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Summary
He doesn’t think he’s got it wrong, his attraction to men, his attraction to Tommy, but he feels out of step. Sex has always been something he could rely on, he’s good at it, finding the point of compatibility with every one night stand, every long term relationship, but with Tommy something’s not quite clicking. If he’d realized sooner he would have more experience, could have gotten this fumbling uncertainty, this disconnect, out of his system with guys that don’t matter.
Buck spent a lot of time with desire in his early twenties, he knows passion and lust. He’s thought with his dick more than his head or his heart plenty and he's never claimed to be perfect, as often as a hookup used him he used them right back, for attention, distraction, a misplaced cure for loneliness; a bruise that feels too good to stop pressing down on.
But the thing he’s always craved, in a relationship, a partnership, is intimacy that allows for deeper connection. He still wants spontaneity, he still wants desire, and he didn’t think those things would have to be sacrificed for understanding and commitment.