Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You haven’t seen each other for almost six months, Jay, don’t you think it’s time to let it go?” 

“That’s easy for you to say,” Jay scoffed, sitting back in his chair, “Six months is nothing.”

“You’ve come to these sessions every week discussing only him, is there not something else that troubles you?” 

“Like what?”

“Like the loss of your friend?”

“...I don’t need to talk about that.”

The man opposite him hummed. Jay couldn’t quite tell if it was in disappointment or amusement, but whatever it was, Jay didn’t like it. These sessions were supposed to be about letting off some steam, right? So why was he being judged for it?

“Jay, this is my job. I can tell when someone is lying to me and when there’s something troubling them. We’ve been seeing each other for a while now, I’m pretty good at picking up on the fact there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Jay just shrugged, glancing down at his hands awkwardly.

“I am very aware that this love triangle fiasco has damaged you greatly, but you’re allowed to talk about more than just that. A lot has happened in the space of a few months.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Losing your friend, moving out of The Bounty, getting your own apartment and job. And not to mention the fact you haven’t been socialising with an-”

“Okay, damn, you don’t need to make me feel stupid.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do, Jay, you know that. I’m just telling you there’s so much more you can discuss. You don’t need to feel guilty about it.”

Jay sat in silence for a minute. 

His parents had thought it’d be a good idea to see a therapist after his separation from the team. He was very isolated and depressed, and his parents being helicopters around him only seemed to stress him out. It took a lot of convincing but he finally gave in to book one. He went once a week to see this man and all he’d done was tell him the exact things he already knew. But at least it was a good way to let out some of the annoyance he felt at some.. specific .. things that happened.

Those specific things always having something to do with the love triangle. It didn’t matter what it was, whether it was about Nya or Cole, or the media and those that spread ridiculous rumours, he’d talk about it for the full hour session. He knew his therapist was getting sick of it but he could handle everything else (he thought). He was just so pent up about this drama and how it was never resolved that he took this hour as a free rant session. That’s basically what it was, wasn’t it? 

It never resulted in any handy advice but at least his chest didn't feel so tight. 

“I don’t need to discuss anything else,” Jay shrugged, “the only thing that’s bothering me is what I’ve spoken about.”

His therapist sighed but he held somewhat of an amused chuckle. 

“Okay, then how about we try this a different way,” He suggested, “how about instead of letting out all your anger, we try to be nice about what we’re saying.”

Jay frowned, “Nice? Why would I be nice?”

“Well, you never know how other people feel. They could b-”

Jay scoffed, “As if I should care about how they feel, they’re the ones that went behind my back. And just for the record, I haven’t said anything mean about Nya.”

“And Cole?”

“Why should I be nice about that backstabbing, rock-hearted, assh-”

“Okay,” the therapist sat forward in his chair, “Let me explain. Getting out your anger is good, and I’m sure makes you feel better for a few minutes, but at the end of the day, it’s not helping you to move on. Choosing to be more toned with it, choosing to be nicer and more mature about your wording will help you to move on.”

“What if I don’t want to move on?”

“Now I know that’s a lie,” he waved a finger at his client, “You’re gonna have to learn to be nice and mature about it eventually because you can’t avoid these people for the rest of your life. You’ll see them again at some point, and the whole point of growing up is growing mature. Talking to people you don’t like professionally and-”

“I haven’t seen either of them in six months. I doubt I’ll ever see them.”

“That’s not how it wo-”

“Thanks for the advice but I think I’ll just stick to being mad.”

He was obviously going to take the advice, he wasn’t stupid, but he didn’t come here just to get better. He wasn’t ready to move on yet, to accept what happened and be nice about it. 

Besides, his therapist only knew so much. He saw Jay for one hour every week. If Jay was going to take solid advice from someone, it wouldn’t be from a middle-aged guy that claimed to know him despite seeing him for less than 1% of his life. 

Each week he left that room feeling no better than when he entered and he doubted that was ever gonna change. Today wasn’t any different. 

Jay pulled up his jacket’s hood and shoved one hand in his pocket as his other hand brought out his phone from his back pocket. He couldn’t wait to tell his parents about how another week had gone so great - though it obviously hadn’t.

It felt like he was lying to everyone in his life recently. 

Well, everyone except one person.

And that one person was exactly who he was expecting to see messages from as soon as he got his freedom. He couldn’t help but grin.

B: Shouldn’t have stayed up so late ugh I’m absolutely hanging.

B: Almost knocked someone out with an axe oops

B: Though I wouldn’t mind knocking you out with one

Jay rolled his eyes. He wasted no time in pressing the call button, putting the phone to his ear, and waiting for that ridiculously annoying voice to answer. 

Jay kept wandering down the street as he waited, passing multiple stores with magazines that plastered his face, along with a certain other two people, across the cover. He didn’t bother reading them. They were full of nonsense anyway.

“Hey Zaptrap.”

“You’d knock me out with an axe, huh?” Jay grinned, the hand in his pocket nervously twitching.

The person on the other end chuckled, “Any time.”

Jay didn’t say anything, just staring down at the slightly damp concrete as he walked. 

“So.. you’re free from your meeting?”

“I wouldn't call it a meeting,” Jay shrugged, “more of a prison.”

“You’re still telling him you hate me?”

“I do hate you.”

“Uh huh… and that’s why we call every day?”

“Hey, you’re the one that calls me . I don’t want to talk to you.”

“ You literally just called me . From your phone.”

“Sure, blame the victim, whatever,” Jay replied playfully, “Anyway, what are you up to, boulderbrain?”

“Just almost knocking people out with my axe, nothing new,” he chuckled, “Okay, on a serious note, I’m just chopping down trees.”

“So.. still nothing new then?”

“Nope.”

“Doesn’t it get boring out there?”

“I guess,” he hummed, “The guys here are nice but.. I don’t know, I don’t really get along with them. They’re a lot older than me so I can’t join them with their pub dates or whatever in the evenings. I kinda just stay home and watch TV.”

“Pub dates?” Jay questioned with a smirk, “and… do you watch anything specific?”

“I’ve gotten used to referring to their little meet-ups as dates because they’re heavily homophobic. I know it’d piss them off,” he responded playfully, “And to answer your question about TV, I’m sure you already know the answer.”

“Was last night’s episode good?”

“Surely you’d know, wouldn’t you?”

“Not really,” Jay bit his lip slightly.

“You don’t watch your own show?”

“I’d cringe.”

“Fair enough. You are pretty cringe.”

“Sorry I didn’t hear that,” Jay smirked, “You said I was pretty?”

“Cringe. I said you were pretty cringe.”

“Not what I heard.”

“Must’ve been the awful signal out here.”

“Well maybe you need to be somewhere with better signal.”

He hummed but the longing in it drove Jay crazy. The two remained in silence for a minute, Jay continuing to strut through the city streets, avoiding eye contact with everyone that passed him. He tended to hide under his hood as best as possible. The last thing he wanted was someone coming up to him and asking questions about a certain drama. It was weird how popular his show had become and yet nobody seemed to ask about that. 

“I’m… actually gonna be in the city tomorrow afternoon.”

Jay almost tripped over his own feet at that. He stopped in the middle of the street, his chest tight for a second.

“You are?”

“Mhm.”

“Why?”

“Just running some errands. Thinking about grabbing a coffee too.”

“Oh, cool. With.. anyone specific or..?”

“I know what you’re asking.”

“Do you?”

“I’m not meeting up with anyone,” he told Jay, “but I could.”

“Oh?”

“Depends who is free. But if you happen to know anyone with a free afternoon tomorrow, let them know I’ll be at the coffee shop just round the corner from the theatre.”

“What time?”

“2?”

“Cool. I’ll… let someone know.”

“I’ve gotta go, my break’s about to end, but talk soon, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Jay’s response was somewhat breathy.

And with that, they hung up.

It wasn’t that Jay was specifically lying to his therapist about not seeing Cole, because technically he hadn’t seen him in six months, but it was more the fact Jay was just lying to himself. He knew what his therapist would say anyway. He’d judge and tell Jay it wasn’t healthy, or that the two needed to make up and discuss what happened. That’s the last thing the two would do, even if they were somewhat getting along.

It hadn’t always been like this.

For months, Jay hadn’t spoken to any of the ex ninja. Lloyd had been to check on Jay a few times but it never lasted more than five minutes, plus it was awkward. Kai hadn’t responded to any texts not long after the team split so Jay gave up trying. Jay absolutely hated Cole’s guts for months, dreading the day he’d ever see him again.

And then one day, Cole texted to ask for a favour. It was only something small, Jay could barely even remember what it was for. But after that, more texts just so happened to be exchanged for various reasons. A few favours and random questions turned into full blown conversations.

Just over a month ago, Jay had accidentally butt dialed Cole. Cole had called back to make sure everything was okay and they stayed up all night talking on the phone.

Then it became a daily thing.

The two never discussed what happened with the love triangle. They never apologised to one another. It was almost like it never happened, well besides from their bickering which more turned into jokes. Though It felt natural now instead of just bitter. 

It was nice to talk with someone and that’s the only reason Jay didn’t cut him off. That was the only reason he didn’t mention it to his therapist. He knew it wasn’t healthy. But he could forget about everything for a moment and just talk to a friend, right? If they could even consider themselves friends..

This was the next big step though. Talking to one another on the phone was one thing but meeting up after half a year? It would be awkward, wouldn’t it? And what if they got spotted together? They were already all over the news, he really didn’t want people to be talking about them as if they were rekindling their friendship. They weren’t. They just didn’t want to be lonely. 

And certainly the last thing he wanted was for his therapist to find out Jay had been lying for who knows how long through the media. Jay would eventually tell him the truth. Eventually .

Jay headed straight home. He had a performance practice tomorrow morning but he finished at lunch, which would give him enough time to head home and change into something that wasn’t so obviously him. He hoped Cole would follow suit too.

It must be difficult for Cole though. As far as Jay knew, this was the first time he was gonna be back in the city since Zane’s funeral. It was no wonder he seemed to want company, even if it was from his supposed worst enemy. 

They didn’t really feel like worst enemies anymore though. But they certainly weren’t best buddies. Not while Jay had something to say about it.

  ✧°˖ . ݁˖︵‿❀‿︵˖ . ݁˖°✧

The practice seemed to go by so slowly. Jay checked the time every few minutes and he swore the world wasn’t spinning at all. He’d have to be reminded to focus every now and then, no thanks to his distracted mind.

He hadn’t heard from Cole all night - not that Jay bothered to text. It was odd for them. They were usually so talkative in the evenings. Jay would lay awake until late texting Cole, even if he swore to hate it. It was nice to have someone to talk to, to not have to worry about finding people to socialise with elsewhere. 

If he told anyone that - Cole or his therapist - they’d tell him he had a whole cast and crew around him. It was much more difficult than they’d think though. Not a single person in this company liked Jay. They talked about him behind his back regarding the love triangle rumours, even if they didn’t know Jay at all. Sure, he was all smiles and rainbows on stage and when they were live on air, but deep down he knew he didn’t belong in that building. He knew everyone was so harsh on him because of what they thought.

Somehow it made talking to Cole feel freeing. 

How pathetic was that? 

As soon as Jay got home though, back to his not so comforting flat, he flopped straight onto his bed. He had to fight with himself to take a power nap. He needed to be prepared for this meet with Cole. It’d take a lot of energy out of him, he was sure, and there was no doubt he’d feel at least a little trapped. After all, the last time he’d actually seen Cole face to face, they’d been arguing.

Arguing because Cole had gone behind his best friend’s back to try to be with his best friend’s girlfriend. 

Jay hoped they wouldn’t discuss it. They never had. If there was anything he wished they’d discuss without any awkwardness, it would be anything about Zane. Everyone in Jay’s life that actually spoke to him never dared to bring up their lost friend, probably in fear of hurting Jay’s feelings. In reality, it hurt more knowing everyone was walking on egg shells around him.

He wanted to talk about Zane so badly. He hated feeling like he was gone and forgotten. 

Jay threw on a grey hoodie and a pair of black cargos as well as his signature converse and headed out early in hopes of taking a slow walk. He couldn’t wait around in his flat, it was driving him crazy.

As he walked through the streets, his hood up and hands shoved in his pockets, he thought about how things had changed. This time last year, he would’ve been with the team on the Destiny’s Bounty, probably training. He sure missed them. 

But things wouldn’t be the same even if they tried to make them be. 

Part of him wanted to turn around and skip this little meeting, but he knew it would do him some good. He knew Cole probably needed it too. Besides, the weather was actually good today. Perhaps the two could go for a walk instead of sitting inside all afternoon.

If they were gonna be together all afternoon. Jay wasn’t assuming that, of course. Nor did he want that. Obviously..

When he arrived at the coffee shop, it was semi-busy. There were a few tables free, but not many. Jay had gotten there early so maybe he could just get a drink, grab a table, and wait nervously on his own. He could picture the scene in his head. A cute cold drink sitting on the table while he sat awkwardly with his hood up, bouncing his leg out of fright.

Realistically, things would be fine, he knew that, but there was something so nerve-wracking about it. What if the dynamic they’d built over the last few months would completely crumble the second they saw each other? What if they went back to fighting again? The last few months had felt so relieving.

Jay sighed, standing patiently in the queue to get his usual - a chocolate brownie frappe. He tapped his foot nervously and bit his lip slightly until it was his turn to order. As he was ordering, he felt his phone buzz. Part of him feared it was Cole cancelling, but in reality he knew it was probably just something like he was running late.

As he stepped to the side to wait for his drink, he finally checked his phone.

B: Turn around

Jay blinked, at first too afraid to turn. It only took a moment for him to do as he was told though, his gaze following around the cafe in confusion.

But there, right in the back corner by the window, was someone dressed in a jacket and beanie, secretively waving right at him. Jay felt his heart twitch, his stomach flutter, and all he could do was smile.

He was smiling at Cole . That had to be a first in a long time. 

He turned back around with a nervous smile as he waited for his drink to be ready. Once it was, he headed straight over to the table, making sure not to make eye contact with anyone. The closer he approached the master of earth, the more nervous he became.

But, surprisingly, it wasn’t a scared kind of nervous.

“Hey,” was all Cole said, greeting him with a warm smile.

“Hi,” Jay responded quietly, placing his drink on the table.

Cole instantly got up from his seat, startling Jay a little. 

“Are you still a hugger?” Cole asked.

Jay was taken back by the question, not because he didn’t expect it, but because Cole wasn’t even nervous. It was like no time had passed, like nothing bad had ever happened between them. It was like two best friends that’d been separated finally reuniting. Jay didn’t know whether it was a good or bad thing.

But for now, he could pretend like nothing had changed. 

“Depends if you’re gonna stab me in the back or not,” Jay gave a playful smirk.

“Funny,” Cole jokingly rolled his eyes before wrapping his arms around Jay.

Jay melted into the hug. It was the first hug he’d had in a while, or maybe just the first human contact he’d really had in six months. It was weird, but oh so comforting. Especially from someone he once considered his best friend. It just made it all the more special.

The hug didn’t last very long though. As much as Jay claimed to still dislike Cole to some extent, all he wanted was to hug longer. Was that weird? This was probably the first time they’d ever hugged too.

Hopefully nobody in the cafe spotted them or had noticed who they were just yet. The awkwardness of finding themselves hugging all over the news and in the media with the captions ‘Jay and Cole made up!!’ or ‘Rivalry over?’ made Jay feel nauseous, so hopefully their disguises were good enough. Well, Jay hadn’t even noticed that Cole had been in here prior to the text. 

Cole sat back down in his seat, Jay sitting opposite him. They didn’t look at each other at first. Jay took a sip of his drink while Cole pulled his coffee closer to him. It still looked hot so perhaps he hadn’t been waiting long.

“So… how’ve you been?” Cole asked.

Jay glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow, still sipping his frappe.

Cole looked away nervously, chuckling at the same time, “I know we’ve been talking for months but we need a proper catchup, y’know?”

Jay thought deeply about what to say as he swallowed his drink. There was so much he could say. Cole knew the basics - the stuff about having a TV show, living in the city - but there were so much deeper things Jay could discuss. But would it be weird to bring all of that up right now? Just as they were meeting for the first time in half a year? Surely they’d want it to be lighthearted, right?

And that’s why Jay ultimately decided to lie.

“I’ve been good,” Jay shrugged awkwardly, “Just the same old stuff. Work. Sleep. More work.”

Cole chuckled, looking down at his drink, “I know that all too well.”

“You do?”

Cole nodded, “I don’t really have much time for anything besides work and sleep. I’m living with my dad, as you know, so I’ve gotta drive all the way from home to the forest, and vice versa every day. It’s a pain but it was really the only place that would hire me.”

“How come?”

“I don’t know, probably because I’m too young or whatever and there’s not many job opportunities around in my area,” Cole explained but he seemed dismissive, “But anyway, how’s the show? When do you start filming for the new series?”

Jay let out a small sigh before glancing down at his drink, “Saturday.”

“That sounds fun.”

“I guess.”

“What?” Cole frowned, “You don’t like it?”

Jay shrugged, “It was fun at first but I guess it grew repetitive. But it pays well so I can’t really complain.”

“Must be fun to be on TV most nights.”

Jay raised an eyebrow at him, “ Fun ?”

Cole nodded before taking a sip of his coffee. Jay followed suit, taking a sip of his frappe. He stared down at the table, trying not to seem too awkward because he could feel Cole’s eyes on him like a hawk. 

Under any other circumstance, Jay would reply with something snarky, or perhaps mention how the both of them were already on TV most nights being talked about like the drama was some huge celebrity scandal, but this was supposed to be a nice meeting. This was supposed to be a refresh. Besides, Jay didn’t feel like getting into that conversation right now. All he’d done for the last half a year was think about it. Think about what happened, how everything went down, and read what the media were saying about them. He wanted a moment of peace. 

It was funny how he was getting that moment of peace with Cole of all people. Maybe he should be more grateful.

“How’re your parents?” Cole asked out of the blue.

Jay glanced up at him again as he gently placed his frappe back on the table. 

It was odd how Cole was being so nice. He shouldn’t be too surprised, the two had been talking for months now and hadn’t argued once, but this meet up was going much smoother than expected. Jay had fully prepared himself for them to argue or bicker about something stupid, one of them storms home, and they never talk again. It’d be on brand for them. But this was going… well? Cole genuinely seemed really interested to talk to Jay, which was weird because this time six months ago, Cole would’ve sworn he hated Jay’s guts and wanted him dead.

“They’re good,” Jay responded quietly, “I don’t see them very often because of how busy I am with the show and stuff but I call them every few days.”

“Hm, in between calling me?”

“Shut up.”

Cole chuckled, glancing out the window at someone walking past, “I’m glad you keep in good contact with your parents though. They’re good people.”

Jay frowned.

This was really out of the ordinary for Cole. Maybe he'd just changed in the last few months, but surely Jay would’ve picked up on that over the phone, right? Cole seemed so comfortable here, almost like he was talking to someone he’d known his whole life. Jay didn’t know whether to be flattered or scared. Cole was never usually this calm. 

Maybe they were both suffering with loneliness more than they thought. After all, Cole had said that he didn’t spend a lot of time with the guys at work. 

Perhaps Jay was being a bit too harsh on Cole. He claimed they weren’t friends, that they still hated each other, but there had been no examples of that over the last few months. Cole had been nothing but respectful and kind, as had Jay. The least he could do was properly open up.

It seemed they both needed it.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” Jay asked.

Cole quickly looked to him, his brows furrowed.

“We could go for a walk?”

“..Sure.”

Chapter Text

“This was a much better idea,” Cole hummed, “It’s so much quieter out here.”

“It’s one of my favourite places,” Jay smiled, running his fingers along the frame of the bridge, “The only people around usually just mind their business. It’s weird considering it’s in the middle of the city. You’d think it’d be busier.”

Cole nodded, “Especially when it’s as nice as this.”

When the two left the coffee shop, Jay had led the way down a few streets and into a small park. Jay had started coming here most mornings to wake himself up, start his day off with something nice, a few months ago. It became something to help him escape the cruelty of the world, help him escape his own mind most days. Maybe it was a stupid idea to bring Cole to his safest space but it was the first thing he thought of when he wanted to get away from the people around them. 

It wasn’t like anyone had noticed them. He was pretty certain nobody recognised them together yet but he didn’t want to take any chances. This was supposed to be a sort of catch up. The last thing they needed was any interruptions.

It was only a small park, nothing ultimately special, but it had a lot of trees for shelter and many flower patches. The benches sat across from a small pond that was home to a family of ducks and Jay liked to come here to feed the squirrels too. It was a little safe haven.

Now maybe it could be Cole’s safe haven too.

Jay gripped onto the frame of the bridge that towered over the pond. He turned himself to look over at the ducks. Cole quickly caught on and stood beside him, drinking the last of his coffee. They stood in silence for a minute, happily watching the ducks swim. It was calming.

“So.. are you gonna be honest about the show?” Cole spoke out of the blue, almost startling Jay.

The lightning master looked at him with a puzzled frown. Cole didn’t need to look at him to know what expression he was giving.

“Considering you’re the host of one of the biggest game shows in Ninjago right now, you don’t seem too happy about it,” Cole added, finally glancing at Jay, “How come?”

Maybe it was the right setting now, somewhere calm and quiet, and as much as Jay would love to get some things off his chest, he couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time. And besides, he felt pathetic. He couldn’t tell Cole about how everyone around him hated him. He couldn’t tell Cole about how he didn’t see his parents often because he thought they felt the same way. 

“It’s complicated,” Jay looked back at the pond.

“If it makes you feel better, I’m not a fan of my job either,” Cole shrugged, “Jobs in general suck. And if we’re talking about things being repetitive, try chopping logs all day every day.”

“Right,” Jay sighed, “Sorry.”

“Why are you apologising?” Cole frowned, “I was just trying to relate to you.”

“I don’t know,” Jay leaned properly against the bridge, his brows slightly furrowed, “I’m not awake enough to be honest.”

“Didn’t sleep well?” 

“Something like that.”

The two remained in silence for a few minutes. And weirdly, it was some kind of comforting silence. Jay usually found silence uncomfortable and nerving, leading to him awkwardly filling in the silence, but this time felt different. He was somewhat relaxed. Maybe it was just because he hadn’t been in the proper presence of anyone that wasn’t a coworker for a while. He was just enjoying the company.

But he knew it wouldn’t last long. This was probably the first time in a while they’d be able to do this. To meet up and just hang out. They were both busy, worked on different days, and Jay’s job was often unpredictable. He should make the most of it.

So he sucked in a cool breath, blinked a few times to get him in the right head space, and turned to Cole with a bright smile.

“If we head further down, the ducks might come up to us,” Jay beamed.

Cole smiled too, following shortly behind Jay as he headed round to the left side of the pond.

They stayed there for a few hours, sat on a bench just chatting. Their conversation was smooth, not awkward at all, and honestly it felt like no time had passed. Their goodbye was casual too, Cole opting for another hug. 

Jay walked home with nothing but a smile, his hands nervously in his pockets, and his heart warm. When he got home, he flopped straight onto his bed and lay there for a while. It’d really been a long time since he felt like this. That he felt genuinely happy.

That evening, he ordered himself a pizza and watched an episode of his own TV show. He never liked to, because he was way too particular and judgy about the things he did. He hated to think of how harsh he’d be on himself, as well as what other people were picking out, but since Cole had been watching the show and questioned why Jay didn’t watch it himself, he thought maybe he should give it a try.

And Jay had been right. He spent the entire time judging himself, picking out small things to hate, but it ultimately wasn’t awful. It was a good laugh, that was for sure.

B: Are you sure you were okay earlier?

Jay had to do a double take. He wasn’t expecting a text tonight, not after they’d hung out all afternoon, and he certainly wasn’t expecting the message to say that. Cole was a caring person, everyone knew that, but he certainly didn’t seem like the type to care that much about Jay. He never had before, not even in the last few months. 

Oh, but the B name Jay had typed in a while ago to hide the fact it was Cole he was texting did give him a good giggle every time he saw it. At first it’d meant for ‘bucket’ because everyone always made fun of Cole being directly named after his element. So Jay made the ‘B’ to represent a coal bucket. It was pathetic and totally unfunny now that he looked back on it but it was the first thing that came to mind. Now it also stood for boulderbrain, or really any nickname Jay could come up with that started with B. 

B: I know you said the stuff with your show was complicated and that you were tired but idk you seemed really down about it

B: If there’s something you’re not saying or just embarrassed or whatever, don’t be. You can talk about it. Just because it’s some big famous show doesn’t mean you can’t complain lol

B: And I can tell it’s not just because it’s repetitive

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to open up a little. It was nice to have someone that cared for once. Jay didn’t really have that around him, besides his parents. Maybe Cole would judge, but at the end of the day he had been the one to ask Jay to open up. 

Plus, Jay was just desperate to talk about it with someone. Maybe Cole could relate. After all, Jay had noticed how he’d been so dismissive about his own job. 

It’d probably be easier to explain without texting, right?

So he pressed the call button, the one thing he seemed to press the most on this damn phone, and put it to his ear. He waited, listening to it ring a few times, as he laid out across his sofa properly and switched the TV to mute. 

It didn’t take long for Cole to pick up.

“You can’t get enough of me, huh?” 

Jay rolled his eyes playfully, “You texted me first. So technically you can't get enough of me .”

“Uh huh, sure,” Cole chuckled.

There was a moment of awkward silence, maybe some kind of longing, before either of them spoke again. Jay didn’t even know where to start, or what to start with, or how to start. 

“So are you gonna talk?” Cole asked, “I’m assuming you’ve called me to talk about the show.”

“Well, you messaged about it so…”

“Go ahead. Explain away.”

“..It’s kinda sad though. If you’re in the mood to be depressed,” Jay shuffled into a more comfortable position, “Not that I think you’d be bothered, but-”

“I can start with something if you want,” Cole suggested, “Might be less daunting. And I guess I wanted to get something off my chest about my job too. Or at least what I said earlier.”

“Oh?”

“I lied when I said there weren’t many jobs in my area.”

“So you just wanted to go to the middle of a forest and chop wood?”

Cole chuckled slightly, “I mean, it was enjoyable at first. I liked taking my anger and annoyance out on the logs.”

“Annoyance at me?”

“Just everything in general,” Cole replied with a slight hum, “But I applied to so many jobs in my area, close to home y’know, and just when I thought the interviews were going good, they all came back with the same thing. They couldn’t accept me for the job, and honestly it was annoying because I didn’t even know why. They never gave me a reason. And then one day I got a response email from one of the jobs I wanted the most. They were super honest, talking about how they couldn’t hire me because of all the drama going on.”

“Oh.” 

“And I guess it kinda clicked that nobody wanted me working at their place because of all these rumours and lies about me, and just everything in general. Just wish more people were honest with me about it,” Cole sighed slightly, “But I was better off not being at those places anyway if that’s what they were thinking while hiring. That’s why I got the forest job though. They were so remote and stuck to themselves mostly that they didn’t even really know about the drama, plus they didn’t really care. Maybe a job in the middle of nowhere just chopping logs all day sucks but at least I wasn’t somewhere that I was being judged, y’know?”

It made perfect sense. Jay knew there was something up with what he’d said earlier, especially with how he didn’t clearly want to talk about it. He never expected it to be this though. Maybe they had more in common than initially thought.

“Now it’s your turn to talk,” Cole stated.

“To be honest, I’m not totally different.”

“Really?”

Jay hummed lightly. He took a moment to think of the right words. The entire thing was so complicated in his mind, despite it not being all that difficult to grasp, but the fact it was always circling in his head made it so jumbled. Maybe he’d just start simple.

“I can’t make friends.”

“...What?”

“I know everyone probably thinks that because I’m working in this cool company with so many cast and crew, that it’d be easy for me to make friends but it’s not. Everyone there hates me. They don’t talk to me and when they talk about me it’s always behind my back and about the drama. I can’t even defend myself because they’re basing everything off rumours and only think I’m guilty if I try to argue it,” Jay explained, talking quicker than anticipated, “And the job in general just sucks.”

Cole didn’t say anything for a minute, then Jay heard a sigh. He dreaded what Cole would say.

“It’s so stupid. Everything about this is stupid.”

“What?” Jay frowned.

“People basing their opinions on us based on some stupid love triangle drama that just so happened to reach the media,” Cole huffed, “I know we have this like… unspoken rule about not talking about it but I’ve seen what people say about all of us, especially you, and it’s ridiculous. People making up genuine lies with no evidence or basis just to shit talk. Just because they want gossip.”

Jay was pleasantly surprised at Cole’s anger. He’d spent so long thinking he was enjoying what people were saying about Jay, because he claimed to hate him so much half a year ago, so it was nice to see him stand up for him. To stand up for all three of them. Jay never liked what the media were saying. He never liked what was said to any of them. 

“That’s the reason I think I got the job.”

“Hm?”

“After a while I kinda understood why they wanted me on the show. It was for clicks, because the company knew that if they got the top gossip as a host on a game show then they’d get the viewers. I’m not dumb. I know why the show gets so many views. They want to see me. They want to find things to poke and prod at,” Jay sighed, “And it sucks because I really liked the job at first and I really thought it’d help me.. I don’t know.. gain back some popularity? Stop people making horrible assumptions? But it only made it worse. The entire thing is just a set up for me to get more hate.”

“I don’t even know why you’re getting so much hate because you didn’t even… really do anything wrong. They’re just pinning it on you and trying to find something to blame you for.”

“Right,” Jay hummed, “You have no idea how many times I’ve had to stop myself from just outwardly saying to the media that they’ve got it wrong and what really happened, but I know it’d just make things worse.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did, honestly,” Cole replied quickly, “but you’re right. Ignoring it is probably the better thing to do.”

Jay groaned, laying back properly on his sofa, “It sucks because I just want to be able to live a peaceful life, but now everyone around me hates me for no reason. I’m pretty sure even my parents are feeling off around me now.”

“Wait, what?” Cole cut in, “Your parents?”

“Yeah, I lied earlier when I said I talk to them often. I don’t. Not because they’re ashamed or whatever but I think they’re just listening to the media a little too much. I didn’t really have the energy to fight it, I don’t know.”

“No, it makes sense. I don’t talk to my dad much despite literally living with him. Except, I think he is actually ashamed of me,” Cole chuckled slightly, “And for the record, I also don’t have any friends. But I think I mentioned that yesterday.”

“Glad to know I’m not alone.”

“You’re not. You have me.”

Jay almost combusted at that. It was weird how things were now. He and Cole were close, maybe even best friends again, and now they were calling each other on a random evening to talk about the love triangle. Jay couldn’t help but feel grateful that Cole reached out that one day to ask for a favour. Without that, he would’ve felt much more alone.

“You’re the last person I want around,” Jay smirked, his tone playful.

Their conversation was getting a little too serious for comfort. They weren’t the serious type. Not together anyway.

“Today was fun,” Cole seemed to ignore Jay’s statement, “We should do it more often.”

“Bit difficult when we’re usually pretty busy,” Jay responded, sounding a little defeated.

“Hm, I could always come hang out after work some days?” 

“You’d drive to the city just for me?” Jay frowned.

“I’d do anything for you.”

Jay’s entire face burnt up, his heart almost pounding right out of his chest. It was stupid to feel this way over a simple gesture, but how could he not? 

He just wasn’t used to someone caring like that. That was all. 

He tried his best to ignore the pounding and laughed it off.

“Oh so the reason you came to the city today was to see me?” 

“I thought that was obvious,” Cole hummed, “Do you really think I did literally anything besides wait for you in that coffee shop?”

“Wait, really?” Jay blinked, his heart warm, “How long were you waiting there?”

“Not long.”

Cole had said he had errands. He said he had things to do. In reality, he had nothing besides meeting with Jay. He went all the way to the city just to see him. What the hell kind of gesture was that?

“You’re driving me insane, you know that, right?” Was all Jay muttered out.

Cole didn’t say anything. He just chuckled.

“Thanks for tonight by the way,” Jay added nervously.

“For what? I didn’t do anything.”

“For caring. Checking in. I appreciate it.”

“Do you feel better after getting things off your chest?” Cole asked, a happy tinge to his tone.

“Much better, yeah.”

“Good. I do too,” Cole said before yawning, “Mm, it’s getting late and I have work tomorrow so I should probably head to bed. You should get an early night too. Wouldn’t want you to not be ‘awake enough’ again, right?”

“I hate that you pay attention to details. It was just a throwaway comment.”

“Go to sleep, Jay.”

“Fine,” Jay almost yawned too, “...Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Anytime.”

“Let me know when you get home from work?”

“You’re starting to sound like you’re obsessed with me.”

“Shut up,” Jay bit, “Just text me tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, goodni-”

He panicked. He hit the end call button too quickly but he didn’t know what else to do. 

His face was bright red, his heart was pounding, his hands were sweaty, and his stomach was full of butterflies.

This wasn’t going to end well.

Chapter Text

He didn’t mean to completely ignore Cole’s texts and calls. Not fully, anyway. The first few days it was difficult, he was doing it on purpose then, but just purely out of the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. It wasn’t that he didn’t like talking to Cole because it was pretty obvious he did, the problem was that he liked talking to him just a little too much. 

Jay had had this fluttering feeling in his stomach for months. He got giddy every time he spoke to Cole, whether it be long text conversations or just mumbling on the phone at god-knows past midnight. His heart always felt so warm. Jay was gullible to believe it was just because someone was talking to him, because that’s all he wanted and needed in a time like this. A time where he had nobody to talk to but his supposed worst enemy. 

It was very clear Jay didn’t see Cole as his worst enemy anymore. It was very clear what the earth ninja meant to him. He hoped so badly it wasn’t obvious enough for Cole to pick up on. 

And, lord, all those therapy sessions he’d spent ranting about how ‘horrible’ Cole was wasn’t because he didn’t want his therapist to know about his unhealthy habits of befriending the people he hates, but rather because he was trying to fool himself into believing he still disliked Cole when in reality he was catching feelings. Maybe he knew it all along. His mind was ignoring his heart. 

It wasn’t a bad thing to like Cole. The earth ninja was lovely, at least he had been in the last few months, and he’d been so kind over the last few days too. Jay wasn’t entirely sure why he was so scared. Was it because he didn’t want his feelings to spook Cole and force them apart? Just when things were getting good and better? When Jay had an actual friend again? Or was it because he was protecting himself from the possibility of a relationship ever forming? His past relationships were known to crumble and go up in flames. 

Whatever it was, it freaked him out so much that he immediately distanced himself from his friend. 

It was hard to ignore the first few texts. Jay had gotten so used to talking to Cole that not responding took physical restraint. A lot of it. Cole had become such an important part of his life, such an important role, so much so they’d talk every day to an extreme extent. It was basically part of his daily routine. He’d never had that with anyone else. Letting go of that was hard, especially at first. It wasn’t like the texts he was receiving were even that interesting, but it was just the fact Cole was right there on the other end of the phone that was so addicting. The idea of talking to someone so much, getting so used to them being a part of your daily life and routine, and then letting them go so quickly and suddenly was one of the hardest things. Especially when Jay basically had nobody else to talk to. Not like the way he did with Cole.

Jay just hoped Cole would catch on and leave him alone. He hoped Cole would give up. Jay stopped even reading the texts that came through in fear of something catching his attention enough to drag him back. Jay knew he needed to cut Cole off. It was the healthy thing to do. That’s why he set his phone to do not disturb. Unlucky for him, when someone texts you, they’re told if that setting is on. He hated to think what Cole was feeling seeing that. 

Then it came to ignoring the calls. Thankfully he didn’t see them when they came through because otherwise he’d have no restraint in answering at all. He didn’t even listen to the voicemails.

The restraint and distance became easier over a few days. He went to his next therapy session with nothing to say. Even when he was talking to Cole, being friendly with him, he always ranted to his therapist about how he hated the master of earth. He always had something to complain about. This time he just sat in his seat, slouched and avoiding eye contact. Part of him wanted to be honest. It was basically all over now, right? He could open up about everything with Cole, have an actual therapy session where he’d actually listen to the advice. Sure, his therapist would be disappointed in him, but so what? It’s not like his scolding would fix anything if he’d already cut Cole off. 

But even when he was sat in that room with the full intent of honesty, he couldn’t do it. He just kept to the same lies, except this time he was more reserved about it. He listened to the advice he was given. He even spoke about Zane. 

But ultimately, he left the session feeling just as bad as he felt when he went in. And the one thing that always got him through the sessions was the idea of texting or calling Cole when he got out. Now he didn’t have that. He should’ve been more grateful.

Was it pathetic to say he missed him? 

He missed his voice, he missed his dumb way of typing, he missed his smile and hugs.. He felt completely and utterly stupid. This was his own fault. He was missing something he willingly was pushing away. He wasn’t even letting go anymore because he hadn’t let go whatsoever. It was still in the back of his mind, in the back of everything he was doing. Cole was still lurking in his memory. And as much as it hurt, there was something sort of comforting about it. 

And no matter how many days Jay ignored the earth ninja, he still texted. He still called. Was Jay an asshole?

Just when he thought he was getting used to being alone again, getting used to his solitary nights, one week after their last conversation, things changed. 

Jay went to work like every other day. He went to the theatre, filmed an episode of the TV show, did what he had to do, and tidied himself up in his dressing room. Then he attended a meeting about the future of the show. It was looking bleak for sure. The only thing really keeping the show running was the viewings. The ratings were low, most of the complaints being about the host rather than the show itself, but Jay was used to that by now. 

Today was extra shitty though. Jay hated normal meetings but having to sit through an entire few hours of the executives talking about the ratings and reasons why people were or weren’t tuning in was exhausting to Jay’s brain. 

And then it was decided.

There were going to be 10 more episodes of the show, 8 of which had already been filmed and were waiting to be aired. 

They were cancelling his show.

He shouldn’t really have been so upset about it. He was fine in the meeting, agreeing with everything the executives and chairmen were saying, but his throat was excessively dry, his hands were clammy, and his heart was pounding in his ears.

He didn’t have anything besides this show. He moved to the city for this show. It hadn’t even lasted a year. What was he supposed to do now? He had to get a new job, something that would pay well enough to cover the cost of his tiny city apartment. He certainly wasn’t going to move back home with his parents who would be extra disappointed in him. 

This was way too much stress for him to handle right now, especially with all this Cole stuff going on. 

On the bright side, at least he actually had something to talk about at his next therapy session. Something he needed actual genuine advice about.

Jay left that meeting with a sour taste in his mouth, his head practically spinning, and mind almost empty. It made no sense really. There was so much for him to think about, but perhaps he was just so overwhelmed that his mind was just protecting him from the spiral he’d go down. 

This honestly could be his last straw. His head was pounding, his heart didn’t feel quite right, and the worst part of all was that he didn’t have a single person he could talk to about any of this. 

But it was his own fault for having no friends wasn’t it? It was his own fault the show was being cancelled. It was his own fault all the people working on the show were now being made redundant. He was completely responsible. 

He slowly made his way out of the building, his mind blank, his stomach empty, without a single idea in mind. He’d probably just go home, take a nap, and leave all of this as a problem for future Jay. Future Jay meaning Jay in a few hours. 

He threw his favourite hoodie on, his backpack over his shoulder and headed out through the front entrance of the theatre. The light rain outside was pretty on brand for how he was feeling. And for his life.

He took a small sigh, made sure the theatre door closed behind him and begun heading down the street in the direction towards his flat. His flat he’d probably have to say goodbye to soon. He wasn’t going to be hopeful about any of this. He’d been hopeful way too many times recently.

Letting go of hope didn’t mean he’d let go of wishing though. And he sure did wish he had someone to talk to, to rant to about everything. 

And, god, did he wish he could call Cole right now. 

“So you are alive then?”

Jay froze, his eyes wide, almost tearing up. It was almost like he hallucinated it. Like he was going so insane, that he was so lonely, he was making things up. Hearing things. But it sounded a little too clear for it to be in his head..

He turned, his confused gaze landing on just the man he’d been thinking about. Just the man he wanted to see. 

But how? Was this some kind of dream? Had this been something he’d manifested? 

“Cole?” Jay’s tone was low and croaky.

All he did was stare at the earth ninja, who wore a smug smile upon his lips. Jay sure didn’t waste time staring at it.

He was leant against the wall of the theatre, right next to the door. He had his signature jacket and beanie on, his hair that poked out being slightly damp from the rain. How long had he been stood out here? 

“Nice to see you too,” Cole chuckled slightly.

“Wh-...” Jay almost couldn’t speak, his heart hammering in his chest, “...What are you doing here?”

“Wanted to make sure you were alive. You haven’t answered any of my texts in like… a week. And your phone’s been on do not disturb so..” Cole shrugged.

Jay didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t planned any lies, any excuses. He couldn’t be honest. ‘Yeah I started ignoring you because I’m madly in love with you and I thought it’d freak you out.’ He was sure to freak Cole out with that. Besides, Jay was sure watching Cole walk away after coming all the way into the city just for him would be so much crueler.  That’s if he… did come to the city just for him, of course. 

“Sorry.. My.. uh- my phone broke.”

“Broke?” Cole raised an eyebrow.

Jay sighed, taking a quick glance at their surroundings, making sure no one was watching. This would be such an awful time to be caught out, especially when Jay’s feelings were truly messing with his head. 

“Sorry, it’s just not a good day,” Jay began backing up, clutching onto the handle of his backpack, “I’ve gotta get home and-”

“What, your house is on fire or something?”

“Maybe. I won’t know until I get back, but I’ll- uh- see you ar-”

“What?” Cole frowned, following after Jay as he turned on his heel, “No, no, get back here. Are you seriously ditching me?”

“How can I be ditching you if I didn’t even know you were here?”

“Dude, I called in sick to work to be here. I got the bus here because my car got towed.”

Jay stopped, turning to look at him with a frown, “Your car wh-”

“If you looked at your texts you would’ve known,” Cole sighed, “Look, I came here to check on you, I waited outside the theatre for an hour. Do you have any idea how many people I asked if you were in there as they were leaving?” 

Well, he wasn’t going to be in there for more longer, that’s for sure. 

But he couldn’t even think about that right now. All he was focused on was Cole’s soft gaze, his sweet words.. It was so alluring. As much as Jay wanted to run, to pretend this never happened, to ignore his feelings and suppress them, he couldn’t.. Cole had really come all this way by bus - Cole hated the bus - just for him. Just to make sure he was okay. 

He wasn’t okay, but that was his own fault. 

“So unless you’ve got some super important life-threatening shit to get to, we are going to get lunch because I am starving,” Cole reached to grab Jay’s arm.

And for once, he didn’t complain. A shy smile crept onto his lips as he let Cole drag him down the street, dragging him so they were level. Cole didn’t move his hand away, instead he linked their arms together, and gently tapped Jay’s arm in comfort. Jay watched as their feet stepped together, weaving around puddles and leaving small soggy trails behind them.

“So, are you avoiding me on purpose or is your show just that time-consuming now?” Cole asked, his tone cheerful.

“..It’s a long story.”

  ✧°˖ . ݁˖︵‿❀‿︵˖ . ݁˖°✧

“I caught the idiots as they fled,” Cole huffed, “They didn’t even have disguises on or anything. You’d think if you were gonna egg someone’s car and bash it with hammers, you’d at least try to hide your identity.”

“And they were teens, you said?” Jay questioned, popping a chip into his mouth.

“Mhm,” Cole hummed in annoyance, “And now I have to get my dad to drive me to work and back, and you could just tell how pissed off that makes him on top of all the stuff he already is disappointed in me for.”

“At least car journeys mean you have more of an excuse to talk.”

“I guess,” Cole nodded, taking a chip too, “It’s so awkward though.”

“Did you file a police report?” Jay asked, taking a quick glance around the cafe they were sat in. 

Cole nodded again, “the Police Commissioner is taking care of it so at least I know I’ll get some justice. If it were anyone else in charge, it would’ve been excused for sure.”

“I could guess why.”

“Mhm.”

“Hopefully you hear something about the case soon,” Jay hummed, “You’re pressing charges, I hope.”

“Of course, I’d be dumb not to,” Cole waved a dismissive hand in the air, “But enough about me and my no-longer existent car. What about you? How’s the last week been?”

Jay just shrugged, “Same old.”

“...I don’t believe that.”

“Hm?” Jay frowned, glancing up at the earth ninja.

Cole stared at him with such disbelief, but unlike his therapist, it wasn’t in disappointment of the lie, it was more playful. Jay was glad Cole had never taken things so seriously, not when it came to lies like that. He was pretty understanding actually. He wasn’t gullible either so Jay would have to make his next lie somewhat believable.

“You broke your phone?” Cole raised an eyebrow, “How? Did it get run over by a car or something? Blew up in your sleep? I need to know why you were ignoring me.”

The playful, sarcastic tinge to Cole’s tone told Jay everything he needed to know. The broken phone lie was stupid. It wasn’t going to work even if he showed (fake) evidence but Jay had panicked. 

He sighed, picking up another chip, “I might have lied.”

“No shit.”

“But I wasn’t purpos-” No, he was, “I didn’t want to ignore you.”

Cole didn’t say anything, he just frowned. 

“I guess I just got freaked out after our conversation last week. The deep one?”

“Because you aren’t used to us having deep convos?” Cole questioned.

Jay shrugged, “A little. But everything we spoke about kinda hit deep, I don’t know.”

Cole hummed and nodded, eating yet another chip. Jay glanced up at him briefly watching as Cole stared out the window at the pouring rain. He didn’t look upset though, and Jay sure was grateful for that.

It wasn’t a complete lie. Jay did get freaked out after their conversation last week. He just wasn’t completely honest about which part he got freaked out by. But he was saving them both the embarrassment of the truth, so it was okay, right?

“It makes sense,” Cole nodded again, “I don’t blame you.”

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t want to ignore you, I just-”

“No, it’s fine,” Cole waved a dismissive hand again, “We’re not really the type to have difficult conversations, and since it was the first time we mentioned… y’know what.. I kinda had a feeling it was about that.”

“Yeah.”

“It was weird, to be fair, but I think it was important we talked about it,” Cole told him with a supportive smile, “especially since it was relevant.”

Jay chuckled a little at that, “True. I’m surprised it wasn’t mentioned sooner, honestly.”

Cole quickly hummed, sitting up in his chair, which caught Jay’s full attention. Jay grew a little nervous, but it wasn’t eating him alive anymore. Not like it was over the last few days.

“You said outside the theatre that it wasn’t a good day. How come?”

Just as Jay was forgetting all about it and enjoying his lunch with his best friend, here it came again. It was going to haunt him for a while, wasn’t it? But ultimately, he was glad Cole brought it up. He likely would’ve never mentioned it himself otherwise. Jay was definitely the suffer in silence unless asked kind of person. It didn’t mean the conversation wasn’t awkward though.

Jay glanced down, resting his arms on the table as he slouched down slightly. Cole watched him like a hawk, eating his food as he noticed Jay’s change in demeanor. 

“The show is getting cancelled.”

Cole almost choked, “What?”

“I had a meeting this afternoon which was why I was late out. I had a feeling they were gonna cut down the contract or whatever, or I thought they were just gonna replace me eventually or something but the execs just thought it’d be best to end the show after the next 10 episodes.”

“Are you serious?”

“Why would I lie?”

He’d done plenty of lying actually, but that was besides the point.

“That really sucks, I’m sorry. Did they say why?”

“The ratings.”

“..Oh.”

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” Jay resting his head in the palm of his hand, “I mean, I didn’t really like the job but it was the only thing I really had, y’know? I have bills to pay, my cheque was barely covering my rent already. And as much as I feel bitter about all the workers that hate me and stuff, I still don’t want them to be out of a job, y’know? The entire thing just sucks.”

“Do you wanna hear the good news though that might make you feel a little better?” Cole asked.

“What?”

“At least you don’t have to worry about all the viewers just being your haters.”

Jay chuckled slightly at that, “I guess I was wrong about them only hiring me because of the haters.”

“Hey, that’s a good thing to come out of it,” Cole beamed.

“But now I have to find a new job, and what if the same thing that happened to you will happen to me? What if people won’t hire me because of the drama?”

“Then they’re stupid and didn’t deserve you working for their company anyway.”

“It’s stupid until I don’t have money to pay the bills and become homeless. Or I get a bare minimum job that makes me miserable and I turn into a hermit.”

“You’ll never turn into a hermit.”

“I feel like I am.”

“I won’t let you,” Cole reached out to supportively tap at Jay’s arm. 

Jay groaned, slamming his head onto the table. It wasn’t on purpose, it was the frustration that got to him. His life had already been shit with a good paying job over the last 6 months, and now he was stuck with a difficult situation. He hated it. 

A gentle hand tapped him on the head, soft against his slight curls. Jay’s heart warmed, his stomach fluttering… This wasn’t the time to get all lovesick. He was supposed to be miserable. 

“We’ll figure something out, okay? There’ll be some fun little job just for you,” Cole reassured him.

We? We’ll figure something out? That was enough to almost drive Jay over the edge. 

“For now, just eat your chips and we can head to the arcade or something,” Cole suggested, “You can’t spend all day wallowing.”

Thank god he had Cole. If he hadn’t turned up, Jay would’ve been in bed losing his mind and losing hope in everything good in his life. Everyone had given up on him. Everyone besides Cole.

It was poetic, really.

The rest of the afternoon was spent at the arcade, messing around on some of their favourite games. Jay was ultimately the winner at basically everything, not to mention how much of a sore loser he was when Cole was the victor, but at least he wasn’t thinking about everything bad in his life. At least the two weren’t alone. That was the important part.

Jay had certainly learnt his lesson about ignoring people, especially those he was close to. He loved being around Cole, he loved talking to him.. Oh, how he missed him.

When it was time to disperse though, Jay couldn’t help but feel a little emotional. He was so utterly grateful for a friend like Cole that ruining their dynamic would feel like an angel losing its wings. He was happy with them remaining friends, he’d just have to do his best to ignore his looming feelings. 

Jay walked Cole to his bus stop. It was only a few minutes away from his flat luckily so it wasn’t a far walk back in the dark. It was already 10pm - the arcade had closed not that long ago so they took a slow walk - but it was ultimately the last bus of the night so it’s not like they had any other choice but to split, as much as neither of them wanted the day to end. 

They hugged goodbye, Cole warning Jay not to ignore him again and Jay laughing it off, before they finally parted ways. Jay looked back at Cole too many times to count as he walked away. Cole looked back too. 

And for the first time in over a week, Jay was left with that same giddy, warm, fluttery feeling all in one. Oh, there was no way he could ignore Cole anymore. Not ever. Cole was too important to him now.

When he got home, he immediately flopped onto his bed, a wide smile upon his lips. He didn’t even care about the whole job thing anymore - he would in the morning - because all he could think about was Cole. About how caring and fun he was. About how comforting… Jay had officially lost his mind, just not in the way he’d thought earlier today.

Just as he thought about grabbing a hot chocolate and getting comfy in front of the TV, his phone rang. And just as expected, it was Cole.

It’d been like 5 minutes since they’d parted, this was a new record.

“Hello?” Jay answered, still laying on his bed with a giddy smile. He dangled his feet off the edge, swaying them slightly as the fluttery feeling drifted up to his heart. 

“Thank god your phone isn’t broken,” Cole sounded slightly panicked, “So, I’m a complete idiot and got the time of the bus wrong. I’ve just missed it.”

Jay playfully rolled his eyes, “Idiot.”

“Is there… any possible way I could crash at yours tonight?”

Jay’s entire body froze at that, his smile fading into something of nervousness. He doesn’t know what he was expecting when Cole said he’d missed his bus but it certainly wasn’t that. He thought he was gonna ask for a lift or something, definitely not to ask to sleep over. 

Jay’s hands quickly grew clammy, his heart pounding in his ears. He couldn’t say no. But, god, would he be a nervous wreck if he said yes. 

“..Jay?”

“Uh-” Jay shot up, pushing himself to the edge of the bed as he frantically looked around his room, “Uhm- yeah, sure!”

He let his nerves control too much of him sometimes, saying yes wouldn’t hurt. Cole was in need of help and he’d just so happened to have helped Jay out a lot today. He was just returning the favour, right? Besides he had a spare blanket or two Cole could borrow. 

He wouldn’t wanna share a bed after all. No, that would be stupid.

..Unless Cole suggested it.

“Thank you so much, you have no idea,” Cole beamed - Jay could sense it through the screen.

Then Jay heard pacing - Cole was walking fast. 

“I’ll be there in- wait,” he heard Cole stop walking, a small pause, and then a slight hum, “..I don’t actually know where you live.”

“Oh. Oh, right. Uh- I’ll text you the address.”

“Thanks. I’ll.. see you in a few minutes.”

“Sure,” Jay smiled, swinging his legs giddily.

As soon as Cole hung up, Jay quickly texted Cole the address, threw his phone at his bed, and rushed into the main room of his flat. It was a complete mess. He wasn’t the tidiest person on the planet, and Cole likely wouldn’t care, but there was no way he was letting the man he was in love with set foot into this building without it being spotless. 

Cole was heading to his place right this second, Jay was going to make a good impression. 

The more he ran around tidying up though, the more out of breath he became. He was sweating slightly, his heart pounding - from both the nerves and the exercise - and as soon as he heard the knock at the front door, he entered into a full panic. 

He took a moment to breathe, to make sure everything was relatively tidy enough, and when he was happy, he pounced for the front door.

“Hey!” Jay was excessively loud - not on purpose.

Cole was taken back slightly but frowned, looking at Jay’s out of breath state.

“What, did you just run a marathon or something?”

“Yeah, quick jog up and down the stairs. Gotta make sure the front door’s still there, y’know?” Jay joked, “Don’t want anyone breaking in while you’re here, right?”

“Or in general..?”

“Right.”

“Front door was still there, so no need to worry,” Cole chuckled slightly, looking Jay up and down.

Jay sure did not miss that glance. He almost choked on a heavy breath, but tried his best to ignore it.

“....Can I come in..?”

“Oh. Oh, right, yeah,” Jay stepped to the side, letting Cole enter. 

And with another deep breath, mostly to reassure himself, Jay closed the door. 

Thank you bus timetable for being easily misread.