

How are YOU who they chose to save a planet

Multiple times 

Danny boy: Caelus

If you even think about walking off this train

Starry: HEY I'M MUCH MORE CAREFUL AND RESPONSIBLE NOW 

It happens when stuck in a back n forth fuck fest of a planets past and present for so

Fucking

LONG

Snowflake: did you age during that?

Caelus: I

Did I?

Birdie: How old were you when you went to Amphoreus 

Caelus: 23

Birdie: How old are you now? 

Caelus: ...

23?????

Birdie: he didn't 

Snowflake: Abdkdbfkdjdkdkdkdjfkf

Caelus: wait March...

You

How old are you then

Snowflake: old enough 

Birdie: mood

Snowflake: wait a damn

Dan Heng

You're 

You're a long life species....

Danny boy: Im so NOT getting into this with you of all people 

Starry: then tell me

How old are you?

Danny boy: Does the Amphoreus cycles count?

Starry: not at this point

Danny boy: 30

Starry: EX FUCKING SCUSE ME

Snowflake: I EXPECTED 25

THE FUCK YOU MEAN 30

Wait

Does this include that you were reborn or whatever?

Danny boy: ...

Starry: Dan Heng

Danny boy: by that logic I'm like

330

Starry: WHAT

Birdie: and what if we count that stuff in Amphoreus 

Danny boy: Oh then I am 25....

.... 250-

Starry: YOU'RE TECHNICALLY 250 YEARS OLD?

Birdie: Is that even possible?

Danny boy: my species lives to be 700

Yes its possible

Starry: my fucking head hurts

We're just telling people he's 25

Snowflake: idk

The changes of stress from Amphoreus kinda aged his face a little

He looks 30

Danny boy: Fuck you

Snowflake: :3

Starry: i dating an older man wowza

Danny boy: shut that shit down right the fuck now

Or im putting every freaky thing you're into on blast

Starry: OK DAMN

WHO HURT YOU?

Danny boy: YOU ALREADY KNOW

Starry: JESUS

Danny boy: g o d s

So

Who likes rocks?

Starry: You are so on the spectrum 

Danny boy: CAELUS

I WILL DIVORCE YOU IN THE SIMS

Starry: DONT YOU DARE

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WORK I PUT INTO THAT WEDDING AND OUR HOUSE

INTO MY FUCKING GARDEN

Danny boy: THEN LEAVE ME ALONE

SHIT

Birdie: Is y'alls kink like rage baiting or something 

Danny boy: Im gonna drop you out of a window and see if you fly

Starry: DAN HENG

Birdie: Thats not

Oh my lord

Snowflake: AHDJDHDKDJDJXJFKD

Starry: Danny its ok

We both know we're not into rage baiting

Danny boy: UghhHHhhhh

Stfu

Starry: LMAO

Oh I know what we could talk about

Gecko is about the size of an apple now

Snowflake: awwww

Ahsjdjdj baby apple

Starry: BABY APPLE T0T

Birdie: do we get pictures of baby apple?

Starry sent one image

Snowflake: Its always fun to look at cause that looks like some mysterious creature 

Just vibing in there

Starry: They can vibe as long as they let me BUTTON MY FUCKING PANTS

I HATE THIS

Snowflake: wear them lower

Starry: no ill look stupid

Danny boy: I think you'll look beautiful 

Starry: Dan Heng

If you so much as breathe near me I'm punching you 

Danny boy: I SAID SORRY

Starry: IDC

YOU CALLED ME A MARSHMALLOW 

Snowflake: I CHLMRD

FHOCKE

CHOKED

MY GOD

I CHOKED ON MY BOBA AAAAAAHDJFDKSKS

Birdie: I CAN'T 

A MARSHMALLOW???

Danny boy: they're also soft and warm....

Starry: Fuck you

I had abs before this 

Snowflake: No you didn't 

Starry: fuck off virgin 

Snowflake: No

Now im coming to your room to see the bump caused by baby apple

Starry: 1 no

2 What are we just calling them baby apple now?

Danny boy: I perfer that over gecko

Starry: werid how you're texting from your phone

But reading from mine

Danny boy: YOU'RE LAYING ON ME

ITS THE SAME GROUP CHAT 

BABY LEAVE ME ALONE

Starry: shut up before I turn around and kiss all over your stupid face

With lipstick 

Danny boy: THATS A THREAT?

HOW IS THAT A THREAT?

PLEASE DO

Snowflake: SIMP

Danny boy: SHUT UP

I NEED THIS 

Birdie: if he doesn't get kisses he'll die March 

Do you want Dan Heng to die

Snowflake: Yes

Cause he gave me a dictionary after he said he went to a GIFT SHOP

Birdie: ...

I

I can't allow this but

Oh what's that word

Mom 1: damn

Birdie: Ah yes thank you 

Snowflake: if you dont swear....

What do you say while Gallagher's blowing your back out?

Birdie: ...

Excuse me

Snowflake: Like

Like when you're at the good part

What happens

Do you say like "oh great heavens" or something like that

Mom 1: AHDKDJDKDD

MARCH DON'T ASK HIM THAT

Snowflake: IM SO CURIOUS

Mom 1: YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS SISTER 

Snowflake: ive heard her say shit once

Birdie: LIES

Snowflake: I SAID ONCE

anyways

Cece where are youuuuuuuu

Starry sent one image

Starry: Busy making art

Snowflake: OH MY GOD HE DID IT

WHAT DID YOU DO HE LOOKS OUT OF IT 

Birdie: That smile says it all

He DID need that 

Snowflake: MAKE IT YOUR WALLPAPER

Starry: ALREADY ON IT GIRL

Snowflake: the next time he uses your phone and sees it ahdkdjdkdkdkf

Starry: AHAHAHAHAHAHSHDHJDJS

Chapter Text

14:14 PM

Snowflake: Caelus

What position did you get knocked up in?

Starry: AJDKFJDKDKDKFKFD

IM SO NOT ANSWERING THAT 

Danny boy: he was upside down

Snowflake: I BEG YOUR PARDON

Starry: DAN HENG STOP SPREADING MISINFORMATION 

JEEZ

.

It wasn't that extravagant?

Snowflake: YOU GOT PREGNANT DOING MISSIONARY???

Starry: WE DIDNT SEE EACH OTHER FOR MULTIPLE CYCLES MARCH 

THE REUNION SEX WASNT FREAKY OR KINKY 

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

Birdie: so yall can be normal 

Is what im hearing

Starry: I will ask Gallagher your favorite position rn

Don't test me

Danny boy: I feel like these conversations prove that we're way too comfortable and trusting with each other

And are in a constant state of horny, confused, and tired

Snowflake: yeah....

Yeah

Guess we are

Especially Caelus

Starry: I GET PREGNANT ONE TIME

Birdie: WGDKFJSKDHKFJTSKDJD

Danny boy: ...

Star

Question 

Starry: hit me with that brain stimulation daddy

Danny boy: so

Oh my god stop

So

Snowflake: AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Birdie: BRAIN STIMULATION????

Starry: AHSKDJDKDJDDJDJSJD

Dan Heng go on

Danny boy: aghdkejf

So

Phainon right 

Starry: yeah?

Danny boy: anything about him change during those cycles?

Starry: besides the hot slightly naked transformation?

Danny boy: Yeah besides 

..

THE WHAT

Anyways 

So like

Was he

Was he in denial or anything?

Starry: Define denial 

Danny boy: woman

Starry: what

Danny boy: WOMAN

Starry: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?????

Danny boy: PHAINON IS A SHE NOW

Starry: like...

Like she came out?

Or universal distribution 

Danny boy: THE SECOND ONE

Starry: man you mean the universe could've gave me top surgery 

Snowflake: Aahsjjsgdkdn

CAELUS 

Starry: LISTEN

Anyways 

PHAINONS A WOMAN????

Danny boy: YEAH?????

IDK WHY HE

THEY

SHE

UGHSHDKDKSJFKFKF

MY BRAIN HURTSSSSS

Starry: how did you even discover this

Danny boy: her and Mydeimos were aggressively making out 

Starry: I FUCKING KNEW IT

THEY WERE WAY TOO BISEXUAL TO NOT BE FUCKING

Danny boy: WHAT KIND OF LOGIC

Birdie: what is this Glee now? 

Snowflake: ain't no way in hell you watch glee

Willingly

Birdie: I do on occasion 

Leave me alone

Starry: you were so a musical theater kid

Birdie: and you were probably the kid who ate bugs and sand

Shush

Starry: Jokes on you i dont remember my child hood 

Snowflake: welp

Danny boy: so

So do we fix the gender change thing or

Or do we act like we've never seen a male Phainon before

Starry: second one for sure

Besides im pretty sure there is no fixing it

It is what it is

I say as I become more confused about Amphoreus 

Danny boy: mood

Im gonna go bash my head in now

Starry: DAN HENG NO

JUST CAUSE IT WORKS ON TVS DOESN'T MEAN IT'LL WORK ON YOU

Snowflake: Shake it like a maraca

Starry: NOOOOOOOOOOO

05:43 AM

Starry: Hey March

Does this mean Evernight is your government name?

Snowflake: its too early for this

Go think about how your boyfriend is 30

Danny boy: let's not

Starry: Remember 

Remember Sampo?

Snowflake: I remember that bad edible

Danny boy: I remember that he looks like he eats a snickers bar upside down to feel the veiny part on his tongue 

Starry: JESUS

Snowflake: AWHDJDHDJDHDJFJFFJFFFJFJF

LMAO WHAT

Danny boy: I dont like him

Also who has hip windows while living on a snow covered planet

Starry: This coming from the guy who has eyeliner on one eye

Danny boy: boy you literally have a strap with leash usage on your clothing

And a random ass pocket watch you never use 

Starry: you're just mad im hot

Danny boy: How

Can't be that mad

I got you pregnant 

Starry: ._.

Well

Yeah ok

Justlemmewin

Danny boy: AGAHDHDJDJD

Snowflake: These bitches gay good for them

Starry: ya know once I had a dream I had like a sister for some reason

Idk

When Clara calls me big brother its familiar 

Danny boy: Do you...

Have a sister????

Starry: No fucking clue

Then again I have a vivid memory of seeing someone with Kafka besides blade 

Thought I was going insane after the shackling prison

And then I woke up at home

Snowflake: ...

So

There's more than one of you allegedly 

Birdie: But

Would the sister also have a stellaron 

Starry: probably explains why Kafka kept her

Wait 

HIMEKO 

Mom 1: yes?

Starry: Do I have a sister yes or no

Mom 1: ...

Starry: OH MY GOD I DO????

Danny boy: THERE'S TWO AND WE ONLY GOT ONE?

Snowflake: man i could've not been the only girl

Rude

Mom 1: March

Snowflake: you're old You dont count

Father: you told them about Stelle?

Starry: YOU FUCKING KNEW

Father: Perhaps 

Danny boy: stepping in so Cae doesn't stress any further

Ok so

WHAT THE FUCK

Mom 1: ive literally been trying to get her since Jarlio-vi

Danny boy: WHAT YALL GOT A CUSTODY AGREEMENT OR SOMETHING?

Starry: is it cause Kafka does that whisper thing she uses on blade

Father: The what

Wait why would you know

Starry: Loufu 

Snowflake: wtf is your life bro

Starry: Ya know sometimes I have werid thoughts and instincts 

Danny boy: Oh my God you're twins 

Starry: No

Isn't the twin telepathy thing for identical twins?

Snowflake: Cae

You're trans

Starry: FUCK

SO MY TWIN IS WITH THE STELLARON HUNTERS?

Mom 1: WORKING ON IT

Snowflake: Man shit would've been easier with another member before Sunday 

Danny boy: real

Starry: I have a twin....

Birdie: Maybe this is a good thing

You'll have more biological family

Starry: Yeah but what if we have nothing in common 

Snowflake: the Stellaron hunters like stalk us or something 

And have been to every planet with us except Amphoreus right 

She'll understand some of it

Father: OK me and Himeko are going out

Sunday's in charge

Don't be stupid

Danny boy: but 

Why do we need someone in charge???

Birdie: why do I feel like "going out" is Mr Yang for "we're going to have a custody battle"

Snowflake: AHDJFHFOAKDKFJFKDKDKDM

Starry: yeah no

Im gonna sob horrifically in confusion now 

Danny boy: bout to break into that room and cuddle you till you find me so annoying 

Snowflake: wait cae you like worrying about other people as distractions right?

Starry: ???

Snowflake: Me and Robin

Tis over 

Starry: OMG NO

WHY

Danny boy: Its cause you're emo now isn't it

Snowflake: OK fuck you

Second apparently the personality i had before was more pleasing

That or she's so overwhelmed by everything that changed

But its not like

It got serious 

Idk

Starry: wanna judge how glee feels like a fever dream with crack

Snowflake: is this after Dan Heng cuddles you

Starry: yes only cause his tail might hit you

That thing has a mind of its own

Danny boy: dont talk about my tail

Starry: I could talk about so many things rn

2 things specifically 

Danny boy: Bed time

Snowflake: its 6 am

Danny boy: BED TIME

Birdie: AHSHDJDHDKDKDDD

Chapter Text

15:19 PM

Danny boy: ok so what's the verdict?

Are we keeping her?

And why don't we remember seeing two of them?

Snowflake: we almost blew up 

Went to another planet and treated like criminals 

Nearly died 

Saved a planet from liquidation 

Went to another planet

You went awol

Nearly died

Prison riot

Nearly died

Penacony 

NEARLY DIED

Murder case

Nearly died

"Thats not what God's supposed to look like"

Bar party

Ice coma

Amphoreus such

Memory revival

Oh yeah and NEARLY DIEING

SHIT HAPPENS

Danny boy: imma pretend I dont see the wall of text before me

So does mean we have two stellarons of do they have half the same one

Father: haven't exactly figured that out yet

Mom 1: despite not really remembering each other they clicked really fast....

It's terrifying 

Snowflake: oh no 

So she's just like him?

Birdie: they're twins March 7th

Snowflake: SO?

Starry added stelle to group

Starry changed stelle's nickname to Radioactive raccoon 

Radioactive raccoon: bro what the fuck

I dont deserve this T^T

Starry: Too bad

Anyways

Everyone meet Stelle 

Danny boy: how much does she know?

Radioactive raccoon: oh I know you boned my brother 

And knocked him up

You lizard

Danny boy: I dont like her

Radioactive raccoon: Calculated

Snowflake: She's funny

Can we keep her?

Radioactive raccoon: Please keep me

Totally not cause I wanna date the hot emo chick

Snowflake: AHDKFJDKDJDJFJDJD

Sup

Radioactive raccoon: sup

Starry: I have very conflicted feelings about this

Birdie: welcome Stelle 

At least we know she fits in with the group

Danny boy: Cause she's a lesbian?

Radioactive raccoon: AHDKDHDKXNDKRD

IS THAT LIKE A REQUIREMENT?

YOU CAN'T BE STRAIGHT?

Danny boy: no its just a very common occurrence here

To no one's surprise at all

Starry: Wait I wanna prove it's bullshit

Stelle what am I thinking rn

Radioactive raccoon: hmmmmmmmmmmm

That slumbernana monkey shouldve been thrown in a burning filling cabinet then launched at Mr.Reca

Starry: WAS THAT A GUESS?

Radioactive raccoon: WAIT I WAS RIGHT?

TWIN

Starry: TWIN

Danny boy: they're gonna be annoying now aren't they 

Starry: shut up or I'm naming our kid after Dan Feng

Danny boy: that's just wrong

So fucking wrong

Snowflake: ahdhfjsjddd

Anyways 

Stelle what's your favorite color?

Radioactive raccoon: Triangle 

You're really pretty 

Snowflake: AHAHAHAHDDHRJRNRKDD

CAELUS CAN I DATE YOUR SISTER 

Starry: she just met you 

And she's already rizzed you up?

Radioactive raccoon: bro help a sister out

Lemme hit that

Starry: YOU JUST MET

Snowflake: And

It took what

A month before you and Dan Heng boned

Starry: IT WAS LONGER THAN THAT JESUS

FINE

JUST DONT BE GAY IN FRONT OF ME

Radioactive raccoon: how you gonna be homophobic when you're dating a gay lizard 

Danny boy: I fucking hate it here

Snowflake: What are you gonna do

Cry to your boyfriend about it

Danny boy: well maybe I will

Caelus

Starry: Yeah just come here baby

Danny boy: :3

Birdie: I swear everytime someone acts gay here another star burns brighter 

Radioactive raccoon: so you're saying

The gays fuel the universe 

Birdie: probably 

Now I have things to attend to

Starry: like Gallagher?

Birdie: Ya know what

I hope your kid does have a tail

And that it hits you with it

CONSTANTLY 

Starry: :0

Danny boy: ever find it werid we dont use real emojis 

Snowflake: if I use one im making lesbians scissor 

Danny boy: March is now banned from show and tell

Radioactive raccoon: AGDKFHDLSJDJFDKFKF

Chapter Text

20:22 PM

Danny boy: So

I gave the general a mug that said "world's best grandpa on it"

Yes that's how I told him

HE CRIED

Starry: HE CRIED?!

Danny boy: HE CRIED

I

IT WAS TERRIFYING I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A THING 

Snowflake: AHSKDJDKDKDKDKDKDKD

12:15 PM

Danny boy: I got a text

It was from blade of all people 

He asked if I'm still gay

I asked if he was still alive 

Starry: YOU WHAT

Snowflake: you really went "imma make this personal"

Didn't you

Danny boy: not my fault

Also I thought I blocked him

How the fuck did he get my number 

Starry: silverwolf 

Danny boy: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Ok

Starry: wait

Why do you seem off today

Danny boy: Nyquil

Starry: Why are you taking nyquil

At 12 pm no less

Danny boy: Spicy cough 

Starry: so that's why you've been in your own room

Wait

YOU'RE SICK AND ON NYQUIL?

Danny boy: it taste like koolaid and batteries

Starry: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW WHAT BATTIERIES TASTE LIKE

Snowflake: AHSJDHDKDKMMDFMF

Danny boy: They crunch like metallic tic tacs

Starry: Bed

Danny boy: I am in bed

I am one with the bed

Man that bookshelf is DUSTY

Snowflake: LMFAO 

DAN HENG HOW MUCH DID YOU TAKE?

Danny boy: UMmMmMMM

Idk

Enough????

Starry: oh my gods

Is this like

Normal nyquil?

Danny boy: itsssss

It's the stuff

The stuffs with the uhhhh

No its not normal

Snowflake: AHDJFHDKJJDKDKDKD

DAN HENG JUST GET BETTER PLEASE

NYQUIL YOU AINT THE SAME

Danny boy: But its working

Cough no longer spicy 

But I think im glue to the floor???

It feels like floor

Starry: Jesus

CHRIST

Danny boy: Caelussssssss

Send me kisses I need more motivation 

Prove that you love me

Starry: I let you hit it raw

I'm literally pregnant rn

There's your proof

Snowflake: AGDKFHDKSNDHFJFJDHDFFBDD

FUCKING HELL

Danny boy: Chat 

My boyfriend doesn't love me anymore 

Starry: wow

Ok

Guess I don't then

Danny boy: NOOOOOOOO

CAELUS DON'T STOP LOVING MEEEEE

T^T

Starry: Danny 

Sweetie 

Maybe you should take a nap while the nyquil does its job

Danny boy: I'd rather have my balls chopped off and sold as mouse pads

Starry: What in Aeons did they do to you in that prison 

Danny boy: Rope bunny training with violence 

Starry: GO TO FUCKING SLEEP

OH MY GOD

Birdie: came on just to make sure I read that right

Oh my lord

Snowflake: AHSJDHDNDNSNDD

WAIT HE'S HIGH RN

ASKS WHATEVER YOU WANT

Birdie: Top or bottom

Danny boy: I ain't that high 

Snowflake: AJDJFJDKSKDKFF

Danny boy: Also both

Birdie: BOTH?!

Danny boy: I got my boyfriend pregnant first fact

Second

I do know how to bounce on it wild style

Starry: OK

THAT'S ENOUGH FROM DAN HENG TODAY 

Snowflake: NO ITS NOT 

GO BACK

YOU WHAT

Danny boy: Dan Fengs memories are good for something 

Starry: HUH

Snowflake: The real question 

We're you a virgin beforehand 

Danny boy: guess

Radioactive raccoon: I come back from helping Mr Wang 

Dragon dicks over here is high

Danny boy: too much accuracy in that 

Radioactive raccoon: PAUSE

Starry: NO

WE'RE NOT DISCUSSING GENITALIA IN CHAT

Snowflake: Im all for this actually

Starry: MARCH NO

Birdie: we're all adults here

But based on who's online and in the conversation 

There's only one penis here

Danny boy: So about that

Starry: DAN HENG I WILL BREAK UP WITH YOU AND RAISE OUR CHILD WITH TWO CHRISTMASES IF YOU SPEAK ANOTHER WORD 

Danny boy: ...

That

Wow

WOW

Snowflake: AHDJDHDKDJDJDJJFJFDJDJD

Radioactive raccoon: anyways

Cae how is baby apple

Starry: I'm 24 weeks

Apple is no longer accurate 

Little parasite is the size of corn

Snowflake: come on down

And buy some corn

Radioactive raccoon: or we will sacrifice your newborn

Snowflake: I love you

Radioactive raccoon: :3

Danny boy: He said If I "behave" I get to name the baby

Which honestly 

Sounds like a stack of bullshit in the summer heat

Cause I think he just doesn't wanna think of one

Starry: you're so damned convinced we're having a girl

Pick 

Have fun

Go wild

Danny boy: lemme write this down so I don't forget

Starry: while you're taking notes

Write down that you need to go shorter again 

Danny boy: I ain't adding that

I like my height advantage thank you very much

Snowflake: lmao

Birdie: Wait Dan Heng

Didn't you take that nyquil this morning?

Danny boy: Yeah 

And im feeling this shit wear off oh my god

UghhHHhhhh 

Starry: Welcome back to sobriety 

Danny boy: Welcome back to 

Shutting the fuck up

Starry: AHDJFJDKDKDKFKFK

Danny boy: its been 3 days someone nuke my immune system 

I wanna cuddle my boyfriend again 

Birdie: You could've just seen Lady Bailu instead of chugging nyquil

Danny boy: and you could fly if I dropped you from a high enough ledge

Shut up feather brain

Radioactive raccoon: Caelus

If Dan Heng bites the dust can I name your baby

Danny boy: Never been so motivated to live before

Radioactive raccoon: HEY I PICK GOOD NAMES 

Danny boy: YOU AND MARCH NAMED A TOMOGATCHI BONG WATER

STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER 

Snowflake: AHAHAHAHSSGSHFJFFJRJMF

Starry: BONG WATER???

Radioactive raccoon: its exotic 

Danny boy: it makes you sound psychotic 

Radioactive raccoon: listen here lizard skin

Danny boy: Denied

Im going to bed

Birdie: Rest well 

Danny boy: Yeah whatever Walmart Jesus 

Starry: AJSJDFJDNSJDJFMDKSJRJDJJDFF

Radioactive raccoon: LMFAO 

Snowflake: ASSGDGDVFBFHDJDDHDHD LOL

Chapter Text

15:20

Starry: Guys

What if my baby is ugly

Radioactive raccoon: from what I've learned aka reading all the books blade threw at my head 24/7

All babies just look ugly at first

The cuteness develops over time

Like you getting a better haircut 

Starry: I hate that you have more memories than me despite us both being raised and going through the same bullshit 

Radioactive raccoon: not my fault your stellaron came with a memory wipe glitch

Snowflake: In other news

I think after the general wrinkly potato moment 

They will be a very cute baby Cae

Starry: What if she's bald

Radioactive raccoon: you get her a hat

To keep her little head warm till the hair starts growing in

Babies just start out ugly and sometimes bald bro

It's like Pokémon 

Snowflake: imma stop you right there babe 

Pokémon?

Radioactive raccoon: some of them fuckers is UGLY

But over time and with evolutions

They're cute

Birdie: im starting to think she hasn't actually played Pokémon before

Radioactive raccoon: shush

Wait though I wanna know

What god tier birth control do you use

Birdie: long distance relationship 

Radioactive raccoon: I am so sorry

Birdie: dont be

Less to worry about

I'd rather be executed then pregnant 

Starry: Type shit 

I say suffering the consequences of my actions

Snowflake: AHDJFHDKSJRJFF

OH BUT

BUT

What if she looks like a little Dan Heng

Radioactive raccoon: Baby tail

Baby horns 

Starry: i would cry out of every emotion 

THATS SO CUTE 

Snowflake: so we're all just agreeing shes a she

Starry: I mean one day we'll be proven right or wrong

And ya know when older she could just change her pronouns 

Radioactive raccoon: Just like her father

Starry: I will send you back to Kafka

Snowflake: AHSJDHDJDJDJFKRNRJRJRJRJF

HELP????

Birdie: wait shes onto something 

Danny boy: Mr.Yang was giving me random old people advice right

Normal stuff I guess

He says "just don't do anything I wouldn't do"

Without hesitation I go

"But I plan on raising my kid Mr Yang"

Radioactive raccoon: YOU DID NOT

Snowflake: OH MY GOD

ITS NOT HIS FAULT HE ADOPTED THE TWINS AND HIMEKO AND KAFKA HAD A CUSTODY BATTLE

DAN HENG 

Danny boy: its been 7 hours tf do I do

Starry: cry about it

Danny boy: .

I thought you loved me

Starry: Your daughter rams her ass into my rib cage and spine

I only love you half today

Danny boy: it is what it is

Birdie: He says as he curls into a ball and sobs on the floor 

Danny boy: REAL

Mom 1: Hello everyone 

How's it going 

Radioactive raccoon: did you sleep with Kafka again

Mom 1: ....

I just got here 

Birdie: Answer the question Ms Himeko 

Mom 1: NO

I DIDN'T 

Starry: Right right

I hope you use protection 

Mom 1: How the fuck 

Caelus

We both have vaginas 

Radioactive raccoon: Anyone could get pregnant with a strong enough resolve 

Danny boy: That's awful

Starry: I dont want any other surprise siblings 

Stelle was enough 

Wait

STELLE WHAT

Radioactive raccoon: Hear me out

I will get March pregnant 

Snowflake: Take several steps back

Radioactive raccoon: whatever you want pretty lady

Danny boy: simp

Radioactive raccoon: keep testing me I will teach your daughter dumpster diving

Danny boy: Keep testing ME

I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT THESE HANDS DO

Radioactive raccoon: WHAT 

Danny boy: Ever seen a dragon nuke a building with water and a redbull

Radioactive raccoon: ...

No????

Danny boy: WOULD YOU LIKE TO?

Radioactive raccoon: NO??????????

Birdie: Im sorry 

Redbull?

Danny boy: ADHD 

Snowflake: there's no way you have that

Mom 1: I thought Caelus had ADHD

Starry: I do

Radioactive raccoon: me too

Mom 1: right

But I could've sword Dan Heng was on the spectrum 

Danny boy: Yes ma'am I am a little autistic 

But that's not the topic at hand

Starry: wait baby

Why were you drinking redbull?

Danny boy: Boothill gave me some

It taste Radioactive 

Starry: ...

So back to how you just have a completely different level of ADHD 

Danny boy: let's not

Instead

May I show you my rock collection 

Snowflake: Why rocks?

Danny boy: the shiny ones give my zen garden some zesty flair 

Starry: He's right

Tis a very zesty garden

Radioactive raccoon: So once he let's loose enough 

Dan Heng will just talk about his interests?

Danny boy: I also know how to take apart a computer monitor and resemble it

And how long it takes to dissolve a jaw breaker in sprite

Radioactive raccoon: ...

Which side of the spectrum are you?

Danny boy: probably all of them

Starry: What like its a Rubix cube

Danny boy: precisely 

Ok im gonna go reorganize the data bank again

Bye

Mom 1: I

Ok

So this is normal?

Starry: wait

Aren't both those things genetic?

Radioactive raccoon: You are going to have the world's awesomest kid 

Starry: AGDKDJSKAKSKFKFKDKD

Snowflake: the only way to look at it 

Birdie: Lol

Radioactive raccoon: and she'll be part dragon

She'll be unstoppable 

Mom 1: Sounds like they're just releasing a menace to society 

Starry: maybe I am

Maybe im not 

But I do know I really want a sandwich rn

So ill be back

Radioactive raccoon: real

Snowflake: Mr Yang handed me a bag of ice and told me it was a family reunion 

Mom 1: THAT AWFUL

Birdie: I

Jesus

Um

How did you respond?

Snowflake: I didn't 

Birdie: I would've asked him if he gave me a family reunion cause he can't have one with his family anymore 

You need a family to have a family reunion 

Mom 1: we are his family

Birdie: As i said

Snowflake: we're all just horrible people aren't we

Birdie: Baby I used to be on the other side of the confessions booth

Y'all are saints compared to those people

Mom 1: what's the worse thing you've heard?

Birdie: ha ha

Ahahhahahahaa

I'd rather relive the charmony festival 

Specifically the part where you hit me with that train

Snowflake: were there crimes?

Birdie: so many....

So

So

So many 

I might count as an accessory to murder in half of penacony 

Mom 1: amongst other things

Birdie: Next time I sleep with Gallagher I will convince him to make the most bitter drink humanly possible

Then name it after you 

Mom 1: bitch

Birdie: in the wise words of General Jing Yuan 

"Blow me"

Radioactive raccoon: AHAHAHWHWHAAAHAA

Starry: AGDKFJSKEHJTJTBTBFNDND

Father: STOP TEACHING HIM THINGS

Birdie: Stop being old

Father: I'm telling your sister about your premarital intercourse 

Birdie: Just say sex you nimrod

Father: you can't even swear

Birdie: And you can't touch your toes without breaking your back

Or was it Mr coffin man who did it last time

I wonder 

Father: im starting to agree with Dan Heng and the window 

Birdie: and im starting to wonder why you look like you read the instructions on shampoo everytime you wash your hair

And still do it wrong

Starry: :0

Is this what happened to Wonweek?

Snowflake: I love whatever energy this is

Birdie: its period cramp fueled rage

Radioactive raccoon: YES BITCH 

YEE FUCKING HAW

Danny boy: The fuck did I miss?

Starry: A lot

Snowflake: OH WAIT MR YANGS HERE

MR YANGGGGGGGGGGG

Father: yes?

Snowflake: when you stretch does your body sound like popcorn?

Danny boy: diabolical 

Starry: nah let her cook

11:58 AM

Starry: I wanna fuck up an avocado so bad

Radioactive raccoon: like...

Unseasoned???

Starry: Maybe 

Idk 

I just want one

Danny boy: just an avocado?

Starry: and fruit gummies 

Danny boy: k

Snowflake: the way he double checks before committing to the mission 

Birdie: you ever do unnecessary math after the fact

Radioactive raccoon: real

Like "why am I late"

Then the realization of im a lesbian 

Birdie: LMAO

Snowflake: we're just late to be late i guess ahdjdnd

Starry: lowkey wish I was a lesbian sometimes 

Radioactive raccoon: I feel like even as lesbians

Dan heng would still get you pregnant 

Starry: Oh wow

Wow

Ok

I guess 

Birdie: AHSKDJDDNJRRJFJFJFJF

Snowflake: Have we all had that moment when we out freaked someone?

Radioactive raccoon: I'd say we're evenly matched

Starry: I told him to use his tail 

Snowflake: I BEG YOUR FINEST PARDON 

Radioactive raccoon: USE IT HOW

WHAT'S GOING ON

Birdie: Caelus

THE TAIL????

Starry: LISTEN

Snowflake: Nah

Birdie: does this mean I'm normal once again?

Radioactive raccoon: depends 

What did you do

Birdie: bite him 

Snowflake: Bite him where....????

Birdie: .....

So anyways

Snowflake: NUH UH

BACK UP

Starry: The return of freak week

Birdie: STOP THAT 

Radioactive raccoon: Sunday if you swear will you die?

Birdie: NO??????

Radioactive raccoon: ok

Birdie: ???????

Starry: Danny brought me extra snacks i win

I love this man

Snowflake: marry him then

Starry: I fucking will you virgin 

Snowflake: LMAO

Radioactive raccoon: AGSJDHFJDEJJDJDJDJDD

Birdie: AGDBDBBDNDSJD

HELP????

Starry: :3

Chapter Text

18:34 PM

Danny boy: Ever feel easily convinced just remember 

Caelus got me to let him tie me up like some fuckass yaoi manga cover

By saying "I'll let you hit it from the back"

AND THIS WAS BEFORE PENACONY 

Snowflake: WILD

WAIT

YOU ACTUALLY DID IT

Danny boy: And I actually hit it to

So

Snowflake: You

Hold on

You 

Jesus

Starry: not my best moment ngl 

I could've wagered anything 

But alas

The horny

Radioactive raccoon: no wonder yall defied biology and you got pregnant 

Starry: AHSKDJDKDKDKSJ

The things I can blame being horny on are awful

Danny boy: watching my little pony

Every season

Because I couldn't just say

"I wanna eat that upside-down"

Starry: THATS WHY YOU WATCHED IT WITH ME?

WAIT

UPSIDE-DOWN?

Birdie: you sat through a cartoon marathon 

So you wouldn't go with your ungodly urges

Danny boy: LOOK

I

I HAD TO HAVE SELF CONTROL

AND CAE WAS OBLIVIOUS 

SO YEAH 

I WATCHED MY LITTLE PONY

Snowflake: how was it

Danny boy: shit was so ass

If I see another rainbow save the world I'm fucking going back to the shackling prison 

Fuck that

02:20 AM

Danny boy: Once upon a time

Caelus once prayed on my downfall 

Went back to sleep

How do I sleep after that

Snowflake: with one eye open 

Radioactive raccoon: FR

YOU GONNA DIE

Danny boy: Nah I'd win

Maybe

Actually

Ive seen what he can do with his bare hands

Im good

Birdie: BARE HANDS?

Danny boy: Give that man an oreo after dawn he will FIGHT GOD 

OR BECOME HIM

Snowflake: Once I saw him break someone's jaw with his knee and call it a jaw breaker

Birdie: AHAHAHFHWGRJF

im sorry

Im so

That's

Good lord

Radioactive raccoon: jaw breaker lmao

I mean 

Did he lie 

Danny boy: Watch this man say "no I don't think pigeons should vote"

PASSOUT

Get up and walk it off

Im worried about the gene pool situation here

Snowflake: im worried that my eyeliner is crooked 

Birdie: Caelus would tell you if he was up

Snowflake: Caelus would tell me if I looked like a busted up radiator 

Radioactive raccoon: My brother tells me I look like Why the song goes "no more monkey's jumping on the bed"

Danny boy: GIRL

Radioactive raccoon: AHSKDHDKSHSKNNDDN

Danny boy: DID YOU JUMP OFF SOMETHING 

WHAT'S GOING ON

Snowflake: youre the REASON?????

Birdie: My sister once told me I'm the reason they check if the wine isn't just koolaid

Radioactive raccoon: why the hell

How the

What has to happen 

That's so specific 

Danny boy: so instead of turning water into wine you make koolaid?

Birdie: GET THE FUCK OUT

Danny boy: I

YOU

HE SAID A BAD WORD

Snowflake: HE

OH MH GOD 

Radioactive raccoon: AND CAELUS MISSED IT 

Father: Why are you all still up?

Danny boy: SUNDAY SAID FUCK

Father: what

Snowflake: HE SAID FUCK 

9:04 AM

Starry: I missed everything 

Also

Y'ALL BROKE SUNDAY?

Radioactive raccoon: LMAO

Chapter Text

17:15 PM

Snowflake: its quiet

Too quiet 

Radioactive raccoon: Make noise then

Snowflake: gurl 

I know you didn't 

Radioactive raccoon: :3

Wait

Where's cae he's funny

Danny boy: sleeping

I think

He's in bed thats for sure

Birdie: is he ok?

Danny boy: Yeah

He's like 

Its like when animals make a nest 

And he's in like a blanket burrito 

Radioactive raccoon: so he's cozy

Good

Wait

Is this like dragon instincts cause you got him pregnant 

He's nesting 

Snowflake: literally 

Danny boy: Seems so

Ok he's poking his head out 

Snowflake: oh!

What does he have to say?

Danny boy: .

I'm not repeating those words

Birdie: O h

Two more weeks right?

Radioactive raccoon: Two more weeks till baby dragon!

Hype!

Snowflake: YEAHHHHH!

Then maybe he won't be so

Grumpy

But understandable so

Radioactive raccoon: yeah

Danny boy: sigh

Starry: you guys talk about me here?

Snowflake: CAE!

HAAAAAAI!

Starry: hi

:>

Radioactive raccoon: Yeah we do sometimes 

You're nesting

Starry: oh is that what we're calling the bed pile now

Ok

Danny boy: Well

Starry: no

Danny boy: . _.

I didn't even 

Starry: shush

Why be a nerd when you can cuddle me

Danny boy: I'll cuddle you regardless 

Starry: not the point

Snowflake: Y'all think I would be a cute vampire for Halloween 

Radioactive raccoon: oh the cutest!

Birdie: yes indeed 

Starry: you already look like one

Snowflake: :0

Rude

Starry: fuck

Am I missing Halloween this year?

Radioactive raccoon: Oh shit right

Youre gonna have a whole ass kid before the holiday even happens

We'll get you plenty of candy dw twin

Starry: aw thank you

Danny boy: I'll wear a costume for you

Starry: Moi?

I get to dress up the Dan Heng?

What an honor 

Danny boy: Nothing crazy 

Starry night: Can it be any gender style

Danny boy: I

You wanna put me in a women's costume?

Starry: Hear me out 

Mermaid Dan Heng 

Radioactive raccoon: DO IT

Snowflake: YEAH

HE'S ALREADY SO PRETTY 

HE COULD MAKE ANY COSTUME WORK 

Danny boy: WHY A MERMAID?

Starry: The color of your horns from inhibitor lunae 

Danny boy: I

Ok?

If thats really what you want then sure

Radioactive raccoon: When are Himeko and Mr yang coming back

Snowflake: probably tomorrow based on the time

Herta talks alot

Starry: I dont miss talking to her

At All

She wanted to scan me for science once 

Snowflake: She WHAT 

Birdie: Herta herta or the puppet

Danny boy: Yes 

Starry: hmmm

Would I like know if I going into labor right

Danny boy: ARE YOU????

Starry: No i don't think so

It hurt for like a second then went away

Birdie: has this happened before?

Starry: No

Birdie: then you're probably fine

Just keep track if it starts again

Starry: see Danny

I'm fine

Danny boy: Yeah sure

I'm leaving you alone at all today 

Starry: she's not coming for another 2 weeks

Calm

Danny boy: not all babies follow schedules

Snowflake: So incase she does decide she debuting early 

What's the game plan here

Besides already being at the Loufu 

Danny boy: Midwife

Bag

No panicking 

Unless deemed necessary 

Radioactive raccoon: what's necessary panicking 

Starry: like if someone explodes

That

Radioactive raccoon: ok but

In correlation with the baby spawning

Starry: Uhhhhhhh

Bleeding

Im unconscious 

Something feels off 

They say she's upside down

Shit like that

Snowflake: Did they ever figure out if she has a tail

Does that affect anything 

Starry: God I hope it doesn't 

It shouldn't 

I mean if they saw a tail they would've told us

Danny boy: unless they thought the tail was something else

And was like "oh ok"

Starry: WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE

LOOK AT YOU

Danny boy: :0

Fair enough 

Birdie: What if she actually comes out a dragon

Starry: can that 

Can that happen

Danny boy: NO

NO THAT CAN'T HAPPEN

SHE WILL HAVE HUMAN FEATURES CAELUS

IT'LL BE LIKE LOOKING AT ME

Snowflake: Sunday lowkey causing chaos

Radioactive raccoon: hskjsjdkdkdkd

But a literal baby dragon would be cool 

Danny boy: STOP

Starry: AHSKDJFJRRJNRRJ

Im not gonna have a lizard

Snowflake: Allegedly 

Starry: blocked

Snowflake: NOOOOOOOO

Radioactive raccoon: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHA

Birdie: LMAO

Danny boy: Serves her right

Starry: DAN HENG!

Danny boy: :>

Chapter Text

00:47 AM

Snowflake: ITS TOO DAMN QUIET ON THIS FUCKING TRAIN

Radioactive raccoon: girly pop 

Chill out

Snowflake: NO

MR YANG

I WANT VIOLENCE 

Father: And I want to fucking sleep without back pain that last all week

Suffer

Mom 1: Welt take some Tylenol goodness

Father: I have been 

Birdie: He's just old

Father: Grounded

Birdie: I'm too old for that

I'm damn near thirty 

Snowflake: THERE'S NO WAY

ARE YOU REALLY

Birdie: HOW OLD DID YOU THINK I WAS MARCH?

I'M A GROWN ASS MAN

Radioactive raccoon: AHAHEHRIDHDKDJDJFJD

WAIT WHERES CAE

CAE CAN MAKE NOISE

Snowflake: No fucking clue

Wait

@Danny boy

DAN HENG

Danny boy: You called

Well texted

Girl what the fuck do you want

Snowflake: Where the fuck have y'all been

I need fresh content

Mom 1: Like theyre not human beings

Radioactive raccoon: I think the only things that classify as human here are you and welt

Mom 1: Not the point

Danny boy: Oh right 

Snowflake: Oh right?

Right what?

Radioactive raccoon: LET HIM CATCH UP

Danny boy: has it just been that busy that y'all didn't notice that we weren't there for at least 10 hours

Father: I TOLD YOU MARCH WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE NOISE

Mom 1: ITS MARCH 

SHE ALSO SAID THE LACK OF GLITTER ON THE TRAIN WAS A CRIME AGAINST THE GALACTIC ALLIANCE 

Birdie: did she really 

Snowflake: AND I'D DO IT AGAIN

Radioactive raccoon: OMG

JUST

GET TO THE POINT IM SO LOST?

Danny boy sent one image

Danny boy: You already knew that its a girl so

Its a baby

Snowflake: AAHSOSHDKEHEIDJRKEKDDJD

OH MY GOOOOOOD

BAYBEH

Radioactive raccoon: DRAGON BABY

BABY TAIL

LITTLE HORNS

THE WHOLE SHABANG

WE WON

Birdie: Did Caelus's genes even fight

That baby looks like he copied Dan Heng in a printer 

Father: WAIT WHAT

Danny boy: in our defense we left in the middle of the night

And it was an after thought of "fuck maybe we should say something"

Didn't 

Baby arrived

And yeah

Mom 1: Can't believe the whole time March was acting as an anti Christ Caelus was having a whole damn baby

Snowflake: I WAS NOT AN ANTI CHRIST

Father: Oh so it was evernight?

Snowflake: no

Father: ಠ_ಠ

March 7th

Radioactive raccoon: still going over how thats your full ass name

Speaking of names

What did you name the spawnling 

Danny boy: never call my daughter that

Ever

Radioactive raccoon: ANSWER 

Danny boy: Damn ok

Ming-Yue

Snowflake: AW 

You so picked that

Danny boy: I

Shut up 

Radioactive raccoon: I still just find it EPIC AS BALLS

that my niece has a tail 

Starry: you would

Snowflake: YOU

HOW DARE YOU LIKE NOT TELL US???

Starry: I WAS LITERALLY 

IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING????

THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO TEXT MID PUSH?

Radioactive raccoon: Guess so

Starry: NAH

Could've sworn Dan Heng told someone though 

Danny boy: I was panicking 

So no

I did not

I barely remembered my own shoes Caelus

Snowflake: dude was locked in

Had a mission

Father: One main focus

He doesn't need shoes to be a father

Danny boy: But I legally need them to enter buildings

Can't get arrested while my daughter is entering the world thats just wrong 

I did hit my horns on the door frame though 

Starry: three times

Danny boy: I WAS ON A MISSION CAE 

Starry: THAT DOESNT CHANGE THAT YOU GOTTA DUCK FIRST 

Danny boy: Oh ok

Now I know

In a crisis 

DUCK

Snowflake: THE BABY WAS A CRISIS?

Danny boy: I DIDNT KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING MARCH

Well actually I did know

BUT AT THE SAME TIME I DIDN'T 

FUCKING WAKING UP AT THE ASS CRACK OF DAWN

CAELUS A BIT TOO CALMY IN A CHAIR IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM

"Yeah I think I'm in labor"

IT WAS 4 AM

Starry: never seen him get up so fast before too

Radioactive raccoon: AISJDHDKDJSKDJKDJDKD

CAE

Starry: No cause im like "yeah this might be it"

Dan Heng wakes up cause the man can't sleep through anything 

Looks at me

So yeah I tell him that

Dude shoots up like the cats in cartoons

Record speeds

Ever seen a dragon run like sonic the hedgehog 

I have

Birdie: HAKSHDKDJSKSJDJFFKFKFKFKFLFF

Y'ALL 

Mom 1: well you're both safe and sound

And the baby is healthy 

But the image of Dan Heng jumping out of bed

Danny boy: STOP

Starry: LMAO

Snowflake: I call dibs on holding the baby first btw

Radioactive raccoon: YOU CANT CALL DIBS ON A DAMN BABY

Starry: Yeah

Mr. Yang can go first

Father: :0

Really 

Danny boy: grandparental right 

Father: .

I knew I should've thrown you off the train that one time

Danny boy: BUT YA DIDN'T 

Starry: WAIT THAT WAS A REAL THREAT

DAD

YOU CAN'T DO THAT

Father: The dragon Caelus

THE DRAGON

Starry: he wasn't a dragon when I kissed him that first time I swear

Danny boy: I was after though 

Starry: he was

Danny boy: Indeed

Mom 1: oh good lord

Snowflake: Can't believe you had a whole baby

Starry: you think I can believe it

After it was said and done im like

"This didn't happen"

As im looking right at her

Radioactive raccoon: "Nah thats crazy" type moment 

Starry: Dan Heng ugly cried when he held her

Danny boy: I DID NOT

Starry: DID TOO

CAUSE SHE'S TINY

Danny boy: >:

Snowflake: AHSJFHDLDNDLDNFJFKDKDKD

Radioactive raccoon: LMAO