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Chapter Text

Looking up at the smiling, cheery picture on the door that stood closed before her, the rag doll sighed. It was a picture she'd always taken the time to look at, often getting more caught up in it than she'd care to admit.

This time, though, was different. She didn't want it to be, but she made to be different. Made herself sort the pieces and seperate between what she saw, what she felt, and what was reality.

Before, she had allowed herself to get lost in the picture's large yellow eyes and smile, how infectious they were. How equally wide, kind, warm they were. How happy, genuine...cute they were.

She had often stared at the picture's happy, awkward, cheesy wave. She could almost feel the soft purple fur brushing against her- and that small bald patch on his left ear. The one so small, so unnoticeable that almost no one else even knew it was there.

But now, as she stared at picture, she couldn't help but see how it all was just...just...

Gone.

And, already he didn't know it yet, it was all her fault.

No, it was all an accident! Her mind cried, begging the picture to hear her out. A big misunderstanding!...

And it's not all true, anyways! the doll woman told herself, shaking her head roughly and looking away. The rabbit behind this door is still here!...

Right?

Biting her lip, Ragatha made herself lean her knuckles against the door. Just as she had done dozens of times these past few days.

This will be it, she told herself firmly. I'll admit the truth. All of it. Try to apologize again. This will work...

And if it doesn't, well, then I'll back off. Give him space.

Let him be on his own to decide where him and I ...the duo we now are...will go from here.

But even she knew that she was lying to herself. Not even a good lie, either- one of hers that could easily go unnoticed or undetected. No, this was just a nasty, clear cut, bold face lie.

Maybe because it was far more comforting that the truth these days.

Clearly her throat, she shook her head one last time. She gently tapped against the wooden door- avoiding contact with the picture on it.

"J-Jax?"

No answer. What a surprise.

She knocked again. A little louder this time.

"Jax? It's me."

Still not a peep.

She gulped down a dry knot forming in her throat. Knocking more forceful, she leaned closer to the door- desperate to hear any noise, signs of life behind it.

"Jax? I'm gonna come in, okay?"

Fingers already on the doorknob, she paused briefly. It felt evasion of privacy, just waltzing inside someone's personal room without being invited in first. Granted, she had tried to get him to give the okay, but that wasn't the point.

He's grieving, Rag, her mind suddenly started to chastise her. And here you are barging into his room without being invited in.

It's the only way to get in! She argued back, trying to ignore the irony of her statement.

And how it didn't used to be this way. How the second she would knock on his door, she'd hear him scrambling up his feet- and watch with a smile as he'd open the door wide. How he was always the first to wave her inside.

How he always, always let her in.

A stab at her heart made her sharply breathe in. Her fingers felt frozen to the knob, sending ice through her body.

Everyone grieves differently, her mind felt the need to remind her gently. You like to be around others when you've lost a friend from abstracting-

This is vastly different- for multiple reasons! She defended mentally- before her stomach bottomed out. Not only because I'm...I'm responsible for it all...

But also because Jax has never missed a funeral for someone's death here in the circus. I can't see him starting with his close friend's! Our close friend...

The equal part of our odd little trio...

Her throat aching, she swallowed down the knot and hunched her eyebrows in determination.

I know he's hurting, but if I explain what happened and apologize, I can fix him! I can get the door to his heart back open!...

Maybe Jax isn't ready for that door to be opened.

Yes, he will be!

Maybe it's best to just let it be closed for a while.

No, I can't just leave him behind that door! I have to be with him-

But is that what he wants...or you?

In annoyance, Ragatha blew a puff of air, rolling her eye as it shifted her bangs. She sure hated when she was the voice of reason with herself.

Are you sure this isn't your grief talking? Because you have to do what's best for Jax right now.

She bit her lip, hand still on the knob. Maybe she was waiting. Stalling to give him time to open it himself.

He never did.

Why don't you try just sitting with him with the broken pieces instead? Not trying to put them together again, not forcing a door open he wants and maybe even needs to stay shut. Not giving an explaination or an apology he just might not be ready to hear yet. Because sometimes knowing and accepting that the door is close is more-

No.

She shocked herself at how rough her mental voice was. How sharp it was; it didn't even sound like her.

I know I can't bring our friend back. I know I can't fix what I've accidentally cause...

She peered back up at the door's picture- the face's smile warming her inside. The best she'd felt for days now.

But I can fix Jax. I know him better than anyone else here! Especially now.

Taking one last look at the picture on the door, Ragatha actually allowed a small smile to surface on her face. For the first time since it all happened, she felt hopeful.

He's still here, I know it. I know we can heal from this. Together.

I just have to open the door...

Slowly turning the knob, she thankfully found it was unlocked. As she opened his room door wide, she ignored the hinges squeaked in protest. Peering into the room, she squinted- seeing his curtains were drawn closed, the side table's lamp turned off. She shuttered- never seeing his living quarters this dark before...and it hit her harder than she would've liked for it to.

Light from the hallway she stood in streamed into the room, casting her shadow on the bed up against the wall.

"Jax?"

A small, almost unnoticeable shift was heard coming from the mattress. Still no answer, though.

Ragatha tiptoed in as if being careful not step on any broken shards of glass. Or hearts. One of the two. She shut the door behind her- hating how dark the room was without it open. She couldn't see a thing- and for some reason that made it hard to think. Breathe. Feel.

Slowly and cautiously making her way over to the bed, she sat down, doing her best to become even lighter than the stuffed-with-fluff doll she was. Reaching over, she turned on the lamp without asking.

She now saw Jax up close. Well, his back at least. He was laying down, curled up in facing the wall- no sheet, no pillow. Her stomach ached when she saw how low, how dropped down his usually perking ears were; they were flushed up against his back.

In glow of the lamp, she felt the urge to reach over and rub that seen bald spot on his ear before deciding against it.

"Jax? You okay?"

Please just sass me. Please just say 'never better' or 'just peachy'. Just say anything. Please.

But the rabbit remain quiet, so motionless Ragatha had to stared at his side for a moment just to convince herself he was even breathing.

I wonder if he's asleep...

She gently reached out and put a soft mitten hand on his arm. He instantly tensed up in a way that made her heart drop.

Not removing her hand, she scooted a little further on the bed. She cautiously leaned over his side- unfortunately seeing his large eyes were open and staring vacantly at the wall.

For some odd reason, she rested her chin on his arm- his soft purple fur comforting her even though she felt wrong in feeling that way. Even though she was grieving too, today wasn't about that. Her goal was comfort him, not the other way around.

But how do I comfort him, apologize to him, explain any of the truth if he won't even look at me? Won't speak to me?

Won't let me in again?

Although it was hard, the rag doll lifted her chin and stroked his arm.

"Hey, Jaxxy. I-"

"Go away."

Ragatha felt herself blink in confusion. Who's voice was that?

Must've been something in her mind. Her eyebrows knitted, she resumed petting his arm. "It's okay if-"

"I said go away."

The voice hissed again, even stronger this time. More cutting this time.

Even more confused, Ragatha let her hand come to a stop, gently holding his arm. She looked around the room. As far as she could tell, there was no one else here except the two of them. She had shut the door behind her, too. Surely she would've heard if it had been opened again, right?

Blinking, her eyes slowly found their way back to settle on the lump beside her.

Wait. There is no way that voice is coming from-

Suddenly Jax groaned and roughly scambled to sit up. With a forceful hand that send shock waves from hers, he shoved her arm away.

"Didn't you hear me?!" He screeched at her, vile dripping in his tone. "I said go away, Ragatha!"

Startled, Ragatha scrambled backwards on the bed, her mouth ajar. She nearly fell off the bed as her eyes went wide.

Jax had never spoken to her like that. To anyone like that. Let alone been so rough before.

Yeah, he opted to sass people. Playfully push their buttons at times. Pull annoying pranks only really he thought was funny. But he had never been so cruel or cutting in tone or word or deed. Never.

That wasn't Jax.

That wasn't her Jax.

Her confusion and hurt subsided and were replaced with pity as she took a moment to look him over instead of answering. He definitely looked worse for the wear. His ears still drooped at back of his head. One overall strap was sliding down his arm. His typical smile was replaced by a quivering snarl.

And his eyes. Those big, expressive, handsome eyes of his- oh, how they were so painful to look into now. Once so full of happiness and shine, now so tearful and anguished. So red instead of their normal yellow tone- revealing just how much he'd been crying these past few days.

And it's all my fault...

Her heary aching, Ragatha felt herself melt forward a little.

"Jaxxy, I-"

"Oh, don't even do that right now!"

His bite somehow sinking in even deeper, the rag doll straightened up again. She searched in his blood shot eyes and saw just how serious he was.

Hurt and confused winning over pity this time, she blinked at him.

"Do what, Jax-"

"That fake 'everything is just fine' pitch you pull," he hiss, the repugnant bane in his voice poisoning her inside. "Because guess what, Raggy? Everything is NOT fine!"

His simple yet cutting words hurt. Stung like fire. Jax had always said he appreciated her chipperness, her positivity despite the never-ending, horrible world they were trapped in.

It felt like an attack on her personally hearing him target her like that-

No, hurt people hurt people. Focus less on the pain and more on finding the handle to the door. Finding the courage to admit the truth...

All of it.

"Jax," she began, tone soft and calm, "I wasn't about to do that. I know you're hurting right now, and-"

"No, really?" He spat at her, sarcastic tone slicing into her as he crossed his arms. "Me? Hurting? Never! Why would I be?"

"Jax, please, I'm just trying to-"

"Help. Yeah, I know," he scoffed. "Currect events show just how great you are at that."

Her eyebrows knitted again in another stab of sharp pain- and pure panic filled inside her.

He knew.

He knew this was all her fault.

Her stomach bottom out, Ragatha wanted to get up and flee. Bury her face into her pillow and never pull it out. Have her heart sliced into millions of pieces before her eyes. Anything was better than to look at Jax -look at unadulterated pain- straight in face as she was then.

"I- I'm so-"

"Sorry? Yeah, I know. Of course you are," he answered before she could. "You apologize for everything you...you moron."

Hurt instantly stabbed at her in different places all over her heart- and no doubt it leaked over onto her face. Tears stinging her eyes, she looked away and rubbed the nape of her neck.

He knew her past; how many times had she opened up about her mom to him? How many times had she explained the hurt, the pain her mother's words still had on her even today?

Why was he using one of those words against her now like a weapon- a gun he had a trigger happy finger with?

Is he that upset with me for everything that's happened?

No....keep looking for the handle. The real Jax -the one who would never used your past against you- is just behind the door.

"Jax, I truly am-"

"Mod, Ragatha, I know already!"

For the first time, Ragatha felt her pain faded into feeling a little miffed. She was trying to show compassion, to apologize, to explain...to admit the truth buried deep down- but it was hard to do that when the other person keeps cutting her off. Suddenly felt like a complete stranger sitting across from her.

Keeping the door tightly shut.

"Please stop interrupting me. You don't know what about about to-

"Say? Try again," he growled.  "And I'm not interested in what you have to say. God, Ragatha- you don't even know how much nothing you can say will help right now."

Biting her lip, Ragatha forced her mouth open.

"You won't know that until you let me try. Hear me out, Jaxxy-"

She was cut off again when Jax growled loudly and tossed his head back. He broke his stance and reached up grabbed at his ears, his pulling making her wince. She sure hated when he did that; it was a tick of his when he was upset or frustrated. And by the fresh marks and indentations littered across them, those poor ears must be so sore by now.

"I don't need you here, Ragatha," he finally hissed through gritted teeth. "I need to be alone."

Alone.

"You never want to be alone," she instantly pointed out, almost begging him as she scooted forward again. "You're the most outgoing, bubbly person I know! You love being around us...around me-"

"I need to be by myself, Ragatha."

"Well, I'm not letting you do that!"

He blinked at her, letting his ears go and giving her an up-down. This puzzle her for only a moment before it was crystal clear why.

Those words had come out of her mouth...

But they sure didn't sound like her. The tone she had used was harsh, impatient. Uncompasionate.

Desperate.

Quit getting distracted by emotions and tone and words. Keep feeling around. You'll find the handle.

Closing her eyes and sighing, Ragatha gulped. She let herself feel ashamed of her attitude she had given him for a moment before letting it go. She opened herself eye- and gently reached out a hand.

"You're...you're right. I should leave you alone. And I know I can't help- but if even I could, you don't want it," her tone sounding like her warm, gentle self again, she rubbed her neck. "I understand that. Still...I need you to hear the truth. From me. Just this once."

Surprisingly, Jax sat quietly, giving her an unsure look- but he let her hand stay on his. She gulped- deciding this was an close to an invitation to keep going as she was going to get.

"You need to know that it all was an accident," she continued, looking him straight in the eye. "I went to Caine because him and I had a conversation that same morning. Looking back, I realize I should have never gone to Caine to tell him he was acting off...but I was worried about him-"

"I already know the story," he cut her off, finally looking away. He crossed his arms- but didn't push her hand away. "What were you...and him...even talking about that morning?"

Bingo. Million dollar question.

Her stomach bottomed out- especially when he gave her a look that nearly paralyzed her.

Tell him! Admit the trith!

No, I can't yet! I need to finish finding the handle- opening the door so we can be face to face!

"I...I can't say. That was personal between him and I."

The air filled with thickness and heaviness that strangled her and made her want to gasp from breath. Jax didn't seem to like her answer, but at least he accepted it. He was quiet, too- so she kept talking.

"Jax, I know it won't change anything but I'm so sorry. For everything," she told him sincerely as she pulled her hand back into her lap and looked down at both of them in shame. "I will have to live with this guilt every day of my life. I wish things were different. I wish I could bring him back. I wish...I wish..."

She trailed off, rubbing the nape of her neck again before pushing out words that felt like a curse.

"I wish he was a human."

The tense air between them made her stomach ache. They sat in silence for a moment- one that scream out loud and made her ears ache. It was too painful. Somehow more than the truth. More than her next words were.

"But he wasn't," she found herself saying. "Ribbit...Ribbit is gone..."

Unable to help herself, she looked at Jax- and reached forward again.

"But...I'm still here, Jaxxy. I'll always be here for you," she assured him, placing a soft mittened hand on one of his cheeks. "I know it'll be hard to move forward without him, and things will never be the same. Our trio is forever broken...but we can get through this. Together. We can let him go together-"

"Shut up, RAGATHA! JUST SHUT UP!" He suddenly exploded, shoving her hand away. He rashly scambled off his bed and stood before her, forming two tight fists at his side. "I don't want to get through this with you!"

Words impaling her, she leaned forward.

"Why-"

"Because you don't have any idea what I'm going through right now! What I'm feeling right now, trust me!"

She felt her chest stab in pain again- but this time, it was laced with bubbling anger. She pushed it away when he sighed, burying his face into his hand.

"You...will never understand, okay? How...how alone I am right now. How hurt I am right now."

Instantly, Ragatha noticed a shift. His voice had cracked there. His tone, far less angry and more somber. Scared. Hurt.

You found the handle. Now turn it while you have the chance.

The doll woman slowly rose to her feet, making Jax drop his heavy hand by his side and back up a little.

"You're wrong, Jax," she told him gently. "I do know how you're feeling-"

"No, you're wrong, Ragatha! Because you don't! You never will!"

She gently reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder. She half-way expected him to shove her hand away again or shrug it off- but he didn't. He let it stay. In a moment of selfishness, she found she didn't care if it comforted him- because it sure did comfort her.

Crack it open.

"You're not just upset with me...but also with him, right? You're feeling lied to?" She told him softly before looking away. "I...I am, too."

Ears twitching, Jax started to open his mouth. Instead of letting whatever words he seemed to want to come out, he closed it again, looked away and pulled on his ears again- more gentle this time. Ragatha gently took her hand off his shoulder and rubbed that bald spot on his ear- her heart aching when he let go of his ears and softened at her touch.

"He...he shouldn't have ever lied to us like he did."

This made Jax close his eyes, chest start to heave. She kept going.

"Had he just told us the truth-"

"It. Wouldn't. Have. Changed. Anything. Stupid!"

The return of his gritted, nasty words made her stand back a little- especially when he shoved her hand off his head, even rougher than the last time.

Feeling like all the progress she had made had vainshed before her eyes, Ragatha crossed her arms in frustration.

"What does that mean?" She bluntly asked- her cadence sharper than she meant for it to be. "Of course it would've!"

"Are you as stupid as you are ugly?" Jax growled- making Ragatha wished he had opted to slap her instead since it would've been less painful. "Caine still would've found out-"

"Not necessarily! Ribbit could've just told us the truth; we would've kept his secret!" She yelled back- shocking herself. "I don't know why he didn't tell us!..."

Suddenly flushed with anger, she rolled her eyes. She knew her next words were cutting- but it was sadly how she was starting to finally feel.

"Hoenstly? Ribbit was stupid to try to pass as a human by himself-"

"Take. That. Back."

The violent, dark words seeping from Jax's mouth made her look back at him in alarm. He wore a look on his face she had never seen- and for the first time, she found herself was actually scared of Jax.

Was this the right door? Because who is this right in front of me? Certainty not Jax!

For some reason, though, her anger won out over her fear.

"Why are you defending someone who lied to us so deeply all this time? Lied to me...Lied to you?" She questioned him sharply. "Don't you get it? He betrayed all of us-"

"So? It doesn't mean he deserved to die!" Jax yelled back. "A good person is a good person-"

"BUT HE WANS'T EVEN A PERSON, JAX!"

Shocked at the tone, the sheer volume of her words that rattled through the air, Ragtaha recoiled. Especially when she watched Jax wince and hug himself.

You're supposed to be opening the door, stupid. Not slamming it shut.

She sighed loudly and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Jax, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. It's just..."

She trailed off- finally hugging herself, too.

"You're not the only one grieving here, Jax. I know he was closest to you, but...we all were his friends, too," she wiped at a tear starting to roll down her cheek. "Especially me. Do you know how hard it is not having him here? Especially knowing it's my fault that he isn't? I mean, it was the three of us... We were all such good, close friends-"

"Yeah, some friend you are."

His words stabbed the sword deeper into her heart, making her break her stand.

Great- he's found the knob on the other side of the door. Don't let him shut it! Rip it from his hands if you have to...

But when his biting words were followed by an eye roll, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. As upset as she was, as guilty as she felt, she couldn't bite her tongue.

"At least I'm enough of a friend who goes to someone else's funeral today. Unlike you."

Her words cut deep- maybe deeper than she meant. Because two fists formed at his side again as he jerked his head to look at her. The glow of the lamp reveal the sharp anger in his eyes.

"At least I'm enough of a friend not to be responsible for that someone's else death. Unlike you!"

She knew he knew those words stabbed her- but she grabbed the sword and stabbed back.

"I already told you: what I did was an accident. If I could take it back I would," she hissed. "What you did was on purpose. There's a difference-"

"Don't you get why I couldn't go today?!" He bellowed. His ears flashing backwards, he crumbled forward- tears stinging his eyes as a desperate gloved hand clenched his chest. His tone shifted to panic as his shifted to look anywhere but her. "It would make all of this real, Ragatha! Real! Having to say goodbye real! Having to go on living without him real! Not just some stupid nightmare I'll wake up from eventually!...Not a nightmare I'm responsible for...all because I'm chasing something I'm stupid enough to believe I could ever have to begin with!"

His last sentence struke her as odd, making her narrow her eyes his way. What did that mean? What was he talking about?

She was about to ask when he groaned and turned away from her. He hugged himself tightly again, his ears dropping down his back. His shaky sigh made her heart split in two- especially when his next words were laced with a sadness that haunted her.

"Please...please leave."

Standing still, Ragatha felt her stomach sink. Jax had never sounded this broken, this hurt before; she could practically hear the tears leaking out around his words.

Gulping down a knot forming in her throat, Ragtaha could do nothing but quietly look away. She felt glued in one placed, welded to the floor.

The two fell into silence, which Ragatha didn't know she loved or hated this time around. For one thing, it meant she didn't have to hear Jaxxy yell at her and her fluff twist up inside. On the other hand, however, it meant he was keep whatever he was dealing with - whatever he thinks she couldn't handle or understand or have a clue about- bottled up deep inside. And by the looks of it, he didnt want it to come out anytime soon.

Deciding the stillness was equally good yet bad, she vacantly stared at his back. Her tongue wanted to form so many different words then. Just let them slip out of her mouth in different tones, with different meanings and with no regrets. Soft words. Comforting words. Typical words. Lying words.

Truthful words.

Yet she made herself bit down hard onto her tongue to keep it all inside- knowing at this point no words would do any good.

Looking back up, she saw Jax had drifted over to the wall and lean his back against it. His head rested against it, he sighed and rubbed the side of his face with his palm. Seeing how distressed he was, the way the tears were leaking down his cheeks, the aching emptiness still in his eyes, Ragatha gulped and looked away.

God, why was Jax so handsome? Even when he seemed like he was dying on the inside, even with it was so worn out and exhausted and heavy with sadness, his face still had its' striking features that made her melt like putty. It took amazing amount of talent to be so upset yet so good-looking at the same time, especially so effortlessly; she didn't know anyone, not even back in the human world, would could pull it off as well as Jax was right now.

A particularly large tear ran from his closed eyes and raced down his cheek, forcing Ragatha to use every ounce of self control to not wipe it away. To not wipe all of this away. To not feel worthless that she couldn't. 

When his sad eyes blinked back at her, she felt her mouth open. Before she could stop it, words came out. Ones the rabbit before her never known just how deeply she meant.

"I'm not leaving, Jaxxy. I...I can't."

He just blinked at her again- though she couldn't tell if that was bad or good. Not that it really matter; she was panicking over the fact she had said that outloud. Her heart pounding, making her think she'd cause the digital world around them and beyond to start shaking with her.

Any second now, the prying, analytical questions would start. What do you mean, Ragatha? Why can't you just leave? Is there something you need to tell me?

She knew the answer all too well. It was so stupidly simple and yet so complicated. Incredibly shocking, borderline unbelievable, potentially soul-crushing. A managled, gut twisting, heart beating yet destroying yet melting yet solidifying mess.

So scary. No, terrifying...

But it was that answer, she knew, that made her all too human.

And the answer that had unfortunately lead to Ribbit being revealed he wasn't.

Her heart was still pounding deep in her chest when Jax suddnely pushed himslef from off the wall- his face littered with renewed anger.

"Ragatha, please just go! You are the last person I want to try and comfort me right now!" The rabbitoid yelled at her- his cadence desperate. "You're...you're the last person I want here right now!"

Those words transfixed her deeper than she felt they should.

"What...what are you saying?" She asked accusingly- voice shaking. "Do...do you mean you have rather have him here...o-over me?"

His ears flicked again- and his pause spoke volumes in her mind.

"Did I say that?

"You sure insinuated it!"

"God, Ragatha!" He groaned, rubbing annoyed and upset hands over his ears down his back. "Honestly I can't deal with you- with all of this! I can't be around you around right now! You have no-"

"Idea? I don't understand?" She suddenly snapped- tears stinging her eye and making Jax finally look back at her. "Have no clue? I don't even know? I get that Jax! So spit it out!"

He startled backwards.

"What?"

Rage and frustration and a million of other emotions she couldn't even identify festering inside, she stomped up to his face. Tears leaked down her cheeks as she looked straight in his eyes- making herself stay grounded and not get lost in them again.

"Spit it out! Spit out what you think I won't understand!" She pressed, inches from his face. "Spit it out so I do have a clue, so I do have an idea of what your feeling! Let me in!"

His ears flattened again. For a second, Ragatha thought he was going to shove her back.

"Quit twisting my words-"

"Quit rejecting my help!" She exasperatedly shot back. "Quit being such a jerk! Quit...quit slamming the door in my face!"

Suddnely, Jax narrowed his eyes at her.  Maneuvering around her, he marched towards his closed room door- and threw it wide open.

"Get out."

Unable to progress what he just said as serious, Ragatha blinked at him in utter shock- anger melted from off her face.

"What? Jax, you-"

"I said get OUT!"

Seeing his brutal request was genuine, the doll woman audibly gasped- hurt tears pooling at her eyes.

"You want to know what I'm feeling right now?" He hissed her way. "Thinking? Fine! Let me spit it out for ya!"

Without warning, he loomed forward, towering over her frightened frame. His red eyes flashed wide.

"YOU'RE RIGHT, RAGATHA! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! I- I DO WISH HE WAS HERE INSTEAD OF YOU!"

Heart hitting the floor, she stumbled back, almost falling onto his bed.

"Jaxxy, why...why would you-"

"Because I...I HATE YOU!"

Stumbling backwards, Ragatha stared at him as she felt the knife go in- and as it twisted her inside. She didn't have a spare moment to respond -just how she could respond, she didn't know, anyways- when he circled around her. Looming over her, he made her back up towards the door.

"Jax, please! I'm sorry for all I said!" The doll woman blurt out, the pain in her chest making it impossible to breathe as she tripped backwards. "I never would've said anything had I known it would cause all of this!"

Cause all of this...

Losing not just one...

But two friends in the process.

Collapsing to her knees, she looked up at him just outside the doorframe- begging him to take his tense hand off the door.

"You can't just shut me out like this!"

The doll woman shook and sobbed- her next words she couldn't explain just how deeply she felt inside.

The truth she'd wanted to spit out for so long.

"I'm your real friend...and you're my best friend that I've honestly fallen in-"

"NOT ANYMORE!"

And with that, Jax slammed the door in her face so hard, the wind it created knocked her backwards. The door rattled and shook the entire hallway, rumbling the floor below her.

Not anymore...

Not anymore...

Ragatha had heard a lot on her life. Heard so many words from her mother when she had failed or disappointed her in some way. From her old job in real-estate when she didn't meet the desired quota. At the horse tracks when she came in dead last place in a race.

So many words that had hurt her, stabbed her like a double-edged sword- but she had put bandaids over. Words that would knock her down- but she could eventually get up and dust herself off after hearing. Let go. Move on from.

But these two simple words?

Not anymore...

Not anymore...

They had crushed her completely into rubble. No bandaids, no getting up, no dusting herself off.

No letting go. No moving on from.

Absolutely no chance of recovery.

The doll woman audibly sobbed into her lap, hugging herself tightly. Every tear felt like a flood, a dam bursting- drowning her further and further.

Not anymore...

Whimpering, Ragatha wiped her tear soaked cheeks with her fabric hands, stumbled to her feet-

And looked at the picture on the door.

At the rabbit with the huge, happy, loving smile and eyes. Cheesy wave. Soft purple fur. Bald spot on his left ear.

At the person she had meant every word speaking to.

"I'm your real friend...and you're my best friend that I've honestly fallen in-"

"NOT ANYMORE!"

At the person who was now only someone she used to know.

At the person who had died right along side Ribbit.

Her heart pounded, making it echo inside her ears. Her mind raced quicker than the fastest horse she had back as a human.

She was responsible for losing Ribbit...and Jax.

No...no! Her mind screamed at her- desperate to undo this pain. This isn't all my fault! Ribbit's death was a genuine accident I couldn't control- but Jax is choosing this!

Choosing this...

Choosing this...

The wave carrying and sinking Ragatha suddenly caused her to slam into a rocky cliff- epiphany after epiphany striking her.

Jax had chosen to yell at her. Berate her. Blame her for something that was a sincere mistake. Reject her entirely. Use her past against her like a loaded gun.

Jax had chosen to insert the sword and twist it. Pull it out only to stab at another area of her heart until it was bleeding out in multiple places and draining her comepletely.

Jax had chosen to not forgive her, accept her apology. Not hear her out. Not let her hear him out.

Jax had chosen to die along with Ribbit. To become a stranger. No, worse yet, a monster Ragatha no longer recognized- which was somehow way worse than an actual death.

Jax had chosen to remain broken into pieces, refusing her help. Her assurance. Her...her love.

Jax had chosen to slam the door in her face.

Blinking at the picture before her, Ragatha heaved- her crying slowly ceasing until it completely stopped.

It was because of her Ribbit was gone. That wasn't a choice; it was something she would live to regret every single of her life...

Jax being gone, though?

That was his choice; it had ultimately nothing to do with her...

And she sure wasn't about to take the blame for that, too.

A raw, deep rage filling all at once, Ragatha clenched her mittened fingers into fists over and over again. Her face felt hot- and she swore steam was coming out of her ears as she climbed up onto the rocky cliff she'd smashed into and looked down below from a different perspective.

Seeing Jax...her mom...her whole life, human or otherwise, from an entirely different vantage point.

All I've done is try! Try to be kind! Try to help, comfort, assure! Try to push my needs to the side to make room for everyone elses' wants. Try to be everything for everyone else!...

And no one has done that for me in return once!

My mother never tried to hear me out. My bosses never gave me the time of day. The horses trainers, coworkers, so-called 'friends' I had before...no one cared about how I felt.

And Jax-

Her mind cut her off- making her turn her back from the cliff.

How could he treat me like this?...

No...how dare he treat me like this!

Fury took control of her, casuing her to kick the door in front of her hard and making it rattle. Instantly pain shot through her foot and into her leg- but the pain of hearing the door lock all at once was different.

It didn't numb her. It didn't upset her.

It just made her all the more livid.

"No need for that, Jax!" She suddenly yelled- hating how her voice wobbled. "You don't have to ever worry I'll end up at your door again!"

Because I'm done! Done trying! Through trying to be kind, to help, to comfort, to assure! Finished pushing my needs to the side to make room for everyone elses' wants! Terminating this ridiculous motion that I must be everything for everyone else when I'm never given anything return!...

Shaking her head stiffly, she glared up at the stranger's picture on the door before her.

And realized she felt nothing for him now.

No, worse than nothing.

Flat-out loathing.

"I am done with you, Jax! In fact, I...I HATE YOU MORE!"

No sound came from the other side of the door, though she didn't care. She'd stopped listening, stopped hoping for signs of life on the other side- now that she knew there wasn't any.

Her eye seeing red, the doll woman stomped down the hall towards her room, each step feeling like it would cause her to crash through the floor. The fists at her sides were making her knuckles go white and aching her fingers.

Gripping the handle of her room door, she threw it open- ignoring how hard it slammed against the wall. Ignoring how her heart pounded inside her- bypassing the fact under the new budding hate there was still pain.

Pain that hopes had been shattered. Pain that plans and dreams and feelings had all but disppeared.

Pain that Ribbit's death had been in vain now.

That thought made her slowly turn and stare at the door across from hers. The face on the door had a big red X across it- a constant reminder of her bone-headed mistake that cost him his life. A scar that festered and would never heal.

God, Ribbit looked so happy in that picture; his wide grin was contagious. His round eyes looked up, probably planning some sort of prank or mischief or fun.

Fresh tears leaking down her face, Ragatha gasped for air.

Especially when she realized she was wrong.

She did once have someone who cared enough about her to return her words and deed. Someone who tried to be kind. Tried to help, comfort, assure her. Tried to push his needs to the side to make room for hers.

Someone who had been everything for her.

From the moment they meet, Ribbit and her had clicked. Became best buds over night. He had talked up a shy, hestiate Jax to her- making her give the rabbit a chance to enter her heart, too. Helped pull both her and Jax from the shells they hid in...and had been the one who secretly pointed out Jax's bald spot to her, making her notice it every time she got lost in the rabbit's eyes and smile.

But the thing she loved about the frog the most?

He had always been such a good listener.

Although he admitted didn't always comprehend what she meant (which she regrettably knew why now), he always made Ragatha feel seen. Heard. Loved.

The frog character was her go-to the countless times she'd cried in pain thinking about her mom. When she vented frustration about being trapped here in the the circus...

And although it was without understanding, he had really listened when she finally admitted to him what she felt all this time about Jax that awful, fateful morning.

The hole in her heart begging for air, the doll woman let fresh tears pour down her face- especially when she realized she had been wrong again.

Even if he lied about who he was...

Even though he had broken her trust...

Even though he was just an NPC who had snuck into the circus...

Ribbit was more than that. Far more.

He was still a person. A good person, too.

Someone far more human, she decided, than Jax would ever be.

Biting her lip, Ragatha turned her head away from the late frog's room door- unable to even look at the first and last real friend she had. At just the thought of losing that friend over feelings for someone who never deserved the time or day, she felt anger, frustration, bitterness well up inside.

Feelings she'd never had back in the human world. Probably because she had never been so close to anyone before. Her door was always shut and locked; all the years of mistreatment made her scared to even crack it open.

And now she knew why.

Friendships -closeness with anyone- lead to stupidity. Blindness. Pain. Anguish.. Heartbreak in some form or another. It lead to loss of trust. Betrayal. Abandonment.

Getting a door slammed in her face.

Sighing around her tears, Ragatha decided then and there she would never trust again. Never let herself become so blinded, so deceived by warm eyes or handsome smiles or kind, listening ears.

She swore she would never let anyone in ever again. Not anyone as a friend. Not a few anyones as a trio.

Definitely not as anyone to fall into one-sided love with.

Walking into her room, Ragatha took one last look at Ribbit's smiling face before slamming the door shut- and, ignoring the irony, locked it tight behind her.

Chapter Text

Her eye jumping opening, Ragatha gasped so sharply, her lungs felt punctured by the air. She held the breath- before slowly letting it escape. Laying a hand over her racing heart, she sighed in relief.

It was just that dream again...

Well, the nightmare again...

"A nightmare I'm responsible for...all because I'm chasing something I'm stupid enough to believe I could ever have to begin with!"

Shaking her head, Ragatha slowly sat up and swung her legs over the side of her bed. She gripped the sides of her mattress and tried to look around her.

Her room was dark. Too dark for her liking. Darkness meant she had nowhere to hide from her thoughts.

Before she could spiral, she reached over and flipped on her lamp. The soft glow it gave was comforting- but not enough to shut off her mind.

She groaned and flopped back against her pillow- staring up at her obnoxiously colorful ceiling.

It didn't take long for her to realize it had been a while since she'd have that nightmare. Years? Weeks? Days? She didn't know. She didn't care.

It always seemed to hit her when she was at her lowest points. Like it was the salt to the wound. The spit to the-

"Spit it out! Spit out what you think I won't understand! Spit it out so I do have a clue, so I do have an idea of what your feeling! Let me in!"

She tried not to but she closed her eye. Maybe it was because it's the closest she could ever get to him now. The closest she'd ever been to him.

Whatever the case, she could still see it all so clearly: the shock on Jax's overly handsome face then. His eyes going wider than she'd ever seen them until that point.

Or would ever see them since.

Moments after, him maneuvering around her- throwing his room door open.

"Get out."

Moments later.

"YOU'RE RIGHT, RAGATHA! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! I- I DO WISH HE WAS HERE INSTEAD OF YOU!"

Moments later.

"Because I...I HATE YOU!"

Her vision flashed to the point of view from her being on the ground. Looking up at him- begging him not do what he would do next.

"I'm your real friend...and you're my best friend that I've honestly fallen in-"

"NOT ANYMORE!"

Even to this day, all these years later, Ragatha still winced. She could feel that wind hitting her, knocking her back. She could still feel that rattle, rumble beneath her. She swore her big toe broke and never healed straight after that kick of the door.

She could still hear that painful click! of the door being locked.

She could feel the sensation of those words bubbling up in her throat.

Some words were truth.

"No need for that, Jax!...You don't have to ever worry I'll end up at your door again!"

She had stuck to that- had never showed up at his room door again. Never knocked, never listened for signs of life. Never listened for his scrambling feet, for him opening his door- for him inviting her in.

"I am done with you, Jax!"

She hadn't ever really tried to be kind towards him again. Never tried to help, comfort, assure him again. Never made room for his wants in place of her needs. Tried to be nothing for him.

"In fact...I HATE YOU MORE!"

She squeezed her eye shut harder.

Bingo. There it was.

Just another nasty, clear-cut, bold-face lie of hers.

One she tried so hard to believe wasn't rashly said out of anger or frustration or bitterness. One she had tried so hard to convince herself was her true state of mind.

And that she had somewhat successfully done all this time. Just went with this lie.

Maybe because it was far more comforting that the truth these days.

The truth that was painfully starting to resurface these past few days...

Today, specifically...

Groaning, Ragatha pushed her palms into her good eye and her button.

No, she hadn't showed up at his door...

But that didn't mean she didn't want to. It didn't mean she didn't always want to pause when she walked by it- hating how it was on the way to her room. It didn't mean her fingers didn't ache to grab the knob and push her way in- only to know the door was locked specifically to keep her out. It didn't mean she didn't miss the scrambling feet noise, long to hear the door open. 

Begged to see the real Jax standing in the doorway, waving his hand to invite her in.

She hadn't sought to do anything outside of the basic, needed interactions with him...

But that didn't mean she wouldn't still choke down a smile when she saw him laugh from a far. Bit her lip when he smiled that smile -that stunning, full-faced, mesmerizing grin so rare to see these days- that make her week at the knees. Blush when he'd lazily cross his legs or arms and smirk that stupid, slappable, kissable smirk of his. Swallowed down a laugh when he'd tell some stupid, God awful joke no one else thought was worth a chuckle. Silently relish the attention when he'd prank her in some dumb way only he thought was funny. Stare a little too long when he'd leaned a shoulder against a doorway, a wall, anything and everything, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking off somewhere only he could see.

Get lost in the maze that was those eyes when she knew he wasn't looking. Ache to rub that bald spot on his ear just one last time.

Fight back tears when she saw he was, too. Whimper when she saw him do that same- feeling his pain mentally, emotionally, physically. Cry into her pillow at night when she couldn't just be kind towards him again- help, comfort, assure him again... couldn't trade her wants for his needs in her heart. Sob when she couldn't be everything for him.

Left unable to sleep when fleeting flickers of her old Jaxxy appeared out of nowhere during the years. Months. Weeks. Days. Hours. Moments. 

None of it meant she didn't hate the fact that the answer was still the same after all this time.

The answer still so stupidly, complicatedly simple. The answer that was still shocking, borderline unbelievable, potentially soul-crushing. Still a managled, gut twisting, heart beating yet destroying yet melting yet solidifying mess.

Still beyond terrifying.

The answer that still unfortunately, horribly made her human.

Just a stupid little crazy love-sick human. One that was still...

"...chasing something I'm stupid enough to believe I could ever have to begin with!"

Ragatha turned and buried her head into her pillow. She hoped it would block out the feelings, the motions, the everything she had fought so hard against- but all it did was amplify it. Make her see the angry, livid, screaming images of him clearer...

Until suddenly, they stopped- and were replaced by different set mental photos.

Him quietly sitting beside her. Him laying beside her on the grass.

Him sitting beside her by the pond. Him laying his cheek against his knees and blinking at her under the stars. 

Him taking the frog she'd found...

And letting it go.

Him snickering as they watched it hop away, it's stomach lighting up with a firefly. Staring as the glowing frog lit the pond in flickers. Not a constant light. Not a steady light. Not even a bright light anymore. But a flickering light highlighting the way across the pond, nonetheless.

His eyes filling with tears when she dared to ask if he missed him. His face filled with curiosity and pain as he asked if she thought she could ever leave this place.

His eyes flashing wide with horror when she admitted she wanted to abstract.

His eyes sharp as a tact when she asked "what's the point of all of this, Jax? To go on stupid adventures, losing people we care about along the way?"

"Exactly" he had answered.

Exactly...

Exactly...

The mental images paused on him saying that simple word- making her examine his eyes again.

She saw the tears she hadn't seen before. This look of seriousness mixed with agony she somehow had missed until now.

The look that he was dying to tell her something written on his face in a language she just didn't speak.

"Exactly"...

"What is the point?"...

"Losing people we care about along the way?"...

"Exactly"...

Her mind unfroze and brief images of him yelling at her for wanting to abstract flashed by- but it was like someone had fast forward the whole scene. Like that scene didn't matter. Because maybe it didn't in the long run.

Images of his face when she yelled back at him? Flew by. It only froze again on his face when she had accidentally called him 'mom'.

The shock that melted to pain that morphed into agony on his face eviscerated her to her core. 

Her mind blanked on what exactly came next. She knew she had started sobbing into the air, her head buried in her lap, heart shattering on the grass floor. Her mental images filled in the blanks: Jax was probably shocked, taken aback-

"Ragatha, I'm...I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, I'm sorry for that, too, Dollface."

His voice suddenly became so loud in her mind, yet the words were soft as silk. She could hear the shakiness, the utter distress...the sincerity in his cadence now more than ever.

A freeze frame of his face flitered it's way when she had finally looked up at him. Him sitting down on the ground, fireflies daring to flutter around his face and highlighting those handsome features again. His ears dipped back, his eyes soft. Warm. Filled with tears he looked like he'd kept back too long...

And there it was.

The strongest, longest glimpse of the old Jax she'd had since Ribbit was destoryed. 

There was the kind, soft, warm Jax again! The best friend she missed sitting in front of her on the Moon's side of the circus grounds! The rabbidoid she once knew so well, here he was- back from the dead! 

There was the Jaxxy she was still so incredibly in love with- his door wide open again.

All remaining mental images of him faded then- her mind couldn't fill in the blanks. Didn't need to. Didn't want to. Echos of noises was all she heard. Echos of sensations was all she felt. His pounding heartbeat against her ears, ringing like a steady, rhythmic drum. His longs arms wrapped around her tightly- arms, how long she had begged to be nuzzled in! Her cheek against his strong chest, soft purple fur tickling her. One arm drapped around his neck, the hand on the other grabbing his overall strap and never letting go.

Crickets chripping. Owls hooting. Raccoons clicking...

Frog ribbiting.

"Thank you, Jax."

Her own voice echoing from her mouth- the tone broken yet whole. Soft yet loud. Crushed yet healed. Half filled with happiness, half filled with melancholy. 

"Thank you, Jax."

Was that really all she had said? She couldn't said anything else? Her brain was such mush that's all she could think of? No 'I've missed you'? 'Please stay'? 'Life without you has sucked'?

'I love you so much it hurts and I need you to get through living here in the circus'?

Her mind was still frozen with the mental of the old Jax. Her old Jax.

"Thank you, Jax..."

And suddenly the memory cuts off there. Nothing else took up the space, no blanks were filled. She guessed that's when she fell asleep in his arms...

And how she winded up in her room again to begin with.

Digging her head from the pillow, Ragatha looked around her room again. The glow of the lamp felt warmer, the darkness around her less scary.

Because all she saw was that last mental image of Jax. It had replace that old last image her mind had stored: the one of him standing in the doorway with no remorse right before he slammed the door in her face. 

But wait.

When did he go from slamming the door in her face to opening it again? Why did his eyes go from being filled with hate to being filled with softness again?

Was he going back to who he used to be? And if so...what was causing that?

They both had been the same since the door slam; if anything, they became more distance, more of an enemy to the other. His pranks had gotten meaner, her outburst sharper; she could say on her side that the weapons she'd fire towards him got larger, more explosive in attempt to defend her heart, it's locked up door, and the lie disguising the truth.

There was no colossal change in her treatment towards him, so it certainly couldn't have been anything she was doing, was it? 

So what was triggering this side of Jax to come back to life? 

Or...more accurately, she realized...who was triggering it-

Knock! Knock!

At the sound, Ragatha froze in her place. Her body tensed up, making her stiff as a board. The air froze in her lungs.

No. It couldn't be-

"Ragatha?"

And out the breath came.

Okay, no. It really wasn't. 

"You awake? I saw your light on so I wanted to stop by."

A smile tugged at her lips.

"That's fine, Pomni! Come on in!"

The jiggle of the door knob made her blush. Oh yeah.

"Oh, hold on! Let me unlock the door first!"

Jumping from her bed, she smiled as she reached...

For the door...knob.

Suddenly a renewed sense of dread struke her. 

Wasn't she the one who said friendships -closeness with anyone- lead to stupidity? Blindness? Pain? Anguish? Heartbreak in some form or another? It lead to loss of trust? Betrayal? Abandonment?

Getting a door slammed in her face?

Wasn't she the same person who decided all those years ago to never trust again? Never let herself become so blinded, so deceived by warm eyes or handsome smiles or kind listening ears?

The same woman who kept her door locked year after year after year? 

Or maybe...

That wasn't the same woman. That wasn't same Ragatha.

Or somehow better yet...

It had less to do with the doll woman- and everything to do with the jester behind the door.

Because as much as she hated it, from the moment Ragatha meat her, something about Pomni screamed familiar.

Something intelligent. Light. Safe. Happy. Healing in some way or another. Trusting. Loyal. Persistent.

There was something about her that made Ragatha find it easier to open her door again. Wanting to open her door again.

Making her forget it why it was ever closed and locked to begin with.

Still...

What if she got hurt again? What if the jester slammed the door in her face like everyone else did but-

Wait...That's who Pomni reminds me of all this time!-

And without a second thought, Ragatha unlocked her door and opened it wide.

"Hey Pomni!"

The jester raised her eyebrows and peered at the dool woman- a look of shock and startle on her face.

"Oh! Hey, Ragatha...you seem...better! Which is great!"

"Yeah," the doll woman answered vaguely as she moved out of the way, waving Pomni inside. "I feel...better."

Which oddly enough, was half truth, half lie. One she knew could tell Pomni picked up on, too.

The two made their way over to her bed. When Ragatha collapsed onto it and rested her head back against the headboard, she closed her eye. She was rubbing the back of her neck when she heard Pomni softly sit down across from her and clear her throat.

"We missed you during the adventure today. It wasn't the same without you."

There was something so sincere, so soft, so fresh the jester's tone it made Ragatha fight back tears. She blinked her eye open and smiled at her.

"Thank you, Pomni."

What's with all this "thank you" crap? Why can't I just say 'I needed to hear that'? 'You really mean that?' 'That means alot to me hearing you of all people say that, Pomni'?

'Sorry I flaked out, I was planning on abstracting today, so knowing I was actually missed makes me feel incredible'?

"Thank you, Pomni."

She guessed that'll have to do for now. 

"How was the adventure?" She found her voice asking, though it sounded more forced then casual. It was laced with disinterest, which she hated she couldn't fight down. She rubbed her lone eye and closed it again laying her head back against the headboard. "Did you have fun?"

"It was fine. The dinosaurs ended up winning the game. Which kinda sucked, but you know. Life, heh."

Her casual, warm cadence and mien made Ragatha smile- until she opened her eye again and looked at her. Pomni seemed...off. She was here with Ragatha, but somewhere else. In her eyes, there were millions of thoughts Ragatha couldn't decipher. Thoughts that weren't on dinosaurs or soft ball games or life sucking.

Something was deeper there. 

And not knowing just what that something deeper was instantly made Ragatha squirm.

"How did...um...things go here?"

The doll woman looked away. How on earth could she answer that question?

"...Fine, I guess."

"I'm assuming you were able to get the rest you need?"

"...Sure."

Her one-word answer hung in the air- and she knew Pomni could tell she was lying through her teeth. 

Yet, she didn't push. Didn't pry. Didn't dig up an answer she wasn't ready to give just yet. And God, Ragatha loved that about her.

"How did you feel when you learned Jax had hung behind?" The jester asked softly. "I know you said you wanted to be alone, so...I hope that didn't upset you or anything."

Ragatha blinked. 

"It did at first..."

"...But...?"

"It ended up being...okay in the end."

All Pomni did was hunch her eyebrows in response. She shifted to lay one knee on the doll woman's bed, facing her.

"Really? But it's... Jax. I mean...weren't you mad at him?"

Ragatha bit her lip.

"I mean, yeah. It was annoying at first he wouldn't leave me alone, but ultimately it ended up being what was for the best."

Her eyebrows relaxed, Pomni tilted her head.

"What makes you say that?"

What did make me say that?

"Honestly? I was...having dark thoughts this morning. Thoughts I couldn't escape. Thoughts I didn't want to deal with..."

When Ribbit's face suddenly flashed before her eye, she looked away.

"Thoughts of...?"

Death, Pomni. Of what the purpose of all this is. Of not wanting to be around anymore. Of finally getting rid of this guilt, this pain I carry with me everywhere I go.

Of finally giving me what I deserved for causing-

"...Ribbit's death."

Her eye flashing wide, Ragatha jerked her head back to look at Pomni. Great. She had said that last part out loud.

"Ribbit...?"

"Oh- Oh! He's -er, I...um, he was-"

"A friend. To you and Jax, right?"

To her shock, Ragatha tensed up.

"Who...who told you that?"

"Jax. Yesterday after we got back from the lightening round adventures."

Ragatha blinked. Jax had...opened up to Pomni?

"He and I chatted while you and the others hung out on the living area," The jester continued to explain. "We talked for a long time, actually."

For some reason, he doll woman sat up straighter. Shifted to leaned forward- begging for more information.

"Oh yeah...? What did he...you know, tell you?"

Did he mentioned our huge fight the day of Ribbit's funeral? How we both said and did things that hurt the other- intended to hurt the other? Did he say explain why Ribbit died, how it was all my fault...

Did he give you an answer on why he slammed the door on me that day and locked me out?

She was pulled from her thoughts when the jester's mouth opened- and immediately closed, rubbing her gloved right pinkie with her left set of fingers as she looked away in thought. Careful thought.

"He...really just explained who Ribbit was and all," Pomni finally answered with a shrug, looking back at her. "How much he meant to both of you."

Both of you...

Both of you...

Wow. Jax actually knowledged that Ribbit wasn't just his close friend- but hers, too.

"Jax explained how you guys were like a trio of sorts, heh," the jester smiled before a rosie blush littered her cheeks. "And how...how much I remind him of Ribbit."

A tearful smile surfaced on Ragatha's face, making her nod softly.

"You...you remind me of him, too..."

She shifted to pull her knees to her face. Hugging her legs, the doll woman gulped and rested a cheek against them. A sentimental smile surface- one she hated how good it felt. How much she loved it.

"You're kind like he was. Smart, too. And you are such a..."

"Good listener?"

Her face twisting up at her soft, warm words, Ragatha bit her lip and nodded again. Feelings she hadn't felt in ages mixed with feelings so familiar to her- cooking up a concoction that made her stomach ache. Happiness. Saddness. Relief. Frustration. Warmth. Ice cold. Comfort...bitter, bitter pain and guilt and shame.

Safety. Gut-wrenching fear. Normalcy. Foreign. Trust. Betrayal. Truth. Lies- nasty, clear-but, bold-face lies. 

Open...closed. Slammed shut. Shaking hands on the lock.

"Jax also told me what happened..."

Locked tightly.

"And...I'm so sorry, Ragatha."

Locked with dead bolts, barrel bolts. Padlocks. Chains. Barricades, caution tape.

"I know losing Ribbit that day was extremely difficult. It's so hard to move on from something like that...I know that from experience. Especially when coupled with the pain you carry because you feel like you're the one who caused it. So helpless that it happened. Wishing more than anything to take everything back if only you could."

A permanently shut door with a huge sign that screamed "KEEP OUT!"...

"Get out."

"I said get OUT!"

A door with a big red X on it.

"But...maybe carrying that pain is a part of why you can't let him go. Can't heal. Maybe...maybe it's time to let the guilt go- it being the first step. Maybe you shouldn't carry it around, struggle beneath it alone. At least, not anymore-"

There it was. 

The two words the rag doll never truthfully recovered from. The two words that stabbed her to death until she bled out- leaving her body, her soul lying lifeless. Alone.

The two words that caused her to die that day right alongside Ribbit and Jax.

Sobbing into her knees, Ragatha gasped for air, her chest rising and falling with each shaky breath. She cried for a long time...

And Pomni never once said a word. Never moved an inch.

No sincere "I'm sorry" again. No soft "it's okay." No gentle "it'll be okay". No whining "talk to me." No entitled "let me help." 

No demanding "let me in". No threatening "open the door or I'll push my way inside- whether you want me to or not". 

No reaching out to rub Ragatha's arm, touch her hair. No desperate hands on shaking, icy, painful shoulders that ached from carrying a weight too heavy for too long.

No looking for the handle- even though it was now right in front of her.

Pomni just...

Sat with her. Sat with the broken pieces. Not trying to put them together again. 

Not trying to force a door open that maybe Ragatha wanted and maybe even needed to stay shut. 

The jester knew and accepted the door was closed.

And by the sympathetic, kind, loving look on her face, Pomni was okay with just the not okay. Just the sitting. Just the being present. Just the silence that was so strangely comforting. Warm. Safe. Understanding.

She was okay to wait for Ragatha to open the door herself when she was ready to.

Just like Ribbit always did.

And as odd as it was, that was more than enough to make the door swing wide open.

"I miss him...I miss him so much."

Ragatha bit her lip, ignoring the tears starting to drench her covered knees.

"I miss...I miss the real Jax, too."

Pomni scooted closer. Never reaching out or saying a word- which somehow assured Ragatha even more that she was listening. Really listening.

"I miss...I miss who I used to be before that day, too."

Wiping her eye, Ragatha felt waves of emotions wash over her. A dam had broken- but the area it flooded was a parched land this time.

"I miss what we all were. Together. As a team- as a trio. I miss how Ribbit would laugh at something Jax would say or do. I miss how they both pulled harmless pranks on me. I miss how Ribbit's eyes would lite up when Jax and I would talk- like he just couldn't stand how much he loved us both. I miss how Jax was so relaxed, so real when Ribbit was around. I miss how we all would talk too late at night- about painful things in the past, stupid things in the present...hoping things for the future. How the three of us would always, always pair up for an adventure. How back then the adventures weren't work- they were fun."

Surprising herself, a chuckle came out as she wiped at her tears.

"I remember this one ridiculous adventure where we were fighting pirate mummies and zombies- or 'daddies' as Caine called them, heh. One of the mummies grabbed me, so Jax had the brillant idea of a throwing a cannonball made of sand at it to scare it away. Surprise surprise, that didn't work and actually made the stupid wrapped dead guy madder. He chased us around that stupid pyramid ship for what felt like hours. I had joked that I should sacrifice Jax when a zombie popped up- but Ribbit told me it wouldn't work because they feed off brains. When Jax didn't get it, Ribbit and I laughed so hard we fell through the floorboard and the three of us found a crawl space to hide out until it all was over. We almost got found several times because we just kept laughing!"

When Pomni smiled with her, Ragatha felt her face grin again.

"Oh! And there was this one adventure- gosh, I think you would've loved it. We were all cooks at this fancy restaurant. Totally upscale compared to Spudsy's. Whatever team made the most food and had the most customers would win. The thing was there wasn't many customers. Turns out we were in the middle of an apocalypse or something? Caine had been on a zombie kick apparently and had just thrown a ton of random stuff at the wall that adventure. Anyways, Ribbit had the idea of the three of us taking turns making food and selling it to each other as 'customers'. The first round, Ribbit cooked, Jax and I went on a 'date' as Ribbit called it- then after we 'ate', we switched things up. It was a blast- in a good way! The other teams never figured out how we won that day- and honestly, neither did we!"

Pomni shared a laugh with her- making Ragatha sigh.

Before another memory- another set of mental images- flitered their way in.

"I remember the night before...well, everything...the three of us were hanging outside by the pond. Ribbit started hopping around and catching fireflies in his mouth. He'd hold them in his mouth and smile- the glow of the bugs lighting up his teeth. It was hilarious. Jax especially lost it..."

She trailed off, placing an elbow on one of her knees. Looking upwards, she resting her chin in her palm and smiled.

"And I don't know. There was something about the way Jax laughed then. The way he jumped and tackled Ribbit gently. The way he shared a smirk with Ribbit. The way he came over and picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and raced around the yard before we collapsed in laugher. The way he looked at me then like I was the only other person there...the way Ribbit was just causally walking back towards the circus grounds when I looked up...I don't know. Something changed that night."

Her eyelid started to droop in thought.

"I couldn't sleep that night. Jax kept filtering his way into my mind. I tossed and turned- but I just couldn't get his smile, his eyes, his everything out of my head. And when the realization hit me, I did everything I could to ignore it. Lie and say it wasn't true..."

She bit her lip, rubbing the back of her neck before her hand dropped down into her lap.

"But then I came for breakfast that next morning and saw him sitting there. Smiling, smirking, laughing- and I couldn't fight it anymore. It was real. It was happening...And I knew it would change the dynamics between the three of us forever if it turned out Jax felt the same way."

Suddnely she felt her face darkened- her smile, disappear.

"So...I pulled Ribbit aside and talked to him about it."

"About...what?"

Pomni's sincere question caught Ragatha off guard. She had almost forgot the jester was even sitting there, just quietly enjoying the trip down the doll woman's memory lane as much as she was.

Ragatha bit her lip again, making her face set on fire as a blush overtook her cheeks. Not a living soul knew the truth; it had seemed to die with Ribbit. 

But now...

There was no point in shutting the door. Especially not on Pomni.

"I...I told him I was starting to fall in love with Jax."

Ragatha slowly blinked over at Pomni- seeing she was wearing an expression she couldn't quite place. Shock...but more elation, almost. Her eyebrows were raised and her red and blue eyes were wide. She wore a grin that leaked over onto her eyes- one Ragatha quickly realized the jester was trying to swallow it back.

"Really? Jax?"

"I know. Crazy, right?"

"No, no. Not crazy. Just...surprising is all."

Ragatha fiddled with the fringes of her dress for moment- wanting to avoid the next part of the discussion...but she knew it was pointless. Avoiding it didn't take away it happened. Ignoring the past didn't change history- so she gulped and forced her mouth open before she lost her nerve.

"Although Ribbit listened, he didn't understand what I was saying. He kept asking and asking me to explain. He just didn't get it, especially I used the word 'love'..."

The doll woman sighed and closed her eye. Mental images she didn't want, couldn't bare to see again came pushing their way in again- making her good eye open quickly again.

"I was worried about him after that. I can't explain it; something was just off. So...right after talking with him, I expressed to Caine that Ribbit was acting strange and I was worried about him."

Gently, Ragatha grabbed at her red strands of her and started to pull- hating how much the past was hitting her even now.

"I had no idea Caine would think that he was a...I didnt mean it like he was a..."

She shook her head, feeling like she needed to run- but when Pomni gave her a smile, encouraging smile, Ragatha stayed and made her mouth open again.

"Before the day's adventure started, Caine gathered us all up and announced that it had come to his attention a possible NPC was among us; I guess he was giving Ribbit a chance to come clean. When he didn't, Caine got frustrated like he does, you know...and decided he'd do a NPC test on all of us to see who was telling the truth. Ribbit immediately came forward then...and admitted the truth. He was a NPC who had snuck in during some adventure none of us even really remember."

She pulled her hair a little tighter- wincing, not from the pain it caused her, but the pain her heart was breaking from.

"The courage, the bravery he had...especially when Caine made it clear he would destory any NPC that dared to sneak into the circus..."

Ragatha felt her words wobble and her body shake.

"I didn't...Jax didn't...none of us even got a chance to say goodbye. Ribbit was here one moment...and literally gone the next. Just a bunch of confetti."

Confetti I had the gull to call stupid. Confetti I had the audacity to not defend when he needed it most...

Confetti I accused Jax of choosing to want around instead of me...that he deserves to still have around over me...

Confetti who deserved to live more than I do.

She blinked over at her nightstand and slowly reached forward. Delicately picking up a short piece of a green streamer, the doll woman hestiated before holding it out to Pomni. When she took it just as delicately, Ragatha start to cry softly again.

"Afterwards, I tried and tried to talk to Jax. Tried to comfort him...and to get comfort myself. All we had was each other now...But he stayed in his room for days on end- never coming out. Never inviting me in. I tried to leave him alone, honest! But I couldn't. Wouldn't. Maybe selfishly more for my sake than even his."

Her eye never leaving the streamer, the doll woman wiped away tears.

"Looking back, I know I was wrong approaching him that day- when everything was still so raw for both us. But when Jax didn't show up for Ribbit's funeral, I let it anger me more than I should've. Frustrate me...scare me. So I barged into his room- and found out he had already known I was the one who had spoken to Caine that awful day. Desperate to hold on to him and not lose him too, I tried to tell him what happened, how sorry I was. How...how much I loved him..."

Her voice cracked, making her ball up her hands to her chest and clutch her dress.

"But he just shut me out...just threw me out of his room, locking the door behind him."

A touch of soft fingers made Ragatha look up. Pomni had finally reached out and laid a hand on her arm- but somehow it was different than the touches she herself had given Jax that day. She realized she had rubbed his arm, stroked that bald soft, nuzzled him not because he wanted or needed it, but because she did. 

But Pomni's touch wasn't like that. This was genuine- sincerely just to comfort Ragatha. And man, did it ever.

"He told me he hated me that day...that he wished Ribbit was here instead of me...that we weren't friends...not anymore..."

Her face twisted up again and she bit her finger- making Pomni gently give her arm a squeeze.

"And I tried to do the same with him. I told him I hated him more- but I don't. I hated myself for all of this. Hated I had caused this. Hated because of me both Ribbit and Jax were gone..."

She shook her head slowly.

"...And I flipped that day. I became determined to show I hated Jax until I actually did. I started snapping at him at any opportunity- especially when his pranks got meaner. Berating him for every little thing- especially when he was a jerk to the others. When we did interact, it only lead to yelling matches. Fights. Arguments. We avoided each other constantly, never pairing up for an adventure again. We went from best friends to greatest enemies- which only got deeper and deeper everyday. The hurt got worse and worse every day. Every interaction. Every moment we were forced to be around the other. It was just a constant reminder of what wasn't anymore. What seemed to have never had been in the first place. He wasn't the same person anymore...and neither was I. Adventures weren't fun games to team up on anymore- they were battlefeilds. We had become soldiers, waging a war against the other. Against a stranger."

The air was tense after Ragatha had finally said everything on her mind all these years- yet Pomni didn't squirm. She kept her hand on her- silently encouraging Ragatha to keep going.

"But then today...out on the lawn, out under the stars, out by the pond, I..."

The doll woman trailed of- a genuine smile dancing across her face.

"I saw pieces of the old Jax I knew. The Jax that was sweet, kind- just like the picture on his door. The Jax, the best friend I miss so much...I love so much..."

Her eye landed on the shut room door.

"The Jax that always let me in."

She shifted to look back at the jester before her. Her eye landed on the green streamer- before looking up and giving Pomni a sad, small smile.

"And I think...I think I have you to thank in part for that, Pomni."

The jester instantly raised her eyebrows again.

"Me?"

"I told you: you're so much like Ribbit," the doll woman softly said, "and clearly Jax and I both feel comfortable opening up to you. Getting stuff out I know we've both kept in for so long because we felt like no one would really just listen like Ribbit did."

This made Pomni push her lips together for some reason. But she nodded in agreement. 

"He's let you inside- the first person he has since Ribbit's death," Ragatha added. "And...you're helping him leave the door open again for the old him to come out. You're helping me leave the door open again so who I was could come back..."

Blinking back tears, the doll woman gently put her hand on top of Pomni's. So many things came into her mind she wanted to say.

"Thank you, Pomni."

That would have to do for now.

Suddnely the rag doll's face exploded with a blush.

"I'm sorry we fought over you all day yesterday," Ragatha sheepishly said she tucked her red hair behind her nonexistent ears- only for it to instantly fall back into place. "That was never intended. I think we're both so desperate to have back a piece of what we lost that day. Afraid the other would keep that piece all to themselves, I guess."

"I...I get that. And is it weird that I'm flattered?"

"Not at all."

Feeling heard and, somehow better yet, understood, Ragatha felt her smile grow a little.

"Did you...um...ever get the chance to tell Jax all of this?" Pomni suddenly asked, her tone cautious. "Have you guys ever just sat down and talked? Really talked- and more importantly, really listened to each other?"

A little taken aback, the doll woman quickly shook her head- not liking the feelings bubbling up.

"Well...maybe you should tell Jax-"

"What?! Are you crazy?!" Ragatha interrupted bluntly, her cadence laced with horror and panic. "I can't tell him anything!"

"Why?"

"Because...Pomni...," the doll woman sighed and laid her head back up agianst her headboard. "Ribbit is gone because of these feelings. I have to live with that...and I just don't think Jax will understand. Besides, what good would that confession do? It won't change the fact he still...hates me..."

Tears welling in her eye again, she looked at Pomni- seeing the jester wore the strangest expression. One that almost looked like she was on the verge of laughing.

No, that can't be it. Pomni would never laugh at my suffering...so why is she looking at me like this? Like she's hiding something she just can't say...

The way Ribbit did all those years ago?...

Wait-

"Pomni...are you..."

She gulped and forced out the question that made her heart want to explode.

"...Are you a NPC?"

Seeming surpised by the sudden change of conversation, Pomni raised her eyebrows. Seconds later, though, she gave a relax chuckle.

"No, Ragatha. I'm human, heh. All too human sometimes."

Seeing Ragatha wasn't completely convinced, the jester smiled assuringly at her.

"I promise I am human..."

And with that, extended her pinkie.

 Blushing, Ragatha wiped away a tear- and instantly linked pinkies with the grinning jester.

Slowly, Pomni's comforting smile shifted to a more curious one.

"But...what would you have said or done if the answer had been 'yes'?"

Ragatha blinked at her.

"Would...would treat me different? View me different- as less than human? Would your feelings towards me be different? Or would you keep it secret? Help me keep it a secret? Would you offer to help me learn about the human world if I wanted to hear more about it?"

The jester paused only for a second- her face serious, the gleam in her wide eyes shining as she leaned in closer.

"And more importantly...would you go and tell Caine?" 

For moment, Ragatha searched Pomni's face, begging for clarity. For some sort of hint as to what she was talking about. And when she found no signs pointing anywhere, her mind did what it always did.

Filled in the blanks. Questioned everything.

This is so weird! What is she insinuating? Is she a NPC or not? Is this her way of asking me to keeping it a sercet? Great! I'm paranoid now! Worried, concerned that-

No. 

It doesn't matter. None of it matters. 

And without any futher thought, no further questioning, Ragatha immediately shook her head- deciding it was okay if there were blanks. To just let them be.

"No," she finally said- tone serious, strong, and determined. "That would be a secret I take with me everywhere- and make sure Caine, heck even the others here in the circus, never found out. I would do everything I could to protect you. I'd teach you all there was to learn about being a human. Heck, maybe even learning more about what it means to be human myself. And if anything...learning the truth about you would make me care about you more. Admire you more. You had to learn how to mask and pretend and stumble your way amongst a group that was foreign to you- and yet you did it. And did it well."

She paused to think about her next words- carefully. Not rashly spitting out whatever came to mind.

"And Pomni, at the end of the day, NPC or not..."

Looking a smiling Pomni straight in the eye, she stated what she knew was truth. Whether Pomni was an NPC or not. Whether Ribbit had been an NPC or not. 

"A good person is a good person."

Biting her lip, Pomni silently nodded, her grin only growing to reach her eyes. She looked down a the green streamer in her hand

"You should... tell Jax that," she softly encouraged as she looked back up and taking her hand off Ragatha's arm. "I think that'd give him a lot of comfort. More than you'll ever know."

More than you'll ever know...

More than you'll ever know...

"What? No, I'm not laughing at you!...I'm just thinking about stuff is all"...

"Honestly? I'm listening, Ragatha...but don't really understand. Can you break it down another way, please?"...

"Okay...still confused, but okay"...

"Well, even though I still don't know exactly what you mean... I think you should tell Jax that you 'love' him. Just maybe explain it softly to him. He's the dumbest of the three of us, remember? Heh"...

The three of us...

The three of us...

"No, I won't tell him. That's my secret to keep, not to share. I promise"...

"Uh...what's with the pinkie?"...

"Oh! Right! Duh...how could I forget pinkie promises, amiright? I, uh, never really did them. Back as a human, I mean"...

"I know you're scared to tell him you're in...well, whatever this 'love' thing is. But don't be scared of his answer. You deserve to hear it from him. Whatever the answer may be"...

"Well, I can't tell you much. All I will say is you mean a lot to him. More than you'll ever know"...

More than you'll ever know...

More than you'll ever know...

"Just know you aren't alone, Ragatha. Not anymore"...

Not anymore...

Not anymore...

"But honestly, Rags? Remember that no what matter happens, it'll always be you-"

Mental sensations suddenly slammed into her.

The Ragatha who rolled her eyes at every pranked they'd pull- and plot to get them back somehow. The Ragatha that had been grabbed by the arm by a mummy. The Ragatha that had to cover her mouth under the floorboards so her uncontrollable giggles couldn't be heard. The Ragatha that bowed gracefully at her 'date', laughing as Ribbit appeared with a dish of flies. The Ragatha that rolled her eyes affectionately as Jax playfully sent the dish back.

The Ragatha that laughed as Ribbit smiled his glowing smile. The Ragatha that squealed as Jax suddenly threw her over his shoulder and raced around the Moon's side of the circus grounds. The Ragatha who looked deep into those eyes of Jax's- the first time she'd ever gotten so lost inside them. The Ragatha that couldn't sleep that night- giddy with wonder and awe and love and anxiety and emotions she'd never had that made her feel alive for the first time in all her life. Human world or otherwise.

The Ragatha had frozen in horror when Caine revealed he thought there was a NPC in the mix. The Ragatha had sobbed for a long, long time, clutching pieces of green confetti and streamers in her hands.

The Ragatha had burst into tears out on the lawn early in today. Whose mask had completely fallen off- and didn't care. Who had fallen asleep in Jax's arms and was carried into her room.

The grinning, soft eyed Ragatha that was pictured on her room door.

The Ragatha she missed so, so much.

"me,-"

Mental images of the Ribbit laughing at something stupid Jax would say or do. The Ribbit whose eyes would light up when her and Jax were around each other. The Ribbit that said a smart alec joke what went way over the rabbit's head. The Ribbit having to bite his lip to keep from busting out laughing so they couldn't be discovered under the ship's deck. The Ribbit with that a horrible fake French accent, revealing a dish he had prepared for the 'lovely couple'. The Ribbit that argued with Jax that the flies were fresh, picked himself and that his customer was being 'too picky'.

The Ribbit hopping around and catching fireflies in his mouth out by the pond. The Ribbit that sported that glowing smile and swapped a smirk with Jax. The Ribbit that laughed as Jax tackled him to the ground. The Ribbit that causally walked towards the circus grounds- leaving his two closest friends under the stars.

The Ribbit who titled his head and smiled this wide, strangely happy grin as she explained over and over again that she had fallen in love with Jax.

The Ribbit whose face went pale when Caine asked if there were any NPCs- stepping forward when the ringmaster made threats. The Ribbit who had looked at her with a kind, encouraging smile, at Jax with a peaceful nod...

The Ribbit that had disappeared into thin air- leaving only a handful of green confetti and his red bow tie behind.

The smiling, mischievous Ribbit that was pictured on his room door- still so vividly under that X.

The Ribbit she missed so, so much.

"and Jax.-"

Mental images flashed in rapid fire- the Jax that was so relaxed, so real when Ribbit was around. The Jax with the gleam in his eye when he'd prank her. The Jax that had the brillant idea of a throwing a cannonball made of sand at a mummy to protect her. The Jax that kept asking what was so funny as they all hid below deck. The Jax that pretended to complain to the 'chef' that his 'lady' would never be caught dead eating day old, cold flies. The Jax that bit back a smile and kept a stonic frown when Ribbit complained back.

The Jax that fell on the grassy floor, laughing until he cried at Ribbit's glowing face. The Jax that jumped and tackled Ribbit gently. The Jax that picked her and thrown her over his shoulder and raced around the yard before they both collapsed in laugher. 

The Jax that looked at her so sweetly that night- like he had something he was dying to say. The Jax that sat at the breakfast table and smiled, smirked, laughed rhat next day.

The Jax whose ears fell the second Caine made his announcement. The Jax that gave a strange head shake Ribbit's dircetion when the frog confessed. The Jax that sobbed beside her, shaking hands holding a red bow tie.

The Jax that had stayed with her when she wanted to abstract, horror on his face. Who had apologized to her. Whose ears dipped back, his eyes soft. Warm. Filled with tears he looked like he'd kept back too long.

The Jax that still made her smile. Bit her lip. Blush. Swallow down a laugh. Silently relish his attention. Stare a little too long. Get forever lost in those maze eyes. Ache. Fight back tears. Whimper. Cry, sob into her pillow. Unable to sleep.

The Jaxxy she was so incredibly in love with. The Jaxxy that made her feel the most human she ever had.

The cheesy grin, wavying, wide-eyed and smiling Jax pictured on his room door.

The Jax, thanks to Pomni, who was slowly easing back into her life again.

"The three of us. The insane, unpredictable, incredible trio we are. No one -nothing- will come between that. It will always and forever be us three, Dollface." 

Always and forever...

Always and forever...

Letting fresh tears tickle her eye, Ragatha blinked. She was so lost in thought she didn't notice Pomni had stood and was holding her hand out- the green piece of streamer in her hand.

Grinning so hard it hurt, Ragatha shook her head and gently pushed Pomni's hand back towards her. 

"Keep it. I don't need it...not anymore."

Smiling back, Pomni brought the piece of green streamer close to her and examined it. After tucking it safely into her back pocket, she smiled Ragatha's way.

"I won't tell Jax what you said, just so you know," the jester kindly told her. "But... I hope you take this for what it could be: your chance. Your opportunity to lay everything out on the table and just come clean. Just expose the truth, everything after all this time...and...and I think Jax'll be ready for you when you are, mmkay?"

Her eyebrows hunched in thought, in this strange zeal she couldn't explain, the doll woman nodded. 

"And...please now you've got a friend who believes in you, Ragatha. Always and forever."

Pomni's words made Ragatha bit back more tears- and nod even stronger. 

More than you'll ever know...

It was time for her to know. Get idea of what was in the real Jax's mind. In his heart. Understand where he was coming from after all these years.

It was time to just be with Jax. His broken pieces. Not trying to put them together again. Time to be okay with just the not okay. Just the sitting among broken fragments. Just the being present. Just the silence that was so strangely comforting. Warm. Safe. Understanding.

The doll woman knew and accepted his door was...

Starting to be cracked open again. From the inside this time. 

All thanks to the newest member to the cricus...

And the late best NPC -no, person- the digital world had ever seen.

When the jester turned and made her way for the door, though, Ragatha cleared her throat.

"Hey Pomni!"

"Yeah?"

As the jester turned to face her, so many thoughts swirled in Ragatha's head then. So many things she wanted to say.

'I can't stand how much I love and care about you. Though I know it's hard some days, I'm so happy that you're here in the circus with me. I can't wait to stay up late and chat with you. Hanging out with you, go on more adventures with you...and hopefully the three of us can form a new trio that will always and forever be, too.'

But all that came out was...

"Did you hit a home run for me today?"

The jester's smile only grew as another chuckled escaped her lips. Although the low glow of the lamp beside her made it hard to see, Ragatha could've swore she saw Pomni affectionately roll her eyes as she walked through the door back into the hallway.

"A couple, actually."